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Which of Margo’s other failed jobs will she try to sell Scott on? Catering? Wasn’t she a caterer once?

Apartment 3-G, 5/24/12

Oh, say, what’s been going on in History’s Greatest Love Story, the tale of Nina and Scott Gaines? Well, Scott is determined to win back Nina’s love, and has decided that the best way to do that is to spend all his free time hanging out with the woman he was caught smooching, in a wacky misunderstanding of a totally innocent moment drunken face-mashing. Margo, whose plans to derive sexual pleasure from Scott have been stymied, now decides to try to extract some money from him instead, in the form of lucrative fees for her shoddy PR services. Scott is cartoonishly wealthy person, but there’s never been evidence that he’s ever done anything interesting enough for the rumor mill to take notice of, though that may soon change now that the woman he’s rumored to be having an affair with has suddenly been put on his payroll.

I don’t want to tell Margo how to do her job (really, I don’t, men have been killed for less), but if I were Scott’s PR manager, my first bit order of business would be to forbid him from leaving the house in a turtleneck/sports jacket combo (aka “the Robert Wagner”) ever again.

Mark Trail, 5/24/12

Wow, we’re all pretty hard on Mark for his inability to understand the motivations of humans or love his wife or talk as if he weren’t a soulless mandroid. But is it possible that he exhibits those behaviors only because he focuses all his mental energy on collecting seemingly insignificant bits of information and sifting through them like a Sherlock Holmes-style supersleuth? Ha ha, obviously not, we all know Mark is a moron. Anyway, since the mystery of Who Killed The Guy Mark’s Friend Gene Certainly Didn’t Kill is now solved (SPOILER: IT IS THE DEAD MAN’S WIFE, WHOM WE MET EARLIER THIS WEEK AND WHO IS OBVIOUSLY SHADY AND PROBABLY RECENTLY QUIT SMOKING, JUST YOU WAIT) maybe we can focus on the brutal murder of that innocent bird, which is going on in plain sight of Mark as he natters on about gum wrappers.

Pluggers, 5/24/12

Pluggers refuse to acknowledge that everyone they’ve ever known and loved is dying. “Gizmo isn’t dead, do you hear me? James M. Smith, Jr., that man in the coffin — I’ve never heard of him. I can call up my old buddy Gizmo and talk to him anytime I want. Don’t feel like doing it just now, but it’s good knowing that I can.”

Mary Worth, 5/24/12

ROMANCE TIP: You need to give your ex a little time before inviting her to have a three-way with you and your new girlfriend.

317 responses to “Which of Margo’s other failed jobs will she try to sell Scott on? Catering? Wasn’t she a caterer once?”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Uh oh… it looks like the JUNIOR ARTIST on Mark Trail has been playing
    with his SEE ‘N SAY again:

    On Wednesday, the WOLF goes… [The sound of a wolf SNARLING]
    On Thursday, the BOBCAT goes… [The sound of a bobcat GROWLING]
    On Friday, the COW goes… [The sound of a cow MOOING]

    As you can imagine, Jack Elrod was none too pleased when he caught his young assistant with the See ‘n Say:

    I’m tellin’ you for the last time, boy — put down that dang-fool toy and pick up your X-Acto knife. You’re gettin’ paid a meager salary to recycle 60 years of old Mark Trail strips. That way I can at least pretend I’m still a productive artist!

  2. Jimbo
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail says, “The ONLY POSSIBLE explanation is that this gum wrapper was used by the murderer! I mean, if they would stoop to littering, they’ll stoop to MURDER! And of course having MY fingerprints and DNA all over this essential clue won’t hinder the investigation at all.”

  3. Nate
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Today in ‘Jurassic Trail’, Tyrannosaurus Mark waves a scrap of paper around with his tiny arms while a saber-tooth tiger hauls off a freshly killed pterodactyl.

  4. Dennis Jimenez
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    MT – Bob the cat “rescues” Daffy Duck as Bugs looks on….

    Pluggers – “I see Shit-Head died….” Makes a non-plugger wonder how they ever can keep their social circle straight….

    MW – Dawn is glowing – cuz a lady doens’t perspire – an’ I mean man, she’s glowing like a pig….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  5. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    It’s a little early for brain bleach, but that MW three-way vision makes it a necesssity.

  6. Chyron HR
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    FW – If Principal Black Batiuk is so great, why don’t you just elect him king of the prom?

  7. Oregonian
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    “Scott is cartoonishly wealthy person”

    Guest-blogging today’s column is Yoda. Happy you will be.

  8. Hibbleton
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT: Funny how that bobcat can’t stop eating. Almost like he’s just given up smoking. Hmm.

  9. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G-We need to manage the rumors that you are crazy. No man nowadays wears a turtle neck and sports coat.

    MT-I wish I could still smoke. I still long for the taste of sweet Lady Tobacco. I was forced to give it up cold turkey. If I had this gum then I wouldn’t have been in such a punching mood back then.

    MW-I have an appointment with a meddling old lady.

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: A smoker and a murder, ok. But a litterer in Mark’s sacrosanct wilderness?? This criminal is EVIL.

    Mary Worth: With keen spider senses tingling, our orange skunk-striped super heroine is narrowly able to avoid an awkward social situation! Will she get home in time to store her box of “ASTA” before it expires? Tune in next time to find out!

  11. nescio
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    MT: That rabbit in the last panel looks like he’s under a lot of stress, maybe he’s the one trying to quit smoking.

    Pluggers don’t recognize their friend’s name in the obits due to substandard literacy.

  12. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MT: Wait, can we be sure the bobcat is eating the bird and not just giving oral pleasure? (The Sunday slugs must have gotten my sex-death drives all mixed up…)

    RxMD: Speaking of sex and death…

    S-M: Meanwhile, True Believers, sex and derps!

  13. Black Drazon
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    “Goodbye, Dave. I’m heading straight home to cry to my father, and maybe make a meal of this delicious ‘Asta.’ Mmm. Asta. Just like the Talians make.”

  14. Dramman
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MW> Note the subtle phallic symbolism of the huge banana obscenely laid before Dawns face.

  15. Oregonian
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    MT: Regarding “the brutal murder of that innocent bird.” If Slylock Fox were to take this case, he’d surely point out that Louie Lynx (Bobby Bobcat?) is innocent of any crime. The bird obviously died of natural causes many hours ago, and rigor mortis has already set in.

  16. Cooler King
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn’s appointment is apparently with the Pope for beatification, judging by her giant glowing aura in panel one.

    MT: Spoilers: the cat did it. Just hasn’t been able to stop eating since he quit smoking. Bunny, you’d better go work out in the garage or something.

    FW: “I felt like it was my legacy to create a comic strip that tackled real, serious issues in the world. So thanks to me, lots of gay clubs are called Excalibur.” – Tom Batiuk

  17. Dartpaw86
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Yesterday I went into an antique store. It was really nice except it had a variety of stuffed animals.
    (Not, toys)
    I mean LIVE stuffed animals.

    One of which was a stuffed wolf with a stuffed goose hanging from his mouth.
    I felt literally sick.
    And then today I noticed Mark Trail which had a wolf in that exact position.
    Thank you Mark Trail. There goes my chance of having breakfast this morning… 8:52 right now.

  18. S. Stout
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    MW: Dave with Darth Vader voice: “If you won’t join us for a three-way, then perhaps Wilbur will.”
    Dawn: “NNNOOOOOOO!!!”

    Luann: I wonder why none of the WW customers are helping Ann out. Any onlooker would see that a woman is being bullied by two larger males, one of which being the guy that made them buy $10 worth of food.

  19. Dartpaw86
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#17):

    Note: I looked at it again, and realized it is a Wildcat of some sort.
    Still it doesn’t make me feel less sick.

  20. seismic-2
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Gizmo died? Boy, wait until Mort Walker finds out that other cartoonists are killing off his characters! Gee, I wonder – didn’t Cosmo recently stop smoking? Toss him in the brig, Mark!

  21. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

  22. Flummoxicated
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    FW: If you only want to come out to a few select individuals, then telling your principal in the middle of the prom may not be the best course of action.

  23. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#6):

    At this prom there are no kings only queens.

    Archie-It looks like Archie likes being roughed up by that guy.

  24. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Gotta love the vodka spray!

  25. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-It seems that Billy finally got tired of Gizmo and exposed him to bright light.

  26. The Ghost of Jarrod
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    FW: This is what is known as the Unreveal.

  27. Dennis Jimenez
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    A3G – I wish Scott was blond – then he’d look just like Johnny Quest….

  28. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    FW-Say Principal would you like to go behind the bleachers and give my sword a pull.

  29. Jason
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Great stuff as usual, Josh. The Mark Trail and Pluggers stuff had me laughing like a crazy person in my almost deserted office this morning. The Mark Trail strip in particular is a keeper. If one wasn’t familiar with Jack’s oeuvre, you might just think he’s a rabid pro-smoking activist. “Somebody’s trying to leave Flavor Country in my neck of the woods? NOT ON MY WATCH!”

  30. Jack
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    I would love to see snarky wimpy Josh written into Apartment 3G and completely dominated and humiliated by Margo. Actually I’d like to see myself in that situation oops, TMI.

  31. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Too bad it wasn’t his wife. It’s been awhile since we’ve been to a funeral barbecue.”

  32. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Jimbo (#2): A gum wrapper produced by a friend of the accused won’t be admissable as evidence, so it doesn’t matter whose finger prints are on it. There is obvious bias on the part of the friend, and he has no evidence that he actually found the wrapper where he did. He could have followed Al’s wife down the street and pulled the wrapper with her fingerprits out of the garbage. And that wrapper could have blown in from another part of the forest. Or, it could also be that Al’s wife was chewing gum in that spot while she was on a fishing trip with clients. Many plausible explanations. This is not the “Ah-ha!” moment that Mark thinks.

  33. Johnny S
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    3G Can you publicize my dickey? Cuz I’m totally bringing the dickey back.

    MW Duh, Mark! Do you not see that lynx with an oral fixation, trying to stop his cravings by eating grey birds? That rabbit is saying: Yo check it out, Mark Trail, this Lynx guy’s been acting super suspicious!

    Pl Pluggers yearn for death’s sweet embrace to take them away from their lifeless, loveless marriages. (Thanks to Johnny S)

    MW Hey, I see you went shopping! What did you pick up? A banana. A TV dinner. A single-serving box of pasta. No blonde hair dye? Well, then enjoy your life of loneliness!

  34. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Let me get this straight. Margo participates in the act that starts the rumors, actively spreads them, and then sells herself as the fix-it PR pro for managing the situation? Damn, she’s good.

  35. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: Well, Mark, it could be the type that bobcats chew when they’re trying to give up eating birds.

    MW: I realize that Dave is meant to be a Cheerfully Oblivious Male, but I’m beginning to suspect that he and Dawn were never a couple at all, and she just created a relationship in her lonely little mind as she sat there on her lonely little bed.

    The break-up messages:
    Dawn: “HI DAVE! It’s me Dawn from chem class.”
    Dave: “Hi. Um, are we FB friends?”
    Dawn: “Yes, silly!”
    Dave: “ok”
    Dawn: “Anyhoo, just wanted to know if you want to study for the midterm together. Chem is soooooo hard. And your sooooo smart!”
    Dave: “Thanks I guess.”
    Dawn: “So maybe Friday night at the library?”
    Dave: “I’d sure like to but I just got a date with Paula—you know, that really hot girl in chem!”
    Dawn: “Oh.”
    Dave: “Sorry—maybe some other time.”
    Dawn: “Ok. Bye.”
    Dawn (offline): “Oh god NO!”

  36. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Chip Gizmo is dead! Although I normally get saddened by the passing of any member of our esteemed military, I think our armed forces at Camp Swampy can cope with this great loss of their resident geek. He spent all his time on the only computer in camp, creating apps to toggle between a dummy spreadsheet and hard-core porn when an officer came around.

  37. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT-This isn’t my type of gum. I’m more of a Fruit Stripe man.

  38. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Is Scott “cartoonishly wealthy” on the order of Spencer-Parker-Drivers?

  39. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#27): Or:
    I wish Scott was blond – then he’d look just like Johnny Quest a generic Mary Worth male instead of a generic Apartment 3G male….

  40. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    FW: I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure that everyone is going to know immediately who the guy that went to prom dressed like a rock is.

  41. Binder's Butter Beans
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Say, where did Dawn buy that asta? I’ve been looking for some asta.

  42. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Who knew that Nick and Nora Charles’ dog has a line of consumer food products?

  43. Binder's Butter Beans
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#18): You will not be exonerated for the crime of making us picture Wilbur having sex. Off with your head!

  44. Doctor Handsome
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Dawn has graduated from Spidey-Sense to full-on Renaissance-Art Christ-Halo.

  45. The gatwick view
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#8):Now THAT is comedy! I wonder if the next panel would have had the killer rabbit of caerbannog, hiding in the corner, ripping the bobcat to shreds.

