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Wednesday one-liners (and one three-liner)

Apartment 3-G, 8/17/11

“That’s just her style, Paul. Not liking you! Not liking people is Margo’s style.”

Beetle Bailey, 8/17/11

Fans of “Sexy Miss Buxley Wednesday” are no doubt disappointed to find this week that it’s overlapped with “The depressing moment when the veil is torn away and we can see the full-on awful extent of General Halftrack’s alcoholism and self-loathing, a moment that can happen any day of the week without warning.”

B.C., 8/17/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because the turtle’s shell is covered with a toxic chemical that will eventually seep into his bloodstream and kill him!

Mark Trail, 8/17/11

OK, so we want to focus on Kelly’s eyes, so we can get a sense of the sexy plotting going on in her mind … closer … closer … AUGGGGH TOO CLOSE ABORT ABORT ABORT

283 responses to “Wednesday one-liners (and one three-liner)”

  1. Rachel
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    I’d say something about brain freeze with all that ice cream, but it’s Lu Ann.

  2. Liam
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    A3G-Lu Ann says “death by chocolate” but the carton says chocolate. I am going to assume that the chocolate is poisoned and Lu Ann wants some type of Romeo and Juliet love.

  3. nescio
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: Paul, you can choose to go on the rocky road that is putting up with Margo’s style, or I can bludgeon you to death with this frozen chocolate ice cream and save you.

    Crock: In the second panel, the vulture actually looks detailed. Maybe that only happens when the artist is trying to draw something ugly.

    H&L: Nice second panel reaction shot.

    Another Pluggers are diabetics panel.

    The only thing more horrifying than the extreme close-up of Kelly in MT and the vulture in Crock is today’s Zits, showing Jeremy having some kind of S&M fantasy about his own father while the latter is just trying to get him to pick out some goddam school supplies.

  4. S. Stout
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Actually, both of these pints were just regular chocolate ice cream until Margo shit in them. Let’s eat it anyway to spite her!”

    MW: Hey, at least Kelly has eyes with color in them, unlike Rusty’s eyes which..oh God, can’t get image out of mind…aaauughghgh”

    Luann: There is a third option, and it’s Gunther is so mind-numbingly pathetic that you should walk away now and never talk to him again.

  5. Twinkles the Elf
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Wait, what? That’s Kelly Welly? I thought it was Cherry! Now I have to completely revisit this plotline, and it was boring enough the first time. Damn you, Josh!

  6. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    FW – A lump? That is horrible! Was she OK? Why have you never mentioned this before? Was this Alyssa or whatever someone important to you?

  7. tb4000
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    FW: “…and next we’re going to walk to the hospital and to the bed where Lisa actually died, and you BETTER be ok with sitting there while I sniff the sheets longingly.”

  8. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: I see Jimmy … I mean Jennie Olsen’s operation was a success.

    Arlo and Janis: Make room.

    Betty: Parents, amiright! Wait, what?

    Bizarro: Inspiration for Donna Lewis.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Er … he’s either omnipotent or not. “Omnipotent and lazy” doesn’t really work.

    Crock: Aren’t vultures more or less “top of the food chain” when you’re lost in the desert?

  9. Chyron HR
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Oh, we’re out of chocolate. How about death by gunshot instead?”

    Son, I Am Disappoint – “I never realized how out of shape the average American is. I can say that ’cause I’m perfect!” (h/t to the late, great My Cage)

    Judge Parker turned into Highlander so abruptly I couldn’t help but notice.

    Crock has some surprisingly well-drawn buzzards today. I’m not being sarcastic. And when I said I’m not being sarcastic, that wasn’t sarcasm either.

    Herb & Jamaal – “Pitcher?!? I was talkin’ about DAT ASS!”

  10. lynn
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    FW: Boy, that Les sure knows how to sweet-talk a woman.

  11. Effluvius Erratus
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: “Here comes…Nona!” would be a good name for a spin-off strip, or an early ’90s sitcom. Randy Newman could do the theme song.

  12. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: The true extent of the Menace is found here: the character we know as “Joey” turns out to be Hitler as a child.

    Funky Winkerbean: [Mr K Martin I salute you. Also Esther Blodgett, Rocky Stoneaxe, Poteet] May I? Thank you. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! OK, all done, who’s next?

    Heathcliff: Actually, since he’s achieved equilibrium, he’ll only need one more balloon.

    Herb and Jamaal: [and @Chyron HR (#9)] Yeah, trying to make his boyfriend jealous by discussing the attractive peanut man’s “curves”. That’s pretty low.

    Hi and Lois: Sorry, once someone somewhere has made the “texting” joke, you cannot go back to “phoning.”

  13. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Funk the Stupid Bean: That’s right, Les. It’s always about YOU, isn’t it? Cayla, your supposed girlfriend, wants to hear all about you and your dead wife feeling each other up while sitting on this exact bench. I mean, really…..”Touch Football”?? What a bunch of stupid glurge. And, previously, she wants to hear all about that damn prof back in college that gave you a poor grade.

    Cayla: We’ve been saying this for a long time now……..just kick this self-centered, narcissistic, gloomy-mopey fuckstick in his god-dammed balls and walk away. Just walk away forever.

    I hate this damn strip as much as the FOOB.

  14. Dennis Jimenez
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A3G – Well I, for one, like Margo – and she’ll never need a face lift – just another rachet crank on the old bun, every couple years….

    BB – The Half-Track, will replace the Flaming Moe as the new grog de jour – Half Gin – Half Pepto-Bysmal….

    BC – So, the turtle is Rick Perrywinkle and the bird is Mittens Romney – right???

    MT – Douching in the great out doors – chapter one – hanging your hot water bottle from a larch branch….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  15. Pozzo
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    “And when we finish the Rocky Road, I think I still have a couple of gallons of lemonade.”

  16. Scott Bot
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Archie – See, that’s what happens when you hang around Gina and Bobby and those kids from Mary Worth.

    DT – Can we just stick with one villian, please? I’m confused, and it’s not in a Locher fun way, either.

    FW – As someone who may be reentering the dating pool soon, I’m taking notes. Les seems to be a walking ‘how not to impress the women’ poster child.

    GT – Wacky fun sitcom-style hijinks will soon ensue.

    HotC – Kid’s got a point.

    MW – If I woke up one morning and discovered I’d turned into Jerry Lewis, I’d be scared, too.

    Pluggers – always make sure they order a Diet Coke to go along with their super size Big Mac meal, so they can stay on their diet.

  17. Jimbo
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Pluggers–Of course, when this Plugger goes to his doctor the next day, he’ll say, “Doc, that metformin made my sugar go down to 179 and I felt bad, so I quit takin’ it. 179′s too low, right? Oh, and would you write me a prescription for one of them scooters that Medicare pays for?”

  18. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Dog Eat Doug

    Dear Coloring Monkey:

    The object in today’s strip is supposed to be BLUE.

    This is the second time you’ve ruined one of cartoonist Brian Anderson’s Doctor Who Tardis jokes by selecting feces brown from your extensive palette of colors. Therefore, I’m forced to conclude that your first name is…

    MARVIN!!!

    Sincerely,

    Whovian Stoneaxe

  19. Binder's Butter Beans
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#13): If she kicks him in the balls and then he discovers, while cradling them and squeaking “Help me, Lisa!” in a high-pitched voice, that there’s a lump there, I will consider it a bonus.

  20. CanuckDownSouth
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Raise hands everyone who’s getting the sick, sinking feeling that Les’ trip down the Lisa memory lane is his prelude to proposing to Cayla…

    Who knew that one day Blandthony’s business-model pseudoproposal would compare well to another strip’s? At least FOOB didn’t drag it out all week.

  21. pugfuggly
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: I love Paul expression in the first panel: “Spin the bottle? Isn’t that more of a game for newlyweds? This is moving so fast….”

    BB: Two things:

    (1)Is the General downing a bottle of medical-grade ethanol, or has he just been saving that bottle for a special occasion since the 1920s?

    (2) We know that miss Buxley is supposed to be the beautiful, buxom bombshell of the office, you don’t have to give her female co-workers walnuts for breasts just to make her seem even more voluptuous.

    FC: There’s something unsettling about people sunbathing at night….

    JP In other news, a man found his phone. More at 11.

    MW: “Ahhhum….I said: he was PALE as a SHEET….goddamn lazy colourists…anyhow, back to my story…”

    ASM “He’s the only one strong enough to have ripped through the barred windows…except for the dozens, or perhaps hundreds of other superheroes and villains that infest NYC like so many rats….You know what? Just go. I’m moving to Jersey….”

  22. Flummoxicated
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey Elrod, you might want to wait more than a couple of months before recycling the “Kelly Welly follows Mark on a story” bit. Though if Kelly winds up joining a doomsday cult, all will be forgiven.

    FW: This week is a prime example of why this strip sucks so badly.

    MW: I bet Dad ran over Gina’s pre-pubescent boyfriend. This will be easy for Mary to fix: “Gina, just remember things differently! Your dad didn’t kill your first true love, he removed a potentially dangerous skateboard thug from the gene pool!”

  23. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: Great, Brooke! Thanks to you, for the first time, I now feel sorry for the lousy politicians for being victims of your crackpot political/social/religious commentary. The left-wing cartoonists, the right-wing cartoonists… maybe even Dave Sim’s bizarre religious theories… can’t hold a candle to…
    Brooke McEldowney, Cocksure Crank!

  24. sporknpork
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I don’t think Margo likes me. I mean, she dressed up like me and mocked my morals mercilessly for fifteen solid minutes.”

    MT: In panel three, Cherry definitely has the look of “Oh shit, he actually expects me to write about this boring crap I’m faking interest in… fuck that duck” on her face.

  25. pugfuggly
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#15):

    heh…I always figured that you’d start with the ‘lemonade’ and then move on to the ‘rocky road’ once some trust was established, but hey, as long as its consenting adults…

    @CanuckDownSouth (#20):

    “Cayla, will you be my Lisa-surrogate, to have and to hold until you die and I can pick up another chick and tell her all about you all the time?”

  26. Charterstoned
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    MT – Hmm. A fishing camp in the area of the Canadian border. Well, I guess the hint at nearby water narrows that down a little bit, anyway, from the 5,525 miles of borderline to choose from. Lucky for Kelly, the chip she installed in Mark should help her zero in on his exact location with ease.

