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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: SQUID

Mark Trail, 4/15/07

Let it never be said that the Sunday Mark Trail strips aren’t educational and informative. Without them, I’d probably still view elephants as gentle, endangered herbivores rather than the murderous, yam-poaching menaces that they are. Today, I learned that, despite all my assumptions and common sense, great herds of squid can and occasionally do leap out of the water in precise, Olympic-synchronized-swimming-quality formation. It’s a good thing I learned this in the safe confines of the comics, because I think that if I had encountered a flying flock of squid in real life I would have been reduced to a quivering, urine-soaked lump of fear.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/15/07

The goofy, absurd punchline to this strip hearkens back to the days before Funky Winkerbean took The Turn To Grim, but with the shadows everywhere, the glum faces, and the general pall hanging like a black cloud over everything, there’s no mistaking it for anything but a product of this feature’s late ’00s bleakness. I particularly like Black Teacher Dude Whose Name I’m Pretty Sure I Never Knew’s attitude of slouched resignation in the second panel. He seems reasonably sure that this newfangled copier will somehow make his job obsolete and put him in a homeless shelter within the month. He’s right, of course, but what he doesn’t realize is that he’s standing too close to its radioactive core and he’ll leave his job with a nasty case of stomach cancer to boot.

Mary Worth, 4/15/07

As I think my visual annotations above prove pretty well, Vera Shields is either completely insane or very, very sarcastic. (For more visual evidence of Mary’s horrible cooking, check out this post on Subdivided We Stand, faithful reader Smitty Smedlap’s blog.)

Lio, 4/15/07

No snark on this one from me, just thought you’d all enjoy it. I particularly like the way Leroy Hateachothers keeps his cool and makes a wisecrack while everyone else panics.

85 responses to “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: SQUID”

  1. Garrison
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Is “Those Kids” supposed to be “Baby Blues”?

  2. Hysterical Woman
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    That Lio is golden. (Though I don’t like Dennis the Mantis. Just doesn’t fit int)

  3. Snicker
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

  4. clifford irving
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    After all these years its finally happened: first, first, FIRST!
    YAHOOOOO!

  5. clifford irving
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    DAMMIT!

  6. Foobar
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Squid are capable of rocketing yards into the air, where they grab low-flying sea birds and wrestle them to their deaths beneath the waves.

  7. Foobar
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    And mystify slow-witted fish, apparently.

  8. 12xuser
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MT: “Individual species are found in certain areas . . .” Talk about educational!

  9. anibundel
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    If Lio is Wash.post replacement for the might-as-well-be-whitespace that was Broom Hilda, then I would like to present to the Judge and Jury their replacement for Mary Worth:
    Brewster Rockit!
    http://www.uclick.com/client/wpc/tmrkt/2007/04/15/index.html

    It makes me think of Robot Chicken….

  10. Non-Shannon
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Man, I’ve been trying to get my hair to do that three-tiered conch-shell thing for years! How does copy machine lady do it???

  11. Non-Shannon
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    I think those squid are actually ascending to Heaven as the only “saved” creatures on the planet.
    Humans have no option but death under our dark lord–we may only wish for a quick and painless one.

  12. Dave H
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    I can’t get over how fast-paced Steve Canyon is compared to the serial strips (FW, FBOW, A3G, MW, JP, RM, even Phantom and Spiderman). Every day’s strip moves the story ahead. Almost ever panel of every strip moves the story. Do the syndicates pay for comics by the pound these days?

  13. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Most of the strips that Lio has lampooned in the past have been zombie strips. Oh, and FBOFW. One of the targets from Sunday is Get Fuzzy, a still-vital endavor from a young cartoonist. So I’m wondering if we’ll see Mark Tatulli and Darby Conley duke it out in front of a metal club in LA.

    That’s it for now. I have to go prepare for when the squid decide to move on up the food chain.

