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See, who said the newspaper isn’t useful!

Slylock Fox, 5/16/12

Here is a sad story from Josh’s past: When I was in seventh grade I had a big crush on this girl in my class, but being a terrifically shy nerd I never actually tried talking to her or interacting with her in any way; I just looked at her all moon-eyed for most of the daily duration of our Social Studies class, during which she sat just a row ahead of me and one seat to the right. One day after about five months of this, instead of rushing off as usual she hung back after class, came up to me, and looked at me intently. With my heart pounding, I could barely believe it when she finally said the words I had been waiting for: “I want you to stop staring at me.”

It turns out that, according to the scientifically unimpeachable facts presented in Slylock Fox, staring intently at someone is not considered an appropriate mating habit among primates! In fact, it makes you a creepy weirdo. I can only hope that this cartoon equips the awkward seventh graders of today with information they can use.

Blondie, 5/16/12

Call me dumb, or slow to pick up on insulting canine metaphors, or something, but it took me a minute to parse the “Ha ha, Blondie is talking about Dagwood like he’s a dog” joke here, primarily because I don’t believe that a “great sense of humor” is considered a dog stereotype? I mean, I understand that the rule of comedy threes requires Blondie to wedge something in after “loyal and well-groomed” that isn’t the punchline “terrific hearing” but might still be said to apply to both potential husbands and potential pets. I admit that coming up with one is tricky. Could it be something about ball-licking, maybe?

Anyway, kudos to the artist for realizing that the off-panel ARF! wouldn’t work if it weren’t clear that the Bumstead family pet weren’t the one ARFing. Daisy looks as if she were actually intended to be in the background from the strip’s conception, or at least has been composited in later with a reasonable amount of skill.

Garfield, 5/16/12

Yes, he exists in the service of a (blessedly subtle) poop joke, but I have to admit that I’m really charmed by this fly-prophet, crazed in messianic ecstasy and willing to invite anyone of any species to the promised land.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/16/12

Good Lord, Smifs, you didn’t think these insatiable chew-rodents would really obey your so-called “laws,” did you? In retrospect, mankind wished a more effectively organized community had been on the front line in the first phase of the bloody Human-Beaver Wars.

275 responses to “See, who said the newspaper isn’t useful!”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Gil Thumped — “J’accuse!”

    Snuffy Stumped — “Damnation!”

    Dawn Dumped — “Dave’s not here, man!”

  2. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    MT-Expect to see these three panels to be reused constantly in this storyline.

    Dustin-”I mustn’t let Mrs. Robinson on to the fact that I am secretly aroused by the sight of naked female mannequins.”

    MW-Like I said yesterday whatever we could have come up with was ten times better than what is going to happen.

  3. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    FC-The type of toy store that Mommy wants to go is the type you aren’t allowed in.

  4. Dennis Jimenez
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Slylock – Support our troops – it finally makes sense….

    Blondie – [Insert doggie-style snark here] – Man, I love Blonde (and cookie – and Herb’s wife, whatever her name is – and car pool lady…)….

    Garfield – And the really funny part, is when you get there, it’s a huge steaming pile of shit….

    BG&SS – Some sort of snark about the well settled postulate than man cannot exercise dominion over beavers – at least not without a pocket of cash….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  5. Chareth Cutestory
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Josh’s past: Don’t feel too bad about your creepy staring–it could be worse. A few years later and you might have instead been at just the right time in nerd history to stalk and pester girls using AOL Instant Messenger. (How do I know? Look, I just know OK)

  6. Illustrator Steve
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MT – “Why, yes, Mark. Al seemed like a kind man. That’s why Trish and I let him move in. A year later they ran off together. I searched the globe until I found them. Then one day I was standing at the foot of Niagara Falls when I saw them! SLO-O-O-O-OWLY I TURNED! Step-by-step, inch-by-inch, I crept up on them! Then I SMACKED him! Then I smacked him again and again! Just like I’m smacking you now! Oh, I’m sorry, you are the kind man who came to visit me. I don’t know what came over me!”

    “You freaked out, Gene. You started hitting me when you mentioned the name of Niagara Falls.”

    “NIAGRA FALLS! Sloo-owly I turned, STEP-BY-STEP! INCH-BY-INCH!….”

    “GUARD? GUARD! Lety me outta this cell! This fishing buddy of mine is so damn CRAZY he MUST be guilty! Keep him locked up, but whatever you do, just don’t ever mention the words, ‘Niagara Falls’, when he can hear you!”

    “NIAGARA FALLS! Slo-o-o-owly I turned, STEP-BY-STEP…….!”

  7. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Blondie [Take #1] — Dagwood is in the bedroom having sex with a one-eyed sailor he picked up at the bus station.

    Blondie [Take #2] — Dagwood is also hung like a Great Dane, which has absolutely nothing to do with Blondie’s decision to marry him.

  8. Tetra D'Toxin
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Bloody beaver wars?

  9. nescio
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    BB: So Miss Buxley looks at Beetle from different angles, but when she looks at his crotch, she goes wide-eyed, and then refuses to answer the question. I would think Miss Buxley was close enough to Blips that she could just tell her that Beetle is hung like a horse, but I guess they’re just work friends.

  10. pugfuggly
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    SF (5) Monkeys are malicious bullies who encourage elephants and birds to help them torment innocent lions. Dicks…..

    Garfield I think that ‘Divinations of the Fly Prophet’ would make an excellent spinoff strip. Like Marvin, but more metaphysical.

    MW I’m willing to bet that Dawn is actually talking about a on-line game called ‘Loser in Love’.

    What puzzles me, however, is the numbered door behind Wilbur, which seems to imply that Dawn’s room some kind of remodelled broom closet in the common area.

    A3G AAAAAAAA!!!!! PREGNANCY RAGE HAS GIVEN NINA THE POWERS OF TELEPORTATION!!!!

  11. Mibbitmaker
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up!

    Surrelia does magic! ~ although NOT the way Mary Worth made Aldo “disappear”!

  12. Dennis Jimenez
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#7): That may be, but tell me this – when have you ever seen a dick on Marmaduke?

  13. RavenHawk
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#2): Liam, your comment (from yesterday), was the first thing I thought of, when I read MW, today.

    You couldn’t have been more right.

  14. Lurker Bob
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    A3G – I thought that it was odd that Tommie was knocking on the door and talking to Nina who I presumed was on the other side. In the last panel, it all became clear to me when I realized that Nina was on the same side of the door as Tommie. Either Tommie is too stupid to actually turn the doorknob to exit or she has been locked in a room with a hormonal-unbalanced, borderline depressed pregnant woman whose moods are changing a light speed. I hope for the latter since it means that there will be a “Saw”-type reveal where we discover that someone is going to be forced to cut off their own limbs or eat each other for the entertainment of some sociopathic puppetmaster. Hell, it is probably Margo.

    Who am I kidding? We will probably find out that Tommie is really just too stupid to understand how a doorknob works.

  15. Doctor Handsome
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    How great is Slylock Fox? It consistently offers up juicy snarkportunities™, yet I also love the shit out of it unironically. I don’t know what the hell’s happening here with these wacky animals, but it’s entirely awesome. Take notes, Mark Trail: THIS is how you make zoological trivia fun and accessible. On the negative side, I didn’t bother to turn my monitor upside-down to read the answers, so I’ll go to my grave believing one or more falsehoods about monkeys.

  16. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#12): Marmaduke keeps his peener in the top drawer of his wardrobe, and only takes it out on special occasions.

  17. Mibbitmaker
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Garfield: One word: Marvin!

    Blondie: It could be Little Orphan Annie’s dog, Sandy. Or maybe Popeye’s visiting, and he’s laughing at her dialogue.

    SFx: 1) Whoever came up with that in our language must’ve been a pacifist with an attitude.

  18. RavenHawk
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Blondie: And then, there’s the whole “humping your leg” thing.

  19. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Frazz: that would be the property that can be used to prove that Stevie Wonder is God.

    CdS: win. a nice C&H vibe there.

    GF: /facepalm

    Lio: it’s OVER 9000! *gigglez*

    PBS: win with heavy firepower, day 2.

    SBp: PvZ Sunflower fail.

    Zits: guest-writers from Dustbin, day 2.

    DT: does she have an older brother named Ate Trakk?

    JP: dear Schulz. it just doesn’t stop. MORE smuggitysmugtakemymoney!

    F-: brother-cousin, would be my guess.

  20. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . .compensated dating.

  21. Lurker Bob
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MT: Based on the rampant reuse of panels in this week’s story (Panels 3 for Monday and Wednesday are identical, as are panels 1 for Monday and Tuesday), it appears that Jack Elrod has totally given up on even making a half-assed effort. It seems that he thinks that a little cropping will hide everything. Either that, or Mark is stuck in a time-loop where the same thing happens over and over again with the same results. Based on the last 30 years of this strip, that may be the case.

  22. geekwhisperer
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Mark T- Don’t you people ever freaking DRIVE anywhere? The last time Mark got in a car he parked it on Rusty, so I understand his reticence, but everyone else in the Trailverse is not required to travel by boat at all times.

    MW- cue sad trombone: “Whomp womp woooooooomp.”

  23. Dennis Jimenez
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#16): I was thinking that was Eva Braun’s strap-on, but on further reflection, you are correct….

  24. Mibbitmaker
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    The story below SFx above made me sad (and not Funky Winkerbean sad, either). But then, the commentary on Blondie was really helpful, and I felt better. Full (not Family) circle.

  25. Cloudbuster
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#6): Classic! Requires Audio-Visual Aids for the younger generation!

  26. Dood
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: And nothing about flinging poo? Oh wait, we have Marvin for that.

  27. Cloudbuster
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn, you really could have stopped at “I’m a loser.”

  28. Fish K
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    SSaBG: Who the hell wrote the “No Trespassin’” signs? It requires a certain degree of literacy to correctly utilize apostrophes in place of dropped consonants.

  29. pugfuggly
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#22):

    Mark T- Don’t you people ever freaking DRIVE anywhere? The last time Mark got in a car he parked it on Rusty, so I understand his reticence, but everyone else in the Trailverse is not required to travel by boat at all times.

    I just assumed that there aren’t many roads up where Mark and his friends live, so everything is boats and bush planes. It’s the same reason I’m really finding it hard to believe Gene’s story, since I imagine the list of possible suspects on an isolated lake is pretty damn small.

  30. Dood
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Welcome to Weston-world, Dawn.

  31. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @RavenHawk (#18): Not to mention Dagwood making a spectacle of himself whenever he scoots across the carpet.

  32. LP2004
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#27): Oh, wonderful. Now a great Beatles song is inextricably linked with Mary Worth in my mind. I’ll just go off and kill myself now…

  33. Chris B
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: Slylock Fox would have pointed out that beavers are nocturnal and thus… oh I don’t know, it was really Count Weirdly behind it all (having invented a de-nocturnaliser?)

