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Soap opera comic SMUT (don’t worry not really)

Mark Trail, 5/9/12

There is a famous rule of the Internet, and that’s Rule 34, and it goes like this: If it exists, there is porn of it — no exceptions. That means that somewhere out there someone has created a porn version of Mark Trail, by the use of advanced pornographing equipment that can break through the brittle shield of asexuality that surrounds the strip at all times. I’ve never had the intestinal fortitude to seek any such material out, but for two and a half panels I thought I was getting the setup to some canon in-strip Mark Trail erotica today. The mysterious call from the past on Mark’s bakelite handset that isn’t connected to anything in particular, the gratuitous use of “honey,” the sexy-for-Mark-Trail name “Trish,” the easy banter … and then bam, your arousal is crushed because this is about a young girl’s sick father, you pervert. And this is how that brittle shield of asexuality is kept in place.

Gil Thorp, 5/9/12

OK, let me preface the following by saying that I am fully aware that I am now someone who complains about the “good old days” of Gil Thorp, and that therefore I have become everything that I most despise. That having been said, remember the good old days of Gil Thorp, when they had a homeless kid playing on the team, and crowds at rival schools taunted him by dressing up like hobos, and it was amazing? That’s a pretty high bar when it comes to Important Social Issues-based taunting, and it looks like the Goshen girls aren’t going to reach it. “Hey, Darby, how many kids you got now? Because we heard you know how to have sex, and that’s how kids are made. Sex-having kid-maker! Go back to the obstetrics ward!”

Archie, 5/9/12

I don’t want to exaggerate too much, but I’m reasonably sure this is the greatest Archie ever made? See, Miss Grundy knocked the kids out of their thoughtless world of casual socializing, and just forcing them to change locations has caused them to re-evaluate everything they know about the world and each other, and now they’re just standing there, staring silently into the middle distance, terrified.

Crankshaft, 5/9/12

“Plus you know there’s nothing I loathe so much as buying gifts or otherwise bringing joy to others. My mind is so resistant to the idea that I always forget about it.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/9/12

“Haw, Lurleen, that is an amusin’ bit o’ wordplay! But still, you know the penalty for talkin’ to menfolk from other clans is death by stonin’.”

482 responses to “Soap opera comic SMUT (don’t worry not really)”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Spider-Meh — “He also said you were blurry and underdeveloped!”

    Smutty Smith — By “dating” she means Lureen has been having three-way
    sex with Perfect Strangers’ Bronson Pinchot and Mark Linn-Baker again.

  2. btown
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Based on the placement of the speech balloons, shouldn’t Mark be saying “Trish, deer” instead of “Trish, honey”?

  3. Slug
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    I’m not very familiar with Gil Thorp or its characters, so I won’t try to wrap this up in a witty comment, but… Is anyone else scared of that enormous, pupil-less eye? Is that normal for this strip??

  4. Pozzo
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    That Mark — he’s a deer-lovin’ and deer-lovin’ kinda guy. Poor Faleen is left to stare forlornly at the house she once dared to dream she’d be sharing.

  5. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    “Don’t you remember me? I am the lost deer that you reunited with my family!”

    “Yes, how is your father?”

    “Not so good. Your father in law shot him and served him for dinner. The new jacket he wears? That’s him.”

  6. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Who is that guy in Crankshaft? He isn’t wearing a baseball hat. He isn’t wearing a red jacket. He’s not her grandfather! It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, except the replacements have better fashion sense.

  7. pugfuggly
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MT Damnit, for a second there I thought we were going to have a story about telepathic deer…

    Archie…and speaking of telepaths…../shiver/

    BG&SS Yep, Balki Bartokomous was just a little too cosmopolitan for ol’ Lureen.

    MW You know, it’s a lot more economical not to have a plot in your comics strips. Then you can just draw people doing stuff.

  8. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    9CL – I remember my first desktop computer, the amazing Apple ][+. 48K of memory, input port for a 5 1/4″ disc drive, amazing high-definition 128×256 graphics. There was also a Reset button in the upper right corner of the keyboard that immediately dumped you out of whatever program was running and re-booted the system. On a good week, you would end up hitting it by accident 3-4 times. Eventually, we upgraded to the Bell & Howell, black-case version which added a little spring under the button. Not enough to stop you from pushing it, but enough to give you that half-second of realization “oh, shit, I just hit Reset!” before everything crashed to desktop.

    All this by way of saying that I think we have finally hit Reset on this thought experiment of “how would Edda grapple with the idea of an unplanned pregnancy?” Not surprisingly, the answer has been “with a combination of overwhelming narcissism and flighty irresponsibility”.

  9. nescio
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MT: “Who am I speaking with?” Mark’s really in casual mode at home, using the nominative pronoun instead of the objective, and why not just end the sentence with a preposition?

    Pluggers: Which is good because they can’t.

  10. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Josh: “re-evaluate everything they know”

  11. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    SM: Don’t you see the cleft in my chin? I am hung!

  12. wossname
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G – No, Tommie, you can’t put your foot down. You know Bolle only draws y’all from the waist up. He doesn’t do feet.

    Doones – Sad old rocker? OK, then it’s gotta be Vince Neil.

  13. kkarenb
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    JP – Spencer Farms is the only place big enough? Was Saint Peter’s Square already booked?

  14. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail Breaks Rule 34:

    http://i51.tinypic.com/316nf5l.png

    (A tip of the fedora to Sidewaydriver!)

  15. Chareth Cutestory
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: “Hey Darby, how many kids you got now? I suppose I could figure out the time you’ve been away from our school divided by 9 months, and factor in the odds of twins or maybe triplets, then come up with an estimate myself. But I thought it would be more sociable to simply ask you directly.”

  16. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    “If you kids are going to talk after class, do it outside!”

    I don’t get it. If it’s after class already, why can’t they talk inside?

  17. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    A3G – So, to recap. We’ve known for years (decades?) that Tommy works at the hospital. Just in time for this plotline, we learn that she once took a course in childbirth. So, a hospital administrator approaches her and informs her that she will be working as a midwife.

    As all hospitals do, she is assigned as a midwife to a patient who is not due to give birth for several weeks or months. I’m sure the health insurance company insists on this practice. Apparently, the duty of a mid-wife is to spend as much time as is possible with the patient, becoming involved in every aspect of their life. If questioned as to why she is interfering in the personal life of the mother-to-be, she can insist “As her doctor, I have the right to know!”. She can then proceed to ‘put her foot down’ when the patient does not maintain the daily schedule dictated by her hospital-appointed midwife.

    Predictably, I blame Obamacare for birthing this abomination.

  18. Mark B.
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#13): To be fair. Randy was planning to marry her one breast at a time. There wouldn’t be room for both at Spencer Farms.

  19. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Luann: Just curious: Is that the same man-boy-mountain that is Gunther’s new best friend and ally against bullies?

    // Sorry – accidentally posted at yesterthread.

  20. Datpaw86
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    MT: If Mark started dating a talking deer, this would be a much more interesting strip.

  21. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    I think it’s time I put my foot down.

    Good luck with that. With the way that backgrounds shift so much in this strip, you could nail your foot to the living room floor and still turn up in a bedroom across town in the next panel. Look out, here comes the bookshelf!

  22. Chareth Cutestory
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#9): Did you also notice that the use of ellipses indicates that he trails off after he says “Trail?”

  23. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    I think it’s time I put my foot down.

    I don’t think I did that link right.

  24. Chyron HR
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Luann – Is it time for the giant man-baby to fix everything already? Who knew that neither 9 Chickweed Lane nor Funky Winkerbean would end up being the most aggravating comic this week?

    P.S. Dear fast food people, if I am ever hungry enough to order half a dozen menu items, please do not automatically assume that I am of subnormal intelligence and attempt to impress me with a piece of cheap, brightly-colored plastic. (Unless you’re doing another My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic promotion. I loves them ponies.)

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    MT — “Not THE Trish Jackson, author of Redneck P.I.???”

    http://www.trishjackson.com/

  26. Mibbitmaker
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up!

    Parody Week: Well, Kevin and Kyle are no bats :[, but it’ll have to do.

  27. pugfuggly
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#17):

    Very nice!

    But if it was truly Obamacare, Tommie wouldn’t be a midwife, she’d be an Abortion Enforcement Officer of the Federal Central Death Panel visiting to collect Nina’s stem cells.

  28. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#17): Rex Morgan has been treating patients the same way since Obama was a little whelp.

    I went to see Dr. Morgan for an ear infection 10 years ago, and he keeps calling me to see if I want to go out for coffee. He thought I was snacking in between meals too much. Just last weekend, he put his foot down when I was on my 8th bourbon. I had another 6 just to spite him. It didn’t turn out well for either of us.

  29. teenchy
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#16): I don’t think it’s that they can’t talk inside, I think it’s that she wants them to talk outside, i.e. not while still in the classroom. Picky, but that’s my take – and Josh’s comment is wonderful.

    GT: Goshen girls would make good Phillies fans.

  30. Black Drazon
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Today on Reruns of Archie: that memorable storyline when the cast was turned into a swarm of buzzing bees! Here we see them abandoned by their queen and left to wander, bereft of purpose! Tomorrow: Jughead attempts to sting Coach Cleats!

  31. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MT: “Not so good. In fact, he is doing so poorly that you should get in the car and drive here immediately. Do not take the time to eat pancakes or to have sex with your wife. And no matter what, do not go fishing first!”

    FC: Thus began Billy’s life of shame-filled sugar-daddy seeking.

    MW: Please please please, let there be a drunken, rage-filled, lovelorn soccer player to enliven the “celebration.”

    A3G: What room are they in, anyway? I see a stack of books, a desk chair, a bottle of milk, and a microwave. You’d think that in a place like Blake House (second only to Spencer Farms as a place big enough), there would be separate rooms for the kitchen and office.

  32. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#19):

    I wondered the same thing. I think that the Luanniverse is like Greg’s psyche, populated by vague blobs representing the Dumb Jocks that tormented him in High School, and by other vague blobs representing the Evil Attractive Women who ignored him in High School.

    Today’s twist is, apparently, that Ann is such an Evil Attractive Woman that she has no business sense. My spin would be that her reaction is: “This is a grown man with the means to be able to drop $148 on lunch. Why are you treating him like a child? Aren’t you worried he will be offended by your condescension?”.

    Silly Ann, All Jocks are overweight and dumb, just like all Attractive Women are evil and predatory (unless they have the lips of lusciousness)!

  33. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y341):

    a couple of rabid Scottaphiles, or whatever they call themselves.

    I believe they call themselves “Ian Cameron.”

  34. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#28):

    “he put his foot down when I was on my 8th bourbon. I had another 6 just to spite him. It didn’t turn out well for either of us”

    You need to step back and take a serious look at your life. Ask yourself the important question: why did I drink 14 bourbons, knowing that it would likely not turn out well?

    What I’m saying is that it may be time to seriously consider a radical change in your lifestyle. Yes, it may be time to consider switching to a different brand of bourbon!

  35. Josh
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#10): Fixed! Though as a rule if you spot a typo that needs attention it’s best to email me — bio@jfruh.com — rather than leave a note in the comments, because I only check the comments a couple times a day.

    Josh

  36. Mark B.
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

  37. pugfuggly
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#31):

    re: A3G

    “I feel like a good book and some warm milk. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the south lacto-library.”

  38. Flying Manatee
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    BLONDIE: A Clinton-Lewinsky joke. How fresh.

  39. The Diamond in the Window
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    They “re-evaluate everything they know about the world and each other, and now they’re just standing there, staring silently into the middle distance, terrified.”
    Sure, except for Jughead, who seems to be sneering and disdainful, exposed by Miss Grundy as some sort of alien life form, incapable of fear or other feeling—of anything other than contempt for the other denizens of Riverdale High.

  40. Chip Whittle
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Tommie apparently believes she’s putting on her “stern determination” face, but what she’s actually managed is “cattle grazing”. You can see her wonder what grass tastes like.

    The Better Half took four years to think up a joke about the financial implosion, but darned if it wasn’t worth it to grind out this diamond.

    Crock: Look at that, they’ve found the Baltimore city limits.

    Edge City: “Aren’t you leaving kind of early? The craft fair isn’t until July.”

    I’d like that last panel to be the final panel for every Edge City strip ever, please.

    Edison Lee: I laughed. It’s a cheap laugh, but, a sincere one.

    Family Circus sure has captured that rebellious seven-year-old boy urge to go shopping for sensible slacks and a darling blazer.

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    I saw a Plugger emergency vehicle recently. Dog was more than half outside the back window, barking loudly as the car went down the road.