  14. gh
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    #53 Poteet, #57 Islamorada Girl [last thread]

    Sharp-chinned man caught my eye too. Anyone working on a new and improved “Sharp Dressed Man” parody? It’s been done before, but if no one is scribbling away, I’ll try one with a DT [and possibly (DT)GT] slant . . .

    and congrats to all the COTW finalists, and some great, great parodies yesterthread. It was another long three-day weekend, so if I missed anything quintessentially curmudgeonly, that was awesome too! Look! I’m Mark Trail! Help! I can’t stop!

  15. Albtraum
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    #8 beat me to it… “some species are found in some areas and are a source of income for some fishermen”?

    What the hell? Was the source for this information in the Squid Protection Program or something? Deep-Sea Throat? It’s not as if we’re going to sue you for properly naming a frigging OCEAN or two in your comic, Mr. Trail. Oceans are big. They can handle it.

    But no, he’d rather make up for … some lack… by feverishly stressing that those firm little squid are like jets, rockets and torpedos. Ew.

  16. Saxman
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    My comic schedule:

    1) Read the paper version Houston Chronicle comics

    2) Read the online online version Houston Chronicle comics

    3) Pick up a few stragglers at the Washington Post online version

    4) read CC for the commentary.

    Normally, I get most of the enjoyment from (1) and (4) but today (2) rulz,

    I learned two new things:

    Shylock Fox has a previously undocumented foxy G/F. Maybe somebday we’ll have a confrontation between Tiffany and Cassandra!

    Mark Trail appears confused that Dan and Sally are in a motel together. What could they be doing. Let’s find out.

  17. Smitty Smedlap
    April 16th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    “Lock your eyes on one hole, get set, and swing. And keep doing it.”

    (dt)GT turned into hard-core pornography so subtly that we barely noticed.

  18. Jamus The Bartender
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    MW. See Mary cook.
    Cook, cook, cook.
    Mmm…what’s for dinner.
    There’s some green pointy things..
    That must be the asparagus.
    There’s some orangey/brown stuff
    That must be the chicken.
    Or Roast Beef.
    Or Tuna Casserole.
    There’s some old white lumpy stuff.
    That must be mashed potatoes.
    Or Mary.

  19. Laura Jane
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Today (4-16-07) on Mark Trail: What A Man Wears On A Man-Job Inside his vehicle, Mark wrestles with himself over the proper attire for bearding a strange bearded man. After donning his jacket, Mark pauses to rethink his costume. Oh if only he had time to change into the trusty khakis stuffed into the glove compartment! The khakis have never failed him. Yet khakis seem inappropriate attire for confronting the recently bereaved, even if that recently bereaved is hobnobbing with a hairy person. Mark, frustrated with his choices, wrenches his jacket off and gets out of the car; better to be mistaken for a Morman missionary than an FBI agent.

  20. gh
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    #16 Saxman

    Same difference:

    1) Pick up the CC thread where I left off the previous evening until the comments turn the midnight corner, when Mibbitmaker or True Fable or Poteet start snarkin’ on the new stuff

    2) read my chron.com build-my-own page

    3) return to CC refreshed and informed

    4) um, answer a few work-related e-mails betwixt and between

  21. Hogen Mogen
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    TDIET: Take a B’way reject, but pair him with Lula Patoot, who recently signed a $15 million movie contract, and people will go – to see Lula Patoot.

    I thought this TDIET was sent in by a disgruntled yokel in a postage stamp town that may have seen a play based on false billing. However, Vinne is from San Francisco and wouldn’t know what goes on in Outer Hicksburg at all. Talk about faking it.

    By the way, I have a TDIET that I want to send in, but alscaduto2@optionline.net bounced my message. Any suggestions? Did I get the address right? I’d share the joke, but it’s not terribly funny – sort of in line with Scaduto’s gig.

    CC’ers: Share, c’mon.
    Me: No, please. I’m sure you’ll see it if it get’s printed.
    CC’ers: What’s it like?
    Me: I really have work to do.
    CC’ers: What made you write it?
    Me: Circumstances occurred… beyond my control.
    CC’ers: What?
    Me: Circumstances occurred… beyond my control.
    CC’ers: I still don’t get it.
    Me: I’d rather not discuss the past.
    CC’ers: Whatever. Don’t show it then.
    Me: Ok, here it is -

    Whyizzit?

