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The saddest lemonade in the world

Let’s start our discussion of Tuesday’s comics by looking at the first panel of Monday’s Apartment 3-G:

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 8/8/11

Sorry Lu Ann, looks like you’re left holding the glass! Wait, don’t you have another roommate? Maybe she wants lemonade!

Apartment 3-G, 8/9/11

Do you think that’s the same glass? I sure hope not, for Lu Ann’s sake. Margo doesn’t want your hand-me-down leftover glasses of lemonade, Lu Ann! Margo only wants the freshest lemonade! And Margo couldn’t possibly want anything Tommie has rejected! What’s the matter with you?

Fortunately for Lu Ann. Margo is mostly ignoring her as her mind is firmly set on her next round of harebrained schemes. Still, our lovable dim blonde sure is hilariously sad by the end of the strip! “Doesn’t anyone need me? Making lemonade is my only skill! If nobody ever wants lemonade again, what will become of me?”

Gil Thorp, 8/9/11

Ha ha, remember when a Ben Franklin lookalike hustled Marty Moon out of hundreds of dollars on the links? That was all good fun, since Marty is everybody’s punching bag, but having the strip’s ostensible authority figure and voice of reason high-five his protege after a successful revenge-grift seems somewhat more problematic.

Lockhorns, 8/9/11

C’mon, Leroy, it’s Tuesday, aka “sexy hobo cosplay day.” You know what Loretta wants. Unless … this is part of the game? “Fine, let me just finish the paper, and then I’ll put a little something in your cup, if you know what I mean.”

Mary Worth, 8/9/11

That tiny question mark in the final panel isn’t a sign of self-doubt or a signal that Mary isn’t sure what her next move should be (ha ha, like she would ever experience such things). Rather, it’s indicating her sudden disorientation. As soon as she hears the words “I need your advice,” the world seems to retreat away from Mary, appearing as a tiny pinprick of light at the end of a long tunnel, as she enters a fugue state. She’ll come to three months later, covered in blood, just in time to watch Gina’s newly de-estranged father walk her down the aisle.

206 responses to “The saddest lemonade in the world”

  1. charterstoned
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MT – Biblical Goose Banders don’t need legal registration. They answer to a Higher Authority.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Flashes of Brilliance

    Monty — Flashback: In lieu of Calvin and Hobbes, we’ll just have to get by with Monty and Hume!

    Bizarro — Flash forward: Nine months after Gina has her first date with new beau Mary Worth, she gives birth to Mary, Junior!

  3. Dennis Jimenez
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    A3G – Sour grapes, LuAnn?

    GT – Did you also save the course from the evil Judge’s development plans?

    Lockhorns – Hey, is this a Mallard Filmore crappy economy comment?

    MW – Chapter One – I am born.

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  4. Natalie
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Personally, I hope Gina is a grifter. After all, saying “I feel comfortable with you” and “I need your advice” to Mary Worth is the meddler equivalent of a honeypot scam.

  5. charterstoned
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MW – I do think Gina has taken half the fun out of Mary’s meddling with the statement: I feel comfortable with you. That’s like rolling over and exposing your soft underbelly to a predator who would much rather peel back the layers of resistance, with painful precision, one at a time.

  6. Chyron HR
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MW – Today’s live-action performance of Mary Worth has been cancelled because nobody knows what an exclamation mark followed by an ellipsis is supposed to sound like.

    Phantom – Dammit, DePaul & Ryan, Milhouse is not a meme.

  7. Effluvius Erratus
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Seeing that Mills Gallery is already strapped for cash (and that Margo is who she is), I’m going to assume this “scholarship fund” consists of money fraudulently won from actual scholarships.

    FC: Little Jeffy screaming at his little brother is awful enough, but the way Daddy just sits there, dead-eyed, staring into space while his mini-him berates an infant is just creepy-deepy.

    FW: “Actually, I want to get to know him…”

    “I know what you mean. My mom died of cancer when I was a baby.”

    “That’s sad, but it’s nothing compared to my dad being murdered when I was a baby.”

    “At least your dad died fast. My mom slowly and painfully lingered on for months and months…”

    “But at least you have closure. You know why your mom died. You know she loved you, and she died at peace, but my dad was gone so suddenly—”

    “Cancer!”

    “Murder!”

    “Cancer!”

    “Murder!”

    MW: “My life changed dramatically after what happened to my father.”

    “Wait…your father wasn’t gunned down whilst doing the hand jive with his cousin Lonnie, perchance, was he?”

    “Oh, no no no. That couldn’t be him. You see…my father had a violent, pathological hatred of the hand jive, ever since Eric Clapton covered the song in 1974. If he saw two grown men doing the hand jive on the street, I shudder to think what he’d have done…”

  8. Scott Bot
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MW – ‘My dad used to hang around on the streets with his cousin Lonnie, frolicking all day. Then suddenly he was brutally shot down, presumably by people who didn’t care much for frolicking…aw, crap, Mary, that’s the wrong script, isn’t it? Maybe we better start over again tomorrow.’

    Pluggers – You’re a Plugger if the local McDonalds has banned your car from the drive-thru for being too loud and ugly.

    RMMD – Clara Bow is right – Sid Vicious really should be cooling his heels in the office, too.

  9. Mumblix Grumph
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth panel one: Mary is possessed by the ghost of Mel Torme!

  10. FafMor
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Why hasn’t Boy Genius gotten around to updating TVTropes about how the Ghost Who Walks predates the Dread Pirate Roberts meme by 80 years? Stop wasting our time with all this human dialogue and get Wiki-ing.

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    many of the dog-owning ‘mudgeons will appreciate this.

    corgi pupsqui.

    The Daily Puppy is an Irish Setter.

    how you know that homework time is done. (alt: canz be FRAP tiem naow?)

  12. Little Blue Bicycle
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    When life hands Lu Ann lemons, she makes lemonade that people refuse to drink.

  13. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: To answer the question posed in the last panel on its own merits: No.

    Curtis: No, she can, instead, think of him as a deranged stalker.

    Doonesbury: No grown-ups in our gov’t (covers mouth, using announcer’s voice, like Craig Ferguson) except whichever side you agree with! (uncovers, normal voice), either. And we…. we….. aw, we’re screwed!

    Marvin: Marvin torments the senses in absentia.

  14. ScienceGiant
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MT: My father was Aldo. Prepare to die!

  15. Kristian
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: Poor Jughaid has had to eat his gunny sack.

    BC: “Knock ya out” – “When your cell phone isn’t working”.

    Bizarro: “HLO NASTetiK OMG GM mor drugs!”

    Curtis: In the first panel today, Curtis has acquired moons.

    Dick Tracy: Teevo? Is this Sgt. VCR’s replacement?

    Fred Basset: zzzzzzzz

    Funky Winkerbean: “You see, just two of my strips isn’t really bringing the suffering my fans so desperately crave. By mentioning a third strip I used to have, I hit two demographics at once: A) oh I wish that was still on and B) I don’t get it.”

    Garfield: The growing puddle is a legitimately nice touch.

    Hägar the Horrible: A member of his jolly band has been chosen to carry the Olympic torch. What do you mean, it’s meant an ordinary torch? It’s clearly stylized and symbolic and ugly in the way everything “Olympic” has to be these days.

    Heathcliff: Is anyone else seeing Heathcliff say “PoP”? That’s some bad Imprinting. Calling Dr. Lorenz.

    Herb and Jamaal: Like a good comic strip mother-in-law, EULA is always ready for a castration joke.

    Hi and Lois: Wedding insurance, known in Hootin’ Holler and the Keane Compound as “a couple more shells for the shotgun”.

