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Girl trouble

So ends the Comics Curmudgeon Fall 2012 fundraiser. Thank you, generous readers!


Gasoline Alley, 11/16/12

Any hopes of social acceptance for coal-eyed monster Boog — from the cruel attentions of bullies to his prospects of a future mate — hang on the slender thread of his mother’s ability to keep his school — nay, the entire town — stuffed and brain-addled from her carbohydrate-laden snacks. Bake, Hoogie, bake! Bake like you’ve never baked before!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/16/12

Rex Morgan, M.D. plots are notorious for starting from an intriguing premise — Rex and June investigate a brothel — and then larding in so many trivial digressions that readers lose track, and eventually interest. And so we have Honey’s plumbing emergency, Ginger’s stockkeeping crisis, Edna’s heart attack and Herb’s gratitude, June’s free clam lunch (with extra free crab cakes — come back again for more free!), Dolores’s battle with cancer, Nurse Amber Thomas coaxing Rex into a TV spot for CPR training and his consequent public acclaim, Ginger’s Rex-poaching plans and backstory conflicts with the Marine-pilot wife of an former paramour and scheming clamshack waitress Rose. The shame in all this is that when the whole rickety edifice finally collapses in a hail of gunfire or ceremonial award of yet another boat, no one will much notice, let alone care.

Gil Thorp, 11/16/12

Talented and yet somehow Irish footballer Terry Gallagher has let his largely-fictional triumphs on the American gridiron go to his head! Here, the Cool Girls conspire in some vague iPhone-related plot to take him down a peg, because if the stars of the NFL have shown us anything, it’s that a deep and abiding humility is the key to football success.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/16/12

OK so Big Walnut Tech is obviously a Designated Villain in Funky Winkerbean: they routinely crush the Westview Scapegoats in football, and it was team star Frankie who got Dead Lisa pregnant (she was not yet dead at the time), so that Les could heroically give her a lift to the hospital and the Fairviews could get Darrin to adopt. And today Big Walnut Tech bests the Westview High crowd yet again, this time by remote control.

Sounds like a pretty interesting place, doesn’t it, this Big Walnut Tech? I’d like to know more about how their coach managed to maintain a consistently successful football program over so many years, and how they built an academic environment that develops clearly marketable skills in fields like robotics. And what about Frankie? Did he build on his high-school social and athletic successes to become a man of consequence? Were his dreams bigger than Westview?

I like to think of Frankie taking his final box of trophies out to the curb and drawing a last deep breath of Westview air, with its faint smell of bad pizza and flop sweat — then firing up his trusty old van, scene of so many conquests, and driving it down the sad main street out of town forever without a single glance in the rearview.

Judge Parker, 11/16/12

All along, Avery was just looking for a place to hang his hat and park his trout. He would see it clear enough if he took off those ridiculous glasses.


– Uncle Lumpy

245 responses to “Girl trouble”

  1. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    God, I hope that robot doesn’t get cancer.

  2. Uncle Grumpy
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    SECOND POST! YES!

  3. Droopy Says
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Parker, Kraven may have used only two apes in the show because the other two are actually his accountant and agent. That’s no more dickridulous than conniving a trip to Vegas because you have a grudge against the man.

    Flunky Whatsit: It must have killed Batiuk to draw his characters as stunned rather than bored or smug. When’s his funeral?

    Dick Tracy: A whole week of this for a feeble non-joke? When did Staton and Curtis hire Batiuk as a consultant?

    Jugs Parker: Oh, Avery, if only everyone could see through you!

    Mock Trail: Elrod, the usual thing in an adventure story is to have the hero worry about what his kidnappers will do to him, and not worry about the obviously happy and safe people who help them. Or is Trail going to turn into Mary Worth and meddle in their relationships with the local bonefish?

    Pluggers: My battery never needs sharpening, so there.

    Shoe: This joke did not kill vaudeville, but it did get the killer acquitted.

  4. Faoladh
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    That woman seems a little eager to show off her “trout holes”.

  5. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    And in Rex Morgan the women can talk with their mouths closed.

    What a useful accomplishment. Now if they could only fix that godawful nasal whine.

    Dead Lisa wasn’t dead?? You don’t say.

    A man from Westview made love to a ghost.
    In the middle of orgasm
    Dead Lisa’s writhing ectoplasm
    Said baby I could feel it almost.

  6. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Bea wants Avery to fish in her holes.

    In real life I am a dentist. A few years ago a female patient threw herself at me. After a lot of innundo about how dentists liked “filling holes” she invited me over to her home (which by the way was attached to a fringe evangelical church). I declined since that was one hole I’d gladly leave unfilled.

  7. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    *innuendo.

    This site needs an edit option.

  8. AndyL
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    I have a sneaking suspicion that those two robots are not in the same weight class.

  9. Droopy Says
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    @AndyL (#8): I can see a tiny robot defeating a bigger one, if the tiny one can access the big boy’s CPU and reprogram the machine to attack itself. But that’s more than you’d expect from Batiuk, who can’t even bother to fill in the background in the second panel. (Or does the blankness express the mental vacuity of the two characters? Does it show us that they are such losers that the other students avoid them? Is it a reflection of Westview’s deadening effect on its natives? Naw. It’s just Batiuk calling it an early day.)

  10. Curm
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    JP: Avery, you could hang two hats on Bea’s rack.

    From here on, I shall say “Bea’s rack” in lieu of “beeswax”—as in “Mind yer own Bea’s rack”, and so on.

  11. Dale
    November 16th, 2012 at 4:26 am [Reply]

    GIL THORP

    A properly attached human thumb doesn’t reach out that far.
    Maybe that’s why the phone has been dropped a few times.

    FUNKY

    Without going into details about gravity and center of mass, the giant robot has to tip over if in that position.

  12. Liam
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    A3G-Margo shall never forget about Whatsisname. They had a love that shall never die.

    Crankshaft-”And when I say snow I really mean cocaine.”

    FC-Would you like a kid? I’ve got too many. Which one do you want? I recommend the blonde. He has aspirations to be a comic strip artist.

    Gil Thorp-Why don’t you just beat him and put up signs that say “Irish Not Wanted”.

    Love Is-And by which we mean Mr. Love Is’ penis.

    MT-Don’t trust Otto, Mark. Men with facial hair are not to be trusted.

    MW-Watch out for that bus.

    MW 2-You’re my ride. You can’t leave me here.

    RMMD-She also told me you’re strippers and I want in on it.

  13. Liam
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-Of course you can’t bake. Baking is woman’s work and you are a boy.

    FW-And look a giant metal penis is coming out of the robot and it is going to rape the person or persons who put the football helmet on the little robot.

  14. Cloudbuster
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    Luann: “Relationships are hard. You and Quill made it look so easy.” SERIOUSLY? WTF?

  15. gleeb
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    3-J: Do you have trouble remembering the names of the generic men in Apartment 3-G? Don’t worry, so do they.

    ‘shaft: Ed (or maybe I should say, “Ed”) knows that his abused daughter will eventually shove him out to sea on an ice floe, and that no one will intervene.

    ‘bean: And a twist ending as the idiot losers lose! Why is it these guys we see today and yesterday? Their sole effort was duct-taping a football helmet onto the robot. What about the more technically proficient students who built a working robot, even if they misread the size and weight limits? What a rich cast of characters Batiuk is keeping us from meeting.

    Henry: Born to be wild!

    Spidey: The third chimp is the understudy. Duh.

    Dick/Gas: Dunno, Sam. Why not find out if bullets can kill him?

    Swine: Amusing, but would have been actually funny if Pastis didn’t go to the Rat-talking-to-the-cartoonist well so often.

  16. Cloudbuster
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    MT: “She has to be friends with Otto, but she isn’t happy about it!” Man, the euphemism is running pretty deep here.

  17. Chareth Cutestory
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Bubba’s heart is warned to see a new love blossom. But, sadly, he can’t stick around to watch this love story unfold–he has to go use his chainsaw to dismember a hapless DEA agent who stumbled across his marijuana crops.

  18. pugfuggly
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    GA I see the harvester of eyes has claimed another victim. Sorry, little girl, you’re not supposed to stare directly at his eyeholes without goggles.

