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Boring by boring-west

Judge Parker, 11/26/07

All hopes that a Judge Parker comic might contain something interesting happening — like, say, a deranged Biff Dickens believing that he’s buzzing the trenches on the Western Front and strafing Sam and Abbey — will of course be dashed. What I’m kind of sad about is that Abbey has been too busy freaking out about her daughter’s burgeoning sexuality to notice that an airstrip was being built right next door to the farm where all her precious pretty ponies frolic. Just think of the exciting action that could have transpired if she had gone to the county meetings to try to block Biff’s permit! The whole thing would have ended up in court, of course, with Abbey represented by Sam, and the newly elected Judge Parker Jr. presiding and handing the case to his ex-partner and campaign manager with a wink. Sadly, whatever plot is actually going to arise is going to be even less interesting than that.

Spider-Man, 11/26/07

Far be it for me to suggest that Peter Parker use his mutant spider-strength (do they say that?) and other superpowers to go on a killing spree (great power, great responsibility, blah blah blah) … but say just for sake of argument that Spidey did take the Persuader apart like a cheap watch, which I assume means, I don’t know, that his outside would be cracked open and enough of his insides would fall out that he wouldn’t work anymore. Since the only person to see him open the proportional can of whoop-ass of a spider would now be dead and dismembered, wouldn’t Peter Parker’s secret identity still be safe? Unless, of course, this blatant act of Persuasion is not taking place in an empty alleyway as the first panel implies, but rather before a crowd of indifferent witnesses. “Say, Phyllis, look over there at that hulking ruffian attempting to stake a claim over that wimp’s wife by force. Darwin in action, ya know? Kid should try that Charles Atlas program!”

Slylock Fox, 11/26/07

Is Harry Ape the same guy as the maroon-suited gorilla-pimp we saw Slylock lasso a couple of weeks ago? If so, he’s fallen a long way, stealing a vanity (possibly the least butch piece of furniture possible) from Foo Foo Cat for his mommy. Actually, with the original owner having a name like “Foo Foo Cat,” purple is probably a much more macho color for the vanity than whatever it was before he painted it. I’m assuming that the squat, besotted thing clutching Harry’s gut is the aforementioned mommy, though I didn’t think that apes demonstrated such striking sexual dimorphism.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 11/26/07

You might recall from previous TDIET appearances that “Kimberly A. Coe” is faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader Trotzenbonnie. She shares with us the tale of her latest triumph:

I sent several ideas to Mr. Scaduto way back in February and he used two but rejected the third. I have a feeling that he just didn’t get it. Well, a few weeks ago I received a copy of the cartoon he worked up for the rejected idea with the attached note: “Hi, Kimberly — A situation similar to your cartoon idea happened to my wife and myself — Our grandson told us to be careful — wipe feet etc. entering his dorm … which was a close second to a hurricane-hit shack in appearance — Thank you for your idea — and Best Ever — Al Scaduto.”
Can you believe that? How the man managed to remember that I sent the idea to him months ago was marvel enough in itself. But he also gave me credit for the cartoon which was totally unnecessary since he decided to work it up based on his own experience. The man is a true prince among men — at least out of all of the men who draw cartoons for a living.

Not to ruin any surprises or anything, but I’ve gotten advance notice from enough readers to know that our dominance of TDIET is going to be particularly strong over the next couple of months. I consider the introduction and endearment this feature to my readers to frankly be one of my greatest achievements.

Blondie, 11/26/07

Dagwood is going to get his carpool high.

201 responses to “Boring by boring-west”

  1. slymon
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    in the words of JC Chick Haw Haw

  2. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Congrats Trotz!

    I know it’s been asked before, but has anyone sat down and computed the proportion of TDIETS sent in by CCers?

  3. Frank Parsnip
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Congrats Trotzenbonnie! Given the preponderance of CCers getting involved, eventually there is going to have to be a CCCers’ (Comics-Curmudgeon Curmudgeoners’) blog by which people will snark about our submissions to TDIET, Pluggers and the New Yorker caption contest.

  4. Underclassed
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Hmm, that DOES explain Dagwood’s physics-defying sandwich binges.

  5. Mariko
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Even though I firmly believe the assertion of Messrs Yarrow and Lipton that “Puff the Magic Dragon” is not about marijuana, the idea of a high Dagwood is pretty funny.

    Though the woman’s look of sheer horror and disbelief leads me to believe that the only thing the three men plan to do is sing–loudly and off-key. She would much prefer a joint.

  6. ralph
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all the CCers who are now a legion of sweatervest-wearing quipsters, holding their signed TDIETs.
    Dingo! Forgive me if someone has already pointed this out, but a Molly the bear t-shirt would be a nice match-up with Avalanche, the cute mascot of Kutztown U.
    Go, Golden Bears!
    Maybe someone who is more skilled than I (which is nearly everyone) can link to Avalanche. He could be a member of Molly’s family or maybe he’s a friend of mine’s pet bear’s boyfriend.

  7. Brick Bradford
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    So, Josh, you’re saying that JP would be more interesting if this “Biff” character (and has anyone anywhere EVER met a person named Biff?) started sharing fantasies with Snoopy?

    Of course if you’re thinking live ammo……hmmm.

  8. Rainbird
    November 26th, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I have to admit that I never read TDIET before I started reading your comments. If I did, I would have thought of it as an old folks comic. But now I see it for what it is, an old-folks comics that young folks write (well if we can be called young still.)

    I have submitted two ideas to the strip, but have not seen them used yet. *sigh*

  9. Sheilagh
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    Ape? That’s a poodle.

  10. Niall
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    189 SpiderBrick yesterthread: I’ve been to Lancaster this past summer, and the P&I rail trip! The Choo Choo Barn miniature Lancaster model rail diorama was impressive. As a geek, I can appreciate the dedication and insanity needed for such a project. :) In fact, I should go through the pictures and videos for my blog… (I also was indoctrinated into the Shady Maple too. I still bloat up just thinking about it.)

    Josh, I had linked to Reynard Noir’s use of an early Harry Ape comic with his mother, who looks nothing like the one above. She used to have white hair, now it’s… dyed natural grey. Natural for apes, I guess. But I guess even pimps have a day off now and then, and are allowed to relax. I guess swiping a brat’s vanity is considered “having an off day” for him. :)

  11. dyslexic dog
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, I hear tell you’re the new guy in Kutztown. Congratulations and a deep bow, and then go nutz.

    Me, I got orals tomorrow. Mooch, let go my tongue!

  12. Emily
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone else rooting for the Apes in this Slylock fox? Legal ownership be damned, Foo Foo cat looks shrill and mean and look how HAPPY Ma Ape is.

  13. seanman
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Great insights!

    Anyone see Funky on Sunday? What the hell was THAT about…
    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/funky.asp?date=20071125
    “Suit yourself, creepy…” Sounds like a T-shirt!

  14. BigTed
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, my place isn’t exactly “Frasier’s apartment” neat either, and I wouldn’t think of asking people to take off their shoes before entering. But I’m still happy that my dad isn’t a big enough jerk to walk around smoking a huge stogie, strewing disgusting ashes all over the place. Of course, he doesn’t dress like a ’40s newsstand owner, either.

  15. Anna Nimity
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    If you look at Hairy Ape’s single tooth, you’ll realize that he’s actually Bucky Katt in disguise.

  16. Rainbird
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Emily 12

    Yes, I always hope that the Apes all other large creatures are innocent. It’s as bad as MT and people with facial hair.

  17. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Sartorially speaking, Harry Ape has gone from the Snoop Dogg version of Huggy Bear to Fred Durst. That is falling pretty far.

  18. Shiptic Canker
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Call me crazy, but I always thought Peter Parker’s head periodically going halfsies with his spider mask and enlarged spermatozoa silhouettes swimming threateningly toward it was more of a danger to his secret identity than anything else.

  19. SecretMargo
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    The Slylock Fox seems to be Weber’s not-so-subtle jab at Mell Lazarus, demonstrating in shockingly plain terms what perceptive Momma readers have known all along: namely, that the strip is nothing more than the story of two ugly primates whose “aping” of the hoary tropes of domestic comedy masks a degraded life of debauchery, theft, and incompetent home decoration.

  20. Jaxon Grwffydd
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    What, no MT mention? Bull Malone turns up dead, Frenchy Moustache is holding a smoking rifle and slow Mountie is getting around to (or, will be sometime during next week’s storyline) hauling Frenchy into whatever they call a jail or gaol or whatever up there in moose territory. And guess who will use his superior deductive reasoning skills, not to mention his fists, to bring the real killers to justice?

    You’re slipping, Josh. A real dead body in MT. What gives?

  21. Frank Parsnip
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    Jugs Parker: I like how in panel 2, Sam Driver’s saluting Biff. In a sense, having your own WWI fighter base is a dream-come-true for certain wealthy people, just as having your own F-1 test track or pro-sized baseball field is for others. Sam recognizes when a man’s reach has gone right to the edge of his grasp, and he appreciates it. Next week, Sam will realize that his personality is just shouting out for a custom-built sensory-deprivation chamber.

  22. Ben
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Man, Scaduto must be one of the most friendly guys in comics I know. Wonder what he’s like in person?

  23. milnor
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    I expect that we will forget how however lame the new JP story is once it is revealed that Biff has a hot, well-endowed, 28-year-old grandaughter who needs Sam’s help to get Biff declared incompetent so that she can take over his ranch and sell it to developers…

  24. heynoni
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Weber doesn’t like us, does he? He cruelly challenges us to pick up the subtle clues in order to solve his riddle, but doesn’t bother to tell us that the clues aren’t there to be picked up! How the heck are we supposed to know what date is on the newspaper?? He might as well just say that Slylock read Harry Ape’s criminal profile at the FBI headquarters the day before and discovered that he is a pathological liar, and this coupled with the video-surveillance footage of Harry breaking into Foo Foo’s house, and the fact that the drawers of the dresser still contain all of Foo Foo’s intimate apparell and monogrammed vibrator fairly much gave the game away.

