The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

We hold these foobs to be self-destructive

For Better Or For Worse, 7/4/07

Hey, kids, didn’t your mothers ever teach you to either say something nice or not say anything at all? Well, I’m going to say something nice. I profoundly respect Liz an’ Anthony’s decision to flee in terror at the prospect of being forced into a conga line. That’s just good common sense.

On the note of their kissing and simul-thought-balooning, well, I … uh … BLAARRRGGGGGH.

There, it’s not saying anything if it’s vomiting.

Mary Worth, 7/4/07

Aw, yeah, it’s a CAT FIGHT FOR DR. DREW’S LOVE! Dawn Weston, who I believe (despite the evidence of her baby blue high-waisted slacks) is supposed to a college student, will have the advantages of youth, but I predict that those will not be able to stack up against Vera’s tightly-wound rage-filled nature. More entertaining will be the proxy battle for meddling supremacy between the two young people’s respective champions. Wilbur “Ask Wendy” Weston has, one must assume, always harbored a resentment against Mary, since his newspaper column yenta persona is clearly a pale imitation of the puppet master with whom he shares a condo complex. They’re both looking their best — Mary has finally managed to find a cravat the exact same color as her shirt, and Wilbur has gotten those five strands of hair to lay across his scalp just so — which will make it all the more satisfying when they tumble into the pool, hands locked around each other’s throats.

Gil Thorp, 7/4/07

“So, kids, the history lesson you learned this semester was: People who appear to be helpful, friendly authority figures are in most cases desperately needy frauds.”

Rex Morgan, M.D. 7/4/07

Oh, really, Rex, this isn’t right. Your wife saw him first. He’s just a simple teenage street hustler for New Orleans; he’s used to doing what he has to do, getting his money, and getting out. He isn’t emotionally prepared for the horrifying snake pit that is the Morgan marriage. Being caught in the Rex/June web of sexual spite is going to make him long for the comforting arms of FEMA.

God only knows what the good doctor is doing with that tennis racket. Presumably he found it next to the tackle box and thinks it’s part of the fishing equipment.

Family Circus, 7/4/07

The social worker had seen a lot of awful things in his years working for Child Protective Services, but there was something about this case that he just couldn’t get out of his mind. After a child’s agonizing death from salmonellosis, you’d expect the mother to be pretty rattled. But all this one kept saying — at the investigation, and later at the trial — was “He asked for it. It was what he wanted.” That was bad enough, but it was her little half smile that the social worker kept flashing back to while he was trying to fall asleep. Spookiest thing he ever saw, by God.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 4, 2007 at 10:00 am and is filed under Family Circus, For Better or for Worse, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

150 responses to “We hold these foobs to be self-destructive”

Mal
July 4th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

It’s my birthday, Lynn! Why? WHY??

Worst birthday present EVER.
Miriam
July 4th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

I am rather scared by the fact that Anthony and Liz are thinking the same thing at the same time. Clearly they have a deep psychic connection forged by their deep mutual love of suburban blandness.
smiley
July 4th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Is that Billy Thumb playing ball with his dad? Despite his 1/2 pint size, looks like he has a pretty good arm.
John C Fremont
July 4th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

My wife walked up as I was reading the Foob awhile ago and thought it was two women kissing in that last panel. I laughed heartily.
Islamorada Girl
July 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

I’m breaking my own rule about double posting here because Josh put this up seconds after I added this to the last thread. I think it needs to be snarked upon.
ow Liz can marry Anthony, quit her teaching job and stay home to be a good wife and good stepmom to Lâ€™il Francoise. She didnâ€™t want her B,A,; she wanted her MRS. Degree.

Is there any good reason we have never seen Anthonyâ€™s family? Somewhere in the Gospel of Lynn, it is written that his mom babysits lthe kid. But we never see the fine folks whose loins produced Limpthony. If it werenâ€™t for that clue in the Sacred Texts, one might believe the Accountant sprung, fully formed, from the headache of Lynnâ€™s fevered brain.

Iâ€™m placing my bet now. Since all FOOB in-laws, not being Saintly Pattersons, are monsters, get ready for Momzilla and Popzilla Caine to make an appearance soon. After all, how can a Patterson be saintly without someone vile and evil with whom to contrast their perfect holiness?
Ronin
July 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

Rex Morgan appears unspeakably grotesque in panel two.
Harold
July 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

That second panel in Gil Thorppe really sums up Clambake’s association with the players: one hand creepily wrapped around the 30-something teenager’s shoulder, eyes fixed on his lovely throat, Clambake’s right shoulder positioned at an angle that suggests his right hand is actively exploring the regions protected by the boy’s athletic cup, while the player clutches his glove to his chest and stares off into the distance, trying to wish it all away…

Hey, if everything Clambake told the kids is a lie, then so too is the story of how he got his nickname! Which means there must be another, even more bizarre and/or boring explanation!
One-Armed Bandit
July 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

Ah! And for Anthony, Liz will ditch the heels so she can run through the garden (not that anyone has illusions that Anthony can lift Liz without dropping her).
Harry Paratestes
July 4th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

RMMD: You know what’s totally grotesque about this strip today? It’s not so much the look of mingled horror and desire on Nikki’s face as he’s confronted with Rex’s thinly veiled lust; it’s the fact that Nikki has been wearing the same stinky clothes for at least 6 months now. Gag me with a reeking hoodie, why don’t ya?
willethompson
July 4th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Wha…? Anthony is kissing Lizardbreath? Whoa, is THAT outta left field or what?
Harry Paratestes
July 4th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Someone with more skill than I (and there are many) should be moved enough by Clambake’s plight to write a parody song: Clambake in the Wind (Requiem for a Magical Negro Baseball Mentor)
Major Hoopleâ€™s Boarding House
July 4th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp: Clambake gave history lessons? You coach at a high school, dude. I would think there’d be some adults around called “History Teachers”.
anibundel
July 4th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Sigh. Does that mean my SO and I now share and anniversary with Foobs?
Chez Gueverra
July 4th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

FOOB: As long as The Asshole doesn’t propose, things are not truly the worst-case scenario.
TB Tabby
July 4th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

(repost from previous thread)

In the year 20X7, the Foob Empire ha soverrun the earth. Empress Johnston sends out her cruel Lynnions to terrorize the populace. Citizens are forced into segregated family units, never allowed to venture more than a mile from their parentâ€™s houses. Those who oppose them are forced to spend the rest of their days attending Charterstone pool parties, under the watchful eye of General Worth. General Batiuk spreads his plague of cancer and woe leaving utter despair in his wake. Only one man stands up for the little snarker, and dares to stand against their monstrour regimeâ€¦

This summer, Josh Fruhlinger isâ€¦

CURMUDGEON OF THE NORTH STAR.
Irion
July 4th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

Ok, so the newly minted hawtsome Manthony sweeps Liz off of her feet in the romantic moonlight. Is there a cliche that hasn’t been ham fisted into this story line yet? I predict that by the time this is over, Anthony will be standing outside the Patterson household in the rain with a boombox foisted over his head crowing his desire to marry Liz. Fireworks will explode in the background then unicorns will prance down rainbows to carry them to a castle built on clouds.
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddlballs
July 4th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

I agree that the timing of The Kiss is suspicious. It’s like Lynn is taking cues from the Bush administration. Which is not only sad, but technically unpatriotic.