    RMMD “Titty titty boobs? Ta-tas, melon!”
    “Boobies knockers. Titties boob nipple!”
    “Titty-boobs? Gazongas!”

    GT “See? I just bought this ‘ignoring’ app this morning. You put his name in, and once every 30 minutes it reminds you to not think about him.”

    FW It’s the Winkerbean-Avengers crossover I’ve been hoping for! Now quick, Ultron, finish them all off before they can stop you!

    JP “You just want me to tell you where the trout holes are” Best euphemism EVER!

  19. jvwalt
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    JP: “Where the Trout Holes Are” — the little-known sequel to the 60s coming-of-age comedy “Where the Boys Are.” This time, the gang goes camping. Hijinx ensue.

    There’s also, of course, “Poundin’ the Trout Hole,” a low-budget 80s film with adult themes and a bad jazz soundtrack.

  20. Pozzo
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    You are so right about the Rex Morgan digressions. Thank God for the abundant breasts, or I’d have lost interest long ago.

  21. Here come the Judge
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Aha, Bea and Avery are finally getting down to brass tacks. Meanwhile, Bubba stands by, beaming, and holding a… what is it? Phone? iPod? Bomb detonator? Whatever it is, it seems to be the sort of vague, anonymous electrical gadget that would normally show up in Mark Trail.

    Rex Morgan, MD: Considering that June is the only one in the room who is NOT a stripper, why is she the only one dressed like a stripper?

    Gil Thorp: Watch out, Terry! A group of poorly drawn, not-very-attractive girls aren’t going to sit with you at lunch!

    Also, call me old-fashioned, but what does a smartphone have to do with ignoring someone? I thought that generally those things were used for communication, ie. NOT ignoring someone. Is there a new App out that will automatically ignore someone for you, so you don’t have to do it yourself?

  22. lorne
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Oh, I think Avery knows where the trout holes are.

  23. zenvelo
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Thanks for clarifying that Dead Lisa was alive when she got pregnant. One never knows in Funky W.

  24. Little Guy
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    FW: Big Walnut Tech created the cancer that killed Lisa.

    *pause*

    How do I contact their endowment fund?

  25. pugfuggly
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#19):

    There’s also, of course, “Poundin’ the Trout Hole,” a low-budget 80s film with adult themes and a bad jazz soundtrack.

    Nowadays, all we have is “Bill Dance Outdoors: A XXX Parody”.

    SPOILERS: she gets the muskie.

  26. Kevin
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Don’t forget that the ‘plot’ also included swimwear small enough to embarrass a stripper.

  27. pugfuggly
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#25):

    ah crud.

  28. cheech wizard
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    JP – “show you where the trout holes are” has to be one of the most revolting euphemisms for sex that I’ve ever heard. And I attended junior high in southern Indiana.

  29. chistery
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Thanks for babysitting again, Uncle Lumpy!

  30. Chaze
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    JP – “I don’t know about seeing through you, Shorty, but I can damn well see OVER you.”

    FW -”Hey, have you looked at our robot since it came back from the match at Westview? It’s starting to rust and the left arm is ready to fall off. I thought we WON the damned thing.”

  31. Alter Ego
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    love is… She said the same thing on their wedding night.

  32. CanuckDownSouth
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Dagwood, 9lb is the dinkiest turkey in the pile of “3 bucks with 50$ purchase” or “fill a turkey stamp card” cheapies. As a singleton I’ve bought bigger turkeys for grad school potluck. Big boy? Go talk to my mom about shopping around for the “utility” 30-pounders as the only way to ensure that our larger family had leftovers.

  33. pugfuggly
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#28):

    And I attended junior high in southern Indiana.

    Wait, is that a euphemism too? Sounds dirty….

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Luann: seldom in the course of artistic endeavor has the sight of two teen girls getting sweaty together been so insipid and dull.

    PBS: *giggles* how wonderfully meta.

    Zits: if the roles were reversed, this would be almost unspeakably filthy.

    Bizarro: *PrincessBrideOldWoman* “boooooo!” */end voice*

    Lockhorns: old joke is old.

    OBH: d’awwwwwwwwwww!

  35. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . not the size, but how it’s used.

  36. Pocket Full of Wry
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A3G – Why is Margo calling Greg “Sinarta”? Did he make a doobee doobee doo?

  37. Trouty Mouth
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Sex Morgan, MD That’s all well and good, but who wins today’s chest-off?

  38. Darryl Heine
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Speaking of Gasoline Alley: Did you know G.A. old nice man Walt Wallet guest starred in Dick Tracy this week?

  39. Johnny Knuckles
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    “Trout Holes” was a grrl ska band in the late 90s. They traveled in a van that belonged to a guy named Frankie. The band split up in 2004 but reunited for a benefit concert when Frankie got inoperable cancer of the ennui. True story.

  40. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    FC: Finally, Child Protective Services shows up at the Keane family door.
    FW: Oh, good, Owen has a second facial expression.

  41. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Honey’s plumbing problem” – is that what the kids are calling it these days? Uncle Lumpy, thank you, I always look forward to your Curmudgeon accession.

  42. CanuckDownSouth
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Help me out – is there supposed to be something wry or amusing about the filmwatching comment in Dick Tracy? At best I can dredge up that it would take a strong stomach – really insulting with the actor there. *Classy*

    I should really drop Luann. Look, if it’s that hard, it’s a puppyish high school beginner’s romance – move on to something (including ‘no boyfriend’!) that doesn’t make you feel bad. Gunther doesn’t really make Rosa happy, yet she should stick with him because according to the strip’s logic, it’s really great that he acts repelled by her – it shows he cares! I cringe imagining that kind of logic applied to far more negative things in a relationship.

  43. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    A3G: Greg wants Margo to forget whatshisname. That stands to reason, since he has already forgotten whatshername – Lu Ann somethingorother. Of course, everyone always does that anyway just as soon as she leaves the room, so carry on.

    SM: Peter meets three new opponents who, like Clown-9, are vastly superior to him in every way.

    FW: Don’t you think Owen in his floppy hat looks a lot like the Westview robot in its football helmet? I surely hope the visual recognition algorithm programmed into the Big Walnut Tech robot does.

    And anyway, what’s “Big Walnut Tech”? Is that the field of bio-engineering that develops food for the giant squirrels in Mark Trail?

    DT: Speaking of backstories, just who is Vitamin Flintheart, and why are he and the winner of his look-alike contest in Dick Tracy’s police station? Is getting arrested by Dick and Sam considered the grand prize, or something? I still hold out hope that Walt has been called down to police headquarters to provide positive identification of Slim’s body.

  44. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

  45. Peanut Gallery
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#21):

    Is there a new App out that will automatically ignore someone for you, so you don’t have to do it yourself?

    I was going to suggest calling it Ignorify, but that name’s been taken.

    Josh ignores the comics so you don’t have to.

  46. exapno
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Nancy: FRITZIRITZWORKOUTCLOTHESALERTFRITZIRITZWORKOUTCLOTHESALERT That is all

  47. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Everything I know about flirting I learned from Bea. Unfortunately it didn’t go over very well when I tested it on my dentist.

  48. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    I think “Gunther sees a therapist” would make a good story line in Luann. I recommend Michelle Bachman’s husband.

  49. terrapin
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Luann: Yeah yeah, Luann. Men suck…blah…blah. Here’s what you should be telling your friend…”Rosa! Think about it! You want Gunther! You want to be around him! You want to touch him, and worse, you want him to touch you! You need help! GET HELP!”

  50. terrapin
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#48): Shock therapy would be good for Gunther. Well… for us anyway.

  51. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @exapno (#46): *imagines Fritzi doing the zumba dance that Connie did*

  52. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @terrapin (#50): I’d volunteer. Where’s the Taser?

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Blondie: A nine pound turkey is NOT big. I’ve been trying to find a turkey less that ten pounds, and it ain’t easy.

    Curtis: It is often called, “The Thinking-Man’s Strip,… Why, yes, so it is. Every single day in the Comics Kingdom description. Week after w., year after y., this is asserted. It must be true.

    Slylock: Eight eyes, dammit. See Tom the Dancing Bug for a proper “How to Draw”.

