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It’s hard out there for a shrew

Mark Trail, 6/10/07

Dear humankind,

“Most belligerent animals for their size in the world,” huh? All right, nobody’s gonna mistake us for a bunch of namby-pamby, let’s-all-get-along types, we’ll admit. But do you two-leggers ever think that maybe there’s a reason we’re so belligerent? Huh? Do you?

Let’s start with the food angle. You know if you’re on a road trip, you sometimes say, “Oh, I don’t want to wait to get to Nashville to have dinner, let’s eat at the Sbarro at the next rest stop”? Well, imagine if the consequences of not stopping weren’t just getting hungry and cranky, but frickin’ droppin’ dead. And then, imagine that, instead of getting a baked ziti in a plastic container that you can easily take out to your car, you have to kill and eat an undersea bug the size of your head! Probably one with stingers or something. A frickin’ bug! And once you’ve eaten it, you’ve just got to start running (or swimming) around looking for more bugs to eat.

And then there’s the way you get treated. “Oh, look, how cute, your babies have formed a shrew-chain as they desperately cling on to your tail for dear life … oops, I just crushed them all to death with my enormous freakin’ foot!” And don’t even get me started on the freakin’ cats. “Hi there snoogy snoogums! How’s my sweet fluffy girl? Did you have a nice day outside? Awww, did you bring me a prize? You did! You brought me the corpse of an innocent shrew, who never did anything in its life to hurt you! Oh, look, it doesn’t seem to have any visible wounds — you must have batted it around until its internal organs were mashed to putty! How cute! Now let me take the body away and throw it in the garbage!”

It’s this kind of demeaning attitude that leads to a prevalent anti-shrew attitude in law enforcement agencies around the world. So, yeah, belligerent? Maybe we’re a little freakin’ belligerent. But maybe we’ve got some good freakin’ motivation.

Sincerely,
The shrews

P.S. We poop in your cereal boxes, FYI.

Apartment 3-G, 6/10/07

I mainly ran this so we can all continue to enjoy Margo’s bitchtasticness. Today, we see that her reluctance to go see her dear friend one-third of the rent for her apartment in the hospital may be more than a knee-jerk Margoism; she’s obviously just gotten collagen injections in preparation for Eric’s return from wherever it is he’s jetted off to, and she probably doesn’t want to go out in public for a few more days.

I do have to say re: panel five that I am getting a little weary of everyone being so stunned to find Tommie at the hospital. “So we’re at the emergency room and OH MY GOD THERE’S TOMMIE, WHO IF WE HAD SPENT MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES TALKING TO HER THE FIRST TIME WE MET WE’D PROBABLY HAVE LEARNED THAT SHE WAS AN EMERGENCY ROOM NURSE AT THIS VERY HOSPITAL!” It’s possible that, in a desperate attempt to get people interested in her, Tommie actually tells everybody that she has a much more glamorous career, as a CIA spy or Queen of Norway or something. It’s also possible that she’s so boring that nobody ever even makes it to the typical “so what do you for a living and where do you do it” part of that first conversation.

Tommie’s shock at seeing Alan is perhaps a bit more understandable, since he long ago swore a drunken oath to leave the evil metropolis of New York and all it stood for behind. Plus, he appears to be wearing eyeliner.

Mary Worth, 6/10/07

This may be one of the most horrifying Mary Worths ever, and not just because Vera looks like one of those soul-searing Margaret Keane paintings in panel five. We’ve watched Mary slowly break Vera’s independence and will over the past few weeks. Yesterday we saw saw the catharsis that came when she completed her Worth-appointed mission. Today, the upper level of her conscious mind seems to indicate that she yearns for freedom again, but her glassy expression and final thought — return to the programmer for further instructions — tell us that she’s still in the puppet mistress’s thrall. Of course, we all know that, now that Mary has convinced Vera to do the exact opposite of what she’s wanted to do for so many years, the innocent girl holds no more appeal to the meddling biddy; once Vera returns to Charterstone, Mary will just crack open her skull and feast on her brain, then have Dawn Weston post a “sublettor wanted” ad for Vera’s apartment on Craigslist.

Panel from Cathy, 6/10/07

I try to keep everyone’s exposure to Cathy to a minimum, but I do feel this panel is worth noting, because the phrase “Someone needs to relax! Let’s assemble a backyard gazebo!” is actually kind of surreally funny out of context. I’m pretty sure if you shaved Irving’s head and put a polka-dotted mumu on him, he’d be Zippy the Pinhead.

244 responses to “It’s hard out there for a shrew”

  1. Moon Mullins
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Please, please, please have Vera drive off a cliff.

  2. Some dude
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    What is up with the first panel in MW? What is underneath the car? It looks like the artist just cut out a drawing of a car from some book and just pasted it onto the comic.

    Oh, and first!

  3. Octal
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Is Vera hanging her head out the car window in the last panel? How? Very Escheresque.

  4. Dan
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: The last two panels had me howling with laughter. Simultaneously holding the ideas of wanting to ‘truly live’ and ‘talk to Mary’ should be enough to make Vera’s brain leak out of her head – which would make the subsequent crash off the cliff all the more understandable.

  5. Motorposus
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Brick – I just left an over-long bad joke (not dirty, just bad) for you on the last thread. Check it if you’re bored.

  6. JG
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that Margaret Keane–scary. Hard to forgive you for inducing me to Google that name. What is the deal with big-eyed kids? Is affection for these images, including the desire to draw them, a reliable indicator of a diseased personality? I think so. Oh, and Japanese anime people: sorry about that; it’s just the way it is.

  7. Topliff
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Frankly, Bryant H. McGill’s quote should be COTW on its own next week. This is one scary mf. Check his website, and particularly the “positive feedback” this poet, and consultant to the stars, received from Michael Jackson at his scariest. Bryant himself transforms from a Daddy Warbucks lookalike to a bad imitation of Nathan Lane. “There is no insipidness with Bryant and there is no Bryant without Mary”.http://www.bryantmcgill.com/About/

  8. winky
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    hey Some dude: no, you’re not first… you’re SECOND! ha ha ha ha ha… SNIFF THE GLOVE, BEEYOTCH!!

  9. John
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    Now she wants to live, truly live – so she is first going to talk to Mary and then go back to her job at Curious Lack of Affect Advertising Agency, when she could have rightfully guilted her brother into coughing up enough of the family fortune to live in a comfortable idleness – or at least enough to have a nice vacation.

    I hope she swerves off the same curve that Aldo took.

  10. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Seeing that Cathy panel out of context reminds me of something my brother and I did once.

    Flipping through old Archie comics, we found two totally separate stories where Mr. Weatherbee was chasing some of the kids through the hallways of Riverdale High after they had gotten up to some misdeeds of some sort.

    In both of the stories, Mr. Weatherbee’s pursuit was halted when he got his foot stuck in a bucket that he accidentally stepped into. Because you see, getting foot stuck in bucket = comedy gold. My brother and I cut out the two relevant panels and pasted them next to each other, preserved for posterity.

    In one of the panels, Mr. Weatherbee was saying, “Drat! What have you got in this pail?” In the other, he was saying, “Drat! This pail is stuck!”

    We thought it was absolutely hilarious, but maybe you had to be there. In any case, who knew that getting your foot stuck in a pail was such a common problem?

    (On a side note, I never ever call those things “pails”. I’m familiar with the word, of course, but it just sounds unnatural, whereas “bucket” sounds totally normal. Is this a regional thing?)

  11. Kronkina
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    9CL STOP IT! FOR THE SAKE OF MANKIND ALREADY, JUST FREAKING STOP!!!

    I usually like this strip, what with the quirkiness and the ballet and that oddball fat guy whose name I can not recall at the moment, but these past few weeks are just stupid and I, for one, have had it.

  12. Kronkina
    June 10th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    MT

    Shrews are … the most belligerent mammals for their size in the world.

    Well, obviously, Mr. Elrod, you haven’t met my mother.

  13. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    #6 JG: Man, you ain’t woofin’ about the Margaret Keane art. I gave an audible yelp when I clicked on the link, a “ee-uu-yeolp!” sort of noise. That’s alien creepy.

    #12 Kronkina: Oh god…Your post just made me literally fall out of my chair laughing! FOOMCL.

    Do it again! XD

  14. mojo
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: Vera has five different expressions on her face in today’s strip: sappy-in-love, grim, serene, pouty, smug, and Stepford Wife.

  15. arto
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Shrews are the most belligerent animal for their size the same way Vera’s ’87 Dodge Shadow was the most luxurious car in its class–the class consisting of Mopar products that know what evil lurks in the hearts of men.

  16. Pinback65
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Eyeliner aside, Alan in panel five vaguely resembles Paul Lynde. If only Wally Cox and Charlie Weaver would show up, we’d be getting somewhere.

  17. arto
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Also, I’m pretty disappointed that Apartment 3-G cut away right before we got to see Alan’s head explode.

  18. mojo
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Sorry – Vera has SIX expressions, not five. Wasn’t sure if that last one was real or borrowed from a mannequin.

  19. MsCongeniality
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Wait…Vera’s long lost brother? Didn’t he stay in the same place while she walked out? I’m thinking that in addition to ‘learning how to forgive’ Vera also needs to ‘learn how to read maps’.

  20. Vardibidian
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    MW Panel 1-2: Vera’s long-lost brother? What long-lost brother? The one that’s been living in their old house all this time?

    Thanks,
    -V.

  21. Rusty
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    To give Irviing in Cathy a modicum of credit, in one strip this past week he rallied the dogs and ran out of the house after listening to a typical Cathy bathing-suit-shopping meltdown. Even he wants out of the strip.

  22. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    RMMD Take a good long look at panel 4. What is Rex doing, other than compressing June like life-sized Claymation? It makes their conversation a little bit more interesting, don’t you think? Sure, he’ll be okay, and so will June as long as she still has the ability to re-animate like Wallace and Grommit do after a smushup.

    Smushup, because smush makes a different noise than smash when it comes to Claymation. Don’t ask me how I know these things. I make them up anyway.

    And OH!! Get the unusual half-blue serial faces on Hugh in panel 6 and Peter in panel 7! It’s lighter than the usual blue face, and no yellow around. And Hugh’s face is Diagonal Blue!

    Trying to [Margo] around with our theories, eh? We’re onto your game, Nolan. Eat self-grinding bees.

    One more snark on RMMD: June’s hand placement in panel 3. June touches herself because we can’t.

    God, I love the comics.

  23. Dean Booth
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    #3 Octal: I love the idea of Vera hanging her head out the window, returning to her master.

  24. Uncle Lumpy
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    It’s a difficult life for a shrew –
    Eat a grub, pull a pup, dodge a shoe –
    With some know-it-all fox
    Always busting our rocks,
    Based on some stupid upside-down clue.

  25. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    JP If Abbey doesn’t eventually model a slutty Parisian cocktail dress she bought on a shopping spree with Neddy in the future for Sam’s enjoyment, I will be disappointed as hell. (see “give serial heroes some fscking ‘nads and some fun, dammit” rant elsewhere) And I sure hope there’s something interesting in Napa Valley for Sam and Sophie to do, otherwise I want to see Abbey meet SuperCedric’s jealous wife and let the games begin.

    There’s so much potential to Hizzoner Parker that tends to get sloughed off like so much snakeskin, and it makes me want to weep. Or at the very least, grumble a few [margo] [boxcar] [saturn]‘s.

  26. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    #23 Dean Booth: For a minute, I thought that was one of Dingo’s links! XD That…that’s a tongue, right? Mary’ll probably be happy either way, I suppose.

