The Comics CurmudgeonSuppressing the hell-monster-American vote

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Suppressing the hell-monster-American vote

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Hi and Lois, 7/26/12

Ditto’s look of complete and never-explained horror in panel two is utterly delightful to me. What do you suppose he’s looking at, just off-panel, that’s clearly causing him to rethink everything he believes about what goes on in his house when he’s asleep? Is Chip putting his final touches on his very own meth lab? Is Lois in the midst of a full-on orgy with folks from the local swinger’s club, a duty that Hi, tired from a long day at work, has begged out of so he can just read his newspaper? Has Dot been allowed to stay up and watch all the cool TV shows after her twin has been ordered to bed?

Mary Worth, 7/26/12

Speaking of delightful, I am delighted by today’s awesome “Life is brutal” callback, as Wilbur has been forced by events to acknowledge that all his attempts to cheer up Dawn have been disastrously counterproductive. If only he had acknowledged life’s brutality and just stayed home and watched TV with his mopey daughter! As it is, looks like he’ll have to engage in a little half-hearted fisticuffs for lifeboat space, for form’s sake, before his inevitable drowning.

Luann, 7/26/12

The assembled moviegoers are right to be horrified by the conclusion of this film. “The End” in Chicago font? What the hell is this, 1992?

Marmaduke, 7/26/12

Marmaduke hopes that, by exposing democracy as a sham, he can accelerate humanity’s decision to accept him as our eternal undead demon monster king.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 26, 2012 at 08:28 am and is filed under Hi and Lois, Luann, Marmaduke, Mary Worth. |

415 responses to “Suppressing the hell-monster-American vote”

Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

Dog Daze of Summer:

Dog Eat Doug — When you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you!

Marmaduke — Marm takes a principled stand for the thousands of suppressed voters in FloriDAH. (I’m referring to Thursday’s Doonesbury!)

Dogs of C-Kennel — Thursday’s punchline: “It’s a gun holster.” (Not as jarring as yesterday’s Broom-Hilda, but still…)

Fred Basset — A merciless Fred contemplates tearing his compatriots to pieces. (That is what he meant by “tears,” isn’t it?)
Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
July 26th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

MT: Well Rusty, did the note you left explain what you were doing? Or did you just pick up any old stray note for them to re-read?
Mumblix Grumph
July 26th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

How the hell did the sinking ship turn into a tennis court?
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

9CL – When even Thorax reacts with “TL;DR”, you know you have a problem.

FW – Someone posted that Batiuk has actually climbed Kilimanjaro, which helps to understand this arc. The little inserts are his actual sketches from the trip, I assume, which is a nice touch that I won’t snark on. And his author avatar is making all the bad puns and incessant complaints that Tom couldn’t, at least not after the first day when they duct-taped a frozen kitten over his mouth.
Mibbitmaker
July 26th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

New Pop Culture’s Kids up!

You can tell that, by this point in the storytelling, I’d discovered this page.
DebiDawg
July 26th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

MW: Is the little blonde girl in the first panel the same little blonde girl in the second panel? If so, did the big galoot rip her sleeve off as he shoved her aside?
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

A3G-”Why didn’t they name her Margo Ann? I wasn’t there and didn’t help in anyway yet I still need to be the center of attention.”

FW-It’s not Summer in heat that is bad it is her dad watching you with her and correcting everything you do with her and to her.

JP-Seriously are they fishing or fucking?

Love Is-”Flipping pancakes together” sounds like a new euphamism for having sex. This should replace “roadside”.

MT-Rusty is so strung out by the poachers that he wrote the note in the form of a bad poem.

FC-Goodnight, everybody.

FC 2-How do you feel about eating clams, Dolly?

FC 3-To test that Daddy is going to give Dolly a worm and sees if she will eat it.
Little Guy
July 26th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

MW: That’s…. that’s actually “Mama’s” hand. She’s turning into a hirsute monster. It’s as if the ship is also passing through a shower of cosmic rays which will alter everyone’s DNA.

Move over, “Fantastic Four” — here comes the “Tremendous Thousand”!
geekwhisperer
July 26th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

MT Well *cue Jim Croche: Cat’s in the Cradle* won’t Mark be surprised to come home and find his son/mutant ward has run off for some ill-advised wildlife vigilantism rather than spending time with family and allowing the appropriate authorities to do their jobs.

And thus the cycle begins anew.
Tom D.
July 26th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

“Mama!”
Chareth Cutestory
July 26th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

Luanne: Well it seems that the Eye of Zeye movie is an awful piece of garbage. Still, Elwood stands to make millions from the box office gross, merchandising, and DVD & syndication sales. Not to mention the sequels and remake in 10 years.
Droopy Says
July 26th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Mary Worthless: Are they the same little girl and abductor from the diner arc?
Dood
July 26th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: Wilbur’s picked a great time to go into his Bob Newhart telphone routine, which always slays ‘em at the Charterstone pool parties. “Hello? Yes? Yes. Uh-huh. Of course. That’s right. Geez, life is brutal.”
Mibbitmaker
July 26th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

A3G: Margo’s pose (panel 2) is the absolute Margoest of poses.

9CL: For the sake of humanity, Brooke — DON’T!

ReFOOB: “All pigs are men!”, Ellie grunted.

Re-ReFOOB: “If I ever have one more kid, she’ll be my ‘red-headed stepchild’, as it were, and she will be the hated one of my family!”

MW: Panel 2: Shame, Karen Moy… shame!

MT: Forget Doc and Cherry. I’d worry more about Omen Chipmunk!

Glibporn: Brooke, your middle panel frightens me, yet your comment prose bores me to tears.

ZtP: Middle panel: You believe that, Griffy, and I (ideally) believe that. But those who are looking to replace books, magazines, newspapers, etc., do not, that’s for sure!
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

Uh, is that Ziggy sitting behind Knute and Crystal? I sure hope he remembered to put on his pants this time! (And damned if that isn’t Cathy sitting behind Gunther… ACK!)
Mary Worthless
July 26th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Mama mia!

That’s a brutal lifa!

Nexta tima you justa stay home and eata the mayo on whita bread and leava the spicy meat balls to the men wita balls.

Capeesch, Wilbur?
Chyron HR
July 26th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Ha ha, stupid Tiffany is too stupid to know the difference between Transformers 3-bad and Battleship-bad ($825 million dollars).
Dood
July 26th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: “Not as amazing as these jazz hands!!!”
pink floyd 2
July 26th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

MW- Life is brutal when you wear a green blazer like that one…. let’s just hope it is not a suit.
Ps. what big hairy hands you have…… why do all the bad guys always have hairy hands?
Tom
July 26th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Actually, Marmaduke is the enforcement end. The election monitor says, “Pardon me, I do not recall seeing your registration. Yes, I know you’ve been voting at this polling place for 20 years. Yes, I know I already verified your signature against the voter roll. But we’ve got new rules now, buddy. If you don’t let us read your government-issued photo ID and your voter registration card, we sic Marmaduke on you. Or do you think it’s better dead than read?”
Cloudbuster
July 26th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

GT & MW: Dawn and Steve would make a great couple!
Laura
July 26th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

Ditto is staring in horror at the blank, staring black holes that have replaced his father’s eyes.
Doctor Handsome
July 26th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

The theater-goers in Luann might’ve liked the movie better if their seats hadn’t been facing 45º to the left of the screen the whole time.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 26th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Frazz: *snikker* as a former X-countrier, I approve this message!

GF: /fliptake

Lio: *golf clap*

SBp: ewwwww.

Zits: unseen panel 4 shall thankfully remain unseen. . . .

Bizarro: for mollificent today. also, very nicely drawn.

JP: there IS no “getting off” in JP. [*]

MG&G: cone of shame /fail.

F-: the word you’re looking for is “frenzy”
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 26th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

Love Is . . . failed hadaka opportunity.
Esther Blodgett
July 26th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

@geekwhisperer (#9): Pssst. Harry Chapin, not Jim Croce. Sorry, I have 70s Singer-Songwriter OCD.
Dennis Jimenez
July 26th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Marm – In my version – the poll worker smells Marm’s ass, gives him a ballot and checks him off the list – another vote for Ron Paul….

MW – No dear, according to Rosetta Stone, the proper Eye-Talian exclamation for this situation is Momma Mia! Vita è brutale, is also acceptable….

Luann – Yes – nothing is more repugnant to teenaged boys than stacked and beautiful girls running around in bikinis – what Hollywood genius ever thought there’d be an audience for something like that….

H&L – There’s so little to this one, that there’s nothing to even snark on….

Adios Amigos, DJ.
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

@DebiDawg (#6): I like to think that there are dozens, if not HUNDREDS of little blonde girls being abandoned. What else, other than a fine ham sammich, would have Wilbur finally realize that Life is Brutal?
Esther Blodgett
July 26th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

Luann: Who knew they turned it into hardcore porn during the editing stage?

JP: Get a room, guys. Oh, wait, they already did. Room 6.

GF: OK, I’m really enjoying this. And they’re out in the hallway instead of the apartment! Better and better.

FC: There’s a joke to be made about Dolly eating a worm and those short-shorts Bil is wearing. But I’m not going to make it.
Dennis Jimenez
July 26th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

@Esther Blodgett (#26): Well, as Cat Stevens said – I go flyin’ so highhhhh…..when I’m stoned….
Downpuppy
July 26th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

MW – Why did Wilbur & Dawn back up 10 feet between panels? Because disappearing purple sleeve syndrome is 100% fatal., and spreads like cooties. Or maybe it’s 2 girls, both played by Lindsay Lohan.
Esther Blodgett
July 26th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#30): Aaaaaah! I have to count my vinyl records now and arrange them in alphabetical/date/cultural significance order…and then count them again.
Doctor Handsome
July 26th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

The joke in Marmaduke is usually along the lines of, “He’s nightmarishly huge, so rather than trying to stop him from his destructive dog-misbehavior, we’ll pretend like it’s cute cuz he thinks he’s people.” But here he seems to be actually trying to vote, unless polling places have added partitioned buffets since the previous election.
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

Geez, first this poor kid gets kidnapped, is forced to eat rainbow swirl ice cream in a diner with Mary Worth, and now, probably at the behest of her shrink, the family has taken the kid on a getaway so she can forget…truly, life IS brutal (soon to be a movie with Roberto Benigni)
AdHocGrip
July 26th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

@Liam (#7):
My Goodbye Poem. By Rusty.
Sky Borne Goat Killers!
I Must Witness For Justice;
Maybe It’s My Dad?
AndyL
July 26th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

I know that newspaper deadlines make it difficult to make timely, relevant jokes about current events, but I still feel that Brad Anderson could have predicted when Election Day would occur.
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Did not spot #12 before I posted #34. I should know that if an idea is good, someone else already thought of it. So much for my new invention, “Windows”.
TomS
July 26th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

MW: Life-jackets? No passenger has one. Typically they are available.
lorne
July 26th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

Fun Fact:
Nietzsche’s “Beyond Good and Evil” ends with the line: “Leben ist brutal. Geez!”
TomS
July 26th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

MW: Oops, should read: No passenger has one.
seismic-2
July 26th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#30): Or, in the words of James Taylor, “Ooga-chucka-ooga-chucka-ooga-chucka…”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 26th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

JP1: At this point, all we have to look forward to is Saturday’s strip: Gutting! Well, as long as it’s someone other than the fish.

JP2: “He’s not going to get off! You’re playing him beautifully!” Is that a “that’s what she said” joke?

MT: Phew. For a while there, I was thinking that Rusty wasn’t going to wander off and do something randomly stupid that would imperil his life. But now order is restored.

MW: Nice switcheroo. Instead of Dawn coming around to Wilber’s view and realizing that life is anything but brutal, Italy is wonderful, Dave is forgettable, the sun will come up tomorrow, etc., Wilber will be a convert to Dawn’s whiny pessimism—at least, he will for the next 35 minutes, before he sinks like a stone in the waters of the Mediterranean.

SM: I have rarely seen such bad writing—and remember, I read the prose of 18 year olds for a living.

But still, “batshit crazy” might be more fun than “unrelentingly lame.”
Joshua
July 26th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

Even if the “Eyes of Zeye” film is a flop, how does that hurt Tiffany? When a film fails, the director or the stars get the blame — not an extra/stand-in/whatever Tiffany wound up being.
UncleJeff
July 26th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

MW: “Mama!!!”
“Sorry, kid! It’s women THEN children first at the life boats! Life is brutal! (especially to the short and defenseless!)”
Doctor Handsome
July 26th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

The way that kid says “mama!” makes me assume a falling anvil or piano’s about to crush her, and she forgot her tiny parasol at home.
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

I would just like to point out, in re MW and life jackets, that ‘no passenger has one’ could indicate that each has two or more.

I just don’t feel like getting started at work this morning.
TomS
July 26th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

MW post – Must finish coffee. First post was correctly done but I thought had read: “nobody passenger”. It was either “nobody” or “no passenger” & got chewed up in post/preview. But I belabor an obvious point.
The Man Who Came Back
July 26th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

Get stuffed JP. Support piscene climatic freedom
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

#47, life is brutal, Tom S.
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Luann – I guess the strip regulars were the only ones vaguely worth drawing. Everyone else looks like a swipe from Guernica.

