Good morning! Would you like to read this week’s top comment? Well, here you go! Have at it!
Oh, also, would you like to read the runners-up, which are also funny? Go to town!
“Context is vital here. At work, Leroy’s younger, more hirsute, not-yet-defeated-by-life coworker came bounding up to him with the news that he was going to ask his longtime girlfriend to marry him. Leroy didn’t even look up from his computer. ‘Mmm-hmmm,’ he said in a disinterested voice. ‘Listen, before you do that, why don’t you stop by our house this weekend?’ When his coworker asked why, Leroy just said something about ‘instructing’ him. The moment depicted in this panel is from Hour 5 of that instruction. The coworker’s heavy, heavy eyelids mean the process is working.” –Joe Blevins
“The Number 2 on his shirt is a clue as to what he did, the naughty boy.” –debussy fields
Mary Worth: “‘Too many parents think of their children as an inconvenience,’ says the woman whose lack of any immediate family leaves her endless time to meddle in others’ lives, as she lounges poolside in her idyllic beach-town condo complex and considers another serving of lemonade and cookies.” –BigTed
“Hey, kid. The guy who coaches your team had an ambulance parked next to the field so that he could make a joke about how shitty the team is. Do you know how much an ambulance costs? Couldn’t you just die of embarrassment? No? How about if I told you the guy he’s talking to isn’t stoned and hasn’t had a stroke, that dopey look on his face is a smirk. And his name is Les Moore — Les Moore, a pun, get it? Now do you want to die of embarrassment?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“You want to eat out? Bring it up a couple hours before someone cooks for you. ‘This is No-Win City, and politeness is on my alderman’s agenda! Oh man, here come the traffic laws of basic civility!'” –Dan
“Cower in terror, O ye dogs of the street, for the Day of Judgement is upon you! For behold, the Angel of the Lord is astride his Pale Horse, blowing his trumpet! Today you shall account for all your sins, ye mongrels of the gutter!” –Perky Bird
“Pluggers don’t recognize eye parasites until it’s too late. They also have great fun with their fleas, ticks, and guinea worms. ‘Ah, look at ’em, poking his head out from my skin. He thinks he’s a plugger!'” –Voshkod
“I think the EPA might have this one right. Bonfires that black out the sun and turn day into night can’t possibly be good for the ecology.” –Brad
“If Olive were still with Mary, she could have warned Mary in time to prevent the accident. Where is your all-seeing tummy brain now?” –AhClem
“We can’t talk about it now, Carol! There are readers present!” –Cloudbuster
“Most comic characters have 4 sausage-like fingers on each hand. I can deal with this cartoonish simplicity. Beetle Bailey’s Cookie reduces this number to 3. In a few years, the strip will be inhabited by characters whose arms end in a flesh mitten. And from there, perhaps a singular, floppy knob to wrap around equally minimally drawn objects of indiscriminate purpose.” –hogenmogen
“We did all we could, Mark, but I’m afraid he’s gone! As soon as we turned our backs, he jumped out the window, stole one of the cars, and drove off, screaming something about ‘one-horned bastards’. Can you break the news to his lady friend?” –Enlong
“Mark Trail does not mourn. He merely closes his eyes, and somewhere, an eagle weeps.” –Jack loves comics
“Something was missing. Compassion. I spent all day emptying bed pans and dealing with sick people and their really gross diseases and festering injuries, and did I hear one word of sympathy from Margo or Lu Ann? No. How could anyone be that self-absorbed?” –cheech wizard
“That sounds more romantic than ‘Rotovirus Quarantine.'” –Kevin on Earth