    CdS: d’awwwwwwwwwwww! Look at what Petey is reading. *applaz*

    IP: beating The Scarlet Witch at Yatzhee? I doubt it. [*]

    SBp: that’s an early FC strip, innit?

    Zits: far more horrifying than Lio.

    JUMBLE: trying to match the art in JP.

    Mutts: *gobsmakked* that. is. Wonderful!

    PMP: MLP ref.

    SFx: Art Shift FTW!!!! (nicely done, Mr. Weber Jr.!)

  42. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .custody of his State Alchemist Watch?!?!?!?

  43. Nekrotzar
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Look at the grin on Crankshaft’s granddaughter’s face, one of the biggest and most genuine in the history of the Funkyverse, as she gleefully and grattuitously forces him do something he really, really hates.

  44. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: Does Trish have a distinctive breathing sound or something? How on Earth is Mark magically supposed to know who is on the line by merely picking up the (old school with no caller ID) phone?

    AND, once again, why is Trish calling Doc to speak to Mark, when they haven’t seen or spoken to each other in a long time? Sure, she could have called Doc to find out if Mark still lives at 1 Trail Marker, but again, does Doc not have a pencil and paper to take a message?

    The mind (still) reels.

    AND, it’s bugging the [marbles] out of me that Mark isn’t going to take Rusty fishing anytime this century. This is a flaw in the “one adventure after another” format, except it isn’t, because Elrod could have shown them returning from fishing, Mark gets a call, etc etc outdoorsyadventurecakes. Win-win!

  45. Doctor Handsome
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft has always been a lazy-ass borderline sociopath, honey. Maybe you’re becoming forgetful.

  46. seismic-2
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    GA: This kitten is my hero. I have often wanted to hack into Scancarelli’s server and hit rm -r *.*

    Luann: I had always assumed that the only dining establishment in this town was Weenie World, so I am dumbfounded to learn that there is a second restaurant, called Burger Box. Might there even be a third, called Transsexual Tacos?

  47. Dood
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Ah, Hootin’ Holler, the reverse Parkerlandia.

  48. Datpaw86
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#30):

    I laughed so hard at this :D

  49. Chip Whittle
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Mandrake: I can’t tell if the Noise and Disco have cracked Conquistator Paul Revere’s face in half in the final panel there or if it’s just the normal artwork.

    Also, really, do none of these people have the common sense God gave a Burbur Antagonist?

    Spider-Man Spider-Man is glad to be back to doing his thing, wandering past optical illusions while annoying BASE jumpers.

  50. Mcbain
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    S-M: There are approximately 470 suicides in New York City every year. 35 of those will be members of this play’s audience.

  51. Lurker Bob
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MT: At first, I was impressed that Mark has moved into the 1980s by using a cordless phone. I guess that this is how he “checks [his] e-mails”. But as I look closely at panel one, it appears that a cord has been erased from the artwork (check out the right lapel on his collar) to remove a cord and someone carefully inked and colored in erased areas.

    Then, look at panel three. They must have done this on a Friday. You can actually see the remnants of the phone cord. 30 Years from now, when Mark gets a Bluetooth he will just be holding an empty hand to his head.

  52. Buck Ripsnort
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    GT: Josh, I think the word you’re looking for is Breeder. Clearly, the Goshen gals remember those nights of Sapphic delight, and Darby’s defection to heterosexuality still rankles.

  53. Doctor Handsome
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Miss Grundy’s all like, “Hey, you kids! Turn off those dildos!”

  54. Lurker Bob
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT: With apologies to Gary Larson and the Far Side – “Mark, don’t you remember me? Lost Forest 1957. If you shoot a deer, you had better be prepared to finish the job.”

    Or, maybe the deer is just pissed about the loss of the Mary J fields.

  55. Froggy
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW: “Follow us and we’ll celebrate at the main house. We’ve got a bunch of folding chairs set up in the master bedroom so everyone can watch!”
    “Woo-hoo, Bobby!”

  56. Holly Folly
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Yes, my father is not so good Mark, but the real reason I am calling is I have been turned into a deer. Oh sweet lord Mark you have to help me! Everyday is an unending nightmare. My hands are gone Mark I had to dial this stolen cell phone with my tongue and Mark? Hello? Did you just hand up on me!?

  57. MattF
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    I gotta say, Lureen just isn’t looking very feminine these days. Kinda like Snuffy with a wig, actually.

  58. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Luann: I never thought I’d ever say this……..but right now, I really LOVE that TJ!

  59. bunivasal
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    The Riverdale ever-buzzing hive mind has been chastised by Miss Grundy, and for a moment, its seven lobes share a flickering of guilt. It leaves the building, lockstep, in unison, unhappiness creasing its seven brows. Then, the node of id, the Jughead, resumes its customary disdainful smirk. Soon, each unit mirrors it, and spoken simultaneously from seven mouths is the final decision:

    The fall of man.

  60. Dood
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Hey, Goshen girl, at least Darby’s been to the laydowns.

  61. Dennis Jimenez
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    I like Betty’s tits in panel two, today – that is all.

    DJ.

  62. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#41): re: CdS: I didn’t notice the book title; I was giggling too much at “That’s the plan, bub.”

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

  64. Doctor Handsome
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    “Welp, Mark Linn-Baker’s bin courtin’ me, but I jest bin blowin’ Bronson Pinchot sorta casual-like.”

  65. KreatureFeatures
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Dear Crock Writer:

    For this joke to work, the line in question would have to be a natural occurring one that you might expect to find in a desert, such as a line of ants. As it is, the reader is left wondering where the hell that mammoth black line came from; of course the troop leader wouldn’t cross it. Or, you could have gone meta, as Chip Whittle suggests above, and put the word “Baltimore” on the far side of the line – at least Curmudgeon readers would have gotten the joke. It appears that Crock’s brief flirtation with comprehensibility is over.

  66. Mibbitmaker
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    9CL: What? WHAT?!
    Y’know, Brooke, dragged-out, manufactured drama does not help with the Divisive Social Issue! It’s like….
    Wait — is Seth thinking what we’ve been thinking for (seems like) YEARS now…..?

    Looks like Brooke didn’t forget about a pregnancy test — Edda did. Just so Brooke could ponder the Divisive Social Issue in excruciating detail, of course!

  67. Marc
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    9CL- Is somebody going to FINALLY rip that bitch a new one for not taking a pregnancy test and putting everybody on without actually knowing if she’s pregnant or not? Even if that is the case, I’m sure it will be done in the most irritating way possible.

    Mark Trail- “Mark, it’s Trish. My father isn’t doing so well. He moved to Ohio, to some cesspool called Westview and he’s suffering greatly with cancer. Mark, please come to visit him and cure his cancer! There’s pancakes in it for you!”

    Luann- No wonder our dimwitted friend here is so freakin big. Bullies are going to be the least of his problems if he’s spending $148 on all his meals at fast food places. I’d be more worried about the diabetes, heart failure, and strokes if I were him.

    Mary Worth- GASP! The main house?!?!? Just when you thought this mile a minute thrill ride couldn’t get any more exhilarating, those two crazy kids are whisking us all of to celebrate at the main house, where presumably the mob is waiting with semi automatic weapons which they will use to fill the bride, groom, and every one of their guests with holes.

    Funky- In the spirit of speaking in completely implausible ways, I really hope somebody refers to the straight kids attending the prom as “opposite sex couples”.

  68. Ranger
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    So when Mark says “check my email” he actually means answer the phone?

  69. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    several brief googles indicates that we may have to invoke Rule 35 on Mark Trail.

    (although, I seem to remember a few Dingo posts that involved Mark that probably satisfied R34.)

  70. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#34): I live in the land of bourbon. I was drinking Maker’s Mark. Not hoity-toity hundreds of dollars per bottle, but it’s a top-shelfer.

    Did I know it would turn out badly? I kind of lost the human ability of forethought when I hit the double digits. I was watching the KY Derby, and “I’ll Have Another” won. So I did what seemed natural at the time.

  71. Mibbitmaker
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    BBlues: No, it isn’t! But, hey, it’s a mindlessly violent anti-TV move, right? What’s for tomorrow — she’ll take a sledgehammer to the TV or something?

    6C: The Tide-E-bowl Man’s fallen on some hard times these days.

    Blondie: As far ahead as…. 1998!

    HotC: I… I don’t even want to know….

    JP: “Place”… or “penis”? Huh, Smugatollah?

    Luann: Fat guy stereotype… needless shot at strawbosslady…. exploitation….
    Nothing to see here, folks. Move along…

    MW: WOW! It BURNS how much I don’t care!!!

    Popeye: Courts decided he’s dead — and storytelling cliched contrivance decides otherwise.

  72. Ray
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MT: The sexual banter is downright blunt in that last panel, even though the idiom is mangled.“How’s your father?” indeed, you sex-obsessed one-man war on drugs.

  73. Little Guy
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MT: To taunt Darby, Goshen recruits the Canuck Green Men to dress as Octomom and Kate Gossalin.

  74. Stev0
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Of course they’re terrified in Archie. In the last panel they just watched Reggie get sucked into that mysterious portal that’s on his shirt.

  75. Doctor Handsome
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp storylines involving high school bullying always bring back painful memories for me. I remember when I was a teen, and I totally sucked at insulting people.

  76. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Bizzaro: Yvonne DiCarlo’s concern is justified. Note the little internet camera the “doctor” has placed between her shoes. Perv.

    // She was great in “The Captain’s Paradise”. And as Mrs. Munster.

  77. UncleJeff
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    MT: It looks like Mark is talking on a Fisher Price toy phone.

    GT: Goshen Trash-Talker beware — even a moderately hard throwing softball pitcher is only about 1/10ths of a second from the ball leaving her hand to hitting you in the throat.

    Edison Lee: The concept’s funny but why use Jacqueline Susann, who hasn’t put out a book in decades when there’s a best-seller currently making the news about the sex bondage fantasies of women?

  78. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#70):

    Ah, Makers! In the four years I spent in the Bluegrass State, I learned two things: how to appreciate good bourbon, and how to appreciate college basketball. I think there was also a B.A. involved at some point, but that part is fuzzy.

    I’ve seen Makers criticized on this very website for not being truly top-shelf. Naysayers aside, it always adds a touch of class when you bottle your moonshine in an old bottle of Makers with most of the wax still intact.

  79. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Archie – Today’s strip is a metaphor. Inside the confines of the High School, the students are relaxed, self-assured, sociable. However, when forced to leave the building and enter the real world, they find themselves unprepared. Most of them stand in stunned silence, not knowing what exists in this world, or what to expect of it. Soon, they will find that the doors have been locked behind them and, prepared or not, they have no choice but to venture forth.

  80. sporknpork
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    That bus is perhaps the single greatest thing I’ve seen yet in Gil Thorp. I hope we’re treated to more storyline transitions inspired by the clip art options available in Microsoft Word 97. Eventually the strip will evolve to being told solely through Old Gil Thorpian Wingdings.

  81. TheDiva
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Teen pregnancy, abortion, gay rights…when did the comics page become the next season of Glee?

    C’shaft: “I didn’t forget, I just don’t want to do it.”

    MT: “My father is an evil sorcerer and he transformed me into a doe! You don’t happen to know any handsome princes, do you?”

    9CL: To be fair, I couldn’t get in to see an OB/GYN on either of my pregnancies until I was eight weeks along–it seems to be a standard policy, probably to weed out the panicky girls who are just missing a period. (Of course, I also took a home test and used an online due date calculator to get an idea of where I was, so I was still more informed than Edda, which is not saying much.) Not that it matters, as Brooke has gotten his sermonizing out of his system and can now revert to the status quo.

    FW: Don’t most schools have policies in place for dealing with the inevitable irate parents? Shouldn’t the Westview faculty know how to handle Roberta, rather than running around like chickens with their heads cut off? (Then again, this is the school that reacted to a turned-down tax increase by saying “Oh no, we must close down the entire athletics department RIGHT AWAY!” so rationality isn’t among their response mechanisms.)

    Luann: Isn’t that Gunther’s bully-shield, Ox or Bull or Elephant or whatever his name was? And should I be ashamed that I remember his face?

    MW: “Hurry before the bride’s face changes again!”

  82. Jon the Red
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Are you sure it’s not the oddly-shaded deer that Trish is talking through that make it hard to get off to Mark Trail? ’cause that’s how you’d have to do MT porn; you’d have to suddenly cut to a chickadee mid-coitus and make it look like Mark’s grunts are coming from it.

  83. Little Guy
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    9CL: We’ve been giving McE a more-than-adequate hard time that Edda hasn’t peed on a stick. What he’s actually saying is, “I support CHOICE! It’s a woman’s CHOICE to verify if she’s pregnant.”