    A3G – First she pressed her cold, clammy body against him. Now Lu Ann is bathing Paul in the frigid temps of the open freezer as she plies him with ice cream. And she wonders why he keeps shrinking from her. Hasn’t she ever seen Seinfeld?

    MW – Oh, man! I just got a huge, skateboard-shaped dent in the front of my car! Dang, now my insurance rates are really gonna skyrocket!

  27. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Don’t pretent you can afford wines where vintage makes a difference.

    Love is … : “Who is Salvador Dali.” Actually it incorporates both The Persistence of Memory and “Dali at the Age of Six [...]“. But the latter would be true of any “Love is …” featuring Creepy Naked Girl.

    Mary Worth: OK, showing slight promise now. But should we be spending this much time on the “problem”? Doesn’t that distract from the “meddle”?

    One Big Happy: If mom has to “set you up with” all your merchandise, how is it a business?

  28. Snowshoecat
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Okay, I understand that logic doesn’t enter into the wonderful world of comics…

    But just how long has Kelly worked for this outdoor magazine aimed at male readers? Seems to me she has been there a lonnnnnnng time, considering how many times she has unsuccessfully tried to seduce our Hero.

    So why is the editor just Now getting around to asking her if she can write an article aimed at women? What, if anything, has she been writing? Why has she been employed there?

    FW– I just KNOW that I would be content, no, thrilled, to date a man who does nothing but blather on about his dead first wife. Thrilled.

  29. els
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    In my head, there’s an imaginary third panel wherein Paul has a confounded expression and two thought bubbles above his head: one showing a gravel track somewhere, the other, him being shot with a gun made of chocolate. In this third panel, Luann realizes just how lucky an escape she, and any future child she plans for, has just had.

  30. Big Bad Dave
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    “Ok, I need an adjective here. Which one shall I use? (sound of rummaging in a box) “Oh, I know. ‘Interesting’. It sounds so interesting.” Everything is always interesting in a Mark Trail storyline. It’s the only word they know.

  31. Dood
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Is Bill Ellis’ fixation on “a story about women in the outdoors” healthy? Just what kind of a publishing empire does he manage?

  32. twg
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    FW: … cancer cancer HATE and all, but how the fuckity fuck do you notice a lump in your breast while playing touch football?!? Maybe if it was tackle and someone felt you up in a pile or something, but touch? What? That doesn’t even make any sense?

    MT: Doesn’t Bill Ellis know not to tell Kelly where Mark is by now? I’ve only been reading MT for like six months, but I assume this comic goes pretty far back and someone would have caught on to it by now?

  33. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Luann: In fairness, this is exactly how I talk to “A Generic Girl”. Of course we don’t generally spend much time talking. Also, “A Generic Girl” is bisexual, which is why Greg is distracted. No one tell my wife, OK?

    Mark Trail: “Today, in Drawing the Human Face, we are going to look at the eyes. The easiest pose is Front. Or you could just trace one of the drawings from the book. Up to you.”

    The Phantom: “Arooo?” Isn’t that what Nixon said? I should not get my history lessons from Futurama? I should shut up?

    Pluggers: It doesn’t matter to a rhinoceros if he goes blind, since he relies more on hearing and smell already. And being a plugger he already lives only for the sense of taste. Hey’s that’s another strip right there:
    “When a plugger says ‘give me some sugar’, he means it literally.”

  34. True Fable
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    “Yes, I remember this bench too! This is where I screwed the football hero after her didn’t quite win our homecoming game! Two can play at this game, asshole.”

  35. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s interesting how often the snark of yesterday turns into the reality of today when it comes to the writing in Funky Winkerbean.

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Yahoo comics seems to have figured out that it isn’t yesterday, only took them three days. sheesh.

    Lio: click it or ticket!

    R&R: nice take on an old trope.

    rMC: eww.

    Baldo: I thought that Wonder Mary Worth was the worst crossover ever. Tia Carmen just proved me wrong. ever so wrong.

    Archie: guess we know where the inspiration for the skatepack in MW came from.

    Bizarro: my grandfather was very happy with his hearing aides off and a glass of brandy. First peace and quiet he’d had in decades.

    GF: repeats as often as FOOB. . . .

    HotC: ZING! (also, BagMan should be a speedster that carries $$$ for the mob, not a hero. just sayin’.)

    JUMBLE: but, but, but SIX DIFFERENCES doesn’t fit!

    Luann: guest-starring Gen Erica from IP.

    OBH: the goggles, they do everything!

    SB: best. Marvin. EVAR!

    snarpologies as/if needed.

  37. Little Guy
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Eye Porn!

    S4th: Because, of course, in the game of baseball, there are no substitutions, as well as no such things as sustained rallies, and the last hitter can only hit a home run or a strike ou— oh, enough with the Peanuts homage, Ces!

  38. Sequitur
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    FW: With all this CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! etc. the past couple of days, I wouldn’t order the pepperoni pizza at Montoni’s.

    ATTENTION CHRON USERS! URGENT MESSAGE!

  39. Dangerous Danny Dumbbutt
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    At this point in the Apt. 3-G strip, a revelation finally dawns in Paul’s little action figure head: “I’m in lust with a moron who lives with a total hag!”

  40. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#31): “Dear Woods and Wildlife Magazine forum, I am a young woman who enjoys the outdoors (almost as much as I enjoy [...]“

  41. Little Guy
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MT, Part Deux: Jackelrodball tried to emulate Baretto, but his model said, “Hey, eyes up here!”

  42. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . Hello, Dali!

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    I wanted to take an extra moment and give Mr. Weber Jr. props for the art in today’s SFx. well done, sir! *applaz*

  44. Esther Blodgett
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    FW: This is the bench / that seated the girl / who felt the lump / that turned out be cancer / that went into remission / but was actually misdiagnosed / and killed the girl / who widowed the douchebag / who lived in the house that Batiuk built.

    MW: “He’d been attacked by a vicious group of clean-cut skateboarders! They tousled his hair and forced him to wear a Members Only jacket. Dad was never the same again. And *sob* neither was I.”

    Pluggers: “Leo C. Lee of Malakoff, Texas” had better be a nom de Mudge. ‘Fess up!

  45. Doctor Handsome
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Halftrack has a serious drinking problem. Because I’m pretty sure he’s attempting to drink a bottle of hippie organic shampoo, and failing even at that, since his glass is upside-down.

  46. But What Do I Know?
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#38): Thanks for the head’s up. Interesting that a newspaper doesn’t know the difference between “effect” and “affect” (hint: they used the wrong one).

    And they would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling ‘Mudgeons. . .

  47. Mustang
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @twg (#32): You would really be upset if you saw the strip where this scenario was first lovingly rendered. It was a looooong time ago, but I still remember seeing it and thinking it was an awfully strange way to discover a lump in one’s breast.

  48. Dennis Jimenez
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MW – After Bobby, I fell hard for a young street luge fanatic named Tim – then there was the Bill, the bridge bungee jumper, Tom, the hang glider – Boyce, the cliff diver…..

  49. Doctor Handsome
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Paul just grins like an idiot after Margo belittles him without provocation. I think he might be the one, Lu Ann!

  50. Greg
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    BB: Why is Miss Buxley staring at a picture of a car and two little clouds? Because it’s a rebus that says AUTO EROTIC ASPHYXIATION. Sexy Wednesday indeed! (At least I think that’s how you solve a rebus.)

  51. TheDiva
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MT: Kelly Welly’s article will be entitled “Stalking, Attracting Bad Guys, and Seven Other Ways to Get Your Mountain Man’s Attention.”

    9CL: Ever notice how what people say about God tells you more about them than it does God? Loving people see God as loving, judgmental people see him as judgmental, etc. Brooke McEldowney sees God as an overly verbose dork who likes to wax poetic about why everyone else in the universe is innately inferior to him. I’m just saying.

    C’shaft: A quick glance at Wikipedia shows that All My Children will in fact be continuing on as a web series. Of course, in the Funkyverse computers are the bastion of Everything Evil and Wrong With the World Today, Rose would probably still be in mourning if she knew that.

    FW: If, as many have speculated, this is leading up to Les proposing to Cayla, it is officially the worst proposal in history. Even those melodrama bad guys who press their suit by threatening to foreclose on the heroine’s farm and tie her to the railroad tracks have one up on ol’ Les, because at least they make no pretensions about being motivated by anything other than self-interest. Les probably thinks cold Montoni’s al fresco followed by a discourse on The Important Events in My Life, By Me, Les Moore (during which Cayla has yet to be mentioned once) is the most romantic thing in the world, and not an open invitation to be kicked in the face the moment he goes down on one knee. Then again, would Les even humble himself to assume such a posture?

    Luann: I’m going to guess c) sexual repression stemming from his relationship to his Mrs. Bates-esque mother which will manifest itself in horrifying ways later on in life.

    MW: Okay, so maybe this isn’t a 9/11 story, unless young!Gina has gone through the entire fateful day without any idea something’s amiss until Dad staggers home after narrowly escaping 1 WTC. Then again, given the average perception levels of your typical Mary Worth heroine…

    Pluggers: My grandfather was the type of guy who put salt on his prescribed low-sodium foods, so unfortunately this one hits kind of close to home.

    SM: Because there are NO other people in the Marvel universe gifted with immense physical strength!

  52. Voshkod
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Kelly’s journey began that day with a flight to Vancouver, British Columbia. And then she began to walk. It took her two years to cross the great arc of the 45th parallel, looking for Mark, looking for the fishing camp. Her money ran out within weeks, but she lived by her wiles, making mascara out of tree bark, lipstick out of berries.

    The Great Lakes were almost her undoing, as she crossed Lake Superior in a canoe of human skin (desperation will drive an outdoorswoman to great heights of ingenuity – and cruelty) in the height of a winter gale. But still no Mark, no Malotte.

    She finally stumbled down to the rocky beaches of the Atlantic ocean between Maine and New Brunswick, not with a cry of thalassa, thalassa upon her lips, but merely a croak of “Mark?” When she finally got cell phone reception, she called her boss at the magazine, who reminded her that there was another thousand and a half miles of border between Alaska and Canada.

    She vanished in the Brooks Range on cold night, and the locals say you can still hear her cry, her plaintive cry, on the wind. “Mark?”

  53. cvk
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Teflon’s actually super inert (fluorine binds really tightly), so I doubt it’d be toxic or harmful at all. In fact things like artificial heart valves are usually made of Teflon.

    But then it suppose it wouldn’t be funny. Me and my FACTS!

