Post Content

Judge Parker, 12/20/24

Last night I had the pleasure of waiting for the bus next to a guy who was doing whip-its on the street corner, and when I say “had the pleasure,” I really mean it: he was amiable, charming, in good spirits, and endlessly amused by the funny things said whip-its were doing to his voice. Now obviously the act and the addiction are probably doing terrible things to his brain, and to society in general, but in the short term he seemed a lot happier than a lot of strung out or even sober people I’ve seen in public over the years. Anyway, I guess that can is in the middle of the table so that the Spencer clan, too genteel to do any drugs that don’t come in a martini glass, can add an adorable dollop of whipped cream to their hot cocoa, but they all look so happy that at first I wondered if a little whiff of nitrous had wiped away the typical Judge Parker pissyface, if only for a few moments.

Gasoline Alley, 12/20/24

Well, kids, I suppose we’ve learned a valuable lesson: artificial intelligence is a remarkable invention, but it’s still an experimental technology in its early stages and can make mistakes! For important work, you need to rely on something more traditional, something tried and true, tested by history: an awful demon, who was called forth from the aether by God as one of His angels but who was on the losing side of the Great War in Heaven that was fought and lost before time began, cast down with her Master into the fiery pit where she remained, seething, raging, seeking the souls of the innocent to warp and destroy and turn away from their Creator, finally learning how to inhabit the body of a children’s toy and walk the Earth, an abomination, a terror beyond comprehension. That’s who you want writing your report. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to write it.

Tina’s Groove, 12/20/24

Ha ha, Tina’s co-worker isn’t getting enough aphrodisiacs in her diet, ha! Also she’s very depressed, which frequently correlates to decreased libido. Every character in this strip is very depressed, so this tracks. Trust me on this, or just check out their facial expressions here. They always look like this!

Post Content

Tina’s Groove, 8/1/24

I’m honestly really starting to enjoy the 15-years-ago-ness of the Tina’s Groove strips offered up daily by the King Features website; for me, that lands in a nostalgic sweet spot that feels much more dated than Crock reruns from the ’90s or whatever. Like, remember the ’00s, when the only thing that could send a text message was a BlackBerry, and if you wanted to send such a message, you would ask your companion politely first? Of course you don’t, because that’s not really how it worked, but I suppose it might be how someone who’d never actually interacted with a BlackBerry user might think it worked.

Anyway, this strip obviously has a more timeless element to it, which is that Tina seems to have gone on a date (?) with a guy who she thought was Amish, but isn’t really. A good clue would’ve been his facial hair: mustaches were so strongly associated with soliders and militarism in early modern Germany that the pacifist Anabaptist sects that were the forerunners to today’s Amish and Mennonites foreswore them, leading to the distinctive chinbeard we associate with them today. Another way she could’ve guessed he wasn’t Amish is that he’s on date with her right now, since that’s pretty antithetical to their whole deal.

Mary Worth, 8/1/24

Don’t forget, Dr. Ed is an accomplished amateur pianist! I myself briefly forgot, and thought that maybe Estelle was doing an outwardly worshipful “Oh!” but an inwardly exasperated “Sigh!” because she actually was sick of his musical stylings, but no, that’s a worshipful “Sigh!” and her inner and outer selves are fully in alignment, which obviously makes for exciting conflict-free storytelling.

Post Content

Tina’s Groove, 6/13/24

Say, it’s been a while since we’ve checked in with the anxious depressive food service workers over at Tina’s Groove. What are they up to? Ah, well, seems like they’re taking rotting meat home, to eat? Ha ha, that’s, uh, that’s something … funny? I guess? She’s eating rotting meat?

Beetle Bailey, 6/13/24

There’s nothing rotten going on over at Beetle Bailey, that’s for sure! Just delicious pie. It’s hard to top a fresh-baked pie, except when it’s a la mode! In that case, you have to top it, with ice cream, because that’s how it works. Anyway, today’s Beetle Bailey, which features these two guys about to dig into some delicious pie, has been brought to you by an arts grant from the American Pie Council®: For The Love Of Pie!

Mary Worth, 6/13/24

I love that Wilbur has not only announced that he’ll be coming by Mary’s apartment, but has also described how he’ll be alerting her to his presence. Only open the door if you ring the doorbell, Mary! If you hear a knock, just aim your gun at the door at your best approximation of center mass and start firing.