The Comics Curmudgeon

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Mega-Monday comics

Apartment 3-G, 7/16/07

On Saturday, Eric Mills announced that he had picked up “something priceless” from the Orient. Today we learn what that priceless item is: his brother’s mouldering corpse. Actually, if he found it on the cold, dry Tibetan plateau, it may in fact be freeze-dried rather than mouldering, but either way it’s technically “priceless” because of course nobody would pay good money for it. (This also meant that he didn’t have to declare it on his customs form upon his return to the States.)

This shocking fact has sent his sister-in-law into a Level Four Swoon, though the segue from “missing” to “prayed his body would be recovered” seems to have skipped over a vital point. Presumably once a death certificate is on file, their illicit love affair can be upgraded from actual adultery to merely kind of icky, and Eric can dispense with his Margo-dating pretense. That should get ugly fast.

Gil Thorp, 7/16/07

There are few things in this world more disturbing than panel two of today’s Gil Thorp. I mean, sure, we all like to see ol’ pearl-earring-wearing Heat-Miser-lookalike Coach Kaz give a drunken lout what for by punching him right in the teeth, and the fact that his girlfriend responded to his act of lightning-fast violence with a look that says “Do me right here in the middle of CAFE, I beg of you” is only to be expected. But where the hell is the rest of Kaz’s arm? As disturbing as the thought that his fist might have gone right through the Lout’s teeth and headed back towards the uvula is, at the angles we’re seeing, it just doesn’t seem possible that Kaz’s fist isn’t protruding out the back of the drunken fellow’s head. My theory is that the inside of this bottle-wielding field’s body is some kind of dimensional anomaly: he’s literally bigger on the inside than on the outside. This bizarre evolutionary adaptation presumably allows him to ingest a greater volume of alcohol than a normal human could contain without bursting open.

Archie, 7/16/07

Today the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 has actually manage to cobble together a gag that, if not “funny” per se, at least makes a vague sort of sense and is based on the Archie gang’s (admittedly broad) established characterizations. However, we do get an interesting indication that the AJGLU 3000 is not connected to the Internet. Sure, bizarre fake domain names are in fact used as the names of retail establishments in real life — my favorite is the newsstand at the Oakland airport called WWW.NEWS.OAKLAND — but Eat.com is actually the homepage for for Ragú®, currently featuring some “Soccer Mom Shortcuts.” (“Today’s tip: Your kids don’t have what you’d call ‘discriminating palates,’ so don’t feel bad about feeding them mediocre spaghetti sauce out of a jar.”) Presumably the domain was reserved by some smartie in the IT department of whatever multinational corporation owned the rights to the Ragú® brand in 1998; the current owner, Unilever, has deep Dutch pockets and teams of lawyers, so look out, AJGLU 3000, is what I’m saying.

(Note to outraged soccer moms everywhere: I feed myself mediocre spaghetti sauce out of a jar, and I don’t have kids who I have to shuttle to soccer practice, or even a job that requires me to leave the house, so please do not take offense at the above.)

For Better Or For Worse, 7/16/07

Coming this summer, to theaters from Vancouver to Halifax:

When does their house … become your home?

When does accommodation … become self-abnegation?

When does a doormat … say enough is enough?

When does murder … become emotional self-defense?

Will any jury convict her?

All these questions and more will be answered in the thinking person’s summer blockbuster: Oedipus Wrecks: The Housening!

Gasoline Alley, 7/16/07

Driven to madness by the incessant basketball-dribbling of a bunch of young African-American fellows, Slim has decided to destroy the public court on which their noisy pastime is played by simulating a meteor strike. Dear God, I wish I had a made up a single word in that previous sentence.

Family Circus, 7/16/07

“So you see, the Great Leader used his Third Sight to recognize the sympathetic vibrations between us during Morning Inspection at the Compound. Three weeks later, we were joined in the eyes of the Unknowable God in the Sacred Dell, along with three hundred other people. The end. Now go do your homework.”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 7/16/07

Hey, everybody! Today’s TDIET was submitted by “Allison Everett,” who’s really faithful reader Allie Cat! “Just to give you some backstory,” she says, “I log a lot of phone time with my work; my colleagues and I all get voicecalls (although we call them ‘voice mails’) like this daily and they’re irritating (and I haven’t learned how to rewind on my current system, so that makes me an idiot in my own right, but we won’t go there). Also, I don’t currently own a black sweater vest, but it’s on my list for fall fashion must-haves.”

Beetle Bailey, 7/16/07

Beetle and Killer are not putting their IED training to use in the ways that their superior officers might have hoped.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 16, 2007 at 03:36 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Archie, Beetle Bailey, Family Circus, For Better or for Worse, Gil Thorp, They'll Do It Every Time.

238 responses to “Mega-Monday comics”

Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 16th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Faking a meteorite attack is either the stupidest thing in the history of the comics, or else the most brilliantly and anarchically subversive.
Tweeks_Coffee
July 16th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

So…Drunk Lout is lis like Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist (manga version)?
KirkF
July 16th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

In answer to your question, Coach Kaz’s arm appears to be coming out of Eric’s head in the first strip. Is that not correct?
Bootsy
July 16th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Oh good. I was hoping my mopey comment on the last thread would kill it, and I was right. Trying to unmope.

Josh, thanks for not mentioning Coach Kaz’ hairy hariy arms.

And, if you put Michael Foob’s hair in a bun, he becomes Liz.
Tweeks_Coffee
July 16th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

#2 – Wow, I messed up a lot in there. Obviously I actually meant Gluttony, not Greed and I have no idea what “lis” is either.
Non-Shannon
July 16th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

Slim looks like an evil raincloud in the last panel–just add some lightning bolts and rain droplets.

I can just hear the whine in the last panel of FOOB, and it makes me homicidal.
dogwallow
July 16th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

I read that last sentence a bit wrong (which I pretty much do constantly) on Beetle Bailey as “IUD training” I must have sat there for at least five minutes trying to figure out how clipboards, bananas, and vast expanses of featureless dirt would be birth control. You wouldn’t want to know my hypotheses.
Gabe
July 16th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Pearl-sportin’ Coach is hitting him with a muy-thai style elbow, with the rest of his forearm bent down, obscured by the lout’s back.

At least that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.
Dingo
July 16th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

If Slim has the money to purchase a meteorite for sale on the internet, of a size great enough to cause damage to a basketball court, he has enough money to move his family out of the Alley and into nicer confines. Like Manderlay.
kat
July 16th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

“My, how I’ve pined and dreamt of the day when Tim, your brother and my husband, would return! I simply haven’t the strength or the will or the moxie to carry on if he, Tim, has left me and my daughter and your niece, Katy, especially with the cancer that has affected her so these many months! Please, Eric, hold me tightly to your strapping chest while you deliver the awful, terrible news! Oh, curse the Himalayas in that country to the East!”
Wellsey
July 16th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

No offense Allie Cat, your explanation to Josh makes total sense and I got the cartoon after much deliberation over it but, Scaduto really whiffed on this one. I’m convinced he’s never had this happen to him because his “message” in panel one absolutely sucked. If I got a message like that I’d just erase it before it even got to the “contact me at” part. We’ve been dealing with a lot of realtors lately as we sell our house, so I totally get how terrible they and most other professionals are at leaving a message that’s clearly enunciated.

In short, your submission deserved better.
minosbull
July 16th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Look out, Mr. Black-Sweater-Wearing-TDIET-Guy, that’s not coffee in your mug, that’s a new hyper-caffeinated mutant life form, and it’s going straight for your neck while your head is turned to break the fourth wall.
vkbceb
July 16th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

No comments yet on MW? DOCTOR Drew getting shut down?
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

From Yesterthread #198
Bootsy
It isn’t just stuff, it’s your life and don’t let anybody ever tell you anything different. I wish with all my heart that those words could make you feel better, but I know it won’t. Neither does listening to all of the people who tell you to count your blessings and all — as if feeling bad about what you’re going through means you haven’t.
All I can do is go have a good cry for you, baby and hope that the tears will help to water some new roots for you.
stuck funky
July 16th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

RE: gil thorp panel 2…

PICTURE CONTEST. PICTURE CONTEST. PICTURE CONTEST. PICTURE CONTEST.

PICTURE.

CONTEST.
grapesaresour
July 16th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

I think there may have been a werewolf inside of Drunken Lout’s dimensional anomaly, because Coach Kaz appears to be undergoing rapid werewolfication. Look out patrons of Cafe!!
chumley
July 16th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Maybe Kaz is reaching down the lout’s throat in order to pull his heart out and show it to him before he dies.

Also, was John McCain in Milford recently? Because his arm sure looks like it.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2007/07/16/mccain-warchest-larger-than-expected/
Ogg Ogglesby
July 16th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Has excreting the Patterson Hellspawn taken a hormonal toll on Deanna? Cuz she’s sporting a pretty good pornstache in panel 3.
Uncle Lumpy
July 16th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

A3G Isn’t it possible Eric’s brother is still alive, and Eric brought the doofus back to the US with him? It explains why Eric’s looking so hang-dog in #3: not gittin’ any tonight! Or ever!

Hey, wait! Eric’s brother could be alive, but disabled in some way that makes him Nora’s husband in a technical sense only! Nobody’s gittin’ any, ever! This outcome would require that Eric, Nora, and the gomer to move to Funky Winkerbean – making more room for Margo!
Islamorada Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Judging by that first panel in DT GT, Heat Miser is dating Scarlett O’Horror. I hope there’s a fainting couch behind her to catch her swoon. Nothing turns a woman on more than a pearl button earring man stuffing his entire hairy forearm down the throat of a drunken thug, the better to pull out said thug’s spine to use as a weapon against him. Haaaawwwwt!
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Oh God…those hairy arms…those hairy KNUCKLES…so, so manly…uh-oh….*gasp*…my husband!

FC — I grew up with three sibs, and though we didn’t actually try to kill each other, I can think of few occasions on which we voluntarily sat in the kind of incredibly close, prolonged, quiet proximity displayed by the Keane rugrats. I think that from birth, they’ve been systematically fed some kind of drug that keep them passive and stunts their growth.
jlu
July 16th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

TDIET part two. Don’t ya hate it when your two dimensional drawing of a coffee mug spontaneously spurts coffee? Oh yah!
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

# 21 — Keeps, not keep. Apparently I’ve been unknowingly ingesting some drug that affects my typing.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 16th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

Congrats Allie Cat! Although Scaduto doesn’t seem to realize that

– 19275 is not an area code

– saying “e-mail me at ball.com” isn’t enough information. What’s the user name? (Actually, maybe it’s “e-mail meatball.com.”)

– 555-218541 is too many digits for a fax number. Um, they’re like phone numbers, Al. A lot like phone numbers.

P.S. I don’t have a clue what might be located at “ball.com” but I am NOT going to try to find out at work.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 16th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

#22 jlu — it looks more like a two-dimensional drawing of a bowl for miso soup.
Herro!
July 16th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Apparently the tempo of the caller’s message is so high that it surpassed the speed of sound itself, causing Barfo’s (I’m assuming that’s his name) lunch to spontaneously combust.

Or, it’s a combination answering machine/walk-in microwave! Watch your hair, Barfo, it singes first!
gkl
July 16th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

A3G: Please, please, please let Ruby be the reincarnation of Tim.

TDIET: Congratulations Allie Cat, not only on getting the idea published but on actually submitting a comprehensible idea that actually does happen and is actually annoying. It’s like the strip’s title has something to do with its content.

MW: Is Dr. Drew Cory going to continue to refer to Dr. Drew Coryself in the third Dr. Drew Cory person? Because that would really help the romance along:

Vera’s Thought Bubble: I must prove my promotion was justified.