  46. Crankenstank
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    The dead bird in the mouth of the bobcat utters its dying words: “I wonder who around here is trying to stop smoking?” Or is it that stalk of grass? Discovering the meaning of this will no doubt lead to satori. Or madness.

  47. Digger
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Well, at least Dawn can take comfort at home with Wilbur, as he stuffs a sandwich in his face and she sullenly eats her asta, which I guess is pasta for sadsack losers who got dumped over email and then had an awkward encounter with the ex and his new love.

  48. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Dawn has a package of “Hasta” as in “Hasta la Vista, Davey”.

  49. Chris B
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Pluggers apparently need, like 6 pages of obits. They die in so many ways!

  50. Here come da Judge
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    As far as I can tell, the real reason Dave dumped Dawn is that he accidentally Krazy-Glued his right hand to Paula’s shoulder.

  51. McManx
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Gee, again, all the great snarks are already snarked. I guess I need to start getting up earlier. Funny comments all. The competition for COTW is really stiff these days.

  52. Doctor Handsome
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Tips to avoid getting your ass kicked by Mark Trail: 1) Never quit smoking. 2) Never quit shaving.

  53. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    MW:
    Paula: She’s gone, Honey. Now can we ask that girl at the checkout if she wants to get naked with us under the melon display?

  54. Cloudbuster
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    FW: OK, if this is just gonna be a tease, I’ll wait impatiently, but if he’s really gonna go down this road and not reveal the gay character, I will have to ready my fist of death.

    JP: There’s nothing I can make sense of here today. I don’t see Peaches.

    MT: Another smoking-related death!

    MW: Dawn, just sign up for the threesome, already! He couldn’t be hinting any less subtly, and it’s the only way you’re ever gonna get any. Yes, you’ll almost certainly be wearing the gimp mask, but can you blame them?

    Meanwhile, I love how it doesn’t even appear to have entered Dave’s mind that Dawn would be upset about him breaking up with her. “Seriously? You bought that ‘meet the parents’ crap? I was pretty sure that when I picked you up at the diner and browbeat you into blowing me in the alley that you knew I was slumming. I mean look at me, and look at you! I figured you’d be happy for a few ‘free meals!’”

    A3G: Scott inherited his money, right?

  55. seismic-2
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MW: I think that red package in Dawn’s grocery bag is actually a box of “Rasta”. Before the night is over, she will be burying her sorrow in a cloud of smoke and dancing around the radio like Snuffy Smith.

  56. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MT: Hi Bob, I see you’ve been hangin’ with Snuffy again.

  57. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Remember when you quit smoking, Mark?

  58. RavenHawk
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    MW: If only a “Magical Hobo” would appear, & help Dawn through this emotional crisis.

  59. Doctor Handsome
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    How fucking sad is it that pluggers have such difficulty comprehending the only part of the newspaper that they ever even read or care about?

  60. Marc
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- That’s not mislabeled pasta as everyone seems to think. Dawn has actually picked up a video cassette of [url=http://www.iloveasta.com/]Asta the dog’s[\url] greatest hits.

    Mark Trail- Well Mark, isn’t it possible that the nicorex wrapper you found could belong to ANYBODY? I mean there allegedly are all those fishing camps, which supposedly have customers, some of whom probably smoke, who probably visit the trading post on occasion. I mean fogive my ignorance on the workings of the rural world, but have there really been any trading posts in existence since 1870?

    9CL- That must be some pretty horrible sex if they’re able to carry on a conversation like that in mid coitus.

    Funky- How nice, another nameless, faceless charcter is thanking Principal black Batiuk for being a champion of undeveloped characters everywhere.

    Luann- I’m sorry but isn’t Ox being a bully now? You know, a bully being the thing he hates most. So I guess his only option is to throw himself off a cliff. Preferrably taking TJ with him.

  61. KreatureFeatures
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Houston, do you copy? This is Gaypollo 13! Requesting permission to abort “gay prom” storyline! We are seeing unmanageable levels of Facial Contempt on the Principal Green meter … our Bravery supply is nearly exhausted. We’re dying up here, Houston!

  62. UncleJeff
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW: So, who belonged to the mysterious hand popping out of the castle prop to congratulate Principal Green?
    Looking at the couples on the dance floor, I see Summer and Keisha together (I’m ignoring the guy behind Keisha. Obviously he’s “the beard”.) I’m putting my money on Krazy’s daughter (the one wearing the cap with her prom gown) and her new female partner.

  63. Marc
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#60):Well I failed at hyperlinking.

  64. Chip Whittle
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Arctic Circle has, one again, provided my most disturbing penguin dismemberment image of the day.

    Funky Winkerbean finally tackles the issue of irrational hatred of gay people, but the referees call a penalty for illegal use of hands.

    Henry can get three ice cream cones for a dollar? Well, that’s it, I’m moving to 1953!

    Loose Parts is taking lessons from Mrs. Love Is and just killing the men-folk.

    Mandrake: So, the world-destroying Lost Chord is in fact a Lost Chord-destroying Lost Chord. Did Mandrake even have to be in this plot?

    Mark Trail trying to reason will never, ever cease to amuse me. It’s like watching a dog trying to understand a remote-controlled helicopter.

    Rex Morgan: “Ready as I’ll ever be! Just let me squirt some spray cheese! Now, might as well get meeting the Pluggers over with!”

  65. UncleJeff
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: I have never known a “Gizmo”. I’ve known a “Fud”, a “Tootie”, a “Buzz” and a few other “Plugger”-types. I knew a guy named “Bunny” (hard to forget a 6-8 350 pound guy named “Bunny.”) but never a “Gizmo.”
    I don’t think I’ve missed much.

  66. Noel Schornhorst
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    I was gonna comment on Scott not being cartoonishly wealthy until I see him dive and swim like a porpoise in a money bin full of gold coins and other treasures.

    I was also gonna comment on the wildcat curbing its smoking habit by killing local birds.

    However, I am deeply upset by Pluggers’ announcement that Gizmo the mogwai has died. No ‘Gremlins 3′… :(

  67. Dave
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Whoa, was there a blackout in the grocery store in Mary Worth?

  68. UncleJeff
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#64): Whoops! I guess I was wrong. That’s what I get for avoiding Funky as much as possible.
    Well, at least I get to go on with my life while that guy goes back into the closet with other Batiuk one-timers.

  69. TheDiva
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow, gossiping over possible affairs between two nobodies, plays filled with tired zingers that are improved by the leading man slapping his co-star with a fish…New York City must be the slowest, most boring place in the world.

    MT: “Only a murderer would drop a gum wrapper in the forest!”

    MW: Three-way? This is Santa Royale we’re talking about–I’m not convinced a stork in a delivery cap isn’t responsible for bringing them children. Dave is clearly proposing an FLDS-style polygamous marriage. Dawn’s already got the hairstyle for it.

    Pluggers don’t care enough to know their friends’ names.

    9CL: I know nothing gets Mr. Diva all hot and bothered like talking about my intimate lady problems during foreplay.

    C’shaft: Where’s a vaudeville hook when you need one?

    FW: “I’m not ready to step out into the open yet, which is why I’m discussing my orientation in a room filled with a large portion of my classmates and where the loud music makes it impossible to speak below a shout!”

    Meanwhile, you can just hear Batiuk yelling, “You hear that, gay and lesbian teens? It gets better because of ME! Not the support of your friends and loved ones, not getting past the immaturity of high school and becoming confident and happy with who you are, ME! Thank me for supporting your cause!”

    GT: As if I needed proof that the writer(s) of Gil Thorp don’t know the first thing about high school. “Um, they talk about kissing, right? It seems like something high school types would do…”

    Luann: That’s right, kids, it’s okay to bite people because the resulting wounds are relatively small! Listen to your Uncle Greg!

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “I’m better than your doctor, so there!”

  70. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    A3G: It takes a professional publicist to counteract gossip? Oh yes, Margo. Contact all of Scott’s business associates. Tell them that you and he were NOT having an affair when his wife caught you off guard. But it was NOTHING, really. Send a formal statement to the NY Times saying that you didn’t hear Nina come in because you had a few glasses of wine, so she saw you two kissing. Post on Facebook that you were only serving in the capacity of Interior Decorator and now Director of Public Relations. If you “like” it, you get a great coupons for art from MaGee Studio or discounted services as party planner. Stress that the two of you have NO romantic feelings for each other. Email the entire Gaines family to say that you have NEVER fantasized about seeing one another in the buff. Notify Nina’s family that your hands were NOWHERE near his private areas when you were caught sucking face. Stop people on the street and let them know that this was all just a misunderstanding.

  71. sully
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    ‘Gizmo’ died?! Loved him in ‘Gremlins’. Why couldn’t it have been that prick ‘Stripe’?

  72. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    “Which of Margo’s other failed jobs will she try to sell Scott on? Catering? Wasn’t she a caterer once?”

    Margo seems to have a myriad of part-time gigs in the upscale personal services industry. I don’t recall catering being one of them except “catering to men’s obsessions”.

  73. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT — Another major clue that Mark isn’t human is the way wild animals carry on with their lives when he’s around, ignoring his presence. I was at a deer meeting last night during which it was pointed out that deer can learn to tell the difference between farmers doing their usual routines (who cares) and hunters scouting deer trails (look out!) The animals who see and smell Mark obviously realize that he’s just some strange kind of android and poses no threat, unless you’re a pancake.

  74. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark’s just guessing with that gum wrapper. It’s actually a condom wrapper which Mark knows nothing about.

  75. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#73): Yes. I remember Mark’s gripping book titled, “Stalking the Wild Pancake.”

  76. wossname
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Archie – I’m mildly curious about why the guy doesn’t have to pay for his pizza. I’m more curious about why he has a huge eternal flame in his living room.

    DT – If Abner Kadaver is kinda like a rotting or skeletal corpse, how does he have fingerprints? Also, doesn’t the Mr. Crime gang have a secret video camera in Major Crime HQ? So why do they need a mole making phone calls? So many questions…

  77. Esther Blodgett
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    FW: Honestly, the touring shows of “Spamalot” are really slipping in quality these days. That is Lancelot behind the castle, right? Bad blocking.

    MT: “Well, this gum wrapper doesn’t seem very important…I’ll just take it home and add it to my extensive gum-wrapper collection. Oooh, maybe I’ll find a limited-edition Tropical Fruit Dentyne wrapper next!”

    A3G: “Gee”? Scott, Margo uses worse language than that when she’s taking Communion. Better man up your cursing skills before she senses weakness and goes for your entrails.

  78. Mibbitmaker
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    “Gee, Margo, then I’d be treating her like the cynically manipulated public, as if I’m some sort of a politician or hyped-up celebrity. It’d be de-intimate-izing her like a common soulless slug would. (pause) Margo, you’re a genius!”

    Pluggers: That means George W. Bush and Regis Philbin are pluggers.

    MT: Between the case at hand and the foreground carnage, they now call that place Killers’ Cove.

    MW: That boy just won the Scott Gaines Sensitivity Award.
    And Today’s Mark Trail Cluelessness Citation, too.
    Congratulations, you clueless bastard!

  79. nescio
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FW: I can understand why Simple J Malarkey was exiled from Okefenokee to Westview, it’s a fitting punishment. Why is he coming out of hiding after 50 years and posing as a gay teenager?

  80. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Mari(juana) Worth

    [Dawn Weston] “Dave, it’s me — Dawn!”
    [Tommy Chong] “Dawn who?”
    [Dawn Weston] “Dawn — I used to be your girlfriend!”
    [Tommy Chong] “Dawn’s not here, man.”

    Today is Tommy Chong’s birthday (b. May 24, 1938). Happy birthday, Tommy!

  81. twg
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Luann: Wait, who’s the bully? The huge guy trying to play keep away with the lady’s paper, right? I’d add, she got bit like yesterday in strip time; stop pretending time passes long enough in the comics section to have her finger healed by now.

    9cl: Once again, talking about gynecological stuff during sex. I clearly don’t get this, so I must be one of them beefwits.

  82. Downpuppy
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    A rabbit sitting still 3 feet from a bobcat? It’s a bomb!

  83. Gal Friday
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh, Josh, torturing us with a link to a 2005 A3G strip where the room interiors are lovingly and carefully drawn–full of detail and color. Sigh. And 3/4s of people instead of 1/4!

  84. Ilustrator Steve
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT – (Somewhere in the southern part of the state the Gene Johnson murder trial begins):
    “I, the prosecuter, will now place before you the following evidence….
    EXIBIT A, one gum wrapper COVERED with fingerprints from a self proclaimed environmentalist who goes by the name of MARK TRAIL!
    EXIBIT B, plaster castings of Mark Trail’s footprints, found covering the entire crime scene!
    EXIBIT C, A full size scale model and exact replica of the entire Lost Forest area, complete with gigantic animals, all of whom will later testify as to seeing Mark Trail trespassing on their sacred home land.
    EXIBIT D, one dead bird wearing a gold leg band with biblical passage. WHAT does this mean? I – DON’T – KNOW!
    EXIBIT E, A kid named RUSTY, whom, for several years, was promised by Mark Trail to be taken fishing, only to be left holding his rod while abandoned, by Mister Trail, on an old fishing dock!
    EXIBIT F, MARK TRAIL, the VILLAINOUS MURDER who KILLED Al Chavez! …. and If you don’t believe me, just ask his sultry looking wife sitting over there!”

