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Hagar the Horrible, 12/19/05

OK, let’s leave aside the fact that Hagar and Lucky Eddie are Odin-revering pagans and wouldn’t care about this so-called “Christmas” anyway. They could still have themselves a rockin’ solstice party on their boat. A little yule-log worship, a lot of mead, and then some savage pillaging of northern France, burning scores of villages to the ground, killing the men and enslaving the women and children. Should be a hoot!

Mainly, this comic struck me because it’s further proof that major comics artists are stealing my thoughts. Think I’m a paranoid loon? Well, read this article in today’s Baltimore Sun and then decide for yourself. But if you want to see a picture of me in my robe, or of a faithful reader of this blog wearing a lampshade for a hat, you’ll have to go out and lay your hands on a physical copy of the paper. (It’s not too late, Baltimore-area folks!)

Update: Hmm, since last I looked, they’ve added pictures to the online story, so save your 50 cents. (You’re really not going to understand what I’m talking about without looking at it now, so click the link, I beg of you.)

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Family Circus, 12/18/05

There’s all sorts of interesting things to say theologically about Sunday’s Family Circus, like about how different manifestations of God fulfill different needs within the human soul, or how monotheistic religions gradually develop an array of more accessible intercessor figures, and blah blah blah. Mostly what I want to point out about this comic is HOLY CRAP GOD’S THRONE IS FRICKIN’ SWEET. Seriously, I want one of those in my house in front of the TV. Though it doesn’t look all that comfortable, seeing as He appears to not be sitting on His Throne so much as standing in His Celestial Witness Box. But still, it’s pimped out. I could do with the mobs of pygmy-sized seraphim singing my praises, too, while I just lean back with my palms extended soaking it all up.

Several people wrote to me claiming that the blinged-out golden G at the top of this piece of omnipotent furniture indicates that God Almighty is a Green Bay Packers fan. Bite your tongue! Green Bay may be one of the oldest teams in the NFL, but God, and presumably His Throne, have existed since before time began, so a certain midwestern football team should just consider itself lucky that it hasn’t heard from the divine legal department regarding trademark infringement. However, the fact that this particular initial adorns the Heavenly Chair confirms what we here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. have known for years, which is that God speaks English.

Note that God’s radiance is very similar to Margo’s. The theological implications of that are frankly way too disturbing for me to dwell on.

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Apartment 3-G, 12/17/05

Now, I was already planning on commenting on today’s Apartment 3-G after reading it in glorious black and white in today’s paper, as God intended. Mostly, I wanted to express my admiration for the awesome glowing radiance around Margo, which is no doubt accompanied by a choir-of-angels-style Ahhhhhhhh, and additionally draw attention to her kinda scrawny legs. But when I logged on to see the strip online, I was stunned and amazed to learn that the King Features coloring gnomes could in fact lower the quality of their work. I mean, look at this hatchet job. Tommie’s hair is now Carrot Top orange; Margo doesn’t just have flesh-colored lips, but flesh-colored eyes; and, most egregiously, her knee-high leopard-print hooker boots are now inexplicably blue. Yeesh.

I like the phrase “blots her lipstick with a fresh hundred-dollar bill.” As opposed to, you know, a old, crumpled one, which wouldn’t cost as much. “Barbara! This hundred dollar bill is Series 2001! Get me one with the current Treasury Secretary’s signature on it immediately!” I also like the fact that Tommie is looking to the left at nothing in particular in panel two. It’s as if she got halfway into yet another self-aggrandizing Margo drama moment and just lost interest.