    Scientist Tubey McBeaker lives for empirical evidence…
    “The sample size was tainted, resulting in a possible variance of 1.05%! We can’t rely on this, I want facts!!”

    But what’s up with blind faith in horoscope reading? Oh yeah!
    “Moon in the seventh house of Pluto. I’d better remember not to walk under a ladder today, yupp!” Throws salt over shoulder.

  22. O’Fogeyette
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    I don’t usually do this, but the last thread ended without my noticing (though I may have caused it). So, as I posted at the end, and am reposting here because I think it is a genuinely interesting topic:

    While I was waiting to fall asleep last night I got to musing about the Curminion community, and realized that there is probably at least a master’s thesis and possibly a dissertation topic here on the making of an online community. Probably sociology, maybe sociolinguistics or even psychology. Afterwards, of course, the lucky degree-holder can get an exciting job on a street corner in Paris.

  23. Jamus The Bartender
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox:
    MMmmm.
    Tiffany Fox.
    Jamus like.

  24. Josh
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    #21 Hogen Mogen — the address should actually be “alscaduto2@optonline.net” — no “i” after the “t” in the domain name. It’s an easy mistake to make, since “option” is a word and “opton” isn’t.

    Josh

  25. gh
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    #45 yellojkt [yesterthread]

    Only “Subterranean Homesick Blues” would be a bigger challenge.

    From a good while back, so it may be dated.

    September Frozestrip Blues

    (some lines rearranged to inflict more pain on the guilty)

    John’s in the basement
    Playing with the train set
    Elly’s in bereavement
    Gwampa, he finally went
    The man in the far north
    Badge out, won’t scoff
    Says he’s got a girl to boff
    Won’t tell the Lizard off
    Look out Liz
    It’s none of your biz
    God knows when
    But you’re doin’ it again
    You better cling to Anthony
    He’s lookin’ for a new friend
    Keep a clean nose
    Wash your pantyhose
    You don’t need Curmudgeons
    To tell you that your life blows

    Mike, he’s so dumb
    Never wears a condom
    Mewedith and Wobin
    Looks like some fun
    The john’s clogged anyway
    Wobin says it’s just play
    They flushed Ned again in May
    Weed says they’re gonna pay
    Look out kid
    Don’t matter what you did
    Eat all the dog food
    Don’t try to be good
    Now see you’ve gone and ripped
    Daddy’s precious manuscript
    Deanna with the pegged jeans
    She’ll never get in
    Needs eleven happy pills
    She’s only got ten

    Get stuffed, get bent
    Wonder where the story went
    Right to hell, hard to tell
    If this thing is goin’ to sell
    Got stale, got bored
    Go back, close door
    Get drunk, write more
    Monthly letters, if you fail
    Look out Lynn
    It’s gettin’ kinda thin
    But users, cheaters
    Six-time losers
    Recycle old strips
    Girl by the copier
    Lookin’ for a new fool
    Don’t try and jerk us
    Now it’s just Family Circus

    Ah April, no thrill
    Hot pants, no chance, learn to dance
    Get mad, you’re had
    Guess you’re stuck with ol’ dad
    Boyfriend, make out, you wish
    Don’t grow, no sex
    Just into puberty
    They freeze you like a codfish
    Look out kid
    They keep it all hid
    Better practice that guitar
    Beckah is a big star
    But Eva can take you far
    Just don’t get in the car
    Don’t wanna be outdone
    Play that hosephonium
    The mike don’t work
    ‘Cause the joyride went all roadside

  26. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    FW: My, that’s a cheery name on the folder that no doubt contains Darrin’s medical report diagnosing him with a form of cancer so aggressive and virulent that it is capable of killing appliances.

  27. Laura
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Does anyone else hear Mark Trail’s voice as agitatingly slow and1950s middle American, kind of like a grown-up version of the boy in the MST3K’d educational film strip “What To Do On A Date”? This is especially true when he’s delivering dull-witted and emotionless monologues about the current plot (“Gee, I sure hope Dan isn’t dead. Maybe his wife, Cherry, will know something about this situation.”) but it carries over to the wildlife speeches.