    Lockhorns: “Nothing, dear, just off to work.”

    Love is …: That’s gotta hurt.

    Luann: Hey, they’ve got half a camel toe each! Sharing is nice.

    Mark Trail: Who’s put Gold in a band? Well, there’s Bryndle, Linda Ronstadt, Metronomes, Vic Filmer, Geraldo, Ambrose, Oscar Rabin, New Paul Whiteman Orchestra, Gallery, Alphaville … (with special thanks to Wikipedia and the viewers at home.)

    Marmaduke: Perspective is fun. Marmaduke is terrifying.

    Over the Hedge: I’ve lost count. Is it the same joke five days in a row … or six?

    Rex Morgan MD: So she’s wearing latex to school now? Sure, why not.

    Six Chicks: You are wearing medieval garb, that’s what’s wrong.

    Mary Worth: Yep, nice smash shot.

  16. pugfuggly
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m going to guess that Lu Ann’s next stop is Paul’s mother, where together they’ll make buckets, no BARRELS of lemonade together, serve it to each other in tea cups and fall asleep weeping in each others arms….

    GT …of course, Kenny went on to make millions with his new invention, golf-a-rang, so in the end he really did come out the winner…

    MW Ok, this is a bit much! ‘I feel comfortable with you’? ‘I need some advice’? Didn’t you just meet about 24 hours ago??

    I’m hoping against hope that this storyline ends with a kind of Usual Suspects twist: as Mary enters her now empty apartment after getting a call that her bank account has been cleared out, she suddenly goes through a series of flashbacks: ……Gina the waitress listening in on all her previous meddles… Gina taking notes from the next booth…Gina with her all-to-familiar sob story about finding love and estranged parents…Gina asking if her ‘father’ could stay at Mary’s apartment while he’s in town reconnecting with her

    Mary’s coffee cup slips from her hands and crashes on the floor. She rushes outside to see if she can find her. By now, however, ‘Gina’ (or Jason, as he’s known to his friends) has already ditched the wig and dress, and is driving off in Mary’s car…

  17. pugfuggly
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#9):

    I was going to say Yoda, but yeah, either way, it’s old, wrinkly and gnomish…

  18. Binder's Butter Beans
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    I couldn’t care less about Gina, or her parents, or how comfortable she feels with Mary (shudder). I’m only here to watch Gina’s ponytail defy all known laws of physics.

  19. McManx
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Apt 3-G: Since the glass appears empty, Tommie and Margo just assume LuAnn is still showing the aftereffects of carbon monoxide poisoning, albeit a couple of years later. I mean, why waste time arguing with a dementia victim…

    Spiderman: Since the cloak and hat appear empty, I’m assuming Spiderman is showing the aftereffects of his spider-induced radiation poisoning, albeit a couple of decades later. I mean, why waste time reading a comic about a dementia victim superhero…

    Nancy: I don’t know what is sadder about today’s strip; that Sluggo lives in squaller, or that his exposure to lead paint and asbestos has caused him to lose his hair at age nine.

    Dick Tracy: Okay, I was fine with the new Dick Tracy creative team recycling in rapid succession every character featured in the strip over the last seven decades. But now, they’ve obviously run out of old DT plots and are now tapping into “Superboy”. First Smallville; can Gotham be far behind…?

  20. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    I think Loretta Lockhorn got Prince and Pauper’d. She comes from a loveless but middleclass marriage and switched places with her homeless but happily married double. I’d bet a dollar on it.

  21. charterstoned
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MW – So far, the lead-up to Gina’s “problem” has been excruciatingly boring. Still, it might pique my interest if Gina revealed to Mary that her last name is Kelrast.

  22. Doug Puthoff
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Whatever Molly does, I hope she doesn’t mess around with Slim. Jim Croce could’ve told you what happens when you do that.

  23. Doug Puthoff
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#22):

    That was for Gil Thorp, btw.

  24. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    JP: I wish I could snark on this, but Sophie’s enormous facial scar/tattoo and zipped-up long-sleeve hoodie in the middle of August have rendered me speechless.

  25. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    GF – Great strip today, back to the core dynamic of the strip plus great dialogue. “After Allied bombing” line was perfect!

    9CL – So the mother is in labor, and the father needs to book an international flight, fly across the Atlantic, rent a car, and drive to the hospital in time for the birth? I suppose the time spent in labor is proportional to the 18+ months she spent gestating?

  26. Edgy DC
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Sure, you can reject Tommie’s lemonade and drain all the body out of her hair, but what rejection left you dressed in a pullover golf shirt, Margo, buttoned up to the top? Gracious, maybe it’s time to stop skating by, style-wise, confident that you’re still the Audrey Hepburn of 3-G. It isn’t that big an achievement

    A golf shirt!

  27. Écureuil Écumant
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#26): “I suppose the time spent in labor is proportional to the 18+ months she spent gestating?”

    It’s also inversely proportional to the amount of time spent by the father-in-absentia actually supporting his partner during her pregnancy.

    Which serves a double purpose. First, it causes the mother to suffer in realtime as a result of something virtually beyond her control. Second, it causes the father to suffer when this multiplier value is subsequently applied to the amount of court-ordered child support. This double whammy puts it squarely in 9CL territory.

  28. S. Stout
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    A3G: They’d probably want some lemonade if you weren’t holding an empty glass. No time for make-believe today.

    GT: Coaches don’t high-five, they butt-slap. How dare Gil treat her any different than any other player!

  29. Écureuil Écumant
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    GT: When “Kenny Lark melts down…”

    … what remains is a gigantic puddled pair of terrified eyes …

    … as birds prepare to crap in one, while a hurled golf club arcs implacably towards the other …

    … kinda makes the Wicked Witch’s renowned meltdown about as perfunctory as flushing the Emerald Throne, doesn’t it…?

  30. Esther Blodgett
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: Aww, when Lu Ann is sad it takes all the bounce and curl out of her hair.

    FW: Yes, yes, dead father…closure…documentary…Did Les sign the damn contract or not? You can’t just leave us dangling on the precipice of sort of caring in a mildly curious way about a character none of us really likes anyway.

    RMMD: How long is the secretary going to let that poor girl bleed at the mouth before she calls the school nurse?

    Luann: Gunther and Rosa had better be doing the horizontal bop by this time next week. If Evans tries to add yet another unconsummated relationship to this strip it’ll topple like an overused sexual metaphor.

  31. Ranger
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Who else here is hoping that Gina’s dad is Aldo Kelrast?

  32. Guy Yedwab
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    If you’re wondering why Lu Ann is so heart-broken that no one has need for her lemonade anymore, I’d like to point out that A3G has never discussed how these three ladies have divided the rent. Perhaps, years ago, Tommie and Margo took pity on poor ol’ Lu Ann and let her have her space in the apartment in exchange for “lemonade services,” which are slowly no longer required.

    Please don’t google “apartment 3G lemonade services.” It doesn’t lead to good things.

  33. Old School Allie Cat
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MW – Oh, Gina. Feeling comfortable with Mary was mistake #1. Your second mistake is asking for her advice. You’d be better off calling that guy with the six-digit phone number.

    S4th – This amuses me on so many levels…

    FW – …and this does not.

    gilthorp – After her embarrassing Coke Carton bikini incident, it’s nice to see Molly back on top. With that kind of money, she can buy a real bikini and her “sexting” career will take off. I have no problem with having Gil help her stick it to the man, because soon enough, the man will be sticking it to her. Or something.

  34. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    GT: So, Molly is suspended from the golf team for using her skills for personal and unethical gain, and Gil loses his coaching position for conspiracy of same, right? Right? Unless Gil has goat pictures of all the pertinent members of the State High School Athletic Board.