MT – Rusty, I don’t know if the others will be upset, but that chipmunk is plenty pissed off.

GT – “Wanna give me a hand?”. To the one armed guy. Gil, really? Who do you think you are, Clown 9? And by the way, when C9′s fake left one is finished beating up the rent a cop, can we maybe secure it for poor Steve?
Elk Meadow
July 26th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

“Josh Writes History!” And there’s my Prince Valiant banner!

Thank you, Uncle Lumpy!
TomS
July 26th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

There are no life jackets drawn in this cartoon. Get to work.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 26th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

Rule 63 Wolverine cosplay. *snickt*

Lego Helm’s Deep . (Mother of God)

ferrets!

The Great Escape in progress.

otterly Shatnerian.

sleepy corgsqui.

intersqueecies kewt.
Cthulhu cares?
July 26th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#12): Dang it, you beat me to the punch! Yes, that’s obviously Emily Smith.
TheDiva
July 26th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

Luann: “That movie was terrible!”
“I know! Let’s take it out on the local girl who had a small part in the movie! She had no creative control whatsoever, but she flaunts her physical beauty so she must deserve punishment for something!”

MW: If the trauma of this experience leads Wilbur to curl up on the couch watching Mad Men all day, I will forgive almost a little bit of the rest of this arc.
Elk Meadow
July 26th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Luann: Is anyone else predicting a “Springtime for Hitler” rebound? Even though the theater audience looks like they’ve just…ah, heck. I’ve written and rewritten what could have put the audience into a status coma, but still. Whatever. It’s pretty much how I feel after reading a Luann strip anyway.
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#50): And by the way, it appears that Clown 9 somehow lost track and made TWO fake left arms, which absolutely no one noticed. Still, good news for Steve Boone, who may have two left feet, but only needs one of those left arms.

Wilbur and Avery = good reading for chubby chasing comic afficianados!
Digger
July 26th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

MW: You’ve got to admire man who does not give in to fear or panic during a disaster and instead is just downright pissed off. “Outta my way, jerks! Let me on that lifeboat, I’ve got important things to do, dammit!”
Perky Bird
July 26th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Wilbur and Dawn run towards Deck Four to find a lifeboat, and instead turn a corner to find themselves at a Little League game, where an angry dad in a red shirt is about to assult the umpire for calling a strike.
Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
July 26th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Luann: In the Greg Evans universe, 1992 is still in the far distant future.

Mary Worthless: I’m afraid Wilbur is going to display life’s brutality by crushing a little girl under his stampeding shoes.

Hi and Whatsit: Ditto has just realised that the living room of his home has a transparent floor, beneath which is only the endless gulf of space.

Marmalade: I’m sure this has been said before, but Clipboard Lady is talking to the guy in the voter’s booth, and threatening him with the hell-fury of Marmalade.
Irrischano
July 26th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

The enraged Preppie McGinger was not originally part of today’s Mary Worth. Rather, he was just a vain attempt to direct attention away from the confounding heap of arms in the middle of panel one.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

Crankshaft [last Sun] – Shaft is being uncharacteristically generous here, allowing everybody four pieces of tissue per trip. Dad says that in the Army, you only got three squares a day.

Baldo – Please understand! Baldo doesn’t huff anything from that bag. In fact, he puts something into the bag. You might want to handle it with tongs from now on, if at all.
TheDiva
July 26th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Markup fail, sorry…

9CL: “Well, neither of you has a chance for love ever.” ~Mike Nelson

A3G: “I mean, I hate my name so much I go by “Tommie” instead, but Nina thought I would be flattered by her bestowing the horrid thing on her poor child? What’s up with that?”

C’shaft: Leave him alone, maybe this will be the time he falls and breaks his neck.

FW: Does Tanzania have a problem with too much tourism, so they hired Batiuk to convince people to stay away.

MT: This is going to end in a “Ransom of Red Chief” scenario, isn’t it?

Pibgorn: Yes, Brooke, you played around with tense in a time-travel story, just like nearly every other time-travel story out there. Very impressive. Give yourself a cookie.

Pluggers peaked in elementary school.
geekwhisperer
July 26th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

@Esther Blodgett (#26): D’oh!
Mayor Daley
July 26th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

Steve from Thorpville is going to sit down at the piano with Becky from Funkytown and make a hit playing “The Ballad of Penny Evans” with all their heart and soul.
Cthulhu cares?
July 26th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Hi and Lois: It’s nothing Ditto hasn’t seen before. The black nothingness that is the living room floor. Each night he drifts off to sleep, and when he awakens he convinces himself it was just a dream, an awful dream, because seriously, who but a couple of serious psychotics would have a black floor in their living room? But it isn’t a dream, Ditto. It’s your life.

MW: Sadder but wiser, little Emily Smith is always prepared now. When Mister Harry Hands (see what I did there?) tried to kidnap her because, hey, free kid, she pulled a Clown-9 on him. Hence her sleeve, or lack thereof.

Luann: Notice the people in the audience are watching the screen patiently. Having sat through 90 minutes of “acting,” they’re still waiting for the story to start.

Marmaduke: He’s not voting, he’s just “helping” people make the right choices.
The Ghost of Jarrod
July 26th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Luann – Well, at least it wasn’t Comic Sans.

Luann 2 – It’s been so fun, watching Evans slowly crush Tiffany’s dreams, one by one. I’m guessing tomorrow, a disgruntled “Eyez of Zeye” fan will throw acid on her, permanently scarring her.

JP – “He’s not going to get off! But you and I are, later tonight!”

Rip Haywire – Can I just say that I love Rip Haywire? Dan Thompson has done an absolutely phenomenal job lovingly parodying the long-running action serial comic. I know Josh never mentions it because, frankly, there’s little to snark there. But it deserves mention for it’s sheer badassery, and for lines like, “Not many people know this, but Death is very gullible!”
Dennis Jimenez
July 26th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#44): I believe the Eye-Talian law of the sea is not Women and Children First, but Crew Members (in assending order based on highest rank first), Top Tier Entertainers, Corporate Officers in the Cruise Line, First Class Passengers, Wait-Staff (whose place in line may be purchased by adult male passenger – highest bidder), Cooks, Stewards, Housekeeping, Second Class Passengers, Boiler Room and Mechanical Staff, Third Class Passengers, Minors (17-12), Children (11-4), Toddlers (with wits enough to find the lifeboats), Infants, Puppies, Kittens, Wharf Rats, Mice, Fleas, Bed Bugs – then everyone else for themselves….
Crims
July 26th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

Luann:It’s nice that Bert and Ernie are enjoying the movie in the back row as well.
Droopy Says
July 26th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

@Cthulhu cares? (#54): Did she ever get her ice cream? Now that was brutal. Once Dawn realizes how the kid has suffered, she’ll feel properly ashamed of herself and decide life is good after all. Not that Emily will get her ice cream.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

Brewster – Captain Hindsight was a character in a continued story on South Park. I should have told the cartoonist about it.

Smirky – …”the heat in Summer”…
Jesus! Les really does …ghaa!… what everybody accuses him of!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Fuzzy – You mean, into the Street of Unending Traffic! Jeez, don’t quit before delivering the funny part of the punch line.

Henry – I like how it’s implied that Henry is smiling in the last panel, though he has nothing resembling mouth parts.
Pink floyd 2
July 26th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

@Crims (#69):

Great eye!!!!!!
Rimpy
July 26th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

H&L: The fact that Ditto’s mouth is open in panel one but there is no accompanying word balloon suggests recycled artwork.
ArchieNemesis
July 26th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

I know that they are only comics, but to be funny, they have to make sense, or ring true somehow. Comics that make no sense today include:

Archie: Betty looks directly at Archie, who’s being punished in an obvious way, and then she wonders aloud what his punishment is.

FW: We see a scene on a sketchpad, and then we see a more detailed sketch of the scene itself behind the sketchpad.

BC: Cavemen discuss a contemporary news item.

Crock: See, it’s an empty desert and … OK, this one is too easy. Even the author of this strip just gave up and walked away.

Yes, it’s a weak crop today. You know it’s a sad day for funnies when Gil Thorp has the best punchline.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Hi – The look of blank, abject horror on Ditto’s face can only come from one source. Somebody told him the punch line from Shoe.

Luann – ~~From the review: “This movie sucks green-haired donkey dicks, and it’s all the fault of the third assistant stand-in, Tawnee Farrell.”~~ Oh well. Should have known I wouldn’t get in first with that.

Marmaduke – Marmaduke is committing voter fraud by eating eligible voters before they can pull the lever.
Oregonian
July 26th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

I’ve never been on a cruise ship, but do they really use chainlink fences for crowd control? Because that’s just… brutal.

By the way, I have to point out that this whole disaster started when Wilbur decided to abandon his beloved sandwiches and order the fish. By any rights, he should go down with the ship.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Sat AM – The hazards of top-posting, illustrated. I don’t get the punch line, though: “Do they course of.”

Spider – Oh, if you guys only knew where those smelly, smelly fists have been.
Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
July 26th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

@Oregonian (#77): It’s the fault of the caterers aboard. They had no salmon squares and green glop on the menu.
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

9CL – Somehow I am locked into arms and hands today. I want to know how Nina’s expressive, delicate jazz hands somehow got grafted onto that lumbering oaf, Thorax.
Marc
July 26th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Mark Tail- I can only imagine what the barely literate Rusty’s note looks like. “Cherry and Doc, gone to catch bad guys. Be back day or night sometime. Rusy hate sheep killer. Will take picutes. Mad don’t please be.”

A3G- “That’s not amazing Tommie, that’s retarded. Who would name their kid after you? I mean, do they know you? You have orange helmet head hair, have never had an interesting thing to say in your life, and your sharp pointy boobs could put an eye out. For such a horrible decision, I don’t even think I want Nina as my best business contact anymore.”

Mary Worth- Blondie’s sleeves are disappearing, the brute in the red’s shirt is ripped pretty bad in the front, Wilbur’s hideous green jacket, and quickly whitening tie; this is the cruise for the fashionably doomed.

9CL- Ummm what?

Luann- Now the bloodthirsty mob will turn their torches and pitchforks on that evil local hussy for her role, however minor, in making of that atrocity. After all, who better to be the fall guy than the designated horrible bitch with ambition.

Funky- You know what would be cool? If one of Les’s snide remarks caused an avalanche and buried him alive.

Family Circus- You know what else would be cool? If Daddy Keane tried using Dolly as bait.
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#72): Something funny in Get Fuzzy today not related to Bucky’s endless string of movie scripts, books and other hair-brained media forays? Guess I better go back and re-read. Otherwise I believe I, personally am up to about 94 days without a giggle.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#30): No, no. That was Captain Kirk, in “The Empire Strikes Back”.
pastordan
July 26th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Life is brutal: I gotta pack up and go home from vacation instead of snarking with you lot this morning.

Life is brutal: I know what I’m preaching on this week…
pastordan
July 26th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Apparently, I’m preaching on a cautionary tale: close your tags, little children…
NoahSnark
July 26th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

You know your movie is awful when even Ernie and Bert have nothing nice to say.
Horace Broon
July 26th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

A3G: Straw poll: What’s more surprising; that Margo bothered to remember Tommie’s real name, or that Tommie remembers Tommie’s real name?

ASM: Further evidence for my “unconscious reality warper” theory. Clown-9 doesn’t understand how leverage works, so thinks it really is possible for those arms to overpower the hands holding them just because he’s pressing buttons on a remote control.

Crankshaft: Hey, I got this one! The joke is that Ed Crankshaft is an obnoxious jerk! (I said I got it. I didn’t say I wanted it.)

JP: Woody, if you want Josh to start making jokes about homoerotic subtext in your strips again, you need to stop trying so hard.

OTF: Scaling down meaning the Creepy Coupe from Wacky Races, presumably.
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Marm: Oh, voting booth! So who did I elect at the porn peepshow booth?
Illustrator Steve
July 26th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

MT – Who’s willing to bet that the moment those VILLAINOUS airplane hunters see Rusty taking their picture they’ll pay him cash for his camera?
I know I’d win the bet because it’s not the first time that sly little shape-shifting mutant con-artist kid has hustled people into buying that old obsolete camera of his. Hell, he hasn’t even had any film in that damn thing since his Momma took his Kodachrome away!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#41): No, no, no. That was Bilbo Baggins in “The Wind in the Willows”.
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Wilbur: Dawn! That child! We must get to her!

Dawn: Yes! I’m on it!

Wilbur: Families with small children get first seats! Out of our way, you savages!
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#57): Clown Asinine could always give the second left arm to Becky Howard (“Funky Winkerbean”) or Frizzletop (“Dick Tracy”).
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

@Hogenmogen (#88): So who did I elect at the porn peepshow booth?
I think you misheard. Nobody said “election.”
pastordan
July 26th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

@Hogenmogen (#88): What the hell do you think Marmaduke is, a truck driver? He gets his porn the same way all God-fearing Americans do: by downloading salacious Luan strips.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

@kkarenb (#y251):

As a kid, I had trouble recalling which cave thingees (up from floor or down from ceiling) was which, until my high school science teacher explained it: “Stalactites, grow up from the floor and just have to hang on TITE, while stalagmites, which grow down from the ceiling, have to hang on with all of their MITE.”