  34. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MT: Maybe I’ve seen too many tv crime shows, but can’t someone check Baldy McPerp’s gun to see if it’s been fired recently or something? Or will he be convicted on the simple rules of causation that prevail in this strip? Witness: “I saw the defendant hit the victim. Later on, the victim was dead.” Judge: “Guilty!

    A3G & MW: Further evidence that the artists in these strips are locked in small, windowless rooms, unable to interact with actual people in real, physical settings: They have no idea of how doors work.

    MW: Well, damn. I was hoping for a week of exclamations from Dawn in the other room, and with each one, Wilber would further condense into a black hole of shame and apprehension. Tuesday: “Why? Why? Why?” Wednesday: “Holy crapping pancakes!” Thursday: “Jesus Rollerblading Christ!” Friday: “Blerg.

  35. Holly Folly
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    When I was a kid I loved Garfield. I had a Garfield toy, an alarm clock and lunch box. Looking back on the strip as an adult, I wonder how I never noticed that he lives in a blank neither world. It’s as though everything not relevant to the joke has been pulled out the Garfield universe, making them all live in this terrible half life. Also, despite lacking trees, and clouds and sun, there world still has flies. That is pretty awful right there.

  36. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Fish K (#28): The sign painter charges by the letter, but apostrophes are free.

  37. wossname
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    DT – Kassie Ette, huh? I think I can predict with confidence that fairly soon we’ll meet a character named C.D. Player, or Com Pacdisk, or some such. Unless we just skip ahead to M.P. Thuree.

    C&B – I’d expect Cow to be a little more upset by the smell of Arby’s, which, after all, is basically the smell of dead-cows-turned-into-gray-meatlike-stuff.

    GF – This sounds an awful like the discussion on this blog yesterday. If I didn’t know that it takes days or weeks to turn around a comic and get it published, I’d think Conley was spying on us.

    A3G – Hey Nina, you’re supposed to be Margo’s friend too. So how’s that working out for you?

    Plots I’ve given up on trying to follow:

    GT – Didn’t Bobby and Dinny have Jaxon off frolicking at a picnic when this game started, and then deliver him safely to Mrs. Kiser, while the game was still going on? Oh well, I don’t care any more.

    Phantom – Has he told El Guerrero and family everything happened in China? Then wouldn’t he have to tell them he’s the ghost-who-punches? And he really expects them to keep that secret? Including the kid, who presumably bonded with the other kid while they were in Ten Tiger confinement? And to keep secret that Chief Salinas didn’t die in the plane crash? Oh well, I don’t care any more.

    @flatsixes (#Y306): Wow! Long-form COTW!

  38. Lanfranc
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    JP – Why do I get the feeling that no one involved in putting this storyline together actually have any idea how book publishing works?

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    calico brothers from other mothers.

    5 little somethings for bats :[.

    meanwhile, in Soviet Russia.

    what the FC kids ride to school.

    meanwhile, in Japan. (rather naughty, actually, once you see it.)

    the ikkle cosplayers are getting ikkle-er. (adorable.)

    stacked sleepy otters.

    corgsqui.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#7): take 2. you’ve read my fanfic notes?!?

  41. Johnny S
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    I had a crush on a girl in grammar school and one day she told me how much she loved chipmunks. So, in a misguided effort to show my love, I shot a few with my BB gun and presented her with their tails. She never spoke to me again.

    Speaking of Mark Trail… Lurker Bob is SO right! Elrod literally pasted the same lousy pictures of Mark and Gene from earlier in the week! Compare that to John Marshall. Over the years he has really kept to Chick Young’s spirit of movement and action in every panel, even if the script doesn’t call for much, like today’s.

  42. Dood
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Blondie: “Well, in the 1930s — during the Great Depression — it was the custom for women of marriage age to visit the local animal shelter and examine the strays…”

  43. dondie
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    so, did you stop staring at the girl?

  44. Dood
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Westonia ho, indeed.

  45. KtC
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    9CL: Amos discovers that this jewelry store won’t trade obscure Danish jokes books for rings.

  46. Emily Latella
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Josh, are you saying that Daisy has been COMPOSTED? Why .. that’s HORRIBLE!! We must call the authorities! What? Oh, composited.

    nevermind

  47. Doctor Handsome
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    “I married your father because of his excellent hearing. But to answer your actual question, I’ve had about seven hundred cocks inside me.”

  48. Mark B.
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    JP: Wait, Rocky Ledge is writing a book? He needs to get together with Hardy Place. Between the two of them, they could come up with a compelling thriller.

  49. Dood
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Blondie: “Plus, he had already been neutered, allowing me to continue with the Bene Gesserit breeding program. Did I ever tell you that fear is the mind-killer?”

  50. DAS
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#7), In re Blondie Take #2: I seem to remember an interview where Julie Kavner was asked why Marge stays with Homer in which she responded that Homer must be really good in bed.

  51. Marc
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Ohhhh I see where we’re going. Mary is going to meddle Dawn into a new, fulfilling relationship. Say Dr. Jeff, don’t you have a son who is into passive aggressive chicks who are batshit crazy? Well have I got the girl for him!

    Mark Trail- Well let’s review the evidence shall we? Chavez was killed with a bullet from Gene’s gun. Gene went to see Chavez and they had a fight. Gene assaulted Chavez. Gene had his rifle with him at all times. Gene was the last person to see Chavez alive. Sorry old fellow, it looks like your pretty goddam guilty.

    9CL- Now would be a great time for some old person who can’t see over the steering wheel to drive through the front of that building.

    Funky- It’s not there. And it’s not there for a reason. That reason being that my perpetually depressed, fishfaced secretary forgot to put it in. So way to go to Cayla, this whole wave of injustice is all your fault.

    Luann- So while TJ is busy getting catty with Ann, who’s manning the register? Aren’t they losing out on their “record profits” by having the world’s best upseller arguing with his boss in her apparently huge backroom office?

    A3G- Damn Tommie is ugly. I just can’t think of any other way so say it. To quote Slapshot: “She’s fuckin horrible looking”.

  52. Mcbain
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Um…are they…are they running a train on that lion? I can’t wait for the next exciting edition of “Slylock Fox: SVU.”

  53. OMEGA SUPREME
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Is it wrong that I think Cookie is looking hot today?

  54. kkarenb
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    BGSS – Even the beavers have lolling tongues. However, unlike the humans, they have teef.

    JP – Rocky started writing his book this morning and finshed it shortly after lunch. By 2:00 pm it was a bestseller. Isn’t that the way it works?

    FW – Batiuk thinks he is going to win a Pulitzer with this claptrap?

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#37): C&B — I’d expect Cow to be a little more upset by the smell of Arby’s, which, after all, is basically the smell of dead-cows-turned-into-gray-meatlike-stuff.

    Like a lot of us, Cow is addicted to Arby’s Spicy Three Pepper Sauce. (“I wish I could quit you, Arby’s!”)

  56. Doctor Handsome
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    I’m less flummoxed by Snuffy’s assumption that beavers can read than I am by the revelation that Snuffy can write.

  57. seismic-2
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Tommie, wait, don’t go! I’m scared!” I’d be scared, too, if I had suddenly been teleported to the middle of the room on the other side of the door.

    MW: Dawn’s been dumped? Maybe her ex prefers, you know, girls with actual calves, ankles, and feet, instead of tentacles extending downward from the knees.

    FW: “You want to know why there’s nothing in the student handbook prohibiting same-sex couples from attending the prom? It’s because there are no same-sex couples attending the prom. That virtual pair of nameless gay guys has popped back into the Dirac vacuum from which they suddenly materialized, and so there’s nothing for the handbook to write about! Now, let’s all go to Montoni’s and have a good smirk!”

  58. Señor Tortilla
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Daisy looks too close to the table, actually, looks like the table came first.

    A3G: “Then who am I talking to on the other side of the door?”

    FW: “It’s because we never thought to add it in anyway. Gee, lucky coincidence, right?”

    Luann: All true, all true.

    MT: Protip: If explaining why you didn’t kill someone, try to resist giving a wry grin while proclaiming your innocence.

    MW: “Loser” is certainly true. Zing!

  59. Mibbitmaker
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I’m scared that there’s another me, at this very moment, on the other side of that door! Dear God, I don’t know which of us is the Evil Twin! Waaaaaaaah!!!…”

    Lockhorns: The mutual suicide pact began at that moment.

    MW:
    Aw, poor girl. Teenagers… So typical of thei–
    (Oh, right…. Mary Worth…)
    …OMIGOD! WHAT A HORRIBLE ANTI-LOVE TRAGEDY!!!

    Popeye: Woody Wilson, Ghostwriter.

    Buckets: Strawtube.

    BBailey: I’d love for panel 2 to exist alone, out of context.

    9CL: Of course, it seems like Edda’s not pregnant after all. Brooke? SAY SO!!!!!

  60. TheDiva
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Garfield: And the line between Garfield and Marvin becomes even more indistinguishable.

    SFx: But do troops of monkeys respond to stare-threats by grabbing an elephant’s trunk and making like a Southern cop during the Civil Rights Movement? Inquiring minds want to know!

    9CL: If you’re going to name a jewelry store after an opera character, wouldn’t Marguerite from Faust be a more fitting choice? Hey, I got to think of something while the non-suspense drags out another day…

    A3G: Is the prospect of a midwife other than Tommie really that terrifying? You could hardly do worse…

    C’shaft: It’s funny because Crankshaft is a cheap bastard and a thief.

    FW: It’s because there wasn’t room in the handbook after the following rules were added:
    13:) The head of the English department is allowed six months of discretionary paid time off every year.
    24:) Any students caught plagiarizing will be chastised, but not actually punished.
    74:) If a member of the women’s basketball team suffers a serious injury, the entire team shall immediately forfeit the game.
    82:) Puns and wordplay are for faculty members only. Any student caught using them will be immediately ridiculed.

    Luann: “In fact, my lawyer was full of interesting information. For example, did you know your upsell practices are actually illegal? Really! Apparently there’s this thing called ‘bait-and-switch’ and it’s been considered fraud for decades. My lawyer and I agree that any profits you’re bringing in are not worth the long-term consequences of your behavior. You’re fired.”
    “WHAT?! You can’t do that!”
    “Actually, I can. Did you know there’s a law called ‘at-will employment’ which allows me to fire people almost any time I want? And hey, did you see that sign out front that says ‘We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone’? I actually get to choose who I want on the property! And I choose to ban you, your idiot friends, and their little hellspawn from the premises. Now get out before I call the cops.”
    “But…but I’m the good guy?”
    “With that face? Honey, last time I saw a smile like that Heath Ledger was poking a guy’s eye out with a pencil.”

