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Hagar to beat the Normans to the Mezzogiorno by more than a century

Apartment 3-G, 1/21/13

Sorry everybody, I know I’ve been falling down on the job a bit when it comes to reading Apartment 3-G so you don’t have to. So, after Margo got really blotto, Greg gently dumped her into bed. But wait! Remember Evan, all dressed up in his Druid robe? He left his giant package in Margo’s closet (note: not a euphemism)! And it was apparently a pink-smoke emitting incendiary bomb? Is … is Evan secretly a villain from the Adam West Batman TV show?

Funky Winkerbean, 1/21/13

In other keeping-you-updated news, despite my initial interpretation of last Tuesday’s strip, there’s nothing wrong with Darrin’s mother, except that she’s emotionally devastated after Darrin’s father suffered a stroke. How is it that you can know your whole life that someday you’ll be gutted by something terrible that will inevitably happen to you or someone you dearly love, and yet you still aren’t prepared for it? That’s just how you manage to live your life in an universe of cruel and unending trauma, I guess!

Hagar the Horrible, 1/21/13

Oh, that Hagar, what a jokester! Obviously he doesn’t “buy” houses; he just starts living in them, after his bloodthirsty band of Viking warriors murder the owners.

Heathcliff, 1/21/13

I’m pretty sure that if I churned out a series of paintings of sexy cats sitting on piles of filth, I could get a gallery show in one of Brooklyn’s hipper neighborhoods.

Slylock Fox, 1/21/13

The solution to this puzzle, if you don’t feel like turning your head/monitor upside down, is that we know Wanda is lying because thunder doesn’t cause lightning. You know what else doesn’t cause lightning? Witches.

302 responses to “Hagar to beat the Normans to the Mezzogiorno by more than a century”

  1. Col. Havoc
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or did the two girls in RMMD drop down to about age 10 today. I mean, they’ve benn acting like it all week, but…

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Dog Eat Doug

    More than ever I’m convinced these two are the reincarnation of Rudolph Dirks’ Hans and Fritz Katzenjammer:

    http://www.gocomics.com/dogeatdoug/2013/01/21

    Incidentally, January 21 is also the birthday of American indie singer/musician Cat Power!

  3. Chareth Cutestory
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: Chicken milk stinkbomb! Forever unclean!

    Slylock Fox: I like how they go to the extra effort to mention she wants them to build her a custom castle. None of that cookie cutter McCastle bullshit!

  4. Liam
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MW-Just keep smiling and saying how much you like the cake when deep down you know that this is a hideous pink abortion.

    MW 2-It is a generic looking cake but so we don’t anger you and feel your wrath we shall say it is really great.

    MW 3-Life in Santa Royale must be so exciting that they air the cake contest.

    MT-Instead of pulling back to show the farm they decided today to pull back far enough to show the generic looking city.

    MT 2-He and this old woman that is with him also watches videos of past fishing tournaments.

    DT-Insert joke about George and Dick doing a gay porno together here.

    RMMD-”Why can’t men ever fight over me?”

    RMMD 2-Oh come on. We never saw her on Rex so how could she come on him.

  5. Liam
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Now, Josh, be nice about Slylock in a world of anthropomorphic animals who wear clothes and talk the possibility of witches being able to create thunderstorms can exist. However they must follow the rest of the rules of nature.

  6. Liam
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    FW-What is weird is that she knew this guy was going to have a stroke at some point.

  7. Pogo the anthropomorphic
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Love is… So why does the artwork depict the opposite?

  8. Voshkod
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Evan really should have known better than to give Margo a present of kittens and blasting caps.

    Note to Josh: Missing word in paragraph one – “after Margo really blotto.”

  9. Setec Astrology
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: While I’m pretty sure that the strip’s authors meant to use “super-singeing” instead of “super-singing” lightning bolts, it’s much more fun to imagine it the other way.

  10. Col. Havoc
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn and Toby are dutifully reading their lines in panel one, but they aren’t very happy about it.

  11. Nate
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Given the Apartment 3-G canon that all characters only exist from the waist up, I assume that the outline of Margo’s legs in panel 1 is in fact another torso. This agrees with the Apartment 3-G canon that Margo is a monster who slumbers with the body parts of her defeated enemies.

  12. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    A3G — Since the “acrid” smoke is colored pink, I’m guessing that one of
    John Dill’s cakes has spontaneously combusted.

  13. Hibbleton
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn’s eating here cake with a butter knife while Toby uses a demitasse spoon. Mary paws at her slice with her fingers. Did I miss a strip where Mary got a prescription for medicinal marijuana?

