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Thursday quickies

Apartment 3-G, 9/27/07

“Here, Margo, you might want to ‘amuse yourself’ over here by my desk. Right in front of this Webcam, which is totally not at all turned on and connected to the Internet. Have fun! Heh heh, ‘twiddle my thumbs’…”

Dick Tracy, 9/27/07

So as far as I know, in a D.C. context “the Rotunda” is the space under the big dome thingie in the middle of the Capitol building, which means that Gretchen just suicide-bombed (is there an active verb form of “suicide bomber?”) Congress, eliminating the legislative branch, throwing the U.S. government into chaos, and presumably ushering in an “emergency regime” that will last indefinitely and be fronted by Dick Tracy, a well-known authoritarian sadist. This will definitely be more interesting than the last few weeks of this strip, which mostly consisted of aimless driving around.

Gil Thorp, 9/27/07

Marty Moon’s days of drunken debauchery must have been a lot wilder than I thought, because it looks like he lost an eye when someone attacked him in a bar fight with a broken bottle. He’s so excited by the Mudlarks’ late-game collapse, he hasn’t even noticed that his glass eye is veering wildly to the right.

Luann, 9/27/07

Never mind the little spat over who gets to be TJ’s “partner”; doesn’t it smell kind of fishy that Brad, an employee of the Fire Department, will be helping secure a no-bid, taxpayer-underwritten contract with said Fire Department for the catering business that he’s secretly moonlighting for? The whole sordid deal will climax with eight weeks of hearings before the city council’s Ethics Subcommittee, at the end of which you will be begging for a return to the “Luann and Bernice fight about Ben” storyline.

Marmaduke, 9/27/07

Is anyone else as creeped out by the name of this butcher’s shop as I am? It’s like, instead of a storeroom or walk-in freezer at the back of the store, there’s just an entrance to a cave. A cave full of meat.

One Big Happy, 9/27/07

It’s been well established that One Big Happy’s Joe is ignorant, and willfully so. Today he’s covering his face in a desperate attempt to block out new knowledge of any sort. This must be heartbreaking to his father, who loves learning so much that he’s chosen to subscribe to the premium digital cable package just so he can get the Algebra Channel.

210 responses to “Thursday quickies”

  1. Hank
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    FW: C’mon. The dad is going to reveal that he’s always felt guilty for how he raised her to be ignorant of “the facts of life” and the fact he shunned her after the pregnancy. Having received absolution from her father (and allowed Batuik to insert yet another of his favorite heavy handed life lessons) she can happily die off just in time for the full color, single panel “retrospective” strip to appear on Sunday, which has surely been pre-shipped to the book publishers to appear as the back cover of the “Lisa’s story” paperback next month.

  2. B
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    The butcher is actually Nick Cave, and it’s not cow meat they’re serving, but human flesh. Which is why Marmaduke is their best customer.

  3. Comix Grrl
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Margo Smackdown—GO!

  4. Hank
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    You know, it’s sort of ironic that, in a strange way, both Marmaduke and Apt 3-G are referencing “cave meat” today.

  5. sonneta
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Can anyone explain today’s Hagar the Horrible to me? I think the “joke” is the light sentencing- Hagar has done horrible things, and has only been sentenced to 6 months of sensitivity training- but I’m not quite sure. (Oh, those crazy Liberals, where Liberals= people who don’t support heavy sentencing/ capital punishment?)

  6. Kate
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT: “They’re set up for the short stuff, Coach. Let me air it out!” I feel queasy, but I can’t quite explain why.

  7. perisphere
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you are on fire today! Particularly on OBH and Luann.

  8. Kate
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    #4, Hank: And (DT)GT has a team from Cave Springs in it.

    If Dick Tracy introduces a new character called Vagina Dentata, I’m going home.

  9. Keg of Curd
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    “You’ve gotta say this for him. From this angle, it’s abundantly clear that he’s well-hung and never been neutered.”

  10. FreshHell
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Is that what “Joe” is doing in panel 4? Are we sure he isn’t filling his pants with fecal goodness?

  11. J Shiggity
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Unlike the U.S. Capitol, the “rotunda” is conveniently near the Washington Monument, which makes a brief appearance in the 2nd panel before vanishing once more. Either that, or they don’t call him “Dick” Tracy for nothing.

  12. That's The Spirit
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    It might be that this observations has been made before, but:

    Gil Thorp is the saddest comic strip ever, given the juxtaposition of its poor writing and attention to detail, isn’t it? I mean, BC (for example) is awful, but it’s clear whoever is doing it (and, hell, Hart himself back when he was alive) took about five seconds to dash it off before going back to drinking or golf or drunk golf. It was terrible, terrible stuff, yes — but it was slapdash and sketchy and everyone knew that no one cared as long as the name brand was kept alive.

    Gil Thorp, on the other hand, is clearly drawn by someone who puts a lot of detail into their work. You can see that the artist lingered over the elongated claw hands, the eyes that gaze in separate directions, the background faces that gaze blankly off into nothing, the bizarre hairdos, and so on. Likewise, the writer (same guy? never mind, don’t care) crafts detailed, inane, illogical plots that stretch out over months.

    So while there are comics that are of worse quality, I’d bet it would be hard to find one that tries so heart-heartbreakingly hard and yet sucks so gut-bustlingly much. And that’s kind of sad, isn’t it?

  13. FreshHell
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke- That’s just what I want to see on the window of a butcher, pupkus.

  14. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    DT — Didn’t Al Kinda have a run at the Rotunda back in the day? Dick Lochler must just like saying it: “Rotunda, rotunda, rooooootundah!” It’s like “smock”, or Donna Abandando.

  15. FreshHell
    September 27th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Has someone else already plumbed the depths of GT from a numerology perspective? The number on the jersey of the hapless receiver is 11. The numbers of the other two players in the panel are 4 and 7. That must mean something, right?

  16. BigTed
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Um, that’s not really the Algebra Channel the dad in “One Big Happy” is watching on cable. In about 30 seconds, a busty blonde undergrad is going to the professor-guy and tell him she’ll do anything, and she means anything,, for an A.

  17. Pozzo
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Okay, which is dirtier – “They’re set up for the short stuff, Coach. Let me air it out!” or the “twiddle my thunbs”/”creative woman” exchange? Self-pleasure vs. sports-based sodomy — life is good!

  18. BigTed
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    In “Apartment 3-G,” what happens when Margo does that finger-pointing thing and twiddles her thumbs at the same time? I don’t know, but it’s sure to be a shocker.

  19. Moon Mullins
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]


    Today’s Phantom:

    “Abner! Abner! There’s Poison Pygmy People on the fire escape!”

    “Shut up, Gladys, take your medicine.”

  20. scan
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    What kinda position is that in the final panel of OBH?

  21. Pozzo
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    You know, maybe Cave’s Meat serves the bustling hamlet of Cave Spring. At least the name doesn’t appear on the window, incongruously spelled backwards so the reader can figure it out without holding the newspaper up to a mirror.

    Personally, I’m a regular patron of Fatty Snax Deli from “Mutts.”

  22. El Santo
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann — Oh, man, is this the first indication that TJ is slowly transforming into a pimp?

    Dick Tracy — The onomotopeia. KA-THUNG sounds less like an explosion and more like someone got whacked on the head with a frying pan.

    And I usually get glossy-eyed at the beginning of a Gil Thorp storyline where sports stories dominate until we get to the absolutely whacked-out conclusion (Chainsaw decapitations! Head-whacking! The two-for-one special of a Negro League fraud and a girls’ softball team that shaved their hair off!), but the absolute patheticness of the Milford football squad is absolutely hilarious. Plus the team has “The Missing Link” Cully Vale, “Sexy Rexy” Tony Casey, and “One-Legged” Bill Ritter. Greatest starting line-up ever!

  23. Dennis Jimenez
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    So, like how old is Tiffany? I’m hoping this story line in Luann with ends up with Brad and TJ being featured on a state website for sex offenders due to underage sexual contact. Talk about a relevant strip story, ripped from the headlines.

  24. Lazlo
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT: It looks like they took the left half of Tom Cruise’s head and attached it to the right half of Leonard Nimoy’s to make Marty Moon, and then forgot to coordinate the eyes.

  25. commodorejohn
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    No, wait, I get it now! The explosion is emanating from right next to Tracy – it was the Baron who blew up, as a result of his chip programming, no doubt!

  26. Mibbitmaker
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    One-upped by a new thread again.

    Please see my #227 on yesterthread, I worked kinda hard on it (not quite song parody hard, but hard nonetheless).

    Thank you.

  27. JamesinMaine
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Thumb twiddling, amusing oneself…it may just be my slightly askew view, but I think every line in today’s strip — even the “walk to the car” — is about masturbation. Well, time for me to go “check my email.”

