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Also, way to have the same haircut that you had at age 7, future me

Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/2/12

Oh, Slylock, I just don’t get you! You’ve always shown that you have nearly unlimited powers to arrest and jail anybody you want based on even the flimsiest of circumstantial evidence. So now that you’ve caught the Wolf red-pawed, why are you going for this clever/wimpy put-salt-in-the-ice-cube-tray-so-the-water-won’t-freeze business? Perhaps he’s hoping that, by causing the Wolf’s plan to fail for reasons he won’t be able to comprehend, he’ll break the villain psychologically and leave him putty in the hands of law enforcement. Or maybe Slylock just doesn’t trust Max to do anything? That seems likely.

Beetle Bailey, 9/2/12

“Made the men eat frazzle fern” sounds like a nonsense placeholder phrase that was put into the dialogue with the intention of replacing it with something that was funny and made sense but then nobody did that because, it’s just Beetle Bailey, you know? And General Halftrack’s theatrical “Hmmmm”ing is drawn out about two panels too long. Still, though, Miss Buxley’s sad face in panel two as she muses on the web of emotional lies she’s been ordered into will haunt me for days.

Family Circus, 9/2/12

I love how sad Billy looks in the final panel as he imagines his inevitable transformation into a goody-goody adult. “God, way to be a suck-up chump, future me!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/2/12

WARNING: THREAT LEVEL ALPHA, JUNE MORGAN TO SPEND NEXT WEEK TRYING ON BIKINIS

(Happy Labor Day, everybody! I will probably have Monday’s post up sometime Monday evening, or maybe Tuesday morning. See ya then!)

320 responses to “Also, way to have the same haircut that you had at age 7, future me”

  1. Uncle Lumpy
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox — Big Brad Wolf should try this helpful recipe for ice cubes. Low carbs! Lactose-free! (BTW, the comments are the best part of that post.)

  2. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#Y194): It could be. Why do you think that would be a better adjectival choice? Expound, dear boy! Expound!

  3. KreatureFeatures
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Radio scary! Must hug mommy, er, wife.

  4. statler
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- I could be wrong about this but I do believe there is some case law on the books that says if a ‘journalist’ submits a story with the words ‘dark’ ‘stormy’ & ‘night’ in the same lede, the editor is allowed (and in some cases obligated) to bring the writer out back and shoot them.

  5. Chareth Cutestory
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD: First off, that face in panel two, where do I begin? Secondly, thanks to the all caps dialogue, I can’t figure out if these are “LA Thongs” or “La Thongs.” Either one could work, one conjures up Cali beaches and the other some French Riviera beaches. And, yep I just tried, they’re both equally stupid sounding in a sentence.

  6. Ned Ryerson
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Big Brad Wolf: “Fuck this, I’ll just pick up a bag of ice at the store.”

  7. debussy fields
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MW– “It started as a dark but not stormy night…” What a gripping start to a hair-raising story! It actually took several hours of editing before Wilbur settled on that sentence. Earlierattempts that he came to reject include: “It was night, and the sun was blazing in the sky!” and “It started as a sunny afternoon, which turned into a normal, humdrum evening, and then into a dark night, the weather of which the TV meteorologist said might ultimately be stormy, but he was wrong.”

  8. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Drabble: If Ralph would just switch to metric, he could eat as many a six donuts without gaining a kilogram!

  9. Justin
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Slylock doesn’t care one bit about Brad and the parade. He’s just taking advantage of Max’s breaking and entering to finally arrest the little vermin and get him off his back.

  10. Mibbitmaker
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    New Special Sunday PCK (next-to-last “entertorial”) is now up!

    2007. In accordance with the times, the show is now renamed “I Dream of Lisa” — the wacky Capt. Nowak, that is…

  11. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    ASM – I KNEW this would happen. Peter Parker jumps out of the stands but Spidey lands on the arena floor. This, from a guy who keeps uniforms on hangers in his closet. The mind is boggled by how he managed this feat, but I guess we must all be our own authors and fill in the missing storyline the way we see fit.

    Curtis – I rarely find this strip funny, and never clever, but I DO have to laugh at the signs on Gunther’s barbershop walls. Today’s best? “Twins Free! Conjoined only.”

    Phantom – I want a suit that shade of green. And, oh yes, the matching bow tie to accompany it.

    JP – So far the greatest threat has been a descented skunk. Can we get back to the homoerotic subtext between Sam and Avery? It was at least fun, and it engaged my imagination. In a literary sense, you know…ahem..

    Grand Ave, BC – Two back to school jokes, misspelling school as skool. Neither funny. Maybe if they had worked in a gratuitous power tool reference! Yeah, that would suffice for me.

    Blondie – Like the updated golf shirts the boys are wearing. Still cannot figure out Dagwood’s screw top neck.

    Shoe, MW – What is it telling us about the supposedly realistic art of Mary Worth when the very cartoony Shoe produces a much more normal pc and keyboard than those alien devices being used by Mary and Wilbur? Don’t answer that. It was rhetorical.

  12. Lenoxus
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    I’m one of those people who completely tolerates the modification of the adjectve “unique” (for example, “very unique”, “less unique”, etc), but I have to draw the line at “microscopic”. Something either is too small to be seen with the naked eye or it isn’t. Plus, even if there are degrees of microscopicity, they would by definition be irrelevant to fashion, because any wearer of any size of “microscopic” clothes would look naked.

    Of course, the word was being used hyperbolically, but there are plenty of good adjectives to describe the Unbelievable Smallness of the Bikinis Today. I hear “itsy-bitsy” and “teeny-weeny” are popular.

    Anyway, what does whatshername mean by “pun intended”. It’s not a damn pun! It’s just a nonsensical misuse of the word. “A bikini so microscopic that it’s almost invisible to the naked eye” is like saying “He’s so vegetarian that he eats beef only once a year.”

  13. Horace Broon
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    ASM: Okay, we’re all used to newspaper-Spidey completely failing to have spider-sense, but I think this deserves comment since, even without a danger warning, he could still have evaded the shoe if he had above-average agility. It is more apparent than ever that newspaper-Spidey has no spider-powers whatsoever.

    HtH: “And I grew up in the Dark Ages” thinks Hamlet. Hamlet is educated enough that the use of past tense must be intentional. indicating a) that he’s grown up, and is simply stunted due to poor diet and b) that it isn’t the Dark Ages any more, meaning the Renaissance was clearly overrated.

  14. Horace Broon
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#12): I think the pun is on “naked”, it’s just not a very good one.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    BBailey: “Ve ver ONLY following ORRDAHHHHS!” (What, too dramatic?)

    FC (meta): Billy should’ve felt that way when they ALL went goody-good sometime in the mid-late ’60s.

    RMMD: Panel 2, Rex’s expression is his “beard”. Meanwhile, the clerk makes it clear that La Thong is a really Freudian place. Thank goodness June’s kid is female!

  16. seismic-2
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    SFx: “Damn it, these ice cubes will never freeze in time for me to throw them at the people watching the parade! Now I suppose I’ll just have to take a pair of assault rifles instead and wade into the crowd with both barrels blazing. That’s a real shame – the ice-cube thing would have been such a hoot!”

  17. Charterstoned
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Is that Cherry Trail in line behind June?

  18. bbofun
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#1): The comments section of that may be one of the funniest group-written comedy pieces I’ve ever read. Thanks!

    ASM- Oh, final narration box! Why must you get our hopes up?

    A3G- No recap of the lesbian innuendo, eh? I guess they figured it was safe for a Saturday, when “no one will read this”.

    JP- “…they ran out of there like scalded cats!”
    Has anyone, ever, int the history of the world, said this? Is it some variation on “cat on a hot tin roof?” And, if so, is Sam Maggie or Brick? Oh, wait- yeah. Never mind.

    MW- This is why newspaper comic strips are such a vital art form! Where else could you experience the thrill of reading letters and newspaper articles? I smell a Pulitzer!

    RMMD- This is as bad as the Spidey narration box. Stop promising something you will never deliver! Nobody likes a tease! (On the other hand, I am enjoying thinking about what this would look like if it was Apt. 3G- the swimsuit Joan’s holding would contain about 3 sq. yards of material.)

    CS- Again, are there places where the phrase “boil alert” is common? Yeah, I figured it out, but c’mon!
    Also- I haven’t thought ‘nuclear war’ as a possible “emergency alert” scenario in close to 20 years. Terrorist attack, sure. Honestly, though, I guess the inhabitants of Funkyville (aka Cancertown) default to ‘worst possible scenario” pretty quickly.

    9CL- Points for “prepared piano”-John Cage reference. Will allow the disregard of physics/rule of funny.. points deducted for not showing more than one volley. Overall- not bad.

  19. Uncle Lumpy
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    You know, Becka seems really excited about how June’s gonna look in that bikini. So this still has possibilities, Rex notwithstanding.

  20. TheDiva
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    FC: It’s a lot funnier if you imagine Thel’s lines in Hitler’s voice.

    SFx: Disappointed that the ice cube thing didn’t pan out, Big Brad Wolf decided to throw rocks instead, killing one and injuring seven. Good job, Slylock!

  21. odinthor
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#14):

    Hm. It could also be a pun on “eye/I”: “Invisible to the naked I.” Of course what one is wearing is invisible if one is naked and thus one isn’t wearing anything. Or the pun could involve the ellipses, which in this case stands for two different punnish things which would be hilarious if they weren’t both elliptical and thus unavailable for us to contemplate with specificity. Puns play by their rules, not ours.

  22. Baka Gaijin
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    I love that lady gasping at the Spidey-junk flying inches above her gaping mouth. “The proportional endowment of a spider,” she thinks.

    You look as beautiful as the day we met.” Ces, great use of irony. Or metaphor. Or some synonym for “clever.”

  23. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    RMMD: And Sally buys her underwear
    From a store where no one goes
    She makes it big in photographs
    On the strength of what she shows

    Motorhead, Lost Johnny

  24. Santa Royale With Cheese
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    S-M: Card! Carrrrrrd! Come on, ref!

    S-M 2: I love that Captain Obvious narration. “Shoe tip… elongating… tripping me…” Way to go, Spider-Sense™. I’m guessing C-9′s finishing move is going to be to place a sofa in front of a television set.

    RwO: Story of my life, these days. /forever alone

  25. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#12): He’s so vegetarian that he eats beef only once a year
    Actually, that kind of statement is extremely common in India; “vegetarians” who eat meat only when they eat out.

  26. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#18): I’ve seen a few written variations on “running like scalded cats” over the years, and what a very unpleasant image it is. But what can one expect from people who would put a pet skunk in potential peril? You’re headed for jail, skunk endangerers, and serves you right!

  27. Baka Gaijin
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#18) on Crankshaft: I’ve been out of the country a while. Do they really have alerts for people who have carbuncles on their asses?

  28. pugfuggly
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Sf Whoops, on closer inspection, it looks as though Wolf doesn’t even have a freezer, just a fridge. If this is the intelligence level we’re dealing with here, you could probably just dig a deep hole outside, throw a hotdog in it and wait for the inevitable to happen.

    BB Ironically, a good dose of frazzle fern would probably clear up that bowel obstruction the General seems to be suffering from.

    RMMD That’s some expression Rex has on his face in panel two. Is there a word that combines ‘panicked’ ‘confused’ and ‘horny’? Panornyfused, maybe?

  29. OMEGA SUPREME
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, MD: I haven’t anticipated a Rex Morgan, MD plot line so much since they went on a cruise. Was that four years ago?

  30. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MT — So the Australian frogmouth (what a wonderful name) “looks like a dead tree stump” and spends its time seated “comfortably” on the ground with its mouth wide open, and everything it wants just flies right in. Folks, I think we’re looking at the avian version of Sam Driver.

  31. Baka Gaijin
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#24) on Spiderman-2: I agree. The Couch Potato gambit is coming. The only question is what’s inside the whoopie cushion.

  32. pugfuggly
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#19):

    You know, Becka seems really excited about how June’s gonna look in that bikini. So this still has possibilities, Rex notwithstanding.

    As Greg Cooper would say ‘Not that there’s anything wrong with that…’

  33. TheDiva
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#18): Now if McEldowney will take another page from the John Cage playbook and have his characters keep quiet.

