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Bizarro, 7/28/26

Well, I’m excited to see that Bizarro’s Crash Test Dummies Stories weren’t just for Uncle Lumpy; now we’re fully into week two and things are getting dark. What do you mean you’re comparing your beloved to a brick wall, the very thing you and she are hurled painfully against over and over again day after day, and what do you mean she’s purring in delight at the comparison? Can’t believe they put this in the newspaper where anyone could see it, if anyone read the newspaper.

Gil Thorp, 7/28/26

Speaking of things that are still happening, the wedding of Gil Thorp is still happening in Gil Thorp, and today we learn that Marty Moon has finished his transformation from boring-ass high school sports radio reporter to multi-hyphenate content creator and influencer by becoming a DJ. Sorry if the first dance at your wedding is ruined by the DJ shouting “I’m [reggaeton airhorn] DJ MOON” every 15 seconds, but Marty has a #brand to maintain and/or establish.

Hi and Lois, 7/28/26

I really enjoy the drawing of Lois in panel one here, an asymmetrical close-up that lets you see how her face is assembled out of a series of curves. I also like how unsettled she looks in panel two. Does the suffering of some people bring profit to others? Is that truly the world we’re living in?

Archie, 7/28/26

A fun thing you realize reading Archie comics as an adult is that, despite the fact that their target audience is teenagers, a lot of them are actually about how teenagers are annoying and kind of stupid.

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Gil Thorp, 6/23/26

I love the abrupt emotional turn Gil takes in panel three: he lowers his sunglasses over his eyes to hide the flash of anger, but we can still see the bitter scowl on his face. Jet fuel is a miracle, making it possible for machines to hurtle through the air at hundreds of miles an hour and bringing the world within reach of ordinary people in just a few hours. Major geopolitical actors have been unable to resolve their disputes peacefully and have disrupted the flow of this amazing substance, raising the price of air travel beyond many people’s ability to pay, and frankly, it makes Gil sick just to think about it.

Archie, 6/23/26

Cell phones may have destroyed human attention spans, filled public spaces with inescapable, annoying noise, and even sabotaged our species’s ability to reproduce itself, but at least we no longer have to suffer the indignity of missing a phone call as depicted in this 1990s Archie rerun, so who’s to say if they’re good or bad?

Luann, 6/23/26

Look, I dunno man, Brad and Toni are still having sex in the shower, right here in the funny pages in front of the children, so what am I supposed to do, not tell you about it? I do kind of like how prominent Brad’s wedding ring is in panel one. They’re married so this series of erotic drawings is tasteful and wholesome, actually.

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Archie, 6/6/26

I guess the joke here is that Archie, who we mostly know through his romantic misadventures but who is in many ways still a boy, likes Ninja Turtles cereal, this being a rerun from the ’90s or ’00s when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were popular (not going to bother checking those dates, life’s too short), and the household caters to his culinary whims, much to his father’s distress. I do like Archie’s mom’s facial expression in the last panel. “Ha ha, he says he won’t eat it, but he’s gonna eat it. What’s he going to do, go shopping himself and pick out his own cereal? I don’t fuckin’ think so.”

Blondie, 6/6/26

There’s a lot of sad stuff you see in Blondie and I guess I should be inured to it by now, but I’m sorry, this is among the saddest. Blondie is clutching her hands together with a forced look of joy on her face and telling her daughter about how wonderful her third date with her husband was, but in her thought balloon we can see she clearly thought she was going to be doing some light making out on this park bench but is horrified and disappointed to discover that young Dagwood has simply collapsed into some kind of meat coma, and now she can’t decide if she should just get up and leave him there or what. I was going to make a joke about how she should be a flapper in the flashback, but the whole scenario is so grim that I simply don’t have the energy.