    MT: Mark looks pretty cheerful about his friend being falsely accused of murder.

    MW: Oh no, not Dave! I thought they would be so perfect to….wait, who’s Dave?

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “Look Mommy, I made the grass red!”

    SM: MJ, the play’s over. You can use actual whispers instead of stage whispers now.

  61. UncleJeff
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Love Is: the Chippendale dancer spending quality time with a dancer from the Boom Boom Room.
    (Y’ever notice that “Love Is” is alphabetically between “Loose Parts” and “Luann”?
    It’s just as realistic as Luann and boy, would there ever be a lot of loose parts that would be on display if it were real life)

  62. Doctor Handsome
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Garfield thinks he’s better than the fly, but for both panels of its brief lifespan, that fly was probably hand-drawn specifically for this gag, while the same stock image of Garfield just stands there. I’ll leave it to you parse the deeper meaning of that; I’m not half the philosopher Jim Davis is.

  63. Mibbitmaker
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MANOS: THE LUANN OF FATE:
    Thinking TJ would sign that = Say, we might as well stay at this place, family…

  64. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    So, you see, when I first read Heart of the City this morning I thought Heart said “Cusswork” in the second panel which made me think of Cuss Skunk which made me chuckle. So I didn’t really laugh at “Heart” today. Honest.

  65. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#53):

    Blondie: Is it wrong that I think Cookie is looking hot today?

    You like teenagers in heat? Nothing disturbing about that…
    [Backs slowly away from OMEGA SUPREME]

    Speaking of being in heat… thankfully, we were spared the sight of Daisy’s
    swollen vulva in today’s Blondie.

  66. Señor Tortilla
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#60): I can’t tell which is more awesome…your Funky Winkerbean comment or your Luann comment. One of which should be nominated somehow this week.

  67. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Arlo – Good thing he explained. I thought he was talking about Granby’s Green Acres with Gale Gordon and Bea Benaderet.

    9 – What an amazing coincidence, that Edda and Amos should be the only human beings out in the cold, dark city, and Amos has found the one store that’s not dead and silent inside.

    Garfield“I don’t think I want to see what a fly considers paradise.”
    In a word: Marvin.

  68. John B
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Marvin crap himself again?

  69. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Gasoline“I’ll get acquainted with my new kitty!”
    “Hello, little guy. How are you? You like chin scratches? I’ll bet you do! You’re a lucky fellow! And your powdered skull will give me another day of male enhancement. Yes it will!” (Slim and Clovia, stunned, must now decide: Should they save the furry little lummox from a grisly fate? Or should they zip their lips and keep the two cents?)

    Fuzzy – Hear that, Mudges? The author of Hamlette just called most of you “good writers”!

    Liberty – What a country! In America, wiener licks you in shaft!

  70. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Mary – Dave dumped Dawn? Damn!

    Rall – But! if Hitler is working for Obama, who’s taking care of Marmaduke?

    Family – Seriously, wouldn’t a few toys for sale in a dress store rack up a bunch of sales to mommies like Thel? Put them by the Mom Jeans.

  71. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y349): They brought back mini-loaves of Wonder Bread as well, come to think of it. Anyway, here’s the next best thing to having the comic. It’s the comic! Only in handy-dandy virtual form. (Don’t delay on downloading, as these YouSendIt links go stale in seven days.)

    @Lurker Bob (#14): Two different doors. They’re even drawn slightly differently. I’m as disappointed as you are.

  72. Pozzo
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    If only Snuffy had added the final “g” — that might have made the difference.

  73. Illustrator Steve
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MT – “I left shortly after Al did, in my boat…”

    “You left “Shorty” after Al did? WHAT kind of kinky relationship did you and Al have going on with Shorty, Gene?”

    “NO, no, no, Mark! I said I left SHORTLY after Al did!”

    “So, you left Shorty shortly after AL DID?”

    “NO, you damn fool, Mark! I said I left SHORTLY after Al did! I don’t even know anybody named ‘SHORTY’!”

    “Then, in that case, we can rule out Shorty from being connected with this murder in any way. I gotta tell you, Gene, this new information about ‘Shorty’ doesn’t look good for you. Plus, the Judge is vertically challenged and will hate it when he hears a murderous scum like you refering to small people as, ‘SHORTY’! Not good, Gene! You should think twice before bullying people around like that!”

    “WHAT the hell are we talking about here, Mark? I don’t know anybody named, ‘Shorty’, I don’t CARE if I EVER know anyone named, ‘Shorty’, and if I DID know any body by the name of, ‘Shorty’, I wouldn’t admit it!”

    “You always DID have a problem with that temper of your’s, didn’t you, Gene? If you’re smart, you’ll tell them WHERE you hid Shorty’s body shortly after you killed Al. But, don’t worry, Gene. I will act as a caracter witness for you once you decide to confess!”

    “Thanks, Mark, I guess. ….Hey Mark, if you post my bail I will take you FISHING! Yes, Mark. Just you, me and my loaded rifle, alone in the wilderness!”

    “THAT will be swell, Gene. Along the way, maybe you could show me WHERE you buryed that ‘Shorty’ fellow!”

  74. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Sfx: They’re catching diseases from monkeys
    That’s right, I said they’re catching diseases from monkeys
    Can somebody tell me who’s been touching these monkeys
    These monkeys are sick, they’ve got problems enough as it is

    (For Doctor Handsome, so he learns at least one simian-related fact today, by way of Flight of the Conchords.)

  75. Little Guy
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#60), Luann: Here’s some beads, especially for the last line.

    SFx, Sad Teenaged Josh: That’s another reason why cats go after cat-haters. Catlovers will stare at a cat, who take that action from a stranger as a challenging position. Because cathaters ignore cats, that is consider a sign of submission and they gravitate to them.

    PBS: So much win, so much QFT.

  76. MySpoonIsTooBig
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Edison Lee- Is the cartoonist from St. Louis? I’ve not seen a reference to the awesomeness that is Gooey Butter Cake from anyone not from here. We need to spread it to the masses!

  77. NoahSnark
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Garfield’s instincts are right – considering that fly is headed straight for Marvin.

  78. Esther Blodgett
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Oh, poor Josh! What ever happened to that girl? I’ll bet she married her an architect who kept her warm and safe and dry. Sucker.

  79. The Fake Macoy
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    MT – “I’ve been framed Mark! Just because I took a rifle to a meeting with a competitor and admittedly assaulted him doesn’t mean I killed him! Also, just because the thought of me hitting the dead man brings me joy doesn’t mean anything at all. They’ll have to let me go, since they’ll never find where I hid his body to verify that the bullets that killed him were from my gun.”

    FW – Really there are 2 legitimate questions that arise from this storyline. 1) How much longer until Les makes a smug remark? 2) Will the gay students even show up again in the strip, or even get names?

  80. Cloudbuster
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#57): Oh, man, you made me take a good look at those hideous flipper feet! Now I won’t sleep tonight.

  81. Steve Potter
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I can’t wait for the inevitable “Mark Trail goes to Hootin’ Holler” storyline in which he punches the fur and illiteracy out of the beavers.

  82. Cloudbuster
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    MW: Weird. Did anyone notice there’s a number on the door behind Wilbur? “310.” It’s pretty obvious Wilbur is inside his apartment, standing in Dawn’s bedroom door. So why would he have numbered doors in his house? some kind of bizarre organization scheme. He has it catalogued in a ledger. “Room 310. Empty mayonnaise jars. Room 311: Bathroom.”

    Or maybe he has the apartment number mounted inside the door in a futile attempt to remind himself where he lives, so he can find his way back after venturing outside to fly kites or eat salmon squares.

    Note that Wilbur is never, never found without a food or beverage in his grasp.

    Also, nightmarish stuffed teddy bear’s eyes are following me!

  83. Cloudbuster
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Steve Potter (#81): No way. Mark Trail doesn’t punch beavers. The beavers (giant) will loom in the foreground while Mark punches the people moonshining in Ranger Tom Martin’s forest!

  84. Cloudbuster
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Josh and the girl he stared at: This is so painfully reminiscent of my school days that … Oh, God … no.!

  85. Jim North
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: Jesus Christ, Nina, you’re fucking hormonal right now. What are you, pregnant or something?

    Archie: Hey, the hot substitute lady kickstarted the chip the school had implanted in Reggie’s brain.

    FW: Oh suuuure, principal what’s-your-face. That’s how you get through to people. With sarcasm. That’s so gonna work.

    H&J: “Uh, okay . . . but that wasn’t gumbo!” *scare chord*

    H&L: “I’m not trying to pat you on the back, you insane toddler! I’m trying to destroy you with my ultimate death rays! Damn you for being 93 million miles away, Trixie! Damn you to hell!

    Pluggers of the Future hate it when they can’t find their laser screwdriver. Who’d have sonic?

    S-M: Whoa. Cyclops just fired the Trickster.

  86. teenchy
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Luann: God forbid Evans ever needs a lawyer.

  87. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Those aren’t screwdrivers, those are chisels.

    Pluggers break their chisels thinking they can use them like screwdrivers.

  88. terrapin
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Josh, I hear ya,man. Allow me to tell you about my 7th grade staring experience!

    We were taking a test in English and I happened to notice a girl (who I’ll call Abbey). Her prominent, upper, female parts suddenly and alarmingly became the most fascinating objects in the world to me. I could no more stop staring than go outside and pluck the sun from the sky.

    Then the teacher called out…”TERRAPIN!?!” (Not my real name)

    “OH crap!” I thought. “I’m caught! The teacher is calling me out in front of the whole class! I’ll be labeled as some sort of pervert for life!”

    Then she spoke again…”Terrapin, are you trying to cheat off Abbey’s test?”

    “YES!” I declared with as much conviction as I could muster. “Yes, I am!”

  89. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Ziggy must be eating in Los Angeles.

  90. Perky Bird
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Those beavers look so smug because, while they may not be literate like Snuffy, they at least have teeth.

  91. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    To be fair, when Blondie met Dagwood, she wouldn’t have known about his future habits of remorselessly injuring the mail carrier or fleeing the the house wet and naked in the middle of his baths.

  92. Government Cheese
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    MW: Well it’s going to be hard to date anyone if you live with your dad, Jabba the Hutt. And is the teddy bear really necessary? Unless it was procured from the last Furry convention you went to.

    Luann: Ok, so I’m starting to see how Evans is pushes the envelope of reality here. I’m assuming that if TJ does not sign the witness statement, he’ll get fired (which obviously is illegal).

    I’m going to call it now – TJ is secretly an attorney and will represent Toni in court. And as always, it will end with a three-way with Toni and Ann. Brad has to watch too.

