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Herb and Jamaal, 9/28/15

Pretty sure the word you’re looking for is “beneficiaries,” there, my friend! Or maybe not? Maybe this poor fellow has become ensnared in some diabolical scheme that he agreed to when he was young and foolish, when sinister figures offered to lavish gifts upon him so long as he named them in his life insurance policy, knowing, through devilishly accurate actuarial science, that their investment would be profitable. Now he’s a living financial product, the revenues arising from his demise already securitized and sold as tranches to overseas investors in China and Dubai, and everyone is just waiting as his clock ticks inevitably down.

Apartment 3-G, 9/28/15

This is amazing. I am genuinely in awe of this. Imagine that you had asked me, “Hey, Josh, this storyline, where Margo crossed a psychic and was behaving erratically and didn’t recognize her former fiance, who had sensed that she was in danger with his psychic Tibetan mind powers — can you come up with a super boring resolution for it?” Never in a million years would I have settled on “I dunno … something glandular, maybe?” I wouldn’t have had the nerve.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/28/15

I also would never have predicted that the “Other Woman” DVD would feature Lisa telling Les’s future partner that, yeah, Les is going to shout “LISA!” while you’re fucking, and that Cayla would watch this and smile a little smile and think, yeah, he does, that’s classic Les. I mean, it’s pretty obvious in retrospect that this was how this might go down, but I probably wouldn’t have been able to force myself to think about it long enough to reach that natural conclusion. I’ve barely been able to hold it together and type this paragraph.

Momma, 9/28/15

You know, the Met has very little contemporary art, so look on the bright side, Momma: at least your son isn’t some kind of eternal undead demon.

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/20/15

Yeah, so, I never did keep you updated on the extremely disappointing follow-up to this strip, which was that obviously Summer isn’t throwing her mother’s precious tapes in the trash, but rather is just getting them converted to digital, and, more to the point, letting local weirdo Crazy Harry do it instead of trusting an actual professional for some reason. Anyway, local weirdo Crazy Harry watched the tapes, which I’m reasonably sure isn’t necessary for the conversion process, and so we’ve learned that Dead Lisa considered whoever was going to be married to Les 15 years after her death to be “the other woman.” Now Cayla’s going to have to watch this, probably with Les hovering behind her. This is gonna be great. This is gonna be fantastic.

Momma, 9/20/15

Considering it’s broad daylight outside, I’m assuming the bassist MaryLou just fell in love with was working at this cafe, probably on the lunch shift? It’s not even clear that he’s in the band that will be performing rock music tonight! Anyway, what I’m saying is, at least she can tell Momma that this guy has a job.

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Slylock Fox, 9/15/15

Ah, it’s another Slylock Fox depicting the world just after the horrible Event, when all the animals Awoke and began turning on the poor, unprepared Homo sapiens. Here our sheriff is still foolishly attempting to enforce human law and track down a criminal, unaware that now is the time to let bygones between people be bygones and stand together to preserve the species. If I’ve learned one thing from Warner Brothers cartoons, it’s that coyotes are trained in the art of deception, so I assume that crude face is just painted on a wall in that cave, the better to lure this cowboy into a trap. The vulture looks cruelly delighted. He knows he will feast on human carrion tonight.

Apartment 3-G, 9/15/15

As Margo arrives at her supposed Manhattan high-rise apartment building, the door (?) opens, and we see, from left to right … a wall covered in vinyl siding, a vast blue emptiness, a glass door, more emptiness, the back of a toilet or maybe a faraway white panel truck, and a low-rise apartment building with first floor retail. I think “malfunctioning holodeck” may be the most logical solution here.

Momma, 9/15/15

Finally realizing that she cannot control every aspect of her children’s existence as long as they live and have wills of their own, she’s decided to have them killed, taxidermied, and mounted, starting with Francis.