This was easy to remember, so I did. The only problem, of course, is that it was Wrong. (My high school science teacher was actually the phy ed teacher, doing general science as a sideline.) So for the past fifty years or so, whenever I have to remember which is which, I just remember said teacher’s easy-to-understand mnemonic, then remind myself that he was wrong, and reverse it.)

(Yes, I know about the ants mnemonic — “the mites go up and the tights come down” — but I like my 180 degrees wrong one better.)
Dr. Moreau
July 26th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

MW: Wilbur’s rejection of everything Mary’s taught him is only the beginning. As it happens, everyone Mary has ever counseled is on this same cruise, including the recent attempted-kidnap victim with the rip-away sleeves to facilitate escape from abductors. Meanwhile, Mary sits at home in Santa Royale playing Dear Abby, blissfully unaware that all of her friends and loved ones are drowning in terror. This will all turn out to be the work of Aldo Kelrast, back from the grave to teach Mary the tragic error of her meddlesome, prudish ways. Once she defeats him, she’ll leave Santa Royale and travel the world, having adventures and dispensing advice like a nosy Kung-Fu.

Luann: The crowd isn’t “speechless with awful” at all–they’re literally mesmerized by this lithe, eyebeam-shooting warrior princess with Z’s on her breasts. As Zeye’s avatar, Tiffany becomes the object of their worship and leader of a cult of glassy-eyed teenagers. It will fall to Brad, Toni, TJ and an across-the-globe Quill to rid the town of this threat, which means of course that Luann and her friends are doomed.
Illustrator Steve
July 26th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

MT – Well…say what we will about Rusty, at least the little dummy came back to give Doc an update about WHAT he saw and left his family a note before running off again. That’s more than his worthless adopted father ever does! Hell, Mark never even bothers to stop by the T. Rading Company to buy greeting cards to send Cherry on her birthday or wedding anniversary!
Dood
July 26th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: OK, so Tueday we had “It’s a madhouse!” and today we get, “Mama!” Clearly, the cruise ship has landed on the Planet of the Apes.
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

Luann: Isn’t that Fred Willard in the back, there?
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

@tallyHO (#y262):

WILDWOOD was a genial strip that made me think better of organized religion (or as organized as most talking animal comic strip societies ever get). It certainly took some away some of the bile taste that B.C. often left in my mouth back then.

I liked WILDWOOD a lot when it ran locally for a few months in my deadtree. I even wrote a polite letter of complaint when it was dropped, and got a personal reply that the comics editor person agreed it had started very well but thought it had not lived up to its promise, and pointed out that of course I could still find it on the internet.

Since the comics editor person had been polite in her reply, I did not respond that “well, I could read all of these and more on the internet, actually, and then cancel my subscription to the paper,” though I briefly thought about it.
Ranger
July 26th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

Luann: Is that Josh in the 3rd row? Minus the goatee.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

Love is…: “Flipping” pancakes? Enough with the minced oaths. Say what you mean!
Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
July 26th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Shoe: Nobody’s used that “car repairs are expensive” joke before, have they? Remind me.

Wizard of Idiot: Ah, the strip has finally discovered 2005 and Iraq. I think.
mollificent
July 26th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

H&L: I think I’ve been watching too many “RuPaul’s Drag Race” episodes on Netflix. I’m pretty sure what flashed into my mind when I read “temporary tuck-in” was NOT what Walker-Browne intended.
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

MW-So instead of calmly directing passengers to the lifeboats or shooting the passengers to keep them from rushing to the lifeboats it looks like the crew has abandoned ship.
Dave Dahl
July 26th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

What could be the most ill-timed comic strip in publishing history ran Wednesday in the Chicago Tribune and other newspapers across the country. Russell Myers’ Broom Hilda managed to combine movie theaters, action-adventure films and gunshots. See for yourself: Here is the link. http://www.comicstripnation.com/broom-hilda/broom-hilda-20120725.html
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Archie-If it was Veronica laying in the hammock in a bikini Archie wouldn’t need hands to hold it up.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#y273):

“There’s really only one sermon I can still remember from all those years ago — and at that it’s not really the sermon itself, but the introduction. I’d prepared something about Gideon (I think it had to do with choosing his warriors by the way they drank from the stream), and shortly before I was to give it, my senior pastor said, “This is Mother’s Day, so I hope your sermon relates to that.” So I got up in front of the congregation and said, “Gideon had a mother,” then launched into the rest of my sermon.”

I’d think there’d be an obvious Mother’s Day hook in the Gideon story — think about the mothers of all of those warriors during the test. “Stand up straight! I didn’t raise my boy to drink like a slob!” vs. “Poor dear, you’ve been working so hard, why don’t you lie down for a nice rest and I’ll go get you some water” — and so on.

In Minnesota, Mother’s Day falls on the same day as the opening of fishing season (causing the same editorials and jokes every year), so if Gideon had taken place here one could also have a mother point out that her sneaky son was not just drinking but also scoping out the walleye situation.
Santa Royale With Cheese
July 26th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

JP: While I’m pleased to see actual fishing in a comic strip (rather than say they will and then don’t, a la Mark Trail), let us never sit through this again.

S-M: This is beyond baffling as to how C-9 conjured up all of these doo-dads in the course of what, 24 hours? I don’t mean since the play interruption, I mean since C-9′s genesis.
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Spiderman-If only he had put this much effort into his acting Clown-9 would have that Tony by now.
Mark B.
July 26th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

MW: OK, I admit it, I haven’t been reading Mary Worth lately, but why are Wilbur and Dawn standing in front of a chain link fence while that burly guy goes all ‘Lord of the Flies’ on that little girl? Did they go straight from the sinking ship to a dystopian detention center? Life IS brutal.
Steve
July 26th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

S-M: Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

@Sequitur (#Y263): Of course Nehemiah Scudder simply wants pi. But the search for the end of pi is unobtainable; it goes on forever. At the end of pi is God.

Now that’s just irrational.
Dennis Jimenez
July 26th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

@Mark B. (#111): Wilbur personifies an adult Piggy….
Erich Clapton
July 26th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#30): Not Cat Stevens.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#y294):

“Yes! Golgotha is defeated when Rodin turns him into a statue.”

And then gives the statue to his mommy bird ‘cuz it’s Mothra’s Day.
Calico
July 26th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

MW
But it’s getting so hard
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Margo Magee
July 26th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

@stopdropreload (#y296):

“A3G: Boy, Margo’s so steamed that Tommie got all the baby-naming glory that she’s doing her “I’m A Little Teapot” interpretive dance. Watch out Tommie, she’s gonna spout!”

“I’m a little teapot, short and stout,
Here is my handle, here is my . . .
Here is my . . . ?
Here is my . . . ?
Oh well, maybe I’m a gravy boat.
Dennis Jimenez
July 26th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

@Erich Clapton (#115): Harry Chapin Carpenter?
3.1415926...
July 26th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#113): ‘E’s right!
Roz at the Treetop Diner
July 26th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#113):

Nope, at the end of pi is washing up the plat.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Juggs Parker: OK, where are we going with this story arc?
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

#117, Calico, “MW But it’s getting so hard Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
-That’s what she said.
2.718281828...
July 26th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

@3.1415926… (#120): No, ‘e’s not!
AhClem
July 26th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

SM – So these two detached arms are now punching out cops without any visible means of support or propulsion? If the laws of physics were enforceable by the legal system, the writers of this drek would get life without parole.

Somewhere, Richard Feynman is weeping.
Erich Clapton
July 26th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

@Dennis Jimenez (#119): Don’t know if Richard or Karen had anything to do with that either. Can you imagine that syrupy delivery trying to perform a song that dark?
Red Greenback
July 26th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

Marmaduke: “I’ve heard of ‘hanging chads’, but this is ridiculous!”
Jim North
July 26th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Crank: Wait! New plan! Crankshaft? Stay on the ladder! Dave? Kick the ladder!

DT: Dick Tracy has a new address . . . Address Unkown!

GT: “You know, they’ve got those robot arms now. If you apply for testing and research, you wouldn’t even have to pay for it.” “Dude. Stop trying to harsh my mellow angst.”

H&J: I would say that “can’t” is not necessarily a forever thing, and that the girl is in fact technically correct in stating that she is currently not capable of doing the math work that she has been assigned, but that would be horribly pedantic of me. So I won’t say that.

JP: All that work and they’re not even going to let the fish get off? Worst threesome ever.

Luann: Ow! I think I just broke my neck in that jumpcut.

MW: Please, please, let this be that perfect moment that all Mary Worth storylines revolve around. That shining second in which the person around which the story congeals like layers of greasy fat finally realizes what they’ve been getting told over and over again is indeed true and every fiber of their being begins to resonate with that one message. Let the conclusion of the action spin on with ever more instances of callousness and despair before finally culminating in one last orgy of human suffering. Then, let the the final week of gloating and self-aggrandizement begin as Dawn’s head alights with a shining halo of righteousness and Wilbur falls gasping at her feet, telling her that she was right, she had always been right, and he had been such a fool not to realize before just how brutal life is. During the transitory pool party after, they bring out the food. They bring out the skinned and gutted figure of Mary Worth herself, her corpse glistening with basting juices and skewered over a spit. And finally, in a beautifully hideous metaphor for the ultimate change in mood and message of the strip . . . they feast.
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

@Dood (#98): Rock me, Dr. Zaius.
Calico
July 26th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

@Lynn (#123):
Ha ha haaaaaa
Owhhhhhhhhhhh …
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

@Der Schnärkïnätör (#122):

Re: JP – Just wait, we should find out in a few more months. Unless they decide to go after a second fish, in which case all bets are off.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

@Jim North (#128): GT: “You know, they’ve got those robot arms now. If you apply for testing and research, you wouldn’t even have to pay for it.”

Heaven forfend I should ever lose an arm, but if I did, I go for one of those robot tentacle arms. Awesome cool.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

@Chyron HR (#17):

“Mommy! Universal Pictures just made an $825 million dollar bad movie for NO REASON!”
Mark B.
July 26th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

MT: Even the squirrel thinks what Rusty’s doing is a bad idea.
Dawn Weston
July 26th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

@DebiDawg (#6):

“Sigh. Dave used to rip my sleeve off as he shoved me aside.”
btown
July 26th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#12):
yes, they are! Mary Worth is actually a North Korean theater production staged for the pleasure of Great Leader. The actors are all kidnapped from Western countries as children and brainwashed to believe they are living in a “bourgeois capitalist paradise”, all except for Mary who is actually a senior member of the State Security Service who has undergone facial reconstructive surgery.

This explains pretty much everything about Mary Worth, such as:

- The small and constantly rotating cast of look-alike Caucasians
- Every locale looks the same
- The boring, predictable, saccharine plot lines
- The fact that Mary has absolute power and can literally warp space and change the past
- The Revolutionary Communist message hidden in each story line
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

#130, Calico: “Ha ha haaaaaa
Owhhhhhhhhhhh …”
That’s what she said.
Let’s stop this now, ok?
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#Y288): What year? It’s possible I may still know the person who performed it.

Regarding Project Managing: Last year I took a couple of courses in technical writing in order to upgrade my certification, and one of the courses was Project Management. In the first class the instructor asked each of us what experience we’d had with project management. When he got to me I said, “You’re the guys that guys like me try to work around in order to get anything done.” He was good natured (plus, I didn’t say it in a mean fashion) and laughed. Then he launched into the next part of his lesson in which (and I am NOT making this up) he explained in great detail how difficult project management was and that it only worked about 1/3 of the time. “So,” I said, because I simply couldn’t believe that I wasn’t misinterpreting something, “you’re saying that project management fails 2/3 of the time?” And he said, “Yes,” apparently without seeing the irony at all.

When it comes to project management, the emperor not only doesn’t have any clothes, he’s bloody well set up mirrors so his nakedness can be seen from all angles, and yet we still marvel at his sartorial elegance.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

@Shrug (#95): I just think about the letter T, representing something vertical hanging from a horizontal line. That pretty much covers it, but if desired, you can envision an M as being a pair of tapered objects rising from the ground.

@Dave Dahl (#106): (See previous thread.)
Dennis Jimenez
July 26th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

@Erich Clapton (#126): And as the 5th Dimension would say, We’ve Only Just Begun….
Square root of negative 1
July 26th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

@3.1415926… (#120): @2.718281828… (#124): You guys are both irrational: trust me, I’m your friend.

// It’s all about me, anyway.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#138):

Project Management works on the baseball curve, where if you succeed one time in three you are destined for the Hall of Fame.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for a pre-Envisioning meeting in which we hope to define the scope of the Envisioning that will be required before we can move to pre-Kickoff planning.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#141):

Good to see you again, my imaginary friend.

In a sane universe with intelligent design, I’d expect that universal constants would be rational.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#141):

They are not just irrational, they are transcendental!