  25. Lesser Whark
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Last year, you asked if Dagwood’s car pool driver ever changes. Today, we learn that they do. Can anyone find a picture of the third member (the one with the moustache) driving? The car may have changed color, but it seems to be the same shape. Unlike JP, where the Stearman artist repeatedly reminds us that he spent five minutes looking at pictures of Stearman biplanes before drawing the Stearman in this week’s Stearman strips.

  26. off-model
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    Would it really be that earth shattering if Spiderman’s true identity was revealed?
    Was everything really changed forever when the author of Primary Colors was no longer anonymous or when Deep Throat decided to step out of the shadows?
    Sure, there might be a brief moment of “Oh, it was that guy,” and then I think everyone would just go about his or her life.
    I guess he might fear villain vengeance, but if they had been competent bad guys to begin with, they would have known his identity long ago.

  27. Zamboni_Rodeo
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    S4th: Sally needs to get David Sedaris to write her Christmas letter.

    Audio of Sedaris’ “Season’s Greetings” letter is here, in Act Two of a This American Life episode. It is read by Julia Sweeney.

    If the popup player doesn’t work for you, try accessing it via this link on the This American Life website. It’s worth a listen.

  28. Trotzenbonnie
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Thank you for the shout out, Josh and thanks to all who noticed my moniker in the funny papers today and offered your congratulations. (Can’t get away with anything around you guys, can I?)

    #14 – Big Ted
    My Rotten Kid never would have asked his sainted mother to remove her shoes before entering his apartment either. His girlfriend instituted that policy and MRK was in no position to intercede on my behalf because, while I may have brought him into this world, sex trumps labor pains every time.

    SLY LOFO- I would have enjoyed today’s strip so much more if this guy http://www.hcbmdbom.medem.com/
    was the vanity-stealing perp.

    And a belated congratulations to Dingo! Best of luck to you. Hey, you’ll be there just in time for the KutztownU JazzFest.

  29. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    off-model @ 26: To be fair, neither Deep Throat nor the author of “Primary Colors” has dozens of guys with super-powers who want to take him on a ride on the long, bumpy road to dead.

  30. Godzooky
    November 26th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Of course Peter’s not a wimp, MJ. “Wimp” doesn’t come close to describing a husband who hangs limply in Persuader’s grip in mid-air, unwilling to even go through the motions of resisting a man about to kidnap his wife. “Coward,” “Girly-man,” and “Useless piece of human flesh” are some of the more descriptive terms that come to mind. I’m sure the creative minds here can come up with plenty more. I’m a super-hero fan, but this strip is downright embarrassing.

  31. AhClem
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    SM – “This guy is going to kidnap my wife, so I’d better invoke my spider powers and … no, wait. Oprah is on in ten minutes, and I don’t want to miss her interview with famous Canadian author Michael Patterson.”

  32. HB Glord
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    #24 — Doesn’t like us?! Bob Weber loves us, we love him, and he has nothing more to prove to us!

  33. Freezair
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    SF: Apparently the fact that the paint is apparently still wet proves nothing…?

    MW: “And he knows the best tricks! …Do you have any peanut butter?” (Yeah, OK, we know, that joke is old by now. I’ll stop.)

    H&J: Affection? From a WOMAN? No wonder he looks so confused.

    Lock: So does this mean that Leroy is actually dating Oprah? Dag, yo. Leroy be a playa.

    Big Dog: Looks like somebody just discovered a new brush in Photoshop.

  34. Deborah
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Abbey needs Mark Trail to knock the facial hair off of Biff!

    Elmo sings songs on the school bus? I thought the school bus was for wedgies and traumatic child abuse. I didn’t know singing was involved!

  35. Godzooky
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, Trotzenbonnie. Nice to see that sweater vests, ivy caps, polka dot ties, argyle socks and baggy nylons are still the rage in Lafayette, LA. And, if my college student niece’s room is any indication, your scenario’s on target, too.

  36. Jamus The Bartender
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    26. Spider Man DID have his secret ID revealed last year. At the White House. Standing next to Tony Stark. And when he changed sides in Civil War, he regretted it. Half of Marvel’s good guys went after him because he wouldn’t get a liscence. And his Aunt May got shot. And I think MJ’s gonna leave him too, because she can’t take it anymore. THAT’S why the masks, all.
    Honestly, I like reading the strip Spidey a lot better. Because no matter how bad it gets, it doesn’t hurt to read as much as the comic books.

  37. Wilbur of the North
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    # 7 BB- I knew a guy in college everyone called “Biff.” His real name was William Something the 3rd from some high buck Detroit suburb. Nice guy. Haven’t met another Biff since.

  38. Rusty
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Yes Elmo, we silently sit in the car and contemplate the grim death that awaits us all. I mean work, we think about work.

  39. SecretMargo
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    32: You have to admit, though, this is a classic cold earrings case. They are infuriating as mysteries, even if they are filled with cinematic possibility as compositions.

  40. Captain Thunder
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Felicitations and salutations, a new Dennis, Viscount of Stokington is up! Thanks to all the ‘mudgeons who take time out of their busy days to read it!

    Menacing House

  41. Dean Booth
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, Trotz and way to go, Dingo!

    I nicknamed my son Biff when he was born, and many times I’ve told him “I am not a dime a dozen, I am Dean Booth … and you are Biff Booth!” He started going by James sometime in the fifth grade, when some kids called him Barf. Now I’m the only one who calls him Biff, though occasionally some old friends of his will slip.

  42. dale
    November 26th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    But Slylock, this isn’t the first coat of paint. It takes a lot of interior latex to cover Formica.

  43. Mary Worthless
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    if Harry Ape is a gorilla (and I do believe he is attempting to be a gorilla), and as a gorilla he is the silverback, that is the dominant male of his social group, there would indeed be a fairly pronounced sexual dimorphism between the males and the females. However, this does not explain why a fox is as tall as a silverback gorilla. But hey, I gotta put that college de-gree to use somewhere.

  44. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    #39 SecretMargo,
    Good point. I actually guessed right on this Slylock, but that’s likely because I’ve seen this not-quite-cricket kind of mystery before.

  45. PeteMoss
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Trotzenbonnie!

    You’re like a…a…triple crown winner or something. I’m sorry. That didn’t come out quite right. But I meant that you did good getting three entries on TDIET, not that you in anyway resemble a triple crown winner, ok?

    Love,
    PM

  46. bats :[
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Two-cents’-worth Tuesday funnies:

    MW: looks like Jeff is either borrowing from his kid’s wardrobe, or he just won the Masters.

    RMMD: this is just getting more and more excitinger!

    Eh, not so much today.

  47. Godzooky
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    #36 Jamus The Bartender re: S-M comic book: I still feel the strip’s embarrassing, but the main book has become out-and-out depressing. In general, so have most current super-hero comics (Capt. America shot dead, Silver Age Superboy torturing, indiscriminately killing, and committing genocide in Countdown, slutty teen Supergirl). Despite sometimes corny and preachy writing, the only current Spidey book that leaves me feeling halfway upbeat is Spider-Girl.

  48. cancertopia
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    The new Zits is up on the WASHINGTON POST. It’s official, the offensive word is ‘sucks’, and not even in a dirty way.

  49. Deena in OR
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Captain, oh my Captain…

    How do you keep putting out such masterpieces?

  50. Sophist, FCD
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Ok, is there any way to explain today’s Pardon My Planet that doesn’t involve the phrases “smelly foreigners” or “dirty Mexicans”? Because I want to be charitable and give him the benefit of the doubt, but damn !

  51. Captain Thunder
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    47. Godzooky, you know what I would love? If Marvel would say, “For the next ten years we’re not doing any crossovers, we’re just going to tell good stories separately in each title.”

    I would love that.

  52. Captain Thunder
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    49. Deena in Or: My dear lady all dressed in gold, I just put one word after another.

  53. LTBF
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Tuesdays’ Foob….

    April prettymuch sums up the key to Mike’s successful turnout at his mom’s bookstore.

    Also, notice people are buying it for someone else. In other words, I really don’t want to read this crap, but I’ll buy a copy to be nice and then dump it on my idiot nephew who doesn’t know Mike so he’ll be impressed that I know some big shot author.

  54. dreadedcandiru2
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    FBofW: Oh, goody. Look at that spoiled princess point out that only the Pattersons and their hangers-on are buying Mike’s piece of garbage book. The Yahoovians and CTers aren’t going to be able to contain their illiterate rage.

  55. Jym
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    =48= (Tuesday) Zits (Cancertopia): How strange. Bloom County got away with “Reagan sucks!” in the 1980s, and what’s more it was aimed squarely at Pat Oliphant.

  56. Loopina
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Tuesday:

    Zits: AHHH! Oh Jeremy, what you *said*! Cancel my subscription! Call my lawyer! Won’t somebody please think of the children??!!

    anyway…

    MW: Wouldn’t Chester simply run to the door? Most dogs do this, unless they’ve been trussed up in another room – and even then they’ll bark.

    SFx: The seventh difference – horse’s tongue has turned white in the second panel. Geez, you’d think the coloring gnomes would try to get it right on Differences day?

    RMMD: ….because I’m planning on making a pot of delicious Ramen noodles.

  57. Edgy DC
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Abby has been so busy “freaking out about her daughter’s burgeoning sexuality” that she’s aging backwards to fully become her daughter’s sexual rival. She looks about 16 here.

  58. ben
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Show me Abbey’s “airstrip” or I’m not interested.

  59. Godzooky
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    MW: So, not only did she not tell Jeff who the “male houseguest” is during the phone call, she’s still playing coy after he’s made the long drive to Charterstone. Though I think he mainly wants to thank Chester for freeing him from Mary’s clutches.

  60. Trotzenbonnie
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    #45 – PeteMoss
    Why thank you, PM. There is, in fact, a horse named Kimberly Coe who raced at Balmoral Park in Illinois. Imagine that! The Trotz Family TDIET tote board reads as follows: TB – 3 & Mr T – 1. We’re doing our part to put the LAUGH in Lafayette.

    FUNKY – What the hell? Is this Rip Van Dinkle or what?
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071127&name=Funky_Winkerbean

    ZITS – That’s it? What the friggitty hell was the kid supposed to say – ‘Unless the moment blows?’
    Hey, wait a minute! How can suck and blow mean the same thing?