    Luann: Toni Daytona has arrived at Brad’s estate, Nethercoats, for tea and sandwiches. Her newfound crusade to turn the world into her own personal Jane Austen fantasy, one romantic mishap at a time, continues. I think she’ll have to give up firefighting and sit around at home all day for maximal obsessing-about-what-the-men-are-doing, quietly-calculating-the-income-of-potential-mates verisimilitude. Also, she will need to contract BRAIN FEVER.

    RMMD: Rex has to “stall Hugh.” I’m sure he’ll find a way. Maybe involving an actual stall.

    (It’s clear that was a “butt sex in a men’s bathroom” joke, right? Right? Okay.)

  28. McManx
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Judging by the way Vera is brandishing her knife in panel 7, she’s either ready to fend off Mary’s not-so-subtle lesbian advances, or she has just discovered that the culinary surprise on the plate is Mary’s last conquest, served up with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

  29. Canard
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    No cleverness here, just thought I’d say that I was having a really crappy morning and this post made it all better.

  30. Hogen Mogen
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070416&name=Slylock

    Yeah, yeah, there’s all the chatter about Tiffany and other hot anthropomorphic babes like Cassandra. But I’m enraged. ENRAGED, I tell ya.

    1) Where did these two suspects come from?
    2) What keeps them from just walking away?
    3) Why does the bear (innocent and wrongly suspected) have such a worried look on his face?
    4) A film camera? Haven’t taken a film picture in years. This strip is for kids. Most of them haven’t taken a film picture ever.
    5) Doesn’t it take some time to get the film developed? How long are they going to detain the two cretins without cause?
    6) Why was Max in the hole in the tree?
    7) The damn toad isn’t tall enough to put the camera in the hole of the tree. So throw a wrench in your theory about who stole the camera?

  31. Laura
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Oh yeah, and the Girls of Slylock Fox. Despite the amount of time I spent staring goggle-eyed at them, I don’t have much to say except that Miss Mouse is clearly Max’s sister and also, clearly in love with Big Red over there.

  32. Kurdt
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    #27: Actually I had a Monty Python type chant going in my head when I read Sunday’s MT: Squid squid squid squid squid squid squid squid (Shut up! I don’t like squid!).

  33. migellito
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    slylock.. how are any readers of this feature supposed to realise the developed pictures will prove to be taken from a low angle? we don’t see the pictures, yet that’s the evidence we need to figure out who did it?

    slylock teaches kids to use inductive reasoning. slylock fox is evil.

    hey slylock! a chair has legs. aristotle had legs. what more can you tell us about aristotle?

  34. Hogen Mogen
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Rex has had several cars with trouble. He got a flat when he was driving around looking for one-eye-Jack, and there was a story line a few years back with the taxi konking out when he was trying to get a sick guy to a hospital in a snowstorm. If anyone can fuck up a car, it would be Rex. Unfortunately, even with the vehicular imairments, Rex also managed to get to where he needed to go in time. Hugh should receive no less attention than one-eye-Jack.

    I’m just amazed at the depth of Pete’s knowledge of the Board of Director’s inner workings. He’s the limo driver. I also like the way that he has such faith in Heather’s ability to persuade that in one hour they will trust a woman they never met without business or computer experience of any kind run a multi-national, multi-billion dollar technology company over the son of the founder, who has been groomed for this role for years. A third alternative that will receive no thought from Pete, Heather, Rex, June or Hugh is that they hire a search firm to get someone qualified from outside the company.

    I’ll just ask Wilson & Nolan this again: Why is Dr. Rex making a pickup at the airport while the limo driver talks corporate takeovers? Maybe when Hugh arrives, he’ll want to go to Rex’s clinic and diagnose all the patients.

    That would be great except for the fact that Rex hasn’t treated a patient in a year and only lives off the phony insurance claims that he’s been filing.

  35. McManx
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    I see Slylock has deduced a way to cop a feel off Tiffany while his voyeuristic friends watch on in delight, especially little eyeball creature at the base of tree, who has a particularly revealing vantage point.

