Comment of the Week

Is Dr. Jeff's 'again’ meant to indicate that he's already (willfully?) forgotten what Mary's told him, or does it display his belief that Wilbur's life is a karmic circle of disasters that are superficially varied but basically the same thing happening to him over and over?

Pozzo

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Mark Trail, 7/15/08

I knew there was something missing from this storyline, and at long last we have it: a heavily armed Cherry Trail! Once she fells the charging moose with her shotgun, it will obviously be time to turn her weapon on the woman who’s tormented the whole expedition with her antics. Then comes the shallow grave, and the Oath of Silence.

Crankshaft, 7/15/08

OK, I’ve come to terms with the fact that we will occasionally be reminded that the Duncans (of Zits) enjoy getting their legally-sanctioned marital freak on, and that the Forths (of Sally Forth) are actually experiencing the joys of intimacy more frequently than usual, what with the baby-making attempts and all. But … but … please don’t make think about the ’Shaft-in-laws getting it on mopily, their owlish glasses clinking against each other as they do it, OK? Please? Please?

Cathy, 7/15/08

July 15, 2008, will go down in history as “the day we saw Irving’s ass crack.” Will the interminable and all-too-frequent “Irving and Cathy try to sort their digital photos” strips be made somehow more palatable, or at least more intriguing, by the knowledge that Irving probably isn’t wearing any pants while they ACK at their laptop? Does the fact that he isn’t wearing pants tells us something about the content of those digital photos? The mind boggles.

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COTW in a moment, but first another exciting photo of a reader in Comics Curmudgeon gear! Today we have faithful reader Gold-Digging Nanny, she of I Found All Six fame, seen here on a very scenic boat ride.

She reports:

We went camping on the Upper Payette Lake over the Fourth of July weekend. We did some hiking and canoeing. I saw a few deer, an osprey, snakes, toads, and Slylock, who wandered into our campground briefly one morning and, we believe, returned the next morning to rummage through our garbage, presumably for clues … As you can see, I took the AJGLU 3000 with me. I brought a computer battery pack for it, but I’m afraid I only got error messages about an “incompatible power supply” and something to do with gerbil wheels.

And now, what you’ve all been waiting for … the comment of the week!

I think I’ll make scampi! See, motherfuckers? I’m this boring, and yet you still read me every day!” –Edward

As you can see, this was a particularly COTW-candidate-rich week:

“I understand that the Vulture’s got some type of anti-gravity gadget and that he wears feathers and a beak and all, but what exactly makes him a super-villain and so difficult for the police to handle? Is it that he inadvertently induces laughing fits? Do the cops start feeling like they’re battling a character from Sesame Street or some Mardi Gras dancer? Are they concerned he might regurgitate armadillo parts all over them?” –PeteMoss

“So one well-documented dinner, two missed ones, and we are at ‘take care of yourself (because I won’t)’? Wow. Not only does Ron ‘not like seafood’ — he doesn’t even want to ‘try the veal.'” –Mel

“I think TJ is a stripper. I would certainly explain the wild outfits and cheery outlook.” –Smash

“I’m beginning to think that Mary Worth is actually Marxist agitprop meant to reveal the disconnected emotional emptiness that necessarily comes from slavish devotion to bourgeois morality. Meanwhile, today’s Gil Thorp (having shed its Brechtian distancing devices in favor a ‘tranche de vie’ naturalism) captures all the energy and excitement of watching baseball on TV. No, I’m not being ironic.” –denny

“Mary Worth: ‘Oh no! I’m being forced to make a decision!’ [CITY COUNCIL EX MACHINA] Mary Worth: ‘Never mind!'” –monsieurjohn

“So is this it for the Mary Worth storyline? After weeks of absurdly improbable newspaper articles, emergency town council meetings, apologetic answering machine messages, mournful thought-ballooning in empty apartments, and, finally, elaborate plans not to go to a seafood restaurant, all we’re left with is ‘Take care of yourself?’ Talk about phoning it in. At least Ron’s mother bit it before she had to sit through a month of Mary Worth’s life.” –Blynneda

