The Comics Curmudgeon

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Desperate housewife

Funky Winkerbean, 5/13/08

If I’m remembering correctly, the Tragically Ironic Hearing Loss storyline that led to Harry Dinkle’s retirement took place before the decade-long timejump. Since his constant mopey presence around the house has been driving his wife up the wall since day one, she’s no doubt well and truly insane by now. This may explain why she’s harassing a school board official about her personal problems, or why she feels a need to refer to her husband by his full name, including middle initial, in casual conversation. As Harriet’s already admitted that she’s crazy, I hope the school board president is desperately pressing the panic button under his desk, before she turns violent.

Mark Trail, 5/13/08

We all know that Mark Trail only cares about humans to the extent that they threaten wildlife habitat or get punched by Mark, but even by the standards of this strip the handling of little Madeline’s “condition” is shockingly bonkers. Has anyone involved in the production of this strip encountered the modern medical system in any way, shape, or form? What the hell kind of doctor looks at a comatose little girl, scratches his chin thoughtfully, and then writes PUPPY half-legibly on his prescription pad? The kind that gets generous kickbacks from the American Kennel Club, that’s what kind.

Blondie, 5/13/08

Some clever Photoshopper needs to change the dialog in this strip so that Elmo and his towheaded little friend are simply demanding money from Dagwood and threatening to beat his legs with that baseball bat if he doesn’t comply. It would explain his typical but still odd lope in the third panel.

Family Circus, 5/13/08

“But then, most paper money has been up people’s noses, so it’s kind of a mixed bag.”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 14, 2008 at 01:15 am and is filed under Blondie, Family Circus, Funky Winkerbean, Mark Trail.

187 responses to “Desperate housewife”

Uncle Lumpy
May 14th, 2008 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Dinkle’s based on a real guy, who presumably has a the telephotos of Batiuk and that goat. Sainthood looms!
Vakar
May 14th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

Or, better yet, have Elmo and his pal ~~threatening~~ beating Dolly and Jeffy over the head. And Billy. PJ they shall spare.
The Ghost of Jarrod
May 14th, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

What the hell kind of doctor looks at a comatose little girl, scratches his chin thoughtfully, and then writes PUPPY half-legibly on his prescription pad?

Rex Morgan, M.D.?
Mr. Vorhias
May 14th, 2008 at 1:31 am [Reply]

Don’t worry, Mrs. Dinkle. You’re in Funky Winkerbean. Mr. Dinkle’ll be dead from lupus or some other terminally unspeakable disease within the week, and you’ll finally get your peace and quiet.

Assuming you didn’t dramatically lose your sense of smell or something.
Eric the Grate
May 14th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Family Circus: I think it’s odd that Dolly chose to use the word “expensive,” instead of the phrase “valuable than.” Obviously, she’s referring to the high ink costs associated with the printing press used to create Keane Kompound cash. Still, it’s better than using godless American dollars, government currency being the work of the devil and all.

Mark Trail: It’s cute that Mark calls it “our” plan. Maybe he genuinely believes that Andy has played a crucial role in the construction of his insane plot. Of course, if things go bad, I’m sure it’ll quickly become “Andy’s plan.” Conservationist’s Creed #1: Always have a fall guy. Or dog.
SFMarcus
May 14th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Who’s wearing more hair-care product – Mark Trail, or Andy the Dog’s ears?
Carly
May 14th, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Little do you know that they were planning a spinoff to Doogie Howser, entitled “Spike Woofer, M.D.”
SFMarcus
May 14th, 2008 at 1:34 am [Reply]

Seriously, pooch’s ear looks like one half of The Winged Victory of Samothrace.
Josh
May 14th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

By the way, I was just looking over the comments from the previous thread and found the link, thanks (?) to ChattyGenes, to Warren’ bio on the FOOB site, and SWEET HOLY GOD. The thing is 9,000 words long 9,000 words! How the hell much money does Foob, Inc. have that it can pay Web folks to churn out this much prose? Not that it’s good, but it still must take hours and hours to produce.

I refuse to link to it myself, but if you dare, go back to the previous thread and search. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Josh
Ace Diamond
May 14th, 2008 at 1:37 am [Reply]

Mrs. Dinkle seems to be suffering from a severe case of man-face in panel 2 there. Insanity apparently causes spontaneous gender-shift
bats :[
May 14th, 2008 at 1:43 am [Reply]

Some hump-day observations:

A3G: oh, yeah, stash your stash in Margo’s office. Margo would never go through drawers. God, you are a dope fiend, aren’t you? And a stupid one, too.

BB: it’s Miss Buxley Wednesday! She’s on a bike, but she’s not wearing spandex bike shorts or a spandex jersey. This is known as “no justice.”

FC: no, Jeffy, you don’t even have a clue.

JP: OMFG! How great is this?!?
You rock HARD, Gloria! Break one of her nails, too — show the bitch who’s boss!

MW: “no, Mary, we just didn’t have to hear all the machines breathing for her, or beeping, and especially the machine that goes *ping*.”
Ron and/or Richard looks happily ensconced at his wet bar. Life is good.

FOOB: oooooh, Warren, you could get a REGULAR job! That’s like a REAL job! Doesn’t that sound just wonderful? And you could settle down in Milborough and lust after me from afar! Wouldn’t that be swell?
Screw you, Liz.
Bobdog
May 14th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

What’s worse, her health insurance doesn’t cover any canine based therapies, so the little girl will have to pay out of pocket for any applied puppy recuperation procedures. Of course, if she was in Canadia, she would be drowning in government subsidized adorable doggy affection and well on the way to recovery — but not in this country — and I don’t think she’ll be much better off after the Presidential election, because I’m pretty sure all of the lead contenders eat puppies for breakfast.
Sarah
May 14th, 2008 at 1:49 am [Reply]

bats:

JP: I agree!!! Gloria kicks a$$. Oh, wow. How are we deserving of such awesomeness in the comics?! I’ll tell you how – b/c the other 99.9% of the time we have to put up w/characters like Alan Lang.
mojo
May 14th, 2008 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Man, if there was ever evidence needed to show that Mark Trail is being written by a six-year-old, this storyline is IT. Especially since only a six-year-old would think Andy would just FIND the puppy, and not mistake it for a fluffy chew toy. In real life, subsequent installments would depict Andy tossing, shaking and worrying said puppy for several hours in the backyard before bringing the limp-rag remains back to Mark.

But if this particular sequence ends up with the sick kid waking up as if from a nap and exclaiming “My PUPPY! You FOUND it!” while hugging the puppy in a Christmas-miracle-type tableau (extra points if the smiling father puts a loving arm around the mother as they both watch), then yep, it’s written by a six-year-old.
bats :[
May 14th, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

9. Josh: I admire your integrity and your concern for your readers by not linking to “Warren and Peace.” Thank you for your consideration for some folks’ delicate constitutions.

Speaking of consideration, even in the midst of a MRSA outbreak, Rex can make light (or see a light) of some of the surrounding situations — let a smile be your face mask!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2491776962/sizes/o/
Sarah
May 14th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

Oh and MW: shortest meddle ever?
Rhekarid
May 14th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

I find it extremely hard to believe that the children have put coins into fewer orifices than paper money.
Bobdog
May 14th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

And why, for the love of God, does Mark Trail sit like that when he talks on the phone? It’s like the only reference the artist has as to what people look like when they talk on the phone is those ads in the back of weekly magazines for adult chat lines.
Ron Hogan
May 14th, 2008 at 1:54 am [Reply]

“Mrs. Dinkle seems to be suffering from a severe case of man-face in panel 2 there.”

Specifically, I’m thinking Paul Williams.
mir777
May 14th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Why does ‘jingle money’ sound a little dirty, or vaguely illegal?
Bobdog
May 14th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

FC – This panel seems like easy prey for pimp or stripper jokes.
True Fable
May 14th, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

(WT)DT There appears to be Three different Tesses in today’s strip. Ever since Locher decided to show Dick’s eyes, the artwork is no longer cool looking. Holy crap, this is getting close to Gil Thorp bad.
FC Jeffy, if you’re looking for DOLLY to explain things to you, you are really desperate.
FBoFW Liz quotes from The Patterson Way as she magically holds a coffee cup with no visible means of doing so.
Scenes from Suburban Hell Lois, couldn’t you wait until AFTER Dot shipped Ditto off before you interrupted the moment?
JP Yeah, that’s as believable as Steve not being aware someone was planting a land mine right outside his tent.
MT Stupid people and Smart dogs who understand English.
Marmadick I know we are supposed to be wondering, “how did the dog manage to call for a cab?” but I’m wondering, why aren’t they bolting the door or backing in a moving van as soon as he’s out of sight?
MW Most people would anguish that they weren’t on hand during their mother’s last moments – I know I did – but Ron & Rich were so thoroughly meddled, it was peaceful mainly because Mary wasn’t there to capice them into submission.
RMDS June, that is the FATTEST blunt you’ve ever handed anyone.
S-M “Oh no! He’s back in action!” is the perfect description of Panel Two.
Sara
May 14th, 2008 at 2:08 am [Reply]

Zits makes me irrationally angry. Even assuming that the L and the B were already there, you can’t make monosyllabic! That’s 3 more tiles than a standard Scrabble hand.

