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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/13/21

Hello, Rex Morgan readers! In your desperate attempt to grab onto anything of even slight interest in this comic strip, anything at all with a little texture to it, have you ever thought that graphic novelist and writer’s block afflictee Kyle Vidpa had a kind of interesting name? One that had a little more ethnic flavor than your Morgans and your Wises and whatever bland WASP-y thing Jordan and Michelle’s last name probably is, which I refuse to look up? Well, bad news: “Kyle” “Vidpa” is actually named “Jake Rowling.” Ha ha, get it, it’s too close to J.K. Rowling, so he had to pick something else! Anyway, real respect to this strip for dragging this out over eight panels, can’t wait to see how many days of board games we have ahead of us for the rest of the week.

Crankshaft, 6/13/21

RIPPED FROM TODAY’S HEADLINES, or at least from the headlines from three months ago, which is honestly pretty good for syndicated newspaper comics: it’s today’s Crankshaft! The most interesting thing here from my point of view is how utterly miserable the ‘Shaft looks at having completely blocked up all global commerce in his dreamscape as a result of his usual antics. Does this mean that he doesn’t take joy in his careless driving, as I always assumed, but that he’s actually tortured over it? This is my favorite new piece of information that I’ve gotten all week!

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Shoe, 6/12/21

OK, first thing’s first: any legacy comics artist convinced they’re going to be on the cutting edge with a cryptocurrency joke has to acknowledge that Snuffy Smith did it first more than six years ago, and, frankly, did it better. Second, if Mort’s new proposed “alternatives for money” aren’t based on distributed computing and the blockchain, then he’s just trading one kind of fiat currency for another! Sure, he could print his own novelty CorpseBux or whatever that customers could trade for funerary services add-ons, but as long as they’re pegged to the dollar, his mortuary business is still under the tyrannical thumb of the Federal Reserve and the Bilderberg Group.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/12/21

For the past week, Harry Dinkle and his wife have been going on and on about his plan to attend a big band directors’ conference in Pasadena. Every day it was annoying, but every day when I was tempted to write about it here, I thought “No, I’m gonna hold out, I bet it gets worse.” Folks, I’m proud that my restraint means I get to present you with … this. Enjoy your weekend!

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Rosy-fingered dawn is here, and she’s brought the comment fo the week!

“Diane is cosplaying and posing for no one in particular, and the boys are backlit while she isn’t. The only way this makes sense is if Chip and Boy Not Named in Wiki Entry are in the dark garage watching a projected slideshow of potential girls to be rejected by.” –Lee Sherman

She’s brought these fun runners up as well!

“If the Mitchells would stop gossiping about their friends and coworkers in front of Dennis, they’d have something to talk about when he’s not around.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Why should Marvin care about reading books? His generation will all experience, say, The Count of Monte Cristo in virtual reality, with the words beamed directly into their brains from their iPads or something. Best of all, no one will know his actual body is pooping the whole time.” –BigTed

“Maybe you lost your watch inside a patient. I haven’t known you all that long, but seems pretty in-character.” –Pozzo

“Marvin’s family is grotesque in any number of ways, but I’ll say this for them: they’ve never forced their unwilling friends to hear about their wife’s failed attempts to spark up their dead marriage with a bit of adult-baby play, unlike some people.” –Schroduck

“I appreciate that Marvin’s grandparents are playing a game named for both a food and an orifice. It fits the theme” –Mr. A

“If it takes you a minute to realize that that punchline is supposed to be wordplay, you’re probably reading Crankshaft.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I love the idea that this guy’s parents are sitting just out of frame, patiently waiting to spend time with their son while he stares captivated at a phonebook-sized letter he won’t even open. ‘Seriously, your mom is starting to get really upset…’ ‘Just five more minutes, honey. I just want to smell the stamps a bit more.’” –pugfuggly

“Drew today: ‘What has become of my cherished watch, which my dying mother gave me before she passed away?’ Drew last week: ‘Hey, what happened to my Rolex™?’” –jroggs

“Beetle, you know what is also copyrighted? The character played by William Holden in Stalag 17! But satirical works enjoy an exception to copyright, and let us be very clear that satirical does not necessarily mean ‘funny.’” –Ettorre

“Drew: ‘She was buried in a matching watch.’
Ashlee: [grabbing shovel] ‘Go on.’” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“At this point, Crankshaft wakes up, tangled in his sweaty sheets, gasping for air. ‘What a nightmare!’ he thinks. ‘Me, on a date? Having a heartfelt conversation? Horrible! I should’ve known. Since when have there been drive-in movie theaters, and since when were movies abstract pencil drawings on a white background? Well, at least now I know I’m not too old to dream.’” –made of wince

“So apparently if I see a bird-man with an aggressive pompadour, a Reservoir Dog suit, and a one-ball scrotum hanging under his beak I’m supposed to think ‘carpenter’ rather than ‘one of nature’s more tragic mistakes.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Are women after Chads or are they just golddiggers? Dustin enters the hottest debate in /r/incel history!” –Jerp+Jump

“A teenage boy who’s completely bald except for a single tuft of curly hair growing out of his forehead (?!) might need to lower his standards a bit if he considers ‘conventionally attractive girl who’s a little too into the Red Sox’ beneath him. Or honestly even if he doesn’t.” –Dan

“I’m just relieved Ashlee is wearing flip-flops so she doesn’t get tetanus from that sofa.” -Malaclypse

“You can Tell Ashlee’s on hard times because not only is her wall plaster and couch all torn up, she can’t even afford color for her apartment. Not to get all socialist about it but you have to ask whether she would have turned to petty larceny if she hadn’t been reduced to life in a greyscale flophouse while the residents of Santa Royale luxuriate in their vibrant washes of salmon and ochre.” –BananaSam

“Nice rendering of the down-at-the-heels People’s Clinic. I guess it’s Shithole Week at Mary Worth.” –Ned Ryerson

“Drew has two practices: the hospital, where he draws money from an exploitative healthcare system, and the People’s Clinic, where he draws money from people’s charitable donations. If Ashlee just hangs with him awhile, she could learn a thing or two.” –richardf8

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