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Blasphemin’ Billy

Family Circus, 2/3/08

Hmm, Billy, maybe that’s what they teach you in your liberal secular humanist public school, but I have someone here who’d beg to differ. A little someone named Genesis 1:26-7:

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

So you see, Billy, there was none of this blasphemous decision-making process that you envision, as God simply copied His own preexisting Face for mankind. And He certainly didn’t request any help from the peanut gallery as you appear to be doing, either. As to where exactly God got His Face from, or as to what need he Has for a human-type Face, exactly, those are the sorts of questions that would get you a good paddling if you were going to the sort of school that made this country great.

Slylock Fox, 2/3/08

After Pearls Before Swine borrowed the Slylock Fox formula a few weeks ago, we should have expected that the PBS gang would make a reciprocal appearance before too long. Followers of Rat and Pig’s adventures probably don’t need any fancy process of ratiocination to figure out just who slammed a tree limb into the back of an innocent bunny’s head for not good reason. More disturbing to me is the Six Differences, where a hungry rabbit has hollowed out a snowman from the inside and is now triumphantly holding his noggin aloft à la the Headless Horseman. Our towheaded youth will be describing this scene to his therapist for years to come.

Judge Parker, 2/3/08

“Sure, let’s have an impromptu lunch date! It’s not like my dying mother isn’t going to still be dying in a few more hours; plus, the longer you linger with me, the better sense I get of how little effort will be expected of me when I actually start working with you!”

129 responses to “Blasphemin’ Billy”

  1. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Hands up if you thought the answer was Robby Rabbit clubbed himself.

  2. dyslexic dog
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Apropos to 166, 168 in yesterthread (you’re too fast for me, Josh):
    Sugar is sweet and so is maple surple.. Roger Miller 1965.
    “[That it remains unused does not deny its] existence.” Master Sheng-yen 1993.

  3. Weaselboy
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    The Six Differences reminds me of the end of Macbeth.

  4. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Why didn’t Jeff and Bil Keane just come right out and say “Have fun defacing this cartoon in the most gruesome or vulgar way you can.”

  5. cranky
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    You know I actually got the puzzle wrong… I just figgered it couldn’t be Rat because he ISN’T TALL ENOUGH TO CLUB THE GIANT RABBIT ON VERY TOP OF HIS HEAD!

    Mr. Weber Jr, you want real revenge? Just draw those idiot alligators chewing on some fresh Zebra kill. That’ll show that uppity Pastis who’s boss.

  6. Luprand
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    If I weren’t posting this from a friend’s apartment, I would so totally be coming up with lyrics for “I Get Around” that would apply to this Judge Parker.

    Anyone feel like volunteering?

  7. Rusty
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    JP: I’ve been waiting all week for the secretary to open her eyes. On another note, I also wind down from an exhausting job interview by going to the park and feeding pigeons. Who am I kidding, I usually run to the closest bar.

  8. Anna Nimity of the Jungle Patrol
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Billy’s drawing a picture of Adam, the ostensive First Man, wearing a TIE? Jeez, corporations go back further than I thought.

  9. Mrs. Cutout
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    Re: the FC. It’s pretty obvious that God wears a business shirt and tie, too. So is God a white-collar guy or what? Or maybe Devo was right.

    They say that God made man
    but he used a monkey to do it
    Ape is the plan
    and we’re all here to prove it.

  10. Comrade Ogilvy
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    Does this count as Rat’s revenge for the rabbits blowing up his garden shed a couple of days ago?

    I can’t wait to see what Reynard Noir does with this.

  11. dyslexic dog
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    “Blashphemin’?” I for one would dearly love to see some of the results concocted by some of the Keanes’ devoted blashphemin’ tipplers.

  12. Spunky N. Tadpole
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    #1 -HBQBJ – No contest, really – your solution seems to be the CC consensus: ‘tho I still think even Slylock is puzzled by this one: hence his frantic cellphone call to the syndicate to make sure he’s got the right answer…..

  13. dyslexic dog
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    JP: “I’m getting a little winded. Let’s mentally transport ourselves to the deli.”

  14. Poteet
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    YUCK, this is the Billy I hate most — a pontificating 50-year-old in a so-called seven-year-old body. Look at his expression in the final panel. Ew, ew, ew. The face I’d really like to work on, Billy, with a large blunt object, is yours.

  15. Josh
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    #11 dd — GAH! I fixed.

    Josh

  16. Inspector Dim
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Wait, who are these characters in Judge Parker again? Am I remembering something about a prosthetic limb that we haven’t seen? Was that woman in the Generic Law Office doing something just now? Didn’t we hear a little bit of backstory on her about a decade ago? Weren’t there pot brownies at one point? What’s happening with that?

    Huh. I think I’ve actually hit the wall in being able to follow along with soap opera strips. I know what’s happening in Mark Trail, Mary Worth and even, God help me, Rex Morgan, but the plot of Judge Parker is obviously beyond my capabilities.

  17. Hobbes Fan
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    Sooo, is Billy asking us to play God, or to merely help him play God?

  18. Uncle Lumpy
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    What a week — Suetonius, and now King James!

    Next up: Mary Worth as Rumour from Book IV of the Aeneid, and Margo as Fortuna, Imperatrix Mundi from Carmina Burana.

  19. jvwalt
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    JP: Say, what the hell ever happened with Biff, his annoying airplane, and the mysterious brownies? Did the writer just decide to completely drop that entire storyline without even attempting a resolution? Was the whole thing just an excuse to parade a heavy-lidded Abbey around in her strangely form-fitting robe, and infuse the air with her musky aroma?

    And we traded all that for what? The intense drama of a law firm’s hiring process? Yeesh.

  20. Godzooky
    February 3rd, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    #15 Josh: One more typing gremlin, first sentence of the SFx comment, last word.

  21. Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Josh, Confucius says “too longs” don’t make a light.

  22. Francis
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Hopefully, Billy’s desperate ploy to find out whether “Family Circus” still, in fact, has any readers left at all will end in failure and painful self-recrimination.

  23. Inspector Dim
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    #19 jvwalt,

    See, that’s why I have trouble following along!

  24. Rainbird
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Hobbes Fan #17 I wondered about this is as well. Yes, it would be blaspheme to ask to play god, but I thought Billy was just saying show how you would create a face, not see how you would create a face if you were god.

