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“Mentally Ill Court” would probably do well on TLC

Shoe, 8/11/12

The empty benches behind Roz actually speak rather well of the bird-people of Shoe-world. Rather than coming into open court to gawk at the spectacle of a poor delusional woman attempting to seek legal relief from her own biology, they have stayed away to give her some small amount of privacy and, to the extent possible, dignity.

Apartment 3-G, 8/11/12

Wow, this guy has answer to everything, doesn’t he? “Oh, is my main reference’s number not on my resume? Just take a look at … this business card! Oh, you don’t think someone from L.A. would have heard of your tiny middlebrow art gallery? Maybe that’s because I’m … not from L.A. at all, but from New York City — the very place where your art gallery is located!” Jesus, dude, just tell her you Googled her after you saw the job ad on Craigslist.

Beetle Bailey, 8/11/12

Sarge is not what you’d call an intellectual, so it makes sense that he looks so distressed at suddenly finding himself the subject of and a participant in an experimental work of recursive meta-fiction.

Pluggers, 8/11/12

Pluggers would rather spend their declining years staring in absolute silence at a tired cultural relic of their bygone youth than interact with their families. Also, they can’t be bothered to learn how to program a DVR.

178 responses to ““Mentally Ill Court” would probably do well on TLC”

  1. Girl Reporter
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    First Fifty Shades of Grey, then the Hot Flash Fairy. Roz is not having a good week.

  2. Pope Buck I
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    People STILL watch Lawrence Welk in Plugger-land? My grandma used to watch him, but she died 20 years ago!

  3. Girl Reporter
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Starr and Twinkle have Shirley Temple curly hair, and each morning as we spray on the detangler and gently comb, we shake our fists and curse the Knot Fairy. They made up a joke the other day that the Knot Fairy thinks it’s funny to leave knots in their hair, “but it’s NOT!”. Then the fits of giggles; “but it’s NOT!”.

    Maybe you have to be 3 1/4, but they think it’s the funniest thing ever.

    Thank you, Shoe, for raising the spectre of a Hot Flash Fairy. That’s just…delightful.

  4. Snarkotix Addict
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    FC Where to begin? Where to begin?

    A3G Yes, Evan, I can well imagine that you’ve been bred in New York. Were you also reared here?

    BG&SS Poor Sheriff Tait knows Lukey and Snuffy are chronic repeat offenders and there is nothing he can do to break his bond with them in an endless cycle of crime and punishment. It’s a regular Greek tragedy.

    Cshaft Is it too late for traumatic brain injury?

    FC Umm… maybe it’s baseball – I think I see a “pitcher” and a “catcher.”

  5. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Hot Flashes are nothing to sniff at. They sucksucksuck and I think I’m finally over them.

  6. BigTed
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Sadly, “watching the Lawrence Welk Show” is the plugger phrase meaning “died in his easy chair.”

  7. BigTed
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    The clue that this couple isn’t real: “You should read Beetle today” is something only a fictional character would ever say.

  8. True Fable
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    What Margo might want to really ask is why Mr. Born-and-Bred-New-Yorker’s right arm seems to be able to operate without need of a shoulder joint or something even more basic, like perspective.

  9. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Bad mood, pissed off, and everything is annoying me today, so I apologise for the fact that my snark is more bitter than humorous.

    Retail: For crying out loud, Marla, get over yourself! You’re asking if they want an extended warranty — Jesus will still let you get into heaven, and some customers might actually be grateful that the extra $5 they paid now will save them paying $300 down the line. If they don’t want it, they can always say no! At least you’re not making them pay for the bags they need to carry their purchases out of the store.

    Crankshaft: Okay, so I hate the character of Crankshaft as much as anyone, but seriously — his family couldn’t even be bothered watching him compete in something he was excited about because they had to go look at miniature goats (which weren’t going anywhere and would still have been around after his race), and now they’re giving him grief for destroying a lawnmower which he bought cheap for the sole purpose of entering it in the races at the fair?

    Pajama Diaries: Any mother who thinks the answer to out-of-control kids is to ignore them, rather than teach them some discipline and respect, deserves what she gets. It’s just a shame that the rest of us have to suffer when they go out in public.

    Spider-Man: No, Peter, that’s two for Clown-9, because he already handed you your ass last night. Are we sure this guy got bit by a radioactive spider? Because he seems to have the proportional memory span of a goldfish.

  10. True Fable
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Not that we would be able to tell Mr. Born-and-Bred-New-Yorker from any other male in the Apartment 3-G world, but I guess he figured it was worth a shot.

  11. Snarkotix Addict
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    FC “They’re wrestlin’, not boxing. In boxing, you’re not allowed to hug hump your opponent’s ass.”

  12. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#y146): This great land is full of super place names. I felt privileged to take photos of this appetizing roadside repast repository when we were in the process of moving from Virginia to Massachusetts.

    Even though the place is in New York. There’s a Very Good Reason.

    (Posted to yesterthread because I forgot what I was doing midway. Oh, is Lawrence on yet?)

  13. ToddInTheShadows
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Okay, this Beetle Bailey thing seriously needs to be unpacked, because holy shit, Sarge, your world just very, very complicated.

    At first glance, I thought the joke was Sarge’s dawning existential terror as his creators unkindly clue him in on the fictional nature on his existence. But the more I think about it, the joke is the exact opposite: Sarge has been given concrete evidence that his reality is entirely different from how he understands it, and he STILL doesn’t get it. Think about it, Sarge: Why on Earth would a comic strip be talking about you, a lowly drill sergeant, and your least favorite private? Furthermore, why would comic strip characters be reading about your own adventures IN a comic strip? Your creators are clearly fucking with you, Sarge, and the fact that you STILL. DON’T. GET IT. indicates that you have either willfully decided to take the blue pill, or you’re just a moron.