Drew: Dr. Drew Cory must prove that Dr. Drew Cory can pop that thought bubble.

Vera’s Thought Bubble: Could I really leave the shackles… of repression… behind?

Drew: Dr. Drew Cory would like to unshackle your repression behind!
Mack
July 16th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

I actually enjoyed today’s FC, but only because Dolly is in the midst of applying a sleeper hold on little PJ. I guess she has to do something for entertainment now that Daddy Keane has put the kibosh on the best sitcom on TV.
Josh
July 16th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

#24 Skullturf — incredibly boringly, ball.com is owned by the Ball corporation, which makes a series of useful but painfully dull products, including aerosol and paint cans. I really should have linked that up with the whole eat.com diatribe. Damn, Ball’s IT smarties must have snapped that domain up in, like, 1994 or so.

Josh
Uncle Lumpy
July 16th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

TDIET — Congratulations, Allie Cat!

So, is that “e-mail me at ball.com”, “e-mail meatball.com”, or e-mail “me@ball.com”?

I’m guessing Al wrote that part.
Trilobite
July 16th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Beetle and Killer are huge! Or maybe Mort Walker’s been taking art lessons on perspective from the Gil Thorp artist. (Step one: cover up one eye. Step two: cover up the other eye. Step three: take a fistful of pills and wait for the dizziness to begin. Step four: draw!)

I don’t know what’s more worrisome: that squatting in the middle of an empty parade ground is what passes for camouflage at Camp Swampy, or that it actually seems to work.
The Photocopiest
July 16th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

GT: Clearly what happened is that he punched so hard that his fist approached the speed of light and was transformed into pure energy (note the flare effect), which not only knocked the bounder unconscious, but probably scarred his retinas as well.
pumafan
July 16th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

meatball.com turns out to be some homage to two kitties who were “womb mates for life.” Each lived to a ripe old age of 16. Could they be someone you know, allie cat?
Herro!
July 16th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Ooops, didn’t know it was supposed to be coffee. I thought coffee cups had handles, but I guess not, in Scaduto-land. Of course, in Scaduto-land, coffee explodes with the sole provocation of a poorly-delivered voice mail. And is served in cups that are the width of playing cards.

I really feel bad ripping on Scaduto. He seems like such a nice guy, judging from all the responses he’s send to ‘mudges.
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

# 4 — Bootsy, I’m so, so sorry. Of course you are deeply sad — that house was a huge part of your life and heritage. Thank you belatedly for your kind cat words, and please accept my deep sympathy for the loss of your house. Houses matter, and three-generation houses matter in very special ways. Please ignore anyone who doesn’t understand that, and know that a lot of us do.
GotFuzzy
July 16th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

Is today a significant date in Banana Peel History? Because today’s Brevity features a banana peel gag, too.

And I’m with chumley–Coach Kaz is going to show Drunken Lout his still-beating heart. No wonder he gets all the ladies.

I know this week’s FOOB story will make me want to scream, but I am not going to hope for more of LizAngsthony. The last time I did that I subjected us all here to the horror of the bologna-lip kiss.
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

#14 – Me
I like Dingo’s idea (#213) much better so I’ll try to dry my eyes. Nobody likes a watered down mojito.
Thanks, Dingo! You always know how to make a girl smile.

Back to catching up….
Cedar
July 16th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

I like how the only thing visible on the kitchen counter in FOOB is a bottle of wine and a wine glass.
King Folderol
July 16th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

A3G – Gasp, my husband! As opposed to, “oh, my realtor” or “hey, my toll collector.”

(DT) GT – I’m equally disturbed by those mountains of arm hair in Panel 3.

GA – Slim moved from racism to, um…something more disturbing than racism? Congratulations, Gasoline Alley, even the KKK now thinks you’ve gone too far.

FC – It’s not the raciest show in the world, but “How I Met Your Mother” seems like it’d be a little much for these little kids. Unless Bill’s talking about some religious show on a channel I don’t watch, where Jesus raps about how he came out of Mary’s womb without the mess of insemination.

BB – Poor placement of the banana peel led me to believe that Beetle and Killer were going to gang rape Sarge. My bad.
odinthor
July 16th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp — In the upcoming DVD of Gil Thorp Bloopers (5 disk set) will be included panel 1, in which the strip cameraman accidentally got on film the sound technician supplying the Swiss yodel which, as all Gail Martin fans know, is the traditional “happy fan after a Gail Martin concert” noise heard in bars and other post-concert gathering places. How did this tradition start? Well, as I understand, it goes back to Gail’s earliest years when she was a bystander at her father’s production studio, and also involves an alpenhorn. The blooper is unfortunate, because it detracts from Kaz’s candid admission in the third panel of an earlier relationship with the drunken lout, in which, as he says with a little smile, he “had” him “all the way.” Just thinking about it makes the hair on his arms grow.

A3-G — Tim’s no corpse, I’m a-thinkin’. Tim fell off a mountain onto his head, causing amnesia, was furtively dragged to a village by a benevolent renegade yeti named Bertram, and has been living with a poor but honest Tibetan family, watching dubbed re-runs of I Love Lucy. And I don’t need to tell you that Lucy and Ricky lived in Apt. 3D. Kinda makes you think, don’t it?
etho
July 16th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

So, I have a suspicion that in a year or so, FOOB is just going to start rerunning the old strips from the beginning, only changing the names to Mike and Deanna instead of… whatever the hell the elder Foobs names are now. I’m waiting for Mike to decide to make a career change and become a dentist, at which point the inescapable Vortex of Foobery breaks Deanna’s mind into a million angry pieces and she finally adopts the role of the meddling matriarch.
SnakeMcQuinn
July 16th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

vkbceb: (Doctor) Drew wasn’t exactly shut down. Vera’s agreed to “next time” and inexplicably told him she likes him after meeting him briefly at a party. She just needs to work on her typing over the weekend to prove once and for all that her promotion to “Affect Advertising Head Clerk Typist” was no fluke. Once she gets settled at work and gets the Von curse out of her system she’ll be ready to let down her tight ponytail and par-tay. A playboy like Doc Drew enjoys the thrill of the chase and if Vera plays hard to get, he’ll just have to be a harder playa. Dawn Weston should be okay for some gratuitous oral sex to tide him over in the interim or perhaps he can hook up with that utterly bored trophy wife, Toeby Cameron.
Kip W
July 16th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

A3G – Actually, Tim only moved two blocks away, certain that Nora would be fooled by his note saying, “Dear Nora, I have gone to the Himalayas and vanished,” and not look for him. Eric’s news is that Tim said he could have his radio.

Archie – Dilton’s right about the food. The name of the place is “Cow Sweat.com.” Betty, meanwhile, has misinterpreted their lunch date as a “lurch” date, and is lurching precariously in odd-numbered panels.

GA – Slim’s plan is to spend thousands of dollars to buy the meteorite, and when he throws it into the basketball court, those kids are going to realize its value and turn against each other, like Treasure of the Sierra Madre. And Mother Nature will get the blame! It’s FOOLPROOF!

TDIET – Yessir, nothing chases the cobwebs away like a good cuppa joe!
stinky pete
July 16th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Paperback Rifler killed the last thread with a great set of reviews of Gail Martin videos. Go read it.

Like a lot of prior commenters I didn’t see the banana peel in BB right off the bat. I have to say my first thought, given Beetle’s pose, was that the Walkers forgot to draw the latrine.
NotMe
July 16th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

GA: I don’t read this comic but one has to wonder. If you can buy a meteorite on the internet it must not be something special. How is putting one on the basketball court going to stop them from playing? Either the meteorite he is looking to buy is so huge it will cover the court he plans on using it as a weapon….maybe both.
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

MW — I think that even (prolonged shudder) Professional Windbag Ian Cameron is more appealing to me than Doctor Drew, which is saying something.
Rainbird
July 16th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

BB Thanks for showing the strip in color. In black and white you can’t see the banana at all. It blends in with the ground (which might be why Sarge will step on it, but when I saw the comic this moring in the dead tree version, I stared and stared, trying to figure out WHAT was a long shot.

Not every one gets the comics in color.

With TDIET does the artist try to make the strip as arcaic as possible? I mean, who in this century would call it a “voice call” wihen the world calls it “voice mail”, does he call ‘cell phones” thos phone-bricks?
Fee
July 16th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

HEY!! I like that guy in today’s FBOFW! He’s funny!!!
Oh, and Micheal’s ok.
syro0
July 16th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

No wonder the Family Circus family turned out as it did, once Daddy had met the one woman who didn’t object to his filming their first date in case he needed the footage for future family movie nights.
This is actually the one possible bit of information, that could make FC less creepy, because it does establish a sort of continuity of madness in this poor battered old universe.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
July 16th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! REND YOUR GARMENTS IN APOCALYPTIC TERROR! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

WHO IS THIS GASOLINE ALLEY EARTHER THAT WANTS TO PURCHASE A METEORITE? WHAT A FOOB! HAHA!

FIRST OF ALL, A METEORITE IS A METEOR THAT HAS LANDED ON A PLANET! DOES HE PLAN TO DE-CRATER IT, RENT A GRAVATONIC LIFT TO PUT THIS THING BACK IN SPACE AND THEN DROP IT ON HIS TARGET? DOES HE REALIZE HOW MANY POTATOES THAT WOULD SET HIM BACK? BUY A METEOR, DUMBCLORX, THEY’RE ALREADY IN SPACE!

SECOND, DOESN’T HE REALIZE THAT HE NEEDS TO GET THE TITLE FOR METEORS AND COMETS NOTARIZED AT THE GALACTIC PROVINCIAL COURTHOUSE ON MARLAZ? AND DOES HE EVEN HAVE A PERMIT TO OWN A METEOR? WHAT ABOUT THE FIVE-DAY WAITING PERIOD FOR THE BACKGROUND CHECK? THE MOMENT HE TRIES TO STEER THAT THING INTO LOW PLANETARY ORBIT, THE INTERGALACTIC POLICE WILL BE ON HIM LIKE SYRUP ON POTEET! HAHA!

THIRD, NO REPUTABLE METEOR SALESMAN DEALS ON EBAY! IF SNEEZIX? SKEENIX? OR WHATEVER HE CALLS HIMSELF WANTS TO BUY A METEOR, CHENNUX HAS SOME FINE USED ONES IN THE BACK OF THE STAR CRUISER! THIS IRON-NICKLE BABY IS A SOLID, LOW-LIGHTYEARAGE NUMBER THAT CAN BE HAD FOR A SONG! LIKE TARZANA NIGHTS! HAHA!

AND ON A PERSONAL NOTE, THE ONE CALLED JAMUS THE BARTENDER! THANKS FOR GETTING THAT TRACY GUY OFF THE CRUISER! WHAT A MAROON! AND TRUE FABLE! HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE FLAMMABLES! YOUR HAIRSPRAY FRAME-THROWERS AT THE SHAWNA-MARIE WELDING WERE TOO MUCH FUN!

RED G, APPLEGIRL, FIZZY, ILSAMORADA GIRL! BACK INTO THE PACER! THE WELDING ISN’T OVER YET AND I SMELL ROADTRIP! WHICH SMELLS LIKE MAGMACANNON BARBEQUE! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
treedweller
July 16th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

I think Coach Kaz had his arm amputated and attached a cattle prod to the stub. After electrocuting the drunk’s face in Panel 2, he reattaches the prosthetic forearm and hand in panel 3.
Keg of Curd
July 16th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

“Tonight I’ll tell you how I met YOUR mother. If that goes OK, tomorrow night I’ll tell Thel about it.”
Rose
July 16th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Bob Bastard: “Tonight’s test will be the asteroid crash simulation test.”