    Although Huntinbyrd drew in a weird face, because she said “it was there” (in both of the comic sections we get).

  25. bats, Avian Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    11. dd: I kind of like blashphemin’…sounds like something Mutt’s Mooch would say (not that I know what he’d be talking about in regard to blashphemy).

  26. Inspector Dim
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    That heavy-lidded look on Billy’s face has me very worried. It seems… seductive. Gah! Message to Billy: when breaking the fourth wall, DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!

    I’m going to go shake quietly in a corner now.

  27. Poteet
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    # 16 — Don’t blame yourself, Inspector — we switched from a reasonably entertaining (by JP standards) storyline about drugged brownies to this interminable talk-heavy storyline about some dweeb named Steve with a dour dying mother compared to whom that dead dame in PSYCHO is a looker, and in which the only real entertainment so far, and it’s not much, is watching Gloria close her eyes and have an occasional Steve-related orgasm. This storyline, like many other JP storylines, is like bad sex — you keep hoping you’re going to get somewhere, but you keep being reminded the un-hard way that the only thing you really have to look forward to is the ciggie afterward.

  28. Rainbird
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    So, let me get this, the plot of the current Judge Parker is, we are going to forget about the meth brownies, and concentrate on a vet who needs no many, isn’t worried about his dieing mother because he will get through it, and sits in the park so he can pick up legal secretaries.

    Wow, much more exciting than Mary Worth by half.

  29. BigTed
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    I don’t believe “the deli has great coffee” is a statement that has ever, in the history of mankind, been true. Clearly she’s been swept off her feet by Steve’s iron jaw, his facility with bus schedules, and his ability to enjoy parks.

  30. Rainbird
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    27 Poteet

    Wouldn’t it be more fun if you imagined that this steve is really Steve Canyon. I’ve been doing that. Helps a little, though of course, Steve looked a lot better.

    And the villainsess would look better too.

  31. Inspector Dim
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    #27 Poteet: The post-coital cigarette is a lie!

    If only someone was being chased through Paris by thugs who spoke their native language really badly again. Now that’s entertaining!

  32. skapuis
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    I can’t read the solution to slylock fox. Can someone post it for me please. Thanks!

  33. Joshua
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Hands up if you thought the answer was Robby Rabbit clubbed himself

    *raises hand*

  34. Minnie Bannister, Mukkenese Jungle Patrol
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    29: Steve’s iron jaw, facility with bus schedules, and ability to enjoy parks, all tell me he’s a man of ACTION! I would find bad coffee to be a small trade-off.

  35. bats, Avian Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Monday thoughts (a few):

    Baby Blues: gee, LJ, this is the way of showing folks how parents and children should act. Even in the middle of the night, Wanda isn’t too nutsied out to kiss her kid; Elly would probably have backhanded Michael across the room.
    Well, I’d like to see that, but that’s beside the point.

    FC: “I’m pretending my snowman was captured by savages and has been buried up to his neck…then they’ll release the fire ants.
    “Oh, yeah…you’re next, Billy.”
    Go, Dolly!

    JP: meanwhile, the chopped liver in Sam’s sandwich turns into a bacteria-laden science experiment…

    MT: is that beaver going to fink on Mark? All this running beaver stuff is very suspicious.

    MW: color Drew sad. Even the whites of his eyes.

    Mutts: I have no idea why Mooch is dressed up, but he’s a lot more dapper than Dr. Drew.

    Phantom: hot diggity! We’ve got a job, Jungle Patrol!

    FOOB: okay, this IS officially the End of Days…Michael Patterson is attempting to be a parent!

  36. Oddball
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    (hand in air)

    Wow, worst-drawn kiss in today’s Mary Worth. I mean, worse than you expect, even.

  37. Gold-Digging Nanny
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    I just killed the last thread with last Tuesday’s Six Differences. That said, here’s Thursday’s Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny.

    Thursday’s SFx is 29. Really!
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080131&name=Slylock

    1) The monkey in panel two isn’t going to win any popularity contests that way. Doesn’t he know it’s the fashion now for large mammals to have smaller animals perched on their tails?
    2) Panel one: Invisible chair! Panel two: Invisible ottoman!
    3) The bird in panel one will find that buttercream frosting does not agree with it. Especially when the lion’s fist closes around his throat for eating his frosting.
    4) The lion in panel one magically breathes motion lines. In panel two, those are the scratch marks from where the lion accidentally scratched the painted theater set flats behind them.
    5) The lion in panel two is older than 5, but he doesn’t like to be reminded of it and the other animals have learned to play along.
    6) The monkey in panel one stole that cake from Mary Worth. Who else would use lavender frosting?

    This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny has been brought to you by Duncan Hines.

  38. bats, Avian Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Oh, argh Poteet (from yesterthread). I just read where the Charterstonian has just acquired some new art, only I can’t upload the pamphlet at the moment on flickr (rats!). I’ll try to do it tomorrow. I just think it’s great how the citizens of Santa Royale support the arts!

  39. lunarhalo
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Billy’s god seems
    more the bowtie type
    than double windsor

  40. Crankenstank
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    I note also that God made humans with ovoid heads where the skinny part was side to side, not top to bottom like the freakish familia Keene.

    The thing that really disturbed me about this panel when i opened up the funnies this morning, though, was the necktie. Either this is Billy’s normal conception of homo mirabile, or God himself is channeling this image of himself to all of us, either way it’s freaking me out.

  41. brb
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    Yesterthread #167 Godzooky Nah, Ben is not supposed to by Ryan (unless he’s acting). If you read forward from Vera’s entrance into the strip you see that Ben is married and I think has had a child. As a former resident of Charterstone, he called Mary on Vera’s behalf looking for an apartment. And Ben was not Vera’s boss – he comes up and asks her if she’s the new employee. I hate to admit that I went back and re-read those strips recently to refresh my memory of Vera’s origins, but I guess that’s better than remembering them.

    Anyway, I’m late to the talking to pets discussion, but I frequently talk to my dogs in full sentences, but use simple commands if I’m really looking for a response. However, one of my favorite memories of an old dog came when a friend was over visiting, and the dog was in the room chewing on a hoof. I looked down and saw that the hoof was no longer on his sheepskin mat, but had migrated over to the rug, prompting me to say “Taz, pick up the hoof and put it on the mat!” The dog picked up his head, cocked it at me, waited just a moment. He then reached down, picked up the hoof, moved it to the mat and resumed chewing.