  93. DownInTheValley
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Let’s forget about the dumb dog jokes in “Blondie” and just enjoy this tranquil scene of domestic oh my god Cookie just turned her head around completely backwards!

  94. MWDG
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Wilbur is so “F”ed up his condo number is on the inside of his front door.

  95. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#92):

    Launn – Remember that TJ tore up the franchise standard Employee Agreement, and replaced it with his own terms and conditions, which Ann then, naturally, signed off on. I’m sure that trivialities such as employment law or the 14th amendment can’t overshadow whatever was scribbled on those sheets of notebook paper.

  96. Dennis Jimenez
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    If you’re a plugger named Phillip, everyone thinks you have screw loose…No wait, if you are a plugger with a hammer, every problem looks like a phillips head screw…No wait, if you are a plugger and you’re screwed, it’s cuz everyone says you’re a chiseler…No wait, a troop of pluggers with screw drivers is called a Schriner’s convention….

  97. Government Cheese
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#95): Good memory. I actually had forgotten about that. Yeah, so his agreement of a lifetime supply of hair gel and teeth whitener will supersede any standard employee agreement.

  98. Horace Broon
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Okay, I think I’ve figured this out: yesterday Nina went into her bedroom and slammed the door, today Tommie knocks and follows her in. But it certainly looks like Nina stormed out of the house, then materialised behind Tommie while she was knocking to be let out.

    Mind you, my interperation still means that Tommie is carefully closing the door behind her while anouncing her intention to leave…

    BB: “It’s just something the Walkers threw into my characterisation in the hope it would give them more fodder for jokes! It hasn’t worked!”

    FW: Take-home message: “Anything that isn’t in the student handbook isn’t there for a reason”. You’d better hope it lists every possible way the building could be set on fire!

    MT: “We had a fight, then I took my rifle and followed him! Someone is trying to frame me, because I can’t think of any other reason I’d be a suspect!”

    RMMD: It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because Rex and Sam Driver are both smug dicks, they’re basically the same, but strips like this highlight the difference. Sam is just smug because he’s rich, whereas Rex, like Mary Worth, needs to constantly make it clear that he’s a better person than those around him. If he lost a relative he wouldn’t descend into alcohol!

  99. bunivasal
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    “See?” Snuffy asked, enfuriated.
    “I tol’ you that learnin’ book-readin’ was a waste of time! Even th’ dam beavers can see that!”

  100. Lanfranc
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#54): “JP – Rocky started writing his book this morning and finshed it shortly after lunch. By 2:00 pm it was a bestseller. Isn’t that the way it works?”

    That’s exactly how it works. And attorneys with no experience in copyright law or publishing also frequently write brilliant contracts which the publisher’s lawyers, who have years of experience, have no choice but to accept. (True story!)

  101. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#88): Then she spoke again…”Terrapin, are you trying to cheat off Abbey’s test?”
    “Um? I’m not trying to see a teat off Abbey’s chest!! Wait, that’s what you said, right?”

    @MWDG (#94): Wilbur is so “F”ed up his condo number is on the inside of his front door.
    And that’s why he can tell people he lives in Weston Hall.

  102. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#88): To hell with the comics — that really gave me a laugh.

  103. Illustrator Steve
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Mark, I’ve decided it’s time for me to come clean!”

    “Good idea, Gene. You have been cooped up inthat dirty cell for days now!”

    “No, Mark, I want to tell the truth about HOW I shot Al! I was TEXTING while cleaning my rifle went it went off and a bullet hit Al as he was taking off in his jeans!”

    “You were SEXTING Al while he was taking off his jeans?”

    “No Mark, I was TEXTING, and Al was wearing jeans at the time! …never mind. But, HOW is it you know about texting and sexting? Did you finally get rid of that old princess phone of yours and buy one of those new cordless smart phones?”

    “No, Gene. I heard the term, ‘texting’, mentioned on the old radio set at home. Ha-ha, I can’t imagine how ANY phone without a cord could be very smart, now would it?”

    “GAURD! Get this guy out of here and get me a REAL lawyer!”

  104. Stroker Ace
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Garfield – No doubt paradise is the litter box. Own it Garfield, that’s your crap.

  105. odinthor
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Josh.

    With my heart pounding, I could barely believe it when she finally said the words I had been waiting for: “I want you to stop staring at me.”

    Eh, she said, “I want you.” When you’re in that small, harshly-lit room with the vice-principal, the police officer, and your parents all staring intently at you, just keep saying, calmly, “She told me she wanted me.” Besides, you learn cool stuff in Juvie Hall!

  106. Horace Broon
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#37):

    Nope, the only person who knows it wasn’t El Guerrero who defeated the Ten Tigers is El Guerrero himself, and even he doesn’t know who did (although with Walker rabbiting on about “a legend from my homeland” while the kids were asleep, it’s certainly possible he’s guessed).

    And Vincente has apparently been recruited into the Ghost Who Sanctions Lying To Your Kids plan to entrap his father, as seen last week when his comments on arriving home seemed designed to spook him into thinking El Guerrero can’t die.

  107. Terryfic
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#67): 9CL: Looks like McE blew his wad doing the awning next door and couldn’t finish the rest. It wouldn’t look so bad if he’d use flat colors and a little hash shading instead of that hideous airbrush tool. His backgrounds actually make A3G look pretty good.

  108. lynn
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Ah, poor Josh, we ignore the real, and hurting, human person behind the laughter and jokes. I feel for you. I spent three years sitting in front of the same boy in high school. This boy was the 1971 version of the alpaca herder hat kid from FW. It wasn’t that I was so taken with him; it was that I figured no other girl in the school, if not the world, would want him. Alas. Three years of doing his homework and pretending to be interested in astronomy and he never took the hint. BUT I’M OVER YOU NOW, TODD LAUER! Curse you, and your telescope, too! Seriously, Josh, I feel for you. Also, when can we sell our stories to Mary Worth?

  109. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Terryfic (#107):

    Background, faces, plot …. it’s all just filler for the lovingly detailed drawings of Edda’s legs.

    So, today she is walking down the empty sidewalks of New York City, staring at the piece of paper the doctor gave her. Now, the only reason to be carrying that piece of paper around is if it confirms that she is pregnant. Otherwise, why would you wander around aimlessly carrying your “Not Pregnant” diagnosis? I could go in to the doctor and get one of those almost any day of the week.

    Unless, this is just more cheap filler. I suspect that the original intention was to reveal her diagnosis last Saturday, but that Brooke lost track of the days while drawing out the “gran-ma-ma still has sex. LOTS of sex. Sweaty, mind-bending sex! Hand-entwined….oh shit! Lost track of the plot there!” story, and thus realized he needed to s-t-r-e-t-c-h out the reveal to make it to next Saturday.

  110. Horace Broon
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Oh, man. I’ve just realised the name of the Ten Tigers gang is a clever Phantom inside joke. In the old Defenders of the Earth cartoon, Walker was able to get a temporary burst of super-strength by saying “By jungle law, the Ghost Who Walks calls forth the strength of ten tigers!”

    This stuck in my mind, because I read a letter in a Phantom comic book asking if he could do that outside the show, and a sniffy response from the editor saying “The Phantom does not have that particular made-up superpower”. Because this is gritty realism, obviously.

  111. Todd Lauer
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Lynn? Is that you?

    I’m sorry I never reciprocated. I wanted to. But something else always came up! I guess it just wasn’t in the stars…

  112. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Valley of the Dolls — “Hello, Kitty! I’m Dennis, and I’m the centerfold photographer for Cat Fancy© Magazine. Do you have a problem baring it all for the camera? No? That’s great! Also, do you mind if we change your name from Lucky the Cat to Luscious Pussy?”

  113. The Ridger
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#75): Desmond Morris once advised people who hated cats but wanted their (the cats’) owners not to know that to stare at the cat, stick out their hands and say, loudly and in as deep a voice as they could get away, “What a pretty cat!”

  114. Comcis Fan
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Blondie could have added “frisky”, but guess that wouldn’t fly in a chaste family strip where a man seems to prefer big sandwiches and hotdogs to his wife’s affections.

  115. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G “Late last night and the night before,
    Tommie knockers, Tommie knockers, knocking at the door.
    Nina wants her out, but changes her mind.
    She’s so scared of this Tommie knocker kind.”

  116. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#108): That wouldn’t, by any chance, be the Todd Lauer who was a member of the Hubble telescope team, would it?

  117. Hank
    May 16th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#109): Or she’s not pregnant but now she’s sad because she had gotten excited about the prospect of motherhood. They did a similar thing with Robin on “How I Met Your Mother” a few months ago, perhaps not coincidentally around the time Brooke may have been dreaming up this sequence.

  118. terrapin
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#102): Thanks. Puberty was so much fun, wasn’t it?

  119. Sorcerer Mickey
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Blondie (nee Boopadoop) realized that Dagwood was the pick of the litter when she realized that the litter was Dagwood’s filthy rich family, and that Dagwood was the sole heir to the Bumstead fortune. But it was in the 1930s and times were hard.

  120. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#82): MW: Weird. Did anyone notice there’s a number on the door behind Wilbur? “310.”

    It’s Wilbur’s version of “420″ – it’s where he keeps his stash of sammiches.

  121. Dale
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Johnny S (#41):

    BUT the pictures have been REVERSED. That’s GOOD DRAWING.

  122. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#118): If by “puberty” you mean “between the ages of 8-25,” yeah — a real blast.

    I was in a coffee shop in Toronto when I was about 18 (call it 1971) when the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen walked in. Wanting to set myself apart from the rest of the pack who crowded around her, I hung back until I could think of something intelligent and witty to say by means of introduction. I finally built up the courage to make my move, only to discover she’d left half an hour earlier.

    Time passed, I got married. Had kids. Got divorced. And ran across her again. That was in 1981 — about ten years later. This time I didn’t take any chances or wait around to make my feelings known.

    We’re still together 31 years later.

  123. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#108): Just noticed — he’s also got an asteroid named after him.

  124. terrapin
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    FW: “…and it’s not there for a reason! We never in our wildest imaginings thought we’d be blessed with such a wonderful couple as What’s-His-Name and What’s-His-Name!”

    MW: Now’s your chance, Wilber. You can get her on the rebound! Take her kite flying!

    JP: These guys are boring! Isn’t Neddie due back for summer break or something?

  125. terrapin
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#122):That’s awesome!

  126. lynn
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Dear Frank, #116, yes indeedy. After the invention of Google, etc. imagine my surprise when I realized that the nerdy kid who was so interested in astronomy really was THAT interested in astronomy. No wonder he didn’t notice me. Also, I was very ugly.

  127. lynn
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Frank, I read your post #122. Wow!

