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Pray that those aren’t “action photos”

Marvin, 5/30/12

At this point in my life I’m pretty deep in the throes of Marvin Derangement Syndrome, so I don’t really ever expect to find satisfaction in this feature’s panels. But I have to admit that I feel a certain amount of validation in knowing that even the other characters in the strip are disgusted at the thought of looking at more images of Marvin.

Ballard Street, 5/30/12

Ballard Street is a generally amusing one-paneler that depicts a mostly interchangeable cast of characters engaging in insane and inscrutable activities, so I usually leave it alone, but I thought that today’s installment, in which the punchline basically boils down to “Chip got drunk and passed out on the couch,” was worthy of your attention.

Six Chix, 5/30/12

I was going to huff that a plant needs the energy it derives from sunlight via photosynthesis in order to engage in the metabolic processes that this woman is demanding, but then I just decided to respect this panel for what it is: the melancholy tale of a person who feels so powerless in her everyday life that she comes home and bullies her plants.

Pluggers, 5/30/12

A plugger’s life is an awful charnel house in which everyone around them is dead or dying.

153 responses to “Pray that those aren’t “action photos””

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    SM — Worse. villain. costume. ever. (Is it too late for Stan Lee to change the character’s name to “Clown Asinine”?)

    JP — There’s something weird about Avery Blackgnome’s eyes. I’m beginning to think he’s actually Marvel’s Mole Man on a fishing/phishing expedition. (And Peaches is really Kala, Queen of the Netherworld!)

  2. G.O.M. Photheres
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    “Chip got drunk and passed out on the couch…”

    You forgot “…caught on fire and burned to death.” It’s that last bit of whimsical yet grotesque morbidity that makes Ballard Street Ballard Street. Anyhoo…

    MT: Lucky’s back, and he’s all grown up!

    Phantom: So the Phantom Guerrero is acting on anonymous denunciations now. Looks like his War or Crime has morphed into a Reign of Terror, as we knew (and hoped) it would!

    Snuffy: Wait, does this mean Loweezy was born Louis? Not much of suprise, really. While as a group the lower class rural whites trend conservative, absolute economic outcasts can be quite progressive.

    S-M: They didn’t like it before, Laurel, hence your revenge trip.

  3. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail-Mark, you need to have your eyes examined. That’s not Mike Harris. That’s a moose narrating the story.

    Family Circus-We’ll be done as soon as it’s deep enough to serve as a shallow grave.

    Mary Worth-You can ask for help but I am going to talk to Mary and force her on you whether you want her help or not.

    Judge Parker-Sam drover over. Why don’t you take his car? Is this going to lead to something where he makes a comment about the car and they just give it to him.

    Spiderman-When people see you in that costume they will be laughing.

  4. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Sick Chicks — I wouldn’t want to live in a world where plants have faces and women have tree trunks for legs.

  5. Mibbitmaker
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is up!

    At least there wasn’t any thunder and lightning!

  6. pugfuggly
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    *****NERD ALERT!******

    The process of converting carbon dioxide into fixed carbon molecules (Calvin Cycle) is actually light-independant. The light-dependant step involves the production energy carriers that drive the CC.

    *****NERD ALERT HAS PASSED!******

  7. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Ballard Street-Chip can’t hold his wine.

  8. Here come da Judge
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    BS: Chip got so hammered, he couldn’t even feel the hot tobacco burning through his skin!

    JP: Peaches apparently switched to her blue latex dress today.

  9. C. Sandy Cyst
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Clearly, Marvin’s dad can now only find joy in sadism He expresses this via hitting people on the head and forcing them to stare at his hideous shitting offspring, presumably because twenty years with the eternally one year old scat fetishist has left him unable to experience anything without filtering it through “MARVIN MARVIN MARVIN MARVIN” first.

  10. Chip Whittle
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    I see no reason I should be slandered by Ballard Street. By Soup to Nuts, sure, that would be fair. But not Ballard Street.

  11. nescio
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    BallardStreet: I think Bob Weber Jr. should steal this idea and work it into a Slylock Fox Sunday strip side panel as a recipe for spontaneous human combustion. Try it at home, kids!

  12. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    MT – Rusty believed in the green canoe at the end of the dock, in the delightful fishing trip that day-by-day receded before him. Mark eluded him today, but tomorrow he would run a little faster, make his face a little more disturbing, and one fine day ….

    So he beat off, back against the giant moose, borne back ceaselessly into the background.

    9CL – “bounding like an Impala” is a common simile used for Edda in this strip. Like so much else in the strip, the characterization may be consistent, but it just isn’t as endearing as the author obviously finds it. Even if you regularly plow her into the sofa cushions, someone like Edda eventually just becomes impossible to put up with any more.

  13. pugfuggly
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Six Chix I’m sorry is this really 6C? That woman doesn’t appear to be mutated in the slightest, and the laws of perspective seem to be holding…?

    Ballard Street…and a tiny but thriving civilization of dust mites living on his shirt was wiped out in the most horrible manner possible…

    A3G “Don’t mention Margo’s name, Scott! Just the thought of you with her breaks this old man’s heart….”

    FW “Ha ha, but seriously, I looked at your last tests and it’s pretty clear you haven’t cracked them open yet. So no worries if you lose these tickets, you’ll probably get a chance to do the senior’s lunch next year.”

    MW Looks like the obelisk for 2001 sauntered into the apartment for a minute there in panel 1.
    Hello there, I was passing through and though you might be interested in trying out the next step in your specie’s evolution by….oh…I see you in the middle of something. Well, I guess I’ll just see if your neighbour is in….

  14. S. Stout
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Marvin: “Here’s a picture of him crapping himself. It goes on like this for a while.”

    Luann: He needs his arms and face permanently tattooed next.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Marvin: That’s not a derangement syndrome, Josh — Marvin’s worse than insane ideological caricatures of George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Obama put together, for realsies!

    A3G: “I’ll take that as a ‘no’!”

    BBailey: It’s a secret weapon from the Pentagon. Hush-hush, Beetle.

    BC: Wrong answer.

    FW: “Oh, smug you, kids!”

    GT: Ah, the Kermit Shaeffer Play.