    My friend nearly fell out of his chair. Yes, I know the dog understood the word “mat” and that was all that was required, but it really did look like he understood compound sentences.

  42. Yahtzee
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    SF: Randy Raccoon can plead insanity, aka delirium tremens, because the guy’s liver is clearly blown from years of alcoholism. Check out the jaundiced eyes. Tragic.

    JP: I don’t read this strip regularly, and so am uncertain of the identity of this blond square-jawed “Steve,” but his ability to mentally transport himself wherever he wishes to go makes him a good potential villain crossover for Spider-Man. I mean, anybody in comics could take out Spider-Man, up to and including “Momma,” but at least Steve could have some fun panels where he vanishes and is represented by a few motion lines and the word FLASH!

  43. Hysterical Woman
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    That Bible verse reminds me of the theory that God is a hermaphrodite. How else could God make them both in hir image?

  44. Poteet
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    # 30 Rainbird — You’re right, it would be more fun, but alas, when I see this Steve, I’m reminded of Sam, Randy, and Judge Par…*eyes close involuntarily, snoring begins*

    # 31 Inspector — You said it, chum. And if we can’t go back to Paris, I’d settle for going back to Elvira’s and finding out more about her brownie recipe.

    # 38 bats — Wow, thanks for giving me something to look forward to. I’ll book the therapist now — it’ll be worth it!

  45. Mr. Wuxtry
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    For those who don’t object to stretching out sad farewells, there is a TDIET for Sunday, Feb. 3, on the Seattle Post-Intelligencer site:
    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/tdiet.asp

  46. dyslexic dog
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    FC: Possibly worth noting that Billy has provided a vertically ovoid shape, considerably altered from his and his siblings’ horizontally ovoid skulls.

  47. Mars
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    BLURG. Any theologian will tell you the passage regarding God making man in His image refers to man’s knowledge, ability to observe right and wrong, etc. The passage does not mean God is the cartoon character with the long beard that most uneducated religion-haters assume he is.

  48. Helena Handbasket of the Jungle Patrol
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Am I the only one who has noticed that the faceless “man” in FC looks a lot like the faceless “God” of Jack Chick tracts?

  49. NotThatJunglePatrolGuy
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    SFx: Alas, I am another reader who cannot make out the solution in -2 pt type. Help clue in a poor ‘mudge and post it, if’n you can read it? TIA.

  50. Uncle Lumpy
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    #48 Helena –

    Perfect! Billy’s drawing is the image and likeness of God, and he’s asking us to deface it!

    Thank Heaven I’ve got the Muttawa on speed dial.

  51. Tamex
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    #1: *raises hand* Me t00.

    FC: The necktie just goes to show you that God is indeed a Republican.

  52. LTBF
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    My paper doesn’t carry Skylock Fox and I don’t want to turn my computer upside down so could someone type out the answer to the mugging mystery, please?

  53. Jejune of the Jungle (Patrol)
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    At least now we know that God favors a half Windsor. Quiver with fear, bow tie wearers, as you look upon the righteousness of the clip-on and despair! Shunnings and bow tie burnings will be held at 10 AM sharp next Sunday. Bring hot dish.

  54. dyslexic dog
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    32, 49:
    “Solution — Only Randy Rabbit’s footprints lead to the doorstep. Slylock suspects Rat, with his small feet, stepped into the rabbit’s footprints as he followed and then fled.”

    But what I want to know, is why does the orangutan have footprints on his chest?

  55. dyslexic dog
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    54: p.s. I swear it says Randy Rabbit, not Ronny Rabbit.

  56. Skulking on the Outskirts
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    bats:[ avian division, etc, from yesterthread. Well, I may have only the one cat, but I live in an apartment with maybe 500-600 square feet of living space–or possibly even less, I forget. Personally, I feel a little crowded sharing with just one kitty. Maybe I’m an honorary middle-aged cat lady? (Or possibly just an ornery one. I’m sure some of my neighbors would agree.) :)

  57. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    47 Mars: No one is talking about theologians. We’re talking about the Keanes. That is, the angel-worshipping, crucifix-waving sort that is even further from a theologian than the most secular religion-detractor could ever be.

  58. Trilobite
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Ever wonder who’s keeping track of the story in Spider-Man? Well, it’s not Stan Lee — in Monday’s comic, the Persuader gloats, “Sweet dreams, Wall-Crawler!” even though Spidey’s still hiding in the back of the prison van and the Persuader came at them with his magnetized van-stealin’ truck from the front. He doesn’t know that Spider-Man’s in there, as the past few weeks of excruciatingly slow plotting have made abundantly clear!

    But just because I’m old enough to remember Stan’s Soapbox, here’s an explanation: obviously, Krandis and the Persuader had inside information about when the prison van was going to be leaving, and what route it would be taking. Their tipster must have also informed them that Spider-Man would be guarding the prisoner personally. Now, give me my No-Prize!

  59. Zaq
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    I’m confused. Why would today’s Crankshaft have a shout-out to Gil Thorp? Did Andrew Gregory get cancer or something?

  60. dyslexic dog
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    Rex: “When Lee busts into the cabin,” he obviously has June on his mind.

    Mary: “What’s more they just ran out of donuts. What a sad metaphor for my life.”

    Mark: Timex. Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’.

    JP: “Stable, heh, heh…Speaking of which, I’m as hungry as a horse.” “Sorry, my mind drifted. You’re as what as a horse?”

  61. Zaq
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    Is today the first time Slylock Fox has ever spoken in-panel? Usually he just stands by mutely, with his accusing eyes. He looks at you and he knows what you did, but he’ll never say so. Usually he uses interpretive dance instead.

  62. OtherOpus
    February 4th, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    #1: I’m also putting my hand up. Don’t fall for it, Slylock, the bunny’s just seven and a half months late with his entry for the Self-Bashing Tyler lookalike contest!

  63. Poteet
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    DT — If the town’s leading citizens continue to disappear until they are all gone, will this strip have to end? Because I would seriously donate money to help make that happen.