You on the other hand, are quite imaginary!
Old School Allie Cat
July 26th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

A3G – I never thought I’d say this, but isn’t about time for Ruby and LuAnne to come home? Or for Professor Greeky to pay a visit?
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#132):

“So, how do I go about getting one? In other words, where’s waldo?”
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

You know, Mark Trail isn’t the only guy who has bright ideas!
CanuckDownSouth
July 26th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

@Shrug (#95): You don’t just use “c for ceiling, g for ground”?
The Square Root of Sex
July 26th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#141): Love is…
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#95): The classic mnemonic is that “stalactites” have a “c” because they come from the ceiling, while “stalagmites” have a “g” because they come from the ground. Of course, that doesn’t help if it’s the ending of the words that gives you trouble.
kkarenb
July 26th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#95): @CanuckDownSouth (#148): That’s the way I learned – stalagmite – G for ground; stalactite – C for ceiling.

Pluggers – Good thing he specified 1962. They were in sixth grade from 1959 – 64.

MW – Earlier this week someone posted a link to a scene from Seinfeld that showed George Costanza knocking people over to escape from a fire. Now when I read MW all I can think of is the clown hitting George with his enormous clown shoes.
odinthor
July 26th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Baldo. — Yo! A dude don’t like his aunt fiddling with his bag, y’know?

Bal St. — He’s doing it his way.

BG. — Hey, is that one of them there “Clovis points” them arkulalagists talk about?

Blondie. — Whom’d! You mean whom’d…

BR. — When mimes go bad . . .

Dilbert. — The degree of certainty increases exponentially as the degree of ignorance rises. ~~I’m absolutely positive about this!~~

GT. — “When Doors Start to Talk: Why Peyote is Better than Jimson Weed,” by Steve Boone.

JP. — ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

MW. — Cut! Sweetie, listen to me: your ship is sinking, you’ve lost your parents, and some lout has just pushed you to the side. I’ve heard goddam squeeze dolls say “Mama!” with more emotion than this! Come on, try it again, and let’s not make our stars impatient about working with amateurs, OK? Places everyone! Wait a minute . . . hey, make-up, our lout has lost some of his arm hair . . . Now . . . . action!

“MAMA! MAMA!”

“Sigh. Dave would always say ‘Mama!’”
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

Mary – Geez, life really is brutal. Did you see that kid’s mama?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#138): Fails 2/3rds of the time compared to what? Maybe, and I’m just guessing, the idea is that most enterprises fail. Having no plan fails almost all the time, but having a plan, any kind of plan (that is, project management), only fails two thirds of the time. That would be a worthwhile improvement, no?

But how could you measure that, though? Put a metric on it, as I believe the jargon goes.

// You’ve heard, of course, of the research that shows that throwing a dart at the newspaper stock market listings is just as effective an investment strategy as anything else that’s been tried? Depressing.[*]

// I like Gantt charts – that makes sense to me. I mean, you want to make sure that the hole for the foundation is dug before the concrete is delivered. Beyond that, however, how much “project management” is simply theology, the Courtier’s reply to the Emperor’s clothes issue?
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#108): Clever.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142): My inner-ears are bleeding now. Thanks.
langostino
July 26th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

The moviegoers in Luanns theater aren’t applauding because the scantily clad heroine’s tits aren’t nearly big enough. Duh.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

@CanuckDownSouth (#148):

“You don’t just use “c for ceiling, g for ground”?”

Since I probably wasn’t sure I could spell either correctly back in high school, no. (Oh, what the heck, I’ll be honest; I had to look up both spellings before my post this morning just to be sure it wasn’t stalagtite and stalacmite or something.)
Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#154):

“You’ve heard, of course, of the research that shows that throwing a dart at the newspaper stock market listings is just as effective an investment strategy as anything else that’s been tried?”

Not just research, this is pretty much the foundation of modern financial theory. “Efficient Market Theory” postulates that prices fully and instantaneously reflect all available information.

As the story goes, after all your googling of the stock charts and research of their market share, you are basically down to: “Everyone else in the world is wrong, and I am right. But, within a short period of time, everyone else in the world will come around to agreeing with me, so the stock price will reflect my analysis.” While the firs part of that may be true, it is the second that is problematic.
Comcis Fan
July 26th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

MW: Wilbur decides life isn’t brutal after all when an inflatable sandwich saves him, Dawn and the little blonde girl.

http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/493982281/PVC_Inflatable_Promotion_Sandwich/showimage.html?s=p
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

@Lynn (#34): No, the blonde girl never got the much-promised rainbow swirl ice cream. She was traveling to Italy for gelato di arcobaleno spirale in Tuscany until this turn of events.

@TomS (#38): The lifejackets are in the staterooms’ closets. You know, the staterooms where the purser told the Westons to go an hour ago.

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#42): I, Baka Gaijin, will take batshit crazy EVILSCARYCLOWN over the typical Spiderman storyline.

@UncleJeff (#44): “Mama! Curtis is hitting me for no reason! Waaaaah!”

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#78) on Spiderman: COTW-worthy!
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

Luann: Ha ha! That Tiffany is finally getting what she deserves! She thought she was going to have a big break, but the movie that she pinned her hopes on tanked horribly! Ha ha! I bet she’ll go running back to her mother in tears. “I try and try to be a successful actress, paying my dues and working hard, and through no fault of my own, the project is an epic fail!” … and the non-ironic Luann fans laugh and laugh.
Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
July 26th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

@Hogenmogen (#162): She doesn’t have a mother. That would make her too simpatico. Only Gunther has a mom, apart from Brad and Luann, and Gunther has one because he’s obviously Evans’ favourite character.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#154): No gripe against Gantt charts and planning. We’ve done that for years. But the planning on the planning on the planning — all framed in meaningless metaphorical terms just gets in the way.

An example? That course I took. In order to illustrate project management, he incorporated it into the class itself. By the end of the fourth week we still hadn’t completed a single assignment, and not a single student knew what was going on. It was a nine-week course, and on the sixth week we finally were told our assignments, three of which were over 30 pages in length. I dropped out. I wasn’t the only one.

Project management in construction is an entirely different matter. There are so many threads that have to come together at just the right time, and the “management” part involves actual management. Where the new “project management” gets in the way is when dealing with relatively simple projects in which so much time is spent on the management end that nothing ever gets done, and communication is framed in such metaphorical jargon that no two people can agree on what was just said. Back in my day as programmer, I created some pretty complex programs all by myself over the course of a few weeks. I’ve since seen comparable projects undertaken by teams of five people or more, all under the control of some project manager, who are incapable of putting out a product inside of three months.

To put it another way, if you’re planning to go on a long trip, it makes sense to set down a list of things you’ll want to take with you and to plan out how to deal with various household issues while you’re gone. If, however, you’re planning on a family outing to the movies, the same kind of preparation serves only to ensure that you’ll never get out the door in time.

As for their statistic — I have no idea. I actually did some research on it to see if it was a commonly recognised stat. Turns out it is, but I could never find out exactly how they’d arrived at it.
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

I know the laws of physics says those disembodied erzatz fists can’t punch and you know the laws of physics says that but Clown-9 didn’t study law.

Waitress…all week…veal.

Exactly what are Hector and Jeremy doing to cause the van to rear up like that? On second thought, scratch that.
Poteet
July 26th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

MW — Widdle Sawah’s face sometimes looks as if she’s about thirty. Now the same is true for Suddenly Sleeveless here, particularly in the first panel. Let’s not make our comic-strip children grow up too fast.
CanuckDownSouth
July 26th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#158): ah, I see. To my ear, -g t- sounds jarring, -g m- doesn’t (and similarly for the other), so the endings were never an issue, just the meaning.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 26th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

Apologies if anyone has already posted this, but I thought it was amusing:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/comic-riffs/post/of-ben-bradlee-and-mark-trail-how-comic-riffs-celebrates-its-4th-birthday/2012/07/25/gJQAvUlKAX_blog.html
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

@Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#163):

Luann – The more we see of Evans’ preoccupations, the more clear it is that Gunther is an author avatar. It’s a short trip from knocking your rival over with your backpack while his back is turned, then running off to hide behind a bigger kid, to turning your enemy into a comic strip character and then showering her with bad news.
Government Cheese
July 26th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Luann: Josh, is that you sitting next to the guy with the EZ hat?
Kate
July 26th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

For anyone who hasn’t seen it yet, Michael Cavna has posted a snippet from his first blog post about Ben Bradlee and Mark Trail
Poteet
July 26th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

LUANN — In real life, wouldn’t Elwood have had some kind of advance clue that the movie wasn’t exactly going to be Oscar material? I know editing makes a big difference, but I wouldn’t have thought it would be THAT big.
btown
July 26th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

@btown (#136): and the over-emoting by the characters, use of disembodied floating heads as a narrative device, unfamiliarity with the appearance of food, I could go on….
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 26th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

OBH: I don’t think James was speaking crow; I think he was speaking chicken, Arrested-Development style.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#164):

I have a “Dilbert” taped to my wall that shows the PHB asking Dilbert for a project plan to justify the software changes he intends to make.

“No need, I can make those changes right now. There, done!”

“OK, great! Now all I need is that project plan.”
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

MW So is the blonde girl shouting “Mama” in the third panel in the sleeveless top the same as the blonde girl in the second panel in the sleeved t-shirt?

// Did the thug rip her sleeve off? Now that’s brutal.
gnome de blog
July 26th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

This just in: German browns aren’t actually brown.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

Curtis: It is my fervent hope that some day Billingsley will learn to draw people laughing in such a way that doesn’t make them look like they’re about to vomit while suffering a psychotic episode.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#172): LUANN — In real life, wouldn’t Elwood have had some kind of advance clue that the movie wasn’t exactly going to be Oscar material? I know editing makes a big difference, but I wouldn’t have thought it would be THAT big.

The fact that none of the stars or the director showed up for the premiere might have tipped him off. And the director’s name – Alan Smithee…
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

@mollificent (#104): It’s times like your comment that I’m glad I don’t have a TV.

@Steve (#112): Another COTW contender.

@Comcis Fan (#160): A giant inflatable sandwich. We truly live in the Golden Age.
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Tiffany can turn this whole thing around by telling everyone the movie would have been so much better if her scenes didn’t end up on the cutting room floor.
AhClem
July 26th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

@2.718281828… (#124):
I see what you did there.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#175): The joke, of course, is that it’s not a joke. I’ve had remarkably similar experiences.
Calico
July 26th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

@Lynn (#137):
LOL! Deal. : )
(Starts singing again – “Don’t you let that deal go down …”)

I wonder if, in such a crisis, the men would be noble and let the kids and ladies go first. I hope to never be in a position to personally find out.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#177):

What are they? Brauny?

//seriously, what strip references colors in Germany?
Calico
July 26th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

@Mark B. (#134):
Rusty must be getting tips from Kelly Welly.
HAnzMFG
July 26th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

“Geez…life IS brutal!” That’s amazing, it’s like the strip just MST3k’d itself
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

@Cthulhu knew! (#Y277): Very nicely done. It inspired me to take a look at your blog, where I found this: “How to Write a Scholarly Literary Article.

This pretty well sums up every education study I’ve read in the past seven years. And with only a few modifications, it also applies to project management. It’s a truly inspired piece of writing.
AhClem
July 26th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

MW – The little blond girl has a shirt with tear-away sleeves that enables her to escape from predators. This is not an unusual phenomenon; several species of lizards have break-away tails for the same reason.

Not that I’m comparing Mary Worth to lizards, of course. That would be patently unfair and degrading to the lizard community.
casino LF
July 26th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

9CL: Huh, a strip where I’m actually glad to see Thorax. Is the world going to end now?

JP: Gay subtext much?

Luann: So this bombs but people still see the Spider-Man movies. Huh.

MW: I was thinking that the guy who pushes the girl out of the way looks like the guy with the SHOCKING! art from Charterstone. Plus, we all know he doesn’t like children, so it makes sense.
Snarkotix Addict
July 26th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

Cshaft Hammer. Ladder. Annoying old man. Accidents happen.
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#166): Faster, Pussycat! Kill, kill! Or something like that.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

@DebiDawg (#6): @Dawn Weston (#135): So snarpologies for my #176. I knew somebody must have noticed that…
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#183):

Oh, it happens all the time. As Software QA, I’ve had to write up numerous deviation reports explaining why we let the developer make changes to the code without first documenting the changes they intended to make. And, worse, I’ve agreed that it is not good development practice to proceed without putting the plan in place first.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#192): I liked that movie!

// The “get fuzzy” panel is perfect!
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

Luann: This movie was atrocious! The villianous bad girl didn’t really do anything that bad. She just wanted to be successful. The heroine wasn’t all that charming. All she and her friends ever did was make snippy comments to and about the bad girl. Who writes this trash?

What movie ends with “The End” these days? When the credits start to roll, isn’t it kinda obvious?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

@Dave Dahl (#106): You’re a day late and a dollar short as the saying goes. (Check out the last thread for more about Wednesday’s Broom-Hilda…)

@Erich Clapton (#115): Even Cat Stevens isn’t Cat Stevens anymore — he changed his name to Yusuf Islam.
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

Great wordplay, Evans. The etemology of “awful” means “full of awe”.
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

JP: Two rich, white guys bag a prize trout with no difficulty. Yeah, this kind of edge-of-your-seat action doesn’t just come around every day.
Sequitur
July 26th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

MW: That’s one angry Paul Lind pushing that little girl aside.

