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Great moments in drug humor

Apartment 3-G, 5/20/08

Things Haley might have said that could have been even dorkier than “Wow. This dope is super — I feel great!”:

Nothing. There is absolutely nothing anyone could say or do that would make this hard-hitting drug use storyline any squarer than it is right now. Alan and Haley’s dope binge is making Mary Worth’s Tommy the Tweaker storyline (which, I might remind you ended with “Yeah, parents … what are you going to do?” and “UHHHHHHHHHHH” and “I hate drug dealers!” and “Groan!”) look like the unrated director’s cut of Trainspotting.

Can someone who’s an expert in drug paraphernalia and/or fluid dynamics explain to me what the deal is with Alan’s “pipe”? It looks less like something you’d use to smoke dope (of whatever flavor) and more like one of those jumbo straws for drinking bubble tea. Perhaps the syndicate would agree to greenlight this drug-fueled storyline only if nothing in the art remotely resembled anything someone could actually use to ingest illegal narcotics, and all the characters talked like utter dweebs.

Gil Thorp, 5/20/08

Panel three is a good example of why visually-oriented media like the comics don’t build storylines around lawyers very often. “Will the Vargases’ attorney manage to keep Elmer in the U.S. legally? Thrill as he plumbs the depths of Title 8 of the U.S. code! Gasp as he makes a few phone calls to some friends over at U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services! Can his secretary make enough copies of his notes for everyone at his 4:30 meeting? Does he have time to step out for coffee? How many billable hours will he put in today?” Judge Parker, take note.

Archie, 5/20/08

“Also, what Jughead had thought for the past eight years was his ‘dog’ turns out to be a short guy in a fursuit. We’re both pretty freaked out about it, honestly.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 05:07 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Archie, Gil Thorp. |

239 responses to “Great moments in drug humor”

gh
May 20th, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Why do you think they call it dope?
Vakar
May 20th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

Andy? Mark Trail’s Andy? Look what their drugs have done to you!!
Iwanttobeasleep
May 20th, 2008 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

His pipe is about the right size, shape, and color to be a tampon, and that’s a little disturbing.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 20th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

a short guy in a fursuit

On the plus side, this makes their relationship legal in most states now.
Timothy Burke
May 20th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

I think Alan is indulging in yerba mate, with the straw and all, and he’s under the illusion (along with his friend) that it’s a crazy drug. Totally wild, man, you suck it up with a metal straw and it’s herbs and shit and it fucks you up.
Lunch Lady
May 20th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

That “lawyer” has the biggest left hand I have ever seen.
indichik
May 20th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

The Archie Joke Generating Laugh Unit 3000 has finally malfunctioned beyond all repair, and is now borrowing “ideas” from Marvin.
Rainbird
May 20th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

OK, I admit that as a child of the 60s, I indulged in ‘dope”, but never in my life did I use that tampon looking thing Alan is using. Water pipe, yes. ate it as brownies, yes. Snorted through a straw, no.

Could this be about cocaine, but the writer and artist never got together to discuss it?

Or is Alan too dorky to use coke?
zenbowl
May 20th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

Alan seems to have procured himself one of those fake-rose-in-a-tube crack pipes. Which begs the question – does crack actually enhance one’s ability to appreciate art? Have I misjudged crack? And, seriously, how do the 3G people know about the rose in a tube thing?
diddly
May 20th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

alot of times you smoke crack out of a rolled up piece of aluminum foil. Roll it around a Bic pen, take it off, bend the end up a little, throw in a balled up bit of foil or cigarette ashes as a filter (the “dope” melts and these give it something to soak into) voila…..ghetto crack pipe.
O.C.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

Crackpipe? Pretty sure that’s a crackpipe. Though I did see a marijuana pipe once that was metal tube painted white, to look like a cigarette. (This was at a horribly geeky training session for dormitory staff to know how to recognize drug paraphernalia.)
teegee
May 20th, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

That Archie strip is one of the most surreal things I’ve ever seen. The floating Hot Dog in panel one, the knobless door in panel two, the existence of opposible thumbs on Hot Dog in panel three … this must be the “art” Haley wants to go look at.
bats :[
May 20th, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

6. Lunch Lady: OTOH, the lawyer’s left hand looks to be about the same size as his right one. He’s either been siphoning off the appendage vitamins from the Dick Tracy cast (which is rapidly devolving into a new species of pinnapeds), or he’s borrowed his kid’s new “Incredible Hulk Smash Hands”:
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=sc_iw_r_1_0/601-8384013-1498518?ie=UTF8&asin=B000Z4TBVA
Oh, that Gil Thorp were in color to test this theory!
cletus van damme
May 20th, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

Re: the pipe: I’d guess crack, but a crack pipe that shape would usually contain a piece of metal scouring pad (according to Clockers, anyway). One could equally use it for chasing the dragon, but then one needs something to hold the opiate while it’s being heated.
Violet
May 20th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

I think it’s hilarious that the hopeless degenerate Haley’s idea of drug-fueled mayhem is the absurdly wholesome suggestion to “go look at the art.” It’s clear why Alan is so outraged; he’s all, “No, let’s go to the nursing home and read to visually impaired seniors!”

It’s interesting that the other two story-lines featured today, the levitating rock ‘n’ roll dog and the inanimate objects conspiring against Elmer Vargas, really do seem drug-induced.
Diamond Joe
May 20th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

Pretty much any kind of glass tube can be used as a crack pipe. Alan’s isn’t too different from the one here, for instance… except that Alan’s looks unused.
Four Questions About The Funnies
May 20th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: Is this line of dialogue a tiny bit dorkier? “Gee whiz, these drugs we smoked sure are nifty! My perception is altered! Let’s go ‘trip out’ and gaze at the paintings.”

Or how about this one? “Goodness gracious, I appear to be under the influence of ‘grass’! I hope I don’t lose all control and murder someone! Because of the dope!”

Or maybe this? “Yo holmes this ‘wacky tobacky’ is hella good! It is what it is! Let’s go chill out! Do you know what I am saying yo?”

Or how about this? “I am so stoned that Mallard Fillmore makes sense to me now!”
Kenny
May 20th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

No No, Josh. It only looks like a guy in a fursuit because of the opposable thumb, bipedal stance, and mention of “hair”… Dogs have thumbs though, it’s there to hold the guitar pick… obviously.
Monster Jamz
May 20th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

man, that Apartment 3-G is freakin’ me out! and the AJGLU-3000 got the “PUN” category right but mixed up the mammals. dogs don’t generally rock out to human music. generally. unless the “stuff” from Apartment 3-G is involved. bubble tea for all!
Chris Opperman
May 20th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Your new punchline for Archie made me laugh out loud. Thanks for that.
McManx
May 20th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

Apt. 3-G: This drug storyline has all the trappings of a 1972 “After School Special,” except that it is even more contrived. All that lacks is a celebrity guest star like Bill Cosby to appear and steer these “crazy kids” back to the straight and narrow.

Of course, I could hope the writers have seen “Reefer Madness” and anyday now Alan will devolve into fits of manic piano playing while Hayley passes out on the couch.
Lisa
May 20th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Didn’t Josh notice that Beetle Bailey today seems to be directly aimed at us, or at least to online readers of comic strips. Going meta, much?
Sly Robbie
May 20th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

Archie: Ewok-a-lu-la, she’s my baby!

A3G: Panel 1 should read: “Wow, this dope is dope! Let’s scope out the dope art!” Followed by: “Bitch, you gots to go.”
Bitter Scribe
May 20th, 2008 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

A3G is like listening to, say, Pat Boone do Marilyn Manson covers.
Laura c
May 20th, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

Bubble tea IS crack.
P
May 20th, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

Yep; that’s definitely a crack pipe if I’ve ever seen one.
JP (not Judge Parker)
May 20th, 2008 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

A3G: It’s probably supposed to be crack. Chasing the dragon would be way more artsy, which, given Alan’s talent, makes it even more likely he is actually smoking crack.
Sans Sense
May 20th, 2008 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

DT: Locher never fails to freak me out. He first goes out of his way to prove that perfect facial symmetry is not a hallmark of beauty then gives her the right arm of an alligator to make sure we got the point. I got the point, Dab Stract.
Sans Sense
May 20th, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

MT: What does Mark have against Andy anywho? Equipping him with 1950’s KGB surplus is just spiteful.
Lolsworth
May 20th, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

For the maximum effect, read Haley’s first panel dialogue in the voice of Trevor Howard.
20 Miles From the City
May 20th, 2008 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

A3G: “Whoa, dude, this dope is…”
“Dope?”
“No, super!”
“Wh– super? Just get the hell out of here, woman!”
I also like the fact that, in addition to them not using drug lingo or real drug paraphernalia, neither one of them appears to actually be high.

GT: “But not knowing/feels like I’m going” He’s a poet/and he doesn’t know it.

Archie: As with most “Archie” strips, I got the following out of reading this:
1) This makes no sense whatsoever.
2) That pun is ridiculously bad.
3) Damn, Veronica is hot!!!

Dennis: I think we all know that Margaret only wants to get Dennis’s attention by giving him the silent treatment…hence the fact that she will push her little stroller by him repeatedly over the course of the day despite her avowed wish not to talk to him.

Lockhorns: The notion of Loretta going out in just her underwear is very disturbing and inappropriate for a family newspaper. I demand an apology from the creators.

Snuffy Smith: Dee-Dee is brought to tears by the way her husband treats her. However, the cold-hearted Maw merely laughs cruelly at her. I thought hillbillies were FRIENDLY?
Dora Standpipe
May 20th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Next thing you know these two in A3G will be having pre-marital sex!
Not track 5, not chainsaw juggling
May 20th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Goddamnit. I knew — I just knew — that if I hung around long enough, eventually it would come around to me, no matter how hard I tried to live right. But, it’s official.

Today, I am apparently a Plugger.

Shudder.
Lulu
May 20th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Instructions for deriving actual entertainment from today’s A3G:

1. Remove all nouns.
2. Fill in blank spaces as desired.

Considering the “pipe” Alan is holding doesn’t really look like anything specific, the possibilities are endless!
Mac
May 20th, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

I think it’s a blowpipe, and Alan is using the standard “Stand away and hit customer with a dart” method. Either that, or the pipe has already been put away and it’s just a straw.
Virginia
May 20th, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

In my defense, I know this thanks to many a documentary shown, but it looks like a shellagh(sp?), which is used to smoke meth.

