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Crankshaft, 1/20/16

One of Crankshaft’s running jokes/verbal tics is calling Google “Granpa Google,” which I actually sort of like. It’s fun and whimsical to imagine Google as a helpful, chatty elderly relative, rather than what it actually is, which is to say an unthinkably vast database of information with a shockingly efficient search algorithm owned by an immensely powerful and inscrutable dystopian corporation. At any rate, Granpa’s got this one wrong! A real anti-matter brownie would in fact instantly explode into an tremendous blast of destructive energy the moment it came in contact with the air, wiping out these bus drivers and everyone else for miles around, which, you know, we should be so lucky.

Wizard of Id, 1/20/16

As like a million people pointed out to me when I wondered about it, the new-ish artist of Wizard of Id is none other than Mason Mastroianni, grandson of strip co-creator Johnny Hart. Considering how famously devout Hart was, it’s interesting that the big innovations in this strip over the past few weeks have been highly sexualized supernatural beings.

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Pluggers, 1/14/16

I’m not sure what the context would be for anyone, even this plugger, to buy a new DVD player in the year 2016 — maybe he finally put in a disc into the old one when there was already one in there one too many times — but I do like the way the letters seems wobbly in his word balloon, really conveying his sense of desperation. “Please, son, you gotta tell me how to hook this thing up. I got all these old westerns and All In The Family episodes, I already switched from VCR tapes to these discs, I’m not switching to iTunes or whatever they have now. I don’t even know what an iTunes looks like! That neighbor kid who used to do my computer stuff won’t talk to me because I put too many politics memes on his Facebook wall! You gotta help me!”

Mark Trail, 1/14/16

Haha, is it a good idea, Gabe? Is it an idea you in fact suggested to him literally two sentences earlier in this very conversation? How dumb do you think we are exactly, Gabe?

Wizard of Id, 1/14/16

Oh, hey, let’s check in with the Wizard of Id! What’s going on over there? Oh, they’ve introduced a new character? And he’s a muscular, hornèd demon from the depths of hell? And the human ladies want to have sex with him? Let’s never check in with the Wizard of Id again.

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Crankshaft, 12/23/15

YESSSSSS, CRANKSHAFT IS REALIZING THAT NOBODY LIKES HIM AND EVERYONE WANTS HIM DEAD

ENHANCE

ENHANCE

YESSSS THAT’S THE STUFF

Slylock Fox, 12/23/15

Hmm, I wonder what the answer to these fox-trivia questions are? Let’s take a look and OH MY GOD, INVERT AND ENHANCE

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

Mary Worth, 12/23/15

Haha, while Olive’s parents are off having animalistic sex, Mary will be busy turning Olive into a good Christian! It’s the perfect crime!

Wizard of Id, 12/23/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because those held captive in Id’s dungeons are forced to eat the dismembered remains of their fellow prisoners, like something out of the most nightmarish of horror movies, except this is a comic strip that runs in newspapers that aren’t allowed to print swear words or pictures of women’s nipples!