  61. SecretMargo
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    40: Every installment a blessing. “After a few moments I felt as though I were in an intestine” was a particular highlight.

    50: I think he just didn’t think beyond the pun, nor realize that setting it in Spain was unnecessary. The joke would have worked equally well (or maybe better — it’s not like they’re French!) (I’m sorry) with a little kid dreading a bath or something and avoided the unpleasant connotations.

  62. dale
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    Slylock
    If I had to or were being paid to defend the mysteries with unseen clues, I would argue that they simply have an extra level of complexity.
    What could Slylock see that would definitively resolve the issue without our seeing it?
    Unfortunately, this becomes a lot like movie/tv versions of Holmes and Poirot where suddenly the sleuth knows a whole lot of arcane shit at the last moment.

  63. lesles
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    JP: it’s Biggles! sam driver is so going to totally love this story arc. he’ll finally be among those who understand him, as evidenced from wikipedia:

    … In the Biggles stories, there are several females and love affairs. However, despite brief affairs, Biggles and his chums remain steadfastly single …

    … ended the contract after receiving complaints from young readers that the storyline had made Biggles “go soft” by taking up a blonde female lover! Because most of the popularity of Biggles was with children, he was unable to include sexual storylines which bored them …

  64. off-model
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    #36, Jamus, yikes, while I grew up with some avid comic book readers, I can’t admit I was an ardent Spider-Man fan.
    Most of my recent exposure has been what’s posted here from the strips where Spidey’s main problems are finding something good on tv, bad guys with self-esteem issues, and a wife who makes more money then he does.
    It’s really tough to feel sorry for that Spider-Man or care if he gets unmasked. It kind of sucks for comic book world Spider-Man, though.

  65. Moon Mullins
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]


    Tuesday Mary Worth:

    Boy, Dr. Jeff sure got plastered when he believed Mary had a gentleman caller. Look at him! Practically falling over as she opens the door. Eyes all bleary. And he’s talking to the left, though Mary’s to his right.

    But Mary could care less. All she can think about is Chester’s sweet, delicate, long probing tongue. Chester can do things that Dr. Jeff never could.

  66. Mibbitmaker
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    #7, etc.: And don’t forget David Letterman’s stage manager/on-air personality Biff Henderson.

  67. Trotzenbonnie
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    #50
    Isn’t Chihuahua in Mexico? And the running of the bulls is in Spain?
    Not being able to tell the difference between Mexico and Spain is offensive.

  68. Poteet
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    # 28 — Congratulations, Trotzenbonnie!

    JP — Geez, Abbey, if you can’t stand to read the local paper yourself, you could hire someone to read it for you. Or at least hire someone to keep track of local land use issues. What a maroon.

  69. Moon Mullins
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]


    Tues Gil Thorp:

    Down on her luck, and with nowhere else to turn, the Statue of Liberty takes a job waiting tables at The Bucket.

  70. Poteet
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    DT — WHA??! Oh, fer — weren’t we just solemnly informed that Scary Portrait Bore had locked the mansion so Dick and Mayor Puttyface couldn’t escape? So why is Dick opening the door to the real estate agent? And if he can open the door and use his little phone, why can’t he sneak away and summon a lot of squad cars to surround the mansion so that Scary Portrait Bore can’t escape and…oh, what’s the use. It’s like punching jello.

  71. Frank Parsnip
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: Good thing that they marked panel 2 as “a graceful spin” because with art like that I would have figured it for a shoulder-socket-wrenching yank.

    MW: Too bad we can’t see whether Dr. Jeff’s right hand has a gun or a tire iron, and I’m a bit sorry we missed the panel No. -1 in which Jeff was probably pounding and cussing at the front door. But the thought balloon in panel 2 is really a bit too much. We know she’s thinking of Chester, and this is just setting a bad precedent. Like the next time she’s thinking of the effing condo rules, we’ll have to see a series of stone tablets?

    Sex Organ, M.D.: Yes, those mid-forest punji sticks sure are a bitch. Went all the way through his shoulder, and he hasn’t gone to the hospital all these days because he’s trying to “walk off” the pain.

    OBH: I daresay, little Joe’s journal already sounds better than Foob’s “Stone Season”.

    MT: There’s an empty shell now falling into the mud and leaves and other crap. Doughboy Steve obviously didn’t pick up much from listening to CSI radio broadcasts on the enormous vacuum-tube radio console he and the boys back at the barracks enjoy listening to while getting ready to fight the Kaiser.

    Slylock Fox: The scary thing is that in the second picture you can see the horse’s head is sticking through glass (note little lines denoting surface of the glass right above the horse’s head).

    Blondie: Oh, there’s no cows at the Bumstead residence, but don’t think for a second that Dagwood ain’t going to put those pails to use on the biggest mammaries in the house.

    Marvin: Given how he now looks like a Chucky doll, I’m hoping they can change the name of this to “Marvin the Menace” and allow him to continue terrorizing his parents and others foolish enough to step into his home.

    Dennis the Menace: Dennis riding a bike “no hands” isn’t menacing until you note that the fuschia paint on the bicycle he’s riding means it has almost certainly been bike-jacked from Margaret … or perhaps Joey. The menacing factor is increased by the saddle-style golf shoes he’s apparently stolen from Mr. Wilson or another of the neighbors. Watch out for those golf spikes… he’s sharpened them.

  72. sonneta
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    FOOB (Tues): OH, SNAP! Three cheers for April!

  73. Trotzenbonnie
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    GIL THORP – Holy crap! That’s how the Mudlarks ‘kick back’ at the Bucket? The waiting room at a proctologist’s office is more relaxed, for crying out loud. And what a bunch of misfits! What is their team cheer – Rah Rah Avis?

  74. Poteet
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    JP — I just saw the Tuesday strip, and yes, Abbey, the most effective time to get involved in county decisions is after the decisions have been made. Oh yeaaah….

    MW — Love the outfit, Doctor Jeff. Add a pair of green pants and you’ll look great in WICKED.

    A3G — I’m really glad the narrator explained those smooth moves by Neil, or I would have feared Tommie was being assaulted and was suffering the Head Bobble of Sudden Death.

  75. Mr. O'Malley
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    50,67. From the Google:

    The pamplonada, or running of the bulls, was held in August in Tecate, B.C., Mexico, during the 80′s and early 90′s along one of the main drags. But cancelled because of a series of accidents and violence.

    Surrounded by Puebla on three sides, little-known Tlaxcala literally lives in the shadow of its more famous neighbor. Yet Mexico’s smallest state offers visitors numerous attractions, certainly more than its size would warrant. It has colonial masterpieces, stunning pre-Hispanic murals, colorful religious festivals, and even an annual Pamplona-style running of the bulls, all in an area slightly larger than Rhode Island.

    Running of the Bulls at San Miguel (Sanmiguelada)–San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato. Also known as the Pamplonada because it is Mexico’s imitation of Spain’s “running of the bulls,” the Sanmiguelada is an annual festival usually taking place the third Saturday of September in honor of Saint Michael the Archangel.

    But of course the Pamplona is in Spain, so the cartoon is still geographically challenged.

  76. BigTed
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie (28): I guess you have to expect some changes when you allow your life to be transformed into art.

  77. Chennuxfangrl
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    I am gleefully celebrating the uberle3t pwnage in todays FOOB.

    for your viewing and listening pleasure:

    mike.justgotowned.com

  78. True Fable
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Now is the time for all good men to come to the snark of their comics. Bwahaha.

    A3G Has Arthur Murray taken over the writing duties of this strip?!
    Archie Look in the first panel, and TELL me that isn’t Moon Maid! She’s ALIVE!! Lads, let’s get our drool buckets out again because Moon Maid is alive and living in Riverdale! And don’t try to point out she has no antennae, it’s obvious she gave those to Brynna over in Milford. Fables think about these things, we really do.
    F Minus Today’s strip made me say “Awww” out loud. My imaginary friends would NEVER do that. They just tell me to say inappropriate things at the most optimum time to get my ass kicked.
    FC Ewww. Don’t have breakfast over at the Keane’s house, y’all.
    FBoFW YAY!!! April aims, she shoots – she SCORES! Total pwnage, y’all, and dig Mike’s face in the last panel – “dammit, she’s right.” Oh, Lynnie baby, sometimes you make me smile rather than wince.
    Lynn Baby -
    Oh you have come SO close to getting a wink and air kiss from me today, you sly mutton chop you. Of course, the point is that you DIDN’T get EITHER, but I still like the TRUTH spelled out in big red letters – “Mike’s book will only sell to friends and family.” I mean sure, that’s the only people who bought my book too, but I sure as hell didn’t get a $25K advance and all that shit.
    Ya know, I’m not even gonna say suffer, bitch. I’ll save that for tomorrow when April is probably going to be called a picky face for dissing Mike’s Wonder Tome.
    Truman A. Fable
    Not paid enough to even be a hack

    FW Don’t you believe it, Harry. That’s not her leaf blower, that’s her dildo with a special adapter.
    GA Aw. Cute mousie alert. (Damn it Fable, quit reading GA! Bad Fable! Bad!)
    (DT)GT Panel one, right side: WTF is THAT? A waitress? Wearing just exactly WHAT on her forehead? I never ever EVER saw anything like that on a waitress, not even here in Roopville where it’s still 1958 at the local diner.
    JP Nice Display of Abbey in panel one, but then she has to open her mouth in panel three and reveal that she was too busy busy busy to pay attention to local happenings or, hello, what was being built in her neighbor’s field. Pay attention to zoning hearings, Miss Spencer! And to think I started to write a love song parody to you. *sniff* you wouldn’t have noticed it unless it was worth $2.5 million!
    Lockhorns Usually I do not like The Most Hatefilled Comic In The World, but I like today’s dialog. Too bad it’s from Leroy Lockhorns.
    Luann Sheep get all the good press. Goats don’t. My fight to bring Goats to the public conscience is an uphill battle, but probably just as well. I don’t want to see them overhyped.
    MT So when and who did fire it? And who killed Bull Malone? and why isn’t someone punching someone else? And what about the buffalo? *Laugh-In reference*
    Big Dog GEEZUS. I would hate to have that huge visage staring at ME over the breakfast table.
    Marvin What the hell is going on with this strip? I mean the kid already has the parents wrapped around his finger, why go through this?
    MW Dr. Jeff, you are such a freakin’ PANSY. Don’t go running over to Mary’s thinking you’re going to meet and run off some new man in her life; God, man, where is your Dignity? Why not just stay home and do a Freedom from Meddling dance, and invite some hot chicks from the Bum Boat over to your place?
    Momma As a Libra/Scorpio cusper, I object to the idea of Momma also being a Libra. Her zodiac sign is obviously Asshole.
    Phantom I would hate to live in a town where a mook in purple tights on a white horse and two pre-adolescent children on bikes, run around all over town at night without anyone from the police department pulling them over and asking what the hell they are doing out on the street.
    PC hey. I have the Hotts for Arianna Huffington, let’s not diss La Pettite Huff. But I like the fishnets and whip. >:D
    RMMD Hmmm. A Rex Morgan MD strip without any sexual overtones in it. Oh yeah, this is supposed to be a straightfaced serial strip! I almost forgot!
    S-M MJ Parker as Marvella the Pretend Superhero beats Peter Parker as Spiderman the Actual Superhero in all things.
    Zits I like today’s strip. I still dislike Jeremy, but I like the strip, how does That work?!?