I don’t know why I’m focusing on that instead of the complete lack of board, but there it is.
True Fable
May 14th, 2008 at 2:13 am [Reply]

#1 Uncle Lumpy – WHAT goat?!?! Harry Dinkle has been unlawfully dinkling with a poor hapless little goat?! Why, I outta…!
Bobdog
May 14th, 2008 at 2:15 am [Reply]

DtM – 5/12 – Menacing because Dennis is next going to imply his future silence can be bought through sexual favors.

5/13 – Menacing because Alice Mitchell is extremely depressed and Dennis knows his acerbic comments about the quality of her cooking could drive his mother to act on her suicidal ideation.

5/14 — Menacing because Dennis is placing bets against his team, told Joey to take a dive.
True Fable
May 14th, 2008 at 2:16 am [Reply]

# 1/ #24 Oh wait, it’s BATIUK who’s been dinkling with a goat! That’s even WORSE!

I KNEW there was another reason to take issue with you, Batiuk, other than your cancercancercancer storyline and overwrought emotional smirk scenes.

Thanks for the tipoff, Unca.
GG
May 14th, 2008 at 2:16 am [Reply]

Photoshoppery done and done:

http://img182.imageshack.us/img182/5576/blondiecopyut2.jpg
BigTed
May 14th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

Dagwood’s loping walk is clearly a tribute to R. Crumb’s famous “Keep on Truckin’ ” cartoon. On the other hand, “Blondie” has existed since way before the ’60s… so maybe it’s the other way around, and Mr. Alternative Comix isn’t as original as everybody thinks.
Diamond Joe
May 14th, 2008 at 2:20 am [Reply]

9CL: I looked back to see when I wrote of this whole Hilary Hahn thing that “There’s a subtle but nonetheless distinct difference between underlining a plot point, and beating it into the ground.” It was May 2. For the love of God, Brooke, we get that Edda is jealous, already.

A3-G: “In fact, the color of this filing cabinet is so hideous, no one can even look directly at it!”

Archie: This reads like a Peanuts strip from about 1952, which marks it as a vast improvement over this strip’s usual fare.

Miss Buxley Wednesday: Miss Buxley eats hot dogs sideways because she’s tired of seeing all the soldiers pop a boner when she eats them end-on.

BH: As you can see, Stanley bought the complete series DVD set of CHiPs. They just throw the DVDs loose in a bag, because if you enjoy watching ChiPs, that’s really all you deserve.

Foob: A “regular” job? What is this animus Lynn has against flying helicopters? My God, it actually takes you away from home! All right-thinking people remain within apron-string length forever, preferably raising a family in the very same house they grew up in!

GA: This is the strangest Capital One ad ever.

H&L: They’re so traumatized by the whole twins-in-matching-outfits thing that they didn’t even say, “Clothes? As a birthday present? What a rip!” like normal kids.

JP: So Gloria grabbed the trigger from out of Terror Girl’s closed fist? But the really sad thing about this plotline is that while all this has been going on, Abbey has been at home, bending over a lot and jumping rope naked in slow motion.

Lola: I like the “Dull” computer.

Luann: At the speed this relationship has been going, I think Toni isn’t in any league. More like the Special Olympics.

Marmaduke: Between the cabbie opening the door, and the door that opens backwards, I have the feeling the cartoonist hasn’t seen a cab in a long, long time.

MW: I guess if they hadn’t reconciled, they would have felt her unquiet shade haunting the room.

Phantom: He counted them. He hasn’t got a lot of hobbies, and they don’t have DSL in the Skull Cave.

Pluggers: Pluggers drive design prototype golf carts from 1968. Oh, and they will… not… shut… up about how everything was better when they were young, but I think you knew that.

Quigmans: “I’m so proud of this pun, I’m using it even though it makes no sense!”

RLA: Today’s unnecessary voice balloon.

RM: “Don’t be so nervous. MRSA is only spread by touch or contact. Here, take this bottle from my hand!”

RIR: Aah! The Earth’s off balance! Quick, get another fat grandma to stand on the other side!

Amusing: LaC, MG&G, S4th, WoI (!)
Bobdog
May 14th, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

#23 – I think technically the “A” would have had to be present as well, but the coloration of the previous panel makes this somewhat ambiguous.

I can see losing a couple of tiles, but the entire board would take some effort, so perhaps this is some uber Scrabble geek version of the game where you have to remember the placement of the various bonus fields by memory — the existence of which frankly wouldn’t surprise me in the least given how into it all those little old lades and 12 year old boys were at the JCC the couple of times I went to their “scrabble babble” group — I gave up on this rather quickly because aside from not really being my demographic, frankly, I found that level of play took a certain something away from the game — namely the “fun” aspect of it. I should sensed something was up the moment they asked me if I knew my “two and three letter words” — some of which could only be considered words on the basis of some obscure technicality.

None of this seems in keeping with the established characterizations of Jeremy’s parents in this strip, so maybe I’ll stick with my original supposition that they somehow managed to lose the board — possibly because they are at the moment very, very high.
BenG
May 14th, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

DT: Let me guess going by the last story. An ugly… thing that we’ll never actually get to see.

Crankshaft: I’ll stand up and applaud if it’s all shit that used to belong to him.

FOOB: Being the son of a pilot who has been married happily to my mom his entire life, I can’t help but be offended at this whole premise that pilots are fundamentally incapable of being family men. Fuck you Lynn. Fuck you right in the neck.

Luann: Okay, help me out here. When brad was asking Toni out for desert, I assumed he meant that very night. And I also assumed that he was referring to sex. Now we see that she is apparently booked for desert up until sometime next week. What am I supposed to extrapolate from that?
Bobdog
May 14th, 2008 at 2:45 am [Reply]

BB – I realize as a civilian with no ties to the military, my insights into army life may be hopelessly inaccurate, but still, I am rather under the impression that a soldiers life is regimented to the degree that long, leisurely lunch breaks where you can go tandem biking with your girlfriend are not really likely to be on the itinerary.
Bobdog
May 14th, 2008 at 2:50 am [Reply]

#31 — I thought one of the basic principals of the FOOBiverse was that all men were fundamentally incapable of being family men, so I wouldn’t take this stateent of Warren’s as a personal affront — beyond the personal affront that “For Better or Worse” is in general, I mean.
BenG
May 14th, 2008 at 2:56 am [Reply]

#33: Still, fuck Lynn in the neck. Can I get an amen?
Gihyou
May 14th, 2008 at 3:11 am [Reply]

Ha ha, Dolly, jingle money, that’s precious! But seriously, they’re called coins, goddammit. Can you stop trying to be cute for like, two seconds, so we can teach you what things are actually called? Or would you like to keep spreading your ignorance to your brethren?
Shine
May 14th, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

Amen, Brother BenG.
Chromium
May 14th, 2008 at 3:52 am [Reply]

I have to admit I am charmed by the pointless artistic detail of Daisy following Dagwood around everywhere with a spaced-out smile.

Yeah, I know Dagwood’s dog’s name. STFU.
mollificent
May 14th, 2008 at 3:53 am [Reply]

A3G: So let me get this straight: Alan’s afraid LuAnn will go snooping around his personal space and find his wtf-it-is, so he’s going to stash it at…the office? MARGO’s office? Where LuAnn’s now world-famous glurge-on-canvas is being exhibited? Way to keep it on the down-low, loser. You DESERVE to get caught.

Beetle: “I’m going to have to ride you–er, um. We’re going to have to ride another hour to work this off. What did you think I said?”

JP: DAY-UM!!! Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! I swear to God, at this very moment if you look up “bitch-slap” in the Oxford English Dictionary, you WILL see today’s panel three.

On the other hand, I believe Gloria’s recklessly taking Steve’s mother’s life into her hands will probably considerably cool Steve’s ardor. Which is too bad, because I’ll bet they’ve got a shitload of adrenaline to burn right now. :D

My Cage: Ooooh, sexy new font!

OBH: OK, I know the last few days have been scary, but this made me laugh. I’m going to remember that. :)
Jei Corsair
May 14th, 2008 at 3:53 am [Reply]

Obviously, the doctor who prescribed “Puppy” as medicine has never watched the animated film “Balto.”
Trilobite
May 14th, 2008 at 3:56 am [Reply]

Someone sent me a box filled with Wednesday’s comics:

Family Circus: Later on, this conversation would be used as proof that grandma had finally gone senile. Mistakenly believing that Jeffy had a job is one thing, but to think that he was good at it? No one argued when they came to take her away.