  35. Scott Bot
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    JP – ‘Which is why I got the helping bra. After all, big knockers is what got everyone else ahead in this strip.’

  36. Écureuil Écumant
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): Yoda? That’s really what Dr. Jeff calls it?

  37. Shrug
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    A3G: My first thought also was that the glass Lu Ann is holding was empty, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps its contents are just totally transparent, more so than even weak lemonade would be. In other words, I think Lu Ann has just invented waterade.

  38. pugfuggly
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#37):

    “Well, Mary, it’s Saturday night and we’ve both had a glass of wine. Time for your Yoda to battle my light sabre!!! DAAA-DAAA-DAAA dum-de-DAAA dum-de-DAAA!!”

  39. Alan's Addiction
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    I have to admit, the phrase “A steamy hot day in the city” and the set-up of three single girls living together sure are wasted on “Apartment 3G.” I mean, there are pornos out there that don’t have anything half that good, and here the writers squander it all on a scene involving lemonade. And it’s probably bad lemonade, too, to make the whole thing worse. Also, Luann’s puppy-dog face of loneliness and neediness at the end is simultaneously creepy and heart-breaking, like a flesh-eating kitten. But a very stupid flesh-eating kitten.
    Now that Gil has shown everyone just how profitable revenge and illegal gambling can be, tune in next week to learn about how to sell your younger siblings into sex slavery for fun and profit! I gotta say, I’m looking forward to the new, delightfully amoral Gil.
    Wow, it would explain so much if the Lockhorns keep one another locked up in the basement whenever they’re not out. Obviously, Loretta got the wrong end of the shackles last time, but only because she wasn’t fast enough to that baseball bat. Today, she’ll brain Leroy with that mug and he’ll wake up chained to the water heater, ready to plan his revenge/comeback. It’s the circle of dysfunctional life.
    It occurs to me that most of us consider it to be serendipitous if we successfully manage to convince a cute waiter/waitress to go out for a meal with us, it’s a minor miracle if we end up in bed with them. I mention that because instead of a sex drive, Mary has a meddle drive, which is exactly what it sounds like. For her, getting the chance to meddle in this poor, confused girl’s personal relationships is better than sex. We mere mortals who might only aspire to sleep with the help can only watch in awe as she utterly destroys Gina and her family, then painstakingly rebuilds it in her own image. It’s really like “Conan the Barbarian” meets “CIA brainwashing.”

  40. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FW: Ah, John Darling — ended as Batiuk’s first taste of leaden self-importance (pregnant teen Lisa doesn’t count — that was a nice change-of-pace detour at the time).

    MW: Gina, Mary makes me kinda nervous, but whatever…
    Count me, too, as one hoping she’s Aldo’s daughter!

    S-M: Yeah, no duh, Mr. Short Term Memory!

  41. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: I got to admit that Lu Ann did a great job of not putting her hand in front of her mouth and going “tee hee” prior to saying the word “lemonade” and not using quotes on the word. She’s getting better at her pranks but Tommie and Margo still aren’t buying it.

  42. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#7):
    “FW: “Actually, I want to get to know him…”

    “I know what you mean. My mom died of cancer when I was a baby.”

    “That’s sad, but it’s nothing compared to my dad being murdered when I was a baby.”

    “At least your dad died fast. My mom slowly and painfully lingered on for months and months…”

    “But at least you have closure. You know why your mom died. You know she loved you, and she died at peace, but my dad was gone so suddenly—”

    “Cancer!”

    “Murder!”

    “Cancer!”

    “Murder!”

    Tradi-shuuuuuuun…… Tradition! Tradi-shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnn…… Tradition!

  43. Oregonian
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    “Lonely waitress in a diner” seems like a match made in Heaven for our old pal Wilbur Wantasandwich, but I’m no Mary-level meddler, so what do I know?

    By the way, isn’t it time for an office pool to predict the arrival of Dr Jeff’s next proposal? I’m going with September 9th, third panel.

  44. Liam
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    A3G-That’s not lemonade, Lu Ann. That’s just an empty glass.

  45. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    GA: That’s the second biggest Skeezix…

    (My apologies to Maxwell Smart)

  46. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    ADTelephones! Toasters! Mic-rock-wave ovens! Why don’t these people have flying cars yet? Seriously, we’re limited by our present technology, but what’s preventing them? [*]

    Marfield – Looks like Armstrong looked around at all the diaper bags and said, “Whoa! I’ve got a comedy gold mine here, and I’m just throwing it all away!”

    Mary“?”
    Well may you query, Mary! You’ve probably never heard those words — “I feel comfortable with you, Mary… I need your advice!” You’re probably wondering right now whether you’ve died and gone to Heaven, or if you’ve stroked out and are hallucinating in the ICU.

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y179): Shirley you can’t be serious!

    @Lucky (#y182): Rip-off? No no, that’s riffing.

    @Chyron HR (#6): Today’s live-action performance of Mary Worth has been cancelled because nobody knows what an exclamation mark followed by an ellipsis is supposed to sound like.
    That would be a glottal ‘click!’ followed by three short machine-gun like gasps.

    @buy term paper (#25): eat shorts

  49. Nekrotzar
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    GT: I had no idea that the phrase ‘melts down’ was synonymous with ‘flies away on a supersonic frisbee.’

  50. Effluvius Erratus
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#44): Well, it would be rather dangerous to let Lu Ann handle actual lemons, so she’s probably just playing pretend. What really worries me is the way she’s holding that glass with the tippy-tips of her fingers. You’d think by now they’d make her use sippy cups.

  51. Dood
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: In Soviet Apartment 3-G, or ???????? 3-G, girls pretend to drink lemonade so long as as Lu Annski pretends to make it.

  52. Dood
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Is the web-cam working? There’s a goddamn bear behind the wheel of a Pacer in the drive-thru!

  53. Doctor Handsome
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Even for Mary Worth, this is an excruciatingly melodramatic build-up to the anticlimactic revelation that Gina’s gruesome top-knot has alienated everyone who used to care for her.

  54. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    John Darling’s murder was attributed to a dispute between a cartoonist and his syndicate. But Jessica will uncover the truth: the strip’s topical “guest” appearances forced much shorter production cycles than the year-and-change of Funky Winkerbean. A sad but important lesson: never stand between a cartoonist and his golf game.

  55. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Gina? Or Ninja? Watch out, Mary!

  56. Scott Bot
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

  57. Patrick
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    “I’ll tell you my story, Mary, because I feel comfortable with you, because we both chose to wear raspberry tops today.”

  58. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#56):

    Ninjina?

    Oraninjina! More refreshing than lemonade on a steamy hot day in the city!

  59. TheDiva
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    GT: Grifting is fun, kids!

    MW: Easiest. Meddle. Ever.

    9CL: WHY IS HE WITH THE POPE ALREADY? The guy’s defrocked! He’s out of the church! Bereft of his cassock, he rests in peace. He’s released from his vows, given out his last sacrament and joined the ranks of the laity! THIS IS AN EX-PRIEST!

    C’shaft: Is it too much to hope for that Cranky will get sideswiped from the passenger side, crushing his vertebrae and skull with the tree trunk?

    FW: Normally I’d ask why she’s not doing this research in Cleveland where her father lived, worked, and perished, but chances are pretty good anybody who knew her dad ended up in the black hole of Westview anyway. That town’s worse than the Hotel California.

    Luann: I’m not thrilled with the prospect of yet another awkward, sexless relationship being introduced into this strip, but the withering “What, are YOU still here?” glare Gunther and Rosa are giving Luann in panel two almost make it worth it. Almost.