    GA: We already have a Crankshaft, lady! Jeez, now I hate her as much as we all hate him!

    JP: “Thanks, friend, but I’m stinkin’ rich, got it?”

    S-M: Jeez, Stan (or whoever), why don’t you just have a character stand there chanting, “Baka Gaijin” over and over and get it over with?

    Luann: Not to mention pimp-like.

    MT: Mike Harris is a moose?! Wow, this is actually starting to get…. interesting!
    –Oh.

    MG&G: Contrived technophobia.

    MW: “God, I hate TV!” No situation can take time away from being sociologically smug. Even getting too wrapped up in his daughter’s private life.

    Popeye: I hate how the term “class warfare” is bandied about so much these days — but, by gosh, Popeye’s actually waging it!

    PBS:
    Don’t be Wiley Miller, Pastis.

    PCity: Speech balloons from the wrong… animal?
    Don’t be Jack Elrod, Stantis.

  16. Anonymous
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    The minor detail of the old man’s shirt catching fire, likely burning to him and his no douvt equally inebriated wife to death is what makes that one such a celebration of life.

  17. Pozzo
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    At first, I thought the “Ballard Street” panel was “Pluggers”: “You’re a plugger if you die in a horrible conflagration after falling asleep drunk while smoking.” Then I realized the protagonist appeared to be human, rather than some horrible manbeast, so I moved on.

  18. bbofun
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    How long has Judge Parker just been about two men discussing fishing gear in an alarmingly fetishistic manner, while Peaches holds their rods to her bosom? A week, at least, right?
    Hey, let’s get a crazed screenwriter out here to take them hostage, or something. Then he can take a week explaining how ol’ melty-face there screwed him over and ruined his script, while Peaches holds their rods to her bosom.
    And, once Sam disarms the gunman and ties him up with fishing line, he’ll be rewarded with back-end points on the Judge’s movie, and, of course, the plane, while Peaches holds their rods to her bosom.

  19. Doctor Handsome
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Chip’s shirt rumples and pipe ash form a miraculous vision of The Virgin Cathy. AAACK!! I NEED WINE!!!

  20. Chip Whittle
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Barney Google: Am I reading this wrong or is Loweezy coming out as bi-curious? And is she aware that doubling her potential dating pool still leaves her in Hootin’ Holler?

    Funky Winkerbean: Uh…is he insulting his kids or his colleagues? I can’t tell if that profiled woman is supposed to be 17 or 37.

    Hey, Senior Lunch…is anyone else thinking what I’m thinking? Salmonella?

    Gil Thorp: In that first panel, is that a really weird drawing of a hand or a really weird drawing of a glove?

    Mandrake is going to be dragged into this story even if it takes the end of the world! Wait, no, not even that.

    Mark Trail: That moose is terrified by that caption box. It’s probably afraid of being asked to diagram that sentence.

  21. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp for Dummies — Valley Tech KO’s Miles Paris (a/k/a “The Flying 8 Ball”) chases after that damned elusive © symbol. Unfortunately, it manages to escape Earth’s gravitational pull and is soon Lost in Space. Milford uses Miles’ mishap to invoke a Kermit Schafer Blooper, and pulls ahead of Valley Tech 9-8.

  22. seismic-2
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    MT: “That must be Harris standing on the dock! That must be Harris picking up that rifle! That must be Harris staring into that scope! That must be Harris squeezing…”

    Come back tomorrow for a brand new strip: Rusty Trail, Boy Fisherman!

  23. Mibbitmaker
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Marvin:
    (trapped, the picture show — with narration, went on…)

    “And here’s a picture of Marvin… runs!”

    “I didn’t know he could scamper about.”

    “No, he can’t even walk yet….” (shows photo)

    “–Oh.”

  24. Dartpaw86
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Apparently everyone in the Funkyverse is a Plugger.

  25. McManx
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Wilbur’s incessant pestering has not only put Dawn into a fetal position, but now she’s gnawed off her right arm. Mary better hurry; there will soon be little left of Dawn to meddle with.

    Today’s Ballard Street would make a great Pluggers: “Pluggers always nap after supper until their burning nipples signal time for bed.”

    Dick Tracy — Somehow Richard Nixon has resurfaced as Lt. Teevo at the Metro Police.

  26. Perky Bird
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Chip had a third glass of wine with dinner. He thought, “If scientists say a glass of wine with dinner can help your heart, three will be better!” But that third glass of wine did nothing to stop the inevitable coronary effects of all those years of pipe smoking and his wife’s Cheesey Tuna Bacon Surprise Casserole.

  27. bbofun
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    ASM- You know what would be awesome? (Well not anything in Amazing Spider-Man, of course, but let’s pretend.) What if his whole shtick was just setting up whoopie cushions and banana peels around the stage. Then we could have a week of watching MJ and Tom Selleck-y guy falling and farting while quoting inane dialogue. While Peter watches from the audience…

    And now it’s not awesome again. DAMN YOU, PARKER!

    Oh, it would also be great if the mask and clothes on the wall weren’t actually his costume- just his idea of home decor.

  28. Doctor Handsome
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Just look at the adorable frowny-face on the plant in Six Chix. I hope Finn and Jake come kick that crazy lady’s ass.

  29. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#18):

    Meanwhile, the actual terms of Sam’s contract proposal were never discussed in-panel, and the negotiations were dispensed with in a single strip “I agree to everything! Now, let Peaches display her wares!”.

    Maybe the strip could be given over completely to a tie-in with a new Home Not Shopping channel. The channel would feature products that no viewer could possibly afford. There would be no call-in number for orders. Viewers would see Peaches and other models endlessly displaying high-end luxury goods, and a parade of wealthy guest stars would drop by to affect a mein of smug indifference while the host gave them the merchandise for free.

  30. McManx
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#20): Given the antlers, I think this moose is actually an elk. But don’t feel bad; Mark Trail has mistaken the elk for Mike Harris.

  31. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    BS — Nice to know that Hi & Lois’ Chip Flagston dies in a horrible conflagration 60 years down the road!

