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Archie, 6/6/26

I guess the joke here is that Archie, who we mostly know through his romantic misadventures but who is in many ways still a boy, likes Ninja Turtles cereal, this being a rerun from the ’90s or ’00s when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were popular (not going to bother checking those dates, life’s too short), and the household caters to his culinary whims, much to his father’s distress. I do like Archie’s mom’s facial expression in the last panel. “Ha ha, he says he won’t eat it, but he’s gonna eat it. What’s he going to do, go shopping himself and pick out his own cereal? I don’t fuckin’ think so.”

Blondie, 6/6/26

There’s a lot of sad stuff you see in Blondie and I guess I should be inured to it by now, but I’m sorry, this is among the saddest. Blondie is clutching her hands together with a forced look of joy on her face and telling her daughter about how wonderful her third date with her husband was, but in her thought balloon we can see she clearly thought she was going to be doing some light making out on this park bench but is horrified and disappointed to discover that young Dagwood has simply collapsed into some kind of meat coma, and now she can’t decide if she should just get up and leave him there or what. I was going to make a joke about how she should be a flapper in the flashback, but the whole scenario is so grim that I simply don’t have the energy.

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B.C., 5/30/26

Look, I’m not a scientist, and I’m also not brave enough to have “how do turtles have sex” left in my Google image search history, but I know enough to know they don’t get inside each other’s shells. Their shells are part of them! That’d be gross! It wouldn’t be sexy at all! Also, I enjoy that you can tell in panel one that lady turtle did in fact wax her shell. It’s not just a pick-up line, it was inspired by actual events.

Andy Capp, 5/30/26

“But thanks to Brexit, we no longer have to worry about awkward cross-cultural encounters with dastardly Europeans like these! Now to take a big sip of room temperature beer and check out how the economy of our port city, dependent as it is on imports and exports, has been doing since we left the common market that all our close neighbors belong to.”

Archie, 5/30/26

Not a big fan of that detailed, close-up look at Mr. Weatherbee’s face in panel three! Don’t like it one bit, actually! It’s gonna haunt my nightmares for weeks!

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Archie, 5/28/26

I think it’s very funny that Jughead is first forbidden from playing the drums in … his room, I suppose? … and then decides that the next good place to do it is in the living room right next to where his father is trying to read the paper. I don’t like the idea of Jughead as a musician generally — it requires dedication and the motivation to practice your craft, something that I simply don’t think is in line with his character — but I do appreciate that move.

Crankshaft, 5/28/26

Hey, remember last week when I said Crankshaft was going so far up its own narrative ass that it was at risk for tearing the fabric of the Funkyverse apart? Well, it’s happening. It’s happening! Ed’s about to get vaporized by a blast wave of Hawking radiation and I think that’s swell.