Dilbert: “Just out of curiosity, how often does an asteroid hit an exercise machine?”

Pointy-haired Boss: “A comet hit my Stairmaster. That’s why I don’t exercise anymore.”
treedweller
July 16th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

Oh, and I’m overwhelmed by Dee’s sensitivity to her MIL, wondering if she’ll mind having the wallpaper removed when the job is half-done already.

I don’t know why she worried, though. Clearly, Mom wasn’t that attached to the paper, seeing as it’s apparently held on by scotch tape. I mean, really. Has anyone, anywhere, ever had a remodeling project go that cleanly and smoothly?
Emily
July 16th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

My money is definitely on Tim not being dead, but somehow something more boring and devoid of dramatic possibility than dead.
Don
July 16th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Long time listener, first time caller. I need to work up a better nickname.

Even as the AJGLU 3000 is getting better control of the text, it seems to be losing control of the image. In the first frame, Betty appears to be snowboarding her way to eat.com. As for the third frame, if we’re looking at the back of Archie, I hope he has good insurance to deal with his exciting new spinal-cord injury.

The explanation is simpler, of course. The AJGLU 3000 has figured out it can distract from its inability to deliver a joke by prominently displaying Betty’s rack.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Josh — Your evolutionary explanation for the apparent disappearance of Kaz’s arm is intriguing, but ultimately appears to be nothing more than a more plausible version of the “Concert Goer Is Deep Throating Kaz’s Arm” hypothesis, warmed over. Unlike the “Everyone in Milford Has Evolved Telescoping Arms To Cope With The Unpredictable Quantum Fluctuations In Milford’s Spatial Continuum Hypothesis” it fails to account for Walter Kronkite/Vincent Price/Papa Lodge’s ability to extend his arm fourteen feet across the restaurant (excuse me across the cafe, excuse me “Cafe”). Occam’s Razor N’ Shit.
Sorry, but the rigorous demands of scientific peer review can be a bitch sometimes.
entropy
July 16th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

So presumably that’s a Klein bottle Mr. Moebius is wielding?
Islamorada Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

3G–”Jim Mills, Freeze Dried Tibetan Mummy” would make a great Fox sitcom.

Gail Martin could play the wacky neighbor around her touring schedule. Of course, she would appear in a very special episode where Jim Mills is accidentally defrosted and the whole family learns a valuable lesson.
I Pity The Foob
July 16th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

Your Eminence, GEC:

Just wonderin’ something. Since you’ve just had a nice, long vacation out West, does that mean you picked up a nice tan? Would that be like, uh, maybe sort of a deep moss color?

Oh, and re: the used meteors, please privately email me@tball.com
Trilobite
July 16th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

How would one tell Jim Mills, Freeze-Dried Tibetan Mummy apart from the other guys in A3G? They all have basically the same face, the same stiff postures, the same nonexistent personalities…I guess he might be a bit more wrinkly, but that’s all. Maybe they should put one of those funny-looking Tibetan hats on him, just to make it easier to recognize him.
Aelfric
July 16th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

Is it just me, or does it look like Faceless Guy ran in to give Coach Kaz a good slap, got the world’s most powerful Tyrannosaurus punch, and at the exact same moment, some insane person threw a beer bottle through the window? Maybe Walter Cronkite was attempting to help with some indirect fire? Just me? Thought so.
Kip W
July 16th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

#48 (Fee) – I was wondering what was happening underneath Dee’s nose. Is this what a baby pornstache looks like?
DropDeadGorgias
July 16th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

She “prayed his body would be recovered”?? She didn’t pray that he miraculously survived?

This woman is either really bad at praying, or really good at praying and hates her husband-corpse.
Bunnë
July 16th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

FBoFW: Do you think your mom will mind if we remove her wallpaper, which I am actively pulling off the walls as we speak, and which you have a bunch of crumpled in your hands? I am sensitive to their feelings, as I watch you carry off their beloved wallpaper, now reduced to so much scrap and garbage.

Seriously, hon, the word you are looking for is “that”. Otherwise you and Mike might end up with a whole conversation in which you decide not to do it after all, but you’ve already done it.
Look At The Cows
July 16th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

This also meant that he didn’t have to declare it on his customs form upon his return to the States

From the third panel, it looks like he just dressed him in a power-blue sportcoat and propped him up in the corner. Tim’s gonna be A3G’s version of “Rowdy”.
I Pity The Foob
July 16th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Make that, me@ball.com—although, “Small enough for the small guy, big enough for the big guy” has possibilities…
The Divine O’F
July 16th, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

Back from errands, but about to check out for the day:

Yesterthread Brown-Eyed Girl: And I like your caption!

Yesterthread Trotzenbonnie: Yeah, I know, but I can’t help believing that if we keep sending in REALLY GOOD captions, they’re bound to pick one of us sooner or later. Of course I believed in Santa Claus until I was twelve.

Yesterthread Bootsy: I’m so sorry about your situation. It has to be so hard to give up something like the old house that has meant so much to you for so long. Maybe it would cheer you up to read the Gail Wiki.

GEC: So glad that you’re continuing to drop in from time to time. In a manner of speaking.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

#62
“Is it just me, or does it look like Faceless Guy ran in to give Coach Kaz a good slap, got the world’s most powerful Tyrannosaurus punch, and at the exact same moment, some insane person threw a beer bottle through the window? Maybe Walter Cronkite was attempting to help with some indirect fire? Just me? Thought so.”

Yes it looks very much like that indeed, because of the motion lines in the mirror. Astute.

But is your question whether you were the only there throwing bottles? I am afraid the angle is simply not wide enough to show this conclusively. Nonetheless, I understand angles provide only a limited constraint on the action that can be shown in a Gil Thorp panel, so I doubt there was anyone other than you throwing bottles.
If indeed you were throwing bottles at all.
I don’t mean to be a doubting Thomas — if you say were throwing bottles inside “CAFE” at drunk concert-goer, I am going to believe. Perhaps you can shed some light on the disappearance, reappearance and en- hairification of Kaz’s arm.
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

I’m giving a 23 Scaduto salute to Allie Cat! It ain’t easy getting on his list with an idea that makes sense. Congratulations!

Is everyone tired of Gail Martin stories? Tough shit because I found this tattered newspaper clipping in a dusty Buster Brown shoebox filled with old love letters from Henry Cabot Lodge:

10/01/55 Cholame CA (UPI)
‘Two cars involved in a collision on U.S. Hwy 466 just northeast of Cholame sustained significant damage with the driver of a Porsche 550 Spyder being taken to Paso Robles Memorial Hospital by ambulance. He remains unidentified and his condition is unknown at this time. The driver of the other vehicle, a 1950 Ford Tudor, was Donald Turnupseed, a student at Cal Poly and resident of Tulare. He sustained minor injuries and was not ticketed for his part in the incident.
Upon being interviewed by police at the scene, Turnupseed offered this account:
“I was in a hurry to pick up my girlfriend, Gail (Martin), and I looked down for a second to find the stick of Juicy Fruit I dropped between the seats. Next thing I know – BAM! Boy, I hope she’s not too mad at me for being late…”

Sorry, the rest of the clipping is frayed and faded. But it does explain the title of one of Gail’s first beatnik hits that she performed regularly on the sidewalk outside Kerouac’s Kafe Shack in San Francisco -”Donald, Don’t Go Thinking Your Seed Is Gonna Turn Up In Me”.
AppleGirl
July 16th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

Allie Cat – Congratulations! I am so happy for you! As I posted late last night, I noticed TDIET right away because the message is very true.

I am still impressed with the ginormous phone-intercom-voicecall-contraption on the wall. Total Scaduto-style illustration! You lucky girl: treasure that signed artwork.
John C Fremont
July 16th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

Josh, I swear that when I read what you said about Eat.com actually being the homepage for Ragu, I thought you said the homepage for Raju. Imagine my confusion when I excitedly clicked on the link, expecting to see some scrawny guy with a “fruity” shirt assisting the boat wrestling team.
Quäsenbo Pan
July 16th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT: #32 Photocopiest: I think you’re on to something. And coach Kaz’s fist need not have been converted to energy: at the line-of-sight angle to his fist-vector, a punch at 0.99c should be enough to provide a Lorentz contraction that would allow him to deliver a mere tap to Drunken Lout’s nose. At 0.99c! Which would…vaporize…and ionize…all the molecules in his face. Oh dear.

On the plus side, the possibility that all the characters in Gil Thorp are relativistic would help to explain the vexing violations in simultaneity in every plotline. YRM CHENNUX: surely you have experience with this?
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

Dare we hope that Margo will take hold of Tim’s frozen corpse and beat both Eric and Nora to death with it?
Bunnë
July 16th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

#73, Quäsenbo Pan, I love your nickname!

Around my house, we actually use “quäsenbo pan” as a term…

Anyone else get the reference?
Zamboni_Rodeo
July 16th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

#47, Rainbird: With TDIET does the artist try to make the strip as arcaic as possible? I mean, who in this century would call it a “voice call” wihen the world calls it “voice mail”, does he call ‘cell phones” thos phone-bricks?

Nope. He calls them cell tellys.
Rusty
July 16th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

My memories of reading Archie comic books don’t have too many Dilton Doily (?) appearances. He was just a very minor character, but on all the Archies that Josh snarks he’s featured almost every time. Perhaps that’s why the daily strip blows, they’re hoping Dilton can carry the show.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Don @ 56: May I suggest the nom du snark “Freeze Dried Tibetan Mummy”.
Tom M
July 16th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

Alright, I am somewhat new to this blog.
Apartment 3-G? Gasoline Alley? Mark Trail? Gil Thorp?
Mary Worth, fer chrissake??
I didn’t even know these comic strips still existed.

Isn’t this kind of like of showing an Imax screen of Hazel, Ozzie and Harriet, Mr. Ed and The Patty Duke Show reruns to a crowd waiting for Saw III to begin, and then soliciting their opinions?

Just asking.
ElSanto
July 16th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

#79 — That depends. What’s the comics equivalent of Saw III? FOOB, maybe?

Also, your wide-open wonder that Mary Worth and Gil Thorp still exist is pretty much at the heart of why we’re snarking on them in the first place. :)
Little A.
July 16th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

Josh, you must have studied Zen at some time or other. Or, like me, you may have picked up some from reading Seymour: An Introduction, back in the day. When
Seymour Glass’s future mother in law asks him what is the most valuable thing in the universe (I forget the context of the question, and I am not going to look it up), he says, A Dead Cat! because nobody can put a value on it.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with today’s comic strips, except that FOOB these days has as much value as a dead cat.
Uncle Lumpy
July 16th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

#81 Little A. –

Ah, it’s a wise child!
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

#79 – Tom M
If there was an IMAX screening of Hazel, Ozzie & Harriet, Mr. Ed & the Patty Duke Show…damn! I would think I died and went to heaven! Throw in Gidget and Honey West and I’ll show everybody how to pop corn without a microwave.
Little A.
July 16th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

79: I had never seen or heard of Gil Thorp before I accidentally found this blog (the strip is not run in New York City papers) and now I open my day with it every morning. I and we snarkers need this stupid, shitty funny ridiculously drawn and written strip, it’s the comic strip equivalent of a President Bush spoken sentence: structurally and intellecturally it bears little resemblance to the universe as we think we know it.

Sorry I brought some politics into this blog. I don’t read much if any here. I apologize, if I need to.
AppleGirl
July 16th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

83 – Trotzenbonnie!

OMG, Honey West! Finally someone besides me who knows from Honey West. What a cool show. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. Still do!
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy’s Crimestoppers Textbook
Today’s Lesson: Alcatraz Day Two: Dammit Where’s That Orderly With My Meds, Goddammit!!