  32. Chareth Cutestory
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#6): Please make an effort to improve your Nerd Alert Early Warning Detection System. I barely had enough time to hurry my family down to our ignorance shelter.

  33. bbofun
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    FW- Great- now there’s gonna be a week worth of strip’s about whether or not a gay couple can go to the senior lunch together…

    (Senior lunch? What the hell? is that a real thing? I never got no “senior lunch”. Of course, they probably have to serve themselves from the vendos, so…)

  34. bbofun
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    ARRRRGH! Rogue apostrophe! Please disregard.

  35. Doctor Handsome
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Pluggers smuggle LSD to all their incarcerated relatives via greeting cards.

  36. BeckoningChasm
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    “Chip” looks like the alcohol has melted him. I wonder, if he fell asleep in a giant vat of Coca Cola, would he be totally dissolved the next morning?

  37. BeckoningChasm
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Also, the little face on the plant makes it look like an adorable character from an anime or a video game.

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke fails to work “pronk” into the strip.

    HotC: “say hello to my little friend!”

    IP: his nuclear powered butt *IS* hot stuff . . . .

    Luann: goodness, all he needs is the facepaint, and he’s in the KISS army!

    SBp: guest-starring Rex “MEMEME” Morgan.

    Blondie: stealing jokes from Lockhorns.

    MG&G: yes, yes she does!

    OBH: guest-starring a young Stephan Pastis.

    RwO: A/S/L?

    Retail: speaks truth.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .too easy.

  40. Digger
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Pluggers do receive a lot of sympathy cards, most of which say “It’s too bad you’re a Plugger.”

  41. Chareth Cutestory
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Ballard Street: Chip had a third glass of wine with dinner. And that’s when I saw my chance to sprinkle in a little arsenic.

    Pluggers: That place is called Wal-mark Cards. I guess a Walmart and a Hallmark store got to fucking, then nine months later an elderly person’s Shangri-La clawed its way into existence.

  42. Dood
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: The clerk is wondering, “When’s the next funeral-barbecue?”

  43. Marc
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Blondie- So how about those women drivers these days; too distracted by shoes, menstruation, and what they’re going to cook for dinner to stay on the road, am I right?

    Mark Trail- So it seems that local bush pilot Mike Harris is actually local bush eater Mike the Moose.

    Mary Worth- Dawn needs this, now make like a tree and get outta here Wilbur. If you don’t let her finish humping that pillow she’s going to be cranky the rest of the day.

    Luann- Urge to kill rising.

    Family Circus- Jeffy looks really pleased with himself, like he just took a shit in the hole while Billy wasn’t looking.

    Funky- If there is any justice in the world, that poorly wired TV will fall of wall onto Les’s head.

    9CL- Is any of the fabric on that wedding dress strong enough to strangle her with?

    Cranky- But first somebody should check that old lady’s pulse to make sure she’s still alive.

  44. teenchy
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#12): “bounding like an Impala”: Does that mean she’s headed for the rental fleet?

  45. gleeb
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38): I’ve wondered about this for some time. What is “SBp”?

  46. Dood
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Actually, it looks like big goddamned elk or something.

  47. Horace Broon
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Everyone’s laughing at me! No-one’s laughing at me! I’ll give them a reason to laugh, and they won’t be laughing then!” This has got to be the most confused villain speech ever.

    Crank: Welcome to Batuik’s wonderful world of writing, where “I’m not doing the running gag this year, and nothing interesting is happening in its place” is a week long storyline.

    DT: I lost track; is it still supposed to be a mystery who Mr Crime’s police mole is? Because my money’s on the guy with the silly name who is now being left out of the loop.

    FW: Les thinks imbuing his students with a love of literature is a load of crap.

    GT: Since I’m both uninterested in sport and British, this is just a lot of random words today. (Blooper? Aren’t they the jellyfish enemies in Mario? I didn’t know they could play baseball!)

    JP: I believe “Why go home to pick something up when I can just buy a new one?” is the motto on the Driver-Spencer coat of arms.

    Phantom: “If you know about a crime, send the details to the home of our mysteriously missing police chief, who totally isn’t involved in this vigilante justice!”

  48. Esther Blodgett
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Ballard: Apparently you all can just call me “Chip.” Ha ha!

    FW: Ah, the Westview High Senior Lunch. Where everyone smirks through their tears and all the food gives you cancer.

    PBS: That is one adorable little frog right there.

    Pluggers: Pluggers totally don’t get the irony of mailing out sympathy cards with “Forever” stamps.

  49. Trouty Mouth
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Considering that the lady Plugger is a chicken, every day WOULD be a charnel house; especially when KFC puts out a new coupon.

  50. teenchy
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#20): re GT: I’m guessing that the ball is moving right-to-left in front of the player, but if so his glove is in the wrong position to make any kind of catch. I’d expect him to rotate his wrist 90 degrees clockwise so as to backhand the ball, but this is the Thorpiverse where perspective and the laws of physics are routinely flouted.

  51. Binder's Butter Beans
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Haha! “Wal-Mark”! It’s a ripoff of both WalMart and Hallmark, both of which are entirely too hoity-toity for a Plugger to bother with.

  52. Marc
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#33): We had a senior breakfast when I was in high school. We didn’t need tickets though. The whole senior class (ours was like 280 something kids) all gathered in the cafeteria, hit up the big buffet they provided for us, the faculty randomly drew names for prizes, then at the end they gave us our yearbooks and we got to go home. Not the worst way to spend half a day of school.

  53. Dood
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Yeah! Whoo! Marty Moon!

  54. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Aren’t you supposed to wait until you’re a grandparent to harass people with baby pictures? (Then again that would require Marvin procreating, and I’m sure none of us want that.)

    Pluggers make the cast of Funky Winkerbean look well-adjusted and cheerful.

    9CL: I’m not surprised McEldowney devoted an entire panel to Amos’ tent-pitching.

    A3G: Fred, you knew Margo wouldn’t be tied down when you dated her…

    C’shaft: Like the troubled child who misbehaves just to get some kind of attention (even if it’s negative), the Crankshaft clan tolerates Cranky’s pyromania because it provides them with an illusion of significance.

    FW: It must be the end of the school year–the faculty is really ramping up the bitter sniping.