  84. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MT -”TRISH honey, WHAT a pleasant surprise! HOW is your Father?”

    “NOT so good, Mark. For the past forty years he has promised to take me fishing, but always breaks his promise by runing off for months at a time. I am about ready to just say the heck with it all and leave this horrid place so I can get on with my life!”

    “DON’T worry, Trush, HONEY! I can help you! I can’t recall the last time ANYONE here at home asked me to take them fishing, so Pack your rod and tackle and I will head over to your place right away and we can do some serious fishing!”

    “Oh THANK you Mark! I can’t wait to show you my tackle box!”

    “I will enjoy seeing it, Trish! By the way, WHERE is your place anyway?”

    “Simple, Mark. Just set your GPS to start from YOUR AREA IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE to travel to SOMEWHERE ALONG THE CANADIAN BORDER, and the place will be right there AT A NEAR-BY CITY. You can’t miss it!”

    “GPS?

  85. Marzipan
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Archie: Remember that movie The Wave, that was, like, a high-school metaphor for Nazi-Germany? Oh, nothing, I just thought of it, no reason at all.

    Crankshaft: I know at this point it’s basically passé – and at the very least, wildly pointless – to mention how this punchline has no punch, but honestly, if someone said that to me, I would want to punch them in their face. Nice try, old man, but that is not a joke, or even a word, and does nothing to allay your family member’s suspicions – dare I say, hopes? – that you are becoming senile.

    I date, occasionally, and BG&SS puzzles me. Your explanation must be correct, because, in general, meeting strangers – and then getting to know them, via the process of dating – is generally how it works. On the other hand, I have to give Lureen credit, because it is true that dating is a horrible, soul-crushing slog involving surrendering all standards that you thought you had. Haha, Lureen, ha ha ha.

  86. Tom the Sailor Man
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan – How long are we going to have to wait for at least ONE of those robes to “accidentally” fall open?

  87. Dot
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    It’s a sad day when Josh knows the name of a secondary BG&SS character better than the writers of the strip (it’s “Lurleen” with two ells). And it’s a sadder day when I know this too.

  88. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#63): Not many things are cuter than a pissed-off puppy!

  89. Chip Whittle
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#77):

    Edison Lee: The concept’s funny but why use Jacqueline Susann, who hasn’t put out a book in decades when there’s a best-seller currently making the news about the sex bondage fantasies of women?

    Because the promotional gimmick is that it’s classic literature. Earlier installments made Dickens and Melville jokes. A current book is, marketing aside, not a classic.

    Alley Oop: It’s taken a while, but at least someone’s finally threatening to knife the residents of Moo.

    Gil Thorp: Is “you’re not important enough to be made fun of” the most comforting advice you’ve gotten all day? You might be in high school!

    Graffiti finally takes on…uh…how those…loudmouthed idiots are always…wearing ugly socks? Huh?

    This is the kind of sharp observation I normally read Compu-Toon for.

    Incidental Comics: You should read this comic. Not snark, just an advisory.

  90. Cloudbuster
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#31): MW: I’m hoping for mobsters, myself. I know it’s entirely predictable that they’re just going to completely forget about the whole mobster and witness protection program plot, but I can dream, can’t I?

  91. Charterstoned
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MT – Say, Josh, are we supposed to remember who this Trish person is? Did she have anything to do with that snook-fishing outfit? Is she the same person who once hugged Mark close and asked him, “Can I see your little otter?” (This is a strip I have posted in my office, because it’s good for a laugh every time I read it.) WHO is Trish?

  92. Mark B.
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    The awkward placement of the words in Mark Trail’s first panel word balloon suggests that they reused a panel and just used Wite-Out(tm) on the dialogue and pasted in the new letters.

  93. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Dick – I fearlessly predict that Vince Vinyl was killed by a 45.

    Gasoline – A clear case of product placement from the vending machine classic, “Bleep Bloops.”

    Herb – A topical strip, in which a loving mother expresses her concern over that controversial issue everybody’s talking about.

  94. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#89): Gil Thorp = COTW. Make it so.

  95. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MT – MARK! Those VILLAINOUS talking deer are back again! WHAT should we do?”

    “DON’T worry, Doc, I will call ranger Tom Martin right now to settle this damn rampent deer matter once and for all! HELLO, is this ranger Tom Martin? Hello ranger Tom, there is a herd of VILLAINOUS talking deer IN MY AREA that are devouring all of my special medicinal plants that I grow in the undergrowth along the river! Ranger Tom, could you tell me how much the fine is for shooting an entire herd of deer while they are out of season? WHAT? $2,000.00 per deer! (pause)…..WHO do I make the check out to?!!”

  96. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Oliphant – Hm. Nope. For the first time in a while, I simply don’t know what a major political cartoonist is saying. (No snark. Just puzzled.)

    Spider-Man – “Aww no! It’s that jerk who hangs upside down outside my window, watching my TV all day!”

    Zits – In today’s slice of life, Pierce fears losing face at school.

  97. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#24): …do not automatically assume that I am of subnormal intelligence and attempt to impress me with a piece of cheap, brightly-colored plastic
    I think you will find that the crowns given out at fast-food places are made of good old cardboard. None of that pricey plastic stuff.

    @Hogenmogen (#28): Rex Morgan has been treating patients the same way since Obama was a little whelp.
    Then again, he’s been interested in universal health care since at least the previous administration.

    @Doctor Handsome (#53): +1

    @Mibbitmaker (#71): BBlues: No, it isn’t! But, hey, it’s a mindlessly violent anti-TV move, right? What’s for tomorrow — she’ll take a sledgehammer to the TV or something?
    No, she just wants to destroy anything her children are interested in. Wait until one of them wants to drive the car.

  99. robio
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    MT: I can just hear the tires spinning on the distant driveway gravel while Rusty stands by the shore, fishing rod in hand, a single tear slowly traversing his cheek…

  100. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    ps with no relevance:
    CAUTION
    BEATLE CROSSING

  101. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Archie: The kids, wonderstruck, wander out of their cloistered haven for the first time. Let’s listen in on their thoughts:

    “This must be that real world that my dad were talking about. People need these things called ‘jobs’ to live here.”

    “My mom said that out here, nobody cares if I’m the starting quarterback!”

    “Anything can happen out here – including bad things! But, I’m not worried about those. If something goes wrong, they’ll let me re-take the assignment.”

    I don’t know what Veronica is uneasy about. Pouty lips, short skirt, rich daddy. She’ll wind up way ahead of the rest of those twits.

  102. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y375):

    GA — I thought Clovia was supposed to be the brains of this outfit.

    I’ve always had a secret* aversion to the name “Clovia” because of the Cloverine Brand Salve ads they used to run on the back cover of comic books:

    http://tomheroes.com/Comic%20Ads/prizes/sell_salve2.htm

    *I guess it’s not a secret anymore!

  103. Cloudbuster
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#70): “KY Derby” — is that like the gay sex olympics?

  104. survivor
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    “How’s your father?”

    “Not so good. Off his meds. Last night, he stuffed me inside one of the deer from his taxidermy shop and sewed me in. I think he propped me up somewhere in the forest and I’m fortunate that I still have cell phone reception. Can you get me the fuck out of this thing, Mark?

  105. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#95): The VILLAINOUS talking deer are very popular in the community.

  106. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#92):
    MT – You are correct about Elrod using WITE-OUT (TM). From what I can remember, the original version went like this……

    “HELLO? WHAT? You say you are calling from CREDIT CARD COLLECTION SERVICES and you are looking for someone by the name of Mark Trail? Sorry, Never heard of him. He doesn’t live here anymore. You must have the wrong number. He is not home yet and won’t be home until after 11:pm. He can not come to the phone. We do not know anyone by that name. I am his uncle and I bought his place after he was lost at sea in a rowboat. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Please remove this phone number from your system and DO NOT EVER CALL HERE AGAIN, GOODBYE!”

  107. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#79): It’s like the end of Logan’s Run, where the city is burning, and all the young inhabitants come out and stare at the outdoors. One of them walks up to the first old person they’ve ever seen. “Those lines on your face… do they hurt?”

  108. Here Come ole Flattop
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#100): Oh, yeah. This has been one of my great time sumps for some time now. Particularly when I’m stumped on a design, I’ll go to this site to watch all the idiots try to replicate “Abbey Road” and fail. . .

  109. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#103): “KY Derby” — is that like the gay sex olympics?

    Not at all. Its something we do with horses.

    Wait, that came out even worse, didn’t it?

  110. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    So, a giant talking deer walks out of the forest.

    “You look a little dazed” says MARK TRAIL.

    “Well, you would too, if you just finished doing what I did for two bucks!”

    CUT AWAY TO THE TWO BUCKS, STILL IN THE FOREST

    “Wow. That was a lot of doe, but it was still worth it, don’t you agree?”

  111. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    MT – “Sorry for not being able to hear you well on this old phone, Trish. If I could only find a new phone cord for this antique telephone you would not sound so jagged and yellow!”

  112. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    your arousal is crushed because this is about a young girl’s sick father, you pervert.

    I dunno. There’s still the two young, nubile deer….

  113. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hold on, Trish. Give me a second to increase the brightness of this old kerosene lamp by turning it’s big lamp knob that Jack Elrods autographed for me. Then I will be able to read your conversation better! Trish? Trish? Hello, Trish?”

  114. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#106): Shhhh! That’s all we need is for some of these over-long story arcs to be dragged out with the use of old-timey phone conversations.

    “What? You say that there’s been a robbery? And you say that it was at the jewelry store? And you say it’s the same store that is storing the Hope Diamond? And you say it happened between midnight and 4am? Oh no, that’s terrible! What? You say that’s terrible too? I know, right?”

  115. giraffe-o
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MT : “Trish! What a pleasant surprise. In that, I’m pleasuring myself with my left hand, to the sound of your voice. How’s your father? Wait, that’s ‘who’s your daddy’? Darn, how does this phone sex thing work again?”

  116. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Crock: The squad leader is wise not to cross that line. It is the Black Road crossing the Shadow lands between Chaos and Amber, created when evil doers spilled the blood of a true scion of the House of Oberon on the Pattern.

  117. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

  118. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#102): Wow. Thanks for the memories.

  119. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#90): Or maybe both? Sloppy-drunk soccer players who also lost their childhood sweethearts because of unfortunate mob contact, crying over their Kirkland-brand beer, pausing only for the occasional half-hearted “Woohoo! Bobby. . . .”—suddenly interrupted by a crash as the mobsters, clad in teal and lavender pinstriped suits, burst through the doors of the main house, guns blazing. Stunned into semi-sobriety, the soccer players leap into their Soccer Dives, Bobby included, leaving Gina and Mary to stand open-mouthed, hands on cheeks, the Halo of Alarm forming behind them—but only for a second, before a hail of bullets sends them slumping to the marble floor.

  120. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#114): Over-long story arcs dragged out with the use of old-timey phone conversations……

    MT – “HELLO? WHAT? You say there is an OVER-LONG STORY ARC yOu heard SOMEWHERE ALONG THE CANADIAN BORDER about a VILLAINOUS OTTER FROM MY AREA who is attacking a GIANT BEAVER in broad daylight in A NEAR-BY CITY somewhere in THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE? WHAT? You say you have a MOVIE DIRECTOR and a FILM CREW who said IT WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY but there gear was lost by some UPS drivers who were TIED UP in a freak a snow storm? Fear not! I will be right there after I finsh my OLD-TIMEY PHONE CONVERSATION with you and I finish eating my PANCAKES!”

  121. Horace Broon
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    DT: Wait, “someone you know”? Does this mean the master criminals have tried to claim the insurance on a missing person under their own, well-known criminal names? I’m surpised they haven’t tried speeding the claim up by telling the insurance company that of course he’s really dead; they saw to it themselves…

    JP: “Yes, there are few topics I can’t bring back to how rich my wife and I are!”

  122. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#119): And then waitress Gina wakens from her daydream and asks Mary if she would like cream with her coffee.

  123. SgtSaunders
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    You know, I’m beginning to think that Lureen is a dad-blame ho.

  124. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    9CL — I came across a fansite for 9CL that made a reference to “the drivel from occasional detractors.” Count me a charter member of the Driveling Detractors Club, and today’s strip is an outstanding example of why.

  125. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Marzipan (#85): Thank you for the funniest analysis of dating that I’ve read in a long time. As for Lurleen, her idea of “standards” is that the guy should avoid hitting her shoes when he gets hurling drunk.