  85. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Funky: Better? Yesterday you were a castle. Today you’re a rock with a sword through your head. Tomorrow you’ll have cancer.

    I never understood the whole impetus to “come out of the closet”. If I were to have told my high school principal that I liked leather wearing women with big boobies, I don’t know what kind of reaction I’d get other than “You need a different hobby.” I could have told my friends, and they’d tell me I was pervy; but if a leather wearing woman with big boobies ever did come hang out with us, they’d be shoving me aside so they could hit on her first. I could tell my parents about my fetish, but when I accidentally left that video in the machine, I think they figured it out anyway. The point being that I don’t have an impulse to tell everyone my kinky sexual tastes. What’s up wiith that?

  86. Mibbitmaker
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up!

    ….Because “Letter-Panel Bordered” would be too awkward and less pun-ish a title for today’s strip.

    Meanwhile, the bully Skinx and PCK “muscle” Michelle have been framed, I tell you! (*rimshot*)

  87. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Gal Friday (#83): Another interesting thing is the last comment on that post is spam put in over six years later.

  88. Katie
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Someone please tell me the Blonde Dude / Nina thing was more of a Glass Menagerie romance of massive misunderstanding, rather than Nina proving she’s found the biggest jerk in the world.

  89. I_Hear_Ya
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#85): I am also baffled by the need for public statements about sexual preference. I have a gay friend on Facebook and his every post is about gay sexuality and rights. If a hetero did so, everybody else would be saying, “Keep that to yourself.”

  90. Ilustrator Steve
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#64): “Mark Trail…..it’s like watching a dog trying to understand a remote controled helicopter!”

    CLASSIC! Your comment should be used on Wickipedia as the general definition of what the Mark Trail comic strip is about. (A copy of this should be delivered by UPS to Jackelrod. That is, if those UPS fellows ever get untied from the tree stumps after being abandoned by Mark and his ranger friend!

  91. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    “It looks like a gum wrapper and it hasn’t been here too long! It wasn’t here the other day when Gene and the Sherrif were looking for evidence! It definitely wasn’t here when I shot that guy with Gene’s rifle!”

  92. Stroker Ace
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MW – Dude looks like a (mannish) lady.

  93. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    FC: Just urinate in it, Jeffy.

  94. tb4000
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    SF: Sal, your question can be answered by looking directly to your left.

  95. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FW: The background is shifting – not as bad as A3G, where indoors becomes outdoors and look out for that apartment building! But the sword in the stone is over Green’s right shoulder in panel 1, and the unseen gay character is directly in front. Panel 3 has the sword in the stone to the left of Green and the invisible gay teen is behind it.

    The end of the first Austin Powers had a good riff on all those awkward visual blocks that are obviously non-coincidental, but are trying too hard to be. This is exactly the sort of thing that it made fun of – what, 16 years ago?

  96. Irrischano
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Is this a scene from 2001: A Mary Worth Odyssey? “Dawn, open the pod bay supermarket doors.” “I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

  97. geekwhisperer
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MT- The killer is a shape shifter! OMG! Right there! It was a clearly a wolf yesterday and is a Bobcat today! No doubt it can change from the Widow Chavez into any animal and presumably human form it wants to. Holy shit this is the most amazing turn of events in MT history, signaling some kind of awesome Vampire/Supernatural plot where a coven of shapeshifting fishing camp owners are killing each other off for the penultimate power over the lake, at the bottom of which no doubt hides The Mother Hydra, the Star Child of Cthulu waiting to devour mankind! This is going to be…. just a moment… I’m receiving a transmission via snark-o-graph…Oh. One of Elrod’s exacto lackeys is just too stupid (or malnourished) to know the difference between a wolf and a bobcat…oh. Shit.

    MW- Threeway, orange skunk hair. Beautification lines…Can’t go on. Too depressed.

  98. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    MT-Oh look that bobcat has just savagely killed that bird. That sort of thing would affect me if I wasn’t a nature writer.

  99. seismic-2
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT: So the killer fires the shot from deep in the woods, where he was chewing nicotine gum. Hmmm… since he’s trying to quit smoking, he’s probably been awfully cranky lately. So who could that be? Got it! The murderer is Cuss Skunk!

  100. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Gum wrappers. Bird bands. Flag on the moon. How did it get there?

  101. Purple Prosecutor
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “I wonder who around here is trying to stop smoking! Is it the bobcat? The bunny rabbit? The dead bird?”

    Pluggers: “You said Gizmo died?! I guess I can stop working on my script for Gremlins 3 then!”

  102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    9CL: Amos is hard as irony, gettit?

    NAoQV: Baka Gaijin most likely approves of this.

    PBS: more fun than a shredder!

    SBp: borrowing from Brooke’s unused panels.

    Blondie: Breakfast of Champions!

    Crank: they do, dummy.

    Lockhorns: if you know what that phrase means, this is actually a pretty funny panel. [*]

    MG&G: ewwwwww, and ROFL.

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .body painting games.

  104. Cloudbuster
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#73): You were at a deer meeting? Can you post a picture of you with the deer?

  105. Jim North
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Crank: Today’s lolcats-related strip more than any other shows just exactly how far back in the Funky timeline Crankshaft actually takes place. Tomorrow the ‘shaft will learn all about this newfangled “Homestar Runner” thing. Spoiler: His favorite character is The Cheat.

    DT: In order to help catch the killer behind all these recent mysterious deaths and disappearances, Dick and his team will have to hire on the mysterious detective known only as L. Exactly as planned . . .

    FW: I’m not sure which is less or more disturbing . . . the fact that this mystery guest may not actually exist and this conversation is taking place entirely within the principal’s own fractured mind, or that the mystery guest has a sword sticking through a cardboard rock and into their skull while they’re talking.

    Perhaps both are true and this is more of a Sixth Sense situation. No wonder the principal just keeps dully staring forward, never directly reacting to anything the other person is saying. Or it could just be poor art to go along with the poor writing. Hmmmmmm . . .

    GT: A little?! Jesus Christ, woman, he literally inhaled the entirely lower half of your freaking face!

    JP: Oop, the roofie in Sam’s drink just started kicking in.

    MT: I think it was the dead bird who was trying to stop smoking. On the bright side, no longer being able to breathe at all means you pretty much have to quit smoking by default.

    Marv: Marvin wants a tattoo on a skull and crossbones on his back, and being a dog, Junior knows all about bones. Being an active serial killer is also a plus.

    MW: I’m glad Dave’s taking the breakup well. He deserves some good luck after the horrible time he’s been through. Y’know, that whole “dating Dawn Weston” thing. They guy had to have lunch with Wilbur once, man. You don’t know. You just don’t know.

    RMMD: Ew, now she has silly string breath.

    R=R: Ah, Rose is Rose, only you have that special touch that somehow turns everything that should be adorably cute and homey into something that is subtly creepy and terrifying. Someday I will learn how you do that, and then I will learn how to weaponize it, and the world shall finally be all mine.

  106. Jim North
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#100): Oh God, . . . no!

  107. Nekrotzar
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    That bobcat is totally Margo.

  108. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#99): Cuss Skunk just finished berating that rabbit and is about to start in on the bobcat.

  109. Dood
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#106): Oh, yes. There’s a definite equivalency here.

  110. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Plugges-You said that Gizmo died? But I wasn’t anywhere near him at the time.

  111. Cuss Skunk
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#99): And I needed a @$%#in’ smoke after that shot. Goddamn, the mother@$%#in’ blood splatter was @$%#in’ epic! Grrr!

  112. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Snuffy“What kept us here b’fore the law [of gravity] wuz passed?”
    Saliva, thinks Miz Prunelly, involuntarily sticking her tongue out to moisten her forepaw before catching herself.

    Curtis – So. Chutney’s reset button clicked when we weren’t looking, so her relationship with Curtis is back to Status Quo Ante. Nothing to see here.

    Smirky – “Thanks to you, I’m no longer invisible and pushed off behind a rock! And I can gesture with my whole right hand while speaking! I feel so liberated!” And may I add that I am thrilled that this important issue isn’t being handwaved away.

  113. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Mark – Another “Top Tip” from Viz: “Save money on expensive nicotine gum by simply chewing a piece of regular gum whilst smoking a cigarette.”

    Mary – But he’s not rejecting you; he’s inviting you to a threesome! Loosen up, Dawn, and you wouldn’t have to buy so many bananas.

    Megaton Man hasn’t updated in over 2500 hours. Regretfully dropping it.

  114. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Pluggers read the obits before anything else. I see a lot of those that give names in the format James “Gizmo” Smith, so today’s gag relies upon willful misunderstanding.

    “I read the obituaries every day and cross the names out of the phone book. That way, I know who not to call!” —Rik M., from my old workplace.

    6 – It’s funny because the only way she’d get any coffee out of that rig is to spill it on the floor and lap it up.

    Let me rephrase that. The funniest thing about this… no, wait.

    If there was anything funny about this, it would be that the only way she’d get any coffee out of that rig would be to spill it on the floor and lap it up.

  115. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Little A. (#y313): Also, this Weenie World franchise isn’t doing too well: they have one employee, TJ (although I suppose there must be somebody somewhere cooking the weenies)
    Wait. What did you just say?
    cooking the weenies
    That’s IT! I know how they could double their sales! COOK THE FOOD!
    I’m a genius.

    @Marc (#60): That’s not mislabeled pasta as everyone seems to think.
    I don’t think that. It’s a box of knockoff wine: Asta Spumanto.

    @Marc (#63): Well I failed at hyperlinking.
    Josh gives us the proper code right above the box where you enter comments. Angle bracket, then a href= and so on.

  116. Ilustrator Steve
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Mt – “This doesn’t look like a common gum wrapper….I think it’s the type of gum wrapper people chew when they’re trying to stop smoking! Hey, I used to chew this same type of gum wrapper when I stopped smoking my pipe years ago! It’s the type with no gum to chew, you just chew on the gum wrapper! Okay…..This proves one of two things. Either I am the litter bug who left my chewable gum wrapper here on the ground years ago, or I am Al Chavez’s murderer! Hmmmm, this leaves me no choice. Being an avid environmentalist, I cannot admit to littering, so I MUST have murdered Al! Okay, case closed. Gene goes home to Trish, and I go home to eat pancakes, because they would NEVER lock up an avid environmentalist like myself! ….There, yet another case solved by me and only me alone! Okay Jack, time to move on and start your next recycled clip-art story repeating some lame adventure that originally published more than sixty years ago!”

  117. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    A3G: When Margo is caught kissing the husband of her pregnant friend and then takes the opportunity to become the husband’s publicity flak, what can one do? What can one say? One can only stand back and marvel.

    MT: The quail was trying to stop smoking, but that seems to be a moot point now.

    MW: Dave is still trying to talk Dawn into a three-way with his new-old girlfriend. He must have a bet going with Charlie.

    FW: So it looks like Batiuk actually is going to out one of his regular characters. Which in a way makes it even more glaring that the guys who drew fire in the first place have never even been named. Also, Excalibur must be having trouble finding work.

    C-Shaft: Presumably Crankshaft is put out because he just clicked on a link promising “cute black pussy”, only to be disappointed yet again.

    Better Half: Does this assertion come before or after “I’m your best chance at regular sex, just like you are for me”?

    9CL: There’s a better case for ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife being ironic.

    BC: I dunno. It looked for a panel there like the ants were taking stock of BC’s third leg.

    Baldo: The gringo with Tintin hair must actively want to be tarred and feathered.

    JP: “Or at least that’s what my people tell me. I myself am completely illiterate.”

    RMMD: Just take two squirts of NotALush from Nothing Suspicious LLC and you’ll be ready to say, “What’re you lookin’ at, ashwipe.”

    HtH: Unseen thought balloon from both Hagar and Helga: “So it’s come to this.”

    H&L: Trying so hard to keep the phrase “shoot webbing” out of my brain.

    DT: Jim Gordon is usually a police commissioner rather than a forensics tech, but I guess he likes to switch it up now and then.

    GT: Floating valentine hearts, even! Ruben and Whigham are sparing no expense.

    Nancy: Tomorrow Sluggo is flexing like a whore, falls wanking to the floor…

    DtM: Dennis has been watching the $6 DVD of “Old School” that Alice picked up as an impulse by at the supermarket. He is of course referring to Luke Wilson.

    Luann: Yeah, I’ve pretty much run out of words for how much I hate this. But now I’ve looked at the comments on GoComics, which somehow bring to mind a Northern European city and the word “syndrome.”

    OBH: James throws himself on the mercy of the court, invokes Lady Gaga.

  118. Tom the Sailor Man
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    I wish Dingo were here to comment on Panel 2 of Rex Morgan today.
    Cropped differently it might be useful in a bats:[ mashup.

  119. Chip Whittle
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: Wait, Amos wears an undershirt even though it’s after the 1940′s? Why does this annoy me even more than his face?