I don’t remember anyone caling it “dope” in the documentaries, but to be honest, the people shown weren’t usually art gallery workers, although some were surburban housewives. I don’t know.

OTOH, has anyone else been getting doubles of 9CL? I don’t really need to read it twice, although I have to admit, it’s better than it’s been in the past.
Sans Sense
May 20th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

FOOB:

It was at that moment that Weed irrevocably accepted the fact that his “dear friend” was exactly what his therapist had long hinted at, a true and classical narcissist. No amount of disingenuous flattery over his insipid prose or free dust jacket photography was going to win any amount of empathy or balance in this relationship. It was self-preservation that curled his hand around the screwdriver. It was righteous indignity that gave him the power to strike, over and over again.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 20th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

@17: Mallard Fillmore makes sense to me now!

No drug is that powerful.
Rusty
May 20th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

GT: At least this attorney is consistent with Judge Parker’s in loosening his tie to signify hard work.
JB
May 20th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

Yes, Virginia (36), there is a Santa Claus. Or a second 9CL on the Chronicle page. Whichever works for you.
Father Mackenzie
May 20th, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Am I really the first one to notice that Elmer’s fate is in the hands of a Russian dictator?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 20th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

Not track 5 etc. @ 33: Who do they think they’re kidding? You’re safe, Track 5. You’re not a Plugger. Real Pluggers don’t go to college unless it’s on the G.I. Bill.

Virginia @ 36: You’re seeing 9CL twice because PreTeena ended last Sunday, and the Chron Web site is substituting 9CL in its place. Who knows why — they could just leave it blank…
Champ
May 20th, 2008 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

I love the “Let’s go look at some art!” line. Of course, in reality she would have said, “Let’s go listen to some Pink Floyd!”
Sans Sense
May 20th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Exposition is always made easier when June and her pal pull out the “splainin” hand.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
May 20th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Apropos of everything for a change:

As somebody or a few people mentioned in the last thread, Will Elder died last week.

Instead of a moment of silence, we should SNARK LOUDER.

We shall never see his like again.

And he was born in The Bronx, too.
Sans Sense
May 20th, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

42. The Spectacular Spider-Brick -

I always thought real Pluggers only went to college for something to do that wouldn’t jeopardize their fraudulent disability claim.
A Lemur
May 20th, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

I think the suspicious level of drug paraphernalia knowledge demonstrated by Los Curmudgeons so far, pretty much guarantees this blog is now under the watchful eye of Dick Tracy. Yer all going to get dropped down a smokestack…
Lisa
May 20th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

(OTOH, has anyone else been getting doubles of 9CL? I don’t really need to read it twice, although I have to admit, it’s better than it’s been in the past.)

As the spiderbrick said upstream, 9CL is subbing for Preteena, which sadly has ended. I don’t know why they did that…. there are others that were left blank for a while before being deleted, like They’ll Do It Every Time…. who knows….
Lisa
May 20th, 2008 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

So, has anyone heard from Niall lately?
commodorejohn
May 20th, 2008 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

#43 Champ – Oh PLEASE don’t let me have that in common with the denizens of A3G…
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 20th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

Sans Sense @ 46: Pluggers only go to college if it has the word “technical,” “trade” or “beauty” in the name.
Sans Sense
May 20th, 2008 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

51. The Spectacular Spider-Brick -

AND are venerable institutions that advertise on local cable in the wee hours…
Luprand
May 20th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

I think Alan’s already done with whatever “dope” he was using paraphernalia for and is just dealing with the munchies. There actually is a bubble tea, just outside the panel border.
Sans Sense
May 20th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

51. The Spectacular Spider-Brick -

Potential Plugger coeds also find vanity branding irresistable in their pursuit of higher learning…

About Trump University
Here’s what you should know about Trump University.

Our mission is to teach you success.
fnord3125
May 20th, 2008 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

Is there really an unrated director’s cut of Trainspotting? that’s pretty much my favorite movie of all time.
Djur
May 20th, 2008 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

The pipe plus the reference to “rock” earlier suggests crack, but it could be any freebase. My bet’s on crystal meth.
odinthor
May 20th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

49. Lisa. –

So, has anyone heard from Niall lately?

No, we’re all in deNiall.

Well, somebody had to say it.
Old School Allie Cat
May 20th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

A3G – I thought I’d never say this, but, I wonder what Tommie is up to?
Jamus The Bartender
May 20th, 2008 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

49. He’s on his way to Ireland for a few weeks, I heard.
Cami
May 20th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

No, I’m pretty sure those bats and helmets were insulting Elmer. Who wouldn’t take a shot at that loser, no matter how inatimate?
Brick Bradford
May 20th, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

DT Shirl Lock Holmes, huh? Waaaaaaaaaaay back when there was a short lived and incredibly bad Dick Tracy cartoon series. Dick rarely appeared, his police work being largely handled by a variety of ethnic stereotypes. Dick would appear at the start,speaking into his two way wrist radio, giving instructions. He’d usually show up as deus ex machina at the last minute.
Anyway, one of his minions was a talking bulldog who wore a British police helmet and answered to the name Hemlock Holmes (get it? nudge nudge), who led a bad of inept cops called the Retouchables (it was funny because “The Untouchables was still on, see?) My point, is could Shirl Lock Holmes be the daughter of said Hemlock Holmes? Or is this an incredibly vague shoutout to the old cartoon series? Or have I just watched too much television in my life.

Oh, new computer, new antivirus, I can get the Chronicle comics. yay!
LilJinx
May 20th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Could be a crack or meth pipe. Neither of which would cause someone to utter the phrase “this dope is super”, though.
Diamond Joe
May 20th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

#48 Lisa:

And for heaven’s sake, the Chronicle still has a box for Kudzu on its “build your own comics page” checklist.
Brick Bradford
May 20th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Gee, Niall even suggested he might have better things to do while in Ireland than snark on the funny pages. Hard to imagine!
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
May 20th, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Virginia, et al.: Why doubles of 9CL? My guess is that it’s the result of poor programming. The code is looking for a comic with Preteena’s number code and, failing to find it, substitutes the alphabetically first comic (9CL). Fascinating, eh?

Congrats to Dingo and the COTW runners up. I had to look up decolatague (or whatever that word was) — and I’m certainly glad to have another word for the breastal area.
Jemmy
May 20th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

58 Allie–
Tommie? Who– oh, yeah, there was a boring redhead in A3G once! But now the 3 in A3G stands for Lu Ann, Margo, and…well, actually I think it stands for Alan, his pipe, and his drugs.
bats :[
May 20th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

Appropriate of nothing, other than last week’s FOOBery, there is apparently video footage of Warren flying off to his next destination…and just look what Lizardbreath missed:
http://blog.wired.com/defense/2008/05/pro-kremlin-sup.html
Uncle Balustrade
May 20th, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

“For God’s sake, man, tell them to get out their f___ing golf shoes!!!
commodorejohn
May 20th, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

Re: 9 Chickweed Lane in place of Preteena, I’m not sure why it would do that, but if you do want to read Preteena, all you have to do is view a black-and-white Chron comic and replace the comic name in the URL with “Preteena.” Like so:

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/5/15&name=Agnes

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/5/15&name=Preteena

And voila!
Lithros
May 20th, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

Alan is actually holding nothing more illicit than a Pixy Stick; in the slow-paced world of Apartment 3-G, the rush from 2.2 grams of pure, actual sugar (as opposed to “sugar”) is all the sweet escape a “drug addict” (read: sweet-tooth) could desire.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
May 20th, 2008 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

#69, cj: Preteena has ended, so you can only see it before 5/18.
Agnostic Married Woman
May 20th, 2008 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

“Wow, this dope is super–I feel great!” Sounds like a T-shirt slogan to me.

(Could even say, “Let’s go look at the art!” on the back.)
Not Track 5, not chainsaw juggling
May 20th, 2008 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

Re: What is Alan smoking?

According to Wiki, the main effect of smoking both meth and crack is a feeling of euphoria. Since nothing about Alan (or even A3G, for that matter) screams “euphoria,” we can probably eliminate those two from the list.

I think he’s probably smoking wood shavings and carpet lint.
TurtleBoy
May 20th, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

Archie: “dog” my ass, that’s one of the denizens of that horrible “Planet of the Apes”: check out the prehensile toes!
GG
May 20th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

So there are three options as to what Alan is smoking in his perfectly tubular pipe. It could be heroin, but black tar heroin, which is why he’s smoking it. That’s the one that makes sense, but is kind of a stretch considering that the A3G team clearly has the combined drug knowledge and street smarts of Bill Cosby. Otherwise, Alan is either smoking crack and they just called it “dope” for some reason-in which case like everyone else in the NY art world he’s doing cocaine, he just somehow fucked up and is doing the wrong kind of cocaine-maybe in a twisted effort to keep it real? The only other option is that “dope” here refers to marijuana, a very old school touch. If that’s the case we’re apparently getting a story about the crazy perils of pot and how even art world types apparently have to hide the fact that they do it.
Anonymous
May 20th, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

Ummm, that would be a crack STEM, not a pipe. I wouldn’t expect ALAN to know this, but a Baltimore native can’t identify a crack stem?…the shame. Where is your civic pride?

Being new in Baltimore, I needed my neighbors to accurately identify the various paraphernalia stashed around my newly rehabbed rowhouse, and apparently the pipe/stem dichotomy is an important one. Alan needs to spend a week in Pigtown to get some street cred.
Deena in OR
May 20th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

@49-Speaking of “Has anyone seen _______ lately?”, when was the last time we heard from Rainbird and Huntingbyrd?
AMSTERDANG
May 20th, 2008 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

As an actual, real-life immigration lawyer, I must say your assessment of my daily routine is all too accurate. With a heavy heart, I must now choose between hanging myself with my suspenders or choking on my mustache.
Alfred E. Neuman
May 20th, 2008 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

#77 Deena in OR— Rainbird is at #8 above.
Big Sims
May 20th, 2008 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

#77 Deena in OR,
Post # 8 today – Rainbird.
How tricks in OR?
Erik
May 20th, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

This is what happens when you only spring for human anatomy data in your Archie Joke Generating Laugh Unit 3000 and then make it write a joke about dogs.
Deena in OR
May 20th, 2008 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

Duh, errrr…….::blushes::Sorry about that, Rainbird.
Oregon is great-waiting, like everyone else, for primary returns.
Invisible Me
May 20th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

“Could be a crack or meth pipe. Neither of which would cause someone to utter the phrase “this dope is super”, though.”