    Tom the Dancing Bug: I don’t know HOW many times I’ve been fooled by that stupid “elephant speaking Jejumal instead of Korean” trick. You’d think I’d learn by now!

  54. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#53): I’ve never been able to get a turkey under 12 pounds. Perhaps we could split a turkey, and after dinner, we could discuss our trout holes.

  55. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#54): *sigh* I promised myself I wasn’t going to do this anymore.

  56. Greg
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    GT: Terry Gallagher is hiding up in the trees, just waiting for the moment when someone says his name and he can come crashing down and scream, “PLAYER ACTIVATED!!” Won’t the ladies be impressed.

  57. TheDiva
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW: I say we take Tiffany from Luann and have her transfer to Big Walnut Tech–it seems like she’d fit right in with the “unfairly maligned by smug self-pitying jerks” crowd there.

    GT: And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from recent current events, it’s that kids waging social media-based attacks on their peers never, ever has unforseen and tragic consequences.

    JP: Never, ever say “trout holes” again.

  58. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Luann – I wonder what the actual ratio of “scenes where girls stand around applying makeup and discussing relationships” to “scenese where the male characters discuss relationships” is?

    It is just very odd that the male author has chosen to focus his strip around teenaged girls, and position it as an After-School Special about their issues with relationships and growing up. Especially as none of the pairings make sense. What does Toni see in B-Wad, or Rosa in Gunther? In both cases, their alleged “nice guy” status is all they have going for them – everything else about them is repulsive. It is almost as if the strip is stealth propoganda. “Pick the man with the least going for him, and throw yourself at him!”

  59. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#7): From “Scrubs”

    Innuendo?… No, in-your-endo! Ha!

  60. Binder's Butter Beans
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    “Hang his hat and park his trout” is my euphemism of the day. Thank you, Uncle Lumpy!

  61. Lenoxus
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    It’s hard not to read the Gasoline Alley punchline as some sort of convoluted yo-momma joke. “Yo momma so stereotypically matronly that she can bake!” Or maybe something along the lines of frat-boy ribbing? “Your mother baked me something special last night.” Ew ew ew

    That said, in panel two, the girl appears to be baked herself. Hmmm

  62. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#11):
    Funky: Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. The humanoid form isn’t very stable or efficient, really. But aside from the not-believable robot technology, design and construction, what makes me really hate this story arc is that these two idiots act as if it is “their” ‘bot, when all they did was stick a damn football helmet on. Thanks, putzes. If it weren’t for the helmet, god only knows what would have happened.

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#54): There’s an idea. Don’t you live near a fringe evangelical church?

    // I need a couple of fillings replaced. Can you recommend a good dentist?

  64. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Archie: Haw haw! I thought for certain that it was a setup to a “women’s purses, knowwhatI’msayin’?” gag. But then, it turns out to be “glove compartments – amirite?” Threw me for a loop, it did. Haw haw!

    And this is the first Shoe in a long time that was legitimately funny.

  65. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#63): I do know a dentist, but he isn’t partial to filling holes. Or so he told me. Even though I offered him a potential green card!

  66. D Fresh
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    All due respect, I don’t like when Uncle Lumpy subs in. His words do not flow and you get lost in his sentences as he’s overly wordy. I don’t know, his commentaries just don’t flow. It’s like you start reading his sentence and you have to go back and reread what you just read.

  67. zaratustra
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    FW: Big Walnut Tech may be big and successful, but Westview has something they will never have: A mad writer inserting ennui, hopelessness and death into their lives at every second of their days.

  68. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Wait, did I just miss Uncle Lumpy’s entire tenure during my enforced absence? Darn leaves.

    Smirky – The daily plaint at the Seattle PI’s comments: “If you don’t like the strip don’t read it!” The voice of an outraged Pollyanna who just doesn’t understand the pleasure of trashing bad comics.

    Dennis – Awwwww, please tell me that thing behind them is a mushroom cloud.

    F- – This is fantastically depressing.

  69. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#59): I like ‘inundo’. Isn’t that McEldowney’s specialty?

  70. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Judge – I swear, I looked at panel 3 and saw every word but “trout.”

    love is… …when your baby has more realistically mature proportions than you do.

    Mary – Dawn doesn’t care that Jim’s missing an arm, but her gesture involuntarily reveals that the missing hand is a deal breaker.

  71. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @D Fresh (#66): Josh, please use your real name when you post.

  72. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Gas: Being on the Bake Sale Committee doesn’t mean that you have to supply all the baked goods yourself, dumbass. It means that you have to organize a group of volunteers to bake a variety of things for the sale.

    A note to CCers: My kids are in a private school, so I go to bake sales a lot. There are too many store-bought items. The revenue to the charity from store-bought stuff may match the amount that you paid for it at the store. Instead of buying a cake, give the money directly to the bake sale as a donation. Much better for the organization.

  73. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Grimm – Rolled-up newspaper? But why?

    R=R – Seems to me like the strip is mostly garbage moments.

    Ziggy – I used to get that channel, back in the 80s or 90s. It was called something like Main Street TV, and their supply of Public Domain cartoons included SCRUB ME MAMA WITH A BOOGIE BEAT.

  74. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Faoladh (#4): Christ, what a trout hole!

    @D Fresh (#66): Lumpy is just all right with me. Lumpy is just all right, oh yeah.

    Okay, I’m probably gone again for the next couple of days as the play runs its second and last weekend, and then we take the sets apart and all sorts of other wackiness ensues. Back next week, and I’ll see if I can locate that “how to be funny” book in all this junk.

  75. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    JP: Bubba has grown bored of this elaborate wrap-up for a meandering, fantastical story line that lacked any sort of danger or climax. So, he figures it’s as good a time as any to out himself as evil-Spock, and start checking tricorder readings for space-time anomalies. And cute kitten videos.

  76. Feltwright
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Curmudgeons, I need help. I appeal to your mercy. Can someone, anyone, explain to me the difference between Judge Parker and Rex Morgan MD? I’ve never been able to them apart. Does one have more boobs than the other?

  77. Chaze
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MW – Those one-armed push-ups and pull-ups are paying off for Jim. Watch in amazement as crushes an Icee cup and then heads off to an afternoon of hitting golf balls (uh, nope), batting practice (noooo), swimming the breast stroke (c’mon!), okay then…helping Steve Boone coach up the o line over at Milford.

  78. TheDiva
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: Congrats, Brooke, you’ve managed to suck the simple joy out of having a cat in your lap.

    C’shaft: Well, what’s stopping you? Because it’s certainly not love for your job or the desire to make a meaningful contribution to society…

    Luann: Hopefully by now Rosa understands the mistake of asking Luann for advice in dealing with a dithering romantic partner terrified of upsetting the status quo.

    MT: “Ava has to be friends with Otto! You wouldn’t believe the sick things he makes her do! Why, just last week she was forced to join the pirates for three rounds of Apples to Apples!”

    MW: “You sent out all the signals! Tempting me with your provocative pink oantsuits, you hussy!”

    Phantom: “Is..is he going to answer the question?”
    “Don’t worry, he just does this sometimes. He’s the Ghost Who Inner Monologues.”

    Pibgorn: And so, the mature, enlightened, highly sophisticated artiste drew a strip in which he fantasized about his critics being castrated by a hot chick with a sword.

    Pluggers think 50 sheets of paper are more effective than 16 GB of storage space.

    SM: Stunt doubles? So they can rotate performances? Any of several reasons that are perfectly logical and innocuous and don’t immediately point to something nefarious?

  79. Just Another Boob
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#y178):

    “// I just read Juggs Parker for the boobs myself….”

    And don’t think we don’t appreciate it!

  80. Austria
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FW: Uncle Lumpy, Uncle Lumpy, you’re missing something here. It’s obvious that if Big Walnut Tech is so successful, there’s no way they’re in Westview.

  81. Shrug, Joker to Justice Society Members
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#y179):

    “Maybe it’s some kind of cabbage patch magic, like how Wonder Woman was born onto an island of same sex married melee warriors.”

    In the original origin story (which has probably been retroconned out of existence a dozen times over by now), WW wasn’t born; she was originally a statue — a soulless inanimate object which was brought to life. So, yes, just like the LUANN universe, except for the “brought to life” part.