    If Sarge is actually putting it together, though, it’s very clear that he’s not equipped to handle such a deep violation of the rules of his universe. I can only imagine having other people comment on your fictional world deeply unsettling, especially when your world is so deeply lame as that of the Beetle Bailey universe. Perhaps this strip’s meta-commentary is pointed at the strip’s deeply predictable and formulaic nature. I can’t imagine Sarge can be pleased at having this fact pointed out by characters in his world’s funny pages, although they’re kinder than “real” people would be. (Only after delving two layers deep into comic strips do you find humans so unformed and abstract that they find Beetle Bailey funny.)

    In any case, I find the punchline of “HAW HAW HE THINKS HE’S REAL” unbearably cruel.

  14. pugfuggly
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Shoe I’m thinking that Roz originally make this little joke in the diner and nobody laughed. Frustrated at her low-brow male clientele for not appreciating her wit, she vowed prove to them and herself that it is, in fact, a pretty funny joke that would be appreciated by a more educated crowd. So after $200 in fees, multiple forms and 3 months of waiting, she’s ready to try it out on a judge!

    A3G “How do I know about the Mills Gallery? I think I have another card that explains that one….”

    BB “You should read Beetle today. I mean, unless you’ve read it yesterday, the day before, or any other day in the past 20 years. It’s all the same shit, pretty much.”

    Pluggers “Sorry dear, put ‘Welk time’ is Gramps’ comedown after ‘medicine time’. Talk to him now and he might mistake you for a Viet Cong…”

  15. The Real Dan
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Oh crap oh crap oh crap!! Slylock Fox is creeping me the HELL out today! Seriously, the repeated sinister silhouettes are extremely effective. I’m pretty sure a lot of young Slylock fans will be unable to sleep tonight. I predict a big scandal.

  16. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#9): That radioactive spider-bite was, what, fifty years ago? You have to figure that if the isotope in the venom was hot enough to have a profound effect on the human body despite they obvious small amount of material in the venom, then the isotope must have had a short half-life. By now it must have decayed to something as leaden as Peter Parker’s personality.

  17. LUJBEM FEJF
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Plugger Jumble- What you are when you sit and watch the Lawrence Welk show. Answr.- PLUGGING AWAY (ROTTING AWAY is also acceptable.)

  18. NoahSnark
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    I think if there was such a thing as the Hot Flash Fairy he would see how Roz’s outfit clashes with her skin tone and make an emergency call to the Middle-Aged Fashion Fairy.

  19. Francisco Arrowroot
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    You know, for that half-second between reading the word balloons and reading the captions, I thought, “Hey, Pluggers has the potential to be funny today, because Gramps would rather watch a football game on TV than waste a minute of his few remaining years tossing the ol’ pigskin around with his grandson who, let’s face it, is way too scrawny to even make it to mini-camp.” But then it turned out to be about Lawrence Welk. Pluggers can save us all precious seconds in the future by just running the same caption every day: “Pluggers enjoy stupid shit.”

  20. bbofun
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    JP- So-she’s going to “accidentally” delete the picture of the marijuana farm, and then everything will be fine, right? Jesus, nothing IS actually going to happen in this storyline.

    Hell, Avery will probably end up buying the lodge, and Sam will be given a lifetime free pass- and whatever he wants out of the wine cellar.

  21. True Fable
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#9): Personally, I of course would rather go see the pixie goat show, but this might just be a case of Pam getting back at C’haft.

    I mean really, what’s not to love?

  22. Santa Royale With Cheese
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Good heavens, is there such a thing as new episodes of The Lawrence Welk Show? I’d rather retain my blissful ignorance than find out the answer.

    A3G: And he exists in another dimension. A dimension of two dimensions. A dimension where his hand can hold onto a door in completely unnatural ways, as shown in panel two.

    @#16 (Droopy Says): Haaaa! I hadn’t thought about radioactivity having a half-life. I do know that I have no life, if I’ve been waiting all day to snark on comix.

  23. Mr K Martin
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Other comic strip characters reflect the Mary Worth influence.

    POPEYE: Life is Brutus.

    SARGE: Life is Beetle.

    THE CREW OF THE R.U. SIRIUS: Life is Brewster.

    PLUGGERS: Life is Brewskis.

  24. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#9): Nice to see you, bad mood and all. Now is that Ed Crankshaft’s head on a stick, or are you just happy to see me?

  25. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-I shall polish him off and blow him dry.

    MT-Watch it, Rusty! Don’t trip over your word balloons.

    Pluggers-Your grandfather isn’t watching “Lawrence Welk”. Your grandfather is dead.

    JP-She’s just found the nude pictures on Avery’s camera.

    Beetle Bailey-Are they breaking the fourth wall or the fifth wall?

    A3G-But wait if you are a born and bred New Yorker then why were you living in Los Angeles? Every New Yorker knows that there is nothing outside of New York.

  26. This Guy
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    I don’t buy that a young puppy-child can have a grandparent who fondly remembers Lawrence Welk. My grandparents thought it was rubbish when their parents watched it.

  27. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Where I live Lawrence Welk is exclusively on PBS and only the latter sorta freakish disco-polka episodes. Now, don’t Pluggers religiously avoid PBS?

  28. Cthulhu who?
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    FC: Billy shows a rather precocious understanding of the homo-eroticism implicit in wrestling. No doubt this comes from his ongoing struggles to come to terms with his own sexuality. In a few years, he’ll start putting on his mother’s makeup and Dolly’s stiletto heels and fishnet stockings and performing cabaret routines during dinner. And then they’ll have to burn him at the stake, just like the older brother whose name has been blacked out in the family Bible.

  29. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Clown 9′s car was exclusively designed for him by Virgil Exner. I think it’s his best work since the 1957 DeSoto.

  30. Samuel PG
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    BB – I do appreciate that the comics inside the comics world of Beetle Bailey are another step removed from realism, with their terrible drawing. Which means, Ziggy must be a comic imported to us from newspaper of the cartoon couple about whom Sarge is reading.

    BB #2 – Has anyone ever suggested to another person that they had to read Beetle Bailey?

  31. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    God, Mary Worth makes me yearn for the days of Winnie Winkle and that’s not a compliment.

  32. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Maybe this will be when the zombie Lawrence Welk breaks his chains and devours the band.