I think the dope she’s talking about is Alan.
Buck Ripsnort
May 20th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Maybe I’m just “out of it”, and not “in touch” w/ “the scene of today, man”, but Alan doesn’t have the expression of a man on crack, coke, angel dust or “mary jane”. He looks like a drunk who just discovered the barkeep spitting in his brandy stinger.
Buck Ripsnort
May 20th, 2008 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

As a child in the sixties, I remember the Archie Saturday morning cartoon, including the band The Archies. Hot Dog conducted, holding the baton w/ an opposable-thumbed paw. At the time it didn’t seem really strange, although if he’d tried “hair guitar”, the Archies would have voted unanimously to gas him.
beans
May 20th, 2008 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

“Gee Whilikers, Alan! This dope is just swell!”
JP (not Judge Parker)
May 20th, 2008 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

55: Yeah, there is a director’s cut of Trainspotting, but it didn’t come out in the U.S. until a few years ago I believe. Here is the link on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Trainspotting-Directors-Collectors-Ewan-McGregor/dp/B0001XALTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1211334520&sr=8-1
cheech wizard
May 20th, 2008 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

Archie – This is truly one of the most frightening things I’ve ever seen. Or is it just a Snuffy Smith crossover?
cheech wizard
May 20th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

A3G – I don’t know what Alan’s been smoking, but I’m pretty sure the cartoonist is dropping acid.

JP – “Sorry to bother you m’am, but I’ve had requests from the mothers of a bunch of 13-year-old boys that you either start covering up or they’re going to cancel their newspaper subscriptions.”
Poteet
May 20th, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

GT — “Not knowing feels like I’m going.” Oh dear. The first thing that brought to mind was the memory of how it feels when one is first coming down with really galloping diarrhea, the kind caused by food poisoning, and it starts with passing gas that one is not entirely sure is entirely gas.
soundman
May 20th, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

So at the ZZ Top concert last weekend a group of 5 teenagers were lighting a “filter-tip cigarette” that was really a pipe for weed. It looked like a Marlboro, and if only they hadn’t smoked it like weed, it might’ve fooled someone. Maybe someone with no nose. Alan’s got one of those.

Also, the lawyer? That’s not who does immigration case work. Bighand there is a paralegal. The lawyer is having another martini.
cheech wizard
May 20th, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

Archie – Spoiler alert! Hot Dog is being played by Tommy Kirk, Veronica by Annette Funicello and tomorrow we’ll see Fred McMurray as Mr. Lodge.
Shlomo
May 20th, 2008 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

Now I know what Archie would look like wearing Charlie Brown’s shirt. Thank you Archie Joke Generating Laugh Unit 3000.
Anonymous
May 20th, 2008 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

#86 – I was LITERALLY writing that exact sentence. Well, I was going to say “Golly gee willikers”, but there you have it. And then I hit the refresh button, and you beat me to it.
bats :[
May 20th, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

92. cheech wizard: with Haley Mills as Betty, Bob Denver as Jughead, and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
Dick Tracy Broke Into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 20th, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

#94 is me. Stupid Internet Explorer.
Poteet
May 20th, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

A3G — “This dope is super. I feel great!” Thanks, Haley, for reminding me of why my career as a drug fiend was so short. Try “This pot is really strong. Why are you looking at me like that? Why does my hair feel funny? Excuse me, I’m going to lie down and brood about why we are all fundamentally alone in a dark, dark universe, and then I’m going to eat everything in the fridge.”
Big Sims
May 20th, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

#90 Poteet
Was there a hitch-hiker with that fart?
Brick Bradford
May 20th, 2008 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

FWIW I seriously doubt that the gang at A3G is up on the lastest in drug paraphenalia. They were just too lazy to draw a real pipe.
Or, that is one MAJOR doobie he’s got there!
Poteet
May 20th, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

# 98 Big Sims — Yep, you got the idea. It was years ago, a large hog roast with at least twenty kinds of homemade potato salad and cole slaw sitting in the hot hot sun. I’m older and wiser now.
minor flood
May 20th, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

A3G:
I think we’ve been given a very strong visual cue as to the identity of the “dope” being enjoyed in this gallery: just look at the framed images of funky bud adorning the walls, dude. Alan’s gettin’ ready to fire up what is really a very peculiarly cylindrical J. I think Alan’s trying to ditch Haley ’cause he doesn’t want to share the pizza he’s getting ready to order.
Sheila Sternwell (the former Mrs. Tuddrussel)
May 20th, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

And now I know why the boxes of scouring pads at the local grocery store are always half-open and look as though they’ve been kicked through a few goalposts. Thank you, Comics Curmudgeon, for teaching me about crack!
Hawkeye
May 20th, 2008 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

GT: Bats and helmets killed his puppy, Gil. Way to be insensitive.
Big Sims
May 20th, 2008 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

It looks like the writers over at AG3 are trying to keep the ‘dope’ and ‘pipe’ non-specific. I wonder why. Do they want to avoid any legal trouble? Afraid that some recovering addict in the art world (heaven forbid!) might be offended? They needn’t worry – no person in AG3 bears ANY resemblance to ANY persons living or dead, and the situations are not merely fictitious, they’re – charitably put – delusional.
Mark in Boston
May 20th, 2008 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Oh no! Mark Trail’s dognappers just stole Rover from “Red and Rover” (http://www.comics.com/wash/redandrover/archive/redandrover-20080519.html)!
cheech wizard
May 20th, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

Like everyone else, I’ve been trying to come up with a rational explanation of Hot Dog’s gyrations in today’s Archie. I’ve finally concluded that yesterday, he snapped up one of Jughead’s habanero burritos. Today, he took a dump.
Disloyal Fan
May 20th, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

17: Thanks for the laughs! If I didn’t have CC, life would be completely, completely humorless.

31: Even more interesting to me was today’s “Tell Me About It” column, wherein Carolyn Hax informs us that “The Silent Treatment” is pure, evil Control Freakishness at it’s Worst! I never knew Margaret was the *true* menace in this strip!

33: Taking all the Pluggerisms together (and ignoring the confusing animal figures), *everybody* is a Plugger. How depressing is that??
queek
May 20th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

I am sad that no one mentioned a *serious* Right Hook O’Justice in monday’s Pibgorn.
Lunarhalo
May 20th, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Guitar Hero has clearly been occupying much of the AGLU 3000’s RAM of late.
cheech wizard
May 20th, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

Queek – Holy crap! I didn’t even notice! Probably because it was rendered by a competent artist.
cheech wizard
May 20th, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

GT – “Don’t worry, Elmer, you’ll never get kicked out of your country. You might get sent back to it, though. On the bright side, the major leagues are always eager for more South American ballplayers.”
mumbles
May 21st, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

FOOB: Ah yes, the glitterati of Millborough have all gathered at the local Barnes and Noble (or its Canadian equivalent). Poop-pants apparently reads this blog, tho – we’re ALL “incited”, wee lad.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
May 21st, 2008 at 12:26 am [Reply]

You’re not two of a kind. There’s Alan and his dope. And then there’s everyone else. And they can go to hell because they’re not dope.
True Fable
May 21st, 2008 at 12:54 am [Reply]

FBoFW Once again, Mike Patterson is shocked – SHOCKED, I say! – that his children are not gushing over the fact that their father is a fucking genius. Meanwhile, a reporter wants to ask an important question. Not about the book, or why a chick-lit novelist suddenly decided to break into the adventure/gore genre when he so obviously sucks at both, but just why in the hell did the author feel the need to pose for a Glamour shot for his publicity photo.
mcmc
May 21st, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

MT: Hurray! Time for punching! Punch the woman, Mark–it’s okay, she’s a lot bigger than you! Punch that guy! He’s got a pony tail! Punch!
ChattyGenes
May 21st, 2008 at 1:06 am [Reply]

To #90 Poteet.

As our mother used to say, “Do we HAVE to discuss this at the dinner table?!!”
bats :[
May 21st, 2008 at 1:07 am [Reply]

And speaking of Hump-day funnies:

A3G: And once again, Professor Aristotle is eager to show Ruby some of his own artwork, done by his own… ah…hand…

FC: “when Mommy makes chili for us, she just dumps it out of the can into a bowl. It’s not so much chilly, either, more like tepid.”
“Shut up, Billy.”

MT: day-um! It’s the Right Root o’ Justice! It’s gonna be punching time soon!
(It’s a little disconcerting how pleased Mark looks in the last panel…”Hey, how about that!”)

Mutts: love it.

MW: I don’t understand…aren’t Mary and Jeff “an item”? Why is it several days between visits, if they are? Or is this just some depraved Geritol-induced booty call?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2510738478/sizes/o/

RMMD: well, at least there’s no such thing as “Mustang Condoms”…I hate those corporate endorsements, particularly in K-12 schools!

GF: oooh, I love Satchel’s happy squished face.

PBS: it’s back! And it’s bad! And oh-so-cute!

FOOB: “…and from that moment on, Michael hated his daughter Meredith with an unnatural, non-paternal loathing that is associated only with the most despicable idividuals in human history.”
NotThatGuy
May 21st, 2008 at 1:09 am [Reply]

MT: What is with Mark’s tiny, tiny foot? Is he related to Ted Forth?

MW: Looks like we’re due for some scalding coffee in the lap action!
Diamond Joe
May 21st, 2008 at 1:10 am [Reply]

I’m not really in a snarking mood today. I just want to be the first to predict that Dick Tracy’s new foe will be named “Big Al Ergie.”