    Gil Thorp: “I’ll grab a table!” “Dinny, this is a used car dealer.” “Great, nobody else will have the waitress!”

    The Meaning Of Lila I present without comment, since nobody ever comments on it, but, I recommend today’s.

    Unstrange Phenomena: That is one weird New Wave raccoon in his lime-green sunglasses there.

  120. Cloudbuster
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    GT: Isn’t a little “kissing” how Jaxon came about in the first place? Also, Dinny’s in on it too: “In short order, Bobby, Darby — and Dinny — are keeping company.”

    This girl’s like Alyssa in her “experimental” phase in Chasing Amy: “I blew him while Cohee Bobby @#$&ed me! “

  121. geekwhisperer
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    MT- Furthermore, can I say for the record that NOTHING about this strip so far would have prevented Mark from taking Rusty fishing. Sure, don’t take him to the prison (we have laws against cruel and unusual punishment, and these guys on the inside have it rough enough as it is) but why not take Rusty on the great lake investigation? Why not take him to one of these many fishing camps he’s visiting?

    C’mon dude. You’re running around in the woods tainting evidence, why not take Rusty with you?

  122. Dr. Moreau
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Pluggers have long since forgotten their friends’ real names, the better to provide emotional distance when Death inevitably claims them. It’s the only sane coping mechanism in a world where “OBITS” is by far the fattest section of the newspaper.

  123. flatsixes
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    MT: Oy-veh. Trail, you are such a putz! Look, they pretty much outlawed smoking in the comics about 10-15 years ago, so your list of potential suspects is pretty goddamn small.
    1) The Widow Chavez – Obvious choice. Has there has before appeared such a clean-shaven character more plainly a husband-murdering tobacco-fiend and litterer of nature? Hell, she probably smokes just to mask the stench of her first three husbands moldering beneath the floorboards on her cabin. But you’re petrified of her, Trail, and it shows. That minx has got your number, doesn’t she?She knows the darkness and rot that lurk behind that wooden facade you show the good people of Lost Forest. Obvious? Yes, she is. But too dangerous, Trail. Stay away from the widow.

    2) Trish – Not Trish! She’s no killer! She’s your “honey!” Besides, she’s probably a blonde, so there’s no way that she could chew gum and frame her old man for murder at the same time.

    3) Al Chavez – Well, we do know that he was in the vicinity when he got murdered, so he’s still a suspect for the littering job. the good news for Al is that he’s finally managed to quit smoking.

    4) Greg Wilkins – Ah ha! This long-suffering father of “Curtis” and his bed-wetting little brother whatshisname smokes like a fricken’ chimney when he gets home dog-tired after a hard day at the DMV informing customers that they’re in “the wrong line.” Of course, “Pop” Wilkins can’t smoke at the DMV, except during the 45 minute breaks he takes every hour. So it’s likely that he chews nicotine gum to ease the stress caused by irate citizens complaining about how that all they want to do is register their car and they’ve already spent three and a half hours waiting in three different lines and yada yada yada until he screams “NEXT IN LINE!” I’ll bet you that Ol’ Dead Al was one of those complaining types, Trail. You should paddle on over to the Wilkins’ ‘hood and check him out. It would make for a great story.

  124. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MW-I’m sorry Dave but to get over you I am going to have my brain washed.

  125. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

  126. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    9CL: Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf.

    /regains composure

    9CL: Oh, I think I’ve had my fill of “irony”, thanks. It’s no coincidence that Universal UClick hosts the strip (where I choose to read it) but today the universe is saying loud and clear that U should go “click” and read something else. Forever.

    MT: Leave it to Mark Trail to obsess over minutiae while a bobcat tears a bird apart mere yards away. The bobcat did it Mark why can’t you see that. It went (for) cold turkey.

  127. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    RMMD-And so begins the furious make out session between June and Iris.

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    folks, OCD is loaded with corgsqui today, even more so than usual. I can’t link them all, so go there and enjoy.

  129. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#y191): Today’s QC has the best answer to that: “can we not talk about your junk while we’re hugging, please?”

  130. Dennis Jimenez
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Moreau (#122): Pluggers are like Crankshaft – you can pretty much cover everyone else in the world with a simple reference to “that asshole.” I just don’t know how their wives can distinguish who they are talking about – maybe it’s a very subtle matter of inflection that you come to understand if you’ve been married for a long time….

  131. The Ghost of Jarrod
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Luann: I can’t wait for the obvious dénouement to this story — Ox beating Ann to death withe TJ grins maniacally.

  132. RavenHawk
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#100): Nice one, Dood.

  133. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#104): HAR! Actual deer would have been easier for me to deal with than certain attendees, come to think of it.

  134. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#75): Yes, that was a real page-turner! I haven’t yet read his sequel, “Stalking the Syrup.”

  135. pugfuggly
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    A3G So Margo starts something potentially saucy with a rich married man, then a week later offers her profession help in quelling the ‘rumor mill’? I believe they call that the ‘long con’.

    MW Hmmm..Dave’s girlfriend seems to be quite quiet, kind of dead-eyed and incapable of standing on her own. Is it possible that Dave has just bought a japanese sex doll that looks like his ex…?

  136. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

  137. GIZMO
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Oh, IT IS ON, Brookins! I’m going to move to Baltimore and start a comics blog!

  138. roktober
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Soooo who wants to take bets that Dave had no idea that he and Dawn were dating?

  139. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    A3G — I’ll bet there really are a lot of dynamic, interesting, attractive rich men in NYC, and I can see them in my mind’s eye. All I have to do is envision the opposite of Scott.

  140. Mibbitmaker
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Oops, they forgot a joke today. Expect a visit from Fred Basset’s lawyers.

    9CL: Hand Sex is over. See the background effect? Now, 9 Chickweed Lane proudly introduces:
    FILM NOIR SEX!
    Tracer Bullet isn’t the only one making a gagging face.

    FW: What’s the point in fighting for the right to be at the prom if YOU DON’T WANT TO APPEAR AT THE PROM?![/Tom Servo]
    Batiuk: “Just because I’m such a hero (gosh, I’m so humble!) for standing up against homophobic oppression doesn’t mean I hafta draw icky gay people anymore! Ooh, ick!”[/Radar O'Reilly]

    JP: It’s getting so bad with the book luck (even by Lynn Johnston standards), and things in general, that if comics were listed in the older version of TV Guide, it would be shown as:

    JUDGE PARKERfantasy

    Luann: The piled-on smear campaign contrives continues….
    (Well, either way, it’s definately a con!)

    S-M: Look out, MJ — Stan’s about to Ann Eiffel you!

  141. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    From the looks of it, the prop is too narrow for Anono-Gay #3, so obviously she (I’m going with she here, just to make things easier) is standing in front of it. Except based on how high Nate is standing, the height of the hand, and the prop, she’s standing in a really awkward position, and due to the inevitable loud music, she’s speaking in a fairly audible tone.

  142. Pobert
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    MT–”I learned two things today–Wolves have a difficult time kicking the nicotine habit and they make nicotine gum that looks like giant birds. Huh.

  143. The Ridger
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    OTF: Okay, I appreciate them pointing out the outdoors cats eat birds, but really. A raven? Do they have any idea how big a raven is? Not to mention how spectacularly unlikely it is that a raven is nesting in their backyard?

  144. bats :[
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

  145. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#144): BWAHAHA!

  146. The Ridger
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#17): I mean LIVE stuffed animals. Well-fed, then? (rimshot)

    Did you know that in England, “stuffed animal” always means taxidermy? “Plush animal” is for toys.

    This has been your Fact for the Day!

  147. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#140): Amen re the gagging face. Amos in that shirt is an especially cold shower.

  148. Cletus
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Why is Carl Sagan doing a cameo on Apartment 3G? And why does Margo insist on calling him Scott?

  149. bats :[
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#21): and here I am, trying to “match hands” with the sentient Sword in the Stone…dang you, Señor Tortilla!

    @Dood (#42): yep. He took a tip from Paul Newman. Celebrity endorsements…good money, baby!

  150. seismic-2
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Now Mark, as your publicist, I need to make sure that your denial of any hanky-panky gets circulated as widely as possible. We should make a video claiming that it was all a big misunderstanding, and then we’ll put it on YouTube. I’ll wear a blonde wig and a print apron, you should wear a black jacket and bib overalls and hold a pitchfork, and we can stand in front of a farm house with a pointed window. It’ll go viral!”

  151. bats :[
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    And in the words of Darth Vader, “All too easy.”
    (Of course, this is right before he said, “Where did all these freakish, melon-headed aliens come from?!?)

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#118): oh, you naughty Sailor! heh…

    And in the BMcE/Batiuiuik Slogathon: How many weeks did it take before it was revealed that Edda wasn’t pregnant? Can ol’ Tom exceed that time before revealing the newest gayest kid on the block?
    (Of course, BMcE gets points for having Edda jet to Vienna — I don’t think anyone from Westview is allowed to leave Ohio.)

  152. sally
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    It’s a pity Mark Trail is too moronic to be Sherlock. Watching Benedict Cumberbatch play him in the TV version would be pretty sweet.

  153. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Mmm, fibroids. Sexy sexy fibroids.

    Seriously, though, if she can feel it, given her age, the doctor’s right to be concerned. However, given that the treatment (if you choose to not simply leave it be) is to block the hormones that make them grow, and those are the same hormones that make it possible to get pregnant, it’s not like there’s a ticking clock of doom hanging over their heads, no matter what McE wants.

    Seriously, did this guy grab some ancient copy of How the Female Body Works from the 1950s or something?

    FW: Here’s what pisses me off about this story arc: it’s not about gay people. It’s about white dude Batiuk using gay people and one black guy to stroke his own ego. A kid who was that closeted wouldn’t go on at great, fawning length praising and thanking the principal in a public space, as many of the ‘Mudges have already noted. And none of the main characters who could be the owner of that mysterious hand are anyone who we care that much about, nor anyone whose lives would change much if they did turn out to be gay.

    Maddie? Okay, so she’s gay as well as quirky. Rana? Okay, she’s gay as well as a non-entity, though her being the granddaughter of Nosy Bigot Lady would help understand why she’s “hiding. Cory? Okay, so now he’s gay as well as annoying.

    Etc.

    None of the teenage characters other than Summer and Keisha, or the two dudes fighting over Summer, have anything resembling a relationship with another person their age, and most of them either have a shitty relationship with parents who’ll just see it as one more thing wrong with the kid, or have a decent one with parents who wouldn’t care.

    So what’s at stake here? What dramatic reveal is being postponed here? There isn’t one, because the sexual orientation of secondary and tertiary characters doesn’t change a damn thing in any existing story arc. Thus the unavoidable conclusion is that Batiuk is either making a fuss about something that doesn’t deserve a fuss (oh no! a minor character of mine is GAY! GAY! GAY! WOW!!!) in order to puff himself up, or he’s playing coy so that this faceless, identityless Gay Person can keep on praising Batiuk as the Voice of the Unknown Gays Silenced by Homophobia until Batiuk Spoke for Them. Either way, it’s all about Batiuk’s noble deed, and not actually about any actual concern for gay people or their situation; they are important only in as much as they win Batiuk another prize for condescendingly acknowledging their right to exist and attend proms together. Meanwhile, he’s not even willing to risk a minor character to do so.

    It disgusts me.

  154. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    So Dawn is not into having a 3-way? Don’t worry, sexually deviant behavior abounds in the comics today:

    Hi&Lo: Ditto is so startled when Trixie crawls in that he drops his mother’s bra on the floor.

    Archie is smiling at the angry, burly man because he loves gay S&M. By the way, Archie not only didn’t get a tip, he didn’t get paid at all.

    Peter Parker wants to try some voyerism.

  155. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Rule 63 Thor, 2-D and 3-D. (PG-13ish, may not be safe for touchy worksites.)

  156. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#153): FW: Batuik could be like Melrose Place in the 90s, where they had a gay character but for three or four seasons he didn’t date anyone or do anything else that would show his alternative lifestyle. “Hey everybody, I’m the token gay guy!”

    At the time, I was thinking that I would start rumors that I was gay so all the women would come and hang with me. I’d make them feel good about turning me straight. What kept me from doing it was that with my luck, the women would stay away, and a throng of gay guys would come out of the closet at me. My cover would be blown and I wouldn’t be trusted by either gender again. It was a good plan, but it had that fatal flaw.

  157. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Cletus (#148): “Why is Carl Sagan doing a cameo on Apartment 3G?”

    Because he’s worth billions and billions.

  158. terrapin
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    FW: Oh, I get it now. Somebody spiked the punch and now all the Camelot props are talking to Principal Green. If the White Knight starts talking backwards, go ask Alice!

    MT: “…and that was the last piece of nicotine gum the quitter had. And when a quitter runs out, they get mad. And when a quitter gets mad, they could kill a man!”

  159. Cloudbuster
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#133): Of course. The herd instinct means that they tend to all vote unanimously for whatever proposal the lead buck likes. And he is easily bribed with molasses, ears of corn or a salt lick!

