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Crock, 5/16/26

This is one of those Rodney Dangerfield-style one-liners that sort of makes sense when you first hear it but just kind of falls apart the more you think about it. You’re tellin’ me the waiter … mails you your fortune? Is that because you’re such a contemptible figure that he doesn’t want to interact with you? But if so, how did you get the rest of your meal? Or, is it because the fortune itself is so toxic and terrifying it needs to be conveyed with the utmost of care? But if that’s the case, wouldn’t mailing it involve more contact with the fortune than just swiftly walking it into the dining area and handing it off to the customer? And why get dozens of innocent postal workers involved? If only the comics were a visual medium that could shed some light on this, but no, according to iron-bound convention, this joke must be relayed by three identical drawings of a guy saying it at us.

Shoe, 5/16/26

I’m all for this wholesome depiction of Skyler and his teammate engaged in the time-honored tradition of remembering some guys, though I’m curious as to whether this other dude just blurted out a commonly known Charles Barkley fact or if there was some lead-up to it. My big complaint though is that they’re sitting in chairs. I know that’s probably “realistic” about high school sports of whatever, but if Skyler is complaining via baroque wordplay about always being on the bench, in the sense of being held in reserve during a basketball game and never getting any playing minutes, they should show him sitting on a bench, in the sense of the big long wooden thing that multiple people can sit on.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/16/26

“Old people! They’re our main audience now! Is this the kind of slop you hogs like? I mean, uh, is this the sort of representation you fine people find respectful?” –the Mother Goose and Grimm creative team, I guess

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The Phantom, 5/1/26

Look, I’ll admit it: I’ve taken something of a shine to this sailor in his service whites, who’s mildly bonking the Nomad on his head with a nightstick and has decided that he’s got way too much dignity to say “Ignis Vindicta” aloud so he’s just going to call the dude “Mr. Freaky.” I mean, he’s a guard at Guantanamo Bay, so I’m very much not going to look into his opinions about human rights, but I am enjoying his vibes today.

Andy Capp, 5/1/26

I think it’s very funny that Andy Capp, a guy who’s usually badgering his friends and acquaintances for enough money to buy exactly one beer, has apparently also been doing the same thing at the local bank for who knows how long. I think the fact that he hasn’t been hit with an ASBO banning him from getting closer than 100 meters of the bank entrance says a lot about why the UK isn’t the financial industry behemoth it once was.

Shoe, 5/1/26

When you start in on this one, you think, “Uh oh, are we going to learn about the Shoeniverse’s bird-person BDSM scene?” But then you get to the second panel and realize that this is just a joke that was built backwards from an extremely thin bit of wordplay, which comes as something of a relief. Anyway, this guy only likes being emotionally abused!

Mary Worth, 5/1/26

“Mary Worth thinks loneliness and horniness are the same emotion” feels like it’s the key to unlocking a lot of stuff. Not quite sure of all the implications but I’ll be meditating on it all weekend, that’s for sure!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/26/26

As predicted by literally everybody, sad-sack failed salesman Lonnie has figured out that Mae Mae is Lorna and is going to cash in by selling this info to the Morganverse TMZ analogue. The most surprising thing is that the Morganverse TMZ analogue has a publicly available phone number and someone who works there will answer it more or less immediately when you call.

Shoe, 4/26/26

“Who was that? Another telemarketer?” is … kind of a weird set up for this joke? I guess it’s because Shoe didn’t actually talk to his ex, but just stared at his phone dead-eyed as it rang, didn’t answer it, and then silently read the transcript of the extremely sarcastic message she left on his voicemail. And what, did a person make a phone call? In this day and age? And wanted to talk to Shoe? It doesn’t add up.