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Crankshaft, 10/1/18

So I guess this lady is in fact one of Crankshaft’s classmates — one of, as this tiny set of plates indicates, a fast dwindling number. I have literally no handle on any of the interpersonal dynamics going on here. Why is Crankshaft so resistent to acknowledging that he and Mary are a romantic item? Why is Mary so eager for people to know that she’s linked herself, sexually and presumably emotionally, to Ed Crankshaft, one of the most hateful men alive? Why is Darla Gillespie smiling at this interaction? Surely you don’t expect me to believe that she feels anything positive about Crankshaft or his romantic situation.

Six Chix, 10/1/18

Shout out, I guess, to Six Chix not having the alien actually saying this to someone wearing lederhosen, which is what I’d expect for a joke like this but it wouldn’t make any sense, because, why would he need to be taken to it? It’s right there! Much less of a shoutout to Six Chix for not knowing what other kinds of southern German garb to use, though. Dirndls! Dirndls are what you’re looking for. Maybe you think you’ve drawn a dirndl here, but trust me, you very much have not.

Dick Tracy, 10/1/18

There’s a whole “Ugly Crystal is meeting her biological dad” plot in Dick Tracy storyline going on right now that I extremely don’t care about, but I find it very, very funny that (a) for some reason personal medical information is being delivered to the police station instead of these people’s homes and (b) Dick seems to have casually opened one of the envelopes. Don’t like it, kid? Whaddya gonna do, call the cops?

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/30/18

I don’t mean to sound like a speciesist or a “H. sapiens dead-ender,” but it’s sad that the Animals managed to overthrow and destroy our civilization despite being clearly unable to create a new and better culture of their own, instead just mimicking the humans who came before them to the best of their understanding, which often isn’t all that good. For instance, the new regime was aware that the late human economy was in large part driven by an overly credulous class of investors who would throw money at any STEM major willing to spin a narrative of bullshit about “disruption” and “innovation” without doing any kind of due diligence, but they apparently regard this is as a necessary aspect of the system rather than one of the factors in its decline. They also thought that this role would best be played by literal fat cats, since they don’t understand metaphors.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/30/18

Sorry, Crazy Harry! Komix Korner is in the Funkyverse, where the only permissable emotions are mounting anxiety and heavy-lidded ennui. Cease all expressions of joy at once!

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The Lockhorns, 9/29/18

Congrats to the syndicate colorists who successfully researched and reproduced the New York Jets’ team colors in this panel! Also, since the Lockhorns feel like a very Long Island family to me, Leroy’s fandom makes sense, geographically and (I can say this as a similarly long-suffering Bills fan) spiritually. Anyway, my main point here is despite the best stabs at accuracy from everyone involved, Leroy still looks like Mario’s brother Luigi, which is fairly comical and probably not helping the Jets in their quixotic quest for a winning 2018 season.

Pluggers, 9/29/18

Despite appearances, this isn’t an old man looking forward to some wholesome quality time with his grandson. That’s the smile of a skillful Monopoly shark who’s finally gotten to the stage of the grift when he says, “Say, why don’t we try betting some big money on this one, champ?”

Family Circus, 9/29/18

“Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets — I just wish it weren’t on a weekend, O Lord.” I wouldn’t have called it in advance, but seeing a St. Augustine/Taxi Driver mashup in the Family Circus just feels right.