  128. lynn
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    The real Tod Lauer, by the way – not the guy posting at #111 – was a very nice kid, cute in a nerdy way. He is happily married with a few kids, I hear. As said in post #111, it was not in the stars.

  129. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Perhaps if the plugger looked in the “tool” drawer or “tool” box? I call bogus on this one. Maybe a lady plugger might keep tools in a “junk” drawer, but male pluggers are proud of their tool collections, and keep them fairly well organized. How else could they keep their ancient automobiles running?

    // This is not in any way to imply that pluggers are not generally obese, stupid, decades out of date, and clueless in electronics, but, in fact, they usually DO know where their screwdrivers are, and can tell you in detail where they bought it, and how much they paid… yadda yadda yadda.

  130. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#126):

    Also, I was very ugly.

    Yeah, well…word on the street is they didn’t name that asteroid after him because he discovered it, but because of the uncanny resemblance it had to him.

    Take that, Todd-who-wouldn’t-give-the-time-of-day-to-our-Lynn!

  131. Robert
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    How did “One Big Happy” miss out on today’s feature?

    http://media.zenfs.com/en_us/News/ucomics.com/crobh120516.gif

  132. Bill Peschel
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#109): I can see why Edda would carry her “not pregnant” note around, because she’s going to have to explain why she dumped her job, fled her boyfriend, and flew off to Europe to say she was pregnant when she didn’t get pee on the fruhlinger stick first.

    Sheer idiocy and mind-numbing narrative stupidity. Even the shade of Lucille Ball would flick the stub of her cig and say, “Kid, even for a crazy redhead that’s muy stupido.

  133. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#130): The word on the street is “XING.”

  134. Jim North
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Sly: This isn’t guerrilla warfare! This is just monkeying around!

  135. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur will be quite happy to comfort Dawn on the loss of her never-seen boyfriend, just as soon as he catches a couple of flies with his tongue.

    Ziggy: Ziggy is one of the less favored diners at the Bum Boat.

    C-Shaft: Guess all the “Crankshaft sure has a lot of balls” jokes have been made already.

    Agnes: *standing ovation*

    Archie: Why did Betty get a fake ID? To teach classes, of course, silly!

    Popeye: This is why you have to love Popeye. Olive asks for an advance of her improbable fortune. She gets a couple of flunkies wheeling in the money in extremely leaky bags. Olive sees nothing wrong with this, to put it mildly.

    JP: Sam has brought a new dimension to the firm, while Steve holds down all the old dimensions. The ones that involve doing actual legal work, say.

    RMMD: “Thank God June and I had the foresight to lock up the good stuff.”

    Garfield: Beelzebub’s attempt at tempting Garfield is surprisingly unsuccessful. Ah well, there’s still Marvin.

    BB: Miss Buxley knows that if she goes around questioning logic and motivation, she and everyone else at Camp Swampy might just cease to exist.

    GT: Suddenly the Lady Mudlarks remember that they play for Milford and that it’s their duty to get their asses kicked.

    FC: What is Jeffy doing on Mommy’s leg? You have to go a long way to be more troubling than a Dolly panty-shot, but he may just pull it off.

    DtM: Dennis writhing around naked and smeared in paint presents maybe a little more menace than I’m prepared to handle right now.

    Luann: Three things that TJ is going to pretend to care about for the duration of this meeting.

    Momma: Any job where you spend your lunch break on an i-beam suspended from—what? A cloud—has to be considered somewhat unlikely for anyone.

    S-M: Soon-to-be supervillain Hardy Laurel has something none of Spider-Man’s other enemies could claim: a C in Improvisation and Movement from the Tisch School of the Arts.

    SFx: What kind of effects would you get from mixing smug with pronounced ADD?

  136. Dennis Jimenez
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#134): How about Gorrilla Welfare….

  137. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#125): @lynn (#127): I’ve never known whether to regret those ten lost years, or to be happy that we didn’t get together while we were both really young and stupid (at least I was), and possibly have ended in divorce later on.

  138. The Ghost of Jarrod
    May 16th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    MW – Dawn, you’re not a loser. You’re just an unpartnered woman who lives at home with your dad, who loves you almost as much as he loves sandwiches, but not quite. But hey, you’ve got your close friendship with Mary Worth to keep you happy!

    Luann – THIS IS NOT HOW HUMAN BEINGS ACT. Also, if there is nerve damage, then Ann has a pretty solid case. Next time, maybe Toni should try not to let her niece bite someone. Of course, since this is Greg Evans, we’ll be treated to Ann firing TJ and suing Toni, only to get her comeuppance in court when it turns out she can feel things in her finger after all, and we can all have a laugh at Ann for having the temerity to want her employees to work instead of socializing while simultaneously not having her ex-employee’s girlfriend’s niece assault her.

  139. gnome de blog
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Johnny S (#41):
    Daisy’s reaction, in virtually every panel she was in, was a hallmark of Chic Young’s work. I was a little surprised to see her unmoving in panel 2 here. Otherwise, I think Blondie is one legacy strip that’s better than it was – although by the time I came across it in the 50s and 60s Chic may have been running out of steam.

  140. gnome de blog
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#51):
    Doctor Cory, Junior, has already had his way with Dawn and left her, um, roadside.

  141. gnome de blog
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#60):
    Clearly, McE. thinks his version of The Magic Flute is vastly superior to the original.

  142. wossname
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#135): Your post re Popeye suddenly opened my eyes to what we’ve all been missing: Olive Oyl is actually a long-lost member of the Parker-Spencer-Drivers, exiled to Popsylvania many years ago because of her less-than-voluptuous figure. But the genetic marker that causes people to give you piles of money never left her.

  143. This Guy
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: Oh, what a crushing blow for math! Unless, of course, you understand math at an elementary-school level or higher. Not even all four of the basic operations you learned in first grade are commutative.

    GT: She torches him by pointing her finger and adopting a wry expression. Makes sense if she’s a pyrokinetic.

    Luann: SEE the vicious, villainous vixen express outrage at Toni’s awful parenting! COWER as she builds a court case based on the exact sequence of events that happened!

    Luann side note: On GoComics, one commenter said essentially a summary of what we’ve all been saying about this, er, storyline. Quoth a non-ironic fan: “Please tell me what strip you were reading. That is a very twisted take on this comic.” These people seem to be so diametrically opposed to reality that–well, that they could be written by Greg Evans.

    PMP: Here, Mr. Lee says ironically what Ms. Shulock has been saying sincerely.

  144. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    9CL: The name of the jewellery store pisses me off far more than it should. First, the more common spelling is Papageno, not Pappageno. Second, jewellery stores are not named after characters in operas. Third, the fact that Brooke felt compelled to name the shop after an operatic character is further proof of his overweening ego and underlying insecurities.

    However, I’ve come to grips with this by believing that Amos is actually looking for a ring at Pappa Geno’s famous Steak and Cheese house, although what he’s doing in Houston I couldn’t say.

  145. Poteet
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#Y368): I know you’re right. However, the fact that Clovia and Slim are being merely horrible instead of jaw-droppingly beyond the pale doesn’t make them any more endearing to me.

  146. Señor Tortilla
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#71): Heh, “stale”. I see what you did there.

  147. Poteet
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#144): I had the same reaction. “Pretentious weenie” is the term that leaped to mind. I was also annoyed that for the sake of drama, Edda had to have an empty NYC street all to her Specialest Snowflake attractively-windblown self, even though since the jewelry store is open, one might expect at least a few other people to be around. Even small towns in Iowa (population 2,157) can usually summon up two or three shoppers during business hours.

  148. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (from yesterday #357): wrote:
    “A3G — No wonder Nina is scared. She’s wearing The Grossly-Outdated Collar Of The Damned.”

    Not only that, she seems to be embiggening.
    Cue the Godzilla Entrance Music.
    This could be the beginning of the “Attack of the 50 Ft. Margo”.

    @Holly Folly (#35):

    Yeah. Garfield is all about the yuks and reaction shots.
    Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they all just took a trip somewhere, outside of that undisclosed location?
    @OMEGA SUPREME (#53):
    “Blondie: Is it wrong that I think Cookie is looking hot today?
    Is it because she can turn her head around like that?

  149. Poteet
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#122): What a wonderful story! Thank you.

  150. Peanut Gallery
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#71): Alice in Wonderbread (page 12) – Mmm, I can almost smell the manganese!

    And the back cover reveals the truth about the Wonder Bread wrapper: Those are Kirby Dots!

  151. Bootsy
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#84): sez

    Josh and the girl he stared at: This is so painfully reminiscent of my school days that … Oh, God … no.!

    I see what you did there.

  152. Poteet
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Josh’s past — Sympathies. Not staring doesn’t always work either. I was very shy and tried not to even look at boys in junior high, but one day a group of them mockingly came up to me and all asked me to go steady one by one and shoved fake paper rings on my fingers. I managed to laugh as if I thought it was a good joke. I might have had an easier time among the monkeys.

  153. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#138):

    But hey, you’ve got your close friendship with Mary Worth to keep you happy!

    Dear God, man! Are you trying to make the girl set the oven to “Sylvia Plath”?

  155. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    snuffy spliff

    The signs should have said: “G’wan Get, Ya Lit’rit Critters!”

    That would’ve been the most effective warning.

    Though, “If’n ya must, save us some toofpicks!” might’ve worked okay, too.

  156. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#139): Chic Young lost some steam when his son Wayne, the original “Baby Dumpling,” died of diphtheria in 1937, and Young (understandably grief-stricken) took a year off. It was not easy for him to draw the child after that. In 1950, his eyesight was failing, and he turned the drawing over to his assistant, Jim Raymond (brother of Alex). More details at Wikipedia, where I refreshed my memory.

  157. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#133): Sometimes it’s “School Zone” too.

  158. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    beetle bailey
    Ms. Buxley is once, twice, three…no wait, four times a lady!

  159. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#156): Apropos of nothing (other than the fact that we’re talking about Blondie), I had the book Blondie and Dagwood Adventure in Magic when I was a kid. It was a novel with some illustrations. It’s odd, but as much as I loved the book, I can’t recall a single thing from it now.

    Just did a search and found it online (of course — everything is online). This seems to be closest to the cover I remember.

  160. Calico
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#158):
    And in Garfield –
    “I’ve got two tickets to paradise,
    Won’t you pack your bags, we’ll leave tonight”

    a bonus, thanks to Josh:

    “There’s a dark cloud rising from the desert floor
    I packed my bags and I’m heading straight into the storm”

  161. Calico
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#3):
    “Mommy, I didn’t know that Pussycats and Cherries were Pink!”

  162. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#139): The original Daisy was replaced by an animatronic duplicate in 1971*. That’s around the time Daisy and her five pups (anyone remember their names?) retired to a farm in Upstate New York.