  33. tb4000
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    BB: So the cartoon strip sees Sarge as a cartoon strip, and Sarge sees the cartoon strip real people as cartoons, but then that means the cartoon people aren’t real but cartoons, and the cartoon Sarge is real, but is a cartoon to the first group of cartoon people, and……fuck you, Walker.

  34. Steve
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    “I’m a New Yorker, born and bred! And my favorite color is blue, my favorite book series is ‘Harry Potter’, and I hate men who think too highly of themselves. My gosh, we have so much in common, isn’t this spooky?”

  35. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    MW-Yes because we’ve been away from solid ground for a long time even though we got on this boat just yesterday our time.

    Gil Thorp-He is using clubs for left handed people with his right hand?

    FW-And by buddy I mean a guy I know who steals cars. What? Just because I said buddy with quotation marks around it and petted my dog you thought I was talking about the dog. This dog couldn’t find shit if you put it on it’s nose.

  36. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute, the only people who are “born and bred New Yorkers” come from the outer boroughs or – gasp – Long Island. I think we’re about to see an entirely new dramatic story arc emerge here…

  37. Alex
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    No one tell the Plugger family that it’s actually just one of those “Lawrence Welk” SNL sketches. They really can’t deal with any more disappointment.

  38. Danel
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#25):
    I swear that that was my first thought regarding Pluggers as well.

  39. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#33): This is the beginning of “The Sarge of Two Worlds” storyline. Keep it, it’s sure to become a collectible.

  40. kanomi
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    I find Sarge’s unnamed interlocutors disturbing on many levels, but Walker-Brown’s imagining of its readership is probably most bizarre of all: as if numerous American couples regularly discuss Camp Swampy antics at breakfast non-ironically.

    It is as if the Ziggy artist, every time he makes a cartoon, imagines President Obama reading it over and possibly influenced by it. It’s a kind of authorial madness, really.

  41. Digger
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    You never, ever disturb a Plugger during a rerun of The Lawrence Welk Show. Also, Plugger Grampa hasn’t gotten off his fat Plugger ass and exercised in the last forty years so tossing the football would probably kill him (if he’s not dead already).

  42. Islamorada Girl
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps the Phantom should be less concerned with los narcos in town and look into the real underground economy – - – steroids, which every man, woman and child in El Dodga seems to be taking.

  43. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#34): I’m a New Yorker, born and bred! And my favorite color is blue…
    …because he loves the common people!

  44. bats :[
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Rex, just be honest and get happy.

  45. jvwalt
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Lawrence Welk” reruns air on PBS, so I must sadly conclude that this particular Plugger has been sucked into the Obama Dependency Machine.

  46. odinthor
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G. — New Yorkers are being bred? Who knew?

    Pluggers. — The barely-60 husband of a co-worker not only watches Lawrence Welk religiously (I hope pastordan is on call), but also perfervidly attends Lennon Sisters appearances. If this does not give you paws pause, you’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

  47. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Or at least I lifted a New York license from this stiff I…”
    “Relax, Evan. You’ve already got the job.”

    BB: I see this takes place in an alternate universe where Picasso moved to Bakersfield and started drawing a domestic comic strip.

    MT: “I think he’ll be quiet now. And if he’s not, no one will be listening because his rapidly ballooning head will distract them.”

    MW: Has any boat in nautical history ever sunk on such a perfect straight line axis?

    C-Shaft: For Crankshaft, destruction is its own reward.

    9CL: I guess since Edda’s already fired, she’s got no reason not to do some inappropriate ad-libbing in the middle of the piece.

    Agnes: Trout calling Agnes’ head “real horror show” makes me curious what “A Clockwork Orange” would look like if Tony Cochran adapted it into comics form.

    BC: Neither of them ask what “AD” means, because of course they don’t.

    JP: Bea could end her troubles without bloodshed or any further shenanigans by just going “Oops. I deleted it.” Let’s see if she goes that way.

    DT: Just my opinion, but I think Sam should have added “change into something less conspicuous” to his to-do list.

    GT: Readers of Gil Thorp are used to seeing sudden changes of position, but that last panel looks very… intimate.

    Phantom: Yes, Ernesto has managed to oust his old crony from leadership of organized crime. Now the position can be filled by a more serious gangster. Ciudad Jardin is in for quite the ride.

    6C: “Hey, I just realized I’m at the wrong stop. Well, it’s been nice talking to you, cat lady.”

    Luann: “Don’t worry about it, hon. It’s not like you’re going to do either one of those things.”

    S4th: Kiss! Kiss!

    OBH: I’m sorry, but don’t you mean “Who is Coleridge?”

  48. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Digger (#41):

    Also, Plugger Grampa hasn’t gotten off his fat Plugger ass and exercised in the last forty years so tossing the football would probably kill him (if he’s not dead already).

    That last possibility occurred to me.
    “Oh, Grandpa will be with you in a minute. He just really likes this test pattern. And so do all the flies around his head.”

  49. Hank
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Josh, applications for restraining orders are typically made ex part outside of open court, in large part due to the sensitive nature of most domestic violence cases.

  50. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#9): If Spider-Man changed his name to “Guppy-Man” and started blowing bubbles out of a prop snorkel, there would be no loss of dignity.

    (Sorry you’re feeling on the outs. Glad to see you back, though.)

  51. Agoraphobic Turtle
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    If we’re not allowed to disturb pluggers, how come pluggers are allowed to disturb us?

  52. tallyHO
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    The saddest part of that Pluggers comic is that it plugged “The Lawrence Welk Show”.

    Think about it, if the goal of the cartoon was to be funny, why not present the “Gramps” * as wearing Welk show era attire, with a glazed look on his face and surrounded by soap bubbles.

    Bonus points for the kid asking the old dog and the old dog going rabid and saying something funny.

    The comic hit the wall of diminishing returns, is what I’m trying to get at.

    *who hast ta be a great-grandfather….dog

  53. Jamus The Bartender
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: DAMN, Bob. Everything okay ? That T Rex is the scariest thing since the drunk lady at the Mary Worth wedding last year.