  36. Tweeks_Coffee
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    SFx: Looks like Slylock and Max got interrupted in the middle of romantic dates. Though, this got me thinking about something: both these couples have the same last name. Is Slylock actually married? This is the second occurrence I can think of where two characters were the same species in the same strip. Both times involved the characters being romantically involved. Or is there some weird incestual thing going on here? Though I must say, Tiffany certainly lives up to the “Fox” designation. Nice work, Slylock! I guess the detective gig really woos the lady folk.

  37. Foobar
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    22- Yeah, I imagine someone might try to pass it off in psych, but I live to expunge theses like that from our vital and tarnished field.

    Tiffany has two tails. Is she Miles Prower’s sister? Either way, she doesn’t hold a candle to Cassandra. More Cat, mule!

    Chez Worth-
    Double-headed asparagus
    Peameal bacon- 3 pcs.
    a dollop of creme fraiche
    served with water and your choice of spoon or knife.

  38. Dingo
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Maybe I didn’t get enough to eat this morning. Maybe I’m just suffering from vacation backlash. Mark Trail looks smokin’ hot in a tie. Now that Dan has a beard, the two of them together, wallowing in man juices and the briny sweat of hot masculine love is one intoxicating thought. If Dan just marks his eyes on Trail’s hole, gets set, swings, and just keeps doin’ it… wait. I’m mixing it up with Gil Thorp where a toothless old man teaches Beefy McTubby how to hold a bat. Save us, Lio! Save us!

  39. Tweeks_Coffee
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    RE: #37 Tiffany has two tails. Is she Miles Prower’s sister?

    I think that’s supposed to be Slylock’s tail there beside hers.

  40. Timothy Burke
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I so have the current Mary Worth storyline pegged.

    Look at Vera’s curiously inhuman and unperceptive dialogue (even for this strip) plus her reluctance to discuss her past. “Yes, I admit it is difficult starting anew.” “It all looks so delicious.”

    Remind you of anything? Try this: “Your clothes. Give them to me.” “Why do you cry?”

    VERA IS A TERMINATOR, sent from the future to kill Mary Worth before Mary can kill Aldo Kelrast, as Aldo was destined to bring about a new era of cybernetic life in the future. But Vera has realized after arriving that she has come too late to save Aldo. She is now without a mission, and the future she has come to protect is now doomed. But I think maybe in a bit, she’ll become good enough at emulating humans to want to kill Mary just for the sheer pleasure of it.

  41. Foobar
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    39- But it clearly ain’t. That’s not attached!

  42. reader-who-posts
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Sunday MT: According to Mark Trail, squid live for about a year, except for the ones that live longer. Thanks for clarifying.

    Monday MT: That’s a lot of exposition to justify becoming a peeping Tom.

    Slylock Fox: “Thank you Slylock! And oh my, what a big tail you have…” Yep, Slylock’s getting laid!

    GT: Somehow I think this coaching tip is going to wind up involving a glory hole. (hey, I’m trying to avoid the obvious ‘pulling my head’ joke that I’m sure has already been posted several times)

    MF: Warning – this week’s strips will be even more offensive and less humorous than usual.

    Popeye: Can someone explain why Popeye barks when he wins?

    Plugger: So a dog and a chicken are looking at their wedding album and making fun of the fact that the dog is now bald. Awww, it reminds me of home!

    TDIET: Le Misebarf may be the greatest play name in history.

  43. Hogen Mogen
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I have to agree with Foobar in #37. That may be Sly’s tail, but it is completely removed from his body, or even his cape, from whence it usually eminates.

  44. Tweeks_Coffee
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    #41 – Oh yeah, so you’re right. Maybe it’s detachable and he’s holding it in his hand that’s behind her back?