  160. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS “What kept us here before th’ law wuz passed?”

    Everyone knows that, Jughaid – cherubim and a flaming sword!

  161. Horace Broon
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    FW: The Mysterious Gay Hand does realise that he or she is only concealed from the reader, not from anyone who’s actually at the prom, right?

    JP: “What makes you think Alan’s next book will be a bestseller, Sam?” “Because in my experience, everything works out so people like me and the Judge get handed vast amounts of money for no reason.”

    MT: If Mark is looking at a label that says “Nico-Gum: Guaranteed to help you quit! (Not actually a guarantee)” and saying “I think it’s the type people chew when they’re trying to stop smoking!” he’s a moron. If he’s looking at a nondescript scrap of tinfoil, he is indeed Sherlock Holmes reborn. (Therefore, it’s the first one.)

    Phantom: RANDOM CIUDAD JARDIN KID: “Man, I thought El Guerrero was the greatest wrestler ever, but now he just shoots people!”

  162. Government Cheese
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G: This gentleman’s sense of style reminds me of this fashion swat review from somethingwful.com: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/fashion-swat/retro-swat-5.php

    MW: “We should all meet up soon! For a nice pear dish! And perhaps sexual congress afterwards! Hahahah! It’s funny because I’m a dick!”

    Luann: Um, with Ox holding on to Ann’s arm like that, he’s in a legal grey area now.

  163. Hogenmogen
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: Eh, enough of Dawn and Dave. I want to know who is kissing Mary Worth’s ass right now?

    Kid’s parents: You saved our daughter! Thank you very much!

    Unnamed Generic Person: You helped me with marital trouble in 1965, and we’re still together! Thank you very much!

    Nola: You lectured me into quitting my job! Fuck you very much!

  164. Reepicheep-chan
    May 24th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    In a reality populated by red-neck manimals “Gizmo” sounds suspiciously like an ethnic slur.

  165. Fashion Police
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Gaine$ clearly illustrates that cartoonish wealth is license to exercise cartoonish bad taste. His sports jacket-turtleneck ensemble is merely to be expected from a fellow who paints the nursery in a white dress shirt. Even earlier, in that lovingly detailed example provided by Mr. Fruhlinger, we see the hapless Mr. Gaine$ in his electric blue suit and a pink ascot. Any well-mannered cartoonishly rich fellow knows that when one has invited a dim-witted blonde lady up to one’s lair penthouse for dinner and conversation, one wears a velvet smoking jacket with the pink ascot.

  166. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @flatsixes (#123): It’s good for Dick Tracy’s wingman Sam Catchem that the Chicago PD allows its detectives to smoke like a chimney 24/7. He has no reason to even know what nicotine gum is, so he’s off the suspect list. Actually that’s good for everyone, since Sam is strapped within an inch of his life and could effectively “erase” anyone who came to accuse him.

  167. Fashion Police
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    We remain mildly curious about what sort of prom dress Miss Summer Moore has concocted for herself. Frankly, it is the only matter of interest in the whole tale. As so many others have eloquently pointed out, the rest is merely an exercise in hubris. As for the supposedly mysterious character hiding behind the rock, we can only conclude from his tiny hands that it is Mr. Ted Forth.

  168. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#32): Mark Trail don’t need no stinkin’ chain of custody.

    @Chris B (#49): Well there’s Plugger death by “natural” causes such as cardiac arrest; stroke; aneurysm; congestive heart failure; heart disease; types I, II, type III (unique to Pluggers) diabetes (they call it “sugar), and then there’re the various other non-natural Plugger-related deaths like being being stomped in Black Friday stampede; being murdered by grocery employees when you treat yourself to a free lunch by eating all of their free sample; crushed by snow tires at Sam’s Club because the “freshest” ones are on the bottom; cooking with ass-gas; smoking a cigarette before you’ve wiped all of the lard from your lips; and fresh vegetable-induced catastrophic bowel explosion.

    @TheDiva (#69): In the funny pages, NYC is the city that never wakes, or as they say in newspaper Letterman, “The greatest city situated at 40 degrees, 39 minutes, 51 seconds north latitude and 73 degrees, 56 minutes, 19 second west longitude!”

    @Katie (#88): Off your topic, but it occurs to me that Mary Worth is one long Tennessee Williams play where, instead of letting problems fester and tensions mount until it all blows up and someone goes insane, everyone just pretends that problems don’t really exist, not if you think happy thoughts, and tensions can be released simple attitude adjustment, young missy!

  169. Marc
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#167): Summer’s prom dress was probably just an oversized men’s hoodie.

  170. DownWithOpp
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    A public figure fools around with someone then hires her to work for him. Worked perfectly for John Edwards. Should work for A3G’s Scott.

  171. Marthas Rolling Pin
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Piranha Club: This tired old strip with its baker’s dozen of rotating gag setups actually pushed my funny button today.

  172. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @DownWithOpp (#170): And once Scott is locked away in prison and Nina has a nice fat divorce settlement, Margo will cash in with the Lifetime Original Movie Not Without My Cut, Fuck-O!

  173. MySpoonIsTooBig
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: Mystery person isn’t gay, but naked. That’s why he’s hiding behind random objects. He hopes that someday people like him won’t have to have conveniently placed objects to hide behind, and that their kind can someday be out in public without fear. You might even say he was born that way.

    MT: “Strip contained bobcat. Would not read again”

    FW addendum: I actually did burst out laughing when reading it cause it reminded me of the Bloom County where Opus got a nose job and the results were hidden behind increasingly hilarious random objects.

    Though today’s Dilbert and Bizarro managed to make me laugh out loud intentionally.

  174. Mr Frog
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: As Dawn’s emotions and sexual frustration reach a boiling point, the air around her skull flouresces eerily as her brain emits massive amounts of deadly ultragamma radiation. Looks like Santa Royale’s gonna become the next Westview.

  175. sporknpork
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Dawn’s leaving the store? But things were getting so good! I hope we’re treated to three more weeks of Dave and his new girlfriend following Dawn out to the parking lot to her car, reminding her of their new relationship in increasingly more blatant and heart-wrenching ways.

  176. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    A&J: Gus needs to unload his sailboat quick so he can afford to fly home after losing his shirt in book contract negotiations with Sam Driver.

    thorps. I’ll never have sex with a high-school girl. But Bobby Ottewill.

    RMMD: Panels like #2 here make me miss Dingo.

  177. bats :[
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#153): (pssst, Rana, it’s Noble Deed.)

  178. Dennis Jimenez
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @sally (#152): Robert Downey, Jr. would make a great MT. The part of Rusty, Hervé Villechaize….

  179. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#149): It’s the “Les Addendum” to Occam’s Razor…the stupidest theory is probably right.

    @terrapin (#158): That would make sense…Cory spikes the punch, and Nate starts seeing hands to talk to him what a great leader and fighter of intolerance and prejudice he is. Meanwhile, the Westview students wonder why Nate is standing around with his “glazed eyes” look staring at the props. By the time the “finale” comes up, Nate has collapsed to the floor.

  180. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#177): *laughs*

  181. Perky Bird
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    9CL: My husband doesn’t even like to walk down the grocery store aisle that has the feminine hygine items. If I brought up my fibriods during sex, I suspect his penis would fall off in horror and would run and cower under the bed like a frightened puppy during a thunderstorm.

  182. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#173): It’s possible. Nate talked about things that weren’t in the student handbook, and “students have to be clothed” wasn’t one of them. Unfortunately, Batiuk knows deep down that he can’t draw, so even “modestly hot female” would turn out completely horrifying. There are no attractive people in the Funkiverse, regardless, male or female.

  183. Ilustrator Steve
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    MT – “This doesn’t look like a common gum wrapper. Hey! There is something written on this wrapper! OMG! It’s….it’s…IT’S josh’s list of his top ten choices for this weeks CURMUDGEON COMMENT OF THE WEEK! …Humph, I see my comments as an avid environmentalist didn’t make Josh’s list…AGAIN!!”

  184. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @sally (#152): Since an actor with the unlikely name of “Staats Cotsworth” played Mark Trail on the radio show, an actor named “Benedict Cumberbatch” playing him really isn’t a stretch.

  185. MySpoonIsTooBig
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla- I dunno, I thought Mopey Pete was not without a certain charm. Then again, I do have a sick fetish for guys who look like they stepped out of a Wes Anderson film.

  186. Spanky the Love Chinchilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#181): … also known as Mr. Perky Bird sez he is NOT afraid of Asle 8A!!

  187. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ilustrator Steve (#183): All right, which one of you here is Mark Trail’s sockpuppet?

  188. Droopy Says
    May 24th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    FW: Batyech is dragging out the Great Reveal because he can’t figure out how to draw a gay student. I think it has something with his inability to create interesting characters. He’s sitting there trying to think of the gay visual equivalent of a pinned-up sleeve. Eventually he’ll decide that gays are like the rest of us, so he’ll settle for a smirk and a bored slouch. Otherwise he’d have to do things like “think up a name” and “what sort of problems would a gay kid have, hey wait a minute, when was the last time I dealt realistically with any kid’s problems?”

  189. Fashion Police
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#169):

    Summer’s prom dress was probably just an oversized men’s hoodie.

    More than likely. With “WESTVIEW” in sequins across the front and patent-leather Jordans. However, one cannot help but hope.

  190. Calico
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Josh wrote
    “brutal murder of that innocent bird”

    I see this on a pretty regular basis on a smaller animal scale, with moles and mice as well. Yum.

  191. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#146): That’s one of the cases where British English makes more sense. Which is not a default position. (If you didn’t grow up with red ginger candies, where do you get calling redheads “gingers”?)

  192. TheDiva
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#153): This week’s FW strips have convinced me (not that I doubted it much) that Batiuk’s entire purpose for this arc was to tell everyone what he thought of gay rights, not in giving a voice to GLBT teens by writing a character they could relate to, or exploring the issues that face them (because, you know, that would require effort and addressing a perspective other than his own). With fully-dimensional gay characters having a presence in several forms of media including comic strips (Seth in 9CL may be a smug superior dick, but at least he has has personality), it’s insulting that he thinks this is an effective way of dealing with the issue, and even more insulting that he clearly expects to be praised for it.

  193. Drew Funk
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    “Nothing makes me crave the refreshing taste of a cigarette like an invigorating murder. If only I hadn’t decided to quit. At least I have my gum.”

  194. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#153): What you said. Bleargh. Nothing more nauseating than a coward demanding praise for taking the easy way out.

    9CL – So Amos is hot for uterine tumors? Sheez, what is this, Funky Winkerbean? At least we can derive some comfort from what Wikipedia says: “In the United States, symptoms caused by uterine fibroids are a very frequent indication for hysterectomy.” Or in other words, it’s possible that Edda will be rendered incapable of reproducing! [*]

    BS – Capgras delusion in the funny pages? And here I’dve thought Funky Winkerbean would get there first.

    C&B – God, I love this strip.

    Crankshaft – Oh hey, Crankshaft, welcome to 2008.

    DT – “Good! Just as planned. I can’t wait to let the police know about our secret league of evil!”

    FW – “Thanks to you, Tom Batiuk! Uh, I mean, Mr. Green! Say, has the Pulitzer committee called you yet? Oh, no reason.”

    GT – Bizarrely enough, this is kind of sweet. In a “group of space aliens each unaware that the others are not human and trying to fit into human society” way, anyway.

    JP – “Yes, exploiting the emotional trauma of a woman driven to suicide was gangbusters! We’re thinking of getting our marketing division into the suicide business! We’ve already got agents scouring the streets for the less affluent, they can’t want to live that much.”

    Mandrake – Thirty years down the line: “Hey, Mandrake, I started a deep-core excavation company and retrieved the pieces of the Lost Chord! This time I’m really gonna make my ‘hold the world for ransom by destroying the world’ plan work!”

    RMMD – Oh yes. This is going to be awesome.

    Ziggy – It’s worked for me…

  195. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#73): When you say “deer meeting” I imagine an elk sitting at the head of a conference table, saying “The meeting will now come to order.” As you might guess, I find this quite enjoyable.

  196. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#194):

    JP – “Yes, exploiting the emotional trauma of a woman driven to suicide was gangbusters! We’re thinking of getting our marketing division into the suicide business! We’ve already got agents scouring the streets for the less affluent, they can’t want to live that much.”

    “From a PR/mass media perspective, that might be a mistake,” replied Sam. “After all, who cares if a few commoners eat cold blue steel? Judge Sr. saved a famous physician who’d suffered a few setbacks from killing herself, so I suggest you start a Division of Celebrity Sabotage and leave the plebeian suicide biz to the banks.”

    “Gods, man! You’re brilliant! First thing tomorrow we’ll swap Zach Braff’s antidepressants for crank and acid. Shooting for ‘The Case of the Unfunny Manchild’ will start next week!”

  197. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    %@#^%! blockquote!