  79. Mr. O'Malley
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    214, previous thread:

    # Uncle Lumpy says:
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:50 am

    #210 SecretMargo –

    all-LOLCat performance of Marat/Sade

    Links, dammit!

    I think it can be found here.

  80. Mr. O'Malley
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Here’s an interesting one. (See #79 for link to complete collection.

  81. jamoche
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    B1FF is the prototypical Usenet newbie, for those of us old enough to remember Usenet.

    I sing in the car. But then, who says I have to be a grown-up?

  82. Canaduck
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    Honestly, I always disliked TDIET a lot until we started hearing about emails from Scaduto. He seems like such a great guy that I appreciate the comic on a whole new level now. Seriously.

  83. Mariko
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    #71 Re: Blondie–
    Would those be Blondie’s mammaries, or Cookie’s? I don’t want to think of the implications there. . . .

  84. Eats Shoots And Leaves
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    SF: I believe Foo Foo to be the sexually repressed sister of Cassandra. Eaten with jealously of the uninhibited Cassandra, Foo Foo spends her days clipping coupons and caring for the many stray old ladies that roam the neighborhood. Great was her anger when the apes stole her vanity full of Grannychow coupons. Her frustration is only compounded by her knowledge that, far from focusing on Foo Foo’s victimization, Slylock is thinking of Cassandra right at this very moment.

  85. Frank Parsnip
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    Mariko (83): Blondie, only because with a couple of kids and the constant attentions of Dagwood, she’s more likely to be the one lactating. Ah, but Cookie’s time will eventually come… it might be 75 years, but it will come.

  86. The Avocado Avenger
    November 27th, 2007 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    Yay Trotzenbonnie! I recognized the name but couldn’t place it with the ‘nym, as you probably noticed in yesterthread. Don’t let my memory for names be confused with stalking. I never stalk. Anymore. Stupid injunction.

    DT is moving along at quite a clip, relatively speaking. We might have resolution within 2 weeks. Unpossible1

    FBoFW: April is, by far, my favorite character. That Lynn actually allowed a little zinger at Michael’s expense surprises me. Maybe I shouldn’t use “Michael” and “little zinger” in the same sentence. Ew.

    MW: Thank the gods for that thought balloon! Otherwise I’d never have known Mary was talking about a dog! I mean, holy shit, it’s a DOG! I’m beginning to suspect she’s just teasing the good doctor with her constant comments about her male houseguest.

    The Phantom: I can’t get enough of a super hero who hides behind a palm frond in broad daylight because he’s too stupid to just go up to the building and find out who painted the 20-storey tall portrait of him. That said, Tendai’s got a great eye for detail. She even included The Phantom’s zestful and manly striped panties in her portrait.

  87. True Fable
    November 27th, 2007 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    Oh damn it, I WAS going to work on my own book, but over at the Foobiverse someone wondered how a first novelist landed an interview on TV, as the strip today inferred. I decided it had to be cable, and so I blew off what I’m supposed to be doing, to offer this:

    “This Week in Milborough”

    “Today we have with us as our special guest, Mr. Mike Patterson, whose debut novel “Stone Season” has just be released. Mr. Patterson- may I call you Mike?”

    “Of course you may. I want you to think of me as just a regular guy.”

    “-Uh, you are. Now Mike: Tell us what Stone Season is all about.”

    “I see Stone Season as a metaphor for the human soul. It is the voice of the downtrodden yet indomitable spirit in all of us; it is the voice of hope in a bleak world; a single grain of wheat in an otherwise barren desert. It is my masterpiece of uplifting importance of oneself.”

    “…what?”

    “Stone Season is my response to the muse within me, the call I had to answer.”

    “But what is it ABOUT? Let’s see, on the jacket it says –”

    “Isn’t that book jacket fabulous? My best friend, acclaimed photographer Josef Weeder took that picture. Of course I don’t smoke a pipe but it does make me look distinguished, the way I’m holding it next to my mouth as my other hand cradles the elbow of that pipe-holding hand’s arm. The tweed jacket is mine, though.”

    “Uh, nice. Okay, Stone Season is about a woman named Sheila Shaunassey who –”

    “SHAW-na-Say. That’s how you pronounce it. My muse was very specific about that.”

    “My pardon: SHAW-na-Say. Now, she endures a brutal life on the Canadian prairie as an abused wife. How were you able to explore this particular subject?”

    “I told you, my good man: my muse told me.”

    “Your mu– ah, yes. Your muse. Then, how was your MUSE able to explore this particular subject?”

    “Over the internet, mostly.”

    “What? You took it from the internet?”

    “No no, my research was all done on the internet. Oh, I must have spend three or four days online looking up all the subject matter; it was quite exhausting.”

    “What other sources did you use?”

    “Why, only my own brilliant imagination!”

    “…Oh, goddammit. Truman Fable! Truman Fable, if you are watching this show, I just want to tell you right now, if you had ANYTHING to do with sending this schmuck to me to interview, I’m going to fucking tear what is left of your liver out, on LIVE TELEVISION! – what? What? Are you fucking KIDDING ME? Fable had nothing to do with this, it isn’t a prank?! Oh good Lord – get out of here, Patterson! Get off my set, you goddamn HACK! Mary Lee, get my agent and some aspirins! Damn it All, why did I even bother getting up this morning?!?”

    “Where are you going? I’m writing a second novel –”

    “Oh sweet Mary and Joseph, is this guy for REAL?!?!”

  88. Mibbitmaker
    November 27th, 2007 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    GT, p1: Those… haunting….. eyes….. (well, eye)
    GT, p3: Oh, that crazy, wacky, zany nutbucket Cully! Yer a MANiac, I mean it, now getouttahere, you knucklehead!

    FOOB, p2: “Don’t give up”?? How about “Just do a poor-ass job and everyone’ll fall all over you like never happens in real life”? If Mike gave up trying to make it, he’d already be in his 5th printing!
    FOOB, p3: “Yeah”? No.
    FOOB, p4: The Canuck Curmudgeon ( formerly “April Reads Her Brother So You Don’t Have To”)

    S-M: Oh, I can hear it now: “Aaaaughh! Bested by a girrrrrrrrr-rrrrrrrrrrllllll! Why don’tcha just lop ‘em off already, Woman! Yeesh!” You just know he’ll go off like that!

    Zits: Uncensored in our paper.

    Marvin: Stewie Griffin would be proud.

    A3G: Oh, Gary, just punch the pinhead already! (No, Gary, not Zippy!)

    BBailey: That’s it, Doc, let out your inner Donald Trump…

    FW: Well, to be fair, 10 years did just whoosh past everyone. …Aging people 20 years or more, but that’s getting off point…

    Cranky: Singing: She’s a grand old dog, she’s a high-flying dog… (It is a she, right?)

    Blondie: Oh, Dagwood, you sexist stereotype of a woman, you!

    BBlues: Yeah, but they make egos that big! (see also: Donald Trump)

    Buckets: Now there’s something for our pal Zippy to repeat in his Zen-like way: “Moisture-wicking lap pockets! Moisture-wicking lap pockets! Moisture-wicking lap pockets!…..”

  89. The Avocado Avenger
    November 27th, 2007 at 6:19 am [Reply]

    Thanks for the reminder about Zits, Mibbit. It’s so completely unoffensive I can’t imagine why anyone would choose to edit or remove it. Don’t sitcoms say “sucks” all the time?

  90. gleeb
    November 27th, 2007 at 6:47 am [Reply]

    Dick: Nope, there’s no time to say “a gunman who has abducted the governor is back there”. And Tracy, tuck in that tie!

    ‘bean: As Harry Dinkle took up the leaf-blower, he thought to himself, “I am become Crankshaft, destroyer of worlds.”

    Parker: Why weren’t the neighbors asked for comment? Maybe the commissioners dislike long-winded, action-free comic strips as much as anyone.

    Pluggers: That makes no sense. Where the heck do pluggers ever go? They’re always around to take phone calls.

  91. Shark
    November 27th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    FW: Who else thinks that Batiuk is setting up “The World’s Greatest Band Director” eschewing the leaf blower for a good old-fashioned rake and then having him suffer “The World’s Biggest Heart Attack”?

  92. Loppie Scaduto
    November 27th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Actually, ever since I was introduced to an appreciation of JP here as “a strip full of reasonably well-rendered, busty redheads”, I don’t much care what actually “happens” in it or not… kinda like A3G back in the Alex Kotsky days.

    And yes, say what you will about TDIET, Scaduto himself sure seems to be a mensch!

  93. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 27th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Sophist, FCD @ 50 wrote:

    Ok, is there any way to explain today’s Pardon My Planet that doesn’t involve the phrases “smelly foreigners” or “dirty Mexicans”?

    Sure, I can. The sign in the background says “Pamplona.” They’re filthy Spaniards.

    Glad to be of help.

  94. Pozzo
    November 27th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Do gorillas have fangs? I mean, that is one mean-looking tooth for a species that reputedly lives on bananas (which actually tend to grow in Southeast Asia, not Africa, but that’s another story).