  126. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#125): Oops, sorry, that should have been “Lureen.” “Lurleen” is what the guy calls her just before he hurls.

  127. twg
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#124): re: 9CL site, oh my God, I don’t know whether I want to find it or NEVER find it.

  128. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    DT — “Magnumbnuts, P.U.” is on the case!

    PBS — Pig asks Pigita to join the Swing Set!

  129. Slug
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Crock continues to confound me. It’s some sort of sub-dada, but still tries to rely on familiar and predictable jokes. It’s like if Zippy the Pinhead and Garfield had a child, found out that was biologically impossible, and left it in the desert.

    OK yeah I wish I were kidding when I said I forgot what I was getting at.

  130. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116): Excellent! If the right group of Mudges got together, the resulting fantasy/sci-fi novel would employ every cliche in the multidimensional universe and would make readers laugh so hard they’d wet themselves.

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#96):Oliphant – Hm. Nope. For the first time in a while, I simply don’t know what a major political cartoonist is saying. (No snark. Just puzzled.)

    Oh, come on. It’s simple, Muffaroo. You know my methods: While the Euro is taking a well earned nap upstairs in the Hotel Europe, the Economy is downstairs, smoking. Meanwhile, a deliveryman is checking the address for the cornucopia of the World’s Wealth he may or may not be delivering to the hotel, which, presumably, the somniculous Mr. (or is it “Herr”?) Euro will be paying for, whilst in reference to the elections in France and Greece, a passel of dirty bums have been swept out the back door. Naturally this is all Obama’s fault. He’s behind the hotel, depicted as an obese plutocrat with a sack marked $ for a head, eating a watermelon labeled “Constitutional Rights”. Bruce Tinsley himself couldn’t have made it clearer.

    // You’re welcome.

  132. Tony
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MT: @Lurker Bob (#51): Well, the way it looks to me, the phone Mark’s using in the first panel is a Fisher-Price toy phone. It has grown by panel three, however, into a fairly normal-sized phone handset. Objects and people often do this in MT, and it’s nothing to worry about, but it does render the presence or absence of a cord moot.

  133. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @twg (#127): I sorta lied. I found it via Google. It’s true that I wasn’t trying to find it, but as a semi-sane person, I should have known that googling any aspect of 9CL was hazardous. Now you know.

  134. Slug
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    I know this post is like 5 years old, but I feel it important to honor the post that got me into Slylock Fox. Now that I know more about the series, it’s even more hilarious.

  135. Slug
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @Slug (#134): …I commented on the wrong post. I have the right one open in another tab. -_- I’m sorry, I haven’t slept in 2 days. Ignore me.

  136. greghousesgf
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#53): Vibrators, not dildoes.

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @SgtSaunders (#123):

    Lurleen (or Lureen, as her friends call her for short) is quite the home wrecker. She was the subject of one of Dolly Parton’s early hits:

    “Lurleen, Lurleen, please don’t take my man,
    Please don’t take him just because you can.”

  138. This Guy
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#124): I came across a fansite for 9CL that made a reference to “the drivel from occasional detractors.”

    “Occasional”!?

  139. odinthor
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#138): “Occasional” in the strict sense (v. “occasional furniture”). The situation with 9CL is that we always have occasion.

  140. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#138):

    The drivel from his regular detractors, such as those on this blog, is another matter entirely!

  141. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    MT — Wow, the giant deer in LoFo have bigger ears than the deer around here. Of course they need those big ears to pick up the always-fascinating dialogue in the strip.

  142. Baka Gaijin
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#46): Transsexual Tacos. Sounds like a happening kind of place. Or a great band name.

    @Doctor Handsome (#53): COTW!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#63): Concur.

    @Marc (#67) on Mary Worth: I wish.

  143. aprilglaspie
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Today’s PBSwine: Where we get Pluggers. Eewww, gross.

  144. odinthor
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    #16. Hogenmogen.

    “If you kids are going to talk after class, do it outside!”

    I don’t get it. If it’s after class already, why can’t they talk inside?

    What Miss Grundy means, I ween, is, “If you kids are going to talk after class, ‘do it’ outside!”. It helps instructors to keep refreshed during those long hours of after-class grading if they can take a moment to look out the window and see chatting students having wild monkey sex out on the lawn. If they’re out there simply chatting, it’s just bothersome.

  145. aprilglaspie
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Regarding 9CL: Is Brooke McIldowney male or female?

  146. Baka Gaijin
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#71) on Mary Worth: COTW!

    @Hogenmogen (#109): Ha ha! I wish Dingo were here. Why did I all the sudden think of him?

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#119): We can only hope, dear.

  147. Écureuil Écumant
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL, A3G: What are these strips, product placement vehicles for the Failed Cartoonists’ School of Nursery Design?

  148. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#46):

    Don’t knock “Transsexual Tacos” — Señor Tortilla gives it FOUR STARS!

  149. gleeb
    May 9th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#96): A few weeks ago, the Dutch government collapsed. More recently, the French elected the Socialist candidate, sending away Sarkozy. Greek voters have left the two formerly largest parties in a state that they will probably not be able to form a government. In the UK (though not in the Euro), the recent local government elections went heavily against the parties forming the coalition government in Parliament (although they do not have to call national elections for several years yet). All of these events are seen as popular reaction to austere economic policies. That’s who is being swept out.

    Meanwhile, the head of the European Central Bank has stated his firmness in continuing along these lines. That explains why the Euro is snoozing upstairs. The economies of the European nations are stagnant, which explains the disheveled appearance of Mr Economy.

    Will prosperity be able to be delivered, given all this? Who knows? But it makes for a busy cartoon.

  150. Chyron HR
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#96): I simply don’t know what [Oliphant] is saying.

    “Those fuckers! Our shit!”

  151. gleeb
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#150): Yeah, that too.

  152. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Hello? Is THAT you, Rusty? WHAT? You say you walked to town and went in the ice cream parlor to have a hot fudge nut sundae? That’s very odd, because today is not SUNDAY, it’s WEDNESDAY! Then again, you always were very odd!
    ….WHAT’S that? You ordered the hot fudge nut sundae and the waitress asked you if you wanted your nuts crushed and you got scared? NOT to worry, Rusty. I will go to town and have a talk with that ol’ waitress. There is no way she could have known the authorities in OUR AREA required you be castrated at birth so you wouldn’t produce another mutant like yourself! Just suck it up and walk back home. Besides, if you’re lucky enough to get back home without being abducted by those VILLAINOUS freak show recruiters, you can have that left-over PANCAKE Cherry threw in the trash can. That is, if the giant racoons don’t get it to it first! ……Gotta go, Rusty, Trish is on the other line. YOU remember Trish? She’s the one who gave you that fishing rod that YOU’VE NEVER GOT AROUND TO USING!”

  153. Lurker Bob
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Tony (#132):

    I just find it easier to stomach if I imagine Mark as a heavily sedated patient wandering around the day room of an old-timey sanitarium having imaginary conversations on toy phones whose cords have been removed to prevent him from harming himself.

    It keeps me going, what can I say?

  154. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (Y#392): Well, she’s not been barfing recently, either, so who knows what’s going on in that slickly-drawn torso of hers. Stomach flu, plus stress from the modeling, on top of a dancer’s irregular cycles — that all could easily explain the situation. Which is why one pees on a stick to be sure before flying to Venice, waffling about it with all and sundry, and getting to be the Star of one’s own little drama… oh, wait.

  155. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    MT – “HELLO? UPS? You can cancel that delivery for Rusty Trail. THAT’S right, it should be in a long shipping box shipped from LL Bean that is labeled, ‘FISHING ROD AND TACKLE’. That’s right, just send the order back to LL Bean because for some reason, God knows why, that kid NEVER seems to follow through with actually going fishing!”

  156. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    MT – “HELLO? Yes, THIS is Mark Trail. WHAT? You want to know if my refrigerator is running? Well, we do not have electricity sowe do not have one of those new-fangled appliances. But, there IS some water running onto the floor from the leaky old ice box. ….Hello? HELLO?”

  157. Red Greenback
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#93): Not quite. Ironically, Vince Vinyl got shellacked by a 78.

  158. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#145): Male. Hence the tendency towards drawing leggy pin-ups. (Not that a lesbian cartoonist might not also be tempted to draw such, but I have to think that such a person would be less of a pretentious prat about it.)

    It occurs to me that if he really wanted to stick it to his readers, he’d have her miscarry. Then no-one’s happy.

  159. odinthor
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#154): Venice? Vienna, methinks. Venice is the one that smells like fish; the other one smells like sachertorte. Otherwise, no difference.

  160. Jessy
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Mark, don’t you remember me? Is it dementia, or is there some essential piece of information you might need, like, oh for instance, my name?” Mark, it may be a little early to use the Fist o’ Justice, and maybe you are too much of a gentlemen to use it on a female, and a friend of the family at that, but anyone who calls out of the blue expecting you to recognize her voice deserves some form of instant retribution. Maybe you could sic those deer on her.

  161. Spotts1701
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#145): Male, though of the “pretentious git” subspecies.

  162. John E
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Where can I get a cordless phone in the shape of a traditional corded handset?

    Because that would be cool!

  163. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    MT – “HELLO? Oh, hello, Johnny. WHAT’S that? You say you saw MY kid Rusty down at the old fishing dock hanging out with, RANGER TOM MARTIN, TWO UPS DELIVERY MEN, TWO KIND-HEARTED BANK ROBBERS, A FILM PRODUCER AND HIS FIM CREW, MY FRIEND MOUNTY McQUEEN AND HIS OLD MOTHER, A BLIND DOG and some VILLIANOUS WOLVES?!! …WHAT’S that You say? they were all on the dock laughing and having fun while fishing together? ……WELL, if that doesn’t beat all! …..I gotta tell ya, I’ve been talking with that damn kid for YEARS now about going fishing, and there he goes running off to go fishing with a bunch of total strangers!”

  164. Dennis Jimenez
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @John E (#162): An’ program one of those old-timey ring-tones on it, too – that’d be sweet….

  165. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#161):

    Brooke’s theme song is “The Great Pretender” by The Platters.

  166. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

  167. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#159): Argh. It’s been one of those days…

  168. cartooncritic2544
    May 9th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    The zombie apocalypse hits Zits. Now if it only spreads to Mary Worth. Fortunately, Mark Trail‘s safe, since he’s made of wood.

  169. Dood
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “So how is Old Hickory? What is that you say about the Second Bank of the United States?”

  170. Dennis Jimenez
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#166): The perfect phone with which to say, “Why, no Mr. Bond – I expect you to die.”

  171. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    MT – “HELLO? Yes, I am Mark Trail, WHO is this? WHAT? You say you’re name is ‘Momjeans’ and you and your daughter nursed me back to health after I got shot in the head? Is this some sort of joke? Oh, I see. NOW I remember, You mean on that tropical island while I staying hidden in your bed for a few months? WHAT? You say nine months after we flew to Miami you had a baby boy that looks just like me, and that I abandoned you both to live in squalor? …..I’m sorry, YOU must have the wrong number. I don’t know anyone who lives in Squalor, WHAT city is it near? YOU must want to talk with the OTHER Mark Trail that lives down the road IN A NEAR-BY CITY. Good luck with that, GOODBYE!
    …….Hey Cherry, HOW can we get this telephone number of ours changed tout suite?”

  172. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#167):

    Re: “Argh. It’s been one of those days…”

    You mean Speak Like a Pirate day? Aaaaaarrggh!!

  173. Greg
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    MT: How do we know Mark isn’t squeezing his penis just below frame? And thus a new porn site is born: “Just Below Frame Mark Trail.” And its ancillary site: “Deer Ass.”

  174. Calico
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    “Don’t you remember me, Mary? I transformed myself into the porn star ‘Bambi the Butt’ a few years ago!”

  175. Peanut Gallery
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy – Again?? He should have stuck with the dry cleaner.

  176. Calico
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Ooooh, I meant Mark, but this could be a good story, too!
    Mary meddles a pole dancer into becoming a Scientologist.

  177. Calico
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and I recently read that John Travolta tried to grab some guy’s dick. (Most likely NOT true)

  178. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#42) said: “Love Is. . . .custody of his State Alchemist Watch?!?!?!?”

    I had the same reaction: What is that “keepsake”? A cell phone? A compact? A birth control pill container? But those things don’t usually come with a chain. Maybe it’s a giant hip hop-style locket holding mementos of her lost love, Tupac Shakur. Then again, the caption may be the clue: It’s where she keeps her sake.

  179. Government Cheese
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#177): 8 inches they are reporting! Ribaldry! The nation’s citizens’ faces are crimson!