  54. Cowracer
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Crock: FYI: Teflon is totally inert and non-toxic. Many artificial parts (such as replacement heart valves, knees, etc) are made of teflon. You could eat a pound of teflon and have no problems other than a “back-splash” issue later on.

    tim

  55. spike
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#7): I’ll allow the retcon [Since Batiuk seems to be full of 'em lately], but Zombie Lisa actually died at home.

    @Kristian (#8): Re: 9CL: Would you be willing to accept the Woddy Allen line that “…the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.”? :-)

    @Dangerous Danny Dumbbutt (#39): Re: A3G: Yes, but–it’ll be so easy moving Lu Ann over to his house now to live with his parents and kid brother–She won’t notice the difference!

    @Esther Blodgett (#44): Re: FW:

    *Wild, loud, continous applause!!!*
    **Whistles!!!**
    ***Standing ovation.***

    Please return to the stage…

    (Parenthetical note to Josh: COTW material, Your Holiness!)

    JP: Finally! Picking up a thread dropped months ago. I was worried…

  56. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Crank: Oh, gimme a break! I wasn’t this disappointed about the cancelation of Arrested Development! Or MST3K… or Early Edition… or Joan of Arcadia… or… (God, what a depressing era for great show longetivity!)

    Curtis: Andrew better disown her!

    DT: Mr. Crime has Mr. Clean as his middleman.

    Garfield: At least, in the middle panel, his feet actually make sense!

    FW: Shut up!….. Shut up!…… shut up!….. (like Michael Palin in the Python sketch that leads to the Ann Elk bit. Still, Les Moore is NO Eric Idle!)

    JP: With the sound effects lettering in panel 1, it looks like the opening title sequence to a detective show called Vreep Vreep (a Quinn Martin production…)

    Luann: Great, Lu, you just ruined Isabella’s catchphrase from Phineas & Ferb! I hope you’re happy!
    (kidding! P&F catchphrases can’t be ruined)

    Oh, by the way, I’m not Peter Parker. Why do you ask…?

    MT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!… Ja….Jack Elrod thinks…(*snx!*)…. th…. that Kelly Welly…. (*snkr!!*)………. is some kind of (*chukl*)…….. sexpot!! Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  57. Doctor Handsome
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    What’s up with the close-up on Kelly Welly’s dead eyes during the (not particularly) expository dialogue in panel 2? Are you telling me there weren’t any pigeons outside Bill’s window the word balloons could have seemed to come from?

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    words fail me. just this.

    meanwhile, in Gasoline Alley.

    what really happened in Mary Worth.

    three comics related lolsnarks. *happy* now, on to the squee!

    sand kitten. your brain is now mush. (Daily Squee has more.)

    epic hovercorgi.

  59. Sequitur
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#56):

    JP: With the sound effects lettering in panel 1, it looks like the opening title sequence to a detective show called Vreep Vreep (a Quinn Martin production…)

    That would be a remake of The Rockford Files.

  60. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51): re: FW: On the contrary: I fully expect Les to command Cayla to get down on one knee when he proposes to her!

    And, for sure, at the wedding, I expect Les to pull a Ross and say Lisa’s name at the vows.

  61. geekwhisperer
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    BC- “I just got a job at the Teflon factory”. Jesus, I don’t mind the suspensions of disbelief as much as the pissing all over their own conventions. Now the tortoise has a job in a factory that makes industrial coatings? The tortoise? Who sits around all day? In the industrial part of some urbanized area we never see? What does he do there, not having any prehensile appendages save his mouth and being presumably less than three feet tall? At some point you get so far outside what is supposed to pass for the strip’s coherence you’re supposed to say “stop”.

    Is there ever a gag that somebody comes up with that they look at and say, “it just won’t work in this strip”?

  62. dan
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Josh, was that a Bloom County reference with the close-up?

  63. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Oh no! He’s going to wink creepily at older ladies like Bieber does! Ol’ Marv just can’t quit getting more and more repulsive, can he?!

  64. Steve
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    MW: He had momentarily forgotten that his hands were covered with Krazy Glue.

  65. Doctor Handsome
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Bill realizes that he fucked up, HARD, by mentioning something involving Mark Trail to Kelly. So he scrambles to occupy her with a made-up assignment he might plausibly give to a woman for a publication about the outdoors. “Hey, how about a story about… uhh… women? Like, in the outdoors? NAILED IT.”

  66. Phred22
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT: Attention, all you Mark Trail characters as you recycle from when you did this story in the 50s–TIMES HAVE CHANGED since then and you’ll have to behave a little differently than you did back then. Don’t count on us telling you how–we’re too busy ROFL. If as seems likely you don’t know what that mdans, just know that I, for one, like it.

  67. Sequitur
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Shannon from Luann has made a commercial.

  68. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#61): “Just repeat to yourself ‘it’s just a show – I should really just relax’.”
    But, yes. My guess is they said “Teflon. That’s a funny word. Cut. Print.”

    @spike (#55): Sounds about right for the 9CL-iverse. So yes.

    @Steve (#64): Hah! “Sweetie, could you help daddy phone 911?”

  69. Écureuil Écumant
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: Nurse Ratched will leave ‘em to their game of Spin the Bottle, as soon as she makes sure the bottlecap is cranked down tight so the Thorazines don’t scatter all over the floor.

  70. Esther Blodgett
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    It’s not every day that two commenters in a row are able to comment on the inert and non-toxic characteristics of Teflon. I mean, on a blog not populated by total geeks, she recovered quickly.

  71. spike
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51): Les would’ve been much better off taking Cayla to any one of Cleveland’s restaurants [Since Batiuk loves to occasionally showcase "local background" in his strips--and by no means are these the only restaurants in "The Mistake on the Lake".] for his marriage proposal, but that would’ve involved some thought, planning, or (Cough! Cough!) imaginagtion on Batiuk’s part.

  72. D. Mann
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    BC> As a owner in my youth of 2-3 BC collection books published around 1980, I swear I have seen this joke before. At least it was a more cognizant joke about Turtle Wax.

  73. Edgy DC
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Wow, up by the Canadian border! With an exclamation point! That narrows it down to about 5,500 miles! Thanks, asshole!

  74. twg
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Mustang (#47): Nooooooo but now I must go find it, God help me.

  75. John C
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    FW: Les is trying to get some the only way he knows how, through pity and self-loathing. On another note, do we know anything about Carla’s background besides that she’s somehow in love with Les Moore? Does she ever get to talk about herself at all? Oh that’s right, it’s not a relationship; it’s a continuous therapy session about how terribly depressing Les Moore’s life is.

  76. Roto13
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    The eyes in panel 2 of Mark Trail are too expressive to belong to the blank face in panel 3.

  77. Comcis Fan
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually Cayla dumped Les after she and Susan caught him “dancing with Lisa” on New Year’s Eve. Les has been carrying around this inflatable Cayla surrogate ever since, and it’s working out well between them. She’s a very good listener. Cayla and Susan have been vacationing together on an azure Caribbean beach all summer.

  78. bbofun
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    About the only thing that would make this 9CL arc palatable would be if “I’m resigning as executive producer” was Brooke’s way of announcing his retirement.

    Meanwhile, in Dick Tracy, it’s a Massive Multi-villain Crossover!

  79. Sequitur
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    FW: I feel Cayla must be in the witness protection program and has to stay in Westview. It’s the only reason she doesn’t run screaming from that town.

  80. UnclGhost
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    With two almost identical drawings, today’s Jumble puzzle is SLYLOCK FOX.

  81. Tom the Sailor Man
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#44):

    And the tumor on the lump
    And the lump on the breast
    And the breast on the girl
    And the girl on the bench…
    And the cancer cells grew all around, all around
    And the cancer cells grew all around!

  82. Doctor Handsome
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    This is not a snarky “comment,” and I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it once again: I am hopelessly in love with Margo Magee.

  83. Pseudo3D
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    AAAAH! The Chron is probably going to switch to some bloated interface, just like the Seattle PI’s Comics Kingdom and GoComics. Ah well…

    9CL: Well on its way to going above and beyond The Strip That Must Be Not Spoken Of Here.

    MW: “He only uttered two words, he said, ‘Mary….Worth’. I had no idea what that meant. Marry worth what?”

    MT: We zoom into Kelly Welly’s mind to reveal…absolutely nothing!

  84. Pseudo3D
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Addendum:

    FW – Apparently Les played a more literal version of “touch football”.

  85. bachelor manhattan
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Beltdown? Is he…is General Halftrack going to beat his wife? Or Miss Buxley? How is this a joke?

  86. Esther Blodgett
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    9CL: Good grief, McEldowney, would you please just die for my sins and be done with it already?

  87. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @bachelor manhattan (#85): “belting down a drink” is a bit old, but still a valid phrase.

  88. Effluvius Erratus
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#78): [/snark] With the stories being so tight and the villains (re)introduced and taken down so quickly, plus the repeated allusions to “Mr. Crime,” it seems the new team has been building to this, rather like Holmes realizing that there’s a criminal supergenius behind several of the seemingly unrelated cases he’d been investigating (though, new creative team or not, Dick probably won’t figure it out until Mr. Crime monologues it to him over a nice hot vat of acid). I think it’s been pretty skillyfully executed, all told. The shorter adventures do double-duty by keeping the pace brisk while dropping clues (in the appearence of loose threads and dropped storylines) of a deeper mystery.[snark]

  89. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @bachelor manhattan (#85): With Sarge beating Beetle every week and consequently getting a lot of strip space, they probably had to provide similar “opportunities” for women. (According to Wikipedia, “[Mrs Halftrack] has been known to sneak dates without Amos knowing.” Seems dangerous around a problem drinker. She should get that divorce already. )

    @Esther Blodgett (#86): He has an assistant to do that.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#87): A shame that “a bit old but still valid” doesn’t apply to “Beetle Bailey”!

  90. Ichi
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    MT Oh the inanity!

  91. Katy
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Shakespeare has this great scene where Richard III has just killed Lady Anne’s husband. And her father too. And then Richard III proposes to her. And Richard III asks himself afterwards “Was ever woman in this humour woo’d? Was ever woman in this humour won?”

    Because, you know, she said yes, and Richard III knows it was a totally dick move to kill her daddy and her husband, and then to say “Marry me” was totally dick times two, and he did it so persuasively that she said yes anyway, and he’s kind of high-fiving himself afterwards, saying “I’m a dick! But I’m really good at getting people to say yes!”