    C’shaft: Ah, the Funkyverse, where only the threat of nuclear armageddon can inspire tender feelings!

    Marvin: Now that he mentions it, a kiddie version of Mythbusters would probably sell like hotcakes.

    MW: PROTIP TO WILBUR: If you start off an article by unironically invoking the work of a man who inspired a bad writing contest, you might want to rethink not only your writing style, but your potential as a professional writer.

    Pluggers dress like toddlers.

    SM: Well, he does have spider-based powers, so it only makes sense shoes would be his weakness. Best hope Clown-9 doesn’t have a newspaper, a wadded-up tissue, and a toilet in his arsenal.

  34. Chyron HR
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    SFx – Boy, the forest parade participants are going to be pretty mad when they’re marching in 90-degree heat and their ice cube guy is forced to cancel because Max broke into his house and fucked with his trays.

  35. The Ridger
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#25): My sister’s a vegetarian (health, not philosophy, and she gladly eats seafood); my sister-in-law doesn’t have meat at home, therefore, but eats it when they’re out.

  36. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    BB — In the absence of any other information, I’m very much afraid that “eating frazzle fern” is a reference to oral sex.

  37. smacky
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    June Morgan in a thing bikini? Time to paint the garage!

  38. gleeb
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Valiant: Oh, Gawain, you randy old goat!

    : Hey, Jason Williams and his helicopter dad! Two new characters! I can’t wait to see what…aw, who am I kidding? We’ll never hear about these people again. Why is Creepy Les hanging out watching a football practice, anyway? If school isn’t in session, shouldn’t he be hurrying off to Kent State to stalk Summer?

  39. Admiral Ackbar
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s a trap!

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    9CL: yet more things you can do on a Bösendorfer.

    A&J: well played, sir.

    Dilbert: rofls

    Lio: HODOR!

    SBp: Coverly is now off Mallett’s X-Mas card list.

    Bizarro: /facepalm.

    Crank: ok, who replaced the usual strip with something sort of heartwarming?

    MT: squee.

    MG&G: ahh, there’s the Batuik writing. . . .

    JP: *sniff* I miss Baretto.

    SF: d’awwwwwwww.

    6Cx: is that Dale from King of the Hill in the background? That IS a raccoon from SFx in the foreground.

    SFx: NSFBG!!!!!!!

    Zits: wine with pizza. Walt and Connie are gonna be gettin’ it on after dinner.

    Foxtrot: Voltronodon. WIN!!!!!

    Retail: I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.

    rMC: ahhhh, Dishopolis.

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    ikkle cuz.

    just got an invite to go RenFesting, so the monksquee will have to suffice for today.

  42. smacky
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @smacky (#37): Thing? Thong, dumb autocorrect!

  43. Agoraphobic Turtle
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    That’s a lot of pointing in today’s Family Circus. “Someday you’ll thank me for building this doorway!”

  44. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Chuckle Bros: Kirk and Spock are about to roast each other in a duel to death over a pig.

    Candorville: When I read “do the dishes” I had a vision of him “doing” them, in the British sense. Me and my dirty mind.

  45. seismic-2
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#29): It’s been three years and five months, but who’s counting?

  46. AhClem
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MW – The excitement and drama never ends in Mary Worth. Today we have — not one, but two –people typing on a computer.

  47. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Thing a thong of thick gents
    A pocketful of Spanish fly
    Rex Morgan won’t respond, June
    No matter how had you try
    For once the thong is on you
    His phone begins to ring
    With problems somewhere, urgent
    For Rex is the king.
    And you’ll be left with lady parts
    Almost completely bare-
    But all you’ll have is the mirror, June
    To preen and to stare.
    Don’t you wish you were in 9CL
    With Amos on top of you?
    OK, I’ve squicked myself out, June
    I’ll stop before I spew.

  48. John C Fremont
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    I know The Lost Bear doesn’t get a lot of attention here, but today’s was adorable.

  49. BigTed
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    “Frazzle Fern” sounds like the code name for an experimental drug that makes people relaxed and sleepy. Guess we don’t need to worry about the Army trying to create Jason Bourne-like super-soldiers anymore!

  50. Brian
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    One thing I’ve learned over the years…long hard years, filled with briefs, and panties, (No I don’t wear them!) is that as a man (male) you don’t admit to not knowing what a Framisthulaminator is if it comes up in conversation. You nod slowly and say “Ahh..yes.” and then you look it up in private on google. The same goes here, “An LA Thong, oh yes, I’ve used those for years as part of the Grungulator on my Phanulated Distent Mounts.” See how that works?

  51. sporknpork
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Are LA Thongs made by LA Gear? Do they light up when you booty clap?

  52. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#27): I’ve been out of the country a while. Do they really have alerts for people who have carbuncles on their asses?

    Absolutely! All the cool kids are doing it! Come on home, I’m sure no one remembers those outstanding warrants!

  53. BigTed
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    F.C.: “Hi, Mom, I’m on leave from my cult! They told me I should stop by and say thanks for the way you never tolerated disobedience.”

  54. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I’ve got no time to read comments, unfortunately, but I’m posting commentary about our trip on the newspaper’s Facebook page. (Actually, I thought I’d done this already, but I think I hit Preview, then figured I’d posted it. I’m not always fully awake these days.)

    And it’s embarrassing how much I miss my daily Comics Curmudgeon. Josh, you were inspired when you created this site.

  55. Baka Gaijin
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#33) on Spiderman: Luckily for you the Halloween candy is in the stores. You’ve got to be on the COTW float with this comment.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#40) on Slylock Fox: Thanks but a little too late. Freakout on prior thread. Which reminds me…

    KUDOS TO JOSH for leaving that horrible evilscary part off the Sylock Fox illustration atop this post.

    @seismic-2 (#45): Did you keep track of that with a circular slide rule or an Atari 800? Sorry, it’s been a while since we had a good, archaic technology discussion.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#52): Oh, wait, I forgot. It’s the Batiukverse. They had to give up the Tumor Alerts and Dismemberment Alerts due to their constant nature.

  56. Mibbitmaker
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#41): RenFesting. Sounds like something Stimpy would do. In the “Adult Cartoon Party” version, of course.

    Crank: He’s been in Batiukland so long, he just expects the worst.

    MW: Wilb: “Yeah, take THAT, Snoopy!”

    Curtis: Yeah, Gunth’, but…
    Fonzie started wearing a black t-shirt right after he literally jumped the shark. Just sayin’.

    ReFOOB: Christ, what a Rod!

    JP: “Scalded cats”? Those guys are evil! Still, that sounds like a cool exclamation —
    Scalded cats, there’s a skunk in my bunk!”

    MT: Hey, Fred and Barney followed Wilma and Betty to Hollyrock, and Fred ended up in a teleplay! (first season)

  57. pepperjackcandy
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    I thought that maybe Slylock Fox suggested that Manchester or whatever that mouse’s name is should pour out the water and replace it with vodka.

    It’ll never freeze, but, ultimately, the wolf won’t care.

  58. BigTed
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    “Dateline: The Forest — Several animals were treated for severe eye irritation after they were pelted with heavily salted water at this morning’s Forest Day Parade. ‘I don’t know what happened — it was supposed to be harmless ice cubes!’ insisted alleged perpetrator Big Brad Wolf. While police have no motive for the criminal action, they intend to seek the highest possible punishment, according to law-enforcement representative Slylock Fox.”

  59. John C Fremont
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#36): Also, in the absence of any other information, you really should consider employing isometrics.

    SFx – In the absence of ice cubes, Brad should consider grabbing random items from his fridge. Those bottles could cause some damage, and that ham looks to be weighty enough to do some harm if properly hurled. Unless he just wants to annoy, in which case he could take a carving knife with him and cut off slices of ham one at a time and fling them in people’s faces. That ought to piss off a few people. Unless they’re vegetarians who only eat meat once a year, in which case he could accidentally fulfill their meat eating requirements for 2012. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Oh, and isometrics. In the absence of ice. cubes. I’ll just be, uh, over, uh, there…

    So what’s up with Wilbur Weston’s neck? Instead of writing about his “ordeal,” maybe he should be emailing his chiropractor. Probably not a good time to employ isometrics. Hey, we’re getting in a rut.

  60. Peanut Gallery
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#40):
    (MT)

    The tawny frogmouth is practically invisible,
    for he looks like a dead tree stump.
    His gaping mouth is faintly risible –
    he’s just a big ol’ squee lump.

  61. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Snuffy – Mary Beth’s li’l brother (full name: Li’l Brother) will be th’ laffin’ stock o’ Hootin’ Holler when it gets out that he wears underwear! Mary Beth will probably keep razzing him about it all through their marriage.

  62. A New Day
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD: The first four stages of Rex’s patented Sex Avoidance Strategy are all on display here: horror, feigned ignorance, stalling (for purposes of feigned clarification), and nausea. Next week we will move on to the final stage: improbable distractions, combined, when necessary, with applied dickishness.

  63. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Fox Trot – Actually, I may have influenced the Smithsonian this past week. I got an email back from someone in their lesson plans after I sent them a link to a retraction of an article they used in one of their suggested lesson plans. After the way things had been going, it was nice to hear from them.

  64. Phred22
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    JP: OK, time to take bets on when Sam or Avery discover the missing camera. Tomorrow, a week, a month? Remember it was back in June that Avery took the picture of the pot patch.

  65. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Smirky – The coach saves “Jason” for special purposes, mostly involving gruesome murders of nubile teenagers.

  66. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

  67. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    MW-Isn’t Mary doing an advice column? She is supposed to be answering people’s questions. Not using it as her personal soapbox for the people of Santa Royale

    MW 2-It wasn’t a dark night. From what we saw it was the middle of the day.

    Slylock Fox-I was hoping Slylock was going to have Max pee in the ice cube trays.

    FC-We’re sending you to an old folks home.

  68. NoahSnark
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    When the strip changed from stories of smug entitlement to hard core pornography it was so gradual that Rex didn’t even notice.

  69. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Judge – “Hey, take a picture of me with Conrad!”

  70. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Mary – So, the night was dark, was it? It’s these bits of gritty detail that really make you feel like you’re right there on a sinking ship when you read pretty much anything by Wilbur.

  71. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Shoe – So what’s the lead time here, and how does it compare to the time we were all talking about endoscopy and suchlike?

    @Droopy Says (#y188): Spider-Bland: Cue the music from a Tex Avery cartoon.
    More like Friz Freleng. (This one.)

  72. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

  73. Kwazzymodo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Wishful thinking Mama Keane. Those kids are never leaving.

  74. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#63): By the way, I hope the Virginia Pilot fired the reporter of the original article. It’s that kind of sloppy work that gives journalism a bad name.

  75. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    More questions than answers on today’s comics page. I would really like to know what sort of sinister behavior-modifying substance this “frazzle fern” is, and why Lt. Fuzz is blithely proposing experimenting with it on unsuspecting human subjects. Meanwhile, over in RMMD, Becca’s panel-2 comment implies that June went to LA Thong (or la thong? or a la thong, like a la mode?) for the express purpose of buying a designer thong (did June just blow off work to go shopping for a luxury item?)–so why does June look so scandalized in the final panel? “But I’m a wife and mother!” Well, if you object so strongly to microscopic bikinis, why did you come out to this store in the first place?

  76. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#70): Mary – So, the night was dark, was it? It’s these bits of gritty detail that really make you feel like you’re right there on a sinking ship when you read pretty much anything by Wilbur.

    He kind of reminds me of Jack London, or maybe Dashiell Hammett, that way. You can hear howl of the wolf in the arctic night, see the puddles of light on the means streets of the dark city, taste the Pesce spada alla palermitana on the cruise ship buffet.

    It’s a gift, really.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#75): Well, if you object so strongly to microscopic bikinis, why did you come out to this store in the first place?

    Duh. I believe there was mention of a 50% off sale?

  78. seismic-2
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Since the plural of LA THONG is LA THONGS rather than LES THONGS, is LA THONG in fact an abbreviation for LOS ANGELES THONG? If so, then shouldn’t June be shopping instead at SAN DIEGO THONG? I suppose we really shouldn’t mind too much which one it is, though. Just so long as she never, never goes near SANTA ROYALE THONG. That’s where Ian Cameron shops.

