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At least I’m still cooler than Sally

Sally Forth, 5/14/08

Ah ha, now we see why Ted Forth was so sad to leave his minimum wage retail job and return to the world of respectable, salaried employment. When we last saw him hawking Chinese-made choking hazards to media-oversaturated youth, he was wearing a humiliatingly bright orange vest. But since then, the toy store has apparently switched their vests to black, and now Ted can pretend to be Han Solo every day when he goes to work, making the Kessel Run in his Chevy Aveo in less than twelve parsecs.

By the way, that “up, up, down down” jibber-jabber is apparently some kind of video game reference, and Vampire Weekend is apparently some kind of indie rock band. Today’s Sally Forth made me feel old and out of touch, and there are few more depressing sentences in the English language than “Today’s Sally Forth made me feel old and out of touch.”

Apartment 3-G, 5/14/08

The world of illegal drugs is full of dramatic possibilities. You can build a tense and exciting story out of the cat-and-mouse game played out between drug dealers and law enforcement, or among the various shady players in the drug underground. You could take a hard-nosed look at the way that drug use and addiction affect people’s lives and relationships; or you could expand your scope and see how drug use and drug laws affect society as a whole.

You could also just do a sitcom-level series of “Gosh! Where can I hide my ‘dope’?” gags, which is obviously where Apartment 3-G is going with this.

Hi and Lois, 5/14/08

I have to admit that I find the fact that Ditto is just sitting in a cardboard box for no reason pretty hilarious. Maybe that pamphlet Dot’s reading outlines FedEx’s shipping rates, and she has a plan that will make sure that all of the upcoming birthday gifts are for her.

246 responses to “At least I’m still cooler than Sally”

  1. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    FC – The real fun begins when Dot starts puching the air holes into the box before handing it off to Mr. FedEx.

  2. Ross
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    What? No Judge Parker secretarial smackdown comment? How did Gloria even get the detonator out of Little Purple Riding Hood’s hand so fast? She must have studied with Bruce Lee at some point.

  3. ImYourHuckleberry
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Actually, little kids love sitting in empty cardboard boxes. I have no idea how old Ditto is supposed to be, but my two year old likes nothing better than to sit in a box and get pushed around the house.

  4. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    If I absolutely had to be terrorized by someone, I’d choose Samira. She’s rocking the purple hijab, baby!

  5. JPLemme
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Please tell me the cheat code makes you feel old because you thought Contra was a kid’s game or something. Because if Contra was before you’re time then I’m just a dinosaur.

  6. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    I’m sitting in a carboard box right now. And I’m 46! Vrooom! Vroom! I’m driving the batmobile.

  7. yellojkt
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    There was an entire sitcom episode based on the dad finding pot in his daughter’s room only to learn that his son had stolen it from the dad’s nightstand and pinned the theft on his sister. Fortunately the name of the show has been wiped from my memory and it has been long since canceled.

  8. Rasheed
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    The “code” in Sally Forth was a commonly used sequence of button clicks for Nintendo games. The most common use was to give a player 99 or infinite lives to complete the game, as opposed to the normal 3 life limit (plus 3 continues). They even sell this as a novelty T-Shirt (as a Life Lesson)

  9. JPLemme
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Before *your* time, I mean.

  10. meatwork
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Vampire Weekend has nothing on The Mummies. THAT would have been a great Sally Forth thing. And wrong, so wrong.

  11. Plasma
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Zits: How did he play a twelve-letter word? Did he play ‘syllabic’ off of ‘bug’ or ‘all’, and then add ‘mono’ later? He can’t have started with ‘mono’, then added ‘syllabic’, you can only hold seven letters. Is ‘monos’ a word? For that matter, are ‘syllabic’ or ‘mono’ words? And he must have just played seven tiles, because he has none left in his tray. And why are they playing without a board? The questions just keep piling higher and higher!

  12. Vadskye
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Oh, look, we can begin the delightful arguments regarding “nosy” vs. “nosey”. Thanks, Apartment 3-G!
    (for the reference, Firefox says “nosey” is incorrect, so ha.)

    Also, why do Ditto and Dot care about their fashion sense? When I was… however old they are, which I assume is somewhere between 7-13, I didn’t really care at all about what I wore beyond the fact that it covered the important bits.

  13. Uncle Lumpy
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    . . . a sitcom-level series of “Gosh! Where can I hide my ‘dope’?” gags, which is obviously where Apartment 3-G is going with this.

    . . . once again dashing our hopes for a “Margo on drugs” vignette.

    Damn you, Apartment 3G — damn you straight to hell!

  14. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    DeMenace – If Dennis would turn around for a moment, he’d witness some REAL menacing! That kid’s tossing a fast ball right into some poor, hapless adult’s crotch. Ouch.

  15. JB
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you missed it completely…H&L were doing a shout-out to Calvin & Hobbes. Ditto and Dot were about to leave for a mission in the Transmogrifier.


    Of course, rather than C&H switching places as a boy and tiger, the twins would merely switch and be each other. Same clothes, same interests. Just different naughty bits…

    H&L would figure it out when each twin spent two days straight in his/her room, under the covers, doing “nothing”.

  16. Uncle Lumpy
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    #11 Plasma –

    It’s attention to details like those that distinguishes a workmanlike product like Zits from the teh awesome gloriosity of Sally Forth at its zenith.

  17. Gabe
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Rasheed, it was specifically for games made by Konami, more specifically recognized in Contra, but also in Gradius and its kinda sequel Lifeforce.

  18. Bootsy
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    # 2, Ross. Maybe she’s the Waco Kid! Steve Shannon, legless lawyer, will turn to her and say wonderingly, “Well raise my rent! You are the Kid!”

  19. skullcrusherjones
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    I bet Alan filed his drugs under, “Mr. Dope, Smack”

  20. Dick Tracy Broke into My Oddball Sanctuary
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Can no longer snark the Forths. THEY’RE WATCHING US.

    H&L – It’s actually kind of a relief sometimes to find that children are amused by cheap objects other than toys. Kind of like on a kid’s first birthday, where you realize that the wrapping paper and ribbons interest him more than any actual presents that are being heaped upon him by yuppie friends and relatives?

  21. Mac
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    The drugs are obviously getting to Alan, considering that he used a curved motion line to close a file cabinet. Plus the cursing, but at least he left off the boxcar and saturn.

  22. Sallied Forth
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    up up down left right left right B A

    Sounds like the foreplay moves Ted is going to have to put on Sally to get her to her happy place.

  23. Ranger
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    #3: We know that Dot and Ditto go to school, so they are at least five years old.

    FOOB: Wow! Liz has mastered the art of levitation in the third panel.

  24. velvet goldmine
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    7 yellojckt: I think that was Roseanne! If I remember correctly, they parents and Aunt Jackie, or maybe just Roseanne and Jackie, decided to smoke it and then got incredibly paranoid. It was actually kind of funny, actually.

    Not as funny as Eric and Luanne as a couple, but still.

  25. Anonymous
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    #11 – Plasma – Zits: Actually, he added “monosyl” to “labic”, which Mrs. Zits had mistakenly played, the correct word being “labial.”

    Josh — A parsec, like a light-year, is a unit of distance, not a unit of time.

  26. trey le parc
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: I’d like to think the kid sitting in a box is an homage to Watterson’s classic “Transmogrifier” but that would be too f*cking much to hope for, wouldn’t it?

  27. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    #164 Tweeks_Coffee yesterthread:
    Thanks for bringing all of the “Dress April” mashups to my attention. What an awesome thread, and I would have missed it! Kudoes to you, to commodorejohn, AeroSquid, and Dean Booth for the larf inducing freshness burst.

  28. Essephreak
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #11 – Plasma – Zits: Actually, he added “monosyl” to “labic”, which Mrs. Zits had mistakenly played but went unchallenged, the correct word being “labial.” As the comics continue to push the envelope.

    Josh — A parsec, like a light-year, is a unit of distance, not a unit of time.

  29. trey le parc
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Hey, JB, (#15) ya beat me to it. Good work. Still, that’s one depressing comic strip, so forgive me for the brief glimmer of errant hope that had me typing a comment before reading everyone else first.

  30. Essephreak
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    oops — sorry for the double-post, once as me, once as Anonymous.

  31. Donald The Anarchist
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G If Alan needs a place no one will look, why not try Tommy’s v-jay? Even she doesn’t go in there any more. If the thought arises, she just shakes her head, sighs, and murmurs, “No, nothing of interest there…”

  32. velvet goldmine
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    er, “the parents.”

    Sorry. I find some of my old stash today and I’m not doing to well, man.

  33. velvet goldmine
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    “too well.”

    I’m really NOT high, but I think I’ll take myself out of the comments thread and let the literate people take over now.

  34. cheech wizard
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    25/ anonymous – A parsec IS a measurement of distance – which is why it was absurd for Hans Solo to talk about “making the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs” in the original Star Wars movie. That’s what Josh is referencing.

  35. Vakar
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Wait! Sssh! You hear that? Right. Still on this plotline, but no one today said “Hillary Hahn”!

    A3G: Alan is so playing with fire here. Oops, I lost my ironic distance and I suspended disbelief for a moment. I don’t know how it happened.

    FOOB: Yep, Warren just realized that he dodged a bullet. Now to Afghanistan, where he’ll be safe.

    JP: Actually, that is in Gloria’s job description.

    MT: This is turning into a retarded version of The Pledge, with Andy as the ‘live bait.’ But I’d love it if Mark ends up like Jack Nicholson in that movie, drunkenly muttering to the birds.

    SF: How could any career with a decent salary and benefits come between Ted and his job as a Han Solo impersonator?
    (Dangit, I wrote that before Josh posted, I just wanted to share how great minds think alike…)

    Also: 25/28 Essephreak: Tell it to George Lucas. That’s a direct Han Solo quote from Star Wars. Yeah, it bugs me too, but it’s not like people can should go back and fix old movies! That would be silly!

  36. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers –

    Back in my neighborhood in ’58, Chickens and Dogs didn’t cavort around in their Fords or Chevys together unless the Dog was picking up take-out for dinner.

  37. I Hate Bernice
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Attempt to locate Ray Billingsley’s address in order to chastise and berate Re: Coral is an Animal = Unsuccessful. Does anyone know where to find cartoonists’ emails??? If anyone does, it’s you nerds. :P

  38. Stij
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    I have more respect for Ces then ever before.

  39. srah
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Since I found out a parsec was a unit of distance, I’ve allowed myself to believe that Han Solo found a shortcut through the Kessel Run that no one had taken before.