What would the Queen think, Lynn?

Oh, wait. You know what? Let’s not go there.
Kurdt
July 4th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Once again the creepiest thing in Family Circus is a disembodied floating head. Poor kids, it must freak everyone out during parent teacher conferences.
bupbupbup
July 4th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

“Dear America,

Happy birthday, ASSHOLES. AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Love, Lynn

ps, suck it”
Sylphi
July 4th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

I used to like my hot dogs *cold* as a kid. I think my nanny would cook them and then put them in the fridge for me or something.
Dave
July 4th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

MW: Hmm, I thought Dawn was a cougar.

Nevertheless, rowwrr! …
onesock
July 4th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

is niki’s apparent expression of horror in the 3rd panel about the realization of what rex is going to do with the tennis racket, or was he just noticing the shared thought balloon of the foobville two?
Rudy the Ape
July 4th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

More BWEAAAPPATATAPATATWAAARRRBORPPFF being vomited over this one.
migellito
July 4th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

I’m quite surprised by Dawn’s appearance. I thought pinch-faced and nasty was just the artist’s drawing style.
Suicide_Blonde
July 4th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Faugh. I don’t know what’s worse, seeing LizardBreath and Blandthony sucking face or knowing that my buddy E is going to think their smooching is sweet and romantic. Until today I though E’s greatest character flaw was being a Republican, but that pales in comparison to championing the Liz/Anthony debacle.
Maughta
July 4th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Nikki’s already proficient at “garage cleaning”. Now he can learn to “sweep out the basement” or whatever the appropriate euphemism is.
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddlballs
July 4th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

I’ve mentioned this before, but my dad is rooting for Anthony.

I should point out that, while shy, my dad is one kickass guy. He’s really funny and intelligent, and it’s because of his example that I will NEVER settle for someone as pathetic as Anthony.

Why he’s rooting for him, I’ll never understand. It’s brought some tension into recent conversations.
Professor Fate
July 4th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Foob: Cue the violins, cue the choir, cue the airsickness bags.

The panel where they are running from the conga line damaged me in a why I don’t even like to think about.

Blech – there isn’t enough gin in the world to take the sour taste of this plot line out of my mouth. Ham fisted, rock brained, and deeply deeply depressing in that the happy ending is for Liz to get hitched to the colorless passive agreesive lump o’bland, to wear the gimp suit, to take care of the pale plot point, sorry the bland one’s pale and sickly child and live the same life as her mother did. This leaden plotting combined with, fear of change disguised as smug mother knows best moralism makes me want to smash random things with a brick.

This is more depressing than FW – at least lisa will be dead soon and her misery ended. Ours alas goes on.
Calico
July 4th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Josh – I think the thing in Rexie’s paws happens to be a fishing net.

Either that or some kind of trap to reel in Darling Niki, should he finally realize what is happening and tries to flee back to New Orleans.
Sharktattoo
July 4th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Is it just me, or is Limpthony looking younger and younger? Is Liz (and by association Lynn) into the young meat?
Mighty Sam
July 4th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

MW: I see no reason why Dr. Drew should be forced to choose between Dawn and Vera. I think it’s time for a MW-style menage a trois, the first one since Ian’s fantasy of walking in on Mary and Toby was depicted.

FOOB: Is it not time to finally shorten the name of the feature, shift from the comparative to the superlative, and distill it to its essence: Worst.
Lapsed Librarian
July 4th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Foob: My only response is “No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!”

Pluggers: I don’t get it. Well, the only explanation I can think of involves the absence of a restroom. Please tell me there’s another meaning.
Ron Hogan
July 4th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

“God only knows what the good doctor is doing with that tennis racket.”

I think that’s supposed to be a fishing net, just drawn so that the mesh looks really, really flat.

The really creepy part of that strip is the dreamy, closed-eyes look Rex gets when he talks about Big Brothers Big Sisters.
Forthillrox
July 4th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

FOOB: I think I just threw up in my mouth a lot. A wicked lot.

MW: Are those Mom Jeans that Dawn Weston is wearing?
Slither
July 4th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Fer cryin’ out loud, Josh — you could have at least waited until I got out of the way! Yech!!!
ScottR
July 4th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Am I the only one here who WANTS Anthony and Liz to end up together? I also like violent car crashes and have seen “Faces of Death” about 100 times.
Dean Booth
July 4th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

A3G: As Tats said in yesterthread, it’s a shame Margoâ€™s dropping her A material while the FOOBocalypse is going on. In any case, here’s the nonsequitor that is the A3G Body Works Museum.

FOOB: Perhaps this has been said 7 times already, but the last panel is even more of a horror if you realize that Stacheless is in the process of getting an erection. Double EW!
dbp
July 4th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

With that arm, there’s one question all Family Circus fans are asking: could Billy be the next Eddie Gaedel?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
July 4th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

I know it’s yesterthread already (help!) but am I the only one who read Josh’s comment as “Being caught in the Rex/June web of sexual spite is going to make him long for the comforting arms of NAMBLA”?

I am?

Okay, at least I’m admitting I need help.
Rhekarid
July 4th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Sensing danger, the rare Niki will mimic Jay Leno to make itself less appealing to predators.
Vince M.
July 4th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

27 – You said the word I’d been tossing around in my head all day – ’settle’. A message board I visit has a ‘favorite comic strips’ thread and FOOB is mentioned quite a few times. And many people think Thomas Kincaid is a great artist. And get all weepy over ‘Jesus Take the Wheel’. And think Applebee’s is a good night out.

A universe of wonderful choices, and so many people just…settle.
Blondie
July 4th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

“Fishing equipment,” yeah. Is this going to be like Mark Trail “fishing”?
mere cog in the machine
July 4th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Is Lynn Johnston incapable of drawing the human form in motion? Or are Anthony and Liz just a couple of graceless clods; the sort who were far too spastic to be picked for teams as kids? In any case, I shudder to think of the writhing, tangled, pasty tableau that will be their nuptial bed.
Monster Jamz
July 4th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp: that final panel with stone face saying “modern teenagers”. modern teenagers? as opposed to old-fashioned teenagers? maybe that’s what this whole Clambake thing is: an old-fashioned teenager teaching “modern teenagers” a valuable life lesson (thru deceit).
Garvey
July 4th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

FOOB: Okay, I managed to endure day one of the Liz-Granthony critical mass situation (the first horseman of the Foobocalypse, if you will). I tried to be strong, but today’s installment pushed me over the edge. I shall now retreat to my purpose built underground bunker in the backyard (the neighbors laughed when I had it built. Well, who’s laughing NOW, suckers?!). It is well stocked with food staples, a 55 gallon drum of Mountain Dew, and everything else I could need. I will set the timed lock on the hatch for two months. According to my calculations, it should be safe to emerge then. The world as we knew it may be over then, but I’ll try to go on and make some kind of a life for myself.
Ezanee
July 4th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

No man.. Probably a low-key “bum paddle”, used in the absence of a proper cricket bat.
Colleen
July 4th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

I am desperately hoping that the current MW storyline ends in a threesome. Otherwise, I’ll know I should have stopped reading with Aldo’s untimely death, and that the past year has been wasted.
TedSez
July 4th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

Dawn Weston is a college student? Then why does she look like a 42-year-old suburban divorcee who’s sent her three kids off to the movies so she can hit on any young doctor who happens to cross her path?