“Get out of my way kid. Erstwhile celebrities first!”

@bats :[ (#192): Why do I get my best comic laughs from you and not the “professional” comic strips? That Bucky panel is priceless.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#188):

@Cthulhu knew! (#Y277): Very nicely done. It inspired me to take a look at your blog, where I found this: “How to Write a Scholarly Literary Article.

This pretty well sums up every education study I’ve read in the past seven years. And with only a few modifications, it also applies to project management. It’s a truly inspired piece of writing.

Very nicely done, indeed! I was unaware of the importance of the works of Atrocius in literary history until now.
Sequitur
July 26th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#200): That should be Paul “Lynde”. He changed the spelling to “Lind” after he died.
Gringo
July 26th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

Merrily Worthless: OMG! That callous brute shoving aside the women and children to save his own neck … no, it’s not George Costanza! It’s the kidnapper from the diner story a few months back! He obviously escaped from the inept Santa Royale authorities, or was released by the pinko liberal justice system to wreak havoc on innocent vacationers! Life is indeed brutal!
Gringo
July 26th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

@Chareth Cutestory (#11): Well it seems that the Eye of Zeye movie is an awful piece of garbage

Or it could be that they’re simply still stunned by the godawful trailer that ran before “Eye of Zeye,” promoting that YouTube sensation “Hey Boy.”
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

MW: You may think that the unsophisticated, angry brute callously shoved the little girl aside in order to get to the life boats and ripped off her sleeve in the process. No. The girl has a stitched seam, not a torn shirt. The callous brute carefully cut the sleeves off and restitched the seams so that if the girl did have to swim, the weight of the watered sleeves would not drag on her. The beautiful and selfless act reminded her of her mother’s speed stitching in the heat of the action. “Mama!” she cries, but the brute has gone on to assist a fellow passenger who has a cast on his leg.
Gringo
July 26th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

@Gringo (#203): Dang, sorry, @12 Droopy. Next time I shall read all comments before posting.
Cthulhu knew!
July 26th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#188): Thank you! That blog post was sparked by a collection of academic articles about poetry, and by my brief experience as a Library Science grad student. (I respect librarians no end, but those textbooks were something else. If you hacked through the verbiage to a comprehensible statement, it was generally either trivial or absurd. And don’t get me started on the rampant ignorance of the basic elements of statistics.)
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#197):

I’m not sure which of those singers of “bittersweet folk rock” made a habit of trying to “seal time in a bottle” but if it was Cat Stevens, I’m sure he’ll try to get back in the folksinging game by eventually changing his name to Meow Meow Lalala.
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#12): … And the girl from Goletta still didn’t get her ice cream. Life is brutal!
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#197): It’s just plain Yusuf now. We went through this already.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#208): “Time in a Bottle” was Jim Croce, better known as The Late Jim Croce, since he kicked off before his career did.
Square root of negative 1
July 26th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#143): I Kings 7:23 – there’s intelligent design for you.
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

Was there really rioting on the Italian cruise liner disaster? They were in full view of the shore. When the boat tipped on its side, the water was not even deep enough to sink it. Under these conditions, I’d think more in terms of keeping safe from a broken leg than running for my life.
Hogenmogen
July 26th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#210): “It’s just Yusuf now.”

So he shunned Islam?
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

@Hogenmogen (#199):

Yeah, enough with the fishing. Can’t they just do golf jokes like all of the other comic strips? Always with the hoity-toity.
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

“Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Goletta didn’t get ice cream, and when she passes, each one she passes says: Life is brutal!”

50th anniversary of that earworm, folks. You’re welcome.
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

@Gringo (#204): BURN!

@Hogenmogen (#213): It borders on rioting when the train arrives at a station in Italy. It borders on rioting when the barista has to take 3 steps to pick up a new bag of coffee beans at the caffetteria. It would not surprise me in the least that there was rioting on a sinking ship.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#211): Lots of folks did that, long before the Late One.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

@Cthulhu knew! (#207):

My merciful fading memory of library science textbooks (now forty years in the past) and of grad school level EngLit scholarship (now slightly more than forty years in the past, except for the ones I’ve had to re-encounter in helping students at the reference desk) agrees with yours.

Comic strips make more sense, have more to say about reality, and in some cases are even funnier.
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

@AhClem (#182): speaking of “spot the Firesign Theater reference!”

So, ahClem, why does the porridge bird lay his egg in the air?
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#211):

yeesh. so you’re saying he clocked out before he became Jim Croce, staple of 70s AM Radio songs? That’s too bad. Now I feel bad.

Okay.

I just looked at that LuAnn strip’s art again. Now I feel worse.

No wait. Actually, I shouldn’t look at that art that way. Okay. Now I feel better.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#218):

hmmm.
There’s always a way that is easier than trying to force a Timex in a Coke bottle, isn’t there?
Oregonian
July 26th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

@Comcis Fan (#160): Oh, I REALLY didn’t need to know that one can buy an inflatable sandwich on the internet!

I can just picture a late, dark night at Charterstone. Wilbur stealthily locks the doors and draws the curtains. He tiptoes into his bedroom and slides a large, discreetly-packaged cardboard box out from under the bed. He pauses in front of his dresser to gently turn a framed portrait of Mary Worth face down and then he rummages around in his underwear drawer to emerge with a Schwinn bicycle pump.

A few quick thrusts and the sweat starts to flow. Just a few more and the plastic mass on the floor starts to stir like something alive. Hiss… Hiss… Hiss… Wilbur is pumping faster now. His combover is askew and his heart is racing, but it doesn’t matter! This is it! This is what he’s been waiting for! A few more rapid thrusts of the pump and…

Suddenly a sleepy-eyed Dawn pushes open the door and stands there in her nightgown. “What’s going on, Dad? I thought I heard a noi… OH MY GOD!! NOT AGAIN!!!”
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#178): How about settling for Billingsley learning to draw people, period. He can start with how caps actually sit on a person’s head.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#179): If by “Alan Smithee” you mean Edward D. Wood, then we’re in agreement.

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#210): It’s just plain Yusuf now.

Actually, it’s Yusuf Apocalypse Now — he named himself after his favorite Francis Ford Coppola film.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

marmaduke-

is he voting for davidduke?*

Seriously, from my experiences, if a dog is a guide dog, I don’t think poll workers would be anything but helpful to the voter. But, if a ginormous great dane commandeered a voting booth, especially if he was casting a ballot, they’d probably freak out. They don’t seem to like unexpected behavior, especially if it is just light-hearted humor.

So, I’m sorry Marmaduke maker, there’s a good chance a poll worker would order for a devil dog to be shot on site. Is that funny? No. Not at all. Especially since we all need to know where the hell hound buried his other two heads.

*oops, i split my sides!**
** There goes the mashed ‘taters! uh hyuk! /Goofy
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

“trying to force a Timex in a Coke bottle” – is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#222): Perhaps, but at least you know it’ll keep on tickin’.
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

@Hogenmogen (#199): Tomorrow: GOLF!
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
July 26th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

@TheDiva (#63): You know what? Both of Brooke’s strips today, in combination with his commentary, really sum up the essence of why he bugs so much. He thinks that his strip is about intelligent, cultivated, artistic people, drawn for the same, drawn by the same.

But here’s the thing. I personally know many such people and not one of them is half the pretentious lout Brooke is, let alone the over-amped aesthetes his characters are. If anything, they’re much the opposite, talking excitedly about the latest development in whatever reality show they’re watching in the same conversation that they discuss the upcoming Prokofiev concert or the latest literary fiction. They have deep and extensive vocabularies, but they don’t talk like dictionaries or labored faux intellectuals; they talk like normal people, albeit with a wider range of subtleties to draw on.

Above all, they don’t pat themselves on the back for being smart, because they know they are smart, their friends are all smart, and while being smart is nice, it’s also nothing special.

Brooke, in other words, doesn’t act like an actual smart, educated person, and neither do his characters. Instead they act like what he thinks smart, educated people act like, and by so doing, shows himself up for the pretentious poser wanna-be that he is. It’s like some nouveau riche guy showing up at the country club wearing the latest expensive designer clothes and expensive bling and bragging about his yacht, all the while thinking that he fits in.

I guess it boils down to a certain amount of irritation and resentment that he’s promoting this gross and strange caricature of smart people, doesn’t realize it, and thinks he’s one of them by doing so.

I would imagine artists might well be able to make the same complaint. His biggest failing, ultimately, is the overweening pride of the unaware self-taught, who often don’t realize which skills are indeed evidence of talent and which are the basics that one learns the first week in class.

I come by my pedantry honestly, by birth and education; what’s his excuse?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

@Cthulhu knew! (#207): Isn’t a new, critical translation of Atrocius, with commentary, overdue?

// You should do one of those kickstarter things.

// I’d attempt it myself, but my command of the original tongue, Gobbledygreek, is rusty.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

@Oregonian (#223):

Don’t forget the lounge music and….

//oh geez.
my eyes.
upon realizing i hadn’t read your entire comment, i pause in my attempted chuckle-making and went back to read your description, why, man, why? I was gonna make a benign mayo quip but now….no….no….noooooooo….

Will Clown-9 calm my nerves? Even if he doesn’t, he does cause me to drink. So….
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#228): @Lynn (#227):

The procedure does involve licking, yes.
Mark B.
July 26th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

SM: You can’t hug children with nuclear arms, but it turns out that robotic arms work just fine.
sporknpork
July 26th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

Does Greg Evans create each Luann strip in HyperCard?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#233): Mr. Owl wants to know: “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?”
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#231):

I prefer the new critical edition of the works of Abdul Al-hazred, coming out in the Three-Loeb Classical Library series.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Spider The Man hmmm…What else does Clown-9 have up his sleeves?

Do tell, Stan Lee!
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#220): I’m not ah clem but I can answer: That’s the Firesign Theater’s secret code for “fart.”

@Oregonian (#223): If there were a long-form COTW for replies, you’d win it.

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#230): His excuse that he’s overcompensating for being a purebread beefwit.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#230):
From the time I was a kid I bristled at TV and movie portrayals of smart people as people who could recite a batch of facts and quote various writers. I even knew some in school. They weren’t smart. They never actually had any independent thoughts or analyses of their own. They just spouted stuff.

His biggest failing, ultimately, is the overweening pride of the unaware self-taught, who often don’t realize which skills are indeed evidence of talent and which are the basics that one learns the first week in class.

Today’s Pibgorn is an excellent example, in which he preens over the mind-bending problem of grammar when dealing with time-travel — something that has been dealt with, commented upon, and joked about by virtually every science fiction writer who has written about the subject.

In Brooke’s case, however, I believe he’s not self-taught. I think he actually went through all the classes and still came out this way. It happens.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#236):

Depends on where you start from, doesn’t it? I mean if you happen to be a Tootsie Roll Pop Mite who is born already halfway through the Pop because your mother laid her eggs there when the Pop was itself still a larvae and had not yet grown the extra layers of integument, it’s not going to take you as long as someone starting from the outside after the Pop is full-grown.

(Oh, too much information?)
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#241): WHAT????
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#241): I forget now — do mites start from the ground or the ceiling?
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#241): Let me elaborate: What? Did you read that in a Sunday “Mark Trail” in 1972?
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#143): Now that’s taking me back to my Masonic days.
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#240): spouting facts? Kinda like the Scarecrow in the “Wizard of Oz” once he receives his brain?
Greg K
July 26th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

In today’s Mary Worth, Wilbur comments that “Life is brutal”. But I think he’s referring to the big brute’s vented polo shirt.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#237): Wiki: “According to History of the Necronomicon the very act of studying the text is inherently dangerous, as those who attempt to master its arcane knowledge generally meet terrible ends.”

I’ll stay away from that, if you don’t mind. I’m an admirer of callipygian forms myself. I see too many terrible ends already.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#241):

oh dear. this is too early in the morning for me to get the vapors.

it’ll all clear up soon.

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#236):

Recently (enough) I saw a 3D version of that commercial. Ruminating on the significance that a wise owl brings to the table when it comes to being a connoisseur of the finer sweets a person on a budget can afford, I found myself question his credibility as an arbiter.

For you see, Mr. Owl (if that is indeed his real name) eats field mice.
Yes, it is true. He doesn’ t just sit their spouting wise and sucking pops. He eats mice. Even Garfield, he of a refined palette, will not indulge in mice.

So, why should we trust the judgement that the “wise” “Mr. Owl” makes as he gobbles up a delicious Tootsie Roll Pop as if it is a mouse on a stick?

Gentle people of the jury, I say we move on.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 26th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Beaming in a little later than usual and probably a little duller. Blame the Internet, which around here has been so slow that it’s basically going backwards. Anyway, this is what I’ve got.

MW: Is it just me, or should Wilbur saying “Geez, life is brutal” be accompanied by a “wah-wah-waaaah” sting on muted trumpet?

