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Sundays are for lovers

Mary Worth, 4/22/07

You know, I will defend at great length the entertainment value to be found in Mary Worth, but I have to admit that a significant amount of its content essentially consists of small-minded upper-middle-class suburban white people gossiping about each other. I’m somewhat horrified but not entirely surprised that Toby and Mary immediately go from “man trouble” to “married.” “Vera didn’t say she had been married,” Mary noted as she tapped her coffee cup against her teeth, “but I have to assume that she was, since her problems seem to involve a man and she never mentioned that she was a whore.

Spider-Man, 4/22/07

It’s a well-known fact that the only bit of wit or verve you will encounter in the newspaper strip version of the Spider-Man franchise lies in the overwrought NEXT! boxes at the end of the Sunday strips. Based on today’s, I hope that an angry Kordok will ultimately throttle this flat-topped turncoat until his misshapen head bursts like an enormous zit.

Sally Forth, 4/22/07

The signs are all there, so we might as well just lay back and enjoy it: Sally Forth is slowly but surely turning into a non-stop fuckathon.

98 responses to “Sundays are for lovers”

  1. Mat
    April 22nd, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Looking Sally straight in the eyes seems to have turned Ted into a statue.

  2. Stuart P. Bentley
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    MW, panels 2 and 7: My god, the EYES

  3. Some Guy Here
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    I think the Japanese actually started printing their newspaper articles in comic (or “manga” as the case may be) over there.

    Also, I’m surprised no comments regarding Mary Worth’s impression of Tommy Lee Jones’ character from Batman Forever

  4. queek
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if we can get a strip of Sally checking Ted for “broken bones” ala Pibgorn.

  5. Houston Northcutt
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    I know they have a kid and everything, but … are Ted and Sally Forth actually a butch-femme lesbian couple? This would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

  6. Tonstant Weader
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    I sense sex and Sally here/
    Who’s that lounging with bad hair?
    Who’s that bribing kids to take a powder
    so she can get some,
    Man this strip’s become obscene.

  7. Plinko Commie
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Creeps me out this does

  8. Snicker
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    I love how Mary Worth so bald-facedly refers to her residence as a slum. Look out, Mary! You don’t want Charterstone to end up like – gasp! – a women’s shelter!

  9. Scott Nazelrod
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Sally’s so distracted she’s handing them a $50 bill (notice it’s blue?), thinking it’s a twenty. This does not bode well.

  10. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Sally, do it not! Ted your beloved that is not! Jedi master Yoda it is! Jedi mind tricks to appear as Ted he is using, yes! Polish his lightsaber he wants you to, mmm!

  11. Jessied
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    “Sally’s so distracted she’s handing them a $50 bill (notice it’s blue?), thinking it’s a twenty. This does not bode well.”

    Well, either that, or it’s actually a Canadian $5.

  12. Esophagus
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Judging by Mary’s war-paint in panel 5, she’s all set to fuck up some Britons in order to get the dirt on Vera.

  13. Dingo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    I’m quite happy for Sally Forth. After years of hinting and repartee, she and her husband are finally getting it on. In spades!

    I love when Mary Worth turns half-blue, half-yellow to utter a plot point. Does her voice change, too?

  14. commodorejohn
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    “You I love.” Coincidentally, the exact same awkward phrasing used by Shampoo in this chapter of Ranma ½. (The phrasing makes sense in Ranma because Shampoo is not a native Japanese speaker, and thus her poor Japanese is translated as poor English. Ted has no excuse.) Given all the commentary on Ted’s effeminacy, and given that Ranma is famous for introducing the “cursed springs” plot device, it makes me wonder.

  15. Non-Shannon
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    My roommate just read this MW and asked, “So who’s the hot young thing talking to Mary there?” When I explained that she was the wife of “that guy with the chinbeard,” he wondered aloud what she was doing married to an old dude who obviously wasn’t even rich, since he lived in the same slum-condo as the down-on-her-luck Vera. Does anyone know when exactly Toeby married ol’ Chinbeard? I’d be interested to know the exact circumstances and whether she was promised a cash reward.

  16. commodorejohn
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #13 – “Unlike June Morgan, I am yellow on my left side.”

    Also, FOOB – Tell me, Liz, where does “an’” for “and” come in on the Proper English Ranking Chart?