There must be something in the pool at Charterstone that, unlike in the film “Cocoon,” prematurely ages everyone who hangs around. No wonder the older yet somehow still virile Dr. Cory hates to come near the place. Three years from now, Dawn will graduate from college sporting Mary-style gray hair, eyeglasses on a chain around her neck, and a degree in mah-jong.
Blondie
July 4th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

JP: I love the look on Niki’s face in panel 3. A sort of horror-struck fascination.
FBFW: No! I was definitely counting on a few more attractive love interests to fall on their faces before we were exposed to this.
MT: I feel obligated to post something about Mark Trail, but really, it is just to boring to be bothered with.
TDIET: One of the few TDIETs that doesn’t complain about hypocrisy. Still pointless.
Luann: Another relationship handled with the grace of a sack of bricks.
Dynamite XI
July 4th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

FOOB: Boo! Hiss!
AhClem
July 4th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

You know, I’ve tried really hard to identify with Anthony throughout this whole sordid episode. I really have. I mean, I was the nerdy introvert in high school who would have loved to connect with girls like Elizabeth, if only they had known I existed.

And yet, this whole train wreck has been handled so ham-fistedly, with no trace of creative story-telling whatsoever, that it’s impossible not to hate the characters. I am usually very easy-going and always try to find the good qualities in everyone I meet, but I suspect that if I ever did meet Anthony in real life, my first instinct would be to punch him in the throat.
Genevieve
July 4th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Oh FOOB….
I wanted to vomit all over my carpet after reading the strip. I found myself covering my eyes when I read that last panel and saying, “no no no oh ick ick ick makeitstopnow.”
The only good thing about any of this is that Lynn Johnston’s cruelty has provided something fun for my Mom and my sister to bond over. We email each other just to say, “gack gack make it stop”
Thanks Lynn. You vicious harpy.
snacktime
July 4th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

I’m new here…does the fact that Blandthony and Liz engaged in shared thought bubble in the last panel mean the Lovepocalypse is officially here?
commodorejohn
July 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

#5 Islamadora Girl – Frighteningly plausible. Lynn pretty much thinks as much of herself as Zeus did of himself, anyway.

By the way, Old Bean, many congratulations on an excellent and inspiring end to the Shannon Saga.

A3G – Margo, Margo, Margo. You wonderful, wonderful woman. Forget Alan, you’re the angel around here. An avenging angel of deadly common sense and blisteringly painful truth, but an angel nonetheless.

Archie – The ALGJU3K has managed at last to produce a perfectly believable Archie strip. Congratulations, ALGJU3K!

BB – I didn’t think any relationship in the comics could be as nightmarish as Lizthony’s, but this is pretty close. Just try to imagine what’s going on off-panel.

Blondie – Look at the white lines around Cookie’s head. I think this started off as just a run-of-the-mill Blondie strip and then they noticed that it was running on the 4th and added fireworks.

Crock – WTF

DT – There’s no stopping him, madam. He needs his Gretchen.

FOOB – Good God, she’s not even pretending to try anymore. For all that horrifying build-up, it’s a mere two nightmarish strips and it’s over. And if I’d a dirtier mind, I’d say something like “much like how it will be on their wedding night.” Honestly, this is more dreadful than I could ever have imagined, because it means that most of the remaining strip time will be wedding preparations. Imagine Cathy as written by Lynn Johnston. Frightened? You should be.

FW – Remember, when you’re terminally ill, don’t make the most of your time. Just sit around moping because you’ll never get to do anything important before you go. It’s better that you don’t get your hopes up. Damn you, Batiuk. Also, World’s Thinnest Car.

GT – That’s not a kid, that’s a Neanderthal.

HTH – What the hell has happened to Honi? She really let herself go.

JP – “I’ll show you some nasty x” was not a phrase I wanted to see in a small girl’s reply to a 40-something man with a creepy Redneck Jedi haircut. Still, gotta love Sophie’s pose in the middle panel. If there’s ever a Judge Parker: The Movie, that should be the poster.

MC – I expressed my undying love for Ashley and Maureen yesterday, but I gotta say, Bridget’s pretty cute too.

Luann – Surprisingly, this has gone from “90s preteen comedy rehash” to “moderately amusing.” Good soup

Pluggers – Is this a joke about needing to crap while your line is stuck in a tree? I hope not.

RMMD – So. Very. Gay.

SFx – Harry Ape. And his Momma.

SM – I want to do a TV interview sitting on the wall.

Edison Lee – makes it clear why we’re all broke, homeless, and hungry, every one of us. Oh, wait, never mind.

TDIET – Our protagonist is down with a bad case of cobwebs, I guess.

Zits – has discovered the body-mod community.
Squid Countess
July 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

#1 Mal - Happy Birthday! Are you a real live nephew/neice of Uncle Sam, or one of them there Canadians?

Spider Brick #126 – yesterthread – You are too cool! I am really looking forward to educating myself about anime. Thanks for that effort!
AhClem
July 4th, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

We pause in this much-deserved onslaught of FOOB loathing for a Meta-question:

On my CHRON page, is there a way to add additional comics to the lineup, or do I have to create a whole new page?

Back to the FOOBelope Freeway, which is already in progress…
Tweeks_Coffee
July 4th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

So who’s the geezer that Clambake’s talking to in the second panel? It’s quite a divergence from his usual creepy pedo M.O.
Zakoi
July 4th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Then again, if Jeffy’s mum’s idea of a “hot dog” is that charred black stick-from-hell his sister’s eating, he might have the right idea after all….
Scud
July 4th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

9CL
Looks like Francis is gonna get raped by the big gay guy.
Tats
July 4th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

I’ve gotta give the edge in the MW Dawn-Vera showdown to Vera, just for the fact that we’ve seen she has gumption: can you imagine the sheer amount of effort it must take to always be the most boring person in a Mary Worth strip? The poor woman must be constantly exhausted. Dawn is nothing compared to that.
SpazRyl
July 4th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

Lynn Johnston is dead to me.
aprilp_katje
July 4th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

#5: Islamorada Girl, when Anthony first revealed that he was engaged to ThÃ©rÃ¨se, he told Liz that T. worked for his father. And since we now know that Anthony’s ex is composed of nothing but pure evil, we might reasonably conclude that the senior Mr. Caine is a bad, bad man indeed. ::rolleyes::
rich
July 4th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Intimacy with Anthony raises new questions…

“Anthony! What is that gigantic new lump in your pants?!”