Luann: I guess it’s good for Tiffany that her scenes were left on the cutting room floor. Not that even the star has that much control over the quality of the movie.

M-Dawg: The Andersons run their rebuttal to this week’s Doonesburys.

MT: The chipmunk can sense that it’s in the presence of profound stupidity, hence the gape.

FW: Les says that he’ll never complain about his daughter being in heat again. Color me dubious.

C-Shaft: For harassing Habitat for Humanity workers, may Crankshaft get an angry midnight visit from Jimmy Carter.

9CL: “Dear chinless in Manhattan. Your chick’s grandmother left me for a starchy SS veteran. That baggage added to my pompous insanity might make me a less-than-ideal person to ask.”

Archie: The hammock looks fine to me. When she says that Archie broke it does she mean that he uprooted the tree?

SL: Say what? YouTube didn’t get rich by paying everybody who posts videos.

JP: Sam and Avery don’t want the fish to have one last orgasm? How petty can you get?

GT: I’m pretty sure Gil was going to say “I promise to give it back,” so it’s good that Steve blocked him with his own joke.

Blondie: There is truly nothing like chili dogs you’ve been carrying around for four midsummer days in your briefcase.

Phantom: Okay, I know there must be a reason why the real Guerrero Latino is hanging around the ring in full costume while his much paler ringer stomps his opponent, but I still think it’s a bad risk to take. He could make people stop believing in wrestling.

FC: Dolly speaks from experience.

DtM: Dennis the Menace minus Dennis.

S-M: Of course if the ossifers had tossed the arms before going after Clown-9 the whole effect would have been ruined. He’ll have to send them a thank you note later on.

S4th: Artists are misunderstood more often than not, Hil.
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#246): Bingo! And that one always bugged me too.
flatsixes
July 26th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

MT:I wonder where Cherry and Doc went? I mean, when you live in a cabin in the woods, where do you go to get away from it all? ANd how come they didn’t invite Rusty to join them? There’s something funny going on here, which is more than I can say for Funky Winkerbean. That strip just sucks.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#241):

okay. You are forgiven for causing me to deal with the vapors. Fortunately, you didn’t interrupt my drinking, too much.

And, lucky for you (or for me?) recovering from the vapors is a good excuse for not proofreading what I wrote above. Yeah. That’s it.

Though, I should warn you that Snuffy Smif’s Bumpkin Buddies have outdone you in gross outs. Sometimes the less that is said, allow for more things to crawl into the blanks.

If it is not soup and he needs a knife to cut it, what is it?

Help me, Slylock! Help, help me, Slylock!
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 26th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

@Comcis Fan (#160): “Inflatable Promotional Sandwich” would make a good name for a band.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

Wow, speaking of Slylock.

Either Les Moore or Rusty Bucket is being saved by Count Weirdly’s cousin, Alphabetize Normally.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#250): I was thinking National Chili Dog Day was Saturday, the 28th. Turns out it is actually on the last Thursday in July, today.

// And they say reading the comics is a waste of time!
Dave Dahl
July 26th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

My comment @ #106 was cut and pasted from the Robert Feder column on http://www.timeoutchicago.com.
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

I don’t know why we think Phantom is pasty white. Isn’t he the 23rd generation of Phantoms, who have been living in Africa? Wouldn’t he be beyond mulatto by now?
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 26th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#243): Stalagmites start from the ground.

Stalactites start from the ceiling.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 26th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#243):

“do mites start from the ground or the ceiling?”

Stalag Mites start in a POW Camp in Germany. It they work in the laundry, they may end up with a pair of Stalag Tights they can wear when they do a Bugs-Bunny-In-Drag style escape attempt.
Meyer
July 26th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Unbelievable. I just returned home from a trip to Italy and a Mediterranean cruise and am catching up on the usual daily comics dreck…can’t believe that Wilbur and Dawn’s trip itinerary is nearly identical to mine. After spending a week on an Italian cruise ship, the possibility of having to abandon ship actually doesn’t seem that far-fetched. Then again, Wilbur and Dawn haven’t seen any Eurotrash wearing a popped-collar polo shirt with a banana hammock while on the pool deck, so I’d say I still suffered worse horrors on my trip.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 26th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Brooke, in other words, doesn’t act like an actual smart, educated person, and neither do his characters. Instead they act like what he thinks smart, educated people act like, and by so doing, shows himself up for the pretentious poser wanna-be that he is.

That’s the sum total of what bugs me about his characters, too. In and of itself I have no problem with them using big vocab words and erudite diction. Or at least I wouldn’t if they had something to say that justified the verbiage. Instead what I see are people using twenty words when five would do, with a (usually) tacit implication of “I can say things you don’t understand, so obviously I’m better than you.”
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 26th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#259): Criminy… I thought you were talking about geology, not entomology. I was so busy with “preview” that I didn’t bother to read the previous posts. :(
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#249): re: Mr. Owl. Particularly if he barfs up indigestible mouse parts on a perfectly-good Tootsie Pop.
Then again, I haven’t had a Tootsie Pop in a while; may “Owl Casting” is a newer flavor.
(Anyone remember lime Tootsie Pops? They were good, but a rather unappetizing color, kinda camouflage because of the somewhat translucent green exterior and the brown, Tootsie Roll interior…)
KreatureFeatures
July 26th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Next week we’ll see Mary Worth writing in her advice column. She’ll admit that life is basically tragic, and all religions are merely myths we tell ourselves to give us the false hope we need to trudge forward with our day to day routines. There is no karma, Mary will type; we are merely shells of dust that live a brief minute of the countless eons. But, hey look at Wilbur chow down on that meatball sandwich!
commodorejohn
July 26th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

A3G – Tommie is, unsurprisingly, completely unable to recognize sarcasm.

A.D. – …well. Uh, hmm. Lynn Johnston write this one?

DT – “Wait a minute, you look obviously like a villain in a universe where anyone who looks like an obvious villain is inevitably actually a villain. I’m starting to get a little suspicious here.”

FW – Hey, that’s a pretty good sketch. Now why’s the comic look like shit?

JP – Your context-free phrase for the day: “He’s not going to get off…you’re playing him beautifully!”

Jumble – April Patterson, the after years.

Love Is… – …pancaking.

Luann – The real miracle here is that Greg Evans has finally drawn characters who aren’t in the strip’s core c-wait, the hell? That’s Bert and Ernie! That’s so obviously Bert and Ernie that I’m like the third person here to notice that! Are the the other four even original characters? Maybe they’re all bit players from other kids’ TV shows that are just before my time? Are we gonna see H.R. Pufnstuf and Witchiepoo in crowd shots in the future or something?

MT – Rusty, even Mega Chipmunk knows that’s a stupid idea.

MW – Emily Smith, no!

Monty – Monty Rule 34s Dalí. I wasn’t aware Dalí needed the help.

SF – Don’t let those Philistines get you down, Hil! Someday people will recognize your genius!

SM – So I guess Spider-Man‘s official policy is that anything can happen for any reason, as long as it isn’t as funny as the strip thinks it is and doesn’t really advance the plot in any way.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

Mr. Hardy Laurel, have I got a girl for you:

http://english.hebei.com.cn/uploads/allimg/110728/7_110728104631_1.jpg

Safe for everyone — except Baka Gaijin!
Dennis Jimenez
July 26th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#266): Love Is… – …pancaking.

Is that anything like pile driving….
La Cieca
July 26th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

@Little Guy (#8): “My mother, a common werewolf!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 26th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

@ArchieNemesis (#75):

Crock: See, it’s an empty desert and … OK, this one is too easy. Even the author of this strip just gave up and walked away.

To be fair, I’m pretty sure the Lost Patrol being too dumb to walk around the truck is the joke.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Apart. Three G

interpreting the body language:

Margo:
So does Baby Girl Gaines have a name yet, Tommie?
(or, did they just give up and give the little rascal away? Either or, meddling, failed homewreckers want to know!)

Tommie:
Brace yourself, Margo.
(personally, I’ve been holding onto my thighs for dear life)
Nina named her Abigail Ann.

Margo:
Abigail? As in Abigail “Tommie” Thompson
(that harlot down the street)?

Tommie:
I know. How amazing is that?!!
(I don’t really care. I’m more fascinated by the other Tommie down the street)
Mibbitmaker
July 26th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#230): It’s like if GOB Bluth and Dianne Chambers had a baby.

“What, as though my parentage would originate from mere television programs and not a demon-filled symphony or Shakespear saga — Come ON!”
KreatureFeatures
July 26th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#270):

the Lost Patrol being too dumb to walk around the truck is the joke

I do find that part funny, but “another overturned tractor-trailer” miles from a road is a stretch, even for Zombie Crock.
Alison
July 26th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

“Mary Worth”: I sure hope Wilbur and Dawn come to the rescue of that girl in the magic purple shirt, because imagine how furious and jealous Mary will be when she finds out Wilbur and Dawn saved a little blonde girl in peril just like Mary did with Emily From Goleta! Not so special any more, are you, Mary? ARE YOU?! Ha ha ha!

And you know Mary isn’t the kind who’s gracious enough to let someone else have their moment, even though Mary couldn’t stop gushing about how she saved Emily From Goleta, and soaked up all the praise that she got from other people about how she saved Emily From Goleta. I like to imagine Wilbur n’ Dawn trying to bring up having helped the blonde girl and Mary being all, “OKAAAY, you two don’t have to keep TALKING about that all the time. So you saved some kid. REALLY BIG DEAL or something, pfft.”

“Luann”: So is that Tiffany in the bikini? I thought she just had a tiny role. It looks more like she’s the star.

I’m gonna ignore tomorrow’s “Luann” and just decide it’s gonna go like this: Luann laughs at Tiffany for being in a stupid movie. Tiffany throws it back in Luann’s face that the best Luann has ever done is fantasize about getting into acting school, then promptly dropped her fantasy because her mommy and daddy said it was expensive. Tiffany then points out that she (Tiffany) actually went out, worked, and got acting experience, which she got paid for. All the others realize Tiffany is making sense and they agree with her. Luann runs away, her face red with shame. YESSSSSSS.
AhClem
July 26th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#270):
Mel Brooks did it much better with a toll booth in “Blazing Saddles.”
“Somebody has to go back and get a shitload of dimes!”
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail:

I dont’ know if that is a squirrel or a chipmunk because the tail is ambiguous to my eyes.

But, he looks like he can’t relieve himself while someone’s looking.

Bro. Squirmunk, give it time.
BMD
July 26th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

I’ve purviewed the beefwitted attempts, perfunctory as they may be, to denigrate my verbosity as something akin to the attempts of Atrocious to perambulate the aqueduct without articulating the vocabulary.

It is transparent that your miniscule intellects are not up to the task of engaging in intercourse of the type enjoyed by the connoisseur of true art. Of what use is it to rely on the validity of your articulations, when the form is lacking? Form encompasses all. Thoughts are the mere firing of synapses if they are not expressed in a rarified form coequivalent to their brilliance.

In short – fuck off, dickheads!
Poteet
July 26th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#192): BWAHAHA!
Poteet
July 26th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

NEW ADVENTURES/VICTORIA — Would someone kindly reveal the name of the bewigged monarch? I know I should know but I don’t, and I’d like to look up the “botanist” part. Thanks!
Poteet
July 26th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#279): Of course for all I know, Victoria wore a wig. So I meant the bewigged dude monarch. Unless…never mind.
legal prohormones
July 26th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

Hi joshreads.com admin, i love your website

[delinked and blacklisted]
Frank Lee Meidere
July 26th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

@legal prohormones (#281):

Hi joshreads.com admin, i love your website

That’s just the legal prohormones talking. The illegal antihormones hate Josh’s site.
odinthor
July 26th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#280): George III, I believe…
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

MW – Wilbur is referring to the dickhead doing the Constanza though the crowd near the lifeboats. His name is Life, Bob Life. And, yes, he is brutal. Can’t you tell?
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

MW-Rusty, if you are planning on killing those guys leaving a note behind saying what you are doing is not the best idea.

Slylock Fox-In the second one the pilot is going to back up quickly and laugh as the guy falls off the mountain.
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

You didn’t notice the level on Kickstarter that allows you to advertise your prohormones here? (The illegal ones are extra)
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

I knew right away that prohormone guy was not a regular Mudgeon. There was no snark in the message.
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke-Marmaduke is there to ensure that the right candidate is voted for.
Sequitur
July 26th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

How do you make a prohormone?

Don’t pay her!
Lynn
July 26th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

If I want prohormones, I’ll go to Jeremy and Sara.
Erich Clapton
July 26th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#197): Cat Stevens (et al): Yep. We know that.
Oregonian
July 26th, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#232): I was gonna make a benign mayo quip

You’re so right. After a stealthy trip to the fridge, Wilbur would have gently placed a small jar of mayonnaise on the floor beside the box before he even got started. Wish I’d thought of that.
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

MW-Don’t the writers of “Mary Worth” know that the only people who read it are people on this site so the image of the crying child won’t move the readers to sympathy but to making snarky comments.
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

A3G-Fine Abigail Ann is her Christian name but what is her stripper name.
Liam
July 26th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

MW-That’s not Mamma little girl that is Dadda abandoning you. You need to learn the differences between the sexes.l
Peanut Gallery
July 26th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

@Erich Clapton (#115): “No damn Cat, and no damn Cradle.”
Mibbitmaker
July 26th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

Prohormones.