  79. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: And so the strip reaches its inevitable conclusion, in which Mary, given a public forum, no longer demeans herself by responding to individual requests for help but now rises to her full potential by meddling with humanity itself.

    S-M: “Spot in center ring”: Meanwhile, this strip reaches its inevitable conclusion.

    Frazz: Remind me why anyone is talking to a 3rd grader about going to business school.

    JP: If the strip is named after a character who almost never shows up anyway, I’d like to request that future storylines feature Avery Blackstone. He’s such a jolly, optimistic little bundle of entitlement, with a joie de vivre that smug, glum Sam can never even hope to muster.

  80. Baka Gaijin
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#79) on Frazz: For the same reason the Charterstone Pool exists: neither one makes any sense but the plot couldn’t progress without either one.

  81. Braniff
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    FC: In the final panel, Billy has been grounded, home-schooled, brain-washed and imprisoned in his room for over twenty years–just an extreme case of Stockholm Syndrome in the Keane Kompound.

  82. Da Coconino Kid
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#2):

    Sorry, no actual snark here, just dry analysis of attempted humor (mine, that is) –

    A classic solecism is a well-established, perhaps archetypal, mis-step. A classical solecism would be one that (also) involved the languages of Classical Antiquity. (Hey, why *don’t* we have a tradition of “You shouldn’t create compound words that are half Latin and half Sanskrit”?)

  83. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#79): …I’d like to request that future storylines feature Avery Blackstone. He’s such a jolly, optimistic little bundle of entitlement, with a joie de vivre that smug, glum Sam can never even hope to muster.

    Seconded. Good ol’ Avery, flying around in his jet, making deals, falling off cliffs, befriending skunks, surrounded by beautiful women, handsome men. Always smiling, confident. He’s an inspiration to short, fat, balding men everywhere. Wilbur Weston should take his correspondence course.

    The world should have more Averys!

  84. Calico
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Is “Frazzle Fern” Army code for more LSD experiments?

  85. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#82): That is what I thought you meant. Why not, indeed?

  86. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#54): I just “liked” your FB page–as I imagine other ‘mudges will–and so now the GLA will at least appear to have an international readership!

  87. kingklash
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Is “La Thong” related to “El Ka-bong”?

  88. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#36): I suspect that the General’s fern is very much frazzled.

    BL: While the joke wasn’t very original today, I admit I did like the over-the-top art—and the subtle touch of Daisy’s “business as usual” face in the last panel.

  89. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    FC-Time to go back to the home, Mom.

    RMMD-RMMD-You have to love the Fifties sensibilities of Rex and June when it comes to swimsuits. “Oh my! Don’t you have something that will cover my entire body and a hat. A large floppy hat.”

  90. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#89): Perhaps June would find something more to her taste at La Burqa?

  91. Zerowolf
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Zits: And the second best 20 bucks he spent this week was the blow-job from a crackwhore named “Itchy.”

  92. Zerowolf
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Craknshaft: Nothing says “I love you” like dysentery.

  93. Zerowolf
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: Billy dreams of one day being able to escape from the Keane Kompound.

  94. John Taber
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    I know I saw a Family Circus strip much like this one in February 1982.

  95. Mysterion
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Slylock instructed Max Mouse to secretly LEAVE THE TRAYS ALONE, because Big Brad Wolf was putting them in the REFRIGERATOR.

    I wonder who that is on the bottom shelf…

  96. Mysterion
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    I think someone is eating General Halftrack’s frazzle fern in panels 4-7.

  97. Little Blue Bicycle
    September 2nd, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    RM, MD; Is it just me, or in panel 2 does Dr. Morgan look like Fire Marshall Bill?

  98. Inkwell
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    …Did Slylock really let his little mouse sidekick sneak in, unattended, to the kitchen of an amoral carnivore? Really, Sly?!

  99. Poteet
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#59): Very sorry, don’t understand(?) Though it’s certainly true that I would benefit from more isometrics. *pause to check the Internets and make certain she knows what they are*

  100. seismic-2
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Mom, I just stopped by to say thanks for sending me to my room. It helps ease my conscience about our keeping you shut up in Dolly’s attic for the last 15 years.”

  101. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#86): I just “liked” your FB page–as I imagine other ‘mudges will–and so now the GLA will at least appear to have an international readership!

    Appear? It does, now.

    And do it should. The Voice of South West Saskatchewan speaks to the world. The Gull Lake Advance cannot be muzzled!

  102. Peanut Gallery
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#76):

    It’s a gift, really.

    Still thinking about that whole La Thong riff from yesterday, I see. So what did you decide, Ipecac or Syrup of Squill?

  103. greghousesgf
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    why are Spock and Kirk wearing bright yellow boots in Chuckle Brothers?

  104. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#86): I just “liked” your FB page–as I imagine other ‘mudges will–and so now the GLA will at least appear to have an international readership!

    “Seems,” madam? Nay, it is. I know not “seems.”

    “At least appear”? It does, have an international readership now.

    And do it should. The Voice of South West Saskatchewan speaks to the world. The Gull Lake Advance cannot be muzzled!

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104): Now that is odd. I seem to be stuttering.

  106. Downpuppy
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    With Wilbur writing for the Bulwer-Lytton contest, & Mary Worth churning out glurge like a machine, I sense an editor suicide plot.

  107. Digger
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Thanks for sending me to my room. That’s where I started cutting myself, and it distracted me from the agony of living under your tyranny.”

    SFx: Shouldn’t Slylock and Max be grateful that Big Brad Wolf is only interested in chucking ice cubes at the participants in the forest parade, as opposed to, say, eating them?

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#90): There some lovely modest swimwear here.

  109. Dale
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Slylock

    Simple plan = empty the trays. Slylock’s plan = poison the contents.
    As noted above (#28), that’s a refrigerator, no obvious freezer section.
    About 2 ounces of salt in a quart(liter) of water will give a 1 molal solution. That’s 3.3 deg. F of freezing point depression. If there were a freezer, he’d need more like a 7 or 8 molal solution to prevent freezing.
    Is the effect that linear, or should Max be looking for calcium chloride – yum, yum?

  110. Bill Murray
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#28): Sf Whoops, on closer inspection, it looks as though Wolf doesn’t even have a freezer, just a fridge. If this is the intelligence level we’re dealing with here, you could probably just dig a deep hole outside, throw a hotdog in it and wait for the inevitable to happen.

    You can make ice in non-humid areas by correctly isolating the container from its surroundings, so maybe Big Brad Wolf just really knows his heat transport

  111. Bill Murray
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#12): Plus, even if there are degrees of microscopicity

    Different microscope types have different ultimate resolution values, so there are degrees of microscopicity, but they don’t effect any fashion but paramedium and amoeba fashion

  112. Austria
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Dear reader, YOU decide what Rex’s penultimate panel expression means! Is he…
    1) Intrigued?
    2) Holding back bile?
    3) Imagining Buck/Niki/(insert male of your choice here) in a La Thong?
    The choice is yours!!

  113. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#102): I think the squill has tincture of opium in it.

  114. Neyba Bob
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    SFx:The clever part of Brad Wolf’s plan is the lack of evidence. When the parade participants complain about being hit by small cold projectiles, Brad will say “What projectiles? Show me one”.

  115. bats :[
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @kingklash (#87): El Ka-Bong might be the mens’ line of swimwear.
    I hope so!

  116. Harold
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Bill hated this day more than any other. He had forgotten her birthday long ago, and Christmas had ceased to have any meaning. But this Hallmark Holiday in May was a day when he had agreed with his despised siblings that it would be his turn to visit their mother.

    He pulled into the parking lot. The place was packed, even though he knew on a typical Sunday it would be mostly empty. He grabbed the bouquet of flowers from the passenger’s seat. They were fresh; he had bought them at a supermarket rather than arrive empty-handed. He realized he had forgotten a vase, and fished around in the back seat for a discarded water bottle. Good enough.

    He slipped into the nursing home and hurried to the corridor that led to her room. The stench always hit him first: death and dying, bowel movements and cafeteria food, all badly masked by the chemical tang of antiseptic cleansers. He tried not to breathe as he raced along.

    Her room was empty. For a moment he allowed himself a glimmer of hope that it was over, that she had died and he had not been informed. But the grim chamber showed signs of habitation, and the decorations on the near side of the room – the side without a window – were clearly hers. He filled the bottle with water from the bathroom sink, jammed in the flowers, and stuck them on her dresser.

    He fumbled along to the common room near the entrance. It alone in the whole place showed any signs of warmth. Decorated to reflect some idealized vision of home life, it was the place that most visitors saw when it was time to deposit their parents in this waiting room for death. The hominess took the edge off of any guilt they might feel, in a way that the cold, institutional look of the corridors and rooms would not.

    He saw her sitting in a green chair near a window, ignored by the other residents, in her own world. A plastic teacup perched on one arm of the chair, and in her lap she held a magazine of some sort. Probably a Reader’s Digest from a decade or two ago. The magazines seemed to be the same every time he checked.

    She looked up as he approached. Her rheumy eyes seemed to glisten with tears as she focused on him. But with her cataracts, he doubted she could see anything.

    A spark of love was suddenly overwhelmed by decades of resentment. All those years of taking the blame for things he hadn’t done – things which, as far as he knew, no one had done, making him wonder again about the half-glimpsed shapes that seemed to lurk on the edge of his vision as a child. And he remembered that one particularly traumatic day, early one September, when an attempt at independent action had produced a torrent of scorn. From his own mother. She had finally sent him to his room with the words “I won’t tolerate disobedience around here…some day you’ll thank me for this!”

    He looked at her, the woman who had spent a lifetime emasculating him, berating him, blocking him from becoming the man he knew he could be. Now she was a weak and frail creature, years or months or weeks from death. A death that would likely happen in her cold, pale-green room, alone and unloved. As alone and unloved as she had made him feel, all those years. He felt his spine stiffen.

    “Mom, I just stopped by to say thanks for sending me to my room.”

    He turned on his heel and walked out of the place. He would call that bitch of a sister of his and let her know that he had done his duty. And then he would head back to the sad, miserable life he had made for himself.

  117. BeckoningChasm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Rex’s face in panel two…wow. Looks like Charles Nelson Reilly just got kicked in the crotch.

  118. SurrealKangaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Plugger clothing is never age specific.”
    Ain’t that the truth. No matter what they age, Pluggers are wearing drool stained t-shirts and diapers.

  119. Jason D.
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Future Billy makes a short trip to see his senile mother, then heads out for the local ComicCon, where he’ll be half-assedly cosplaying as the Fourth Doctor.

  120. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#78): Just so long as she never, never goes near SANTA ROYALE THONG. That’s where Ian Cameron shops.

    That’ll be one hell of a Charterstone pool party. Imagine a tartan wedgie!

  121. Arabella
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    S4th: “leave them wanting more” I’d say you’ve succeeded, Ces.

  122. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS I checked my underwear and it says I’m 34. Woo-hoo! I’m young again!

    C-shaft Misery loves company. In all the worst ways.

    FW Yep. Just like in those “bad coach” movies.

    MW Today’s reading from Mary’s Letter to the Wretched.
    Pray that Mary gets writer’s block. Or carpal tunnel syndrome.

  123. John C Fremont
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

  124. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#122): BG&SS I checked my underwear and it says I’m 34. Woo-hoo! I’m young again!

    Braggart!

    // I checked my shoes, and it says I’m twelve! (Oh, wait…)

  125. MisterKerr
    September 2nd, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    FC: Thanks for sending me to my room, Mom. It really made me appreciate having a room to be sent to, now that I’m a hobo and all.

  126. Indichik
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers still wear Garanimals. Pluggers ARE Garanimals.

  127. Calico
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Harold (#116):
    Wow, that’s a really good take on today’s FC. Painful, but good.
    Do you write regularly?
    @MisterKerr (#125):
    Yes, he looks like he just came off of Skid Row and to his elderly mother to ask for any change that may have fallen between the cushions, so he can buy that one glorious hit of smack that he hopes will take him away for good.

  128. HAnzMFG
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Billy becomes a true believer later in his adult life, thanks to Ma Keane’s fascistic ruling of the totalitarian Keane Kompound. Years later, after blowing all his college savings on prostitutes and heroin, he would return to as a haggard, melonheaded hobo to thank his mother for years of enslavement.