“That’s my penis, Liz! When they liposuctioned my formerly huge nose last month, the doctors took all that excess fat and added newfound girth to my schlong!!“
amber
July 4th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Okay – is Granthony wearing glasses or is he not wearing glasses? It’s like Lynn herself forgot, so just sort of half-drew them in… it’s confusing the hell out of me.
Jackilope
July 4th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

I’m on the FOOB Diet plan. Thanks to Lynn Johnston, I’ve lost 2 lbs.! Simply apply today’s comic strip on your refrigerator door and run to the nearest toilet or barf bucket.
Holly
July 4th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

65: It’s like soft focus, vaseline on the lens … the part of the movies that always make me want to leave
magic8ball
July 4th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

I’m pretty sure hot dogs harbor listeria, not salmonella. Salmonella comes from poultry (and turtles), e. coli comes from beef, listeria comes from hot dogs.
rich
July 4th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Spidey: I’ve seen various explanations regarding Peter Parker’s ability to cling to walls, ranging from static electricity to little spider hairs that poke through his boots and gloves, to sticky secretions… uh huh… does any of this help us understand how he makes his butt stick to walls like that?

Pluggers: All right: did anyone else think, at first glance, that Mr. Plugger-Man was launching a stream of urine out of his boat? Something akin to “Pluggers don’t pee where they sleep”?
Steve S
July 4th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Having dated and broken up with every straw man Lynn Johnston could think of, Liz now ends up with the Blah Man.
tmatatics
July 4th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

little jeffy, head raised and mouth open expectantly like a baby bird, readies for the regurgitative bounty.
bats :[
July 4th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

36. I, too, want Liz and Asshathony together. With he being a pussy-whipped clot of cottage cheese (was there any good explanation why he felt compelled to marry Terese in the first place?) and she farkin’ up one potential relationship after another, the two of them NEED to be together, to prevent two other people from being miserable for the rest of their lives.

(Meanwhile, Terese, Chopper-Dude, Mason, Native-Cop, Julia and the rest of the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in Ontario breathe a sigh of relief…)
Trilobite
July 4th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

#43 mere cog in the machine — you said “I shudder to think of the writhing, tangled, pasty tableau that will be their nuptial bed.”

Fear not: I doubt there will be any writhing. Liz will lay perfectly flat and still, looking dully at the corner of the room and thinking We should really re-paint this room.

And who could blame her for being distracted? Everything we’ve seen about Anthony leads me to believe that he’d just twitch spastically above her for a good fifteen seconds…twenty if he can think about hockey. And then he’d roll over, look up wistfully at the heavens, and think “Hey, maybe she can re-paint this room tomorrow while I’m at work.”

Trust me, two weeks after their wedding, she’ll be shaving sheets and eyeing the stockboys at the local grocery store, while Anthony spends all his time writing the next great history of curling, or whatever it is that he’s supposed to be interested in besides stalking. (Seriously, is he interested in anything else? I’ve only seen him pine for Liz…as far as I know, that’s the only recreational activity the man has.)
mir777
July 4th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

FOOB!

Had Grandthony not shaved his mustache we would have been spared the sight of the actual lip lock….
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 4th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

What are you people still doing here? There’s a new thread! I don’t want to have to keep coming back here to an old thread to read new comments! Move along!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 4th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Mason’s Letter, July 2007

Hey there happy campers! Let me tell you about the adventures I had at the High Class Function known as Bill’s wedding to Something-Marie-Whaterver.

First things firsrt. Sofia took off in a huff the week before. The whole painful urination thing wouldn’t go away, and she stopped believing me when I said it was because Canada puts calcium in the water. Gal was not pleased when she came home from the clinic. Oops. I been a baaaad boy!

So I was at loose ends when they introduced me to this chick named Liz. She’s not as Mediterranean as I usually like ‘em, but she had a few things going for her.
1. She’s dumb
2. She was on the rebound.
3. She’s dumb
4. She’s got the right ass-hips-thigh ratio for good doggy-style
5. Did I mention she was kinda dumb?

Anyways I showed her a few fancy dance moves at the rehearsal dinner, laughed at what I think were jokes, and kept telling her how pretty she looked. The game was going well.

Then came the wedding reception. Bill’s little brother scored some ganj on his last trip to the States, and told us all it was some fine, gut-warming shit. Well, what it turned out to be was total lazy weed. That plus the champagne, plus the pills I’ve been taking for my back put me out of commission by half-past-nine. Embarassing!

Meanwhile, this simpy guy with a scary white patch on his upper lip was hanging around my date. I thought nothing about it, but I did notice that Roseanne Barr (the hell?) kept whispering in his ear, and then both of them would give Liz and me these creepy looks.

I’ve heard it from those in the know that while I was down for the count, he and Liz ran out of the reception to suck face under the stars. Weird. I’ve been in that situation before, but I’ve always been the other guy.

At around eleven, one of the ushers woke me up to get the keys back. He was a little pissed about having to be the designated driver at the last minute. Hey, life’s a bitch slim. In other news, I got three phone numbers. One girl says she saw the whole thing with Liz and the big Opie goof, and it made her feel “like taking five showers.” Says when she gets the taste of vomit out of her mouth, she wants to hear (squeak squeak) from me.

So, long story short: I kinda struck out this weekend, but the next couple of weeks will more than make up for it.

Cheers,
Maximum Mason
bats :[
July 4th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

75. Awww, Mason, you really know how to look for a silver lining. And dodge a bullet at the same time.

I’d look into that burning urination thing, though…
JJ
July 4th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Okay, first I admit that I like For Better, and admit I read (past and present tense) it daily. I might not have always liked the storylines (have to admit that April’s friend’s “activity – read into what it was as you wish, sex or head was an interesting story line that didn’t go anywhere, as was her “bedroom” non-icident, which I think would have been better if she just dumpted her “boyfriend” for his infering to his pals what happened – even though it didn’t), I just don’t like the idea of closing the strip with Elizabeth and Anthony as a couple. I thought bringing them together for the wedding was an interesting storyline, I just wished it would end different than the way I think it will; Elizabeth and Anthony as a couple. And I have no idea for a better storyline.; that’s one of my problems. Jack_in_the_world@yahoo.com
Wednesday
July 4th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

Oh, come on, people. Am I the only one who recognizes FBoFW as being the cautionary tale that it is? Clearly, this plotline, like many others over the strip’s history, is about the importance of communication in a relationship. The final panel in today’s strip is meant to be an allusion to previous story arcs and a chilling omen of things to come.

Merideth would not have been conceived if Deanna and Mike had been comfortable discussing birth control. Anthony’s marriage fell apart because he would not respect his wife’s feelings about children, and pressured her to bear and give birth to a child she didn’t really want. Elizabeth and Paul’s relationship died because each made their own plans for the future without finding out what the other wanted. Grandpa Patterson’s aphasia is a physical embodyment of the struggles all the characters have with communicating with their families and romantic partners.

Even April, who for the most part manages to avoid these major catasrophes, has run into communication problems. She nearly breaks up with her boyfriend because she doesn’t wait to find out what kind of benefit concert he’s going to play with. That plotline, at least, ended on a hopeful note – she communicates her frustrations and emotions freely, and her relationship is mended.