Judge Parker: You might think that an ex-Navy SEAL or a crazed suicide-bombing terrorist would have the edge in this kind of standoff, but you’d be wrong: both are like helpless infants in comparison to the indomitable fury of a cute legal secretary who desperately wants to get laid.

And that is the kind of Middle East policy I think we could all get behind.
Chromium
May 14th, 2008 at 4:01 am [Reply]

5/14 “Luann” – Go for it, TJ.

5/14 “Hi and Lois” – Why… why is Ditto in a box?
Mr. O'Malley
May 14th, 2008 at 4:23 am [Reply]

FC: Some kind of crossover with Pickles?

Pluggers: Because they were so rusted out, if you slammed the door hard, they would crumble into dust. But never mind that—if I eat KFC, can I buy gas at $3.59? It might end up cheaper than the resulting coronary bypass.

GA: IOUs, probably. The Kleeb Gang is a noted bunch of confidence artists.

FOOB: I never realized until now about the helicopter hoboes, always on the move. If only television stations, electric power utilities, fire departments and police departments had some need for helicopter pilots!
Alfred E. Neuman
May 14th, 2008 at 4:28 am [Reply]

Wednesday snark
JP— I am very disappointed in Samira as a terrorist. If she was really serious, she’d have used a dead man’s (dead woman’s?) switch, where releasing a held-down button would trigger the explosives. Under those conditions, instead of attacking, Gloria would have gone into a “feets do your stuff” mode, and would now be many blocks away.
On the other hand, the current scenario has possibilities. I’m hoping Samira wanted to be caught by Gloria and wrestled to the ground where they would continue to wrestle and wrestle and wrestle and…
Alfred E. Neuman
May 14th, 2008 at 4:36 am [Reply]

#40 Trilobite— I’m still laughing at your JP post. That’s a COTW contender for sure.
Arglebargle
May 14th, 2008 at 4:43 am [Reply]

Mutts: The strip takes a break from tender tales about the heartbreaking suffering of animals to sideswipe us with tender tales about the heartbreaking suffering of hungry schoolchildren.

Bizarro: Why is it that the sort of political idealist who falls into a mouth-foaming rant at the suggestion women might sometimes have abortions for convenience often employs the equally-trite, equally-hamfisted, and equally-offensive stereotype that parents who do breed are neglectful idiots?

Luann: As long as Evans makes sure you know your place, Brad…that is, groveling at the feet of the “goddess”…you’ll be fine. God, what I’d give to see Evans on a date.

RMMD: Oh, don’t remove the mask. Don’t. I take it June has never seen Cabin Fever.

My Cage: STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FURRY NO NO I WON’T DO IT I WON’T aaaaaaaaaah, dammit, no. (Love the horizontal-peeking-around-the-corner pose.)

Crankshaft: Speaking of disposing of worthless things in a box, I have a suggestion.

Dick Tracy: Good grief! Why are our arms and hands so hideously deformed in every single strip for years? Is refusal to improve a contract requirement for the artist?

Mark Trail: What timing! Mark’s gets a sick-li’l-dying-girl deadline to beat, puts the dog out, and voila! The dognappers show up! When he washes his car, does it immediately rain Turtle Wax?
True Fable
May 14th, 2008 at 5:00 am [Reply]

Now that I have stood up on my soap box and ranted about Lynnie’s Foobish behavior for the night and have laughed at her unmercifully, I shall now step down.

Lynnie, don’t think your wicked threats will matter to me. My Ninja goats are everywhere!

A goat tour de force, y’all.
ChattyGenes
May 14th, 2008 at 5:09 am [Reply]

#46 True Fable.

The first goat is so sweet that I laughed aloud. The rest are delightfully charming.

A thread is never quite complete without a few goat pictures from you. Thanks!
Jenzie
May 14th, 2008 at 5:22 am [Reply]

In FW – It’s simple – she says “Harry L. Dinkle” every time she mentions her husband. When she just says “Harry Dinkle”, there’s too much giggling.
Luprand
May 14th, 2008 at 6:01 am [Reply]

All right, Gloria! Way to beat up Raven like that!
A lemur
May 14th, 2008 at 6:07 am [Reply]

Actually, I’m not all that inclined to dis the art in DT, (and, he says pretentiously, I have a MASTER’S degree…in ART.) (Meaning of course that I am terminally unemployable). Sure, Locher has never gotten the hang of hands, or feet, or faces…okay, objects and spaces are obviously a challenge, and his proportions generally make the strip look like it’s populated by characters whose mothers took thalidomide, but there’s actually an interesting play with different line weights, panel borders, deep shadows, odd juxtapostions with the panel borders and arrangement of characters. Look at panel two today with the trapazoid of light behind Liz and how it frames the head shot. Okay, the weird, claw-like hands coming in from the corners is just batshit, but compostionally the panels are very dynamic.

That said, panel three with Liz holding out her hands just so far apart and looking down while Tracy is looking up, suggests that what was delivered was a nine foot tall African sculpture with a 14 inch penis.
Doug Puthoff
May 14th, 2008 at 6:35 am [Reply]

5-13

FC–Alt caption: “It’s all about the Benjamins, baby!

PBS–”Please retire early.” I say that every day to the creators of “Real Life Adventures.

Monty–Monty should have told his younger self he should create a strip about a geeky guy and a dog who wants to take over the world.
gleeb
May 14th, 2008 at 7:18 am [Reply]

9CL: I must give credit for a Lear reference, even if it’s in support of a dully, silly plot.

Beetle: Miss B should have realized something was up when he removed the rear handlebars. Unless, of course, she did it. And she’s the one throwing out the idea of vigorous exertion.

Curtis: How do you effectively harvest octopus ink on what you might call an outpatient basis?

Dick: This is an attempt to get more folks to read the actual newspaper, as Tess gestures toward the Junior Jumble, Dinette Set, or the local high school sports section on the next page.

‘bean: Batiuk, unable to come up with anything to do with Dinkle, is now set to turn him into the one-note band director character again.

Gloria, Legal Secretary Heroine!: She may be off the clock, but I still think Driver needs to give that woman a raise!

Pearls: Cutting edge humor, ripped from the still-living body of pop culture.

Rex: Touch or contact, eh? Maybe he just has warm, kissable lips that no one can resist. Or he’s annoying enough that everyone keeps punching him in the nose.

Zippy: Zippy is pro-performance art. I think that speaks for itself.
Girl Reporter
May 14th, 2008 at 7:18 am [Reply]

Okay. I give up. I’ve decided to stop fighting Spider Man and just turn reading it into a drinking game. Down a shot whenever the TV goes on. Have a martini whenever Peter whines.
TurtleBoy
May 14th, 2008 at 7:52 am [Reply]

#53 Girl Reporter, re S-M: A tequila shot for every spidey-sense malfunction, and a Jaeger shot for each lamely-induced bout of unconsciousness.
Anonymous
May 14th, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

Uh, Beetle, the position you’re in is called stoker. S-T-O-K-E-R. With one ‘r’. Watch your hands.
Anonymous
May 14th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

Dennis: “…an’ for good measure I punched ‘im inna nads.”
Norm
May 14th, 2008 at 8:25 am [Reply]

Paper money is worth more than coins? ORLY? Where is the joke? I can’t find it. Maybe this is a new trend: Family Circus cartoons that do little more than state the obvious.

Future punchlines:

“Grass is green.”
“I love my mommy.”
“Daddy’s belt hurts my bottom.”
man behind the curtain
May 14th, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

MW — Due to his Oedipal complex, Ron finds Mary strangely attractive. After reading the best -seller, “How to Date Hot Chicks” by Brad DeGroot, Ron invites Mary over for “dessert”.