    MT — And because he had tried to be kind to animals during his latter years, the Great White Spirit Beaver of the North Country heard Mark’s plea for help and transformed him into a beaver, and he lived happily ever after, although the other beavers thought he was strange because he was unskilled at dam-building and totally uninterested in sex.

    Foob — I swear I don’t usually think “I could be a better parent than that” when I see real parents at work, but Foob brings out that feeling constantly.

  64. Mibbitmaker
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    2/4 (Across the Universe Day!):

    Zits: Whoa! Reruns!

    FOOB: Whoa! Bizarre perspective, isn’t it? In the last panel, the kids cease to be kid sized, and become shrunken dolls. Or Mikey just got gigantic, as though his ego inflated all too literally. That’s got to be the oddest panel image in today’s comics, bar none!

    S4th: …I stand corrected. The family is in a massively wide bed with their doppelgangers! And it’s awfully light and even-colored for a blackout.

    A3G: Panel 2: Margo’s such a nazi! Dwight Shrute’s newly single. Maybe….

    A3G: Panel 3: No! Just….. No!

    Drabble: I think I’ve seen this Flintstones episode.

    Garfield: Digga Digga Digga???

    FOOB: Seriously, who doesn’t think of Brak’s dad when seeing that last panel?

  65. Bobdog
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    FC — Not only is Billy a blasphemer, but he’s also trying to get YOU the reader to blaspheme by attempting to draw the face of God — is Keane trying to re-ignite the whole Muslims attacking embassies because of comics thing? Even for Christians, I think there was something in Indiana Jones III about the face of God and what your were supposed to do (not kneeling to voice of God led to decapitation, as I recall).

    SFx — My money would be on Rat — who is known to walk on stilts and probably puts big shoes on the bottom of them to help with balance. Plus which, he’s been known to hit people of the head and as already been discussed, he has the motive because of the blown up shed. Also, the cartoon does not actually identify the suspects. In which case Slylock is probably guilty, and he would know because he did it.

  66. Oddball
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    Gah! I didn’t notice Billy’s face in that last panel, since I skipped right to the quoted canon. What the fuck? Is Billy actually being condescending towards us? I mean, seriously, who could possibly draw a vaguely realistic-looking face in the frame that Billy has provided? The cards are purposely stacked against us! It’s like “Oh, so you agnostics think you’re so smart, don’t you? No God, eh? Well, you must think you’re better than God. Want to put some money where that mouth of yours is, eh? Here, see if you can draw a face as good as God can.”

  67. Sporadic Andy
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    Is that a sunset in the penultimate Judge Parker panel? Gloria must move as slowly as the plot.

  68. Mariko
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal are now jumping on the Batiuk train, as Herb comes to the horrifying conclusion that the spot on his hand is, in fact, advanced melanoma.

  69. Spiny Norman
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    #1: *raises hand*

    #18 Uncle Lumpy: And Jeffy, Billy, and PJ as Sans Loy, Sans Foy, and Sans Joy from The Faerie Queene.

    #39 lunarhalo: Is that comics haiku? Where is the kigo?

    #55 dyslexic dog: It seems to be Ronny in the setup and Randy in the solution. You’re not mistaken. (Aha! The solution! Randy is Ronny’s Evil Twin ™, and his footprints (and DNA) exactly match the hapless Ronny’s. DNA evidence from the self-whacking limb will reveal not only that Randy is the culprit but that he had hired Rat to photograph him pretending to hit himself on the head for some sort of comics-related contest.) I can’t imagine what that would be, though.

    Apropos of nothing, I now realize that the phrase “self-whacking limb” sounds…ummm…not how I meant it.

  70. Spiny Norman
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    (Before you kvetch, English-language haiku often use fewer than the classic 5-7-5 syllables in each line)

    Judge Parker Haiku:
    Nice park, isn’t it?
    Yes, I’ve always enjoyed it.
    Too bad things must die.

    Family Circus Haiku:
    Who pilfered the last
    blackberry of late summer?
    Not Me!

    Slylock Fox Haiku:
    crisp footprints in snow
    a pale and broken bough
    Cassandra did it

  71. anticipation
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    #59 Zaq – Actually, I think that the ‘Shaft and Andrew Gregory are fast friends due to their common status as reprehensible human beings loathed by all they encounter. They may even be each others’ past/future, but the metaphysics involved there are too mind-boggling for me to even begin to process (that is to say, the possibility isn’t quite interesting enough to merit serious consideration).

  72. Jack Parsons
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    Of course god has a tie. Ties are penis symbols.

  73. Spiny Norman
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Rose is Rose: And this, children, is why we have cell phones. Because, as much as we’d like to think otherwise, floating happy smiley faces and rainbows and fuzzy kitties cannot fly through the air to tell your idiot husband to BUY MARGOING HOT CHOCOLATE after he’s run out of the house in a snowstorm.

  74. Frank Parsnip
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    FC and Billy’s God Face: As I was born with a mass of undulating tentacles covered with light-sensing cells and surrounding a mouth consisting of a row of grinding plates into which I lure prey, I had always assumed that the Bible was referring to how Yog Sothoth had made us in his image. It wasn’t until I left home to attend boarding school in Switzerland that I realized that some people exist in other shapes. Living in Asia has been a boon for me because most of the locals simply assume I am a foreigner with a beard, just because I wear sunglasses taped onto the upper third of my “face”.

  75. Joe Btfsplk
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:39 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Who understands lady cops and waitresses? Not this guy!

    Popeye – Whoa hey! Is Popeye the Sailor Man going on an acyual voyage?! I don’t want to get too excited until I’m sure it’s not on a bus or something.

    Fred Bassett – “Buckshee?”

  76. Jym
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:39 am [Reply]

    =v= JP: What city does Judge Parker take place in? The park is clearly designed by Frederick Law Olmstead, and the tall buildings surrounding it suggest Central Park in particular. Reliable bus service also suggests NYC, but a deli that has good coffee does not exist in that city.

  77. And The
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    DT: Oh, please don’t stop the fun now, Tracy. I was hoping for a dozen or so more panels of the guy in the background, dolefully calling out yet more people who have vanished, followed by Liz patiently noting that, yes, they were in the exhibition too. “Chief, the city’s Kumquat Queen is missing.”