  17. GG
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Dear Amazing Spider-Man ghost-writer and artist,

    You know what would make it a lot easier for me to believe that the setting is “night–in the shadow of the Los Angeles Coliseum”? If it were actually night-time in the picture. Or if the Coliseum cast a shadow, for that matter.

  18. Mike
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    It’s common knowledge the the last panel of every Sally Forth ever drawn, taken on it’s own, is a horrible double-entendre or outright call to fornication.

    They’ve just been getting more up front about it, that’s all.

  19. Rebecca
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    I actually took Yoda-like Sally Forth dialogue to mean that Ted had been reading “Elements of Style,” which encourages sentences such as “Like bunnies we shall screw” and “Hot and bothered, grammar makes me.”

  20. Citric
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to say the Forth’s doing it like bunnies isn’t disturbing, but when you consider that after they’re finally done Sally’s hair won’t be remotely affected, stuck in that bizarre style like some sort of weird helmet, it’s frankly disturbing.

  21. Bobbie Sterne Built My Hot Rod
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    “You I love”

    That’s the cool new way people talk in Arizona!

  22. Uncle Lumpy
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    #19 Rebecca -

    I can’t find that advice in my second edition (1972) of The Elements of Style — is it from a later edition? Because I think those sentences would make E.B. White spin in his grave.

    His principle 16, “keep related words together”, would argue for:

    “We shall screw like bunnies (screw)”, and
    “Grammar makes me hot and bothered.”

  23. Weasel Boy
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t Sally’s mom say “You I like” to Hilary’s punk rock-y friend a few months back? If she did, today’s strip makes that comment kinda creepy.

  24. Derelict
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    C’mon, Ces! Take Sally to the next level! I wanna see her leaning on one elbow, smoking a cigarette while Ted’s delicate hands lie limp on the covers.

  25. Uncle Lumpy
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    In 9 Chickweed Lane, of course, it would be perfectly natural to say, “We shall engage in connubial congress after the manner of Lagomorphs.”

  26. Tats
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Toby’s looking utterly disinterested. Maybe she’s having an existential crisis and realizing the pointlessness of sitting around gossiping about a rotating parade of secondary characters with a woman realistically old enough to be her mother or her young grandmother.

    Nah. More likely the artist can only draw the one facial expression.

  27. TurtleBoy
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Little known fact: Mary Fotheringay-St John-Worth was the winner of the 1973 Upper Class Twit contest, nosing out the previous year’s champion (Gervais Brooke-Hamster) with an incomparably strong showing in the newly-introduced “Sociopathic Meddling” category. Now if only she’d go off and shoot herself…

  28. Ces
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    “You I love”

    That’s the cool new way people talk in Arizona!

    HA! “King of the Hill” is the best-written sitcom since “Roseanne” in its heyday.

    Or:

    Since the heyday of “Roseanne” “King of the Hill” the best-written sitcom is.

    I would like to add that if Josh hadn’t pointed out today’s strip I actually would have felt a little sad (especially since it was written with his rather alarming “Sally sex” obsession in mind).

  29. King Folderol
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    MW – Perhaps Mary is implying that Vera had a pimp, but after getting all psyched about the possibility of a crazy meth storyline, I’m not getting my hopes up again.

    Spiderman – The Weasel looks like Leonard Nimoy after getting flattened by a steamroller. And there’s something just wrong with that.

    SF – Dude, you can lay back and “enjoy it” all you want, but I am not getting a “Dirty Sanchez” or a “Cleveland Steamer” or whatever the hell else it is those sick swingers are into over at 1111 Forth Place.

  30. Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    *Lumpy! Busting out the ’72 Strunk & White! Shame on you! Don’t make me pull out the 24th revised and expanded on yo’ ass!!!! But you’re right.

    *TurtleBoy -Have you been reading P.G. Wodehouse? Your Mary Worth scenario sounds like his style. Possibly it’s just me.

    *Will. E. Thompson. (nee’ Coyote, I presume) – Got the shirt, and it is as promised. High Quality, y’all! Buy stuff!! (I don’t know – was the Margo BoxcarSaturn shirt a limited edition or did you get a few extra to sell? )

  31. Zamboni_Rodeo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    #6 Tonstant Weader: Bravo!

    I thought it was a limerick at first, and then I saw it for what it was. Very well done!

    All this “parcheesi playing” at the Forths residence begs the question, however: how is it that possible Hilary is an only child? Contraception or not, it seems to me that with all the sex these two are apparently having, odds are there should have been at least one slip up somewhere.