  40. El Santo
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth made me realize that in fifteen years, comic strip writers will be referencing GameFaqs, IGN, and Halo 3, and they’ll be making a whole new generation of reader feel old and obsolete.

  41. zadig
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    It’s a shame there was no way to make H&L funnier such as, oh, I don’t know, say, if the twins were actually wearing matching clothing, and this was a desperate attempt to exhibit an ounce of individuality?

    Or maybe “sadder” rather than “funnier.”

  42. John Steed, Professional
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    7 yellowjkt – the show you speak of is “Grounded for Life”, and it’s a funny show…not to mention it stars one of the milfyest milfs evah!

  43. commodorejohn
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    #37 I Hate Bernice – I tried a few weeks back, when I wanted to berate him for taking the awesome “Curtis smuggles snack-food” storyline and turning it into a lesson about how standing up to tyrrany is wrong, but I couldn’t find even a mailing address for him.

  44. Dr. Weird
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    #39 srah. That’s the explanation they put into the Young Han Solo novels.

    Another theory that it IS a measure of distance and Han is having fun with the local yokels who want to hire his ship.

    If there’s a Gasoline Alley in space, it’s probably Tattooine.

  45. Deena in OR
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Silly me, I thought it was a DDR reference. :) Although, come to think of it, I’m not sure what B and A would be, then.

  46. 150
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Sure, Ted Forth knows the Nintendo cheat code, but he can’t possibly know what Nintendo is. Ten to one he thinks this “up down left right” mumbo-jumbo is the exact pattern to jiggle the snack machine so that it spits out free Doritos.

  47. Honeypot
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’m really going to reveal myself as a Star Wars geek now. Yes, the parsec is a unit of distance. In the Star Wars universe, people traveled using standard hyperspace routes that were mapped out and safe. Han got extra credit for shaving off distance (and time) for the Kessel run by taking an incredibly dangerous shortcut through the Maw, using hyperdrive mini-jumps.

    That is all.

  48. PeterW
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    11 Plasma: I had the same question when I read Zits. Judging from the first panel, it looks like he played “monosyl” and “ic” on “lab.”

    But that’s two letters over, so it’d make more sense if he’d played “mono” and “c” on “syllabi,” which is the plural of “syllabus.”

  49. Gene
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    I posted these on the wrong date, but worth noting are…..

    Luann – Yesterday Toni answers the phone in her bra which was a huge step in the Luanniverse. Then today we had the most blatant sumliminal message as to date. Exhibit – A….The only words in bold letters are “Go” and “Golden”…..I can’t wait to see how TJ tricks Brad into this little scheme but I will now dub this storyline “Urine Trouble, Toni Daytona”

    9CL – I think we now know who the bitch is in the Seth/Mark relationship…..SISTER!!!!

  50. Just_human
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe you don’t know about this…

    I’ve only used it to start Contra with 50 lives, but it apparently works in every Konami game.

  51. Trogdor
    May 14th, 2008 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    11 and 48: SYLLABIC is a valid word (or at least so says Merriam Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary). And it’s eight letters, so it could have been played on either ALL or BUG to use all seven letters for bonus points.

    As for the lack of Scrabble board, I’m not so sure. Perhaps they’re playing a different game. I recall that some friends in college had a wordplay game that was played with tiles and no board.

    SF: BTW, just how old are those cheat codes? I remember playing Nintendo twenty years ago in college. (Super Mario Brothers anyone?) Depending upon which version of the Nintendo they apply to, they could actually be older than Ted’s work buddy, and much more appropriate for Ted (who must have goofed off in college) to teach him.

  52. Uncle Lumpy
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    CC shoutout over at the Reason Hit & Run blog.

  53. Nekrotzar
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    This is what Ted Forth should have said to that kid in the third panel:

    You get started in something an’ you meet people an’ doors open. You just hafta remember to let go of the knob.

    Does anyone know any good cheat codes for Yar’s Revenge?

  54. Jude
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    #47 – I always hated the EU explanation for that. The scene works perfectly well with Han trying to dazzle the yokels with BS and avoids ludicrous overcomplexity.

  55. Dingo
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Ah. Back in Illinois. Now I can begin going through all the comics I missed in the last week.

    In Sally Forth, Ted is making a gesture in panel three that one almost never makes except when wearing pearls. With a manicure. And decolletage. The sly slant of his eyes and emphasis on you to the Backroom Boy Wonder makes me believe they’ve been playing priest and acolyte back there.

    I’ll make no jokes about “vampire weekends” and sucking something out of him.

  56. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    #6 PeteMoss:

    I’m sitting in a carboard box right now. And I’m 46! Vrooom! Vroom! I’m driving the batmobile.

    What kind of mileage do you get with that thing?

  57. tbiggs
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    No, I think the absolutely most depressing sentence would be “Today’s Mary Worth made me feel old and out of touch.”

  58. The Waz
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    re: C&H references for H&L: If I remember correctly, it was:
    top open = time machine
    side open = duplicator
    bottom open = transmogrifier

  59. fluffy
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    People who know the Konami code tend to actually be older, since it was used primarily in the mid-80s.

  60. gnome de blog
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    H&L: (#12 Vadsyke) Ditto cares about his fashion sense because last year Lois got them identically styled dresses, and Dot’s upset because she wanted the blue one.

    JP: Gloria snatched the demolition device with her left then recovered her balance enough to get some steam behind the right cross. She could outpunch Mark Trail. Definite Jungle Patrol material, especially since she did it all backwards in high heels.

  61. Madeline
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    I really like Vampire Weekend. The writer of Sally Forth should know, however, that any/all of the indie cred he might have gained for the reference is negated by referring to it as “Vampire Weekend” (Curtis quotes, of course).

  62. gnome de blog
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    55 Dingo said:
    Ted is making a gesture in panel three that one almost never makes except when wearing pearls. With a manicure. And decolletage.

    This is Ted we’re talking about here. It comes naturally. I’m really upset with Ces for not letting Ted wear a dress in public.

  63. John Robie
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    The cheat code dates back to the original NES (among other things it gave you 30 lives in Contra).

  64. Brick Bradford
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    SF Time for my current pet theory. During the big New York trip, when Ted and Sally were making goo goo eyes at each other in the resturaunt, unseen hot comic strip sex ensued and SALLY GOT PREGNANT! Major plot twist coming. And you read it here first.

  65. bats :[
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    47. Honeypot: whew! I’m not the only SW geek here.
    But I did miss a similar question on an introductory Astronomy course I took in college (mistaking a light-year for a unit of time)…I never quite lived that one down.

    54. Jude: and a very good point, particularly when the yokels very obviously don’t buy it. (Try telling it to the Jawas: they’re idiots.)

    53. Nekrotzar: there’s really a game called “Yar’s Revenge”? Wow. I actually KNOW a guy whose first name is Yar. (It’s Ukranian. For “Bob,” I think.)

    velvet goldmine (from the yesterthread): when you mentioned Gloria’s squint, was that when she was in the diner with Steve, having a three-hour coffee break while Sam’s chopped liver sandwich was turning into a bacteria factory?

    May 14th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    It might make you feel doubly unhip and out of touch, but I think the cheat code also makes reference to a groovy li’l song by the indie folk band Moldy Peaches, which was featured at the very end of that winsome Juno movie and was probably the “hit” song from the soundtrack…song was “Anyone Else But You” and featured this little snippet:

    Up up down down left right left right B A start
    Just because we use cheats doesn’t mean we’re not smart…

    I apologize profusely for knowing this.

  67. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    56. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed

    Let’s just say it’s pretty cheap to operate. I didn’t even buy the fridge that once occupied it. I park it near some free wi-fi and all is well. ‘Course, I sleep in it, too.

    Damn adjustable rate morgages!

  68. BigTed
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Vampire Weekend was on “SNL” recently… so not knowing who they are doesn’t just mean that you aren’t young and hip anymore, but that you’re at an age when it’s no longer possible to stay up past 11:30 on a Saturday.

    May 14th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    ps, Vampire Weekend: pretty good band. Give them a listen. Especially Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa and A-Punk. Upbeat and poppy, with some ironic (hopefully) African overtones, sound like some youngsters who came of age when Paul Simon was in his African phase. OK, that is all I got.

  70. jayjaybear
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    65. bats :[ – Yar’s Revenge was an Atari 2600 cartridge. I spent many a month driving my mother crazy with the buzzing and whirring and ploinking sounds of that game.

    2600 nostalgia is bittersweet…for every Yar’s Revenge, there’s an E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial…

  71. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Vampire Weekend’s cd was reviewed on All Things Considered on NPR. Damn, I’m a old. Their sound was described as retro-African Pop or something like that.

  72. Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    #65, bats: I’d like to spend some time with your friend Yar on Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day.

  73. commodorejohn
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    #70 jayjaybear – True that, but I’d put up with a thousand E.T.s or Custer’s Revenges (note to non-Atari fans: do not Google this one at work!) for one Pitfall! or Moon Patrol.

  74. Orange Doorhinge
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Alan’s hiding his dope in Margo’s vicinity is pretty funny, but it was Mark Trail telling Andy “Don’t go far and come back soon” that really cracked me up.

  75. Bitter Scribe
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone really buy matching outfits for fraternal twins of different genders? I mean, anyone who isn’t trying to warp them psychologically?

  76. MonkeyHawk
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    When is Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day this year?

    And, more importantly, when is orthodox Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day?

  77. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    #67 PeteMoss: Damned adjustable rate mortgages, indeed! Still, might as well look at the bright side: the cubic volume of your conveyance maximizes both usable storage space, and headroom, much like Mark Trail’s bread truck.

  78. Ace Diamond
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    Han Solo vests and the Konami Code?

    That’s like getting chocolate in peanut butter (and vice-versa) as far as I’m concerned.

  79. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    I think A3G is becoming a very poignant After School Special regading the true cost of dope. And by “very poignant,” I mean incredibly lame.

    What’s going on with the-other-Alan-looking-guy in China with the Shaolin Monk? Where’d we leave off on Tommie’s ever exciting love-life? Has the Professor banged little Gina Smalltown, the aspiring stage actress in Tommie-clothes and anoying flip hair-style? Not that I really want A3G to stay on any kind of track or anything. More Margo, Mule!

