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B.C., 2/11/15

You know, when I first saw this strip, my immediate thought was “Gosh, I never really expected B.C. of all strips to go in for stomach-churning body-transformation horror.” But then, this is the strip that has an ostensibly human character who is little more than a lumpy, hair-encrusted spheroid fronted with a terrifyingly huge face and ringed with stubby protruding limbs, so maybe it shouldn’t be that surprising.

Mary Worth, 2/11/15

It’s true! Young people would probably wonder to themselves, “Should I wear a mint green suit to my wedding? What would people think?” Whereas once you’ve become a seasoned, experienced older gentleman like Sean, you know that you look fly as hell in that jacket, and fuck the haters.

Hi and Lois, 2/11/15

Lois has been scouring the fine print on banking brochures and has discovered that her bank offers an interest rate that returns a penny less per $10,000 per year than its competitors. She’s probably real fun at parties!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/10/15

Ever since Kelly was given a free funeral car to drive, there’s been a certain amount of ambiguity about exactly what kind of funeral car it was. Was it used to shuttle corpses about, or just beautiful and tasteful floral arrangements? And, more importantly, what’s that smell, exactly? Anyway, Rex, who hasn’t really had much speaking time in his own strip lately, manages to come onstage and fulfill two life goals at once: ruining everyone’s fun and wedging the phrase “the funeral trade” into everyday conversation. This has all led to panel three, probably the greatest facial expression the strip has gifted us with since at least this, which, interestingly enough, also involved the funeral trade.

Mary Worth, 2/10/15

Man, the first half of Mary’s sentence in panel one kind of implies a stronger follow-up than the second half delivers, doesn’t it? “I’ve attended many weddings, but I have to say that yours is definitely one of them! It won’t be as elegant and wonderful as the time I was invited to New York for the surprise wedding of a hunky professional soccer player, but I’m sure signing a dingy register at Santa Royale City Hall will hold a certain charm.”

Phantom, 2/10/15

The Phantom’s amnesia plot continues apace, and like Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, it asks if the sum of our memories make us who we are, or if we’d continue on in our accustomed paths even without them. “John X” has made his own little Skull Cave in the utility room, and his own little Chronicles of the Phantoms Past out of a spare notebook he found lying around! No, I have no idea where you find enormous, spooky candles on a military base.

Apartment 3-G, 2/10/15

I’m not exactly sure what kind of phony scam-artist psychic tries to convince her marks to get married in a stately English country house? One who is secretly employed by the events coordinator of a stately English country house, I guess. Anyway, I love that everyone in this conversation is trying very hard to pretend that they’ve never heard of Downton Abbey, probably because they think the recent seasons have gone off the rails and are embarrassed by how much they posted about it on Facebook in 2011.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/10/15

Meanwhile, love is in the air over at Funky Winkerbean! [ENDLESS PUKING AT HAVING TYPED THAT SENTENCE]

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Mark Trail, 2/9/15

Oh, man, when you get a villain bellowing “WHAT TH-“ and then getting punched in the face by Mark Trail on a Monday, you know you’ve got a great week ahead of you! I have to say that if I were Mitchum I’d be pretty disappointed in the quality of henchmen I’d hired. Mark and his swamp-king ally aren’t armed, and yet this supposed thug is just standing there patiently waiting for events to unfold. “Oh, your hand gently resting over my mouth means that I can’t make any noise that might alert my boss to your presence? Sure, sounds fair!”

Slylock Fox, 2/9/15

Shady Shrew may or may not be violating the regulations about watercraft weight and propulsion for this little regatta, but I’m certainly glad he followed one rule to the letter: the rule that says that participants have to dress in some cute nautical-themed outfit. Look them all! They’re adorable!

Family Circus, 2/9/15

You know, God’s mind is infinitely above ours and it’s impossible for mere mortals to understand what brings Him joy, but I’m gonna take a stab in the dark and say it must be pretty fun to deny Jeffy’s requests, day after day after day.