    MT: Remember, Mark, we discussed this? If a thing has hooves and antlers, it’s probably not a human.

    MW: Look, Wilbur, all I’m saying is that if the choice is between watching Game of Thrones back-episodes and talking to you, I’d choose the Lannisters any day.

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “My inability to pace my stories effectively is proof of my genius. Also, nakedness, wooo!”

    SM: Let me guess: Hardy fails at supervillainy, and everybody laughs at him. He may or may not be gratified that his life’s ambition has been realized, albeit unintentionally. In any case Spider-Man will do absolutely nothing useful, as per usual.

  55. Señor Tortilla
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    9CL – So when did the gay guy create the wedding dress, again?

    H&L – Is that the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man?

    Luann – Well, Knute is kind of right…

    Pluggers – Man, even Pluggerville is in a recession, with Wal-Mart closed and replaced by a suspiciously similar knockoff.

    S-M – The first panel sounds like they just threw that in to make him evil. But he is right in the third panel…nobody likes the costume.

  56. btown
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Mary: OK, now this Mary Worth plot has become clear. Mary will need to convince Dawn that she actually does need “more than this” – presumably from Wilbur.

    Gross!!!!

  57. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Weird Al had different lyrics for this.

    struttin’.

    please tell me that this is shopped.

    special delivery.

    Corgi Minaj?

    ikkle corgsqui.

    The QG found one of these the other day while flipping the compost heap. Poteet would have been happy.

  58. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Archie/Baldo

    Note to myself: send these cartoonists a copy of Jack Canfield’s Cafeteria Food for the Soul© post-haste!

  59. Stev0
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Are they implying Marvin’s dad took a picture with his computer and then downloaded it onto his iPhone? If everything in Marvinland is done backwards that would explain so much.

    Also, I’m assuming it’s an iPhone because having “Marvin” and “Android” in the same sentence would be too depressing.

  60. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MT – “THAT must be Harris standing on the dock with his fishing pole. Hey, there is a kid fishing with Harris on the dock! WAIT a second…THAT’S Rusty fishing with Harris on that dock! Humph, I sure as hell didn’t paddle all the way out here just to have that mutant kid could ruin my day! THAT’S it! I’m turning this canoe around to go visit my old friend, Bullwinkle Moose, who is nodding to me from the other river bank. Yes, you gotta hand it to ol’ Bullwinkle. He has enjoyed going fishing with me ever since he started chewing that special ordered nicotine gum of his to help him stop smoking. Only problem with Bullwinkle is that he gets a bit crazy whenever he finds loaded rifles left in canoes by some careless fishing camp owner!”

  61. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Agnes — I would buy a Jackson Pollock greeting card.

    BG/SS — Lureen misses her chance to hook up with Wilbur Weston.

  62. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    GA — More bats in the belfry?

    DtM — Another bun in the oven?

  63. flatsixes
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MT: Holy crap, this story line is just moving too damn fast for me. Just look at that bow wake that Trail’s throwing out in front of him! Why, at this rate he’ll reach the dock on which local bush pilot Mike Harris is standing in only two, maybe three more days. Tops. Then what?

  64. Fashion Police
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    No, no, no, Crystal! If you intend to make him over, start with a visit to the hairdresser. A nice, razor-cut corporate look, a little unkempt and curling a bit over the ears to show his rebellious streak. Put him in a three-piece tweed suit with a bow tie, and brown shoes. Get him a pair of trendy rectangular wire-rimmed glasses and a fedora. Your goal should be for him to complement your gothiness, not compete with it. He will still look like a goofball but an attractive one at least.

  65. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#53): I refuse to believe Amos is capable of pitching a tent that size.

  66. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    MT – A wild Caribou pauses along the river bank in order to read today’s strip’s information block. Meanwhile, Mark changes course and rapidly paddles toward the beast to explain to him what the story is all about. Once the Caribou has digested the story, maybe it can share it with all of us. Just be sure to have a big spray can of air freshener and a large pooper scooper ready when it does!

  67. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#54): Crap, my click-fu is weak lately. Above was supposed to link to TheDiva.

  68. Chip Whittle
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#30): Eh, I’m just having a bad day with the comics overall. I think I’ll try smoking with my bubble pipe.

    Dick Tracy: You know, it really has to warp a mind to have the worst vaguely punnish-type name in the Dick Tracy universe.

    Frazz: “In this part of the world, good luck doesn’t seem that uncommon.” Frazz’s part of the world is central Michigan. Just saying.

    Gasoline Alley: Of all the deranged, stupid ideas Slim has had, this is one of them.

    Moderately Confused: Editorial cartoons as written by the Mad Libs organization!

    Pibgorn: Is it the nakedness of Drusilla or the cloud-headed gecko-faced demon that’s the bonus? Also, while it may be aesthetically pure to come up with stories that move even less than Judge Parker does, there’s continents drifting who think the story needs the pace picked up.

  69. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Ctrl+Alt+Del: I don’t see the problem with this either! Bitch is way uptight! I didn’t even know who Kirby and Jigglypuff were. but now that I do, the suggestion is even better! It’s not like what he’s suggesting is more disturbing that what we’re seeing in Judge Parker this week!

    A3G: No, I don’t believe your lame story that your involvement with that whore was completely innocent, but I don’t see why that should stand in the way of me helping you manipulate my daughter into reuniting with you! You’re like a son to me — a lying, cheating, incestuous son! And my daughter, she’s like chattel to me!

    FW: So, seriously? That was it? That was the brave gay plot? That was … pretty gay. As has been mentioned many times, that was monumentally insulting to the two actual gay characters, who were treated as utter non-entities in a plot that supposedly revolved around them. Batiuk has cleverly(*choke*) set us up so he can do a long, drawn-out reveal of his gay recurring character, oblivious to the fact that nobody cares at all if one of his characters is gay. It would be more exciting if he were hinting at some ghastly deformity under Owen’s wool cap. I’d be waiting eagerly for that reveal! Now we’re back in gag-a-day mode (which, to be honest, is usually less viscerally infuriating than when Batiuk tries an extended plot), and Les is being a smug dick, a.k.a. “all is normal.”

