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Dennis the Menace, 2/21/16

I can imagine nothing more menacing than this cartoon. Children cynically acting out the most shopworn tropes of gender dynamics for our amusement? Dennis hoping against hope to spend his middle age in sloth and lethargy? This ought to chill the very souls of all right-thinking people.

Spider-Man, 2/21/16

Dr. Strange is the one they’re making into a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie with Benedict Cumberbatch, right? I love that they haven’t bothered to make him look even slightly Cumberbatchish in the last panel here. I also am going to spend the rest of the day imagining Benedict Cumberbatch intoning “the wand of watoomb!” in grandiloquent Cumberbatchian style. This is code for, like, tickets to Hamilton or something, right? Those are about as magical an item as MJ could lay her hands on.

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Spider-Man, 2/18/16

I’m trying to figure out if Peter is being sarcastically self-loathing in panel two or if he’s genuinely perking up. “Oh, that’s right! I was present when this storyline’s villain was defeated! I was wearing my superhero outfit, too! Thanks, TV!”

Dennis the Menace, 2/18/16

I was going to make some joke about a menacing pride in illiteracy, but honestly, is there anything less menacing than a child gathering his friends to watch the news together, with no adults present?

Family Circus, 2/18/16

NOOO DOLLY NATIONALISM IS IDOLATRY, you’re gonna have to do a lot of Hail Marys to walk this one back

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Mary Worth, 2/11/16

Obviously my number one version of this storyline involves Olive watching Mary reject old suitors, but it just keeps going and going and I’m willing to follow it, at this point. So will this turn into some kind of pseudo-Socratic dialogue in which the young and inexperienced Olive advocates for total freedom, while Mary patiently explains that only the strong hand of a Philosopher-Queen can impose the rigid order and structure that our species needs to survive, and that perhaps Olive, with her special tummy-brain powers, can be that queen? If so, I’m here for that!

Spider-Man, 2/11/16

“Haha, look, you’re lucky you’re not all dead, OK? Who could stop Namor? Certainly not me! I’m Spider-Man, and people talk a lot about the proportional strength of a spider, but how strong is that, really? Here’s a hint: not very strong! Have you ever stepped on a spider? Ever noticed that it used its amazing spider-strength to lift up your shoe and save itself? Of course not! Because it can’t! It’s tiny and feeble, just like me! Welp, off to fail at superheroics somewhere else!” [flies skyward crotch-first]

Judge Parker, 2/11/16

“You’ve been in this band for several days now, so why are you not already making all the decisions and reaping all the profits? Do they not know that you’re a Spencer-Driver and never have to prove yourself to anyone at any time? HOW DARE THEY”