  32. Stranger…
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm… I assumed that since “You I love” is a more backward way to say it, Ted was implying something more backward that your standard…arrangement. This is why Sally has that faraway look in her eyes, and wants the kids too far away to hear her wanton screams.

  33. Dingo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth. Reverse cowgirl. Twenty clams to keep the kids quiet. Do the math.

  34. Buck Ripsnort
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    31–Zamboni, you have to remember that Ted shoots strictly blanks, and Hilary is either adopted, or a “little person” Sally hired to distract her husband so she can occasionally get the other chores done.

  35. michael farris
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    “Sally Forth is slowly but surely turning into a non-stop fuckathon”

    How long before the first money shot?

  36. willethompson
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Googled ‘fuckathon’ did I. 16,200 responses did I get. Shit holy say I.

  37. pesch
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Ces, for God’s sake, stay away from the CC. Once you start writing with us in mind, there’s no telling where you’ll go. Crossovers with Gil Thorp! Hilary becoming more menacing? Advocating the Resurrection now that Hart’s gone?

    If Ted breaks out into a parody of “I Feel Pretty” during a Sunday strip, there needs to be an intervention (but not the MW kind).

  38. Ubiq
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Too bad that newspaper don’t use comics to illustrate the news; “POP! Goes the Weasel” would have been an appropriate way to describe the recent Gonzalez hearings.

  39. pesch
    April 22nd, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    And is there no love shown for Funky today? I know the students in FunkyTown are comatose most of the time when they’re not smirking or not having sex, but being called sheep to your face is pretty cold, even for a Batiuk character.

  40. Hank Ketchum's Ghost
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I was gonna say. . . doesn’t Bobby Hill occasionally say things like, “You I like”. . .?

    And for what it’s worth, Toby married Ian in the early-to-mid-eighties, as I recall. Good God, how many hours of my life have I wasted reading Mary Fucking Worth?!?

  41. Yahtzee
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Spidey will be loaning the “Pop Goes the Weasel” box to “Sally Forth,” soon.

  42. Klipper
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    “You I love … you two can fuck off.”

  43. Mr. O’Malley
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Like 1930s Time magazine people are talking. It distracting find I.

    Todays observations:

    FOOB: Liz is driving her mother’s minivan to work? When she moves into that basement apartment, will she have to start taking public transit?

    SlyFo: Slylock has a picture of Cassandra Cat on his file cabinet. As would I if I had had the same photo opportunities.

  44. Some Person
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is Eclipso!

  45. Squid Countess
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    I vented about the hated Indie Shop girl at the end of the last thread while it was dying, and now here it is again. Which, ask for, no one did.

    I hate that chick in the Shop Indie ad, “Shana Logic.” Jesus. Can she not go away? I hate her hideous necklace. I hate her pink lip gloss. I hate her god-damned pigtails. I hate her nasally voice and the fact that she’s a PETA member yet has eleven different leather handbags. I hate that she talks about “being one with the universe” and “having no worries” while her parents pay her health insurance. I hate that she has sex regularly but has never had an orgasm. I hate that she’ll go to a 3 hour performance-art piece about domestic violence but she won’t donate the clothes she no longer wears to a women’s shelter. I hate her. OK, some of the above I extrapolated from her picture, but you know I’m right.

  46. Gabe
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Tell us, Ces: How many of your industry buddies regularly read here? Don’t have to name names (we know about Dik and the Lio guy), but could you give us a ballpark estimate?

    Also, more Sally Mom.

  47. Captain Thunder
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    I think there’s a missing comma in Ted’s statement. It should be, “You, I love.” I’m willing to give Ted the benefit of the doubt here. Besides, I like the Forths. Who would you prefer to live next to, the randy yuppie-ish Forths, or the updated-for-Canada modern-day-Ingallses the Pattersons?

    Me, I’ll take the Forths any day of the week.

  48. Erich
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    “You, I don’t like!”
    “You, he don’t like!”
    “And when Erich von Zipper don’t like someone, they STAY don’t liked!”

  49. monsieurjohn
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary “Braveheart” Worth: They may take our lives, but they will never take our gossip!

    GGGOOOOSSSSIIIIIPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    She also looks like the Frank Gorshin-portrayed half-black half-white alien from the original Star Trek.