Clearly, tragedy is in store for Elizabeth and Anthony. We can only hope they learn to start listening to one another. :(
Ubiq
July 4th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

Bzzzzznt… bzzzznt.

The National Curmudgeon Service has issued the following report:

Radar indicates a massive glurge front approaching from the north. The front may generate incidents of shark jumping in excess of F5 on the Fonzarelli scale. Expect heavy retching and severe eye-rolling over the next few days along with occasional headaches.

Headaches may be avoid by not having head near flat surfaces until the front passes. Adverse conditions may be temporaily relieved by an accompanying snark front, but another glurge front is expected after this one.

Bzzzzznt… bzzzznt.
frank drackman
July 4th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

Hot dogs are pre-cooked and don’t require any extra treatment other than heating to whatever temperature you prefer. The instructions on the packaging are a result of our litiginous society.
Tim McDonough
July 4th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

64: Drawing-wise I’ve always hated the way LJ draws glasses on her characters. She insists, for some reason to show BOTH the outline of the lenses/frames and the circles around the pupils of the eyes (whereas most artists would omit the pupil-circles since the glasses already provide a circle) Sometimes she even includes the beveled edge of the lenses so the effect is that of a never-ending series of circles and curved lines splashed across the character’s face.
Dr. Laura
July 4th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Maybe Blandthony should have stayed in the conga line to work off that fat tire and enormous Elly-like ass he seems to have acquired in panel two. The good news is that he seems to be heading for the classic apple-shaped body that will predispose him to an early death from heart disease.
Bob
July 4th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

Rex is no longer wearing pants by panel 3.
Jeff
July 4th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

In “The Liberace Story,” there is a scene where Liberace embraces his lover in the pool and they just hold each other, dripping wet, in their little swim shorts by moonlight.

Since this was the 1980s and I hadn’t come out myself yet, that moment burned itself into my mind as the gayest thing I had ever seen during the gayest moment of time EVAR!

Until I saw this FOOB.

Now *that’s* friggin’ gay!
.Doc
July 4th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

Family Circus: I think Thel should give Jeffy a lukewarm hot dog that has been injected through-and-through with Tabasco sauce. In fact, she should serve them to the entire family, including herself. That’ll put some hair on their chests!
One-Armed Bandit
July 4th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

71: â€œwas there any good explanation why he felt compelled to marry Terese in the first place?â€

One would assume that couples would discuss issues such as â€œChildren or no children?â€ prior to becoming engaged, much less marrying one another, but this seems not to be the case with Anthony and Therese. But then, why should it? Fact is, she only existed as a means of pulling Liz toward Anthony. For what reason I’m unsure, as she had plenty of other suitors to choose among or rotate accordingly. Now, my memory’s hazy on the subject, but was the discovery of Anthony’s engagement the first time Liz had seen him since either graduating high school or having dated during high school?
.Doc
July 4th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

#59 Scud: Nah, I don’t think that’s going to happen. He’s just going to give Francis some counselling on how to react to a woman in a new dress. I do think that the big guy (forgot his name) is using a pretty funny way to take ‘ole Francis off to the side, however. This is one of the first 9CL strips that actually brought the corners of my mouth almost level.
Jordan
July 4th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

“Ready for a hot dog, Jeffy?”

“No thanks, Mommy. I’d some more of that weird protein-rich pink stuff in the bowl. By the way, where’s PJ?”
Jamus The Bartender
July 4th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

CURRENT OTB ODDS FOR PATTERSON-CAINE WEDDING “GRADUATE”-STYLE INTERRUPTION BY PREVIOUS EXES

Maximum Mason-15-1 Win 10-1 Place 5-1 Show
Reasons: Distraction re: substance abuse
Career Track Therese-100-1 Win 50-1 Place 20-1 Show
Reasons: Too busy being successful to give a good goddamn.
Chopper Warren-6-1 Win 4-1 Place 2-1 Show
Reasons: Access to high-powered aircraft. Failing that, will simply leap and pirouette to wedding.
Mounted Paul- 50-1 Win 40-1 Place 20-1 Show
Reasons: Will most likely be too busy “being with his own kind ” in Mgtikwaki (sp?) and not gossiping with the neighbors about Liz’ wedding.
Hopeful Howard Erk-200-1 Win 100-1 Place 50-1 Show
Reasons: Is no doubt too busy being taken to the Number Six Dance in one of Canada’s fine penal institutions. Every night.
Inconvenient Truth Julia-20-1 Win 10-1 Place 5-1 Show
Reasons: Even taking into account any lingering feelings for Mr. Caine, could be easily distracted by performing fellatio on any and all ushers.
All bets must be placed by 5:00 pm at the end of the business day.
Jamus The Bartender
July 4th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

89.
Late Entrant:
College-Ex Eric: 30-1 Win 20-1 Place 10-1 Show
Reasons: May remember Liz was too dumb to get that they’d be sleeping together outside of marriage, but anyone dumb enough to try to get Liz in the sack in the first place , cheat on her, then get CAUGHT cheating may be dumb enough to try it again.
Buck Ripsnort
July 4th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

#41, Vince M — You mean Pluggers has a messageboard? I thought a Pluggers messageboard was the graffiti on the mens room wall.
And dammit, didn’t Dawn Weston play Maryanne on Gilligan’s Island?
Prankster
July 4th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Good God! What a shocking revelation! Today’s Rex Morgan reveals what I’ve half-suspected for some time–Rex and June are the same person!!! He/she is some kind of bizarre alien hermaphrodite capable of altering its gender, much like an oyster, in order to seduce whomever they’ve lured, spider-like, into their abode. In panel 2, Rex is beginning the transformation back into June, as Nikki looks on, slack-jawed with horror, in panel 3. But it’s far too late for Nikki; in tomorrow’s strip, RexJune will feast upon his bodliy fluids, leaving a dessicated corpse. Mulder and Scully will, tragically, arrive too late.
frank drackman
July 4th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Liz and Anthony remind me of Al Gores foreplay
with Tipper at the 2000 Democrat convention…talk about obscene…The Negro league veteren looks about as black as Henry Kissinger.
Slither
July 4th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

#91: That was Dawn Wells.
Never teh Bride
July 4th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

Islamorada Girl (aka #5), we learned quite a bit about Granthony’s family waaaaaay back in the day. His parents were alcoholics and his father beat him. He suffered one or two black eyes in the 80s and early 90s.

Love,
A total FBoFW nerd
TheMarc
July 4th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Foob: God, I hate Anthony. Congrats Ms. Johnston. The first character in the funny pages that I’ve ever outright hated, and he’s yours. The only way he’ll ever be redeemed in my eyes now is if he were to do something immensly awesome, like single-handedly defeat a gang of at least half a dozen ninja pirates, armed with nothing more than a toothbrush, before performing a spinning piledriver on Mike “piss-and-moan” Patterson.
Also, I think that Anthony looks better with facial hair. Without it, he has this pedophilic air about him, in addition to the usual creepy stalker vibes. It’s like he could be drinking buddies with Micheal Jackson or Rex Morgan.