  198. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    May 24th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    FW: The gay student? I’ll bet it’s Summer…

  199. 555 95472
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I know, I know: picking on the ‘art’ in A3G is like shooting fish in a barrel. Still, you have to give special props to the AG3 crew for the combination of Margo’s sudden head expansion between panels one and two, *and* Scott clearly being drawn as — there’s no other way to say this — a mannish lesbian.

    This is obviously what the rumour mill is talking about — and Margo’s head is practically *bursting* with ideas about how to milk “Scott’s” lesbian identity for maximum monetary value.

  200. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#55): No, woman! No cry!

  201. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#192):
    Well, I’m not going to be happy defending his choices on presenting this story.
    The fact that the character is hiding out in the open seems weak. This is especially true if he is trying to be very supportive.

    From a simple storytelling perspective, there is no real reason to keep the reader in the dark. It is still very possible to keep all of the other characters in the dark without trying to surprise the audience.

    The last time I read a bunch of FW dailies, it was at the beginning of this when the odd, sock-hatted kid was texting the young LesMoore clone.

    There’s little reason to put the reader through the ringer again like that. It is just a weak tease. Also, to introduce the setting of the dance and then hide the character is lame. I know it is rare that any of this is high art and that there are restraints but the very theme of the prom could have been incorporated or at at least mentioned. That could have offered more for the storyline and would have built anticipation beyond the “unnamed, mystery gay couple” that commenters have mentioned. (I stopped reading following their introduction)

    However, I get what Batuik may be trying to accomplish. He is probably trying to show how it isn’t easy for kids to just “come out” and how it may work. That’s not Noble, as an attempt goes. But, I guess I can understand the choice he is making in having this one student confide in the principal. But, to have that appear out of nowhere and to present it this way is going to be needlessly frustrating for the reader, whether they are sympathetic to the situation of these prom controversies/young gay teens or not.

    I guess it is ham-handed portrayal but I get why.

  202. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#200): With Dawn, it’s more of a “No Facetwit, no cry,” but seeing as every Westonian story arc begins and ends with Dawn’s tasty tears, “No breathing, no cry,” is most accurate.

  203. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#192):
    In further defense and to make a guess that is probably something close to correct:

    He wants the guessing game to be there for the readers.
    I guess what gets me is that he presumes the readers care that much about the characters that it could result in shock, pleasure, dismay or some other reaction when the character is revealed (IF the character is revealed and is not just a generic, symbolic student).

    There’s nothing wrong with that but this isn’t Peanuts or Doonesbury. These characters are second generation ones that only a mother could love. I find it hard to believe most readers could be that emotionally invested in them. That is like expecting younger (like born post-1960) readers to care about most of the characters in Gasoline Alley. (and, yes, I realize Lynn Johnston’s (sp?)For Better or For Worse is beloved and people care about her characters. (she’s really good) But, I find it hard to believe there is something similar for Funky Winkerbean).

  204. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#185): Mopey Pete is unique in that he lacks the “hatchet face” that everyone else has. But attractive, even if I was female or gay? Nah.

    FW: “Hey, look at that! There’s a blinking sign that says ‘PLEASE GIVE ME A GLAAD AWARD’. Huh. I wonder how that got there.”

    Luann: Seems to me that Ox and TJ are the bullies here, although it’s probably been said.

    Marvin: Why did I read that as “When it comes to BONERS, we dogs are experts!”
    I hate myself.

    A3-G: “Oh, relax Scott. I’m sure Nina will LOVE your sex change!”

  205. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Hagar Is Horrible — Not only did the roofer drop by to see Hagar and Mrs. Hagar, but also the pile of manure he was inexplicably sitting on.

  206. Uncle Lumpy
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Protip, Dawn: sexxy shopping requires celery.

  207. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203): I think it has to do with the “Soap strip” problem. I mean, I wouldn’t be angry if any of the FW teenagers were outed, because their so underwritten and annoying that it wouldn’t come off as a huge asspull…or even a huge shock. Even so, with the “Suddenly Sexuality” gambit, you risk Flanderizing the character and destroying their personality. It’s fine with already established characters…Mark (9CL) seemed to be the most sense and was almost likable for a few strips when I first started reading 9CL a few years ago, until it turned out he was a pretentious asshole like everyone else. However, if FW decided to kill off any characters, and don’t give them the “Saint Lisa the Martyr” treatment, then that would be hilarious. Keisha can choke on a bagel and die, and I’ll probably find that funny, or at least interesting.

  208. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    By the way, I think that White Cayla’s hairstyle is a wig. Back in fall 2010, she was still rocking the Black Cayla afro, then went to Bob Marley hair, then went to Cancer Therapy Bandana, THEN went to White Cayla hairstyle shortly after she was tainted by Les.

  209. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#207):

    Keisha can choke on a bagel and die, and I’ll probably find that funny, or at least interesting.

    Oh! Oh! Can it be a bagel that Les had just been using to pleasure himself so he can feel even more survivors guilt that usual?

  210. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#207): Curses! The there/their/they’re problem slipped me up. That almost never happens…

  211. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    NotComicsStripRelated (so if this kind of thing is discouraged or annoying, I’m sorry ahead of time. delete it if is not allowed to help someone promote something. i understand.):

    There’s this film project, okay. It is an animated bio-pic of Edgar Allen Poe. Anyway, it is using crowdsourced fundraising.
    Here’s the project page:
    http://www.indiegogo.com/PoeProject
    The period ends tomorrow at midnight. If anybody might be interested, check it out. If anyone may know of someone, pass it along.

    If it were mine, I would either be unabashedly brazen in saying This Thing is the Bee’s Knees, see! But, I’m not that bold to even try to have people underwrite my own projects, like this.

    Again, don’t mean to be a bother. Thanks for putting up with this so far.
    I’ll try to get into a goofier posting mood and dissect the usual strips, except for Blondie:
    Cold Pizza for Breakfast, sure. Only one slice? With Dagwood?
    C’mon. Dude should have five slices stacked and being shoved into his open maw.

  212. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Winky Funkerbean — I think the sword in panel #3 is a definite clue to the Mystery Speaker’s true identity: it’s Zorro, the Gay Blade. (“Go, Diego, Go!”)

  213. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#190): On The Fastrack had a pretty awesome cat v. bird scene today.

  214. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#207):

    I don’t even have to read about the “soap strip problem” to agree with it. As soon as I posted my follow up I thought: TV show influence on comic strips = BAD. But, cheap, dimestore serial novels and radio serials probably were a bad influence on comics back in the pre-TV days.

    I do agree that if this is an “established” character, that is an unneeded risk.
    I know Archie Comics did it with some gay, army kid (and probably resisted any and all Village People jokes in the process).

    I also read that DC comics (superman, non-spiderman publishers, for those who don’t know) will reveal an established character is gay. Which is weird because I thought there are lots of gay characters in comic books, especially DC comics. So, I don’t get doing a Switchover/ Makeover like that.

    But, these things, these choices are often less artistic ones and are business ones.
    Maybe Batuik sees awards and a trade paperback that sells well and gets publicity. I don’t know. Don’t really care. Because, ti matters so little. Just llike I keep forgetting the running theme of DEATH, DEATH, DEATH in the strip.

  215. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#190): So you really are a calico cat.

    Fascinating.

  216. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#206): Go down the road of that link and one will see a lot of celery!

  217. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Reepicheep-chan (#164): In a reality populated by red-neck manimals “Gizmo” sounds suspiciously like an ethnic slur.
    The “g” is soft.

  218. Tom the Sailor Man
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#206):
    If Dawn’s panties are around her ankles as she heads for the door it would really make her day!

  219. Jasper
    May 24th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    MW- Its not that you don’t look good enough Dawn, its that Paula can suck a golf ball through a garden hose and likes anal. Didn’t Mary teach you anything.

  220. Horace Broon
    May 24th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#214):

    AFAIK, there’s only four known gay characters in the current DCU, two of whom pretty much only exist as the partners of the two main ones (the current Batwoman and the reformed Flash villain Piper). Previously, obscure hero Obsidian and Batman supporting character Detective Renee Montoya (later the second Question) were revealed as gay, but they seem to have disappeared from history altogether following the last reboot.

    (There have also been numerous nudge-nudge comments about Wonder Woman along the lines of “what do you think an entire society of women is like?”, but nothing confirmed. In previous continuity Queen Hippolyta was confirmed [after her death] to be in a relationship with one of the other Amazons, but this also appears to have been lost in the reboot, with Diana as the daughter of Hippolyta and Zeus, rather than being created magically in an otherwise non-reproductive society.)

  221. Marc
    May 24th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#204): re: Luann- It can’t be said enough times. Just don’t say it over at gocomics or you’ll send the mentally unstable, non-ironic Luann fans into a collective death rage.

  222. This Guy
    May 24th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#203): Even Batiuk doesn’t give half a shit about the teen characters in his strip. He claimed the second time jump was to bring the new generation to the fore, but who’s the real focus? Still the embittered, middle-aged types.

  223. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#214): The problem with Batiuk, and I believe this was oft-repeated at SoSF, Batiuk has run out of steam. The first time jump kinda worked, but the second time jump also jumped the shark. Rather than re-focusing the story on new high schoolers (a bunch of which were named, drawn up, and never seen), Batiuk just used Les as an author avatar and created a daughter for him. He thinks he’s a great writer, but he really isn’t, and constantly tries to think up “serious” issues to win an award. The gay prom storyline distills this. Is it written about morals, or even politics? Both of those take a backseat for obvious award bait. Even writing about non-serious issues isn’t good, either. Puns and malapropisms quickly wear off (see Crankshaft) and oft-repeaters of those puns and malapropisms are annoying (Les and Crankshaft).

    Meanwhile, Funky Winkerbean also tries to explore politics and worldview, but it’s only Batiuk’s worldview, so the other side is treated like strawman or not treated well at all. That’s fairly common, but the other thing is that it undermines each other, and even in non-strictly political issues, we get situations like this (12/10):

    Sorry, Batuik, but your premises undermine each other. Premise #1: Les the literary genius is finally recognized by a respected media outlet for his massive contribution to the world of letters. Premise #2: Les is a misunderstood genius suffering fools who can’t even read a book title from a teleprompter. You see, if #1 were true, #2 wouldn’t happen. If #2 is true, then what value the praise?

    Last Sunday’s FW also was a bit hypocritical: complaining about the 1% and being not very well off, when Les is not only an English teacher in a high school (which would provide a modest income) but also a freelance author, who apparently is wildly popular enough to fly all over the country for book tours.

    Or another odd thing: Tom Batiuk and the rare puff piece mention how FW is “a quarter inch removed from reality”! Not counting the unrealistic human interactions, it fails to keep in mind things like Ghost Lisa or Time Traveling Funky. In that case, why not have Owen remove his chullo to discover that it’s covering a massive scarred wound where a zombie bit off part of his skull, or have Wally gaining a mechanical exoskeleton and going on a rampage?

    TL;DR: Batiuk is a poor writer who can’t keep things consistent at all and thinks only of himself.

  224. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#223): Wow. All I brought was a ducky.

  225. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 24th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Foxes are gone. Back to the snark.

    FW— Batiuk may have given us a clue to the name of his latest throw-away gay character, “Camelot Zoiz”.

    Meh, I’ve got to work back into this.

  226. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#220): I always figured J’onn J’onzz (a/k/a “The Martian Manhunter”) was gay, bi- or asexual. As police detective John Jones, he used to work with a really cute blonde policewoman (I think her name was Diane), but there was never any hint of a romance between the two.

  227. bbofun
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#226): Well, since J’onn from a race of shape-shifters, I always figured his sexuality would be…flexible. Although he was established to have had a wife and children on Mars (this was in the 90′s-early ’00s, IIRC) who died in a plague.

    Speaking of plagues, I think the subtext in FUNKY WINKERBEAM (pause for howls of derisive laughter) is that Batiuk has a character- a major character- whom he has decided is, or maybe even created to be, gay. Unfortunately, he’s afraid to out them. So, he’s used this storyline to “test the waters”. And now he’s congratulating himself on his courage.

  228. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#226): I could see it being Martian Manhunter — he’s a long-time character, fairly popular, but not one of the Big Three (or four or five) … plus his name’s a dead giveaway.

  229. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#227): I think you’re giving him way too much credit. This is just a lazy way to imply that other homosexual characters exist in the Funkiverse without having to put any effort into portraying them, either. (Also probably a cheap way to add tension – ooh, is it anyone we know? – but it won’t be, because Batiuk doesn’t even follow through on the plot hooks he purposefully creates.)

  230. Dale
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Digression from the current coherent criminal bestings and beatings -
    Would it not be cool if Rusty referred to Mark not as Mark, but Pater?

    Innocence proved -
    The gum wrapper is fresh; therefore, it was not left at the time of the murder.
    The killer always returns to the scene of the crime. Gene is locked in the bowels of a medium-high security prison, albeit one without a monitored visiting area.
    Gene could not have left the gum wrapper: Gene is innocent.

  231. geekwhisperer
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    FW- Maybe FW is trying to jump ahead of the whole gay prom/marriage issue. The talking hand only said “students like me”- not explicitly gay students, but students who are outsiders. Students who have a secret self to hide. Student who are seeking social acceptance while watching their gay peers make strides undreamed of even a decade ago.

