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Curtis, 11/30/10

Though we may mock Curtis for the eternal clockwork-like return of its eight or so plots, in truth there is more than a little comfort that can be derived from this nonthreatening reliability; in this sense, the strip serves as a stand-in for the the newspaper comics section as a whole. So it’s a bit discombobulating when a new character is introduced, and even more so when an old character shows up in different circumstances. All Curtis trufans know that Derrick is always accompanied by his bullying partner “Onion,” and that when Curtis spots them, his thought balloon inevitably reads, “Oh no! Derrick and ‘Onion’!” But today we see that Derrick has put away childish things like friendship and has now entered the grown-up world of romance. And while it’s nice to see that he’s met someone who shares his core interests and horse-like laugh, it’s a little sad imagining “Onion” sitting somewhere with his hood cinched tightly around his face, bitter tears of abandonment running down his comically oversized nose.

Mary Worth, 11/30/10

Oh, God, this week is going to be all I hoped for and more, as a drunken, predatory Jill decides that she’s going to forcibly dance with any man who comes within arm’s reach. All reactions in soap opera strips are of course ludicrously overplayed, but I’m not sure why exactly Jeff’s face in panel two is framed by a nimbus of sheer panic. “Oh my God, Mary’s going to see me touching another woman! She’ll never agree to marry me now!”

Shoe, 11/30/10

I’m not sure what’s worse: the suggestion that the Perfesser’s car might have sexual needs, or the downright lascivious look the mechanic is sporting as he relays this fact. “Bet you never knew that cars had sex, did you? I’ve got some instructional videos on the subject around here … why don’t we watch them, and what happens, happens?”

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Crankshaft, 11/29/10

You know, it seems the holiday season lurches into action earlier and earlier every year. For instance, somebody’s dearest Christmas wish — to see Crankshaft in his underwear — has already arrived, and it isn’t even December yet! Merry Christmas to you, you desperate pervert!

Mary Worth, 11/29/10

Meanwhile, it seems that Adrian has already given herself a Christmas present — the massive dose of high-grade Ecstasy necessary for her to become Mrs. Scott Hewlett without first becoming catatonic with anxiety and self-loathing. She seems to have perhaps overdone it a bit, however, as in panel two she appears to actually be floating several feet off the ground.

Mary Worth plots are generally linear to a fault, so I offer kudos to the strip for jumping over the rest of the wedding preparation and getting right to the rehearsal dinner, before Mary even gets a chance to meddle Jill into submission. I am assuming that Jill is the Amazonian gal in panel one, listing wildly to her right and demanding more booze, all the better to lay the groundwork for a drunken tirade that will prevent anyone but Jill from enjoying themselves tonight. This week may be awesomer than any pool party!

Shoe, 11/29/10

“Ha ha, just kidding, you know I love a good pun! Seriously, though, we see the same prostitutes.”

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I know I said I’d be back on Monday, but … but … I can’t keep away from the weekend’s comics! It’s a sickness.

Marvin, 11/27/10 and a panel from the Lockhorns, 11/28/10

For instance, had I skipped the weekend I would have missed the moment when Marvin and the Lockhorns stopped pussyfooting around and just owned up to their respective central premises. Marvin threw in a half-assed (see what I did there? I know I’ll be punished for it) pun to try to keep within the conventions of the comic strip form; that Lockhorns, true to the comic’s uncompromising commitment to authenticity, went someplace much, much darker.

Panel from Dick Tracy, 11/28/10

Meanwhile, only two weeks into my Sunday Dick Tracy reading, I’m already quickly falling in love with the Crimestoppers Notebook. Look at this diminutive balding Cubs fan, brazenly proclaiming to all and sundry that he’s planning on being home alone! Even the mysterious trench-coated bad guy has been reduced to open-mouthed shock at his openness on this subject.

Apartment 3-G, 11/28/10

Over in Apartment 3-G, Paul Linski prepares to bust his move. You can tell he has less than honorable intentions towards our Lu Ann because he uses crass abbreviations like “’cuz”. Ha ha, I can’t wait to learn what depraved sex act he’ll think Lu Ann’s request to “move her piano” represents!