  50. monsieurjohn
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    D’oh, #16 Commodorejohn beat me to it

  51. Uncle Lumpy
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    The Forths and a couple of fifths would be awesome.

  52. Will
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Is that Vera? Vera Kelrast? The widow who faked her death? Because that would be so fucking awesome!

  53. Jamus The Bartender
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth.
    See Sally smirk.
    Smirk, smirk, smirk.
    See Ted smolder.
    Smolder, smolder, smolder.
    “You I love”
    And from what i’ve seen…
    It’s about damned time.
    See Hilary act like she’s thirty-five.
    Sweet, precocious Hilary.
    Go fuck Sally, Ted.
    Go fuck Ted, Sally.
    Fuck, fuck, fuck…
    Excuse me, I mean..
    “Make Love”
    Yeesh.
    Ace Backwords was right.

  54. cvk
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me or does “The Weasel” look like Alfred E. Neuman?

    Yeah, I snatched your wife! What, me worry??

  55. BTS
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman vs. Alfred E. Neuman!

  56. BTS
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Dammit, ya beat me to it, cvk!

  57. Steve S
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Weasel is clearly the love child of J. Jonah Jameson and a Ferengi. Judging by the name, Kordok is that Ferengi.

  58. arto
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    I love how Spidey’s congratulating the guy on being called “Weasel.” Quite an accomplishment!

  59. Jamus The Bartender
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Whups…
    Didn’t know Ces was part of the Sally Forth family…
    Gotta learn to edit better…
    Or not be such a smartass…
    Okay, here goes.
    See Sally Forth.
    Sally is really hot.
    I’d do her.

  60. yellojkt
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I love seeing Ted getting some action. If I knew whispering “You I love” worked so well, using it long ago I would.

  61. MonkeyHawk
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    The reverse structure, “You, I love,” is Ted’s code for, “Sally, bring out the strap-on.”

  62. Emily
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    I love the “you I love”! It’s almost like…. good writing.

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    SF: Ah yes, but will the Sally/Ted/Jackie menage happen in life, or only in Ted’s fevered imaginings.

  64. The Eleusinian
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    I like the deep blue of Mary’s eyes today, perhaps representative of the pit of depressive despair that is Charterstone. I wonder how long it will take her to drive Vera to suicide? Someday, Toby will realize that she has stared into the face of evil and yet lived.

  65. reader-who-posts
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    JP: It’s a good thing Cedric is Canadian. If he had been French he would have run away like a pussy and then complained about how americans bring all this violence to Paris.

    Sally Forth: Next week the Forths and the parents in Zits swap wives.

    Curtis: Curtis gets sent to the principal’s office for reading a comic book? Is there anything that Mrs. Nelson can handle by herself?

    RMMD: As someone who travels almost every week, I have to say that there is no surer sign of someone being a complete F*&$ING asshole then someone using their cellphone during a flight. I hope this plot ends with Mark Trail crossing over and laying him out with the punch of doom!

    BB: The question Zero should be worrying about is “why don’t I have a lower jaw?”

    Garfield: Is John’s wall pink now?

    Phantom: The police thinks that they killed people to get those bones, yet the Phantom thinks that they are almost 500 years old? In other words, the policemen are idiots.

    MF: I always get depressed when I agree with Mallard Fillmore. I still think it’s poorly drawn and badly written with a stupid punchline, which makes me feel better.

    DT: You know I’m pretty sure that the goal of policemen trying to capture a jewel thief is NOT to throw said stolen jewel into the ocean.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    #36. willethompson,
    I remember people using the word “fuckathon” before there (effectively) was an Internet, so I can believe the number of Google hits. Gotta admit it’s standing the test of time.

  67. Don, the Rebel Without a Blog
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    5 – If Ted and Sally Forth are a butch-femme lesbian couple, which is butch, and which is femme? Discuss.

  68. Deschanel
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Houston Northcutt says:
    “I know they have a kid and everything, but … are Ted and Sally Forth actually a butch-femme lesbian couple? This would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?”

    Yes, seriously- just look at Ted’s sweater. It’s from butch lesbian Vogue, or 1983 in our world.
    (I’m gay so hopefully I can say that.)

  69. FortyTwo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    #68 – And here I thought Ted had become a Starfleet cadet.

