Comment of the Week

My little friend is not so little anymore, Toby! In fact, she's quite large! Enormous, in fact! Nine foot six and getting taller by the day! It's actually quite alarming! We're getting into I'm a Virgo territory here! Did you watch that miniseries, by the way? It was on Amazon Prime a couple of years ago! Jharrel Jerome is a treasure! Some great performances by Elijah Wood and Walton Goggins as well, which reminds me that I need to start my Justified rewatch. Oh, Margo Martindale is another treasure, especially as a voice in BoJack Horseman. Anyway, Olive is a giant, is the point I'm trying to make.

els

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Crock, 9/5/09

It’s not often that I’m thankful about anything that Crock does, but I have to admit that I’m grateful that this strip makes a joke about a little blue bird that includes the word “tweet” and doesn’t end in a terrible ham-handed punchline about Twitter. I have no actual idea what the punchline is supposed to be about, but the mere absence of a lame Twitter joke still improved my day. Is the sad Legionnaire talking about his penis? Probably. Still better than Twitter.

Mary Worth, 9/5/09

Having educated its audience about the dangers of phishing, Mary Worth is moving a rung or two up the criminal ladder to heroin dealing. I certainly hope the strip maintains the lavish inattention to detail in depicting in-person crime that it demonstrated in its expose of the criminal Internet underworld.

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Archie, 9/4/09

For a brief moment here, I’m actually feeling kind of bad for Reggie, who is apparently fanatically committed to his role as Riverdale’s #1 asshole. Check out his theatrically prickish expression in the third panel; he’s giggling at his own obnoxiousness so gleefully, he’s about to sprain his face.

Mark Trail, 9/4/09

So, since we met our noble but unemployed backwoodsman, he’s spent most of his time being lobbied heavily by the local sideburn brigade to take up a life of crocodile poaching. But is the illicit crocodile trade really such a bad thing? Maybe not, for those who decide to venture into the swamps bringing tender and delicious little dogs along with them! Prepare to see Rusty and Mark’s fishing trip to go off without incident, since all the giant terror reptiles determined to eat Sassy have long been transformed into handbags, with Mark bellowing “Thanks for the help, illegal poachers!” as they had back to Lost Forest.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/4/09

Oh, Berna, you can keep repeating your questions in simpler and simpler words all you like, but Becka seems to have downed several glasses of wine while waiting for her noodles to be individually hand-crafted back in the kitchen, and has pretty much stopped making sense. Even basic subject-verb agreement is beyond her. “Woman are drawn to Peter! Peter are … handsome man! God, I love him, that dirty, dirty bastard … so handsome … where’s the breadsticks? I never got my breadsticks! You get breadsticks at the Olive Garden … fuck Tito and his sauce. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Peter. He thinks he’s so great! Just because he’s attractive … and gifted … and charming … hold on, I think I’m gonna puke.”

Marmaduke and Family Circus, 9/4/09

Ha ha, Marmaduke and Jeffy are planning to “borrow” foodstuffs, and then return them, after they come out of their buttholes.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/3/09

Fun fact! Today is my lovely wife’s birthday; thanks to the “born on this day” feature that runs right next to the Baltimore Sun’s comics section, we now know that it’s also Beetle Bailey creator Mort Walker’s birthday as well! (Who says the newspaper isn’t any good for anything anymore?) I wish that today’s Beetle Bailey were more auspicious to celebrate this fact; instead, it just demonstrates that the soldiers at Camp Swampy are so incompetent that their only value to the military is as experimental test subjects.

Gil Thorp, 9/3/09

In just three panels, Duncan Daley has established himself as the single coolest guy in Milford, with:

  • His Sonic Youth t-shirt
  • His single hoop earring
  • His carefully calibrated ambivalence about everything (“It was cool, I guess”, “I guess I pumped a little iron,” “I guess I’ll continue gracing you with my low-key awesomeness”)
  • His not being named “Robb” or “Brock”

Of course, Duncan isn’t that cool on any kind of absolute scale, but the bar is set exceptionally low. I mean, he’s competing against Brock (or Robb, I guess), who, in the third panel, seems insanely eager to track down some cold beers and punch them in the face.

Garfield, 9/3/09

Ha ha! Garfield has left the bloody, half-eaten corpse of a household pet in the refrigerator!

Spider-Man, 9/3/09

Ha ha! Doc Ock is going to “get” Spidey from behind with his “tentacle”!