  180. BigTed
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    If this were really a new “Archie” strip and not one drawn in, say, 1977, the kids would suddenly be quiet when they got outside because they’d all be texting! And then it would be an actual joke, if not a funny one.

  181. Peanut Gallery
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#75): Well, there’s a great idea for an insult right there. “You totally suck at insulting people!” It also works as a snappy comeback to an insult.

  182. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Class assignment:

    Compare and Contrast today’s Snuffy Smith and Doonsesbury.

    Loweezy: Incest is best!

    Toggle: No inbreeding here… M-m-my parents barely .. met!

  183. Government Cheese
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wow the husband totally looks like the “trolololo” guy – maybe that will be the day’s performance.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z4m4lnjxkY

    Luann: I like how the big guy is so smug in the second panel with his crown. “Huh huh huh I took a doody in my pants and no one will know.”

  184. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: Does anyone here remember a Trish? Was she the girl who helped out when Mark was kept prisoner and punched the bad guy into the hog pen? Was she there when Andy was dognapped or something?

    I don’t remember a father for her.

  185. Señor Tortilla
    May 9th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#148): I’m sure that any restaurant in the Luanniverse, like the Funkiverse, is awful. And some taco places aren’t much better than cheap supermarkets and supermarkets. I do live in area where there is an abundance of Tex-Mex and taco places, and only a few are decent. I’m afraid to try the taco trucks, most of them consistently make lousy scores.

    Archie: Like the “candles” gag a few years back, this makes NO SENSE

    FW: The phrasing of her words makes it sound like SSCs have been allowed to go to the prom for years, and this is suddenly a change somehow (of course, this plothole will not be addressed). Also, Cayla is still in the “heavy-lidded, no sign of joy” state again, as always.

  186. yaoi huntress earth
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#77): Though I personally, wouldn’t mind seeing the Marquis De Sade meal.

  187. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#168): Unfortunately, the zombies would invade the Bobby-Gina nuptials looking for brains and end up leaving empty handed.

    They might score a few Jordan almonds, though.

  188. Mike Lukash
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#145):

    Brooke is male. Yeah, shocked me too.

    9CL: Okay for weeks people have been bitching about her peeing on a stick, or going to a doctor.

    Now that Righteous Gay Guy asked her about going to the doctor, and gives her the “WHAT THE F” stare when she says no…you people are still complaining?

    My bet is that it’s going to be CANCER! Imagine the drama with EDDA CANCER!

  189. bbofun
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    It’s just possible that Mark trail is attempting a bit of “sexy talk” in panel three. Unfortunately, he decided to go with British slang and crwed it up royally (so to speak). it’s suppose to be “‘Ow abou a bit of ‘ow’s your father?”
    Yeah, I know it’s not possible, but all the good deer-sex jokes were already taken.

  190. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mike Lukash (#188): Edda and Amos suddenly move to Ohio?

  191. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#157): Nah. Vinyl was waxed when someone emptied the cylinder of an Edison revolver into him.

  192. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark calls this Trish woman “honey”, a term of endearment he’s never even used while addressing Cherry. I can only come to one conclusion. Aside from something bears like to eat, Mark has no idea what “honey” means.

    GT: I guess you could call that the direct approach.

    SSmith: Lureen assures Lo’weezy that the life of a paid escort isn’t as glamorous as it looks.

    MW: “Everyone follow us and we’ll celebrate at the main house. Refreshing drinks will be served in small paper cups. Do not question it, just drink up. This is the day of destiny.”

    WofI: How much caffeine do you have to ingest before your limbs can extend 10-15 feet?

    Crock: There are lines he won’t cross. As is obvious, publicly wishing for the death of a comics blogger is not one of those lines, but still there are lines.

    9CL: Finally someone in-story notes the stupidity of Edda still not having confirmed where she’s actually pregnant or not. That’s probably as far as the authorial retractions will go, though.

    Agnes: “Electric Finger Puppets” would be such a good band name that I suspect some enterprising soul has already used it.

    Baldo: Unless the couch hovers around freezing point temperatures, the ice cream may be the bigger problem.

    A3G: Hey, quit stepping on our lines, Mr. Blake.

    DT: Johnny Adonis—aka Tom Magnum if “Magnum PI” started ten years earlier and were set in Brooklyn—is a new one to me. Light Googling reveals him to be a Max Allan Collins brainchild.

    Phantom: Victor faces his comeuppance as his son belatedly becomes an actual teenager.

    6C: The vending machine—or “vendo” as the kids like to say—is a miniature “Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In” set.

    S-M: Did Hardy just call Mary-Jane a shemale?

    JP: What Sam means, of course, is that Spencer Farms is the only place that can accommodate the post-ceremony Most Dangerous Game Hunt he’s planning to hold with vagrants and state college graduates as the prey.

  193. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Greg (#173): And for the foot fetishists: Tommie’s feet.

  194. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mike Lukash (#188):

    It is possible, and very much in character, that we haven’t hit Reset yet, and that Seth’s WTF stare is merely a “how could you possibly not go to the doctor to look into the health of your very own baby?” stare.

    He will bully her into making an appointment, the doctor will diagnose her as Not Pregnant, and everything will go back to Status Quo, with no mention made of all the worry and expense she put everyone through by leading them to think she might possibly be struggling with getting used to the idea of potentially being pregnant.

  195. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    marktrail
    Ah! I get it now, the giant animals in Lost Forest are actually cell phone towers. It all makes sense now, until they begin to move…

    @Marc (#67):
    maryworthGASP! The main house?!?!?

    Well, that means there’s multiple houses on that property and at least two of them could be large enough to house a wedding reception.
    Dude’s loaded. He’s probably Scrooge McDuck rich with a money-filled swimming pool.
    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#93):
    ” A clear case of product placement from the vending machine classic, “Bleep Bloops.””

    Ah, yes, Bleep Bloops! I still recall the jingle:

    Bleep Bloops!
    Beep Beep Boop
    Diddly Deet Doot
    Bleep Bloops!
    Bleep Bloops!

    Just thinking about it makes me feel Junger.

    @Cloudbuster (#103):
    “KY Derby”
    Let’s hope the winner didn’t win by a nose.

    @Hogenmogen (#109):
    “Its something we do with horses.
    Wait, that came out even worse, didn’t it?”

    Enough bourbon Makes a man do things he may regret….or enjoy even more. @BigTed (#180):
    ”…the kids would suddenly be quiet when they got outside because they’d all be texting!”

    I half expected to see that, too. It would have been ‘fridge worthy for the readers if they were all just looking,with vacant gazes, at their badly drawn cell phones.

  196. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#192):

    Re: “Mark calls this Trish woman “honey”, a term of endearment he’s never even used while addressing Cherry”

    Wait! Wasn’t Honey the name of the bear who could not understand people’s agression toward her?

    Could she have had a species change operation? And her father is at risk of being put down for that unfortunate mauling incident when some idiot let him run around Lost Valley without his muzzle on?

  197. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#193):
    What? Is the guy gonna let her take her foot off his crotch?
    I get the feeling that old coot will only allow that to happen when he’s finished.

  198. Little Guy
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Archie Andrews, Superstar: What’s the buzz, tell me what’s happening… what’s the buzz….

    I guess they’ve got Chok’lit Shoppe on their minds.

  199. DigitalGonzo
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    We’re clearly missing a scene between the second and third panels where an enraged Riverdale gang descend Maenad-like on Miss Grundy ripping her in pieces. What we see in the last panel is the aftermath, as they all simply stare on and on, looking for something, anything to fill the void that’s replaced their souls, but finding nothing, nothing but silence.

    Except for Jughead — he’s thinking about burgers.

  200. Marc
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#185): If you want a good taco place, amble on up to Western New York. Mighty Taco is not only God’s gift to drunks at 3 am but also to anyone who enjoys delicious Mexicanish food served to them in under 5 minutes. I don’t eat fast food but the occasional Mighty Taco is my only exception. 1000X better than Taco Bell.

  201. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#124): Someone needs to tell Brooke that while, yes, you can start a fanclub for yourself, it’s not going to impress anyone else.
    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#196): The species-changed bear angle would do nothing to disqualify this from being a Rule 34 story.
    @Little Guy (#198): Nice earworm.

  202. Little Guy
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mike Lukash (#188): I can see it now: Batliuk goes looking for McE for daring to stray into CANNNCEEEERRR!!! Territory….

    This will be the greatest confrontation since Jason battled Freddy.

  203. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

  204. The Ridger
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: We have another clue to the location of LoFo: those are mule deer. Talking mule deer, of course, but that’s just part of the whole LoFo alien dimensional interface…

  205. ArchieNemesis
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#44):

    Elrod could have shown them returning from fishing …

    My theory is that there is no clipart of Mark and Rusty in a boat available to Jack Elrod.
    Therefore, we will never see them fishing together.

  206. John E
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#170):

    I get a page that says “The product could not be found.” which makes me sad.

    Also, my cell phone doesn’t have a 2.5mm or 3.5mm audio jack, which makes me sadder…

    What I need is a Bluetooth enabled retro cell phone handset…

  207. Liam
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I’ve put my foot down on her stomach and no miscarriage yet. Perhaps you should try.

    MW-For a long and happy marriage let Mary in the room when you are consummating the marriage.

  208. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Unfortunately, Mark’s speech impediment (made all the worse by his thick Georgia drawl) is giving everyone the wrong idea about his mysterious caller. He’s actually saying “trash” and “hiney” instead of “Trish” and “honey”. He’s asking Miss Jackson — a professional dominatrix who’s popular in the LoFo community — to come over and flay his ass while father-in-law (Doc Davis)
    films their encounter from a trapdoor in the ceiling.

  209. Baka Gaijin
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#159): What? Are you implying that since Madonna writhed around on a gondola skimming the canals in Venice, Venice now smells of…oh.

    I, myself, am waiting for Vienna to be de-Burberized before planning a trip. Sachertorte, mmmm! Manner Wafers in every flavor imaginable!

    @Marc (#200): Rub it in. There’s no good Mexican food in Europe. Maybe they’re hiding it behind rows of clowns or in a harlequin uni. I’ve not found it.

  210. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#81):

    Luann: Isn’t that Gunther’s bully-shield, Ox or Bull or Elephant or whatever his name was? And should I be ashamed that I remember his face?

    That’s almost certainly Ox. I recognized him too, but was too depressed to say anything about it.

  211. The Ridger
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    L: Gadzooks! The items on Board One at Weenie World must average more than $10. That’s an expensive fast food joint, even if they’re combos.

  212. Dagger
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Hello, this is Mark Trail. Please give me the number for ‘e-mail.’”

    Archie: Miss Grundy suddenly achieves Dr. Manhattan powers. This can’t be good…

  213. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#138): The context was, as I recall, that some person was shielding Brooke from the “occasional detractors.” So in that very special corner of the universe, I suppose the detractors are “occasional,” because they consist of the very few who have survived the machine guns and have managed to crawl up to the gates.

  214. Zerowolf
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Slug (#3): Pupil-less eyes, flippers for hands, missing and/or extra fingers, total lack of any facial features, six foot long forearms attached two inch long upper arms, and other various anatomical impossibilities are all par for the course for those growing up on the Milford Toxic Waste Dump.

  215. Slug
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#214): Wow, that series sounds cooler than I thought!

  216. Zerowolf
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#192): Mark calls this Trish woman “honey”, a term of endearment he’s never even used while addressing Cherry. Who says Trish is a woman? Trish might be RangerTomMartin’s drag name.

  217. Jessy
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#177): Possibly true . . . I just read about his “history” of such incidents, and it’s longer than most . . . the history, I mean.

  218. Zerowolf
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    JP: Upon hearing from April via her CIA contacts that the palatial estate of Spencer Farms might not be big enough for her wedding, President Obama has offered to move his family into Amy Carter’s old tree house so the Parker/Spencer/Driver clan may use the White House and the South Lawn for the wedding festivities.

  219. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#177):
    Was the guy playing Keep-a-way with it?

  220. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

  221. Zerowolf
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Slug (#215): Well it’s sort of like this. An in depth study of a group of individuals from radically different socio-economic backgrounds forced to live together and forage for their survival vs. Gilligan’s Island.

  222. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#221):

    “Survivor: Gilligan’s Island”?

    Actually, that would explain the frequent question: Why don’t the other castaways kill Gilligan, thus preventing him from spoiling next week’s chance of rescue?

    The answer is that Gilligan is bad at challenges and sure to not win any jury votes, so they keep him around because they know they can beat him in the final three.