  70. T. Chicana
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Ted might be a catch if he was a lady, I think. He sort of has a Mia Farrow hairdo…and those delicate little hands! He’s for sure a “lipstick lesbian,” meaning more femme. *And also, whatever happened to that plot where Sally’s friend at work with the old-lady-bubble-cut-before-her-time was going to try and get with that new co-worker? She just ended up making a bumbling fool of herself, I guess. Let HER get some action for a change! Sheesh. Anybody else, please! I’ve seen enough of Sally & Teddie.

  71. T. Chicana
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and I meant to say, just two words about the Sunday Foob: school marm!

  72. Mr Booze
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Hey, kids, good luck having a night at the movies for two for under $20.

  73. ColoZ
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    What hideous deformity causes Mary to hold her cup in such a bizarre way in the last panel?

    Or… is it her hand at all?

  74. Octal
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t anyone notice what a travesty today’s Slylock Fox was?

    The puzzle:

    Max Mouse returned from the forest bike race after competing with a bear, a stork, and a frog. Max said the stork finished two places ahead of him, the bear was neither first nor last, and the stork was not second. Slylock was able to tell from Max’s clues who won and in which order they finished. Can you?

    Looks innocent enough, right? But what you’re forgetting is that storks eat frogs. The answer confirms it:

    Answer — The stork won, followed by the bear, then Max, and the frog finished last.

    The frog “finished last” because it was eaten–the clear loser in this sordid little scenario. The stork, on the other hand, was energized enough by its recent meal to race ahead despite being the animal least equipped to ride any sort of bicycle.

    At least children are learning about predator-prey relationships.

  75. Poteet
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    # 73 — ColoZ, I think the hideous deformity was caused by hideous drawing. But it’s hard to be objective because once you called my attention to that panel, all I could think about is how much painful meddling could be prevented if the right substance were slipped into that cup.

  76. Dasmarius
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    You know, I think the amount of time spent lovingly detailing every last horrible crevasse in Weasel’s face could have been put to much better use elsewhere. You know, like.. pacing! Or a plot! … … Or detailing every last horrible crevasse in Weasel’s face in every panel. You know, whatever.

  77. Yitzchok
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Ask yourself: Why has Sally Forth become the second chapter of a Harlequin novel?

    I think this may be a roundabout attempt to capitalize on the otherwise-obscured sex appeal of the strip’s quite dishy writer.

    Or perhaps since taking over in 1999, Mr. Marciuliano has become obsessed with Sally, becoming the Cyrano to Ted’s Christian – secretly longing to reduce himself to two dimensions and woo the delicate specimen of middle-aged androgyny himself.

    If well-dressed hipster named “Frank” shows up in the strip and starts making things really uncomfortable, I for one will not be surprised.

  78. Edward
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth became hard-core pornography so gradually, no body noticed.

  79. Kronkina
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    4/23 MT: “I’m glad it didn’t work!” Me, too, Mark Trial’s Penis. Me, too.

  80. slinkimalinki
    April 23rd, 2007 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    #28, #37,
    though if you could work in a talking potato, it would be much appreciated.

  81. Krazy Kat
    April 23rd, 2007 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    Ted Forth is a machine!!
    Reminds me of myself–as a teenager. Once I discovered “it,” that was all I ever wanted to do again.
    As Nathan Johnson said: “I have found my special purpose”

  82. William Sommerwerck
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Does the “Pop!” in “Spider-Man” mean that Peter will pop ‘im one — or that he’ll inflate the Weasel (there should be plenty of vendor helium tanks in the Coliseum) until he explodes?

  83. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    I love Sunday Spiderman’s “Night – in the shadow of LA’s Coliseum… ”

    There are no shadows at night, you dumbass.

  84. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Moron Spidey: What? Guns? Bad guys do that? So, if I’m standing here in the open wearing a bright red and blue suit, someone could shoot me? Huh?

  85. smokie
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    “Some Guy Here says:
    April 22nd, 2007 at 3:02 pm
    Also, I’m surprised no comments regarding Mary Worth’s impression of Tommy Lee Jones’ character from Batman Forever”

    I thought it was a Braveheart phase she was momentarily going through…

  86. Anonymous
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    So Ted manifests himself as Krishna and Sally drops everything to revel in connubial bliss? Is SF trying to break into the India comic strip market?