  28. EZ_e
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    “cave spring saw that draw play”
    “They’re set up for the short stuff, coach. Let me air it out.”
    I had to read those two sentences many times. It’s like some kind of Dada play. Keep repeating the phrase, “cave spring saw that draw play” until reality loses all meaning

  29. Inner Space
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    I don’t read Luann, so can someone enlighten me – is TJ always wearing that stupid s**t-eating grin? It’s really annoying!

  30. cheech wizard
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    26 – Aw, c’mon Mibbit – it couldn’t be that tough. All women are nicer than Margo Magee.

    Or, as it might have been expressed in philosophy class:

    All women are nicer than Margo Magee

    Eva Braun is a women

    Eva Braun is not Margo Magee

    Therefore, Eva Braun is nicer than Margo Magee

    P.S. You forgot Martha Stewart.

  31. Mountain Mama
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #29–Yes. Yes, he does.

    FW is just getting beyond maudlin. I hope suicidal people don’t read FW; it’ll push ‘em right over the edge.

    MW: Rub it in, Mary. Oh, yes, unleash your righteous salt. Put it right THERE. Now look patronizing. just. so. Oh, girlfriend, you are ON.

  32. Sans Sense
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #12 I couldn’t agree more about the bizarre results of effort. GT reminds me of a strip drawn by an extremely talent dry sophomore who has hours of time in her boring history class to doodle about her block-headed fantasies on various school sports teams.

  33. Dennis Jimenez
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    I knew Eva Braun, I served with Eva Braun, and you Margo Magee are no Eva Braun.

    The late Sen. Lloyd Benson

  34. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

  35. Niall
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    12, 32: GT reminds me of my own efforts in the university paper. I had lots of thoughts and worked my best, and found out at the end of the semester that the only reason it was run is because they didn’t have enough stuff to boot it out, and had to fill the page.

    My artworks is scarcely better today, and it’s been 20 years. It is indeed all about who you know to be this crappy and get paid for it…

  36. cheech wizard
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    33 – Oh, yes she is.

  37. Ribinin
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    RM-MBLA: We needn’t worry too much about the guys having to “rough it” in a tent. They will be staying at the Williams River House while they are “fly fishing”.

    And there are outlet stores for the Gap, Bose, Anichini, Crabtree & Evelyn, J. Crew and Polo just to name a few are 30 minutes away if they need a shopping break.

  38. Dingo
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Ah, Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe. I’m aware of your position in panel four but, trust me, getting Daddy to fuck your precious little brains out won’t make algebra go away. Algebra is like Karl Rove: just when you think it’s safe to resume normal life, it bounds out of the shrubbery and attacks you in your home. At least ask Daddy to use some lube. Look how Drew Cory turned out.

  39. Spunde
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers never travel, so they don’t notice when movies set in D.C. call the Lincoln Memorial the U.S. Capitol. They just like the ‘splosions.

    The oddest thing about “One Big Happy” isn’t that the father is watching the Algebra Channel. It’s that Rosie has been sucked into the Television Dimension, leaving only her shoes behind, and neither her father nor Joe mention it.

  40. Pozzo
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    #34 – “Batiuk” is pronounced “Battik?” Who knew?

  41. Skoochie
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    As Mr. J Shiggity points out, if you are standing by the Washington Monument you are much too far away from the Capitol rotunda to shoot anyone with a handgun. Perhaps the “rotunda” refers to the Smithsonian’s Museum of Natural History, which will certainly wreak havoc with field trip schedules nationwide.

  42. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Maybe the sign in Marmaduke is Latin:

    Beware of Meat

  43. Sal Paradise
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers : You know you’re a plugger when your oldest daughter is older than you are.

  44. Pastor Z
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Poor Drew… Mary is so meddlesome she won’t even let him pray without interrupting him… “Drew, I don’t care if God WILL forgive you – what you did to Vera was just so wrong!”

  45. willethompson
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Unamused, Margo takes Josh’s advice and sits at Eric’s computer. She checks his browser’s ‘History’ and discovers that the last site he visited was quotation-marks.blogspot.com. Then she notices the coffee cup next to the monitor.

    Hilarity ensues. And carnage. Actually more carnage than hilarity. Oh, hell, imagine Quentin Tarentino and Sam Peckinpah trying to one-up each other.

  46. Lloyd S.
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    You know, whenever I’ve seen football coaches on the sidelines after a bad play, they look like they’re about to explode like that bomb at the rotunda. Gil Thorpe just looks mildly bemused or besotted with his player. And Ass’t Coach Kaz looks completely stoned.

    And on D. Tracy, if it weren’t for the Washington monument, in the background, I’d say he means the Baltimore shopping center. But even Dick Tracy couldn’t see and wouldn’t try to shoot a hand gun that far.

  47. banana
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    marty moon = mad-eye moody!

  48. bats :[
    September 27th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    29. Inner Space: I second your question…what the hell is with TJ and his smile? Is he The Joker’s bastard child? Does he have a chronic case of tetanus? What? WHAT?

  49. Josh
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #46 Lloyd — I live within walking distance of the Rotunda in Baltimore. It’s pretty much deserted now, the rumor being that the owner wants to completely redevelop it as some sort of upscale mall/condo complex. Perhaps they’re the ones the sinister ex-Eastern Bloc spies are working for — it’d be easier to get the permits if the place were reduced to a smouldering crater.

    I’d sure miss the movie theater and Casa Mia pizza if they blew it up, though. Mmmm… Casa Mia.

    Josh

  50. Mibbitmaker
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    DT: What a stupid sound effect for a bomb going off! Everyone knows a bomb going off in DT should go “QA – THUNG!”. You’re slipping, Locher.

    Big Dog: It’s worse than that, Josh: I think this means that, when we finally get bin-Laden (Wagers on Dec. 4, 2057 are hot right now), this’ll be the place that –er– Sweeny Todds the guy! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!

    RiR: Forget Locher, it’s Evil Biker Personality that’s slipping, big-time. Shouldn’t she be trashing the place by now?

    BC: Gee, coincidently enough, that’s also Osama bin-Marmaduke’sPotpie’s magic #, too!

    DS: Either that, or he’s joined the far left.

    GA: Skeezix… bankrupcy can’t be far away, either, if you keep Homer & Jethro in charge back there any longer!

    HotC: Heart, the Reagan era’s been over for a while now (Thank God!)…

    H&J: “Everybody Hates Chris” did this bit first… and better.

    MF: You know what else is bad for the earth? Beating something into the ground!

    MT: Forget it, kid, your old man is just unmovably evil. Hell, Spidey’s JJJ would’ve exploited this in a second — and he looks like Hitler!

    MW:
    Dr. Cory, Sr.: “I’m sorry, son, but this is going to have to be an intervention!”
    Mary: “I’m afraid he’s right, Drew. I’ll get the Professor and–”
    Drew: “Intervention??
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
    (Drew runs for the door…)

    OBH: Bad move, Joe! Now you’re in prime getting-kicked position… and you just earned it!

    The…Mind of Edison Lee: “Pop, we only attack Republicans in this house! If you insist on attacking Democrats, go over to ‘Mallard Fillmore’, okay?”

  51. Hank
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    RE: GT. Maybe Gil is always so happy looking because he can’t hear the crowd booing his players, namely, because HE IS DRAWN WITHOUT ANY EARS

  52. buschap
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Well, the Capitol rotunda is the part under the dome. It’s in the center, between the two chambers. So, if she did make it into the building, she was far more likely to have blown up tourists than lawmakers. The Washington Monument doesn’t bother me much, because you could reasonably see it over Dick’s shoulders from a reasonable camera angle.

    But the location of the explosion does trouble me. The “Ka-Thung” occurs above Dick’s head and seems to be centered about three feet away. Did she leap back toward him before getting shot in hopes of at least taking him out?

    But I think the idea is that she didn’t make it into the building, but they knew where she was headed. Am I giving them too much credit?

  53. Sal Paradise
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    GT: Where the heck is Clambake when you need him?!

  54. js
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    I used the phrase “meat cave” once, but my girlfriend made me stop.

    Obviously, standards are different for butcher’s wives.

  55. Mordock999
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    #23 – Dennis Jimenez. Naw, more likely TJ’s little catering business is gonna be closed down real quick by the Health Dept., because of insufficent cleaning of the premises. Oh, and theres the little problem of whether or not the neighborhood is zoned for business. If it ain’t, TJ Inc., is gonna get closed down real quick. If it is then a Super Wal-mart will find out and move in next door pissing off the neighbors and compelling them to form a lynch mob and hang that little S.O.B. TJ from the highest tree. One can only hope….,

    _____

    DEATH to TJ!

  56. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    I figured it was a mistake, that Cave’s meat was disgusting and it should have been Dave’s Meat. But then I remembered a fine poem about an old man nemed Dave (who lived in a cave), I thought, naw, that’s even worse.

  57. Allie Cat
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    FW – I’m sure what dear old dad has to say is along the lines of “I love you, I’m sorry, I’m proud of youuuuuu.”