  27. Jamus The Bartender
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
    Today’s Lesson: Tips For Building A Backyard Gazebo
    Okay…so…the wife caught you jerkin’ it to internet porn after I TOLD you to pin it on the kid….now she’s making you build a backyard gazebo for Christ-only-knows what reason…a backyard meeting with her church biddies I suppose. Sigh. Anyway, here’s some tips on how to make constructive use out of what should be your weekend relaxin’ time…
    —Bring a thermos full of gin and tonic with you. Nothing says Miller Time like gin and tonic on a Sunday afternoon.
    —Be sure to have the game on. I like to bring my old wrist tv, but Radio Shack has those little televisions we all thought were so neat back in the seventies and eighties for something like thirty bucks a pop in the sale bin. Buy one of those. And make a thermos full of gin and tonic. Wait…I said that already….
    —Take a shot of gin and tonic before you get started…
    —Be sure to have a rubber mallet with you at all times. This is for when your f*cking neighbor comes up to you and says something clever like”Hey Dick…is that the villain Gazebo Face you’re building that Gazebo for? Haw haw haw…”Then you can pound his fucking head in with it. Very important.
    —The instructions are usually badly translated Swedish to American. Ignore them. Call your neighbor and tell him you’ll wipe his parking tickets if he builds the damn thing for you. Then, enjoy a relaxing evening of gin and tonics.
    Thass all for this evening folksh…till then..this is the ole drinkie…
    Trick Dacy..
    Boddums up fellahs…

  28. Tom T.
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Off-topic, but since Judge Parker has finally reached the close of day, maybe someone could look back through the archives and see just how many months ago this day began?

  29. Dean Booth
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    #26 True, Yes, it’s a tongue!

  30. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    O.O

    Holy shit!

  31. SecretMargo
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    23: I’m with you, TF — Sunday’s RMMD is just…awesome.

    Intrigue! Lichtensteinian clinches! Not-really-veiled homosexuality! Faces cut diagonally in half! Self-absorption! More homosexuality! Meal planning!

    I always thought it was a big joke between us Mudgies and Josh that Rex greets any opportunity to avoid sleeping with his wife with unmixed joy. Yet, the panel you isolate not only demonstrates that Rex’s idea of reciprocating his wife’s swoon into his arms is to push her gently but firmly away and down, but that his idea of romantic dialogue is, “Stay with Heather as long as it takes … we’ll be okay!” And then, of course, there’s his barely supressed giggle of glee as he assures her that he’ll still be available for a good gossip sesh — especially if it involves bad-mouthing his sworn enemy and future hate-fuck partner Hugh, who is now a pirate. The eyepatch is flipped around to the back, you see: Hugh was interrupted as he was perusing some pornographic stereographs, so he needed both eyes free — but only one hand! Arrrr! Peter knows enough by now to keep his eyes fixed steadily ahead lest he glimpse his namesake peeking up at him from his boss’s firm yet lilypetal soft fist. Some mistakes you only have to make once — Peter learned this the hard way.

  32. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    #28 Tom T: Looks like February 5, 2006.

  33. Uncle Lumpy
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    #28 Tom T. –

    February 5th.

  34. The Photocopiest
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is it too much to hope that Vera, driving along and obsessing about Mary Worth’s influence on her life, will also go careening off a cliff, finally leading to a police investigation as to why Mary bought 40 feet of razor wire and a Department of Transportation survey map so many months ago?

  35. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Make that 2007.

  36. Uncle Lumpy
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Curses upon you, True Fable!

  37. Poteet
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    # 9 — Yes! Yes! Thank you, John, for saying it so very well.

    As for that Margaret Keane Link, it has scarred me for life.

  38. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, but you were more right than I, Uncle Lumpy. You were smart enough to simply put the month and day; I was off by a whole freakin’ YEAR by typing 2006.

    Uncle Lumpy for the win, in the end. :)

  39. Citric
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    I did expect this comic to end with Vera driving off of a cliff, since that seems to be a typical happening in Mary Worth and a nice ironic twist, but I will admit that going back to see Mary is a fate worse than death. Well played, writers, well played.

    Also, I must note that the artist went through great effort to show that Vera drives an early 90s Chrysler LeBaron. I don’t quite get why he picked that particular car though. I guess I’m just a car nerd.

  40. Poteet
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    JP — The day began on February 5th. The day began on February 5th. The day began on February 5th.

    Sorry, but between that revelation and the Keane link, I need to mutter to myself.

  41. reader-who-posts
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Spider-man: Oh, Spider-man, what a tangled web we weave.

    FW: Tomorrow’s headline – “Geek and Freak pummelled to death in parking lot by a bunch of @#%&$’s.”

    MW: I’m sorry, but the thoughts “I want to live, truly live.” and “I’m going to talk to Mary” are completely incompatible.

  42. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Vera looks drunk in panel two, so I’m expecting a cliff and a ghostly figure refusing to believe she wants to die alone, tomorrow.

  43. monkey.dave
    June 10th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    The picture of Vera in panel 2 is almost as excellent as the one of Mary on the airplane from Feb 25. I hope someone is maintaining a Hall of Fame.

    I also agree with commenter #1 that Vera needs to go off a cliff and that her car should land right on top of Aldo’s. And if everybody else whose life is ruined by Mary’s meddling does the same thing, by the end of the year there will be a pile of wreckage 80 feet high, and Mary can jump over it on a motorcycle and get her “cool” back.

  44. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    #40 Poteet, my queen!

    You make me wonder if this has been the longest day in comic serial history. If not, it’s bound to be a contender at least. I think it even has the Cross of Cortez day o’ fun from 2 years ago in JP beat. I’ll have to look, although it’s painful that I’ll have to go through withdrawal from Barreto’s artwork to do so.

    You reign supreme. See you at the vengeful flamethrower payback party wedding.

  45. -k-
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Charterstone sound like the name of a rehab clinic? Is it actually a rehab clinic? A mental hospital? I’m not exactly a longtime follower of MW, here.

  46. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    #31 SecretMargo: Waugh! I totally missed the gossip session request in panel 5, good catch! If that doesn’t say “we can stay up and I’ll tease your hair and help you choose your outfits for the upcoming week, and you can wax my brows and dish the dirt on Mister Grumpy”, nothing does.

    “sworn enemy and future hate-fuck partner Hugh”! Oh God… I love your snarks too.

  47. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    #45 -k-: It’s not just you. I’ve always suspected a Yes to all your questions.

  48. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Addendum to 46: Besides, in panel two, his word balloon may say Hugh is rotten company, but Rex has a faraway look in his eyes, as if trying to visualize whether Hugh has Dr. Troy Gainer potential or not, and hoping he does.

    If they go golfing, we’ll know Rex is visualizing the hell out of Hugh in the rough. So to speak.

  49. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Dang, it gets dark early here in Canada. As in, five hours early. We must be really far north. And I couldn’t even hang out for long in the bars (or “pubs” as they call ‘em here) — they all close ridiculously early. It was only 6 p.m., by my watch! Guess that’s a conservative rural Canadian town for you. Ah, no big loss. All the beer was warm anyway.

    When I asked them to take me to the Bay Street Hotel, all the taxi drivers gave me blank stares. (Say, didja notice they all drive on the wrong side of the road here in Canada? It’s true!) But I did find a place to stay. And it’s cheap, too — the desk clerk said it was “45 bob” a night!* Converting Canadian to American dollars, that’s what, $36? What a country!

    * (Apparently, a “Bob” is slang for a Canadian dollar. I guess Bob is the curly-headed guy in the pearls on the money. How progressive of them to have elected a tranny president!)

    Tomorrow, I’m gonna head right out bright and early and buy a map, and figure out where this wedding is at. See you there!

    And Motorposus: Uh… yeah… thanks for those “jokes” there. Can I have some of what you’re smoking?

  50. Red Greenback
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    And howcum there’s bite marks on my Airwalksâ„¢!?!

  51. True Fable
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    #49 Spider-Brick, you might want to ask someone for directions to Millborough and tell them it’s a suburb of Toronto in case, um, they have a map of Canada but don’t recognize the name of that particular ‘burb.

    #50 Red: what, don’t you think it’s stylish?

  52. Islamorada Girl
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    I read Sunday’s MT and all I could think about was Shady Shrew being trampled to death by a giant dyke boot. Sad.

  53. JG
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    MT–you have to admit that the shoe and the cat are very nicely rendered, compared to everything else that appears in this festival of poor draftsmanship. Makes you think that the artist doesn’t actually go out and look at stuff, but whatever he *can* see while sitting at his Mayline drafting table, he can do an almost-credible job of capturing. This is why Guaguin went to Tahiti. Meow, Tabby!

  54. Edgy DC
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    That shrew letter mis-spells “belligerent” and puts commas where they don’t belong. Stupid shrews.

  55. Proteus
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    “Are you going with me to the hospital or not? Margo!”

    As always, mental repunctuation of a clue is the key to its solution.

  56. Uncle Lumpy
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    #54 Edgy –

    No, no — it was a “belliger-rant”, see?

  57. Effingham
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    There’s a part of me that would dearly love to see Vera’s car take a header off a cliff like someone else’s car did not too long ago…

  58. Josh
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    #54 — Urk! Fixed. Gotta copy edit them darn shrews good.

    Josh

  59. garage
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    In Mary Worth, in panel 6 Vera has morphed into Mary herself, which is both fascinating (in a sexual fantasy kind of way; imagine the three-way) and disturbing (in all kinds of ways).

    In Apartment 3G, Margo has changed nighties in mid-conversation -meaning we’ve missed the most important part: the quick strip (She’s in pink in yesterday’s strip and blue today.)

  60. Buck Ripsnort
    June 10th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Well, now we know what sent Shady Shrew down his life of (incompetent) crime. It wasn’t foxes, it was Those Damn Cats! He and Max Mouse should start a self-help group, along w/ Compulsively Left-Handed Criminals.

  61. fizzy logic
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    We used to have a bad-assed cat (RIP) who was taught to hunt by his momma cat – he ate the shrews and left us, let’s see here, the ears, feet and liver, if I recall correctly. On the doormat. Just so we knew that he was a bad-ass. Took us a while to figure out what the hell we were looking at – too small to be mice feet. Yuck.

  62. King Folderol
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    MW – I want to know what the hell this Bryant H. McGill character is talking about. If I couldn’t forgive the people I don’t love, there’d be a trail of bitter acrimony longer than my small intestines by now.

  63. Buck Ripsnort
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    And BTW, Mr No-Shit Slylock, I frequently wore two righty gloves as a child, because I didn’t want to tell Mom I’d ruined two sets of gloves, so I wore one righty as a lefty and SO THERE, you shrew-harassing bastard!

  64. Trotzenbonnie
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Don’t tell me I’m the only person left on earth who remembers the Margaret Keane knock-offs advertised in the magazine section of the Sunday newspaper, usually on a page adjacent to the ads for Sansabelt slacks and polyester muumuus for $3.95.
    The prints were always sold in themed sets of four with big-eyed girls dressed as clowns or hippies or rodeo queens. I whined until my mother ordered a set of waifs fetchingly dressed in go-go boots and Mondrian dresses.

    And I still think Vera looks like Tanya Harding.

  65. yellojkt
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    “vera and von” is an anagram for “a van vendor”. Hey, it’s no “Load Stalker” but they can’t all be masterpieces.

  66. Allie Cat
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    I was out of town this weekend for a wedding (not Shawna Marie’s) and didn’t get my morning fix on Chron.com – Saturday before the wedding, I had to drop my husband off at the church to be in the pictures, and since I had 2 hours to kill before the ceremony, went to a local nail joint for a mani/pedi.

    I was waited for the toes to dry when I grabbed the comics section of the local paper. I read FOOB and said, out loud, “OH NO you DI’INT!”

    My next thought was – “I gotta find a margoing internet cafe or something – the ‘mudges are probably having a field day”.

    But, I had to wait til I got home today.

    WTF!

    Also, loved me some Winkerbean today. I’m really hoping Pete gets to at least 3rd base – anything, so long as it’s farther than Darrin has been.

  67. Poteet
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    # 44 — True Fable, thanks for making that kindly suggestion to the Tragically-Misled, er, the Spectacular Spider-Brick. And I look forward to seeing you in your finery at the wedding. I’m actually not sure where the Mini is right now (Red?), probably owing to a wee too much of the Bowmore.

    # 61 — fizzy, your bad-ass cat was unusually tolerant — many cats won’t eat shrews, per the following: “Domestic cats appear to be very good predators of shrews, although they seldom eat them (presumably because of the shrew’s unpleasant odor). Cat owners may find dead, uneaten shrews brought inside the home.”