Hi, Crimestoppers. It’s the ol’ “under suspension, investigation, and incarceration” former detective here, dropping by to give you the four-one-one, as the kids like to say….Mister Chennux, thank you for the use of your spaceship, I really hope you’re able to get it back with as little red tape as possible, ’cause it’s been my experience, when Mister Liberal Pansy Government Man takes any of your stuff, you play billy hell getting it back. Of course I have a feeling if you really want it, nothing short of a battalion of the National Guard’s finest would be able to stop you, haw, haw.
Okay, some news about my trial. Seems that in order to find an impartial jury, California is out, so is Illinois, also a lot of wussy blue states are out the running as “we’s afwaid of the big, bad detective with the magma-cannons” , ditto anyplace south of the Mason-Dixon line, where recent headlines have hailed your’s truly as a political prisoner. At least I think it’s what it said. Kinda hard to tell with all the “Yee-haws” and such. Toby Keith is gonna write a song about me. Hope I see some cash from that.
Anyway, they’ve finally decided to hold the trial in the ONE place least affected by my little “joyride slash attempted cleansing of crime” as the Village Voice put it. Stoners. Yeah folks, they haven’t announced a date yet, but the trial is set to take place in….wait for it….Anchorage Alaska.
God………………………………….DAMMIT!!!
WHERE’S THAT NURSE WITH MY PILLS……Now…I know it’s important to the justice system to find an impartial jury….look what happened to OJ. Damn if I could only get his lawyer, I should call him….oh, THERE she is, what, were you attending to all the OTHER prisoners here at long closed Alcatraz? Your soaps run overtime? Hey, get that needle away from me…………
Sorry about that. Damn these meds are nice. I think they must have upped the dosage. Relaxin’ my mind….relaxin’ my mind……
Yeah, anyway, gonna be transferred to Alaska before the trial. And still no Tess. I honestly don’t see a downside here. Although…I did get a visit from Junior and his wife. THAT went about as well as could be expected. Not ONLY did he forget to bring me some fucking whiskey, they won’t give me THAT either, but he got all snippy with me, calling me a “disappointment to the force and all of humanity” and “we’ll get through this together” bullshit…..He’s no son of mine. Couldn’t he at least PRETEND to be supportive of me? I was doing this for him. Also, did he have to get so upset when I hugged his wife Sparkle and copped a feel? I mean, hey, i’m a prisoner.
I don’t remember the rest….they gave me a sedative, Sparkle started crying, Junior said he was ashamed to be my son, bla bla bla….then I woke up with the funnies next to me.
Let’s go over them now, shall we?

Archie-Piece of shit as usual, but that Betty looks pretty fine….yeah…real nice….
* thirty minutes later*
MMmmm…must have dozed off…okay, next one…
9 Chickweed Lane-Ooo..yeah, Edda’s looking good. Her face looks a bit odd, but the rest of her is great…if only she’d come out of that fucking bathtub…oh yeah….
*another thirty minutes passes*
Damn, this is sure taking a long time, next one…
BC- HAH…freeloader shadow, BC showed you what for didn’t he? DIDN’T HE?? No blonde chick today though. Damn. Even the fat lady would be welcome…
Beetle Bailey-WHY AREN’T YOU FREELOADERS IN THE MIDDLE EAST SERVING YOUR COUNTRY?????Oh, hi nurse, is it time for my pill again….?
Cathy-Wow….the intricate linework…the compelling dialogue….why do people give Ms. Gusewite…Gusswhite? I dunno how ya spell that…why do people mock her so?
Damn these are good meds.
Blondie-mmmm…yeah….Damn she was fine….Hey, c’mon over to my cell, and i’ll show you a real man…yeah….oh yeah…
*you guessed it…another thirty minutes…*
Christ, it’s almost time for dinner…Garcon…some cheeseburgers and fries with sweet and sour sauce from Wang’s. And make it snappy!
Gasoline Alley-You know, I was following this….and one of my stops was gonna be that very basketball court. Slim’s a good guy. Slim, if you’re reading this , I know where you can get a starship, cheap, wink wink.
Luann-OOoo..big brave firemen with their shiny trucks…..I could have been a fireman…but I had integrity….did a fireman get shot twelve times in the chest by Flattop? HELL NO! And while i’ve got your attention, Evans, would it kill you to let Luann get a little sun from time to time? Nothing major, just let her get out in her little bikini….oh yeah….nice…
* ….28….29…30…..*
Damn….i’d better save Mark Trail and Judge Parker/Abbey with the sweet little ass for tommorow…
For Better Or For Worse: I have never wanted to take anyone out for a screen test worse than that whiny kid Mike, i’ll tell ya. Gets a book contract, a new ….well, sort of new house for a song, and he still whines. His wife is pretty hot too….ah, i’m all wore out…
And..last but not least…
THE OL’ DETECTIVE DICK TRACY
Yeah, I should confess…when I got arrested, they went to some old rejected Captain America strips and used some Batman plot devices, smashed ‘em together and they came up with this warmed-over post-Cold War nonsense.
I mean, c’mon. Blasting hell out of San Francisco , sure.
But this nonsense?
Fugghetaboutit.
Till Next Time
Dick Tracy
…relaxin’ my mind…
Quäsenbo Pan
July 16th, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

#75: Bunnë: We should lobby Josh to include Ms. Chast (randomly) in CC. Just to show the rest of ‘em how it should be done. This one is more apropos to The Ultra-Relativistic Adventures of Gil Thorp. Enjoy, before it gets smacked down by the New Yorker Police. (Fair Use, Gentlemen!)
fruitjunk
July 16th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

I don’t know what is more disturbing in Gil Thorpe. That his fist somehow distorted space and time in entering the “dunken lout’s” skull or that science replaced his human arms with those of a mountain ape.
Kurdt
July 16th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Hmm, we all rip on Archie a lot on here, how lame and easy to write the jokes are…I think I’ll try to write my own Archie gag. Here goes:

Panel one: ( Archie is talking to Jughead by their lockers. Jughead is eating a hamburger.)
Archie: “You know those hamburgers are bad for you right? ”

Panel Two: Archie (angry look on his face): “People die from eating crap like that all the time, and don’t give me that bull about your metabolism, It’s going to catch up to you.” (Jughead looks at his burger.)

Third Panel: Jughead: I got Betty pregnant.

Hmmm, that wasn’t very funny. Oh well.
andreavis
July 16th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I’d love to see Mike and Dee attempt a kitchen renovation– I will personally send Dee a nail gun and reciprocal saw for the job, because chances are good Mike will end up with one or the other jammed in his forehead. It’s a win/win situation!
John C Fremont
July 16th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

I didn’t get to see many episodes of Honey West as a kid, but for years I kept the Fall Preview TV Guide which had that sexy picture of her. But then, I also kept the TV Guide that had 3 pages of Diana Rigg in sexy poses while modeling her various jumpsuits. I was no Lio, but I was a strange kid in my own way.
Steve S
July 16th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Was the drunken lout was engaging in some self-clubbing on the back of the head before Coach Kaz stuck his arm all the way down the poor lout’s throat? And where exactly is Kaz’s right arm coming from in the last panel? And is he turning into Wolverine? Ah, the questions Gil Thorp art can make one ponder…
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

#83 Trotzenbonnie – heck yes. Afterwards I’ll take everyone to a double-bill of “Manos” The Hands Of Fate and Robot Monster and then we can all go to the Bucket together for burgers and shakes in our two-tone ‘57 Chevys.

#84 Little A. – Nah, it’s not politics to note that the man has uttered some of the funnier sentences ever constructed in English.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

Yet Another FOOB Primer
See Mike and Dee move into their new house.
It used to be Mommy and Daddy’s house.
But now it’s Mike and Dee’s house.
Because Mommy and Daddy didn’t want Mike and Dee and the childwen to fweeze in the cold..
Being homeless and dispossesed
And have to give out handjobs for cash..
Or something..
Anyway..
See Mike and Dee renovate the house.
See Mike and Dee question whether Elly would like it.
Elly has a stranglehold over her children
That Vito Corleone would envy.
See them paint..
Varnish..
Tile..
Paper…
Carpet…
See Mike whine over re-designing the kitchen.
Mike wants a second childhood.
Dee so desperately wants to give him one.
By driving off with Liz in a Thelma And Louise thing.
But she’s with pornstache now.
Damn.
Octal
July 16th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

I want to know how he’s planning to actually damage the court with the meteorite. I mean, don’t meteorites usually leave huge craters? Wouldn’t it be obvious that it wasn’t hurled down from above, but just left there by someone?
BruceJ
July 16th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

Geez, that phone in TDIET looks like a huge rackmount straight outta Cheyenne Mountain…
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

#85 AppleGirl
Sister! My middle name is Ann and I chose Francis for my confirmation name in Honey’s honor. Boy, what a fight I had with the nuns to convince them that I did not want to spell Francis with an “e”.
For you:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6887918283968745915&q=honey+west&total=239&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=6
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

89. It was actually a lot funnier than your average Archie strip. Didn’t Betty look good today though, Kurdt?
Oh, I wanna share this with the collected Curmudgeonites, speaking of Archie. It was some kind of mashup with Alan Moore’s Watchmen. Enjoy.

http://www.hoboes.com/pub/Comics/Humor/Archie%20Comics%20Watchmen
alamo
July 16th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

foob-niverse — screw the kitchen….dee should redesign her marriage; put michael on the shelf and get a new husband.

apologies and kudos in case someone else posted this ahead of me. schedule is tight tonight.

fc — “how i met your mother” well, little ones….i was driving around and saw this number standing on the street corner…..i think it was the tank top, high heels, lace stockings and legs that went all the way up to heaven that attracted me. after the std results came back clear, i picked her up again.
vanya
July 16th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Archie: Are the laptops free as well? Because none of the gang has one in the first panel.

FC: I assume the story will be something along the nature of the Aristocrats and will further scar these already irredemiably disturbed children. Can’t reproduce the whole talk on this family forum, but some excerpts include “…consumed most of the blue pills…”,”…a fairly unusual apparatus…”, “and then the other two thought they’d like to try”,”..sort of like a steam piston overheating…”,”…wiped most of it off with a towel…”, “…my whole fist!..”.
Kurdt
July 16th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

#98: Yes, Betty does look nice in that skirt but you gotta wonder why they put her in this comic. She doesn’t have any lines or serve any real purpose. In the second panel her mouth is open like she is going to say something, maybe they cut it out. Maybe she was awestruck into silence at the lameness of the world around her.
jakester
July 16th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

… and tomorrow, instead of watching that Shakespeare-inspired movie featuring Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger, I’ll just describe Ten Things I Hate About YOU!
Vince M.
July 16th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

75: I got my quäsenbo pan at Ed’s Odd Job Lot the end of last decade!

91: The only thing I can find strange about it is your not including Batgirl and Agent 99 in your collection.
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

#97 Trotzenbonnie – Anne “Forbidden Planet” Francis on a weekly basis? Man, you did have all the good TV.
Dick, the doorbell
July 16th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Anybody else notice several Grim Reapers in the pages today?

I hope, I hope, I hope they’re about to converge on the Keane house!
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Also, #103 Vince M. – 99. Oh, 99. Pff, and they think Anne Hathaway can do her justice?
Motorposus
July 16th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

There was a Chast cartoon about a recipe that requires all sorts of obscure ingredients and a completely baffling vessel. Was it a quäsenbo pan?
Winnie Winkle
July 16th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

In tomorrow’s Gil Thorpe, we find out that Walter Cronkite’s date is in fact Gail Martin, but Kaz is reveling in putting his fist halfway down the “drunken louts” throat and getting off on Kelly’s swooning he doesn’t realize it until Kelly points out his abject stupidity. GAIL MARTIN LIVES! YAY! BTW, I watched her last night on E’s True Hollywood Story. They covered most of what’s on her wiki page.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
July 16th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! YOUR SPACETIME IS NOW MY SPACETIME! CHENNUX SPEAKS TO THE ONE CALLED #73 QUÄSENBO PAN!

