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FOLKS! This month’s Internet Read Aloud is happening tonight, in the city of Los Angeles, California! Got a fun lineup and the price literally cannot be beat (unless someone is paying you to go to their comedy show, and which seems like madness).

Here is the link to the Facebook event! Please come if you are able, I promise you’ll have a good time!

To tide you over, laff-wise, here is this week’s comment of the week!

“Just look at those kids. They’re thinking ‘Outside? What’s that?’” –Lord Flatulence

And here are the very funny runners up!

“Don’t worry, Trixie! Thanks to the miracle of modern science, this food is so utterly processed and packed with preservatives that the ants wouldn’t touch it, anyway! WE’RE FIXING ALL OF GOD’S MISTAKES! ISN’T IT WONDERFUL??” –Dunkelcopter

“For a brief shining moment I thought the last panel might be a written apology.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I’m still stuck on how to complete the sentence ‘When Wilbur and Dawn eat together…’ Best I’ve got so far is ‘no one goes away hungry — except emotionally.’” –Peanut Gallery

“C’mon, Sarge, let the soldiers go inside! They’ve finished their raking task so effectively that the ground has been cleared of all objects, natural or man-made! Any more and they’ll be raking down to the sub-atomic level!” –Thelonious_Nick

“The Mary Worth Universe feels much more alive and real if we know that even when Wilbur is off-panel he keeps fucking everything up.” –Ettorre

“Dad, I’m just gonna stop you right there. When I say ‘How are things with you, Dad?’, I mean, ‘How’s work?’ or ‘Done any good karaoke lately?’ I do not — and I mean this sincerely — want to hear anything, anything at all, about your love life. Anything. In fact, I don’t want to hear about you at all. Or look at you. Listen, I’m just gonna keep talking about myself as I spoon broccoli into my mouth, ‘kay? Great.” –els

“‘Have you heard from Sam?’ ‘No. I think we both need a little space right now. That’s why I bought another 1,300 acres. Is the real estate lawyer here?’” –pastordan

“Ah, Dawn, if nothing else is redeeming about you, your shade game is strong: ‘Well, of course, Stella wants a break from you … but my situation is totally different. I’m me! I didn’t expect anyone would want to get away from me!’” –Dread

“Blondie editors cropped out a message urging fans to make and post pics of their own special Dagwood pancakes after being unable to find a satisfactory hashtags (rejecting #dagjacks and a portmanteau of Bumstead and pancakes, #bumcakes, which was too prone to autocorrect).” –Frissen Frassen Russen Mussen

“The lying didn’t come BEFORE the eyeing, the lying was a defense mechanism brought on by the decrying of the eyeing. If Jared hadn’t been publicly mortifying about the eyeing, there’d have been no need for lying. And don’t even get me started on the spying.” –MKay

“It looks like Wilbur is laser focused on drinking out of that cup. Dawn does not appear confident he will succeed.” –Kevin On Earth

“‘Oh, you think the names Jack and Jill are inherently funny, do you? What’s your name, sir?’ ‘Funky Winkerbean.’ ‘Get out.’” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Doesn’t the annuity/long-term care salesman usually spring for a meal at a swanky bistro to draw suckers, ahem, potential clients into the presentation? [slaps forehead] But of course — this is Westview and the only available venue would have been Montoni’s. Carry on, Glengarry Man!” –But What Do I Know?

“In Wilbur’s memory, his past partners look at him with an expression that is best described as ‘grudging tolerance,’ and that yet it’s still clear that’s a step or twelve above how they actually viewed him.” –Conynaut

“Gotta love the little ‘service entry’ translation at the bottom of the third panel. As if the reader is supposed to think, ‘Oh, wow! They have service entries on the moon! They’re so like us in so many ways!’” –Joe Blevins

“The extent to which Zak, without even trying, left an open wound of emasculation across Wilbur’s psyche that will never begin to heal is why Zak is the best Mary Worth character, even when off-camera for years at a time. I hope this plot ends with him looking up the pay of the average tech CEO and the average local advice columnist and realizing how optimistic ‘twice my salary’ was.” –Dan

“What I’m saying Dawn is that if you were a hot lady, you could get a guy, maybe even one with money.” –Little Blue Bicycle

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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FOLKS! This month’s Internet Read Aloud is happening in a mere seven days, in the city of Los Angeles, California! Got a fun lineup and the price literally cannot be beat (unless someone is paying you to go to their comedy show, and which seems like madness).

Here is the link to the Facebook event! Please come if you are able, I promise you’ll have a good time!

Until then, to get your comedy chuckles, you should check out the comment of the week:

“I’m glad to see Sam has brought along his framed law license and diploma, since he will need to somehow earn a living. Is he still licensed to practice? Did he get his mandatory CLE hours every year? Does he realize he may lose his security deposit if he makes holes in the wall to hang those up?” –Arabella

And your runners up are also hilarious!

“Dawn and her friend have left the diner and taken this conversation to some place more appropriate: the local middle school.” –Hibbleton

“The only way the bolded my makes sense is if they were just discussing pranks Mr. Mitchell pulled at some other age. I’m gonna guess his latest prank was coming home with a print newspaper, as part of his ongoing campaign to shame Alice for her phone addiction.” –Peanut Gallery

“Coach Purpleshirt can’t wait to crush Milford just like he’s about to crush his tiny, delicate glass of limoncello.” –reader1!

“Mary is obviously starving for inside info on the Jared/Dawn breakup, and she’s so desperate to get it that she’s willing to make the ultimate sacrifice — actually spending time with Jared. Look at her in panel one. That’s the look of a junkie in need of a fix.” –Joe Blevins

“Everyone’s already mentioned the weird asparagus/carrot hybrid (asparrot? caragus?) so I’m going to focus on the wild rice, which does not grow naturally or commercially anywhere near the hill country where the Smifs reside. Loweezy is living a lie, claiming a subsistence existence while getting all her raw ingredients delivered from Whole Foods.” –TheDiva

“You can tell that Jenny is just going through the motions because she’s googling primary schools on a waffle iron.” –pugfuggly

“The obvious choice would be to let the chili dog win. Third panel is Mr. Dithers yelling at a giant 12-foot chili dog dejectedly standing next to the water cooler.” –nescio

“‘One morning, as Dagwood Bumstead was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous chili dog. He lay on his bread-enfolded back and saw, as he lifted his head up a little, his red, meaty abdomen bulging with cow lips and hog ansues. From this height the blanket, just about ready to slide off completely, could hardly stay in place, because of the rapidly cooling mass of beans, cheap meat, congealing cheese, and sauce that covered him. His legs, pitifully thin in comparison to the rest of his circumference, flickered helplessly before his eyes. What’s happened to me, he thought. It was no dream. So, with enthusiasm but not without remorse, he began to eat.’ –Franz Kafka, The Meatamorphosis” –Voshkod

“Wow, Jared reverse-aged from, what, 52 in the first panel to 14 in the second. It must be the rejuvenative effects of … Flimmo (?) Soda and … [turns head, squints] a bag of CHIPS.” –jvwalt

“You might be a plugger if you’ve decided to try product placement, and THIS is what you came up with.” –Mysterion

“If you regret a technological innovation that is decades old, you’re a plugger trapped in a teenager body.” –Ettorre

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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As things get hotter and humider, the comments of the week continue and get funnier!

“A much worse possibility is that there is no Count Weirdly, just an endless series of barely-functional robots designed to massage the egos of animals roleplaying at being police in some terrible anthropomorphic Westworld. The nose and skin are all wrong, but that’s fine, they’re not meant to be accurate, just a mockery of an increasingly hazy memory of mankind that the animals can lord over with their knowledge of basic trivia. ‘I · HAVE · AN · ALIBI · I · WAS · SEEING · THE · PENGUINS · AT · THE · NORTH · POLE’ says Weirdly #217 as Slylock smirks and adjusts his tie.” –Dan

Your runners up are very funny as well!

“Today’s Dustin is just the rough draft of a Cathy.”–Lee Sherman

“I really hope Jared is suffering, because I kind of get the feeling that furiously masturbating whilst crying and thinking about hurt women might be his shtick.” –Hunterwali

“It would have been better if Dawn’s head had been in that thought bubble in the last panel. Or, even better, Queen Amidala.” –Joe Blevins

“Wearing outmoded hats? Hiding in dark caves underground for weeks at a time? Flashing alt-right hand gestures? Clearly Weirdly’s robot replicas are the ‘incels’ of the future (since he did not think to give them genitalia).” –Sir Oracle

“Zits is much better than Dustin at depicting young people, but we can all agree that Jeremy losing his virginity while cosplaying is too much realism!” –Ettorre

“I invented the Prince Valiant haircut, you know. A 12 pack, scissors, a bowl, and the rest is history” –made of wince

“It’s funny because that is not a man who is having a little nap at work, it’s someone who has injected some powerful opioids. I guess we all celebrate America’s victory in the space race differently.” –pugfuggly

“Dagwood is perched on his desk as his co-workers gather round. ‘I’m at the foot of the ladder. The LM footpads are only depressed in the surface about one or two inches, although the surface appears to be very, very fine grained, as you get close to it. It’s almost like a powder,’ he intones, and the crowd murmurs in admiration. ‘Okay. I’m going to step off the LM now.’ He steps from the desk to the chair. The crowd hushes, holding its collective breath. ‘Houston, that’s one small…’ The chair swivels. Dagwood falls, slamming his head on the desk as he goes down to the lunar dust he and his colleagues can almost imagine, his coma deep and lasting. Someone screams. The crowds scatters before Dithers can arrive. Dagwood’s limbs twitch. Soon someone is sending around an e-mail that starts with ‘[f]ate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace…’” –Voshkod

“Y’all really don’t see it? I guess my ‘Actually-Dithers-killed-Dagwood-but-the-censors-didn’t-approve-it-so-here’s-some-hastily-rewritten-shit-about-the-moon-landing-or-whatever’ internal senses are keener than others.” –2+2=7

“I’ve never really thought about vampires wearing glasses before, but something about it seems off. Like does he also have an inhaler?” –Violet

“Watch out, Mary! Cathy, Santa Royale’s up and coming, youthful, no nonsense, straight talking yenta is coming after you. Dispensing advice and eating salads, she cares for the mental well being and lower GI of the next generation!” –Baja Gaijin

“Or maybe he fell out of love with you because the ‘Lettuce go out to eat’ joke isn’t as funny as you think.” –made of wince

“I get that the new Gil Thorp writer has been asked to ‘sex up’ the comic a bit, but did we really need to see Gil grinning at a giant butt plug?” –Schroduck

“Dude in a Lowes (or maybe Ace Hardware?) vest selling Home Depot store-brand tools at what looks like an abandoned cell phone store? That tracks.” –Old School Allie Cat

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!