  223. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    My Hi & Lois (link to today’s original)

    Two panel strip;
    Panel One:
    Close up of Lois slapping arm, swatting at flies. Only she is visible in this panel. She says,

    Dang these bug! How can you stand it?
    Panel Two, close up of ground near Lois. Instead of the kid, Thirsty McGlugglug is laying on his back, with his hat on his face, bursting bubbles about his head. He is wearing only a diaper as flies buzz around him and a few beer cans are on the ground near his body; there is one can in his hand.
    Easy. Just lie still and be glad they aren’t flying raccoons.

  224. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#204): Thanks — that must explain my observation in #141. I didn’t realize they had white on their rumps. Not in the place indicated by the color monkeys, of course, but I should have figured that.

  225. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    MW — I’m seriously hoping for a shivaree.

  226. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#225): That would drive Mary nuts. Heh Heh.

  227. gnome de blog
    May 9th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#17):
    My daughter used to be a midwife. Midwifery does indeed require becoming involved in the patients’ lives, at least to a greater extent than the usual monthly checkup, and frequently to the disruption of her own life.

  228. Hogenmogen
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: WHOM am I speaking with?

  229. hibbleton
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark has never addresses an adult women as “honey” in his life. Trish is 6 years old and playing in the same room, hence Mark’s toy phone. Her sick father is in with Doc getting a flea bath (she was raised by wolves, of the non-vicious type).

  230. commodorejohn
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    9CL – I’ll give credit to Brooke, that’s an excellent “you dipshit” expression. Now if only it hadn’t been completely necessary and justified by the characters’ inanity. That’d really be something.

    Agnes – Wow, Agnes insists on top-notch production values, by YouTube standards! Most videos are lavish if you can understand what the hell people are saying.

    A3G – “No, seriously, I’ve been standing on one leg all morning, and my ankle really hurts!”

    C&B – I love this strip. (Though Sinfest has been making essentially exactly this point for years now.)

    Curtis – …why is Gunther suddenly talking like he’s from Hootin’ Holler? (I’m pretty sure in those parts Pentecostals are burned for witchcraft.)

    DT – You’d think the villains would take the time to learn how to commit insurance fraud, if they’re going to commit insurance fraud. At least Burt Reynolds is on the case!

    FW – This is what happens when you put together the pieces of a gag in your mind, but never stop to actually read the whole thing to yourself.

    Garfield – Garfield provides a complex and nuanced take on sensitive racial issues.

    GT – Hey, ease up there, Seven. For all you know, the kid she had (or, if you prefer more words, “couldn’t possibly not have”) was the only time she ever did it. Really, that’s kinda how it works in fiction; the less of a slut you are, the more likely you are to get pregnant.

    JP – Yeah, this is gonna make the British royal family look restrained.

    Lockhorns – I admit, I laughed out loud at this one.

    Luann – The comic about nothing, ladies and gentlemen.

    Mandrake – Yeah, this wasn’t an epically dumb idea at all.

    MW – It’s only just now that I realized they bailed outdoors for this. What is that thing, a sacrificial pyre? Did they slaughter a lamb to consecrate their dark union?

    Phantom – Oh, it’s just a phase he’s going through.

    RMMD – C’mon, you can lift that knee a little higher up yet.

    Ripley’s – Jerry Garcia has 15,000 hours recorded? Wow, that’s gotta be like 500 Dead concerts.

    SM – Hardy Laurel digs shemales?

  231. Blondie's Attic Man
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    MT: Trish Jackson? Are we to be introduced finally to Mark’s first-ever friend of color?

    Nah… Most likely she’s a blue-eyed descendent of either Andrew or Stonewall. (Judging by the antiquity of these strips, one of those two is probably the ailing father)

  232. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Blondie’s Attic Man (#231): Are all who live in and who visit Lost Forest brunettes? I can’t think of any characters which don’t have that characteristic.

  233. Liam
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    MT-Trish, tell me how bad your dad is? I promised this child? This ape like creature? It looks like someone shaved an ape and taught it how to be a person. Anyways I promised this thing I would take it fishing and I am looking for any excuse to avoid taking it fishing.

    JP-The farm will be big enough to have the bachelor party, the wedding, the reception, and the honeymoon all at the same time.

  234. Liam
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Ox wear crown. Ox feels like a princess.

  235. odinthor
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#209): The bummerest thing about confusing Vienna and Venice is when you ask the hotel doorman in Vienna to go hire you a gondola. I was waiting at the curb for nearly a week. And then all that happened was that I got a cheerful postcard from him saying it was ready for me at the Rialto.

  236. John E
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#220):

    Oh nice….!

  237. Zerowolf
    May 9th, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#222): The whole strangers of radically different socio-economic groups being thrown together and forced to survive schitck was part of Sherwood Shwartz’s “Gilligan’s Island” pitch to the network.

  238. Anonymous
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    I giggled a little at the BGSS quip.

  239. Liam
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-Like I am casually remembering you.

    Archie-What isn’t pictured is the pile of tongues cut from the students’ mouths.

  240. Señor Tortilla
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#200): But are your taquerias open 24/7?

  241. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#196):
    MT – It was the VILLAINOUS WOLVES that mauled Honey. You’re right, that MUST be who Mark is talking to!
    I think they once wrote a song about it…..
    (AHEM)
    “SEE the tree, how BIG it grows,
    But when those wolves that Honey loved,
    Mauled Honey in the middle of the day,
    They planted her just like a twig, and she went away.”

    ….well, if you’re old enough to remember Bobby Goldsboro, then you probably remember that song.

  242. Der Schnärkïnätör
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#214):

    “Toxic Waste Dump” would a good name for a band!

  243. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Dagger (#212): Mark Trail: “Hello, this is Mark Trail,please give me the number for ‘e-mail’.”

    CLASSIC! THREE thumbs up!

  244. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @hibbleton (#229):
    MT – To them, they were “VILLAINOUS” wolves who raised her!

  245. curlyfries
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#145):

    Regarding 9CL: Is Brooke McIldowney male or female?

    Neither gender will admit to having him in its ranks, so it’s best to consider Brooke to be Annoying, and leave it at that.

  246. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#241): Man, you nailed the lyrics.

  247. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#245): Why he looks absolutely VILLAINOUS!

  248. commodorejohn
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#240): Hey, now, not every guy just chooses to open his tacquerias to any passing stranger.

  249. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#77):

    Edison Lee: The concept’s funny but why use Jacqueline Susann, who hasn’t put out a book in decades when there’s a best-seller currently making the news about the sex bondage fantasies of women?

    There is? I wonder what the title of that would be. You know. Just out of natural curiosity and a the urge to better understand the comics.

    9CL: The most depressing aspect of this whole amateurish attempt to both build suspense and “examine” a social issue is that McEldowney obviously thinks so little of his audience that he really expected them not to notice that Edda hadn’t taken a pregnancy test!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116): Damn you. Amber is like the literary equivalent of an ear worm for me — when someone mentions it, I simply have to read the entire series again — but I don’t have access to all my books right now!

    Wow. Using a lot of italics. I kind of like it. It’s snazzy. (Not to be confused with “zazzy” which is a perfectly good name for a cat — once you’ve used up all the names of famous physicists.)

  250. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    MT – TRISH, Honey, WHAT a pleasant surprise…….HOW is your Father? Yes, Trish, THAT is correct, I didn’t ask HOW you were, honey, I asked HOW your Father is! Got a problem with THAT, Trish? Oh Yeah, I thought as much!”

  251. Droopy Says
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Once you accept the fact that a deer could call herself “Trish Jackson” and not “Bambi” or “Blitzen,” then you won’t have any problem with the rest of the story. Unable to speak like a human, Trish Jackson uses magic to project her thoughts into a telephone. A hunter shot and killed her father (which counts as “not so good”) and only the return of his long-lost son can restore him to life. Mark must lift the enchantment that keeps Rusty Jackson trapped in a near-human form, explain to him that he can’t go fishing because deer don’t eat fish, and release him into the wild.

    To lift the curse Mark must take Rusty on a quest to the Canadian border. They walk all afternoon until they meet Pierre, who takes them to Mother McQueen. Rusty is licked by Princess, which frees him from his human misshape. As the doe-eyed creature exults in his release, the humans exchange a glance and think the same word: venison!

  252. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#246): MT – “Man, you nailed the lyrics!”

    Thanks. I was going to Google the song lyrics for acuracy, but I figured I’d just go ahead and clip-art the lyrics like the way Jackelrod does with pictures.

  253. Droopy Says
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#245): [I]t’s best to consider Brooke to be Annoying,

    So his real author avatar will be named Ann Noyes?

  254. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#237): If you know that about Swartz, I wonder if you’re also familiar with his secretary’s problem with the “cricket”?

  255. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#251): MT –
    Man, if your correct, then I guess those Myans had this 2012 end of the world stuff right all along!

  256. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#200): I live near Rochester and don’t recognize Mighty Taco. Is it a chain? (Oh, wait. The Great Gazoogle says that there’s one in Henrietta. And he… called me a hurtful name.)

    @Little Guy (#202): This will be the greatest confrontation since Jason battled Freddy.
    Or since Smokey Bear took out goddamn smarmy Woodsy Owl.

    @The Ridger (#211): I was mildly curious as to whether the anointed hot-dog king got one of every item, or one of every size of every item. But I didn’t want to know -that- much.

  257. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#252): I guess you couldn’t see the tongue in my cheek when I wrote that. Actually if my tongue had been in my cheek it would have come out as ” An, Oo malled da iricks.”

  258. Liam
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-They weren’t strangers. They were my family members.

  259. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#256): “Or since Smokey Bear took out goddamn smarmy Woodsy Owl.”

    Was that on pay-per-view? Normally, I wouldn’t watch a fight but that fight I would watch. I’d have to guess but I would think at least one part would feature Smokey delivering a roundhouse punch and connecting with Woody’s beak. That would trigger his head to spin around and around and around.

    That’ll teach you for burning your litter!”

    The Fisticuffs on the Underbrush!

  260. hcv
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Death by stoning: horrific and awful to contemplate, in a primal Old Testament sort of way.

    Death by stonin’: folksy and a hoot! My eyes are squinched down to two tiny puckered slits, and my tongue’s hangin’ over my lower lip in full vulgar display, in appreciative delight!

  261. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#196): Nope, the bear was named Molly. And blast my brain for being the kind of brain that holds onto such trivia.

  262. Trillian
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#46): (Luann): So, Ox used to be very happy munching on the contents of the Burger Box, but then he got curious about what it would be like to eat a weenie, so he went over to Weenie World…next thing you know, he’s asking Gunther to prom!

  263. Señor Tortilla
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#249): Even though McEldowney is pompous, he can’t be a worse writer than Evans. As terrible as Evans is, he doesn’t go around blabbing how wonderful he is (like Batiuk), at least to my knowledge.

  264. Liam
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Not until you identify yourself I have no idea who you are. Don’t you know proper telephone etiquette?”

  265. Liam
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#262): And wearing that crown makes Ox feel like a queen.

  266. Señor Tortilla
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#263): And all three are creepy looking dudes. (From left to right, Evans, McEldowney, Batiuk)

  267. Droopy Says
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#255): That is a scary thought! (Me being right, that is.) But it would explain a great deal, including the heretofore-ignored fact that the McQueens have a princess, all set to inherit their secret realm. If Andy plays his cards right he might end up as the prince-consort, head of a mighty dynasty that lords it over the posthuman world.

  268. commodorejohn
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#251): Man, that’d be the sanest Mark Trail plot ever.

  269. gnome de blog
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#263):
    Batiuk wore out his pitching arm years ago and he’s trying to get by on junk.

    Evans is just a hack.

    McEldowney’s the saddest. He’s the Jose Reyes of cartoonists: all the talent in the world wasted because his ego gets in the way.

  270. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#263): You’re kidding, right? You’ve not read McEdlowney’s self-praise in Pibgorn?

  271. Illustrator Steve
    May 9th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#257): “I guess you couldn’t see the tongue in my cheek when I wrote that”.

    Yeah, I know tongue-in-cheek sarcasm when I read it, and when I write it! All in fun. Come to think about it, why would anyone bother reading or posting on here if we were’nt sarcastic at least most of the time. THAT’S what makes it so much fun! (WHY the hell else would I be spending all this time even reading this stuff and making my own wise ass remarks if I couldn’t be sarcastic? WHY? BECAUSE it’s fun and, I LOVE IT!)

  272. Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I’m just hoping that the “Trish Jackson” scenario is actually a setup by the deer, which is using a cell phone and a Bluetooth earpiece and is looking for some form of revenge.

    Or porn. Either way, it works.

    - yeff

  273. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#271): So…you’re being sarcastic, right?