Pro whore moans.

That’s silly — if she’s a whore, wouldn’t that, by definition, make her a “pro” already?
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 26th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#297): Sorry, can’t resist… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1N6rzfoWHzg
Droopy Says
July 26th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#172): I think Evans is ripping off Jeff Morrow’s experience with the premiere of The Giant Claw. That was a 1957 Columbia sci-fi flick about a gigantic space-bird, protected by a radioactive shield, that spread devastation around the earth until Morrow’s character found a way to destroy it.

The actors were given a script that described the monster as a sleek, fast-moving beast of terrifying appearance. When they filmed their scenes, they expected the special-effects people to add an appropriately terrifying monster. And they had some good effects people; I think they won an Oscar for some later work. So the actors gave it their best.

But. The producer saved as much money as he could. He farmed out the monster to a workshop in Mexico, which produced a marionette that must have been inspired by Don Martin. The other effects look equally low-budget (although you can see places where the effects people did their best anyway; a couple of demolished skyscrapers had detailed interiors, which appear as they’re destroyed).

The endless crappy effects were edited in amid scenes where the actors struggled with the ineptly-written script. You can’t help but laugh when Mara Corday and Jeff Morrow get their first look at the wall-eyed monster, because they reacty as though they’re seeing something that looks dangerous. The audience couldn’t help laughing at the premiere, which was held in Jeff Morrow’s home town. Everyone in Reduce Speed, California turned out for the “local boy makes good” experience. Morrow snuck away after the movie ended (or maybe it was during the movie; I forget, and I’ll bet he wished he could, too.)

I’m sure Evans knows all about this, and has been waiting years to inflict the same experience on the Tiffany character.
Ed Dravecky
July 26th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

The little girl cried, “Mama!”, because she just killed a man. She put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger, and now he’s dead. “Mama!”, she cried because her life had just begun and it was brutal.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#251): @bats :[ (#246): He just states the Pythagorean Theorem, and gets it wrong.

Not enough verbiage to constitute “spouting”, really.
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#299):

“I’m sure Evans knows all about this. . .”

And I suspect any ‘mudgeons who didn’t already know found out a week ago:

98. Shrug
July 18th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#72):

I also recall reading (in, I think, Bill Warren’s KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES) a comparable story about Jeff Morrow, who starred in the giantic-bird-monster movie THE GIANT CLAW. . . .
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#289): That’s what got the Secret Service in trouble!
Shrug
July 26th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#301):

“Frank Lee Meidere (#251): @bats :[ (#246): He just states the Pythagorean Theorem, and gets it wrong. ”

Well, it only seems wrong to us (and to all mathematics from Pythagoreas on down to the present) because we don’t have a Scarecrow-level brain capable of allowing for the subtle effects of the magiobullshitium effect on consensus-reality geometry.

In other words, who are you going to believe, a bunch of beefwit scientists or a Scarecrow with a new brain?

He went on start to explain that the Battle of Trafalgar was fought on dry land near Cudworth in Yorkshire, but got distracted by having to call out “Stapling machine” to Mr. Jones.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#297): I would accuse you of pedantry, if it weren’t for for all these damn glass walls.

// Should have gone for the brick siding.
Droopy Says
July 26th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#302): Thanks for reminding me. I must have missed your original post.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#232):

“Benign Mayo Quip” would not be a good name for a rock band.

That is all.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

@Hogenmogen (#214): “It’s just Yusuf now.”
So he shunned Islam?
Nominally.

@Nehemiah Scudder (#218): There’s a small colonial-type square at the Big E grounds in West Springfield, MA, and it has an herb garden, with everything labeled. The sundial has a label that says THYME.

@Chaze126 (#220): First found carved on Great Wall of Space!

@Baka Gaijin (#239): I’ve always felt that the answer to the porridge bird question (“an old trick”) can be summed up as “pronoun trouble.”
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

@Der Schnärkïnätör (#307):

What about Clown-9 Mayo Whip?

A Devo cover band (or, Wilbur’s Wildest Dreams Come True)?
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#309):
Intriguing…
Swordsmith
July 26th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#197):

Yusef Islam? Didn’t he perform Crazy Train?
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
July 26th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#166): I will give the Mark Trail folks that. Rusty always looks like a child. A strange, mutant child, granted, but still, a child.
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#308): We really are all Bozos on this bus. We are NOT Cloud 9′s.
Chaze126
July 26th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

@Chaze126 (#313): Clown 9′s. Clown9′s…..
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

Huh. The next time you laugh at whiny old Peter Parker, remember this.
Awwww.
Ew.
Sequitur
July 26th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

@tallyHO (#309): I think Clown 9 should be called Partly Clowny. The novelty band would be called Baka Gaijin Partly Clowny.
bats :[
July 26th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#300): I <3 you. No. Really.
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
July 26th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

@BMD (#277): Oh, god. That reminds me of some terrifying horse fic someone once quoted from in which the writers use words like “oculars” in place of eyes, only it’s not just eyes that they do this to, but every. single. thing. “His lambent oculars transected space sunwise in the valiant steed’s ivory braincase” instead of “he looked to the left,” for example. *twitch*
commodorejohn
July 26th, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#318): Whoa. Brain cramp. That’s some Eye of Argon-level contorted prose, there.
BERTMARCH
July 26th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

I was listening to a song recently that I think should be adopted as the unofficial offical anthem of Marmaduke

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqULuX9CjC0

WHEN THE ARMIES OF NIGHT WITH HIS POWERS UNITE
AND THE MOON IS AS BLACK AS HIS BLOOD
THEN THE RIVERS WILL BOIL AS THE UNDEAD THEY TOIL
ASHES WHERE MAN ONCE STOOD
demoncat
July 26th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

mw wilbur as dawn clings to him to avoid being crushed just relizes his plans have backfired and he will now wind up taking that little blonde girl down with him and dawn. marmaduke that lady is foolish marmaduke is not there to vote his is using the booth to eat his latest victim and she is next once he turns around.
pastordan
July 26th, 2012 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#146): Waldo’s about 25 miles east of me. (Google Waldo, Wisconsin)
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#316): As long as you’re up for some punny business, how about “Baka Gaijin Partly Clowny with a Chance of Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket”?

(Sorry, Baka and Rana — please feel free to make fun of my username!)
seismic-2
July 26th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#218): Ah yes, the beautiful ballad “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Time in a Bottle”, from the hit Western “Pat Garret and the Sundance Kid”, as sung by B.J. Thomas in the scene where Sam Elliot and Joanne Woodward ride a tricycle. I prefer the funky version by Oogachaka Khan, though.
pastordan
July 26th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

A few late hits:

Judge Parker: “He’s not going to get off! You’re playing him beautifully!” Ahh…hmm…uh…

Also . There’s one fish and two assholes. Looks like the math checks out.

Mark Trail: If I were you, Rusty, I’d forget about those poachers and start paying more attention to that talking horse you got there.

Rex Morgan: I think I’m going to start adding “on hookers and blow” to random word balloons in this strip. Today’s a good day to start.

Gil: Got me pegged, kid.

The Heart of Juliet Jones: That’s one dude who’s really excited for “adequate rewards” for selling lingerie.

And that’s all I got.
Snarkotix Addict
July 26th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

@flatsixes (#252): MT:I wonder where Cherry and Doc went? I mean, when you live in a cabin in the woods, where do you go to get away from it all? ANd how come they didn’t invite Rusty to join them? There’s something funny going on here…

Cherry and Doc each thought they would go capture those Bighorn killers and left notes for the others. When they all run into each other where the Bighorns come down from the mountains to feed, it will seem like a big surprise party! Hilarity ensues. Well, until the Bighorn killers expand their quarry to include humans.
pastordan
July 26th, 2012 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#324): @Nehemiah Scudder (#218): I’ve always been partial to Cylon and Garfunkel’s version…
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

Phil Proctor’s website, Planet Proctor, has an interesting story:

In the latest iPhone program, Siri responds to the following: “Siri, why does the porridge-bird lay its eggs in the air?” with – “Nice try, but you’re not going to get me to shut down that easily.” And she answers to “Siri, this is Worker speaking,” by saying, “Hello, ah-Clem, what function can I perform for you?” And that’s because the late Steve Jobs was a Firesign Theatre fan, inspired by the “I Think We’re All Bozos on this Bus” album.

// Sounds fun. I have an Android. Anyone with an iPhone out there that can verify?
Alter Ego
July 26th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#102): Holy fapping pancakes!
Daniel
July 26th, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

MW is totally Roy Lichtenstein territory. ” ‘Geez … life is brutal! Mama!’ (1988) went for $1.1 million at Stack’s this Tuesday.”

Luann Is that a Rob Liefeld movie playing? Awesome Comics has moved into movies so bad that they leave the entire audience staring in shell shock at the credits?
Sequitur
July 26th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#323): Ha! I like it. Can we expect some Scudder showers?
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#323): Not so much to make fun, but it would make a good band name.

// I’m thinking maybe a dulcimer death-metal alt-country fusion thing. With cowbell. Lots of cowbell.
Tipsy
July 26th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

The pattern on Wilbur’s jacket is very much a Fifties Disney animator’s visual description of jazz.
Sequitur
July 26th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#332): Interesting factoid.

There is no cow in a cowbell.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#334):

Also, there’s no cat in catgut — unless you’re Garfield or Heathcliff.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#323): @Nehemiah Scudder (#332):

But “Punny Business”, “Baka Gaijin and the Partly Clownies” and Rana and the Pedantic Wet Blankets” would be great band names!
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#336):

That’s me at 335.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

@Der Schnärkïnätör (#337):

Errr, make that 336.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

@Der Schnärkïnätör (#338): A ha! Your secret is out! You are doing ALL the posting on this website, through your dozens of sock puppets!

// Well, except for my posts, of course. Most of them anyway.
Peanut Gallery
July 26th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

@kkarenb (#151): It’s amazing how many different mnemonics there are, for a distinction that doesn’t seem all that useful to know anyway. If I saw somebody about to run into a stalactite or stalagmite, I’d just yell, “Look out for that pointy thing!”

@gnome de blog (#177): How about Cleveland Browns?
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#324):

Auuuugh!

Please don’t tell me there was a storyline in LuAnn called “Knockin’ on Evans’ Door”

By the way, I haven’t seen that Peckinpah movie in years but it was a tad bit long for my attention span back then. It probably would have had a bit more pep to it if it were re-imagined as “Pat Garrett & Burger the King” in a good ol’ fashioned Western.

@pastordan (#327):

Now I kinda wish Cylon & Garfunkle had sang a parody version of that song called:
“Scar Boba Fett”.

//hm. now I’m wondering if I’m entitled to re-title existing works of …no …not art…something else….ha! just kidding. The movie was too long; So is “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” and yet “Scar Boba Fett” does seem like a missed opportunity. I surely can’t sing it.
commodorejohn
July 26th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#339): Curses! Foiled again!
Hiram
July 26th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#212): Pi = 3 is close enough. I just finished putting in 200 rows of pomegranates; I’m not gonna get nit-picky about a lousy 1/7th of a cubit!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#340): If I saw somebody about to run into a stalactite or stalagmite, I’d just yell, “Look out for that pointy thing!”

Yes, but you are a Man of Action, accustomed to thinking on your feet, constantly making life and death decisions. I, were I struck by some momentary aphasia, would be paralyzed by my deeply ingrained pedantry. “Look out for the…”, I would ejaculate, and then, stop, unable to proceed with my warning. And the endangered person, would shout, “Look out for what…?”, and leap into the air, skewering him or herself on some low-hanging stalactite, then fall and impale themselves on a nearby stalagmite. And I, doubtless, would lose some lifelong friend, or beloved relative. That sort of thing can spoil a fellow’s lunch, and dinner too.

// And that is why I eschew spelunking.
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
July 26th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#323): No worries. I love a good pun (by which I mean an awful one).
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
July 26th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#332): How did you know that I love dulcimers?!
Sgt. Stoned
July 26th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Yes, pluggers still argue about a 6th grade basketball game–6th grade was their senior year!

MW: Time for Wilbur to cut a pink-slime produced fart and send everybody running in the opposite direction.
Square root of negative 1
July 26th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

@Hiram (#343): Would that be a metric cubit, or an old-fashioned Roman Imperial cubit?
Square root of negative 1
July 26th, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#346): Oh, don’t be coy! Every comment you write screams “dulcimer death-metal alt-country fusion” kind of gal.

// Amirite, Mudges?
Sgt. Stoned
July 26th, 2012 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

Archie: Mr. Lodge–job creator!
Sequitur
July 26th, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#349): I was thinking more Techno-Dulcimer.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 26th, 2012 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#344):

I’m willing to bet Spelunky Winkerbean (Funky’s cave-exploring cousin) knows the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite.
Señor Tortilla
July 26th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

Alright, so I’m a bit late, so here’s my snark from yesterthread, which I never got to expand and repost.

Luann:…Chicago? Really?