Or has this character appeared before? I’m not up on my Tracy lore.
rodent
May 21st, 2008 at 1:12 am [Reply]

#117: Oh Yeah, MT action! Feets don’t fail me now! The swift kick o’ justice–if only it were aimed at Mary Worth!
True Fable
May 21st, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Cathy (Must Die!) I’ll bet Cathy (MD!) has been in reruns for the past fifteen years and we are just led to believe it’s new stuff because the date’s changed on them.
Crock oh hell no. Are those…are those GOATS? I ask only because of the trite tin can reference. *sigh*. GOAT! I…I guess. ??
FC From the looks of the blood-red stuff on her spoon, I’d say that the Keane household lot a deduction on their taxes recenty.
FBoFW Elly wouldn’t have given a damn about this book signing if not for the Very Important People supposedly there for the Delicate Genius’s book signing. Yes, the Neighborhood Crime Watch captain is a VERY important person, all right. He’s there to make a citizen’s arrest on Mike for impersonating a writer.
FW Good lord, EVERYONE in this strip is despicable. It’s like the Black Hole of Badness, sucking in creeps from all over the universe.
GA Twang! Poinng! Tune! yep, that’s just what MY mandolin sounds like when I approach it. Translated, it means “oh for god’s sake, give it UP already!”
JP Wha – WHAT? We MISSED it? Well damn! Nothing happens for weeks, and then we get not one but TWO potential plotmoving action sequences going on, and only one is shown? WOODY! Can you say, “Equal Time”?!? And when did Abbey decide to borrow clothing from June Morgan?
Luann More like “The World’s Angsty Teens Society” to me. The aconmyn even fits.
MT How the hell did that skinny ineffectual leg manage to kick down that rubber door? Doesn’t he know how to knock, or is that the patented “Right Leg O’Justice Door Opening Technique” I’ve heard about?
MW Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, you poor delusional fool. All the sweet words in the world is not going to get you anywhere with Mary. She’s not going to give it up for you, not now, not ever. You’re better off sneaking around with Toeby on the side.
Mutts Fwapping on the comics page!
Plugger Who writes this shit? Of COURSE Pluggers are interested in supermarket prices. Treasury bonds are not very filling, and they get stuck in your teeth to boot.
RMDS I like that Nurse Carol’s head looks like if she twisted a little bit more, it would come off her shoulders like a twist-on cap! Handy for bureaucratic busywork!
left of the pyle
May 21st, 2008 at 1:35 am [Reply]

Mark Trails gangly legs, goofy smile and complete lack of ass are only trumped by the “jazz hands” he’s throwing as he kicks through the door. If it weren’t for lack of a yellow hat, I’d swear that H.A. Rey is guest-drawing today’s strip; who knows what trouble that impish monkey George will cause.
Deena in OR
May 21st, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

Heathcliff-not where my mind went at first.
Arglebargle
May 21st, 2008 at 2:21 am [Reply]

Luann: Wow, this is going to be a long week, ain’t it. Someone roll Bernice over so she don’t get bedsores.

Shoe: Being cremated alive would be a surprise. Just sayin’.

Crankshaft: In fact, live-cremation would solve other problems, too. Just sayin’.

Sally Forth: Hey, lookit that. Ted’s still a loser. I did not see that coming. Again.

Mutts: Nice ink spill, dude. You even integrated the lettering into it for some reason.

Mark Trail: What’s funnier? Ponytail taking a moment from his panicked fleeing to balance a ball on his thumb, or the completely nonthreatening image of skinny a twelve-year-old kid in a Mark Trail Halloween mask kicking in a rubber door? (I hope Mark gets a hand from his dog, or these big mugs are gonna f**k him UP.

Dick Tracy: Oh, thank God, some relatively undeformed people. Oh, s**t, let me guess: “Al Lergic.” …GO TO HELL.
Trilobite
May 21st, 2008 at 2:23 am [Reply]

A little bird told me about Wednesday’s comics…at least, I think that’s what was on my car windshield:

A3G: Gee, what kind of parents don’t like reading newspaper articles about how their daughter was seduced by the ghost of Albert Pinkham Ryder while suffocating on carbon monoxide fumes in a crappy studio?

Oh well, Ruby will just have to keep trying. Maybe the upcoming articles about how LuAnn’s boyfriend is going to prison for selling poorly-defined drugs to terminally unhip people will finally make them proud of their only daughter. And if that fails, there’s always next year’s big article: “Mentally-Challenged Woman Trapped in Revolving Door.”

Mark Trail: True Fable beat me to this one, but really, I want to know: How the hell did Mark Trail manage to kick a door off its hinges with those skinny little pipecleaner legs? Seriously, Dagwood Bumstead has more powerful-looking thighs than that!

On the other hand, Mark does look incredibly cheerful as he invades the dognappers’ home. It’s the little smile on his face that says “Yes, this will be a gloriously satisfying face-punching.”

Mary Worth: Oh wow, I think Jeff and Mary really are breaking up. First of all, it’s been several days since she went to the funeral before Jeff comes by to visit her; even for a sexless, dusty, tedious anti-romance like theirs, that seems a bit long. Then she leads off the conversation by talking about how she’s “helping” a man who recently lost his mother: an emotionally vulnerable man in need of comforting, in other words. And that’s when Jeff panics: he falls over himself to obsequiously compliment her, practically cringing in desperation and clinging to her shoulder (which is more physical contact than they’ve had in a long, long time).

If Jeff’s soul hasn’t been thoroughly crushed yet, I expect that we’ll see anger next: “I would still be in Vietnam and Cambodia doing what I love, if you hadn’t dragged me back to Santa Royale to sit next to you for hours on hideous couches and go get FOOD POISONING at the GODDAMNED BUM BOAT three nights a week, and now you’re DUMPING ME?!”
Arglebargle
May 21st, 2008 at 2:28 am [Reply]

124 (Me): Sorry. Painkillers and cut-and-paste editing are not friends. (And this is some good stuff, too. I think I might be upside-down right now.)
rainbird
May 21st, 2008 at 2:38 am [Reply]

deena 77
Thanks for asking about us. I’ve been. Razy with work. While a good thing, it cuts down on snarking. I got an itouch, the other day, so I can now snark from that, from bed. I will tell huntingbyrd you asked after her. She’s been busy with her new blog http://shutupanddance.wordpress.com. Full of her cartoons. Check it out.
Cheese-n-Pear
May 21st, 2008 at 2:46 am [Reply]

DT: #124 Arglebargle beat me to it. “Big Al” is obviously “Al Lergic”. You know. Of the Portsmouth Lergics. His father named him after his own maladies before he tragically died during the great cat stampede of ‘53…

JP: So this isn’t a police investigation or anything. The officer is just here to gossip, right?

MT: Whoa! Since when did the fists of justice get replaced by the feet of justice? But most importantly: who put hair on that door?!
Donald The Anarchist
May 21st, 2008 at 2:59 am [Reply]

A3G All I know is that Alan has got it all wrong. If you’re gonna let ‘em smoke the shit at your place, you HAVE to let them hang out for a while. Hell, the worst problem w/ most weed dealers is they expect you to hang around ALL FREAKING AFTERNOON!! And Haley, don’t be so coy. Mumbling some B.S. about “looking at art” isn’t how you play this game. Ask him what the blowjob discount is, get on your knees, and don’t take no for an answer! If he really objects, he can back away, but I think we all know he won’t.
Arglebargle
May 21st, 2008 at 3:03 am [Reply]

128 Cheese-n-Pear: Actually, Diamond Joe (#119) was first with an even more likely variant.
Sheila Sternwell (the former Mrs. Tuddrussel)
May 21st, 2008 at 3:06 am [Reply]

PBS: I don’t care how many times they use the evil kitten, it never gets old. I love that joke.

MT: Dammit, Trail looks so happy right now. He lives for this, you know. It’s kind of sweet in a psychotropic-drugs-are-called-for kind of way.
Dick Tracy Broke Into My Oddball Sanctuary
May 21st, 2008 at 3:12 am [Reply]

122 left of the pyle – Yikes, you weren’t kidding about the lack of an ass. My first thought was “Why is Gumby wearing that suit-thing, and why would he ever kick down a door?”.
Shave Ezra
May 21st, 2008 at 3:18 am [Reply]

#128: “The feet of justice” … the tiny feet of justice! Am I wrong, or are his feet – with shoes! – smaller than his hands?
Mordock999
May 21st, 2008 at 4:24 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 05/21/2008 – You know you’re RIGHT, Delta. You teens should plant trees, pick up litter, paint fences, drive old folks to the mall;
ANYTHING except have sex.

_______________

DEATH to TJ!
Lark
May 21st, 2008 at 5:35 am [Reply]

you know i’ll admit that smoking up and looking at paintings of shrubberies might actually be the closest thing any character in Apt 3-G has EVER come to doing something i might consider fun.
gleeb
May 21st, 2008 at 6:28 am [Reply]

Lio: That old apple tree is childless by choice, thank you very much!

Brenda Starr: Either that’s a really smart parrot, or Bottomline enjoys teaching it some very goofy phrases. “Balance of trade!” “Global village” “The Earth is flat” “Brawk!”

Dick: They’re going to hit the Marcal warehouse!

Heathcliff: It’s a bad comic.

My Cage: Wouldn’t Squishy just split, forming two daughter-Squishys? Not that I want to see that happenning to something with a face.
InkAllergy
May 21st, 2008 at 6:45 am [Reply]

A3G: The paraphernalia Alan is holding looks to be some vague intimation of a crack pipe. However, the angle at which we get to view it makes is appear like a test tube. Thus, what Alan and Haley are smoking is not crack, but Margo’s ill-conceived attempt to have a child. (I think I just made myself ill.)
Pozzo
May 21st, 2008 at 6:58 am [Reply]

Re: panel 3 of GT – Wow, Hal Linden has really let himself go since his “Barney Miller” days!
J.Noble
May 21st, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

Archie: I can’t summon the energy for a good snarky line this morning, so all I will say in reaction to that is:
Ha. Ha ha. Ha. Dur.
John C Fremont
May 21st, 2008 at 7:02 am [Reply]

Wow! Mark Trail can kick down a door while auditioning for the Rockettes at the same time! Is there anything this man can’t do? Well, admittedly, he apparently can’t drive a vehicle with less than 3 feet of headroom, but besides that. Oh, and speak in a normal, non-stilted manner. But still. Mark Trail. Kicking and dancing his way into your heart.

Next: The Punchening!
sbergus
May 21st, 2008 at 7:29 am [Reply]

“Panel three is a good example of why visually-oriented media like the comics don’t build storylines around lawyers very often”

I think we now know why the daily content of Judge Parker is what it is.
monsieurjohn
May 21st, 2008 at 7:46 am [Reply]

DOOR-SPLINTERING RIGHT KICK O’ JUSTICE!

glorious!
athena
May 21st, 2008 at 7:48 am [Reply]

What were the team at A3G smoking when they came up with the Alan dope storyline? If we knew, then maybe we could figure out exactly what it is Alan’s supposedly smoking…
MJ1066
May 21st, 2008 at 7:50 am [Reply]

Luann: Be quiet, Delta. One emotionally abusive, self-righteous person in the strip is enough (more than enough, actually), and that slot is already occupied by Bernice. Sorry.
Whippersnapper
May 21st, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

Foob: Robin and Meredith seem to understand that their father’s books suck, which makes me wonder if I’ve misjudged them and they’re not dumber than a box of hair. But I’m reserving judgment until I see if Robin makes it through the evening without crapping his pants or eating floor sweepings that Meredith tells him are sprinkles.
man behind the curtain
May 21st, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

A3G — If LuAnn were your daughter, would you care? Sure her parents are too busy. Iit’s called having a life.