FBOW — By now, I hope Warren realizes that he’s the luckiest man in Foobville.
Krazy Kat
May 14th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

Whoa! It’s been a long time since I thought about rolling up a C-note and stroking a line or two. Thanks for bringing back those memories.
Imaginary Friend
May 14th, 2008 at 8:34 am [Reply]

More photoshoppery.
Blondie
man behind the curtain
May 14th, 2008 at 8:35 am [Reply]

FBOW — I think on the day of the great Liz-Anthony nuptials the strip should show Warren and Paul together somewhere, perhaps Vegas, having the time of their lives enjoying their freedom from Foobdom.
Tweeks_Coffee
May 14th, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

Archie: Well, Veronica, not wearing pants today is a good way to get yourself some more appreciation *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*.
BB: I really can’t decide if I want to see how she ate that hot dog or not. Why is she holding it like that anyway? One would think she’d know what to do with tubular meat already.
DtM: Uhm… I really can’t think of any comments on this that don’t involve the words “orgy” or “gang-bang”.
DT: An invisible $5 Footlong from Subway? Well that doesn’t seem all that bad.
FOOB: Yeah, God forbid you have an interesting career that lets you get out to new places. Hey, Warren, maybe you and Therese could hook up.
GT: Huh? Can anyone attest to the truthfulness of this?
MT: What. The. Hell. Listen, if you’re going to pull stupid schemes it’s generally best to park around the block. As it is they’re sitting about 20 feet from the front door of Mark’s rustic motel.
SF: Ces, you’ve created some kind of indie/alt-rock utopia here.
S-M: That’s certainly a nice shot, did they get it from the police chopper?
tAS: Marked improvement here. Dialogue wasn’t necessary and it wasn’t added. The joke itself isn’t all that great, but at least the setup is on it’s way.
Grover Cleveland
May 14th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

FC: Bil Keane is definitely courting the displeasure of gold standard fans.
Perky Bird
May 14th, 2008 at 8:55 am [Reply]

Beetle Bailey–

I notice the vendor’s cart clearly says “Dogs”, not “Hot Dogs”. My guess is this cart is run by the puppy-nappers from Mark Trail. This is what they do with the dogs whose owners refuse to pay the ransom.
Gojira (formerly Godzooky)
May 14th, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

DtM: “…But when Joey got the bat, the gay-bashers ran off.”

A3G: Not to worry. If SSB was right the other day, even if Margo finds Alan’s “stuff,” she’ll just figure it’s art supplies.
Rebochan
May 14th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

SF: Ted Forth knows the Konami code!?

The author of this comic knows the Konami code?!

I think the world is ending.

FOOB: Blah blah blah, Warren is evil, Anthony is perfect.

RM: Ha ha ha, silly employee being concerned about germ contamination! Good thing we have doctors around to tell him to stop being so gosh-darned paranoid.

Zits: Is it bad that I know there’s no way in hell that’s a legal Scrabble move? For starters, Walt had to have played 9 letters in one turn for that to work.

MC: That woman is positively evil.
smacky
May 14th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

JP: CLASSIC terrorist mistake. Never underestimate a secretary’s love for a man with no legs. They teach you that on day one.
Tats
May 14th, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

DtM: I have to give it to Dennis the Menace for routinely making domestic abuse high-larious. At least they’ve armed young Joey with a baseball bat to defend himself.

FOOB: I think the look on Liz’s face in the last panel says it all. “You… you don’t want to settle down? You’re rejecting the notion of suburban life? You can do that?!” Then a pause. “…Oh, God. I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

FW: The venerable Mrs. Dinkle bears an uncanny resemblance to Dick Cheney whom, even in a story like Funky and even ten years in the future, is, I’m sure, alive and well and on his forty-fifth heart attack.

MW: “She must have known somehow that you reconciled.” Yeah, I’m sure Mary slipped her the memo as she pulled the plug to her respirator.

S-M: The Vulture’s grand heist appears to have consisted of a lone purse. While Peter Parker sits at home, reveling in his learned helplessness, The Vulture will cackle as he enjoys his bounty of forty-five dollars, a tube of mascara, a tampon and some wadded up Kleenex.
Widdle Jeffy
May 14th, 2008 at 9:08 am [Reply]

Grandmama has a job for Jeffy.

She needs him to change her Depends and wipe her ass.
Gene
May 14th, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

Luann – Yesterday Toni answers the phone in her bra which was a huge step in the Luanniverse. Then today we had the most blatant sumliminal message as to date. Exhibit – A….The only words in bold letters are “Go” and “Golden”…..I can’t wait to see how TJ tricks Brad into this little scheme but I will now dub this storyline “Urine Trouble, Toni Daytona”
Gene
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

9CL – I think we now know who the bitch is in the Seth/Mark relationship…..SISTER!!!!
Scherzo
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

JP -Wednesday
Gloria, you go, girl!
TheCasey
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

Judge Parker – GLO-RI-A!! GLO-RI-A!! GLO-RI-A!!

Funky Winkerbean – Josh, she obviously doesn’t want him confused with Harold Aloysious Dinkle, multimillionaire playboy. But not the world’s greatest band director.

32: Bobdog – But frequent brutal beatings from your sergeant likely also aren’t on the itinerary. So, you know, there’s that.
Stomper
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

31: BenG, no reason why Rose would have Crankshaft’s stuff. She is the paternal grandmother, while Cranky is the maternal grandfather. Pay attention!

Though who knows, maybe her dementia is due in part to the roofies Crankshaft has been slipping her, and now she’s throwing away sex toys that he left behind. She doesn’t know where they came from, but seeing them makes her very uncomfortable for some reason.

And was anyone else bothered by the botched compass readings in yesterday’s Phantom? From Galveston, Nawlins is NORTHeast — and the exact opposite direction you want to go, if you are trying to hug the coast to South America before you cross the Atlantic to the Dark (in)Continent..
Chip
May 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

I’ll take money that’s been up someone’s nose over the alternative: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feZeOnEzs98
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Oh, cool, I was anonymous today.
Little Guy
May 14th, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

JP: Another satisfied graduate from the Mark Trail College of the Fist O’Justice, BitchSlap Department.

9CL: “What is this ‘wrong’ you speak of? We Burbers have never heard of this malword spoken of ourselves.”
I Hate Bernice
May 14th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

I was VERY DISTURBED by Curtis today! Coral is an animal, so how does “we don’t kill animals, just corals” work? I’m writing Billingsley right now. Will post response.
Angry Marine Biologist
Tim O'Shenko
May 14th, 2008 at 9:35 am [Reply]

DT: Hey, kids! It’s everyone’s favorite game – What’s In The Box? Could it be…

-A bust of Dab Stract?
-The remains of some small animal, sent by a mob boss as a warning?
-The new recruit with good credentials, in his birthday suit, singing and playing a dodecaphonic arrangement of “My Country Tis of Thee” on the glockenspiel?
-An invitation to the Patterson/Caine wedding?
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
May 14th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

FW: Based on my calculations (10 years @ 100 miles/hour), Mrs. Dingle is approximately 5 light-seconds into insanity.
Bootsy
May 14th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

Attention! Anyone reckless enough to read Warren’s bio on the foob page should have a puppy nearby to cure the resulting nausea!

That is all.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 14th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

9CL: So which one’s the owl and which one’s the pussyc… never mind, I figured it out.

A3G: Another strip in which “Margo!” is used as an expletive.

(WT)DT: This had better be related to a new plotline, because there is no fucking way that Dab Stract had time to go home, paint another ugly portrait, let it dry and have it shipped over to Dick’s house in time for Tess to open it and call Dick while Dick was still at the scene. If this turns out to be the case, I’m going to find out where Locher lives and beat him around the head and neck with a copy of Mystery and Suspense Fiction Writing for Dummies.

H&J: Say, Jamaal, is that yogurt in your lap, or are you just happy to see Herb?

JP: Samira and Gloria look really similar in panel 3. I think tomorrow is where the hijab falls off and we find out that Samira is actually Gloria herself, come back from the future to prevent the rise of the theocratic dictatorship founded by Steve’s mom! Any regime that would require Abbey Spencer to cover up with a burqa at all times must be stopped.

Phantom: Yes, O Ghost-Who-Can’t-Read-Maps, there may well be more than 6,000 oil platforms in the Gulf of Mexico, but they aren’t really all clustered together like that. Why can’t DePaul & Ryan read the scale on a simple map? And why aren’t more readers upset by such inaccuracies? What do you think, Miss Teen South Carolina?
“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and I believe that our education, like such as South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should — our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. — or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”
Thank you, Miss Teen South Carolina, I think that actually explains a lot.

PC: Is this a Spot The Six Differences strip? ‘Cause if you’re going to draw the same panel four times, you might as well cut-and-paste and hit the golf course a bit early.
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

#46 – Would that lovely little thing be standing on Poteet’s FOOB Glurge bucket?

Beetle – The metaphors in this strip are just so sophisticated!

DtM – Little Joey Ramone is going to beat on the brat with a baseball bat, oh yeah.

FC – Now I know why Dolly is so bizarre-she’s getting a contact high from touching all those coke- and meth-ravaged bills!

Oh, Gloria. Can I take you out for dinner sometime? Pulleeeaze?

FOOB – “It never really happened between us” – Liz is obviously referring to the fact that they could never attain the Big O together.
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

MT – Puppy = Prozac
Or EST
man behind the curtain
May 14th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

RMMD — So shouldn’t the expert and his assistant be wearing gloves?
Ces
May 14th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

“#66: SF: Ted Forth knows the Konami code!?
The author of this comic knows the Konami code?!
I think the world is ending.”