    MT: ..but mostly he just watches for submerged shopping carts since it seems from the placement of the dialogue balloon that this contest takes place in the inner city.

  14. Ranger
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    3G: WooHoo! Stink Bomb Attack! This looks like the work of Evan, the fiendish 11 year old. On another note, Margo with her hair down looks almost mortal.

  15. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    FW: Typical Funky……death, sorrow, injury, depression……

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    for those unaware of the ref in NAoQV.

    meanwhile, in Japan.

    squeaotter cub.

    The Daily Puppy is a bullbeagle and is adorbable.

    ikklecorgipup *mush*

    Royal corgi carriers. best civil service job ever?

    just a handsome tri-color corgi being all handsome and stuff.

  17. Mibbitmaker
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    A3G: I haven’t been seeing most of the A3G strips these days (I just surrender to Darkgate’s Comic Ink ads), sparing myself from the repetitive, limited layouts of each and every panel, which are too much to bear anymore. But today, the look of things is really awesome (esp. the Margo panel. Some nice lineshading complement to the not-cut-off-at-the-upper-middle-nor-just-talking-heads look), so I’m glad this one is seen here! It’s basically Bolle reminding us that he can really draw once in a very blue moon.

    FW: This strip is so relentlessly dour, even the random foreground character is deeply depressed. Or bored. Either one.

    Heathcliff: The theme for the cat’s painting is that that particular female feline is often refered to as “trash” for her sex life. Cats can be SO judgmental!

    SFx: The witch wanted to say, “Call me lightning!”, but didn’t want to be sued by the Who.

    HtH: Vikings don’t have to wonder if they can rent a place in Tuscani, they just take one! Take that, Seinfeld!

  18. wossname
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    A3G – I suppose it’s just a garden-variety stink bomb. But wouldn’t it be lovely if the severed head of Aunt Cathy had been sitting there so long that it exploded?

    Plug – I call BS. There are no young pluggers. You might possibly get away with “Pluggers suffered heartbreak when they were young…” although it still wouldn’t be funny, Reed Hoover.

    JP – “Unintended expenses”? She spent money that she didn’t intend to spend? I think you mean “unexpected expenses.”

    RMMD – So readers who miss Sundays don’t get to see Bwuh pushed into the pool. Pity.

    A S-M – The idea of pursuing an escaped prisoner (and his chimps) doesn’t seem to have occurred to anybody.

    MTOn Saturday Bluegill’s house was a rustic cabin. Today it looks like a 20,000-square-foot Frank Lloyd Wright extravaganza. Jackelrod, can you do that to my house?

  19. Mibbitmaker
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    In Funky Winkerbean, the 5 stages of grief are funk, key, wink, er, and bean.

  20. Lanfranc
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    FW – “An hour ago, life was fine…” Madam, please. You’re in Funky Winkerbean. Your life is contractually prohibited from being “fine”.

  21. bunivasal
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    I’m choosing to ignore the horror in Funky Winkerbean by trying to determine the nature of the emergency room carpet. My guess is chemo-patient hair.

  22. sb
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MW – Read the first panel with a sarcastic tone and it makes much more sense.

  23. Chyron HR
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    SFx – What a pointlessly pedantic rebuttal. What’s next, “Capo Carp threatened to have Slylock beaten so badly his children will feel it. Why does Slylock doubt the felonious fish’s boas–OH GOD STOP PLEASE NO NO NOT THE PIPE”

    (Answer: Pain is not hereditar–MY NOBE! YOU BASGURDS BROGE MY NOBE!)

  24. OMEGA SUPREME
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Man, I have got to start reading Apartment 3-G again. I gave up after Popeye came to me in a dream and said that the Darkgate Comic Slurper was an unauthorized feed. But now that there’s the possibility of the girls being identified by their dental records when their tinderbox of an apartment building goes up I need to find another source.

  25. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    FW – What is the point of all this? No, not existence, just this strip. Is he addressing a serious issue, thus justifying the morbidly depressive tone of the past week? Except, he isn’t addressing anything. He had a chance for an And Now You Know moment last week when the doctor was explaining what had happened, but he passed it up in favor of that old chestnut: “Don’t you hate when doctors try to tell you what is going on, but you can’t understand, because they use medical terms? Why can’t they go back to “Your husband had a stroke, probably due to a small demon who crawled in through an open window. We are currently bleeding him to try and flush the demon out. That will be two chickens and a pile of dried dung. Pay the receptionist on the way out.”?