    What I’m saying is, Richard III is way better than Les Moore.

  92. spike
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Kristian (#68) and @Pseudo3D (#83): Perhaps Brooke is a Robert Heinlein fan. (I’m thinking of Job: A Comedy of Justice.) [***SPOILER ALERT!!!***: Both God and Satan are exposed as "lower-rung" executives/dieties toward the end of the story.]

  93. Dennis Jimenez
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#67): I heard they burried Shannon beneath a tree in the Patterson’s back yard – either that or that’s she drifted out to sea – something like that, anyway….

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Kristian (#89): and to the rest of Mort Walker Enterprises, and several dozen others on the supposedly-funny pages. I’m really rather agreeing with Cal over at Weapon Brown, a lot of these should be shot.

  95. Walker of Dog
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#51): Les won’t have to perform the traditional half-kneel to propose. The Earth will shift up slightly to meet His knee.

  96. Scott Bot
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#93): Well, maybe she’ll find an island where there’s shady trees. Just like the one in her backyard.

  97. frippy
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth:

    “And then he spent the rest of his life drunk to the gills, in pursuit of the man who killed his brother. And that’s why I can’t love anyone ever…”

    Oh wait, wrong meddle.

  98. exapno
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Retail: Cooper’s getting laid…..

  99. Chip
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    PLEASE! Not yet another “Kelly butts in on Mark’s gig and causes mayhem’ storyline! I can’t take it anymore…

  100. Walker of Dog
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: Gina’s father will be portrayed by Kevin McCarthy from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. “They’re already here! You’re next! Where’s my skateboard!”

    Jumb: |K|I|N|D|A|L|A|Z|Y|

    MT: Kelly Welly has gazed into my soul. I feel… dumber.

  101. Liam
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    To reiterate some jokes that made earlier today because I wanted to put them down when they were still fresh:

    FW-Let that be a lesson kids, If you play touch football you will get cancer.

    FC-Can you guys go inside now we want to play “Brokeback Mountain”?

    Love Is-A head full of acid.

  102. Illustrator Steve
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: Dear Jakelrodball, Please let me know WHERE can I buy a jacket the same “electric blue” color as Bill Ellis is wearing? It looks so 50′s-ish I simply MUST have one!

  103. pugfuggly
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#61):

    BC- “I just got a job at the Teflon factory”. Jesus, I don’t mind the suspensions of disbelief as much as the pissing all over their own conventions. Now the tortoise has a job in a factory that makes industrial coatings? The tortoise? Who sits around all day? In the industrial part of some urbanized area we never see?

    A short list of more plausible punchlines:

    ‘I met a helpful badger this morning who smoothed out my shell.’

    ‘My species secretes a viscous, oily discharge through its shell when alarmed’

    ‘I momentarily changed the direction of the earth’s gravitational pull using my mind.’

    ‘Just put on a fresh coat of TURTLE WAX!!! HA HA HA GET IT??’

  104. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @exapno (#98): d’awwwww. yesterday’s was the cutest smooch seen on the pages in ages.

    thanks for reminding me to go catch up on a few days missed.

  105. Katy
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): YES YES YES. Cal is, of course, a sociopathic horror, an “overamped pisspot with a bad case of the Peter Pans,” and someone who would not even notice if he ran me down. And I agree with him on a lot of that stuff. Jason Yungbluth is a friggin’ genius.

  106. Illustrator Steve
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: In panel #3 Kelly Welly appears cross-eyed and sick enough to puke any second. Is that because she can’t stand to listen to Bill Ellis any longer? Or maybe more likely it’s the result of the lack of drawing talent they’ve had around the Lost Forest cartoonist studios ever since Dodd died?

  107. cheech wizard
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Well, we know what it won’t be – Death by Bunga-Bunga. This is LuAnn we’re talking about.

    FC – For normal kids, this would be a sign that they’re trying to get their parents to beat it so they can dig out the pack of cigarettes they’ve stashed and look at dirty magazines. But this is the Keane Compound, so I guess they’re just planning to fuck the dogs.

    MW – A 9-11 storyline is too contemporary for Mary Worth. More likely, Gail’s father has just seen Negroes moving in next door.

  108. seismic-2
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Crank: I thought it was established in Sunday’s Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean strips about the Westview “battle of the bands” that Crank takes place maybe 10 years in FW‘s past (probably on account of the “time jump”). Yet, FW clearly takes place in the present, as shown by the story arcs based on Wally’s war experiences, and now the recent Crank strips also seem to be contemporary, since they make references (“Erica”, “Pine Valley”) to the impending cancellation of “All My Children”. So these two strips are 10 years apart, except when they aren’t? I would suggest that Batiuk try to straighten out these conflicting timelines, but I won’t, since I just couldn’t tolerate the inevitable resolution by a Crisis on Infinite Cancers.

    SM: But Spidey didn’t rip apart the barred window using super-strength – he just crashed through it, by swinging on his webbing and missing his intended target when the Big Boss turned out to be an optical illusion. It was gravity (and incompetence), not strength, that broke through the grating, so it could have been any inert and mis-directed pendulum bob that did it. Oh wait, that does pretty much narrow down the list of suspects, doesn’t it?

    MT: Kelly: “A story about women in the wilderness? That idea of Mark’s sounded interesting. How about if I go to Johhny Malotte’s fishing camp and dig up a story on a migratory pack of Canadian mail-order brides crossing into the USA and wearing gold wedding bands engraved with Bible verses?”
    Bill Elllis: “Grab a plane ticket and go!!! Oh boy, I’ll start building a shelf to hold the Pulitzer prize, now!”

  109. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    SM: But he didn’t smash through with his strength — he just banged into it! And it doesn’t matter how strong he is, his body mass is average! It’s the same thing as how he couldn’t stop the speeding car — it was a matter of two masses and competing momentum, not strength.

    Geeze.

  110. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Dammit, how could I top Josh’s comment here? Still, gotta love those itty-bitty ice-cream tubs that hold maybe three servings. Do they buy their milk in pints and their bread in slices?

    A&J – Arlo is the right kind of Luddite, though I wish he’d quit blaming technology itself for brainless application of it.

    Blondie – The 2000s in television, in a nutshell. [*]

    Crankshaft – You do have to admire Crankshaft’s commitment to smoldering disdain. There’s absolutely no reason for him to be there other than to scowl disapprovingly as someone mourns the end of a TV show, but there he is, doing just that.

    Curtis – This is so many levels of wrong you’d need a whole separate scale just to measure them.

    DT – Oh, for fuck’s sake! Fuck’s sake!

    FC – I see the opium has kicked in.

    FW – Okay, seriously, Batiuk, do you even read what you write!? Putting aside for the moment the whole godawful cancercancercancer thing, no human being, humanoid alien, humanoid robot, artificial human, or human-manifested energy being from another dimension would ever utter a sentence like “And it was while playing touch football here that Lisa felt a pain that led to her discovering a lump in her breast.” EVER.

    GT – “Then we need to maker her see things differently – and I know how. We’ll set up some wacky pranks to make her think she’s so drunk that reality itself is dissolving around her! This can’t possibly go wrong!

    JP – Oh hey! I wasn’t even serious, but here we are: it’s the return of Shadowy Guy! Who’s also Stubbly Guy, apparently. Trailing around in an unmarked car for months on end will do that, I suppose.

    Jumble – Okay, so in panel one, the record on the wall is The Visitors by ABBA, while in panel two it’s Joe’s Garage, Act I, and panel two has Wild Turkey in the coffee mug instead of panel one’s cofee, but that’s only two out of six…

    Love Is… – way more unsettling than anything Dali ever did.

    Luann – Just take him downtown and pay a hooker to ravish him. If that can’t snap him out of this, you might as well just go ahead and cap him. You’ll be doing him a favor.

    Mandrake – Is the implication here that Johnny is dying from blood loss? On-camera? Man, Dick Tracy must be sooo jealous.

    MT – Kelly’s hypnotic gaze in panel two is how she keeps Bill Ellis giving her assignments instead of smarming about “haw haw, wimmin writers.” It’s unorthodox, but it works.

    MW – I love how every attempt by Mary Worth to portray “distraught” somehow winds up as “cross-eyed and disoriented.” Also, pat yourselves on the back, everybody who called Wholesome Skateboarder Bobby getting hit by Gina’s dad.

    OBH – You can’t go wrong with goggles.

    PBS – This whole thing is great, but “Hey! Recycle those!” takes the cake for best application of general character traits to forming a punchline.

    Pluggers – A Plugger is only fooling himself, which isn’t hard.

    PC – Nice browser rendition.

    SF – YES.

    SFx – Is it me, or are those birds makin’ bedroom eyes at each other?

  111. Walker of Dog
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    JP: The Parking Garage Lurker is back! And looking surprisingly healthy; I figured he would have a beard down to his chest by now. And also that he would be dead.

    S-M: Officer, you just accused Spider-Man of performing an action. Please try again.

    A3G: Lu Ann takes Margo’s suggestion to play spin-the-bottle. She and Paul spend the next hour kissing various kitchen cabinets and appliances.

    FW: Les: “I tell you, if I were quiet, the very stones would cry out ‘CANCER!’”

  112. LUJBEM FEJF
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#100): Jumble- Well, it is different, isn’t it?

  113. ElkMeadow
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    “If you come up with a story about women in the outdoors, I’d like to see it.”

    This is so beyond stupid, I have no idea where to start.

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    BB: The general’s secret shame. Not that he decimates his consciousness with booze—everyone knows that already—but that he drinks from a bottle with daisies on it.

    MT: “Gosh Bill, I’ll try but you know how it is. Most of us gals turn to dust if we leave the house, so finding women outdoors is iffy.”

    Phantom: Devil howls, “What are you kids talking about? I was on Usenet before you snotnoses were even born.”

    MW: “I’ll never forget that day. My father came home looking whiter than average, even for our neighborhood’s standards.”

    FC: Billy wants his parents to go inside and get busy. This brings the number of people who want to see a fifth Keane kid up to… one.

    JP: The guy trailing Randy stole his phone, then put it back when he realized it wasn’t an electric razor. Damn.

    M-Dawg: Sure, guy with the improbably cute wife. Have your dog talk you out of traffic tickets. That’s a wise use of resources.

    DT: Curtis and Staton are putting out a greatest hits album already?

    FW: Dammit! He’s got a ring in his pocket, doesn’t he? Cayla, if he gives any hint of dropping to one knee, run don’t walk to the nearest train station and become a hoboette.

