Post Content

When I was about 14, my mom urged to me to go down to the local mall because they were looking for teen models. Mortified, I locked myself in my room and didn’t come out for a year. But if I had only listened to her advice, I could be have become a supermodel, instead of wasting my time with distractions like “college” and whatnot. Don’t make the same mistake I did! Remember, if you are the proud owner of some Comics Curmudgeon gear, just photograph yourself wearing it and send the pic to me to join the rotating cast of models in the left-hand navbar. You could be the first to appear sporting a jaunty Fence Post Frank hat (after you become the first to buy one — you people are all talk).

The observant among you have already noted that we’ve added a new model to the mix: that’s the future Mrs. C.’s brother showing his Apartment 3-G pride. And hey, NYC-area ladies: he’s single! So if you’re living in an apartment in Manhattan with two adventure-loving roommates, he can add exciting new plotlines to your slow-moving life.

Post Content

Family Circus, 3/14/05

I’ll make a deal with those people who think that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in front of courthouses and other government buildings in the United States: I’ll go along with the idea, as long as we can alter the existing ten, and add new ones, based on the wacky utterances of cartoon characters. Sound fair? Here’s some suggestions:

The third commandment: “Observe the sabbath day, to keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. Also, the LORD hateth Mondays; so shall you hate them as well.”

The sixth commandment: “Neither shall you commit adultery, unless advised to do so by Mary Worth.”

The eleventh commandment: “If thy husband, or thy girl-child, or thy coworker or boss shall engage you in banter, thou shalt show your appreciation for the verbal byplay with a facial expression that is ‘sly.'”

The seventeenth commandment: “Shun thee the harlot; for she is a gig, she is roadside. She shall be nothing more to thee than a sexual playtoy, though thou probably should not mention that to thy dentist. Once she has journeyed to that place, there is no way for her to return.”

The twenty-third commandment: “More zippers, mule!”

Incidentally, what exactly is going on in this panel? Is dad quizzing Dolly on the Ten Commandments? Is he going to get all “false witness” on her ass the next time “Not Me” shows up?

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/13/05

I think we need to go a little easier on no-bucks Buck the grad student and his Arafat-esque perpetual stubble. In this sequence, we can see that, in addition to some antibiotics for his filthy wound, June has apparently lent Buck one of her husband’s razors: his face in panel one is so smooth that he looks like a teenage girl headed for her first Pat Benetar concert, circa 1983. Yet mere moments later, those baby-butt-smooth cheeks look more like the saggy tuckus of your fiftysomething Uncle Larry, which is to say: covered with hair. Clearly he’s got some sort of glandular condition and doesn’t deserve our constant mockery.

On the other hand, he could very easily push those stray hairs out of his face. I can only guess that he’s hoping that they’ll drive Mrs. Dr. M. crazy and that she’ll eventually gently move them aside for him … their touch will be electric and she’ll suddenly been overwhelmed by the feelings of loneliness, the aching, the longing … fortunately for all concerned, Fence Post Frank is there to chaperone. Unless he’s busy burying little what’s-her-face, who we haven’t seen in quite a while, in the backyard with all the other skeletons.