    Phantom: I like the fact that our heroines don’t even react to his utter refusal of this hare-brained scheme. You can’t slow down when you’re on a roll! I would have preferred it if he had started messing with their minds, though. “That one? We caught him yesterday. Next guy? A complete creampuff, he cries if his toast is too dry.”

    S-M: Apparently the driver has decided to put Spider-Man out of everyone’s misery, as just punishment for having created such a rotten plan. Let the bullets start flying!

    GT: I do like these reactions to the plan to stalk A-Train. I *am* surprised by that.

    MW: I wondered why they chose to meet in the local Dunkin’ Donuts. I hope they leave a good tip after slobbering drama all over the place.

  78. Zaq
    February 4th, 2008 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    #69 Spiny Norman: Technically, later haikai, especially the satiric ones, didn’t always include season words (or cutting words for that matter). Yes, MOST of them did, but it’s not strictly a requirement, as long as you stick to the spirit of juxtaposition and the “low overcoming the high.” Though I would have been very impressed if lunarhalo had included either a season word OR a cutting word in an English language haiku. Nice to meet someone else who’s studied Japanese lit, if I might be so bold as to make the assumption.

  79. lunarhalo
    February 4th, 2008 at 4:20 am [Reply]

    I wasn’t trying to write haiku. I just write using line breaks even when I’m writing in prose. Usually, when I write short poems(I hesitate to use the term haiku) I look for transition between 2 images, like two cartoon panels. In fact as Scott McCloud’s book “Understanding Comics” points out, Japanese Manga tends to use more Aspect to Aspect transitions from panel to panel. I tend to think the cutting word is the literary equivalent of the break between panels.

    Anyhow, as for Billy…
    to paraphrase Basho:

    Year after year
    on jehovah’s face -
    a jehovah mask

  80. Frank Parsnip
    February 4th, 2008 at 4:46 am [Reply]

    A3G: Time for a Karma Quiz… Margo’s use of a “ghostly studio” angle to promote her roomate’s art show will:

    a) Lead to wiseass art critics falling over themselves to refer to the works as the products of a “ghastly” studio to trash Lu Ann’s work.

    b) Lead to ghost hunters supporting Alan’s smack habit by paying to tour the studio at all hours of the night.

    c) Lead to angry words and recriminations over Margo’s frequent use of the words “naive” and “gullible” in the article to refer to Lu Ann’s belief in the ghost visitations.

    d) All of the above.

    MW: Translation: Drew thought she would be riding Mongolian ponies, not ones imported from Bologna.

    DT: The police chief probably doesn’t have that much to worry about. Given how the portraits are in such completely horrible taste, the other persons have merely left town to avoid friends and acquaintances in the wake of this grotesquely public display of their most intimate parts. Given that the police chief is a Fembot, she has no such similar feelings of remorse or embarrassment and will simply keep working away at HQ all day and all night, just as she usually does.

    RMMD: Lee’s taking his eye off the prize. He was a wanted bank robber before and Rex and Niki haven’t changed that … unless he wants to increase his overall haul by blackmailing Rex for his acute pedophilia. In that case, a camera would be far more useful than that gun.

    Jugs of Diner Coffee Parker: That “deli” sure turned into a diner mighty fast.

    Slylock Fox: Weirdly sounds more like a practical joker than a terrorist, but the Homeland Security people are probably going to have him in Gitmo by nightfall. Slylock does not need any proof and can simply phone in a tip in order to have Weirdly detained without trial for years and waterboarded regularly.

    MT: Go-go, Dipper Mark! If the cartridges haven’t been completely ruined by immersion, perhaps he can grab his rifle and start shooting the shit out of these two idiots.

    GT: Through organizing a bunch of people to tail Andrew Gregory, Maureen Monte will find out Andrew is an exemplary young teen father … and about the child she never knew she had. Andrew never told her why he had taken his junior year off to “spend a few months” with family in the country, never gave her a word of complaint or concern. Because Andrew knew that Maureen was a bird he couldn’t cage, a river that knew no bounds, a can of Tab with no calories… he wasn’t about to try to tie her down just because they had been stupid enough to make love without protection that night.

    OK, yes, I do know that men cannot get pregnant. But so little about Gil Thorp actually makes sense that why should this be any different?

  81. Mr. O\'Malley
    February 4th, 2008 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    41. brb. There’s a story about Rin Tin Tin, who was a particularly intelligent dog. I don’t mean the TV Rin Tin Tin, I mean the real one and only original Rin Tin Tin.

    Rin Tin Tin met his owner Lee Duncan in the trenches during the First World War. Later Rin Tin Tin’s ability to follow every order from his owner precisely and to perform amazing leaps turned him into a movie star.

    OK so there are two stories. Once Rin Tin Tin was filming a scene in a boat with a child actor, and it became apparent that the boat was going to go over a waterfall. Duncan, without hesitation, dived into the water, swam to the boat, and saved the dog!

    But the other story is that someone once asked Duncan what would happen if he told Rin Tin Tin not to obey his commands. So he took the dog and sat him down and told him not to do what he was told. Then he went away and started calling him, but the dog didn’t come. After several tries he finally said “This time I mean it” and Rin Tin Tin came to him.

    Like many stories from old Hollywood, veracity is not guaranteed.

  82. monsieurjohn
    February 4th, 2008 at 5:29 am [Reply]

    I like that it took a PBS crossover to give Slylock some real crime to deal with.

  83. Mr. O'Malley
    February 4th, 2008 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    A-3G: I wasn’t expecting it, but Planet Karen is topical today. Plus I found this other webcomic that I like, Palindramas that is based on palindromes–because I am also interested in word games and the like–also visited by Skullturf, and there is a very appropriate one there.

    MW: Those people who photograph themselves reenacting scenes from this strip would have major problems with today’s. In panel 1 Drew’s left arm is about a foot longer than his right. And in panel 2 the only way he could get into that position relative to Vera would be if the table had suddenly transformed itself into one of those giant donuts and he had climbed into the hole.

    MT: 63 Poteet. In medieval myth beavers were hunted for their testicles, which were valued for making medicine. When the beaver sees that it cannot escape from the hunter, it bites off its testicles and throws them to the hunter, who then stops pursuing the beaver. If another hunter chases the beaver, it shows the hunter that it has already lost its testicles and so is spared. So I guess it would be appropriate for Mark to take up residence in a beaver lodge.