    Pibgorn: “The nakedness was just a bonus.” A bonus? Is that what you call it? Does anyone else think that the naked, old, gray-haired demon is the squickiest thing regularly seen in comics? I cringe every time I look at that thing. I don’t want to see naked old man ass!

    GT: Gah, we nearly bogged down discussing the core plot! Quick, more bland play-by-play action! Are there Gil Thorp readers out there who think, “Man, what this strip needs is more play-by-play! I can’t get me enough color commentary of inconsequential games between fictional high school sports teams!”

    JP: That’s right, Sam, be sure to pack protection. Stop and pick up some rubber … uh, waders, on the way! Meanwhile, Peaches strokes Sam’s rod while he fondles his Hardy Perfect.

    MT: No, Mark. That’s an elk on the shore, not a bush pilot on the dock. Common mistake. Seriously, though, today’s strip is entirely filler. You could skip from yesterday to tomorrow and not miss a single thing. I guess that’s appropriate for the Mark Trail demographic, because … is it cold in here? It’s cold in here! Where’s my newspaper? Don’t tell me to calm down!

    RMMD: Let’s talk about it tomorrow, Mabel, when I’ll explain “Hell no, I’m not giving up the money!” Now stop defiling the dignity of this service and get back over next to Foster’s drunk-ass daughter!

    QC: This is hilariously random, even for QC!

    Ballard Street: … and then he died in a hellish inferno.

    MW: Sometimes I wonder what Karen Moy herself is like to live with, if she expects us to find anything to sympathize with in Dawn and Wilbur. “C’mon, Karen, you have to get up and write Mary Worth!” “Nooo! I can’t do it again! I’m a loser at life! I had dreams! Now I’m stuck writing a legacy strip for senile old people! I can feel my dreams dying! I’m just going to curl up on the couch and watch TV forever! Waaa!”

  70. BerberDan
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    The Addlepated Spider-Man: Hardy wanted to be a clown and now has the opportunity to go back to clowning. But he can’t! He’s too angry that his chance to be a Broadway star was ruined. So he must wreak his revenge on those who wouldn’t laugh, only now they will but they won’t want to. I’m confused.

    Mary Worth: Dawn, if you need More Than This, play some Roxy Music.

  71. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Heckle & Jeckle Herb & Jamaal — Kids today… heh.

    Marmaduke — “Sorry we’re late for supper. Marmaduke had to piss — a lot.”

  72. Tim H.
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Didn’t “Pluggers,” as coined by the strip of the same name, used to mean something like “hard working blue-collar folks who keep the world moving and don’t get enough credit for it?” I think the definition has drifted in recent years.

  73. Mibbitmaker
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#21), @Mibbitmaker (#15): Great minds think alike — and misspell the same name! (I checked Wikipedia: it’s “Schaefer”. That’s what I get for starting my comment without checking first!) (Also, Paul Shaffer’s last name spelling throws off the learning curve a bit)

  74. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    S-M: Get in line, buddy. Lots of strips give me a reason to laugh, and I don’t like it.

    9CL: Snark all you want, Los Mudges… I have moved this strip to my “pay no mind” list and that’s final. La la la

    JP: If there’s an outfitter on the way, what’s with the Parade ‘O Gear that we just sat through? Don’t half-ass it, Peaches! You’re fired!

    Also: Peaches looks like she was really asking how many swats Sam deserves. That ain’t no fishin’ rod.

    Also II: The car will be “here” where…? You’re in a %&$@%&$@%ing PLANE! Go fly to it, doofus!

  75. Santa Royale With Cheese
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Tim H. (#72): True that.

  76. UncleJeff
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Mutts: Boy, poor Bluto let himself go after the “Popeye” gig ended.

  77. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MT – From Mark’s tiny image displayed in panel one, it appears Mark must be in a happy mood today since he seems to be standing in his canoe while dancing an Irish jig. But then again, Mark always reacts to his excitement of hearing a bellowing Caribou by dancing a jig!

  78. Ian Beste
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

  79. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Funky Cankersore

    I pity the poor girl on the left — she already has an earworm stuck in her head: “She’s got a ticket to ride. She’s got a ticket to ride. She’s got a ticket to ride but she don’t care…”

  80. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#73): At least I know how to spell Kermit the Forg’s name!

  81. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#65): I don’t believe it myself, but you have to remember the lens we’re looking through. Brooke’s habit of…overrating his abilities has been well-documented.

  82. LP2004
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#79): No, I’m sorry – there’s never a reason to pity someone with a Beatles earworm stuck in her head.

    Well, maybe ‘Revolution 9′, but otherwise, no.

  83. Chip Whittle
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Sad news: Jim Unger, creator of Herman, has died:

    http://www.timescolonist.com/created+Herman/6700401/story.html

    It didn’t get mentioned a lot around here, probably because it was a reliable if never exceptional strip. Nicely odd sense of humor, friendly artwork, and just there forever. We need more like it.

  84. firdmyass
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Given the interspecies marriages that dominate the Pluggers society, I imagine most of the obituaries somewhere contain the line “accidentally eaten by spouse.”

  85. The Ridger
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#30): Yes, it is not a moose. It is Anne Elk and she has a theory about Mark, Mike, and the murder. This theory, which belongs to her, is hers. It is a theory which she has and which is hers…

    Confusing fun fact of the day: In Europe, moose are called elk!

  86. G.O.M. Photheres
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Sneak preview of next week’s month’s Mary Worth

    Mary: I know you’re broken-hearted, my dear, but when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, not hideously colored throw pillows.

  87. G.O.M. Photheres
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Aw, fuck.

  88. Dood
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Did Peaches come from a can? Was she put there by a man? In a factory downtown?

  89. Señor Tortilla
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#82): That reminds me of a guy in math class I used to know where every time the teacher referred to a “#9″ on a homework or quiz, he would continue with “Number nine…number nine” (like Revolution 9). It was funny the first or second time, but it wore off pretty quickly.

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry the Ashley Judd caption contest tallyHO tried to start last night basically went nowhere. Especially since today is big sister Wynonna’s 48th birthday.