FBOW — So Michael’s going to be at the bookstore from 7:00 to 9:00. By panel 3 the crowd has apparently thinned. So what time is it, 8:55 or 7:05?
The Diabolical Squid
May 21st, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

A3G- This one guy I dated in High School was a real keeper. He was narcoleptic and wore coats on his arms. Anyway, after HS, he started getting into every drug he could get his hands on, and once, while high ate roadkill.

Not grilled roadkill, not roadkill sausage- raw, rotting roadkill.

Maybe A3G will have Alan do something like that. But, of course- this being A3G- it’ll be like an old sandwich or something.
Jess A.
May 21st, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

MW: I like to read the second panel of today’s strip as if Jeff’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. Also, that we’re seeing the final moment before he snaps.
UncleJeff
May 21st, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Apt. 3G: Not a crack pipe. Not a one-hitter.
Not even an old-fashioned straight bong.
Alan’s doing Pixie Stix. Lots and lots of Pixie Stix.
Tweeks_Coffee
May 21st, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

A3G: Or maybe they have some taste, ever heard of it Ruby? Wait, of course not, what am I saying?
‘Shaft: Well why the heck is she staying there when people are viewing the house anyway?
FC: I imagine Grandma’s chili is much like the strip itself; Bland, tasteless and nauseating
FOOB: Speaking of nauseating…
FW: At least she’s not suffering from some kind of ironic malady as is par around here. Something like crippling paper cuts would’ve been appropriate.
GA: I like the “Tune!” sound effect they used here. Is there anyhting more heartwarming then hillbillies doing hillbillie things and finding love?
GT: Now Elmer, just because you learned Force Push doesn’t mean you should use it to push people on swings.
H&J: “Except without the blatantly homosexual relationship, eh, Jamaal?”
MT: My word, Mark is practically grinning as he kicks in that door. Speaking of which, how did he kick in that door anyway? it looks like he’s already a good distance inside the room and his leg’s swinging up. It’s not like kicking a soccerball, Jack. Obviously these people know who Mark Trail is already since there’s no way in Hell anyone would actually be afraid of a wildlife writer.
MW: My, my, Dr. Jeff certainly is looking doughy in that first panel. Judging by Mary’s aging between panels, I’d guess Jeff just came over to suck a little life force from her to rejuvenate himself.
9CL: For some reason Chron started tacking this one onto my comics page between Popeye and PC so I’ve been reading it the past couple days. I still don’t like it and that chick should have some cleavage for a dress that low-cut.
PC: Oh hell, don’t let Dubya see this!
S-M: Oh yes, because the other actors wouldn’t understand a tough audience. I’m sure they won’t mind suddenly having to cover for the lead at all, either. Seriously, what a drama queen.
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 21st, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

The woman in Fred Basset appears to be having wine and popcorn with her movie. Chase that with an orange juice ‘n’ toothpaste cocktail, why don’t you? Yeurgh.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 21st, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

H&J: So Herb and Jamaal have known each other since childhood, huh? I bet they met at summer camp. Or in the locker room at gym class. Or under the bleachers.

JP: Now we know what Fred Thompson’s been doing since dropping out of the Republican primary.

You can almost hear the gears turning in Abbey’s head in panel 2. What’s she most likely thinking?
1) “I guess that explains the funny brownies…”
2) “They usually don’t strip-search witnesses… phew!”
3) “They usually don’t strip-search witnesses… damn!”
4) “My suspicions were right! From now on I’m going to trust my instincts and poke my nose into the business of everyone I know!”
5) “I bet they could use some money for their defense. Wonder if they’d take $37.5 million for the farm?”
6) “Mmmm… chicken. I like chicken. Heh, if you say it right, ‘chicken’ sounds like a chicken. Chi-KENNN! Chik-chik-chik-chicKENNN!”

MT: Previous comments had prepared me for the visual absurdity of panel 3, but even so, wow. It looks like someone stuck a Mark Trail head on a bendy doll. And, hey, Mark? Ever hear of a little something called a “search warrant”? Or “home invasion”? Or “knocking”?

Big Dog: More Photoshop material for the Marmaduke-humping-his-owner-lady fetishists.

Phantom: I would think that an abandoned oil platform would have the ladders down to water level taken out to prevent intrusion from curious boaters (or seaplaners) like this… if they even had such ladders in the first place (aren’t most of them either supplied by helicopter or by using cranes to lift up cargo containers from freighters below?)

If there’s nothing useful on this platform, you can always try the one on the next sandbar over. This one was probably shut down because that one was DRINKING ITS MILKSHAKE!!!

RMMRSA: That’s what spreads MRSA — new school facilities! Voters, I hope you remember what Rex Morgan has learned here come election day: School improvement bond issues kill kids. Vote no on school bonds this Nov. 4. Childless yuppies and old people will thank you for it.

SFx: If by “officially” you mean “by White Men,” then you’re right, you racist imperialist pig.

tAS: The cow’s even wearing those cat-eye glasses. Could this be a more blatant Far Side ripoff?

Ziggy: Another groundbreaking it’s-funny-because-it’s-a-technology-reference tour de force from the strip that brought you the talking e-mail toilet. Oh, Ziggy, will you ever ~~make a fucking bit of sense~~ win?

ZtP: With this strip, Bill Griffith says, “See? I could be even more incoherent and unfunny if I really wanted to. So suck it, critics.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 21st, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

Also, last panel of Mark Trail: Great panel? Or the greatest panel?
Mariko
May 21st, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

And today’s Spider-Man continues the “How-Does-This-Happen-In-Theatre?” storyline. One would hope that there would be enough serious patrons to kick that man (or is he a marionette? He sure looks like one) out of the audience.

However, Mary Jane is once again acting with her back turned towards the audience–even high school stage actors know better than to do that (didn’t she do the same thing last time we saw her on stage?). This constant exhibition of her backside leads me to believe that Mary Jane is actually in a cheap pornographic show, which she thinks is a serious play. The marionette is actually part of the show, and that’s just her cue to start acting out The Aristocrats.
Rebochan
May 21st, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

MT: Mark can barely contain the glee of knowing someone is going to get punched. He probably already punched like three other people on the way over just to practice.
Drewbie421
May 21st, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Clearly Mark Trail learned his kickin’ skilss at The Charles Atlas School of Kickin’……somewhere back in 1949
Drewbie421
May 21st, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

And to prove it….http://gallery.mac.com/andy_parsons#100054
John C Fremont
May 21st, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

# 121 True Fable – So that’s where I’d seen Abbey’s shirt before. This was driving me nuts earlier. Thanks, TF!

# 125 Trilobite – The term “poorly-defined drugs” is still making me laugh. Only in the world of Herb and Jamaal could we get anything less specific. Something on the order of “that substance that makes people feel super,” or something.

# 147 Diabolical Squid – I can’t believe you stopped dating that guy!

Now everyone stop picking on Mark Trail’s teeny-tiny feet, scrawny legs and jazz hands. He kicked down a freaking door, fer cryin’ out loud. Not just open, but clear off the bloody hinges! He’s the MAN, man! The tiny footed, inexplicably insubstantial man!
Calico
May 21st, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

#62 Bats yesterthread – that’s what Bill Elder dubbed his technique of the many background jokes within a panel. I believe he published a book by the same name.

Man, I’m really missing him, and Al Scaduto, too.
Calico
May 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

#32 – Or, *gasp* they’ll be dancing!
I feel faint.

MT – looks like Mark got ahold of some of Alan’s Dope – look at that door-hinge immolating kick!

MC – Super-Size Squishy!

FC – Granma, I’m desperately hoping you put a Scotch Bonnet or two in there.

FOOB – Mewedith, by God, there’s hope for you yet. Robin, you too, surprisingly. Nice malapropism. Mike sure manages to incite us, so why not?
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 21st, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

5/21

A3G: Why, nobody seems to care about Lu Ann at all. It’s like she’s Tommie or something.

RMMD: Proof positive that bond issues kill. Someone tell Mallard Fillmore.

JP: “Narcotics? You don’t say. You know, officer, you’re kind of cute. But your face? It’s starting to melt a teensy weensy bit.”

S-M: Notice that MJ was wearing the same thing onstage as in the apartment. NIce to know she still has the presence of mind to steal costumes. Beyond that I suggest that she take standup lessons to handle hecklers, and that the strip follow this instead of whatever her husband is doing.

H&J: Newsflash! Herb was boring as a kid, too.

DtM: How does Mr. Wilson feel about taking a big crap in his yard? Because it looks like that’s what Ruff did.

Shoe: Surprisingly funny. Biz is one of the brighter spots at this point.

Blondie: Western Union may not be telegraphing anymore, but the makers of this strip are.

SFx: The snake thought he had found another Eden to corrupt. These ones, though, they just bonk each other on the head with the fruit of the tree of knowledge.

OBH: Funny how the dialogue in “Happy” can be so much more nonsensical than other strips, while also flowing more naturally.

GA: Not to question their right to a feel-good musical interlude. But shouldn’t they wait until two Muppets get there with a cder jug and a washboard?

MT: Dognapper man is nervously balancing the Jackelrod ball on this thumb. All of a sudden Mark–150 pounds of righteous fury–knocks the door off its hinges with a single kick. This has got to be the best Trail ever.

DT: Let’s see, the villain is Big Al. He’s got a continuous case of the sniffles. By any chance would his last name be Lerjik?