    SM: This plan of humiliating Spider-Man by just letting him do what comes naturally and then photographing the evidence is extremely effective. I’m surprised nobody thought of it before.

  60. Doctor Handsome
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    At this point, I’m pretty sure Gil Thorp is just spitballing potential Beck lyrics:
    “Kenny Lark meltdown/
    Shuttin’ Doc Scavuzzo’s yap/
    Gimme all the the money, Mr. Casey/
    SLAP, FOOZLE!”
    Granted, it probably doesn’t read that well in print. You have to imagine a melange of 808 beats, theremin, and Derek “Slim” Chance samples playing behind it.

  61. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: It’s funny because rather than shoving the tree into the trunk where it obviously won’t fit and will hang out over the road sideways, he’s put it in the passenger seat where it can stick out of the car’s sun roof and … wait. That’s not funny. That’s not even eccentric. It’s…it’s just common sense. Is that the joke? Crankshaft actually uses common sense?

    @TheDiva (#59): Re. 9CL: Ha! Nice.

  62. Katy
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Batiuk destroyed the John Darling strip to avoid the consequences of his, Batiuk’s, contract. Right? I very much hope that whoever signed the contract with him comes after him for this latest arc.

  63. Greg
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Apt 3G: In the last panel, a wind machine is blowing through Luann’s hair and she is about to break into a sobbing heartfelt rendition of “Charlie Brown”: “Why oh whyyyy is everybody pickin’ on me and not drinking my lemooonade?”

  64. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#22):

    Whatever Molly does, I hope she doesn’t mess around with Slim. Jim Croce could’ve told you what happens when you do that.

    Um, you do know that Clovia and Slim Skinner are one of Gasoline Alley’s Power Couples, don’t you? Because if Clovia ever catches her man in a compromising position with Molly, she’ll skin(ner) him alive!

  65. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    SM: First Spider-Man passes completely through Mr. Glowing Guy. Now there’s a hat and coat, but nobody in it. I really hope the resolution explains this apparent discrepancy. Not that I’m expecting it, mind you. But I am hoping.

  66. Bill Murray
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked, as if some phantom force in the universe had made a move eons beyond our comprehension, suddenly, there was no lemon! There was no LuAnn, no Tommie, no thing called “Margo” to be followed. Then who, or what, has happened here? Is the lemonade here yet? Or has the cosmic switch been pulled? Case in point: The line between comic fiction and comic fact is microscopically thin! You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner! But is the menace with us? Or is the lemonade gone?

  67. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Get the latest news from beyond the grave weeknights at 11:00 from

    JOHN DARLING – GHOST REPORTER!

    Tonight, John reports that cancer is an option in the afterlife as he interviews Lisa Moore. Don’t miss it!

  68. Effluvius Erratus
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#51):

    In Soviet Apartment 3-G…

    Margo does have a rather Commissar-ish look to her, not to mention a lust for power and penchant for inflicting pain.

  69. Doctor Handsome
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    As demonstrated by his blank “newspaper,” Leroy isn’t ANY kind of reader, regardless of whether or not he ever bothers to open his eyes.

  70. Scott Bot
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#59): re 9CL: Good point. I don’t know a lot about Catholicism (like how to spell it, even), but I would assume that once a priest has quit, they probably wouldn’t want him hanging around anymore. It’s kinda like a former mob associate going into the Witness Protection Program – it’s likely he won’t be doing business with his former partners for a while.

    @Patrick (#57): Gina was working part time in a five and dime, her boss was Mr. Magee.

  71. Dood
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: If this “Mills Scholarship Fund” means that Margo gets an intern, I’m all for it.

  72. Dood
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: I’m thinking life must have handed Lu Ann a bunch of lemons. Or maybe Margo did that.

  73. Kristian
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#59): 9CL: Nice :)
    For 9CL historians: Is he actually an ex-priest because nudge nudge wink wink?

  74. pugfuggly
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#68):

    Margo does have a rather Commissar-ish look to her, not to mention a lust for power and penchant for inflicting pain.

    I thought so too…

    @Dood (#72):

    “When Lu Ann hands you lemonade, reject it outright until she offers to make you dinner too.”

  75. Effluvius Erratus
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#74): Nice! I missed that one. More please!

  76. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#71): which resulted in a half-second, three-step mental relay concluding with “Margo’s a squirter!”

    and I guess I’m ok with that. I’ll share the brainbleach with those who are not.

    [*]

  77. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    What Lu Ann calls a “lemon” the rest of us call “soap.”

  78. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Kristian (#73): those with better 9CL History scores than I will need to confirm, but iirc the two realized that they had fallen in love, left their respective religious orders, and then got married.

  79. Comcis Fan
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    MW: Was that a small earthquake or did you just have a meddlegasm? It’s not meddling, Mary, if I actually solicit your advice. If you’re not into giving solicited advice, just give me your safe word and we’ll stop.

    H&L: Now we know, Hi works as a Mormon missionary and takes breaks in a 1960s office with a 2010s laptop.

  80. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Curtis: A “nosy-body”? For crying out loud, it’s either “busy-body” or “nosy-Parker.”

  81. scienceGiant
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#55): Or Gininja?!

  82. odinthor
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    #59. TheDiva.

    9CL: WHY IS HE WITH THE POPE ALREADY? The guy’s defrocked! He’s out of the church! Bereft of his cassock, he rests in peace. He’s released from his vows, given out his last sacrament and joined the ranks of the laity! THIS IS AN EX-PRIEST!

    ‘E’s pining for the confessional.

  83. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @scienceGiant (#81): Gesundheit!

  84. Kristian
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#78): Thanks. I should have connected the dots, really: “Take that, organized religion. Times two in fact!”

  85. Droopy Says
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#59): Those are the Pope’s lines you just quoted. The part of the parrot was played by the 9CL character, who being one of McEck’s male characters is perfectly suited to lying there and playing dead. Pity they can’t finish with the line “And now for something completely different.”

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Kristian (#84): yeah, something like that. I’m fairly sure that their hand-jiving was post-doctrinal, but not sure if it was pre-marital or not. It may have been a week-long honeymoon boink, my memory is a little fuzzy on that point.

  87. Baka Gaijin
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#38): The less said about Mary’s “Yoda” and what’s-his-face’s “light sabre” the better. That’s just wrong.

  88. Some Guy Here
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    It’s not cosplay, it’s roleplay!

  89. BigTed
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    From the way she’s holding it with just her fingertips, it appears that’s not an actual glass of lemonade Lu Ann’s offering, but a picture of one — which she probably cut out of a magazine. Her roommates are willing to humor her madness, but only to a point, when they feel the need to get away from this loon at all costs. Little do they know that when they get home tonight, they’ll find a fully set dinner table complete with candles, wine, and plates topped with the latest cover of Gourmet.

  90. Vince M
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Murray (#66): I know I need help when I can spot a “Monster A-Go-Go” reference…

  91. Baka Gaijin
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Nancy: Dr. Corey the Floppy wants to have a word with you, Sluggo.

    Sally Forth: Kudos to Ces! Hil shows emotional growth while being entertaining, a rare feat on the comics page.

    Cow and Boy: This is shaping up to be a great week. Missing bags of camper hair; voodoo input material or dessert topping? Why can’t it be both?

  92. BigTed
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Are we supposed to feel sorry for Loretta just because her tattered coat and dress came from the same thrift store where Leroy bought his ’70s-era polo shirt, child-size pants and legless chair? Poverty is poverty, folks!

  93. Baka Gaijin
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Luann doesn’t understand the hostility towards her lemonade. I do: she makes it in the trash compactor.

  94. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#82): #59. TheDiva.