    And lest I forget: today is also MEL BLANC’S BIRTHDAY!!!

  91. The Ridger
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#66): It’s not a caribou. It’s a wapiti elk (not to be confused with the European elk which is a moose). Caribou (reindeer) look like this; wapiti look like this; moose (elk) look like this. The antlers are quite different. Elrod can’t tell a coherent story but he can/could draw (the color monkeys? a different story).

  92. Ulysses Pornstache III
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Yes, it’s “So Soupy,” the line of sympathy cards designed for the elderly anthropomorphic animal destined to end its days as a stew, BBQ sandwich, or (more likely) a particularly tough piece of gristle. If you straddle the line between mourning and hunger, congratulations, you’re a plugger.

  93. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MT — “The name used to be Elkins… Breckenridge Elkins. I was a 19th century mountain man in a previous life. And now I’m a lookout for local bush pilot Mike Harris.”

  94. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Marvin: “….and here’s one of Marvin taking his 4th shit on this day!”

  95. Jason D.
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Today’s Pluggerism comes to you from Monroeville, PA: Birthplace of the Zombie Apocalypse. If only George Romero’s undead would come to Pluggerville. Not sure if they eat horrible man-beasts, or just humans, though.

    And here’s a little article on Creepy Les…er, I mean, His Batty-ness.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/40-years-funky-winkerbean-and-creator-graying-together-giving-cartoonist-grown-up-stories/2012/05/30/gJQARtjn0U_story.html

    My personal favorite line:

    “Funky Winkerbean” might have a lower profile in mainstream culture than, say, “Doonesbury,” possibly because “Funky” was a gag cartoon in the early years when society was highly politicized in the Vietnam era and has become more issue-oriented since the 1990s, said industry watcher Robert Thompson of Syracuse University.

    Or it could be that Trudeau actually knows how to write at least some characters that don’t come across as pretentious asshats. Or amputation > cancer. I don’t know.

  96. gnome de blog
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#91):
    Why is the elk bugling? Is it fall?

  97. Francisco Arrowroot
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    I’m glad one comic strip has the guts to confront the killer trend of moderate alcohol consumption and pipe smoking. Watch out, today’s youth!

  98. wd40
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Ballard Street’s Chip got drunk and passed out on the couch, presenting the world with even more evidence of Spontaneous Human Combustion when his crusty remains were found still smoldering when Wifey arrived to watch What Not to Wear on the Dish Teevee.

  99. gnome de blog
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Dawn can’t even get depressed right. Where are the empty whiskey bottles? The binge eating? The least Wilbur could do is make her a sandwich.

  100. Irrischano
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    “He’s running towards us and waving his smartphone.” Rats, up until the last word I thought Marvin was shifting its “storyline” to focus on how working in an office can induce Genitalia Exposure Syndrome in adults. It wouldn’t be funny, but it would drastically reduce any further appearances of Marvin.

  101. Dale
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#69):

    If all the panels of a Mark Trail story were laid side by side and the redundancy removed, how much would the presentation be shortened?
    It’s a two step exercise. First throw away complete panels and report.
    Then rephrase all the explanatory stuff so it’s said only once.
    How much is left?

  102. Sequitur
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Cartooning 101 – Eyebrows!

  103. geekwhisperer
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MT- Yes, Mark. There are six billion people on Earth, just under half of them male, but this particular man is clearly not Ed Harris, Mike’s twin brother; Ike Blarris, an itinerant electric board zither player; or Zudin Prongranunese, actuary and ant-hill impersonator.

    He is not because Mark has made one of his expository declarations and these serve not to hold the story in place for a frustrating and useless day, but instead to command the Trailiverse to bend to Mark’s will.

    The dialogue should more accurately read: “That MUST be Mike Harris standing o on the dock! So I have commanded!”

  104. Jim North
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Crank: I can’t believe that a Funkyverse comic has spent this much time harping on about how people aren’t dying, dead, or being dismembered. Ironically, it is not the welcome change I would have thought it would be.

    FW: Meanwhile, over in Funky Winkerbean itself, students specifically and likely teenagers in general are horrible, willfully ignorant layabouts, and only a smug smirk from Les can possibly put them in their place. So, business as usual.

    JP: Damn, things are getting so steamy in Judge Parker that Mr. Blackstone is having to employ the windshield wipers on his sunglasses in the final panel to wipe away the fog!

    MT: Wow, I gotta say that I’m impressed that Mike Harris can pilot a plane with those huge antlers of his. In fact, most small craft such as those that would routinely be used by a bush pilot aren’t really built to accommodate the body of an elk at all, even one with a human name and aspirations. I do have to say that I’m not quite as impressed with his “dock”, which appears to simply be a patch of green grass sitting over an equally green river bank. But I guess that might be typical for a bush pilot, regardless of how atypical his species might be.

    Luann: Mmm, Cryyystaaaaalllll . . .

    Hmm. Now, I’m reading this comic in color, and I do gotta say that given the colors that comprise the part of Knute’s outfit under the overcoat, he does look kind of silly. It’s reminiscent of a smoking vest being worn over Aquaman’s pants. But I can easily imagine that in the black and white version, it would look as if his new stylings fit perfectly within the generally accepted goth oeuvre. But regardless of which version you look at, the most obviously disconcerting part about his new outfit is that the coat is apparently either backless or completely transparent.

    Phantom: Oh, good. The Phantom’s plan to install a fascist dictatorship in which everyone is to report on everyone else – neighbor against neighbor, locked in constant paranoid cold war battle against one another – has been a complete success. That’s a real good thing he’s done.

    S-M: Ah, it would appear that the erstwhile Hardy Laurel isn’t planning on taking up the mantle of the Joker or even the Trickster. Instead, he’s about to adopt the identity of Sweet Tooth and challenge Jericho Brand to a ridiculously lethal demolition derby. Quick, Spidey-Mans! You better get your Spider-Buggy out of storage and make sure it’s fully weaponized if you’re gonna save the day this time!

  105. LP2004
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MT: Given the elk, the ‘local bush pilot’ and the apparent lack of any roads, is there any place in the United States other than Alaska where this story line could possibly be occurring?