  82. casino LF
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    JP: Finally Sarah Palin takes a role I really liked her in.

    @Feltwright (#76): “Does one have more boobs than the other?” No. No, they both have lots and lots of tigglebitties. Lots and lots and lots.

    GA: So a character named Hoogie has a kid named Boog? WHAT. NO.

    FW: Robot, KILL! FIND LES MOORE HURRY

  83. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @D Fresh (#66): Sorry, I’m on Lumpy’s side here. Doing this blog is more than throwing in a few quips about Mary Worth. There are a number of technical responsibilities and monitoring the site so we don’t get spammed or some idiot flame war thing gets started.

    No two people are going to have the same writing style. I enjoy both Josh and Lumpy in different ways. Lumpy seems to have a more encyclopedic knowledge of the comics. Normally, he chooses more obscure comics to present than the perrenial punching bags. I didn’t see something obscure this time around, and we’re the poorer for it (hint).

    Anyway, if you think that you can do a better job, the internet is wide open for a competing site.

  84. Droopy Says
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Flunky: I’m hoping that the Walnut Robot sings “A Bicycle Built For Two.” After it kills everyone in sight, of course.

  85. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#83): I think that Josh – um, sorry, I mean “D Fresh” (yeah, right) was just being affirming to our boy D Fr…I mean, Josh.

  86. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#84): I’m leaning toward “Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out…”

  87. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#83): “…or some idiot flame war thing gets started. ” Oh, you’re no fun.

  88. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Feltwright (#76): Differences between JP and RMMD, and does one have more boobs than the other:

    JP wins the boob contest hands down. Also, in JP, the titular character doesn’t appear. The main character is a lawyer, not a doctor. Though, in both strips, not a great deal of lawyering nor doctoring goes on. The bling given away in JP is way more expensive than in RMMD. Rex’s free fishing boat is roughly as expensive as Sam’s free SUv, but the SUV came with its own free gas for life card, potentially worth thousands more. Sam got a lucrative contract, fishing gear and a fishing trip, and the Morgans got a cab ride and lunch for one. See the disparity. There is injustice in the system!

  89. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Lumpy — regarding the FW/Frankie backstory. IIRC, he became a dot-com/penny stock millionaire, who lost it all, got drunk, and beat-up a pregnant Lisa (this time with Summer — and had to get yet another ride to the hospital in the pizza delivery van).

  90. Shrug, With No Anchovies
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#89):

    “…a pregnant Lisa (this time with Summer — and had to get yet another ride to the hospital in the pizza delivery van).”

    It was a damned near thing, too, getting to the hospital in time. They had to stop and make three pizza deliveries along the way, and if each of the customers had not happened to have exact change, things could have gotten tragic.

  91. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#88):

    Heh-heh, you said “titular character”, heh-heh-heh.

  92. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “So why don’t you refill my drink, Ginger? Or should I call you… Cardamom!”

    JP: This conversation has gotten forward and frank in a hurry, but I’m assuming that Bea’s “trout hole” is in the same spot as everyone else’s.

    MT: PG-rated euphemism of the day? “Has to be friends with Otto.”

    MW: You don’t want to get on the wrong side of Jim’s remaining arm. Just ask that squeeze bottle.

    WofI: Apparently the Wizard was an exchange student in England back in the seventies. Not sure JK Rowling approves this message.

    C-Shaft: Ed, or as his coffee mug labels him, “Ed, can’t wait until he retires. That puts him in the same boat as a couple hundred school-age passengers.

    9CL: This time Juliette’s legs are spread out because of Solange. That is a change.

    Archie: Fred doesn’t know how to respond, since the lipstick and compact are evidence of his secret after-hours life. And you bet it takes a lot of foundation to cover up that mustache.

    Baldo: Sergi had more fun wishing for just one thing to go down back when his wife was alive.

    BB: Aptly enough for someone singing the national anthem, Sarge is standing at attention. Might have something with Beetle being nearby.

    Phantom: “Um, line!”
    “Come on, Ghost. We were supposed to be off-script by Wednesday.”

    FC: At least she’s trained Barfy not to hump her leg in front of company. Sadly the same can’t be said of Jeffy.

    H&J: I don’t know, Jamaal. Why don’t you stand up and ask him? It’s also a chance to learn if jurors can be cited for contempt.

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#84):

    Flunky: I’m hoping that the Walnut Robot sings “A Bicycle Built For Two.” After it kills everyone in sight, of course.

    That’s the reverse of the usual order, isn’t it?

  94. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I like to think of Big Walnut Tech as the anti-Westview. All the teachers are caring educators, who actually give a damn about their students, instead of merely acting like smug asshats. All the kids are likeable, and understood by their parents and teachers, instead of just used as props to make their elders look superior by comparison. And best of all, cancer is practically unheard of!

  95. Shrug, Angling About for a Cheap Joke
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#92):

    “JP: This conversation has gotten forward and frank in a hurry, but I’m assuming that Bea’s “trout hole” is in the same spot as everyone else’s.”

    And Avery had better hope that Bea practices “catch and release.”

    // Snapping photographs first is optional.

  96. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Brook responds once and for all to all the beefwits on the Internet who think his story arcs about sex are, in fact, story arcs about sex rather than the story arcs about art that he insists they are.

    @casino LF (#82): GA: So a character named Hoogie has a kid named Boog? WHAT. NO.

    Boog was named for his maternal grandfather. Specifically, Boog and Clara Boogle had a daughter, Hoogie Boogle, who married Rover Bump, the son of Gus and Beulah Bump (who raised him as a dog, before he was adopted by Slim and Clovia Skinner). Rover and Beulah Bump then had a son who, in the family tradition, was named Boog Bump.

    I swear I am not making this up.

  97. Uncle Lumpy
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#83):

    I didn’t see something obscure this time around, and we’re the poorer for it (hint).

    The Better Half isn’t obscure enough for you? Everything I thought I knew is wrong!

    OK — Hazel time! Wait, is Brother Juniper still around?

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#78):

    Pibgorn: And so, the mature, enlightened, highly sophisticated artiste drew a strip in which he fantasized about his critics being castrated by a hot chick with a sword.

    I hope you’re satisfied. After that description I just had to go gawk at the trainwreck. And yes, it does live up to the reputation of trainwrecks.

  99. Uncle Lumpy
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    The Country Parson morphed into Mary Worth so gradually we never even noticed!

  100. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#71): Fulgent.

  101. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#64):

    And this is the first Shoe in a long time that was legitimately funny.

    I thought so too. Great dopey reaction shot from the Perfesser.

  102. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#97): Brother Juniper. OMG. I have not thought about Brother Juniper in years.

  103. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    FW — BWT seems to have created a tall bipedal robot that can shift its mass AND manipulate things without falling over — an accomplishment, as Batiuk fails to notice, that is well beyond the state of modern robotics.

    In fact, BTW students do a lot of things beyond what the mere mortals in Funkyville can do. BWT students, therefore, must be aliens –which by extension means that Darrin is an alien as well. You can go ponder that awhile while I got get a doughnut.

  104. greghousesgf
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Um, Funky, isn’t that fighting robot fad dead?

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#96): Boog was named for his maternal grandfather. Specifically, Boog and Clara Boogle had a daughter, Hoogie Boogle, who married Rover Bump, the son of Gus and Beulah Bump (who raised him as a dog, before he was adopted by Slim and Clovia Skinner). Rover and Beulah Bump then had a son who, in the family tradition, was named Boog Bump.

    Thanks! That helps a lot. So, Sarah Palin & family really are cartoon characters too, right?

  106. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): You’re pretty fulgent yourself, Rev.

  107. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#32): You can actually get a 9lb turkey? I thought that was a myth. When I go to get a turkey (or 2, actually, since I like to BBQ one and deep-fry the other), the smallest I can generally find are in the late-teens.

  108. Gringo
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Amazingly, Funky has been funny the past two days. It’s like a return to the pre-1992 era!

  109. S. Stout
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Luann: Where can I report Evans as a child predator? He’s said he’s gone to high schools to update himself on current kids…is he currently hiding in girl restrooms and locker rooms? We know he’s not stealing their dialogue, so it must be something else.

  110. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#97): Hazel time! Yay!

    // And how about them Katzenjammer Kids? Now that’s some funny stuff.