  54. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “I’m a New Yorker, born and bred! Of course, that was before the surgery, when I was still a woman.”

    9CL: Is this happening backstage? If it’s onstage, is it part of the actual performance? If she’s improvising by trying to hump Seth’s leg during the performance, is it any wonder why the ballet troupe fired her ass? And what will Amos think, watching this? (Like any of us give a damn what Amos thinks about anything, of course.)

    Edda is the ballet world’s version of Clown-9.

    Pluggers: Gramps watches “Champagne Lady” Norma Zimmer and silently curses the Erectile Dysfunction fairy.

    OBH: Unfortunately, the final Jeopardy clue was, “He was sworn in as President in the middle of the night, while visiting his family farm in Vermont.”

  55. The Ridger
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#35): He is using clubs for left handed people with his right hand? Yes, because the pro has got him turned around and swinging the wrong way with his right hand. This actually is a good idea for a one-armed person, which no doubt is why Gil didn’t think of it.

  56. The Ridger
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL Okay, I can’t bear to go back and look, but this reminds me of the beginning of that interminable so-called “tango” Seth did with Fernanda (was that her name?) before banging her “art” through the floor. Will Edda finally get her wish? Even though what’s his name is back stage? And what will Amos think of that?

  57. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#27): Where I live Lawrence Welk is exclusively on PBS and only the latter sorta freakish disco-polka episodes. Now, don’t Pluggers religiously avoid PBS?

    Not at all. Not only is there Lawrence Welk, there’s Antiques Roadshow, and Bob Ross re-runs. Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom, and other nature documentaries. My eighty year old dad likes The McLaughlin Group, because everybody shouts at each other, and he can hear what they’re saying.

    // He doesn’t like Lawrence Welk, though. That, he says, is for “old people”.

  58. cartooncritic2544
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#54): If she’s improvising by trying to hump Seth’s leg during the performance, is it any wonder why the ballet troupe fired her ass? I’m pretty sure that Brooke’s entire knowledge of ballet comes from an extremely well worn and oft-paused VHS copy of “Flashdance.”

  59. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    What would have been cool would have been to have the comics reading couple be Hi & Lois. Isn’t Beetle Bailey Lois’s cousin or something?

    // No, guess that wouldn’t work, because then Sarge would know they were real people, just like himself.

  60. cartooncritic2544
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#27): Where I live Lawrence Welk is exclusively on PBS and only the latter sorta freakish disco-polka episodes. Now, don’t Pluggers religiously avoid PBS? You really need to check out most northeastern college towns and about half of Vermont. As the baby boomers age into their sixties, you see a lot of liberal, Volvo-driving, NPR loving, Pluggers around.

  61. Gringo
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: He was just rescued from a sinking ship, but Wilbur looks more distraught than relieved in panel one. Maybe he was hoisted aboard the helicopter only to find out that, while he was stranded at sea, the Hellmann’s factory burned down.

  62. Dale
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#17):

    One of the 8/11 Jumbles has two answers. They both work. If you were one of them and lived, you might be the other one.

  63. Gringo
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#20): Jesus, nothing IS actually going to happen in this storyline

    My prediction: Bea and Shorty end up together, Bear (?) ends up going to work for Parker Inc. and Sam somehow ends up with a buttload more money he didn’t actually earn or deserve.

  64. Walker of Dog
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#27): Pluggers watch PBS but never EVER donate.

    Plug: Grandma: “Little Johnny, what do you know about taxidermy?”

    RMMD: “Heeeeere’s Juney!” (also starring Shelley Duvall as Rex Morgan)

    S-M: Will Shylock Fox follow special guest star Reeky Rat to New York? For Peter, this could mean less “crime-fighting” and more couch time.

  65. Dale
    August 11th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    A real Plugger would have the TV up so loud he wouldn’t be able to hear the kid.

  66. Gringo
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    Plug-grrrs: Pluggers go into a rage if someone dares interrupt their program, but will walk in and start loud, unrelated conversations if anyone else is watching their favorite shows.

    If this be the case, then my immediate family is heavily populated with Pluggers.

  67. Snarkotix Addict
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#47): Luann: “Don’t worry about it, hon. It’s not like you’re going to do either one of those things.”

    Yes, Luann’s fate is to never marry and take care of her aging parents. Mama Degroot is writing out Luann’s to do list for the next 50 years.

  68. Gringo
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#65): A real Plugger would have the TV up so loud he wouldn’t be able to hear the kid.

    A real Plugger falls asleep during his favorite program and doesn’t give two hoots what anyone is saying.

  69. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#55):

    Thanks for that. I don’t know much about golf and that just seemed weird to me.

  70. Gringo
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#67): Luann’s fate is to never marry and take care of her aging parents.

    “Listen up, you old farts, I have to go engage in non-intimacy for the millionth time with my latest foreign-born non-boyfriend, so stop whining that we have Weenie World every night for dinner, or I’ll put you in that home managed by that evil An Eyeful.”

  71. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#59): From time to time Mort Walker has done cross-overs where Beetle Bailey visits his sister Lois Flagston when he’s on furlough, and Sarge tags along with Beetle on the visit because he so much likes home cooking (yeah, that’s the reason, sure). Since the couple in the first panel has to be “fictional”, Walker couldn’t use a couple whom Sarge has met “in real life”, so that excludes Hi & Lois. Of course, Walker could have gone to his stable and used Hagar and Helga in the first panel, except the “joke” wouldn’t work because of course newspapers hadn’t been invented then, and Hagar is illiterate. Perhaps the best approach would have been simply to pirate another creator’s strip:

    Loretta: “You should read Beetle today.”
    Leroy: “God, I hate you, woman.”

  72. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-But the joke is on Beetle because Sarge is reading a comic about two people talking about today’s “Beetle Bailey” and how he thinks he is going to beat up Sarge.

  73. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann-I’m an adult in a teenage centered comic strip I can only give useless answers.

    Love Is-What am I wearing? Why is he asking that? He should know that I am wearing nothing like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.