    Of course I’m talking about “brickies”.

    Sure, everyone’s heard of furries. Furries are heading toward general social acceptance at a rapid rate, especially since Nancy Grace came out as a Honey Badger two years ago. Dressing up as some kind of fellow animate creature is totally understandable.

    But brickies, those who dress up like intimate objects and who get off at “laying” sessions, they are further out the acceptance curve.

    Obviously brickies have infiltrated the prom committee (no surprise) and have snuck in the Camelot theme so they could come to the prom as their alters. A rock and a castle. It’s heartbreaking that they have to do so clandestinely, but you know, kids can be cruel.

    Next year Batiuk will do a segment about “Dinghys” -people who dress up as boats. Having the prom in the pool will be seen as a huge step.

  232. Chance
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    HELPFUL EDIT: “…in a wacky misunderstanding of a totally innocent moment [[of]] drunken face-mashing. Margo, whose plans to derive sexual pleasure from Scott have been stymied, now decides to try to extract some money from him instead, in the form of lucrative fees for her shoddy PR services. Scott is [[a]] cartoonishly wealthy person…”

  233. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G-We need to quell the rumors of you cheating on Nola with another woman. We shall say you cheated on her with a man.

  234. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#229): There’s no end to loose threads in the Funkiverse. Les’ book was optioned, did anything ever come of it? Who was the blonde girl with the hots for Owen and/or Cody? Does she love either of them or both of them? What happened to Susan? Did she leave Westview for good and start a better life, or will she come crashing back? What’s up with Wally’s dog? Did we just end the story on an upbeat note? Fish Stick Annie coached the girls to the state championship, while magically changing her age from middle-aged to geriatric over the course of a few minutes? Was she ever respected for the work she did (or her age change, for that matter)?

  235. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#230): Wow. That’s some serious Slylock Fox-level ratiocination there, pard! Have you ever thought about going into wildlife-themed criminal justice?

  236. DownInTheValley
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    “I thinks it’s the type people chew when they’re trying to stop smoking! I wonder who around here is trying to stop smoking! Hey, you! On the other side of the lake! These aren’t rhetorical questions! Spit out that bird and answer me!”

  237. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#220):
    I like the thought that Mary Poppins is an Amazon. No one else would agree with me on that. She doesn’t dress like one but I bet she could make her own companions if she chose to do so.

    Oh, where was I…?

    Replying, right!
    Obsidian…wasn’t he an Earth 2 character, son of Green Lantern, sandal-wearer? The guy had shadow powers so I guess it is totally obvious he spent time in the closet.

    The Piper? Well, la dee freakin’ da! What did he do? Release the Rats to try to slow down Flash?

    I actually thought there was a version of Starman who was/is gay.

    None of these things matter, in my opinion. People don’t read no longer comic books for relationship stories. Maybe if there were romance comics, sure. Archie Comics, yeah.* If Li’l Lulu tapped Li’l Dot, whatever.

    The comic book series Love and Rockets kind of beat them all to the punch at just not making a big deal of it. And, there’s’ plenty of gay cartoonists who’ve done their own thing and still do. It is just odd that any of this even matters.

    Batiuk isn’t going to turn on people who haven’t considered it as Reality. He’s probably preaching to the choir which is probably on a smoke break. Though, I do wonder if this is a cynical attempt to court controversy? I bet if he made an iPhone app that was rejected he milk it for every bit of publicity he could. Yeah. But, then again, maybe he is telling this story because it makes him feel good to tell it. Nah.
    He’d do a better job if he cared like that.

    * Archie’s Gay Hijinks: A Laugh-O-Minute, right here!

  238. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Oh noes!

    Batiuk’s Funky Winkerbean Features a Gay Castle in Attempt at Courting Controversy!

    Why didn’t I think of that one yesterday!??!

    Anyway, I’m repeating this one in an attempt at a brief post (thankfully, finally, a slow day and I know some people are winding down for the weekend, so): Archie’s Gay Hijinks: A Laugh-O-Minute! It is more than unintentionally gay jokes. There’s just a lot of sex gags (no pun intended….heheheh!)

  239. bats :[
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#225): maybe so, but the foxes were so totally worth it. mr. bats :[ watched the whole video, too!

  240. bats :[
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#230): so the wrapper DOES smell like cat whiz!

  241. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#222):
    Yeah. See that is what I thought. Who would read the strip as something hip. Those young characters are only ones mothers could love.
    That’s it.
    Wotta drag!
    Wait! I don’t care.

    @Biv Alves (#228):
    Martian Manhoneyhunter. C’mon! He’s martian! That would be cheating. That would be like making Mr. Mix-o-pit-o-lic (ph) gay. It is too easy and kind of cheap.
    @commodorejohn (#229):

    Why couldn’t he just show a bunch of kids ( a large number) who are off by themselves and dancing and having a blast and have the other kids just join in and act as if this is just normal/nothing wrong with it/the place to be? Nothing needs to be said. There didn’t need to be a “controversy” in the storyline. Just have the kids throw it in the faces of everyone and present it as normal.
    I know Batuik wouldnt’ do this; I dont’ know how the syndicate or papers would react; I just don’t see why he’s taking the long road.

  242. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#234):

    “Who was the blonde girl with the hots for Owen and/or Cody? Does she love either of them or both of them?”
    Crap TV show influence. She was shown in the BG as they walked away. It may as well have been a season ending episode of a WB show.

  243. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    MT-And look the ground shows signs of being trampled on recently too. These bootprints are about a size twelve and they are in a pattern like somebody was looking for something. And look a set of keys have been dropped recently too. They look a lot like mine and look a dropped wallet that looks like mine too. And it is owned by another fellow named Mark Trail too who looks a lot like me.

  244. Peanut Gallery
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#8): Stop it before it gets the bunny!

  245. Poteet
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#159): @Artist formerly known as Ben (#195): HAR!! Either of your scenarios would have been much better than the reality, which featured a few people who apparently think the way to solve deer overpopulation problems is to cover their ears, close their eyes, and sing “LALALALALA.” I’d like to think that if any deer had attended, they would have been amused.

  246. Mr. O'Malley
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#73): A few months ago I was out in a rural area and I noticed a herd of deer by the side of the road. This jogger came jogging along and ran right through the middle of them and they barely looked up. So I said “pull over, I want to get a picture of this”, but as soon as we got out of the car, they moved away. Camera-shy, I guess.

  247. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#241): Ah, but that’s the problem – without the Controversy, there would have been no Grand Big Issue Storyline for him to Make A Statement with and be lauded by GLAAD for. Remember, it’s not about advancing a cause, it’s about getting attention!

  248. Ukulele Ike
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: No, that’s a box of “pasta” all right. Dawn simply needed to take a pee.

    JP: Can we watch Peaches prepare the lobster salad instead of these two schmucks? Sensuously licking a drop of mayonnaise from her forefinger?

  249. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#248): Hell, I’d watch Peaches cook in a perfectly ordinary, un-sexualized manner sooner than watching these two have a smug-off.

  250. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

  251. greghousesgf
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#214): I still don’t quite get some aspects about putting a gay cgaracter in Archie comics for several reasons:

    1. Why make it some kid who was never in the strip before? Jughead and Dilton were both completely disinterested in girls, why not have one or both of them turn out to be gay?

    2. Some parents protested this. It’s really silly for any parents to be upset by that, no one in Archie comics ever seems to have sex.

    3. One of the publishers of Archie responded to the protests with a well-meaning speech about how “everyone is tolerated in Riverdale”, apparently forgetting the fact that Ethel only exists to be mocked.

  252. Leather-Wearing Woman With Big Boobies
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#85):

    Thanks for sharing.

  253. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#95): Actually, if you go back earlier, there’s a comics precedent. Bloom County, when Opus got his first nose job, had an entire week’s worth of jokes featuring increasingly absurd obstructions. The final strip had Opus outside standing on the edge of a cliff/embankment with an idiophonic triangle hanging down from literally midair with a box of Froot Loops cereal jammed in it blocking the view of his nose.

  254. Vanya
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Is Sally Forth going meta on us? If you think about their “neighbors” being other comics like Luann, Funky Winkerbean, Pluggers, Blondie, Croc, etc. it makes sense that these quirky likeable people are being socially ostracized by their “awful, awful” neighbors.

  255. Anonymous
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker makes me want to set up a 50 caliber machine gun outside the country club and mow down the rich people as they come out.

  256. Horace Broon
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#220):

    Whoops, did I say there were only four established gay characters in the New DCU? Somehow I completely forgot about Apollo and Midnighter, possibly because I keep forgetting WildStorm Comics is part of the DCU now.

    I also forgot the betrothed medieval princesses in Demon Knights. So that’s eight. But Batwoman is still the closest to a major character.

    @tallyHO (#237):

    Yeah, Obsidian was Earth-2, until they did away with Earth-2 in the 1980s with the First Big Retcon. It remains to be seen if he exists on the new Earth-2 that exists following the Latest Big Retcon.

    The Piper did actually dress as the Pied Piper, but his powers were more the sort of mind-control that let the original steal children.

    There’s been no mention of any Starmen since the retcon, so Mikaal Tomas’s status is also in question.

  257. Leather-Wearing Woman With Big Boobies
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#237):

    The alien Starman (I forget his name) was bisexual, but in the story arc was seen with a male lover. He made some mention of a previous wife or significant female other, which briefly confused the main Starman.

    HI AND LOIS — There’s a new Spiderman in town. He’s only eight years old, has no webbing or superpowers, and wears only the underpants part of the costume, but I’d still bet 60-40 he can whip Peter Parker’s candy ass.

    MARY WORTH — Dawn, having given up on love, buys an instruction manual which promises to teach her how to play canASTA.

  258. Shrug
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Leather-Wearing Woman With Big Boobies (#257):

    Whoops, that was me. I forgot to change my handle back to the usual one after the one-off joke to Hogenmogen.

  259. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

  260. This Guy
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Vanya (#254): Is Sally Forth going meta on us?
    “Going”?

  261. The Ridger
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#251): One thing that Kevin Keller did was avoid the whole issue of “confused” or the “doesn’t know it yet” thing that both The Middle and Modern Family are doing. Kevin moved to town, Veronica was smitten, he said “I’m gay” and – well, once Jughead stopped keeping Veronica from learning the truth, for his own reasons – everybody just shrugged and moved on.

  262. Slug
    May 24th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Slylock Fox is hilarious! so sad. The little boy receives favor from his father, tucked lovingly in his arms. The forgotten girl is left to sit on the floor, smiling hopefully at her dad.

    “One day, it will be my turn.”

  263. Liam
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    MW-Uh oh. Dawn’s Mary Worth sense is tingling.

  264. Biv Alves
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#241): Good point, plus DC already did that in Starman (vol. 2) with one of the alien Starmen.

  265. Calico
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#215):
    Hahahaha!
    Some time ago a large jam jar fell on my head whilst I was night hunting in my peoples’ abode, and I hallucinated a 10-foot tall souris attacking me:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsOlHrxgpAg

  266. Mel aka Mel
    May 24th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: I am beginning to think Dawn and Dave never actually dated. She just went all “One Hour Photo” with his Facebook page.

  267. Der Schnärkïnätör
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#258):

    Whoops, that was me. I forgot to change my handle back to the usual one after the one-off joke to Hogenmogen.

    Really? DAMMIT!!

  268. Ukulele Ike
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#182): I dunno….the redheaded waitress from Montoni’s? The ex-cheerleader with the Farrah Fawcett tresses who ended up marrying the ex-trumpet player from the marching band (especially when she dressed up as a French Maid for Halloween)? Not Judge Parker material, but reasonably attractive for a Batuik strip.

  269. seismic-2
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    One character in the DC Universe who has been sexually, um, ambiguous is Doctor Fate. The character is basically whomever the helmet chooses as the person to wear it, and for a while it was Kurt Nelson, and for a while it was his wife Inza, and for a while it was both of them, merged as a single Doctor Fate. For 2 or 3 years in the 1980s Doctor Fate was the merger of a young guy named Eric Strauss and his stepmother Linda. Needless to say, the changes in this hermaphroditic super-hero took a bit of getting used to.

    Personally, I think the big “outing” at D.C. will be the reveal that, contrary to what has commonly been assumed for the past 70 years, everyone over at Wayne Manor – Bruce, Dick, and Alfred – is straight.

  270. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#251): In regards to #1, maybe because they were established characters and “not interested in girls” does not necessarily mean “gay”. Besides, Jughead has made his sexuality clear: he enjoys food as a life partner. Dillon is too much into computers (MS-DOS maybe?) and will probably grow up into a single overweight schlub who plays MMORPGs all day.

    @tallyHO (#242): Then who was sending the “anonymous” text messages after Owen stopped?

  271. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#269): Re: Doctor Fate. Oh, wow. “Awkward” doesn’t begin to describe it.

  272. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#270): I’d actually bet Dilton grows up into a schlub who plays Nethack all day, in between posting on comp.os.linux.