    PmP: FC crossover!

    RMMD: Credit to Rex, he not only started a fire in that cabin, he got the spotlights working as well.

    Rhymes with Doorhinge: Particularly good today.

    6C: Not bad. I may have been too hasty in writing this one off.

    SFx: I see Mark Trail has found a place to store his canoe. I like the juxtaposition of the cabin and the castle–Chateau Lake Louise? Is it true that this is the first time Slylock has spoken? And have we ever met the “chief”?

    TDIET: For the Houston Chron, it’s the first time they’ve put up a Sunday color comic–on Monday. The P-I has it too. I guess, as people have mentioned, the Sundays run on a different schedule, because historically they had to be in earlier to get colored. Apparently they will run the Sundays all week until the last one.

    BC: The BC football game yesterday was so bizarre on so many levels that I couldn’t even start to say anything about it. And today–Hart would never have done it. Is this the first mention of the power source for these stone wheels?

    Doonesbury: I’ll ignore the apparent political endorsement and focus on the downward moving neckline. Why can’t real life be more like the comics?

  84. gleeb
    February 4th, 2008 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Wow, an obscure trade magazine! Funky’s hit the small time!

    The Other Coast: How is a guy named “Simon” not a Canadian in the first place?

  85. DanKirby
    February 4th, 2008 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    #83: TDIET is just a repeat of yesterday’s. I guess it’ll be stuck there until the last Sunday strip is published next week.

  86. Little A.
    February 4th, 2008 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Well, as many more people than me will remember, this joke appeared in Mad magazine about 50 years ago, a Don Martin page titled, I believe, One Day in A Greasy Spoon, and the guy found, not a ring, but a dirty old sock! and the guy says to the customer, as he puts his dirty foot on the counter and puts his sock back on, Hey, I been looking for that all week! It was funnier in 1958.

    That’s right, about 50 years ago.

    BC: fart jokes are funny, most of the time.

  87. F. Cecious Lee
    February 4th, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    Speaking of 50 years ago…In today’s Nancy, Aunt Frtizi is a year early with her commemoration of “The Day the Music Died”

  88. dyslexic dog
    February 4th, 2008 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    87 – F. Cecious Lee:
    The Gilchrists, keen purveyors of the behemoth that is Funky Winkerbean, obviously know a good thing when they see it. Nancy has time-shifted one year into the future.

  89. Calico
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    3G – Turning chaos into order-um, Margo, don’t you have that backwards?

    FC – Billy looks like he’s about to take out Dolly’s “creation” with one good swift kick.
    He won’t, though, because that’s what God’s visage REALLY looks like.
    And what are those pod-like things on Dolly’s head? Is that part of an experiment gone horribly wrong, or did a hen see her head as the perfect place on which to lay a couple of eggs?

    DtM – Dennis, you’re losing heat through the open window and selling Hot Choklit for only a measly dime? Someone needs to explain some business principles to you, and fast.
    I do like the “Fuck You” look the kid in the foreground is giving Henry, though.

    FW – whatever happened to Montoni himself?
    Oh, right, he died a horrible death, because this is Funky Nothingevergoesrightforanyoneeverbean.

    JP – Methinks Sam will never see his sandwich.

  90. John Ellis
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    I know that Keane is a Christian, but is he a biblical literalist?

    So many of the pokes at him seem dependent more on the condition of him being a biblical literalist, this one included.

    But -is- he? Does anyone know?

    Not all Christians are literalists.

  91. Jungle Patrolman Moss_Moses
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    You’d think those women applying for Jungle Patrol jobs would have the common sense to wear something besides hot pants and over bleached t-shirts to the job interview. They will catch the wanted criminal but only with the unknown commander’s help.

  92. Calico
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:24 am [Reply]

  93. Tamex
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    #90 John Ellis: IIRC, Keane is a Roman Catholic. I think I saw a flier once where the FC Kids were shilling for Catholic schools–wearing uniforms and everything.

  94. Ward Cleaver
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: The Gloria and Steve storyline is moving at lightning speed in comic strip time. Gloria has been drinking coffee all morning with Sam and later with Sam and Steve during the interview. She mujst have consumend at least six cups, and now more coffee at lunch. Her afternoon will consist entirely of bathroom breaks, so I hope Sam doesn’t have any urgent deadlines.

  95. Vince M
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    76: Didn’t you see ‘Elf’? Why, a deli in NYC has the World’s Best Cup of Coffee!

  96. Gagott68
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Zits: Panel five – Jeremy’s testosterone rush gives him the perfect Twinkie defense to finally drive the claw end of the hammer into Walt’s chrome-domed noggin.

    FOOB: Sunday’s FOOB and Monday’s FOOB serve to remind us that April is the only remotely sympathetic character in the whole strip.

    Luann: First Panel, Two Words = Camel. Toe. I feel so wrong for having noticed that.

    GT: It was bound to happen but the ridiculously drawn characters are actually having normal reactions to the even more ridiculous scheme of gang-stalking the A-Train. Will wonders never cease?

    MT: Mark is supposedly submerged to hide from Mrs. Bull and Beardsley –it’s surely too much to hope that he’s drowned in the last panel — but WHERE’S ANDY? Don’t tell me that not only is he the most intelligent being in the strip, he also has figured out how to swim underwater too? What a dog!!! BTW: Nice beavers…

    S4th: Panel One – I tend to think of it as a potentially incestual clone orgy. And what’s with Sally’s Sgt. Pepper pajamas?

    S-M: Persuader’s truck has a ginormous magnet AND sleeping gas tanks? Why sleeping gas? Wouldn’t it be simpler to just Black Flag the lot of them? Or must Spider-Man villians have to adhere to the Evil Overlord Rules?

  97. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    OK, it’s very definitely something rat would do. Given the height difference between him and Mr. Bunny, his ability to whack the tall dude in the head takes some suspension of disbelief.

    What?

  98. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    brb @ 41: Words cannot express my relief that you did not actually type what I thought you typed at first: “I hate to admit that I went back and re-read those strips recently to refresh my memory of Vera’s organs.”

    That said, let’s play Oddball. (No, not you, Oddball @ 66.)