(DT)GT: Now, see, I can’t draw realistic human faces either, but then, I don’t draw lots and lots of unnessesary close-ups in a syndicated comic strip, bringing attention to that fact.

Prickly City: What’s-her-face (Carmen, maybe?) has stumbled upon the truth: without Winslow, she’s boring. Just a whiny little Republican girl. Of course, with Winslow, she’s just a whiny little Republican girl with an amusingly retarded friend, but that’s still a step up.
Slither
July 4th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Zits: If I were “Pierce,” I would give up any notion of training to be an MRI technician.
magic8ball
July 4th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

Yes, hotdogs are pre-cooked, but very rarely they will still become contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes after cooking but before packaging. More information can be found you-know-where: (on the internet, at the CDC website)
evie oh oh
July 4th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Sorry Jeffy, the hot dogs are cooked according to the color of our souls. Just like Dolly, we’ll all be having ours as black as the dark prince himself.
AppleGirl
July 4th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

80 – Hey, frank drackman! I’m so relieved that you said that, since during my entire childhood, I always snuck hotdogs directly from the fridge.
jailbird
July 4th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Hell, yes, I am sooooo loving the Mary Worth storyline of bringing in another dewey-faced love interest for Dr. Drew! This is going to be almost as good as Aldo-gate. There’d better be a bitch-slap fest before this story line is through.

I’m giving up the fight against Granthony and Lizardbreath getting together. Let’s just get on with it already! Although I have to admit he’s not as hate-able now that the stache is gone.

Did I just write that? Someone please slap me!
Kip W
July 4th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

#64 (amber) – The glasses are sculpted on his face, like Teddy Roosevelt’s on Mt. Rushmore. From some angles, it looks like they’re not there, and from other angles, you see bits of them.
wasoe
July 4th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

#11, here’s your song-
CHORUS:
And it seems to me, you’ve lived your life
like a Clambake in the wind
Always knowing where to throw to
when the rain set in
And we would’ve liked to know you
But we’re all just kids
The Clambake burned out long before
The legend ever did

VERSE:
Negro Leagues were tough
Even though you never played
“Gil Thorp” created a superstar
and fame was the price you paid
Even though you lied
Oh, we still look up to you
All the players have to say
Is that Clambake is an awesome dude

(chorus)
(end)
Wellsey
July 4th, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Clearly then, it’s not from the hot dogs that Jeffy was killed ( I hate that I know their names, and yet I always have) yet Thel will stick to that story all the way to the big house. Where she will subsequently be let out of in the retrial and committed for psychiatric evaluation when it comes out she was suffering from post partum psychosis after PJ’s birth 57 years ago.

Lynn will continue to bend the storyline and ages of the FOOB line (enjoy the Canadian air!) until suddenly it’s right after college, Asshathony proves not to be Thereseialiquechateaubriandchirac’s father, because Frenchy was cheating on him way back then, Asshathony gives T back to F leaving him and Loser to make their own little FOOBS to Lynn’s contentment just as if none of it ever happened. The upside? We also get rid of Deana and the Omen grandkids, Iris, and best of all, Shannon. Sadly, Grandpoob will have been killed by the stroke.

Scaduto is Amish? We hardly knew thee.

OHHH! “Word” police. I thought Margo said “World” police. You know, Tommie, I don’t think Margo does need to know what Lu Ann is up against because she doesn’t give two craps about it anyway.

Gosh, I’m on the edge of my seat with this Dick Tracy hostage exchange situation. It couldn’t possibly be that Dick is somehow posing as the Baron could it? The KGB wouldn’t fall for that old trick would they? No, surely not….

My last FOOB revisionist comment:
Liz: Where are we going?
Anthony: Somewhere private, where we can talk!
Panel 3.5 Pile of clothes by the lake.
Shared thought balloon: With our penises and vaginas!
(Dean Booth, I’m looking at you!!!)
Mr. Barkie
July 4th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

It’s time for someone in FOOB to die. And I’m not talkin’ Grandpa Jim here.

At the very least, couldn’t one of John Patterson’s model trains run over his fingers or crash into his crotch?

Hey, God, what about it? Please?
Wellsey
July 4th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Oh crap. Therese is Asshathony’s ex wife? I thought that was his stupid daughter’s name. Well what’s the moppet’s name then? Stupid four million characters in a stupid Canadian crapfest strip….
mama'sinthefactorysheain'tgotnoshoes
July 4th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

#107 Mr. Barkie: I’ve been begging Grand Emperor Chennux for weeks to go postal at the wedding; apparently my communication technology is too feeble for his extraterrestrial WiFi. I’ve even promised potatoes…I don’t know what else to do.
Grinderman
July 4th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Har! Look at the young lad’s expression in panel 3.
Grinderman
July 4th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

#6: “Unspeakably grotesque!” Ya mean like, “really gay?’
mama'sinthefactorysheain'tgotnoshoes
July 4th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

Josh: A quote attributed to Alice Roosevelt Longworth, only child of Teddy Roosevelt by his first wife: “If you can’t think of anything nice to say, come sit by me.”
pope priapus
July 4th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

Forget about the moustache.

Lets remember that Liz has slept around a lot–the little slut.
bats :[
July 4th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

100. Sex Organ (heh. he said “sex.” and “organ.”)
If you muster the courage, I’ll toss in my attempts at smearing some other cartoonist’s fabulous talent. Maybe there ought to be a site where sickos like us can post edited bits ‘n’ pieces…
MarrG
July 4th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

Fabulous headline, thank you.
jayjaybear
July 4th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

He isnâ€™t emotionally prepared for the horrifying snake pit that is the Morgan marriage. Being caught in the Rex/June web of sexual spite is going to make him long for the comforting arms of FEMA.

I’m expecting a shockingly femmy rendition of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, myself…
Mal
July 4th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

#55 Squid Countess – Thanks! Born and raised in little Nashville, Indiana, a real live nephew of Uncle Sam.
Jnoble
July 4th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Maybe this isn’t quite as predictable as you guys may think….Maybe this is just a big set up for Liz’s other potential love interests to show up and have a three-way battle royal with ‘The Man Formally Known As The Mustache’….Oh no! Helicopter Guy just landed! And here come’s The Canadian Cop! It’s an all out no-holds barred battle for one girls heart! And in a non-related subplot, Apewill ponders the romanticism of taking it up the butt from her on-again-off again-on again BF
alamo
July 4th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

a couple of quickies here:

mw — i know times are tough in washington but why is karl rove poolside at charterstone? is this one of cheney’s undisclosed locations???

rmmd — god look at that terrified look on niki’s mug. “learning together” — is this rex’s lingo for cleaning his “garage”????

spank me with a fishnet but is the good doc going to make some stockings for their little fun and games???
Christian
July 4th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

Rex looks like Desire from the old Sandman comics…
Don Iguan
July 4th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FirstGirlWins

It was a setup from the beginning! Lynn knew she couldn’t let her make-believe family fly the coop for fear that she would go insane from everybody leaving her and knowing the great feeling of independence, so she created a Canada where nobody can leave her. I wish I knew this earlier, but now it’s too late. Nothing can stop her now from realizing her dream of having everybody she knows under her overbearing, arthritic thumb.
Echo
July 4th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

Wait, the Asshole’s parents are alcoholics who beat him, and he lets them watch his kid?!