  45. Dingo
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    This week in Luann: Lady Halversham is aghast to find that her daughter, Toni PuddingPot-Halversham has left her glove in the home of an unmarried male to whom she is not related. Lady H planned to send her Canadian butler to retrieve the glove before the swag could boast to his gentleman friends about his boodle but her daughter would have none of it and summoned the courage to retrieve the glove herself. Upon her arrival at the swain’s abode, she asked for tea and sandwiches but instead he picked her up into his arms, carried her to his private chambers, tossed her onto his king bed like rose petals into a stream, unleashed his manhood, and throttled her but good. Unbeknownst to the two, his younger sister, the illegitimate mentally-disabled Luann, was watching them from outside of the window.

    Next week: Gunther cries out for his mother as Luann demonstrates what she saw.

  46. Timothy Burke
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    I do love the fish’s expression in the last panel of Mark Trail. If ever a newspaper comic panel needed a word balloon that just said, “Fuuuuuuuuck”, it’s that one.

  47. Steve S
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Nah, the black teacher is going to lose his hand in the attached shredder. Ironically, it’ll be the hand he was planning to hold the gun in to shoot himself.

  48. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth‘s depiction of food that’s supposed to be tasty is somewhat reminiscent of Crock‘s depiction of people who are supposed to be attractive, or Gil Thorp‘s depiction of primates who are supposed to be human.

  49. Rafael
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    MarkTrail: If all this is underwater, why is the Manhattan skyline looming on the horizon in serveral panels? …oh, coral?.. I still think Manhattan. Either that or Bryce Canyon National Park.

  50. Ellie M.
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Well, I for one welcome our Insect Overlords! However, if there was any justice then Lio’s giant carnivorous ants would have found their way into Mary Worth’s strip, too.

    It looks as though Mary got paintballed on her way to Vera’s apartment, however, so I guess there is some justice in HER world.

  51. SamWibatt
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    I’d never read Lio before, but I’m an instant believer now that I’ve seen the Lockhorns renamed as “The Hateachothers.” That’s a dollop of gritty honesty the likes of which you rarely see in the funny pages.

  52. monica
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    MT – My town is almost entirely under water this afternoon. I can only hope that, somehow, I can grab hold and sail away to salvation amid the comforting buzz of a flock of flying dildoes.

  53. calico
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    I just had to say I really like Lio now too.

    Mr. Tatulli, the Kid is hilarious. Keep up the great, snarky work.

  54. AhClem
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MT – When Mark applies his Right Hook o’Justice to the guy in the black beard, he will stop to ponder the black shoe polish stains on his hand. “Now why would this guy have black shoe polish in his beard! (exclamation point replaces question mark for dramatic effect). Wait! Maybe it’s really Dan in disguise!”

    By this time, of course, two weeks will have passed, and Dan and Sally will already be sipping Mai Tais on a tropical beach somewhere.

  55. Dave
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Lio: CC shoutout? Cancer storyline in the Winkerbean parody.

    Lio rules !!

  56. Joan
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    I just want to know if the awesome Mark Tatulli gave his ants eight legs just to tweak the poster (dammit, I forget who) who (incorrectly) thought he’d given his spider only six legs.

  57. Joe1
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    I mentioned Mary’s inviting Vera to a homecooked meal to a couple friends. They looked at me as if I’d told them Mary Worth was reponsible for the 9/11 attacks. Thanks, comics, for costing me all of the relationships I hold dear.

  58. Esophagus
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I find that panel of flying squid is best enjoyed while listening to Flight of the Valkyries as loudly as possible.

  59. Dennis Jimenez
    April 16th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    39 – I thought Tiffany IS Slylock’s tail.

  60. kostia
    April 16th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    “Commonest”?

    Dirty red freedom-hating squid.

  61. gnome de blog
    April 16th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    #25, gh:

    My Hatlo hat is off. Brilliant stuff.
    How about posting that over on the Forum?

  62. Paperback Rifler
    April 16th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Okay, so I’m no marine biologist (and I’m certainly no geologist), and I don’t get out much; so I was prepared to call shenanigans on the entire notion of a squid’s “being able to rocket in the air many yards above the waves.”

