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Crankshaft, 8/3/18

OK, so here’s everything in this Crankshaft storyline that hasn’t prompted me to discuss it: Lillian came to some kind of publishing industry convention to find an agent, and she ran into a lady determined to be a book agent who’s never had have any clients but was determined to find one at the convention, which … is not how you become an agent, I’m pretty sure? I think you actually go work for an agency, and you help the agents there and then you get promoted? Anyway, said aspiring agent lady informs Lillian that she’s schizophrenic and used to be homeless and did some interviews with a newscaster when she was on the streets, which newscaster of course was Cindy Summers because the Funkyverse is a tightly wound nexus of coincidence. I learned this from an unofficial history of Funky Winkerbean (hosted by Angelfire! Angelfire is still up, everybody!) that also lets me know that this lady, who went by “Apple Annie” on the streets but now goes by “Ann Apple,” had a particularly poignant interview with Cindy after losing a friend on 9/11 (I am dearly sad to have missed the 9/11-themed Funky Winkerbean storylines, you guys). Also Lisa had a French roommate that Les described as looking “like Juliette Binoche, but cuter,” but that’s a story for another day!

Anyway, all that has not prompted me to write about this dumb Crankshaft plot, but here’s what did: “I think you have the write stuff.” See, it’s a joke because “write” sounds like “right.” Sounds exactly like “right,” in fact. They’re homonyms. They’re spelled differently because they have different etymological origins, but in spoken language you can only distinguish them from context. And in the context of the phrase “the right/write stuff,” you’re going to immediately assume the phrase is just “the right stuff” because that’s a very common expression. This doesn’t work! It doesn’t work at all and I’m so very angry about it!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/3/18

This is as good a time as any to remember that Doris, Buck’s abusive ex-wife who shot him in the head with a nail gun, did some dry humping or what not with Rex back in high school. Anyway, shoutout to Rex for being conveniently vague in panel two!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/2/18

Hey, remember when June’s childhood friend, whom she hadn’t seen since actual childhood, just straight-up gave the Morgans her baby because she was dying and had no living relatives, but then it turned out the baby actually had paternal grandparents and June was afraid they’d try to steal their grandchild away from her but it then they ended up apologizing for even implying they might do that and said just wanted to do normal grandparent stuff? Well, good news: the Morgans are using them for free babysitting services while they party in Vegas! All’s well that end’s well for everybody, except for Johnny’s grandfather, who’s going to die of a heart attack within the week.

Shoe, 8/2/18

There are basically two settings for the extremely common Shoe joke format “bird-man engages other bird-man, apparently a stranger or at best a very casual acquaintance, in banter that’s actually a strained setup for today’s punchline”: Roz restaurant counter, which we see here today, and the weird gross fern bar which, unlike most locations in this strip, appears to be inside a building rather than just furniture sitting in the open air on a tree branch. Anyway, I don’t pretend to understand how the location gets chosen for each gag, but I would suggest that today’s strip, in which Shoe initiates conversation with someone he doesn’t know with tales of his extremely dysfunctional romantic relationship, is more a bar strip than a restaurant strip.

The Lockhorns, 8/2/18

There’s a lot here that you could react extremely negatively to — is it really a “film festival” if you’re binge-watching stuff on some streaming service? would it have killed them to look up and use the name of an actual anime series? what the fuck is going on with Leroy’s skull shape, and shouldn’t we at least get a glimpse of his other giant anime eye from this angle? — but instead I’m going to spend the rest of the week thinking about where Leroy would come down on the perennial dubs vs. subs controversy.

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Mary Worth, 7/30/18

Oh, huh, so it seems that Tommy’s jailhouse conversion was specifically to Roman Catholicism, interesting! You can understand why he finds it an attractive faith, seeing as he seems to have wildly misunderstood the purpose of the sacrament of confession; apparently he thinks that if there’s something you should probably tell somebody in your life, admitting it in the confessional instead is functionally the same thing! I feel bad for this priest, who’s probably had to hear the tales of Tommy’s meth-dealing days, like, five times by now.

Gil Thorp, 7/30/18

Finally, the “spring” baseball plot is over, and now we have just a few short weeks for a wacky summertime storyline! Clearly it’s not enough time to top such classics as “Kaz gets a job as a rock star’s bodyguard” or “Marty Moon gets grifted at golf” or “Gil does a pro wrestling match for charity,” but it seems to involve the local kids getting into the latest extreme sports craze, RainCycling, so I’m excited to see where it goes.

Gasoline Alley, 7/30/18

Like many characters of color working as servants in fiction, Gertie has a sassy personality and not much of an inner life to which we’re privy. Today, though, we learn a little bit of how she passes her time in her off hours: with lots and lots of Wookiee porn.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/18

REX MORGAN, M.D., PRESENTS: TWO-FISTED TALES OF GETTING TO THE AIRPORT ON TIME