  80. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    76. MonkeyHawk – It’s September 19. Don’t ask why I know.

  81. lylebot
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    New Yorker, page 47: The woman’s mouth is open as if she’s talking but she’s not saying anything. It seems like they forgot the caption or something.

  82. Diamond Joe
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    My yesterthread snark on today’s comics here.

    #70 jayjaybear:

    Yes, but do you know how to make Yar appear in E.T.? I did it by accident the very first day I had E.T., then wondered for about 15 years how I’d done it.

  83. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I heard that when it comes to video games, Ted Forth is fab-u-lous.

  84. Wilbur of the North
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    I wish I had known the Konami code when I was playing Pong in the 70′s.

  85. commodorejohn
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    #82 Diamond Joe – Here, should you decide to pull out th ol’ 2600 and inexplicably feel an urge to play E.T., is a walkthrough with a list of Easter eggs.

  86. Rasheed
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Konami codes didn’t work just in Konami games. They actually should have copyrighted it.

    My favorit theft is World Runner – “I AM NOT KONANI” (sic)

  87. TeacherPatti
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Um, did anyone else think that the Vampire Weekend name was fake? In fact, when I first read the comic strip, I was going to come here and post about how pitiful it is when folks try to make up cool names for bands and always come up with something really lame (like The Droids or For-evah or Chinese Dragons or whatever).
    Thank you for setting me straight before I made an ass of myself. And Vampire Weekend, please forgive me. If you come to Ann Arbor, you can stay at my house.

  88. Old School Allie Cat
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    I used to think that the Atari was as good as it got – I was a fiend on Pac Man.

    But then, we recently got the xBox 360.

    And GTA4.

    Oh. My. God.

    I can’t believe it’s a GAME! It’s AMAZING!

  89. Nekrotzar
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Ok, first I brought up an Atari 2600 game, now I’m going to tell BigTed (#68) that I haven’t watched SNL since Eddie Murphy left the show.

    Is it time to start collecting Social Security yet?

  90. Old School Allie Cat
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Nekrotzar – What’s sad is that when I was watching SNL with Eddie Murphy, a lot of my co-workers were in utero.


  91. Barmy
    May 14th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    #66 — not only that, but there’s also an indie rock band called Up Up Down Down Et-frickin’-cetra. Could be Ces was actually faking us all out with that Vampire Weekend reference and making an even more obscure indie rock reference hidden in the preceding panel!

  92. commodorejohn
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #89 Nekrotzar – Bah, you don’t have to feel old because you remember the 2600. Heck, I was born the year friggin’ Super Mario Bros. came out, but I still catch most of these references.

  93. PeteMoss
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    87. TeacherPatti, you are very nice person. I hear Scabby Pustules needs a place to crash in Ann Arbor. I’ll send them your way.

  94. Galevav
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Alright, I give up. Could someone explain Dinette Set to me? Is the joke that the only place that goat has probably been in its miserable life is in that little fence? If that’s so, what does Jerry have to do with anything?

    I don’t know what the Plugger suicide rate is, but it must be frickin’ huge.

  95. commodorejohn
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    …I was just checking for an Apple IIGS disk drive on eBay, and one of their featured items was a Jonas Brothers signed guitar.

    Forget Vampire Weekend, I can’t believe the friggin’ Jonas Brothers are a real band. I thought Tatulli was just making up a generic fictional boy-band.

    Ah well, I’m sure I’d hate their music whether they’re fictional or not.

    May 14th, 2008 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing for a change: What is Nancy’s last name? Does she have one?

    Her aunt Fritzi’s last name is Ritz, but that doesn’t mean that Nancy’s last name is the same.

    I will not sleep until I find this out. I have been wondering about this since about 1956. Or maybe before.

  97. Mad Dog Rackham
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    JP: When you can snatch the detonator from my hand, Grasshopper, then you will be ready.

  98. Darwin
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    The Konami Code is important for defeating the Naughty Sorceress in, a stick-figure MMORPG, but I can’t believe Ted actually plays KoL

  99. ChattyGenes
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    #94 Galevav. Any time anyone asks is someone can explain a comic, I’m almost sure I won’t “get” it either. Nevertheless…

    I think the joke is that the mother is telling the kid NOT to do the one thing you are SUPPOSED TO DO at a petting zoo, which is to touch the animals.

    And if that’s it, it’s an awfully pathetic “joke”:-)

  100. ChattyGenes
    May 14th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    #94 Galavev. And I don’t know what Jerry has to do with anything either. Whether my guess is right or wrong as to the first part.

  101. velvet goldmine
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    #65 bats: I wish I could remember when the artists changed on JP. I love the fim noire style, but I miss that Monroe-esque double wink the old Gloria did. I think I remember joking folks here joking about the closed eyes in the diner, but it wasn’t quite as…as…afterglowey that day!

  102. SFMarcus
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Personally, I’m disturbed by the fact that as soon as Ted Forth’s co-worker utters the words “Vampire Weekend,” an ominous cloud of cross-hatching emanates from his finger..

  103. Mischief Maker
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Sounds like the Sally Forth writer was walking through Hot Topic with a Notepad. “There’s no way I’m going to embarass myself like Apartment 3G! I’ll show those kids I’m ‘with it!’”

  104. velvet goldmine
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    #75 Bitter Scribe: I know your question was rhetorical and in the service of snark (a harsh mistress!).

    But as a mother of a girl and boy two years apart but often mistaken for twins, I can say that they had a lot of fun wearing matching clothes. Within reason, of course. But they went through a Scottie dog phase, a turtleneck phase, etc etc.

    The similarity to the Flagstone Family ends there — I sure hope so, anyway.

  105. Nemo
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Syllabic is a word, as is mono. Still can’t figure out how to pull that arrangement off, though.

  106. gnome de blog
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    64 Brick Bradford:
    I’m afraid I have to disagree. My pet theory is that Sally is a 24/7 tranny who can pass. Among other things, it explains why nothing (s)he ever does can please Mom. Laura has to go along with the charade against her will to protect Hilary (who Doesn’t Know). Hil’s real parents are Ted and Jackie.

    It happened on a lost weekend in the Catskills that neither of them can remember. Ted and Salvatore are raising the child because, as messed up as Sal is, (s)he’s more responsible than Jackie.

    However, after 11 years both Ted and Sal are tired of the masquerade. Sally wants to be a man again – at least for a while. (S)he’d love to show up at work in a suit and tie and pop Ralph in the chops. Ralph found out a few years ago and has been holding it over Sally’s head. Also, Sally and Alice are secretly in love, but Alice has scruples about making it with a woman.

    Ted doesn’t really care. If he had his way he’d light out for the territories and be a bitch for a motorcycle gang. However, he has a daughter to raise, so the best he can do is practice strategic sorcery and fantasize about Sally’s side of the closet.

  107. Bitter Scribe
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    #104 Velvet Goldmine–Well, I’ll be damned. OK. Sorry for the implicit insult to your mothering skills.

    Whenever I think of a boy in a girls’ outfit, Ernest Hemingway as a little boy being dressed in a frock is the image I get. But I guess “outfit” can mean a lot of things.

  108. gnome de blog
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    107 Bitter:
    In Ernest Hemingway’s time, most little boys wore frocks, at least until they were toilet trained, and often until they were 5 or 6. It was a matter of practicality, and there was no stigma attached.

  109. Burning Prairie
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Oh, no! No one would ever think to look in a filing cabinet in an office. I hear those things are just for decoration.

  110. Bitter Scribe
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    #108 Gnome:

    Yeah, but in Hemingway’s case, I’m pretty sure it went beyond that. Actual dresses and so forth, way past toilet training. It had something to do with his mother being a few frills short of a ruffle, IIRC. I don’t feel like rooting around in the Carlos Baker bio, though.

  111. anonymously
    May 14th, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    #7 – I KNOW I saw a sitcom about this; I was forced to watch it at a relative’s house. The family was a black family and the star was one of those one-named young black ladies. It was a family type show with An Important Lesson to be learned.

    It was NOT the Roseanne episode, the dad (Dan) wouldn’t have had pot in his nightstand! As I recall, the adults and sister Jackie smoked marijuana (a trip down memory lane, hilarious!) just that one time. They looked like hell the next morning, while the kids were all perky and laughing at them.

    #103 – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Hilarious! That’s what I thought, in a way, but you put it so succinctly! I can actually imagine a comicstrip artiste doing this to “keep current”.

  112. Thursdaynext
    May 14th, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    The fact that Ces posted yesterthread, meaning he reads the Curmudgeon, equals street cred to me. Plus as somebody pointed out, letting Pastis at Sally Forth. . .
    Well, I’ve decided to utterly forgive the weird proportion and stylistic oddities that always bugged me in SF, because class trumps awkwardness.

  113. Nekrotzar
    May 14th, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    #92 It’s not that I remember the 2600, it’s that I still think of it as state of the art.

    You kids don’t know how easy you have it. When I was your age my joystick had only one button!

  114. commodorejohn
    May 14th, 2008 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    #113 Nekrotzar – Actually, when you compare the programming finesse needed to get a Battlezone or an Asteroids out of that machine (a.k.a. the Programmer’s Personal Hell) to the slapdash just-get-it-running-and-we’ll-release-a-patch-later coding techniques used in modern games, I’d argue that it still is state-of-the-art.

  115. Frau Doktor
    May 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    #87: Don’t feel bad, I thought Hootie and the Blowfish was a Sally Forth invention until I heard them on the radio one day…

  116. christian
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Eh that Konami code is pretty old news… Vampire Weekend are insanely up to date for a maintream comic stirp but their 15 minutes of fame should end soon.. though that fame just came from one EP so we’ll see

    I liked this strip for making me feel ‘hip and young’ and not old and bitter… i mean, i’m only 23 but i usually feel old and bitter

  117. bats :[
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    101. velvet goldmine: I’ve been reading JP for less than a year, so I don’t think I’m familiar with the previous artist and Gloria’s prior sultriness; hence the question about her closed eyes-in-the-diner.
    The Wednesday bitch-slap was perfection, to my way of thinking (oh, yeah, and the “gimme that!”, too). Still,

  118. Nekrotzar
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    #114 – I know what you mean. I used to amuse myself writing games for the TI-99/4A. I remember shrinking all my variable names down to 1-2 characters in a desperate attempt to fit into 16K.