Do people actually think I’m some 68-year-old who writes “Sally Forth” between links on the golf course and then peruses my granddaughter’s iPod for musical references before listening to my Paul Harvey tapes and calling it a night at 5 PM? Because that…that would be fucking depressing.
Lunarhalo
May 14th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

When I studied Music Education in college, I remember hearing that hearing loss was quite common for high school band directors. Considering the job requires you to stand in front of adolescent trumpet players for hours a day (and more during marching band season where the whole point is generally to play as loudly as possible) the it’s not that unlikely that Harry L. Dinkle might go deaf.

Surely Batiuk has made enough cash from the Dinkle posters adorning many a high school band room to be aware of this.

Much like Mr. Holland’s Opus, it’s probably well intentioned sympathy that many band directors wish had been accomplished with a bit more style.

FC-

A degree from a reputable university will certainly be more expensive than all the paper and jingle money in the world based on Dolly’s probable SAT verbal score.
T. Chicana
May 14th, 2008 at 9:59 am [Reply]

#20 mir777: I thought “jingle money” sounded a little dirty, too, for some reason!

Foob: Oh, go to hell, Liz! How is Warren just sitting around for this shit?! (I’m so, so afraid to read his bio on the foobsite.) Buying a house and having a family aren’t bad things at all, but the way Liz says it…blearrrrrghhhh!! I just don’t get how she became such an offensive lame-o.
Spike
May 14th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

JP: Vindicated! Called this one yesterday at #110. :-P
JD
May 14th, 2008 at 10:03 am [Reply]

DT: “Good grief!” says Tracy. “It’s the rest of my fingers!”
Stomper
May 14th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

82: Yes, I completely forgot that I intended to rant about the Phantom’s ignorance of spacing requirements and even the most basic economics of O&G production. Offshore platforms are far too expensive, and too efficient, to justify putting them that close together.
QM
May 14th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

45: (Bizarro): Because Piraro is a condescending, self-righteous hack. Now and then he manages to turn out something funny, but he’s essentially the Bruce Tinsley of the left.
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 14th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

“Jingle money” sounds like what Rudolph pulls in from pimping out Vixen. There. I said it.
CanuckDownSouth
May 14th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

FOOB these last few days… all I can think of is the vintage strip with prepubescent Liz excitedly realizing that oh, boy! somewhere out there, there’s a little boy growing up who will be her husband! And young Mike hearing this, running to the door and yelling “run, kid! run while you still have time!”

Apparently, in the distant whispers of memory, Warren heard. Pity Anthony didn’t have a sibling who could have yelled that in Liz’ direction.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 14th, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

5/14

MW: “Oh, that’s probably a contact high from the medicine she was smoking at the end.”

MT: We don’t even have talking woodland creatures anymore. Just dialogue baloons floating in mid-air.

BB: Well this scene has all the sexual tension of… OK, I’m stuck. I can’t think of anything else with this little sexual tension.

RMMD: “All right, I just missed a spot shaving this morning and I don’t want to look dumb. Busted.”

Luann: Brad, if Toni comes while you’re in the same room, that will be a big miracle.

SFx: So the fly evades the spider’s web, then aims straight for a frog’s gullet? You can’t get much more spiterul than that.

Big Dog: Maybe they can relocate to another town before he changes his mind.

SSmith: “Haha, you’re right! I’ll plagiarize any trite bullshit you pour in my ear!”

6C: The Adventures of Well-Defined Crotch Woman.

GA: So the kidnapping isn’t about teaching Sturdivant a lesson anymore, and it’s not about the money. At this point, it’s purely a matter of the half-assed abductors saving face.

Crock: Obvously, the art assistant gave notice before filling in the punchline.

DtM: Joey’s wearing an Iron Cross bellyshirt. Doesn’t Little League draw the line anywhere?

FC: “And then she said, ‘Love your chemistry with the new girl, Regis.’ What does that even mean?”

A3G: The saga of Alan Lang, World’s Most Hapless Drug Dealer just keeps getting better. Now he’s keeping his stash right in the middle of Margo’s lair. At best, he’s opening himself up to a hostile takeover.

Marvin: “Going to bed should be fun, Marvin. But if your father and I have fun in bed, we could end up with another one of you. So much for that.”
cheech wizard
May 14th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – First Aldo, now this old biddy and roses turn black and wither at her touch. Looks like Funky Winkerbean is gonna have to step up to the plate.
Gordogato
May 14th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Why would Mark Trail need to get that puppy back so the little girl can get better? Witchcraft. Potions involving puppy blood. In which case, Andy better lead Mark to the dog-nappers or find that puppy himself, or he could be the back-up ingredient.
TheDiva
May 14th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Yesterday’s MT: Clearly, Madeline’s puppy is the polar opposite of that nursing home cat who curls up to residents shortly before they kick the bucket.

Today’s FOOB: It’s finally come to the point where all I can do is just yell “SHUT THE FUCK UP, LYNN JOHNStON” at my newspaper in the morning. I know that’s not exceptionally creative or humorous, but it’s all I can muster right now.
Shlomo
May 14th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

Note to Blondie comic writer. Having Elmo call Dagwood “Mr. B” and having Dagwood use catch phrases like “messing with me”, will in no way shape or form make Dagwood any cooler in anyone’s eyes. He has been and always will be a married version of Jughead Jones with black soulless eyes.
Perky Bird
May 14th, 2008 at 10:45 am [Reply]

When I first checked this site this morning, one of the randomly-changing Google ads at the top of the page was for a Funky Winkerbean ringtone. I kid you not. Now, what the hell would that sound like? “cancercancer! cancercancer!”
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
May 14th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

#75 Chip… I did not follow the link. Seriously, if ever there was a link I was not going to follow, that would be it. Whatever “the alternative” is, I just don’t want to know.
Krazy Kat
May 14th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Ces-not only do we think you’re 68 years old but also a woman!! Heh,heh, just kiddin’ wit ya.
Seriously though, what’s the Komani code?
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
May 14th, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

#86 Ces
The fact that the writer behind Sally Forth is you, and that you are who you are, is, I think, surprising.

I remember discovering Medium Large, and at some point realizing that the writer of Medium Large really was also the writer of Sally Forth, and that wasn’t just some ironic hipster webcomicker joke.

Mind you at that point I had not read Sally Forth since the 80’s.

Gotta tell you, though: I really miss Medium Large.
Krazy Kat
May 14th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

FOOB-Is this not the ultimate statement of all that this ‘comic’ has come to represent? It’s nothing but Dorothy Gale telling everyone to never go looking beyond your own backyard for any dreams or satisfaction. Liz tells Warren that someday he too will be happy. Not that a guy with a helicopter could ever be happy. Someone who can pick up and go anytime, take lonely chicks up to the northern territories at a moments notice, etc. could ever get laid. One day he’ll get a job as a bookkeeper at a used car lot and have a basement of his own.
Blarhggh!
DAS
May 14th, 2008 at 11:12 am [Reply]

RMMD: I used to think that I didn’t have to worry about community acquired MRSA if I maintained proper sanitary precautions — I’d be no more at risk for that than anything else. But now that Rex “Malpractice bait” Morgan gave medical advice to someone to take off the mask, I figure I need to wear a mask at all times just to be on the safe side.
Maughta
May 14th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

What the hell kind of doctor looks at a comatose little girl, scratches his chin thoughtfully, and then writes PUPPY half-legibly on his prescription pad?

This sentence just goes to prove that you are, always have been, and will always be THE man, Josh. Kudos.
AtomicDog
May 14th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

GA – WAR KITTENS!
Paul1963
May 14th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

#86 Ces–Wow, great response! Seriously.

FW 5/13: “He’s been driving me crazy at a hundred miles an hour! If you don’t give him some kind of job and get him the hell out of the house for a few hours a day, Something Bad is going to happen, I swear to God! I’m serious! In fact, I have a brand-new chain saw and a big plastic tarp in the trunk of my car even as we speak…”

Sherman’s Lagoon, 5/14: Tear gas? Um, aren’t you guys all under water?

GA: Where the hell is the minister and all the other guests while this is going on inside the frickin’ church?

B.C., 5/13: Holy shit, Mason has drawn a dinosaur that’s different from the ones we’ve seen in the strip for 50 years! Fortunately for Cute Chick, it’s the little-known Monopedal Raptor, which can only hop awkwardly after its prey and has a great deal of trouble maintaining its balance. Most survive by hanging around outside caves begging for spare clams.
Anonymous
May 14th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Zits: As #23 Sara and #66 Rebochan have already pointed out, Walt and Connie are playing no-holds-barred-except-maybe-for-the-board Scrabble in which one can place as many new letters as one wants (it’s just a friendly)…but no one’s yet called attention to the fact that Connie’s at Walt’s left in the first two panels, and by the third panel has been miraculously moved to his right, just by Jeremy’s passing. Moreover, the position of the placed letters relative to Walt’s seat has shifted, too, and about a dozen tiles have disappeared mysteriously. There’s some serious paranormal shit going down in that household.