  95. mnemonica
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy is starting to freak me out. And it’s probably freaking out anyone else who has ever had to put down a very old dog who gradually lost use of his legs. I doubt that’s what’s going to happen here, but I’ll still be glad when the strip moves on.

  96. Islamorada Girl
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Dingo–Congrats. Many, many years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I did three semesters at Kutztown. I hope it’s still focused on turning out art teachers for the Commonwealth.

  97. Mangolia
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    I … I think I am actually beginning to enjoy TDIET.

    Maybe it’s just because Scaduto seems like such a wonderful guy.

    I’m just gonna say that’s why.

  98. AhClem
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    RMMBLA – I don’t think Niki is buying her story about the wound. It looks like his starfish-sense is starting to tingle.

    FOOB Go, April!!

    #73 TrotzRah Rah Avis?? Love it!

    #87 TF – I’d subscribe to cable to see that show!

  99. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Early to bed and early to snark
    Makes a brick cynical, bitter and dark.

    9CL: Edda in tights is the only reason to read this strip. And in panel 3, it almost looks like she has a chin!

    A3G: Either Tommie’s being (very) slightly witty, or she’s a Jeffy-class literalist. Which to believe, which to believe… hmmm…. Also, why do I get the feeling the word balloon in panel 2 should read “You must pay the rent!”?

    Archie: Who’s the realistic-looking babe in the corner of panel 1? The Archie Panel-Generating Art Unit 3001 (APGAU 3K1) must be beta-testing an upgrade.

    (WT)DT: Now, I’m no fancy-schmancy Po-lice Detecative, but should Tracy really be bringing more civilians into a hostage situation?

    FC: Oh, lord. I do NOT want to see what Dingo’s going to do with this panel. Wait. Yes, I do.

    GT: Somebody tell that poor waitress she’s wearing panties on her head.

    JP: The neighbors were asked for their input. That’s what the big white sign posted at the corner of Biff Dickens’ property for the past six months was about. Biff Dickens… *snort* I bet his wife is named Incontinentia Buttocks.

    MC: Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger
    But she ain’t messin’ with no broke chiggers.

    Phantom: You’re five blocks away. The only way you’ll see them is if they make their escape by helicopter… or if they ride their bikes directly down Plot Contrivance Blvd. Oh, look! That’s them now!

    Shoe: Finally, Perfesser has found a woman who lets him indulge his sadistic trampling fantasies.

    Zits: “By the way, I’m loyal to my girlfriend… unless the other girl, you know… sucks.” “Works for me.” Bom-chicka-wow-wow…

  100. Jamus The Bartender
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    47. I don’t disagree Godzooky. Currently, my favorite comic book storylines are the Grant Morrison run on All Star Superman, the “regular” Batman title, especially the Batmen Of Many Nations three-parter.
    Justice Society Of America, which, strangely enough, features the Superman from Kingdom Come…
    The Boys, by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson, which is about a CIA-fronted group which goes after corrupt supers…
    The Joss Whedon-written and helmed Buffy The Vampire Slayer from Dark Horse.
    And, last but not least, League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier, by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill, in finer comic and book stores now.
    Everything else is just kinda…eehh..

  101. The Avocado Avenger
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    #95 mnemonica – Yeah, I’m starting to get worried, too. I figured after “internally borrowing” the remote, Satch would get taken to the vet.

  102. Girl Reporter
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    I sure hope Mrs. Dinkle also has some of those protective earmuffs for him to wear while he uses that leaf blower.

    Oh, wait.

    Never mind.

  103. The Divine O’F
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Yesterthread Poteet: If you want to take the chance (with Pibgorn) go ahead. As for me, I am off it for good. Life is too short and too full of other possibilities to waste even one second reading something that might make me feel bad. That goes for Dilbert, too.

  104. Anne
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    And today’s award for most commas in a single, ridiculous sentence, goes to, not surprisingly, Herb and Jamaal!!! I can’t even touch it.

  105. Joe
    November 27th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    #87 True Fable: Nice interview, I nearly pissed my pants, I’m laughing so hard!!

    FOOB: Way to go April! Tell it like it is. Actually, I’m quite surprised that Lynn allowed St. Michael and his lame book to be the butt of a joke…..

    Eat shit and die, Mike. And get that stupidlook off your face, you know April is right. If it wasn’t for your FBOFW foobiverse “friends” and family, no one would buy your POS book. I like how no one is buying it for themselves, just for other people. Now go home, beat your kids, ignore your wife and choke your chicken you fuckhead. HA HA HA!!

  106. Islamorada Girl
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Why doesn’t Spider-Man just wrap the Persuader in a giant sticky web and suck all the bodily fluids out of him? That’s what a real spider would do.

  107. Loopina
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    #17: Re: Harry Ape – I think that yesterday’s vanity stealing simian is actually Harry Ape, Jr – his dad is the one out doing the grand theft. You have to start somewhere, I suppose.

  108. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    11/27

    DtM: Hey Margaret, maybe you should worry less about Dennis’ stupid human tricks on the bike and more about your legs fusing together.

    Ziggy: Here we see the extent of what Ziggy’s health plan will cover.

    Preteena: We don’t often see the father in this strip. Evidently it’s because he spends most of his time listening to Foghat in a cloud of acrid smoke.

    GA: That mouse doesn’t look very worried. Maybe because it’s about 30 lbs.

    DT: “Oh yes, and welcome to the exciting world of hostaging. Did I not mention that before?”

    FC: Jeff Keane shares a little too much here.

    Archie: This is kind of funny, in a sadistic way. Just don’t get too freaked by the Manson girl in panel one.

    9CL: Apparently the noogies hurt you as much as the truth hurts Edda.

    Popeye: Yeah, trust me Popeye, you wanna give the oversized walking penis a wide berth.

    SSmith: If that old man and his flea-bitten mule ever get within fifty feet of a NASCAR track, they’ll be shot on sight.

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    11/27*

    DtM: Hey Margaret, maybe you should worry less about Dennis’ stupid human tricks on the bike and more about your legs fusing together.

    Ziggy: Here we see the extent of what Ziggy’s health plan will cover.

    Preteena: We don’t often see the father in this strip. Evidently it’s because he spends most of his time listening to Foghat in a cloud of acrid smoke.

    GA: That mouse doesn’t look very worried. Maybe because it’s about 30 lbs.

    DT: “Oh yes, and welcome to the exciting world of hostaging. Did I not mention that before?”

    FC: Jeff Keane shares a little too much here.

    Archie: This is kind of funny, in a sadistic way. Just don’t get too freaked by the Manson girl in panel one.

    9CL: Apparently the noogies hurt you as much as the truth hurts Edda.

    Popeye: Yeah, trust me Popeye, you wanna give the oversized walking penis a wide berth.

    SSmith: If that old man and his flea-bitten mule ever get within fifty feet of a NASCAR track, they’ll be shot on sight.

  110. space race ace
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    re: Dagwood
    That’s the exact same thing I thought when I read it. And then, it all came together…the late-night munchies, the constant napping, his affinity for Blondie’s baked goods, his mellow personality in relation to Mr. Dithers, the ability to pack down sandwiches the size of Elmo…Dagwood’s been smoking those jazz cigarettes, I tell you!

  111. Dennis Jimenez
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    A3G – Doe-Cee-Doe – them folks from NYC can sure throw a hootenanny.

    Blondie – and almost as large as one of your breasts!

    DtM – Come on Dennis – think of some really stinging mono-leg comment as a comeback.

    Foob – Next year, for Christmas, cousin Arli is going to make a contribution in your honor to the Human Fund.

    MT – So, none of that fancy ballistics in the LoFo – Johnny’s trial will consist of binding him and throwing him in the lake – if he doesn’t float, his facial hair will be shaved off for his funeral.

    MW – Jeff wins the Masters (again) – Mary mixes medications and scotch (again).

    RMMBLA – Can you imagine it Rex – that limb – thrusting in and out – the sticky fluids – the pain, and yet pleasure, too. Ah, Rex – you missed the turn-off three miles back.

    S4th – Come on Sal – the retort to the X-Ray vision zing is Ted got a YMCA membership.

    Luann – Is this Tif’s sweet, special and self-less effort to trick Gunt into confronting his homosexuality and having sex with Knut?

    JP – Ah, yes – pull with politicians – neighbor input – why a regular ol’ time country orgy!

    FC – So, Jeffy sucks, but at least he’s not flaky, Thel.

    Adios Amigos

  112. RichterCa
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    How the hell am I supposed to be able to tell what the date of the newspapers under Foo Foo Cat’s vanity is? Slylock Fox puzzles can only be solved by information not given to the reader. I can’t tell if that’s just lazy writing, or being an ass.

  113. Calico
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    No snark right now – just wanted to say I think Mr. Scaduto is a true gentleman – classy, personable, and kind.

    Congrats Trotz!

  114. Calico
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    #87 Mike’s Mo-oose inspired him.
    OK, I know that wasn’t funny.
    A Milborough AM talk show – Oh God.
    Here come the Tim Horton, Canadian Tire, and breakfast meat ads, interspersed by Saint Patterson’s wretched Narcissism.

  115. Tweeks_Coffee
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: That second panel doesn’t say “graceful” as much as it says “hired muscle roughing Tommie up”.
    Archie: Nice to see Riverdale is actually dressing the school up now as opposed to leaving it all glaring white. Though I do question the motif.
    DT: I’m not sure if I should go back and read the past two weeks of this strip that I missed or not. Maybe I need to get really drunk first.
    FC: This, plus the imagery of Jeffy eating that marshmallow, are going to haunt me for years to come.
    FW: Okay, I’m sure this has been pointed out already, but this makes no sense at all. It’s 10 years after Harry effectively retired from the band, so what the hell has he been doing all this time? Batiuk keeps showing him do all this stuff (lawnwork, watching old TV shows, reminiscing about the band) that would’ve happened in the first year.
    GT: Special appearance by American Maid from the old The Tick cartoon in panel one.
    JP: No, no, no. We just finished a plot about property rights, let’s move onto something new.
    MT: Listen here, Mr. Ranger-McSherriffy, there’s this little thing called “Ballistics” and “Forensics” now. You may want to hold onto that shell and stop touching the freaking murder weapon.
    MW: Oh my God, Mary never told Dr. Jeff that it was just a dog? You suppose she hung up on Dr. jeff immediately after yesterday’s strip? This is pretty cruel, even by Mary’s standards.
    SFx: Now I enjoy the wacky imagery in this strip as much as the next guy, but what is with the saw?