    I’m lucky that I haven’t had to contract cancer to get these words out of my family. My parents are both pretty in touch with their feelings and express them often.

    My father once accused me of calling him on my way home from work every day just to make sure he’s still alive. Which, I’d love to deny…but – he’s not in great health, and I don’t want to miss a day of his life without him knowing that I’m thinking of him.

    So, he has a point.

    I leave for a long weekend next Thursday. It would be awfully sporting of Lisa to go ahead and leave this world for another before then. I’m sure I could find a newspaper, but my traveling companions don’t know about my covert addiction to the comics. Or, more to the point, my addiction to snarking on them.

  58. John Robie
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    DT – The interesting thing about this strip is not so much that Dick Tracy is willing to sacrifice one of the branches of government to take out a terrorist (there are 2 more branches after all) but that Tracy can spot said terrorist entering the capital building and gun her down with his snub-nosed .38 from in front of the Washington Monument, approximately 1.3 miles according to Google Maps.

    Dick Tracey is so tough, not even the laws of physics will stop him from hurting terrorists. Why isn’t he running as a Republican Presidential candidate. I bet he’d quadruple Guantanamo. Take that Romney!

  59. Ian C
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I’m more than a little uneasy about twenty-something TJ or JT or whatever the hell Brad’s gay friend is named calling 14 or 15 or however the hell old Tiffany is, a “babe”. I’m even MORE uneasy that he thinks using a girl as young as this to sell food to guys in their 30s is a good business plan.

    Not that this has stopped real advertisers from using this tactic.

  60. statler
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Funky Cancerbean ***SPOILER***

  61. Beyond Blond
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    I wish it was “Meat Cave” instead of “Cave’s Meat.” That would have made my day.

  62. MustacheMike
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Is anybody else enjoying Crankshaft doing the cranky old man complaining about technology routine. I think this week’s variation is the most bat shit insane of them all.

  63. Razmytaz
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    59: Ian – You clearly missed out the sequence where Miss Chamber of Commerce tried to blatently climb into Brad’s pants during duty hours, just to tick off the eponymous Luann. So, I’m not at all sure just what relative ages and ick factors are involved (not to say criminal law), but lets just say that no-one in the strip seems to be raising an eyebrow on this.

    Aaaaand on which note, I thought I would mention that TJ’s perpetual SEG is a result of a tragic overdose when he fell prey to an upperclass prank rumor that botox was a euphoriant. (Which I guess was better than next year when the rumor morphed to extoling its contribution to sexual performance.)

  64. Tukla in Iowa
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD!

    *sigh*

    The only thing more boring than watching two guys in a comic strip fish is watching those two guys talk about fishing!

  65. AhClem
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    #25 commodorejohn -
    The Baron has a chip? Who knew?

  66. Chromium
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Mike- wow, at first I thought Crankshaft was about to strangle his friend Ralph, but when I studied that panel again, it’s even better. The comics are awesome today!

  67. Little Guy
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    DT: that “KA-CHUNG” is Bomb Lady getting pushed by Pushy 9CL Jilted Ex-Nun.

  68. Ribinin
    September 27th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    #60 statler Thanks for the “heads-up”. I’ll look the the book signing notice when Batuik is in the San Francisco area and get one for my coffee table. It will be a great “conversation starter”.

    I am kind of looking forward to tomorrow’s FW when Lisa’s dad forgives her for what she did to him by getting pregnant.

  69. Chromium
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and I think we all should be aware that Mort Walker is off his meds again.

  70. Plus a constant
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    This Rotunda bomb reminds me of the Screw Plot, this (apocryphal?) early 18th century conspiracy to take all the screws out of the dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral, so it would fall on Queen Anne and kill her. Dick Tracy should do an updated version of that one. Dangerous but stupid, like all Dick Tracy plots.

  71. Tukla in Iowa
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    A beloved ‘Funky Winkerbean’ character

    There are “beloved” FW characters?

    Speaking of FW, I’ve been reading the strip for more than a year now, and this is the first I’ve seen of Lisa’s parents. So…I guess I know what it takes to get these geezers out of their recliners now.

  72. dale
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    55 Mordock999 – Luann
    You just got started with the problems in TJ’s little business:
    He has no license, insurance, funding (borrow from Brad’s parents? Probably, but very wrong.)
    What happens when he poisons the fire department or burns the house down? Even if Brad has tenants insurance (unlikely), it won’t cover the home business.
    A 17 year old ditz for marketing? I don’t know about bizness plans, but he needs a grandmotherly type who can cook. That will avoid a lot of problems with wives, girl friends, and hungry guys who expect to be fed 3 squares a day every day not just when Toe Jam feels like whipping something up.

  73. doug rogers
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

  74. StoutHearted
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh, Eric, you brave, crazy man. Have we just read your last words?

  75. Dik-Dik Vendetta
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    buschap #52: Actually, DT’s location should bother you. Two reasons:

    1. The approach to the Rotunda from the West (i.e., from the direction facing the Washington Monument) has been closed to tourists since 9/11, AND it’s on an uphill incline while DT and Gretchen and The Deutsche’stache are on level ground (suggesting they’re on the other side); and

    2. The distance between the Capitol and the Washington Monument is a little over 1.25 miles. DT looks to be about half that distance from the monument.

    That said, I agree about that explosion. Maybe Gretchen was jumping when it went off?

  76. Bootsy
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    # 12, Spirit, one theory posited here is that Gil Thorp is drawn by aliens who have never actually seen a human being, but have had them described to them.

    In the Phantom, Elmore and Muffin are back! That is one rack I do not want to see in the comics.

    More stripey ass, mules!

    And hey, John robie, are you John Robie the Cat? Cuz if you are, rowr!

  77. gonzoid
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    BigTed:
    In “Apartment 3-G,” what happens when Margo does that finger-pointing thing and twiddles her thumbs at the same time? I don’t know, but it’s sure to be a shocker.

    I saw what you did there. Narf!

  78. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Oh man, I knew that kid looked familiar! He’s Britney Spears’ only remaining fan, Chris Crocker! Look out, Rex! Next thing you know he’ll be asking you to re-enact her latest number! Fortunately, no dancing will be required.

  79. Sanity Clause
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone remember the improv game “If You Know What I Mean” from “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?” … where anything could be given a sexual overtone when said with the right inflection?

    9CWL – Come on over and I’ll show you, If You Know What I Mean.
    A3G – I’d like for her to twiddle my thumbs, If You Know What I Mean.
    DT – I’d like to bomb her routunda, If You Know What I Mean.
    (DT)GT – He can air out my short stuff, If You Know What I Mean.
    JP – I’ve got a crazy deal for you, If You Know What I Mean.
    MT – I’ll bet that duck’s got quite a nest, If You Know What I Mean.
    RMMD – He can fly fish with me any day, If You Know What I Mean.
    Shoe – That why my pants feel so tight, If You Know What I Mean.
    SM – I’ve got a sequal for Marvela, If You Know What I Mean

    It’s fun. Play it with your friends.

  80. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn: Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that TJ always talks through clenched teeth? He must be bottling up a lot of rage. I’m afraid this whole enterprise is going to go down in flames when TJ decides to season the manicotti with arsenic.

  81. walter
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Eric has basically told Margo to (air quotes) go fuck herself.
    That can’t possibly end well for anyone, including Margo.

  82. Dean Booth
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I would have thought that Margo would bobble her thumbs.

    DT: The Baron Triumphs.

  83. Anonymous
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    Thanks for making this rush back into my forebrain!
    There once was a hermit named Dave,
    Who kept a dead whore in his cave
    He said “I admit
    I’m a bit of a shit–
    but think of the money I save!”

  84. The Avocado Avenger
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    #34 – I’m surprised more people aren’t angry. Batiuk is crazy if he thinks this is a “story about love” or whatever. I’m not getting the love here. Les isn’t doing much of anything, all we’re seeing is the shallow surface of the issue. There’s no probing, in-depth examination of cancer and how it affects families. How is their little girl handling her mother dying in the bedroom down the hall? Other than a brief conversation with an imaginary cat who doles out guilt trips, we haven’t seen Les deal with anything at all.

    But. I’ve said this all before.

    I think Eric’s still hoping to bag Margo by the end of the night, though.

  85. Al
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    60-FW– dammit, I had Oct 6 in the Death Pool !

  86. Lord-z
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    “Nora. Get out. Quick. Do not look back. I will be right behind you. As soon as we are out of Margos sight, run! For the love of God, run!”

  87. Trotzenbonnie
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    ‘Batiuk wrote: “ … Grief is the price we pay for love, and this is a story about how you do that.”

    Is that why my son is still single?
    Is that why I should take my Miss Mollie to the pound right now and say to hell with it?
    Is that why Mr T and I should make a pact to simultaneously down a fistful of Seconal on a future date that we both find convenient just so we can avoid all of that grief crap?