Big Dog: I’m pretty sure Snoopy never straddled his doghouse like that. That’s ’cause Charles Schultz was a good Christian.
Krazy Kat
May 21st, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

FOOB-At least no one makes any pretense that Michael’s ‘book tour’ is relegated to more than a small toy store in his hometown.
The guy wanting a few words with him? Michael’s car is blocking him in the parking lot–could you move it?
Shoshi
May 21st, 2008 at 9:54 am [Reply]

“Apartment 3-G is one of the few strips that has not fallen behind the times; rather, the world has sped to catch up with it. More contemporary than ever, the strip speaks directly to the new generation of women who try to juggle careers, men and friendship.”

http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/apt3g/aboutMaina.php
Dr. Mabuse
May 21st, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

FOOB – Or should I say DOOB, as someone suggested a few threads back? What the hell is LJ smoking to cause time to bend like this? Wasn’t the last book signing 2 months ago or so? And how did Robin get out of diapers and into the Mini-Mike suit so fast? I think life has just fast-forwarded about 2 years in Milborough.
Calico
May 21st, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

MT – Yes, this gives a shiny bright new meaning to Kicking the Closet Door Open.
Darkefang
May 21st, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

MT: I never realized how tiny Mark Trail is. If he wasn’t the title character of this strip, the local police would find him hours later, hanging from a lamppost by the elastic band in his underwear. And his hair would still be soaked from being the victim of multiple atomic swirlies.

MW: When you’re an action junkie like me, this is exactly what I need to get my adrenaline flowing in the morning: Elderly people drinking tea while sitting on a couch with frilly pillows.
Trouser Tent
May 21st, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

As someone who in the halycon days of my youth smoked a lot of dope and spent time with others like myself, if someone had said “This dope is super – I feel great” there would have been 20 minutes of giggling followed by a run to 7 Eleven for Doritos and Snapple. However, I don’t think A3G could have wrote “This shit is great – did you you lace it with blow?” and expected it to get past the editors.

That pipe looks like a crack pipe to me. I’m desperatly hoping that this plotline turns into a Requiem For A Dream scenario, with Alan having his arm amputated and Haley turning into a crack whore. I’m thinking it is possible since Haley does look like a cartoon version of Jennifer Connolly…

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/43/85464821_853454ae90.jpg
Perky Bird
May 21st, 2008 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Spider Man– The heckler must have purchased his tickets to the show before he read the crappy review of MJ’s movie. Otherwise, why would anyone spend their hard-earned money on third-row seats, just to sit and watch something that they know will suck? Maybe he just thought the play was supposed to be some sort of live-action “MST3K” thing.

JP– The way Abbey is sitting, combined with her facial expression, makes it looks like she either really has to pee, or is trying to hold in a fart.

Curtis– Curtis should just send Gunk to the store for a big box of Ex-Lax. Problem solved.
Rainbird
May 21st, 2008 at 10:16 am [Reply]

146 man behind the curtain

Do you even have to ask if it is 7:05?

Sadly, I have been to book signings by local authors with this kind of turn out. Once I met one, where I was the only one there. Had a good talk with the author. It was kind of fun (although not for him).
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 21st, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Some upcoming Ziggy Panels:

“404 NOT FOUND” coming from a toaster.
“ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?” coming from an old-fashioned roller type lawn-mower.
“CHECK FOR UPDATES NOW?” coming from a tupperware container.
“STACK OVERFLOW” coming from his pancakes – no wait, scratch that, there’s a tiny little potential kernel of some actual humor-like substance in that one.
huntingbyrd
May 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

#77 Deena in OR
Yeah i haven’t been posting…..as of homework and school and blog. But I’m glad someone remembers me…i didn’t think i was that popular. But one person i haven’t seen in a while is Spiney Norman.
Revenge of Chesnut
May 21st, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

The only way A3G’s drug storyline could be lamer/vaguer is if it were actually in a Herb & Jamaal strip: “Wow, this Schedule I Controlled Substance sure is enjoyable!”
One-eyed Wolfdog
May 21st, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

“..and where did I hide one or more pieces of my controlled substance related paraphernalia?”
WonderCat
May 21st, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

I suppose it would have been slightly dorkier if Haley had said, “This dope is pretty nifty – Gee, I feel swell!” instead. But either way by panel three it looks like she’s about to go all roadside on Alan…
StrangeRover
May 21st, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: I really want to see the panel in which bats and helmets insult Elmer. Will they add injury to the insult? I feel a claw-handed flashback a-comin’ on!
Perky Bird
May 21st, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

# 174– Building on your perception of Haley’s expression, here it is rendered “Herb and Jamaal” style:

“Wow. That controlled substance has altered my perceptions and enhanced my mood! Would you like to now engage in some roadside activity involving our genitals?”
harshbud
May 21st, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

First off, let’s assume that Alan is smoking dope, since that’s what they say they are doing. Second off, let’s assume A3G isn’t the height of the artistic medium.

Those two assumptions lead me to believe Alan is smoking from a “oney”, or a pipe disguised as a cigarette.

Who knows? Personally, I like to think out of the frame there is a stove and they were taking knife hits. That would involve a straw.
Paul1963
May 21st, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

#63 — Kudzu is gone? When did this happen?
Just curious–it’s been gone from my paper for years.

GA: Oh, boy, just what a silent entertainment medium needs: A series of strips with two characters playing musical instruments! Tomorrow:
JOSEPH: Phwee-phwee-phweee-phwaw-phwaaaww
AMANDA LYNN: Strum, strumma-strum-strum
JOSEPH: Phwaw-phwaw-phwa-phweeeee-phwee
AMANDA LYNN: Strumma-strumma-strum
JOSEPH: Phwee-pha-phwee-pha-phwee-pha-phwee-pha-phwee
AMANDA LYNN: Strumma-strum-strum-strum-strum-strum-strum-strum
ME: Oh, for God’s sake!
Kate
May 21st, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

You know what is great? If you print out the last panel of Mark Trail, and cut out Mark and the door, and then print out today’s FOOB and paste Mark and the door in anywhere. *That* is what is great.
CanuckDownSouth
May 21st, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

MT in the 3rd panel sounds like a Welcome Wagon lady coming through an open porch door with a chocolate cake. No “freeze!” or “where’s my dog?!”. A definite contender for the lame-o-meter dialogue sweepstakes.

A3G – They smoke in an alley, then they’re in the gallery, so Alan invited her back ten seconds ago and *now* wants her to leave? Either the stuff really is stronger than pixy stix, or Alan doesn’t need drugs to affect his judgment, because he’s never had any.
Bil
May 21st, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Hey now, I know a dealer who used a pipe almost that exact size and shape. It had a little hole in the side for controlling the air flow and you had to smoke it by tilting your head back. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say “this dope is super”… Besides when you’re alone with a girl and she says it, that’s code for “I want to have sex.” But poor Alan, too many hangups.
NotThatGuy
May 21st, 2008 at 11:36 am [Reply]

A3G: Alan is holding a small, cylindrical piece of PVC. Because he’s too cheap to spring for copper and an elbow bend.
Brick Bradford
May 21st, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Back to the mystery object in yesterday’s A3G. Maybe when Alan gets high he plays the piccolo as a means of seducing young women who are stoned and thus vulnerable to his charms.

Problem: Nobody’s THAT stoned.
Skye
May 21st, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

It is obvious that this drug fueled storyline is about to take it to the next level because that is no pipe…it is a test tube from Alan’s meth manufacturing chemistry kit. I can only hope that soon Alan will be Riding the Snake.
Calico
May 21st, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

#178 – The artist for Kudzu sadly passed away in an auotomobile crash last year.

Damn, we’ve lost a lot of cartoonists the last year or two.
Calico
May 21st, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Automobile, that is. Ooops. I need another hit from Alan’s very fly pipette.
cheech wizard
May 21st, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

A3G – It’s not that LuAnn’s parents don’t care. They’re just afraid that if they show any interest in her artwork, she’ll want them to put it on their refrigerator.

DtM – Mr. Wilson doesn’t want any digging in his yard, because that’s where he buried the last nosy brat who lived next door.

FC – “This isn’t chili, grandma – it’s Dolly! You think I don’t know my own sister?”

MT – Foot of Justice! That door must have a beard on it.

Seriously though, Mark doesn’t look so much like a righteous avenger as an out-of-control drunk barging in on somebody. And is that a cigarette dangling out of his mouth?

MT, take 2 – Second panel: The ponytailed villian is actually Little Jack Horner. What a good boy he is!

MW – “I’m sure you did a great job, Mary – as always!” = “Will you please shut the fuck up about this?”
kingklash
May 21st, 2008 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

In Mary Worth, I just couldn’t help but hear Jeff’s comment as sarcastic, right there near the end. “…as always!” (insert eye-roll here) You know Jeff’s thinking it, though.
The Heckler!
May 21st, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Muwhahaha, yes it is I, The Heckler, the newest Super Villain to appear on the scene and wreak havoc upon the innocent people of New York! I shall infiltrate theatres, stadia, comedy clubs, and various performance spaces to deal out vicious commentary to performers. Soon, no one will be willing to perform in New York! And I shall not stop until my insane demands are met!

My diabolical reign of terror began just last night in a tiny theatre way, way off Broadway, when I arose from my seat and taunted a talentless supporting actress named Mary Jane Watson. I boldly screamed “Hey Marvella why dontcha go and do something SUPER!!” Muwhahahah! What could she reply to that! What could ANYONE ever reply to that crushing taunt? Nothing of course! I have already forced her to quit her role in shame! With my very first Heckle! Pretty awesome, huh?

The poor fool burst into tears, and screamed some nonsense about being married to Spider-man, who she claimed will “get” me, once he recovers from his mild case of the flu and gets tired of watching television.

But I have no fear of Spiderman! Once I finish my Super Villain costume, my taunts will be unstoppable! (I have the mask and the extremely tight suit all ready to go, I just need to finish the cape.) Then look out New York, you will be at my mercy. Because… YOU STINK! YOU ARE BAD AT ENTERTAINING! NO ONE IS ENJOYING YOUR PERFORMANCE!! WHY DONT YOU GO AND DO SOMETHING SUPER!! Muuhahahhah!! My vicious heckles will crush my foes! Soon all will tremble at the mere mention of the name… The Heckler!
Norm
May 21st, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Jughead’s dog is actually a dog/human hybrid that was conceived when Jughead’s parents mated with a dog.
athena
May 21st, 2008 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

re 151: On this side of the Atlantic you can order beer and wine at some cinemas. And the popcorn preference is sweet over salty by something like 3 to 1.
rochelobe
May 21st, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

Clearly, Mark Trail will soon be in Council Bluffs, IA, with his fists-o-justice and his tiny, tiny feet, busting down hotel room doors:

“Puppy stolen from little girl” : http://www.wowt.com/home/headlines/19124664.html
odinthor
May 21st, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

170. O-eW. —

Some upcoming Ziggy Panels:

“404 NOT FOUND” coming from a toaster.
“ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?” coming from an old-fashioned roller type lawn-mower.
“CHECK FOR UPDATES NOW?” coming from a tupperware container.
“STACK OVERFLOW” coming from his pancakes – no wait, scratch that, there’s a tiny little potential kernel of some actual humor-like substance in that one.