    *1971 is also when Frank Lee Meidere first encountered the woman who would become his wi— OH, GOD… NO!!!

  163. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#147):

    I wonder if Amos would be so eager to propose if he knew that his future mother-in-law’s first reaction on learning that her daughter was confronting the idea of possibly being pregnant was to offer to have him killed and buried in a shallow grave?

    Eh, he knows she is a Burber, he deserves what he gets.

    I’ll give him points, however, if he palms the ring when he learns that she is Not Pregnant.

  164. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox
    So, there is a story behind that.

    The Lion has another monkey by the tail. So, it is the other monkeys to the rescue. Boy, they are having fun at attempting to rescue her. However, so far, they don’t seem to be effective because the Lion is not letting up on her tail.

    The only long item in the cartoon which isn’t being grabbed or sat upon (like the tree with the well-endowed coconuts) is the snake, who is as happy as can be. Notice he is slithering away in that rollercoaster-like motion. He seems to know he could have single-fangedly rescued that monkey and chose to not do so. That doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy the primate brigade though.

    Meanwhile, the monkey in the foreground is watching this spectacle and is getting a naughty idea for how he can make like a barrel of monkeys and have fun all by himself (which I suppose could be called bannanaonanism. amiright?)

  165. Calico
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Lurker Bob (#14):
    You wrote “Tommie is really just too stupid to understand how a doorknob works.”

    No but Margo knows. Oh, how she knows.

  166. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Dustin-I have one word for you. Are you listening, Dustin. Just one word. Plastics.

    Dustin 2-Q: What are mannequins made of? A: Plastic.

  167. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: In my continuing quest to make McEldowney’s sublime commentary on his own artistic genius accessible to beefwits everywhere, here is today’s interpretation: “When I draw, I don’t think.”

    You’re welcome.

  168. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#157):

    My favorite is “State Law: Stop for Pedestrians in Crosswalk”. Because, y’know, if they didn’t have that posted, I’d assume I was allowed, nay encouraged, to just run them over.

  169. terrapin
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#143):Re; Luann side note: I just spent 15 minutes reading the comments of non-ironic Luann fans on Go Comics. I am both sad and scared.

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

  171. seismic-2
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#168): Of course. If running over students at the School Crossing isn’t explicitly prohibited in the all-comprehensive Student Handbook, then it’s at least implicitly permitted, and it might even be considered obligatory.

  172. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    XKCD: I was about to give a nod to Munroe for his humorous Latin-style name of the sabre-tooth tiger, smilodon fatalis, but upon looking it up, I discovered that this is actually the proper name. Apparently Road Runner cartoons have had a greater effect upon the scientific community than I’d previously imagined.

  173. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#170): I think that’s from when Dagwood joined the Ramones.

  174. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#170): That’s…that’s just disturbing. (I want one too.)

  175. Vilyehm
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    If the Garfield fly of today does not show up in the Marvin strip of tomorrow, there is no justice in the world, and we all deserve that ‘look’ from Mary Worth.

  176. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Garfield-Poor Jesus. What did he do to be reincarnated as a fly?

    MW-It’s alright Dawn. Look at your father. He is a bigger loser than you and he was lucky in love once. If he can be lucky in love then so can you.

    Blondie-Those ventriloquist lessons for Daisy are really paying off.

    Blondie 2-Your father also liked the way I petted him.

  177. Shrug
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#147):

    “Even small towns in Iowa (population 2,157) can usually summon up two or three shoppers during business hours.”

    And if Iowa has a population of only 2,157, you know any small towns in that state are *really* small.

  178. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @DownInTheValley (#93): I was so distracted by Cookie’s… inheritance from her mother that I hadn’t noticed her Exorcist head.

  179. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#172):

    Some recent dinosaur names would support this hypothesis:

    Kosmoceratops Richardsoni (for the resemblance to Seinfeld’s Kramer): http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/sep/22/horniest-dinosaur-kosmoceratops-utah

    Yutyrannus Huali (an early, large Tyrannosaurid with distinct feather imprints): Translates as “Beautiful Feathered Tyrant”, which is … beautiful. http://storiented.blogspot.com/2012/04/beautiful-feathered-tyrant.html

  180. Shrug
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Johnny S (#41):

    “I had a crush on a girl in grammar school and one day she told me how much she loved chipmunks. So, in a misguided effort to show my love, I shot a few with my BB gun and presented her with their tails.

    We can be thankful she had not admitted to liking whooping cranes. Or cheerleaders, or something.

  181. CanuckDownSouth
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#153): @MySpoonIsTooBig (#76):
    I found a “gooey butter cake” recipe in the newspaper in California, and have since made it for potlucks in CA, MI and MN. Reasonably gooey and it never fails to please, so it’s making inroads :)

  182. Shrug
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#82):

    “MW: Weird. Did anyone notice there’s a number on the door behind Wilbur? “310.” It’s pretty obvious Wilbur is inside his apartment, standing in Dawn’s bedroom door. So why would he have numbered doors in his house?”

    To keep the household in expensive sammich makings, Wilbur has forced Dawn to set up a one-girl house of ill fame in her room. The number on the door is actually just hanging on a hook, as part of a system inspired by the motor vehicle bureau and such, which indicates “now serving #310.”

  183. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’ve been lax in my duties with re-writing Hi & Lois.

    Admittedly, lately there’s been no late night duty calls to do so.

    Now, I know that some people don’t like the notion that a Fine, High-Quality American Made Comic Strip ™ in the vein of Hi & Lois should fall under the protection of some Teddy Roosevelt-like declaration of preservation and conservation. That’s fine. And, there are those who feel that removing the kids from the strip and replacing them with Thirsty McGlugglug is some form of abomination, a shame before Gawdiness. Fine.

    But…..I just gotta…..

    Thursday’s Installment of ThiRSTY & LOIS:

    Panel One,
    Thirsty sitting at his favorite spot near the window, sits coloring a book using one apple-green crayon. There’s a look of consternation on his rosey face. Gripping the crayon in one hand and a beer in the other hand, he thinks aloud:
    “Arrrgh! I can’t color in the lines! I’m a failure as an arteest!” Sob!

    Panel Two,
    Close up of Thirsty, looking over his shoulder, up at the sun that sits visibly beyond the window, shining it Sweet, Warm Rays down upon Thirsty’s’ shoulder. Thirsty smiles as as subtle shadow indicates just how much ultra-violet rays he’s getting. The sunlight dapples his blushing nose and cheeks giving them a glow that makes his broad smile seem huge. He says aloud:

    “Nah. I’m not a failure. I am drunk before noon! Booyah!”

    of course, I’m kidding. no harm meant. enjoy.

  184. Hogenmogen
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Barfield: A fly’s paradise is a house without spiders because the dipshit cat keeps whacking them.

  185. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    MT-The only person I ever killed was a guy named Fredo. His brother Michael hired me to take Fredo out fishing in the middle of the lake and use Fredo as the bait.

    Crankshaft-I also found a one eyed alligator in the woods.

  186. LP2004
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#180): Johnny S should be thankful that she didn’t say she liked Dobermans or Pit Bulls. Pinging them with a BB gun would probably have had really unpleasant results.

  187. Hogenmogen
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: “great sense of humor” had to be inserted because the editors universally rejected “…and he loved doing it doggie style!”

  188. sporknpork
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure the line “Who’s king of the jungle now, motherfucker!?” was dropped by editors.

  189. Hogenmogen
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#110): I thought it was Mark Trail that summoned the power of the tigers.

  190. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#173):
    The Bumstead Bop!

  191. Hogenmogen
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    BB: That’s a crappy way to present a very lousy and predictable joke. The center panel should be one Buxley with small Beetle Baileys goofing off, getting his ass kicked by Sarge, sleeping on a date etc. Instead it’s many Buxleys and one Beetle, who is sweeping the floor, which, though inglamorous, is a necessary function that he has been ordered to do and he dutifully complies. When Beetle thinks of Buxley, does he think of her performing menial office assigments?

    Yes, of course he does, but he imagines her doing them naked.

  192. Perky Bird
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur paints a bold “310″ on his bedroom door to proudly show how many bologna-and-mayo sandwiches he can stuff in his mouth at once. To him, that impressive number compensates for the solitary notch on his bedpost.

  193. Hogenmogen
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    BB: Maybe the joke is that Buxley imagines Beetle to be as long and hard as a broom handle.

  194. Droopy Says
    May 16th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#y368): There are still folks who would start looking for a sack and a pond.

    I’m one of those folks, and I don’t care how long it would take to find a sack big enough to hold Slim and Clovia.

  195. Bud
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Is that Cookie Bumstead or Linda Blair?

  196. Anonymous
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Bud (#195): Don’t know, but do all Bumstead women have such impressive racks?

  197. Illustrator Steve
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    MT – Mark Trail has spent the past three days and nights in the same jail cell with his old fishing buddy, Gene. So….Mark has probably become Gene’s bitch by now,…Right?
    I should have guessed that Mark would pull a stunt like this ever since Rusty found Mark’s stash of those gladiator magazines cleverly hidden inside the stuffed deer head and all Mark had to say about it was that they were stored there for research purposes, and to forget about it!

  198. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#189): There are no tigers in LoFo. Those are just really big tabby cats.

  199. Dood
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Old question: Ginger or Mary Ann? New question: Blondie or Cookie?

  200. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#198):
    My guess is that Lost Forest is where Noah, drunk as a pair of skunks, wrecked the proto- Exxon Valdez (a.k.a. Noah’s Ark). That would help explain the pre-historic, giant animals that show up. I mean, the food chain has to be diverse and intact in order for those Godzilla sized animals to survive, right?

    So, yeah. Why not tigers? And, why wouldn’t this explain the awesomeness that is
    Mark Trail, Land Aquaman!

    Well, okay, it may not explain his awesomness in a more articulate fashion than his Fist of Justice. But, I am pretty sure Leonard Nimoy went in search of the ark and found Lost Forest.

  201. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#200): Now find that in the Bible.

    Actually, the part about Noah getting drunk is in there.

  202. Fashion Police
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    We suspect Dave dumped Miss Wells because after seventeen monochrome outfits in a row he discovered she was not the Santa Royale Lavender Princess after all.

  203. Hogenmogen
    May 16th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: A true story: About 18 years ago I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend and her sister. The sister mentioned that some strange, half-creepy looking guy was staring at her. This being a nightclub, I didn’t think much of it. A half hour later, my girlfriend went to the rest room and I went to get more overpriced, watered down drinks. 30 seconds after we got up, the half-creep made his pounce with the very original line “Hey, are you a movie star?” and his line TOTALLY WORKED. He got the phone number before I even got back to the table five minutes later.