    I would add that not all domestic cats are good predators of shrews. Certain cats (and I won’t name names) would rather pretend that shrews don’t exist, even if a shrew is in plain sight.

    # 64 — Trotzenbonnie, I think I vaguely remember those ads. Do you still have your waifs? Who knows, they may be sought-after collector items now.

  68. Louise
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Josh – this is a classic entry. The shrew letter is a masterpiece and everything else is hilarious. Bless you for providing the therapy.

  69. Steve S
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    The most passive-aggressive mammal for its size in the world is Jeffy Keane as mouthpiece for Jeff Keane.

  70. K Bear
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    hee, my first reaction to MW was oops, someone’s falling off a cliff sometime “soon”!

  71. kat
    June 10th, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Today, Tommie proves to be a Close Talker. Is there a hell worse than Tommie droning on about her future as a spinster with cats named Margo and Margo II, mere inches from your face? You’d turn emo, too- just like poor Alan has.

  72. Red
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    “TOMMIE?!! GODDAMMIT. COULD THIS NIGHT GET ANY WORSE?!”

  73. Wirrrn
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Hey,

    MARK TRAIL: I’m surprised Mark doesn’t take time out from siccing his cat on a shrew after failing to crush it underfoot to also inform the reader that shrews are one of only three known mammals with a venomous bite, alongside moles and Dagwood Bumstead (how else do you think he is so quickly able to subdue and devour the humongous sandwiches he preys on?)

  74. Uncle Lumpy
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    6/11 Mark Trail

    Bird Strike!

  75. ltrftp(not so first time)
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    49
    Garage

    Good! I thought I was the only one who thought that was Mary in the penultimate panel. I was sort of hoping for a head-on collision.

    60
    Trotzenbonie

    Those pictures are now called “anime” and some of them are pron!

  76. ltrftp(not so first time)
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy
    I can tell you right now that the NTSB will declare the Hill-Trail Plane crash to be the result of fowl play.

  77. fizzy logic
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    #67 – Poteet – I didn’t know that about shrews – Mark could have told us that, too, but I guess he was too busy flying the plane. The cat was certainly picky enough about his cat food. I think his momma taught him to eat everything he hunted though, he was never one of those to bring in something half alive and play with it. He was a great eater of spiders, flies, moths, etc. – very comical – chomp*buzz*chomp*buzz*chew*chew*chew.

  78. Citric
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    06/11 – If the bystanders in the first panel of Mary Worth were any more awkward and inhuman, they’d be actual characters in Mary Worth!

  79. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Hey all. Here’s a post of mine from a few days ago that I don’t think anyone saw:

    “Spider-Brick, under_score, queek, Cedar, and Ukele Ike,

    Thanks for the kind words guys. I mean I know I’ve probably dilluted the waters by revealing I post here, but, um…well, whatever. :D

    But thanks. It’s much appreciated.

    We knew when we launched we’d have a few obstacles to overcome, but between you guys, the feedback we’re getting on our myspace page , the frequency with which our Wikipedia entry gets updated (and how quickly it got put up [Thanks FenristheWolf!]) and the love we’re feeling from Kevin Smith fans after our News Askew story we seem to be doing ok. :)

    But…don’t be afarid to trash the comic too. (Geek alert!) I’m a long standing defender of Kyle Rayner on the DC Comics MB’s (end ‘Geek alert!’) and have been reading this blog for about 2 years now, so I can take it…and if I can’t I’ll just weep quietly to myself. ;)

    Thanks again!”

  80. Tom T.
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    #32, #33, U guys r the best.

    #69, I don’t know if you saw the Sunday 6/10 Family Circus, but the look of suppressed rage on Jeffy’s face bears you out completely.

  81. Jym
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    =49= (The Spectacular Spider-Brick): Well, someone’s got to do it. Spidey, err, Brickey, err, okay … you’re in the wrong London. You need to find a mouse named Ignatz and tell him that Krazy Kat is in Kanuckistan.

  82. Len
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    A friend, who spent his childhood summers in the French countryside, was shown the dead bodies of dozens of shrews after a lightningstorm. Apparently loud thunder scared the little miscreants into heart attacks!

    Shady Shrew? BOO!!!

    Slylock rids himself of an enemy.

  83. Dub Not Dubya
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’ve had this song kicking around in my brain for a while and finally came up with the lyrics. To the tune of that classic 1960s song “Windy” by The Association. If you’re too young to know the song, you can listen to it here, free:

    http://play.napster.com/track/19871665

    So, without further ado:

    Who’s hanging ’round the ballfields of Milford
    Giving advice the players should take?
    Who is the Gil Thorp Magical Negro?
    Everyone calls him Clambake

    Whose shirt is on inside-out and backwards?
    Whose head is shaped just like an acorn?
    Who is the oldest guy at The Bucket?
    Everyone calls him Clambake

    And Clambake has stormy eyes
    That watch all the Milford guys
    And Clambake makes home runs fly
    Above the clouds
    Above the clouds
    Above the clouds….

  84. SecretMargo
    June 10th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’m all tuckered and am about to go off to dream sweet dreams of Rex and I alternately making up funny new names for Hugh’s ass (The Beefeater! The Principle Cockholder! The Emperor of Ice Cream!) and making out, but I took a quick look at the comics, and am I just delirious, but is there a Mark Trail misattributed dialogue balloon incident happening in the last panel?

    Ditto’s mouth looks open; I think the line is supposed to be his. As it is, Lois just seems to be asking a rhetorical question filled with existential dread as she contemplates the series of empty rituals she calls a life. If Ditto says it, the dread remains, but now it takes the form of a growing realization that there is something deeply wrong with his parents and how he and his sister are being raised, the kind of wrong whose effects are too ingrained to ever be eradicated, only coped with. This falls back into line with the expected parameters of the typical Hi & Lois strip, so I expect that Ditto was the intended angst-dispenser in this instance.

  85. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    ltrftp @ 75: Not exactly. Margaret Keene’s creations are the bastard children of anime and Antoinette, the Sympathy for the Record Industry girl.

  86. Mr. O’Malley
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Everyone missed this picture of Chien getting ready for the prom?

  87. Snopster in Exile
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    I’m just impressed that shrews are not only the most belligerent, but also one of the smallest mammals for thier size in the world.

  88. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Ed Power @ 79: Trust me, we aren’t saying nice things because you read/post here. If Tom Batiuk or Lynn Johnston posted here, FW and FBOFW wouldn’t suddenly become our new favoritest strips. They’d still suck, and we’d still say so. In fact, I’d like to believe that they do lurk here, and are too terrified of what would happen if they revealed themselves. The hateflagration that would erupt would be epic. Our posts would break 1,000 comments. The Intarwebs themselves would tremble with our unleashed fury! Blaze, lightning! Crack, thunder! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME, LYNN-EL!

    Ahem. Anyway, you could always post under an assumed moniker.

    Ooh, and do you think you could throw us a secret shout-out in your strip? Like have one of the characters “finger-quote” or mention grinding bees?

  89. Cornwhacker
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    28, 32,33,44: I ‘m back from the Chron’s JP archives. Don ‘t ask me why I did it, but I did. This week of plot began in August… 2005!

    Traveling backward in time, then, a week of mornings:

    Februrary 5, 2007 – “Abbey wakes Neddy for her first full day of school!”

    January 1, 2007 – “At the airport, Sam says goodbye to Neddy!”

    November 6, 2006 – “Before gong to school, Sophie says goodbye to Raju!” (why must the Spencer-Drivers start each day with goodbye?)

    July 24, 2006 – “Raju is awakened with breakfast delivered to the guest house!”

    March 27, 2006 – “In the morning, Abbey wants to know more about Randy and April’s date!” (Work ‘em like a claw…)

    October 31, 2005 – “When Sam arrives early at the office, he finds Randy sleeping on his couch!”

    August 22, 2005 – “In the morning, Carlos Habil goes to visit Gloria in the jail!”

    So, yeah, in one week, Sam rescued his secretary from a Mexican jail. Randy separated from his fiancee, dated the replacement secretary, threw his hat in the ring to be The Next Judge Parker and weathered a “not the marrying kind” smear campaign (the original Judge Parker did actually appear a couple of times). Neddy returned from visiting Aunt Rachel’s island, only to see her aunt again in Paris four days later. Sophie had a guest from India, who got a makeover and then was sent off on his boat-wrestling way. And Abbey…investigated missing horse feed. I think she may have visited the winery the previous week, though.

    It’s all very action-packed and exciting. For them.

  90. Mr. O’Malley
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    MT: Don’t planes have shatterproof windshields like cars do? Or is the sight of duck pâté just too shocking? And don’t people flying small planes usually wear seatbelts?

    SlyFo: If a rat has fangs, he must naturally be guilty! At least of using paper towels instead of environmentally friendly cleaning materials.

    PBS: The “wives of the lions” is almost T-shirt material all by itself. I uppose everyone has already seen the YouTube video of the lions getting stomped by the buffalo.

    FOOB Wedding Gang: Actually, Bay Street is the Wall Street of Canada. Just check out the business section of the Globe and Mail. But not that sleazy part up by the bus station, though.

  91. Mibbitmaker
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s MW, as paraphrased by others:

    I want to be happy! Truly happy!
    I’m going to read Funky Winkerbean.

    I want to be satisfied! Truly satisfied!
    I’ll marry Leroy Lockhorn!

    I want to be entertained and enriched! Truly…that!
    I guess I’ll get that Mike Patterson book.

    I want to be treated nicely! Truly nice!
    I’ll go hang out with Margo.

    I want to feel safe with my true love! Truly blessed love!
    I’m going to talk to Mary. — Aldo Kelrast

  92. Mibbitmaker
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Monday (can’t trust that day):

    Agnes: She’s a Margo in training.

    MT: Sam gets so badly cut up that we don’t even see her face on panel. There can be only one face like that in Lo-Fo, and it’s Cherry Tr….. okay, there can only be two faces in Lo-Fo like — What?? You’ve gotta be kidding! Oh, well, one less face like Cherry Trail’s, I guess.

    JP: Now that Sophie has clumsily gotten a tiny bit of useless exposition out of her dad, we can resume the new wine story…

    MW: Now WE can get relief from the end of this story. Next!…

  93. robotguy
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that pound for pound a wolverine is more belligerent than a shrew. They only weigh what, 25 pounds? And even a grizzly bear will go out of its way to avoid those bundles of teeth, claws, and bad attitude. They can even take down a full-grown moose.

    My first thought on MW was that Vera was on some kind of acid trip. I mean, look at the way her pupils are changing, how she’s grinning like an idiot for no apparent reason… yeah, that’s it, it’s gotta be acid, peyote, or shrooms. I’m thinking that’s the only way to truly enjoy MW.

  94. Windier E. Megatons
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    So, Margo calls her mother by her first name? Doesn’t that seem a little odd? Or maybe it’s just supposed to indicate how cold and aloof Margo is. Which does totally make sense.

  95. Trilobite
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    These are the comics that…er…are, on Monday, 6/11:

    A3G: Either Tommie noticed that she was wearing the same blouse as Gabriella, or someone finally threw up on her, because she seems to have finally put on some scrubs. But because she’s Tommie, and therefore both color- and style-blind, she immediately threw on a wide-lapeled Pepto-Bismol colored jacket to cover up. But hey, at least Dr. Kelly is a cheerful kinda guy who can give a bland A3G-style smile even when he’s delivering bad news!

    Mark Trail: Stupid duck! AIM TO THE LEFT, DUCKS! Well, I guess we’re going to be stuck watching Mark fly the plane until at least Thursday. Still, this should give him a reason to start punching people by next Monday, right?

    Mary Worth: I’ve noticed that a lot of the passersby in Charterstone are carrying backpacks or oversized bags. Since Charterstone clearly isn’t a youth hostel, nor does it rent to college students, nor do any of its residents have kids who live with them and go to school, there can be only one explanation: they’re dealing meth. Huge quantities of meth, enough to supply most of California, and those suspicious young-ish people with the bags are picking up the latest shipments for delivery. Probably the top two floors are where they cook the stuff, and they trust the smell of old people to cover up that nasty chemical odor.