  119. Isaac
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    Konami code is fairly old; I’m not sure if Konami still puts it in their videogames or not.

    Finally, we’ve touched on a subject I know things about.

  120. Disloyal Fan
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Well, DUH. Doesn’t sneak out until the last panel, but there it is! And it’s about time, like, y’know, Dagwood started, like, talking all, y’know, teenager-y? Cause, y’know, that’s like what happens to parents of, uh, like, teens ‘n stuff.

    Sheldon: First Panel: Ugh stupid poetry, what’s this guy thinking? Last Panel: Now *that’s* a good poem! Glad I kept reading. Not like I’m posting this one to my Facebook or anything, but the tasty final rhyme was very duck-worthy.

    Dennis “Bad Boy” Menace: The secret’s out! Unless Mr. Mitchell is actually falling for that “Joey got hit with a baseball” crap. The truth is Dennis is starting his own Fight Club and Joey’s the punch bag!

    Henry: You deserved it, Pal. Time to grow a pair.

    Mutts: Um….ewwwwww!

    Piranha Club: If you’ve ever had to pay to move a pool table, you’ll know it takes more than falling behind on the payments to get rid of that bad boy.

    JP: Nice, Gloria. The man has no legs and now you make him look like he needs an artificial spine too. After doing a whole week’s work in one day, he deserved the right to handle the smackdown on his own. His mama needs to set you straight about “appropriate” womanly behavior — now go to the kitchen and cook something!

    My Cage: Women these days! Is it me or are the comics making us look more and more bitchy every day?

    Retail: HAH! Speaking of bitchy, I’d love to say something like that to a certain coworker of mine.

    Six Chicks: NOW you know why we’re bitchy. Only a mother…

  121. annabananna
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I mean in this age of totally paperless electronic filing, who’d ever think of looking in a ‘filing cabinet’? Crap, no wonder people keep finding my dope–I just don’t have the acumen for obvious hiding places that our boy Alan has.

    So, is he keeping it filed under ‘D’ (for Dope)? Or ‘A’ (for Alan, which technically would also be dope, but we’ll let that one go for now)?

  122. kelsy
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Hi and Lois accurately portrayed many moments in my childhood. My mom would buy my sister and I matching stuff all the time for Christmas/Easter/any other occasion she wanted, and I would be shoved in boxes and laundry hampers being the smaller one. This is a new low: the comics actually representing my life.

  123. Poteet
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    *raises head from floor*

    I WILL finish that ghastly Warren bio on the Foobsite. Somehow.

    *passes out again*

  124. Disloyal Fan
    May 14th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Wait, I forgot my MyComicsPage email.

    Baldo: hahaha! Those stupido blond Americanos!

    Calvin & Hobbes: You see, this comic is actually a sad, sad commentary on truly bad parenting. Quit feeding him tuna and get that kid to a shrink, willya?

    FBoFW: Yeahhhhh. Hm, I guess Calvin isn’t the only one who needs some, er, professional help. The final panel shows Liz’s realization that Anthony is nowhere near so he can save her from this deranged stalker.

    Overboard: Is anybody else creeped out by the “romance” between the mouse and pirate? Or pirate and fish-woman? Or talking dog and non-talking dog? Wait. I’m waaaay too homophobic for this conversation.

  125. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 14th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Thursdaynext @ 112 wrote:

    Well, I’ve decided to utterly forgive the weird proportion and stylistic oddities that always bugged me in SF, because class trumps awkwardness.

    Not to mention, Ces only writes the strip. Someone else is responsible for drawing Ted’s tiny, fragile woman-hands and slender, limp wrists.

  126. Eridani
    May 14th, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the infamous Konami Code. They were used in a lot of their side scrollers (besides Castlevania) like Contra and Gradius.

  127. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    May 14th, 2008 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    68 Big Ted: SNL’s still on? Has it actually not sucked since like, the late ’70s? Vampire Weekend: flavor-of-the-moment, couple of good songs, vastly overrated. This year’s “Gay Dad” (quotes for benefit of the person whose number I forgot: but the letterer, not Ces, probably put those quotes there): that was a band that was all the rage for ten minutes a couple years ago and then disappeared utterly… BTTSA!

  128. Buck Ripsnort
    May 14th, 2008 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    A3G Awesome Possibility: Margo will find the dope, sell it (making more than That Fucking Guy could have hoped for), forge evidence incriminating That Fucking Guy, who will be her slave forever mwahahahahaaa.

    A3G Depressing Probability: This little game of Button Button will go on for a couple weeks, the writer will forget about it, and we’ll be on to some other wacky hijinks.

  129. Kate
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    #6, Pete Moss: *I* am *45* and I have been looking for that damn cardboard box, you thief.

  130. Jonathan
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    The video game thing is from Contra – a first generation Nintendo thing from the 80′s. You’re not too old for Ted, Josh.

  131. Angry Beaver
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Ok so there was nothing on tv tonight so I flipped on an episode of ‘Murder She Wrote’ when it dawned on me, its like Mary Worth but with mystery.

  132. bats :[
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Everybody’s working for the weekend Thursday observations:

    FC: neither, you little dolt. It was Charles Perrault.

    H&L: a pretty neat observation — of course, it takes the baby of the family to come up with it.

    JP: well, I guess this is better than having to speed Ma Shannon down the interstate faster than 50 MPH…

    MT: Nuts!

    Mutts: awww!

    FOOB: Lizardbreath would’ve stayed, because there are no butter tarts in Afghanistan.
    Shows where YOU rate on her list of Important Things, Warren.
    Liz, you are such a weed. Rot and die in Milborough. Just don’t complain about your tiny, claustrophobic life.

  133. velvet goldmine
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    #107 — Ha! Yeah, I didn’t mean to imply that I was putting my son in pink gingham sundresses or anything. More like…they got a kick out of wearing matching overalls or windbreakers. That kind of thing.

    Hemingway. Hmmm. I have now erased 13 insensitive comments.

  134. Vakar
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    123 Poteet: You will find only madness there, brave one. There is no shame in not climbing Mount Foob.

  135. Uncle Lumpy
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker — Shamira gives up the location of the second detonator right away. Some suicide bomber: “Hey. I’ll blow myself up, but don’t mess the hair! Not the hair!

    Mom’s right about this storyline: “Mmppff!”

  136. commodorejohn
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Woo-hoo, it’s Finals Week Late-Night Cram Session Snark!

    9CL – When Brooke first started out on this storyline, I said that it had better end well. Well, it is. I wasn’t sure he would, but he pulled it off. Nicely done, McEldowney.

    BB – Okay, now that’s nightmare fuel.

    Crankshaft – C’mon, Lenore! Beat the shit out of him!

    Curtis – Oh God, not again.

    DT – Haha, if this isn’t the perfect punchline to this whole storyline, I don’t know what is.

    FC – “And more importantly, why am I standing at a fifteen-degree angle to upright?”

    FOOB – That’s right, Liz. Because, believe it or not, some people don’t feel like being tied down to their hometown by the crushing control-freak manipulations of their girlfriend’s mother.

    GA – Note to Scancarelli: it’s very disconcerting to actually see the whites of a cow’s eyes, because under normal circumstances, you can’t.

    GT – Thing! Quit throwing paper airplanes!

    JP – Wow. This is like Gil Thorp action if it were drawn well.

    MT – Cue the Barry White…

    Pluggers – Um, what?

  137. alex matthews
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Theft. That’s what burning a copy of Vampire Weekend’s album and giving it to Ted Forth is. Ted Forth is STEALING MUSIC and should be put to death.

  138. Trilobite
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    It’s Thursday on the comics page, and I suppose it’s Thursday everywhere else, too:

    Dick Tracy: Dab Stract sent them….a mirror. (SHOCKING MUSICAL STING)

    Luann: Hang on, TJ is implying that Brad’s preferred makeover would make him look gay? Pot, kettle, FAAAAAAA-BULOUS.

    Let’s be honest, though; Brad’s makeover would actually make him look like a bass player for Sly and the Family Stone, and hell, if he can bring the funk I say he should go for it. It’d be more interesting than this current storyline, wouldn’t it?

    Mark Trail: “Their female dog”…really? That’s what Jack Elrod is going with? Man, no wonder Mark Trail usually gets printed in the classifieds section when it’s printed at all, if he can’t even bring himself to milk the tiny flurry of controversy he’d be bound to get from using (accurately!) “their bitch” in this story.

    Mary Worth: What the hell is Wilbur Weston doing at the funeral? Is all of Santa Royale’s social scene that severely incestuous?

    Oh…wait…yeah, it probably is. Nevermind.

  139. Mr. O'Malley
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Pluggers are clueless.

  140. True Fable
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    MT But Andy is so used to Mark evading Cherry, he foolishly ignores the bitch in heat and wanders off in search of fresh khaki!
    MW How does Mary know anything about Donna enough to say she was a ‘special person’? I hate people like this, they meet someone and talk about something personal, and based on that ONE conversation, they assume they know all about them enough to make a comment like that. Mary, EVERYONE is special in some way. Just because Donna met you doesn’t make her special. Just unlucky.
    Phantom I don’t know anything about flying, so I don’t know if this is the best way to keep a plane aloft, or stall it.
    Rubes Aww. Sad little sharkies.
    FC They wrote different versions, neither resembling the other much.
    FBoFW For a newly engaged young woman, Liz sure seems to have adoration for an old flame quality about her today. Oh boy! Maybe we’ll get to find out that Liz is actually the Bad Girl Gone Roadside, and the bane of Elly’s existence! But that would be interesting and Lynnie doesn’t do interesting.

  141. True Fable
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    JP That’s right, Steve; let Gloria take the chances, you’ll take care of the beat-up-the-woman part of it. Right, Mama? Mama…?
    Luann Brad’s picture looks like:
    (a) Wooly Willy
    (b) Greg Brady during a “Johnny Bravo Becomes a Lounge Lizard” phase
    (c) A heavy from “The Mod Squad”

  142. True Fable
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    Good to see you back, Gadge!

  143. Diamond Joe
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    9CL: Please, please, please let this be the end. But I guess it’s not that likely, considering it’s Thursday.

    Agnes: I love the middle panel.

    A3-G: If your leather jacket is green, it’s just possible the hide wasn’t tanned enough.