Why the hell did I just waste the last ten minutes of my life thinking this deeply about a mid-level throw-away comic like Zits?
Galuaboy
May 14th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

MT: “The motel clerk said that’s the room where Trail is staying.” After which, said motel clerk should have had his ass fired. Seriously, try it some time. Walk up to a hotel clerk and ask what room Mr. Whoever is staying in. Having spent some time in grad school working such a job, I was instructed to NEVER give out that information. You could offer to call the room for the inquisitive person, but other than that it was no one’s business . . . oh, what am I saying? It’s Mark Trail, for fuck’s sake.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
May 14th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

I’m proud of Spiderman’s work ethic. Even with the flu he manages to watch television, day after day. I can only hope that I too someday can be such a hard worker.
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

#57, #60 – Snnnnnnkkk
Noms for Comment and PS of the week.

Josh, have you considered having a PS O’ the Week as well? Seriously.
commodorejohn
May 14th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

A3G – “Boxcar! Saturn!”

Baldo – Okay, I’m still waiting for this strip to get onto my “good” list, but major points for taking on one of my pet peeves.

BB – Paging Dr. Freud, Dr. Sigmund Freud…

DT – Well, Tess, that’s why you shouldn’t open other people’s mail.

FOOB – “Well, now that you’ve decided to stay here and get a regular job, you’ll meet someone, get married, buy a house, have a family…suddenly, while you’re asleep, they’ll absorb your minds, your memories and you’re reborn into an untroubled world…Tomorrow you’ll be one of us…There’s no need for love…Love. Desire. Ambition. Faith. Without them, life is so simple, believe me.”

FW – Whoa! Epic head-bobble!

GT – Look, can we get this over with already?

JP – CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!

MC – *glee*

SF – The Konami Code? Ces, you magnificent dork, you!
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
May 14th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

#109, Anon
Good point there. When I’m drawing my own comic I frequently have times where rearranging people from frame to frame would improve the flow of the dialogue, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

But I respect the choice to do it; it’s sort of like poetic license: sacrificing rectitude for the sake of the joke. And it’s oddly not all that noticeable.

On the other hand, the lack of a Scrabble board, that’s pretty glaring. It must not be Scrabble, but then, what are they even playing?
Pearl
May 14th, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

You guys weren’t kidding about the Warren biography! I just scrolled through quickly, reading about 4.5 sentences total, and I feel like I’ve suffered enough. More than enough. Too much! Anyone who actually read the whole thing has my sympathies.

p.s. TheDiva @ 98 : I’ve taken to singing “I hate you Lynn Johnston” every morning when I read the paper. Different tune every day, and I find the singing quite relaxing after the blood-pressure spike caused by reading the damn strip. Feel free to give that a try if you want to be more creative!
electro
May 14th, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

What little Madeline doesn’t know (and neither does Mark), is that the puppy will improve her condition only because her quack of a doctor believes that ingesting the blood and organs of a beloved friend will restore her ‘mojo’.
rhymes with puck
May 14th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#100 – It would be the Joe Jackson song from the 80’s, with the chorus “Everything gives you cancer/there’s no cure/there’s no answer/everything gives you cancer”.

RMMD: “OK, June, here’s the plan. I want you to touch anything we find suspicious here at the school. If you don’t get MRSA, then there is no God…er, I mean then we can rule it out as the source.”

JP: This is not the Judge Parker catfight I’ve been dreaming of, but I’ll take it. Oh, yes, I’ll take it.

Pluggers: Pluggers are old…and like to marry chickens.
Professor Fate
May 14th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Amazing – Liz manages to make a standard suburban life sound like a slog through a desolate, soulless hell.
sally
May 14th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

I think Jack Elrod must have been profoundly influenced by seeing “The Three Lives of Thomasina” as a kid. That would explain the “nothing can help but the puppy” diagnosis. Of course, he forgot that Thomasina was a cat, but never mind.
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Under the tab “Fun Stuff” at FOOB.com, I see “Liz’s Quizzes.”

Would this be a guessing game as to how many ~~suckers~~ boyfriends she has cuckolded over the years? I’m too afraid to look at it now.
Mibbitmaker
May 14th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

FOOB: That’s right — Liz is, indeed, making that coffee cup levitate between her hands! This explains everything!

Liz has magic powers, including the power to make every man in North America fall hopelessly in love with her. They end up being her playthings, so she can just callously toss them aside — even make the same men come back for more. Her shock at these seemingly stalkerish guys returning to express their love yet again is all fake.

She may’ve gotten these powers from Ellie, but stronger — Ellie is way too weak to use them, except in rare cases for Liz (probably since Liz’s expert ability is all that can goose up Ellie’s weaker ability), such as Ellie working over Paul until she made him stalkery over Liz, on Liz’s behalf.

Howard — now, this is a case of a real stalker getting caught in Liz’s web. Though a true danger to her, he could be summoned to provide an excuse to make Blandy look “heroic” for Liz’s own needs.

Warren is her own psychic plaything, as she summons him back to not only crush his Liz-powered infatuation for her yet again, but to also stab him in his dreams (esp. his desire to helicopter to adventure), dreams he already experienced extensively until Liz effectively “grounded” him to lure him into her crushing sphere. She’s yet to break his spirit fully, as he’s still able to feel “tied down” in today’s strip.

Out of desperation, she may even make rope appear, and literally tie him down to ensnare him in her trap of dream-crushing and useless pining. Her powers (shared by brother Michael… how else to explain the impossible book deal?) are impenetrable, and Warren — and countless others — are doomed!

And Major Nelson thought he had problems!
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
May 14th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

#119 Sally – I was thinking the same thing. I remember watching that has a kid. And I still haven’t seen it explained why an 8 year old girl would need to be taken to the hospital because she’s missing her puppy. I mean, children suffer from loss, but come on. Put her on counseling if it’s that bad. For her to get to this state her mother is either the most terrible parent in the world and has been dealing with it in the worst way by telling her daughter, “Your daddy never loves you! Your puppy will run away because he hates you too!” or she has some serious psychological problems that can’t be solved by a freaking puppy.
Patrick, FOOB Abominator Division
May 14th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I am Lizcutus of Patterborg. Resistance is futile, surrender your will to the collective. I command you to fall in rigid formation in lockstep with the hive. Witness my power of telekinesis as I hover the coffee cup between my hands. You shall be assimilated.

Many hundreds of centuries later, Charlton Heston crashes on a lonely planet in his relativistic starship and after much harrowing culinary experiences among the inhabitants, escapes and Heston can hear the sounds of surf against the shore. He rounds a bend and sees a giant statue of Elly poking up from the sand with a sloppy joe in one hand while clutching a copy of The Sensitive One’s first book in the other.

Heston falls to his knees, stunned. He looks up and shakes his fists in the air and his voice filled with epic stentorian rage says:

God. Damn. You. Dirty FOOBS ALL TO HELL!!!!

At first there is no answer to his curse. Behind him Heston hears something that will sicken him for the rest of his increasingly short life.

Sluurrp, snorp, Gnumpf, smack, Eat!
rhymes with puck
May 14th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

#86: Actually I was thinking “watch my Lawrence Welk reruns” rather than Paul Harvey, but you were close!
evil_bacteria
May 14th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Ok, so I thought Judge Parker was going to feature a kung fu fight between a Navy SEAL and a terrorist. Instead, we get an ethnically ambiguous legal secretary bitch-slapping a terrorist. Judge Parker, you have surpassed my wildest dreams!
Mibbitmaker
May 14th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Lockhorns: Quite funny — and not really about marital discord. Hmmmm….

Shoe: I thought this was uncharacteristically funny, too. However — since when does anybody choose to go on disability? Isn’t that for someone who’s disabled? That only makes sense when one is reminded that the cartoonist is a conservative. Mallard would easily have a preachy, unfunny version of that.
Perky Bird
May 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

# 121, 123– No, no, Liz isn’t making the coffee mug float. She’s simply wedged it between her boobs.
Revenge of Chesnut
May 14th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

#18 Bobdog- I totally think the same thing every time I see Mark Trail reclining on the bed with his phone like that. He should be in one of those commercials they play on the CW or Fox after 10 p.m. that invite you to “chat with local wildlife enthusiasts.” I can just see it, Cherry walks into the bedroom, wanting sex, but Mark refuses to hang up the phone, “I’m on a date!” Then he laughs uproariously at something his invisible but clever interlocutor has said as Cherry cries herself to sleep in the living room again.
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

#122 – The Mother feels she doesn’t need counseling personally – she simply medicates with half a bottle of Jack every day.