    Eff you, Batiuik. Here is the price you pay for love:

    http://www.tiffany.com/expertise/engagement/engagement.aspx?style=round_brilliant&ring=square#

    (I’m just getting warmed up….Now I’m pissed that I won’t have a full color Sunday Death Comic to decoupage for all eternity to my Frigidare if Lisa kicks the bucket on October 4 – a friggin Thursday. Damn you, Batiuik.)

  88. No Boxcar, Slylock
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    I can never read about DC geography without thinking of a National Lampoon article which included a list entitled “Congressional Nicknames for their Own Genitals,” which included such appelations as “The Squeaker of The House”, “The Souse of Representatives”, “The Filly-Buster”, and of course, “The Scrotunda.”

  89. bats :[
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Margo certainly has talented hands: air-quotes, thumb-twiddling…
    What will she come up with next?
    Doing a Moe Howard on Eric when he comes back the the apartment springs to mind.

  90. NotMe
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    DT: Yes if you are standing near the Washington Monument it is over a mile to the Captial Rotunda (dome-shaped thing) at the east end of the National Mall. If Gretchen is running for the rotunda at the National Archives it is about 3/4 of a mile away. Dick would have to shoot through a couple of fairly large museums to hit her there…but hey we are talking about Dick Tracy here.

  91. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    SFx: And now for another installment of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny.

    1) The framed picture on the right is of no ordinary horse — that’s a Mongolian pony.
    2) The tan dog on the left is running because he just saw the instruments the vet uses for neutering little dogs like him. The tan dog on the right is running because he just saw that the veterinarian’s diploma is written in crayon.
    3) The white dog on the left is at the vet because he ate all the tinsel off the Christmas tree. (Seriously — my roommate’s dog did that once.)
    4) One of the animals in the panel on the right has rabies. (Guess which one!)
    5) The woman on the left has that vacant look in her eyes because she just peed her pants because she knows she’s about to have a cat-and-dog-fight on her lap. The woman on the right has that same look because she O.D.ed on her cat’s worm medicine.
    6. The boy on the left named his dog Rex. The boy on the right named his dog Cornholio.
    And one similarity:
    7. None of the pets in any of the panels can fly. (Take that, Mort Walker!)
    This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny has been brought to you by Zamzows.

  92. boxjam
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    “Hey, Cave, I think I figured out why we never get any customers. Our only counter is pushed flush up against the window.”

  93. Anonymous
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Anonymous. What memories you bring back!

    But I always heard it like this:

    There once was a hermit named Dave
    Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
    She was missing one tit
    and she smelled like shit
    But think of the money he saved!

    Crikey, did I really just write that? Oh I did. The shame.

  94. gnome de blog
    September 27th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Out here on the upper left coast, algebra comes in the basic cable package. I never knew how fortunate we were.

  95. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    But why is he staying on the algebra channel?

  96. Dennis Jimenez
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    91 – The Woman’s earings are cold in panel one, and much warmer in panel two – I pity the foob who misses that!

  97. SecretMargo
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    87: Maybe you’ll have wordless (or worse … wordy) Sunday funeral tableau to laminate and deface? We can hope.

  98. AhClem
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #83, 93 Anonymi -
    The version I learned starts out the same way, but concludes:

    He said, “What the hell?
    You get used to the smell,
    And think of the money I save!”

    Maybe it’s the Michigan version.

  99. queek
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    95, see 16.

    I’m with Big Ted on what that channel really is.

  100. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    It’s TJ’s unending grin that unnerves me. I think he should work in the Meatcave and there can be a horror story and some people can die.

  101. Fightin Vague Shape
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    One Big Happy: Apropos of nothing, when I was in high school I read an article that ran in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune that analyzed the various comics the paper ran. The author called One Big Happy something along the lines of the “world’s best argument for birth control.” I’ve since borrowed that phrase a lot.

  102. Red Greenback
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke is thinking outside of the Cave, I daresay.

  103. Camster
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    42 SPOI: Wouldn’t that be Carpe Meat? (Or, more properly, Carpe Caro?

    I kinda lean more to Seize the Carp, personally.

  104. Keg of Curd
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    #79 – awesome. “If you know what I mean” was one of my favorite Whose Line games. It also gave us an immortal, comics-related line by Colin Mochrie.

    Now, on another note. Do you suppose the “meat” in Marmaduke’s targeted store is merely a collection of shadows cast upon the wall? After a time, for the men in the store the shadows might become more real than meat itself… but this will be little consolation when they face the slavering, all-too-real jaws of an enormous canine who has no fucking comprehension of metaphors.

  105. Keg of Curd
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    #103 – SPOI is correct about Cave meat. Carpe meat would be “seize the meat,” which is probably more appropriate for RMMD.

  106. Mordock999
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    #100 – Cheeky Wee Monkey – Hey, great idea: a Horror story, involving TJ! How about one where the gas stove he’s cooking on explodes decapitating him.
    The last panel of the strip would show his severed head,
    still displaying that stupid grin, rolling down the street, to the cheers of neighbors and readers, alike. Ah, Bliss…..,

    ____

    DEATH to TJ!

  107. Harry Merkin
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    DT: There was some flying around too.

  108. cheech wizard
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I’m confused about this whole FW “Great Leap Forward” thing. So, is the strip going to suddenly jump ahead to 2017? Will Les and the others occupy a world of holographic TVs, neon clothing and skull-implanted chips to improve memory? Or will they simply be wandering around the blackened ruins of a ruined Cleveland in the years after it was nuked by Islamic jihadists or maurading space aliens, take your pick. Given that this is FW, I know which one I’m betting on.

    Or has the strip simply lagged 10 years into the past and is simply catching up to the present? That might explain the ineffectiveness of Lisa’s cancer treatments, but then, where did all these cell phones come from?

    Furthermore, what about the strip’s relationship to Crankshaft? Will they still have crossovers despite the temporal anomoly? His granddaughter is a character in FW – will he still be around a 113-year-old WWII vet? And why is the old fart still driving a school bus anyway? If he was playing minor league ball when the war started, he’s way too old to be hauling school kids around.

  109. Anonymous
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    108 Cheech, They’re going to be flying around in soaceships and have robots to do the work, like in the Jetsons. Then one of the robots will get cancer, and a spacehip will be driven drunk by one of the characters and someone will lose an arm. It will still be Funky Winkerbean, after all.

  110. Bootsy
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Crap, 109 was me.

  111. Trotzenbonnie
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    #108 – cheech wizard
    There had better be flying cars in 2017 or I want my money back!

  112. Josh
    September 27th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    #108 Cheech — Because I’m a huge dork, I’m actually totally intrigued by the chronological knots that this “ten years forward” jump is going to cause. Chronology in comic strips is always a little dodgey because they last for years without the characters really aging, but FW has very much tied itself to current events with Wally’s stints in Afghanistan and Iraq.

    Josh

  113. Josh
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    #111 — When I celebrated New Year’s Even 1999 in a friend’s parents’ house in Napa County, rather than in a domed city on the moon, I knew that there was no hope for the future.

    Josh

  114. MonkeyHawk
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    As Yogi Berra noted, “Predictions are tough. Especially when they involve the future.”

    But didn’t Funky Winkerbean do the time warp thing before, changing abruptly from high school students to high school teachers, etc.?

  115. El Santo
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    #112 — I hope they handle it like Marvel’s Spider-Girl. There, a grown-up May Parker, the daughter of Peter and Mary Jane, is fightin’ crime in the present … even though the current Spider-Man series, where May is still a baby (and kidnapped), also takes place in the present.

    It might cause continuity problems, but Batiuk has a “socially relevant” explanation for things, and I have a feeling, if this scenario comes to pass, that he’ll chastise readers who think too hard about it.

  116. Trotzenbonnie
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    In 2017 will kids be wearing their pants down around their ankles or will fashion designers dictate that waistbands gradually inch upwards until teenagers all look like Fred Mertz?

  117. jules
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    “Ka-thung”?!

  118. Gagott68
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Is that Walter Mondale in the middle of Panel 1?

    Gil Thorp: Of course, Cave Spring saw the draw play coming. There’s 4:04 left in the freaking game. With a 4 point lead, a QB who can’t throw straight, and 4:04 left the play is run the clock down and punt. Especially, when the defense is obviously playing well (only gave up 10 points). Force Cave Spring to use time outs or grind the clock down as much of possibe, punt and put the game in the hands of the defense. Even if that throw in panel 3 isn’t intecepted, an incompletion stops the clock. Stupid. Anyone would know this except Coach Thorp and Rich Kotite.

  119. Gagott68
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Luann: So in the what, 4 months he’s been living there Brad has violated his lease by making unauthorized structural changes to the house, unauthorized re-painting, had TJ move in before signing on to the lease and now is going to operate a business out of the house again probably in violation of the lease. The DeGroots are really teaching him responsibility by renting the house to him. What’s next, underage orgy?

  120. Camster
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    105 Keg Of Curd: You are right, of course. And yeah, Niki had best watch out for the Carpe Caro maneuver — that Rex, he’s quick.