    Archie: I guess the “cafeteria” and arrow are just in case we thought Archie was carrying a tray of food in the gymnasium.

    BB: Frankly, I’d like them to keep their diddly out of my dog’s food.

    Bizarro: That would be trademark violation, actually. As you’d think someone who named his strip “Bizarro” would know.

    Cathy: They should get together with Grandma Hateful over in Crankshaft and have a big ol’ yard sale.

    DT: Just to save you the suspense, Dab Stract sent the Tracys a clock with a 3/2 scale nude sculpture of Dick built in. The reactions in the third panel are because they’ve just found out how it strikes the hour.

    Foob: Gah! What does she want, “No, if you’d said ‘no,’ I’d have emasculated myself with a cheese grater and joined a monastery”? Either he’s too in love with you, or not enough. Make up your goddamn mind!

    GT: Back in school again, Elmer plays the fool again; teacher gets annoyed. Meanwhile, Gil and Kaz work out by process of elimination that Elmer’s obstreperous mood tells them exactly nothing at all.

    HotC: Ahem, because the shelves are empty. Should he draw you a picture?

    JP: Kind of a neat, subtle reminder today about the artificial legs.

    Mutts: David Lynch and Prozac bring you The Least Angry Dog in the World.

    SL: It was a bad enough joke before over-explaining it.

    S-M: Then we’re all really, really fucked?

    BMoEL: You know, eyes can be so expressive even in as stripped-down an artistic medium as the modern comic strip. Unless it’s The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee, of course, in which case those damned unchanging ovals might as well be painted on his glasses.

    Ziggy: Now, now, you’re giving yourself too little credit. I don’t think any other comics have had toilets announcing the arrival of e-mail. Although considering how many unlikely things sprout voice balloons, Mark Trail may be next.

    Also amusing: R&R, Rubes

  144. Joe Btfsplk
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Zits – Sorry if anyone else has made any of these points already (haven’t the time to read through it all unfortunately), but here’s my analysis of the game…

    Panel One: Dad’s facial expression and hand-posture indicate that it’s his turn. The only words on the board – er, table, rather – are ALL, LAB and BUG.

    Panel Three: Dad has just finished his turn, and nine letters have been added.

    So, Panel Three’s game configuration must be the result of one of three conditions:

    1) The game is not Scrabble but rather some boardless game unknown to us, and we therefore have no way of understanding its rules, the reason for Mom’s indignant reaction, or the joke.

    2) The game is indeed Scrabble, and Dad first played SYL and I, forming the plural of “syllabus.” Mom then played the C, and Dad has just added MONO to complete what is actually his second play since Panel One. These are perfectly legal plays, so Mom’s protest is somewhat baffling, unless she knows the word “syllabic” but thinks that “monosyllabic” is made up, which makes no sense. This theory also assumes that Dad’s vocabulary includes words like “syllabi,” an assumption with which I am not entirely comfortable.

    3) Dad has played MONOSYL and IC, provoking Mom’s ire by demonstrating his total ignorance of the rules of Scrabble gameplay. I find this theory to be the most plausible.

    Ha ha! Dad’s a moron!

  145. .303 Bookworm
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    I misread “Hi and Lois” and thought the kids said they wanted “Nothing BUT matches.” I’d actually read that strip.

  146. Mars
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    You all need more Brewster Rockit.

    Brewster Rockit: Actually, a windmill in space WOULD work. All you’d have to do is yank it into motion once, and since no atmosphere would slow it down, it would stay in motion forever. Unless a meteor hit it.

    S-M: Isn’t there more than one superhero in Marvel’s New York? I at least know of the Fantastic Four–where are THOSE bums? Pick up the slack! It’s clobberin’ time!

  147. Mibbitmaker
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    Must-See Comics Thursday:

    A3G: “…to the medicine cabinet.”

    Curtis: And when the Flyspeck Island thingy kicks in, Curtis will transform into… a Dick Tracy Storyline!

    DT: Oddly enough, it’s a picture of Curtis, looking just like he does in his comic — but with a speech balloon saying, “Look who’s talking, mutants!”

    DOOB: She’d have said “no”. She’s the only female in the western hemisphere who reads romance novels about practicality and blandness!

    FW: Yeah, Ms. Being-With-Her-Husband-Is-Like-Abu-Graib.

    GA: The cow is saying, “Ain’t them humans wacky?!” over a wa-wa-waaaaaaa trumpet sting.

    GT: Elmer: “See? I can make this paper airplane float in mid-air by doing this gay stereotype move!”
    Last panel: Yeah, great, keep everything vague, Coach Tweedle-Dee and Coach Tweedle-Dum!

    MT: Don’t do it, Andy! She’s a slut!

    OBH: Next: the Great OBH-Slylock Fox Crossover!

    Ghost-Who-Flies: “Engines won’t make power… they feel starved for fuel” Hey, on behalf of those who drive — JOIN THE CLUB!!

    Pluggers: I know Pluggers are like that and all, but who said anything about guns and beer?? Is this the Barack Obama Office Supply Store or something? (Out of fairness: The Hillary Clinton Office Supply Store would sell ammo and alcohol — and never close! ~~ And the McCain version wouldn’t even have any of that new-fangled typewriter ribbon stuff! —- Flibbity-Floo!![/Dana Carvey] )

    Popeye: “…And feet, and heads, and torsos, and big, giant arms and legs… And what is up with those giant arms, anyway? Weird!” …And what’s with the “Deep-six”? What is this from, the Watergate era??

    PC: Yeah, with that far-less-than-half that, oh, I dunno — voted for him enough to get the upcoming
    or something???

    The… Mind of Edison Lee: “Commodore Crunchies”? I dunno, Commodore John, I think he’s on to you. (It’s like if goats started showing up in FOOB, TF-style!)

  148. Mibbitmaker
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    #147: “DOOB” is typo for “FOOB”! D’OH!

  149. Jen
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Lynn seems to be slipping into senility. Did she decide to replace Liz with little Françoise in panel 2, or is today “random shrink day” over at the Foobs’?

  150. Jack Parsons
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Dope’s not here, man!”

    H&L: Babies love cardboard boxes. The kids’ fascination with the box demonstrates their extreme developmental problems.

  151. True Fable
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    #147 & 148 Mibbitmaker – I dunno, I kinda like Doob. Dumbasses Out Of Backfat. Doofi Or Other Buttheads. Dickweeds Out Of Beer.

    It’s all good!

    And yes, if goats suddenly started showing up in Milborough, I’d be suspicious as hell. >:-( “She’s up to something, goats don’t lie!” :P

  152. AlphabetFish
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:45 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Man, God forbid a twenty-something helicopter pilot wants to do something exciting with his life and not give up a life-changing job opportunity to bend to the boring, domestic whims of some girl he kind of likes.

  153. Shave Ezra
    May 15th, 2008 at 4:00 am [Reply]

    I think Plugges is saying Smith (of Smith & Wesson) and Corona (beer).

  154. True Fable
    May 15th, 2008 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    #152 AlphabetFish – exactly! The sad thing is, this theme has been hammered home again and again in this strip. It’s like a Mantra for the Hopelessly Entrenched: You have a regular job now, THEREFORE you MUST settle down, get married, buy a house, pop out children, live the Canadian Dream and spend the rest of your life whining because you got a regular job, settled down, got married, bought a house, popped out children and live the Canadian Dream.

    I mean, it’s absolutely GREAT if that appeals to you and more power to you if it does, but Warren just isn’t interested in it. Yet he’s made to sound like he’s just SO DAMN IMMATURE to want to enjoy his chosen lifestyle!

    Lynnie Baby,
    You have managed to make a nice peaceful domestic scenario look so incredibly stifling, I am now restless but cannot afford to roam the world as is my wish. Kiss my Greater Metropolitan Roopville ass, my little Backfat Brunhilda. While it is true that I can console myself with the pleasant company of goats, you have really harshed my mellow these days.

    Truman A. Fable

  155. Diamond Joe
    May 15th, 2008 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    #139 Mr. O’Malley:

    Yes, but that’s on them new-fangled Intertube things. I say if they don’t carry it down at the local Dry Goods store, it ain’t worth havin’.

    #148 Mibbitmaker:

    I like “DOOB,” too. It actually improves the strip by making you think that maybe Lynn smokes a big ol’ blunt before writing it.

  156. fiesta mexicana
    May 15th, 2008 at 5:13 am [Reply]

    Vampire Weekend mentioned on the comics page? That will be the death knell of their indie cred!

  157. Never teh Bride
    May 15th, 2008 at 5:54 am [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB just proves that Liz and Granthony deserve each other. I mean, who would want to travel to exciting foreign lands with an ethnic helicopter pilot when they can move in with a dull as dirt, big-nosed single dad? Right?

  158. InkAllergy
    May 15th, 2008 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: I am waiting for the shoe to drop for Allan. I suspect we will find out that he his “dope” is nothing more than model airplane glue… the orange scented, non-toxic variety and the “high” he experiences comes from some sort of self-asphyxiation. Then, again, he could be riding the Horse straight to hell to escape Lu Ann who, I suspect, is not the nice little kitten she pretends to be.

  159. gleeb
    May 15th, 2008 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Enough, already! Is this the future of this strip? Jeff’s old mother berates him every day? Someone leave a roller skate on the stairs, please.

    FBoFW: Warren, you should know that apron strings don’t stretch overseas.

    : This doesn’t really prove the Harry-as-Harriet theories wrong. S/He could be hallucinating.

  160. gleeb
    May 15th, 2008 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    Sorry about that. Bold-tag problems.

    May 15th, 2008 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    DT: Actually what Dab sent the Tracy’s is a painting of Cole Lector with an arrow up his ass.

    Just so they would remember the good times they had together.

  162. monsieurjohn
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    MW: There’s nothing like a pickup line at a funeral, especially one like “So how are YOU doing?”

  163. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    #172 – yesterthread – “Elephantesque dumps”

    Reminds me of the time Oprah did a “best/worst of” recap show-she had an elephant on stage and the poor thing crapped out about 100 pounds of manure, in addition to peeing like Niagara Falls. Most awesome.

    FOOB – naw, I just can’t picture Liz in a Burqa, sitting in an apartment in Dubai. Dee perhaps, but not Liz of Ontario.

  164. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    #151 – I like it too.