  74. Snarkotix Addict
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#70): …Weenie World every night…

    And that’s the closest Luann will get to romance. *snicker*

  75. Dale
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#68):

    The Plugger then wakes up and asks you to exlain what happened while you’re trying to watch the next part of the program.

  76. Dale
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Why did Rusty have his camera with him rather than leaving it in his room?
    I know he was going to do something about making the horses feel good, but that’s just sick.

  77. Jeff Lichtman
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers prefer entertainment that was laughably bad even when it was new, and is now just a relic of the bad taste of a bygone era.

  78. Inkwell [formerly Slug]
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Today Garfield implies that Liz actually has a profession (outside of pretending to be idiot cartoonists’ girlfriend), then quickly shoots it down.

    The Chickification is strong with this one.

  79. Anonymous
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#60): Oh believe me, I know. I am in the middle of Syracuse U, Colgate U, Hamilton College and Cornell territory. Plus, I, myself have owned two Volvos and two Saabs.

    By the way, my family came from Rutland, VT. You might say I am seeped in Boomer Plugger (Plugger Boomer?) heritage.

  80. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#79): shit. That was I. Or me….whatever.

  81. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell [formerly Slug] (#78): Wha?? Chick Fil A? Did I read Chick Fil A???

    Oh…chickification….never mind.

  82. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#46): Apt. 3-G. — New Yorkers are being bred? Who knew?
    Since it’s 3G, it’s safe to assume they really meant ‘bread,’ and not the brown kind.

  83. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#y133): re: JP: Eye-height, for Avery. (It reminds me of when I taught middle school, and I’d chaperone the dances; during the slow dances, the boys would, for the most part, be just the right height to have their faces right up against the—much taller—girls’ breasts.)

    Now, I’m off to do more happy-dancing because I just drove home a baby-blue convertible Mini! (the car that has squee to spare!)

  84. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#83): You replaced your old clunker with a Mini Cooper? Totally awesome. Post pictures, pls.

  85. Steve
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    S-M: The author is obviously paying homage to the song “Tonight” from West Side Story. What is unclear is whether Spidey and Clown-9 are supposed to represent the Jets and the Sharks, or Tony and Maria.

  86. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#y39):

    Was the baaa near Haaa-vard?

  87. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Popeye: Life is Bluto…….or…..Life is Brutus

  88. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#46): What? I like bubbles! To quote k.d. Laing, it’s true, I’m a Llllllllawrence Welk fan!

  89. Walker of Dog
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    GT: Steve Boone: Reluctant Messiah

    MW: That other rescued passenger has a forehead just like Dave’s.

    A3G: False. A true New Yorker would know how to properly position himself behind that door to avoid Margo’s imminent kick to the balls.

    FC: Dolly applies these concepts about boxing and wrestling to the domestic violence and furtive copulation she has observed at home, and grows up to be a very disturbed woman.

    Shoe: I figured that the rest of the local flock was waiting outside the courtroom to peck her to death.

  90. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar, and the bartender says “Are you dead or alive?”

  91. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

  92. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#90): Heard it already. Bohr-ing!!!

  93. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#92): Bartender says, “I can’t serve you. You’ve had a “Smoot” full.

  94. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#88): I have a friend named Dan Pastor. Small world, eh?

  95. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#93): The bartender turns the cat away from the tavern and says, “Sorry, you’ve been excluded. Orders of Prof. Pauli.”

  96. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#94): And the Houston Oilers had a quarterback named Dan Pastorini. What are the odds?!?!?!

  97. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#96): In regards to Dante, the odds were never good. For the Oilers.

  98. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#95): So if I can’t get a drink, where is deGrasse?

  99. HAnzMFG
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Good thing they artist made sure he put a bug Dollar Sign on the bag of money, otherwise we might think it’s a big bag of weed Clown-9 just scored after using the money he earned from being entertainment at some crying and scarred-for-life 7-year old’s birthday party.

  100. HAnzMFG
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Good thing they artist made sure he put a big Dollar Sign on the bag of money, otherwise we might think it’s a big bag of weed Clown-9 just scored after using the money he earned from being entertainment at some crying and scarred-for-life 7-year old’s birthday party.

  101. Kibo
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Beetle is trying to beat up Sarge? He’s been at this for decades and still hasn’t been court-martialed, which suggest he’s actually one of the best-behaved soldiers in the modern ultra-violent army.

    I am concerned about the constant implied violence in “Beetle Bailey”, a comic strip that is only for small children (ages 2-5.) Instead these children should be exposed to healthier entertainment, like the “Call of Duty” games, where at least the violence is scored and ranked to make sure you’re learning something from it. I hereby start a petition to get all newspapers to replace these antique comic strips with interactive first-person shooter games you can play by trying to kill the newspaper before it kills you. (Don’t ask me how this would work, I’m just the brilliant idea guy.)

    Also you should be able to throw grenades at Garfield to get him to get out of bed, or at least pieces of him.

  102. Illustrator Steve
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    MT – When Rusty gets upset something quite bizarre happens to his physical shape, though not quite the same as what happens to the amazing hulk. Unlike the Hulk, either Rusty’s head swells up until it’s twice it’s normal size, or his body becomes half it’s size from his chest down. Not sure which, but we’ll be able to tell once he sits down with Doc and Cherry for their evening pancakes.

  103. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    FC-I love the instense look Dolly is giving the tv. It’s like she is thinking, “Wait. That’s not the wrestling Daddy watches. Those guys aren’t naked.”

  104. Illustrator Steve
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    MT – (Rusty): “CHERRY! DOC! Those VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS drove right into our yard in a funny-looking truck with a four foot high roof! They took that old camera you told me to put in the trash and told me to keep my mouth shut. WHY would they want that old camera? Mark said it hasn’t worked in more than sixty years! Boy, It sure is a good thing that I put my good camera away before going back outside to play with the horses! Boy, are those guys gonna be in for a funny surprise when they try to find a memory card in that old thing! ha ha ha ha!”
    (Cherry): “I thought you told us that those fellows told you to keep your mouth shut, Rusty! If so…then WHY are you talking to us?”
    (Doc): “No, he’s probably outside!