And WTF is he doing dragging a date to a wedding and then ditching her to go snog with an Ice Princess? Yeah, she’s not a “real” date, but that is still complete jackassery.

Of course, compared to leaving his child with people who gave him a black eye, it’s sainthood.

There are actually people in the world who think these despicable and yet bland people are “sweet”. That is the really disturbing thing.

I think Rex Morgan is drawn by someone with a really twisted sense of humor.

I swear Mary was wearing an identical top to the college student’s at some point. Her sway over the Charterstone Cult intensifies; now she’s got them dressing like her.
jayjaybear
July 4th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

Echo, it was Gordon whose parents were abusive.
Hupplethwaite Spoyledd
July 4th, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

Lest the noveau, well, not riche so much as bourgois with benefits like that insufferable Michael Patterson get too much above themselves, observe, if you will, the mating habits of the lower orders. Then tell yourself breeding does not tell, I dare you.

Put another way:

Ms. Johnston? This is the hospital. We have made a terrible mistake – it turns out Liz only has … a few days before Anthony proposes to her. We’re so sorry.
commodorejohn
July 5th, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

#16 Irion – “Newly minted hawtsome Manthony?” Please link to the alternate version of FOOB you’re reading; the Chron’s version features a ’stacheless, girl-faced man-baby.

#41 Vince M. – I’m with you on FOOB, Kincaid, and “Jesus, Take The Wheel,” but Applebee’s is a good night out. (I’ll say this about Kincaid: I like the way he draws light, I just wish he’d vary his subject matter from lighthouses and homey bungalows and not have a lightgasm all over every picture. Restraint, man. Restraint.)

#63 rich – Anthony doesn’t have a penis. Lynn made Therese take it when she left; remember, Liz might have been riding horse, but she’ll always be Johnston’s Virgin Queen as far as intercourse goes.

FOOB – As the reception drags on into the night, little Francois’s supply of water and pet food run low. Her pitiful cries heard by a passerby (the neighbors having become accustomed to them,) she is rescued and placed in foster care outside the strip. Anthony is jailed for being “a creepy fuck.”
Foolster41
July 5th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

Rex Morgan: I thought the artist/writer forgot what they were going to do as a “bonding experience” (Which frankly I don’t think Rex has the slightest idea what that means) and today thought he chose tennis as the activity. Watch, tomarrow it will be baseball. Or perhaps Rex Morgan has severe ADD. “Ok, we’re going to go fishing. Oh look! My own tennis racket!”

Gil Thorp: You know, people who lie about themselves generaly get fired, but in over trusting whereGil Thorpton, it’s perfectly ok.

Foob: Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t like anothony too much, but I actually thought this strip was kind of cute.
Joe Bftsplk
July 5th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

A3G – I’m not able to read through all of the comments to see whether someone else has said something similar already or not, but I think I may be coming to a different idea of what’s up with Margo in the last few days. Her behavior has taken on an air of hostile self-centeredness that is startling even for her, but I think – and I’m not being sarcastic here – that she is actually distraught over LuAnn’s situation, and blames herself for what happened. She remembers how she turned away from the door (No one can say I didn’t try, or something to that effect), and knows that she could have saved LuAnn if she’d been just a bit less focused on herself. Now she seems to be snapping at Tommie, but it’s really her own feelings of guilt that are being manifested here. Eventually it will weigh so heavily upon her that she will break down and spill her guts – probably at LuAnn’s bedside in the hospital – and there will be some kind of dramatic resolution full of tears and hugs and forgiveness and whatnot, and the three of them will emerge closer friends than ever.

At least, I hope that’s what’s going on. If not, then our Margo has simply ascended to heights of bitchhood ordinarily reserved for characters in Greek mythology.
LouieLouie
July 5th, 2007 at 2:29 am [Reply]

FOOB: All hope is now gone. Sadness and something like sea-sickness reign now. AAARRRGGGHHH! Why must everyone be destined to be with the first person they ever kissed forever. (I’d hate for that to be my fate.)

REX MORGAN: Doesn’t Niki live with the Morgans? So there would already be some sort of official relationship involving social workers and the like, wouldn’t there?
DougH
July 5th, 2007 at 4:23 am [Reply]

It’s a badminton racket, dammit! Can’t you people SEE?! It is a BADMINTON RACKET!
geo7685
July 5th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

Clearly it is Lynn Johnson’s plan to nauseate and demoralize every American on our national holiday. Her loathing for us clearly knows no bounds.

It can only mean one thing though – she wants us demoralized by her subversive Canadian Foobery as prelude to an attack! The Mounties are coming! The Mounties are coming!
whoamItoday?
July 5th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

#67

for you, whoamItoday dons her certified food handler hat, and points out that salmonella can get to you via eggs, raw meat, poultry, seafood, dairy products, and produce. It lives in the interiors of chickens (hence the general association with chickens and eggs) but that’s not the only place it lives.

Listeria lives in poultry as well as mammals and tends to be a problem in heavily processed meat foods, like the hot dogs. nevertheless, salmonella could also contaminate the hot dog given the huge opportunity of going from in the yard where the dog and other pets poop and sitting down to eat at the picnic table which sits outdoors exposed to birds, pets, and was last used by Dolly as the manufacturing site for her mud pie business.

more information on gross food stuff can be found on the internet esp. at the FDA Bad Bug Book site (read it and suddenly feel much better about the FOOB storyline)
Erik
July 5th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

FOOB: YOU MANIACS! GOD DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!
meltina
July 5th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

*sighs*

I used to be able to read page 1 of the comics. Sure, most of it was crap, but I do know I’ll miss the occasional Blondie gag (what there is of it), and I’m definitely pissed about its proximity to Doonesbury. But… I just can’t bear the whole LizBreath-Granthony thing anymore. I tried to look at the page this morning, but just… COULDN’T. Not even out of the corner of my eye. A pox on you, Lynn Johnston!

Thank god PBS is on the other page. Not being able to read that would just kill me. And my newspaper home delivery too.
Elisabeth
July 5th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

86: I think Anthony started dating Therese after Liz moved in with Eric during their second year of university. But whenever she went home for a holiday we were always treated to a strip of them staring at each other with Precious Moment’s style eyes.

The rate Lynn is going we’ll have the messy details for this relationship ironed out by Saturday and can move on to someone else. Shall it be trains or will Deanna find herself pregnant yet again?
kat
July 5th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

I would rather conga, naked, with Kim Jong-il, Dick Cheney, Hillary Clinton, that sleaze from ATO last semester, assorted members of the Gestapo, and Satan himself than go make out with Anthony.
the Foob King
July 5th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

FC: Dolly’s blackened hot dog looks like a big, steaming turd-on-a-bun.

I’m just sayin’.
Dennis Jimenez
July 5th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

Blondie – Is it about Mrs. Bumstead’s, “special delivery?”

FBoFW – AACK!!

MT – Why would anyone want to cause a bird strike, Mark? Ida know – long hours, low pay, crumby working conditions.