  121. Colinski
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    #4 – RE: Hagar: I think it’s an opaque dig at the British for being “soft on terror.”

    Everything else I was going to say has already been said. All you rabid curmudgeons save me a lot of typing.

  122. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    #109 Anonymous — “soaceships”? Soaceships are awesome. In fact, you might even say soaceships pwn.

  123. Keg of Curd
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    #112 – Josh – I’m actually totally intrigued by [FW]
    It’ll pass, dude. Somehow – and you know in your heart this is true – the ostensibly intriguing potentialities here (utter corruption of the time/space continuum!) will end up amounting to “Huh. It doesn’t matter how old they are, it still sucks.”

  124. commodorejohn
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    #87 Trotzenbonnie – Don’t worry, I’m sure there’ll be some maudlin, vomit-inducing Lisa Moore Retrospective on Sunday. Thematically speaking, I think that it ought to be on October 4th for a couple reasons: one, Funky Winkerbean is even more bleak in black and white than in color, and two, in another bleak turn of events, the Earth was destroyed on a Thursday.

  125. Keg of Curd
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    If I try to imagine Batuiiuiuuik playing with the meta-implications of his time manipulation in the strip, the mental image I end up with is an Ijon Tichy-like time loop in which each newly replicated character suffers some further malignant mutation in the process, bleakly and ineffectively trying to halt the cycle, until at last the vestiges of humanity are stripped away entirely and the strip consists of nothing but perfect, mindless avatars of pain incarnate, their only viable functions to suffer and reproduce.

  126. Keg of Curd
    September 27th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    That’s what it would be in theory. In practice, it would just be smirking all the way down.

  127. Sister Sestina
    September 27th, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Ah, Colin Mochrie! The only redeeming feature in the whole 9CL Thorax the Prophet arc was when it gave him a shoutout on August 29th. (One of the newsstand periodicals blares “Who is Monty Almighty? Has anyone seen him and Colin Mochrie together?”) Colin can fluff my Garfield anytime!

  128. Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
    September 27th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to harsh everyone’s mellow, but TJ is the most dynamic character in Luann. I would love it if Luann changed to TJ strip.

    He could snark on everyone and come up with hilarious escapadies, just like Comic Curmudgeons do.

    Jeez, don’t you think TJ would be a good CCer?

  129. Marion Delgado
    September 27th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Funky could redeem itself if the Dad says

    “That college boy wasn’t Darrin’s father .. I was. And Jessica IS his half-sister. And cancer runs in the family.”

  130. Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
    September 27th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Oh Miss Countess, Miss Countess:

    You’re invited to a party in Lio.

  131. Tamex
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    The butchers get such a perverse thrill out of seeing Marmaduke’s “meat” that they’ve set their counter and scale right in front of the window!

  132. anonymous
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    #118 Thanks for that Gil Thorpe commentary there, #118. I just looked and looked at the bad art and wondered what all that gibberish meant. I thought it could very well be something made up, but apparently it does mean something! I know squat about sports and they’re always a mystery to me.

    Luanne: I’m already begging for ‘Luanne and Bernice fight about Ben’! I’m ahead of the curve! … Actually, I’ve always liked TJ and I foresee hijinks-aplenty in the weeks to come, in spite of the fact that this business they’re planning to go into is so wrong wrong wrong….

  133. Kate
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Would someone more familiar with the Cancerverse than I am please enlighten me: who was Darrin’s father, the guy who knocked Lisa up so many years ago (and probably gave her cervical cancer)? Because if the father’s confession has anything to do with that, I am going to start screaming and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. Unburdening your soul to a dying daughter who won’t be around long enough to get you back — *there* is a *fine* example of how to behave at the border between worlds.

  134. Josh
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    #133 Kate — Darrin’s biodad was “Frankie” a football player from rival high school “Walnut Tech”. Nerdy high-schooler Lisa wasn’t used to the “attention” and one thing led to another, that another being “date rape.”

    Could those quotes mean that “Frankie” was actually her father in a very clever disguise??? Probably not, thank God.

    Josh

  135. M
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    DT: What, like all of the members of Congress are actually, y’know, at the Capitol, doing their jobs? No way — they’re all off hosting fundraisers or handing out pork or banging their interns. Sadly, this plotline won’t be any more interesting than the last.

  136. Ukulele Ike
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    El Santo @ 115: I hope they handle it like Marvel’s Spider-Girl. There, a grown-up May Parker, the daughter of Peter and Mary Jane, is fightin’ crime in the present …

    Crap. What I want to see is AUNT May Parker, fightin’ crime in the 1920′s. If she was the original Aunt May from 1962. If she’s the current Aunt May, the ’50s.

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    #105 Keg of Curd,
    I think MW’s Dr Drew will be spending some time seizing the meat too. Hey, it’s his so he knows where it’s been.

  138. willethompson
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    From the link posted in #34, re: FW…

    “Batiuk said in a telephone interview. “I want to do a strip that’s as honest as possible. You’re dealing with probably the great `elephant in the room’ when you talk about death, especially when you do it in a comic strip.”

    Many posters have commented on the inappropriate use of the ‘comics’ for whatever Batiuk is trying to say, tell or prove with this storyline. We’ll take that as read.

    In a way, I come to praise Batiuk, not to bury him. Using his gifts, he’s managed to bring to the front of my mind the 31 days it took my mother to go from vital to funeral due to pancreatic cancer. He’s managed to bring back the hospital, the Hospice bed, the morphine patches. The reduction of the body to a husk. Trying to give my Dad a quiet corner for his private grief. The whisper of visitors asking, “Is she…?” every time her chest fell. And that moment when the chest didn’t rise again.

    So, thanks, Batiuk, for making it possible to re-live those moments every day. Thanks for your ‘honesty’ about dealing with death in a comic strip. It’s the same sort of honesty that would cause me to look at my son over breakfast and say, “Hey you know that cat of yours that sleeps purring on your head every night? In ten, maybe twelve years, he’ll be dead. Just thought you needed a brush with mortality along with your Froot Loops.”

    So if you’re a prostate cancer survivor, revel in the day! Eat Eggs Benedict and screw the cholesterol. But don’t wallow in slow death and call it ‘honesty.’

    Shithead.

  139. Ukulele Ike
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    “Ka-thung”?!

  140. Cedar
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    #127 Back when I used to read 9CWL regularly, there was a gag where Thorax was auditioning dancers to be the mouthpiece of this Monty-God (I seem to recall the whole spectacle being called Mega-God). Edda was roped into this somehow, but disliked it. She said something like, “If this is such a big deal, but did Monty cast the guy himself?” And Thorax says, “He tried, but Colin Mochrie was busy.”

    So there you go.

  141. True Fable
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    #138 Amen and well said, brother wille!

    I’m glad Batiuk isn’t a teacher. Instead of a piece of chalk or a dry erase marker, he’d probably just use a razor and carve his lectures into each of his students, and use salt on those who studied the subject in detail before his class.

  142. LightSyrup
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    I am TOTALLY not following A3G. Is it just me?! Is anyone else completely confused as to the feelings that GenEric has for either of these two women?!

  143. True Fable
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    #142 LightSyrup – “GenEric”. By jove, I think you’ve got it, the quintessential reference name for Eric Mills!

  144. LightSyrup
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    138 and 141

    I wasn’t sure what I thought about it except that I sure don’t find death entertaining in the comics. Thank you for putting some kind of perspective on things for me, and for allowing me to be completely and utterly mortified and depressed at reading his strip.

  145. LightSyrup
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    Long, drawn-out, semi-realistic death, I mean. Wile E. Coyote or Dick Tracy deaths, bring ‘em on, man!

  146. LightSyrup
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    #115
    They have a kid?

    Um, I need to go do some reading *slinks away*

  147. Buck Ripsnort
    September 27th, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    I scrolled down in trepidition, but no one caught this, although some came close– Cave’s Meat is obviously a reference to Cave Canem, apros’ to the Big Dog.
    Although Otto scares me more.

  148. Buck Ripsnort
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    TJ should team up w/ the Scary Old Lady from OBH; together, they make a better Joker than Heath Ledger OR Caeser Romero!

  149. Trotzenbonnie
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    #138 – wille
    Amen, wille. Amen.
    Poor Mr T has had enough of Funky and he doesn’t even read the damned thing. But he knows when I have. I’m using it as a primer to teach him how NOT to behave if ever I should follow in Lisa’s footsteps.
    It’s a lovely way to start the day, I must say.

  150. ElSanto
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    #146 — Yeah, and it’s cannon too. I didn’t read the series at the time, but from what I understand, the babgy was kidnapped (probably because the Marvel writers were at a loss as to what to do with a superhero who has a kid). The Spider-Girl series, though — which began life as a “What if?” comic — sorta assumes that at some point the baby returns and grows up like a normal girl. The series has managed to get over 100 issues, which is pretty impressive in this day and age. (And, for my money, Hobgoblin has actually been more threatening in the Spider-Girl series than he was in the flagship title.)