    DtM: I dunno, Dennis. The gogo dancer behind you seems to be having fun.

    GT: Hey, it’s just like all those times when Fred, Daphne and Velma cooked up a plan to unmask the carnival monster! Only this time the spook is really a crippling addiction!

  115. Effluvius Erratus
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Judging by her stilted feigning of curiosity in the story, Kelly Welly is clearly the one who put the gold bands on the geese. Is she doing it in an effort to plant a story (in which case her plan backfired because Mark’s covering the story instead of her), or is she playing a deeper game by tricking Mark into accepting her proposal of polygamous marriage? “You took the ring from the goose, Mark. According to Forest Law, we are already married. Now strip.” The Bible quote is just an incidental harkening back to a world without sin or shame. Of course, it could all be a double-deep game to get into Cherry’s momjeans.

  116. Hank
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#103): ‘Just put on a fresh coat of TURTLE WAX!!! HA HA HA GET IT??’
    Dang. That’s much better than what we got. In fact, I almost wonder if the original strip’s punchline wasn’t something similar but the lawyers got involved.

    @seismic-2 (#108): No, I think that has been theorized, but it has never been established that it was the same BotB

  117. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#108): The good thing about “crisis” storylines: lots of characters die.

  118. Esther Blodgett
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#110): Re: FW. You’re right, of course, but to be fair, he’s just reading off the plaque that he paid to have affixed to the Lisa Moore Lump-Discovering Memorial Bench.

  119. Will
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    FW: The only way for Batiuk to redeem this mess would be for Cayla to tell Les she’s not interesting in being his other woman, and then, ideally, rip his heart out of his chest and eat it.

  120. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#113):

    “If you come up with a story about women in the outdoors, I’d like to see it.”

    This is so beyond stupid, I have no idea where to start.

    I say we get Sheena to kick Bill’s ass:

    http://www.ricsartshop.com/good-girl-comics/Jumbo-Comics-Sheena-Jungle-Queen.html

  121. JoeSchmo
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#77): The reason Cayla is such a good listener is because she’s El-Aurian. Guinan’s long-lost daughter? She’s just hanging around until the temporal rift comes along again so she can hitch a ride away from the Funkyverse.

  122. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#108): Damn. Sorry about that. I checked before hand to see if anyone else had noticed the discrepancy, but failed to do a final check before posting.

    Oh well. That just proves that the plot hole isn’t exactly minuscule.

  123. TheDiva
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#56): Funny you should mention that, because I was just thinking how much Les’ dialogue reminds me of Miss Elk:

    “Let me tell you about my wife, who was mine. I married her, and it was to me that her troth was plighted. This wife, who was mine and who was married to me, died, and I became a widower because my wife to whom I was married died after having been married to me….”

  124. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#92): Actually, if I remember correctly, Jehovah was an artist, and his art creation (the universe) had been disqualified because he cheated on the conditions given to its inhabitants.

    But whatever — McEldowney is definitely NOT a Heinlein fan. Heinlein never prided himself on writing above the average reader’s intelligence.

  125. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    FW: I’m relieved to see that Batiuk has a sense of humour after all and is giving some fan service (of a decidedly non-sexual nature) to us ‘Mudgeons.

    That is what he’s doing, right? I mean — he’s not actually writing this stuff thinking it’s good or anything. Is he?

  126. erdmann
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    FW: Cayla needs to take advice from “Doctor Who”: “Basically, run!”
    I occurs to me that, by Funkyverse time, Lisa’s been dead almost 14 years at this point (that is, provided the strip has moved forward in real time since the 2007 time jump). My college sweetheart died of cancer, and while I never forgot her, by the time she had been gone 14 years, I had been married for seven and had three kids.
    Curse you, Batiuk for making me put that much thought into your crappy strip.

  127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    I know what would improve today’s FW.

    the ghost kitty from GWS hovering by, going “DOOOOOOOM!”

  128. seismic-2
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @erdmann (#126): As I understood it, the whole purpose of the “time jump” was that it was presumed much of the character’s lives in the next few years would be heavily occupied with fallout from Lisa’s death, so it was meant to move us forward to a time when the characters had gotten on with their lives and would be involved with other story lines offering many more plot threads. Yeah, sure.

  129. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#82):

    This is not a snarky “comment,” and I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it once again: I am hopelessly in love with Margo Magee.

    Eula (Herb and Jamaal), Tia Carmen (Baldo) and Momma (ditto) were all beaten with an ugly stick, but Margo Magee was beaten with two ugly sticks.

  130. spike
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#124): I was thinking of the scene wherein Alex describes being reduced to the status of a puppy in a vet’s office while Satan and Jehovah argue with their superior/manager over which one of them had been meaner to Alex. [It was pretty apparent to me that Satan had actually been the "kinder taskmaster" throughout.] Since Alex ends up with Marga at the end, my take has always been that Satan won that argument.

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    ok, I apologize beforehand, but just had to do this:

    What happened first, and what happened next.

    (even if it is ponies, that second pic kicks tail!)

  132. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Dustin: Listen, you pear-shaped hypocrite. If that lady walked by me wearing that bikini, I wouldn’t be able to stand up for an hour, and I sure as hell wouldn’t be pointing to her as an example of how out of shape America is. Not that even your allegedly layabout son is impressed with your “wisdom.”

    Zits: Jeremy is traumatized by exposure to his father’s secret life. Once you see the whips and nipple clamps, you can’t unsee ‘em.

  133. Carly
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Much as I’m laughing at your comments on Mark Trail, that’s actually some of the better human artwork I’ve seen in this strip. Maybe all scenes should be told via eye closeup. Except then we’d be subjected to Rusty’s eyes, so maybe not.

    Meanwhile, the General’s just pouring that alcohol down his throat, isn’t he? Makes you wonder why he’s bothering with that glass if he’s not even going to put his lips on it.

  134. Kristian
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @JoeSchmo (#121): So the Funkyverse is the anti-Nexus? Sounds about right.

  135. Doctor Handsome
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#129): Don’t be talkin’ shit about my boo, Stoneaxe. I’ll fuck you up.

  136. Cloudbuster
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Yuck! A demon just uttered the word “yuck!”

  137. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    The close-up of Kelly’s eyes proved, despite my convictions, that she is not cross-eyed. How odd that the closer you get to the characters, the less like mutants they look. Rusty being the exception that proves the rule, of course.

    And the punchline in today’s BB should have been “beatdown” instead of “beltdown”. That would be much more interesting to watch. Of course, that would require changing “meltdown” to “meatdown”. Again, more interesting to watch.

  138. Stroker Ace
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    MT – This Sunday Mark says: “I wish I knew how to quit you Johnny Malotte!”.

  139. Cloudbuster
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    FW: Whoa, Batiuk’s goin all out on bringing the whiny, depressing Les today. I’m surprised Cayla hasn’t doused herself in gasoline and lit a match. Or doused Les — that’s way better.

  140. Cloudbuster
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    JP: What drama. It reminds me of the time I left my own cell phone in the car. I still have nightmares.

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#110): Lu Ann Powers is the president of the Itty Bitty Ice Cream Committee.

  143. Lenoxus
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G: No, Paul, bottle, not your head.

    MT: Today’s trademark outside-animal cutaway panel gives us a glimpse of the rare Wellius Kellius, and makes the mammal look enormous as usual.

  144. Sparkle Plenty
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    MT: Maybe Kelly will rent a cabin at Johnny’s camp and walk into Mark’s cabin while he’s taking a shower and answer the phone when Cherry calls and be there on the dock when Cherry arrives and . . . .

  145. Black Drazon
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Sadly enough, I feel the need to point out that this is a repeat joke in BC, except originally involving sunscreen, I think. It’s nice to know the turtle has gone from lounging fruitlessly on the beach to producing no-stick clubs and loinclothes for the local cavefolk.

  146. Droopy Says
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    EffYou Wankerbean: At this point I would settle a “plot” “twist” where Les says “And this is the last time I’ll speak about Dead Lisa!” The grinding return of the glaciers would be equally welcome, and they’d probably move faster than anything Batiuk does.

  147. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#110):

    Re: JP – It has been months in real time. In strip time, our parking lot stalker hasn’t even pulled into a space and turned off the engine yet.

    Next week: The big reveal!

    Stubbly stalker gets out of his vehicle and shoots the Judge down in cold blood, leaving his body on the hood of his SUV, which is in a Handicapped space.

    That’s right! I shot him because … he is a bad Parker!!

  148. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#130): Good point. And yes, I don’t think there’s any doubt that Satan won. (Jehovah was such a whiny prick. Hey! Maybe Batiuk’s the Heinlein fan!)

  149. Roktober
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    “That’s just Margo’s way…now which euphemism for anal sex do you want?”

  150. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

  151. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#128): Let me see if understand this correctly. You’re saying that Batiuk did the time-jump because he didn’t want to dwell on Lisa’s death?

    This, I believe, is what the young people would call an EPIC FAIL!

  152. Lenoxus
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: How could a story about a shark attack use the phrase “man-eating shark” without being redundant? Also, if it in fact ate someone, wouldn’t the reporters therefore know if the fish was man- or woman- or other-eating? Also, why not “bird-eating”? Does that sound awkward to birdpeople?

    Also, why does English even have the phrase “man-eating shark” instead of “non-whale shark”? Also, blagh, whatever.

  153. Austria
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    FW: When he takes you on a date to the park, and can’t stop talking about his dead wife, He’s Just Not That Into You.

    MT: Look on the bright side…it could’ve been Rusty.

  154. Lenoxus
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Whoops, I have to correct myself there. Nearly all sharks are not human-eaters; we simply don’t provide the right nutrients, and attacks are usually due to the shark trying to figure out what we are, or mistaking us for something they do eat. In any case, they certainly don’t care about our sex, so “man-eating” is a dumb phrase regardless.

    (I don’t know to what extent all that applies to birdpeople.)

  155. Chip Whittle
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Eek is funny today because… people who drink organic fair-trade coffee deserve to die, apparently. Remember, kids, thinking your buying habits can affect how companies work is wrong!

    Reply All: Am I going crazy or is the face of Sergio Aragones manifesting itself in that woman’s pantyhose? I mean more crazy than I am for staring directly at Reply All.