    Dick Tracy: Someone please tell me that this is going to start making even a tiny bit of sense at some point. What the hell is an “expert on identity”, anyway? And why would being one make you the logical choice to protect an elderly German dude? And why would the CIA even call Dick Tracy in the first place? And what’s with the tiny, tiny fingers?

  96. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Jym @ 81: “Wrong” London? Shyeah, right! That’s a good one… heh… heh… huh.

    MARGO IT! SATURN SATURN BOXCAR MARGO SATURN BATIUK!!!

    I guess that would explain why it’s already getting light outside. Guess it’s back to the airport for me. And this time, I’m taking no chances. I assume there’s only one “New York City” in the world?

    Boy, are the Monday strips going to feel my wrath for this!

    A3G: “Well, that would be what we doctors call a ‘coma.’ Didn’t they teach you about those at Large City Medical School? Or did you skip that lecture because it was French Onion Soup Day in the college cafeteria? ‘Ooh, it’s soup AND it’s bread!’”

    Archie: Even if the security guard is dim enough to believe Jughead’s dog is a human, wouldn’t he still keep him out due to the absence of pants?

    BS: What is it with this strip and the animal costumes? There’s some kind of fixation there. Forget Slylock Fox; Ballard Street is the real propaganda arm of the Furry Menace.

    (DT)GT: Looks like the chunky girl in Panel 2 is wearing her new Samantha “Sam” Hill Eyeliner. “Lashes so big… you can’t avoid them!”

    H&L: No, other families don’t keep archives of refrigerator art. But other families don’t have kids who have been in the second grade for 30 years.

    JP: I guess Sophie doesn’t care all that much about Mom, either. I foresee a weepy, all-girl cover of “Cat’s In The Cradle” a few years down the road.

    Phantom: Gleetings! I am ze Count! Today ve are goink to count ze colors in ze Phantom comic! Ready? Yellow! Peach! Greenish yellow! Light blue! Light purple! Slightly lighter grayish purple! Black! That makes seven! Seven pretty colors! Ah ah ah ah!

    RMMD: “With June on the way, Heather fixes a light dinner!” Such excitement! Nobody will be seated during the thrilling Table-Setting Scene! Seriously, wouldn’t a period have done it for that sentence? “NEXT: Napkins!!!”

    Hugh: “You’re setting a third place… for whom?”
    Heather: “It’s for Elijah, boobah. Oy, always with the questions, this one.”

    Quigmans: A Paris Hilton rip already? Damn, that’s some fast turnaround! Or did the cartoonist CAUSE her release? Dun dun DUNNN!

    SFx: Slylock knew the rat was lying about cleaning house because his place was a filthy rathole — as usual. A little waterboarding and the threat of a visit from Cassandra Cat soon loosened his tongue, and it was off to Guantanamo for making terroristic threats.

  97. Skulking on the Outskirts
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    Hi, Ed Powers! I’ve been following “My Cage” since it popped up on the Chron, and hadn’t yet come to a decision on whether I liked it or not-well, you made my decision for me today! I will love you forever just for that little talking ‘male’ symbol in your guy Norm’s head. The heart cracked me up too. And as for the brain hopping around on the end of it’s spinal cord-you’d owe me a new keyboard if I’d been drinking anything.
    Yeah, that pretty much confirms everything I ever thought about the way men’s minds work….hee hee hee. You have the makings of a great spinoff strip with those little guys, and you’ve just started (I think) with the main strip. Good going!

  98. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Skulking on the Outskirts @ 97: This may be their first appearance as far as I know, but Brain, Heart and Libido have been on the strip’s characters page since Day 1. (And I notice that Maureen’s name has been fixed. I’d like to think I prompted that.)

    And Heart’s closing line in today’s strip has special relevance when you consider that Norm’s girlfriend is a puppy.

  99. Jack Parsons
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Gaughin went to Tahiti for other reasons, like this and this and this.

    If you still want those horrible paintings, the perp has a gallery in San Francisco, around Fisherman’s Wharf. Her husband, Bill Keane, claimed he did the paintings until she divorced his tasteless ass. Be sure to read the site copy; it is in the third person, thinly veiled.

    I watched a dvd comp of homemade porn from the 60′s (you have something to say?) . A very bad scene of two white kids in bed ended with the camera panning up to a Keane giant-eyed kid motel wall print.

    Watching old porn is always a little nerve-wracking. “Mom?”

  100. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    Jack Parsons @ 99: And then, Bill Keane legally dropped the second “l” from his first name and went back to his day job of drawing cutesy, maudlin, treacly, football-headed dwarf children in a daily comic panel shaped like a circle.

    And now you know the rest of the story.

    Good day.

  101. Dub Not Dubya
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mark Trail was just begging for some alternate illustrations, so I obliged. (SFW)

    http://members.cox.net/blogpicsaddy/shrews.jpg

  102. Red Greenback
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

  103. Sylphi
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Reading Cathy comics as a child has honestly left me in dire fear that my husband will someday take up golf. Any interest he ever shows in sports of any sort makes me flashback to the Irving takes up golf and disappears out of Cathy’s life storyline–but the reason I start getting agitated is so damn stupid I can’t actually admit it to him.

  104. The Avocado Avenger
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Ah, I see I wasn’t the only one who wanted Vera to plunge to her death. In a few hours, when everyone gets their coffee and stumbles into work, they’ll fire up the ol’ difference engine and check the Chron page and be as disappointed as I am right now.

    It’s heartbreaking, I know.

    Margo being a bitch on wheels, though, means all is right with the world. What I love most about A3G is that it stars three women no one gives a rat’s ass about. Margo is that rude bitch everyone avoids, LuAnn is so dim no one will stand near her because her stupidity might be contagious, and Tommie’s life is entirely fictional. Three completely fabulous losers. If a carbon monoxide leak killed all three, they’d rot in their tastefully appointed apartment until the smell got too strong to be ignored and someone finally made a quick anonymous phone call to the cops to come clean it up.

  105. MonkeyHawk
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Oh my god.

    The Keane Big Eyes Gallery takes me back to a short story I wrote in college. It was about an underground art movement celebrating “Velvito,” the guy who produced the original black velvet paintings. You know, “Bullfighter on Black Velvet,” “Bull on Black Velvet,” “Tiger on Black Velvet,” “Panther on Black Velvet,” “Elvis on Black Velvet,” “Elvis in a Bullfighter Suit Fighting a Tiger on Black Velvet….”

    I think I got a C.

  106. Canaduck
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    42. true fable–I’m glad I’m not the only one to notice how incredibly drunk and freaking GOOFY Vera seems in that second panel.

  107. TB Tabby
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    Appropriate that this article features Cathy, becuase I just found this on scans_daily:

    Robert Crumb’s “Caffy!” (NSFW)

  108. Red Greenback
    June 11th, 2007 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    TB Tabby —”Caffy” is right on so many levels! Bless you!!!

  109. Randy S
    June 11th, 2007 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    Personally I think the scariest expression on Vera’s face is the one in panel 2.
    It’s like, the look of someone who is desperately trying to smile even though deep down they know that they’re ultimately screwed.
    The next panel is equally paradoxical. She’s thinking “now I can move on with my life” but her expression looks like sheer terror at some horrible realization.

    By the way, is it just me or is that cat — the one in Mark Trail hunting shrews — wearing glasses?

  110. Natalija
    June 11th, 2007 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Hasn’t anyone realized that the Mary Worth illustrator has drawn Vera as Paris Hilton? Vera-as-Paris seems to be as vacuous as the real Paris.

    Also, you’d think that Mark Trail would know one of the most appropriate ways of trapping a shrew and show that for everyone to be “educated”. You just throw some food into a can that you bury in the ground. The shrew follows the food, can’t escape, and basically walks itself to death, in a circular pattern. It makes you think of that old camp song “Happiness” that goes Happiness runs in a circular motion, Floating like a little boat upon the sea. Everyone is a part of everything anyway, You can be a part if you let yourself be. See, even the little shrew is a part of everything anyway, floating away (metaphysically) in a circular motion.

  111. Brian from MWDG
    June 11th, 2007 at 3:59 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: In today’s strip it looks like kids going into Charterstone High School and that Mary has become sort of teacher or guidance counsoler

  112. Red Greenback
    June 11th, 2007 at 4:07 am [Reply]

    “Waifs”

  113. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    June 11th, 2007 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    Spider-brick,

    Hmmm…a shout out, huh? I like that. Let me think on how to do that.

    SotO @ 97,

    Glad you like the Brain Trust (the name of the little guys in Norm’s head…even though we never refer to them as that in the strip itself).

    This was their first appearence, but as Spider-Brick pointed out, they have been on our characters page over on the KFS web-site, and they and Maureen were our most popular characters on our myspace page before we even hit papers.

    They’ll be back though.

    We have a lot of odd elements in the strip, so I’m trying to introduce them slowly as to not overwhelm (i.e. scare) people. ;)

    -Ed

  114. Lynngineering
    June 11th, 2007 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    MW – Just get it over Vera: Please, the version where you drive off the cliff, instead of prolonging some cliffhanger-that-isn’t:
    “Besides I want to live, truly live!” goes to “I had better slow down, these curves are known to be difficult. Someone died a while ago just around here. I recall Mary mention… – - – Hey..what the–! – I can’t stop! The brakes aren’t…..oh my god NOOO!!!” Yes, and with that same glazed and botoxed expression of Charterstone nothingness throughout.

  115. Randy S
    June 11th, 2007 at 5:04 am [Reply]

    Well I tried twice to click on that Robert Crumb link, and both times my computer froze up so badly I had to shut off my whole system at the power strip… which is something I generally try to avoid at all costs.

    Pity, because I really love Robert Crumb’s work.

  116. dreadedcandiru2
    June 11th, 2007 at 5:18 am [Reply]

    9CL : “Andrea smiled in relief. The temp agency hadn’t scraped the bottom of the barrel after all. The silly young thing spouting gibberish was just a self-important arts major.”

    DtM : Is this a new character I see before me or is Dennis the ‘Let’s call him a menace because it rhymes and, besides, Loud, Silly Well-Meaning Blunderer doesn’t fit over the Panel’ just goofing on Margaret again?

    FW : Post-Civil War Spidey’s in black so I got no problem with Chien using his catchphrase. I just hope she has the stomach for non-stop ranting about cancer, cancer, cancer!

    Doonesbury : Check your driver’s license, Mike. Does it say ‘Michael Patterson’ anywhere on it? No, it does not. So quit trying to force your mother to live some lunatic one-big-happy-family opium dream fantasy like a Foob. If she leaves the farm in anything other than a body bag, she’ll wait out the clock in Florida or Arizona or anywhere you aren’t.

  117. Josh
    June 11th, 2007 at 5:28 am [Reply]

    #94 Windier E. Megatons — I’m not 100% on the details, as this storyline was all before I tuned into A3G, but Gabriella was apparently the Magee family maid. Margo’s dad knocked her up in an illicit affiar, then forced her to turn the devil spawn over to him and his wife (whose presumed iciness and distance towards to the cuckoo’s child she was forced to call her own probably explains a lot) to raise. Margo only found out the real story as an adult, and cut her wealthy parents out of her life as a result. The fact that she’s only recently learned Gabriella is her mother precludes her from going right to the chummy “mom” or the like. That and her horrifyingly cold personality.

    Josh

  118. Sheilagh
    June 11th, 2007 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    “Shrews are one of the smallest and probably the most belligerent mammals for their size in the world.” Um, how many other people applied the prepositional phrase to both conjuncts, yielding the brilliant observation that “shrews are one of the smallest mammals for their size in the world”? I don’t see any other way to parse that sentence, myself.

    At least the ginormous foot isn’t taking part in the conversation, the way ginormous geese and skunks do.

  119. Sheilagh
    June 11th, 2007 at 5:42 am [Reply]

    Also, re Sunday’s MW: What kind of car has a silly little steering wheel the size of a pancake? I gotta get me one of them.

    The horror of watching Vera spout Worthian platitudes like a victim of Tourette’s syndrome is bad enough… But look at her face in panel 6 — she IS Mary Worth! It’s the exact same face and hair! The takeover is complete!!!! Aeeiiii!!!

