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Momma, 9/8/11

The best installments of Momma (and by “best” I mean “most horrifying and unsettling”) are the ones where Momma feels compelled to meddle in the sexual lives of her children. Today we get a classic Momma euphemism (“I hope your vagina isn’t becoming too … involved, shall we say … with that Herby fellow’s penis”), which is always fun; but much better is the final panel, in which MaryLou, having suppressed the natural expression of her sexual feelings just long enough to get out the door, is convulsed by a full-body lust-spasm.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/8/11

Snuffy Smith has absolutely no achievements of note: he can’t hold down a steady job, he’s a notorious criminal, he survives only due to his poaching and petty theft, and he can’t even be bothered to help his wife with basic household chores. This all no doubt takes a toll on his self-esteem, so he’s looking for whatever glory he can get; unfortunately, the best he can do is try to claim (based on a vague similarity of his name to a common slang term) proprietary rights over the sort of low-level respiratory infection that is endemic to Hootin’ Holler due to the populace’s poor hygiene, which in turn stems from their refusal to acknowledge that flatlanders’ fancy germ theory of disease.

Gasoline Alley, 9/8/11

At long last, Skeezix and Nina have worked out their washer-dryer situation and are taking their long-awaited vacation! Day one: Some dude invites Sheezix to take a dump on his porch.

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Family Circus, 9/7/11

I have to admit that I’m delighted at the look of unalloyed maniac joy on Dolly’s face in this panel. It’s fun to imagine her methodically pulling these tissues out of the box, one by one, faster and faster, shouting the latest count out at the top of her lungs. This is the sort of behavior normally associated with the abuse of amphetamine-based stimulants, but I’m sure the Keane parents are far too protective to allow anything like that in the house, so we have to assume that something is just terribly wrong with poor Dolly’s brain chemistry.

Mary Worth, 9/7/11

In case you were wondering, Mary has hit the full-on platituding stage of her latest meddle. “Where there is love, there can be no fear! Only crushing, suicidal disappointment when you discover that your childhood love has moved on with someone else. What have you got to lose, except for all of your treasured hopes and dreams?”

Pluggers, 9/7/11

Wait a minute … pluggers would never eat fancy elitist foreign food from un-American places like “Belgium” or “Denver.” FALSE PLUGGERS! UNCLEAN!

Spider-Man, 9/7/11

“Really, I’m kind of out of it … I’m not sure where I am or what I’m doing … but I’m going to be an aggressive dick about it!” THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, EVERYBODY!

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Ziggy, 9/6/11

What really makes today’s Ziggy work (and there’s a series of words I’ll bet you never expected to see in that order) are the facial expressions on our two dramatis personae. This could be yet another dumb cartoon about Twitter written by someone who’s heard about, but never actually used, Twitter, but I’m drawn in by how manic and excited Ziggy looks as he scribbles in his diary, along with the look of genuine distress on the face of his parrot (who is named Josh, by the way, and yes, it disturbs me both that Ziggy’s parrot is named Josh and that I know that Ziggy’s parrot is named Josh). What juicy tidbits might Ziggy unleash on the world, via Twitter? Is Josh unsettled by the thought that Ziggy might reveal his deepest parrot-secrets on various social networking sites? Or does just he just know that Ziggy’s innermost thoughts are repugnant to all right-thinking people and should never, ever see the light of day? Anyway, he needn’t worry, as Ziggy isn’t allowed to have an Internet connection, because of the court order.

Mark Trail, 9/6/11

OH SNAP SGT. MCQUEEN IS IN ON THE BIRD-BANDING CONSPIRACY! “I knew this day would come … the day when my pointless, incomprehensible actions would lead to the very mild negative consequences that only exist in my fantasy world. Princess, deliver this message for me … you know where to go … no, Princess! Don’t eat it! Damn you, dog, don’t pretend you don’t understand complex English sentences! Why would I spend so much time talking to you if you don’t?”