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Funky Winkerbean, 8/8/18

So Funky has to go get Holly’s mom in Florida for complex reasons that I’ll probably have to explain at some point if I want to make fun of this strip in the next several weeks but let’s just set them aside at this point, and he’s leaving his dumb stepson Cory (I think he’s his stepson? I’ve never actually been clear on this point) in charge of Montoni’s while he’s away. I’m assuming the joke here is that Cory is trying to relate to his stepdad using awful wordplay, which is the preferred method of establishing intimacy in Westview, but Funky is just getting madder and madder because he never liked Cory and he never will. But it would be much funnier if Cory were trying to convince Funky to roll out his million-dollar idea for a new product, “Pizza Cake,” which the family then sinks all its money into promoting only to discover that Cory has just accidentally reinvented Chicago-style pizza and none of the right-thinking citizens of northeast Ohio want anything to do with it.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/8/18

Our fellas are laffin’ it up, but they’re also expressing a genuine frustration about life in Hootin’ Holler: in the absence of a widely accepted system of impartial justice, disputes in this hardscrabble region are settled by the power wielded by interlocking kinship groups, and frequently escalate into violent feuds. Lukey and Snuffy live in a world where no relationship with another person is allowed to be merely tepid or neutral: either someone is your dearest friend who you would defend, literally, to the death, or a hated enemy who must be defeated, all based on an argument that happened in a saloon three generations ago.

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Hagar the Horrible, 8/7/18

Eddie, I’m sorry to report that, while ants don’t have organs that are homologous to human ears, they do have what’s called a subgenual organ, located below the ant’s femur and tibia leg joint, that can detect vibrations and thus help the ant detect and interpret most of what we think of as sound. If it makes you feel any better, though, ants can’t understand language, not even cruel insults, and neither do they have the sort of grasp of cause and effect that would allow them to construct a weird narrative loop where you come up with an answer to the question meant to shield you from the cutting response to that very answer.

Mark Trail, 8/7/18

Wow, Rusty’s finally figured out that maybe people don’t like it when you “translate” their weird foreign name into your language when you talk to them? But in case you’re worried this strip is getting too “politically correct,” it only occurred to Rusty that Jo(s)e was Mexican when he became comically sleepy.

Dennis the Menace, 8/7/18

There’s nothing more menacing than acting out not because you’re angry, not even because you’re cruel, but because you’re a bottomless pit of need and can feel no emotion other than a thrumming voice that yells WHY AREN’T THEY LOOKING AT ME.

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Spider-Man, 8/6/18

Actually, there’s a wide variety of apps out there that can help you learn a second language on your own — Duolingo’s the most popular, but it’s an area where there’s a whole lot of competition. Of course, if you live in an predominantly immigrant neighborhood where you still speak your native tongue on an everyday basis and don’t have much chance to practice the language you’re learning on an everyday basis, you might come off a little stilted; still, you have to admit that, while Claw sometimes chooses a big word where a small one will do, any English-speaker will be able to understand him easily. How’s your Cantonese, anyway, Peter?

Family Circus, 8/6/18

About 10 years ago, I watching the Wizard of Oz with my niece, who was about 8 or 9 at the time, and in the very first scene that takes place in Oz, she said, “Look, Uncle Josh, you can tell they filmed this inside” — and it’s true! It’s really quite obvious it’s on a set. I had a sad moment of thinking “oh no, the kids today are too media savvy to enjoy this movie,” but then she followed up with “–and that’s how you know this is a magical land that they’re in!” It really warmed my heart that she had actually constructed this elaborate theory of the film’s visual semiotics that allowed her enjoy it all the more. Another generation was still going to find itself enraptured by this wonderful movie! Anyway, like I said, that was a decade ago, and all I can say seeing this panel is: welp, we had a good run.

Gil Thorp, 8/6/18

“They’re sure a lot more pleasant than the public school kids I spend most of my time with! Those priests are still allowed to beat some respect into them, I guess.”