    Or wait, maybe Giella can’t draw…

  120. smacky
    June 11th, 2007 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    9CL: Finally. Finally, Edda can be happy. FINALLY A COMPLETE STRANGER HAS WORDLESSLY VALIDATED MY LIFE!

    Does she ever perform for an audience, by the way? Wouldn’t she get the same validation every night with people paying to see her and applauding for her after she has completed a dance routine?

    What has been the point of the last three weeks? Is June “National Arists With Low Self-Esteem” month?

  121. migellito
    June 11th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    for worse – Shawna whoever’s mom.. ah, someone to push the envelope of hate.

  122. Jamus The Bartender
    June 11th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    FC: “Gramma…can I have your necklace when you’re too dead for it?”

    Luann: “Ben stepped on a landmine and they had to send a search party out for his testicles. He forgot to tell you THAT?”

  123. Chris
    June 11th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    A3G: What goes on here? Margo seems to have gone from a pink nightie to a blue nightie!?
    Grrrrr……

  124. Squawk
    June 11th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Snort”? Classy, Margot, classy. Why don’t you stick your finger up your nose and fire off an ass bomb while you’re at it? No point in being glamorous while you’re in your nighty and some guy is bugging you about your roommate who’s at death’s door.

  125. Keg of Curd
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    You see that look of cowering, mewling, existential dread on Plugger-roo’s face? The despairing, soul-withered eyes? I love the comics page, man. Jean Paul Sartre’s got nothing on that shit.

  126. Chris
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    MW: It seems that while Margo is slipping in and out of nighties at A3G, Vera is slipping in and out of suits…all while seated in her car!

  127. Dennis Jimenez
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    JP – Back to our trip – what’s this Glory Hole bath house you keep E-Mailing to, Sam?

  128. Dean Booth
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

  129. Dennis Jimenez
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    128 – Sam’s looking a little cockeyed!

  130. Dean Booth
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    #101. Most excellent, Dub.

  131. Shmork
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    I love the first panel in Mark Trail — it’s like some sort of poster for an insect horror film. The Shrew Strikes At Midnight or something like that.

  132. mattt
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    MT – And the rise of the machines begins as the self-aware plane takes it own controls.

    #128 Ha! This has quickly become one of my favorite sites. The Bush Circus is hilarious, too.

  133. Dean Booth
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    #102. NSFW? Yup, I had to lean in front of my monitor to protect my son’s innocent eyes when I uploaded that one.

    Re Keane: She/He was noted as a great artist in the future in Woody Allen’s Sleeper. Diane Keaton’s friend: “Oh, you have a Keane!”

  134. Marked Trail
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Man, I wouldn’t want to fly in the Atomic Cessana!!!

    One duck and **CRASH** the windshield is gone and you are blinded.

    QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!

  135. Chat Noir
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    What’s most alarming about Sunday’s Mary Worth is Vera’s decision to start truly living … and putting talking to Mary as tops on her list of life-affirming activities. I only read the darn strip maybe three times a week and I have to remind myself to breathe for those few minutes before my brain starts shutting down due to inactivity.

  136. Cornwhacker
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    What does it say about me that I had to GIS Albert Pinkham Ryder, but knew Margaret Keane without doing any research whatsoever? Sigh.

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    6/11

    A3G: Feel free to get back to Margo any time now.

    9CL: Yes, Brooke, we believe you can draw feet.

    RMMD: I hope Heather messes with Hugh’s head by telling him the extra plate is for the Prophet Elijah. “What? But that was back in… And anyway we’re not… Augh, I need to lie down for a while.”

    FC: Grandma is about to practice her dwarf tossing.

    S-M: Either MJ is hovering 200 feet in the air, or the word balloons have taken on a Mark Trail quality.

    OBH: Dear cartoon, please make sure Ruthie stays as sweet and innocent as she is now, forever. Because if she ever goes through a sexual awakening for real, I’m gonna put a #2 pencil through my eye.

    SFx: Slylock continues his mission of harassing undesirables until they leave town, thus keeping up property values. Basically he’s saying, “Take your stink and your broken down trailer and get the funk out, rat.” In the nicest way of course.

  138. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    #117 Josh: Wow! The things we learn on the internet!
    I’m envious that I missed that storyline, dammit!

    Those were the days, when there was more to A3G than three weeks of Luann the Acid Queen bobbling around in her apartment dreaming of a dead artist who did murky paintings while she makes cheap watercolors of flowers on pieces of posterboard that she carries around unframed to show curators, who inexplicably rave about the quality.

    I’d rather see Margo in a snit about her biological mother who slept with her employer. Sort of like Margo is today. Hmm. Margo must be in fear that she will eventually be a superstitious, nosy crone into everybody’s business but her own. She doesn’t want to become superstitious~!

  139. Calico
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    #68 – I totally agree. Greak snark.
    #86 – I thought that was the Lizard queen getting ready for Shawna-Marie’s nuptials.

    Poor little shrews – they really don’t understand our hostility toward them.
    Strangely, about three evenings prior to this MT Shrewfest, I found a little dead mole in a our backyard. I’m quite sure either our young cat or the new cat next door whacked it. I gave it a proper burial, though.

  140. Chat Noir
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Look, shrews of the world, I’m not buying it. I happen to know that several varieties of shrew have POISONOUS saliva with which to paralyze their prey and keep it alive yet immobile in their dens throughout many months, until they decide to eat the unfortunate mice or spiders. They would sooner incapacitate me as scurry pretend-fearfully away from me. So, that’s why when my cat deposited a VERY healthy shrew on the back porch last week, I just said, “Yeah. That’s what you get!”

  141. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    #96 SSB,
    You beat me to the Rex Morgan seder jokes. Well done!

  142. Chat Noir
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Also, I didn’t read the third panel of Sunday’s Mark Trail as an underwater scene. I just assumed that in addition to being the most belligerent, shrews are also the most flatulent mammals for their size.

  143. rich
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: I get the feeling Ted’s about to grow a goatee and start a comics blog.

  144. Spoony Bard
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Rant on, rant off. Ranting.

    First, I have to get this off my chest. 9CL is pissing me off with this story line. Yeah, I work in an office building for an insurance company. I sit around in grey slacks and a button-up shirt in a cubicle. You know why? Immediate work: providing insurance for the new homes of residents of LA and MS who lost their old homes to hurricanes. Long term goals: saving up money to help fund the “dry spells” while I’m in grad. school and keep my son in clean diapers. Yeah Brooke, I’m a souless, simultaniously bovine/orcine creature of misery ’cause I work in an office building and don’t prance for a living. Ass.

    Now for the happy rant. I love the crap out of the Baron in DT. Even thinking of his adventures makes me giggle in a way most comics can’t when they’re trying to be funny. He’s an adorable little homonculus with a mind like a broken record.

    CIA guy: “Here’s your new assignment Tracy.”
    Baron: “Find my Gretchen.”
    Dick: “Um, did he just say…?”
    CIA: “Yeah, he does that. Kept saying it in the car on the way over here. Must be some German thing. Anyway, we need you to look after him and make sure…”
    Baron: “Find my Gretchen.”
    CIA: “Oh will you shut UP!”
    Baron: “Find my Gretchen.”
    CIA: “I told you I would make you wait in the car, did you think I was bluffing?”
    Dick: “Who’s Gretchen.”
    CIA: “I don’t know, probably a yappy dog or something.”
    Baron: “Find her.”
    CIA: “Do not test me old man!”
    Baron: “… … … Gretchen.”

  145. Calico
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    #42 – yes, it looks like the Oxys, Percs, black heroin, and Xanax have all kicked in. Now Vera just needs to weave along the streets of Whitehall NY at 3 in the AM in that condition, and the storyline will be complete.

    3G – Bitch-o-licious Margo!
    Did the Prof buy a tube of Grecian for Men® over the weekend?

    #45 – it’s all that, and more. A nosy, yuppie nuthouse with a pool and free-flowing alcohol.

    And #128 Dean – that is totally disgusting!
    Sam goes all Munch on us.

    SFX – hate crimes are prevalent, even in the animal world. So is classism, or so it seems, and I’m not talkin’ Kingdom, Phylum, etc.

  146. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    6/11

    A3G ZZzzzt. Tommie-based strips garner that reaction, especially if she asks a double-question-mark question in the final panel. You figure it out, Tommie!

    9CL Good, finally, we have the epiphany we’ve been waiting for! Now get back to Juliette in her leopard print teddy, dammit.

    FW OMG. Am I…am I enjoying Funky Winkerbean again?! Yeehaw and hot damn! Of course, there’s no mention of cancer or doom, just a couple of outsider-type kids enjoying the prom they didn’t want to go to. Takes me back to my prom. Yes…Yes… I like Funky Winkerbean today! Of course, if these kids walk into Montoni’s and Lisa is there whining about her cancer the deal’s off.

    JP The Week of Exposition, which traditionally comes before Months Spent on a Single Day. And little of it will have Abbey *sob!* Still….if Abbey spends a few days redecorating, which in JP times means the next three years, we might see her testing chaise lounges in slinky little designer numbers. And Sam can get drunk at the winery and hijinks will result when somehow, Sophie has to try to drive him back to the airport using blocks of wood Gorilla-Taped to the bottoms of her shoes!
    I’m getting ahead of myself. The Week of Exposition, right.

    MT The Fattest Mallard On Record just busted the window of the plane, already in trouble after its run-in with bees it now must grind furiously if they hope to stay aloft.
    The tension mounts! And we can safely bet, Mark won’t!

    MW What?! Vera, you interrupted my research into the next hapless victim new member of Charterstone, to tell me I was right? OF COURSE I was right, you ninny! Now get the hell out of here, and don’t bust my swans on the way out!
    Don’t bust my swans.

    My Cage Today was my strip, although June 8th was pretty darn close (sans girlfriend). I got drenched in the waterspray as the salvo splashed down close to aft.

    PMP Heh. *Snork!*

    RMMD I see where this is going. One look at The Rack, and Hugh will be as malleable as putty.
    “Shape of…a bucket of water!”

    FBoFW Ah, you can tell Lynnie is treating this wedding as the Sacred Event that it is, because we don’t see the telltale Party-Favor Tongue rattling around in Liz’s open mouth, and she has lips and no Muppet mouth.

    (DT)GT Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp laughs at her student’s misfortune. Tomorrow’s headline:
    Local Teacher Beaten With Barky Stick

    DtM Dennis has a new squeeze. Her name is Sammi! (That’s going around!) Isn’t that cute and unisex? Like Joey, only cute and not Hitler-clone?
    I feel a rant coming on, so I’ll take it to the appropriate place. Still, I have to say – what happened to Gina? Too much man for ya, Dennis, you WEENIE?!? No MenaceWatch2007 points for you, droopy drawers.

    FC “Well, I plan to choke myself with it if I can’t get the hell out of my contract with Jeff Keane, so sure you can have it, Dolly….as soon as I’m DEAD.”

    I’m revved to rant now. >:-)

  147. Proteus
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Mark and Sammy in a plane to fuck
    Pelted by Ubiqui-duck
    First comes stiffness
    But just trust us
    Soon you’ll see
    Mark’s fists of justice!

  148. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    DT Wha…”Find my Gretchen”?! Why, you filthy old man, don’t get me tangled up in your sick little games, I – Oh. sorry. Yes, I realize she meant a lot to you, I…nice picture of her, yes… Really, I’m sorry I …. goddammit.

  149. Dennis Jimenez
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    DtM = Dennis the Milquetoast

  150. man behind the curtain
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    MW — Mary knows that even cartoon characters don’t live forever. So she’s set out to groom her replacement and has set her sights on vera. But Toeby won’t sit still for that. So lok for a Toeby v. Vera smackdown.

    RMMD — As June heads out the door she tunes in the traffic report. There’s a 3-mile backup on the road to Heather’s caused by men heading over there to console her.

  151. Chaz Larson
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    “Cathy” brings up my big peeve about many dailies, specifically: Why is the art so bad? These people have been drawing professionally for many years. Why is Guisewite not a better artist by now?