  111. Gringo
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#88): Differences between JP and RMMD, and does one have more boobs than the other

    I think we can safely say that both strips are populated entirely by boobs.

  112. Here come the Judge
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#88): @hogenmogen (#88):

    I would think that quite a few of the characters that appear in Judge Parker could be considered “titular”.

  113. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Gringo (#108): Are you feeling well?

  114. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#110): I picture you and I as Ignatz and Krazy, personally.

  115. Droopy Says
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#93): No, the HAL 9000 in 2001 killed most of the Discovery’s crew, before the sole survivor deactivated HAL. However, I am no hidebound literalist and will not complain if the Walnut Robot sings “Daisy” before it kills everyone at Westview High.

  116. Shrug, Tom-Tommer to Toms
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#107):

    “You can actually get a 9lb turkey? I thought that was a myth.”

    Yes, but it has only one arm, and is afraid of gravy.

  117. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#72): I agree. My kids also go to a private school, and there are way too many fundraising sales of crap I don’t need. But I hate to disappoint the kids (or keep them from their sales prizes/trinkets), so I generally donate $20 directly to the fundraiser.

    Of course, the school also canceled the cookie-dough fundraising sale, which I would actually purchase a truckload of.

  118. Illustrator Steve
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    MT – “I wonder if Otto really is planning on using the ransom money to help his people. Hmmm, I think I will take matters into my own hands by hiking over to the little village’s FBI fraud division office and see just HOW popular in his community this Otto caracter really is! Hey, Ava…WHERE is the FBI’s log cabin headquarters located on this stinking atoll?”

  119. Bartholomew Trout
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    It’s nice to see that the Cool Girls of Gil Thorpe have gotten into the spirit of Movember.

  120. parcheesi
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    I finally get it now, the characters in Gil Thorp are Muppets. Observe how the hand seems to dangle from that iPhone, as if it’s actually held aloft by a barely-visible stick. It explains so much.

  121. Stroker Ace
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley – Dondi’s strip gets cancelled in ’86 and he shows up later in GA. Shows that you just can’t keep a big eyed war orphan down. Inspiring.

  122. Chaze
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#104):

    Batiuk watched a Big Bang Theory rerun where the boys’ robot, Monte, was destroyed by Bawwy Kwipke’s monster device. Thinking BBT MUST be leading edge, ipso facto, he created this storyline.

  123. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#96), @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Oops, I meant “Rover and Hoogie Bump then had a son who, in the family tradition, was named Boog Bump.” I said “Beulah”, rather than “Hoogie”. Boog and Beulah Boogle are Boog Bump’s grandparents.

    Of course, before he was given his name, Boog Bump was known simply as “Baby Bump”.

  124. Chaze
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    MW – And starring as Mark Trail – Clark Kent!

  125. Marion Delgado
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    I must say Uncle Lumpy knows his comics. I had to go through a lot of old Funky Winkerbeans, but he’s right. Dead Lisa *was* alive when Frankie impregnated her. I think that should count for character development in FW right there.

  126. Chaze
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#124):
    MT MT….sheesh.

  127. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#121): Dondi, another strip I haven’t thought of in years. I remember reading Dondi as a little girl and wondering, “Why do they print this?” Ditto The Jackson Twins. On the other hand, I kind of miss They’ll Do It Every Time.

  128. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    The annoying kid brother in The Jackson Twins was called Junie. It took me several years to figure out that he was a ‘junior’.

  129. UncleJeff
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    You can probably find a 9-pound turkey at an organic farm in your area — perhaps even a farmers market or even a quality butcher shop which sells free range or heritage turkeys.
    Modern genetics & chemistry have turned our supermarket turkeys into anatomical grotesqueries.
    Or you could just get a license and shoot a wild turkey. I can see quite a few of them on the rural highways in my area.

  130. Downpuppy
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Bartholomew Trout (#119): For months, Whigham somehow avoided the mustaches that pursue the girls of Milford. So who gets the first now that they’re back? Angie Sanchez.

    Has to be deliberate.

  131. Chaze
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#127):
    Along with Dondi, I read Winnie Winkle everyday. If WW were still going, as a legacy strip, it would be ripped everyday here as well as Mary Worth.

    //Cool fact, Syracuse University, right in my backyard, has Winnie Winkle artwork covering about 40 years.

  132. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#129): Not legal to kill ‘em here in my part of NJ. I can’t get over how much they look like those cardboard cutouts we pasted on the school windows back in 1964.

  133. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#131): My mother tells me that they used to find me hiding behind the sofa, at the age of two or three, reading the newspapers. Our metropolitan area paper carried all the soap strips back in the day: Brenda Starr, Winnie Winkle, Juliet Jones, and of course the seemingly immortal Rex Morgan and A3G. Never Judge Parker, though.

  134. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    True but boring fact: as the youngest in the family, my job was to placate the Dies Irae that was my father by greeting him at the door when he came in to work. (Picture Robert Young/Lauren Chapin, but with George Raft in the Young role). My reward was to get the evening paper! My siblings hated me for that, as well as other reasons. My mother sat me down one day to teach me about sharing.

  135. CanuckDownSouth
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#107): It was a while ago but there was some deal of buy X$, get a turkey of brand Y in the 9-12 lb set, there was another deal for the 13-15ish lb set. I bought a 10 or 11 lb one, and I’m not sure if there actually was one below 9.5 lb when I was looking.

    In any case, 9lb is puny. I got more for a potluck involving maybe 8 grad students.

  136. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    As a child I never ‘got’ Pogo. That was in our small-town paper, along with Gordo. Remember Gordo?

  137. Illustrator Steve
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Pop, is Ava friends with the fellows who kidnapped me?”
    “No, IT’S BECAUSE SHE ONLY HAS TWO ARMS..an M16 and AK47.”

  138. Illustrator Steve
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    MT “Pop, is Ava friends with the men who kidnapped me?”
    “NO! He’s probably outside.”
    “Man, this place is beginning to be just like back home! …Hey Pop, you sure you’re not related to a senile old fart named Doc?”

  139. Illustrator Steve
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    MT – “She knew nothing about the kidnapping….and that stack of navigational charts she has in her hut which are highlighted to show the best places near our little island for rich Americans to take their luxury yachts to do some bone fishing mean nothing…NOTHING, I tell you!”

  140. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#129): Or you could just get a license and shoot a wild turkey.

    Or drink a Wild Turkey. Nine pounds’ worth might seem a bit extreme, but it’s one way to make “Black(out) Friday” stretch through mid-December.

  141. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#136): I’ve got two Gordo books — the recent one by R.C. Harvey, and a reprint of cartoons about Poosy Gato. A friend of mine has an original Gordo Sunday page, a quiet, seemingly lazy work of art. Whenever I express envy for it, he offers to trade it for my 1943 Nancy page.

  142. Snarkotix Addict
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    MW – He’ll show her! Jim’s headed to the pier. Where it’s not safe. Boy, will she be sorry.

    Luann – Yes, Gunther’s and Rosa’s relationship will be improved by shipping him off somewhere. Oh, say, Zimbabwe.

  143. bats :[
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

  144. bats :[
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#136): Yo quiero Gordo! (y Pussy Gato!)

  145. Dale
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#129):

    Getting a license doesn’t mean you will be able to shoot a wild turkey.
    Even if you have the equipment, it’s probably cheaper to buy a big turkey and throw half away.

  146. Uncle Lumpy
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    I was a huge Mr. Tweedy fan, and miss him terribly.

  147. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    BB: OK, I understand why Beetle is in the sergeant’s barracks watching Sarge shower, but what’s Killer and Plato’s excuse?

    MW: Hey, what luck! Look behind you, Dawn! There’s Jim’s missing hand now!

    RMMD: “She told me everything, including your real names, Debbie… or should I say… D.B. COOPER?! It’s amazing how much plastic surgery $200,000 could buy back in 1971, isn’t it?”

    R=R: Jimbo considers his son Pasquale trash.

    6C: I am become Shiva, Freshener of Worlds.

    S-M: I think it’s because around the showgirls, Curly gets kinda handsy.

