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At least I’m still cooler than Sally

Sally Forth, 5/14/08

Ah ha, now we see why Ted Forth was so sad to leave his minimum wage retail job and return to the world of respectable, salaried employment. When we last saw him hawking Chinese-made choking hazards to media-oversaturated youth, he was wearing a humiliatingly bright orange vest. But since then, the toy store has apparently switched their vests to black, and now Ted can pretend to be Han Solo every day when he goes to work, making the Kessel Run in his Chevy Aveo in less than twelve parsecs.

By the way, that “up, up, down down” jibber-jabber is apparently some kind of video game reference, and Vampire Weekend is apparently some kind of indie rock band. Today’s Sally Forth made me feel old and out of touch, and there are few more depressing sentences in the English language than “Today’s Sally Forth made me feel old and out of touch.”

Apartment 3-G, 5/14/08

The world of illegal drugs is full of dramatic possibilities. You can build a tense and exciting story out of the cat-and-mouse game played out between drug dealers and law enforcement, or among the various shady players in the drug underground. You could take a hard-nosed look at the way that drug use and addiction affect people’s lives and relationships; or you could expand your scope and see how drug use and drug laws affect society as a whole.

You could also just do a sitcom-level series of “Gosh! Where can I hide my ‘dope’?” gags, which is obviously where Apartment 3-G is going with this.

Hi and Lois, 5/14/08

I have to admit that I find the fact that Ditto is just sitting in a cardboard box for no reason pretty hilarious. Maybe that pamphlet Dot’s reading outlines FedEx’s shipping rates, and she has a plan that will make sure that all of the upcoming birthday gifts are for her.

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