  87. JB
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    The things Mary learned clearly happened after the dinner was over. Evermindful of the “gossipy suburban” criticism, the creative committee over at MW has decided to send Mary on a journey of self discovery, where she will learn about her own lesbian tendencies and ultimately give in to her desires for Vera (and let’s just admit what we are all hoping) who is a post-op transsexual that orchestrated the conspiracy to have Aldo killed when it became obvious that he would pose an obstacle to her seduction of Mary. Chinbeard will make subtle, snarky comments about this until his wife leaves him to become Mary and Vera’s personal slave. You’ve got to hand it too them; the folks at Mary Worth sure know how to give the audience what it wants.

  88. britbike
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    I had hoped someone would mention this, because I can’t remember where it’s from and it is seriously bugging me. “You I Love” was used in a movie, and in a way I remember as being incredibly tender and sexy. I assumed Ted was quoting from that movie, but I cannot remember which one it is! Anyone?

  89. rotts
    April 23rd, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    MW – panel 5 – looks like she can’t decide whether she’s “Curious Yellow” or “Curios Blue”.

  90. Chris
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Mary seems to have slipped into some sort of parallel dimension in panel 5. Either that or she’s getting ready to recreate Frank Gorshin’s memorable turn in the Star Trek episode “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_That_Be_Your_Last_Battlefield_%28TOS_episode%29

  91. Brent
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    I seem to recall reading somewhere years ago that women reach their sexual peak at around the age of 40. Sally Forth is around the age of 40, so it’s no wonder she’s bribing Hil and her little friend any chance 40 year old Ted is ready for action. Of course, since men hit their sexual peak at age 18 there is a certain imbalance. Obviously either Ted is getting the dreaded “4 hour erection” courtesy of Cialis or Sally should be shopping around the local college campus for an 18 year-old to diddle on the side.

  92. bats
    April 23rd, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    72 Mr Booze:
    I think the kids’ll do okay with $20 at the movies. For some reason I think this is happening in broad daylight, so they can go to a matinee, not that their little minds will be on anything other than Hilary’s folks sweatin’ it up and being done in time for the early bird special at Furrs cafeteria.

    No doubt about it…the Forths and the Zits have to do a foursome, resulting in their kids’ collective therapy for years…just one encounter would put enough angst on Jeremy and Hilary that it’s taken years for the Keane clan and the Foobians to acquire.

  93. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    April 23rd, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    It’s been said before, probably a few times on other threads, but I can’t let Johnston get away with this shit in Foobsville.

    My god. I… Jesus. I mean. Fuck. Can’t somebody… are any other linguists foaming at the mouth, but unable to take the time to lecture on language change, pop slang, and the incredible stupidity of criticizing English dialects?

    I wonder if Lynn would mock people from, oh, East London?

  94. Blondie
    April 23rd, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Mary’s a Michigan fan. Now that we have her on our side we can meddle everyone else to death!

  95. jake!
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    I love Ted bluing out in that panel. It’s like Ted is Patrick Swayze, and he’s finally walking into the light as Sally Forth, tears in her eyes, whispers “Ditto,” and then drops her eyes back down into that half-lidded smirk I hate so goddamn much.

  96. willowbarcelona
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Whoa! Mary Worth, purveyer of hot beverages to her neighbors, pouring their refined refreshment out of her collection of porcelain and silver tea and coffee sets, has allowed not just a half pint of milk or half-and-half on her table but, no, Toby is pouring from what appears to be an entire quart of dairy product–in its ORIGINAL CONTAINER. For shame, Mary. You’ve got the sugar bowl on the table–where the creamer?! And for shame for not scolding Toby–for surely she is to blame–for bringing the carton to the table, and shame on you, Mary, that you are too consumed by obsessing about Vera’s marital and/or amoral history to care.

  97. Frank Parsnip
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    I like that the Weasel is about to backhand-smack Spiderman, using his strong pimp hand:

    “Yeah, I’m the one who snatched your snatch! I smacked her around like this… [WHACK!] and this…[WHACK!] and then put her to work on her back, leaving her in an abandoned room with a inflatable mattress and 20 sweaty illegal immigrants. You gonna do something about it?”

    Stunned, Spiderman then starts to cry even though its not really his wife.

  98. RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N
    April 24th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth, especially in today’s strip, is a modern day Sherlock Holmes, with Toby as her Watson. Without, you know, all the things that make Sherlock Holmes great or at all interesting.

    Also, Mary looks like the classic DC comics villian, Eclipso in that one panel.

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