  106. David
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Actually, the plant woman in Six Chix has it right. The light-dependent reactions of photosynthesis create temporary energy storage in NADPH and ATP. The light-independent Calvin (or ‘dark’) cycle is where the stored energy is used to fix CO2 into carbohydrates. So, if the plant is producing ATP and NADPH faster than it’s using them, maybe it does need a break from the sun until it finishes them up.

  107. terrapin
    May 30th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    FW: “Ha ha…get it? Because no one will look in your English books, see? You’re all a bunch of dumb-asses! God, I’m so much smarter than you worms!”

    Luann: Ass-less coat!

  108. Dennis Jimenez
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Marvin – Since they’re not running for the cubes, I’m guess Miller found http://www.JennaJameson.com on his smart phone….

    BS – Chip shows Buddist monks aren’t the only cats that are into self-imolation – very amusing indeed….

    6C – Um, some dirty snark about a sticky floor and PeeWee’s Playhouse….

    Pluggers – I’d have guessed Pluggers were more likely to show Hall-Mart than Wal-Mark – I mean, the cardboard and divel is is $2.87 there – not that outrageous $2.96….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  109. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#107):

    Re: “Ass-less coat”

    Really? Maybe I’m reading a different strip, because in the Chron version there is a huge ass wearing the coat?

  110. Jonn
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Chip is also about to set himself on fire. Wacky Newspaper Comics, everyone!

  111. Lanfranc
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    JP – Well, it’s a good thing the strip completely skipped over the intense and possibly career-ending negotiations over a movie deal worth millions of dollars so we can get two rich guys talking about fishing instead. Heaven forbid we should see anything interesting here!

    (I’ll admit that Peaches is at least semi-interesting, but I don’t suppose they’re going to take her along on the fishing trip.)

  112. Esser-Z
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Ballard Street Josh, he’s not just fallen asleep. He’s fallen asleep and about to catch on fire.

  113. The Ridger
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#96): In LoFo, it’s always fall. Or else spring, or winter, or sometimes summer.

    That’s right. Its real name is Loth Forest, part of Lothlorien, or Dwimmordene, also known as Dimmerdene or more casually Dumberdene.

  114. McManx
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#105): Frostbite Falls Minnesota? Oh wait, that was “Bullwinkle.”

  115. Sequitur
    May 30th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#113): LoFo is Brigadoon in the off season.

  116. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    GA: He didn’t find the catamite too friendly before. He ought to just NAMBLA off and forget about it.

  117. Not Worth It
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Notwithstanding my professed liking for this strip, one particular plot point in this storyline has me writhing. Seth has made Edda a wedding gown? And she hasn’t knifed him, or accidentally dropped propane and a lit match on it? Because if I were getting married, and I didn’t have the chance to try on 950 dresses to find the one with the exact right proportion of tulle to bead motifs, I would prefer to just get sulkily wed at the city clerk’s. (PS: Could everyone please avoid mentioning this to my boyfriend?)

  118. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    FW Heh, heh! That’s funny, because in Westview, you’re pretty much out of luck anyway.

    MW Wilbur fears Dawn will become a couch potato, and then one day he’ll slice her up and make french fries.

    A3G “You’re like a son to me, Scott. But don’t talk to me about that Margo woman! She’s like a 2nd cousin once-removed. Or a sister-in-law in Nebraska. Or Aunt Martha’s college French teacher.”

  119. Baka Gaijin
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Lureen’s last panel expression shows she imagined herself reclining in bed while Loweezy waddled toward her naked, wattles a-flopping, pendulous breasts swinging wildly after bouncing off her knees, stretched nipples popped out like a pair of Thanksgiving turkey timers, gripping a 9 D-battery giant double ended purple and green dildo in her strong, mayonnaise jar opening mitt. The expression that says, whilst this is not her Prince Charming, she’s at least doing better than Dawn Weston in the love department.

  120. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Psst! There’s a new thread, everybody! Right over there! >>>>>>>>

  121. The Elf
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Why is it that I read May 30 Six Chix like a Pink Floyd song?

    If you don’t convert your carbon dioxide, you can’t have any sunlight! How can you have any sunlight if you don’t convert your carbon dioxide?!

    All in all, they are just bricks in the wall…….

  122. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Marvin-Look at this bowel movement it is as big as Marvin’s head and here is another in the shape of Jesus.

  123. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Dad, I’m asking if we are poor because a group of Gypsies are at the door wanting to make an offer for Barry.

  124. Downpuppy
    May 30th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @David (#106): You’re talking about a plant with a mouth & eyes. Shouldn’t she ask the plant?

  125. commodorejohn
    May 30th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#117): Wow. I am writing that down for future reference.

    A&J – Presenting: a young couple a million times more likeable and engaging to the reader than Amos and Edda.

    Bizarro – Some day, when I’m doing a comic, I’m going to draw Neanderthals in a manner representative of absolutely anything we’ve discovered about them since the 1900s. You know, just for variety’s sake. [*]

    DT – Wait, they aren’t…where? Who? What?

    FC – Go, Keanes, go! Remember, if you get too deep to climb out, just keep digging and you’ll come out on the other side!

    HTH – “Wait, what language are we even speaking? French? Why would a couple of illiterate Norse sea-raiders know French?”

    H&L – You can get the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man as a bath toy? I WANT.

    Jumble – Harold Pinter’s Duck Hunt.

    Luann – In a desperate effort to avoid focusing on anything else, I’m going to complain that Evans drew a trenchcoat on Gunther and then forgot that those go around behind the legs. Lazy ass.

    Mandrake – Maybe the Lost Chord actually destroys the world by dissolving it into a haze of loose particles. Or maybe someone at Mandrake central needs to clean the photocopier again.

    Popeye – Is there a group of people more fucked-up than the cast of Popeye?

    SM – I know it’s a field with a plethora of strong competitors, and I know as soon as I say this someone more knowledgeable than I will come back with half a dozen counter-examples, but I do believe that Hardy Laurel might just have the absolute worst outfit in superhero comics.

  126. Lovetoykilljoy
    May 30th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    These guys seem blase for anticipating kiddie skat porn.