  274. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#271): That’s why of all the cartoonists that drop by here you’ll never see Evans, McEldowney or Batiuk. They take their funnies too seriously.

  275. Señor Tortilla
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#270): No, I said that McEldowney is the pompous one, as is Batiuk (“It’s called writing“). Evans is a hack, but doesn’t go around telling people how good he is (I think).

  276. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#275): Oh. Right. Me no reading so well right now. Me got regressive disease from Planet P3X-797. Me got heavy, hairy brows. (But that’s all right — a couple of antihistamines should fix me right up.)

  277. Trillian
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#185): (FW) They probably have been allowed to go for many years. Technically, SSC’s were allowed at my prom in 1994. I don’t remember any “out” gay or lesbian couples there, but there were several pairs of girls who did not have dates who bought tickets together at the “couples” price, and that was allowed without any grandmotherly interference.

  278. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    MT — So her father is doing “not so good.” Lessee, does he need a pet bear, or a puppy, or a fawn, or an old goose, or a chance to slug a couple of incompetent drug dealers? I started to add “or a young beaver,” but even though MT really did feature a young beaver for awhile, I know better.

  279. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Nehemiah Scudder as a child.

  280. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279): [Tip -- if clicking on the link doesn't work, copy and paste the URL.]

  281. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

  282. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#222): Spoken with the knowledge of a Survivor aficionado! And of course, Gilligan never stepped up as a leader from the beginning, which probably protected him.

    Hmmm…. Here’s a project: Which comics characters should be pitted against each other in Survivor? Clearly, Mary Worth would be voted off in no time: a) She’s old, b) she’s female, and c) her “social game” stinks. Mark Trail would be kept around for his skills around camp, but his habit of verbalizing all thoughts would eventually doom him:
    “Gosh, I think I might write down that fellow’s name at Tribal Council.”
    What?

    And would Margo be more “Russell Hantz” or “Boston Rob”?

  283. Zerowolf
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#254): Don’t remember any “cricket” stories, but I remember in an interview when asked about network censorship during the 1960′s, Sherwood replied, “Between Mary Ann’s belly button and Ginger’s tits, I got no rest.” Ironically, tits was bleeped so even in 40+ years later Ginger’s tits were still being censored by the networks.

  284. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    ”…MT really did feature a young beaver for awhile…”

    Was the storyline called “Leave it to Rusty”?

    Starring Harry Badgers, Pony Cow, Hugh Elephant and Doc in drag?

  285. curlyfries
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#249): Now you know why McE closed the comments section on all of his strips. It’s much easier to be contemptuous of the beefwitted sewer-dwellers if you can’t hear them calling you out on how puerile your plotting is.

    It’s important to remember that you can’t make a 9CWL brick without straw men.

  286. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279): Poor Teddy. Another victim of THE WIZARD OF OZ.

  287. Peanut Gallery
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#121): You’re “surpised”? Give me a moment to aborb this…

  288. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 9th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    R=R: And in a surprising reveal, we discover that the apparently innocent family cat is actually a bondage submissive.

    Elderberries: Here’s a fun fact — according to law, if you’re drunk, even sitting behind the wheel of a parked car will get you a Driving Under the Influence charge.

    Ziggy: And in the one comic in which it is established that Ziggy isn’t wearing pants — he’s wearing pants.

  289. Peanut Gallery
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#191): Let’s just say Vinyl’s been scratched. I’ll bet Doubleup did it. After all, he sounds like a broken record. A broken record.

    (Have you heard Doubleup’s low-budget recording of The Who’s greatest hits? “I call that a bargain, the best I ever had. The best I ever had!”)

  290. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#271): I am saddened to learn this, as I myself am always completely sincere and candid, and had naturally assumed that everybody else was as well. Can nothing be trusted?

    // I feel like the Jim Carrey character in The Truman Show.

  291. Carly
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    I feel like that’s the greatest Mark Trail panel ever, there in panel two. “Remember me?” says the deer, in what I imagine to be a spooky voice as illustrated by yellow jagged word bubbles. Please tell me that’s Bambi’s mother, whom Mark punched to death for dinner.

  292. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#283): “Between Mary Ann’s belly button and Ginger’s tits, I got no rest.”

    Poor Mr. Schwartz. If I found myself between Mary Ann’s belly button and Ginger’s tits, I would get no rest either.

    // Still, I’d try to be brave and not complain. Hard times are sent to make us more spiritual, don’t you think?

  293. Sequitur
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Carly (#291): Mmmm. Venison pancakes.

  294. Ukulele Ike
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#266): Ewwwwww. McEldowney looks like a god damn viola player.

  295. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279): I remember that! Sawed his head off with my first slide rule.

    // Good times!

  296. Ukulele Ike
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#70): Although I’m in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn, NY, I consider myself also “living in the land of bourbon.”

  297. Ukulele Ike
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Ripley: I remember a social evening when my Deadhead friends pointed out that, given the fact that Louis Armstrong and Charlie Parker have left behind maybe several hundred hours of recordings each, future generations studying the history on 20th century improvised music would rely heavily on those 15,000 hours of Jerry Garcia. My Jazzbo friends proceeded to burst into tears.

    Me, I like snails and oysters BOTH.

  298. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#296): Hey, is it true that the “Land Down Under” song by Men at Work, is really about DUMBO?

    // I figure a Brooklyn musician would know that.

  299. Señor Tortilla
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#109): That’s hilarious.

  300. Droopy Says
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#257): Never write tongue-in-cheek! You might be mistaken for McEch as he french-kisses himself.

  301. bats :[
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#63): such an itty-bitty-batty! Thank you! (and that ocelot looks post-BOOP!ED, too)

  302. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#294): Q. How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don’t play.

  303. Ukulele Ike
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#298): Oh, man. Ask me about Bach, Wagner, Pres, Dizzy, Bill Monroe, or the Quicksilver Messenger Service, and maybe I can help. Men at Work, I don’t do.

  304. Ukulele Ike
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#302): Also, the viola burns longer.

  305. Baka Gaijin
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#235): I would have thought the hotel doorman actually doing his job would have been the first tipoff that you weren’t in Italy.

    @Sequitur (#281): Ha ha, but where’s the circular slide rule?

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#292): Wouldn’t that officially be heaven?

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#295): Ha ha, but where’s the circular slide rule?

  306. The Diceman
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    I thought Mark was going to check his email! Instead of Trish’s contact coming that way, he’s taking a call from her on a circa-1960 princess phone that has apparently been made cordless by, you know, removing the cord.

  307. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 9th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#296): It’s a vast and welcoming land.

  308. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#303): I know, and as a Park Sloper, you don’t do DUMBO.

    // Guess I can’t fault a fellow for having standards.

  309. cheech wizard
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    MW – Ok, we’re three weeks into this story and I’m still not sure what the critical moral issue will that that forces Mary to summon forth her powers of meddling – but I suspect it has something to do with the fact Gina is wearing white at her wedding.

  310. This Guy
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Man, did we get on to viola/instrument jokes without my knowing?

    Q: What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?
    A: No one cries when you cut up a viola.

    Q: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
    A: Homeless.

    Q: How do you get to oboists to play in tune?
    A: Shoot one.

    The only real problem is that so many of the jokes are interchangeable. Few are unique to a particular instrument.

  311. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#284): Har! None of the above. But as I recall, the young male beaver protagonist (who was probably named “Lucky,” though I don’t remember for sure) met a young female beaver and they traveled together. So the story was actually more romantic than anything that has happened between Mark and Cherry for the past thirty-odd years.

  312. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#310): Q: What do you say to a guitarist in a three piece suit?
    A: “Will the defendant please rise.”

  313. Señor Tortilla
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    I used to play viola in 5th and 6th grades…it always got the worse parts, and lacked the rich sounds of the cello and double bass. Orchestra didn’t help those years, and in many cases made it worse. The viola…the Aquaman of the orchestra.

  314. tallyHO
    May 9th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#311):
    Ha! That’s both aawwww! inspiring and hilarious.
    Now that I have read that they “travelled together”, I can’t help but “see” them as riding around in a tiny convertible, with the female beaver* wearing a pair of styling, retro sunglasses and with a handkerchief on her head.

    It would be a long trip on Route 66 for that happy couple.

    * the nature special kind of female beavers, ya pervs!

  315. Jeff
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): And the strip even has Balki’s catchphrase, “Don’t be ridiculous!”

  316. Austria
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    FW: Funkytown presumably takes place in some not-so-distant future, but it’s like they pick and choose what to be futuristic about. Implication that other schools in this universe allow same-sex couples at proms without any rustling of jimmies? Check. Future technology? Naaaaah, we’ll just do more texting jokes.

    H&L: Aww, how cute. Trixie inherited her mother’s love of misery.

    Luann: Hey, it’s what’s-his-name! I hope he wears that crown forever.

    MW: Is it just me, or is this the most boring wedding in newspaper comic history?

  317. TheDiva
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#310): A favorite of my dad and brother, both drumline alumni:

    Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Dude, it’s like, dark in here?

  318. Poteet
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#314): Unlike some of the images planted in my mind when I peruse this website, yours is rather charming. I can totally see Lucky Beaver and his main squeeze, Fortunate Beaver, stopping for lunch at the Aspen Bark Cafe and then tootling on in their little convertible, riding toward the sunset, smiling happily at each other with their big buck teeth. Heck, that’s more appealing than anything Edda and Amos have EVER done.

  319. cheech wizard
    May 9th, 2012 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – I kept thinking this was a recycled story line. I knew I’d seen it before. Then I realized I was thinking of a porno – and a pretty cheap and inexpensive one, with minimal plots and character development.

    JP – So just what religion do all these people subscribe to, that their high temple is Spencer Farms, where all consecrations must be performed? All I can say is, it must be a pretty damn good one, considering that their god reliably delivers wealth, sex and privilege for precious little effort on their part. How come I never get accosted by these guys in airports?

    MW – “Let’s all head over to the main house!” I think we’ve been mistaken in assuming this wedding is taking place in New Jersey – it’s in Florida, and all the guests are about to be bundled up for a ride through the Haunted Mansion.

    GT – Ok, so she puts out. What I want to know is why she’s only being pursued by two guys in the entire high school?

    MT – Rusty’s too slow to figure it out, but the only way he’s ever going fishing is to give Mark a call on his phone.

    “Hello?”

    “Mark! How are you?! It’s been a long time. Say, I was just wondering if you’d like to get away for a little fishing?”

    “Sure! Just let me figure out a way to slough off my idiot stepson for awhile. Say, who is this anyway?”

    “Mark, this is Rusty!”

    “Rusty! How are you? It’s been a long — what?!”

  320. Poteet
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    5/10 MT — Wow! It’s, like, the coolest excuse not to go fishing with Rusty EVER!

  321. Der Schnärkïnätör
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    MW 5/10 – All praise to Saint Mary Worth, hallowed by thy name. And kingdom come, Mary’s will be done, on Earth is it is Charterstone. Give us today our daily meddle. Amen.

    Sheesh!

  322. Illustrator Steve
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#290):
    …..Your being sarcastic….right? :)

  323. Poteet
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    5/10 — Um, Nina? That collar seems lame even to me, and I wear men’s loafers. You don’t have to wear maternity outfits like that any more. The law was repealed around 1977. Aren’t you supposed to be some kind of businesswoman living in Manhattan and married to a guy with more money than God? Look around! I bet you’ll see expensive cutting-edge maternity gear, like, everywhere! But as for firing Tommie, I can totally go along with that.

  324. Poteet
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    5/10 S-M — At this point, I’d supply rotten tomatoes to the audience if I only could.

  325. Poteet
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    5/10 GA — As a cat owner, Clovia, you’re an ignorant idiot turdball, yet Lucky isn’t yelling at YOU.

  326. Poteet
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    FW — Not to be a bore, but wouldn’t any normal high school these days have specific written policies regarding prom? And wouldn’t any normal high school point out those specific written policies to anyone who behaved like a trouble-making moron, and basically say, tactfully and gently if possible, that the policies are what decide what happens at prom, and that if the moron kept insisting otherwise, the moron would be welcome to take a long walk off a short pier? If Batiuk’s version is at all realistic, maybe I don’t want to know.

  327. Droopy Says
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Did Lieber and Lee just read “The Big Picture Book of Theater Terms?”

    For Better Or For Wankerbeat: Okay, nobody’s surprised that two bland characters we dislike are cowards. Can we get back to those nameless gay kids so we can learn why we don’t like them, either?

    Crock: So Team Squiggle is familiar with the concept of “editor.” Guys, the next step is to work with one.