  129. Dartpaw86
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    This is the family circus I remember as a kid, this is the humour I liked about it.

    Is Family Circus gradually becoming funny again…?
    Maybe it’s just me.

  130. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#83): I third that motion. Go back and look at the comments on JP the past few weeks. Avery has been the source of a great deal of fun. Sam? Proved his megalomania by picking out his own wine in a cellar full of vintage grapes. Avery all the way!

  131. commodorejohn
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft – Gosh, Jeff is just such an uplifting fellow. “GUESS THEY FINALLY STARTED A NUCLEAR WAR, GOOD THING WE WATCHED THREADS, HUH?”

    DT – A. spear-fishing doesn’t work at all analogously, and B. the hell is a kid her age doing with $300+ in the bank?

    FC – Future Billy just got out of prison for flashing preschoolers in that very coat. He’s thanking Mommy for preparing him for the experience. Well, parts of the experience.

    FG – Turkey basters…of the Future!

    JP – No skunk should have to be awakened to that Hell-cherub visage. Poor Conrad.

    MW – Wait wait wait WHAT. “This planet is at a critical stage in its existence?” Is Mary advocating some kind of impending planetary transcendence through neighborliness? This is insane. She’s turning into the Terrence McKenna of the coffee klatch!

    Phantom – “Bow-Tie Man, away!

    PV – Ohh. She fine. Coulda done without the Gawain closeup, though.

    SM – That elephant is so high right now.

  132. Jack
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    “Frazzle Fern!” and they say this isn’t the golden age for newspaper strips!

  133. HAnzMFG
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    “They’re hardly even microscopic–they’re more nano-sized! To the point you might as well not wear anything! Is my hyperbole on how small these bikinis are getting through to you?

  134. Amateur
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur isn’t just citing Bulwer-Lytton, he appears to be competing with Mary for the Bulwer-Lytton Award. We’re going to see the newspaper implode from their combined awfulness.

  135. Calico
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    “But I’m a wife and mother, and supposedly a nurse!”
    Tommie in 3G does more nursing, for pete’s sake.

  136. HAnzMFG
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    So today, 9 Chickweed Lane consists of a music joke that maybe ten people will understand, and one person will laugh hysterically at. That person being Brooke McEldowney.

  137. Calico
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#131):
    Mary is becoming more like Marshall Applewhite, I’m afraid.

  138. Calico
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Jack (#132):
    I’ll bet that Frazzle Fern they’re growing in JP smells a lot like Conrad used to.
    (Our neighbor has a brother who adores da kine – he was merrily toking out back yesterday afternoon, and I think it got our oldest cat Renny a bit high, because even with all the noise and chit chat, this usually nervous cat passed right out on our back deck for a few hours, and then stayed out all night.)

  139. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#124): For a “brief” period, my age and my waistline were keeping pace with each other.

  140. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#128): Billy becomes a true believer later in his adult life, thanks to Ma Keane’s fascistic ruling of the totalitarian Keane Kompound. Years later, after blowing all his college savings on prostitutes and heroin, he would return to as a haggard, melonheaded hobo to thank his mother for years of enslavement.

    It does have that “Prodigal Son” quality to it, doesn’t it? Kill the fatted calf! Uh, say, Dolly can you come in here for a minute?

  141. commodorejohn
    September 2nd, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#137): Oh, if only.

  142. Calico
    September 2nd, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Foob – why would they want to show off Michael’s penis on the beach? This is some twisted shit. Apparently several others thought so too.
    I’m surprised he didn’t turn into a sexual deviant.

  143. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#136): No, that’s not fair. There are at least ten people on this site alone who got the joke. I, myself, giggled, though I have no use for Cage.

    It’s like a puppy, praise him extravagantly when he does well.

  144. The Ridger
    September 2nd, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#142): I think the “joke” is that he wouldn’t have kept yelling that no one was to look under the blanket unless he really wanted them to. Ha. Ha.

  145. Foolster41
    September 2nd, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    No comment on today’s horrifying For Better or For Worse? where a dad indecently exposes his child in public? The dad thinks this is halarius, and really that his child doth proterst too much, and really wants to be exposed (despite his screams and covering himself). The wife’s stare says it all: “Oh my god, my husband is a pervert”. Next week on For Better or For Worse: child protective services.

  146. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    September 2nd, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Big Brad Wolf is planning a peaceful protest against the widespread use of methamphetamine in the forest, a trade controlled by the secret police. Pelting the parade symbolically with ice is as open as dissent can be in the hellish police state that Slylock serves. Slylock seethes with rage at his orders to suppress the protest non-violently. How he loves that moment when the punk realizes that he’s going to die! Imagining breaking “Big” Brad Wolf’s bones, one by one, as Brad lies helpless, gives Slylock the stirrings of an erection. Someday. Someday, he thinks, I won’t have to see, much less employ, vermin like Max. Someday we shall see, Mr. Wolf, who is and who isn’t the apex predator. Someday we will have one community, one forest, and one leader.

  147. Comcis Fan
    September 2nd, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Is Halftrack trying to make Fuzz think he’s constipated and trying to poop right there? I guess that’s an effective tactic for getting people out of your office.

  148. Señor Tortilla
    September 2nd, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Can’t believe I missed yesterday’s Crankshaft: the one where Crankshaft happily remembers when he was awarded for being a bastard. And the “Old Crankshaft” grin. Geez, what a terrible person!

  149. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    It’s good to know that in the future, Thel will still be hot. Hell! I meant hell! Hell will still be hot! We were discussing post-millennial eschatology, right?

  150. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Frazzle Fern is the magic ingredient that makes all those miracle drugs sold at 2AM work. It’s what makes the testosterone drug get you horny. It’s what makes the prostate drug let you pee better. It makes you lose weight.

    Hey, if I’m supposed to believe in stinging nettle, why not frazzle fern?

  151. Zerowolf
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    SFx: You mean having Max Mouse chew through the electrical cord wasn’t the correct answer? Damn! Next thing they’re going to tell me there are six differences…

  152. Sgt. Stoned
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    FC: Billy is sad because future Billy appears to be a homeless tramp.

    MW: Wilbur has written only one very bad sentence, and already I am slipping into a coma.

    MT: Ha-Ha! Nature sure is treacherous, ain’t it? Best to stay away!

    Archie: Hey guys, um, Earth Day comes in April…

  153. Zerowolf
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    RMMD Glad to see someone will be taking up JP’s slack in the tata’s department.

  154. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Whenever the Keane kids look into the future, they see themselves with beards. Christ, even Dolly!

  155. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#143): The problem with 9CL today is that, outside of the ten people on this site who got the joke, no one else did. And because those ten people on this site all make fun of 9CL, I guess the target audience was unimpressed with the joke.

  156. Der Speziell Ägent Kommentator Experte für das Schnärk Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Jason D. (#119):

    Future Billy is no Tom Baker!

  157. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#148): Can’t believe I missed yesterday’s Crankshaft: the one where Crankshaft happily remembers when he was awarded for being a bastard. And the “Old Crankshaft” grin. Geez, what a terrible person!

    I guess we also missed all the ones where he was a war criminal. Those must have been a real hoot!

    @Chaze (#154): Whenever the Keane kids look into the future, they see themselves with beards. Christ, even Dolly!

    Yes, I’m sure Dolly will be really happy one day with some guy as her beard.

  158. KreatureFeatures
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Foolster41 (#145):

    No comment on today’s horrifying For Better or For Worse?

    Comments above regarding “Foob” and “Re-foob” are in reference to For Better or For Worse. (It’s a long story.)

  159. Droopy Says
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Foolster41 (#145): There’s no comment on reFOOB because it’s just Lynn Johnson taking one more unimaginative cheap shot at her ex-. As displays of petty spite go, it’s nowhere near as bizarre as the pathetic revenge fantasies in Luann.

  160. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-”Lt. Fuzz, we can’t keep feeding the men this Frazzle Fern of yours. Everytime Sarge eats it he becomes hungrier and has to eat more, Beetle just wants to lie around and do nothing, and Plato comes up with the weirdest ideas and concepts.”

  161. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#159):

    Nice Job Dad….NOT!

  162. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    FC-”Hi, Mom. Even though this is some time in the Twenty-First Century where beards aren’t fashionable anymore I am sporting a beard in the style of the 1970s.”

  163. Alison
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan MD”: So..is “La Thong” the name of the store, or the name of the product, or both? Also, it’s rather inappropriate for a secretary to be telling her boss about how skanky his wife is gonna look in her new bathing suit. But I’m guessing that secretary has a billion dollars just lying around her house, like everyone else in this strip, so she doesn’t need to worry if she loses her job by insulting the boss’s wife.

    “FOOB”: Just one of the many reasons Michael grew up to be the ridiculous insufferable jerk he did. Someone at GoComics posted a response from Lynn Johnston saying she got a lot of angry letters about this strip when it originally ran. That makes me wonder why the hell they ran it again. I’ve seen some old comics deemed offensive and usually you don’t see them again, or else they are updated. For example, there was an old “Herman” comic where an angry little boy yells at his father, “Thanks for helping me with my homework. Now the teacher thinks I’m retarded!” I saw it updated not long ago to “…Now the teacher thinks I’m stupid!”

  164. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    “How microscopic?”
    “Almost invisible to the naked eye — pun intended!”

    Pun intended; pun failed. [*]

  165. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    For Better or For Worse-”I’m changing under this blanket. Nobody will see me. Especially that guy who has yet to give me a part in those movies he makes in his basement.”

    JP-Sorry, Conrad, but Avery will only sleep with female skunks. He doesn’t swing that way.

  166. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#108): It’s probably a sign of the combination of my age and my body image that I’m actually kind of drawn to some of those suits.

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#120):

    Imagine a tartan wedgie!

    No, thank yo—((image of Ian’s pendulous gut hanging over a scrap of plaid, as he slowly turns to reveal a back view of flabby, trembling white hocks with no plaid visible at all))

    GAH!

  167. Steve
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    SFx: “Tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you’re unable to speak?”

  168. Lenoxus
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Today we learn what sort of man Halftrack’s mysterious doppelganger is: a man who does not use toilets. Alternatively: a man who finds Fuzz’s suggestions overwhelmingly erotic. Alternatively: both. You’re welcome.

  169. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-”Max, here is what I want you to do. Sneak up behind Big Brad Wolf, cut his throat, and shove his body into the fridge.”

  170. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    I’ve generally avoided comments on reFOOB because….I dunno…why go down that road again? But today’s strip is really tasteless. If Frazz makes me squeamish, then the Sunday reFOOB just makes me shake my head.

  171. Harry F
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Hi Mom. It’s me Billy. I’m still two and a half feet tall but BonoCare (Chastity Bono, First Transgendered President 2024) gave me these bionic legs. Now I can hold the “Please Help” sign really high down at the freeway off ramp.

  172. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to say how impressed I am with Brad’s kitchen. Neat. Orderly. Very domesticated. Are those Lorax cookies in the fridge? A guy who keeps that nice a kitchen is perfectly justified in killing creepy mice who invade it, just like the rest of us.

  173. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): No, thank yo—((image of Ian’s pendulous gut hanging over a scrap of plaid, as he slowly turns to reveal a back view of flabby, trembling white hocks with no plaid visible at all))

    GAH!

    And we thought Ian was sportin’ a sporran, but he wasn’t. It was all Ian, all the way!

  174. Rusty
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m a big fan of grownup Billy’s beard. If you glue yellow doll hair to a balloon, you to can sport this look.

  175. yaoi huntress earth
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of comic strip media, did anyone else watch Rowdy C’s month long reviews on comic strip specials? Given the number of affcinatos here, I thought you might like to know about it: http://rowdyc.com/Summer_2012 NOTE: His voice takes a bit to get used to and he totally misses the point of why people hate Anthony.

  176. bats :[
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

  177. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): …image of Ian’s pendulous gut hanging over a scrap of plaid, as he slowly turns to reveal a back view of flabby, trembling white hocks with no plaid visible at all…

    Can there be too much of a bad thing? (NSDD)

    http://nynerd.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/05/miami_thong.jpg

  178. The Ridger
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    You know, maybe Brad has one of those side-freezer refrigerators.