The kid, though – that’s another story, which is being played out in gruesome slow-mo.

I really think Andy is the only intelligent entity in this strip.
Vyola
May 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

#61 – FBOW — I think on the day of the great Liz-Anthony nuptials the strip should show Warren and Paul together somewhere, perhaps ~~Vegas~~ anywhere in Canada exchanging their own vows, having the time of their lives enjoying their freedom from Foobdom.

Fixed that for ya.
Justafoob
May 14th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

#121 Mibbitmaker, I think what you are telling us is that Liz has the highest foobchlorian count ever seen.

She is the one from the prophesy, the one who will bring balance to Canadia.
Forrest
May 14th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

There is no way that Harriet is not a post-op transexual. That’s a man woman if ever I saw one.
Dick Tracy Broke into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 14th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

#86 Ces – Wow. I’m almost speechless. That’s… wow.

Damn, it’s so embarrassing when comic strip artists and writers actually show up here and see what we snark. (shuffles feet, looks at ground)

On the subject of Warren Peace (nice, bats!), I noticed that at least the author(s) attempted to show things from Warren’s point of view. With Liz being the great big whiny baby that she is and all.
AirForbes
May 14th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

This is by far the silliest Mark Trail ever, and that’s saying something. Is the puppy the only one who can operate or something? The minute Mark finds him, they’re going to have him gown up and run into the operating room, tail wagging, with a scapel in his mouth.
Calvin
May 14th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Gah! Poor Warren. That bio is longer than The Great Gatsby!!!

“Warren believed in the green light hanging over Liz’ door, in the stultifying future that day-by-day receeds before us. Liz eluded him today, but tomorrow he will stalk a little harder, jump up and down flapping his arms a little faster, and one fine day….

…So he beat off, back against Liz’s shrubbery, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
Box Goddess
May 14th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

JP: I thought that the land mine explosion just blew off Steve’s legs. Did it also blow off his cojones?
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

And what about poor little Jesse from Mofotaki, wondering why Liz, who promised she’d stay in touch with him, blew him off as well after the Paul n’ Susan fiasco.

Way to go with helping to establish a goodly sense of self-esteem in a sweet, innocent Native American/Aboriginal boy.
Shermy Glamrocker
May 14th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

That security guard in RMMD is no security guard. The mask is a disguise.

He’s actually is the member of an elite high-school burglary team, and while he distracts Rex and June, his cohorts are filling the back of a truck with overhead projectors, mimeograph machines, the red rubber all-purpose playballs from gym class, and those funny smelling rolls from the cafeteria.

What? So it’s been a few years since I’ve been in high school.
UncleJeff
May 14th, 2008 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

#100 Perky Bird: The musical version of the Funky Winkerbean ring tone is (or should be) taken from the Hee Haw TV show
“Doom, Despair, Agony on Me…
Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery.
If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.
Doom, Despair, Agony on Me”
Bootsy
May 14th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

“Warren thought of Liz, warm and eager to have the passion that he knew was inside stoked into a fire. Then she told him “I’m engaged! We’ve cared for each other a long time, and our friendship grew into …more”. Jesus Christ, he thought, what a stick! I really dodged a bullet on that one. The more he remembered her pushy judgemental mother, her bumbling inept father, the way they worshipped that dipshit brother of hers and neglected her little sister, the happier he was that he took that dangrous job overseas. “The farther away I am from this mess, the better,” he breathed in relief.

“I think I’ll get as puppy,” Warren decided. He felt great!”
The Other Katzenjammer Kid
May 14th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

If you google Funky Winkerbean or Crankshaft, the two Seattle newspapers appear among the top-5 entries. I though this might be a Microsoft Explorer Trojan Horse, except Firefox does it, too!! Coincedence? I think not!!
spencer
May 14th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

I actually thought Blondie was funny. Does that mean I’m retarded?
Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
May 14th, 2008 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

#141 OKK
The same thing happens if you Google Zits, Sally Forth, or any of a number of King Features comics.

King features does not make their comics available on the web every day, and only a handful of papers publish them on the web. Why both Seattle papers float to the top of that heap, as opposed to the Houston Chronicle for example, I don’t know.
Different Dan
May 14th, 2008 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

Whew. I just made it all the way through Warren’s bio, and I’ve got to say, “Repercussions of Evil” was much more entertaining.
Trogdor
May 14th, 2008 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

23, 66, and 109: I had the same reaction you did when you saw the Scrabble board. “Impossible,” I thought, and so I didn’t even pay attention to the lame joke. Alas, upon reflection, Scott and Borgman have an out. The word “syllabic” is perfectly legit, and could have been played previously using the letters in a normal hand. Walt could then have simply added the letters “MONO” to the front, making the much larger word, monosyllabic. I’m sure that’s not what they meant, and it doesn’t explain why he has no tiles left in his hand, but it might just pass the straight-face test.

66: Francesco Marciuliano proved that he’s not a fogey in my book when he let Stephan Pastis have Ted Forth looking for a prostitute in PBS. That’s where he truly won me over. None of the ‘legacy’ comic strip authors have that much a sense of humor about their characters.
Colinski
May 14th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Hey, most coins have probably been up someone’s nose too, just for different reasons.
Tess
May 14th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Yes Dolly. And someday you will know how we pay for the expensive paper money with our sweat, blood, and tears. :( The jingle money just sits in a punch bowl, waiting… waiting until we desperately need that pack of Pall Malls.
Colinski
May 14th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

I see Mark Trail gets his jollies by resting his legs in the enormous maw of his freakish giant canine.
Bitter Scribe
May 14th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

#28: …so maybe it’s the other way around, and Mr. Alternative Comix [Robert Crumb] isn’t as original as everybody thinks.

Oh, people would be shocked if they knew how derivative Crumb’s stuff was. He’s very much in the mode of 1950s Mad magazine, with its whipsaw changes between realism and comic grotesqueness.

Before any outraged Crumb fans flame me, let me add that 1) Crumb freely acknowledges this influence and 2) I admire Crumb as an artist tremendously. Part of an artist’s development is building on the genres that influenced you in your youth.
yudantaiteki
May 14th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Paper money may have been up people’s noses, but all the pennies are ass pennies, so that’s not much better.
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

#150 – What, no ass quarters?
NotMe
May 14th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

JP: Gloria will soon be leaving the strip to join the meter-maid and the waitress as the newest member of the Jungle Patrol.
Cheese-n-Pear
May 14th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

JP: Were I a terrorist (and just to clear up any possible misconceptions, I’m not), I would probably focus my efforts on acts with widespread consequences likely to spread fear across a large part of the populace. I would not consider sending beautiful, exotic women half-way around the world to tape shut the mouths of injured US veterans’ mothers and then shout threats of angry, angry, sexy revenge.

All of this leads me to wonder whether this is just some extra-kinky dominatrix fantasy of Steve’s that just got a little out of hand. Or, given that he’s now got his bound mother witnessing Gloria and Samira in a no-holds-barred cat fight, maybe it’s going just as he planned.
Dr. Weird
May 14th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

#100 I was going to say it’d be the MASH theme, “Suicide is Painless.” Then I thought “Since this is Funky Winkerbean, it wouldn’t be. Anyone who tried it would do it in the most inefficient and painful way possible. Perhaps eating a flare gun.”
Perky Bird
May 14th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

# 154– “Suicide Is Painless” was my first thought, too. But then I thought, “No, in Funkytown, no one ever takes the easy way out. They just sit back and let Death take its slow, painful, humiliating time.”

And forgive me, but the thought of suicide-by-flare-gun actually made me laugh. I know, I’m a bad person…
Gabe
May 14th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Ed, so you’re definitely joining the Walkers in putting the hump in Hump Day? I approve.

Between that and Spider-Man watching TV, hair brained wackiness in MT, and FOOB hitting a turdball out of the park, Veronica missing pants, today would be an awful day to play the CC drinking game.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 14th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

MT: Man! Where can I get me a vehicle with a driver’s side picture window?

Warren Peace: I can imagine the bull sessions in FOOBcorp’s break room, around a table groaning under butter tarts, as the ~~creatives~~ FOOBcorp “family” employs a white board and Post-its to cobble together Warren’s Story.

#29 Diamond Joe:

A “regular” job? What is this animus Lynn has against flying helicopters?

Although I never, ever watch horror movies, as my delicate disposition prevents this pastime, I caught “28 Weeks Later” last night, which features a chopper pilot heroically tilt-a-whirling dozens of rampaging zombies into flinging, wet bits. Today, I find this imagery oddly exhilarating as I contemplate Warren’s potential to give Milborough wedding celebrants something to remember.
Calico
May 14th, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

GA May 9 -
Sounds like the gimp scene from Pulp Fiction.