    Family Circus: Shis strip may date from the late Seventies, but that toy shop dates from the late Fifties, tops. Even when it was new this cartoon was out of date. Now why did Thel bring the kids to the mall? Is she going to do anything with them other than show us that melonheads are annoying?

    Pluggers: Now I know why Neil Armstrong went to the moon. When you grow up next door to Mrs. Gorski, it takes a long time to stop running.

    Mark Tracy: I’m calling it: Trish Johnson wants to frame her father for murder so she can take control of his wilderness business. Why else would she call Trail instead of a real detective?

  328. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#322): I’ll admit to a certain amount of badinage, persiflage, or raillery. But sarcasm seems so hurtful.

  329. crazy fungus
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    MT- Faleen says, “that’s the last time I’ll ever do THAT for five bucks”

  330. Illustrator Steve
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    MT – Now I get it! After twelve hours of studying today’s Mark Trail I FINALLY get it! (Today’s strip I mean).
    In panel one, Mark has contacted his email service on that old princess phone with the missing cord.
    In panel two, Mark is haunted by all the animals and projects he has neglected and abandoned over the years. The deer asks him if he remembers him. The chimney actually takes on a human’s name just to get Mark’s attention so he remembers it’s needs repair.
    Panel one is simply misunderstood and the dialog is out of wack. WHAT Elrod’s intent was that Mark made that phone call TO Trish, not the other way around. He decided it was time to finally spill the beans to Trish that she is actually his daughter. (He had attended a wilderness guide convention many years ago in a near-by city and, while partying, slipped out of caracter for a moment with a female).
    The dialog inpanel #3 was supposed to read; “TRISH, Honey, WANT a pleasant surprise?…..I am your FATHER!”

    (Trish’s reply was the same in both versions): “NOT SO GOOD!”

  331. CanuckDownSouth
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#326): Considering there are web-posted slideshows of prom dress codes from many schools, heck yeah – this is nuts.

  332. tallyHO
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#327):

    “I’m calling it: Trish Johnson wants to frame her father for murder so she can take control of his wilderness business. Why else would she call Trail instead of a real detective?”

    I wouldn’t bet money on it, only because I’d lose. You’re probably right. This is where the strip becomes “Matlock: The Wilderness Wonder Years”.

    I look forward to seeing Mark in a seersucker suit, colored pink and blue.

  333. crazy fungus
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    MT: Trish, I am your father. Luke, I am your father
    Note to Stoney RockAxe and Sudsy Nehemia- Faleen was Bambi’s mother
    My fav movie: Bambi Meets Godzilla. I can usually watch it all the way to the end

  334. tallyHO
    May 10th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    In a very special, tHIrsty and Lois:
    (orig.here.)

    Replacing the kid with Thirsty; keep the dialogue of the first two panels; substitute the dialogue for the last panel:

    Thirsty:
    But a snack comes in bottles. Either in liquid or pill form!

    Just say no, Lois. Just say no.

  335. tallyHO
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    snuffysmiff
    When you forget how to pronounce the word “remember” that’s when it is time to just start using nicknames and not saying much.

    dennis the menace
    Is this the turning point when Dennis stops believing in The Force and starts realizing it is all about the Benjamins?

  336. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#318): Heck, that’s more appealing than anything Edda and Amos have EVER done.

    Which is setting the bar rather low since Brooke doesn’t do “appealing” (unless you count Solange). If offered the lesser of two evils, I’d choose to hang out with a certain anti-Semitic actor and his creepy beaver hand-puppet alter ego instead of Edda and Amos.

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HdIq1ZUC08M/TnULNgpDRII/AAAAAAAAFd4/OhSoITpC4wo/s1600/mel-gibson-the-beaver.jpg

  337. Poteet
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    @crazy fungus (#334): Faline was actually Bambi’s mate. I read the original Salton BAMBI book when I was a kid (the English translation). Other kids were out playing catch and learning social skills. What can I say.

  338. Poteet
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#337): Hmm, an unappealing alternative or having to hang out with Edda and Amos. A ghastly dilemma. I guess I’d need to know whether it would be okay to kill E and A.

  339. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#338): Ask him to play the cello and her to dance. That will keep them busy and you won’t have to talk to them. You will have to applaud at the end, unfortunately.

  340. Victory Garden
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand what’s going on here, and I’ve been pregnant. Was the blood test WHAT? WHY WOULD THEY GIVE HER A BLOOD TEST? Did she take a PEE test? Did she EVER TAKE A TEST AT ALL. Is that the point of all this?

  341. Victory Garden
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    I mean. I understand why they would do this I SUPPOSE. But why not ask her if she peed on a stick first?

  342. curlyfries
    May 10th, 2012 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#336): What makes you think that Brooke isn’t already hanging there? Mel may be a sedevacantist and therefore on the bad side of Sister Caligula, but they can have a lot of fun reminiscing about the Anschluss.

  343. tallyHO
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#342):
    For a split second I thought you were (former?) comedian Dennis Miller.
    But, I am sleepy.

  344. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    @Victory Garden (#340): It’s not that odd a thing, actually. You do the pee test at home, and then schedule a blood test with the doctor to confirm it. Typically the blood test will measure the amount of pregnancy hormone in your blood – which gives a sense of the health of the embryo and how far it is along – but at minimum it offers confirmation that the pee test was correct.

    However, as TheDiva said a day or so ago, most doctors won’t bother seeing you until about a month after the missed period, unless something goes wrong. So Edda not having seen a doctor or gotten a blood test is something I’m willing to overlook, but her complete cluelessness about the options short of that is ridiculous. I don’t know a single woman, young or old, who wasn’t aware of the risk of pregnancy from the time she went through puberty (and was told some variation of “you’re a woman now”) and thought about what she would or might do if she got pregnant. Along with that knowledge usually comes an awareness of the existence of pregnancy pee tests. Given how sexually… forthright… both her mother and grandmother are, it is truly bizarre that she’s never once thought about this.

    I’d say this is what happens when you get a man writing this sort of thing, but I know plenty of men who are thoughtful and understand the basics of female reproductive biology and the lived experience of women, which leads me to conclude that this is not a man thing, but a Brooke McEldowney thing.

  345. tallyHO
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#318): thanks, by the way.
    It would make a fun poster or post card or some sort of picture.
    Wait a second….Perhaps…annh…if I reckymember* tomorrow…maybe…

    *Now I get it. It is a combination of the words “recollect” and “remember.” That’s stepping on Popeye territory, Granpa Creepycane!

  346. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    @Victory Garden (#340): Whoops. I was too hasty in my desire to reply and hadn’t noticed your comment about having pregnant yourself. Apologies for the lecture!

  347. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    Anyway, I suspect that it’s either that McE doesn’t himself know about pee sticks, or he’s unwilling to be so indelicate as to let on that his paragon actually does something so crass and biological as urination.

  348. tallyHO
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    that previous link was wrong. The previous Granpa Creepycane link goes to the “template” for tHIrsty and Lois. This one goes straight to Hootin’ Holler. Hyyyuuuk!

    Just look at that cane he uses. A person would have to spend a lifetime of playing bongos on boulders to develop callouses that would allow walking with that cane to be comfortable. Boulders!

  349. curlyfries
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#343): Yesterday I was Brooke McEldowney! Dennis Miller…hmmm, do I really appear to be particularly bitter, disenfranchised and grindingly humorless today?

  350. Cloudbuster
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#319): JP: You’re supposed to accost them at airports and beg to be deemed worthy.

  351. tallyHO
    May 10th, 2012 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    @curlyfries (#349):
    Then perish the thought.

    Like I wrote, for a second it seemed like you were him. But, curly fries aren’t bitter.

    Curley Stooge, maybe he was bitter, at one point in time, but, you know, he’s no longer with us and he’s still hilarious!

  352. commodorejohn
    May 10th, 2012 at 3:42 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#347): I suspect the latter; after all, this is the guy who thinks that babies are made by cats rearranging stars to look like sperm and ova and sex is done with the hands. Burbers don’t pee, and if they did it would be rainbows.

  353. Vanya
    May 10th, 2012 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#352): Exactly. I’m surprised how many commenters here seem to think 9CL actually takes place in a universe with physical laws. Asking Edda to pee is like wondering how the dragon in Neverending Story takes a dump.

  354. Droopy Says
    May 10th, 2012 at 3:59 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#347): I’m sure McEch knows. It’s just that making sense is for beefwits!

  355. Liam
    May 10th, 2012 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#323):

    Nina is married to Sam Drive from “Judge Parker”?

  356. Col. Havoc
    May 10th, 2012 at 5:52 am [Reply]

    What the Hell, Bobby and Gina? Why don’t you just hose down a few Mowgai and piss off Bruce Banner while you’re at it? You foolish, foolish kids.

  357. gleeb
    May 10th, 2012 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    Exciting Legal Comix!: Sam Driver checks his messages!

    Phantom: Vicious tongue-lashing!

    Exciting Medical Comix!: Finally taking a case history, June is disturbed to find she’s been feeding liquor to a probable alcoholic!

    Spidey: While Our Hero is out indulging in Anti-Mussolini fantasies, his wife is trapped by a man who dares go off script!

  358. gleeb
    May 10th, 2012 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#326): Re: ‘bean. True that. Big, bulky, binder-filling reams of policies.

    And why is everyone tip-toeing around this woman anyhow? She has no children in school (as students), and no one actually likes her or is persuaded by her point of view except that dweeb who forgot to bring a extra battery for his camera. What kind of juice do you think she has to make the school do a damn thing?

  359. Little Guy
    May 10th, 2012 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#358): I’m trying to figure out as well.

    All I see is that she barged in, outraged, with a photographer in tow, demanding what is to be done. She’s just Big Scary Outraged Strawwoman.

    Unless “OMG! She shut down the Comics Book Store! What else can she do?!?” With that logic, the Colts should have picked Al “Four Touchdowns in a Single Game” Bundy over Andrew Luck in last month’s draft.

  360. Little Guy
    May 10th, 2012 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#326): These days, any high school or administration that tries to prevent a same-sex couple from attending a prom usually ends up contributing substantially to the college fund of either or both, thanks to recent court rulings and the ACLU.

    If Westview, which is already struggling financially, has to take a hit because of Becky’s mom and fingers point back to her, that would make for an interesting plotline. What I could see is cutbacks and Becky herself are among those laid off. Unfortunately Big Scary Outraged Strawwoman wouldn’t give a sh!t and blaming it all on other people. I’d say her set of mind would be like Khan in Star Trek II setting off the Genesis Device: “F*ck you and the starship you rode on!”

  361. Hogenmogen
    May 10th, 2012 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    C-shaft: Ah, sharing an awkward moment while your grandfather gawks at women’s panties. That’s wholesome, family fun!

    Phantom: Father, I denounce your life of crime. I’ll have nothing to do with it! Except that I’ll live in your big house, ride in your posh cars, raid your well-stocked refrigerator, but I’ll hurl insults to your face about how you pay for it!

    Spiderman: Great. He webs this guy up on suspicion on breaking & entering, leaves him for the cops with no evidence, eyewitnesses or even a note to say what he’s accused of. Another job done half-assed, just like old times.

  362. Hogenmogen
    May 10th, 2012 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Those are Nina’s pajamas? She looks like she fell off the American Gothic painting.

    And I’m no fashion police, but if Tommie’s blouse were buttoned any higher, it could be mistaken for a burka.

  363. Comcis Fan
    May 10th, 2012 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    MW: And there it is, friends, Mary’s “M” face, for earth-shaking meddlegasm. (Ew.)

  364. KreatureFeatures
    May 10th, 2012 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Ha ha! “Gramazon” is very clever because it’s a play on … or rather a reference to … or a pun about … ah, I got nuthin’.

  365. Hogenmogen
    May 10th, 2012 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Avery Blackstone is coming here today!

    I know. I took the message. I’m your secretary, not just a pair of tits!

  366. Hogenmogen
    May 10th, 2012 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail : If you or a family member is ever accused of a serious crime, call a nature photographer. I’m sure you aren’t close friends with any, so begin the conversation with “You may not remember me… ”

    Lawyers? Private detectives? Nah! Nature photographers – that’s the way to go.

  367. Hogenmogen
    May 10th, 2012 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Gil:
    He thinks: To date the girl, bond with her kid!
    She thinks: I found a babysitter!

  368. debussy fields
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    MW–Rush Limbaugh and Mary Worth. Two who can leave you feeling as if a truck just backed up and dumped 40 tons of bullshit on you.

  369. Dot
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    @Dot (#87):

    Oops, looks like I misremembered there. ‘Tis “Lureen”.

  370. Victory Garden
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    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#346): Not to worry! It was uncomplicated and short. Like me. ;)

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