Main content:

Comics archive! Judge Parker

Tuesday quickies

Gasoline Alley, 11/24/15

“The turkey — ’cause it’s had all its organs removed and replaced with bread crumbs! Gobble! Gobble! I’m a walking corpse! Gobble! Gobble!” [audience continues roaring with laughter]

Judge Parker, 11/24/15

I’ve never read the Fountainhead, but this is pretty much what I imagine all the sex scenes are like.

Archie, 11/24/15

Oh, do you think these Archie newspaper comics are just endlessly recycled reruns from the 1990s? Well, what about the dead-eyed teen girl in panel three with the current year on her shirt, huh? Checkmate, doubter!

Haha, it’s funny because of the violent carnage

Hagar the Horrible, 11/10/15

You know, we spend a lot of time watching Hagar and his Viking band destroying other people’s homes, so it’s about time we get some payback and see all of his worldly possessions, and possibly his terrified family, go up in flames. I feel strongly enough about this that I’m willing to accept Attila the Hun being the perpetrator, even though that’s about 500 years and 1,500 miles away from historical accuracy.

Mary Worth and The Phantom, 11/10/15

Haha, one of these people is a lot more interested in extending this relationship than the other one! “Uh, thanks for the ride, have fun with your actual friends!” “Here’s my number! I’ll be here for weeks! Call me about anything! An-y-thing.

Judge Parker, 11/10/15

Oh, whew, Sam and Abbey don’t have to figure out how to get rid of the RV that they bought for a song and then suddenly got bored with. It’s going to serve as Neddy’s dowry!

Friday highs and lows

Judge Parker, 11/6/15

Good news, Neddy! Remember that beauty queen Hank was dating, an arbitrarily established narrative roadblock for you having your way with him? We’ll, she’s gone now, without any of us ever having seen her, through some backstory we haven’t discussed, because why bother? There’s nothing to come between you and his hard-hatted, mulletted charms anymore! All the Spencer girls will be getting everything they want, in the sex department, along with all other departments!

B.C., 11/6/15

Wow, look at Curls’s facial expression in panel two. That’s not the face of a man engaging in a long-running, well-established B.C. gag where Clumsy sticks his head in the water to watch fish swim by. That’s the face of man who’s found his dead friend face down in a frozen river. It’s not like the water flash-froze, either; he drowned long before that.