    9CL: WHY IS HE WITH THE POPE ALREADY? The guy’s defrocked! He’s out of the church! Bereft of his cassock, he rests in peace. He’s released from his vows, given out his last sacrament and joined the ranks of the laity! THIS IS AN EX-PRIEST!

    ‘E’s pining for the confessional.

    He’s being reassigned to the new parish in Notlob.

  95. Red Greenback
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#9): AKA: “The Polyester Fog”

  96. Dagger
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I thought the question mark signified that this is the first time someone has actually asked for Mary’s advice. “Goodness, someone wants me to help them with their personal life? But I’m so used to meddling where I’m tangentially acquainted with the people at best! Oh, I’m out of my league here…”

  97. Dood
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    What would Judge Parker do with an opening narration line of “A steamy hot day in the city…”? I’m just guessing here, but I imagine breasts would be involved.

  98. Marc
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Luann- If I didn’t know any better I’d say that it looks like Rosa isn’t wearing any pants. But nobody in Luann makes it that far in a relationship so that’s out of the question. So it’s just more cameltoe. Also it’s been MONTHS since Gunther the closet case and token Mexican chick first spoke/went out/make eye contact with each others Billy Bookworm/cameltoe and they still greet each other this awkwardly?

  99. Pseudo3D
    August 9th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Sorry I haven’t been coming back here lately: there’s things to do, and I just can’t sit around, read comics all morning, etc.

    I’ve sort of lost interest in Dick Tracy, don’t want to waste my time with Mary Worth (though admittedly, the “?” is for “She ASKED for my help? This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen”) and definitely don’t want to read anymore of FW or 9CL.

    Though today’s Failure-Man was entertaining enough, however.

    I don’t know if I’ll be back or not, but for now…

    So long and thanks for all the snark!

  100. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I’m looking forward to a comedic montage of Luann wandering around the apartment complex offering this poor forsaken glass of lemonade to people. “Dr. Papagoras, would you like some-” “No.” “Ruby, would you-” “Sorry, child, gotta run!” “Mrs. Bl-” *TASER*

    Bizarro – Good gravy is her head tiny. Too bad there isn’t an amusing joke to distract me from that.

    DT – Grisly death flashback after grisly death flashback. What is this, Dick Tracy’s Greatest Hits?

    FW – Ooh, Cleveland, that hotbed of television journalism! (Side note: apparently Langston Hughes went to school in Cleveland, which I can only pray leads in a very roundabout way to an eventual Funky Winkerbean/Herb & Jamaal crossover.)

    JP – Your faceplate is coming loose, Sophie. You have a spot-welding kit in your purse, I hope?

    Luann – Oh Jesus, what did Rosa ever do to deserve this?

    Mandrake – Hey, it’s Grandpa Borgnine from Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders!

    MT – …there is nothing here that I can even begin to comprehend. Unregistered goose-banding? “Who would put gold in a band?” Bible verses? FWS investigation? It’s like if you put every Sugar Creek Gang book in a blender, added a shot of pure fruitcakery, and pressed “puree.”

    Phantom – Saay. Mrs. Bowe is pretty fine, no?

    RMMD – That’s a pretty good look of adorable incomprehension there, Kelly. …it is just a look, right?

    SM – Wah wah waaaaah!

  101. LUJBEM FEJF
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Maybe this will help Lu Ann…
    Apartment 3G Lemonade Recipe-
    1 can pink Lemonade concentrate
    3 1/2 cans of beer
    1/2 cup vodka
    handful of fresh or frozen raspberry’s
    And maybe if you stopped dropping all those glasses on the floor people would stay. I’m not sure how she’s holding that glass. NEOJY!

  102. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#101): Oh! So that’s how you write a Jumble.

  103. LUJBEM FEJF
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#102): Exactly! But for the Sunday and Kid’s Jumble’s I reverse the beer vodka ratios.

  104. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#103): Excuse me. I gotta write me some Jumbles.

  105. bats :[
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Dear God! If only someone had shown Lu Ann how to make decent lemonade! Yes! Even out of a powdered mix!

  106. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#105): Heh! Love the inclusion of Leopold.

  107. The Waz
    August 9th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @ScienceGiant (#14):

    Or perhaps:

    ‘Hallo. My name is Gina the waitress. You killed my father. Prepare to die.’

  108. Pozzo
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Does Molly’s hat say “McQ”? Is she a big fan of mediocre late-period John Wayne movies? “Good thing we finished this hustle early; I have to get home and watch ‘Rooster Cogburn’ on TCM.”

  109. Scott Bot
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#108): I think it actually reads MCC. Either it’s part of the uniform for the Milford Country Club, or she’s an avid but slightly confused fan of early 90′s rap star ‘MCC Hammer.’

  110. bats :[
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#99): the Snark abides. Drop in when you can!

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G: This is the episode where Bobby goes off to do boy stuff and Cindy thinks no one needs her, right?

    MW: Suddenly I feel short-changed that we can’t get audio, as Gina is obviously about to break out in song.

    Phantom: E. Chesley may be a genius, but his father is still spooked by the telephone. “What is strange thing makes bells and voice?”

    Marvin: Will people pay good money for soiled diapers? Hey, Tom Armstrong is counting on it.

    SSmith: Scoff if you like, but he has about as much grounds to call himself a bluesman as John Mayer.

    H&J: “Okay, well I guess I’ll keep looking for Jamaal’s testi… I mean, the Chinese stress-reduction orbs.”

    FC: I guess Jeffy read yesterday’s panel and saw PJ saying something cretinous. No wonder he feels threatened.

    DT: When CW shows go on too long, people get hurt.

    Luann: Gunther switches his affections from Blonde Unit A to Brunette Unit D-2, as a nation shrugs its shoulders in indifference.

    GA: They’re trapped in a Moebius plot, escapeable only through death.

    HtH: The King fields threats from barbarian raiders himself? You’d think that would be the first royal duty he’d delegate.

  112. DairyStateDad
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#65): The current Spider-Man arc was written by the creative team behind “Scooby-Doo”…

  113. Écureuil Écumant
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Uh, Dennis? Ask Joey. He’s known the answer to that one for awhile.

  114. Écureuil Écumant
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#109): She might be a Mary Chapin Carpenter fan ;-)

  115. TheDiva
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#85): Pity they can’t finish with the line “And now for something completely different.”

    Or by having Graham Chapman enter in military dress, declare the whole thing to be “too silly,” and usher all the players offstage. (Actually, that would improve the quality of most of the newspaper strips currently running…)

  116. Écureuil Écumant
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#111):

    “MW: Suddenly I feel short-changed that we can’t get audio, as Gina is obviously about to break
    out in song.”

    I likewise feel a little shortchanged, because I’d already anticipated a different ending to that sentence as my eyes tracked back to the left after the linefeed.

  117. Dood
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Won’t anyone else on the comics page drink Lu Ann’s lemonade? Parson Tuttle? Dagwood? Anyone?

  118. Scott Bot
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Lu Ann has the same look on her face that my mom’s dog does when you won’t toss the ball that she’s placed at your feet. Which makes sense, because Margo usually has the same look on her face that my cat does when she’s about to sink her claws into your leg.

  119. Écureuil Écumant
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#117): Mary Worth probably would — if Lu Ann used LUJBEM FEJF’s recipe @101 (the reversed-ratio version) and mixed in 1/4c. instant mashed potato flakes.

  120. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2011 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#51): Wrong, comrade! In Soviet Apartment, lemon makes you-ade out of you!

    @Écureuil Écumant (#116): Ooh. Yes, that too.