  105. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-I’m a doctor not a building inspector.

    MT-Cherry! Doc! Two strange men came into the yard and offered me money to go away with them.

  106. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#105)

    RMMD-Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not a building inspector.

    Fixed that for ya!

  107. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#106):

    Err, forgot the exclamation point….

    Make that:
    RMMD-Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not a building inspector!

    //It would help if Jackelrod and Juggs Parker would stop using them all up!

  108. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#92):

    Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck. Good one Moe!

  109. Sgt. Stoned
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: Not a lifeboat or a swimmer in sight. Apparently, all hands lost, except Dawn and Wilbur. DAMN!!!

    BB: Beetle Bailey and self-referential postmodernism go together about as well as strawberry ice cream and sauerkraut.

  110. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#94): Pastor, as my Spanish-speaking friends love to point out, is a pork dish, as in tacos al pastor. Doesn’t stop me from eating them. Not one bit.

  111. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#109):

    Beetle Bailey and self-referential postmodernism go together about as well as strawberry ice cream and sauerkraut.

    Ironically, strawberry ice cream with sauerkraut is the first item on the menu of postmodern cuisine.

  112. Mr. O'Malley
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#110): If the shepherds eat pork, what kind of tacos do swineherds eat?

  113. Shrug
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#y89):

    Well, you have to watch LAWRENCE WELK once in a while or you won’t realize how fall-on-the-floor funny Stan Freeberg’s “Wunnerful Wunnerful” parody was.

    (What, you don’t run the complete STAN FREEBERG SHOW through your mp3 player (or, if you’re a dedicated Plugger, through your audiocassette player) every few months? Barbarian.)

  114. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    In the spirit of keeping Mary Worth at the forefront of current events, Wilbur and Dawn stop over at Damascus for a few days of R&R.

  115. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#Y110):

    And now I have this truly weird desire to hear “Little Boxes.”

    I’ve updated the lyrics to that song:

    Great big boxes on the hillside
    Great big boxes made of ticky tacky
    Great big boxes
    Great big boxes
    Great big boxes all the same
    There’s a beige one and a beige one
    And a beige one and another beige one…

  116. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

  117. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#111): Only if it has foam!

  118. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#116): That’s great! (As a half-Polish person, I have polka in my blood!)

  119. monsieurjohn
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Sooo….. the rest of the cruise ship passengers died, I guess? 3 on the helicopter, 0 life boats, no swimmers.

  120. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @The Real Dan (#15): (SFx) – Perhaps it’s Weber’s tribute to Ed “Big Daddy” Roth?

  121. Jamoche
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#83):

    Fellow Mini owner, welcome to the club! I had a baby blue one, now I have a dark blue.

    Retail: No, selling extended warranties is not selling your soul. Extended warranties can be useful. Pushing a $50 Monster cable when the customer wants the $5 one, or being an Annoying Mall Survey Person (do they still have those?) and seeing how they spin ads to take advantage of people – that’s selling your soul.

  122. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#113): Freberg is wun’erful. I also like listening to “Ah-One, Ah-Two, Sunset Strip” from the Spike Jones “Omnibust” LP (well, CD now). A private eye whose name is ((represented by a musical sting)) gets his music stolen and goes to bandleader Lawrence Staccato for advice. (“I don’t mind another gumshoe stealing my client, my gun, even my girl. But when they steal my music — that’s too much!”)

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#118): If you like polka, you should really like this! There are two audio tracks, the Beer Barrel Disco Polka and the Clarinet Disco Polka. Go to the second one first. And tell me if you hear Floren’s solo accordion doing anything but straight playing while the Sound Stage Super Pickers handle all the burden of being disco.

  123. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#112): Fish, presumably.

  124. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#95): No, wait! Prof. Bohr sent you some complementarity drinks.

  125. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Chaze <–also 1/2 Polish. Guess that's why I tend to like the Welk disco polka era. Must be I'm a Pole-ugger.

  126. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#105):

    MT-Cherry! Doc! Two strange men came into the yard and offered me money to go away with them.

    “Rusty, Rusty, how many times have we told you? If you get an offer like that, take it!

  127. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#125): Oh yeah, and my dad talked just like Lawrence Welk. And uh one and uh two uh..

  128. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#109): Well of course you don’t see any boats or swimmers in the water around the Male de Mare. By the time the first helicopter arrived, they’d all rowed or swum the hundred yards to the nearest shore, where they settled into the nearest bistro for lunch. Wilbur is dismayed to see no sandwiches being served, because he believes life is brautwurst.

  129. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#127): I understand that Welk pretty much learned how to speak without the accent, and was advised that people expected him to talk that way, so he went back to the accent.

    trivia: He co-wrote his signature tune “Bubbles in the Wine” with Frank Loesser and somebody named Calame who I don’t know from any other tunes. I have an LP that reportedly has him playing the song, but it’s in such cruddy condition, it’s not worth trying to rip it.

    more trivia: In one of my old magazines, Welk endorses a correspondence music school.

  130. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#129): My parents loved the show, so I had to suffer through it, but, I always enjoyed Joann Castle’s ragtime piano. It wasn’t enough to be a great musician on Welk’s show. You always had to grin at the camera like a damned fool. Castle was actually pretty good at it. Me, I’d fall off the piano stool.

  131. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#127): Lawrence Welk’s vanity license plate was A1NA2. Honest.

  132. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#124): It’s hard to order those, because you can know what they are or how much they cost, but not both.

  133. Joe Btfsplk
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#62): Interesting. I would not have seen the first of your answers myself.

  134. tallyHO
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    What?
    How has this gone on for this long without:

    So Lawrence Welk walks into a bar. The bartender sez, What can I get ya, bub?

    Lawrence Welk:
    Ah onna an’ ah twoah shots of tequila!

    The bartender:
    You sound over the limit, bub. No can do.
    L Welk:
    But, I just want a warm welcome!
    Bartender:
    Hello. Goodnight.

    //oh noes! I don’t know how to end this one.

  135. Uncle Lumpy
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    My Mom went to high school with Liberace. First name Walter. Good piano player. A little effeminate.