    So, if you’re looking to score with desperate, clingy, unemployed, divorced women who live with their parents and two small children and depend on the kindness of sisters’ boyfriends for shitty alcoholic beverages at run down nightclubs, STARE, STARE HARD.

  204. KreatureFeatures
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#203): Speaking of lines that work, I sat next to a cute girl in math, sophomore year in high school. After a few weeks of sidelong glances, I handed her a piece of folded piece of paper with lyrics from Steve Miller’s The Joker (which was big at the time): “You’re the cutest thing that I ever did see. I really love your peaches, want to shake your tree.” She read the note, and sat speechless, staring straight forward. A deep blush crept up her neck and her face turned bright red. After class, she shoved me and said, “Don’t ever do that again.” But she was smiling. Ahh, Linda, where are you now?

  205. cheech wizard
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    9CL – With Edda’s purported pregnancy, I guess we all knew it was only a matter of time before Amos went shopping. For his sake, I just hope that isn’t a jeweler’s, but a gun shop.

  206. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#205): Amos is actually looking for a fine pair of cuff links. Playing cello his cuffs are exposed and ya gotta look good ya know.

  207. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Distraction:
    a Quiz @ Sammiches oddly enough not sponsored by Quiznos.

  208. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#207): Well, that’s disappointing. I only got 4 of the 7 questions correct. Before answering I should have asked WWWD (what would Wilbur do).

  209. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#201):
    Yeah.
    I’m sure that when I was a kid, the question was asked if whether or not they christened the ark.

    What?

    Too soon?

  210. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#208):
    Haven’t gotten past the first Q.
    Had to stop and snark. From the quiz:
    ”…According to the British Sandwich Association, his friends asked “to have the same as Sandwich”.”

    Yes, the friends of the Earl of Sandwich asked for an ass sandwich. I guess dinner at a friend’s house was different back then.

  211. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#203):

    So, if you’re looking to score with desperate, clingy, unemployed, divorced women who live with their parents and two small children and depend on the kindness of sisters’ boyfriends for shitty alcoholic beverages at run down nightclubs, STARE, STARE HARD.

    Just be forewarned that it could all backfire if she turns out to be a monkey.

  212. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-And so begins the “Snuffy Smith”/”Mark Trail” crossover. “I’m sorry, Rusty but I have to cancel our fishing trip. I just got a message from my good friend Snuffy Smith and he is having trouble with beavers.”

    JP-If you are stuffed up may I suggest more fiber in your diet.

    JP 2-”You’ve added the Opposite Dimension to our firm. That is the dimension where good people here are bad there and people who are insanely rich are insane and poor over there.”

  213. commodorejohn
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Man, Charter can go to hell. Internet went out at 3:00 A.M. and I shrugged and went to bed, figuring it’d be back in the morning. It wasn’t, so I called – oh, it’s an outage, we’re working on it, says the soulless electronic woman on the pre-recorded announcement. I eat breakfast, work on some music, go to do some errands and come back – still not done. By the time I leave for work at 2:30, eleven and a half hours later, it’s still not fixed. It damn well better be by the time I get home.

    (Not that I’m likely to stick with them any longer based on when it’s fixed, not now that they’ve decided to start spying on their customers for the benefit of the mass-media cabal. I’m switching services once I’ve got my new apartment lined up. Gah.)

    9CL – Quoth Oscar Wilde: “The suspense is terrible. No, wait, I mean the attempt to generate suspense is terrible, sorry.”

    Agnes – Trout doesn’t trust frolicking. Clearly, she’s met Wilbur.

    A3G – Wait…she…what!? How did she get on Tommie’s side of the door? What is this, Looney Tunes?

    DT – “His companion, a male nurse?” Is that what they call it these days?

    FW – “It’s not there because the student handbook hasn’t been updated since the strip began in 1972, when we’re pretty sure there weren’t even any homosexuals in Ohio, and we wouldn’t have publically acknowledged them if there were!”

    Luann – Sheez, Brent Rinehart’s campaign comic was less embarassingly vindictive than this.

    MW – Yet again I am struck with morbid horror as I try to figure out what age Dawn is supposed to be. She looks to be in her mid-late teens, but she’s a college student (though it’s the local community college,) she lives with her dad, she keeps a teddy bear on the bed in her assaultingly (salmon-)pink room, and she’s the strip’s go-to character for “hip” things the “kids these days” are into…what is she, yeesh!?

    OBH – Eh, same difference.

    Phantom – Oh, yeah, I’m sure going off the grid and working under a secret identity in your own hometown, where you are semi-well-known as the chief of police, couldn’t possibly turn out to be a really stupid idea.

    RMMD – “I don’t think anyone suspects foul play, aside from all the people who have commented on how generally suspicious Mabel’s been acting with regards to her ex-husband’s accidental death and all the reasons she might have for having killed him!”

    SF – Being that my biggest pet peeve in fiction is simple problems causing stupidly huge rifts because every character is a horrible sulk and/or a cowardly neurotic and won’t ever talk to anyone about anything (I’m looking at you, every harem anime ever,) it’s extremely gratifying to see Chloe here persistently pushing her mother into acting like a damn adult. Maybe for an encore she can go beat some sense into the cast of 9 Chickweed Lane.

  214. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#213): Two different doors — look at the marks that indicate a panel.

  215. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    It is Chris Browne’s 60th Birthday.

    Today.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Browne

    Somebody update the page to reflect this fact.
    http://thehistorylesson.blogspot.com/

    His blog.
    And, someone get that man a vegetable sammich!

  216. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#213):

    Luann – Sheez, Brent Rinehart’s campaign comic was less embarassingly vindictive than this.

    To quote directly from that illuminating document: “No, your kidding!”

  217. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Oh.My.Gawd.

    Not only does he write and draw Hagar the Horrible, he does another strip:
    http://www.gocomics.com/raising-duncan/
    Which he is credited as the Writer and as the Artist!

    How does he do it? There’s one very likely reason for how:
    He used technology from Mark Trail’s best pal, Doc, to clone himself! Now there are three of him. Get each of them a vegetable sammich!

    We are truly in the 21st Century. Excuse me while I get something out of my eyes. snif.

  218. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Ann has hired Lionel Hutz of the I Can’t Believe It’s a Law Firm as her lawyer.

  219. bats :[
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#217): I think Raising Duncan is a fossil strip in reruns. I like it the best though, as I don’t have to grind my teeth at all the wrongheadedness in the “historical” Hagar strip.

  220. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#213): Oh, and another gem from Brent’s comic: “Brent asks’s too many questions.”

  221. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Even though I just met Iris last night I am going to call her a drunk because she was drinking all MY booze.

  222. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#219):
    hmmmm.

    This I did not know. The Wikipedia didn’t tell me this.

    Again, I suppose someone should update that page. Release the editing hounds, Smithers!

    (actually, you’d think someone would maintain those pages for the syndicates or something. go figure.)

  223. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G-You’re scared? You just materialized behind Tommie do you have any idea how she is feeling right now.

    FW-We only restrict people on religion and skin color.

  224. This Guy
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#98): [FW] Everything that is not forbidden is compulsory!

  225. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-Also when I first met your father he was extremely wealthy but he lost all that wealth when his parents disowned him for wanting to marry me. I was pregnant with you at the time and was forced to marry him.

  226. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-Five seconds later Cookie dropped dead because she accidentally snapped her neck.

    Snuffy Smith-I don’t see what Snuffy’s problem is. I would like to have a lot of beavers around me.

  227. This Guy
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#220): Holy LIVING FUCK, that’s like a Chick tract without the lucid illustrations. Remember kids, if someone disagrees with you, THEY’RE THE DEVIL. I really like the multiple, distinct misspellings of “pedophile.”

  228. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#109): Yeah, I came to that same conclusion about what the paper must say, for much the same reasons: you don’t walk around in a daze staring at a negative test result like that… though this deduction unfortunately hinges on McE’s awareness of that and his ability to depict something realistic (instead of artistic for the sake of being artistic).

    I admit to being somewhat baffled by the existence of the paper, period. A pregnancy test’s not something that results in a printout, or, if it does, it’s just a couple of lines indicating what your hormone levels are. I suppose it could be an informational handout of some sort; certainly Edda seems like the sort of person who needs one. This would also explain her fixed, slightly dazed expression: “What? Pregnancy lasts nine months? Your belly swells up and you experience all sorts of strange and often unpleasant sensations during that time? And then the baby comes out WHERE?!”

  229. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#143): Yeah, the GoComic commenters on Luann have me utterly baffled. Apparently reaching out to reclaim a paper crown from a child’s head is the same as “assaulting” that child, in the world they inhabit, and thus finger-biting is a justified and admirable response.

    It makes me unwilling to ever be anywhere where such people are likely to congregate. I might look at one of them funny, get punched, and end up being sued for “assault” on top of it.

  230. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#228):

    She’s been given a pamphlet entitled: “So Your Stuck in a Jokeless Comic Strip”.

  231. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Here is a question they could have done: 5) Monkeys will eventually rise up and take over the planet.

  232. Señor Tortilla
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    The Son of Stuck Funky commenters, including me have commented on the fact that “just because a student handbook doesn’t say [X] means its allowed/disallowed”, and that Nate is a weenie for not bringing this fact up while Roberta Meanface was chewing him out in the office either. And why has Roberta and her followers the only real people in this storyline with a spine?

  233. odinthor
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    #220. FLM.

    Oh, and another gem from Brent’s comic: “Brent asks’s too many questions.”

    How many asks’s’s are there?

    Would you say that reading asks’s’s’s annoying?

    Myself, I’d say that finding myself writing even one instance of asks’s’s’s’s highly distressing…

    (And no, I don’t know why some of the apostrophes are angled. I done typed them all the same with this here keyboard. The software seems to alternate angled and straight ones all on its own.)

    That is all.

  234. Señor Tortilla
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#219): I tilted my head to see a “©2001″ on the GoComics strip.

  235. Sequitur
    May 16th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#231): Here’s something else they left off today’s SFx.

  236. Trillian
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#228): Ever since my clinic went to an electronic medical record system, I am always coming away from the doctor with pieces of paper. Medication lists, printouts of information about diet, exercise, or whatever they diagnosed me with. I bet any same-day test results (like urine preg tests) would be on there with the height, weight, and blood pressure. (Test results that take longer go to a secure website, or, if you are a Luddite, are mailed to your house.) If you actually were pregnant, there would probably be a whole book of printouts.

    The only piece of paper I no longer get is the prescription, which is electronically sent to the pharmacy of my choice.

  237. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#233):

    ”….(And no, I don’t know why some of the apostrophes are angled. I done typed them all the same with this here keyboard. The software seems to alternate angled and straight ones all on its own.)…”

    They are some variation of what I think are called Printer’s Quotes*, the kind with the dot and a tail.** If you just type one of them, the tail is on top. The next one you type has the tail on the bottom.