  273. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#270):
    Oh, I’m guessing it was that girl. It is just the ending was like:
    She’s gotten a broken heart.
    The two rivals for the affection of So-and-so leave the scene.
    Let’s no longer talk about this.

    If this were a tv show, the chances are 50-50 that: the story is brought back up at a later date or completely forgotten about as someone is dropped from the cast.

    Since, the blonde girl appeared for one panel (out of what, 40 years worth of panels?) Bye, bye, mysterious keypad puncher.

    //like it matters much, right?

  274. Austria
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    FW: 1) Don’t be so hard on yourself, Mr. Gay Rock. Us ‘Mudgers know a gay castle we could introduce you to. You can form a support group for cardboard props.
    2) I like to imagine this student has been following Mr. Green around all night, darting to random props all sneaky-like before daring to speak, like in the cartoons. Next we’ll see a hand sticking out from a lightpole.

    H&L: For being caught half-naked, he looks awfully bored.

    MT: BEEZUS QUIMBY LOOK AT THOSE TINY HANDS

  275. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#269), @Señor Tortilla (#271): That’s basically what I don’t get about the whole DC thing: superhero-comics sexuality has already been taken to terrifying and bizarre new places that nobody would ever have thought of or wanted to hear about (Cracked had a good article on this a couple years ago. Three words: SHAPESHIFTER DINOSAUR RAPE.) Homosexuality is downright mundane by comparison.

  276. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#274): “Beezus Quimby.” Dang. I’m going to have to add that to my vocabulary. [*]

  277. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Biv Alves (#264):
    Well, having an alien be a gay character works for something like Star Trek. But, probably only if there’s a lot of them and they look like a world that “has it together” and just likes to cause trouble with starships.

    But, if you make an established character who is an alien a token gay character, that doesn’t look great, symbolically.

    I read that the X0Men movies…I mean the X-Men movies were interpreted as a gay allegory by the director of the first two. I don’t know if that is true or not.

    But, it is one thing to put together an allegory for something established as partially a metaphor: making stories about super powered mutants that are different and persecuted for being so, and, taking super powered aliens who were by all accounts down with humans of the opposite sex and making them attracted to humans of the same sex.

    It would be too much like turning E.T.’s magic finger into an awesome, glowing hand. Way too much.

    The whole thing is absurd! Nothing can be said about this that is not absurd! Damn you, Batuik. Is this the nation-wide conversation you wanted!?!

  278. Peanut Gallery
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    MT – “This Bazooka Joe comic strip holds an important clue to the murder!”

  279. seismic-2
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#231): “But brickies, those who dress up like intimate objects and who get off at “laying” sessions, they are further out the acceptance curve.

    Yes, I have decided that it’s significant that the gay character chooses to be disguised first as a stone wall and then as the stone holding Excalibur.

    I think it’s “Rock” Hudson.

  280. tallyHO
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail
    Wowzer! Those are tiny hands. It reminds me of Andy Richter Controls the Universe (which was hilarious and underwatched). A workplace comedy. One of the characters was this handsome guy who basically got what he wanted and didn’t really even need to work; he just showed up and people worked for him. So, he never missed a deadline and never hated going to work.
    He got involved with a co-worker. It turns out they always had sex while he kept his shoes on. She didn’t bring it up until one day…
    He felt comfortable enough with her to open up and take off his shoes.
    He had the feet of a small child. We’re talking feet of a toddler.

    I don’t know if anyone mentioned it about Mark’s analysis of that gum wrapper but he specifically says it is the type of gum wrapper people chew when they try to stop smoking. A cigarette craving can be harsh enough to result in chewing foil or paper, right Mark?

  281. Peanut Gallery
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#278): “Now if I could just collect enough of these to get that secret decoder ring…”

  282. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#265): I re-evaluate my previous comment to…

    Quite fascinating.

  283. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#265): Some time ago a large jam jar fell on my head whilst I was night hunting in my peoples’ abode, and I hallucinated a 10-foot tall souris attacking me:
    Sounds like a tsuris to me!

    @Señor Tortilla (#270): Besides, Jughead has made his sexuality clear: he enjoys food as a life partner.
    You never saw him singing love songs to a raccoon?

  284. demoncat
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    pluggers need to go through the obits twice once to see a name and think do not know them then twice after confirming its some one they know. mary worth dan should know not to ask his ex for a three way so soon after the break up espically when she has crossed paths with Mary worth and is running now to get her

  285. kkarenb
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – I call BS. Pluggers know only half of their acquaintances by their nicknames. The other half they always refer to as “What’s-his-name.”

    FW – Another plot hole big enough to drive a truck through: In all of his “research” for this gay prom crapaganza, did Batiuk read anything about bullying of gay teens? I recently read a really heartbreaking article reporting about gay teens who were driven to suicide by relentless bullying by their classmates at school. Anyone who reads the news should be aware that any teen who is even suspected of being gay can face harassment and bullying daily. So we have the Nameless Gay Teens holding hands in school as they go to buy their prom tickets. Really? Is Westview a place of such tolerance and good feeling that students would do that? If it is, then why was it necessary for the principal to have the assembly to tell the students that intolerance will not be tolerated? It seems that the Nameless Gay Students exist in a vacuum. Not only do they not have names or personalities, they also appear out of nowhere, experience nothing, and then disappear once their McGuffin purpose has been accomplished. This entire story has been a heavy-handed crapfest. It is truly reprehensible.

  286. Sgt. Stoned
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    MT: Wouldn’t it be a real kick in the pants if Gene has just given up smoking? “Yeah, and I bought some of that newfangled nicorette gum to get rid of the cravings. Why do you ask, Mark?”

    Blondie: Cold pizza and HOT COFFEE for breakfast!?! Sacre bleu! C’est impossible! Cold pizza and cold beer is the only acceptable haute cuisine breakfast fare.

  287. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#285): said…

    …heavy-handed crapfest.

    Sounds like a great slogan for Monkeyfest.

  288. commodorejohn
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#286): Nonsense! Coffee and cold pizza is entirely acceptable and perfectly pleasant.

  289. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#288): Agreed. I have had that breakfast on several occasions.

  290. Trillian
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Spider-man’s secret identity is Penis Parker?

    Love is…some story about a naked couple painting a house that I read in my parents’ “Whole Earth Catalog” when I was a kid…O_o;;;

    MW: St. Dawn of Charterstone, Patron Saint of the lovelorn, internet chat rooms, and non-perishable items.

  291. Sequitur
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    reCROCK: Nope. Vintage aging doesn’t help.

  292. Public Service Announcement
    May 24th, 2012 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#85), @I_Hear_Ya (#89):

    Some good reasons for coming out:

    1. So you don’t have to make awkward noncommittal noises, or an impromptu and potentially scene-causing coming-out statement, when someone asks you which males/females of your mutual acquaintance you think are attractive, or asks what’s up with your love life, etc. (To say nothing of homophobic jokes.) People often bring up these subjects in casual conversation in a way that assumes you’re straight, while (in reference to Hogenmogen’s example) they probably never bring up the subject of particular sexual behaviors/fetishes in a way that assumes anything about you.

    2. So straight people who know you will have first-hand examples of gay people, rather than relying exclusively on stereotypes or media images, and maybe will be a bit more aware of, and sympathetic to, the issues you face.

    Bad reason for coming out:

    To serve as a token for a cartoonist in a shallow attention-getting ploy.

  293. Jake-0
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    I can see why Margo is attracted to Scott, given that here he looks exactly like how I imagine Margo would look in drag.

  294. Señor Tortilla
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#285): While I do have a reply for that, I’m going to skip the politics and go for the obvious: you’d think that a school with a huge bully problem (Owen and Cody being the poster boys for this) would be beating up gay kids on a semi-regular basis.

    On the other hand, it does kinda make sense if you think about it: the school was progressive enough already save for a few angry people, Nate was “preaching to the choir”, and the talking hands are a delusion telling Nate what a wonderful person he is. According to an old FW page, Nate is a Vietnam War vet, so it’s probable he has some sort of lingering PTSD.

  295. Mel aka Mel
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    and a tumor

  296. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: So the murderer left behind nicotine gum? That pretty well nails it down to Lloyd Bridges. It turns out it really was a bad day to quit smoking.

  297. Jacob
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Scott Gaines, world’s worst lesbian impersonating man… or is that best man impersonating lesbian?!

  298. Der Schnärkïnätör
    May 24th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#296):
    OK, I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there! [/Larry the Cable Guy]

  299. commodorejohn
    May 25th, 2012 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#275): Ah yes, here we are. You’d have to be Jerry Falwell at least to not think that anything on this list is several hundred orders of magnitude more disturbing than plain old vanilla same-sex anything.

  300. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 25th, 2012 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#240): There’s also a hint of Cheez Whiz®, so the killer’s probably Sumo the Cat from Mother Goose & Grimm.

  301. Droopy Says
    May 25th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: Three Stooges! No Waiting!

    Windy Windybean: Two stooges, more waiting.

    Pluggers: One stooge, too much weight.

    Mock Trail: Architecture by MC Escher. If this is the “trading post,” where did Gene Johnson dock his boat? And, um, how is it that a local businessman knows hardly anything about the Chavezes and their fishing-0camp empire? How long did Paunchy McBaldy spend ringing up Gene Johnson’s sale while the Widow-to-be Chavez was borrowing his rifle?

    The A-snoozing Spiderman, again: So Jericho Brand gets stage fright in front of a live audience? The casting director sure can pick ‘em.

  302. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 25th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#299): That is some serious WTFery, yes.

  303. Poteet
    May 25th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    5/25 A3G — Nina’s hair has grown longer again. The hair. The collar. The hair. The collar. *whimpers*

  304. Maggie the Cat
    May 25th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    MW 5/25- There’s no amount of daughter-drama carnage that would cause Wilbur to have mercy on a sandwich.

  305. Poteet
    May 25th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    MW — When Wilbur was a little baby
    Sitting on his daddy’s knee
    He picked up a sandwich, stuffed it in his mouth and said
    “Thith thandwith gonna be the death of me!”

  306. Comcis Fan
    May 25th, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    MW: Look at that sandwich-eatin’ hand! Wilbur has so sublimated his manly needs that his hand actually grows in anticipation of communion with a bologna sandwich.

  307. Droopy Says
    May 25th, 2012 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    Mock Trail: As suspects go, Paunchy McBaldy looks good. He probably knew what sort of rifle Gene Johnson owned (he would have sold him ammo). McBaldy could order the same type of rifle, if he didn’t have it in stock, shoot Chavez, then have the widow swap the rifles. Checking the serial numbers on the murder weapon versus Johnson’s receipt for the rifle could be the clue Trail wants.

  308. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 25th, 2012 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Bizarro World Joe Besser appearing as Wilbur Weston in panel 1.

  309. Black Drazon
    May 25th, 2012 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s going for that Oscar (Eisner?) in today’s strip, as he attempts to crush the very air with his bare palms. I’ll be honest. I’m not giving the air very good odds.

  310. Dale
    May 25th, 2012 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#307):

    The murder bullet is linked to the rifle by the markings on the bullet or perjury by someone from the crime lab.
    The rifle is linked to the owner by the serial number and the original paperwork.
    Gene believes that the bullet came from his rifle and that it was his rifle that he left in the boat when he went into the trading post.
    Are you suggesting that Gene had been tricked into carrying a different rifle?

  311. Droopy Says
    May 25th, 2012 at 3:36 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#310): I’m suggesting that someone replaced Johnson’s rifle with the actual murder weapon while Johnson was inside the trading post. The rifle might have been confiscated by the police before Johnson had a chance to notice the substitution. All the killer would need to do here is make sure he used the same type of rifle as Johnson owned. The police might not have seen a reason to check out the rifle’s serial number or registration.

  312. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    May 25th, 2012 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    MW: I can’t be the only one that sees naughty lady bits in that sandwich.

  313. John C Fremont
    May 25th, 2012 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#305): Now that’s a COTW!

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#312): Well, you were the only one. Now I can’t unsee it. Gaaaagh!

    Starman is gay? Well, that explains it.

  314. Anachrosaurus
    May 25th, 2012 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    SS: Eughh… No comment…

  315. gleeb
    May 25th, 2012 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Exciting new development! Not working at the diner; I assume that’s just a one-off gag. But Dag’s actually wearing a shirt with several buttons!

    ‘bean: More pointless stretching. Batiuk, that’s a cheap trick and you go to it far too often.

    Sam Driver’s Deja Vu!: A big deal about to be signed, but the mogul insists on a sporting trip first. They’re doing this to us on purpose.

    Mary: Bottomless sandwich-hole Wilbur shows concern.

    Rex: Even black lipstick. That’s heavy mourning.

  316. Liam
    May 25th, 2012 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    FC-Mommy, we keep burying it but it won’t stay down.

  317. CanuckDownSouth
    May 25th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    JP: I’m shocked – shocked! that Mr. Mogul has accepted Sam’s proposed deal. In a Parkerverse negotiation he should heap more riches on Sam than requested!

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