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Mary Worth, 11/17/04

It’s now obvious that Mary Worth is an addict. She’s not addicted to crystal meth, like some people we could mention, of course. No, hers is a more psychological addiction. In today’s strip, we learn that Mary Worth is addicted to drama.

The King Features marketing blather about Mary Worth says “The reader is asked to remember that Mary Worth stories are not about Mary. They are about a continuing parade of people who enter Mary’s life.” You know: cranky old restaurateurs, violent English professors and the co-eds who love them, tweakers. This bit of ad copy glosses over an important fact, though: how does it just happen that all this fascinating human pageantry takes place in Mary’s apartment complex?

Now we see the truth: kindly old Mary Worth is really a Machiavellian puppet master, callously using her deep insights into human nature to manipulate her neighbors into deeply inadvisable courses of action. In today’s strip, Mary is urging one of her neighbors to go after a married man. There’s no other way to interpret this. Oh, sure, she’s covering her tracks with “not as a romantic pursuit,” but really, how many of you would receive a phone call from an old flame telling you that you were someone he or she “still cares and thinks about” and not think the worse (or best, depending on your point of view)? For God’s sake, look at her face! Look at the way she’s crossing her scheming fingers! She’s practically salivating at the thought of the romantic carnage she’s about to unleash! Oh, the shame!

Incidentally, here’s another fun line from the King Features site: “Contrary to popular belief, Mary Worth is not a continuation of the Depression Era favorite Apple Mary.” Never has the word “popular” been so sorely misused.

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I know it’s been a while, but I do have some winners in my Pick A More Appropriate Poem For This Herb and Jamaal Comic contest. First off, the multitalented Dalton provides a lovely bit of blank verse that he composed itself. It makes significantly more sense now:

I also have to give Jim Treacher credit (or, as they say in Herb and Jamaal, “props”) for creating a version that makes even less sense than the original, but is still funnier:

I’m just little weirded out that they both used the same font.

It’s been a while since I’ve done Unnerving Search Term watch, so here’s a big batch: “Hagar the Horrible insurance,” “couldn’t think of anything funny zing,” “asians in doonesbury comics of 1988,” “george soros james bond supervillain,” “what is a passive aggressor,” “skewered tits google search,” “comic strip beetle bailey stupid jerk” (that’s telling ’em!), “12 gauge mp3 and donkey butt,” “crystal meth poem” (“I think that I shall never see/A poem as lovely as a big brown paper bag full of sweet, sweet meth”), “self reliance sue for alimony gaining freedom” (um, I hope you found another, more helpful site), “rex morgan nude,” “comic strip yogurt priceless,” and “jack elrod shouting.” Also, some linkbacks go to salieri, Bill Peschel, My Brilliant Mistakes, winneroftheSAT, the archenemy blog, and Cyber Chocolate. And finally, apologies to the poor soul who somehow came here from Allsexwebcams.com, and who was no doubt very, very disappointed.

Oh, also! Very important! Because I’ve been so slack in posting, I almost didn’t have a chance to point you to the Baltimore Sun’s new comic ballot! Go to http://www.baltimoresun.com/newcomics and vote for five comics that you might want to see in the Sun (and, by extension, in IRTCSYDHT). I don’t have any guidance for you this time, except that I like Get Fuzzy. But you should clearly pick whatever you want to see mocked. Today (Tuesday, November 16) is the last day for voting, so hurry!

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/16/04

Do you ever read a comic and get the feeling that you’re just missing something? Like, is there a connection between a stovepipe hat and cleaning a chimney that I’m missing? Is the fact that she’s cleaning the chimney part of the joke, or is it just an arbitrary chore that the artist picked out, and it the strip would be just as “funny” if Maw were sloppin’ the hogs or darnin’ socks or whatever the hell it is she does with her time? Would I get this if I lived in the heartland and actually did an honest day’s work around the house myself, instead of hiring a migrant chimney sweep like the Chardonnay-swilling member of the liberal elite that I am?

Like most Americans — heck, I’ll go out on a limb and say most people — the first thing I think when seeing a hat like that is “Abraham Lincoln.” Maybe it would be funnier if Maw were saving the union or something, though you’d think that being a proponent of the Union cause would get you tarred an’ feathered in place like Hootin’ Holler.