  121. Steve the Pocket
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    B.C.: Still hate these strips.

    Bizarro: Don’t women tend to grab onto something to squeeze once they start to push? If she doesn’t put down that phone, it’s going to be BlackBerry jam in a minute. Ha! See, Mastroianni? That’s how you do it.

    Funky Winkerbean: I’ve heard he was a dumb, self-absorbed jerk.

    Hagar is funny because of the element of surprise. Nobody expects Hagar to actually act like a Viking anymore! What a tweest!

    Marvin: Wow. Even when Marvin isn’t even in the strip, it devolves into diaper jokes. I think that’s one of the major signs that you’re in a major rut as a writer.

    Shoe: Buddy, I don’t know what kinda pain meds that doctor’s got you on, but if it makes the sea look like a bunch of bikinis to you, you might want to consider changing.

    Wizard of Id: Wait, “mucus of flobberworm”? That’s from a Harry Potter video game! Thought you could get away with it if you didn’t reference something people would remember from the books, didn’tcha?

  122. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    just an aside note. Was off running errands, and passed a woman out exercising her dogs, an elderly black lab and a corgi! First one I’ve seen IRL for quite some time.

    I now return you to your regularly scheduled snark.

  123. Dobe G
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#59): 9CL: He’s with the Pope only so that Brooke use the (implied) line “Fuck His Holiness” and give himself another “naughtiness” chubby. Oooh, so transgressive!

  124. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    FYI – the 9CL guy is still a priest, but unable to “licitly” act as one. For Catholics, some sacraments are forever, more info on the internet, etc. Still doesn’t explain squat about why Rome cares – they have a bunch of married “ex-priests”, so I’m guessing he only just now got around to telling them about the cockroach threat.

  125. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @DairyStateDad (#112): The current Spider-Man arc was written by the creative team behind “Scooby-Doo”…
    Scooby-Dooism was never better handled than in the Korn (“We like solving groovy mysteries!”) episode of South Park, where it’s revealed that the illusion of the ghostly pirate ship was accomplished with “a squirrel, two Q-tips and a candle.”

    I’m paraphrasing from memory, but not in a way that makes much difference.

  126. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Dobe G (#123): Occam’s Chubby is usually the obvious solution.

    A3G: There’s a pantheon of comic strip characters that LuAnn can offer her lemonade *koff*mashup*kaff*.

  127. Father William of Ockham
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#126): hey! I’m not chubby, I’m just big boned!

  128. Walker of Dog
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#65):

    First Spider-Man passes completely through Mr. Glowing Guy. Now there’s a hat and coat, but nobody in it.

    Brace yourself: The back of the coat was vented!

  129. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    wallasquee. d’awwwwww.

  130. Katy
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#122): I dunno, queek, there are lots of elderly black Labs where I live.

    Ha ha! See what I did there? Acted like I misunderst — hey, I’m talking to you. Where are you going?

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    It’s the last one, and you want me to fetch it for you? human, please. . . .

  132. Pseudo3D
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#110): Actually, yes, one more thing. I just wanted to vent about Dustin: Google doesn’t work that way.

  133. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

  134. Walker of Dog
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The black background foreshadows Lu Ann’s incipient personality disorder (not that she has a lot to work with). But yes, she’s about to go all Smeagol/Gollum.
    The good news: Gollum-Ann wants the lemonade.

    FC: “You too, old man.”

    Phan: Matching glasses, blue hair, and lavender outfits…. 70s family variety show?

    FW: His tombstone reads “John Darling: TV Personality”.

    MW: Mary is confused because Gina is trying to auto-tune herself.

    DT: Longer eyelashes, Lizz! Still longer, I say! Flip your sun visor with them! Knock over wine glasses! RUIN JENGA FOR EVERYONE!

  135. Mark B.
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Poor Lu Ann, she can’t remember if she’s serving lemonade or carrying a urine sample to the lab.

  136. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#130): yeah, left myself open to that one. ;-)

  137. charterstoned
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “No thanks, Lu Ann. I have a meeting with Nina — we’re creating a Mills Scholarship Fund and if I drink that lemonade, something bad might happen that will thwart my plans. I might have to go to the bathroom at a crucial moment in the negotiations. I might get a piece of lemon pulp stuck between my front teeth and that could blow the whole deal. Sorry, Lu Ann. Having a glass of lemonade right now is too risky.”

  138. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#125): Respectfully, I must differ. The Venture Bros did Scooby Doo humor to perfection, in the episode where Shaggy (name-changed for obvious reasons) has a Son-of-Sam communion with Scooby (ditto).

  139. Chip
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Hey Luann!- You know who loves lemonade? Kids! You know who gives lemonade to kids? Moms! Hmmm.

  140. ArchieNemesis
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#7): Look how Dad’s face goes from a zombie-like stare, to a wry little smile in bemused reaction to his son’s dopery, if you simply reverse the drawing.

    Family Circus: Normal versus rotated horizontally.

    Ignore the book cover, and it’s easy to see that the art was originally drawn to read left-to-right. Then it was mindlessly rotated, to disguise its robotic reuse by the Family Circus Cash Cow Milker Corporation.

  141. Droopy Says
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#134): Phan: Matching glasses, blue hair, and lavender outfits…. 70s family variety show?

    I was thinking clones, with maybe a Boys From Bangalla story. “Hello, this is E. Queasy. How are units A, B, C, D, F, G and H. Queasy doing?”

    This could still be a “Ransom of Red Chief” story. It looks like the Daddy Bowes is forcing the Mommy Bowes to speak to the offspring, while Mr. and Mrs. Elimu clutch one another in horror at E. Queasy’s return. Maybe it’s not too late for them to hire some competent abductors.

  142. Baka Gaijin
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Multiple Choice Question: Which comic strip character is least likely to say this sentence: “I wouldn’t want her to think I’m a nosy-body.”

    A. Connie Duncan, mother on Zits
    B. Wanda MacPherson, mother on Baby Blues
    C. Curtis Wilkins, mother-annoyer on Curtis
    D. Mary Worth, doyenne of meddle, Mary Worth

    Answer: None of the above. The least likely comic strip character to say this is Kenny the Unicorn, My Cage.

  143. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#138): No fair! You know I won’t sit here and say somebody did something better than the Venture Brothers. All I can do is sputter and say the intention was slightly different.

  144. Walker of Dog
    August 9th, 2011 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#140): The first thing that jumped out from those mirrored images: Bil’s stork legs! Yikes!

    @Droopy Says (#141): Yes, I got that same terror-vibe: “You suggest the semester abroad.” “God, no! You do it!”

  145. ArchieNemesis
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#144): Holy crap those ankles are like toothpicks. On the kid too.

  146. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Leaving my nom de blog off this one: I work deep in the bowels in the Catholic Church, and I interact with priests and bishops all the time. There are quite a few ex-priests and ex-nuns (and yes, a few are married to each other) who work in the church, as teachers, parish directors of religious education, pastoral administrators, etc. A former priest who goes through proper channels is laicized and is still a Catholic in good standing.

    Quite a few priests I know are friends with guys they knew from seminary who did not go on to be ordained, and many are still friends with those who have been laicized. Still others are friends with all kinds of non-priests. It’s not inconceivable former Fr. McDad would be in a meeting with a bishop. But the pope? No. I call bullshit.

    Not as much bullshit as I call most days working here, but bullshit none the less. Close friends have wondered how I, a good atheist, can work in the church. The pay is good, the benefits are great, and I get all kinds of obscure days off. Hey, I have a 3 day weekend coming up this weekend! 5 internet dollars and a communion wafer if you know why!