  179. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Those outfits don’t look as risque as they are making them out to be.

    RMMD 2-”But I’m a wife and mother. Do you have this polka dot bikini in yellow?”

  180. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: You guys have the description of Rex’s face in panel 2 all wrong. That’s the face he got when he anticipated the magical, forbidden time he would have putting on June’s new choice of swimwear.

    Hell, he’s wearing her underwear right now.

  181. Timelady
    September 2nd, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Am I really the only one who’s somewhat disturbed by the idea of a “Forest Parade?” Forests are not generally known for their really great ability to hold large groups of people, cars and other objects moving in a single straight line. Not to mention the hordes of bystanders at the sidelines would really get their view blocked by, surprise surprise, bleeping huge trees in the way.

    The only thing I can think of is that the “Forest Parade” is actually a clever marketing scheme by Slylock and Co. to move forward with their giant development plans without raising a fuss from the forest inhabitants. Big Brad and his friends are actually eco-friendly protestors (note their use of bio-degradable projectiles!) intent on stopping it! Alas, now that Slylock and Max have foiled their plans, the forest dwellers are going to be shocked and befuddled when the parade of bulldozer “floats” march right on through in the morning and carve out their own parade route. It’s a tragedy, I tell you.

  182. pastordan
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: The look of joy in that elephant’s eye is awesome. “I’m going to finish him,” he’s thinking. “I’m going to finish him once and for all, and then we’ll all be free of this wretched comic strip!”

    Or he may simply be thinking, “Peanuts.” Who am I to judge, or care?

    9 Chickweed Lane: Now, I’m no physicist, let alone a theoretical cartoonist. I’m just a corn-poned pastor who likes simple things like Belgian beer, Cuban cigars, and Mexican…well, really just about anything Mexican. My tastes run more to theology and obscure punk rock records than the engineering of pianos. But it seems to me that you’d have to hit a low G at best to produce that kind of lift. Middle G, and certainly Bb wouldn’t do the trick.[*]

    Dick Tracy: By my calculation, Phishface has only 2,899,999 fraudulent transactions to go before he matches the Japanese hacker.[*] That’s roughly equal to the number of total number of days Dick Tracy has been running. Settle in, in other words. We’re going to be here for a while.

    Family Circus: Thanks a lot, Mom, for giving Dad’s dead-end career to Jeffy and sending me to work on Mark Trail. Now I have all the free time in the world to hang around the porno theater drinking Southern Comfort and watching movies about June and Heather getting it on. Yeah, thanks a lot, Mom.

    Hi and Lois: A six-pack? What’s Hi going to drink? Or is that the wacky licking-toad kind of steak we’re talking about?

    Mark Trail: That’s not a Tawny Frogmouth at all. That’s Billy in his overcoat, I recognize the little dashed lines behi–oh. Oh, dear God. What is he doing to that moth?

    Nancy: Okay, I admit it. I kinda like the shark Nancy.

    Mary Worth: Dear Ask Wendy: I seem to have gotten sucked into the vortex of McEldowney stupid a few comments ago. Is there any way to reclaim my immortal soul?

    Prince Valiant: Doug Henning is going to use the power of illusion to get him and Valiant out of this jam. All he needs is a knife, a pineapple, and a whole lot of munchies…

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: I’d say Rex’s look of blank-eyed wonder and amazement was the best thing I’d seen in the comics for the past couple of weeks, if he wasn’t staring at the wrong ass

    Zippy: I’ve been to Teaneck. It’s a perfectly lovely town, much less pretentious than Montclair.

  183. Dartpaw86
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Slylock’s city is just called “Forest” very original…

  184. commodorejohn
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#137): No, wait, I figured it out: Karen Moy is going to end the strip. This is just the lead-in to the final story arc. In the months to come, Mary, the Mad Prophet of the Newspapers, leads nation after nation into the fold of her globe-spanning cult, the Helping Hand. On December 18th, with the last holdouts uniting under her banner, Mary is shot by an insurgent and buried amid global mourning. Three days later, she rises from the dead. On December 21st, reborn, Mary reaches out in Her glory and meddles the very Earth itself into a higher plane of existence, to dwell amidst wonder and glory for ever. (Amen.)

  185. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    SFx: What have we learned today? That Slylock is entirely indifferent to Max’s safety, and has him break into dangerous criminal’s homes and just sort of linger. No, we pretty much knew that already. That Barnum & Bailey has a lousy dental plan for its clowns? No, that was pretty much common knowledge too, at least in the world of this strip. I guess the love that so many dogs have for the “Puttin’ on the Ritz” scene from “Young Frankenstein” is a new one.

    BB: Amos really needs to think of a way to get rid of Lt Fuzz that doesn’t involve crapping his pants. No wonder Martha is always running out of patience with him.

    RMMD: Really Rex, if the thought of your wife in a bikini makes you retch, at least you could make an emergency run to the bathroom.

    C-Shaft: Suddenly, Crankshaft is transformed into a civil defense comic from the 50s.

    MW: Wilbur has it made. If the paper can’t use his account of the Unita del Mare sinking, he’ll still have about 300 good entries for the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

    Agnes: I stand in amazement at Trout’s six toes.

    S-M: The “Next” caption is generally funny, if also illustrating the low esteem in which this strip holds its putative hero.

    SSmith: If someone “ain’t too smart” by Hootin’ Holler standards, aren’t we basically talking about negative IQ numbers?

    PV: Gawain’s Doug Henning traits come out. To impress the lady he’ll take off his boot and shake a flock of doves out of it.

    S4th: *standing ovation*

    DtM: Tomorrow’s a holiday, but first thing Tuesday Henry should go to the doctor and get that nasty skin condition on his arm checked out.

    HtH: Okay, I have no idea why Hamlet is referring to both his childhood and the Dark Ages in the past tense. Has he just returned from a trip to 1200 years in the future?

    OBH: That’s right. Mr. Stork started your life, he can end it too.

  186. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#177): What was it I said above? Oh yeah: GAH.

  187. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    Back to Brad’s kitchen….

    I’m assuming that’s a To Do list stuck to the cupboard door with what looks like a roofing nail. Interesting list:

    Freeze ice cubes
    Attend Forest parade
    Pelt marchers with said cubes
    Give Slylock Fox rabies
    Kill and eat Max Mouse
    Defrost refrigerator
    Buy toilet paper….the kind recommended by the Bear Family.

  188. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#33):

    SM: Well, he does have spider-based powers, so it only makes sense shoes would be his weakness. Best hope Clown-9 doesn’t have a newspaper, a wadded-up tissue, and a toilet in his arsenal.

    That raises the question of whether Clown-9 killing Spider-Man would cause a heavy rainstorm in NYC.

  189. Elk Meadow
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Referring all questions on this to Salvador Dali @Alison (#163):

    Lynn’s comments are at http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/

    ____________________________

    I’m rather disgusted with the “Frazzle Fern” bit in Beetle Bailey. Yeah, I know it’s just a comic strip, but I’ve been drawn into an argument about whether fluoride was added to the water in the Warsaw Ghetto and the various concentration camps to keep the Jews passive during the Holocaust. (NO!!! FREAKIN’ NO!!! IT’S a HOAX!!!!!!!)

    There was also the pre-WWI belief that gunpowder added to the soldiers’ food would keep them obedient and dull while in camp.

  190. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 2nd, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#54): Looks like it’s off to a good start, if that’s the quality of the writing you’ll bring to the task!

  191. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    I suppose that if Judge Parker can be a strip featuring a guy who is not a judge, then it is perfectly plausible for Rex Morgan, MD to be strip that does feature a doctor. Oh, he IS a doctor. I guess that would explain that snappy white coat. But what about the nagging lack of patients?

  192. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-I wonder what sort of parade they have. I don’t think it could be a pride parade because I don’t think the animals are proud of living in a place where the law enforcement can arrest you on the flimsiest of charges.

  193. Mudgerwocky
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    ‘Twas Beetle, and the Sonny Fuzz
    Did talk and make the stomach churn:
    All presented were the Words with Buzz
    And the charts with Frazzle Fern.

    “Beware the Snorkle Sarge, my son!
    Bailey that loafs, Killer that stalks!
    Beware the Zombie strip, and shun
    The ancient Mort who Walks!”

    He took his comics page in hand:
    Long through the strips he sloshed–
    Then rested he all Curmudgeonly
    And at H&L he Joshed.

    And, as in snarky thought he stood,
    The Snorkel Sarge, in tired joke,
    Plopped on his chair of creaky wood,
    And for the hundredth time it broke!

    “No more BB! Now, C&B! NAoQC!“, cried he
    And brought his Slurper page up-to-date!
    The zombies dead, the new strips read,
    He left Walker-Browne Co. to its fate.

    “And, hast thou cancelled the Snorkle Sarge?
    Come to my arms, my comics fan!
    Now, no more hacks! All Cul-de-Sacs!
    He added Hagar to the ban.

    ‘Twas Beetle, and the Sonny Fuzz
    Did talk and make the stomach churn:
    All presented were the Words with Buzz
    And the charts with Frazzle Fern.

  194. Liam
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-And for the single women who aren’t even mothers they have the turn of the Twentieth Century style swimsuits.

  195. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): It’s probably a sign of the combination of my age and my body image that I’m actually kind of drawn to some of those suits.

    The Tilted Kilt turned down your job application, then? Bummer!

    // Don’t take it wrong: your body is fine. They were just intimidated by the fact that you can speak in complete sentences. A shame though, you might have done better in tips than your salary as a university prof..

  196. Chaze
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#192): Let’s rethink this pride parade thing. Brad’s kitchen is pretty fussy for a straight guy and he might be very much in the closet. Ice cubes won’t really hurt anyone, but might raise hell with glitter and assless chaps. Max and Slyfox’s costumes clearly indicate they are dressed for the parade, especially Max in his fedora and shorts, although Slylock’s tribute to gay icon Sherlock Holmes is spot on.

    Brad’s anger stems his opposition to gay marriage. What would be next? Mice marrying foxes? Thus the parade: Support Interspecial Marriage.

  197. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mudgerwocky (#193): Fulgent, sir, most remarkably fulgent, effulgent, and refulgent.

  198. bats :[
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#177): that is so amazingly horrible! And yet, I cannot look away…

  199. Ursula
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#131): I agree- the close-up is weird…

  200. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mudgerwocky (#193): Nicely done—and one of my favorite poems, too!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#195): ((blushes)) Gee, thanks!

    CdS: I know I’ve said this before, but it’s true once again: I read today’s strip and laughed out loud—and then became a little teary-eyed.

  201. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#177): Drunk, fat, and sunburned (wearing a thong), is no way to get through life, son.

  202. Droopy Says
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#182): You mean there’s a chance that Spidernut will get shelled by the elephant? Not as good as geting shelled by a battery of 155s, I suppose, but you take what you can get.

  203. bbofun
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#182): Re: 9CL- A “prepared piano” is a piano in which various objects have been placed (sometimes randomly, but sometimes purposefully) across the strings (or on hammers or dampers)- traditionally paper, pencils, washers, balls of various types (stop it!), cutlery, tacks, etc. When a key is hit, the object vibrates, affecting other strings it’s touching, or, when used on hammers, changing the sound of the strike, changing the sound of the piano. John Cage (among others)wrote pieces for “prepared piano”.

    Now you know. AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!

  204. pastordan
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#203): So I didn’t get fully sucked into the vortex. McEldowney is still a more pretentious twit than I am. That’s the other half of the battle.

  205. pastordan
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#202): Hope springs eternal.

  206. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#204):

    McEldowney is still a more pretentious twit than I am. That’s the other half of the battle.

    I, painting from myself and to myself,
    Know what I do, am unmoved by men’s blame
    Or their praise either. Somebody remarks
    Morello’s outline there is wrongly traced,
    His hue mistaken; what of that? or else,
    Rightly traced and well ordered; what of that?
    Speak as they please, what does the mountain care?
    Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp,
    Or what’s a heaven for?

    // Personally, I yield to no one in pretentious twittery.

  207. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 2nd, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#196):

    Max and Slyfox’s costumes clearly indicate they are dressed for the parade, especially Max in his fedora and shorts, although Slylock’s tribute to gay icon Sherlock Holmes is spot on.