    Definitely One Oafish Brother

    Damn! Only One Buttertart

    Done Over, Overbearingly Bland

  165. Lark
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    Vampire Weekend is playing here next Monday! I’ll go and look for Ted. Anyone with?

    Also, do A3G girls ever wear anything but turtlenecks or blouses with the top button buttoned? It’s like they all have horrible acne scars on their collarbones or something.

  166. man behind the curtain
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    A3G — It turns out that Margo has stumbled upon the fact that the art gallery is a front for an international drug cartel. Tim and Eric smuggle heroin in from China. Tim has run afoul of the local drug lord and Eric had to go to China to try to free him. Meanwhile, Alan remains in new York to distribute the heroin but is hooked on other drugs.

  167. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    If Margo gets into that crack, being the hyper crazy gal she is, I fear she will end up sleeping for weeks.

    Mary the Meddler-at a wake. Man, this biddy reeks of death. She’s been around more corpses than the local coroner.

    Hagar – don’t worry, big guy, just feed the leftovers to Elly Patterflap. Guaranteed she’ll lick that casserole pan clean, and come back for more.

  168. Lolsworth
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Josh doesn’t recognise the Konami Code when he sees it? I HAVE LOST MY FAITH IN EVERYTHING.

  169. C. Havoc
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Monsieurjohn: It took 162 comments, but finally someone picked up the Joey reference…

    Right before me, Damn you.

    BTW: 2nd panel of Wednesday’s Spiderman…Pure Heaven. That Television is to Peter what this Site is to all of us. I should SERIOUSLY be working right now.

  170. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Peter needs an Intervention. So does Mary Worth.

    “Everyone here loves you like crazy…”
    Or, then again, maybe not.

  171. John C Fremont
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Kaz: “Looks like Elmer just hit the world’s highest fungo.”
    Gil: “Or else he didn’t.”
    Kaz: “Hey, today’s Thursday, right?”
    Gil: “Or else it isn’t.”
    Kaz: “Look, Gil, that’s really getting on my nerves!”
    Gil: “Or else it isn’t.”

    Be sure to check out Friday’s edition wher we’ll hear;
    Kaz: “I’m going to freaking KILL you if you don’t stop it!
    Gil: “Or else you – Ouch!!”

  172. Gene
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – Why is Mary Worth meddling in Spidey’s business?

  173. TheCasey
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Luann – Is Brad trying out for the part of Fozzie Bear? Also, Brad made an appointment at a styling salon? And TJ was in no way a part of that? Whaaaaaaat? Of course, given TJ’s big grin and lines in the last panel, maybe this was an early birthday present for him.

    PBS – Thank you, Mr. Pastis. You come with the awesome a lot.

    And I love the image of Ces sneaking through the mall behind a group of teenagers trying to get pop culture references until security throws him out.

    Wokka wokka wokka!

  174. Gene
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Luann – In today’s episode of “Urine trouble, Toni Daytona”, Brad thinks with a little makeover Toni will “Mess with the Zohan”

  175. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Welcome to today’s edition of GAACK! Comics!

    A3G: By “We’re a week behind schedule on the next exhibit,” Margo means “we really didn’t plan anything beyond hyping LuAnn’s brain-damaged flower paintings.” I don’t think coming in early and staying late is really going to help, Alan. Especially if all you do with the extra time is consult with Albert Pinkham Ryder. By which I mean “get stoned.” By which I mean “smoke lots of ‘dope’.” After which Margo will “kill you.” By which I mean “yank your entrails out your ass and shove them in your mouth until you shit down your own throat.” By which I mean… well, that’s pretty clear, actually.

    BB: When I was a kid, I used to like this strip, but now I think it’s GAACK!

    C’Shaft: I’d love to see Jeff just push her down right there. Push the old bat down on the sidewalk and yell, “There! Now get up! What’s the matter? Get up, you’re so fucking independent! Get your ass up! No, don’t ask her for help, you want to live alone! Can’t do it? Didn’t think so! And that’s why we’re selling your God-damned house. Now, shut your fucking prune-hole or I’ll shut it for you. Ungrateful wrinkled-ass bitch, I’ll put your ass in Charterstone, see how you like that.”

    Curtis: Oh, Lord, not again… I think Flyspeck Island plots are GAACK!

    (WT)DT: GAACK! All right, Locher, I warned you. Now where’s my car keys…?

    FC: Neither, Billy. It was the Brothers Grimm. In the original, Cinderella is crushed to death when her carriage turns back into a pumpkin with her in it, the wicked stepsisters cut off their own toes and heels trying to fit in the glass slipper, and when the prince finds out the truth he has them all disemboweled and impales their bodies on spikes on the castle wall for the vultures to eat. Now sleep tight!

    thorps. Well, that about covers all the options, doesn’t it?

    HtH: Hagar thinks boiled liver and broccoli casserole is GAACK!

    JP: Better pray Mom doesn’t have a “Widdle Wobin” moment. “Mmm mmmm!” indeed.

    Luann: Translation: The new look would work on T.J.

    Marvin: In panel 2, he should be thinking, “Because it’s quid pro quo, Clarice.”

    MW: “Yes, and I was lucky to have talked to her for those five minutes while I changed her bedpan. Now, about her will…?”

    Monty: Fleshy is the most catlike cat in the comics. Kudos.

    Phantom: “Why is the whole plane shaking?” I dunno, maybe because it’s 80 years old and you just took off on a transatlantic trip without an inspection or a shakedown flight? Did you even bother to fill up the tank before you left, O-Ghost-Who-Should-Have-Bought-A-Cessna-But-Nooooo!?

    Pluggers: Is the counterdog insulting the Plugger by assuming he could only want to buy guns or beer? Is that it? Is this an elitist Barack Obama dog?

    R&R: GAACK!

    Zits: In other words, she’s going to hector him all the way to Hector’s. See, Borgman, there was a perfectly serviceable joke in there, if you’d look for it.

  176. man behind the curtain
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MW — So Mary’s at the wake. Maybe she’ll be able to meddle beyond the grave. And lok who else is at the wake. Is that Wilbur Weston? is that Adolph Hitler?

  177. man behind the curtain
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    FBOW — In Lyn’s world, the man must make all the sacrifices and compromises. Meanwhile, I hope Halliburton pays well.

  178. John C Fremont
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Starved for fuel, you say? It’s a good the the Gulf is apparently crawling with filling stations. Say, you don’t suppose The Phantom is going to run into shenanigans and hijinks aboard one of those rigs, do you? Hey, “Shenanigans and Hijinks” would make a good “Next” box.

    RMMD – And he removes the mask and reveals – Red Zone Cuba’s Anthony Cardoza! Or else Harold Saunders. I can never keep those two straight.

    JP – “Under the seat – A pressure switch.”
    Steve: “Or else there isn’t.”

  179. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Dammit, Mibbitmaker @ 147 beat me to the Barack Obama-Pluggers link. That’s what I get for not reading before I post. GAACK it all!

  180. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    #175 – Oh Christ, Margo IS The Punisher!
    Who really knew until your post?

  181. Tracer Bullet
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    I realize this strip is called “The Ineffectual Spider-Man” (or something like that) but New York has a regular citizen to superhero ratio of 1.5::1 at most. Couldn’t say, Daredevil, Moon Knight, White Tiger, Luke Cage, Night Trasher, Power Fist, Black Cat, Silver Sable, Spider-Woman (any of them), Dr. Strange, the Punisher or even Rocket Racoon maybe handle a thug whose only power is some wings and a goofy suit?

  182. Jude
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    #146 – Well, that depends. Ignoring friction, you’re right that the windmill would keep going … if its only function was to spin prettily. If you’re trying to extract energy from it, however, you couldn’t simply rely on momentum to keep it going.

    You might be able to get some use out of the solar wind, but be better off just going with solar panels.

  183. RCW3000
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    #138 – Forget Wilbur Weston. Apparently someone has cloned Hitler ala The Boys from Brazil and his handler (who is discreetly making the Nazi salute) is preparing him to make a speech, as the clone has assumed the typical stance. Perhaps he’s delivering the eulogy?

  184. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]


    S4th: Not to nitpick, but for some of that time Ted was just underemployed.

    MT: Unbeknownst to the dognappers, Andy is a “confirmed bachelor.” We’re about to hear him say, “You’re woofing up the wrong tree, missy.”

    GT: Between them, Gil and Kaz have figured out that either Elmer has gotten good news about his immigration status, or he hasn’t. Who says jocks are dumb?

    Ziggy: Tom Wilson’s cry for help.

    DtM: Interesting to see some ethnic diversity in the Mitchells’ world. Not sure that the lady in the black cocktail dress really wants to hear about Henry’s “honey do” list.

    S-M: Oh, get over yourself. Any clown with a helicopter and a net can take care of the Vulture.

    Baldo: Funny, if kind of depressing.

    SSmith: Gee, thanks for supporting my smug Notheastern stereotypes about fingerless hillbillies.

    JP: Oh, you’re all over it now that she’s been tenderized by your secretarty.

    C-Shaft: Looks like Jeff is about to be beaten into a coma with a walker. Enjoy.

    Popeye: That is the weirdest fainting spell I’ve ever seen. Olive looks like a hot dog floating in mid-air.

    MW: Dare I ask why there’s a professional Hitler impersonator at Donna Amalfi’s wake?

  185. Vyola
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    #169 C. Havoc: But did they serve Grandma’s chicken salad at the wake?

  186. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    JP – I’m wondering if Samira didn’t simply place a butt-doughnut on MMmmmm Mom’s seat, to keep her comfy and hemmorhoid-free during this plot “development.”

    Pressure Trigger indeed! Samira is a shill for Rite-Aid.

  187. Tracer Bullet
    May 15th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    JP: How do you let a man with no legs get the jump on you?

  188. Carly
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Soon the “where do I hide my dope” gags will become “where did I hide my dope” gags, as Alan desperately tries to figure out where he put it before someone else finds it and turns him into the cops, or worse, uses it themselves.

  189. Weaselboy
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    FOOB: How lazy clever of Lynne to cram about two weeks’ worth of an unused storyline in to three panels.

  190. TheDiva
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    139 Mr. O’Malley: That would be helpful if Pluggers knew how to use the Internet. Any technology less than thirty years old is anathema to them, remember.

    FC: The librarian in me wants to hand Jeffy a book of “Cinderella.” Preferably the original one with the stepsisters cutting their toes off and getting their eyes pecked out. Or the variant “Donkeyskin” where the heroine’s troubles start because her father plans to marry her.