Spiderman: After seeing the newest Batman movie, it shames me to have Spider-Man show cops as being so incompetent.

9CL: THORAX ALERT THORAX ALERT

Remember, this being six-something local time (Central Time Zone, for those keeping track at home): I thought of Chicago first. I used System 7, too!
Sudsy Nematode
July 26th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#349): With cowbell! Lots of cowbell.
Hiram
July 26th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#348): Crap! I just realized I used metric for the oxen and Imperial for the cherubim! Aw screw it, it’s only Solomon, it ain’t NASA…
Dead Chum Shrine
July 26th, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#344): If you hold up a protractor then people would stop to look.

//Lives saved.
tallyHO
July 26th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#344):
“// And that is why I eschew spelunking.

Spelunking is nothing to sneeze at.
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
July 26th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

@Square root of negative 1 (#349): @Sequitur (#351): Techno-fusion steampunk world dulcimer, thankya verra much.
Swordsmith
July 26th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

@Hiram (#355): Good point, if you’re slouching towards Bethlehem to be born, and you realize your map was in cubits but you were counting in paces, you can always turn around and correct your overshot… unlike the Mars Climate Orbiter.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

@Dead Chum Shrine (#356): It might, at least, help draw things out, provided you had a lateral pencil.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#358): I shall follow your future musical career with the greatest interest!
Dead Chum Shrine
July 26th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#360): Ah, who doesn’t. Cave drawings are my specialty.
Baka Gaijin
July 26th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

@Sequitur (#316), @Rocky Stoneaxe (#323), and @Der Schnärkïnätör (#336): EEEEEE! [QLUNQ!]

@pastordan (#322): Sheboygan! EEEEEE! [QLUNQ!]

@Sgt. Stoned (#347): Travel tip accepted and stored for future use.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

@Dead Chum Shrine (#362): Alas, guy, my lateral pencils always poke holes in my pocket protectors, thereby rendering them bootless.

// I keep getting “grub rescue” error.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

@Dead Chum Shrine (#356):

“Dead Chum Shrine” is a great name for a rock band!
seismic-2
July 26th, 2012 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

Suppose you are in a cave, and further suppose that you are a bat, hanging upside-down. Would you refer to stalactites and stalagmites in the opposite fashion to the human terminology? Or from your vantage point, are you able to recognize what humans do not, namely that stalactites and stalagmites are in fact the very same thing, just rotated through 180 degrees, so you have only a single word for them? Discuss.

“One bat’s ceiling is another man’s floor.” – Cat Always-Land-On-My-Feet Stevens
pastordan
July 26th, 2012 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#363): Welp, there goes my sleep for the night.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
July 26th, 2012 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

@Peanut Gallery (#340): I made up my own mnemonic for stalactites and stalagmites. I also made up my own for Dromedaries and Bactrians. Want to guess what it is? It’s probably also used by a million other people.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#366): Further suppose, you are a bat, in a cave, hanging upside-down, in a box, and you might, or might not be dead.

Got it? What then is the air speed of a African porridge bird when laying an egg in the air? (You may ignore friction. Show your work. Answers should be in metric cubits per second.)

// Oh doo dah day.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#339):

Ixnay on the ockpuppeysay!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#368): Got it! “King Philip Came Over for Gay Sex with My Very Excellent Mother just serving us nine ~~pizzas~~, behind victory garden walls”.

Do I win? Every good boy deserves favor, you know!
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 26th, 2012 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

@Der Schnärkïnätör (#370):

Errr, Ixnay on the ockpuppetsay!

Fuckin’ typos!
seismic-2
July 26th, 2012 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#369): That depends. Is Schrodinger’s bat kept in the same box as Schrodinger’s balls? (I was going to say “Schrodinger’s mitt”, but that might be too political. Then again, it might not.)
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#373): That depends. Is Schrodinger’s bat kept in the same box as Schrodinger’s balls?

Auuuuuuuugh! (Falls into chasm.)
Nehemiah Scudder
July 26th, 2012 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

@Der Schnärkïnätör (#372): Oh. Sorry. I’ve already forwarded your request about “sock puppies” to queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando, our specialist in these matters.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 27th, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#375):

DAMMIT! I love cute puppies!
tallyHO
July 27th, 2012 at 12:11 am [Reply]

@Der Schnärkïnätör (#372):

If a big hollywood star fell in a production of a play in a Spider-Man comic strip, would Clown-9 say: Ixnay on the Octoclowning, eh?!?

//not only do I think not, I stopped thinking hours ago.
Slug
July 27th, 2012 at 12:16 am [Reply]

Just watched The Amazing Spider-Man. Was all freaked out over Dr. Connors losing body parts and the cannibalistic lizard-mouse. Opened the paper, and Clown-9 cheered me up.

No, not really, he just made me feel like a loser for being scared of a Spider-Man movie.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

@odinthor (#283): Thanks! I wondered if it might be him, and now I find out that his nickname was “Farmer George” because he had such an interest in agriculture. Not quite the same as botany, but enough to explain the New/Victoria strip.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#299): Wow, the things I learn here. Thanks. If that flick ever shows up late at night here, I’ll take a look.
Lady Bracknell
July 27th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

@Slug (#378): Was all freaked out over Dr. Connors losing body parts and the cannibalistic lizard-mouse.

Losing body parts may be deemed a misfortune. Losing a cannibalistic lizard-mouse looks like carelessness!
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

@Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#312): You’re right! A child from a very bad dream after eating dicey potato salad, but definitely a child.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

A3G — Yeeeeesh, I didn’t know that among her other dark powers, Margo could extend her arms like tentacles.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

You know, it’s been more than six months since Barney Google last appeared in the comic strip that still bears his name.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

JP — I think fly-fishing is very cool, but after watching Sam’s purple hat for a few days, I’m ready for the drug-motivated violence. After the trout is released, of course.
Der Schnärkïnätör
July 27th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#384):

Oh no, Here we go again……
seismic-2
July 27th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#379): Remember that it was George III who dispatched H.M.S. Bounty to Tahiti under Captain Bligh, in an attempt to transplant breadfruit from the South Pacific to the British West Indies, so that it could be used as food for the slaves in the sugar plantations. Not one of his better agricultural ideas, as it turned out.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

MW — Poor Dawn. In that second panel, her mind has obviously retreated from the dreadful reality in front of her and is wistfully remembering those happy days of yore, lying on the couch drenched in self-pity and watching GAME OF THRONES.
Droopy Says
July 27th, 2012 at 12:40 am [Reply]

Spider-Bland: Having violated all the laws of physics, Asi9 moves on to the exciting field of chemistry.

Creepy Les: This strip is worse than the Stations of the Cross. Once again there are ugly events, nasty people and cruel words during a mountain climb, but without the redeeming hope that the central character will be crucified and buried.

Jugs Parker: So this is what happens after a Mark Trail time jump. Trail at last goes fishing with an adult Rusty.

Pluggers: Pluggers don’t see the cruel irony in a Bob Dole emery board.

Mark Trail: I’m glad that Rusty stole Trail’s biggest and most reflective lens. The bad mens will be glad to see the sun glint off it, too.

Mary Mirthless: Life is brutal, but death is a lark. Or a swan dive.

Shoe: Who knew that insectivores were so fussy about the bugs they eat?
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#387): I had NOT remembered that. Thanks.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:45 am [Reply]

MT — How far away is this sheep-killing site from the Trail cabin and where would the plane have to put down in relation to the cabin to make the sheep retrieval practical and why aren’t scavengers in my area so thoughtful about leaving carcasses alone? And kid, you are TOTALLY going to be seen.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

FW — It’s a little kitten, you giant flaming asshat, and that looks like a really lousy way to keep it warm. I’m only happy to see the sign ahead because it brings us closer to the end of this story.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#392): Maybe I’ll write a short story about the horrid experience of following FW and 9CL and call it THE UNENTHUSIAST.
Poteet
July 27th, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

GA — Someone make it stop!
Farley's Revenge
July 27th, 2012 at 12:55 am [Reply]

MW: I thought of a question Wilbur and Dawn should ask the captain: Where were you when the ship hit the sand?
Comcis Fan
July 27th, 2012 at 12:57 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#180): @Oregonian (#223): @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#254): Y’all are too funny with your inflatable sandwich comments. Al actually made me laugh out loud.
Mr. O'Malley
July 27th, 2012 at 1:47 am [Reply]

I was under the impression that the movie showing in Luann was a preview, not a premiere. There are some films that were flops at the preview, but were then re-edited, had scenes added or deleted, etc., and became big hits. The whole point of a preview is to see how a movie goes over with the audience.

Of course there are many more pictures that were bad at the preview and were bad when they were released too.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#397): Well, ok. That’s plausible. It would explain why none of the stars showed up. You’d think that the director, producer, editors, etc., would show up, or what would be the point? Maybe they came disguised as teenagers!

// I’m a sucker for plausible.
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

Must… break… 400!
Nehemiah Scudder
July 27th, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#399): Oh, never mind.
bats :[
July 27th, 2012 at 2:16 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#392): if nothing else, here’s a bit of a distraction, Poteet.
Victory Garden
July 27th, 2012 at 2:29 am [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#371): You rang?
Frank Lee Meidere
July 27th, 2012 at 2:56 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#397): Hi. You still around? I really am interested what year you were married at the North York Civic Chapel and whether I knew the woman who officiated (Kay? Tina?).
hcv
July 27th, 2012 at 3:24 am [Reply]

I’m not sure if the look on Crystal’s face disturbs or comforts me. It’s the look of someone who has crossed through the very center of Hell and emerged on the other side, confident that she can now survive anything life throws at her.

Armed with this knowledge, she is now ready to do great transformative works, or embark on a career in TV evangelism.
Mr. O'Malley
July 27th, 2012 at 3:44 am [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#403): We’re just coming up to our 15th anniversary. I don’t remember her name though.
Mr. O'Malley
July 27th, 2012 at 3:49 am [Reply]

Long and well researched study of Andy Capp:
http://www.planetslade.com/andy-capp-reg-smythe01.html

(The article also has links to the British Cartoon Archive collection of Andy Capp strips.)

via Metafilter
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
July 27th, 2012 at 4:00 am [Reply]

Pibgorn: Ermahgerd, y’all! A demon done shot plasma while wearing gloves. *faints*
Mr. O'Malley
July 27th, 2012 at 4:30 am [Reply]

Brevity is kind of funny today.

FW: I thought there was a dead leopard at the top. Or was that Def Leppard?

GF: A Mary Worth reference?

6C: Another Mary Worth reference?

MW itself: “There are at least 6 people in front of us trying to get into that lifeboat that holds about 30 people, if there were any crew members around to lower it so we could reach it.” Anyone would think the artist didn’t really feel like drawing a crowd of people.

But I agree it’s time to abandon ship, it looks as though it’s become the target of artillery fire. And judging by the way that guy has just been blown 10 feet in the air, it’s getting more accurate.
Droopy Says
July 27th, 2012 at 5:07 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#380): If you want a quick look at The Giant Claw, here’s a commentary, some vidcaps and an excerpt:

http://www.badmovies.org/movies/giantclaw/

The film might interest you, as it revolves around the reproductive cycle of the giant intergalactic space-bird from a hellspawned antimatter galaxy. The film’s only real flaw is that it doesn’t have a big-hideous mutant kid–I defy any Mudgeon to watch this movie and not think of Mark Trail. Just be warned that in this film, logic is even rarer than hen’s teeth . . .
Liam
July 27th, 2012 at 5:43 am [Reply]

MW-You see that guy in the background jumping overboard, that’s Logic. Logic is taking a leap from this comic. Apparently the crew has already abandoned ship and there is only one lifeboat for all the passengers instead of the crew directing people to the lifeboats and keeping them calm or having enough lifeboats for all the passengers.
John C Fremont
July 27th, 2012 at 6:08 am [Reply]

@Mr. O’Malley (#408): Dr. Forrester: “Now what happens when you go in to your favorite karaoke bar, and you want to hear I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner?”

TV’s Frank: “People vomit?”

A3G – She was gone?

MW – Mr. Mooney is such a defeatist.

Actually, it’s as though Gale Gordon, J. Jonah Jameson and that Hitler guy from Marmaduke all got together and pooled their collective manhood to somehow create some bizarre “love” child. Snappy dresser, though.
gleeb
July 27th, 2012 at 6:33 am [Reply]

June Morgan’s Caustic Wit: The lump was Rex.
Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
July 27th, 2012 at 7:11 am [Reply]

Mary Worthless: The ship’s sinking on an even keel from all those colossal depth charge explosions like the one that’s throwing that red-shirted guy into the air. Well, I suppose that’s what he gets for shoving aside the little Mama-ing girl.

Spider Meh: Clown 9 has a gun filled with Alien blood.
Peanut Gallery
July 27th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

@Dead Chum Shrine (#356): Hold on, I think you dropped one of these. It probably fell down through the gears of the Internet Anagram Server into the sub-basement and got skewered on a stala… on a… one of those pointy things.
pink floyd 2
July 27th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

MW – you gotta see this one… it is so well done…

http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/7651099580/in/photostream

enjoy.

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