  116. Edgy DC
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    You know, these “I can’t fight back or they’ll know I’m Spider-Man plots have been going on for too long. If you give the goon a good kick in the head, he won’t think you’re Spider-Man, he’ll think “Ouch, shit, this guy has a good kick.”

    I’ve been beat up a lot. Never once did I think, “That hurt! Why, this guy must be Oscar De La Joya in disguise!”

  117. dimestore lipstick
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Did anyone else read Mr. Scaduto’s remark about “a hurricane-hit shack” as a hurricane-shit sack?

    Just me?

    I was shocked there for a second, I tell you.

  118. jules
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Haven’t read the comments, so I apologize for any oversnark, but it must be said:

    “Ha ha”? Did Mary Worth actually SAY “Ha ha”?

    Oh, what the hell, at least she managed to get Dr. Cory’s attention. I love how Mary said “I have a male houseguest,” and Dr. Cory immediately translated it to mean “I’m having an affair with a Chippendale dancer.”

  119. Calico
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    JP – Dear Abbey,
    In order to answer your question in panel three, please refer to Sam’s statement in panel one.
    Thank you.

  120. Bob Weber Jr.
    November 27th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    #113 The “tall drink of water” in bed needed a bit more legroom.

  121. Doug Puthoff
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Who cares about the Persuader! Let Spidey take on al Qaida!

  122. Josh
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    #119 Doug — Somehow, I imagine that scenario consisting of Peter Parker watching a lot of Al Jazeera and endlessly whining.

    Josh

  123. Spunky N. Tadpole
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Wow – loads (lodes?) of snarkalicious goodness in today’s offerings ( and congratulations, TB)!

    A3G – Whoa, fakey tango-isms! Neil is just so suave* – must be that mustache! Hope he doesn’t drop Tommie on the floor.

    Also: when did Neil change his clothes for (or during) this “impromptu party”? He apparently came in a dorky sky-blue sweater, now he’s togged out in a black sweater and dorky sky-blue jacket. Margo’s wardrobe shifts are explanainable, at least (she lives there):
    do ALL A3G characters keep a change of clothes hanging there?

    Zits – THIS required a “warning”??

    MT – Law enforcement off in the Lost Forest may be anachronistically outfitted: but they do seem to make up for it speed, anyway. How long did it take for Sgt.Steve to show up (in the middle of the woods, and, apparently at night)? Seemingly about 10-15 minutes?
    Maybe he got a tip from a passing goose.

    RMMD – “Start boiling water the second we get there”?? Why? Does Rex want some coffee?

    Archie – No, Archie, there IS another choice: how about “cringe in humiliation”?

    * rhymes, of course, with “wave”

  124. True Fable
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Hey, I got another letter into Coffee Squawk! Well, just a note actually, that said “Mike got pwned.” I was going to write more but my laptop went all spastic on me and sent it when it was supposed to just make a new paragraph.

    Ah well. Brevity is the soulless wit in my case.

    I’m gonna get me a Bean mug, I tells ya. They might do it just to shut me up.

  125. dimestore lipstick
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    mnemonica
    I will be happy to get through this Get Fuzzy arc, as well.

    I don’t think that the primary reaction provoked by a humorous comic strip should be “Oh, lord…is Satchel having a stroke?!”

  126. electro
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker doesn’t need a plot. Just the name Biff Dickens will be enough to put a smile on my face the whole day.

  127. gkl
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    MW: The thoughts of Jeff Cory: “Leprechaun jacket? Check. Old-lady pants? Check. Girlfriend has a ‘male houseguest’? Check. Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my three-way!”

    MF: I get that you’re misogynistic, but did you really have to give that poor girl a cameltoe for a hairdo?

    GA: Given the sanity level of this strip in general, I have a feeling that poor Boogie-Woogie is going to unknowingly step onto an elaborate catapult trap set by the mouse, which will fling him into… oh, let’s say The Lockhorns.

  128. dreadedcandiru2
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    #95, #123: mnemonica, dimestore lipstick: I’d say that, given all the garbage Satchel was pounding down last week, he’s poisoned himself. Too bad Rob isn’t there to help out. Worse, Bucky IS there to exploit things.

  129. Dennis Jimenez
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Re: 123 – ‘Sept I have the feeling it may end with Satch passing away, which would be too bad – he’s a real sweet character, the nicely exemplifies some of the higher canine characteristic – I’d miss him a lot.

  130. bats :[
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    122. TF: good on ya! I can’t get my stuff published there (aside from once, when I didn’t so much attack LJ as sympathize with Terese and her crappo marriage). You’re just an old smoothie…

    I’d give eye-teeth to see SS remaindered in three months….

  131. Calico
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    #124 – “Oh, what the Biff Dickens?!”

  132. True Fable
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    #128 bats :[ – Someone in Binky Betsy asked if one of my “Lynn-baby” letters might make it through and was doubtful it would. I agree it probably wouldn’t, but it certainly makes the scoundrel in me itch to try it.

    I’ll need to sleep on it…. heh heh heh. A letter to Lynn-baby…. *rubs palms together with devious intent on his mind*

  133. Hot to Trotsky
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    I haven’t been reading Judge Parker for very long, only about one day in Morgan Standard Time, which is about six months. I did not realize until today that Sam Driver was not Judge Parker. Everyone calling him Sam Driver didn’t really confuse me. It made as much sense as anything else in this strip.

  134. Boston Charlie
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Apparently, Spiderman does not have the proportional persuading power of a spider. The best he can do to talk the Persuader into dropping him is to ask. No witty repartee or anything.

  135. Uncle Lumpy
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    #131 Hot –

    This guy is Judge Parker. With his son, Randy, who is not the marrying kind.

    I think the Judge last appeared in his own strip in July, 2006. About a week ago.

  136. Bunnë
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    55, Jym
    Actually, I remember a lot of papers (including mine) ran a bowdlerized version of the famous “Reagan sucks!” Bloom County comic.

    I seem to recall it said “Reagan’s socks!” The lettering was squished an awkward, and you could see where they’d used white-out. Ah, the days before Photoshop and computer lettering.

  137. Bunnë
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    50, 93 Sophist and S.S. Brick
    I think the cartoon is just supposed to be goofy… I can’t figure out any way in which it works as a “joke”, offensive or not.

    And not to be pedantic, but Pamplona is in northern Spain, a region generally free of adobe-style architecture. Not to mention that no one says “Ay Chihuahua” outside of Mexico.

    Is it too much to ask that a cartoonist should be paying the least bit of attention to geography? It took me five seconds to type “pamplona” into Google Images and pull up maps of Spain and pictures of the city.

  138. aquagirl2
    November 27th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    I hate it when the solution to Slylock Fox is not something that we could have figured out for certain! I mean, it’s not like we can read the date on the newspaper! Complain, complain.

    PS. I just had a baby, and looking at the size of that ape in comparison to his mother made me wince in pain.

  139. Meanwhile
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Josh, there was a time when I would have felt you owed the world an apology for bringing a crappy panel like TDIET into the limelight. But now that you’ve taught me how to see every cartoon through the jaundiced eyes of irony and cynicism, I feel like you owe the world an apology for ruining TDIET by making it the populist favorite it always wanted to be. Thanks a lot!

  140. queek
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    the Freep censored Zits today. Cowards!

    sadly, someone already snarked on Dinkle with Crankshafts Harley-powered leaf blower, and that’s about all I’ve got.

    I’d like to point out to yesterthread that Monday’s Pibgorn is faery bondage pr0n with release. (although, upon further review, maybe not.)

  141. Dennis Jimenez
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    A. Slylock smelled the vinegar douche on Cassandra Cat, and thus knew she just had sex with Max Mouse and ergo was having an affair – QED.

  142. gh
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie

    Yay and yay and yay once again! And quite an eloquent testimonial to the gentleman as well. Any more ideas up your sleeve?

  143. Shermy, the forgotten Peanuts character
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Here’s what puzzles me about the Spidey/Peter Parker Predicament: Isn’t there a middle ground between taking someone apart like a cheap watch and collapsing in quaking pile of marshmallow-fluff girly-manliness?

    How ’bout just a good ol’ fashioned ass-whuppin’?

    That way you could save your secret identity AND your dignity.

  144. Shermy, the forgotten Peanuts character
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Here’s what puzzles me about the Spidey/Peter Parker Predicament: Isn’t there a middle ground between taking someone apart like a cheap watch and collapsing in quaking pile of marshmallow-fluff girly-manliness?

    How ’bout just a good ol’ fashioned ass-whuppin’?

    That way you could save your secret identity AND your dignity.

  145. Shermy, the forgotten Peanuts character
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Whoops, here I am a newbie and I double-posted.

    Apologies.

    The work computer usually works much better than that.

  146. Al
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    FW — Sure, give the going-deaf guy a leaf blower. There’s no problem with that, whatsoever…

  147. Gagott68
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’m not the world’s foremost expert on rifles but I had a .22 growing up. Malotte’s rifle looks like a semi-automatic repeater-type to me (with the bullets loaded in the side slot thingy similar to the one I had). So, wouldn’t the cartridge for the bullet that killed Bull have been ejected on the grassy knoll from where it was fired?

  148. jules
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #141 Al – and also, didn’t the going-deaf guy retire ten years ago? In FunkyTime, I mean. What the hell has he been doing for ten years? And it only just now occurred to him that he ought to be helping out around the house? Has Mrs. Dinkle been dusting around him all these years, or what?

    I am thinking way too much about Funky Winkerbean and its ten-year jump. I need a drink!

  149. schlimmerkerl
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    I suspect that Slylock Fox’s first name, instead of being a take-off on the name of famous fictional detective Sherlock Holmes is actually supposed to remind one of Shylock– famous fictional Venetian moneylender.

    A simple one-letter substitution as opposed to almost an entire new word. And they’re both “crafty”. I think “Slylock”‘s grandparents changed it when they arrived on Ellis Island from Lithuania.