  148. Mars
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    That is NOT Boog’s future mate. Look at the timeline: “Clovis,” “Hoogy,” “Charlotte”….one of these things is not like the other. Boog can only marry someone with a gross name to preserve the family legacy.

  149. geogreg
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    FC: Someone suggested that’s CPS at the door of the Keane Kompound, but I think the lady is trying to sell something. What, exactly, I’m not sure. Based on her clothing, jewelry, and hair, I would guess that she’s been doing this since 1965. The caption just makes me wonder what the heck this lady asked our Thel. Way too many questions for a Family Circus.

  150. gleeb
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    I know not what views others may take, but seeing as it’s possible for me to read The Better Half, then no, it is not obscure enough for me.

  151. casino LF
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#96): ::mouth agape::

  152. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @geogreg (#149): Probably a Jehovah’s Witness (NTTAWWT)

  153. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#147): “OK, I understand why Beetle is in the sergeant’s barracks watching Sarge shower, but what’s Killer and Plato’s excuse?” – Nothing good on TV?

  154. This Guy
    November 16th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: I didn’t particularly expect to open the comics today and read about two young boys talking about creaming a bush.

    H&J: No doubt Herb would be upset to learn where Jamaal’s mind wanders, but fantasizing isn’t cheating.

    MW: <WillyWonka>Wait, stop, come back.</WillyWonka>

  155. SDL no more!
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    de Judge: So, when’s the accident that fuses the four robotic arms to Avery Octavian? And how will funny-pages Spider-Man nap him to justice?

  156. Hibbleton
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#132):
    I’m pretty sure they’re legal to hunt in every county but Hudson. You need a license, a permit, and only during the spring and fall hunts. They’re also pretty fat, iirc. Upwards of 15lbs. or more.

  157. Mr. Mxyzptlk
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#136): Fondly remember Gordo.

  158. Mibbitmaker
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Oversnarpologies….

    JP: Oh, don’t be so “cute”, Avery, of course you have a thing for Bea! The end of this story will, indeed, end giving at least the fictional Danny DeVito a replacement for Rhea with this Sarah Palin-Roseanne hybrid person. Next JP storyline: either Will Arnett or Amy Poehler (in a role as some new character) will find romance while Sam Driver receives more free wealth stuff.

    GA: Augh, making stuff so sickeningly sweet it makes everybody sick! — Not the baked goods, the drawings of the kids.

    RMMD (meta): Wow, UL, you’re right! This storyline’s more convoluted than the Petraeus scandal.

    FW: Tom Batiuk: “Okay, I gave you all my brilliant lecture on how comics shouldn’t be demeaned with connotations of humor and laughing, which utterly justifies my strip these last 20 years. Having done this, I can now, in good conscience, give you unworthies the ’70s and ’80s type of comedy you apparently crave. See? Still kinda funny today. Just don’t get the idea that I generally approve of this sort of thing. I’ve outgrown it, really. *Harumph!* (to himself) McEldowney’s right — they’re all just a bunch of beefwits!”

  159. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Mxyzptlk (#157): I appreciate Gordo more now than when I was a kid. The artwork was elegant and I did learn a little Spanish, but the story lines were a bit subtle for me (because I was, as my father always said, a blockhead. Good grief!)

  160. Nomstrosity
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I don’t know why, but I always hear Bea’s dialogue in the voice of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Daria_characters#Lawndale_High_faculty"Janet Barch from Daria.

  161. Calico
    November 16th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    “Trout holes” – too damn easy.
    Funny, I was just reading this:
    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2010/03/how-fish-almost-destroyed-my-childhood.html

    I actually laughed at the first panel of today’s FW. The “Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” is totally awesome. Maybe TB can write a bit a dark humor after all.

  162. Calico
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    UL wrote
    “…and driving it down the sad main street out of town forever without a single glance in the rearview.”
    (Insert Bruce Springsteen song here, and cry)

    Awesome fanfic this week, Uncle. Seriously. Very poignant stuff – funny, but with touches of longing and unfinished business.

  163. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#146): Mr. Tweedy made a perfect companion strip for Fred Bassett. They were both considered almost too clever for words by the same sort of small-circulation newspaper editors who boasted when they were able land a cutting-edge syndicated feature like Ask Wendy.

  164. Calico
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Shit, now I AM crying. Good grief. Back to reading the rest of today’s comics.

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#114): If you promise not to call me “li’l dollink”, I promise not to throw bricks at you. Deal?

  166. hogenmogen
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    BB: Sixteen sinks and only one shower?

  167. Dood
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Forget trying to follow the convoluted plot and just use a simple scale of 1 to 5 to grade the action. Right now, for example, I’d put us at a Breast Level 3.

  168. Johann Sebastian Cock
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Oh Lumpy, you simple fool. Of course Dead Lisa was dead when Frankie (Who is Aldo Dead) knocked her up with a tiny corpse to be. We have been dead forever and will be dead forever more, and whatever scant handful of years we walk in the sun before cancer claims us is an irrelevancy, a rounding error.

    /Batiuk

    *gong sound*

  169. Johann Sebastian Cock
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Curious, I obviously meant to type “Also Dead,” but that works fine, doesn’t it?

  170. Dood
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Johann Sebastian Cock (#168): Did Frankie go to Hollywood? Relax, don’t do it…

  171. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#165): You can throw a brick at me any time, dollink. Ooooh, Iggggnatz!

  172. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Johann Sebastian Cock (#168): See, if you’d stay out of the sun, son, you’d delay that melanoma.

  173. Poteet
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

  174. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#32): It is kind of strange that Dagwood, of all people, would miss that.

  175. Calico
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

  176. Hibbleton
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: Not the right time to pull out the bedroom eyes, Dawn.

  177. Poteet
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    JP — Avery is supposed to be a major big-time dealmaker in Hollywood, right? And he deals with actors and actresses, right? So in theory, he could crook his pinkie and have desperate beautiful would-be young starlets on his casting couch on a regular basis. So his thing for rather-ordinary-looking Bea (okay, yeah, except for her rack) would be endearing to me except for the small problem that Avery is not endearing. Oh well. Let’s just wind up this tale and move on to other trout holes.

  178. Peanut Gallery
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#99): See what happens when you accuse Uncle Lumpy of not being obscure enough?

  179. lynn
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    I just realized that I first experienced the magic of Herriman through the animated cartoon version of his Krazy Kat strip, which used to be shown on the old Soupy Sales show if I am remembering correctly. I just had a moment of self-insight in which I realized how much I am actually like Krazy.

  180. Poteet
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I’ll bet fifty-three Mudges have already pointed out that the third ape is going to steal the necklace, or tiara, or really fancy labia stud, or whatever the hell that expensive thing is that is going to be stolen. I didn’t have time to read all previous comments, so I apologize for being the fifty-fourth.

  181. Poteet
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    MT — Who are “his people,” the lost tribe that formed when the Pied Piper led all the children out of Hamlin and through a magic mountain pass and then left them alone? Even for MT, this story is very weird.

  182. TheDiva
    November 16th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    For those of you still seething about Tom Batiuk’s latest “my art is serious and I demand my serious art to be taken seriously, goddammit” rant, the Comic Strip Critic offers an insightful critique:

    http://youtu.be/xAcpL1jIM5Q

  183. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 16th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#51):

    Or better yet, the Juggs Parker or Rex Morgan, Medical Disaster girls!!! WOO-HOO!!

  184. Mr. Mxyzptlk
    November 16th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#84): Or: “Oh, it’s no feat to beat the heat. All reet! All reet!…”

  185. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#180):

    Oh yeah. Right.

    It’s been so long since that tiara heist was put on the table that I forgot that Kraven was a criminal and that Peter Parker is Spider-Man.

    Personally, I got caught up in how smitten Kraven is with the showgirl (who is awfully comfortable flirting with him while wearing giant feathers on her head*).

    And, then there is Peter Parker, the Germain Janitor.

    I forgot this was a Superhero comic strip. Seriously, Parker is constantly posing like that cartoon Carol Burnett at the end of her variety show. All that’s missing is the goofy nightgown-like attire and a goofy grin. **

    *I would hate to meet that bird. I mean, how plucky does a person have to be to
    harvest feathers from such a big …. Oh NOES! They killed Big Bird! You bastards! This. Will. Not. Stand!