    FOOB: Yes Liz, there is a man in the world whose life doesn’t revolve around you and your limited dreams. Deal.

  191. bats :[
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    155. Diamond Joe, re DOOB: it does make the “sense” in FOOB more sensible to imagine LJ and Co. lighting up as part of the creative process.
    Then again, maybe it’d make me a lot more calm if I lit up before reading the strip.
    In the meantime, someone’s got to pay:

    161. Little A.: good times indeed.

    175. SS-B re FC: more musings on Cinderella. I suspect your version is out there somewhere — I recall reading that the “Cinderella” story is found in all cultures, tailored to fit the particular group that is recounting it.
    I think Mama Thel needs distract Billy from stupid questions by investing in the three-volume account of Sleeping Beauty written by Anne Rice and reading it to her darlings… Yeah, sure, it’ll be fun!

    183. RCW3000: good Lord! Are you saying that Donna Amalfi was really Eva Braun, hiding out all these years?!

  192. Widdle Jeffy
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    You can tell that the kids in the rounded box are home schooled. Oh sure, tell me about the class room pics and school bus crap, but, I say that these morons have never been exposed to anything more than daddy’s nether region.

    And Billy is the “smart” one.

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    #141 True Fable,

    I was thinking of that toy Re:Luann, but I couldn’t think of the name. Wooly Willy. Thanks.

  194. Messy
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    I think Scancarelli’s lost it, Everyone’s acting like complete asses and it hasn’t been funny since the plot arc began.

    It would be nice to see Amanda Lynn shoot her grandfather.

  195. commodorejohn
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    #147 Mibbitmaker re: Edison Lee – Oh lord, I hope not. The last thing I need is that vile little piece of excrement stalking me, even on the Internet.

    #192 Widdle Jeffy – Hey, don’t be lumping us homeschoolers in with the Keane Kompound Kult!

  196. man behind the curtain
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    GT — The reason Elmer is so happy is that he is about to be deported, and once he is deported out of the US he will not be subject to the Major League Baseball draft but instead will qualify as a free agent and can sign with the highest bidder.

  197. Seabasser
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Ezra Koenig, Vampire Weekend’s singer, was a few years ahead of me at my high school. So I just about spit out my tea when I saw Sally Forth yesterday. I saw them on SNL, saw the NY times review, heard about the NPR review, but I wasn’t convinced that they have really made it until I saw them in the comics pages.

  198. Islamorada Girl
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MW: If I were Donna Amalfi, I too would chose the sweet embrace of death over one more second of Mary’s meddling.

  199. Darkefang
    May 15th, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    A3G: I hope Eric’s one-day art gallery training program covered the topic “What to do if a junkie asks for the keys to the gallery.”

    Phantom: Next!: Doing his best JFK Jr. impression.

  200. Sandy
    May 15th, 2008 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    “I can’t keep dope at my studio. Lu Ann’s too nosey.”

    Is it just me, or can “dope” and “Lu Ann” be used interchangeably here.

    “I can’t keep Lu Ann at my studio. Dope’s too nosey.”

  201. Jordan
    May 15th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    I like how Lois has to remind her kids that they are twins, and thus crush any sense of individuality they have by reminding them that they are each just 50% of the child she was SUPPOSED to deliver.

    Or is this for our benefit, as everybody in this strip looks alike anyway?

  202. migellito
    May 15th, 2008 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    I actually thought Vampire Weekend was a made-up band name.. it sounds made up.. it fits with the whole werewolf theme from their daughter’s band..


  203. Four Questions About The Funnies
    May 15th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    1. FOOB- Could Johnston make it any clearer that Lizardbreath feels no passion for any of her “men”? I mean, she doesn’t tell her ex something like “Sorry Warren, but I’m engaged to Anthony because I love him so much and I want to be with him and no one else forever.” No, she makes it clear that she’s not with Warren because he’s not the kind of guy who would settle down with her in a boring life in her hometown. That’s why. Not because she’s in love with another guy, because she’s not. She’s with Mr. Stability the Settler, and is telling Warren that he could’ve had her if only HE had been Mr. Stability the Settler. Anthony, Warren, whoever is first ready to put a ring on her finger and do what she wants where she wants gets the “prize” of being Mr. Liz.

    2. Pluggers– Wouldn’t a GOOD office supply store sell both guns and beer? And don’t most Pluggers require alcohol and firearms to get through their typical work day?

    3. Luann– Is Smiley McBowlingshirt’s comment in the last panel his clumsy way of telling Brad that he’s attracted to him?

    4. Beetle Bailey– Shouldn’t an Army sergeant have better things to do in a time of war than to call up a dog food company (from the office phone, and probably long distance) and accuse them of secretly changing their formula?

  204. Professor Fate
    May 15th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    FOOB: God forbid I don’t do everything exactly like my sheet shaving self pitying manipulitive witch of a mother. Go Overseas? More money? – a chance to broaden my horizions. No – I will remain with the accountant who works at the local car dealership and pop out kids that we will chain to the support pilar in the playhouse in the basement. Then I will start to overeat – while my husband works on his drinking problem and ends up having an affair with some waitress because he’s not happy unless he’s breaking up his own home life.

  205. gkl
    May 15th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    GA/#194 Messy: You know, an optimist would say that he’s just cleverly setting it up so that it’s satisfying no matter who gets bad stuff in the end.

    Well, maybe not.

    Pluggers: That’s a fairly tortured connection the PluggerClerk is making. Tortured, like a plugger’s life.

    MT: How delightful to see that this plotline is still continuing after I’ve been away for a couple weeks.

  206. FSogol
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    You know where Alan should keep his drugs? In his bloodstream.

  207. Shermy Glamrocker
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    #6 Petemoss, and #129 Kate:

    I am 47 and am currently sitting in a cardboard box as well.

    Unfortunately, it’s because the local housing market crashed and I was the victim of an unscrupulous mortgage broker who locked me into an ARM that readjusted so high I could no longer afford to live in the house I bought at the height of the real-estate boom and was forced to move into the box.

    The best parts: Free Wi-Fi. and my imagination.

    WOO-ooo, WOO-ooo, WOO-ooo, WOO-ooo. I”m a fireman and I”m driving the firetruck!!

  208. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    FC – “Billy, we have a new game for you to play. Just climb into this special barrel, and we’ll nail the lid shut, and roll you down this hill.”

  209. dale
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Is boiled liver and broccoli casserole one dish or two? It makes a difference. If only one, then boiling the liver is probably as good a method (better than raw) as any.
    After 40 years, I’ve come to believe that broccoli isn’t all that bad as long as you have enought melted butter or cheese-like substitute cheese food product whatever that stuff is.

  210. Justafoob
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Ok LJ, all the loose ends are tied up.

    You can end the strip now.


    Liz marries Granthony and gwampah takes a dirt nap at the reception.

    Pop open the champagne, say goodbye to all your staff, and hit the road.


  211. bats :[
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    I’m really hoping that the next Mary Worth story line is worthy (ahem) of her. Chester to Young Mary to Old Donna just seem to be a series of vamps leading to the Next Big Thing. (There will be a Next Big Thing, right?). I suppose the current plot still has to tie up a few loose ends, sling around a few platitudes, things like that…

  212. Someone from Texas....
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    163 Calico.

    Actually, Dubai could be quite interesting for someone with money. Or an SO with money. And no burqa!

    However, Liz would find it all just too weird…

  213. dale
    May 15th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]


    Does Scott Adams or the the pointy-haired boss guy know that you shouldn’t add up probabilities that way?

  214. smacky
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    DT: I love it. Just when you thought they were lurching into a new storyline, you discover it’s actually a Dick Wolf-style coda: That final 10 seconds on Law & Order when someone says something witty, then the”SHUNK-SHUNK” noise, and the credits roll.

    Kudos, current Dick Tracy writer. Kudos!

  215. Trogdor
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Luann: TJ certainly seems very knowledgeable about what a man would find attractive in another man…

    …not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  216. Little Guy
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    JP: Granny has the worst timing for her flatulance.

  217. KH
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #216 Little Guy – I was wondering about that. Is MMPPFF really supposed to be a big explosion. How the hell did granny get up? And didn’t Steve and Gloria just magically trade places? And why does Gloria think she can smack that bitch down but when Steve tris it she says “Steve-no!!”

    MW Thursday. Mary channels Matt LeBlanc. Oh dear God.

    Luann. Brad, you you know shouldn’t have gone to Disco Stu’s Salon.

    The best love stories in the comics right now are the girl & the dog in Mutts and Prince Chomping and Droolia in Pooch Cafe. I guess I like it doggie style.

  218. Calico
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    #216 Beano® to the rescue!

  219. odinthor
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    GT and Apt. 3-G — Elmer found Alan’s stash . . . [wait for it] . . . or else he didn’t.

    Just GT — OK, who’s practicing limp wrist technique in the last panel? Dude, limp wrist combined with lumbago walk–that’s just plain wrong.

  220. Old School Allie Cat
    May 15th, 2008 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Hey, Brad, if you want to look like Seth Rogen, there’s nothing wrong with that – but remember that time when he ended up with Kathryn Heigl? That was only a movie.
    And not a very good one, at that.

  221. CanuckDownSouth
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: what’s sad is how this shows just how little is left of Liz the character (as opposed to LJ’s projected yearnings for her kids’ lives). This was the character who wanted to experience more – she went off to a remote Northern town. She _should_ have been the type to want to go off around the world. Even with Granthony, she should have at least said “that’s exciting – I could see myself going, but I love this guy too much, and I’d rather be with him than anywhere else”

    I’m amazed she doesn’t need bangs to cover the lobotomy scars. They must have cut through at the hairline.

  222. Dr. Weird
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    210 I thought FBOFW WAS going to have a wrap-up. I attended a panel she gave at the San DIego Comic-Con in the 90s (though I was also there to get good seats for the X-Men one right after) a while back in which she said that it would be finite, and there have been other indications over the years that it’d end. It certainly seemed to be tying up all the loose ends. And good! Stories should have endings.

    I was surprised to see a recent story in which she discussed the “retro strip” forum and that the progression of time would be halted. Doing things in real time was the thing that set the strip apart from every other strip. Tsk.

