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Family Circus, 12/18/05

There’s all sorts of interesting things to say theologically about Sunday’s Family Circus, like about how different manifestations of God fulfill different needs within the human soul, or how monotheistic religions gradually develop an array of more accessible intercessor figures, and blah blah blah. Mostly what I want to point out about this comic is HOLY CRAP GOD’S THRONE IS FRICKIN’ SWEET. Seriously, I want one of those in my house in front of the TV. Though it doesn’t look all that comfortable, seeing as He appears to not be sitting on His Throne so much as standing in His Celestial Witness Box. But still, it’s pimped out. I could do with the mobs of pygmy-sized seraphim singing my praises, too, while I just lean back with my palms extended soaking it all up.

Several people wrote to me claiming that the blinged-out golden G at the top of this piece of omnipotent furniture indicates that God Almighty is a Green Bay Packers fan. Bite your tongue! Green Bay may be one of the oldest teams in the NFL, but God, and presumably His Throne, have existed since before time began, so a certain midwestern football team should just consider itself lucky that it hasn’t heard from the divine legal department regarding trademark infringement. However, the fact that this particular initial adorns the Heavenly Chair confirms what we here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. have known for years, which is that God speaks English.

Note that God’s radiance is very similar to Margo’s. The theological implications of that are frankly way too disturbing for me to dwell on.

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Apartment 3-G, 12/17/05

Now, I was already planning on commenting on today’s Apartment 3-G after reading it in glorious black and white in today’s paper, as God intended. Mostly, I wanted to express my admiration for the awesome glowing radiance around Margo, which is no doubt accompanied by a choir-of-angels-style Ahhhhhhhh, and additionally draw attention to her kinda scrawny legs. But when I logged on to see the strip online, I was stunned and amazed to learn that the King Features coloring gnomes could in fact lower the quality of their work. I mean, look at this hatchet job. Tommie’s hair is now Carrot Top orange; Margo doesn’t just have flesh-colored lips, but flesh-colored eyes; and, most egregiously, her knee-high leopard-print hooker boots are now inexplicably blue. Yeesh.

I like the phrase “blots her lipstick with a fresh hundred-dollar bill.” As opposed to, you know, a old, crumpled one, which wouldn’t cost as much. “Barbara! This hundred dollar bill is Series 2001! Get me one with the current Treasury Secretary’s signature on it immediately!” I also like the fact that Tommie is looking to the left at nothing in particular in panel two. It’s as if she got halfway into yet another self-aggrandizing Margo drama moment and just lost interest.

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Judge Parker, 12/16/05

So apparently Harvard Law School will let you buy one of their sweatshirts even if you haven’t taken the class on sexual harassment law.

(I know, I know: with all that sexy eye-gouging talk the other day, she was just asking for it.)