  136. odinthor
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#134):

    “Pop! SSSsssssssss . . .”

  137. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @Jamoche (#121): Yes—here it is!. As I posted on FB, I got my first “Mini wave” on the way home from the dealership. (I’m still all giddy, and I’ve only driven it once now.)

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#122): Ha—that’s great! Quite a bit more polka than disco, though. But I imagine that polka will dominate any other genre it’s mixed with.

  138. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#134): Isn’t the premise supposed to be, “Lawrence Welk, Eddie Van Halen, and Hillary Hahn walk into a bar…”

    No, I don’t know how it ends, either. And let’s keep it that way, please.

  139. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#134): The bartender:
    You sound over the limit, bub. No can do.

    //oh noes! I don’t know how to end this one.

    End it with a little musical number from some wholesome, clean-cut kids!

  140. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#118):

    You should Google “Bill Czerniak and Polka Soul”. I think you’ll like him.

    My Ex was half Polish and I found that I like Polish Polka music.

    Also, i saw Myron Floren at the Minnesota State Fair.

  141. seismic-2
    August 12th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Larry Welk? Myron Floren? Balderdash, I say! When it comes to Polka, these guys rule!

  142. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    9CL — Edda really did just stare at Seth’s package and then decide to hump his leg, right? Is this strip becoming PIBGORN?

  143. Jack Parsons
    August 12th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    I believe we have discovered why Greg Walker does not have his own cartoon. Gawd those are bad heads.

  144. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    I turn on Lawrence Welk once in a while and listen to it while doing other things. It reminds me of my grandmother, who liked the Lennon Sisters. Welk isn’t high-class television, but I’m not sure it’s so much worse than some current shows, such as reality shows about hoarders. Not having cable, I don’t know.

  145. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    MW — So the helicopter “rescued” the passengers from the sinking ship by dumping them all on a nearby pile of rocks so the tide can rise and try to wash them away. Right, yeah, uh-huh. I’m going back to my original theory that this entire episode is being orchestrated by Giorgio, who is trying hard to make sure that he’ll never ever hear from Wilbur again.

  146. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#144):

    I’ll second that. While I haven’t seen the LW Show in years, there’s a lot of crap that is on cable. It truly amazes me that it gets made. But, it makes someone money, right? So, the crap will get made.

    Not that I would put a variety show/singing hour show up on a pedestal. I might for camp value. But, even then, in small doses.

    I guess what gets me is that I tend to hear about those reality shows and have almost no clue about what “genius” feels that is what people want to watch.

  147. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#145):

    Giorgio?

    Waitasecond! Hold the phone! Hang it up on the hook and pick it up to call Aunt Petunia! Uncle Eddie’s wallowing around in the pigsty with next year’s supper!

    Giorgio! Could it be that Giorgio is some sort of modern day, evil version of Geppeto, a puppetmaster who concocted this scheme to pay back Wilbur for helping him take care of his “donkey problems”?

    Oh wait. This is still “Mary Worth” we are referring to, right?
    Nevermind.

  148. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#147): Yeah, my theory is really just wishful thinking. This being MW, Giorgio couldn’t possibly be that interesting. What we’re probably going to see is Dawn ranting for a solid week about her new-found enthusiasm for life, which will drain our own. And then we’ll see Wilbur weeping with joy over being reunited with his sammiches.

  149. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    PV — Say, the fake Lady Grunyard is very attractive in a brigandish, outlawish, law-breaking sort of way. And she knows how to make decisions. Gawain, you could do a lot worse.

  150. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    JP — And thus ends OUR DINNER WITH BEA. Finally. I hope the sequel will be more exciting.

  151. This Guy
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#95): Arrr, enough o’ these quantum puns, ye dogs, or I’ll make the lot o’ ye walk to Planck.

  152. This Guy
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#151): “The”, of course, not “to.”

  153. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    FW — Well, well. I see that Buddy is not on a leash. And look what I just found:

    “The disabilities that need to be mitigated by an unleashed service animal are so small as to be practically non-existent; most all disabling conditions can be mitigated while leashed, albeit a long lead. The smartest way is to be leashed at all times for the safety of the animal, the handler, and the general public.”

    Between this and that dimwitted ferris wheel episode, FW is not doing service animals any favors.

  154. David Schraub
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Pluggers will be left by their grandkids to die alone in a nursing home and will deserve every miserable minute of it.

  155. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — That pun, bleah. And I’ve seen quilts around here that would blow those quilts out of the water.

  156. Poteet
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — I’m willing to obey this order and love August as long as I can do it fully clothed on dry land.

  157. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man:

    Oh, oh!
    Spider-Man’s developed a new power:

    Spider-indignation!

    Watch out, Clown-9! He’s got the proportional attitude of 10 spiders who have been made to look like a fool!

  158. Tangerine
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: The commenters at GoComics are very pleased with today’s strip. They think it is deep and that this is a sign that Greg has stopped phoning it in. I searched for the words “bad”, “terrible” and “awful” and did not find them used even once.

    And this baffles me, because this advice is staggeringly pointless and inaccurate–and, it seems to me, anti-feminist to boot.

    “Mom, should I prioritize finding true love or finding meaningful work to pursue?”
    “Honey, just like Kate Middleton, you can achieve the second exclusively through the first!”

    Huh?

    If I were Luann’s mom I would be thanking the heavens that she was receptive to some guidance and make the most of this teachable moment, telling her that she needs to be the kind of person she hopes to attract and that many people find love but assuming this is not something to build your life around and that the best way to be happy is to cultivate relationships with people you respect and find work that has intrinsic value, etc. etc., not saying, “Yes, honey, just keep mild infatuations with boys at the center of your life and periodically flirt with the idea of setting a career goal. That’s the girl I’m proud of!” Can someone please appear and advise Luann that having no goals in life beyond romance is not attractive in anybody, ever?

  159. tallyHO
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif:

    Putting the Veil on the Surveillance Society since the Reveno’oers started surveying his stills.