THE EFFECT OF THE ONE CALLED KAZ’S FIST DISAPPEARING INTO THE FACE OF THE ETHYNOL-FUELED LOUT IS NOT SO MUCH RELATIVISTIC AS IT IS QUANTUM! (DT)GT IS DRAWN IN THE 7TH DIMENSION AND THEN FAXED BY T-1 LINE TO EARTH! (THE REPEATERS CAUSE THE ARTISTIC DISTORTION EXPERIENCED IN YOUR VIEWING!) PLANCK’S CONSTANT VARIES FROM DIMENSION TO DIMENSION, SO KAZ’S FIST IS ACTUALLY DISPLACED JUST OFF THE PANEL (ABOUT 1.5 METERS IN THE 7TH DIMENSION) DUE TO QUANTUM FOAMING!

YOU OWE THE EMPIRE 1.63 BUSHELS OF POTATOES FOR THIS ANSWER! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

#84
I certainly don’t speak for management or anyone else, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen two people say anything mean to each other on this blog — too busy being mean to the strips. I’m sure even potentially disagreeable statements will be taken in the appropriate spirit.
t.a.m.s.y.
July 16th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Archie’s word bubble blocked it out, but the actual name of this establishment is BEATMEAT.COM. They rent out laptops in 15-minute increments.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

#109
I stand corrected. My explanation for the disappearing arm has been countermanded by a more knowledgeable authority. Light sppe
Can his Galactic Imperiousness explain the length of Walter Kronkite’s reach onThursday?
willethompson
July 16th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

AppleGirl and Trotznbonnie: Honey West and Burke’s Law. Or if you prefer, on a sci-fi level, Forbidden Planet and War of the Worlds. Compare and contrast.

(I’ll take a detective with a facial mole and a pet ocelot any day. Rrrooowrrrr!)
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2007 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

#79 & 83,
Don’t forget Dobie (”DOBIE!”) Gillis. Like, you rang? I had a heavy TVLand addiction when they were rerunning that and the aforementioned Patty Duke Show.
Red Greenback
July 16th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

Ann Francis Rocked in “So Young, So Bad” (1950)
I also du-g-g-g Mimsy Farmer in “Hot Rods to Hell” (1967)…
Oh yeah, Death to Gil Thorp!… And oh yeah, CHENNUX! Pacer? I always took you as a Probe driver…Veal, etc.
Milt Gross
July 16th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

Maybe Shan non has a discriminating cleft palate?

Or enough with that?

On one hand I can sense “banana peel” jokes are showing the age of Beetle Baily far more than than anything else, that the whole of it has been mentally bankrupt since the begining of the Cater administration.
Islamorada Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

61-Tribolite says: “How would one tell Jim Mills, Freeze-Dried Tibetan Mummy apart from the other guys in A3G? . . . . Maybe they should put one of those funny-looking Tibetan hats on him, just to make it easier to recognize him.”

Jim Mills, Freeze-Dried Tibetan Mummy would be far more lifelike than any of the cardboard castrati clowns in 3G, but the hat would be incredibly cool.

I’m picturing him on the rebound from Scarlett O’Horror there, having to chose between Margo, LuAnn and Tommie and wishing he were back in Tibet.

Nonetheless, JIm Mills, Freeze-Dried Tibetan Mummy cries out from beyond the grave for the photoshop skills of Dean Booth.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
July 16th, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED #112 JOEL!

I’M ASSUMING YOU MEAN WALTER CRONKITE THE SKEPTICAL EARTHER JOURNALIST! THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE! HE IS MOVING AWAY FROM THE ETHYNOL-FUELED LOUT AT 80% OF LIGHT SPEED! SO IT IS NOT HIS ARM THAT IS EXPANDING – IT IS THE WAVELENGTH OF HIS ARM THAT IS EXPANDING! IF (DT)GT WERE IN COLOR, THE ARM WOULD BE IN THE INFRARED RANGE! ALSO, COMICS DRAWN IN THE 7TH DIMENSION TEND TO HAVE NO BEARING TO EARTHER ANATOMY! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
t.a.m.s.y.
July 16th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

Good thing Beetle Bailey isn’t Mary Worth, or we’d have to wait several weeks to find out whether or not Sarge slips on that banana peel.

On another note: This is the time where, each month, I take a moment to express bewildered rage in regards to the fact that Gil Thorp is an actual comic, published in actual newspapers, for which its creators receive actual payment. (The other days of the month, I just try to convince myself it’s a money-laundering scheme orchestrated by the Gambino family.)
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

#118 GE Chennux – Truly, you enlighten us all. I’d send some potatoes over to fund the search for a better method of interdimensional comic transport, but I like what it does to GT.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

I bow before your superior intellectual and journalist-spelling faculties, oh probe-tastic sovereign of the heavenly expanse.
Liam
July 16th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

Wow… at first glance, I did NOT see the banana peel in ‘Beetle Bailey”…

Without it, the whole thing just looks like Beetle pining over Sarge, pouring his feelings out to mustache-havin’ guy.

Mustache-havin’ guy has wide eyes and a small mouth right now… Maybe he’s surprised by this?

You’re the only one, MHG.
Red Greenback
July 16th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Sheesh! I cannot believe all you Mudges forgot about Gail’s live album from 1969 “Gail Martin at the Sibyl Brand Institute for Women”
fizzy logic
July 16th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

#4 – Bootsy – I’m hoping that the giggles provided by us crazies have cheered you some. I’m extremely sentimentally attached to things – especially when it’s about family – I can only imagine what you are going through, and I hope you can find solace in your memories. (I have my family’s old phone number, that’s how sentimentally crazy I am).

#50 – Galactic Emperor – Sir! So nice to have you back with us, we’ve missed you! You’ve only to snap your meaty green fingers, and I’ll be in the Pacer, potatoes in hand. Can I fire the magmacannon, please? Just once? Oh, and I’ve got another vacation coming up, so I’ll need to be back pretty soon – oh, never mind, I’m a pain in the ass. But it is good to have you back!

#59 & #117 – Islamorada Girl – That made me giggle (like a little girl)! I do think the hat would help differentiate him from all the other stiffs, though.

#79 – Tom M – Kinda new here? Son, this must be your first day! You want archaic? See They’ll Do it Every Time, as highlighted by Josh above! We feast off of the blood of Mary Worth, Rex Morgan and Mark Trail! (Ew!) Don’t even ask where Judge Parker is, nobody’s seen him in years, but there’s still a strip named after him, which moves at a glacial pace – just right for the horse-and-buggy era. You want some modern blockbusters like Transformers, go to the movies – we’re all about tuna casserole here. But welcome, welcome! We’re a fun bunch – most of the time (*cue ominous laughter*)….
MossMoses
July 16th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

46. Poteet, before you make that fateful choice, have you actually seen Professor Ian Cameron in a speedo?
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

# 50 — Your Glorious Excellency, it’s so good to have the word of THE authority on meteorite sales and quantum foaming. And I’d apocalyptically rend my garments for you anytime.

# 86 — Dick, you’re a lot more entertaining on this site than you are in your strip. Good luck with the trial. Since you haven’t been turned into a small black cinder by His Excellency, I’d say the worst is over for you.

# 97 — Trotzenbonnie, I chose Francis for my confirmation name because F. was the animal/nature saint and I wasn’t a big fan of gruesome deaths (Saint Lucy, Saint Lawrence, Saint Sebastian, etc.) Your reason is more interesting:-).
LTBF
July 16th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Drabble-The sweatshirt joke might have worked better if it wasn’t the middle of July.
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

# 125 — BWAHAHA! Excellent point, MossMoses. Actually, it’s a scary point. Very scary, the more I think of it. Eewwwww.
Mooncattie
July 16th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

MW – DR. DREW’S LOVE LIST

VERA — UPSIDE
- No pesky in-laws; just alcoholic unstable brother
- Born with money; has emotional hold over rich brother; likely to be able to fork over cash for Dad’s wacky Vietnam charity; help get on Dad’s good side
- Socially acceptable; strongest epithet appears to be “Curses upon you”
- Work-obsessed; unlikely to insist on coming along to AMA conventions in Las Vegas, Bangkok, etc.
- Won’t drag companion to boring pool parties

VERA — DOWNSIDE
- Apparently immune to patented Greg Brady-style groovy love patter
- Has yet to change expression in three months
- Probably frigid as a blue nun
- Likely to bring lethal ponytail to bed
- Likely to bring tennis racket to bed (investigate Upside)
- May punctuate refusal to put out with “you understand, don’t you?”
- May punctuate unsatisfactory coitus with cries of “Oh Von!”

DAWN — UPSIDE
- Co-ed at Local University; probably very uninhibited
- Likes to be “buried in her studies”; possibly very VERY uninhibited
- Face flushes at hearing the word “Doctor”; extremely promising; might get frisky after half a glass of Blue Nun and a couple of Gail Martin tracks
- A 20-year old surrounded by old folks; can possibly capitalize on Desperation Factor

DAWN — DOWNSIDE
- Lives with her Dad
- Her Dad makes living impersonating Ann Landers in newspaper syndication
- Her Dad goes by name of “Wendy”
- Genetic makeup means male children likely to be bald with bad comb-overs by late teens
- Has weird “Flapper” hairstyle; may have sicko fetish for dancing the Charleston
- Likely to insist on coming along to AMA conventions in Edmonton and Ottawa for “Canukie Nookie”
- Possibly suffocating; likely to show up at clinic with old biddy neighbour’s tuna casserole for “romantic lunches”
- Looks twice her age; possibly just drawn poorly
- In tight with wacky old geezers at her Dad’s condo; old biddy neighbour likely to show up unannounced at awkward moments
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
July 16th, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED #121 JOEL!

CHENNUX ACCEPTS YOUR WORSHIP AND MAKES ROOM FOR YOU IN THE PACER HEADED BACK TO THE SHAWNA-MARIE WELDING! THERE IS STILL MUCH HAIR-SPRAY TO BE TORCHED AND MANY POTATOES TO BE FLUNG!

FIZZY! ON ZYNEX, AN ASS PAIN IS A GOOD THING! AS LONG AS YOU ARE THE ONE DELIVERING IT! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
Zamboni_Rodeo
July 16th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

#122, Liam:

May I take a moment to say that the phrase “mustache-havin’ guy” is making me giggle like a schoolgirl on nitrous oxide.

Thank you!
Nina
July 16th, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

#70 You make me so happy when I read your snarks!
Lame Name
July 16th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

Since we’ve established GT is made in the 7th dimension, I have a question for his Galactic Majesty: Do they have Chia Arms in the 7th dimension?

Also, do you prefer russets or red potatoes in payment for your answer, your Majesty?

Spider-Brick — please name me, too!
mookie
July 16th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

#18 Ogg Ogglesby: Can you say Dirty Sanchez?
Nina
July 16th, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

Bootsy, Prayers for you. Hope you can still laugh at life, it helps sometimes.
Kenny
July 16th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

Props to another Curmodgeonite for a TDIET feature, I honestly do as well get frustrated by voicemails that I can’t understand due to the speed in which it was left… maybe I should stop running them through the microwave – could that be the problem?
Rhekarid
July 16th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

So basically, an ordinary man is being possessed by some demonic cross between Snidely Whiplash and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, who plans to purchase a meteorite online and use it to destroy basketball.