    Will I tell you how I figured that out? Nah. I’ve already wasted enough of our time.

    *I’m not even gonna look it up. I can’t remember if official Printer’s Quotes only come in pairs (or is that only with the metaphorical version?). A single mark, a single slash, maybe called something different.

    ** the conjoined marks that make up a semi-colon, hanging near superscript space.

  238. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    Open quote, Closed quote….I should have written that in the first paragraph in comment @tallyHO (#237): .

    Alas, tis early evening ….or late afternoon….or the end of a longish day…..

  239. McPerson
    May 16th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    How can they expect the beavers to read when no one in Hootin’ Holler is literate either?

  240. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @McPerson (#239): The irony of that situation may be that the beavers are effectively communicating with Snuffy Smiff.
    Those punk rebel rodents are harder workers than he is and they don’t respect his authoritarian decrees.

    >storytime begins<

    Down with Trees, the beavers seemed to say.

    Snuffy and Loweezy could only stand watching as their dreams of remaining hidden from the revenooers were quickly dashed.

    Snuffy turned around and ran to his shack.
    He re-emerged carrying his shotgun, or, as he liked to call it, his Gwangit Stick.

    The beavers saw Snuffy huffing and puffing towards their pile of trees.
    You don’t scare us none, they said in unison.

    That was when Snuffy pulled back his trigger and his G’wangit Stick let out such a clap.
    Ka-Pow!

    Then the beavers let Snuffy know that they already had Loweezy, Jughaid and Young Tater. The three were tied to the dam they were building, the No Ruley Dam.

    To be continued by someone else…..

  241. Écureuil Écumant
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#22): “Mark T- Don’t you people ever freaking DRIVE anywhere? The last time Mark got in a car he parked it on Rusty, so I understand his reticence, but everyone else in the Trailverse is not required to travel by boat at all times.”

    If I recall, prior to that nautical episode, the previous time a car figured in a MT storyline was when the toxic waste corporation hired a hitman to snipe Mark off the top of a mountain of tumbled and leaking drums. He missed, and then cleverly torched his K-body rent-a-car to facilitate his getaway — which also, of course, failed.

    There’s not a road in the Trailiverse, it seems, that leads to happiness. That expressly includes the one that ends back at Mark’s doorstep.

  242. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#135): C-Shaft: Guess all the “Crankshaft sure has a lot of balls” jokes have been made already.

    But Jeff has none. Heh heh.

  243. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#236): Hmm. I wish my doctors handled test results like that. They like to squirrel them away in their files, never to be seen by unsupervised eyes, and just tell me the summary version.

  244. Red Greenback
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    For those who came in late: That Slylock Fox panel has a soundtrack (nsfw)

  245. Liam
    May 16th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”While Darby Kiser torches Bobby Ottewill…” What did she do just point at this guy and he burst into flames?

  246. Peanut Gallery
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#231): Answer: “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”

  247. SurrealKangaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: “Oh, Cookie, you know I never dated any boys. I just had one night stands with them.”

  248. Sgt. Stoned
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m guessing that Dawn’s flipper-foot was the turn-off.

  249. Darryl Heine
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    How can Dagwood ARF like Daisy the dog?

    And can the Family Circus family go to a store where toys are sold to make the kids happy? This joke was originally in 1974 and 1987.

    And for Peanuts 1965 – Snoopy’s doghouse surrounded by sunflowers?

  250. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#217): Hate to break it to you, but the pseudonymous “Christopher Browne”* is artist/writer/letterer/colorist on yet another strip, the bittersweet
    It Rhymes with South Orange (South Orange being the municipality in New Jersey where “Browne” was born). The least successful of his three strips, It Rhymes with South Orange is self-syndicated to a handful of shopper weeklies
    in Newark, Maplewood, South Orange and North Borneo.

    *His real name is Throatwobbler Mangrove.

  251. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 16th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#250): *His real name is Throatwobbler Mangrove.
    It’s pronounced Throatwobbler Mangrove, but it’s spelt “Luxury Yacht.”

  252. Poteet
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#177): Whoops! How embarrassing. That was a very bad job of trying to give an example of a small-town size. Which was a dumb idea in the first place, since many small towns here are a lot smaller. Hmm, there must be some way to blame this on 9CL.

  253. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#233): That was my goof. Actually the comic says “ask’s” not “asks’s”. I mean, still dumb, but…

  254. Poteet
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#163): How could I have forgotten such touching proof of a mother’s abiding love? And I’ll bet she would have been willing to dig the grave herself. I’m brushing a tear from my cheek just thinking about it.

  255. tallyHO
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#250): Tarnation! Curses, fooled again!
    So, no cloning is involved. And here I thought someone solved the multi-tasking conundrum of artists. It finally seemed like the 21st C. was Super and wouldn’t involve robotic assistance.

    Drat!
    To think that for a brief moment I made peace with not having a jetpack which took me to and fro my cumulonimbus bungalow.
    Phooey!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#251):
    Ah, but to be so lucky to be Throatwobbler Mangrove. It sounds like he’s singing the song I want to hear.

    Wobble on, New Jerseyite! Just do the rest of us a favor, willya? Don’t bogart no sammiches.

  256. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 16th, 2012 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#228):

    9CL – Oh, I love the idea that she is carrying a pamphlet related to her diagnosis! What could the title be?

    “All About You: Coping with Narcissism”
    “Chin Up! Modern Mentoplasty Alternatives”
    “So you’re a nymphomanic – who gives a fuck?”

  257. Trillian
    May 17th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#256): “Birth Control and You: Embrace Your Inner Slut” by Rush Limbaugh

  258. Poteet
    May 17th, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    5/17 A3G — Oh lord, Nina’s hair has grown longer again in response to her deep inner turmoil. “Do you understand? I killed her!! That’s why I didn’t want to have a baby! If only I didn’t feel this lifelong deep-seated guilt, I would want to have babies the way I should, the way all NORMAL women do!”

  259. Poteet
    May 17th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    S-M — What a fascinating look at how Broadway really operates backstage. They never talk about this stuff during the Tony Awards.

  260. Droopy Says
    May 17th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: And so the stage is set for the ultimate duel between Hardly-Har-Har and Peter Passive. Which can make the greater clown of himself? Sure, Hardly-Har-Har can ad-lib with the worst of them, but can he catch a brick with his bare skull?

    Gil Thorp: Who put the kibosh on Darby Kiser? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckNsV4MP4nU Why, yes, some of my jokes are old and lame enough to fit into Gasoline Alley. Or they would be, if GA ever tried any actual jokes)

    Windy Windybean: We already know you’ll tolerate just about anything. You put up with Les Moore.

    Mock Trail: That alibi really is for the birds!

  261. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 17th, 2012 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    Rex: It takes a certain kind of person to drop hints that Mabel pushed Foster Brooks down the stairs, then react with self-righteous shock that anyone would imply such a thing. Rex is an asshole, is what I’m saying.

  262. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 17th, 2012 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Mark: “They tested my hands for gunshot residue, and they say the test shows that I’d fired my gun recently, but somebody in the Trading Post could have gotten that residue on my hands somehow! There was a security camera that shows a guy who looks like me shooting Al, but anybody could have had a mask of my face made! Also, thirty seconds after Al was shot, somebody hacked into my Twitter account and posted ‘Finally killed that fuckr!’ but anybody could hacked into that account!”

  263. yaoi huntress earth
    May 17th, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    Dustin: Trust me, Mrs. Robinson, you can do better. He probably wouldn’t know where to stick it anyway.

  264. Droopy Says
    May 17th, 2012 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    Bigporn: Translation: when McEch runs out of ideas, he expects the readers to do the work for him. And not call him a beefwit.

  265. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 17th, 2012 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: Is it just me, or is that The Terminatrix selling Amos that ring?

  266. Horace Broon
    May 17th, 2012 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#179):

    My favourite is the extinct turtle Psephophorus terrypratchetti. It was only a few feet long, so the elephants must have been tiny.

    Sadly Dracorex hogwartsia (“Dragon king of Hogwarts”) turned out not to be a distinct species after all. but a juvenile Pachycephalosaurus.

  267. gleeb
    May 17th, 2012 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    3-G: Tommie Thompson: nurse; midwife; psychotherapist.

    Archie: Are they still recycling these strips. Because this is a recycled Peanuts.

    Cul: For all her trying, Mrs. Weekin can’t escape the volcanoes.

    Gas: I still think Lucky’s better off. It’s only a matter of time before Slim would have eaten him/her.

    Phantom: “OK. I’m just the office-plant guy, though.”

    Rex: Everyone’s been implying that she offed him, Rex. Get on with it, or give us more drunken Iris.

  268. LP2004
    May 17th, 2012 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    MT: So apparently someone (Gene, perhaps?) took the goose’s rifle, shot Al, and then returned the rifle to the goose’s boat. What I want to know is, why would a goose need a boat in the first place?

  269. Horace Broon
    May 17th, 2012 at 7:29 am [Reply]

    ASM: Chances of Hardy becoming a comedy-based supervillain: 98%. Chances of him actually dressing as a clown to do it: 74%. DC Comics have their lawyers on standby.

    Blondie: Ha! It’s funny because Dagwood’s a man and he’s cooking! And that means he has to wear a frilly apron!

    FC: Jeffy is about to urinate into a display toilet that isn’t plumbed into anything, in a desperate attempt to regain the Marvin audience.

    GT: Well how do you like that? The writer was paying attention to his own strip after all!

    H&L: Okay, when syndicated cartoonists are ripping gags from webcomic merch, that’s just sad.

    HtH: Unspeakably recycled filth!

    MW: “He broke up with you?” “And worse than that, he says we should just be friends, and he no longer wants me to meet his parents! I’m half afraid he’s going to tell me the wedding’s off as well!”

  270. AlanofOdenton
    May 17th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    MT: Everyone knows I leave my rifle in the open when take my boat to the Trading Post.

  271. AlanofOdenton
    May 17th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    “I”

  272. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 17th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    @AlanofOdenton (#271):

    Always about you, isn’t it? You’re a regular Edda, you are.

  273. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 17th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

  274. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    May 17th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @AlanofOdenton (#271): What a solipsistic comment.

  275. Neuron
    May 17th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: And so, as if to remind her of the love that could never be, Lionel grasped Prima’s tail one final time. Her brothers released the pressure from the elephant’s trunk, and the strong, cold blast of water washed over him. It propelled him backward, into the imitation stone walls, and his spinal cord was severed. Prima dashed over to his lifeless form, and clutched at his matted, soggy fur. She began howling in grief and rage. She was still howling as the zookeepers carried away his corpse. This has been: West Side Zoo Story.

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