  156. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#135): C’mon, even you have to admit Alex Kotzky‘s Margo Magee was a lot easier on the eyes:

    http://media.photobucket.com/image/%2522Alex%20Kotzky%2522%2522Margo%2522/modesty_011/lu.jpg

  157. spike
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#148): Naw, Batiuk’s just a victim of his Eastern European ancestry–and I say that with a clear conscience, since I am also of Eastern European ancestry. It’s really strange when I understand some of his points of reference.

    @Austria (#153): We’re all going to be so surprised when Les finally asks Cayla to marry him, I suppose.

  158. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#156): Yeah, well, they all were. And Lu Ann was a total babe. Back then you wouldn’t even care if she were stupid.

  159. Girl Reporter
    August 17th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    FW: This has to be the most depressing marriage proposal ever.

  160. Wally Limpingbean
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    I am confused. Didn’t Les give Cayla a huge snub a few weeks back? Didn’t she something like “I love you!” to which Les replied “I love me too! And Lisa’s ghost loves me. And Summer loves me. And my agent loves me. . .”

    “Cayla, you were saying. . .”

    If he asks her to marry him, she should say “Funk no!!!!”

  161. seismic-2
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#159): “Cayla, will you be my future late wife?”

  162. Steve the Pocket
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    At this point, I almost have to wonder if Batiuk is doing this on purpose to see how long readers will go along with it before the dam breaks and angry letters to the editors demanding that the strip be canceled start flooding in. But I’ve seen the totally straight way he’s defended this dreck, and any sane person, even a troll, would only be willing to carry a masquerade so far.

    It really makes me wonder what’s keeping this strip in newspapers. What kind of people read this from day to day and think, yep, that’s quality writing. I can at least understand one person being insane enough to write it, but not thousands being insane enough to enjoy reading it.

  163. Peanut Gallery
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Playing “spin the bottle” with only two people? Is this another of Margo’s cruel insinuations about Lu Ann’s intellectual capacity?

  164. Girl Reporter
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: What should be Cayla’s reaction, but won’t be:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY

  165. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    FW – Is it really the consensus that he is going to propose? I know the whole strip makes no sense, but this makes no sense! They just recently took the step of acknowledging that they were dating. Even if we ignore the stupidity of “lets take a walk so I can tell you of all the things that remind me of my dead wife, and then propose!”, there is still no logic in this relationship that speaks of “ready to take the next step”. Plus the next step is: date for a while, move in, take a trip together, shut up long enough to see if Cayla has thoughts or opinions or an inner life of her own. It isn’t “get married”.

  166. WizarDru
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Paul’s visible shock in panel one can only mean one of three things:

    1) “…the Hell? Why is she being so nice to this outrageous BITCH?”

    2) “Ice Cream? Does she not realize that we were in the throes of creating golden haired wunderkind?”

    3) “Three-way? THREE-WAY? Stay Cool, Paul. STAY COOL.”

  167. AD
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    I guess with Johnny Hart floating in Limbo or burning in hell, the new owners are resorting to product placement to increase revenue.

    You would think that DuPont would have found a higher profile place to do this.

  168. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @spike (#157): Batiuk’s just a victim of his Eastern European ancestry

    Not-so-coincidentally, Tom Batiuk’s avatar (Les Moore!) has spent a lifetime trying to “bake a pie out of shit”*.

    *Translated from the Bandar Serbo-Croatian tongue!

  169. Anachrosaurus
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#9):

    I’m convinced that they’ve started reprinting “Crock” strips from approx. 30 years ago, back when it had a little bit of style. (For one thing, look at Rechin’s signature: you can actually read it).

    DT: I haven’t really been following this arc but I’m confused… Is this a flashback? I thought androgo bowtie girl drowned in a flour hopper months ago. Did she clone herself?

    MW: I think I’ve seen this “Twilight Zone” before: the old car he used to run down Bobby becomes an implacable manifestation of his guilt and stalks him everywhere, blinking its high beams in moral censure, until he drinks himself into the grave.

  170. spike
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#161): The late, great Sir Alfred Hitchcock put that one into head, I’m sure! :-)

  171. Gulielma
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: If Cayla is Les’s girlfriend, presumably she’s read “Lisa’s Story.” So she knows this crap already!

    Also, the documentary film maker who wants to get to know the father she never knew–that’s another stinking book by Les. It barely counts as a separate plot.

  172. CanuckDownSouth
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#165): I don’t know about a consensus, but a growing feeling of dread.

    It doesn’t make sense as a next step, if Cayla has any feelings or self-respect that matters. But Cayla seemed apologetic about Les not reciprocating when she said she loved him, and she’s been disappearing as a character. She’s turning into a cipher who doesn’t care that Les is a self-absorbed, dead-spouse-obsessed jerk. Her appearance is getting less distinctive, as well. I think Batiuk thinks Les is being charming here, that he’ll wrap up implied hours of Lisa-worship by briefly saying he loves Cayla now, and then propose.

  173. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Kristian (#12):

    Dennis the Menace: The true extent of the Menace is found here: the character we know as “Joey” turns out to be Hitler as a child.

    Sort of puts the obsession with Aryan features in a new light.

  174. Dagger
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I think the proper term is a Celtdown, or at least it will be once General Halftrack gets thoroughly soused and puts The Pogues on the stereo.

  175. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#162):

    It really makes me wonder what’s keeping this strip in newspapers.

    Maybe Batiuk has taken a page from J. Edgar Hoover’s book, and keeps a dossier on every newspaper features editor in America.

  176. Comcis Fan
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#165):

    No woman in this strip has an inner life. They all exist solely as planets in the Les system.

  177. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Anachrosaurus (#169): In Crock‘s case I’m pretty sure it’s more a matter of Kevin Rechin bringing a different eye and a steadier hand since he took over.

  178. Mr. K Martin
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    FUCKY WHACK-YOUR-BEAN: We interrupt our regular narative to bring you Tom Batuik’s new animated series for Cartoon Network. It’s the story of a village full of tiny miserable blue people called “The Smirks”!

    SMIRKS: La la la la la la! Sing a Happy Song!
    La la la la la la! Smirk the whole day long!

    FUNKY: What a lovely day it is, Papa Smirk! Wanna smirk down a few shooters?

    PAPA: Stand back, Funky Smirk! You have smirk breath! And tell Crazy Harry Smirk to stop eating the mushrooms. We live in those things, Smirk Damn it!

    CREEPY: Papa Smirk, I think Smirkette has cancer!

    SMIRKETTE: Holy Smirking Smirk! There’s a smirk in my breast!

    PAPA: Careful, my little Smirks. If you smirk too loud of this, Gargamel will hear!

    GARGAMEL: I hate Smirks! They’re so self-obsessed! I want to kill them! I think I’ll start by shooting Darling Smirk! Nyah hah hah haaaaaaaa!

    Tune in next time when Creepy Smirk says:

    CREEPY: Will you hurry up and die already, Smirkette? My book tour is scheduled for next week!

  179. bats :[
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @John C (#75): pretty much sums it all up. Right now, I’ve written off all of them. Les keeps flying his true colors, and if folks want to put up with them, well, hey, it’s a free country. And since it it a free country, I can disparage and mock them, too.
    At least FOOB promised us an ending, with repeats to follow. Bautituik’s “leap ahead” is a joke. For the most part, most of it is unfunny drivel.

    @Roktober (#149): *snerk*

    @Austria (#153): re MT: don’t make me do it!

    @AD (#167): Les Moore’s vintage high school “helmet-hair” wasn’t availble. (OTOH, if you told the Writer than Teflon causes cancer, he might agree to a flashback.)

  180. bats :[
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. K Martin (#178): I’m impressed — you’ve taken two things I pretty well loathe and made them palatable (some sort of hybrid vigor/heterosis thing going on). Congrats! :)

  181. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#176):

    Re: “No woman in this strip has an inner life. They all exist solely as planets in the Les system.”

    Yes, and even Pluto dreams of someday becoming something Moore.

  182. bats :[
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Dang, I forgot to post this last night (I slapped it up on flickr.com, and that’s where it ended). 100% Teflon-free, too!

  183. Black Drazon
    August 17th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    So the idea here is that if you just throw Ms. Welly haphazardly at Canadain hopes that somehow “women in the outdoors” will come out of it? Sounds a lot like a game of roulette to me, but no less logical than anything else that happens in the Mark Trail universe. Heck, Mark’s throwing himself at Canada in hopes that Justice will come out of it. Double 0!

  184. Violet
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: This looks like a job for Marty Moon, Cautionary Example!

  185. ArchieNemesis
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#106): “In panel #3 Kelly Welly appears cross-eyed …”
    Just for fun, I put the panel 2 camera angle on Kelly in panel 3:


    Panel 3 Kelly Welly – Tight Zoom

  186. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    baby aardwolf, looks like something dreamed up on furaffinity.

  187. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#186): …not even gonna touch that one.

    Cute picture, though.

  188. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#187): it’s like an anime videogame critter, come to life. :-D

  189. Liam
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    FW-And on this bench was a guy named Aqualung. He would eye the little girls with bad intent.

  190. Walker of Dog
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#185): Yikes! I guess the first shot is the beer-goggles view, and the second is three more beers later.

  191. bats :[
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

  192. hibbleton
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Love is… a solo acid trip isn’t very loving, is it? (sniff)

  193. Violet
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Why would Ziggy be calling a bar, anyway? Did his cat go on another bender?

  194. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    just had an interesting conversation with the new counter-gal at the corner store. She said she’d been trying to figure out who I reminded her of, and she’d finally figured it out. She said I reminded her of ‘the guy who played Doc Ock in the Spider Man movie.”

    I’ve never been told that I resemble Alfred Molina before, but having done a bit of googling, I can see the point. :-)

  195. Effluvius Erratus
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Violet (#184): What a great storyline it would be if after the intervention Marty and Mrs. Lark hooked up and she pulled him off the wagon, giving us the fall storyline to end all fall storylines: Drunken three-way in Marty Moon’s crate with the microphone left on.

  196. Charles
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    When did Kelly’s eyes become blue? They’ve had that same kind of panel at least three times and her eyes were always black/brown.

    I DEMAND CONSISTENCY IN MARK TRAIL. I ALSO DEMAND DOG DOO IN MY HAND. WE’LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS FIRST.

  197. Davey
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#177): From what I’ve heard, most of the Crock strips over the last month were actually done by Bill Rechin in sketch form, but inked and finished by Kevin Rechin after Bill passed away. Today’s strip is wholly Kevin’s work, as shown by the more legible “Rechin” byline. I’m guessing they’re flip-flopping between the two in order to ease the transition.