  150. jules
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    The going-deaf former band director is named Dinkle, right? I’d die if I just randomly assigned him a stupid name. (No offense meant to anyone actually named Dinkle.)

    Going to get that drink now.

  151. El Santo
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Slylock — I’m with the crowd that thinks Foo Foo looks like Cassandra’s uglier, dumpier sister. And I seriously cannot hate on Ma Ape. Lookit that angelic face! If there were Slylock Fox stuffed animals made, Ma Ape would be a best seller.

  152. Inspector Dim
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Murder! Rifles! The American Expeditionary Force in Lost Forest! This is much more exciting than Shirley the Duck. Although I’m sure that at any moment Mark Trail is going to appear to dull it up.

  153. commodorejohn
    November 27th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    DT – Ruby Wright, Attorney at Law.

    FOOB – April, come join us here in the real world, okay? You’re too awesome for a shithole like FOOBville.

    FW – Batiuk, you do realize that a leaf blower just moves the leaves around, right? I mean, you don’t think that it magically makes them disappear, do you?

    GA – Please let us get to see Boogie-Woogie graphically tearing a mouse apart in the funny pages. Please. Bonus points if it’s narrated like a nature documentary.

    HOTC – Actually, Mrs. Heart’s Mom, a true procrastinator looks at an early bird panting from exhaustion and thinks “schmuck” with a satisfied grin on his/her face.

    JP – So sue him. Duh, you’re a lawyer, after all! (Come to think of it, when was the last time Sam represented somebody in court?)

    MT – Johnny, you’re always shooting the bull! (I’ll be here all week, tip your waitress!)

    MW -STOP IT ALREADY! God, it’s like Precious Moments: Bestiality Edition!

    RMMD – Rex confuses “shoulder puncture” with “giving birth.” No wonder we never see the guy treat any patients.

    SM – What’s stupider here: that Peter is out-heroed by his wife, or that she’s out-heroing him with a garbage can lid!?

    Zits – THIS BLASPHEMOUS SATANIC STRIP IS CONTRIBUTING TO THE DECLINE OF OUR YOUTH AND THE MORAL DECAY OF THE NATION!

  154. Mary Worthless
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    94. Pozzo: gorillas do have quite prominant canines, used mainly for aggressive display: http://artfiles.art.com/images/-/John-Hay/Gorilla-Gorillagorilla-Baring-Its-Teeth-Africa-Photographic-Print-C11977523.jpeg and also: http://www.hmag.gla.ac.uk/Neil/labwork/Vertebrate%20Class/Gorilla.jpg
    in the wild, gorillas eat primarly leaves and grasses.
    Comics Curmudgeon, putting anthropology degrees to use since 2007.

  155. Mary Worthless
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    More information about gorillas can be found on the internet: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gorilla

  156. Hot to Trotsky
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    #132- Uncle Lumpy: Thanks for the clarification. I have a follow-up question, though. Why have the last six months of the strip, at least, been about Sam and Abbey and assorted rich dipwads instead of the erstwhile judge and his salad-making son. (A brief note of explanation. A few years ago, several of my friends and I decided to do some research on euphemisms for homosexuality from years gone by. One of my favorites was, “He makes an exceptional salad.” Ever since, that is how I describe myself when I first meet people and they ask me my hobbies. As in, “What do you like to do in your spare time?” “Me, I make an exceptional salad.”)

  157. Shmork
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    I love that Scaduto seems to write in his parenthetical, punctuation-free style in his e-mails as well.

  158. Lord Byron III
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh, Spider-man’s at it again. In panel 2, he has once again turned into a half-Spiderman, half-random Asian guy.

    And incidentally, how would taking apart a cheap watch be different from taking apart, let’s say, an expensive watch?

  159. Joe Blevins
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    BLONDIE: There are layers of pathos here in Dagwood’s carpool sing-along scenario. Remember, please, that “Puff the Magic Dragon” is not a song about marijuana (consult Snopes.com if you doubt this) but rather a song about the sadness of growing up and leaving childhood innocence behind us. The message of “Puff the Magic Dragon” is that when we become adults, we lose the powerful yet intangible magic — if “magic” is not too sappy a word here — that we once took for granted as children. More than just lose it, we carelessly forget about it. This “Blondie” episode is a moment of great realization for Elmo. He’s starting to get a glimpse of the bleak wasteland that is adulthood, and he can’t believe what he’s hearing. But look at the expression on Dagwood’s face in panel 2. HE can’t believe it either. “So it’s come to this? A brylcreemed, bow-tied office drone? This is what I’ve become?” Depending on your point of view, the final panel either depicts Dagwood hopefully trying to regain some of his lost childhood or pitifully retreating into denial. My money’s on “pitifully retreating into denial,” but at least Dagwood at least isn’t trying to solve his problems with gargantuan sandwiches for once.

  160. Anna
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t think that humans displayed such striking sexual dimorphism either, but then I read Momma. Maybe Harry Ape is really Francis in bizarro-world, where humans are apes, hate is love, but mothers are still tiny little stump things.

  161. Perky Bird
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    FOOB–

    Don’t know if this has been pointed out yet or not, but here goes.

    Not only is Mike reduced to having his book signing in a friend’s shop, and having only friends and family buy his book, but has it been forgotten that this is a CHILDREN’S BOOK SHOP?! Do Canadian writers of “serious adult fiction” commonly hawk their wares in children’s stores? Just makes Mike even more pathetic. He couldn’t even get his own kiosk in the run-down mall across town.

  162. Sensitive Poet
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    I (seriously, this is true) had a dream last night that interesting shit was actually happening in Spider Man. He was clinging to a building, the building was crumbling, he was actually in some kind of danger, foes were appearing, etc. And I thought, Man, this is more excitement than there’s been over the course of an entire year.

    Then I woke up, and saw this lame fucking strip.

    Come on, Peter, you don’t have to dismember the guy and wrap him in a silk cocoon. Can’t you just throw a damn punch? Normal people can throw punches too, even if they’re ostensibly mild-mannered photographers. That wouldn’t jeopardize your precious secret identity, would it? You can’t be guarding it that carefully anyway if you stuff your spidey outfit into carry-on luggage and forget to take it off before your yearly physical.

    Fuck you, Spider-Man. You exercise neither great power nor even, to make up for it, great responsibility.

  163. Johnny Q
    November 27th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    BLONDIE: I would have imagined Dagwood singing “Yes, We Have No Bananas” or “We’re in the Money.”

  164. Trotzenbonnie
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    #137 – gh
    Well, if Batiuik ever takes over the strip I can send him this one:
    ‘Husband Coughka inhales two packs of smokes a day while wife Tumorina eats right and exercises to stay healthy. So which one gets cancer? You guessed it. The urge to chemo him to the moon!’

    #142 – Gagott68
    No. The bullet will be found on the gurney used to wheel Bull’s body into the morgue.

  165. Joe
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    #156 Perky Bird: I guess they justify St. Michael’s book signing at Lilliput’s because they sell books there too.

    I find it odd that St. Michael is having a book signing. I thought that was for established, famous authors, not the dolt next door who manages to get one measly book published.

    Even odder is that he was on TV about it. I mean, give me a frikkin’ break here.

    I threw up in my mouth a little bit after reading Monday’s strip. Stupid, fucked-up foobiverse…..

  166. man behind the curtain
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    FBOW — But how many will still be friends after they read, or attempt to read, that volume of dreck they were arm-twisted into buying? But at least Mikey will still have his family, maybe.

    MW — Sic him Chester.

    A3G — I thought the whole gang was in the apartment. Is there another gang we should know about? And who’s more beautiful, Tommie or Meal? Tommie should know never to fall for a man who is prettier than her.

  167. Allie Cat
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #151 – Euphemisms involving culinary expertise…

    My sister had a guy friend in college who described unattractive girls by saying,

    “That Marie, she makes the best cathead biscuits!”

  168. Al
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    143 — jules — I don’t think he retired 10 years ago… he got promoted out of the band room and to an office job so he could save his hearing until he became eligible for retirement.

  169. Al
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    148 – commodorejohn — re FW, when handled correctly, a leafblower can make leaves disappear… into the street, neighbor’s yard, etc.

  170. Trotzenbonnie
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #154 – Damn, Joe! I thought Puff the Magic Dragon was just a song about some kid who had a cool dragon for a pet and then, because all little kids are really shits in the end, the friggin kid got bored and moved on to other crap like girlie magazines and numbchuks so the poor dragon became a sad, lonely old recluse like Hughes Hefner.

  171. HB Glord
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    #162 — Is that concept similar to when Fred Sanford said to Aunt Esther, “I could stick your face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies!”?

  172. DAS
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    #24 heynoni,

    Woody Allen actually has a series of “dectative stories” like this — you are presented a sketch of a case and then asked how the detective figured out who dun it. And the answer always involved something or other not mentioned in the case sketch preceeding.

  173. Niall
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Well FRIG! I snarked up a post, pressed pressed Post, then had the website hang for a long while. Though I thought it was posted as the URL had changed giving a comment number (and an even 380000 at that, which seems weird as it’s still in the 378k range) but… no snark. Snark gone! Bleah.

    99. Spider Brick: Your comment made me look at Shoe. (Damn you.) I have to say, as someone who’s done his fair bit of social dancing, that it truly takes both partners to be inept for someone to constantly trample the other’s foot. It can happen once, but if the woman knows how to dance, she’ll know how to move to keep her feet away from his (especially easy for overweight short guys whose feet physically cannot travel large distances). So this kind cliché just makes me sigh.

    And as someone who’s not entirely too bad at dancing, who has introduced a number of women to social dancing, I can say that in 11 years of this, I’ve have had my shoe stepped on twice. In over ten years. A good dancer, as I said, will know how to avoid the other’s foot. Without looking. But also will know how to lead (even as a woman) to properly avoid the situation altogether…

    100. Jamus: That’s about true for all the mainstream titles. The fun resides in the independents..

    106. Loopina: That makes so much sense! It would explain the “junior” look and accoutrements, as well as his “momma” being in fact Pimp Harry’s wife.