MW – The regular student life, eh, Dawn. Occasional drug use, binge drinking and causal, meaningless sex. Vera who?

RMMD – Impressive “tool” display, Rex. If only you’d turn around.

SF – Imagine that drudgery-like rut of a grind that is sex with Sally, Ted. Salad days, my friend.

A plugger bag lady is basically just a regular old bag lady.

JP – Deep pockets and big “tools,” eh, Sammy.

FC – Can I make it spell penis, mommy – I’ve always wanted that in my mouth.

OK – I know the CC (who I revere) has disdain for the innuendo quotation mark misuse – so sue me.
Meanwhile
July 5th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

RMMD: To my mind, the question isn’t what Rex is going to do with that tennis racket. In fact, judging by Niki’s expression, there really isn’t any question at all about what he’s doing right now.
Hogen Mogen
July 5th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

Dolly is goin’ down on that dog. She’s a hungry one today.
Krauthead
July 5th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

FOOB: I don’t think I’ve ever had such a hatred of a comic strip before. Congratualtions Lynn, you’ve managed to completely piss everyone off. Everyone, that is, except for 50-something parents of grown children who always think they’re right about everything and think thier adult children should always bend to thier will.

Granthony. Blandthony. Mr. Dullsville. Mustachio. Pornstache. Pornstacio. Pastythony.

I can think of many names for that guy. I’d like to ring his filthy neck. He marries Terese and forces her to have a baby and get a house against her will, and then live life like Lizardbreath’s stupid, boring family.

Lynn goes out of her way to make Terese look like a jealous, insecure bitch. Well, of course she’s pissed, her husband was always pining away for another woman! Wouldn’t you be pissed?

I hate those horrid brats of Mike & Dee’s. Lynn focuses too many Sunday strips on those nasty rugrats. I wish they would both drown in the creek behind the (what is now Mike’s house only because Dee’s parents and foob-parents gave them money to make it possible) house the next time it floods.

I’d like to see a volcano form under Milborough, blowing it up and burning it to a crisp, then having the Earth open up and the whole foobiverse slip beneath Lake Ontatrio.

Lynn, just end the sucky, shitty flow of sewage that FOOB is. Just freeze it now. Pleeeeeeeeease!!!!!

Or you can just suck my stick.
sjg
July 5th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

FOOB = The Sears Tower of ick.

I think the reason Julia isn’t more upset about this is that the top of her head coincides with the top of Shawna-Chantal-Annette-Marie’s boobs, and well, that’s just more where she’s at.
Professor Fate
July 5th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Foob: where I learned projectile vomiting can be the healthiest you can do.

FW: “oh no honey – don’t go off the chemo precribed to you by the same incompent hack that screwed up you records – let me buy you a shotgun.”

I swear to god – the only message i’m gettin out of this story line is when you get cancer lay down and die, it’ll be quicker that way.
kulbreez
July 5th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

I can track the downfall of FOOB directly to the day Lynn started drawing the teen girls/young women with big wide eyes, small noses, and those hideously full lips. If you go back to the old days when Mike and Liz were roughly the same age as Meredith and Robin, and Elly was the same age as Deanna, Elly was drawn with a PERSONALITY – harried, rough around the edges, pissy. So Elly got to be human and the young gals of today (Liz, Liz’s boring friends, Deanna, April 2.0) all get to be wide eyed plastic Barbies. GOD I HATE THEM. GOD I WANT TO BARF ON LYNN!!! DAMN YOU AND YOUR MYOPIC ROSE-COLORED GLASSES!!
King Folderol
July 5th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

FOOB – I blacked out for a few seconds.

MW – Wilbur’s looking well, but he hasn’t been in a major storyline since giving Jane Hand such terrible advice. I somehow imagine that when a Mary Worth character disappears, they simply sit somewhere in a cryogenic freezer until it’s time for them to be used again in the manner befitting a really bad comic.

GT (DT) –

“And it was a great history lesson for a bunch of modern teenagers.”

Black people are frauds. (Gil continued) Sure, Mr. Klansman and Ms. Racistington do a great job teaching this over in the history department, but nothing teaches you to mistrust all races like real life experience! And modern teenagers need to put all this PC crap behind them and start living in the 50’s again, which is where this comic is clearly set.

FC – If Jeffy, as a young American boy, doesn’t know what a hot dog is by now, he deserves every bacterium of e-coli that he gets.
canada
July 5th, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

Lynn Johnston is just a horrible person in real life. self-center, egotistic, evil person. Loves pushing her perverted, depression-ridden morals onto folks to qualify the sorry life that she has. Just a bad, bad person
Krauthead
July 5th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

I can’t wait to see what’s in store for the Titanic-FOOB tomorrow…..

But the problem is, I can only barf so much. I started dry-heaving a long time ago.
Anthony Caine
July 5th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

Shut up, you #$%%^ freakheads… I’m %^&^
@*& sick of being called “Granthony,” “Nostache” and all your other brainless names… I’m the only one who’s really loved Liz and she’s known it all along. Especially when I beat up Howard and hung him on the telephone pole with bailing wire.
So you looney-tunes were rooting for that two-timing Paul gigolo? After a six- week marriage to the little lardo up north, he got busted for spousal abuse. He collects aluminum cans to fuel his heroin habit.
And Warrdo? The sky-eagle thinks he’s a fighter pilot, and they’re talking about having him locked up before he crashes another plane.
As for me? I got a hot babe for my future wife and the last laugh on you #$%%^’s! I’m gonna take her and the kiddo on a three-week tour of the Caribbean! After that we’re going on a safari in Kenya. I’ve got about half a mil in the bank, so no problem. My ex- the $%^&*&%$ bimbo…won’t get a cent!

By the way, Liz said to tell all of you…@!#$%&**&#*^%!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HATE YOU TOO!!!!!
moe99
July 5th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

okay, I’m a day late and a dollar short, but has anyone else noticed how Granthony resembles Dad Patterson? I mean Electra complex or what here?????
dale
July 6th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

145 Krauthead – Barfing, good: dry heaves, bad. Given some warning, and in the comfort and privacy of my own home, I choose to lean over the garbage disposal side of the kitchen sink.

147 moe99 – I’ve been thinking of a fantasy scenario where John is Anthony’s father. Anthony is Liz’s age and does look like John. We don’t know anything about John’s past. This could explain why John tries to think only about trains and could lead to a final “Elaine!” moment.
Krauthead
July 6th, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

moe99,

I’m not surprised. Lynn states in Lizard-breath’s profile that she would “like to marry a guy like dad!”

Today, Mr. Loserville is bending her over backwards and dry-humping…….it’s like watching a monkey try to fuck a football….

How long is this horrid set going to go on? Where’s my barf-bucket?

What hope do we have? Will Mason just fly into a rage and kill them both? Will Howard appear and kill them all?

I hope so.

Suck my stick, Lynn.
Fat Free Milk
July 15th, 2007 at 6:25 am [Reply]

Reminds me of the Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley kiss…

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

We hold these foobs to be self-destructive

150 responses to “We hold these foobs to be self-destructive”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery