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Momma, 3/28/12

Momma has always been depicted in this strip as being unafraid to butt in and tell anybody that they’re doing things incorrectly; however, she’s also been portrayed as being constantly haunted by her own impending demise, so I’m not sure if I really buy that she’d just sass Death quite so sassily. On the other hand, the process of reaping souls appears to have been so demystified due to budget cuts that it now just consists of the Grim Reaper pointing at you, causing you to levitate briefly. The latest victim appears more bemused than terrified by the process, so perhaps Death needs to prepare for a lot more pushback from little old ladies.

Gasoline Alley, 3/28/12

The latest meandering, unlikeable Gasoline Alley storyline involves beloved dialect-spouter Rufus, who has become something of a cat hoarder. After realizing he can no longer afford to feed both his kitties and himself, he has attempted without success to first sell them and then give them away. Fortunately he’s suffering too much foot pain to walk, as one assumes that his next stop will be the river.

Pluggers, 3/28/12

Pluggers don’t care much about the content of your character; they’re mainly concerned about where you fit into the local kinship networks, since those alone determine whether or not they should be waging a blood feud against you and your children and your children’s children.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/20/12

Hey, something good appears to be happening to characters in Funky Winkerbean! So why is everybody reacting to this news with facial expressions that range from very slight smiles to deep concern? Presumably because they know that nothing good actually happens to characters in Funky Winkerbean. That’s the science class in panel two, and these nerdlingers are well acquainted with the Funkyverse’s Law of Conservation of Misery: if something good happens, it will either set up something worse happening later (e.g., the girls’ team’s loss in the championship will be much more agonizing than another mediocre season that raises nobody’s expectations) or will result in something terrible happening elsewhere (e.g., the girls return with their championship trophy only to find that terrorists have killed everyone at the school and left the building a flaming ruin).

Marvin, 2/20/12

I don’t think you’ve got that quite right, Roy! If Jeff really wanted you out of the house, he’d teach you how to use Craigslist, since no legit jobs actually advertise in the primitive “newspaper” anymore. Presumably he’s going through the motions of handing you the paper to emphasize that he doesn’t actually like you, but is trying to keep you around because you’re one additional target for Marvin to irritate and/or puke on.

Momma, 2/20/12

So, uh, yeah, what do you suppose is going on here?

• Momma is a resident of Carmel-by-the-Sea, California, and this strip is taking place in 1986
• Momma doesn’t follow politics but does vaguely remember that Clint Eastwood ran for office once, and she also considers him a better age-appropriate sex fantasy than Ron Paul
• Momma is disgusted with all politicians and wishes that Dirty Harry would shoot each of them one by one with his .44 magnum
• Momma is old and kind of demented and just saying stuff

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Blondie, 2/8/12

“Also, my femurs are almost twice as long as my tibias, and not roughly the same length, as is normal in humans. I’m a shambling, lurching abomination of nature! It’s a miracle that I can walk at all!”

Momma, 2/8/12

Hey, everyone, Momma is thirsty for child-love! Let’s, uh, never speak of this again.