"This outpouring of Anti-Dutch sentiment in Dennis's classroom is justified. The world watched in horror as the newly-proclaimed Greater Dutch Rijk flouted all treaties and agreements, brutally annexing Belgium, Luxembourg and parts of Normandy. A true menace always goes through Belgium." --Gen. von Buxhoevden
June and Heather have spent the past several days discussing the fact that Heather loves June’s new baby and wants to have a baby but is married to a man vanishing into Alzheimer’s and thus will never have a baby and is very sad about it. But remember, Heather isn’t just a sad Scottish ex-nanny with a senile husband; she’s also a criminal conspirator who has masterminded schemes of corporate skullduggery not once but twice. She is going to feel zero moral qualms about kidnapping that baby the moment June leaves the room, is what I’m saying.
This is a joke about … STDs, maybe? “Bad colds” being code for “herpes”? That’s the joke? Or maybe the joke is “Francis thinks it’s OK to say ‘My new girlfriend is always kissing me! Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!’ to his mother, which isn’t a ‘joke’ so much as a ‘nightmare from which we will never wake.’”
Dennis the Menace, 1/27/16
There are few things more unsettlingly menacing than spending hours each night poring over old Calvin and Hobbes strips and then passing off the behavior you’re carefully mimicking as “naturally weird.”
Hi and Lois, 1/27/16
See, you thought the joke of this cartoon was going to be that these little kids unthinkingly reminded the old man that he would be dead soon, but in fact the joke is that they’ve reminded him of the many terrible, terrible things he’s seen and done. It’s nice when a long-standing feature like Hi and Lois can keep you guessing!
One of the low-key weirder details out of many in this Olive storyline in Mary Worth is that Olive’s parents are vaguely implied to be bad and neglectful because they can’t stopgetting their fuck on. And now Mary’s aggression on this subject is getting a lot less passive! “You two love birds keep doing what you’re doing, which is enjoying the physical aspects of the sex act without true emotional intimacy! We have things under control here, unlike you, who can’t even control your engorged genitals!”
Speaking of shameful lusts, Momma’s recent strips that seem to accidentally be about incest have been so weird and disturbing that today’s installment, in which Francis has literally twisted himself into a sexual frenzy as he stares at a parade of hot ladies out his mother’s front window, is a relief, in that none of those hot ladies is his sister.
At least there’s no overt sexuality in today’s Curtis! No, Greg’s soul isn’t stirred by lust or passion of any sort. It’s not because commercialism is any worse today than it used to be, it’s just because years of adulthood have crushed his spirit and now he can’t feel.
This is probably the last day you can order it and be sure it’ll arrive in time for Christmas, so get those orders in soon. Thank you very much!
I love that Momma is getting eye-poppingly furious about Francis’s inadequacies while she’s reading the newspaper, which is presumably full of material not all related to her youngest son’s employment or marital status. I’m genuinely curious as to what triggered this episode. “Terrorists … murderers … corrupt politicians … and almost all of them have jobs and families! How dare Francis do this to me? How dare he?”
Did you want to spend the weekend thinking about Crankshaft’s painfully swollen anus? Well, too bad, because now you’re going to anyway!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/18/15
Mary Beth is sad that her little brother is already absorbing and conforming to the particularly toxic construct of masculinity that prevails in Hootin’ Holler.
Six Chix, 12/18/15
Hmm, how can we reboot the Santa mythos to make it more in tune with today’s audiences? Add an elf who gets the job done by just straight-up murdering people? OK!