Sadly, not only was I amused by the talking toilet and virus-alert conch, I also found picturing the above as actual Ziggy panels amusing in a non-ironic way. I suppose my Plugger membership documents are being prepared now. Sigh. Yes, I’d like the complimentary Herbert Hoover commemorative ink pen, please.

Apt. 3-G — Gee whiz, it’s not that the apartment building has a public lobby–Apt. 3-G itself has a public lobby (quoth the narration box).

FBoFW — I keep reading the name of the book as being Blood Carp, which would be the story of Frank, the demon-possessed goldfish. From Chapter 7: “Lula stared wildly, impotently, as she realized that those were not visitor fish in the fish bowl–they were Harold’s missing fingers! Characteristically, she tugged at the hem of her blouse as she threw herself into the bean-bag chair–the red one, not the green one–and pondered what to fix for dinner.”

MT — Mark’s training with the Rockettes proves valuable–the smile, the kick, the surprise, the excitement!

Snuffy Smith — Awww, that there’s a sweet thang you done wrote, Mr. Cartoonist feller!

Spidey — MJ was obviously doing the famous “Turn your back to the audience” scene when she was interrupted. This scene, the modern counterpart of the scene in Buckingham’s The Rehearsal in which the two kings of Brentford whisper to each other inaudibly to the audience, is comprised of MJ’s character explaining inaudibly to the other dramatis personae the ins and outs of the plot, the suspense for the rest of the show being concerned with when will the audience figure out what everyone on stage already knows?.
commodorejohn
May 21st, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

#170 One-Eyed Wolfdog – COTW nominee.

#193 odinthor re: #170 – I did too, so either we’re both in trouble or it’s not so wrong as it seems.

9CL – Okay, Brooke. Let this storyline end here, on the day I actually got a chuckle out of it, and everything will be cool.

A3G – The hell with Luann’s parents, I want to see that supposed crazy, Bible-thumping sister of hers. Just imagine her walking into an NYC art gallery and the marvelous chaos that would ensue.

A.D. – Gruesome death by drowning? Comedy gold!

Baldo – The hell with the characters, why isn’t this strip just a daily panel about classic cars? (The same question could be asked regarding Judge Parker and shapely women.)

Crock – AUGH WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS

DTM – Mr. Wilson is wondering whether they discovered the bodies. Well, he can’t take the chance; they’re just going to have to “disappear.”

DT – You know what I like about this strip? No matter how many times I’m doodling and find out yet again that I can’t draw hands, I can still look at Dick Tracy and say “well, at least Dick Locher draws worse hands than I do.”

FOOB – Hahaha YES. First time I’ve ever actually liked Meredith, even if she did inexplicably replace the phrase “steaming pile of dog shit” with “book.” You rock, kid.

GA – “I said ‘grab your mandolin,’ not ‘telekinetically manifest your mandolin.’ I mean, is it really too much to ask that you get up, go in the house, and retrieve it like a normal person?”

GF – Things I like about today’s Get Fuzzy: the phrase “Wal-Mutt” and the “free baindaid” bonus offer.

JP – Abbey pulls off the Thorpian trick of sitting/standing at a thirty degree angle from vertical. Also, she appears to have borrowed one of June Morgan’s shirts.

Luann – If this storyline seriously consists entirely of Luann and Bernice blowing off someone’s attempts to get them involved in generic activism, I might just forgive Greg Evans for the Brad & Toni storyline, or at least a hefty chunk of it.

MT – Holy crap, Mark’s Foot O’ Justice bent the door! Even better, though, is the cheery half-smile he’s wearing as he kicks the door in.

MW – Meddling with the lives of total strangers is all well and good for Mary, but what she really wants is to be worshipped for it by those around her.

OBH – Awesome, now we have two characters speaking in semi-nonsense!

PBS – Funnier, I think, than the punchline is the fact that Rat is just totally casual about having bought a stolen watch.

SF – Faye is a strong contender for the title of “my favorite Sally Forth character.”

Ziggy – Well, I could point out how utterly nonsensical and detached from reality the purported “joke” is, but I think the more interesting question is this: is it more unsettling to see Ziggy with a shirt but no pants, or shorts but no shirt?

Zits – Today’s Zits is so macabre and outside of the formula for the strip that I found it pretty funny.
Professor Fate
May 21st, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

189: Hecker: No! You can’t! You used to be a force for goodness!

http://members.tripod.com/originalvigilante/heckler.htm
Calico
May 21st, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

#194 – I actually wouldn’t mind seeing a spinoff strip featuring Faye. Same with Abbey Spencer in JP.

#190 – The dog is hair guitaring to “Sugar sugar.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGL4btEIoTo
The Heckler!
May 21st, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

Zounds! Professor Fate you have revelaed my secret identity to all! For this you must pay. Prepare to be Heckled!

You are bad! Not good! I hope you get the flu and have to sit around in your pajamas for days, listening to your wife whine about her failing acting career! Boooo! Why dontcha go PROFESS something! Get it? Professor!

Muhahahha!
AhClem
May 21st, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

GA – As a mandolin player myself, if my instrument suddenly went “Twang! Poinng! Tune!”, I’d be on the phone to the luthier in a panic, asking what the hell is wrong with it.

To be fair, though, it is a pretty accurate rendition of an F-style mandolin. Amanda also appears to be using one of those clip-on Intelli tuners which have become very popular in bluegrass and old-time music circles the past couple of years.

Scancarelli either plays the mandolin himself, or he did his homework for this series of strips.
man behind the curtain
May 21st, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

MW — And so another love triangle swirling around our Mary. Yes indeed, there’s something about Mary.
Friday Girl
May 21st, 2008 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

I usually lurk, but I had to say that today’s Mark Trail may be the best comic ever. I laughed out loud.

By the way, when did Michael write this book anyway? Didn’t he publish his last book and then move and that’s pretty much been it for him lately? Did I miss a second novel storyline? I’m disturbed by how disturbed I am about this.
bats :[
May 21st, 2008 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

149. UncleJeff: you know, if Pixy Sticks were good enough for Rod and Todd Flanders, they’re damn well good enough for Alan!

Less-than-smooth-segue. Hadn’t really thought of mentioning these here, just posting on flickr.com (to save the delicate sensibilities of some people), but, hey, what the foob, right?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2510376276/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2509940213/
Sans Sense
May 21st, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

# 188. Kingklash -

In Jeff’s experience, when Mary has focused the full force of her Meddlatron at him he has:

1) Lost any semblance of manhood or independence;
2) banished his son to forced labor overseas; and
3) dropped untold thousands at the Bumboat on Mary’s damned Wild Turkey Rare Breed Manhattans and Buffalo Lobster!

His only defense is deflection. “…your doing a great job helping him…as always!” Keep it up girl!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 21st, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

COTW nomination for Darkefang @ 166’s MW comment.

Also, while I’m here…

(WT)DT: Does everyone in the Locherverse have a stupid pun name? I mean, sheesh, even the title character does: Dick, ’cause he’s a detective, and Tracy, ’cause he traces criminals, get it? Ha ha! With the help of Dick’s assistant who tracks his schedule and records things for him, Lt. Teevo, I bring you a typical day with Dick:

Dick Tracy gets up at 6:30 a.m. While he’s getting dressed, he watches the morning news with anchors Sunny Day and Guy Friendly. He stops on the way to the precinct to drop off his dry cleaning with Les Stanes and grab some coffee from Joe Zabrewin. After putting in a hard day’s work engineering the ironic and/or grisly death of the day’s unconvicted suspect, he gets a frantic and terrified phone call from his wife, telling him to rush right home because their mail lady, Leta Carrier, left something in their mailbox, and it has Dick’s name on it!!! On the way home, he picks up his electric shaver from the guy who was servicing it, Keenan Sharp (who is the brother of Dick’s barber, Luke N. Sharp). He then decides to surprise his wife, so he buys a pizza from Lotta Pye’s and a bouquet from Rose Bunch. After dinner, they watch the debate between presidential candidates Libby Rall and Khan Survative, followed by the nightly news with anchors Topp Storey and Justin Tutha-Nuesroom, meteorologist Stormy Weathers and sports with Al D. Scores. Then, they watch the monologue from late-night humorist Joe Kerr, and it’s off to bed.
Stij
May 21st, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

@203: Comment of the week? Comment of the week.
gh
May 21st, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

MT —

Naturally, I’m mesmerized … but what intrigues me is how polite Mark is. It’s like he’s the Amy Vanderbilt of tough guys. He certainly has her ankles.
TheDiva
May 21st, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Meredith’s unusual insight aside, why did Michael bring his two pre-school-age kids to a book signing in the first place? Are there no babysitters in Milboredom? It’s a minor miracle the spawn haven’t gotten restless and torn apart the children’s section yet.
Someone from Texas....
May 21st, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

200 Friday Girl.

Michael wrote about beginning his latest masterpiece in the Monthly Letter of May 2007.
http://www.fbofw.com/char_pgs/michael/index.php?page=letters

You can read Monthly Letters from all the strip’s main characters; they end in September 2007. Plus Bios of main & secondary characters.

Warning: An overdose of this glurge can reduce the weak-minded to the sort of gibbering insanity suffered by certain Lovecraft characters.
cheech wizard
May 21st, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

If the Chicken-Plugger lady is horrified now, wait’ll she sees what else is in the dairy case besides milk.
Mibbitmaker
May 21st, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

S-M: Actually, this is an even newer villian: The Jazz-Hands Heckler.

Zits: The insect version of The FC kids’ back yard.

FOOB: Given the last couple o’ strips, y’think maybe Lynn has finally caught on about Mikey being a ridiculously lucky, bad writer? Every time we see undue praise for St. Michael, someone undercuts it. Or, at least, maybe one of the Lynnions is, like April sometimes, one of us (figuratively speaking), and snarking from within?

Ah, I can dream, can’t I?

FW: She must be a republican.

Marvin: “…instead, I’m gonna crush ‘em! MWAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!”

A3G: I’d say LuAnn has terrible parents, but we know the woman, so I can’t.