    I mean, compare a Questionable Content strip from a 2003 with today’s. Or a Penny Arcade from A couple days ago versus one from 1998

    Warning. There are references to humping and lusting in three of those four.

    Both Jeph and Gabe have become much better artists, while Cathy et. al. still look the same.

    Is it that Badly-drawn-newspaper-strip has that specific look and The Artist is loathe to change it lest people get confused or merchandising get out-of-sync? I suppose it must be.

  152. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    TrueFable @ 146: Did you mean to say that today’s TDIET was yours? ‘Cause you took credit for My Cage, and we were just talking to the guy who writes that.

  153. Justafoob
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    So, is Liz going to bump uglies with Red Herring?

    Or will she wind up in the basement with Granthony?

  154. man behind the curtain
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    A3g — “And if it doesn’t??”
    We try more tests. or
    We call in Dr. House. or
    Then we start guessing. or
    We ship her out of here pronto. or
    We gather round her bed and start praying.

    It all depends on her insurance.

  155. Foobar
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Yes, shrews have the higest beligerence-to-volume ratio, but the T-Rex was simply the most beligerant animal to ever walk the earth (Tern & Corey, 2005. X-ray beligerentology of the fossil record. Journal of grant acquisition, 6(2), 81-91.)

  156. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    #152 SSB: No, no! I meant, those strips of My Cage reflected things in my life, I was stricken by the parallel. I didn’t intend to sound like I did them or anything.

    Kudos to Mr. My Cage, he hit home but he made it funny. I’m just kind of pathetic with a side order of resign.

    Gawd, I hope my life never reflects a TDIET panel. That’s almost as miserable as recognizing myself in a Mary Worth guest star, and it will be MY car over an embankment then.

  157. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    DtM WARNING! The new kid in Dennis’ life looks like a very young Iris. Oh my God, will the horror never end?

  158. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    #151 Chaz Larson: My guess would have been a snarky “it’s because Guisewhite’s been riding on her laurels and telling the same stories over and over again, and hasn’t got the ability to improve, much less the impetus.”

    But your conjecture about the merchandising is probably right.

  159. ColoZ
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    What is happening to Vera’s left eye in the last panel? Is it slowly receding backwards in her face as Mary’s control rays take over?

    MT: OK, I’ll give Jackelrod this — the whole bird-strike depiction is actually really realistic, right down to the windscreen-punch blinding the pilot. I once had a close call when a flock of geese appeared right after takeoff. I’m not sure I said “They are everywhere! I cannot avoid them!” — I might have used a contraction or two.

  160. rich
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: “And if it doesn’t??”

    “How familiar are you with the film ‘Frances’?”

  161. Calico
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    #151 – Now that’s a scary thought-having to go out and buy a damn Cathy doll or T-shirt or case of notepads and greeting cards or whatever every two years due to style evolution. No, that just won’t do for the masses.

    True Fable – if you’re getting revved up AFTER that last rant, then you are definitely the Jeff Gordon of the CC board. (compliment)

    #147 – nice!

  162. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    #156

    “Mr. My Cage”, sheesh. I meant Ed Power.

    I can’t blame my stupidity on the meds, either. It’s just a natural trait I unfortunately improved upon, rather than repressed.

  163. Cornwhacker
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Guisewite’s drawings have indeed improved over the decades (although I personally like these ones better)

    That “Caffy” strip: whoa… it’s like Peter Bagge parodying R. Crumb parodying Cathy. Well, I’m sure they had fun working on it, anyway.

  164. AllieCat
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Corset? Holding Up? HAR HAR HAR!

    Ok, seriously, you would not generally wear a corset under your clothes unless your wedding planner was Jane Austen. You’d wear maybe a girdle, adhesive bra cups or a long-line strapless bra, or a shaper or some other lycra and spandex based “foundation garment”.

    That said “corset” style gowns are very in these days, but in that case, the foundation is basically built into the dress and you wouldn’t necessarily need any additional scaffolding up top.

    Not only is it a dumb joke, it’s inaccurate. I used to make a little extra money working in the Intimate Apparel department at the local Macy’s in my 20′s. I know my wedding and prom season foundations.

    Also – asking someone how they are holding up on their wedding day is kind of weird. I’d be more likely to ask someone going through a painful event – like say, their father’s funeral or a corporate layoff how they’re holding up. If your wedding day is causing you enough discomfort to warrant that question, maybe you need to rethink your plans.

  165. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    #163 Cornwhacker: (this is not aimed at you, bud.)

    !!!!! MARGO BOXCAR SATURN!

    They actually accepted THAT, those melting puddles of Gahan Wilson wannabes? WTF! Universal Press Syndicate was so hard-up for relevant stories, they accepted that shit simply because she was a woman cartoonist breaking in to a “man’s world”?

    So that means it depends on gender de jour, what the editors had for breakfast and if they read the recent issue of Trendy Magazine or not. My submissions should have been fucking scribbles rather than the painstakingly careful artwork I did my best to produce! BOXCAR!

    Damn it. I am mad as hell now. That does it, I’m going back to the drawing board and pouring all my snarky, venomous, poisonous angry Roopvillian soul into Just Peachy. If nothing else, it might release the miasma gathering within me.

    *Grumble, growl, hisssss*

  166. queek
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    110: when I see small animals in circular motion, its usually because I’ve just flushed a mouse down the toilet.

  167. The Avocado Avenger
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    #144 Spoony Bard – I heard dat. I worked in an insurance cubicle myself for several years, and before that, as a nearly-unpaid assistant for special needs students. I’ve seen both jobs maligned considerably in the culture, 9CL being just the current example. And yeah, it pisses me off. I worked hard to create a time for myself where I could quit my job and write, just once, before I got too old, and I saw that chance completely slip away from me.

    Thing is, I’m pretty sure about 97% of the western world has had similar experiences, and usually end up in cubicles or offices even if we DID somehow succeed in a more creative field. That’s why I don’t understand McEldowney creating a “stupid cow” strawman to attack in his strip. Maybe he thinks everyone who reads 9CL is a frustrated artist who hates the unwashed masses as much as he does, I dunno, but I get the feeling he thinks he’s edjumacating the public on how to be nice to artists.

    #151 Chaz – I’ve been wondering the same thing about “Dilbert” for years now. Every time I see a huge white panel with a teeny little round scribble for a head, I have to wonder who Adams slept with to get syndicated.

  168. oceanology
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    I now have “Killer shrew, killer shrew, don’t know the difference ‘tween me and you…” from MST 3K stuck in my head. Good heavens.

  169. MossMoses
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Sam Hill must have had the non-safety type, regular window pane glass installed on her plane (circumventing all FAA regulations) after she thought the bird problem was resolved. Pride comes before the fall. There’s nothing quite like the cold hard reality of a massive ubiquiduck slamming into the windshield, jamming broken shards of glass into her eyeballs to convince her otherwise. It’s really a good thing Mark Trail is a pilot himself and that it is a dual control trainer airplane so he can take over. This ordeal has oddly enough made Mark Trail regress back to Rusty’s age. Fortunately for Sam Hills, it will prove to be a temporary and superficial injury and she will be fine, just like Mark’s buddy Buck Jones, after his horrific plunge off the cliff.

  170. Bunnë
    June 11th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Oh Mary Worth, could you get any more ominous? Our dear pathetic Vera, driving down the highway, saying “I want to live,” oh and look, is that a cliff? Didn’t Aldo Kelrast plummet off this very cliff?

    FORESHADOW FORESHADOW

    Ouch, careful where you put that hand! It’s very heavy.

  171. lesles
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    OH MY GOOD GOD AND SWEET WEEPING JESUS! josh … that keane link … why? why did you have to do that? i feel like my soul’s just been laved in the dark frozen excrement of the abyss. i don’t think i’m ever going to sleep again.

  172. Spoony Bard
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    167 – Avacado Avenger

    I’m more of the opinion that Edna (Edda?)…dancer lady will, with her artistic lifestyle and not being shackled by the man, inject color and life into the grey corporate world and then rule over them as a God-king/messiah as they construct momuments in her honor. Or, more likely, she’ll just learn that she is the bestest person in the world and that her dancing makes life bearable for the hoi poloi. I’m |-this-| close to declaring 9CL the new FOOB vis a vis unbearable pretention.

  173. Ukulele Ike
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    #113: Yo, Ed! I was a big “Herman’s Head” fan, too!

  174. Calico
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    #107 – Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    That was great.

    It kinda reminded me (well, even though the SP ep came after this cartoon, I think) Cartman in “Weight Gain 4000.”

  175. Poteet
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    # 83 — HAR!! Good work, Dub not Dubya.

    # 95 — As you and I know, Trilobite, this DT plot will never make sense. It seems to have already entered the full avalanche phase, per my earlier DT analysis, which means that whatever small amount of potential sense it might have made will soon vanish under rolling tons of idiocy. And I have a feeling that “Find my Gretchen” will be repeated so often that at some point, the few of us who endure DT may ask for a teeshirt.

    # 144 & 148 — Spoony Bard and Sir Fable MTK, I swear I wrote the above before reading your comments. Obviously great minds think alike:-).

    # 157 — Sir Fable MTK, you just had to point that out, didn’t you. Arrrrrrgh…

    # 164 — Girdle. Oy, AllieCat, that brings up such bad memories. My dear otherwise-sane mother had me wearing one in high school even though I was underweight, and it felt ghastly. Once in college, I vowed never to wear one again, and I intend to keep that vow even if my buttocks end up hanging next to my calves.

  176. Uncle Lumpy
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    9CL

    The woman smiled, “You’re a ballet dancer?” “Yes”, Edda replied. The woman’s eyes shone. “What a wonderful job! I always wanted to be a ballet dancer! You are like a magical unicorn to me! I’m sorry I bit down so hard on my lettuce the other day!”

    The End. Please, dearest God, the end.

  177. queek
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    FOOB: is so wrong of me to wish that Shawna-Marie DOES show Liz her corset? Cafe-au-lait and cream on one side, Canadian Pale Wail and black leather on the other. . . .

    RwO: o so true.

    AnJ: o so true, too.

    NonSequitur: “It’s a real world after all! Its a real, real, world!”

  178. Poteet
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    9CL — I don’t follow this strip, but previous comments made me curious enough to try to look up strips from last week. Chron tells me those strips aren’t available. I shall take this as a sign from above and consider myself happily spared, because today’s strip was bizarre enough. Personally, when someone tells me she’s a ballet dancer, I immediately knee her in the stomach and then karate-chop her neck when she doubles over.

  179. AllieCat
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    #175 – Poteet – my mother went to nursing school in the 1960′s, and she was constantly getting written up for not wearing a girdle. This is back in the old school days though – white caps, white dresses, stockings and squishy white shoes that got a fresh coat of SaniWhite polish once or twice a week.

    The kicker is, she weighed 93 pounds and really didn’t need the girdle. She really didn’t even need a bra, but can you imagine the scandal?!

    Sadly, I didn’t get that petite gene, I got the zaftig gene from my father’s side.

    And for people like me, a good bra and shaper brief can make you look ten pounds thinner. I used to fit women of every size and shape, and I know from whence I speak.

    But you wouldn’t catch me in a corset!

  180. Jometro
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    I guess the readers of Luann don’t keep up on world events. A broken leg for Bernice’s brother? Yeah, I’ve heard the army is being hobbled by broken legs, sprained ankles, and scraped knees. War’s a bitch. Way to keep it real, Greg Evans.

  181. Trotzenbonnie
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070611&name=Zits

    ‘Sob…snuffle….spaloosh!’
    Those toes remind me of just how much I miss Don Martin.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/dollhousecapers/36788897/

    This is an example of the big-eyed art that was hawked in the Sunday funny papers and coveted by my groovy pre-pube self.

  182. gh
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    MW Quarterly Update:

    It will be three months tomorrow since we were introduced to Vera. In that time, it’s been firmly established that talking to her brother was a good idea.

    Stay tuned for the September installment of the MW Quarterly Update, where we will learn that Vera hasn’t tried calamari before [I can never forget it’s a cephalopod], but it’s really not bad [Thanks to Mary’s recipe].