    However, I remembered reading somewhere that more information on all kinds of stuff can be found on the Internet. Much to my chagrin, there really are flying squid, and it’s probably all very common knowledge. In fact, if this article is to be believed, then some squid can travel through the air over the surface of the water for up to 200 feet; and the “neon flying squid” has been observed to fly in groups of more than one hundred. (I would like to think that the “neon flying squid” luminesces brightly in flight and that groups of them could possibly spell out the slogan “Eat Mor Chikin of the Sea,” but the article didn’t say.)

    So what have I learned from all this?
    1. Some species of squid really can propel themselves out of the water.
    2. Jack Elrod doesn’t just make stuff up, even if we do think that his accounts of Lucky beaver love are highly suspect.
    3. More information on flying squid can be found on the Internet. As it turns out, there’s also quite a bit of information about how your non-flying, dead squid can be particularly tasty; and there’s at least one site that shows you how to make a squid-themed paper airplane.
    4. It’s surprising how much time you can spend reading about squid when you’re trying to avoid doing any actual work.

  63. Laura Jane
    April 16th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    “Fun Facts” from Sunday Mark Trail

    Ostriches: In some parts of the world their eggs are used in a variety of ways. They can kick a man to death!

    Porcupines: Their quills have been used by some Native American tribes in a variety of ways. They can kill a man with their quills!

    Mules: In different countries around the world, they carry various things. They can kick a man to death!

    Cute, baby bunnies: In many countries they are used in a variety of ways. They can kick a man to death!

    Rabid Badgers: In many places around the world, their name is fun to say. They can lick a man to death!

  64. Erich
    April 16th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I thought the solution to Slylock Fox was going to be that whichever suspect was IN the pictures was innocent, since he couldn’t have been holding the camera.

  65. michael farris
    April 16th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    The past is food for thought that is best left untouched … just like these unidentified green things next to the asparagus.

  66. Esophagus
    April 16th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Lio reminds me of Minus, and it’s not just the hair (although Minus doesn’t seem to be evil).

    http://www.kiwisbybeat.com/minus.html

  67. Blynneda
    April 16th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    22– Or from the perspective of why people are so drawn to things they ostensibly hate (or make fun of). Obsession? Maybe it’d make an interesting literary criticism piece. Okay, I don’t really know anything about literary criticism.

    Though I don’t have a master’s project of that sort in my immediate future, I’ve been thinking about writing an essay about those who read comics for the purposes of both love and mockery. (I’m a creative writer, so I can write about whatever I want to.) I’ll let y’all know if I actually get around to it.

  68. Luprand
    April 16th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    I thought ants only had six legs …

  69. Frank Parsnip
    April 16th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    MT: 1) the caption showing “propulsion” is over a picture that shows the squid ink being spread out to escape from predators.

    2) If squid are really “torpedo shaped” then why are torpedos in movies always shown without the long tentacles? Is Hollywood really concerned that we might get grossed out or something?

  70. Octal
    April 16th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    More information on squid can be found on various hen….

    You know what, I’m not even going to say it.

  71. King Folderol
    April 16th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – I believe it’s “most common.” Not “commonest”. If I can’t trust your grammar Mark Trail, how can I trust your insights on squid?

    FW – That black teacher always reminded me of what would have happened to Venus Flytrap (WKRP in Cincinnati) if he had gone into education instead of radio.

    MW – Why can’t she be both? Or lobotomized, which is what Mary very clearly is.

  72. Poteet
    April 16th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    # 12 — Dave, you are so right. The Steve Canyon plot really zips along. Not always entirely sanely, but no one can accuse it of dawdling. I like that. Besides, today’s serials aren’t exactly sane either:-).

    # 14 — gh, I don’t know “Sharp Dressed Man,” but I do like your parodies, so I say go for it.

  73. Edward
    April 17th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    #72: both ‘commonest’ and ‘most common’ are acceptable, although the OED lists ‘commonest’ as preferable.

    H.D Thoreau: ‘The commonest sense is the sense of men asleep, which they express by snoring.’

    G.B. Shaw: “Disobedience, the rarest and most courageous of the virtues, is seldom distinguished from neglect, the laziest and commonest of the vices.’