Garfield: A young Jimmy Stewart shows up and says, “Hey, Harvey! Leave these nice people alone! … So sorry, folks…”

MG&G: Grimmy has a very Ren & Stimpy look on his face there.

BBlues: Hey, how’d that Elrod ball get in there??

Nancy: No, then it’s just a ro.

FC: “….now, that stare you’re giving me, Grandma? Now that’s chilly! …..Seriously, Gram, please stop that…!”
Perky Bird
May 21st, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

# 203 Spider Brick–

Dick should be thankful he doesn’t live in the D.C. Metro area, or he’d be watching the weather with Topper Shutt. That’s not a pun, I know, but it is the most ridiculous name for a grown man that I have heard in a while. Except for the meteorologist called “Breezy” back in my hometown of Corpus Christi. Topper may have been given his name at birth, but, egads, “Breezy” picked that one!
Jude
May 21st, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

#150 – I believe that your Chron page is sticking 9CL in where PreTeena used to be.
Professor Fate
May 21st, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

197: Heckler – you do not understand – I am my own worst enemy – except for the Great Leslie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti25Fb9AvQA
A New Day
May 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

See, now the comics are currently a great example of the “show don’t tell” rule of good writing. A3G is boring us to death by telling us what drug usage will make you do. Curtis brilliantly shows us what drug usage (by the author of course) actually makes you do.
Mibbitmaker
May 21st, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Archie: P1: Looks like Archie and Jughead punched their way through the doors. P3: That’s an excuse??

DT: Wanna best Locher’s going to fake us out, calling this new villian “Big Al Bloweenoze”?

DS: Just her luck, the robot was programmed by O.J. Simpson.

MT: So much already covered here. Besides being the goofiest of panels, I’m amused that Trail wanted to surprise the door, and is apologizing to it (!!!). Next: the Jazz-Fists of Justice!

MW: He is being sarcastic, and is about to push Mary to the floor, laughing angrily. Why? He finally just heard about the Aldo thing, and boy! is Dr. Jeff pissed!

OBH: Good thing neither one of them had just been reading Dick Tracy.

PBS: That kitty ought to get together with the Evil Puppy from Late Night w/ Conan. They’d lay waste to the world! Aaaawwwwwww!
bats :[
May 21st, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

192. rochelobe re pet-nappings: my favorite part of the article was the guy trying to shop-lift an iguana by stuffing it down his pants.
I’m sure Mark Trail would advise against that.
bats :[
May 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

206. TheDiva: I believe the phrase “Too CHEAP for a babysitter” explains it all. Maybe April was in a closet for sassing Elly (“Mom, I’ve got three finals tomorrow and have to finish a term paper. I’ll be down for dinner it ten minutes when I finish this citation.” Damn, that smart-alecky brat!) and couldn’t do the honors, either.
Flasshe
May 21st, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

MT: The door was obviously pre-kicked – someone loosened it for Trail. No way could those little stick legs take a door off its hinges like that. In fact, it looks like it’s already down and Mark’s kicking it for extra dramatic effect. Funniest panel ever.
Diamond Joe
May 21st, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

#203 Spider-Brick:

That was impressive. Have you considered changing your name to Hi Larious?

When you mentioned Guy Friendly, I couldn’t help thinking of Guy Smiley.
commodorejohn
May 21st, 2008 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

#206 TheDiva – Obviously, it’s so that they can bask in the glow of Michael’s awesomeness and develop a proper appreciation for just how special and wonderful their father is; I mean, what else are kids for?
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
May 21st, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

MT: How about a nice Hawaiian punch?

#92, rochelobe: The stolen puppy article is just how I imagine Mark Trail would write.
Sans Sense
May 21st, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

MT: Seeing as Sadie is in “hurry mode” she out to be 2/3rds of the way to standing straight up by the time Mark punches out Jake, cuffs Princess and shares a laugh with Andy.
commodorejohn
May 21st, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

#220 Dean Booth – That is simultaneously one of the scariest and most awesome things I’ve ever seen.
Orange Doorhinge
May 21st, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Nurse Carol looks like a Chuckie Doll.
Orange Doorhinge
May 21st, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

MT: Tho human, Mark Trail grew up on and still occasionally visits, a High Gravity planet. The gravity there caused his legs, feet and hands to compress, but they are very HIGH Density, heavier than lead, see? And on that planet it is customary to kick in doors, because if you knock your fist will go right through.
fuzzle
May 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

I’m anxiously awaiting your response to today’s Mark Trail (5/21/08). I keep checking back like a junkie waiting on a paycheck… or like a certain blond we all know waiting to find a place to hide his dope and then smoke it later – if they’re smoking it or just inhaling it through their “pipe”.
Ross
May 21st, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker must be taking the Spiderman approach to drama: letting the heroes sit around while someone competent actually apprehends the bad guys. Maybe Gloria stopped by the Dickens farm after she got off work.
Vakar
May 21st, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

MT: Did anyone notice that Mark isn’t wearing socks? Wouldn’t they help protect your ankles from splinters while busting up a door?
MT: Seriously, this is the funniest damn thing I have seen in a long time, even as it totally blows the curve on stupidity. Seriously, could Elrod be aiming this at us?
FBoFW: Mouths of babes, beotch!
S-M: Don’t off-Broadway plays have bouncers? Dude’s attempting an ass-grab from the fifth row!
Curtis: What’s that thing going to be broadcasting as he craps it out? I started typing some dialogue, but it was more stupid than funny.
MW: “Now, haven’t we talked enough? I took my ’special pill’ an hour ago…”
MC: Um, we’re extinct, but they have PetSmart? Or is ours PetsMart? Confused.
RMMD: Oh yeah. Please let’s draw a connection between drug-resistant bacterial outbreaks and passing bond issues to support public schools! We don’t have enough trouble with that as it is!!!!
Paul1963
May 21st, 2008 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

#227 Vakar–I dunno, the Spirit got up to all kinds of violence for twelve years and never wore socks. Or he wore flesh-colored ones–the gap between his blue pant cuffs and his blue shoes was usually colored pink.

Geez, I’d completely forgotten that Doug Marlette (Kudzu) had died. Kinda surprising there wasn’t a Marlette Inc. ready to replace him, as happened with Shoe after Jeff MacNelly passed.
Krazy Kat
May 21st, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

————————Chicken Plugger!—————————–
Little Guy
May 21st, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

End of PreTeena: This is how you wrap up a comic strip. Where in Corbeil should we ship the fresh air?

MT: This reminds me of the C&H strip where Calvin’s dad reads him the Bedtime Story of the Patent Infringement. Speaking of which….

FOOB: Marty Moon? You too? Indulging in the wit and wisdom of the Delicate Genius?

S-M: All MJ had to do is stand up on a cafeteria table and pontificate, and they would love her.
Big Sims
May 21st, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

#171 Huntingbyrd!
Bite yer tongue! You have been missed by me too!
Homework and school should be coming to a close soon – no?
Sour Kraut
May 21st, 2008 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Uh oh, looks like it’ll be an evening of bitter, passive-aggressive retaliation directed against helpless children in a Patterson household. Or as Elly calls it, “Wednesday.”
Shermy Glamrocker
May 21st, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

If it were crack, her statement would be, “Wow, this dope is super … let’s steal some of this art so we can sell it for crack money.”
Dingo
May 21st, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Deanna knew that she had to move quickly and with stealth. Her husband, a former magazine editor with illusions of grandeur, had taken the notion that he was the next Frey in the pantheon of celebrated writers. He had received a $25,000 cheque for his first novel, Stone Season, but no one had the heart to tell him that the publisher only wanted the rights to the title and that “his” book was an entirely different story if he’d opened the pages and read.

Michael had spent the better part of 2007 writing Blood Cargo, a novel about slavery in the diamond mines of modern-day Africa. He had never been to Africa, never owned a diamond, nor been a slave, but he had seen each on television during Kids in the Hall skits. With each finished chapter, he would jut out his chest like a Roman penis on display and force Deanna to read. Each page, each paragraph, each sentence, and each word served as an agonizing crawl through the fecal meanderings of his purile mind. Once, during chapter three, when she realized that he had actually named a character Satchmo Pickaninny, she contemplated hurling the book onto a raging fire with her husband clutching the pages. It allowed her a tiny snort of a laugh and she pooted into the chair.

It was common knowledge in Milborough that the Pattersons were a family that inflicted their inner rage and frustrations onto those near them. If Elizabeth couldn’t hold a man, she’d take the milquetoast who pined for her his entire life and make his and that of his daughter a miserable experience. If John Patterson “couldn’t keep the train going” with his odobenine wife these days, he would watch her bitter tears stain the windows as he “played with his” within view of the neighbors. April had begun her teenage years as a spritely moppet but sometime around her sixteenth birthday there was a knock at the door and she answered without asking who waited; daylight and gravity had been with her ever since and she struck out against the musically gifted Rebbeckah. If Deanna were to utter her true feelings about Michael’s writings, he would – with the help of his harridan mother – make life for her as hellish as making a sex tape with David Archuleta.

She decided to enlist her daughter, Meredith.

to be continued…
cheech wizard
May 21st, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Uh, Mark – wouldn’t it have been a good idea to call the police first? Kicking in the door of a motel room on a man and his wife is typically frowned upon by the authorities. They’ll probably assume that you were poking her and were outraged that she and her husband had stolen away for a little makeup sex. And what about how traumatizing this is going to be for that poor puppy’s fragile psyche? It’s probably going to get so depressed it’ll go drown itself in the toilet. And the little girl will die. Meaning you’ll have to get another puppy to cheer up her mom. And the vicious cycle goes on and on…
bats :[
May 21st, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

234. Dingo: “odobenine wife”? Exquisite description! Once again, another mini-masterpiece…
Ridureyu
May 21st, 2008 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

According to Gil Thorp, Elmer’s lawyer is Mayor Mike Haggar.
Trouser Tent
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

192. Rochelobe, being from Nebraska and now currently working for a company that has holdings in Council Bluffs. The city is often the butt of jokes around here, and we refer to the town with such warm nicknames as “Council-tuckey” and “Kentucky Bluffs.”

I laughed my ass off reading that article…especially the guy who tried to stuff an iguana down his pants. It totally sounds like something that would happen there. My guess is someone on crank thought he had bugs crawling on his skin and put the iguana down his pants to eat the bus!
Vince Delmonte
April 15th, 2009 at 5:33 am [Reply]

The style of writing is quite familiar . Did you write guest posts for other blogs?

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Great moments in drug humor

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