    For those hoping for a leap in quality similar to when Staton and Curtis replaced Locher on Dick Tracy however, you may be disappointed. Bob Morgan, the new official writer on the strip, had apparently been helping Bill Rechin out with the writing side since the retirement of Don Wilder several years ago. So, unless Morgan was coming up with good ideas which Bill was shooting down, I think the best we can hope to see for now is “nicely illustrated insanity.”

  198. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Davey (#197): That’s okay, I wouldn’t know what to do with a Crock that made any sense anyway.

  199. bats :[
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#185): one of these girls is not like the other…one of these girls is not at all the same…

  200. bats :[
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#194): those multiple mechanical arms are a dead giveaway, you know… :D

  201. Liam
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    MW-It was a beautiful September day. New York was ablaze with the sounds of sirens and people panicking. Of course when you are young and in love you don’t notice the little things like planes crashing into buildings and people dying.

  202. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#200): LOL!

    I told the gal that I’d start working on growing the extra arms right away. Perhaps Katy can give me some advice. . . . .

  203. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#194): Well now I’m going to be picturing Doc Ock sorting through pictures of cute animals all day…

  204. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    I do not understand the QG’s attraction to salt&vinegar potato chips.

    *tries to lever cheeks apart*

    (no, not THOSE cheeks!)

  205. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#203): *considers sending commodorejohn that Halloween pic of queek with tentacles. . . . *

  206. giraffe-o
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    MT : Kelly : “Sir, I’ve got the story idea – female stalkers who can pursue their naughty hobbies… in the outdoors!”

  207. My Name Is Not Chuck
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Note that “death by chocolate” is not the brand name on that carton of ice cream. And Luann does not normally use metaphors. And Margo, who is known for acting in her own self-interest, is suddenly refusing ice cream? TAKE THE ROCKY ROAD, PAUL! There’s less chance it’s poisoned!

  208. My Name Is Not Chuck
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    If Kelly Welly can investigate tagged geese and two men fishing, and come up with a story about women in the outdoors, I’d like to see it!

  209. Mustang
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    A3G- It’s a bad sign when you’re wearing nothing but a little pink robe while offering your boyfriend ice cream and he’s obsessing over whether your roommate likes him. Especially after you’ve told him you were fantasizing about him while lying naked in the tub. It’s just as well that LuAnn doesn’t understand grown-up stuff.

  210. Comcis Fan
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#191):

    I am honored! Thank you!

  211. Steve the Pocket
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#186): Heh, interestingly enough, I know of only one artist in the furry community who’s ever drawn aardwolves. It was back when Yerf was still around, and in a testament to their rarity, the artist’s handle was simply “Aardwolf.”

    @Davey (#197): Well, hey, “nicely illustrated insanity” would describe a lot of well-regarded material, from Salvador Dali to [i]Yellow Submarine[/i]. I’m not saying Crock could ever hope to reach that level of relevance, but at least it’s in good company.

  212. littlestevie
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Women in the Outdoors” huh, That sounds like my favorite magazine editor also publishes one of those 1950′s era sun worshiper magazine on the side.

  213. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 17th, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

  214. Mr K Martin
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    All these comics make me hungry.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM8w7VGQF-o

  215. Joshua
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Why is a strip that’s supposed to be set on the last day of “All My Children” running more than five weeks before the show’s actual last day?

  216. Alison
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#52):
    Awesome. I so want it to come true.

  217. pugfuggly
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#116):

    Looks like they could have inserted nearly any old thing in there and have had the same effect:

    BC: In Search of a Better Punchline…

  218. The Ridger
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    SF: I’m genuinely shocked – and disappointed – that after that healthy wallop Faye couldn’t bring Hil home from third – she was on third, wasn’t she, after Kim’s single? Or did Kim get a walk? But Hil didn’t score from second on that? And Kim get to third? How did this team go undefeated until now?

  219. Liam
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @My Name Is Not Chuck (#207):

    I had a similar joke like that. It says a lot about a person’s sense of humor when two people can make similar jokes.

  220. Liam
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    MT-Why did they do a closeup of her eyes in the second panel? Couldn’t they have done some gratuitous animal shot for that panel. Maybe a shot of a beaver.

  221. Brave Little Toaster
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    MT According to the USGS, the length of the US-Canadian border is 3,987 miles, so yeah, that’ll help Kelly narrow down the vicinity of Johnny Mallot’s fishing camp.

  222. Ukulele Ike
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    SF: Lovely! I’ve been waiting for Nona to step into the limelight for a long time, ever since Hillary asked her what instrument she played and she said “All of them.” I bet she uses her latent telekinetic powers to being in a grand slam!

    DT: I am heartily in favor of this. We’ve been bitching about the short story arcs and the bush-league villains, and all the time the writer has been planning on bringing everyone together for one massive coup de fou. He may possibly be a comics genius on the level of a peak-power Al Capp or Walt Kelly.

    9CL: I absolutely refuse to read this until the present storyline ends.

  223. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2011 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#222): I absolutely refuse to read this until the present storyline ends.
    There, fixed that for you.

  224. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#217): I like it. When in doubt, go with “The Aristocrats.” Or “The Cocksucking Motherfuckers.”*

    *Makes sense if you’ve seen the documentary.

  225. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#220): It wasn’t possible. She was sitting with her legs crossed.

  226. Sequitur
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Let’s hear it for the buzzards!

  227. Here Come ole Flattop
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

  228. Sgt. Stoned
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Dad was pale as a sheet. A negro family was moving in next door!”

    MT: Somebody commented last week or so that they remember this plot line from 1953 or thereabouts and that eventually it will involve the RCMP. It’s looking like they were right.

  229. Ukulele Ike
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#223): Admit it. You look at it for the leg show, just like the rest of us.

  230. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2011 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#229): Eh…not really, actually. (I’ll confess to following a lot of comics for the cheesecake *cough*judgeparker*cough*, but not Brooke’s, erm, strips.) Too much leg and not enough anything else, and the monkey-faces are amusing as a comic conceit but not really attractive.

    (Though I do have to admit that minimally-clad women in low Earth orbit does get me all a-tingle.)

  231. spike
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#168): My take is that Batiuk is Ukranian, but you’re on the right side of the map. :-)

  232. Anonymous
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    MT Gina: “My dad was the hit and run driver who killed Bobby. Sob.

    “Then, Sob, Bobby’s dad found out and threatened to kill him. Mother jumped in the way when the gun fired. She lost her life saving my father.

    “My father’s life was still in danger, and he couldn’t face what he’d done to Bobby and my mother. He packed his bags and fled. I never heard from him again.

    “I became a waitress, moving from town to town looking for my father. Sob. I hoped he might be near here. Sob.”

    Mary: “There, there. You’ll find a man and start your own family. Everything will work out.”

    Gina: “My father won’t get away with it. The rotten coward.”

    Mary: “Oh my!”

  233. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Love is… Daliesque today!

  234. TheTJ
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    I can practically hear the thought process behind today’s Mark Trail.
    “…and in the middle panel we’ll have a giant squirrel fighting a pidgeon and then-”
    “Wait a minute, they’re in a windowless office. We can’t show any animals in there.”
    “It’s never stopped us before.”
    “No no, I insist, no animals.”
    “Well, okay, but at least zoom in on SOMEthing.”

  235. Bill the Butcher
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    I don’t like Paul either. So, I suppose I’m Mar…wait a minute!

  236. ElkMeadow
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @My Name Is Not Chuck (#207):

    TAKE THE ROCKY ROAD, PAUL! There’s less chance it’s poisoned

    Too bad about the gravel getting stuck in your teeth.

  237. Poteet
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#113): I started by gibbering with rage, and that’s where I stopped. Because yes, it’s so far beyond stupid that stupid isn’t even visible as a tiny dot back on the distant horizon.

  238. bats :[
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#226): I’m hoping that vultures evolve pretty quickly into raptors, not merely carrion feeders. At least in this case.

  239. Sequitur
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#238): Yeah, vultures! That’s what thet are… I think.

    Buzzard-vulture-raptor-eagles! Just the thing to break the ice at parties!

  240. Will
    August 17th, 2011 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. K Martin (#178): And what do you know, I’m still rooting for Gargamel. Please tell me that Azreal is the blue cat.
    @Ukulele Ike (#222): Re: 9CL: We’ll see you in 18 months or so?

  241. seismic-2
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#238), @Sequitur (#239): They remind me of this guy. Maybe Parker-Hart has a “bird” template that all new cartoonists in their stable begin by tracing, whatever their strip may be.

  242. Sequitur
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#241): The nice thing about kiwis, you can shine your shoes with them.

  243. Poteet
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    MT — Actually, the closeup of Kelly is kind of a relief to me, since it seems her eyelashes are not really four inches long, which is the impression she often gives from a distance.

  244. bats :[
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Oh, sigh. People kept talking about it. I had to go look at it. Some of my favorite religious art, including Crucifixions, was painted by him

  245. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#241): That’s from “Woods and Waters” — sounds suspiciously like “Woods and Wildlife.” I suspect the writer, John McCoy, is really Mark Trail. Same initials. Except backwards. And with a “J” instead of a “T.” Other than that, though…

  246. commodorejohn
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#244): Oh my God I love you so much.

  247. ElkMeadow
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:49 am [Reply]

  248. Westville Ocologist$$$$$
    August 18th, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    FW- TIP-Ladies if your going to date a guy who talks obsessively about how his wife died, at least make sure that person is Klaus Van Bulow. You’ll have a much more interesting time and quicker death.

    MT- Hey, if you going to do close-ups of Kelly, might I suggest another piece of anatomy?

    APt3G- For a moment there, when LuAnn said “death by chocolate”, I thought this was the prelude to the intro first ever black character depicted in Apt3!. Granted it would be via a sweaty, ice-cream covered sticky three-way, but still groundbreaking, nonetheless.

  249. CanuckDownSouth
    August 18th, 2011 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    I didn’t think I’d see the day, but Blandthony’s dejected I-guess proposal has been officially demoted to merely second-worst comics proposal ever.

  250. Comcis Fan
    August 18th, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Thursday funnies:

    FW: “You had me at ‘Lisa … discovering a lump in her breast.’ ”

    MW: “My father got a migraine and my mom and I felt a sudden throbbing in our wisdom teeth.”

  251. Comcis Fan
    August 18th, 2011 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    H&L: Heh heh heh, speaking of tummy, you’d make a tasty appetizer.