    Isn’t it about time he updated his look with a kicky scarf a la Benedict Cumberbatch? I know, he doesn’t want to seem like a trendhopper.

  208. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Mudgerwocky (#193): Off with their heads!

  209. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Those of you who think Billy is a hobo because he has a beard are wrong. Truth is, Billy converted to radical Islam and joined an Al Qaeda terrorist group fighting in Syria. But he’s a fuck up there, too.

    He’s thanking Mom because he saw Allah in a stain on his wall when sent to his room.

  210. Droopy Says
    September 2nd, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#205): True. We can only hope that the elephant remembers the Mary Tyler Moore episode about the death of Chuckles the Clown. With luck this is a nearsighted and impatient elephant who wil grab the nearest buffoon. But if he puts an end to Asi9 instead, I won’t feel crushed.

  211. Jeff Soesbe
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    REX MORGAN MD had me at “LA Thong”

    - yeff

  212. Calico
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#120):
    Bathing suit contest for the guys of Charterstone!
    Judged by Dawn and Charley

  213. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Spider bland: That elephant has the proportional crushing power of…an elephant.

    Actually, I’d love to see a face off between Garfield and Spider-man. Garfield can have his rolled up newspaper and Parker his remote control.

  214. Droopy Says
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: Red and blue pancakes? When did Asi9 develop the delusion that he’s a Technicolor Mark Trail?

    Mark Trail: That’s a slightly wider version of the same Rusty panel that Elrod used on Friday. And what’s with those long diagonal leaves behind the Poching Brothers? We need Mark Trail to explain this phenomenon! “Like the plot of this story, the mulberry bush leaves go ’round and ’round, dizzying onlookers without actually moving!”

    Shoe: Of course Roz looks stunned. Usually she talks to horse’s asses.

    Jugs Parker: Avery, since those sunglasses blind the wearer, why not give them to Bea? That way you could see the camera and improve your chances of scoring with her. It wouldn’t improve your chances much, since her brain and other senses would remain unimpaired, but it’s better than nothing.

    Spider-Bland, again: Use your webshooter, Parker! I want to see what inane gimmick Asi9 has developed to make a fool of you this time.

  215. Calico
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    @Foolster41 (#145):
    See #142 and #144! : )
    “It was the summer of Mike Patterson’s first grand humiliation”
    As I recall, when someone wanted to change on the beach, friends / family would hold towels up like curtains around changing person.

  216. Poteet
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#123): Thank you! I appreciate the memory. Although alas, this particular one is not exactly lighting the corners of my mind…

  217. Calico
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#154):
    And perhaps Dolly will even become someone’s beard!

  218. Poteet
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    MT — Hoo boy. *eyeroll* I don’t hunt, but I know several hunters, and if you’re a hunter, you do NOT want the animal you are hunting to catch your scent. Some deer hunters go to extreme lengths to try to eliminate odor — changing clothes in their vehicles, special sprays, special laundry detergent, special odor-resistant clothing, etc. And bears have remarkably good noses. Only a true idiot would hunt bears while smoking — and of course you have to be a true idiot to qualify for a role in MT, so never mind, sorry, the nictotine-addict angle makes perfect sense. My bad.

  219. commodorejohn
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#218): How serious are hunters about masking their scent? Serious enough that doe-pee cologne is a real thing, that’s how serious.

  220. Maggie the Cat
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    RMMD- I don’t want to be a spoilsport, but shouldn’t June already own swimwear since they have a like 5 boats and were just on a cruise 4 story arcs ago??

    Also, Rex’s “Zoiks!” look of sheer panic/shock at the thought of a woman in a bikini was a lol-icious part of this morning’s breakfast.

  221. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Margo and the Bimbettes: Is Luann sliding through a crack in the door there? I knew she was two-dimensional, but literally?

    Curtis: Doesn’t Curtis’ mom mean “egg-shell”? After all, going by the fact that she can turn her head right round in Panel One, and with those eyes, she’s part owl, isn’t she?

    Dickless Tracy: People who say things like “$300 dollars” or “a daily charge of …every day” get on my nerves. Also, people who put up with names like “Honeymoon” are just plain stupid.

    Hogger the Horrible: So Hagar turned his army round so their backs were to the Huns before giving them the lecture? Brilliant strategy, Hagar.

    Mary Worthless: They’re still going on about this? Life is brutal/i>, I tell you. Brutal.

    JP: In ran the skunk, tail spread wide
    The sunglasses crack’d from side to side
    “My camera’s gone away from me,” cried
    The Avery of Shalott.

    Smirk Trail: Yes, that’s how you hunt bears, by shouting out loud and smoking as well, just in case the bears you’re hunting are deaf.

    Shoe: With his tree-climbing skills and mobile-phonelessness, that horse’s a winner already.

    Sly Locked Fox: Meanwhile, Max is committing gratuitous vermicide right there in the open and Slylock isn’t even concerned. Looks like the laws only apply to those who aren’t Slylock’s stooges.

  222. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#221): Damn, sorry for the unlosed tag. My bad, badder, baddest.

  223. Uncle Lumpy
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail — Believe it or not, “Rusty is surprised while recovering his camera by two criminals going back to the cabin for their smokes” is one of this strip’s cherished tropes.

  224. Daniel
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    FC FutureBilly’s wearing a trench coat, black slacks, a scarf, and a beard. He lives in Williamsburg, doesn’t he?

  225. Maggie the Cat
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Argh…. I have SUCH a headache from being beaten senseless with the lifeisbrutal-cruiseship-Fatwilburalmostrollsoverboard-peoplearegoodafterall story.

  226. Daniel
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    FC I’m also likin’ Thel’s postures today–very “Motherland Calls.”

  227. Harold
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#127): Calico, I’ve been with a writing group for the past year or so, and I sometimes post what I’ve written on my blog with a “Fiction” tag. I’ve been blocked lately, and this was the first thing of any length I’ve written in two weeks other than by-the-numbers blog posts on another site. I’m glad you liked it! I’ve spent a lot of time visiting in nursing homes, and I’ve seen people who have behaved very much like that.

  228. tallyHO
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Slylock:
    If you look in the wolf’s fridge, there is some left over Three Little Pig.

    Monday’s Mark Trail: Seriously, what happened to the dog, Sissy? I swear it is becoming younger and younger as this storyline is making us all older and older.

    (Watch out, Rusty! You, too, can be poached! Beware of boiling cauldrons!)

    popeye is still dead to me. kick in a different gear, bucky!

    a3g oooh. the suspense is just kil….er…argh…ffft….plop…thunk…squeakle squeakle

    whew. false alarm.

    Blondie You need not look too closely to see that Dagwood’s pajamas don’t have an odd design on them. They are actually covered in donuts (probably glazed ones)

    I’ve always suspected he has Pie-jamas which he wears but donut-wear is the Next Big Thing, according to “Cannibal Cooking Magazine”.

    Mary Worth Now, I’m no deaf country doctor who’s highly religious but from the look of the way Dawn is clasping her hands, I’d say she found Sign Language!

    While on the other hand, Mary has found that she can rest her head while standing, posing like a scarf model for the latest issue of the Sears catalog.

    Which reminds me, Pluggers are reader submitted “humorous” sayings, right? Why hasn’t the cartoonist cashed in by plugging via product placement. I just did it. I’m not a plugger and the Sears catalog probably no longer exists. Sort of like the dream I have of Mary Worth being buried in the Meddlelands, along side Jimmy Hoffa. No longer existing. Ha. Of course I kid. Mary Worth will fictionally outlive us all. It will be her and Garfield as wacky roommates complaining about each others hair balls.

    Excelsior, Legacy Comic Strips! Excelsior!

  229. tallyHO
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#228):

    How impolite of me. When I wrote the question about Mark Trail Dog No. 2, I did not intend to offend potential answerers by calling them a “Sissy”. That was not my intention, Dweeb!

  230. Foolster41
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    @KreaturedFeatures (#158), Droopy Says (#159), Calico (#215): I know “foob” = FBOFW. I didn’t see the post until after I posted. The comment was more aimed at Josh anyway.

  231. Dweeb!
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#229):

    You Insenstive Clod!

    Because of the holiday tomorrow, my therapy appointment was rescheduled until next week! Life is Brutal enough as is and there you go making it worse for me!

    If I must go through another week of dealing with the Dawn and her newfound religion, Gesturology, AND deal with yet another week of Apartment 3G’s surprise visitors to that dang office that is named after a hard-to-melt, delicious to eat, tasty treat called M&Ms ™. (Margo McGee, why are so sadistic!)

    I am just not certain I can make it through the week without backsliding and eating brooms. Yes! I admit it. I have an addiction to eating brooms!

    At first, I thought, this will be harmless enough. After all, it is organic material, right? But, then I started rationalizing it. I started saying it “is the taste sensation that will be sweeping the nation” and it turns out, I was wrong.

    How I will make it through the week with that O-Cedar still fresh in the package and leaning over there in the corner. It seems to be bristling at the thought that I won’t heed its call: “Eat me! Eat ME, Seymour!”

    Oh, dear. how I will I ever make it through the week?

  232. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    I have a working theory that Lost Forest is an alternate-universe version of Judge Parker, or vice-versa.

    Dudes growing pot secretly in the forest, check.

    Two guys staying in a cabin together, check.

    A camera with evidence of wrong-doing is in that cabin, check.

    A strangely colored male human is trying to get that camera without letting the men know. Check.

    Black and white housepet is present, check.

    And fishing. There is lots and lots of fishing.

    The only divergence is how the two parallel worlds handle sexual attraction. Clearly, the JP universe got all of the MT’s, somehow.

  233. Mr. O'Malley
    September 3rd, 2012 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    A few timely references in the comics, with John Cage’s 100th anniversary coming on Wednesday, and the results of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton contest coming out. My favorite:

    The two power-hungry, 20-something biographers met with me incognito and settled on penning my memoirs, one on a percentage of future sales and one on upfront remuneration; so there is one yuppie I pay, one yuppie I owe, ghostwriters in disguise.

    Laugh at Bulwer-Lytton if you want, but he enjoyed his army of Victorian literary groupies. And few people ever coin a phrase as memorable as “the pen is mightier than the sword”.

  234. Mr. O'Malley
    September 3rd, 2012 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    JP: It’s a good thing I took the memory card out or I might have lost those trout pictures!

    Lio: Is there an Elsa Lanchester Public Library? If not, there should be. With “Never Go Walking Without Your Hat Pin” carved above the entrance.

    RMMD: That first panel looks like it came from Mary Worth. That bikini was so small that June had to shrink herself to fit in it!

    FC: How about the 40-hour week, sick pay, paid holidays and vacations, minimum wage, child labor laws, workplace safety standards, workers’ compensation, etc. etc.? How about a little gratitude that you’re not spending today working 14 hours changing shuttles down at the cotton mill with the ever-present risk of having your arm ripped off by the machinery? That’s a better present than you get on most holidays!

    And the same to DtM! Although Dennis the Undercover Company Stooge trying to talk his comrades into scabbing is rather menacing.

  235. Comcis Fan
    September 3rd, 2012 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    MW: “I was so inspired that I’ve started working out with the Shake Weight.”

  236. Baka Gaijin
    September 3rd, 2012 at 5:36 am [Reply]

    Can anyone see LAX? I need confirmation that pigs are lining up for flight: we may not see the traditional “Zoom into Curtis’ room, see Mom pulling Curtis from bed” first day of school strip.

  237. Liam
    September 3rd, 2012 at 6:18 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#223):

    So not only do they recycle artwork but also storylines as well.

  238. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 3rd, 2012 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    MT: Dark haired bad guy should consider trying that gum that people chew when they are trying to quit smoking.

  239. Baka Gaijin
    September 3rd, 2012 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#238): You’re right. He could. He has a plane, an isolated shack, and a partner in crime. If we’re lucky, within the next 10 panels there could be a child murder.

    Spoiler: We won’t be lucky.

  240. OMEGA SUPREME
    September 3rd, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: Special guest artist: Frank Cho. Well, Eva Braun always was of zaftig proportions.

    Tom Toles: Vincent Gray is the mayor of Washington, DC. Between the local politics and the constant bitching about the DC subway system I wonder if Toles realizes his strip is nationally syndicated.