  151. Uncle Lumpy
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    FW — Lisa Moore: 10/4, over and out.

    Y’know, the best way for Batiuk to execute the “leap” would be to move the current characters ten years into the past.

  152. Dingo
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, I think it’s time to say something because so many people are mad at Funky Winkerbean. I don’t read it. It doesn’t appear in either of my local papers and I never check it on the Chron page. However, based on everything that I’ve read on here, I went to it today and read the last four weeks.

    And I cried.

    In July, 1995, my best friend announced to me that he was dying. It took a long time for the effects to show on him (he was a stocky guy like me). We continued to go to movies, to dinner, and go on with life like nothing was different. But it was. We took a trip to Florida together to Disney World. He was there for a medical convention but I always called it the Make-A-Wish flight in my mind. As time went on, he began losing a great deal of weight. In the end, sitting across the table from each other in a Chinese restaurant, we looked like Funky and Lisa sharing a meal.

    There was no goodbye. On Thursday night, March 14, we chatted on the telephone and talked about getting together on Saturday for dinner. We talked about the man I had met in Florida and continued to date upon our return. To my friend, my life looked like it was completing. I had a good job, a great apartment, and a wonderfully bearded Brawny Paper Towel man who wanted to move to Chicago to be with me.

    Saturday afternoon, I got the call from his brother. He had used the .45 magnum against his forehead. There were no goodbyes to friends, no last moment of love shared with his mother, or reconciliation with his dad. No one was able to tell him how much he meant to us. I described it for a long time as being like that character on a soap opera whose name I can’t remember. A character’s son had gone upstairs to wax his skis in the late 60s and was never heard from again. Fans of the soap joked he was still up there, in his room, with the skis.

    Batiuk is forcing his readers to confront their own mortality through the life of a fictional character. We don’t want to face the inevitable so why should characters on the page? Like death, taxes, or the rebirth of Cher’s career, the comics give us a certainty that everything can be resolved within a week’s time (six months for Mary Worth). Funky made me cry not because it made me sad but because it gave me the opportunity to witness a character’s demise surrounded by those who love her. Schmaltzy? Sure. But I believe most members of humanity would prefer to leave this world surrounded by schmaltz than a fade into the ether without a moment’s repose. You don’t need someone to plant an orange tree in Israel for your grandchildren; you just need to know that to someone – anyone – you mattered. Your existence had reason.

    Will I begin to read Funky now? No. It was always the Earl Grey in my Darjeeling world. But I will read it through the final closure on Lisa’s life and, once again, I’ll shed a few tears and think of my friend, Steve.

  153. Moss_Moses
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Drew’s first mistake was blabbing to Mary Worth about his relationship with Vera Shields. Now he’s compounding his misery by confessing to the meddling harpy and her pompous gasbag special friend about his two timing. Why must everyone spill their guts so readily to that nosy biddy? “Mrs. Worth, I’ve found that something to hold, something to love”.

    Why not hook up with Johnny Walker and take a long drive off a short cliff instead? It would certainly be way more entertaining than the droll ending that is sure to follow and put a merciful end to this banal episode.

    Maybe Brittany can join them for trouser trout fly fishing on the Willy River. No…Rex wouldn’t want her to spoil his homoerotic pederast fantasy and she’s too fat and drunk, anyway. Rex can bring his big pole and Niki can bring the little weiners. After all, like he said, “I’m the big and you’re the little, Niki”, unlike Rex and Doctor Troy who shared weiners from the same package.

  154. Spiny Norman
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Some completely non-FW comments, since FW is so…no, I’m not going down that road…:

    Archie: “Shit-eating grin. noun. See ‘Archie.’”

    Baldo: Normally I find Baldo a little heavy-handed, but after teaching my class about WWII last year, I have to say I’m right behind the extended shout-out to the veterans. I live in a pretty politically liberal area—OK, one of the most liberal areas on the planet—but my students did a great project where they sent care packages to soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, and they got some great letters back. It was a terrific way for them to relive part of the homefront experience, and they were able to connect with what’s going on in the wider world in a very personal way. (Anysoldier.com is a great way to do this if you want to emulate my students.)

    Buckles: But where’s the kigo?

    MT: Somehow, the morphing of the exquisitely coiffed young man from Anonymous Male Model to Dean Martin to Young Warren Beatty is oddly soothing.

    MW: Forget, for a moment, the fact that young Drew’s hand appears, by a trick of perspective, to be resting in his dad’s lap. What’s with Mary’s withered arm in panel 1 and her creepy square head in panel 2? I know that the tortoise is a symbol of longevity, but just because she’s older and nosier than God doesn’t mean she needs to turn into a tortoise. She’s even got scales on her shirt, for crying out loud!

  155. Spiny Norman
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    #19 Moon Mullins: Love the “Bewitched” reference.

    I was actually thinking that the “!!!” and the “EEEEKKK!” ought to be reversed.

  156. Spiny Norman
    September 27th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Zits: Since Jeremy’s room is a Bedouin camp, and Jeremy himself is the camel, does that mean that if he rubs his lamp hard enough, Charlie Brown will come out and grant him a wish?

  157. Tabby
    September 27th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    {{{{Dingo}}}}

  158. Phoebe
    September 27th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Way to ‘make your intentions clear,’ Eric – we all know you ‘don’t want to hurt her.’ Prepare to be disemboweled.

    Also, since when was Joe from One Big Happy an experienced yoga master?

  159. Lemmy Caution
    September 27th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    The real problem with the current Luann storyline Smarmy McSweatervest’s harebrained plan to pimp out whatshername to kickstart his catering career, but that the premise that firehouse grub is so awful that this would seem like a viable business plan to begin with. I mean, aren’t firemen generally known for being good cooks? Maybe it’s just the predominantly Italian Brooklyn neighborhood I live in, but chances are if you go into the local shops you’re going to find yourself standing behind half a dozen firemen discussing what’s fresh and arguing about the finer points of food preparation with the proprietors.

  160. Old Man Muffaroo [Old Man Kip W]
    September 27th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke Thorpe – They say Cave Springs eternal!

  161. Dingo
    September 27th, 2007 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Lemmy Caution #159: I cannot imagine the number of gay porn movies that have used firemen and the kitchen of a firehouse as a premise for sex. Plus, every cable channel seems to have an hour a week devoted to great firehouse cuisine. Ah, the thought of licking creme brulee off of the hairy pectorals of a man named Clancy carrying a big hose. I suspect that some hunky firemen will be teaching TJ a lesson in the kitchen when he thinks he’s going to show them quien es mas macho. Just like in bad porn.

  162. Jeff Fecke
    September 27th, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    Frankly, I just have one question: Is it me, or is the gay subtext in Luann no longer subtext? Because…damn. Those two would make Harvey Fierstein say, “That’s a bit over the top, boys.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.

  163. queek
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    152: from a different Steve to you: *hugs*

  164. NotThatGuy
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    #159, I agree, I’m not really getting the “firemen don’t cook” bit. A local firehouse donates a “dinner with the firemen” to a charity auction every year here, and the high bid is usually around $600. To have firemen cook dinner. Not too shabby.

  165. Gabe
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    You say underage orgy like its a bad thing.

    Dingo, that’s a horrible thing to happen to anyone. That said, this storyline is NOT why people hate Funky. This alone would be ok; but his strip just seems to be one really depressing arc after another. Really, name a character, we can give you their horrific backstory.

    Also, dammit. YOu gays get all the good uniform porn. Straight porn women never seem to stay in costume long enough. And you guys get ALL the military porn. Not fair.

    And no, TJ can’t be a CCer due to our strict ban on sweatervests (exceptions when we visit TDIET).

  166. LTBF
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    So TJ plans to cook meals for a large group of people every day from a kitchen in a small house? And just what is Brad going to deliver them in? He drives some sort of sports car. And has Brad asked the guys at the station if they want their meals catered?

  167. NotThatGuy
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, your story was a lot better than Batiuk’s. And I’m so sorry, and I really appreciate you sharing it with us.

    But FW? I guess I think Gary Trudeau did it so much better with Andy, as far as the long good-bye. Okay, that was awhile ago and maybe it’s time for someone else to revisit the human condition. I’ve never been a fan of Batiuk; it’s not one of the great ones. And I guess, sincere and heartfelt and honest as he believes this arc is, it still reads to me (when Josh posts something or someone posts a link) like it’s kinda trying too hard to be sincere and heartfelt and true, and instead of reading it and aching for the inevitable grief of love, I just get annoyed with feeling like he’s trying to manipulate his audience. And so I’m left with thinking a second-tier storyteller is attempting a first-tier story, and I feel mean for thinking that, but every time I read the strip, the thought comes back.

    But I’m still really sorry about your friend.

  168. LTBF
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m in a minority but I’m actually enjoying the Funky cancer storyline. And, no, it isn’t because I hate Lisa.

