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Archie, 4/16/25

I can’t even keep track anymore of when these Archie reruns originated, and whether the coloring actually dates from that era or was added in years or decades later. All I know is that Mr. Weatherbee with his black shirt and bright red tie looks like he’s the keyboardist from some new wave band that had a cult following in clubs in the Lower East Side in the late ’70s and early ’80s before having an unexpected MTV hit with a semi-novelty song in 1984, and then their label made them do a big national tour and they wanted to play all the songs they’d written and that their real fans loved but all the dumb MTV teens who came to their shows just wanted them to play their big hit, which they had kind of grown to loathe at that point, and eventually the keyboardist snapped and started attacking the MTV teens with hammers.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/16/25

Imagine this scenario: a Viking band descends on a ducal castle somewhere on the coast of Normandy or the Low Countries. The Duke’s retinue is defeated in combat, his wealth plundered, his family slain. His army has been decimated, meaning he can no longer enforce his rule on the local peasants, so his few remaining soldiers drift away, demoralized and unpaid, leaving him alone in his ruined castle, burning for revenge. Eventually he abandons his fief altogether and buys passage with what little wealth he has left on a boat heading to the savage northern lands. Traveling alone with just his sword, he hunts down the chieftain whose attack upended his whole privileged life, determined to kill him and reclaim whatever goods he can, only to eventually discover him living in a modest hut and holding what remains of the duke’s treasure in contempt. Pretty grim stuff! I never saw The Northman, but I’m going to pretend this is what it was about.

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Blondie, 3/8/25

Blondie’s longstanding addiction to obscure holiday themed strips and comics crossovers has achieved an uneasy peace today with its searing hatred of internationalism. Sure, this is a diverse group of women, from America, Australia, Themyscira, Viking-era Norway, the … land of fairy tales where some women are birds? … and so forth, but at least we’re not giving into the U.N. one-world government types and calling it “International Women’s Day”! It’s simply “Women’s Day,” like it was originally when the holiday was first celebrated right here in the USA by [checks notes] the Socialist Party of America oh no oh no oh no

Dick Tracy, 3/8/25

Wait, you’re telling me that the guy with the incompetent nephews … is himself an incompetent nephew? How many layers of nephews are we going to go through in this story??? It’s just like the old saying goes: truly the uncle ….. has become the nephew now.

Archie, 3/8/25

I genuinely enjoy the look on Hot Dog’s face in the third panel here. “Why are you involving me in your web of complex human lies and betrayals? I’m a dog! I truly dislike it!”

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Dick Tracy, 3/5/25

“You telling me this guy died poor or alone, or maybe under strange circumstances so his family doesn’t know he’s dead and can’t claim him? Sounds like a real piece of human garbage to me. Shame he’s dead so I can’t kill him. I take consolation in the fact that I can still shoot him.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/5/25

I kind of like the fact that the older bird-ladies of Mother Goose and Grimm have tenuous boyfriends rather than being honestly married. Sure, they’re playing the field, but they’re not going to get tied down to a guy if he sucks. And these guys suck, is the joke in like every single strip about them.

Archie, 3/5/25

Check out how genuinely stricken Mr. Weatherbee looks in the third panel here. He really could’ve died! Ms. Beazley’s food is extremely dangerous!