Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 5/25/13

Oh, hey, I guess I’ve been neglectful of the great Darrin/Frankie confrontation because it’s been … kind of boring? Considering the air of menace that surrounded his earlier appearances, Frankie’s ultimate goal — to put together some kind of ill-conceived reality show about his reunion with Darrin (which, say, shouldn’t they be getting footage right now?) seems relatively harmless. The worst of it is that, since all right-thinking people are assumed to loathe reality television despite its massive popularity, this plot gives Darrin and Jessica the opportunity to indulge in righteous indignation, which is my third-least-favorite Funkyverse emotion, just behind smug self-satisfaction and sexual arousal.

Spider-Man, 5/23/13

Kingpin is a busy, successful entrepreneur, and in his best-selling business memoir Faster! Work Faster!, he taught a generation of CEOs how to extract maximum terrified efficiencies from their employees. But recent challenges in Kingpin’s career have demonstrated that there’s more to being a great manager than just cowing your subordinates. In his new book, Not Without My Minions: Why It’s Better To Be Loved Than Feared But Being Fear-Loved Is Best Of All, he explains that organizational downturns can be used as an opportunity to build loyalty in the face of adversity and gather a fanatically dedicated core team who will stick with you when times get tough. Have your personal assistant look for in the increasingly sparse places where books are sold!

Momma, 5/23/13

Ha ha, it’s funny because nobody likes Momma! I sort of expected that the doctor would be cowering in fear of his relentless hypochondriac nemesis, but instead he regards her with an evil grin, delighting in the way he’s unsettled her, which is frankly a much darker scenario.

Mark Trail, 5/23/13

Meanwhile, in Mark Trail, all this is happening, against a background of apocalyptic flame! Do killer grizzly bears really have adorable pudgy butts like in panel three? Because if so, awwwwww.

Post Content

Your comment of the week this week definitely falls into the category of “Wow, I wish I had written this for my own commentary”:

“Heathcliff’s hot air balloon rises into the clouds. He doesn’t look back. ‘He never overstays his welcome,’ says a woman wearing a skirt and blouse the exact color of her neighbor’s house. She has no hands. A white cat stands on two legs. Fin.” –Nate

The runners up are pretty funny as well!

“Beating up Snuffy is one thing, and probably understandable within the honor code of Hoot’n Holler. But taking the time to separately beat up his hat? That’s just cruel.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“‘Lasercane’? What, Kingpin misplaced his Bifocals of Fury?” –NotThatGuy

“Look at Marvin’s parents: they can’t even look at one another! Another comics couple being held together only by the whimsy of syndication and a repartee of open contempt.” –Black Drazon

“I’ve started reading Marvin’s (and only his) dialogue in my head using Morgan Freeman’s voice. And I’m glad I did.” –Damien

“Sure, Peter. Your old high school science teacher would be proud. The one who took you to a leaky nuclear reactor and let a spider bite you.” –Lorne

“Cherry doesn’t have to outclimb the mama grizzly; she just has to outclimb Shelley. And the fire, I suppose.” –Doctor Handsome

“I’m reading today’s Mary Worth as though Marie is being sarcastic and now she’s my new favourite character. ‘Did I stutter, bitch? Are you DEAF? YOU! MUST! BE! GLAD! THAT! BETH! HAS! A! BOYFRIEND! YOU! OLD! BAT! I have had it up to HERE with this shit!'” –Roto13

“They all thought it was cute, maybe even a little clever, when Coach Thorp started letting disputes on his team be settled in a fake ‘court.’ Three executions later, when Thorp was sitting in the principal’s chair and his ‘jury’ was running the school, they finally understood their mistake.” –Voshkod

“Glad is not the word for it. ‘Elderly Nicholas Cage’ is.” –blah

“I. BET. TOM. IS. A. GENEROUS. LOVER!” –revenge4Aldo

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Gasoline Alley, 5/24/13

If I were a better person/student of the great history of the comics medium, I suppose I’d be more interested in the Slim and Walt go to the Comics Retirement Home storyline? As it is, I can only work up the energy to care about it when something truly unusual happens, like when a dapper, nightmarish pig-man wanders into the foreground of the panel, giving you a sly look that you’ll see every night for the next three to eight weeks as you desperately try to fall asleep.

Dennis the Menace, 5/24/13

“When I was a kid, we pretended we lived in violent, lawless frontier towns, where the only respite from attempting to murder each other over cattle or women came when we had to battle the last desperate remnants of the region’s indigenous population, who we were working to displace or exterminate. Now all kids care about is exploring fantastic new worlds and adding to our culture’s scientific knowledge and whatnot. It’s fucking bullshit.”

Six Chix, 5/24/13

It sure is ironic that looking to buy for something to rest on can itself be tiring, amiright? In related news, don’t ever lie down on sample beds in furniture stores, the people shopping for beds are drenched in sweat, gross gross gross

Herb and Jamaal, 5/24/13

“Uh-oh, I’d better make sure 9-1-1 is on speed dial, because it looks like Herb is finally going to put his money where his mouth is on that whole chainsaw murder spree thing he’s been talking about for months!”