This is the greatest comic ever.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

OMG! I am going to a space wedding! Has anyone ever been to one ? I dont have any idea what to pack. I dont have anything in electric blue, and am not sure I want my tux to get ripped up from within as it is stretched into the 7th dimension.

Oh wait. Welding. I thought you meant the black character in Foob (which one? heh). Or maybe her http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2196342/
What’s a welding? Is it gross? Am I going to be like, quantum-melded to a bunch of Foob characters? Will their boring kill me by osmosis?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

Lame Name @ 133: A good nom du snark is a thing of inspiration; it can’t be rushed or forced. I snarked under an uninspired sobriquiet for weeks before someone’s brilliant comment about a laughably lame Spider-Man strip gave me my moniker. The friend who pointed me toward this blog used only her initial until a fabulously surreal Rex Morgan coloring job inspired the name “Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom.” Keep reading, keep snarking, and soon you will find the One True Name that unlocks your inner power.

Or, if you’re impatient, you could simply claim “Jim Mills, Freeze-Dried Tibetan Mummy” before Don does.
jana
July 16th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

FBoFW: I can only hope that those are the pages of Michael’s latest Great Canadian Novel clutched in his hands in panel one.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Lame Name @ 133, again: Or, if it fits you, perhaps you could take a name from your own post: Chia Arms.

–The Spectacular Spider-Brick, official namer of Comics Curmudgeon
Josh
July 16th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

Tim Mills, people, Tim Mills. C’mon, people the comic with the name in it is right up there at the top of the screen.

Unless … Don can be Tim Mills and Lame Name can be Jim! Problem solved.

Josh
Joe Bftsplk
July 16th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley – I think Slim is trying to solve his problem by scamming the city into building a new basketball court farther from his house. He’s going to buy meteorites and release them onto the court next door, and make it look like the place is a meteorite-strike hazard zone, and the people will clamor for a new and safer… um… actually this whole idea too totally absurd to be remotely plausible, now that I think about it. Never mind.

Wait, what?
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
July 16th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED #137 RHEKARID!

EARTHER, YOU ARE A DISPENSER OF TOP-GRADE SNARK AND FOR THAT CHENNUX COMMENDS YOU! BUT NO EARTHER COULD USE A METEORITE TO CRASH ON SOMETHING (SEE COMMENT #50 ABOVE)! OR EVEN BUY ONE!

AND THE ONE CALLED #138 JOEL! WHEN EARTHERS MATE, IT IS CALLED A WELDING! TWO SOULS, FUSED TOGETHER BY THE HEAT OF PASSION AND SHOVING PIECES OF WELDING CAKE IN EACH OTHERS FACES? WELDING! RIGHT? RIGHT? O’FOGEYETTE! SQUIDDY! HELP YOUR EMPEROR OUT HERE! HAHA?

END TRANSMISSION!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 16th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

#143 Joe, do you know about this restaurant in Banff, Alberta, Canada?

http://www.banffpark.tv/joebtfsplksdiner.html
stinky pete
July 16th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

Having just Googled “tibetan mummy” in Google images, I can only say: 1) yuck; 2) looking forward to seeing how A3G’s artist depicts this; 3) looking forward to Dean Booth’s next Photoshop effort depicting this.
Big Sims
July 16th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

Bootsy – Thanks, I’d like to make it home, I too have deep roots in NOLA and my entire family is back and home and “trying to rebuild”. Fortunately, most all of my family (and the ancestral Big Sims home) are in the ‘River Sliver’ and although untouched by flooding, some wind and lots of ‘no power for 3 months’ damage. I was (and still am) stationed in Mobile, with the USCG, and it was hell to watch my city crumbling, flooding and just falling apart. We (the USCG) launched thousands of sorties and made as many rescues and that was something to feel good about, but we ex-pats suffer horribly, mainly from a feeling of helplessness, inadequacy and survivor guilt. Hang in there Bootsy, I’m pulling for you and everyone in NOLA.
Aw shucks – this is supposed to be a Comics Blog! Les(s) moping and more fun! I’m looking at you Batiuk!
Islamorada Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

TIM Mills, Freeze-Dried Tibetan Mummy.
I bow to the Pope.
(Noodlefoot.)

Chennux, I’m waiting by the Pacer. Sexy! I’m bringing of those distilled potatoes, called Stoly. You’ll like!
Joe Bftsplk
July 16th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

Correction – In his post of 8:55 P.M. Joe Bftsplk typed, “… actually this whole idea too totally absurd to be remotely plausible, now that I think about it.” What he intended to type was, “… actually this whole idea is too totally absurd to be remotely plausible, now that I think about it.” Joe Bftsplk regrets the error.
treadwell
July 16th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

I think the AJGLU 3000 must be moonlighting for Sally Forth. Pitfall friggin’ Harry? What is this, 1982?
ohyes
July 16th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

A3G: Finally, we know where Eric has been selling arms – in Nepal and Kashmir, and to the Taliban for opium. Luann painting flowers is the perfect cover for his wealth, as long as she doesn’t paint poppies.

And Tim? The news is, he’s gone native, heart-of-darkness. Doesn’t shave, wears a turban and is driven in convoys in a Toyota pick-up truck with, no, not a shotgun in a gun rack, but a machine gun on a tripod in the cargo area. And he’s got some beautiful opium. Sends his regards. Wants more than his share. We have to kill him.
Daria
July 16th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

Allie Cat,

Given that you obviously gave Scaduto the name of “Allison”, it is amazing that he has not yet figured out that women can have job “outside of the home.” I can’t wait until tomorrow’s cartoon which will once again show a woman cleaning or cooking, or better, both at the same time and fighting “the urge” against the man (husband or son) in her life.
kostia
July 16th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

I’m so fascinated by meatball.com I can’t believe it. It’s a domain-forward to an IP address (216.92.247.163) and when you go to just that address it’s a picture of ice cream saying “Welcome to Ice Cream Land… ou812.” And there’s Javascript in it to play checkers, but it doesn’t seem to work. The whole thing just feels so creepy.
commodorejohn
July 16th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

#150 treadwell – Silence! Pitfall! is timeless, vile Philistine!
Buck Ripsnort
July 16th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

When the hell did Slim become a Supervillain? How does he plan to throw a meteorite hard enough to destroy a basketball court? And Dear God, why is his face changing like that in panel 3?
Mibbitmaker
July 16th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

(DT)GT: Josh, you’re right about the dimentional anomaly. It’s the same science responsible for Snoopy’s doghouse. I’ll bet Gail’s stalker fan has a Van Gogh and a pool table in there.

GA: How many days before Slim accuses one of the basketball players of sabotaging his daughter’s weddin’? I’d give it no more than a week.

Archie: According to my comic book collection, shouldn’t these guys be saying “groovy”, and “right on”, and dressing in slightly psychedelic clothing and quasi-hippie hairstyles (alright: the gals and Jughead) and drawn by Harry Lucey, dammit, and listening to the 3 Dog Night and the Isometric Lipstick Conspiracy? I don’t wanna see post-post-grunge Archie!

Aw, I guess it’s like Dilton seeing a naked “sweaterpuppy” on his laptop screen:
Why fight it? (PUN ALERT!)
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

#132 – Nina
Are you talking to me?
I hope so because I would hate to think that the revelation of a torrid affair with Henry Cabot Lodge would have as much impact as a fart in a tornado…

#139 – SSB
If I had to do it all over again, I used to think I would call myself the Beatnik Bandit.
http://bigdaddyjo.free.fr/images/custom/BEATNIK-BANDIT.gif
But after today’s Gil Thorp…..Drunken Lout sounds mighty fine.
Damian P.
July 16th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

Coming this summer, to theaters from Vancouver to Halifax:

And not playing in Newfoundland, evidently.
Joe Bftsplk
July 16th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

#145 S. Q. Beavispants – No, I hadn’t known about that place. Seems like a risky name for an eatery though! I guess as long as Mr. Btfsplk doesn’t actually own it, or work there, or ever come within sight of the place, they’re probably safe.

Speaking of the name, I see with a sense of dawning horror that I am misspelling it!! Have I been doing this the whole time?? Is there a way to search the comments by author’s name? Dang it. And I registered the name this way too, I think, though I haven’t used it on any forums yet. Can it be changed? D’OH!!

Actually I will probably take a new name at some point anyway. I started with this one because my name actually is Joe, and I couldn’t think of anything else comic-strippish at the moment (Joe Palooka? Bazooka Joe?). Still, this is embarassing.
Lammergeier13
July 16th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Looks like Deanna’s ready to join that barbershop quartet she loves so much.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

#139
“A good nom du snark is a thing of inspiration; it can’t be rushed or forced.”

Right you are. Does anyone have an opinion about whether I should post as “Gail Martin’s Savage Love Monkey” or “Gail Martin’s Fine Fine Piece of Ass”? The first one has a little more punch, but the second matches my tatoo.
alamo
July 16th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

foobville — hey dee, is that your nose or are you eating a banana? (panel 4) (the banana jokes continue.)
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

126. Dick thanks you very much Poteet and wonders if you have : A. some nude photos of yourself, or :2. any whiskey as Junior is too much of a puss to smuggle him some. Either one is fine.
Red Greenback
July 16th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

157 Trotz- Here’s a few more Ed “BD” Roth names:
-Orbitron
-Great Speckled Bird
-Road Agent
-Rotar
-Druid Princess
-Asphalt Angel
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

# 133 — Lame Name, Spectacular is right. Your true name will come to you. Maybe more than one, as the weeks go by. Or your first true name may transmute into an even better name. Wait watchfully (or watch waitfully) and trust your inner snark.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Joel @ 161: The first one sounds more like an album. Around 1975, I should think? Definitely pre-Dykes On Barbituates.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

Ooh! Snark synergy! Joel, you just gave me a possible caption for the NYer contest:

“According to the chat logs, she clearly told you she was 13. You are ‘SavageLoveMonkey07,’ aren’t you?”
NaughtyNatureLover
July 16th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

216.92.247.163 resolves to “icecreamland.com”

http://remote.12dt.com/

[formerly Chaz Larson; I suppose it's about time I adopted a name]
Poteet
July 16th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

# 163 — Jamus, under the circumstances, I think Dick would be better off with the whiskey. I just put a carefully-wrapped-and-padded bottle of Lagavulin in the mail, addressed to “Dick Tracy, Alcatraz,” and labeled “Religious Tracts.” If the package ever reaches Dick, I’ll be amazed, and if it does reach him and he combines the Lagavulin with the drugs they’re giving him, whatever is left of his brain is likely to dissolve. Please warn him. And on the package, I put “Margo Magee, Apartment 3G, New York City” for the return address. Serves her right.
willethompson
July 16th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

Darn it, Poteet! Stop tossing the good stuff at Tracy! Pass him the Passport! He’ll never know the difference.
Tom M
July 16th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

Does the comic strip Nancy still survive? I always wanted to start a rock group and call it Aunt Fritzie and the Bushmillers.
Dean Booth
July 16th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

#117 Islamorada Girl and #146 stinky pete, how could I resist? Nora’s prayers were partially answered.

And a big congrats to Allie Cat!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

The rest of you may enjoy telling your little stories about Gail Martin, but I get to control her life. That’s right, I have created a Gail Martin character in my Sims 2 game. I’ve dressed her in hippie clothes, little round glasses and her trademark braid, and have embarked her on the Music career track. When she makes enough money to buy an electric guitar, I figure I’ll take some screenshots of her, Photoshop them and try to turn one into an album cover to post on the Wiki.

