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Panels from Fox Trot, Get Fuzzy, and Pearls Before Swine, 4/1/05

OK, to answer the question that you’ve all asked me: It was an April Fool’s joke. Or maybe it’s an April Fool’s “joke,” since the strips aren’t really that funny; I suppose the joke is that all three are identical. Woe to the person who only gets one of these strips in their paper. Get Fuzzy gets bonus points for using the word “piehole.”

Anyway, I go so much email about this that I thought I ought to address it, but what I really care about is Rex Morgan’s obviously undiagnosed manic depression.

Thank God he’s not one of the 45 million Americans without health insurance, because he’s going to need a lot of meds.

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Apartment 3-G, 3/31/05

Generous? Generous? For the love of God, no!

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For Better Or For Worse, 3/30/05

The baby-pimping horror doesn’t end here, though. Not by a long shot.

For $75, you earn the right to take the little angel to next year’s “Take Your Child To Work Day” and earn the cooing adoration of all your coworkers.

For $250, you can give this precious gift from God the name of a beloved, deceased relative. For the corporate rate of $400, you can christen the precious darling with the name of your newest product as part of your marketing strategy.

For $800, this delightful child will, from the ages of seven to fourteen, be legally bonded to you and your heirs as an indentured servant, cleaning your home, cooking your dinner, and doing whatever other light manual labor you may require.

For $1,500, you get to eat the baby.