  160. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: Maybe it’s the glaucoma speaking, but in that first panel I could swear MJ is wearing a strap-on dildo. And I’m sure it’s in play in the final panel.

    FU, W: Is Batiuk going to make a Statement about how military service is the only way out of a dead-end town like Cancerville? Or is this a set-up for another string of miserable puns from Creepy Les, who’s probably crouching behind the Bearded Lady’s tent, peeping through a hole in the canvas?

    Jugs Parker: Do Burbank studios still have back lots?

    Mary Mirthless: Wilbur looks so angry that he was saved. And, um, Yawn, honey? Wait until you actually accomplish something before you say that the disaster changed your life.

    Family Circus: Melonheads may be the densest little things, but they still have a regrettable ability to float.

    Pluggers: Pluggers wait to the last moment to plan out their mooching, because planning is work and this is a vacation, dogpersongone it!

  161. un malpaso
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    In about 30 years, the Plugger gag will have to be retconned to refer to “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” or something.

    Um… here’s the gun, kill me now.

  162. un malpaso
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#151): When you walk the Planck, you can’t take half steps…

  163. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    Lio: Now that is how to do an Apollo XIV joke. And how to put the “comic” in comic-strip golf.

  164. Lisa
    August 12th, 2012 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Does Pam run a county fair protection racket? “Mighty nice quilts you have here, it’d be a shame if they were to, say, CATCH FIRE.”

  165. Liam
    August 12th, 2012 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    MW-I’ve decided to devote my life to Mary Worth and be a meddler like her.

  166. odinthor
    August 12th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Baldo. — Hahahahahahaha! Wait a minute . . . um, is there a joke?

    Grin & Bear It. — So which schools have a lavendery mauve and white for school colors?

    MW. — On the other hand, you were almost dead because of uncaring and incompetent ship’s crew, who, even though, alongside the considerations of humanity, also had the motivation that they were paid, and still they didn’t take care of you, so, eh, what I’m saying is that feeling good about things should wither in the presence of Bergmanian ambiguity. Thank you, and, as Dave would have said, have a nice day.

  167. TheDiva
    August 12th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    9CL: Trenchant political satire, right there.

    C’shaft: This is what happens when you write the punchline first.

    FW: So, ummm…the point is what, exactly? The Army glamorizes service by making people do pull-ups? Wally regrets the loss of his physical strength? Life sucks? Yeah, let’s go with that.

    Luann: Some teens your age are already working, Luann. Quit yer bitching already.

    Marvin: He’s thirty and still living with his parents, so…he wants to go back to being a baby and living with his parents forever? I don’t get it.

    MW: “Someone was looking out for us! I could feel the hand of Mary guiding our rescuers!”

    Pluggers’ vacations suck.

    SM: Because you’ve done so well against him so far.

  168. Alex Blaze
    August 12th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Pluggers, in general, never answers certain basic questions about what pluggers actually are. Are they old? Are they male? Do they all have working class jobs? It’s not that Pluggers refuses to answer these questions, leaving it up to readers to determine what “pluggers” mean to them, it’s that the position Pluggers takes is constantly shifting and never explicitly delineated. If it seems that pluggers must be old one day, the next they’ll be necessarily male but possibly young, and the day after they’ll be of all ages and genders but in poor cardiovascular health.

    Perhaps Pluggers subscribes to a red-state version of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, in which the very nature of pluggers makes knowing everything about them impossible; as one quality becomes more precisely known, another blurs into oblivion. Or maybe the pluggers themselves eschew solid identity and monolithic definitions of cultural signage in the tradition of Michel Foucault, taking pleasure in disrupting (lame-stream and librul, naturally) systems of knowledge.

    But one thing is known about pluggers that never, ever changes, a factoid which is highlighted in today’s installment: pluggers are white. Very, very white.

  169. John C Fremont
    August 12th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#141): Ordinarily, today’s Mark Trail would have me singing that blasted Seals & Crofts song, but instead I have “Cabbage rolls and coffee, mmm-mmm good!” running non-stop through my head. Much better.

    (Okay, so I just listened to S&C’s Hummingbird on Youtube prior to posting, and it’s kinda sweet and sorta charming in its own way. But S&C are no Yosh and Stan, dag nabbit!)

  170. gleeb
    August 12th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: In the whole time he was a prisoner, not once did his captors ask him to demonstrate his upper body strength. Wally rejects your recruiting lies.

  171. John C Fremont
    August 12th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Phantom – “One tug on the bow line, sweet gunman,
    One tug on the bow line.”

    Wunnerful! Wunnerful!

  172. Holly Folly
    August 12th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I like how Sarge doesn’t ask any of the real questions here. Such as, how do two random poeple in a restaurant know who I am? Why would such information from there brains be transmitted through this paper? I just hope there’s an intervention before he comes to logical conclusion that he does not exist either.

  173. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 12th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    deadtree B&C: leave the puns to Pastis. *sheesh*

    deadtree SG: I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going.

    IP: wait, what?!? darnit, where are MY superpowers then?????

    SBp: 50 Shades of Joke Burnout.

    Crank: die. die in a fire. all of you.

    Lockhorns: Sunday Barrettos. dang.

    Ghost-who-under-water-skis.

    Foxtrot: why not Zoidberg?

  174. greghousesgf
    August 12th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#60): Proof the baby boomers are aging: they now use Led Zeppelin to advertise Cadillacs.

  175. pparf
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Alex Blaze (#168): Has anyone ever attempted to place all the “Pluggers” characteristics side by side to see if it is humanly possible that anyone could have each of those characteristics? And if someone could, would any other human being want to know that person? Including his or her undieing admiration of Lawrence Welk reruns?

  176. Kirk
    August 12th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Come on, that Beetle Bailey was funny enough on its own. You didn’t need to add anything.

  177. baron
    August 13th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Breaking news: the bird-people of the Shoe-niverse go through menopause (?).

  178. Dennis
    August 13th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Ok Does anybody who was born anytime after 1890 actually watch The Lawrence Welk Show? Hell does any TV channel that isn’t operating on a budget beyond whatever the CEO finds in the couch cushions even show it?

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