    We begin in Apartment 3-G, where Margarita Magee demonstrates a complete and utter lack of compunctions about exploiting her longtime roommate’s brain damage for profit. Hey, there’s no such thing as bad publicity, right, Ms. Schiavo? Right? Uh, hello?

    Archie: The AJGLU3K still has not received the Ethnic Character Set upgrade, but in the meantime, the programmers have patched in a workaround.

    A.D.: Not a bad joke, except: Wheels got gas tanks?! Would have worked better if, in panel 3, Peter served B.C. a bowl of beans.

    C’Shaft: Milford? MILFORD?!? No, Batiuk. NO. You do not get to infect Gil Thorp-land with your virulent strain of smirky misery. Your reign of terror stops here. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

    Curtis: Barry is right.

    DtM: I’d like it a lot better if “Red and Rover” hadn’t been doing the same thing about two weeks ago.

    (WT)DT: To prevent kidnappers who might want to grab the Chief from tying her arms behind her back, we’ve taken the preemptive step of supergluing her knuckles to her ribcage.

    EC: Len has to have dinner on the table by 7:00. He really doesn’t want to feel the hairbrush again.

    JP: I don’t care how much you shout, Mr. Narration Box, you can’t make the “Steve and Gloria Share a Nosh” plotline seem exciting.

    Big Dog: Marmaduke can use written language. Do not let him in. For the love of God, if you want to live, do not let him in.

    Phantom: Interesting they would choose a fugitive who’s wanted by interns for arms dealing, moping and extortion.

    Pluggers: Original caption: “Plugger teabagging.”

    S-M: Do prison vans typically have ventilation grates in their sides? They aren’t in a van, they’re using one of the set pieces from “Plan 9 from Outer Space.”

    TDIET: And, with this, They’ll Never Do It Again. Flights of sweatervest-clad angels sing thee to thy rest, Al.

  99. Calico
    February 4th, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Creator of Comic “Gordo” has passed away:
    http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ent/celebrities/5509478.html

  100. Muffaroo
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    SF – Then again, who says the footprints are the rabbit’s? Why couldn’t the bear have stomped right over the rabbit’s tracks, coming and going? Who says (as has been suggested) the rabbit didn’t do it himself? …Oh, right. The Fox says so, and he probably already has film taken by the pig in case anybody protests. It’s his world, we just get to comment on it.

    Spiny Norman @70 – At last, somebody who understands haiku. Seasonal references, check. Just counting syllables, uncheck. Most alleged haiku seen on the web consists of seventeen syllables about Drano, or Unix, or some such.

    Rose red, violet blue
    I can write a haiku too!
    ps: Burma-Shave.

    One, two, three, four, five
    Six, seven, eight — how many?
    Seventeen? Haiku!

    Helena Handbasket @48 – Good call, and if I’d been up and around about 48 comments ago, I’d have said the same thing. Incidentally, since comics are engraved, I’d say Billy is guilty of making a graven image. Bad, Billy! No heaven for you!

    Calico @99 – Gus Arriola, one of the last and the coolest of the giants. I envy my friend who has an original Sunday “Gordo” page, but not quite enough to trade my Nancy page for it. His seemingly effortless style was like a jazz improvisation that jumped off the paper. My friend quoted me a line of his wisdom last night when we were talking about it: “Never mock somebody with an accent, because it proves he speaks at least two languages.”

  101. Godzooky
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    #41 brb re: Ben vs. Ryan in MW: I stand corrected, but the two look so alike, how about this explanation: Not only did Ben refer Vera to Charterstone, he introduced her to his twin brother/co-worker Ryan. (Does Ms. Moy give out No-Prizes?)

    #77 And The re: DT: What makes you think there won’t be two more weeks of a missing persons/portrait subject roll call? This is Dick “Let’s Do The Time Warp Again” Locher, after all.

    Phantom: Hmm, Officer Hawa’s got back. Colonel Worubu, stop pretending you’re not looking.

  102. Calico
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    #94 – I think now that the coffee is going to become Gloria’s lunch.
    Nothing like having a Coffee Achiever at the office!

  103. ScienceGiant
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MW: NASA reports a new manmade structure is clearly visible from space: Vera’s bitchiness.

  104. Muffaroo
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    FC – Who will be the next to channel the same old Peanuts strip?

    GA – Here’s a good occasion to re-use a gag from the National Lampoon Sunday Newspaper Parody! “For the second time, thieves have broken into the home of the vacationing Milbank family in Dacron. The Chief of Police said that this time they stole the family silver and TV set, but that the money in the unlocked wall safe behind the Van Gogh in the den remains untouched.” (something like that)

    dog – Marmaduke didn’t write that. It was written by the meter reader he’s saving for tea.

    Monty – Half the battle of making me laugh is already won when I look at that cat. That’s good design.

    Pluggers – You’re a Plugger chicken if you can flip the bird with just your head.

  105. Inspector Dim
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Even underwater, Mark Trail’s hair is still stunningly, rigidly perfect.

  106. Tracer Bullet
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    JP: I’m going to use that line next time I meet a woman. “Damn, girl. You are stable on your feet.”

  107. Carly
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    The first time I looked at JP, I read the second panel as “I used to accidentally transport myself here,” and I thought that Judge Parker had suddenly gotten way more interesting. Sadly, this was not the case.

  108. gkl
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Plugger” and “teabag” are two words I never, ever, ever want to see in the same sentence again.

    GA: Perhaps Mr. Postman would have more success in his career if he could tell the difference between a telephone and a newspaper.

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    2/4**

    A3G: Needless to say, if you’re not ready for a crazy day, you have no business working for Margo.

    H&J: Herb finds a previously undetected and inoperable melanoma. Whammo! In the running for the annual Batiuk Awards.

    Crock: Was “egregiously disgusting” the goal here?

    GA: I know that the burglary is supposed to vindicate Mailman Fife here, but that payoff will come in like, five years. If ever. So he may as well just sit and laugh his ass off.

    S4th: WARNING! Do not think or say the word “threesome”! For the good of your sanity and your immortal soul DO NOT THINK IT!!!!

    DT: Pretty much forget about seeing that degenerate art now. Locher isn’t even bothering to fill in the “Wanted” posters.

    SFx: Nice view of the passed-out cat. She’s a little funkier than Cassandra, but with the accent on “fun.”