    121. Spunky Tadpole: actually, for once, the supposed cliché of “start boiling water” in any medical emergency is valid. If you intend to operate, the boiling water is the best approximation you can have to sterilising any instruments you may need.

    123. dimestore lipstick: my reaction was “sigh, Satchel is having a need for a stomach pumping”. There’s funny-dumb, and stupid-dumb.

  174. Gold-Digging Nanny
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    First, the praise:

    FOOB?! — Why yes, it gets praise! April snarks Michael and his book for the win!

    Monty — Disgruntled eel for the win!

    My Cage — No, I will not change my name to “Poverty-Avoiding Nanny.” I will, however, consider Maureen T. Fox my new mascot. Much as Heather Avery is my namesake. Two blonde foxes for the win!

    S4th — X-ray vision for the win!

    SM — Second panel “POINNG” for the win!

    Now, for the criticism:

    JP — I feel another oncoming plotline in which I, a layman, know more about the law than the lawyers depicted in the strip. Neighbors within a given distance of a proposed project are required by law to be given notice of the public meetings when it goes up for any municipal or county approval so they can give their input. Stop wondering and start suing, idiots. Ignorant lawyers for the lose!

    FC — It’s … just … you … don’t … AAAAAAH! That’s DISGUSTING, Jeffy! No one wants your SPITTLE all over their eating surface! No one wants the pleasure of removing your once-moistened, now dried, crusted cereal flakes from the dining room table! And no one wants to see you go through a whole damn BOWL of those frosted flakes, licking each one individually and then going back for seconds because you’re still hungry! There are CHILDREN STARVING in AFRICA! GO SIT IN THE CORNER! And YOU, Thel! Stop encouraging him with your smiles! THAT IS NOT CUTE! FOR THE LOSE!

  175. Boston Charlie
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    What bothered me most about Spiderman was his lame attempt to get the Persuader to put him down. Is “How about letting me down?” really the best he can do. Isn’t Spiderman known for his witty retorts?

  176. man behind the curtain
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    FBOW — So let’s see who is not at this craptastic party. We have Deanna, AKA Mrs. Michael who’s home with the wunderkids, popping a valium and thanking her lucky stars. And there’s St. John the dentist who’s using this time to start his affair with his hygenist. And all of Lizard’s beaus, past and present. They could boost book sales tenfold.

  177. AlmostAGhost
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    GREEN SUIT ALERT IN MARY WORTH!

    http://joshreads.com/images/07/08/i070828maryworth.jpg

    :)

  178. Perky Bird
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    I read an interesting article the other day about people who view themselves as powerful and superior to others. The study showed that these people tended to chew their food loudly, chew with their mouth open, and eat in a generally more messy way that people who didn’t see themselves as powerful or superior.

    Maybe this explains all the SLUUURPPPs, CHEWs, GLUURPs and flying food particles in FOOB…

  179. Dennis Jimenez
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    165 – Snopes says that Charles Evans Hughes Hefner didn’t really patent the push-up bra.

  180. Calico
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

  181. Frank Parsnip
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Regarding the “take apart like a cheap wristwatch” idea, I don’t think it is so applicable in the modern era. A cheap watch, more likely than not, features a sealed plastic case with an LCD screen and a digital quartz movement somewhere. Sure, you might be able to get the battery out, but to really “take it apart” would be a pain in the ass and require an uncommon knowledge of electronic circuitry. Which is probably why people tend to toss out these watches when there’s a problem instead of taking them to a repair facility… or to Spider-Man. Compared to an expensive mechanical or automatic timepieces, featuring all sort of delicate gears, cogs and sprockets using the sorts of technologies that will eventually be appreciated in the Jetson’s era, a “cheap” watch is not easy to truly take apart at all!

  182. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    November 27th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    I like how horrified the woman in Dagwood’s car pool looks. If I were driving that car, I’d be horrified too. I’d then plunge the car off a cliff, to spare hearing that horrible song.

  183. Deena in OR
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Calico, thanks for the tip! Stellar episode, as always.

  184. True Fable
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    #165 Joe – No, even chumpy first-time authors hold book signings to help promote the book.

    I had a whopping 18 people come to mine. It was a bad day to have a signing in a small bookstore in a small town. :-)

  185. Little Guy
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Yup, when she gets called on her own BS, she turns into her mother’s daughter.

    S-M: Excuse me, and I know this is a comic strip, but if some hulking monster was trying to ‘persuade’ me to let his boss date my wife, my last conscienous act would be the remnants of his eyeballs on my thumbs.

    I am bypassing FOOB/GWONG these days, but I love that April kicked Mike in the literary nutsack.

  186. queek
    November 27th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    147: The rifle shown is clearly a lever-action. The shell wouldn’t be ejected until the action is worked, which is what the Mounty is doing in today’s strip. Of course, wandering around with a spent round in the chamber isn’t typical, in particular when someone is shooting at you. Generally speaking, you fire and work the action to load a fresh round as swiftly as possible.

  187. Never teh Bride
    November 27th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    I can’t decide which I hate more…the repeat FOOB or the kiss Michael’s ass FOOB.

    OOOOooooOOOOooooh, I juuuuust loooooooove your book, Mikeeikeeikee. Do you sign body parts?

  188. kingklash
    November 27th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    There’s been a question that has been rattling around in my skull, and I bet that it could be answered here! In the Archies’ song “Sugar Sugar,” who’s supposed to be singing the “gonna make your life so sweet” line? Betty? Veronica? Jughead? Not that it’s bugging me, per se, but I just wonder every time I hear it.

  189. Dennis Jimenez
    November 27th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    186 – So what are you saying? That the mountee (sic) is looking for a little action?

  190. Niall
    November 27th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    174. Gold-Digging Nanny: my disappeared snark post also commented that Maureen gets a good pass on that one, since she does have a young daughter to think about, and raising kids is expensive.

    184. True Fable: I have a friend who finally managed to get a book of his own published – well, kinda legally. It wasn’t a big book, but it was a fascinating one (about the Beatles, but before they were Beatles). He held many, many book signings, usually in tiny places. I think it was the fifth or sith one that actually had him with his name on the front door of the store. (No one thinks to do that, seemingly.) He would have been ecstatic to have 18 people!! :)

    186. queek: that was kinda my point in my gone-in-smoke snark. That there is a shell is no indication as to when it was fired, since it’s not ejected until the action is worked. The muzzle’s metal heat and any indication of recent powder dust inside would be much better indicators of recent firing. (Actually, not ejecting the round would act as a rifle’s “safety”, no? Since it can’t be fired accidentally?)

  191. Bunnë
    November 27th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    156, 160 Perky Bird and Joe
    Many moons ago I worked in book publishing. I can’t speak for now, but it was very easy to set up a book signing at a bookstore. The author need not be anyone you’ve ever heard of.

    As for TV interviews, I don’t know, maybe cable access channels?

  192. Brick Bradford
    November 27th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I tried to post something earlier and it got hung and then didn’t happen. Too bad, it was clearly comment of the week, if not the millenium.

    As per foob, I’d love to see a strip showing Mike looking deeply depressed as he stands by the remainder shelf at a real bookstore (defined as one not owned by his mommy), stacked high with his opus. This would be a great framing device for El to share a bitter flashback about his hideous toilet training, ending in some droll line about his putting out crap for a long time.

  193. dale
    November 27th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    190 – Niall
    A spent casing in the chamber does not constitute a safety. You have to work the action to get a live round into the chamber (restricting the discussion to a lever action rifle in this case). It’s no different than if you’d started with an empty chamber. Loading cartridges into the magazine does not get one into the chamber.

  194. Raznor
    November 27th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    You know, as that ruffian is looking away, couldn’t parker just kick him in the balls and get away? That only takes normal human strength? What, is he gonna be like “Only Spiderman would have the power to knee a guy in the groin while he wasn’t paying attention!”

  195. Niall
    November 27th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    193. dale: as it is painfully obvious I know nothing about firearms :), what I meant was, would having an empty/spent casing chamber mean that pulling the trigger would do nothing? And working the action would put a live round in, making the gun “live”? My understanding of a “safety” mechanism is that it does not constitute an immediate danger even if there’s ammunition in the magazine.

  196. queek
    November 27th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Niall, that type of rifle has a hammer. The “safety” aspect is that the hammer has to be cocked in order to fire. You can have a live round in the chamber without a problem, as long as the hammer isn’t cocked. (some also have a “half-cocked” position that is even safer.)

    Further info on lever-action Winchesters can be found on the internet.

  197. dale
    November 28th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    195 – Niall
    The way you describe the situation now is the right idea. My point is that a “safety” is a part of the gun that generally has to be switched on and off.

    Some guns can fire with the hammer down. That’s why old style sixguns were carried with the hammer down on an empty chamber. Some semi-autos can fire when dropped because the firing pin is not part of the hammer.
    A half-cock notch is not a safety.

  198. Eastclox
    November 28th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Here’s the way I hope this Judge Parker plays out: Abbey gets increasingly annoyed at Biff, going so far as to call in a police officer. That police officer informs her that there is nothing illegal about a person with a pilot’s license taking off and landing on an airstrip during the day. Eventually, as Abbey sinks into a mild psychosis, she hires some dirty hippy to drop a meteor on Biff’s airstrip. But who does she know that owns a plane (and a suitable airstrip for takeoff)? That’s right: Biff himself!

  199. steve™
    November 28th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    With nary a TV in site, who will save our friendly neighborhood Spiderman from this common back alley mugging?

  200. Victor Von
    November 28th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    The first time I encountered TDIET, I thought of it as… novel. In that I had never seen a syndicated strip didn’t so much resemble a comic as what someone might draw after having had a 10 year old describe comics to him.

    That having been said, Scaduto’s obvious professionalism and generally warm nature is worth a lot. Encounters with him seem universally pleasant, and as someone who meets a lot of comics professionals, I know this is rare. Kudos to Al, that’s all I can say.

  201. pleinedepoisson
    November 28th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    So, I guess my real big fault with Spiderman this strip is… Does he only get super powers when he puts on that stupid costume? I mean, I know his spider sense can tingle without it, so why can’t he just sucker punch the guy without putting on the suit? It must be that he can’t punch people without the sexy feel of lycra between his testicles.

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