    ** It’s a comin’. You just know it. It isn’t like there is gonna be fightin’…just good old Peter Parker in a startling career change that sees him separated from his boss, who is busy gambling and philandering with abandon. I don’t know what is going on in the strip so any thought that the monkeys would play any role (outside of potential manservants) didn’t even pop into my noggin.

  186. Alison
    November 16th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: “You and Quill make relationships look so easy!” Well, yes, Rosa, a “relationship” where neither person ever calls, texts, or e-mails the other, would be pretty easy, I agree.

  187. Marc
    November 16th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Luann- It’s official, Rosa is on the one way train to Crazy-as-fuckville.

  188. kingklash
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    “just looking for a place to hang his hat and park his trout.”

    Thanks for a new euphamism, Uncle Lumpy!

  189. Shrug, Purveyer of Poppycock to Prince and Proletariat
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#171):

    “You can throw a brick at me any time, dollink. Ooooh, Iggggnatz!”

    But Offisa Lumpy would haul him off to jail.

  190. cheech wizard
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    JP – So, right about now is when Sam comes wandering in, saying “Hey, you wouldn’t believe it, but there’s a huge pot farm out there. Don’t worry, I’ve already contacted the federal authorities. They’ll be here any… hey Avery, what’s with the chainsaw?”

  191. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#186):

    “Luann”: “You and Quill make relationships look so easy!”

    Rosa has bought into the Luann narrative. Or maybe, just maybe, she has an ironic sense and she’s mocking Luann. Retaliation for her bad advice on relationships.

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: I’m guessing that this was originally supposed to be the international edition, and the bird was supposed to be 9 kilograms, not pounds. That would be a respectable size, though not particularly moliminous by today’s standards.

    // Really? O, c’mon now! (sigh) Ok. Probably the simplest way is to put the right index of the C scale directly over 2.205 on the D scale. Move the cursor to 9 on the C scale, and read the result on the D scale, just under 20 pounds. Alternatively, you could move the right index on the C scale over the 9 on the D scale and read the answer under 2.205 on the C scale. There are other methods, if you have inverted or folded scales (CI, CF, DF), but there’s no need to get into that here. I don’t advise using the A and B scales, as you will lose some resolution.

  193. Knock Worse
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#192): Turkeys have scales?

  194. Shrug, Propagandizer for Primates
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#180):

    “S-M — I’ll bet fifty-three Mudges have already pointed out that the third ape is going to steal the necklace, or tiara, or really fancy labia stud, or whatever the hell that expensive thing is that is going to be stolen.”

    Third ape? THIRD APE? Typical.

    Oh, sure, always blame it on Speak No Evil, just because he can’t speak up to defend himself. Damn shifty-eyed Hear No Evil and sneaky bastard See No Evil (yes, he peeks through his fingers, you didn’t know that?) always get away smelling like roses. (Or as close to roses as apes get.) Speak No refuses to enter a plea in court, just like Giles Corey, and you won’t be happy until he too is crushed under the brutal heel of The Man.

    // On the other, er, hand, “Really Fancy Labia Stud” might be a good name for a band.

    /// Or even just for a song, and to keep to the ape motif, The Nairobi Trio could cover it. This could be the big chance for a comeback they’ve been waiting for!

  195. Knock Worse
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Propagandizer for Primates (#194): Speak No Evil is embarrassed because he has a lisp. You’d be embarrassed too if you went around saying “Espk, espk, espk.”

  196. Droopy Says
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Mxyzptlk (#184): I could grow fond of a robot that demolished Westview with that jaunty attitude.

  197. cheech wizard
    November 16th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#187): It’s official, Rosa is on the one way train to Crazy-as-fuckville.

    Gunther is going to learn why Sabado Gigante has all those screaming-angry-girl-with-switchblade sketches. Maybe the short millionaire dude can play the role of the host with the disturbing laugh.

  198. Chaze
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    ASM – Everybody knows chimps are trouble, little more than primate gangmembers. Yet, I have no doubt that Larry, Curley and Moe add up to more IQ points than Peter, Kraven and Miss Las Vegas. In fact, I’d take Larry and Curley, spot you Moe, and still win the bet.

  199. Alison
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#191):
    I would love for Rosa (or any character) to be mocking Luann! The downside is that Luann has had her butt kissed so often she probably wouldn’t even understand she was being mocked:

    “Oooh, Luann, I just wish I had such a perfect relationship like you, what with that boyfriend in Australia who never bothers to call you or anything.”

    “I know, isn’t Quill cool?”

    “Yeah, Luann, it’s so cool that your boyfriend lives a zillion miles away and that you have no way of knowing if he’s being loyal to you or not. What girl wouldn’t want that?”

    “For real! I’m super lucky, Rosa. I bet Tiffany is so jealous.”

    On another note, could today’s “Adam at Home” possibly be any more ridiculous? Have these characters ever, even once, had an adult conversation that doesn’t turn into sarcasm and bad jokes that don’t relate to the subject at all? What the hell does Bruce Springsteen have to do with having a too-small house? I can just imagine the conversation Adam and Laura would have if one of their kids died.

    “Did you hear Clayton got hit by a car and died?”
    “No, but I did hear a classic Madonna song on the radio this morning. Get into the groove, baby!”
    “You know, you’d look amazing with a platinum blonde ponytail…”
    “Don’t push it, mister!”
    *Chortling*

  200. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#196):
    @Mr. Mxyzptlk (#184):

    Like that original Sim City where the giant robot demolishes the town? That would be awesome, especially if he had a song or two in his mecha-maniacal heart.

    Dang. That would be awesome indeed. Good call.

  201. Liam
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#175):

    Looks like Jughead is going to have to find some other phallic shaped object to put in his mouth.

  202. Liam
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-The other chimp was busy writing his manifesto on how apes shall overthrow the human race and create their own society.

    Blondie-They need to check that water cooler for drugs. Dagwood thinks his coworkers new baby is a turkey.

  203. No Lion
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#201): Perhaps that oral fixation also explains why the toothless village elder in Phantom carries around the taxidermied genitalia of his defeated challenger for chief of the LlongoDdongo tribe.

  204. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Spidey: OK, now we’ve met the first 3 monkeys. So where are the other 999,997 who helped them write this story arc?

  205. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#47): Why, Lynn, I didn’t think you still cared.

    I can picture us in that little house behind the church, afternoon sunlight slanting through the lace curtains, you melting into my arms…and someone knocks on the door asking for access to the hymn book cupboard. Or something.

    It’s too hole-y a place to hole out if you intend to fil a hole.

  206. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 16th, 2012 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Incidentally, until I read the text I thought that robot was cutting a hole in the floor with a mechanical can opener.

    Talking about killer robots, in my part of the world they are found aplenty. All you have to do is look up at the sky and there th

  207. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    What’s nine pounds, something like four kilograms? In this part of the planet one’s more likely to encounter a turkey in the zoo than on one’s dinner plate, but a four-kilogram chicken is about three times larger than one I’d likely find in the frozen meat section of the local supermarket…or need, come to think of it.

  208. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    When I first started reading this strip, it was during one of Unca Lumpy’s periods in the high throne. So I’m actually partial to him. Sorry, Josh.

  209. Droopy Says
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#200): “Batty, Batty, give us a smirk or two.
    You’re half crazy from all the smug you spew.
    This isn’t a real good story,
    in fact it’s rather boring,
    But you can see what fun can be
    as Westview gets stomped to goo.”

  210. Calico
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#201):
    Haha, there are still popsicles, bananas, sausages, pickles, etc…

  211. Liam
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#210):

    Yes but are any of them cream filled that could squirt into his mouth.

  212. The Ridger
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#207): Turkeys are much larger than chickens. 10-14 pounds (4.5-6.3 kg) is the commonest size at my grocery, but they have ‘em up to 25 pounds (11.4). These are domestic, which are much larger than wild ones, of course. Also, the point of a turkey is lots of people and LOTS of left-overs. Lots and lots of leftovers…

  213. The Ridger
    November 16th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#212): I forgot to add the only reason the turkey is 9 lbs in Blondie is because if it was an actual “big boy” turkey (25 lbs), no one would have believed it was a baby, so the “joke” wouldn’t have “worked”.