  241. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 3rd, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    MT – “Just get another pack at the county store, Poacher #2!”

    “No, they won’t have the right ones. These are the kind of cigarettes you smoke when you are trying to give up chewing gum.”

  242. Dennis Jimenez
    September 3rd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    SFx – So, I can’t read that fine print, but it has something to do with Max using his tazer on the sensitive anal tissues of that wolf while his tail is up, right? He won’t be throwing away his ice cubes after something like that – he’ll need all of them to sooth his (Todd) Akin ass….

  243. wossname
    September 3rd, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    BGSS – Considering that nobody in Hootin’ Holler has a job, how is a holiday Monday different from any other day?

    DT – I’m trying to grasp how this criminal enterprise works. I get the part about double and triple billing the victims, but why send them stuff they didn’t order?

    MT/JP – These two stolen camera plots are just begging for a crossover. It should be no problem to stipulate that the abandoned cabin and the fishing lodge are half a mile apart. So, um, um, Rusty grabs his camera off the table and runs into the woods, at the same time that Bubba is throwing Avery’s camera into the underbrush. Rusty stumbles, rolls down a hill and when he gets to the bottom, finds two identical cameras. Unwittingly (that’ll be easy for Rusty) he picks up Avery’s camera and runs off. Minutes later, Avery and Sam appear and find Rusty’s camera. And then… umm… umm… Well, it has potential, doncha think?

    RMMD – Did we know that June is two feet shorter than Rex?

  244. Dale
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#218):

    MT – All of what Poteet said, and:
    You might forget to brush your teeth, you do not forget your CIGARETTES.

  245. Downpuppy
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Can Spiderman with a sore ankle get out of the way of an elephant in 3 days? Could be close. Mary Worth can’t get out of recap in 3 weeks.

  246. Dale
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#223):

    Mark Trail -

    1) Take the camera and find out it isn’t yours.
    You’re a burglar (breaking and entering plus theft).

    2) It is your camera and you avoid the B&E charge. You can’t prove it was ever stolen.

    3) Leave the camera.
    In the real world =/= MT’s, it will be a cold day before you get it back.
    It will be held for evidence long after there is a TRIAL.

    Old story or current one – what is Rusty carrying around?
    It’s a lot more than water bottle, first-aid kit and signaling device(s).

  247. seismic-2
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Phantom: “Rare Earth? In Bangalla?!

    I don’t know why he’s so surprised. The Bangalla Holiday Inn lounge sounds pretty much the sort of place you’d expect them to be touring these days.

  248. pastordan, knows he's a pretentious twit
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#206): Consider this: if you admit to being a pretentious twit, you show humility and insight. But if you deny being a pretentious twit, you demonstrate both qualities. A paradox, innit?

  249. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#60): d’awwwwwww.

    *applaz*

  250. pastordan, knows he\'s a pretentious twit
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, knows he’s a pretentious twit (#248): This just in: the boy had a dream that I got killed by an “so-called ‘smart guy’ who was an idiot.” You tell me who it was.

  251. John C Fremont
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#228): Dawn Weston is signing in tongues. Or, well, digits.

    @Mr. O’Malley (#233): “Yuppie I owe.” I love it! It was like a Sunday Pearls Before Swine, slogging through the set-up, just knowing the pay-off will be worth it. Minus the final panel where Rat is threatening to kill Stephan Pastis, of course.

  252. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#244): You have a point, but as a former addict myself, I have to cut Elrod some slack here. You might very well walk a hundred yards or so from your cabin (not much more) before you remember you forgot to put the pack in in your pocket. Then, of course, you go back.

  253. Écureuil Écumant
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “She just stepped out to buy a new La Thong … It’s a swimsuit store downtown.”

    I was so disappointed to find out today that June only bought a thong. I was utterly convinced (and why not?) it was gonna be the store itself.

  254. Rev. N. Scudder, a vastly more pretentious twit than pastordan
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, knows he’s a pretentious twit (#248):

    Frederic: A paradox?
    Ruth: A paradox,
    A most ingenious paradox!
    We’ve quips and quibbles heard in flocks,
    But none to beat this paradox!

  255. Mibbitmaker
    September 3rd, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    New PCK is now up!

    Last enter(tainment edi)torial cartoon of the current sequence. The actual Kids of Pop Culture’s Kids return tomorrow for a debriefing (at least that’s how Michelle would like it said)…

  256. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    A3G Cool! A puzzle! We’re supposed to guess the mystery guest.
    Okay, I’m going to say it’s… Kim Kardashian! Made up like Mona Lisa with a picture frame and all! It will go viral!

    MW “How we survived”? Huh. You’d think Dawn and Wilbur were stranded on an island for months and had to eat bugs and drink their own urine. As I recall, you waited on deck for, oh, say, a couple of hours, and then a helicopter picked you up.

    MT Cigarettes! These poachers really are despicable.

    FW Promises, promises.

    Luann So, Luann’s future happiness depends entirely on her ability to craft a cogent letter. I bet that remedial composition class will really pay off.

  257. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Frazz: Pastisian meta. nicely done.

    PBS: and the favor returned.

    9CL: hotdog in a hallway. . . .

    AD: heee!

    IP: *snurk*

    Lio: yeah, that’s kinda how I feel as well. (PS, Elsa Lanchester was the actress who played The Bride of Frankenstein. yeah, I googled it so you don’t have to.)

    Zits: better lyrics than “Hey Boy”.

    FW: it certainly would help the readers.

    JUMBLE: too easy. also, yay Labs!

  258. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .well, DUH! (couldn’t make the “staying mono at the swing party” theme work properly.)

  259. Ursula
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    RMMD: The real plot…..The office manager will take advantage of Rex and June’s obsession with themselves and their bathing suits and subsequent absence from the office to install an Electronic Medical Record.

  260. gleeb
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    A&J: Oh, get on with it. The Labor Day holiday is over at midnight.

    ‘bean: Come on, everyone! If we chant it, maybe we can make it happen! ONE MORE THING! ONE MORE THING! ONE MORE THING!

    Gil: Biscuits. “What you call a junior”. Football. How many weeks of different-dialects-of-English are going to be made to stand in for a plot? It’s bad when Darby Conley does t, and it’s bad when guy-who-writes-Gil Thorpe does it.

    Phantom: I suspect the Llongo owe Guran money.

    FC: Well, in Indiana, you don’t get anything anymore.

    Zig: Don’t worry. I remember back in my Boy Scout days, we learned how to inflate our pants into a crude floatation device. Ah, looks like you’re gonna die.

  261. seismic-2
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MW: The passengers and crew pulled together and helped each other? Dawn is apparently experiencing a transcendent moment in her new Church of the Retconned Revelation.

  262. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#201): Drunk, fat, and sunburned (wearing a thong), is no way to get through life, son.

    Yep. Life in the fast lane. Then this tragic end.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#223): …“Rusty is surprised while recovering his camera by two criminals going back to the cabin for their smokes”…

    They discover Rusty, puffing away on their smokes, thumbing through porn magazines, trousers down around his knees, snapping off some self-pix for his Twitter feed…

  263. Écureuil Écumant
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Lookin’ for the bag of herb, more likely.

  264. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    You knew you couldn’t avoid it (or at least I couldn’t avoid it)

    (No, it’s not that creepy photo of the guy in a thong.)

  265. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Andy – Ha! Those Death Row guys really do have a sense of humor.

    3-G – Eric?

    Henry – And I say trickle down hydraulics doesn’t work that way!

  266. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

  267. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Mary! Stop her before she… too late! “When you waaaalk… through a stoooooorm… hold your head up hiiiigh…”

    Nancy – Oh, hi Gilchrist. You’re cloyingly arch, stickily sentimental, and uncontrollably addicted to dull pop-culture shout-outs. You aren’t quite as wretched in this job as Jerry Scott was.

  268. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Phantom – How come you two are down in the mouth today?

    Rx – With that shot against what looks like acres of June’s chest, I’m thinking I really would like to see her model a micro-bikini. Well played.

  269. Mibbitmaker
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh, God, not Clint Eastwood and an empty chair!!!

    Crank: Also, leaving out the middleburgers.

    H&L: After last October, I wouldn’t count that out!

    Lio: …Also CDs and DVDs, including TV shows. Nyah, nyah!

    Glibporn: Brooke out-pretentioused himself!

    Ziggy: Joel and the ‘bots, in unison: “Ziggy IS a floatation device!”

    A3G:
    ~Time to get ready for your
    Mystery Date…
    ~

  270. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    R=R – In all fairness, most lemonade stands don’t have to deal with sudden showers of predatory spermatazoa falling from the sky. So there’s that.

  271. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Wow, Mary was right: The past really does change if you remember it differently!

    (What I’m really thinking: makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopfortheloveofgodmakeitstop.)

    MT: Is that the cabin in the far right background of panel 3? Did Rusty really sneak up to the cabin, loudly announcing his intentions, while the sheep killers were in earshot? And did they really not notice? This strip should really be called something like Dumb and Dumber and Dumbest—except that there aren’t sufficient superlatives to fully capture the dumbassery.

    S-M: Narration Box, if you did your job diligently, we’d read sentences like that all the time: A STRAY BRICK HAS FALLEN AND INCAPACITATED SPIDER-MAN. . . . ; AN OPEN FIRE HYDRANT HAS FELLED SPIDER-MAN. . . .; A TWO AND HALF MEN MARATHON HAS RENDERED SPIDER-MAN POWERLESS. . . .

  272. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    XKCD – Actually, the 9 on my microwave gets a fair amount of use. Since it’s 1000 watts and most frozen lunches have instructions for 1100 (or 1200) ovens, I end up adding 10% (or 20%) to the time given. A minute and a half often works out to 99 seconds.

  273. Zerowolf
    September 3rd, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MW: Compassion, courage, and the coastguardman’s raging boner as he hugged me tight…

  274. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Zits – Poor Jeremy. The only person in the world who gives a crap about his problems is listening to him.

  275. Zerowolf
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Ed’s family has finally wised up and filled his grill with rocks painted black.

  276. Ian Beste
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Frazz Nice try at a Pastis-like pun and I appreciate the detail of the Frazz’s Cal t-shirt, a reference to Pastis’ alma mater. (Go Bears!)

  277. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Dweeb! (#231): Yes! I admit it. I have an addiction to eating brooms!
    Just one request, to avoid an ugly incident. Please note the correct spelling of Horace Broon‘s name. Thank you.

    @Mr. O’Malley (#234): Is there an Elsa Lanchester Public Library?
    It reminded me of the Ella Fitzgerald Public Library, back in Newport News.

    @Zerowolf (#275): Crankshaft: Ed’s family has finally wised up and filled his grill with rocks painted black.
    Or, as they will soon be known, “shrapnel.”

  278. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    as mentioned upthread, I went to the MI Renaissance Festival yesterday. (missed the last two years, so I was jonesin’)

    along with the obligatory wenches, pirates, knights and beers, I got to pet Leonbergers, Rotties, shepherds from several countries, dachshund pups, pits, Goldens, and bestest of all, an IRISH WOLFHOUND.

    also enjoyed the raunchy rhymes of Bocca and caught a bit of Tartanic, the rock&roll bagpipe troupe.

  279. TheDiva
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    New Musical Hell Review is up! It’s wild, it’s weird, it’s Repo! The Genetic Opera!

    ***

    9CL: Day 2 of Amos sprawled on top of Edda with tired banter interposed. I’m afraid to find out how much longer McEldowney can drag this out.

    A3G: Let me guess: another indistinguishable, blandly attractive male!

    C’shaft: The so-called “Crankshaft wildfire” tore through the entire neighborhood, killing ten and resulting in millions of dollars in property damage. COMEDY!

    FW: “Wow, Les, you are such an amazing person who has extraordinary adventures! You’re so special and perfect and everybody loves you and the strip should be named for you, not an unworthy peon like myself, and you piss lemonade and shit rainbows that smell of strawberries, and…”

    GT: Ah, and now we come to the “hey, didja know them foreign types call soccer ‘football,’ cause they don’t have real football like we red-blooded Americans!” bit! Hilarity will ensue!

    Lio: Win.