  223. Shoshi
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    FOOB–Holy cow! What’s with the Incredible Shrinking Liz? In the second panel, she looks like a deflating blow-up doll. It’s not just that her head doesn’t even reach to Warren’s chin–it’s the fact that that she has no neck and her head drooping backwards. That’s just freakish. She must be the Jeffy of the Foobiverse.

  224. Dick Tracy Broke Into My Oddball Sanctuary
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #214 smacky – That’s the second time in as many days that I’ve heard the Law & Order sound spelled out so that it begins with a voiceless fricative, rather than a voiced plosive.

    In my mind, the Law & Order sound comes acros as “bunk bunk”. Which, incidentally, is how I might describe the show.

  225. rhymes with puck
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: We can only hope that Flyspeck Island muffins make people funnier.

    MW: I’m loving the guy with the hitler ‘stache!

    GT: Yep, those two options cover all the bases!

  226. TGrum
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    #94 Galevav, I think ChattyGenes has the joke about the goat right. That’s how I interpreted it too. Except I think it was the kid’s (child, not goat) grandfather warning him not to touch it.

    As for not seeing Jerry, I think he’s the really hairy guy, so the joke there is probably that he blended in with the sheep or dogs or wolves or whatever the animals in the pen next to him are supposed to be.

  227. Duane Schneider
    May 15th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Margo is going to catch onto Alan’s habit and force him to go to South America and bring back drugs. She is working for some mysterious gangster named Zip.

    Her motto,

    More mules, Zipper.

  228. Vakar
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Spidey, sit down. You know damn good and well that the other superheroes just let you cover the ‘special’ supervillans. Just dial Reed Richards’ hotline and call in sick. The Vulture will be back in jail in no time, due to actual competent superheroism, and you can watch Wheel of Fortune without guilt.

  229. Vakar
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I killed the thread! This is my first time; should I feel shame, guilt, anger, exhasperation, joy, relief?

  230. Vakar
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Er, exasperation.

  231. Comcis Fan
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    First, what is a “sheet shaver?”

    Second, this simply is not the same Liz who went off to the Inuit village to teach. Were her horizons an odd little rubber band that stretched so far and then snapped back, smaller than ever?

    Why would she have said “no” to Warren if he had asked her to travel with him? If it was because she didn’t love him enough to travel with him? If so, then what would be wrong with his going without her? She seems to imply he should be willing to stick around her hometown after she refuses to see the world with him. It’s as if Liz’s actions are all good and noble, Warren’s all selfish, immature and lacking in love and commitment.

    The cartoonist seems to be buying into the cliche that boring guys are nice and exciting guys are cads.

    I understand Liz’s homesickness and desire to return to her family. Was there no other guy in town for her? Even now, she doesn’t seem very drawn, pun unitended, to her intended.

  232. Vakar
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    231: Click, scroll down, and you will know the awful sheet-shaving truth:

  233. Mr. Lemon
    May 15th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Thanks a whole lot Sally Forth, now I feel infinately more lame for liking videogames and Vampire Weekend… You’ve ruined my ironic hipster life style! I hope your happy!

  234. Someone from Texas....
    May 15th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    231 Comics Fan

    (Although there’s already a new thread up–but it’s a Meta.)

    Liz never said a word about homesickness until the day she learned that Anthony & The Evil Therese were divorcing. Here’s the infamous strip:

    Immediately, she began worrying about how much her family needed her. And how much she missed home. She never told Paul the Anthony story.

  235. bats :[
    May 15th, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    234. SfT…says: I dunno. Liz’s response in that strip appears less to me as homesickness and more as a reinterpretation of that old Looney Toons spinster, lovelorn chicken who was always hot for Foghorn Leghorn (or some Looney Toons spinster), with the single thought “A may-YUN!”

  236. IdleDandy
    May 15th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    FC: Actually, Billy, even the Grimm and Perrault versions are a couple millenia shy of being the original. The Cinderella story, of which there are over 500 variants around the world, is best traced back to the Egyptian story of Rhodopis in the first century BC. This in turn is believed to be based on the true story of a slave, acquainted with Aesop, who lived in the 6th century BC. She fell in love with Sappho’s brother, who ransomed her from slavery.

    Later, the Chinese Ye Xian introduced the stepmother and the slipper. That was still about 800 years before Perrault.

    Sorry. I do a Cinderella study with my third graders every year. It is very cool to read them a few of the variants and see how many they have to hear before they recognize that they’re all Cinderella. I have about 60 different versions in my classroom. It’s my thing.

  237. Diamond Joe
    May 15th, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    #231 Comics Fan:

    I grappled with Liz’s behavior in this strip over at Howard Bunt’s Blog. To wit:

    I don’t even understand what Liz is on about in this strip. Essentially, what we have is this:

    Warren: I’m going away for a new job, and I wanted to ask you to come with me.

    Liz: But you would have taken it even if I’d said no!

    To which the only sensible answer would be, “Yeah. So?”

    I mean, granted, Warren did say he wanted to talk to Liz before he accepted, when he’d be accepting it either way. But Liz is acting like it proves something that he wouldn’t consider giving up his career plans for someone she just got through telling him he never had a “relationship” with.

    Liz has to have men’s complete and total devotion– no matter how little they know her or how little she wants them –so that it really hurts them when she shoots them down.

    In this case, it means Liz is actually telling a semi-stalker that the problem with him is that he wasn’t besotten enough with her.

    And, of course, the moral we’re supposed to get from this series is that Warren is disturbed.

  238. bats :[
    May 15th, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    236. IdleDandy: very cool. Has anyone done a formal gathering/comparison of the Cinderella stories? I’m a volunteer for the Friends of the Library and usually work in the “kids’ section,” so a lot of the variations come through (to say nothing of modern interpretations). Sixty is mind-boggling. And you sound like a very cool teacher. (I won’t even TRY comparing Lizardbreath to you.)

    (I like the idea of a fur/vair slipper vs. a glass/verre slipper, but then I’m a heraldry geek.)

  239. Gold-Digging Nanny
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Six Differences catchup

    April 15

    1) The dog in panel one forgot the safe word.
    2) The other side of the food dish in panel two is emblazoned with the word “Hello.” Damn you, Japan, and your ubiquitous and lovable cat merchandise!
    3) The mushroom in panel one is one of those good mushrooms. The rabbit just ate one of the mushrooms next to it, and is now hallucinating that the cat has grown to 10 feet tall, is wearing purple overalls and is handing chocolate-covered carrots to the populace at large, while the dog has grown four more limbs and is simultaneously belly dancing and juggling heads of lettuce.
    4) The rock on the left side of panel two was originally a statue of a famous toad, but the bird on the left has used it as a toilet so often it is unrecognizable.
    5) The squirrel in panel one is a decoy set by a hillbilly to catch more squirrels.
    6) The dog in panel two (prior to being caught with the bowl) has replaced the cat’s regular food with new Folger’s Crystals. Let’s see if he notices.

    This episode of I Found All Six has been brought to you by Friskies.

  240. gnome de blog (coming in late from the Jungle Patrol)
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    236, 238, and surely others

    First, a profound tip o’ the Hatlo Hat to Idle Dandy. Keep up the good work! Please.

    According to Joseph Campbell, the Psyche story is related to the Cinderella cycle as well.

    I think this is the greatest FC ever, i.e. the first one in maybe 40 years that’s any good, and probably for the wrong reasons. I seriously doubt that the Keanes meant to comment on the modern tendency to ignore age-old and deeply-rooted cultural metaphors and rely instead on pop-culture facsimiles. But they did, and quite nicely, too.

    Walt Disney indeed! Disney was a real pioneer as an animator. As a storyteller he was somewhere between insipid and positively Goebbelsian. And even the popularized versions of Mother Goose, Grimm, etc. are bowdlerized almost beyond recognition.

  241. Sans Sense
    May 15th, 2008 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    GT: Panel One – Jealousy is rampant as Elmer excels in the David Blaine Beginners’ Levitation Class.

  242. Gold-Digging Nanny
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    April 20 Six Differences

    1) The dog in panel one was dreaming of dancing in a disco with punctuation marks, gettin’ down with the commas. In panel two, it was a nightmare in which he found himself in someone’s lower intestinal tract surrounded by hostile exclamation points.
    2) The cat in panel two is able to control the dog using ear-pulls, in much the same way Remy the rat controlled the inept chef in Ratatouille. He will use this ability to make the dog maul the raccoon, who has always preferred the flavor of cat food.
    3) The trash can in panel one is Oscar the Grouch’s second home. Nagg lives in the trash can in panel two; Nell’s ash bin is just off panel.
    4) No collars, no fence on the back side, snappable chicken bones left in reach of the dog, pets allowed to wander around in the night while dangerous raccoons roam the neighborhood — and yet, the pet owners in panel one are still more responsible than Madeline. The only thing that disqualifies the pet owners in panel two from being better pet owners than her is the one time they decided to give one of their other cats a bath by putting it in the fish aquarium and putting the aquarium in one of those gizmos that shakes paint cans.
    5) The dog in panel one uses the upside-down bucket as a pillow. The pet owners in panel two keep the dog’s water there and have yet to realize that they wouldn’t have to refill it as often if they turned it right side up.
    6) The raccoon in panel two plans to give the dog dish to his male lover as a gag gift. His lover won’t think it’s funny either.

    This episode of I Found All Six has been brought to you by Iams.

  243. Gold-Digging Nanny
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    April 22 Six Differences

    1) Before the policeman arrives, the little boy in panel one will cram as many quarters from the money bag into his coin-operated spring horse as possible.
    2) The town in panel one has planning and zoning codes that require all coin-operated horses to be painted the same color as the storefront. In panel two, Variety Store’s owners didn’t want to splurge for other colors of paint.
    3) The policeman in panel two will use excessive force against the bank robber, but the court will find it was justified until new evidence comes to light that shows that the policeman did nothing to prevent the robber from bumping his head on the roof of the car.
    4) The cat in panel one just lost its favorite catnip toy down the sewer grate.
    5) Variety Store in panel one is right next to General Mercantile. Variety Store in panel two is next door to Five and Dime.
    6) The boy in panel two practices his lariat skills on passing skateboarders.

    This episode of I Found All Six has been brought to you by King’s.

  244. Rebochan
    May 16th, 2008 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    OMIGOD! I got a shout out from Josh! I feel honored.

  245. ethos
    July 27th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Love the daily updates on

  246. Abigailjom
    February 15th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]




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