“You know, I think Ted Forth just might be the virile love machine he says he is. He has the makings. He’s curious, willing to play with toys, not at all self conscious, open to new ideas and most likely very grateful. I could see him as a power bottom. It’s just the weeping afterwards that would turn most people off.” –Gabacho

“‘Seafood scampi’ = Tuna casserole + a dash of RealLemon + McCormick parsley flakes on top.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“I’m not sure what Jeff is doing now, Mary, but it’s probably 19 and ends in an ‘i.'” –gkl

“Maybe it’s just me, but I enjoyed reading the last panel of FOOB on its own, out of context. If there is a community creating hot gay FOOB fanfic out there somewhere, this panel will be their Abbey Road cover.” –glassonion

“I’ve read the first decade of the Spider-Man comic book. It was hilarious and action-packed, with Peter struggling with all these normal-guy problems AND supervillains at the same time. I particularly remember one where he had to fight Doc Ock, but his suit didn’t fit and his mask kept threatening to fall off … Anyway, newspaper Spider-Man is obviously trying to recreate those days, but they’ve only heard about them second-hand and don’t have any idea how to pull it off. It’s like if somebody heard the Marx Brothers were funny, so they dug up Karl Marx’s moldering corpse and filmed it yelling at the TV.” –Froborr

“What impresses me most about Mary Worth is its chilling ability to make me never want sex again. On certain occasions, it has even made me want to go back and undo all the sex I ever had before.” –Poteet

“I think Anthony’s decision to address John as ‘Dr. P’ is an attempt to Fonzie up his image. Sure, we all know that on his best day he could barely aspire to Potsie, but a man can dream, and so can Anthony. Look for him to start calling April ‘Shortcake’ and responding to all inquiries with his new catchphrase ‘whatever-you-say-a-mundo.’ Fonzie’s trademark double-thumbs-up ‘AYYYYYY!’ will be replaced by ‘eh’ and a barely perceptible shrug.” –Violet

“Unless you want Elly to rip your lungs out, John, and Anthony, if you ever wanna see Liz naked ever, you should both go in and at least offer to help with the wedding. Now, I know, I know, you’ll both screw it up and the women will say, ‘Oh, here, let me do it,’ just like when you make love, but at least this way, they won’t go into an insane rage.” –Jamus The Bartender

“I asked her how she found this place, and she said, ‘I did a Google search for Mary Worth, Old, and Ugly.’” –Cedar, on discovering that her mother was a Comics Curmudgeon reader

“Roger’s a born minion, following the shrieked commands of a deformed lunatic straight into the jaws of death. If this Kelly Welly gig doesn’t work out, he could hire on with Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Or Skeletor.” –Uncle Lumpy

“If used correctly, that oversized portrait of ‘Crankshaft-as-Stalinist-dictator’ could be a most potent form of birth control. Look, if you dare, at that grim visage for a minute. Can’t you feel your sperm count dropping, your ovaries shriveling up, your very will to live — let alone procreate — evaporating utterly? Such is the power of the ’shaft.” –Joe Blevins

“While I did have to check Wikipedia to determine what teal and lavender looked like, I can now confirm that the wedding will resemble the corpse of Easter.” –Foobar

And hey, tip-jar-money-putter-inners, have I told you lately that I love you? Because I do, I do! And I also must give love to my advertisers:

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In what’s becoming a somewhat disturbing trend, I’ve once again been offered a chance to pontificate on the radio, this time on XM sattelite radio, and this time related to my political-cartoon-mocking gig over at Wonkette. At 4:45 p.m. eastern or thereabouts, I will be on the show “1600”, which is on channel 130 (aka “POTUS ’08”), talking about the Foreigns and their political cartoons, or something. (If you don’t have XM, you can go here and sign up for a free trial.) POTUS ’08 is dedicated to covering the nightmare that is the presidential race 24 hours a day, so you can see why it’s only July and they’ve already reached the dire state of having someone talk about drawings on the radio.

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