    Tommy is remindind me of what I tend to say about Headline News maven Nancy Grace. If either of them were walking down the street, and saw a big pile of dog shit on the sidewalk, they couldn’t just walk on by. They would pick it up, squeeze it in their fingers, all the time opining: “Can you believe this!? Isn’t it disgusting? It’s horrible and it is right here with us every day! Can you smell it? The smell is revolting! Oh my god, it tastes just as disgusting as it looks!!!”

  26. Downpuppy
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Thanks to Hagar & Josh, I now know who Guaimar III of Salerno is.

    Will this be on the test?

  27. Report from the Shrug Zone
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#y159):

    “Don’t worry about your daily routines for coping with your glasses 95% of your waking hours. Some day you will retire, and you’ll have time enough at last.”

    I was a near-sighted book-fanatic kid when that TWILIGHT ZONE episode first aired, and it was certainly memorably devastating to me at the time. But as an adult thinking back on it, I have to call bullshit: yes, the last man on earth broke his glasses, but he probably knows other people with comparably bad eyesight (we tend to find each other) and all he has to do is go to their home, break in, and take the eyeglasses off their rotting corpse. A trivial task when unlimited reading time is the prize! (No doubt he won’t find a perfect match, but he should be able to find some options that will be good enough to let him read, maybe with minimal discomfort.)

    There are also prescriptions waiting to be picked up at opticians, optical supply houses, etc., if he’s a wimp about corpses. So, get cracking!

  28. pugfuggly
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    A3G Awwww! Evan got Margo a bouquet of burning brimstone. He knows it’s the little things you miss about home…

    FW I know we’re supposed to be identifying with Darrin’s mother in this strip, but I think the real audience surrogate is the man in the cap in panel 2 who’s trying his best not to listen in on this dull, depressing conversation.

    Heathcliff “…all I know is the last time I tried to move that trashpile to the backyard, I had to get four stitches and a rabies shot.”

  29. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#18): “But wouldn’t it be lovely if the severed head of Aunt Cathy had been sitting there so long that it exploded? ” – bwahahahahahaha! COTW! Except that Monday comments never win. Presumably Josh is still sobering up on Mondays.

  30. Lumaca Morente
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Wait, that’s Ann Fairgood? Wasn’t she coaching basketball just a few months ago? Now she looks like an old prune – kind of like me, actually.

  31. Lumaca Morente
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#18): Unintended expenses is the cash that gets extorted from you, or when someone else uses your credit card while you are passed out at a Eurotrash discoteque.

  32. Lumaca Morente
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#18): Jackelrod can fix your house but you may have to put up with a few 10,000 lb. geese.

  33. Rusty
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    FW: Christ, lady, you’re a character in Funky Winkerbean. We could all see this coming. (Posted earlier on SOSF, I thought it was worth repeating).

    You just know that Darin and his wife are hoping Ann shuts up/leaves to use the restroom so they can sneak a look at their cell phones.

  34. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#24): “the possibility of the girls being identified by their dental records when their tinderbox of an apartment building goes up” – boy, that closet is just full of Comics Curmudgeon win today!

  35. Justin
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Today’s Slylock Fox is reaching into Encyclopedia Brown levels of contrivance here. “Oh, I misunderstood some scientific principle that doesn’t actually affect my original statement? I am undone!”

  36. pugfuggly
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    ASM “She wanted to go with him, what could I say? And then they really wanted to take that private jet, so what could I do?”

    Ever consider moving cities, Spidey? In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king, you know…

    MT Speaking of one-eyed kings, it seems Rod Bassy actually ‘studies the lake’, ‘checks depths’, and tries to figure out ‘where the fish are’? What the hell are the rest of you losers doing? Crafting divining rods out of basswood? He’s not bragging about being better than the competition, Bluegill, he’s simply stating a fact.

    MW “This is great! Flours…eggs…milk….they’re all here!”

  37. Greg
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: I smell a bestselling book: Why Heathcliff Paints. Except it will be shelved in the Addiction/recovery section. Or possibly Sexuality.

  38. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    I wonder when Heathcliff will be uploading a scan of his painting to FurAffinity.

  39. seismic-2
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    SFx: I hope the animals don’t buy into Slylock’s dismissal of Wanda’s threat. I for one would very much like to see just what sort of “custom castle” the three birds, yokel bunny, Max Mouse, hillbilly bear, dainty-girl elephant, and thing-hiding-in-a-tree would actually build. I suspect it would bear a strong resemblance to John Dill’s cake.