    Now, if Elizabeth Patterson had canceer, I’d really be loving it.

  169. EP
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who thinks Brad and T.J. are closeted homosexuals and this whole conversation-thing they’re having is full on innuendos? Or is that just me?

  170. Dingo
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    Hey, thanks for the thoughts folks but I’m more glad that you’ve shared your reasons for disliking Batiuk. As I stated, I’m not a reader of the strip so I wouldn’t know how depressing it always is. I’m giving the man a pass but right now I’d give anything for a prankish barmaid in Melbourne, Australia to give Lynn Johnston a shot made from floor disinfectant.

    Oh, hell. I’d pay $50 to see Lynn chained to a table and given an ice water enema from a orangutan wearing lederhosen and stilettos.

    When Farley died, I cheered for the river and imagined its gurgling waters to whisper, “I’ll be back for you, my pretty.” to April. I’m still waiting.

    We need to invent a term. Something akin to BATIUK MOMENTS. Y’know, those moments like when Bobby Goldsboro’s Honey comes on the AM radio and you hear

    And then one day while I was gone
    And she was there home all alone
    The angels came

    and instead of doing what you usually do and imagining the entire Angels sports team banging this guy’s wife like a human Whac-a-Mole game you actually think about her death and in a moment that you don’t quite understand burst into tears in your Honda Civic and cause the delivery guy on the Vespa to worry that you’re going to sideswipe him and you say to yourself, “Rolly Church of Crete! What the hell am I doing?!?” and then you say, “Ah. I had a Batiuk Moment.”

    Comment #152 was my Batiuk Moment of the day. Now all I need is to hear Beverly Bremers.

  171. True Fable
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    #152 Dingo – Since Funky Winkerbean has actually done something helpful for you, that is to say acting as a catalyst to comfort you in your grief, then for that fact alone I will grant it a modicum of grudging respect. I admire you greatly and your story was beautifully written and tastefully presented. You have my sincerest condolences for the loss of your friend Steve.

    I still can’t stand Batiuk, but my repulsion for his work now has an asterisk beside it.

    ” *except that once, it helped Dingo.”

    -TF

  172. LTBF
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    When Mike ran back into his burning apartment, I was hoping he’d die.

  173. Dingo
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Oy gevalt!

    It was my Batiuk Moment of the day!!! What powers this brings. I think I need to write a letter to Dick Cheney. Tonight.

    If they find him Monday morning asphyxiated between the butt cheeks of Rush Limbaugh, I will declare my innocence.

  174. Flipper
    September 27th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    I’m visiting my 70-year-old mother this evening, and we just finish the crossword puzzle. She’s about to put down the paper when she stops and says, “Oh, I have to check on the poor girl with cancer.” I think for a moment and ask, “You mean Funky Winkerbean?” She replies, “Yes, isn’t it sad?”

    So I now have to cut Funky a lot of slack because my mom cares about it. (And it helped Dingo, too.) Dang.

  175. Dingo
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Oh, and please don’t abbreviate that to Dingo’s BM. That just ain’t a pretty picture.

  176. bats :[
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    170. Dingo, there is NO WAY I can photoshop that! (Hmm…I’ll bet I could find photos of an orang…and lederhosen…and LJ….)

    Anyway, my attention has been diverted to Dr. Drew and Lio, not necessarily at the same time. FOOB just seems so…20 years ago. And time has stopped for FC (gee, there’s a news flash). But in the meantime:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1451487052/

  177. Mike
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    MW: If “dinner at the Bum Boat” is some euphemism for a chili dog and donkey punch, then either the next couple of days of Mary Worth are going to be the best ever, or I’ll have to throw up. I’m not sure which.

  178. Rachel
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Hi! I’m a longtime lurker and the current FW storyline has me divided. On one hand, I completely understand his need to purge these feelings about what happens when your body completely rebels against you. On the other . . .

    You know, there are few people who can say they’ve never had to deal with cancer in anyway shape or form. It’s always been a part of my life, whether from my grandpa’s 17 year remission ending this last July, my beautiful grandmother’s long battle with it, or my own dealings with it when I was twelve. I admire artistic freedom, god knows I do. But really. . . I want to read about Jason tormenting Paige with his iguana. Half the time, the real world sucks enough.

    And if he wanted to REALLY show the realities. .. not that I want to see Lisa suffer (stupid emotional investment, I’ve always loved this character), but how dare he say he’s showing the realities of dying from cancer? This is starting to come off as a Lifetime movie of the week.

    I know I could always stop reading, but damn Batiuk and his build up. . . now I need catharsis.

    I miss Calvin and Hobbes.

  179. Poteet
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    9/28 DT — Weeks go by when I wonder why I bother to follow this strip, but every so often it all pays off, and today is the day. I laughed so hard my cats fled the basement. From Dick’s face in the first panel to Grandpa Baron’s tear in the last…talk about perfection. Thank you, comic gods!!

  180. MJ1066
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    FW: To Lisa’s father: Hello? Do you still not understand it? Your daughter was raped. She did not, I repeat, did not, get pregnant on purpose. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t ask for this to happen to her. Stop romping on your dying daughter for something that happened years ago and that wasn’t her fault. How is your babbling about your “disappointment” supposed to help Lisa? If you can’t be kind and charitable, just stay away. Les doesn’t want you around, and Lisa doesn’t need you.

    Lisa’s father apparently belongs to the “she asked for it” school of thought regarding rape victims.

    Lisa’s father’s attitude hits close to home for me because I know how it feels to be victimized and to be told “It’s all your fault.” I wasn’t raped, but I might have been if I hadn’t changed schools. I was severely sexually harassed in fifth grade, sixth grade, and the first half of seventh grade. I went through precocious puberty, and certain people at my elementary school were fascinated by my unusually large breasts. Some of my male classmates talked constantly about what they wanted to do to me. The teachers and the principal at Salt Elementary School refused to do anything about the sexual harassment. The principal told my mother, “Boys will be boys.” He told her, “Your daughter does have large breasts, and she needs to just accept that boys will have fantasies about her and they will talk about those fantasies.”

    The sexual harassment only got worse when I entered seventh grade. On some days I was afraid to go to school because I was so terrified by the constant rape threats. My parents moved me to a private Christian school in the middle of seventh grade to get me away from the people who were threatening to rape me.

    Everything went well at the private Christian school until ninth grade. That was when one of my classmates developed a sick obsession with the public junior high school I had left. She became filled with a misguided compassion for the would-be rapists that I had left behind in the middle of seventh grade. Cubbi-Wubbi had heard through the grapevine that some people were upset when they came back from Christmas break and I wasn’t there. She began to tell me constantly that “people were sad when you left Hamburger Middle School.” When I demanded to know, “Who was sad when I left Hamburger Middle School?”, she named some of the very people who had been threatening to rape me. I tried to explain that those Hamburger Middle School students deserved to lose me as a classmate because they had mistreated me, but Cubbi-Wubbi would not believe me. She told me that people had every right to say what they wanted to say, that I must have misunderstood them, that those people couldn’t really be as mean as I made them out to be, and that it was all my fault for having such large breasts. Cubbi-Wubbi had no sympathy toward me for the rape threats directed against me, but she had infinite compassion for the perpetrators of the threats. She went so far as to say that I should leave the private religious school, go to the large public high school (I’ll call it Raper) for which Hamburger Middle School was a feeder school, and run the risk of getting raped. She told me that I would never know whether the threats were real or not unless I went to Raper and gave those people another chance. Cubbi-Wubbi told me that those people had the right to have their former classmate return, and that I, not the rape-threateners, was the villain of the story, because I had violated those people’s rights.

    When my family moved in the summer after my tenth grade year, I decided to give the public high school in my new neighborhood a chance. At first, Cubbi-Wubbi was ecstatic to hear that I was leaving our private school. “You’re going to Raper!” she exclaimed happily. “No, my family is moving to Edwardsville, and I’m going to Bartrum,” I explained. Cubbi-Wubbi’s chin trembled and her eyes filled with tears. “But why is your family moving to Edwardsville? That’s so far away from me, and from all those nice people at Raper!” she said huffily. I resisted the impulse to say, “That’s one reason why we’re doing it.” I was thankful to get a new start in Edwardsville. Bartrum was better academically than the small private school, but the very best thing about it, in my opinion, was that Cubbi-Wubbi the Queen of Scolds wasn’t there.

    (Names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent.)

    I wish Lisa’s father would stop his self-pitying babbling. I hope that Lisa can’t hear him, and that he’s only fantasizing about her looking at him forgivingly. He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.

  181. Poteet
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    # 171 — Sir Fable MTK, please allow me to say ditto, ditto, ditto.

  182. Dingo
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Damn, MJ1066, now I’m gonna have to look through old strips so that I can have Lisa slap her dad’s face like Dawn did to Drew.