    Luann: “This would be easier if I knew how to write…”

    MT: They smoke too! They MUST be evil!

    MW: Those people who were throwing people off the boat apparently no longer exist. Ignorance is strength, we’ve always been at war with Eurasia, Mary Worth is watching you.

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know it’s brilliant!”

    Pluggers are dirty commies!

    SM: Spider-Man has just fallen to “helpless heroine in a bad 1950s thriller” on the scale of hero efficiency.

  280. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#266): Hee! That’s a pretty description, actually!

  281. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#280): Errghh. Pretty good. Pretty good description.

  282. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#266): re Prussia: you *do* know about Takarazuka Review, don’t you?

  283. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#278): hey, my buddy is a vendor at this year’s fair! He’s short, bald and tattooed.

  284. odinthor
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Bizarro. — Professor? Professor Irwin Corey, is that you?

    JP. — That’s not shaving cream Sam’s wiping off his chin.

    Luann. — Don’t forget to dot the i’s with little happy faces. A real professional would also dot the j’s with little hearts; but . . . baby steps, Luann—baby steps.

    MW. — Dawn, you liar. We saw the crew abandoning ship and passengers and showing no interest in anything but saving their own necks. “Sigh. Dave showed no interest in anything but saving his own neck!”

    RMMD. — “By the way, June, I see that you have shrunk to approximately 4.5 feet tall. That reducing diet you started is really working!”

  285. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    For fans of Gilbert Shelton (or fans of David Carradine (maybe even fans of Woody Guthrie, but that’s stretching it)), here’s a link to Carradine (whose name is typoed in the title) singing a short little blues version of When I Set My Chickens Free. The original comic is shown for reference. It’s very tasteful — like chicken. The song link on the page is downloadable or can be listened to there.

  286. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#283): there was SO MUCH INK at the Fest this year. colorful sleeves on wench after wench, twas amazing.

  287. John C Fremont
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#272): That reminds me of the St. Elsewhere episode where Fiscus is reading his PIN out loud as he’s punching it into the ATM; “Number nine. Number nine. Number Nine. Number nine.”

    @TheDiva (#279): Ooh! I love “Repo!!”

  288. seismic-2
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    GT: Gaelic football is in fact closer to American football than is soccer, since like rugby it involves running with the ball. Maybe new neighbors Chip Visci and Terry Galagher will therefore wind up competing with each other to be the Mudlark’s starting running back this season. Or maybe under Milford’s famous “single wing” offense (which most other teams abandoned in the 1940s), one of the boys will be tailback and the other one will be fullback. Fun! But what I want to know is why the “summer drills start tomorrow”. Shouldn’t the summer drills have been run, er, all summer? The opening game of the season is supposed to be next weekend (or even last weekend), in the real world!

  289. The Ridger
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#220): I don’t want to be a spoilsport, but shouldn’t June already own swimwear since they have a like 5 boats and were just on a cruise 4 story arcs ago?? C’mon, those are all last year’s fashion, plus 50% off, amiright?

  290. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#287): Proof positive! He’s dead!!

    Actually, the way things are going, that Batman comic will turn out to be right! I mean, once you get past the fake names (“Saul Cartwright,” “The Oliver Twists”…).

  291. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 3rd, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#272):

    That only works if the required cooking time is a linear function of the wattage with no bifurcations. However, it is likely that some of that wattage is spent on tasks that do not directly relate to heating the food, so at best the function is only linear for part of the range.

  292. Alter Ego
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    love is… complimenting her on her “string of pearls” at the formal-dress nude swing party.

  293. Baka Gaijin
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#262): Ewww!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#266): Yup. Guilty as charged.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#267) on Nancy: You have to admit that he’s got a way with Fritzi. Booobies!!!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#272): You actually compute time adjustments on microwave dinners? Tell me you use a slide rule.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#278): Rock and roll bagpipes? Will wonders ever cease?

  294. TheDiva
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#287): I wasn’t a big fan of it (hence my review), but it does have its moments and I can see why it appeals to others. And the sheer insane genius of assembling Anthony Stewart Head, Paul Sorvino, Sarah Brightman, and Paris Hilton in the same movie deserves to be commended.

  295. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Okay, just because its Labo(u)r Day doesn’t mean your can’t get a little bit of a mental workout as you take it easy on the couch, waiting for the MDA telethon!

  296. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#7):

    Actually, Wilbur tried out such other possible beginnings as

    “The red sun was pasted in the sky like a blob of Heintz catsup.”

    “Stately plump Wilbur Weston came from the poop deck, bearing a bowl of borscht on which a spoon and a baguette lay crossed.”

    “It was a bright not-cold day in July and the ship’s bells were striking dinner time.”

    “Call me Ishmael, or call me Wilbur, just don’t call me late for breakfast.”

    “You don’t know me without you are have read a newspaper column by the name of advice from Wendy, but that ain’t no matter. That column is now made by M’am Mary Worth, and she tells platitudes mostly, with some blither.”

    “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I had lunch, and what the things on the sandwich were, and what Dawn’s brutal morning was like, and all Holden Caulfield kind of crap.”

    “All happy buffet tables are alike; each unhappy buffet table is unhappy in its own way, but even the unhappy ones are still pretty happy.”

    “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single plate in possession of a good stack of deli fixings must be in want of a jar of mayonnaise.”

    ********

    and so on.

    Sorry I haven’t been posting for a few days (though I did read the posts and was surprised and chuffed to find myself on the float again this week). We had a pet emergency health crisis Saturday and by that afternoon the household was down from three cats to two, and I’ve not felt up to much snarking for a couple of days.

    Pet your loved ones. (Animal and/or human.)

  297. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#291): Most food packaging offers no hint as to how to adjust their instructions, but a few have conversions for maybe two different wattages. It would appear from these that at the scale I’m working at, time conversion is close enough to get the food cooked to 165 without calcinating it. (I take past results into account as well, and so far they tell me I’m doing okay.)

    @Baka Gaijin (#293): No, I really don’t have to admit that. She looks like she’s made out of non-living material. There was one drawing last week, or maybe the week before, where Fritzi actually looked good, and that’s the only time I ever remember thinking that since the Gilchrists took over. She’s loaded down with signifiers that don’t signify — what a celibate kid thinks sexy must be like. A sad demotion for a character who used to have it.

    I don’t use a slide rule for stuff I can do in my head. Wastes the batteries.

  298. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#296): Sorry, man. I know it’s hard to lose them. I still get sad over cats we lost years ago. It’s corny to say it, but at least you were there for your pet.

  299. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#296): aww…those times are never anticipated and never welcome. Hugs and kitty smoochies to you and your household.

  300. Rev. N. Scudder, a vastly more pretentious twit than pastordan
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#296): OOOH! Double plus good.

    “A screaming came across the sky, as Wilbur realized there would be no mayonnaise in the helicopter.”

    “When Mr. Wilbur Weston of Weston End announced that he would shortly be embarking on a Italian cruise to celebrate his eleventy-first birthday…”

    “Call me Wilbur. Some years ago–never mind how long precisely –having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.”

    “You don’t know about me, without you have read a comic strip by the name of ‘Mary Worth’…”

  301. wossname
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#296): Aw, very sorry to hear about the kitty loss.

  302. Rev. N. Scudder, a vastly more pretentious twit than pastordan
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#296): In congratulating you on your witty post, I didn’t mean to depreciate your loss. There are theologians, the loathsome William Lane Craig, for one, who claim that our dogs and cats do not have souls, and cannot even suffer pain.

    If I ever meet WLC in person, I WILL punch him in the nose, consequences be damned.

  303. Uncle Lumpy
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    I saw this TV ad, set in a 17th-century village, in which a young female outcast is shown wearing the scarlet letters, “MW.” Of course, I immediately thought, “Mary Worth!” When it was revealed that “MW” meant “Miracle Whip”, I thought “Wilbur Weston!”

    So we may have been wrong about the Hellman’s (aka Best Foods).

  304. Peanut Gallery
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    love is… when he notices that you’re the only other person in the room with no clothes on. “Hey, nice outfit!”

  305. Erich Clapton
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#54): Just read some of your travelogue; you’re quite a good columnist! I think I’ll be reading more of your work. Well done!

  306. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#296): Oh, my condolences on the loss of the kitty.

    But those are some damned funny first lines, too.

  307. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rev. N. Scudder, a vastly more pretentious twit than pastordan (#300): “A screaming came across the sky, as Wilbur realized there would be no mayonnaise in the helicopter.”

    Today we enjoyed some tasty sammiches for lunch, and then I realized (you might even say “It Dawned on me”) that we haven’t seen Wilbur with a sammich since this Tale of Tragedy ended. I hope it hasn’t got poor Wilbur off sammiches like it got Dawn off Dave.

  308. Neyba Bob
    September 3rd, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    SFx:This sleuthing mystery centers on detecting which boat was allegedly taken out for a spin by a “joy rider”. The plot is more complex and layered than it seems at first sight. The marina manager is the suspect, not the probably non-existant joy rider. Slylock just wanted to see if the MM was trying to draw attention to one boat before searching the other vessels for drugs. Unless of course he was just too stupid to ask the manager which boat was taken.

  309. bats :[
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Rev. N. Scudder, a vastly more pretentious twit than pastordan (#302): the question is, then, does WLC feel pain when punched in the nose? I think this might be a meeting of Religion and Science! An Experiment!

  310. Baka Gaijin
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#297): I am in awe to your commitment to the optimal quality of microwave bounty. I don’t know exactly how many watts my nuker has, nor can I read the instructions on the meal box to figure out how many minutes it needs to cook. I find that 6 minutes seems to be a great compromise between speed and food poisoning prevention.

  311. Calico
    September 3rd, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Hi Shrug – I am so sorry about your loss. Losing a fine furry friend is so hard.
    Understandably you don’t feel like snarking now, but remember that a little laughter can eventually be very healing. Best wishes to you and your family (including cats, of course!).
    Take comfort in that your kitty had a safe and loving life.

  312. Vince M
    September 3rd, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#223): Good lord, it’s always Big Giant Groundhog Day at Lost Forest!

  313. Da Coconino Kid
    September 4th, 2012 at 4:13 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#297):

    I don’t use a slide rule for stuff I can do in my head. Wastes the batteries.

    I am quite sure there are sliderules out there, these days, that actually do use batteries, but I don’t have the heart to google for them. I am happier trying to imagine how they might be used … perhaps driving a little motor to move the center rule when you hold down a button (agonizingly slowly, no doubt) … or maybe lighting up an array of (entirely useless) multi-colored lights…

  314. Dale
    September 4th, 2012 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#313):

    Close. You could have digital displays with considerably more apparent precision than the mechanical nature of the device warrants. What a great gag gift for the modern space explorer.

  315. LanceThruster
    September 4th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox seems to be involved in the pre-crime division (a la Minority Report). In the real world, encouraging someone to put chemicals in someone else’s food is itself a crime.

  316. AnotherG
    September 4th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure that by “frazzle fern” Lt Fuzz meant “saltpeter,” and by “behave better” he meant “stop trying to shag everything in sight.”

  317. IdeaTumblr
    September 4th, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Or maybe Slylock is just toying around with Max, trying to get him eaten?

  318. WeaselTown
    September 5th, 2012 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: We have clearly crossed some kind of line with our young adult daughters…
    Daughter #2: re. 9/5/12 Rex Morgan, “Well I guess we should be grateful that the strip is drawn from the waist up!”
    Daughter #1: “Boner Alert!”
    Mom: Milk and granola spit-take.

  319. Halloween Jack
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Walter White would have added something to the ice cubes that would have caused them to explode and cover Brad Wolf’s face with burning chemicals when he took them out of the freezer, thus leaving him to roam the world blind and scarred and the subject of public mockery. Also, of course, Walt’s new sidekick Todd would have plugged Billy without blinking.

  320. HoustonTxMan
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    RMMD: What was once a serious strip about a young doctor (Rex Morgan) and his nurse (June Gale) who tackled medical issues has evolved into a useless piece of fluff that concentrates on issues like June’s bikini, their obnoxious little daughter (Sarah) and the family’s constant vacations while a bunch of clerks run the office. June has evolved into a despicable worthless twit and the strip has turned into nothing but a silly cartoon strip.

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