There’s one thing I want ‘Mudgeon input on, though… what kind of pet would she own? Hippies often tend to be cat people, but for some reason I’m thinking she’d go for a big, sloppy St. Bernard.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

169. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. As far as his brain is concerned, I think it’s mostly a few strands firing odd synapses containing old fifties PSA messages and speeches from Ronald Reagan.
tae bee
July 16th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

#98 – there is a real Punisher Meets Archie comic.

I still think Kurtzman did the funniest snark on Archie, with his Goodman Goes Playboy comic.

Honey West was based on a book series that was way racier than the show. (She conveniently loses her clothes about every five minutes, and always manages to work her measurements into her snappy retorts.) They’ve recently started reprinting them.
Final Orbit
July 16th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

Re: Gil Thorp, 7/16/07

One of the perks of this site is how it makes horrible cartoons worth reading or even down right hilarious. Case in point is today’s Gil Thorp. Now, before “The Comics Curmudgeon”, I would’ve simply read today’s strip, saw the jacked-up face punch and the disturbingly hairy arms/knuckles, and I would’ve merely thought , “how very odd.”

And then I would’ve
gone about my day.

However, now, it was all I could do to stop from busting my damn gut, if for no other reason than for the ammunition I knew the strip had just given to the fools on this site.

One of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen in my life.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

173. Gail would own a ferret. Trust me on this one. A smelly ferret. Named for some jazz artist from the fifties or the leader of a Socialist/Marxist third world nation. Or someone from Lord Of The Rings. I lived with hippies for ten years. The ferrets like to get into other women’s lingerie. That would have been my Aunt Sally. Ferret in question was owned by my Uncle Tom. Yes, I really had an uncle named Tom. This contributed to their divorce. So did the weed. He once asked me for a urine sample he could take to work when I was still in high school.
So…yeah, a ferret, for sure.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

177. Or a character from Star Wars. Seen ferrets names Obi-Wan.
Brown-eyed Girl
July 16th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

173. SSB. Gail has a parrot. She’s had it for about 30 years now. It knows the lyrics to all her songs, and can repeat all the words and noises from almost every liason she’s had. (The parrot didn’t get to witness all of them). Part of the fun in being backstage at a Gail Martin concert is listening to the parrot and trying to guess which legend of rock and roll it’s mimicking
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

179. I remember that stupid parrot. Gail says for five weeks, whenever guests would stop by, the parrot would say”OOoo…Jamus…that’s nasty…do it again.”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 16th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Brown-eyed Girl @ 179: Yeah, a parrot seems to work for her. A big red-and-green one; kind of a Jimmy Buffett vibe. It’s probably been on the back cover of more than one of her albums.

Too bad parrots aren’t more fun in the game. They’re basically fixtures in their cages, without personalities like dogs and cats have.
Moon Mullins
July 16th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Tuesday RMMD:

Heather’s enormous hand could easily pick up Hugh or the entire window pane behind her.

Reminded by Posh Beckham coming to America, doesn’t the increasingly haggard, “rubbish”-spouting Heather remind you of the forgotten sixth Spice Girl? The fife-playing, seafaring girl known as “Old Spice?”
Trotzenbonnie
July 16th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Red –
My favorite – Mr. Gasser! That’s also my pet name for Mr. T.

SSB –
I heard that David Crosby gave Gail a sugar glider
http://www.sugar-glider.fr/avatar_sugar-glider.jpg during the Summer of Love. I don’t have to tell you why.

And Jamus the Bartender –
I’ll have you know I once owned a blond teddy bear hamster that I named ‘Bilbo’. What of it?
Come to think of it, it was right around the same time that I had an acoustic guitar and spent a lot of time locked in my room singing “Mr. Tambourine Man”.
Never mind.
Uncle Lumpy
July 16th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

#177 Jamus; #179 BeG –

Gail has a ferret that she sincerely believes is a parrot. The way her brain works, the colors match. And her hearing’s shot anyway.
Mechanist
July 16th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

I just want to know why Beetle and Moustache Guy are squatting like that. Is the camp latrine out of order?
Moon Mullins
July 16th, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

Tuesday Mark Trail:

Sam Hill looks like a 50’s teenager talking to her girlfriends on the Princess Phone while she spins 45s. Or perhaps she is dry humping a pillow as she asks Mark if he found out who’s raising game birds, ready to tell him “I’ve got a little birdy in my jeans who’s game for you to come over!”
Darkefang
July 16th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

A3G: Whoa, overact much Nora?

Archie: Wow Milton, a restaurant where everyone eats with their left hand!

BB: Who says long-running comic strips are out of touch with modern times? Today’s Beetle Bailey explores the height of physical comedy…

… from the Vaudeville era.

Blondie: Daisy’s voyeuristic tendencies reveal themselves in panel two, and it’s creeping me out.

FC: There I was, at my first “Living With Genital Herpes” group therapy session…

GT: Kaz has angular hair, the ability to literally shove his fist down the throat of drunken barroom brawlers, heightened senses that allow him to detect trouble coming from behind, and excessively hairy arms. He’s turned into Wolverine with pearl earrings.

I’m hoping the old guy is a Ultimate Fighting Championships fight promoter. If we’re lucky, we’ll spend the rest of the summer watching Kaz fight in a million-dollar death match tournament.

H&L: From Hi’s expression in panel two, I’m guessing the “same old, same old” includes shooting black tar heroin out in the driveway before coming into the house.

MT: If this were a lesser comic strip, this whole conversation between Sam and the commissioners would have been summed up in one panel.

Sam: The mustachioed commissioners both claim to

know nothing about the birds, Mark!

Instead, we get to see every exciting detail of the conversation.

MW: Oh good, Dr. Jeff Jr refers to himself in the third person. From now on, I’m going to call him “Jimmy.”

Anyway, no longer merely an informed attributed, Jimmy really is a ladies’ man as we see in today’s panel two. Women simply cannot resist a man who sleeps in a twin bed. Especially if he has Spider-Man sheets.

When you consider that he’s also having awkward conversations with women on the phone, in a room that looks suspiciously like his childhood bedroom, the conclusion I reach is that Jimmy is still a teenager, despite being a practicing MD. Is he actually Doogie Howser?

Phantom: Does the Phantom actually have any powers? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do anything besides talk.

S-M: Hasn’t Jameson done this same thing about a dozen times before? Is the surprised Macauley Caulkin emote really called for this time?

TDIET: By “Allison Everett,” Al Scaduto means “Kevin James’ “Sweat the Small Stuff,” re-run eight times a week on Comedy Central.”

Now I see that the person who contributed this idea is a reader here. I can only assume that their actual letter to Scaduto didn’t rip off James’ bit nearly verbatim, and that Scaduto added that bit himself.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

183. Amen and Hallelujah, Trotz :) One of my buddies had a cat named Mingus. It’s a hippie thing, it’s a sixties thing…
Darkefang
July 16th, 2007 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

Oh, also, I want to apologize for any re-snarking I’ve done in my previous post. I just got home from work and haven’t had time to go through this thread yet.
Dean Booth
July 16th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

OMG! Gail Martin wears a wig!
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

#167
Well done sir! Captiontastic!
#166
They say its all been done, hasn’t it. Its closer to the truth, however, to say that its all been done by Gail.
Joel
July 16th, 2007 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

Didn’t I learn anything from Digby? I mean, well done sir or madam!
Idols of Mud
July 16th, 2007 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

GT: Today on Gil Thorp: Vague sexless date ends with your transvestite Uncle Steven feeding his forearm to a drunk. Years of awkward family Christmases follow.

FOOB: So if Mike and Deanna find something seriously wrong with the house, they can sue the Patterson paterfamilias? God, I hope original FOOB ends in drawn out court hearings and Deanna leaving harassing phone calls on the parents’ answering machine all night.
Jamus The Bartender
July 16th, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

193. I don’t think it’ll be that bad, Idols. I DO think that one of the heads of the other capos will order a hit on La Familila Patterson, a drive-by will ensue, and in a fit of rage, Michael will go over to Mommy’s new house, screaming “I was just SHOT AT….in my OWN HOME…..where MY WIFE SLEEPS….and my CHILDREN……stick tacks in their mouths.” All the while thinking, “Damn, this would make a great book.”
Damn, i’m drunk.
commodorejohn
July 17th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

#173 The Spectacular Spider-Brick – Definitely a cat or two, maybe some kind of semi-exotic bird as well.
Lame Name
July 17th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

Spiderbrick and Josh (139, 141, 142),

Thanks for the name suggestions. I’m going to refrain from taking Don’s name. Freeze-Dried Tibetan Mummy is all yours, Don … and it’s an inspired name, so treasure it. I don’t think Chia Arms works for me. As for Jim — if I’m going to gender-bend and take a name from these comments, I’d rather be Walter Cronkite. Besides, the combination of zen and snark you describe in the naming process appeals to me. I will wait.

Joel (161) — I didn’t think anything of your second name until I noticed it had two “fine”s in it. “Fine fine” is awesome as a modifier. But “savage” is almost as good, and “love monkey” is way better than “piece of ass.”

Speaking of monkeys and Gail Martin, why hasn’t anyone suggested monkeys for her menagerie yet? I’m envisioning a monkey named Ferret, a ferret named Chameleon, a chameleon named Monkey, and a parrot named General Whackadoodle. Well, we could rename the monkey, ferret and chameleon if you must, but General Whackadoodle stays.
stormsweeper
July 17th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Kaz is just displaying the Law of Arm Conservation. “Walter” already got the hyper-extended slap the other day, now Kaz has to compensate.

Dear Bill Keane: Would you actually let children under the age of 10 watch “How I Met Your Mother”?
Echo
July 17th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

A3G — That swoon is priceless. Who will win, this “oh-woe-is-me-protect-me-you-big-strong-man” person, or Margo, with her straightforward selfishness? I’m rooting for Margo, but betting on the poor-little-me chick.

Beetle Bailey — I, too, thought the crouch was something other than just a crouch.

Family Circus — My parents, like most people, had a boring meeting story: they met at a party. My grandparents, however, met when my grandmother saw my grandfather in the college cafeteria, thought he was cute, and purposefully spilled her drink on him. This couldn’t happen in FC world, of course; I’m pretty sure women aren’t allowed at college there.

Mary Worth — So boring. Though I am curious as to how Young Dr. Drew managed to say “?”.

FBofW — Next panel: Dee wraps Elly’s apron strings around Mike’s neck and pulls and pulls and pulls. Then she puts his purplish corpse in the attic, where the squirrels eat it. No court in the land will convict her, but she runs off to Rio with her children to escape her Lovecraftian mother-in-law. There, she meets Therese, and they live together in a Kate n’ Allie-esque way, having many happy adventures. Dee’s children are thereby saved from having their souls slowly drained by their grandmother and becoming Stepford children, like Liz. Tragically, Dee cannot save April, for the tentacled she-beast has already manipulated her youngest daughter into believing she has no independent personality, emotions or wishes.

What’s wrong with Dee’s mouth, anyway? Also, is she getting uglier, while Mike gets cuter? This is getting more nauseating all the time. I do /not/ want to see this deeply into this particular cartoonist’s soul.
treadwell
July 17th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

187: Darkefang, I was going to inform you that The Phantom is just an ordinary man whose only power is that of bullshitting the superstitious, but on Monday he did manage to leap from the water to the deck of the yacht, so he must indeed possess the Jumping-for-Dead-Fish powers of a Sea World dolphin.
Joel
July 17th, 2007 at 2:03 am [Reply]

#196
The menagerie is what the menagerie is. But I could sworn she had at least one ferret named “Captain Bitey Pants.”