  252. Yr Obt Servt
    August 18th, 2011 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    MT: not only does Kelly appear quite, err, matronly in this, the latest appearance of the pink undergarment thing, but she has also just farted with the sound “Jack Elrod”.

  253. This Guy
    August 18th, 2011 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    8/18
    FW: If there’s a national epidemic of cases of cranial trauma caused by impact against a flat, wooden, surface today, at least we’ll know why. *headdesk* *headdesk*

  254. Droopy Says
    August 18th, 2011 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: So this week’s rule is that the Big Boss can’t be photographed, and it’s okay for Jameson to lie about not having seen him. Next up, we find that the stolen jewelry has, without any sane explanation, appeared in the Big Boss’s coat.

    EffYou Wankerbeat: That’s Les, putting the “I” in “egocentric.”

    Curtis: Yes, let’s not be in a hurry to help her cousin, who’s busy working on that childhood trauma.

    Phantom: Kit must be the first illegal immigrant to go from Arizona to Mexico. You have to wonder why he didn’t tell the family his plans before he left home. But you also have to wonder how he got into the USA unnoticed, just like you have to wonder why he didn’t head straight for Mexico. This still doesn’t make the strip wonderful.

  255. This Guy
    August 18th, 2011 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    8/18
    DT: Didn’t I see her at a ballpark once? “Blaze Rize for our national anthem.”

    RA: Oh joy, they’ve cross-bred Donna Lewis’s eye-stabbingly horrible art with Brooke McEldowney’s insurmountable walls of text.

    R==R: Bull. Shit. A kitten’s thought process is “Oh, you’re reading/typing/writing/doing your taxes? Hey, I love a challenge!”

  256. Jason1981
    August 18th, 2011 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Could it be? Is he actuallt going to admit it?…..Yeah, I’m not fooled into thinking anything’s going to change, either.

  257. ZaneTarlo
    August 18th, 2011 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    FW: “You get my word play? Touchstone geddit coz it sounds like tombstone which is what my TRUE love Lisa is burried under? Geddit geddit geddit!” But for real, Cayla, kick him in the balls, do it till he pisses blood! Do anything less than that and Batiuk will turn you into Lisa 2.0!!!! You do NOT want that!

  258. dale
    August 18th, 2011 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    What is the history of Mark Trail and the delusional Kelly?
    She thinks they’re in some kind of rivalry or if she follows Mark around long enough, he’ll go into musth?

    A few more minutes on the phone with Johnny “More Than One Wife” Malotte would save a lot of travel money.

  259. Jason1981
    August 18th, 2011 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    Oops I meant is he actuallY going go admit it ( I gotta start checking my posts BEFORE I post em)

  260. Jason1981
    August 18th, 2011 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    Oops I..oh the hell with it..

  261. Kristian
    August 18th, 2011 at 5:16 am [Reply]

  262. Doctor Handsome
    August 18th, 2011 at 5:26 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#156): Fair enough. But it’s not all about looks, you know.

  263. Kristian
    August 18th, 2011 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    Dennace ye Mennace Dennis is temping for Marvin.

    Archie I’m losing my appetite too, Jughead, if you’re going to be wearing that at the table.

    Hogie the Horrifying He brings home enough food to feed the whole village for months and she’s still complaining. Medieval women, amirite?

    Heathcliffe See, Dennis, that’s how it’s done.

  264. Kristian
    August 18th, 2011 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#217): That’s what she said!

  265. gleeb
    August 18th, 2011 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Dick: Oh, this is going to be as much fun as the damn British cat in Get Fuzzy. It’s good to see the tradition of identical , just as evil family members being followed, though. We can have an endless number of Rize sisters and cousins and aunts, all in natty bow ties.

    ‘bean: Run, Cayha! Even I did not expect this, and I expect nothing but bad from Batiuk. Kudos to those whose imaginations are sick enough to have foreseen this.

    H&L: I’m pretty sure she means country matters.

    Lola: Huh?

    Sequitur: NEWSPAPERS

    Sally: What it means…that Ted is hallucinating?

  266. Mole Man Fan
    August 18th, 2011 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#220) and many others wondering why the closeup of Kelly Welly’s eyes in panel two: Occam’s Razor applies: That image just happened to be next in Elrod’s Kelly Welly photostat rotation. The last time this strip saw original artwork was probably decades ago.

  267. Owen
    August 18th, 2011 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    MT: That close-up of Kelly’s eyes is actually not too bad – in fact, by this strip’s usual standards, it’s a masterpiece. Elrod’s close-ups usually look like they’ve been (a) pencilled by someone who’s had all their knowledge of human anatomy relayed to them second-hand, and (b) inked using a chewed twig.

  268. Mole Man Fan
    August 18th, 2011 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    FW: Here’s where Batiuk can take a page from Elrod’s book and introduce bolding to highlight what’s really important to his author avatar: “…the memories I have…”, “…a touchstone for ME…”, “…I want to add…” Conversely, when Cayla does get a chance to speak again (she’s been struck mute since Monday), her font should be half-sized, with only any occurences of “you” in regular size and bolded. Just to make sure it’s clear around whom this world revolves.

  269. Hibbleton
    August 18th, 2011 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: So the big reveal is that Paul’s a total momma’s boy.

    JP: Careful Judge; you can tell that guy’s a bad ass by his Zorro mask.

  270. Jimbo
    August 18th, 2011 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail I don’t know what’s creepier–The fact that not only did Mark change his shirt for once, but put on a sport coat as well, The mega-mule-deer, the talking house, Kelly Welly in a tight-fitting, sheer nightie, or the JACK ELROD ball voyeuristically hovering above her ass.

    And let’s not forget that the vertically oriented

    M
    E
    A
    N
    W
    H
    I
    L
    E

    is every bit as de rigeur in a Mark Trail strip as giant animals, misplaced word balloons and malproportioned, misshapen heads and hands.

  271. Little Guy
    August 18th, 2011 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    ForgetYou Winkerbean: A good number called this. And too bad this can’t happen, since DOMA can be interpreted as prohibiting marriage between a man, a woman, and the man’s long-dead-from-cancer wife.

    S4th: It’s Ted dreaming. Don’t you hear the music in the background?

    MT: Jackelrodball decides to go to “Butterfield 8″ for inspiration. Instead of Elizabeth Taylor, it puts a slip on an ironing board.

    Spidey: Ask him where the Lindbergh baby is? He doesn’t know? HE’S LYING!

  272. Lucky
    August 18th, 2011 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    B.C. – To be fair, there wasn’t much more to have in the stone age than a loincloth, a mate and a wheel.

    Baldo – Four different games? I knew that Wii was having a shortage of new releases but I had no idea the situation was this bad.

    Funky Winkerbean – “But enough about my dead wife. How would you like to keep listening ’til the cancer do us part?”

    Marvin – “We did that joke a year ago in our comic strips.”

  273. True Fable
    August 18th, 2011 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    Cayla: Oh, and like you assume I want to be the afterthought in all this Lisa Worship? Let’s say you finally meet my family; what would you do, tell my mother how wonderful your late wife was and how many memories you have of Lisa Lisa Lisa, and THEN say oh and by the way Cayla’s going to be the next Mrs. Les Moore? Well forget it, Les. I’ve put up with your bullshit long enough.

    Let me tell you something else, you self-absorbed little cocksucker: you ain’t all that. You carry on like you are some under-appreciated literary genius instead of the whiny, petulant hack you are, who only knows one subject and goes on and on about it like a broken record. And look here, Mr. Studly McMan, how do I know you’re not going to call out Lisa’s name when you climax in the future? I’m surprised you didn’t already. All that one time in the sack proved was that you can get it up. For all I know, you weren’t even thinking of me at the time. You are a sad, tired, perverse little man who is perpetually stuck in high school. You don’t even bother to leave town or the school or the same damn house!

    God damn it, Les, Lisa is DEAD. GONE. She’s not coming back and even if she did, I’d tell the bitch to take you back with her when she leaves. You have the damn GALL to haul me all over town talking about Lisa Lisa Lisa and how wonderful she was and made your life complete and all that shit, and then you tack on a marriage proposal to me at the end? What about the things I made you feel? What about the places WE have gone and what WE have done? Oh that’s right; we haven’t done anything that wasn’t directly associated with Saint Fucking Lisa, so none of that even counts!

    You miserable son of a bitch. Don’t ever call me again. I’m not so hard up that I have to accept your proposal as if it’s the last gasp for happiness I’ll ever have. NO, I will NOT marry your sorry ass, Les. Wipe that smug smirk off your face and start walking.
    /rant

  274. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    August 18th, 2011 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    I really really really hope that the waitress’ dad in Mary Worth has just killed the boyfriend. I’d be happy if he ran over him by accident, but major bonus points if he killed him in a cult-related ritual, to defend the family honour, or in a psychotic fuge state. “So, you see Mary, I’m cursed in love because my father will rend any boy I kiss limb from limb with his bare hands.” Do I dare to dream?

  275. Esther Blodgett
    August 18th, 2011 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    I’ve got an event to attend this morning, so no time for usual snark. But I had to drop by and let everyone know that, true to my word, I’m throwing up violently in Les’ general direction.

  276. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    August 18th, 2011 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    How many times have I yelled at the screen, “Run, Cayla, run!!”” Dozens, at least. Yet here we are, and she’s not running, but at least she looks stunned. My fingers are crossed.

  277. TheMagicMel
    August 18th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    I can’t improve upon the statements already made, so I add to the shout: “Run, Cayla, Run!!! Run for your (currently) cancer-free life!!!!”

  278. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 18th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#273):

    Fable…….you are the King of Awesome!!

  279. Russ H
    August 18th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    BB: It’s funny because as a General, he makes decisions that could have life & death consequences for the men under his command, and he will be doing it drunk! Ha ha ha ha!

  280. Master Mahan
    August 18th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    How can I enjoy Miss Buxley’s buxom bosom when I’m distracted by the other character’s massively erect nipples? Is she aroused by binge-drinking septuagenarians?

  281. Oregonian
    August 18th, 2011 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#273): word. COTY.

  282. animalkah
    August 18th, 2011 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    I must say that the close up on Kelly’s eyes is the best drawing I’ve EVER seen on Mark Trail.

  283. Lou Cabron
    August 20th, 2011 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    So many obvious double entendres. I want them all printed on refrigerator magnets.

    Spin the Bottle
    Margo-style
    Rocky Road
    Death by Chocolate…

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