  127. Tallybo
    May 30th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    At first I thought good old Mr. B was just doing an homage to Nic Cage’s Castor Troy when he called her Peaches. But as it they continue to beat us about the head with her name I’ve come to realize Woody and Manley are just trying to live up to their prickish names.

  128. Comcis Fan
    May 30th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    I just lost my Plugger LOL virginity. I really did laugh out loud, in a cafe. It may have even qualified as a spit take, even though I wasn’t sipping anything at that moment.

    The Ballard Street guy had a third glass of wine, passed out, and is about to start a pipe-ash fire on his Pluggerific newspaper. Weird even by ironic one-panel comic standards.

  129. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 30th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#90): That just triggered a memory from a couple of years ago. I was sitting in on a cooking class at the college. The students were in their late teens, early twenties. The chef at the front of the room was talking about fresh vegetables, especially tomatoes. She had a big thing about the appropriateness of certain tomatoes, and really hated the beefsteak ones. At one point she held one up and said, “Beefsteak tomatoes — what are they good for?”

    Naturally my mind, being steeped in old rock and roll songs, immediately responded with, “Absolutely nothing’!” Except — rather than simply hearing that in my head, I actually heard it out loud. Positive I hadn’t actually spoken (I’ve gotten much better at that kind of thing), I looked around, and it was some kid of about 19.

    The chef looked at him blankly, and the kid said, “It’s a song. ‘War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothin’.” The chef continued to look blank, and the kid said, “Never mind.”

    I liked that kid.

  130. KreatureFeatures
    May 30th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @G.O.M. Photheres (#87): Don’t get frustrated; you’re doing remarkably well for an extinct elephant-like animal.

  131. Egg Grevans
    May 30th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#117):

    You like this strip? Are you sure YOU are medically okay? May need a trip to Edda’s Doctor.

  132. Marc
    May 30th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#117): I can try but I’m talkative and lack the brain to mouth filter.

  133. Señor Tortilla
    May 30th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#125): Re: H&L.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed that.

  134. sporknpork
    May 30th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I was going to make a joke, but omg that plant has such a cute little face!

  135. Cass
    May 30th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Chip’s family would later claim he was a victim of spontaneous combustion, rather than admit he was too drunk to feel it when his shirt caught fire. Sometimes, if they try hard enough, they can almost convince themselves its true.

  136. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    MW-If you need anything more like a sandwich just ask me because that is the only sort help I can provide.

    Mark Trail’s Apocalypse Now-Mark has been sent up the river to punch out Mike Harris with extreme prejudice.

    FC-But Mom, we have to invade the kingdom of the Mole people before they invade us.

  137. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$
    May 30th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker – To steal a quote from Det. Meldrick Lewis of Homicide: Life on the Streets…

    “You guys didn’t really come here to fish now, did you?”

  138. Spieguh
    May 30th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    You’re a plugger if the only emotions you express are sadness and regret.

  139. Cindyinmaine
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    A photo imitating Rex AND June – and I salute the current contenders!! involves two people working in synchrony… but snarking on comics is a solitary pleasure.

  140. Zerowolf
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: While dining on their burgers, they leave their neighbors to starve to death in the bunker. But they are kind enough to allow Rose out of her cell and an extra helping of colorless gruel.

  141. demoncat
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    marvin. marvins dads one joy he gets is to torcher his co workers with pictures of his mistake. as he runs down the hall with glee. mw. okay wilbur thinks i will give Dawn one more day to get over her break up and if she is not better and off the coach i will drag it to Marys and let her deal with dawn. crankshaft. crankshaft and family ponder over whether to tell their neighbors to come out of the bunkers but then decide they want to finish the day with out sirens which means no ambulences to pick up the neighbors who faint from shock that the neighbor hood did not blow up.

  142. tallyHO
    May 30th, 2012 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Spieguh (#138):

    Pardon me as I amend this:
    “You’re a plugger if the only emotions you express are sadness and regret.”

    You’re a plugger if the only emotions you express are sadness and are filled with regret which you suppress by projecting a good-natured demeanor that almost extends past your large gut.

    //i swear that strip has nothing to do with people of just one certain age. some of those pluggers “seem” to have teenaged kids….or, they are slightly delusional and send in suggestions based on years long gone in an attempt at maintaining some public record that disguises how old they really are. oy gevault!

  143. Alison
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    “Marvin”: Marvin’s dead never ever looks that happy when he’s actually around Marvin. I find it really weird that he gets super-excited at photos of his kid, yet seems to barely tolerate the kid in real life.

  144. tallyHO
    May 30th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#143):
    “Marvin”: Marvin’s dead never ever looks that happy

    Marvin’s dead to me, too.

  145. Sherm
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @G.O.M. Photheres (#2): “You forgot ‘…caught on fire and burned to death.’”

    Seriously, how do you miss that?

  146. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers only really care about there friends if they really are dead to Pluggers.

  147. Liam
    May 30th, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    FC-We need enough dirt to bury PJ in.

  148. Alison
    May 31st, 2012 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#144):
    Oops.

    Rereading my post back and seeing the words “Marvin’s dead” makes me happy though.

  149. Yahtzee
    May 31st, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Only when I saw the Six Chix panel about this woman demanding the plant do something it would clearly already do, because it wants to live, but denying it the resource it needs to actually do that thing, did I understand my own relationship with my mother. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to start drinking heavily.

  150. Mr Creazil
    May 31st, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    Considering the appalling amount of fecal matter in the average Marvin strip, I shudder to think what sort of site his dad downloaded those pictures from.

  151. Hogenmogen
    June 1st, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Re: Marvin
    I was watching a documentary on the Apollo 11 mission this morning. The 2nd man on the moon, Buzz Aldrin, paused for about 20 seconds when he was about two steps from the lunar surface. He admitted in the documentary that he was filling his urine bag right then, so he could do what he needed to on the ground without having to worry about that. So take that, Marvin. Buzz did it first, and in front of a live global audience.

  152. blooflame
    June 2nd, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    Ballard Street really boils down to “Chip got drunk and died in a horrible upholstery fire”. This must be the beginning of a Ballard Street/Funky Winkerbean summer season cross-over.

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