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Family Circus, 3/10/06

Actually, Dolly, it’s a little known fact that the Pope is named after the eggs. Yes, in an attempt to shore up flagging membership numbers, all future pontiffs will be named after breakfast foods that are determined via focus groups to be widely perceived as delicious. Look for future conclaves to elect Pope Oatmeal, Pope Shredded Wheat, Pope Scrapple, and, in a partnership that will see the CEO of Denny’s appointed to the College of Cardinals, Pope Moons Over My Hammy®.

OK, seriously: B-16 (as I have been trying to get people to call him, to little avail) has been pope for less than a year, and I think this is the second or third “benedict” pun the Family Circus has done. Are the Keanes on the payroll of Opus Dei all of the sudden? Because I think that they could be spending their money more wisely.

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Curtis, 3/9/06

It’s hard to see in that last panel, but for breakfast Curtis is having some … Rapper Puffs!

Isn’t that funny? Like, a rapper-themed cereal? Do the pieces look like … turntables, or … um, big clocks you’d wear around your neck, like Flavor Flav, or … wait, microphones and turntables for MCs or DJs?

Or maybe, like, guns and crap. “Icey-s,” whatever the frick those are. Hell, I don’t know.

Hey, the mascot could be Puff Daddy! You know … Puff Daddy … Rapper Puffs…

Wait, he’s just “Diddy” now, isn’t he? Dammit. I got nothing. Instead, I’m just going to link to a bunch of funny stuff that showed up in the comments, for those of you who don’t read the comments:

• brucker has proved, with a little deft editing, that it is possible to make the current Rex Morgan storyline gayer: check out “Brokeback Hospital,” parts one, two, and three.
• If you’d like to try your hand at this, Scott has created a Flash-based Brokeback Hospital game where you can try to make Rex as gay as he can be.
• Wednesday’s pinball-playing fish inspired Irina to compose a fishy spoof of the Who’s “Pinball Wizard,” which I posted over at the forum, the better to preserve it for posterity (hope you don’t mind, Irina).

Also, faithful reader loudfan‘s now-infamous Mary Worth-“My Humps” mashup has earned her worldwide fame. Hopefully she will not be sued by the combined lawyers of King Features and the Black Eyed Peas.

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OK, so I skipped a day yesterday … so, to make it up, here’s a big mishmosh of stuff from the last couple of days, arright?

Get Fuzzy, 3/7/06

When I was a little kid, I used to think that white people were pink, in the sense that, if I were coloring and I wanted to color in a person who was supposed to be white, I’d reach for the pink crayon. Kinda weird, I know, but I also thought my father was black. (Hey, he has kinky hair and is really swarthy and I didn’t understand genetics, alright?) One day in first grade, this little girl who I had a crush on (to the extent that a six-year-old can understand what a crush is) decided she wanted to color with me, and we were coloring together and then she asked to borrow a pink crayon, and I assumed it was to color one of the people we had drawn, but she started using it to color in the background instead, and then I got upset yelled at her that she wasn’t doing it right, and so she left in a huff. First in a long series of relationships I managed to sabotage from the start. In retrospect, the fact the she herself was black might have had something to do with it. Interracial romance is tough, don’t let anybody tell you different.

Anyway, this may be why my all-time favorite Bucky-deployed anti-Rob slur is “Pinky.” This strip gets special props from me because it manages to use three different variants of the term in four panels.

Gil Thorp, 3/7/06

God damn, but Gil Thorp is awesome. I don’t know what’s wrong with you all that you can’t appreciate it. Where else would you see a high school basketball fan taunt a homeless teen by dressing up as a hobo? North Bend must have a strong drama department, with an emphasis on the Theater of Cruelty.

Mary Worth, 3/8/06

Yeah, she’s a pilot of sorts … the “sort” of pilot who knows how to “fly a plane.” Which is pretty much the usual “sort.” There’s only two possible motivations for Salty Cal’s ripped-from-an-infomercial line in panel two: either he thinks “pilot of sorts” is code for something kinky (and is thus in for a bitter, bitter disappointment) or he’s the first character in the history of Mary Worth who knows how to correctly use sarcasm.

Also, that little sign at the bottom left of panel one, which appears to depict a giant fish playing pinball, is the single greatest bit of incidental art ever to appear in this strip.

Dick Tracy, 3/8/06

I have no idea why this horse is dragging an unconscious German infantry mime through the snow here. I just think it’s funny that Dick Tracy has finally come to terms with the fact that his wrist-phone is no longer cutting-edge technology.

Marvin, 3/8/06

Ha, ha! Marvin’s grandmother thinks Marvin’s grandfather is fat! Oh, that kills me. Really kills me. It makes me feel dead inside. Is this what you have to look forward to after forty years or so of marriage? I can’t wait. The best part is the contrast between her smug smile and his look of utter mortification. I’m surprised she isn’t extending the weigh station metaphor and charging him.

Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, Ned has been weeping one slow-motion, gelatinous tear after another for five straight days:

Also, Rex Morgan? Still gay.

Oh yes, let’s.