  147. Kristian
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#146): Assumption of Mary?

  148. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#146): Hey, I have a 3 day weekend coming up this weekend! 5 internet dollars and a communion wafer if you know why!

    It would take a great Assumption to answer your question without hesistation.

  149. Fashion Police
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Miss Kelly Knight ought to thank her lucky stars that we are not the vice-principal of her school in charge of deportment. Did we ever mention that Miss Phelps in Luann would make a superb role model for young ladies?

  150. ArchieNemesis
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#146): Assumption of Mary on Monday! Who knew she had WonderWoman-like flight abilities?

  151. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Kristian (#147): *shakes tiny fist holding Rosary beads*

  152. Violet
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Oh for cryin out loud, if this is leading up to LuAnn deciding to get married and have a baby just because nobody wants her stupid lemonade, that will be totally—well, actually a pretty believable development based on LuAnn’s character.

  153. pugfuggly
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Inspired by kind comments today: The Adventures of Chairman Margo, Episode 4

  154. Lu Ann
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Chip (#139): I don’t get it.

  155. Puts with Wolves
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    And with that $300 you have given up all eligibility to play high school or college golf. Not to mention that you lost any hope of the golf scholarship you were hoping for to escape the hell that is Milford! That’s what I call “hustle”. Have fun being a bag girl the rest of your life!

  156. Violet
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I wonder what’s up with Sophie that she’s particularly in need of help today. I mean, she already showed those snooty cheerleaders and troublemaking MILFs that nothing can stop a pampered, attractive, genius-level darling of fortune when she’s got grit, determination, Hollywood celebrities, her parents’ vast wealth and influence and pretty much everyone and everything else behind her. So what fresh challenge is in store for our plucky heroine? Is she running for God?

  157. demoncat
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    mary expression in the last pannel is one of shock over some one actully asking her for advice so she is intriqued to find out why gina is willing giving her self to mary to use her meddling power on.

  158. bats :[
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#146): gotta love Holy Days of Obligation!

  159. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Violet (#152): I dearly hope so, because I cannot wait to see what kind of perpetually-dazed space children result from having Luann for a mother.

  160. Kristian
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#151): Your wording was better than mine. (We really need seconds for the “posted at” stamp.)

    @ArchieNemesis (#150): WonderMary!

  161. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Poor Lu Ann. Life handed her lemons. She did what she was supposed to, and still … lemons! Everything she knows — and that’s not much — is wrong.

  162. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    Hey, fun dogma fact — both Jesus and Mary rose to Heaven, but Jesus’s rise was an Ascension (under His own power), while Mary’s was an Assumption (by means of an external Agency).

  163. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#162): does Red Bull count as an external Agency?

  164. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    queek, if you drink it, it becomes internal.

  165. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    (And if it transsubstantiates, it becomes eternal as well.)

  166. Carly
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Lu Ann, no one wants to be in your B porno.

  167. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#165): two, four, six, eight, time to transsubstantiate!

    *does the Vatican Rag*

  168. charterstoned
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#158): Yes, but this year, the Feast of the Assumption falls on a Monday and therefore we are not obligated to attend Mass. (At least, not in the Washington Archdiocese.)

    Anybody seen Late Nite Catechism lately?

  169. Bill Murray
    August 9th, 2011 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#90): think how much help the person making the reference needs. It would have been easier had I titled it Margo-A-Go-Go like I figured out once I fully woke up

  170. spence-bob
    August 9th, 2011 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Tommie’s and Margo’s excuses are as empty and imaginary as the lemonade Lu Ann pretended to make.

  171. This Guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Dustin: 11.86 billion results in 0.1 seconds. Yeah, that really fucked things up. Of course, in his case it would’ve been appropriate for it just to say “You’re an asshole.”

    @Uncle Lumpy (#161): I’m sure that even Lu Ann will wake up to the possibilities of incendiary lemons.

  172. Mr K Martin
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Why is Marvin missing today? He is on a quest for knowledge. I see him now climbing to the top of a giant mountain where he at last meets the generic old bearded wise man.

    MARVIN: (speaking through thought balloons) Oh great Generic Bearded Wise Man, I come to drink from the pool of your wisdom. I am Marvin.

    WISE MAN: Ah, diapered traveler, I have read your dung jokes.

    MARVIN: But wise one, I am not satisfied. I come seeking the ultimate poop joke to end all others.

    WISE MAN: Young seeker of fecal Nirvanah, you must learn patience. Do not let your imagination become constipated.

    MARVIN: Your words are Mental Ex-Lax, good teacher.

    WISE MAN: Do not let the poop distract you from life’s other rewards – pee, snot, boogers, and of course, flatulence – the winds of inspiration. And ear wax too. How come nobody ever makes jokes about ear wax?

    MARVIN: Ah, to pee I am no stranger, but poop carries greater weight.

    WISE MAN: And poop will some day have greater impact, as on shows like “South Park” where fecal tissue becomes political metaphor.

    MARVIN: Ah, deeper poop.

    WISE MAN: And as teen years approach, new worlds of cheap laughs will arise – Sex Jokes! Ethnic Humour!

    MARVIN: Your wisdom flows like diarrhea through the plumbing of life, good teacher, but I must ask one final question. How did you come atop this great mountain? Where did it come from and why does it smell so foul?

    WISE MAN: My answer, young seeker, is simple. Don’t eat the Grand Slam at Denny’s! (rimshot) Good Night, everybody! (exits as orchestra plays “That Old Soft Shoe”)

  173. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    A3G — When life hands you a lemon the way it has Lu Ann, you go out and form your own band:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemonade_Mouth

  174. Rixter
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#146): aka the Feast of St. Mary the Virgin, the Feast of the Dormition of the Theotokos.

  175. Rixter
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G – So much for that old adage about “When life hands you lemons….” Look what it got Lu Ann.

    MW – First her mother, now her father? I hope Gina never had any siblings. We could be stuck in this storyline for months. BTW, does Mary have any living relatives?

  176. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#175):

    There’s a ne’er-do-well son someplace.

  177. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#176): the rest have been devoured.

  178. Markie
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    No, it’s not like nobody needs Luann, just that when she offers lemonade, SHE OFFERS AN EMPTY GLASS!! Why can’t she notice that??

  179. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    hovercorgi and wingdog.

    it’s involves something short and mightily squee, and has Celtic music in the background. Therefore, I dedicate this vid to mollificent.

  180. Monica
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Both Tommie and Margo are so busy ignoring Lu Ann that they completely failed to notice that the lemonade she’s so emphatically offering has turned invisible.

  181. Just some guy
    August 9th, 2011 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Lady Gaga would like some lemonade.

  182. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#162): Cool. I’ve always known the difference between the virgin birth and the immaculate conception, but not that one. Kind of a travesty, considering my previous career.

  183. Droopy Says
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#162): Another fun fact: the Feast of the Assumption is the only Holy Day o’ Obligation during the summer. This makes it a total waste for parochial-school students. You already have the day off from school, but you still have to go to mass.

  184. ElkMeadow
    August 9th, 2011 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    So is Gina the one giving birth in Bizarro? or is that (with the same hair style) pre-teen April “the martian” Patterson?

  185. Poteet
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Cue Bill Sykes.

  186. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#183): another fun fact: the movability of days of obligation varies in different regions, with some or many days automatically moved to the nearest Sunday. Canada only has two that don’t: Christmas and January 1 (Solemnity of Mary). I thought that made us wise, or wimps, or both – until I heard that Hong Kong only has Christmas.