    SS: “Bodacious?” So “Bill & Ted” has finally penetrated Appalachia?

    S-M: Gas! The Persuader has been eating boiled cabbage!

    Lockhorns: Mixed Metaphor Alert!

    Cathy: Ah, Mrs Hillman, your understudy is stepping all over your lines.

    DtM: Dennis’ “hot chocolate” is probably a Snickers bar melted in tapwater. Ex-Lax, if he actually puts any effort into menacing. Either way, dad is cool with it now. He’ll change his mind when the house is surrounded by torches and pitchforks.

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    2/4***

    A3G: Needless to say, if you’re not ready for a crazy day, you have no business working for Margo.

    H&J: Herb finds a previously undetected and inoperable melanoma. Whammo! In the running for the annual Batiuk Awards.

    Crock: Was “egregiously disgusting” the goal here?

    GA: I know that the burglary is supposed to vindicate Mailman Fife here, but that payoff will come in like, five years. If ever. So he may as well just sit and laugh his ass off.

    S4th: WARNING! Do not think or say the word “threesome”! For the good of your sanity and your immortal soul DO NOT THINK IT!!!!

    DT: Pretty much forget about seeing that degenerate art now. Locher isn’t even bothering to fill in the “Wanted” posters.

    SFx: Nice view of the passed-out cat. She’s a little funkier than Cassandra, but with the accent on “fun.”

    SS: “Bodacious?” So “Bill & Ted” has finally penetrated Appalachia?

    S-M: Gas! The Persuader has been eating boiled cabbage!

    Lockhorns: Mixed Metaphor Alert!

    Cathy: Ah, Mrs Hillman, your understudy is stepping all over your lines.

    DtM: Dennis’ “hot chocolate” is probably a Snickers bar melted in tapwater. Ex-Lax, if he actually puts any effort into menacing. Either way, dad is cool with it now. He’ll change his mind when the house is surrounded by torches and pitchforks.

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Sorry for the double post. I was having some issues with the single post.

  112. Revenge of Chesnut
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    RE: Judge Parker

    Is it just me, or is this woman’s question mildly insulting? “Do you drive a car, Steve?” I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure people with disabilities don’t really like being asked if they can perform everyday tasks without help. “Do you have trouble with stairs, Steve?” “Do you bathe yourself, Steve?” “Do you sometimes stab steak knives into your prosthetics just because you can, Steve?”

  113. Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Partrol
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I am used to being (most of the time) ignored here in this blog but I find it hard to believe that NOBODY ELSE recognized the steal fron Don Martin in today’s Blondie!!???

    So far as I know it has been collected and reprinted, it is one of the classic Don Martin pages (in my opinion).

    Oh well I will just take a little walk to the park and mumble to myself, nobody in the park pays attention to me there, either, except Officer Deedle Doodle, he keeps an eye on me at all times.

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Blondie: The cook’s luck has run out. The finger is already in Dagwood’s digestive tract.

  115. Rainbird
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    #83 Mr. O’Malley

    I won’t even try to do the Mary Worth in photos. I was looking at Gil Tharp and wondering how they could be in the positions that they are in. Gasp.

  116. jules
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Love the way you dealt with Billy! All I could think of yesterday morning was that I wanted to slap that smug expression right off his fat little face. Not a particularly kind thought to be having on a Sunday morning, but there it was. (I hadn’t had any coffee yet.)

  117. huntingbyrd
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    #73 Spiny Norman
    When i was a little kid i loved Rose is Rose comics and got all these books having to do with them. But now i look at them and say to myself “how did i ever like this?” It sort of lost it when they changed who was drawing it.http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2000/10/10&name=Rose_is_Rose
    compare this to this http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/1/29&name=Rose

  118. gh
    February 4th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    #s 109 thru 110 Artist formerly known as Ben –

    Re: S4th, the way that first panel is drawn it looks more like a sextet than a threesome.

    Get it? Sextet? Thank god there’s a new thread up so no one will see this.

  119. Calico
    February 4th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    #109 – Or something else in the cups, considering the hole Dennis was digging the other day.

    As a bonus, all this time, the Mitchell parents thought that Dennis has been dutifully keeping up with his job of “cleaning up” after Ruff.

  120. Evan
    February 4th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    I like that the bible quotes have inspired “Christian dating” ads on the site. Now that’s audience targeting!

  121. Chyron HR
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Funk Style: Well, nay-sayers, Funky certainly appears to be communicating with this reporter on a fantastic, futuristic cybernetic ear, does he not? Indeed, he resembles nothing so much as a flabby, smirking “Borg” from Star Trek. I hope this puts an end to all your guffawing about the supposedly un-futuristic setting of this “ten years later” act in the Winkercycle.

  122. queek
    February 4th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    43: I’ll be accepting tax-deductable contributions for the First Church of God as Futa. . . .

  123. schlimmerkerl
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    The “Which One Is Not an Ape” question is HARD.

  124. Never teh Bride
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Uh oh! Billy’s headed for hell!

    But wait a sec…does this really come as a surprise?

  125. Meanwhile
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    JP: So Steve is telekinetic. That explains why the prosthetic hasn’t been very visually obvious: He’s been cruising around on the power of his mind, only swinging his legs a bit to maintain the illusion of walking.

    Wizard of Id: In a hilarious continuation of Saturday’s “pummel the homeless” Wizard of Id, Sunday’s Flying McCoys equates the impoverished with ill-behaved dogs. Who says Republicans aren’t funny?

  126. Kathy
    February 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    You mean I mixed up Ben with Ryan? Blush! or should that be Wink! ?? Does that mean Ryan isn’t a friend of Mary? Now I’m bummed.

  127. LTBF
    February 4th, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    When did Billy learn to draw that well?

  128. Jym
    February 4th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    =112= JP (Revenge of Chesnut): Well, if they are in NYC, it’s not a slam-dunk that everyone drives a car …

  129. Ginger Yellow
    February 7th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    That’s some classic Slylock Fox anti-logic. The fact that there’s only one set of footprints means it has to be Rat, but the fact that the stick is twice times as long as Rat and has a diameter orders of magnitude bigger than his hands means nothing. Next week, Slylock Fox accuses Woody Woodlouse of killing Eddy Elephant with a sledgehammer.

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