  74. Jack Parsons
    April 17th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    48: COTW, fine fine work.

  75. Spiny Norman
    April 17th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    MW subtitles for those who speak Subtext:

    “It all looks so delicious.”
    [Gosh. Raw asparagus and peas, Cool Whip, and what appears to be dried mango on thinly sliced lard. I'm speechless but too polite to vomit.]

    “Thank you!”
    [Thank you!]
    “I hope you enjoy eating it as much as I enjoyed preparing it!”
    [I slaved all day over a mango slicer, you privileged and disturbingly reticent cow. I'll be satisfied, however, if you just concede that my suffering exceeds yours! Whatever it is. TELL ME WHAT IT IS."]

    “It was kind of you to invite me, Mary.”
    [For God's sake, old woman, leave me alone! LEAVE ME ALONE!]

    “My pleasure! I know how intimidating it must be for someone young like yourself to start out in a new place!”
    [You're competely incapable of making intrusive friends without my help!]

    “Yes…I admit it is difficult starting anew.”
    [You can tell I'm rich because I use words like 'anew.']

    “So, Vera…where did you say you’re from originally?”
    [I took my Prozac today. Can you tell? Eat your mangos, honey, they're getting cold. See how much I like mine? What's the matter, don't you like my cooking?]

    “Pacific Cliffs.”
    [Someplace you can't afford.]

    “Ah, yes…”
    [Someplace I can't afford. Not that I'd want to live there. I'm so, so, so, so, SO happy here. So happy that I've invited a reluctant stranger to share my Cool Whip.]

    “The ‘Millionaire’s Stomping Ground.’…Tell me more!”
    [Think hard about the millionaire (singular, based on the apostrophe placement) while I read your tea leaves in my Teacup of Despair. I am casting a spell that will oblige you to spill your guts.]

    “There’s really not much to tell.”
    [Other than the combination to the Millionaire's safe, the filthy secret that the Millionaire won't tell his wife or children, or the fact that the Millionaire is standing right over there. In the corner. With a shotgun. Look up from the oddly oversized cup, Mary, and you'll see him. Right there, where I'm pointing with my knife.]

    “…or that I WANT to tell.”
    [Quick. Call 911 while you still can.]

    “The past is food for thought that is best left untouched.”
    [Maybe if I just move the food around on the plate, she'll think I ate some. I think maybe there's some leftover pizza in my fridge I could heat up. Curses! I should never have made that New Year's resolution to be nicer to busybodies! Okay, next year's resolution: "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Kind of like this asparagus.]

  76. Snow
    April 17th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    If you think flying squid are scary, look up Humboldt Squid…..and don’t wear anything shiny or sparkly around them either.

  77. Ginger Yellow
    April 17th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    “The past is food for thought that is best left untouched”

    Also: Mary’s dinner is food that is best left untouched. And for God’s sake, Mary, go to a doctor! Don’t you know jaundice is contagious? You’ve already given it to Vera and she’s only just moved in, you reckless madwoman.

  78. Shanghaishrimpo
    April 17th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: Was that orange stuff, perhaps, “Yams Charterstone”? You almost have to read Mary’s dinner plate like you were reading tarot cards:
    The “Asparagus of Life” being divided in two, representing the past and the present of Vera’s complicated, life.
    Deep, deep…very deep.

  79. narthan
    April 18th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    I would have expected the flag at funky winkerbean high to be perpetually at half mast.

  80. Erik
    September 17th, 2008 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    I like how Mark cleverly and subtly modified the names of the comic strips, but he doesn’t even bother with Baby Blues. You could at least call it “Embryo Envy” or something cool like that, but “Those Kids?” Honestly.

    Also, Private Partz is my new favorite comic.

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    August 27th, 2010 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

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  82. Loabbire
    November 21st, 2010 at 7:55 am [Reply]

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    January 25th, 2011 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

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  84. Dastardly Pale
    February 8th, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    I’m definitely a terrible person for this, but something about so many people screaming in terror over giant ants cracks me up.

  85. SouddyGromy
    March 28th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Very informative post. Thanks for taking the time to share your view with us.

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