  183. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Abbey and Neddy’s big day in Paris took over 5 months:

    2/5 Rise and shine, Neddy! Time to get to art school!
    2/6 Breakfast, served by Cedric
    2/8 Rachel and Groves converse! He’s cranky.
    2/9 Rachel warns Abbey and Neddy about Paris—a foreshadowing!
    2/10-11 Cedric drives to them to art school!
    2/12 Abbey and Neddy are cased out by Cedric’s wife!
    2/13-17 At art school!
    2/18-23 Abbey calls Sam from art school!
    2/24-25 Neddy and Abbey deal with the art school registrar!
    2/26-3/02 Cedric and his very hot wife converse.
    3/03 Meanwhile, back at the art school…
    3 /4 Neddy and Abbey start walking to the Metro, then on for shopping! Evil fellows lurk behind.
    3/11 In the metro, Abbey reveals Neddy’s future inheritance of European property, and the evil fellows make up their minds to rob them! Perhaps more!
    3/16 Abbey and Ned have been so engrossed in rehashing yesterday’s conversation with Rachel that they miss their stop!
    3/18 Abbey and Neddy get off the metro, and find themselves in a tough neighborhood! One bad guy speaks French; fortunately, the other does the translation for us.
    3/20-6 Jolie hooker appears, mistaking A & N for jolie hookers! Conversation ensues.
    3/27-9 A & N play prostitute, turn a few tricks!
    3/30 A & N realize they’re being followed!
    3/31 Encounter with evil-doers!
    4/1-4/3 Holdup at knife point! Neddy throws books at the hoodlums!
    4/4 Sid is hurt! A & N flee!
    4/5, 6 Chase continues!
    4/7-13 A&N take refuge in a basement storeroom!
    4/14 Evil-doers almost through door, Cedric approaches1
    4/15-17 Cedric approaches!
    4/18-26 Cedric subdues thieves at gunpoint!
    4/19 A&N ride with Cedric back to flat!
    5/7 They finally arrive back at the flat!
    5/9 A&N meet Roger!
    5/10-12 talking with Roger!
    5/14-17 dinner with Roger!
    5/18 Roger suggests $3M for apartment!
    5/19 Deal! $2.5M!
    5/21-26 Conversation: Abbey and Rachel (in dark). Dementia confirmed, Rachel is dumb as a fence post!
    5/28-6/3 Abbey calls Sam!
    6/4-6/8 Bedtime chat with Neddy!

  184. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Well, 4 months actually. It seemed like 5, though.

  185. Bapp
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    #12 that was hysterical, Kronkina. If that doesn’t wind up as the comment of the week, it will be due to some suspiciously dangling chads.

    Also, I’ve never been into 9CL anyway, but the few strips I’ve seen recently are definitely going to cement that postion. WTF?

  186. tre
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    What is with Vera’s eyes in panel 2 of MW? Her left eye seems to be falling off. In fact, the whole strip seems to be a little off, what with the constant changes in Vera’s facial expressions, and the windshield and roof of her car hanging off one side, and the abyss below her in panel 1. If I didn’t know better, I’d say her Mobius strip of a car was being sucked by Mary into the dimension of eternal meddling.

  187. SecretMargo
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    178: The problem with the storyline, Poteet, is that it assumes that your exaggeratedly hostile reaction is the normative one that ballet dancers (and, by implication, all artistes) face every day, which justifies a rather epic amount of condescending, pre-emptive assholery that virtually guarantees that the interlocutor in question will have no choice but conclude that ballet dancers, while seeming nice and perhaps even enviable or attractive, are actually just poncy asshats cruisin’ for a good kick in the groin.

    This is why it has been remarkably offensive these past few weeks to both the corporation-employed and the non-corporate among us. Her gay friend’s eye-rolling reaction to her tale of woe was somewhat satisfying, but not enough to justify this descent into what is so obviously a personal chip on Brooke’s skyscraping but nonetheless bookish shoulder (Hey! Have you heard that people ask him if he plays basketball? I know! Can’t they see he’s not black?) Consider yourself spared.

  188. Dean Booth
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    #183. Thanks, Chet. When Abbey thought the punks would kill her, her whole day flashed before her eyes.

  189. Anonymous
    June 11th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    23. It took me more than five minutes to realize that was her tongue hanging out of her mouth and not some see-through porn shot of a disembodied blow job. Yes, I thought there was a penis waggling around in that mouth.

  190. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Good God, is Gabriella right? Are we seriously going off on a supernatural tangent?

    Archie – Reverse fursuiting.

    DTM – Least. Menacing. Child. Ever. It’s a pity Sammi is going to be just a throw-away character, though (what, you think they’d actually break formula?) She looks significantly more human than most of the rest of the cast.

    DT – Holy mackerel, Dick has a different expression than “grim smugness!” Mark it on the calendar…

    FOOB – …What? Is the joke supposed to be the “holding up/corset” thing? Are we to infer that Shawna-Marie would be sagging otherwise? And who the hell wear a corset these days, anyway? And why does Liz look like she’s getting…um…never mind…

    FW – The seeming happiness is only temporary. She’ll get cancer.

    HtH – What. The. Hell. ?.

    H&L – Well, mine does. Or did, back when we were young enough to be hanging our art on the refrigerator. I seriously have a bin with stuff in it that’s fourteen or fifteen years old.

    JP – Either Sophie doesn’t understand what “wireless” and “DSL” are, or Wilson doesn’t. (Hint: DSL = wires.)

    MT – Best. First. Panel. Ever.

    MW – What’s Neddy doing in Charterstone? Who’s the dude she’s with?

    MC – This may very well be the first appearance of the word “libido” in a newspaper comic.

    OBH – Holy wow. I…I just have nothing to add here.

    RMMD – For Elijah, duh. Hugh, you stupid schlemiel.

    SF – Well, for starters, Ted, you might want to upgrade to something newer than an iMac.

    SFx – I’d cry foul as paper towels are about the worst writing paper imaginable, but I’m all for the imprisonment of people who live in trailers.

    Edison Lee – Yeah, obviously there’s sinister motives at work here, rather than things like the fact that we get most of our oil from a particularily pushy and belligerent conglomeration of foreign countries who get to set whatever the hell price they want.

  191. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Drat, everybody beat me to the Elijah joke.

  192. Tweeks_Coffee
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    6/11

    A3G: “Well, coma’s are nice too. Maybe you guys could look into another roommate. That Alan guy seems to fit in, what with his wildly overacted reactions and all.”

    DtM: Wow, some fresh blood? Doesn’t seem like he’s got any plans to start menacing her anytime soon, though. In fact, it looks more like this could lead to a childhood crush. This could be the final nail in the coffin of Dennis’ menacing.

    FW: So is this the dinner before the prom or did we just skip the entire prom? Can’t say I’d be stunned if the prom itself was jsut breezed over, considering that there may have been some joy to be had there.

    MT: Is it wrong that I got a bit giddy when I saw that bird crash through the windshield? I mean, that alone just made my day.

    PBS: Wives? So there’s multiple couples living in that house? Sounds to me like a half-assed way to explain the fact that it started with two males.

    SFx: So Reeky wrote this letter on a piece of paper towel? I figured a good clue would’ve been the fact that there’s no way it would take him more than 5 minutes to clean up that dinky trailer..

    Zits: Man, I really need to figure out how I too can make the devil horns with my toes.

  193. Cornwhacker
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    183: Thanks, Chet! I’m a bit obsessive about the JP archives myself.

    Did anyone else go back and check 3/27, just to make sure?

  194. O’Fogeyette
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    From Yesterthread:

    Christian Pinko: YOU LIKE FUNKY? It’s you and me, buddy. If you’re a guy, do you have a date for the wedding? I mean, I’m already there and all, but all my fellow curminions are into hating on Funky.

    Ralph: THANK YOU! And I like your speculation about Saturn. Perhaps the Saturnian equivalent of curminions swear by saying, “Chennux! Earth! Intergalactic Go-Cart!”

    For Ralph and gh and anyone else who cares about Google, did I tell you all that my solid-black cat is growing a WHITE STREAK on his tail? All I can figure is he wants to be seen as an intellectual, the feline Susan Sontag. (I am going to ask the vet when I take him for his booster shots later this week.)

  195. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    From almost twenty years ago: When drinking was once a recognized profession in the comics. Click on the full size because the thumbnail sucks.

    Yeah, so maybe Cathy Guisewite got there because there was a demand for Gahan Wilson-type drawings. I’m still steamed.

  196. TheBigSmoke
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Memo

    To: Jack Elrod, Editorial Staff “Mark Trail”
    Fr: theBigSmoke

    Gentlemen,

    If has come to my attention that your serialized comic strip “Mark Trail” is about to squander a unique opportunity for both emotional, creative, and artistic growth of your property and the titular character.

    As such I feel obliged to point out that this Mondays strip is clearly a potential lead-in for a glorious full-page colour illustration, the likes of which haven’t graced the funnies section since its heydey – ushering in a new golden age of comics:

    Mr. Trail, shirt ripped, standing akimbo on top of a small engine aircraft, felling ducks left and right with mighty uppercuts, so they fall to the ground like so many WKRP Christmas Turkeys. The buxom Sam Hill, valiently trying to pilot the doomed craft, another duck stuck firmly in her eye.

    In the distance, a dramatic crimson sunset, where perhaps a majestic 747-sized heron can comment, “There but for the grace of god go I”.

    Even this poor text depiction brings tears to my eyes, and I have no doubt that Mr. Elrod has the artistic skills necessary to craft such an image.

    I hereby not only grant King Features Syndicate full and unfettered rights to this idea, I will immediately publically commit to buying to less than a half dozen commemorative lithographic prints of this depiction of man’s struggle to live in harmony with nature… by fighting it… with aircraft.

    You have a chance to make history that will forever become the defining dictionary illustration of the term “birdstrike”, and I pray you don’t waste it.

    Warmest Regards,

    theBigSmoke

  197. John C Fremont
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G – There seems to be a hint of concern on Tommy’s face in the first panel. What’s that all about?

  198. SecretMargo
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    194: O’F-ette — your cat also may be paying a bit of an homage to this Gil Thorp character whom I cannot recall the name of (scroll down to Thursday to see what I mean).

    WARNING: Seeing a full week of GT strips fill your computer screen was an experience I thought I was prepared for after reading it in installments every day for a while now. This did not prove to be true. If your office chair is equipped with a seatbelt, you would be well advised to use it, and if not, just be prepared to hang the [margo] on to the arms. You’re about to descend into the very mouth of the maelstrom. Godspeed.

  199. gh
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    #194 O’Fogeyette

    Let’s just pray he’s not turning into Pepé Le Pew.

  200. Jordan
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @59: Glad I’m not the only one who thought they might be setting Vera up as Mary Worth’s heiress-in-meddling.

  201. Dean Booth
    June 11th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    #189 I tweaked the title rather than the image to reinforce the dog-tongue perspective. Seems that most CCers see any pink shape with a length 4 times its width as phalic. It’s impossible, for example, to draw Joey with a popcicle even if it’s just a popcicle.

  202. man behind the curtain
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — “You’re setting a third place for whom?”

    The third place is for you, you idiot. The second place is for my lucky male companion of the evening. As a matter of fact, that place is booked solid for the next 2 motnhs, if you’re interested?

  203. Bootsy
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    #190, CommodoreJohn

    SFx – I’d cry foul as paper towels are about the worst writing paper imaginable, but I’m all for the imprisonment of people who live in trailers.

    Does that include FEMA trailers? Cuz those people are already in hell, and prison would be a nice upgrade.

  204. andreavis
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    #167 A.A.– I used to work at a large academic library where almost every para-professional had some other artisty-type chosen field. Opera singer, composer, boomerang enthusiast, pagan leader–they just worked at the library to pay the bills. It makes Edda’s assumption that cubicle workers are soul-dead cows particularly grating. Munch on that, artiste!

  205. Gabe
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Commodore John. Snobbish much? Do you live in Charterstone?

  206. gh
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    True Fable

    I’ve been out for days, but good catch on the “Sam HIll” remix. You’re a better man than I.