  183. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Josh, I cannot let you sit idly by as America’s cartoon fathers blatantly tune in to the Al Gebra network – which, as everyone knows, is run by people who occasionally have been known to maybe live in the same city, or in the city a few miles down the road, from people who might be as closely related as second cousins to people who once went to college with a guy who married the sister of TERRORISTS!

    Oh wait – that’s “Al Jazeera” – never mind.

  184. MJ1066
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    #178 Rachel: I’m so sorry for what happened to you and your grandparents. I hope that things go better for you from now on.

    #152 Dingo: I’m very sorry that you lost your friend.

  185. Adjuster
    September 28th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    MT 9/28: I want to be the first to call it: SNAKE! There’s a snake egg in with all the ducklings! It’s going to eat up all the little ducklings and then try for mama duck too!

    Don’t tell me that a newly hatched snake would be too small to eat a full-grown duck. This is Mark Trail! Next week’s Sunday comic: “Newly hatched snakes have been known to eat over ten million times their own weight. Bears run the other way when a garter snake breaks free of the shell. Snakes are the only animals born with sideburns.”

  186. Poteet
    September 28th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    MT — So the moral seems to be that if you’re a land developer and want to be known and loved as a noble friend of wildlife, all you need is a small transgendered duck sitting on eggs in a nest too close to a frequently-flooding lake, a duck that is willing to sit through attempted duckicide, bad dialogue, and strange multiple-shovel action and still stay put. Who knew?

  187. Rachel
    September 28th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    MJ1066- Thank you and I hope everything has gone better for you. Bad things happen and can get in the way of life, but I’d prefer life to get in the way of bad things. I really only felt the need to comment on this particular story line because I was re reading the original “Lisa’s Story,” which was beautifully handled and should have, in my opinion, ended there. Which is why, to paraphrase the original story, I can say I’ve been cancer free for 11 years, five months, and two weeks. . . but hey, who’s counting? Batiuk- LESS IS MORE!

    For a beautifully rendered handling of death in the comics, I must reference Calvin and Hobbes, the strips where Calvin finds the injured raccoon. Simply done, not drawn out. Of course, Bill Watterson is a gd genius, but still . . .

    And, wow, I just realized what an awful pun my nmessage to Batiuk would have been had I meant it to be one. . . .

  188. MJ1066
    September 28th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    #187 Rachel: Yes, things have been much better for me since I left that school.

    I’m glad to hear that your cancer hasn’t returned. I still think that Batiuk’s handling of the second cancer story leaves much to be desired.

    I miss Calvin and Hobbes, too. I would have liked for it to continue for a few more years. On the other hand, at least the Calvin and Hobbes artist had the good sense to quit while he was still ahead, which is more than I can say for certain other comic strip artists.

  189. Joe Btfsplk
    September 28th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Okay. For the week before Labor Day I was on vacation and away from my computer, so I didn’t get to read the comics or this site until I came home again, and I’ve looked in only sporadically since then. That’s what happens whenever I’m hooked on something like this and then lose contact with it for a while; catching up on things just seems like so much work. I scanned back over the lost week-and-some after I came home, and was both relieved and annoyed by how little had happened in any of the strips, with the exception being Dick Tracy, which waited patiently with endlessly repeating CIA HQ conversation until the day I left, and then unleashed all holy hell as brain chips leaped from one head to another, and cars were rammed and sent hurtling into rivers, and Tracy barely escaped drowning, and buildings were targeted, and helicopters chased each other all over town, and THE SEAT HIT THE FAN, and then I came back and the action stopped dead again. Though it looks like it’s picking up again now, as a powerful package-bomb is detonated, apparently inside some building endowed with a giant gong, judging by the ensuing sound-effect.

    Dick Tracy makes me think of that quote that always comes up in documentaries about WW2 fighter and bomber pilots, something to the effect of their lives being an eternity of boredom punctuated by moments of absolute terror.

  190. Dingo
    September 28th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    I miss Calvin and Hobbes.

    I also miss 2fs and his comments about cow orkers. I haven’t seen someone ork a cow in years.

  191. The Avocado Avenger
    September 28th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    A3G – Don’t be fooled, Margo’s not drinking a fine merlot, that’s blood.

    DT – The look on Dick’s face in panel 1 makes this whole stupid storyline worthwhile.

    GT – Hey, Allen Ginsburg is a Knights fan. That’s a plot twist I didn’t see coming.

    MT – Good lord, Shirley has a baker’s dozen eggs under her hinder. She’s already lost two from that kerfluffle last week. Obviously, she’s a hussy.

  192. Dub Not Dubya
    September 28th, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    165 Gabe:

    Also, dammit. YOu gays get all the good uniform porn. Straight porn women never seem to stay in costume long enough. And you guys get ALL the military porn. Not fair.

    I do know of one straight porn with a couple of military scenes although I couldn’t find a good synopsis of it online. See The Devil in Miss Jones, Part 2 (link not really SFW if anyone might look closely at the text, but no incriminating images.)

    Cue “The More You Know” music now…

  193. Dingo
    September 28th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Gabe is right. I’ve seen some straight porn with military themes and, I’m sorry, a naked woman wearing a red sash and a beret just doesn’t cut it for a military theme. Now, the eastern European gay porn with military themes is amazing. They have actually army equipment in the shots! If I’m ever going to be doublefucked in the back of a Jeep by two Czech soldiers on a mountain pass overlooking Prague, this is the way to go.

  194. Dub Not Dubya
    September 28th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    Well, FWIW (not FW), in the movie I linked to, she makes interesting use of some army equipment. I’m just saying.

    BTW, Dingo, your take on what most people would be thinking when they hear that part of the song “Honey” had me LMAO!

  195. Old Man Muffaroo [Old Man Kip W]
    September 28th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Adjuster @185 – I’d like to be the second to call it. Or at least highlight your second paragraph as a strong contender for some sort of greatness.

  196. AtomicDog
    September 28th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    165 Gabe – I have vivid memories of a video where a female Red Chinese solider, ah, “interrogates” her male prisoner. Let’s just say that he spilled everything.

  197. Edgy DC
    September 28th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    What jive-ass defense sets up for “short stuff” on 3rd-and-9?

  198. NickCarrawayRIP
    September 28th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Hi, long time lurker and first time poster here. You guys really crack me up.

    (DT) GT- I’m starting to get the idea that Tony Casey is not all that good a quarterback and his backup must be even worse. I’ll bet anyone that even a one-legged second-string tight end who is still recuperating from getting his clock cleaned could throw better than Tony.

    Maybe someone should talk to Coach about this.

  199. NickCarrawayRIP
    September 28th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    MW– I like the idea of the young two-timer getting some advice on cheating at the Bum Boat while Mary is in the kitchen telling the chef how to do his job better. I figure the advice could go something like this “Son, even a bird is smart enough not to crap in its own nest. If you want to dip your wick in something different, go someplace far away like Vietnam. It almost worked great for me, just remember to drop off your girlfriend’s passport in a dumpster on your way to the airport”.

  200. Our Boarding House with Major Hoople
    September 28th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Oh. My. God.

    Best. Dick Tracy. Expression. Ever.

  201. Joe Blevins
    September 29th, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    (timpani solo)

    Dick! Dick! Dick from “Dick Tracy”
    Kills with great aplomb

    (Screaming:”I MUST STOP HER”)

    Watch out for that bomb!
    Dick! Dick! Dick from “Dick Tracy”
    Loved by Dad & Mom

    (Screaming: “YOU CAN’T SHOOT, TRACY!”)

    Watch out for that bomb
    Watch out for that…

    (Sound: KA-THUNG!)

    …Bomb!!!

  202. Joe Blevins
    September 29th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Looks like A3G is borrowing shamelessly from another American pop culture institution. Just look at this panel from “Sequential Fonazrelli: The Happy Days Grapic Novel”:

    http://tinyurl.com/238qo2

  203. Luprand
    September 30th, 2007 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    Huh. Honestly, I’ve never seen people discuss both the heartbreaking loss of cancer and the netherbreaking profundity of porn with equal eloquence. I am both impressed and slightly creeped out.

    But in any case … wow. It makes me grateful that the one person I know who did develop cancer (of the thyroid) was able to get it into remission. Granted, she’s always so positive around other people that she always seemed to treat it as more of a speed bump than anything else, but I can imagine what it must have been like when there wasn’t anyone to joke with.

    Or, as the button on her backpack puts it so well, “Cancer sucks.”

  204. Jadis White
    September 30th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Today’s FW makes me so angry!!! GRRR!!! Yes, Les, the funnies are supposed to be FUNNY!!! What a concept!

    Batiuk knows this, but still foists Funky Cancerbean upon the world!

    ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  205. Stuart P. Bentley
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    Has nobody mentioned the Get Your War On from over 5 years ago dealing with the active verb form of suicide bomb?

  206. Carly
    December 18th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    GT- more importantly, the other team’s coach is an IDIOT. Why would you set up for short plays at 3rd & 9?

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