Oh Lordy Miss Clawdy.

Even the wealthy parents don’t want him now.

Where the Hell is Bruce Willis when you need him?
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 14th, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

I was snooping around on the Foobsite, trying to find a more scathingly pejorative way to describe Lynn’s tools than “FOOBcorp family,” when I discovered this.

http://fborfw.com/fun/dress_april/

To my shame, I admit it: I dressed April. And frankly, I’ve never seen her look so dumpy. It’s like she took the FW leap forward.
cheech wizard
May 14th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

JP – How will Steve react to Gloria’s decisive action?

1- With a massive boner – as an ex-SEAL, he’s smitten!
2- With alarm – as an ex-SEAL, he realizes that only a complete psycho woman would grab a detonator from a terrorist bent on martyrdom.
3- With anger – as an ex-SEAL, he was looking forward to snapping Samira’s neck himself.
4 – Applauding Gloria’s action by clapping his flippers together and barking.
velvet goldmine
May 14th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

JP: I don’t care how erotic y’all find Action Gloria. I miss the squint.
cheech wizard
May 14th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

FW – Since when do school board presidents have their own office on school property? Last I checked, school boards are part-time officials elected to oversee budgets and ensure that taxpayer’s money is not spent on teaching sex education or evolution. That should be the superintendent she’s talking to.
Deborah
May 14th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Oh, ferfuxake, Mark, just get a random puppy. Comatose kids can’t tell!
Tweeks_Coffee
May 14th, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

#159 – Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed: Apparently you missed when we first discovered this feature. It begins with this post…
http://joshreads.com/?p=1528#comment-486463

I made one at 262 and Dean Booth had his won masterpiece at 263. I believe True Fable submitted one on the next thread as well.
Bootsy
May 14th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

# 159, Zeus help us all, Spotted H0rse! I found that yesterday as I read the Warren ~~abomination~~ bio, and I tried it! The little “click” at the top magically makes the bun appear and disappear. Alas, there is no magic “click” to make the frumpy clothes and broad hips disappear.
velvet goldmine
May 14th, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Cheech — excellent catch!

And good call to whoever mentioned the Dick Cheney face in panal 2. Now that’s all I can see.

But of ALL TIMES of Batuik to drop the sideways gash-grin, why did he have to start now? That would have really made the Mother Bates-Cheney storyline (in my head) complete.
commodorejohn
May 14th, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

#161 velvet goldmine – Indeed, the only thing that could make this any awesomer/hotter is if she had those anime happy-eyes and smile she had back when she was introduced.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 14th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Holy crap! It finally hit me, what’s been bugging me all along about the Foobsite. Lynn’s writing her own fanfic! Hahahhahahhaha! All this bullshit back story on Warren, the horrific monthly letters, all the background info on bit characters…

Lynn, you can’t write your own fanfic! If you can’t convey the info in deeds and dialogue and in five panels, you’re toast. You can’t have endless do-overs, you… you Foob, you. Respect the form!
Warren Blackwood
May 14th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

I really messed things up with Liz. Why did I have to become a helicopter pilot who often has to leave the city limits of Millborough? Why couldn’t I have chosen a regular job, like doing the books for some gas station?

Things might have been different. If only I had married someone who I didn’t love, then pressured her into having a child she didn’t want, and then passive/aggressively drove her away, then I might have been more attractive to women.

Instead, I’m just another young helicopter pilot, who flies around seeing the world, rescuing people and experiencing things. I’m no mustachioed bland gas station accountant with a young daughter. A swell gal like Liz could never fall for a boring loser like me. Our calm friendship would never gradually turn into a warm mutual fondness and then into a convenient, sensible marriage.

And now I’ll never achieve my lifelong dream of settling down in my hometown next to my parents, with a regular job, a matronly wife and many children. Isn’t that the ideal of every decent man?

Instead I’ll just have to fly all over the continent, having adventures and meeting interesting people.

Poor me.
bats :[
May 14th, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

110. Galuaboy: yeah, that part about the hotel desk clerk telling the Badguys what room Mark is in was pretty bogus. Even if the clerk had known better, Mr and Mrs Badguy could’ve figured it out easily enough by looking for the room door closest to the steaming piles of Andy-doo left near them on one of his “do your duty” romps.

128. Revenge of Chestnut (and Bobdog, too): what a lovely description of a late-night Mark Trail chat-line commercial! Future ads might include Sam Driver and Rex Morgan joining in on the fun, Sam lingering over a nice chicken dinner as Rex snaps at him playfully with a towel, “Hurry up! You’re missing all the fun!”

157. Spotted Horse, re the mutilation reception: wow! I’d love that! (and I don’t even like horror movies…this would be so cathartic!)
Bill Wright
May 14th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

GT: Unfortunately, Elmer is so caught up telling Branden about his big trip to Central City to meet with Ron Kaplovitz, he doesn’t realize that they are walking into oncoming traffic. Milford’s baseball season is about to take a tragic turn for the worse.
cheech wizard
May 14th, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

A3G – Idiot. If you’re trying to stash your dope, hide it in the baby changing table in the men’s room – no one will ever find it there.

DtM – Joey got three hits today, and from the look on his face, he’s about to give Dennis one upside his ugly ol’ punkin-haid.

FC – Jeffey is a bum. Goddamn social parasite.

MT – Mark’s dog is the size of a horse and he just lets it outside unattended to take its elephantesque dumps? Who’s the real criminal here?

MW – “Richard and I felt such peace when we walked back into her room – because we knew that with Mom dead, you’d never pester us again.”
Donald The Anarchist
May 14th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

MT “And so, flush with the success of the controversial ‘puppy therapy,’ Mark Trail surmised that heartbreak and loneliness were the root cause of the vast majority of comas and catatonic states in hospitals worldwide. Thus began his long crusade to ‘hook up’ every single chronically unconscious person with the soul mate of his (Mark’s) choice. But he was not to find his efforts unopposed. Unbeknownst to him, a sinister figure was visiting the sickbeds and through a gruesome technique known as ‘meddling’ was sending countless innocents rushing headlong into the arms of the Grim Reaper, before Mark’s Love Therapy had its chance. Is Mark capable of using the Fist O’Justice on a woman old enough to be his mother? Tune in tomorrow…”
BenG
May 14th, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

#74: When I said “his shit” I was referring to the son that is forcing her to give up her house and all her worldly posessions. You pay attention.
bats :[
May 14th, 2008 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

161. velvet goldmine: are you referring to Gloria in the coffee shop with Steve, when she can’t speak unless her eyes are closed?
queek
May 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

139: woooooooeeeeeeeeehhhh!

*sobs*
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
May 14th, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

#151 Calico:

What, no ass quarters?

No quarter assed. None given.
Vince M
May 14th, 2008 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

155: In my head I just heard a slow, funereal, minor-key version of Lipps Inc’s “Funkytown”.
Bitter Scribe
May 14th, 2008 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

Spotted Horse, that was the most horrible pun I’ve heard in years. And I’m a headline editor.
Anonymous
May 14th, 2008 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

Folks!

“Up up down down left right left right B A start; Just because we use cheats doesn’t mean we’re not smart” is lyrics to a popular song from the movie Juno.

The ending credits song in Juno is “Vampire”.

Clearly Mr. Marciuliano has just seen this movie, resulting in Ted’s current indie-induced escapade…
Stomper
May 14th, 2008 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Ah, I see. Unclear pronoun antecedent, and I jumped the wrong way. My bad, BenG.
Z. D. Smith
May 14th, 2008 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

The first panel in the above Mark Trail looks unspeakably, horribly pornographic, and there is nothing that anyone can say or do to lodge that image from my mind.
wooga
May 15th, 2008 at 12:37 am [Reply]

#150:
Paper money may have been up people’s noses, but all the pennies are ass pennies, so that’s not much better.
Beat me too it. UCB FTW!
Astroboy
May 15th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

#159 – Wooo-hooo! April in her underwear!Unfortunately, from the looks of things Apes is starting to resemble her mother and big sister below the waist.

Please April, lay off the butter tarts!
Keylord
May 15th, 2008 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Harry L. Dinkle is old, needs to get out of the house and has little to no hearing ability… does anyone else suspect that he might end up becoming the next bus driver?

I mean, Crankshaft’s probably been dead 9 of these 10 past years anyway.
Sally Villarreal
May 15th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

I would guess that jingle money spends some time up people’s noses as well. Little kid noses. Is that a dime in Dolly’s nose?
Joseph Grabko
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

SF: Konami code for the instant win. All these people talking about Contra and what-not seem to have forgotten that the code was first is in Gradius, which is arguably the best damn video game ever made.

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