  187. Mustang
    August 9th, 2011 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    MW – Mary’s meddling jones has led her to a cheap diner – the kind of place where you can buy trouble. For the price of a Cobb salad you’ll get a little something on the side much more satisfying than a cello pack of saltines. Sure, it’s not the real thing, but then the waitress speaks those words- “I’ll tell you my story because I feel comfortable with you and need your advice,” and for a brief moment, she’s Jill and Wilbur and that one lady with the shopping addiction, and she’s magical.

  188. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    August 10th, 2011 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp – Gads, I’m glad my local paper no longer gets this strip. This is simply terrifying. From the sinister look on Molly’s mug, it seems that the Milford softball team has gone from low end car washes and bake sale fundraisers to a fullblown violent extortion racket. I tremble imagining poor Dr. Scavuzzo crawling down an alley with crushed kneecaps or worse yet getting taken for a ride for “cement jockstrap” fitting.

  189. Droopy Says
    August 10th, 2011 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Is stupidity contagious? Because normally Spiderass is the only one dumb enough to jump out of a speeding car in heavy traffic. And explain his actions on the way down.

    Family Circus: Can’t you two strangle one another quietly?

    Phantom: Uh, oh, McEck has some serious competition in the pretentious language department!

    Mock Trail: John has a moustache! The Fists o’ Justice slowly stir! Meanwhile, why does he feel the need to say “my wife Marie”? How many wives does he have? Do they have many polygamists near the Canadian border? Or does the Elrodball think that Utah is next to Canada?

    Gil Thorp: They killed Kenny’s meltdown! The bastards!

    Dustbin: This is the third “fired from the job” joke in as many days.

  190. Anonymous
    August 10th, 2011 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Apt 3G – What we have here is a failure to communicate. Judging by her empty glass, Luann is not OFFERING lemonade to her roommates, she’s asking her roommates to MAKE lemonade for her. Luann is questioning her usefulness, because her callous roomnates apparently are willing to let her die of dehydration in the intolerable blazing hot charnal pit that a New York City apartment like 3G, must be in early August.

  191. ElkMeadow
    August 10th, 2011 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Growing up with my parents in New York was a memorable time

    I just realized that I’m too tired to snark about this one. It’s just so dumb.

  192. ElkMeadow
    August 10th, 2011 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Oh, yeah, something or other about the pony tail that hasn’t changed in twenty years.

  193. Maggie the Cat
    August 10th, 2011 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    A3G- LuAnn’s hot, sweaty, restless, and getting ready to take it all off. This sounds like the beginning of some solo porn.

    Thank goodness it’s LuAnn left home alone bored and stewing on this hot NYC day and not Tommie, amiright??

  194. nomuse
    August 10th, 2011 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: The heck with the lemonade; I want the magical floating glass you can carry just by brushing your fingertips against it.

  195. Droopy Says
    August 10th, 2011 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Shoe: If humor is one of the senses, then this strip is the humor equivalent of “visually challenged” and “hearing impaired.”

    EffYou Wankerbeat: Kid, your old man was from Westview. That’s already more than you want to know.

    Marmaduke: World War II is officially behind us when someone can meet Hitler and not recognize him.

  196. Kristian
    August 10th, 2011 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47): [Phantom Menace] Hah!

  197. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2011 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    DT – Johnny Malotte shows up in two comics on the same day. What are the odds?

    JP – While I appreciate Sophie’s choice of outfit, I don’t think Ghost Dog: The Way of the Cheerleader is going to do well at the box office. But God bless Jim Jarmusch for trying.

    Sophie’s choice. Funny, she doesn’t look like Meryl Streep.

    Luann – I misread the first line as “I love big books,” and now I’ve got that Sir Mix-a-lot song in my head. Beavis and Butthead are also in there and, frankly, it’s getting a little crowded.

    A3G – Yes. A cool bath. Albert Pinkham Ryder will be pleased.

    “Hi, I’m the ghost of Albert Pinkham Ryder. You may remember me from such paintings as Death on a Pale Horse, and The Flying Dutchman. My advice to aspiring young artists? Paint lots of flowers.”

    Sorry. Four years later, I still haven’t gotten over that strange interlude with Hazey Lu Ann.

  198. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2011 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I swear I thought Kelly had green flames tattooed on her side. It did not bother me.

  199. Kristian
    August 10th, 2011 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    A3G: [Tom Servo] Oh yes oh yes oh yes!

    Beetle Bailey: [Sung to "In the Navy"] “In the Army …”

    Crankshaft: Puns and malapropisms and spoonerisms, blah, blah, blah. Make with the old age, suffering and death, Batuik!

    Love is …: … then being disappointed when he doesn’t notice.

    Momma: That’s some bad acne. Take the hint.

    One big happy: A low-down, dirty shame. A darn shame. A real shame.

    Dennis the Menace: Dennis taunts Joey with a future of blue-collar jobs with poor pay and low job security. Semi-menacing.

    Archie: Jughead: WWII fighter pilot?

    Hägar the Hörrible: The thing I notice is how bored the longship’s Loch Ness Monster head looks. “Ho hum, off on another vike.”

    Herb and Jamaal: Yes, you probably should wear glasses, if you can find any that fit those softball-sized protruding eyes.

    Phantom: Yes, yes, young child big words, always amusing. The thing about the Phantom is that he’s actually real. You idiot.

    Pluggers: Dear Pluggers. Please never say “dilated” again. Thank you.

    Shoe: Couldn’t fit “Proprioception” in there, could ya?

    Wizard of Id : Interesting. Of course you’d want to add spin to maximise the Magnus effect. Also, this must be the first Wizard of Id that ends the same way as a Seinfeld: by naming a golf ball.

    Family Circus: Jazz hands!

  200. gleeb
    August 10th, 2011 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Yes, a nice obsession with the dead will keep your sick relationship together.

  201. Little Guy
    August 10th, 2011 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#192): Beat me to it.

    Big Nate: ELLEN SIGHTING!!!!

    S4th: We get it, Ces. Move along.

    RMMD: …..

    …..”Spider” Webb? ….

    Why do I feel like I’m in one of those slow 3G speed commercials?

    9CL: Pregnant woman gives multiple blowjobs.

  202. Ingeld
    August 10th, 2011 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    BB: Looks like Dr. Bonkus is trying to circumvent the repealing of don’t ask, don’t tell.

  203. Kristian
    August 10th, 2011 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#201): [9CL] … film at 11.

  204. Anonymous
    August 10th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MW:

    Why is Mary hanging out with this low rent trash? Here is the real scoop. Gina’s father worked for my father’s company in Manhattan. He was an embezzler who stole money from the company to pay for gambling and hookers. He apparently “got off” on beating up hookers, videotaping “his fun”and then selling the videos to porn shops.

    Gina’s father had this apartment in the Bronx all rigged with cameras. One night he was set up to film and he was stuck babysitting Gina (a busy young tween at the time.) He told he he had a short meeting and that she should stay in the car and listen to music (he supplied her with a 2 liter generic cola beverage and some cheeze doodles.) Well he was going at it big time with the hooker and Gina got scared and headed up to the apartment.

    When she open the door the apartment the hooker was begging for her life and Gina’s father was heading toward the hooker with a Sear’s chainsaw.

    Long story short the cops came in and saved the hooker. Gina was forced to testify against her father. The father was sentenced to 20 years in prison and promised to “gut Gina like a fish,” the day he got out of prison. Gina and her mother were broke and had to resort to a sick “mother/daughter” business which I can’t go into but let’s just say it paid the rent.

  205. greghousesgf
    August 10th, 2011 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#115): Monty Python makes everything better.

  206. GalacticYoyo
    August 10th, 2011 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    If my very first thought while reading the Lockhorn’s was, “Wow, I’m gonna start celebrating sexy hobo cosplay day,” does that mean there’s something wrong with me?

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