Or maybe that was just her pet name for Morrison.
Jym
July 17th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

=v= TDIET: Silly me, I looked for mailmeatball.com (free for the taking (as is malemeetball.com (surprisingly))).
LTBF
July 17th, 2007 at 3:37 am [Reply]

193-Mike mentioned problems with his house to his dad before and was told that was his problem. This was five mintues after Mike ran to get help with the tree that fell on the house. Gee, thanks Dad.

“Never mind, Weed, this is his problem.”
Captain Man Beard
July 17th, 2007 at 5:01 am [Reply]

Clearly Coach Kaz is able to fire his forearms at his enemies. In panel two the arm has been activated, rocketing from his elbow and flying off panel…possibly to deliver swift, sexy justice to additional potential assailants unseen.
By panel three, he has retrieved the arm and is re-attaching it in the standard manner.
Bergfuture
July 17th, 2007 at 5:46 am [Reply]

Mrs. Whats-her-face foob needs to worry less about redesigning the kitchen and more about redesigning her face, what with the harelip and all in panel four. For worse.
LightSyrup
July 17th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

Meatball.com
Mollyscribbles
July 17th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

My current theory on the meteorite: There is a guy on eBay who sells “meteorites” that are really just lumps of distressed scrap iron. There is actually a disclaimer somewhere in the sale page saying “Not an actual meteorite. Fool your friends!” and it’s advertised as a prank item, so he’s managed to avoid being shut down by the proper authorities.

And if he adds in some dynamite (for a crater) and does this during the meteor showers later this summer . . . it might turn out to be at least vaguely plausable.
Wazoo
July 17th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

FBoFW: “What did you do to the kitchen?! I said I liked it the way it was! And your hair, it’s… it’s all wrong! It needs to be grayer!”
“Y…yes dear.”
“And… and put it in a scrunchie!”
“Then will you love me, Mike?”
“I have WRITING to do now! Big, important writing!”
Dan
July 17th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

Why is the word “Buttocks” whited out of today’s Dilbert in some newspapers?
Facebones
July 17th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

How likely is it that when Michael is done with his 30 seconds of limp thrusting against Deanna’s upper thigh he sobs and whimpers “Mom…” And how much of a doormat is Dee that she’s convinced herself it’s some kind of cute pet name rather than a sign of a demented psyche. “Mom? Well, I AM a mother…maybe he just means I’m a milf? Sure!”
fishmorgjp
July 17th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

Wow, just wait’ll Slim puts that meteorite on the basketball court… it will turn out to contain a grotesque, voracious, rugose, mucid alien life form that will JUMP OUT AND DEVOUR THOSE NOISY KIDS!!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!
MJM
July 17th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

Obviously Coach Kaz is an amputee missing his right arm. After beating a man right in the face with his nub, the third panel presents Kaz reattaching his incredibly hairy prosthetic.
The G Man
July 17th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

FOOB: Is it just me, or has Deanna mutated into a Sgt. Pepper-era Paul McCartney? I could have sworn she used to be kind of hot…not Blondie hot, but at least comparatively attractive to the rest of the Patterson women.
Buck Ripsnort
July 17th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

GT A. . . . wig?

AAAUUUUGH! ALL MY PRECIOUS CHILDHOOD MEMORIES ARE SHATTERING!
AtomicDog
July 17th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

210 -”It leaps, it creeps, it squirms and crawls,
And then it glides, and slides…..”
Krauthead
July 17th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

FOOB:
Look at how Dee’s left eye is lower than her right…….freaky!

Next, were going to hear her say something like:

N-no……Mich-ael….I don’t want…….to…….do it on the…….kit-chen fl-oor any-more….be-cause…..I…..get rub-bed……..raw when…..I’m on my…..hands and…..knees…..
TedSez
July 17th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Clearly Bil Keane has never seen “How I Met Your Mother,” and doesn’t realize it’s just a cavalcade of sex jokes. But he probably heard that the show’s narrator, Bob Saget, starred in child-friendly “Full House” and “America’s Funniest Home Videos” — so now he’s looking forward to showing the kids the guy’s latest DVD, something called “The Aristocrats.”
frank drackman
July 17th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

I still find Sarges ‘keep on truckin’ gait amusing..Camp Swampy’s bakground is actually quite close to the view from Camp Xray in northern Guantanamo..how I’d love to see Sarge and the boys pull some temp duty there..Sarge could deal out the brutal beatings while whats his name sells the prisoners shanks and smokes…Slim dissapoints me.. a watermelon patch or some salt peter discretely slipped in the b-ballers gatorade should suffice.
fishmorgjp
July 17th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Re Coach Kaz: the original art for the “punch” panel had the drunk’s head exploding in gory bits, Scanners style, with eyeballs and teeth and sinuses flying, but at the last minute the syndicate edited the panel — that’s why Kaz’s arm looks truncated.
Bunnë
July 17th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

#107 Motoposus

The quäsenbo pan was indeed the kitchen tool or vessel in that cartoon that has only one use and you’ll never use again. (Or something to that effect.)

My kitchen is full of quäsenbo pans.

#153 Kostia

What creeps me out is that I read your post and thought “ou812, wasn’t that a Van Halen album?” I Googled it, and yes it is; why do I retain information on a band I never cared for when I can’t remember anyone’s birthday or phone number?
Red Greenback
July 17th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

GT: “Former bouncer, former lineman, former postman…I had him all the way!”
commodorejohn
July 17th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

#212 The G Man – Remember, she’s only a Patterson by marriage – look how that turned out for ~~Mrs. Potatohead~~ Iris. And not only that, she’s clashing with the Will Of Lynn/Elly, so it’s a given that she’ll start to morph into something horrid. Becoming Paul McCartney is just a baby step into mutanthood.

9CL – I’ll give her this – she’s honest about messing with her students. What I hate more are the professors who are screwing around with you but pretend to be being a good teacher.

Archie – There’s some sort of parent-child dependency FOOBish joke in here but I’m too lazy to find it.

Crankshaft – …are all cars these little midget clown-car vehicles in Batiuk’s world?

DT – I’m hoping this turns out to be Alzheimer’s setting in, like those Crankshaft storylines from a few years back. He’s just going to go find the neighborhood ice cream truck and then head down to the vacant lot for baseball.

FOOB – Ah, is there anything better than child endangerment? How about nostalgic child endangerment? Seriously, how is Dee not chewing him out for leaving tacks in the kids’ reach? Oh yeah, he’s the Perfect Son, I forgot. Also, how is Robin that big and still in the “Telethon!”-kid-repeating-words stage of development?

FW – “You look like a corpse! The porn is keeping you up all night! Get some goddamn sleep!”

GA – http://www.authenticrealmeteoritesite.com.

GT – This is confusing. Gail Martin is actually Walter Cronkite with a wig on? Or is the cameraman just an idiot?

JP – You know, it’s highly amusing to hear Mr. They-Won’t-Talk-To-You-Why-Do-You-Need-To-Talk-To-Them calling someone a “broken record.”

MT – Rowr.

MW – So being pursued by a girl turns Drew into Bing Crosby?

MC – Brilliant.

RMMD – You know, he has a point.

Edison Lee – hates Wal-Mart and isn’t making a goddamn bit of sense.
Lame Name
July 17th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Captain Biteypants, the ferret, has been trained to bite on command. Gail ordered it to bite out-of-control one-night-stand paramours on several occasions. The parrot managed to pick up the “Bite ‘im!” command and has led a few ferret attacks of his own on Gail’s lovers. That’s actually how General Whackadoodle got half his name. Gail figured it was apropos for a general to order a captain to attack.

You don’t want to know how the parrot got named Whackadoodle.
MarionLibrarian
July 17th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

A3G: When someone says they found something “priceless” in China, and has big news, I was thinking more along the lines of “slave child bride” than “cuckolded brother living well.”
B
July 17th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

“I once heard of a mutant that can bend space around him, now it seems that I have met him!”
Ranger
July 17th, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

I’m officially done with GA. Maybe one of those bouncing balls will come through Slim’s window and kill him before he has a chance to hatch this very dumb meteor plan.

As far a SM goes, it looks like MJ reads these comments since she has told Peter to rat himself out as Spiderman.
srah
July 17th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Ann Arbor, Michigan has a restaurant called sushi.come. Everyone always seems to call it “sushi dot com” but it is very obviously spelled “come”. The spelling could have been worse, though.
Dr. Marion
July 17th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

Josh, we need a technical term for this. Failing that, let’s just say that GASOLINE ALLEY has started a trend of PARODY-PROOFING itself.
Little Guy
July 17th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

GT: Ah, I see someone’s a Graduate of the Mark Trail Fist O’ Justice Defensive Training School.

FOOB: Num num num num num num num… GAAH!: My usual reaction to reading the strip.
Little Guy
July 17th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

94: Mike wants a second childhood.

He already has April’s.
Anonymous
July 17th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

poor Whiney MacPattersons wife….or should I say…
Little Abneg?
Patti
July 17th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

I realize that comics can’t say things like “drunken motherfucker”, but LOUT?!? Maybe tomorrow we’ll hear about the hooligans and the ruffians.
Braniff
July 17th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Re yesterday’s Family Circus: Has anyone considered the possibility that Daddy met not just the kids’ Mommy but also a previous Daddy? What happened to the previous Daddy? Divorce? Foul play? Sodomy between Daddy number one and the Daddy in the Family Circus? Did this Daddy kill the kids’ Daddy (so he could marry Thel) and he was going to confess that secret to them? The answers to such questions could explain a lot of questions.
Renée
July 17th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

My local paper cut off some of the right section of Beetle Bailey. I sat there for about 10 minutes wondering what was going on.
Thank you.
Frank Parsnip
July 18th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

Conspiracy thinking a-la-Gasoline Alley:

Slim: “Step one, buy meteorite on internet. Step two obtain surplus military-grade booster rockets from internet. Step three, build launch pad on large flat surface (basketball court available?) Step 4, re-launch meteorite into space making precise calculations to bring it back on the basketball court in time to hit colored fellows playing noisily…”

If only Slim could possibly rely upon the advice of others. A quick chat with Mark Trail would reveal that releasing thousands of squawking, pooping game birds over the basketball court would acheive the desired effect. Snuffy Smith could be relied upon to get some of his boys over there with mule-pulled plows … in exchange for corn likker. And Kaz’s and the implied threat of his patented “fists of death” could certainly be relied upon to recruit these kids to play for Milford.
Frank Parsnip
July 18th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

A-3G —

Eric: “Brace yourself, Nora. The Tibetans make religious artifacts out of human skulls. This one is a bit different in that it’s only 2 years old and has “TIM” etched on the side instead of the more-usual Buddhist imagery.”

Nora: “It looks like somebody fashioned it into a water pipe.”

Eric: “Yeah, well, I didn’t want U.S. Customs to think it was a real human skull.”

[More information about Tibetan use of skulls for religious artworks can be found on the internet.]
Woodrowfan
July 18th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

Also released in 1974
Black Sabbath: Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath
Aerosmith: Get Your Wings
ELO: Eldorado!
Genesis: The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway
Steely Dan: Pretzel Logic

Alas, KISS (retch) also had two albums that year, so it wasn’t ALL good…

In fact, to honor Josh’s b-day, and the music his folks wer e listening to when they, you know, I will plug in some Sabbath and some Zeppelin today on my cd. Which, come to think of it, makes it pretty much like every other day…………
Woodrowfan
July 18th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

two things.

1: distressed scrap iron would make a great name for a metal band!

2: no one has said this yet??!?! ahem. MORE INFORMATION ON TUNA CASSAROLES CAN BE FOUND ON THE INTERNET!

thank yew.
Edgy DC
July 30th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

How distubing is it that, to make an aside to Betty on his left, Archie attempts to rotate his head 270 degrees to thre right?

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