  207. Cornwhacker
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    True Fable: If my Cathy link really does inspire you to start drawing comics again, I’m glad to be of service (actually, CBrubaker should really get the credit, he linked to it in the forums a few months back).

    I’m of the mind that everyone who wants to make comics should go ahead and make them (and get them out to the world any way they can — I mean, think of the snarking potential for all of us!)

  208. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION, THE ONE CALLED DEAN BOOTH!

    Momentarily, I will e-mail you my latest artistic triumph, the likes of which Karen Moy and Jack Elrod could only dream of. If you would be so kind, please consider hosting it on your comics mashup page.

    To whet the appetite of everyone else until it is made public, I will just say this: It is titled “Vera’s End.”

    Bwahahahaha!

  209. O’Fogeyette
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Josh: Your letter from shrewdom was very touching, and I promise I will WATCH MY STEP when walking out in the woods from now on.

    12 Kronkina: LOLOLOLOL x two million! And… uh… are you perhaps my long lost sister?

    Re the wedding: Do we now all enter into COMICS TIME? Will the wedding actually last for days? It’s okay with me, mind you, I do enjoy the company of my fellow curminions! (Although I’d prefer not to spend another night with Red’s shoe in my mouth.)

    101 Dub not Dubya: your mashup is just… brilliant! Thanks!

    198 Secret Margo: thanks for the look at ancient DTGT (ancient because it’s before I started reading it). Thanks also for the warning, and I read it with sunglasses on. If Google is imitating Gil Thorp, it means he has been using the computer when I’m not around, and he is going to have to take a serious time out.

    199 gh: Yes, a skunk transformation had occurred to me. Do you suppose Mark Trail would know anything about that? Nah, he doesn’t know anything about anything, but maybe he could punch the white stripe off Google’s tail.

  210. ltrftp(not so first time)
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    SS Brick
    85
    No moss on that one.
    Unless it’s Kate Moss.

    Queek
    166

    Digested?

  211. ltrftp(not so first time)
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Josh
    or anyone else

    How come when I return from some links I return to the post from which I linked, but other times it returns me to the top of the page?

  212. gh
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    #201 Dean Booth

    . . . most CCers see any pink shape with a length 4 times its width as phallic. It’s impossible, for example, to draw Joey . . .

    I’m sorry. He may be a pink shape with a length 4 times his width, but I just don’t see Joey as phallic. Maybe if I squint, would that help?

  213. DaveyK
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Happily, nothing which occurred on Sunday makes this comment any less true, so I will repost it here since the bliss that is Apartment 3G may be reaching its apex.

    “I’m sorry LuAnn is in the Hospital, but couldn’t this wait?”

    With just 11 simple words Margo absolves Apartment 3G of a host of sins committed during an otherwise interminable plotline and performs a miracle by making it all worth the wait.

    Thus proving to any remaining doubters that there is a God and her name is Margo.

  214. the genghis
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Goatee Man has been held up by Margo long enough to change his clothes AND dye his hair. … He pretends to loathe her selfishness, but really he’s just angry that it makes him want her all the more.

  215. Bootsy
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    #194, O’F, maybe Paulie Walnuts?

  216. Blondie
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Vera looks like she’s wearing a skull cap in panel 3.

  217. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    #201 Dean Booth: I’m sorry, I just have a dirty, dirty mind, that’s all. It just looked like balls and an oddly split penis to me and I thought, So, she didn’t completely forgive Von after all.

    #212 gh: In conjunction with the above statement, I confess that any time I see Joey with a popsickle, I assume he’s practicing for handling Mr. Wilson.

    see? I am shame! >:-)

    #207 Cornwhacker: Thanks. I need all the good vibes and encouragement I can get these days. This morning I stamped a big glowing “L” on my forehead and it wasn’t pretty, and now it’s hard to scrub off.

  218. Paperback Rifler
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Okay, so I’m not going to catch up on the weekend posts anytime soon (maybe Wednesday?); but I just wanted to post the following before Gil Thorpè stops being about wacky girls who shave their heads at the drop of a hat and probably later end up wearing said hat at all times when out in public. With apologies to Jim Croce and, as always, to everybody everywhere:

    Well that high school down in Milford
    Is the home to freaks and flakes;
    And if you go down there, you better just beware
    Of a girl named Brynna Blake.

    Now Brynna is an odd one.
    Might be an E.T., so it’s said;
    She is most well-known ’cause of her psycho boyfriend
    And antennae on her head.

    (Chorus)
    Well, she’s bald, bald Brynna Blake;
    Got less hair than that old Clambake.
    Bald, just like your Uncle Max;
    Smooth, like a Brazilian wax.

    Well one dark day at softball
    The girls got some bad, bad news.
    They had heard a rumor their coach had a tumor;
    ‘Twas a fight that she might lose.

    Now Brynna got to thinking;
    You know she loves to plot and scheme.
    When she heard the bad news ’bout her coach’s cancer
    She planned “Thorpstock” with her team.

    (Chorus)
    Well, she’s bald, bald Brynna Blake;
    Got less hair than that old Clambake.
    Bald, just like your Uncle Max;
    Smooth, like a Brazilian wax.

    Now Coach Thorp had no cancer;
    She didn’t even have a cough.
    But Brynna jumped to her own conclusions
    And she shaved her own hair off.

    Brynna came to practice;
    And when she pulled her hood, they stared:
    Brynna looked like a young Yul Brynner
    Right down to her scalp’s bright glare.

    (Chorus)
    Well, she’s bald, bald Brynna Blake;
    Got less hair than that old Clambake.
    Bald, just like your Uncle Max;
    Smooth, like a Brazilian wax.

  219. Keg of Curd
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Oh wow! (6 days of Gil Thorp on 1 page) + (60 seconds with Perl and ImageMagick) = conclusive , incontrovertible proof  that order just doesn’t matter.

  220. True Fable
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    #218 Paperback Rifler: that is seamless in its mighty snarkitude, and damn catchy too!

    I bow to you, O Bringer of Parodies. :)

  221. GotFuzzy
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    MW–Gah! Instead of drving off a cliff, Vera really did go talk to Mary. Welcome to VeraApathy ’07–not nearly as enthralling as AldoMania ’06.

    FOOB–At the risk of oversnarking because I did not take the time to read the hundreds of comments that built up over the weekend, I am postulating right here that Conveniently Charming Best Man will wind up being the grade-school crush of the woman that Blandthony sexually harassed into accompanying him to the wedding. That way, both red herrings get tossed back into the pond without Blandthony having to be a cad and ignore his date, thereby preserving him as worthy to marry in to the Pattersaint clan. Again, gah!

    But in the midst of all that misery, I come here and read the letter from the shrews, and that makes it all better. Truly truly the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Thank you, Josh!

  222. Motorposus
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Josh, thanks—I guess—for introducing me to the work of Margaret Keane. Creepy.

    The picture that scares me most is “Tomorrow’s Future”. The small, multicultural, Ewok-like humanoids peering out at us from a globe (or portal in spacetime?) are not just the future, but tomorrow’s future—a future we can’t even begin to comprehend because we’ll all be dead by then. They’ll have crushed our descendants and taken over the planet.

  223. GotFuzzy
    June 11th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Driving, of course. The “I” on my keyboard must be stuck from all the spewage generated by reading the comments–especially the brilliant song pardies and the breathless recap of the endless JP day. And Kronkina’s pithy mother-snark.

  224. GotFuzzy
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Parodies. I got no excuse for that one.

  225. man behind the curtain
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    A#G — Sunday (a day late) It looks obvious to me that with her prancing around in her nightgown and her “What’s the hurry?” line, Margo has needs that must be attended. And it’s up to the Professor to step up to the plate and be a man. Meanwhile, Margo must be thinking “What more do I have to do to get a man in bed?” Perhaps we will all find out.

  226. Winnie Winkle
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    I had never heard of Gil Thorpe until I started reading this site recently. Now I am strangely fascinated with everything about it…the badly drawn characters, Brynna the Antenna get pwned when she stupidly shaved her hair off before finding out the facts about Mrs. Coach Gil Thorpe, the odd shape of her bald head…it’s like a bad auto accident…I want to turn away, but can’t. The strangest of all, I am disappointed that they switched gears from Clambake to this silly Brynna subplot! BRING BACK CLAMBAKE! Okay, I’m fine now.

  227. gh
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    #209 O’Fogeyette

    No punching! [See Beginners Guide to Fauna, Rule #1]. Mark will have to use words instead, such as “Like many things I have seen, this is interesting. I’m beginning to suspect that something happened. That’s what I believe happened.” At which point Google tears him a new one, relieving G’s tension, which consequently clears up the tail as it was just a nervous condition brought on by the stressful avoidance of making eye contact with shrews.

  228. Jana C.H.
    June 11th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    I had hoped to see your comment on today’s Dennis the Menace cartoon (sorry I don’t know where to link to the strip, but I’m sure you do), wherein we meet Sammi, a small, nervous girl whom Dennis describes as “as smart as ol’ Margaret, but she doesn’t brag about it.”

    I’ve rarely seen Margaret actually brag, but she doesn’t hide her brains and love of knowledge from Dennis any more than Dennis hides his love of drum music from Mr Wilson. Sammi, on the other hand, appears already well on the way to learning that girls who want boys to like them had better keep their mouths shut, in class and out. Her worried look and hunched posture at meeting Mrs. Mitchell make me wonder whether it’s Sammi’s mother or father who’s always yelling at her to shut up and stop showing off. I sincerely hope someone’s watching the poor girl for bruises.

    Jana C.H.
    Seattle
    Saith Rebecca West: I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.

  229. Jana C.H.
    June 11th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    ERROR ERROR ERROR!!!

    I intended to post the above note on the comment page for June 11. Another Monday Mess-up.

    Sorry for any confusion.

  230. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    #203 – No, they’re excepted.

    Also, people need to learn to recognize sarcasm. I think it ought to be fairly obvious I was being farcical, but if not, geez, sorry.

  231. gh
    June 11th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    #230 commodorejohn

    Ehhhh, I believe you, but it didn’t quite sound it. The vagaries of the print medium, I suppose. I’ve quite enjoyed your daily roundups of late, btw.

  232. srah
    June 11th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    I can’t remember if I read about this on Comics Curmudgeon or if I found it on my own, but on the off-chance that it hasn’t been posted here yet, John Moe is doing Herman/Family Circus mashups here:

    http://monkeydisaster.blogspot.com/

  233. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    #231 gh – Thanks. I enjoy writing them, now that the semester’s over and I’ve gottime. It’s a good way to keep the snark lobe of my brain in shape. And yeah, I suppose it is easier to misinterpret someone’s words without the audiovisual cues RL conversation provides.

    #165 True Fable – It’s something I’ve been suspecting of both Cathy and For Better Or For Worse for a long time. Neither have any comedic or even literary merit, though FOOB had some visual merit back in the day (if you count the absence of horrifying potato-faces, chin-nuts, mega-butts, bee-sting lips, and pornstaches for more than general drawing complexity, which I do,) and allegedly some literary/comedic value as well. The only reason I can see behind their syndication is the “OMG ITS A WOMAN” factor, and we all know how well it works when quality takes a backseat to demographics in hiring decisions.

    Anyway, yeah, keep trying. It’d be awesome to see some Curmudgeons get syndicated.

  234. Frank Parsnip
    June 12th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Tommie and Gabriella get their hair done at the same place, dress in identical white shirts buttoned all the way up at the collar, and even hang out in the hospitals together. No wonder they’re such good friends.

  235. T. Chicana
    June 13th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Today’s Foob: So…Granthony shaved his mustache…and yet he’s dating a profoundly retarded woman? I guess it’s one step forward, one step back.

  236. Braniff
    June 13th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    I say again–Cathy should have never married Irving. That was THE jump the shark moment for the comic strip. And the early Cathy drawings resemble the ones from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory books (which featured a well-known Willy Wonka).

    But–I knew Willy Wonka. I grew up with Willy Wonka. Cathy, you are no Willy Wonka.

  237. K
    June 14th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    I love that Margo can’t be bothered to go to the hospital, yet has time to change from a peach negligee to a teal one.

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