  214. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#209):

    the chorus:
    Clankity Clank
    Clankity Clack
    Smashity Smash Smash Smash!

  215. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#213): Which is why the set up for the “joke” should have discussed the “big boy’s” size in inches instead of pounds, allowing them to use a baby’s height (average up to 22 inches) as the turkey’s girth. Of course, for a “joke” this feeble, any set-up at all is hardly worth the effort.

  216. Vince M
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#129): For years I’ve been vowing/threatening to cook a goose for the holidays but damn, they are pricey – haven’t seen one going for under $75. Whenever I’m slowed down in my car by the Canadas strolling across the road near my office I’m sorely tempted…

  217. Peanut Gallery
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#175), @Liam (#211): Zippy the Pinhead should be devastated! But I’m sure he’ll bounce back quickly.

    In all likelihood, the most popular Hostess product lines will be sold off for manufacture by other companies. But to tide us over during this emergency, here (mostly from of Wikipedia) is a table of rough equivalents:

    Twinkies – Little Debbie Cloud Cakes
    Ho Hos – Drake’s Yodels
    Ding Dongs – Drake’s Ring Dings
    Suzy Q’s – Drake’s Devil Dogs
    CupCakes – TastyKake Creme Filled Cupcakes
    Zingers – TastyKake Krimpets
    Wonder Bread – Kimberly-Clark Kleenex

  218. Peanut Gallery
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#216): Admit it: You just want to set up the scene where you’re sitting in the living room with your guests, and your assistant comes in from the kitchen and announces, “Your goose is cooked!”

  219. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#216): box of shells and a waterfowl license costs a lot less.

  220. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#215): “oh look, it’s a baby’s arm, holding an apple!”

  221. Peanut Gallery
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#217): Drat, I just realized that Drake’s is currently owned by Hostess, so they’re part of the bankruptcy too. So we have to go down to the next tier of substitutions:

    Ho Hos – Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls
    Ding Dongs – Little Debbie Devil Squares
    Suzy Q’s – Little Debbie Devil Cremes

  222. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#217):

    That’s funny.

    However, aren’t Drake products owned/made by Hostess now? I thought I read that today. Ditto with Dolly Madison.

    It was like Hostess said, “If we’re going down, we’re taking every former competitor with us!”

  223. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#221):

    Dangit!
    I didn’t see your reply before I replied.

    Little Debbie is in a league of its own though. Somehow, it is barely a baked good…unless you are baked good….and even then it is just tasty enough.

    Trivia Question:

    In this article in Advertising Age, it says there is a mascot named King Kong Dong. That’s gotta be wrong. Maybe King Ding Dong–unless we are both confusing him with Captain Cupcake!!!!!

    Somehow. It seems highly unlikely King Ding Dong could be confused with Captain Cupcake because they are totally different Snack Dudes, with different careers.

    As much as I’ve already violated Wikipedia-free Friday…. it is trivial. So I ain’t looking and I advise you, too, to rely on what you already know. In your gut! Not in your head. In your gut!

    //though, i don feel so good. musta been sumptin I et!

  224. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#223):

    Now that I (sadly) think about it (juuuust enough):

    to confuse the effusive Captain Cupcake–a.k.a. Ol’ Cream Center himself–with some character named “King Kong Dong” seems, very, very wrong. I’m sure the good captain might be prone to brag once in a while. But, that’s a big brag.

  225. Calico
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#217):
    Yes, the better selling products will most likely be auctioned off – I would imagine formulas, patents, specialized equipment would be part of any sale.
    OH SH*T WHAT WILL WILBUR DO IF THERE IS NO WONDER BREAD FOR A TIME?!

  226. Calico
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#216):
    Just grab one anywhere (preferably a younger one) between Wilton and Greenwich, CT, along RT 7 or in Bruce Park. Look out for the nippy mother(s). People will most likely applaud you for doing so.

  227. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#206):

    We have them over here too, but ever since someone thought up “distrubution matrix” as a euphemism for deciding which citizen gets to encounter one next, we don’t really seem to mind.

  228. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#225): I’ve been idly pondering how long it’s been since I ate a Ho-ho by unrolling and pulling off bits of it, or how I used to eat the plastic-y frosting on a Hostess Cupcake last, or how much I loved the edge crust of a fruit pie—but your post made me realize that my nostalgic grief can never compare to the true devastation—emotional and culinary—experienced today by one Wilber Weston.

  229. tallyHO
    November 16th, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#228):

    That’s his last name.

    I keep trying to avoid the mistake of typing Wessonoil and instead just go with Sammichson.

    Of course. It is a relatively normal name. A boring name. Tis nothing like the surnames of Captain Cupcake or Captain Crunch. Those names are inspired. Wilbur on the other hand, looks kind of perspired and soon to expired if he keeps misunderstanding that the Mayo Clinic isn’t a diet you can try at home.

  230. seismic-2
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    I shall make it just fine without Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs. But for God’s sake, don’t let them ever take away my Nut Boy!!!

  231. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#230): If Nut Boy goes away, we’ll forever be in suspense: Is it “nuTTY!“? Is it “griTTY!” ? Is it “sluTTY!“?

    Speaking of suspense, did anyone ever find that damned liquor cabinet key? My guess: It’s in Bea’s trout hole.

  232. Spiff Bereft
    November 16th, 2012 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    JP: I thought the most recent season of Project Runway’s “Fish Whistle” was a new low in misogyny, but really? Trout hole?

  233. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    @Spiff Bereft (#232): Bea’s Trout Hole would be a pretty poor name for a rock band, but it’s probably better than Mark’s Bone Fish.

  234. Comcis Fan
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    MW 11/17: What have you gotten into? A solar eclipse, I’d say, or an M.C. Escher drawing.

  235. Poteet
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — “Robin birdseed?” Crank, you really are an amazing flaming idiot. It’s not that you don’t know anything about robins — some people have no interest in birds, and so be it. The issue is that you are supposedly an enthused gardener and lawn caretaker and you’ve been seen messing with birdfeeders for years and you live in Ohio, where robins are rampant in gardens and on lawns, and yet you STILL don’t know anything about robins. That requires dogged determination to be and remain an amazing flaming idiot.

  236. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#234): A Harlequin Romance?

  237. Dale
    November 17th, 2012 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#219):

    If you don’t have a gun, that would add to the cost.
    I haven’t a clue as to the price of a license, but you don’t really need one, especially if you’re just going to rob the store.

  238. Baka Gaijin
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s strips

    One-Arm Jim, Dawn’s not just a lousy liar, she’s also a bad lay. Add her lousy hairstyle for the Lousy Hat Trick.

    Billy Keane, there ain’t no ovoid-shaped hams. Daddy Keane harvested Dogbert.

  239. Baka Gaijin
    November 17th, 2012 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    I predict a murder-suicide in Marvin. Maybe it’ll be a dual autoerotic asphyxiation/suicide. No one is leaving that car alive.

    Poor Hil. I feel unironially sad for her.

  240. greghousesgf
    November 17th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#217): they don’t sell Drake’s on the west coast, though.

  241. Trix
    November 17th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure, some where in these many comments, it has been said. Uncle Lumpy you are the parade. Judge Parker, the trout, funniest observation yet! Thanks.

  242. Bill
    November 18th, 2012 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL: You forgot the UGLY catagory for Rusty!

  243. Mark
    November 19th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    “so that Les could heroically give her a lift to the hospital and the Fairviews could get Darrin to adopt.” Oops . . . sorry, but I believe it was Tony Montoni who was driving the car when Lisa was going into labor. Les was just there hanging out, not doing much in the way of actually helping, mostly being sullen and passive as always.

  244. SPCA
    November 20th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MT: What a clever ploy! The guy wearing the oversized Jack Elrod campaign button with a contented smile is obviously hoping to become a pivotal character in the strip! Mark is going to need more friends for the showdown with Otto, and let’s face it, Pops & Ava can only provide limited physical support. What he needs is a reliable “right-hand guy” to complement Mark’s left hook.

  245. Readem and Laf
    November 20th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker

    “Right. You just want me to tell you where the trout fishing holes are!”

    “Yes, what did you think? Since someone sewed my eyelids shut, I can’t find anything by myself.

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