    GT: On Saturday, Mia told Scott that she merely wanted to meet the peacock. Today she tells him, “I’m more desperate than that. I need the peacock.” It’s time to fan out your tail, Scott.

    MW: Oh foolish, foolish Mary – don’t you know that cake design is a young person’s sport? It’s sad to watch the televised finals, with all the old contestants keeling over in the batter. Save yourself from the indignity of gasping for breath in a heap of powdered sugar, as the young competitors glance back at you in pity and disdain while they speed ahead to glory at the pink-frosted finish line!

  40. Mikey
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    I think I figured it out! Mary is actually working with yellow cake to try to get Charterstone the a-bomb!

  41. Mibbitmaker
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    9CL: When you can see a barely there panda, why bother with kitty litter?

    Curtis: A divided house cannot stand. So, alright, FALL already! Maybe it takes longer for a house full of really petty people.

    JP: She forgets that when it comes to their daughters, nothing’s ever any of Sam’s business. It’s all a game of “don’t involve the — ugh! — male member of the family.”

    Luann: Guess who’s filling in for Luann DeGroot today while she’s out sick?

    MT: Rod Bassy isn’t really a bad person, it’s just that all the other fishermen are petty, jealous jerks.

    MW: “….you old fogeys. Seriously, everyone older than 50 should just die already and leave room for us!”

    MW2: I know it’s horribly sexist, but when I saw today’s strip, yet unread, I just thought of them all making a bunch of meows and other cat noises. However, it’s not so much their gender as it is their established personalities.

    Glibporn: That woman has no standards. That genie is definately NO Humphrey Bogart! (I’d say something about “yurz” — esp. in gramar maven Brooke’s comic — but given how my characters talk, I’ll just leave it alone)

  42. Mibbitmaker
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

  43. Mibbitmaker
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#42): Grammar.

    Nobody likes a smug McEldowney!

  44. Little Blue Bicycle
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    FW: She assumed cancer.

  45. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MW So that’s what they’re doing with the practice cakes – eating them! I look forward to the end of the contest when Mary, Dawn, and Toby have grown to the size of refrigerators.

    MT Rod Bassy is using sonar. And underwater drones for lures.

    @Mibbitmaker (#17):

    FW: This strip is so relentlessly dour, even the random foreground character is deeply depressed. Or bored. Either one.

    Or dead. Very likely dead, in the Funkyverse.

  46. un malpaso
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Folks, I’ve been in the Custom Castle business for decades, and I’ll be the first person to tell you… DON’T USE ANIMAL LABOR. You’ll just end up regretting it. I know it’s not the “P.C.” thing to say, but… you’re cutting costs, you’re talking SAFETY issues. Loose stones falling on your head. You like that idea? While you’re out walking on some parapet? That happens, guarantee you… a rabbit mason was responsible.
    Now they’re some of my best friends, don’t get me wrong. But DISCIPLINE… hard to keep ‘em in line. Sometimes… you even gotta bring in a witch. Know what I’m saying? Someone who can scare up some hoodoo, thunder, tornadoes and shit. Scare ‘em back to work.
    Too much trouble, if you ask me. Myself, I always use leprechauns. I know what you’re thinking…. they ain’t bad. They get the job done. Hell… (furtive glance).. even if they’re drinking straight whiskey at 8 a.m… they can hammer a nail, they can lay a brick… Hell, I say “give ‘em more booze!”
    So.. that’s settled. Now, let’s discuss where you want this drawbridge…

  47. Faoladh
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Ah, I get it. Frank Bolle is only capable of putting a certain number of lines on paper each day. By phoning in the second panel, he was able to include enough detail to depict body parts normally hidden in A3G strips, albeit under blankets in order to minimize the lines needed.

  48. tb4000
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Ironically this is the same excuse Rex gives when a patient dies.

  49. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MW “Are you nervous? Are you nervous, Mary? ‘Cause you should be nervous. Those contestants were all so young. And fresh. And not pink. I’d be nervous. I’d be really nervous. Are you nervous, Mary? Are you? Are you?”

  50. Nekrotzar
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    If Darrin’s mother is so deeply disturbed by the monthly arrival of the cable bill, then cancel the damn service!

  51. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    A3G It was just a misunderstanding. An innocent mistake. When Margo said, “Nitey-nite, don’t let the bedbugs bite!”, Evan thought she was hinting at an bedbug infestation problem. It’s just a bug bomb that he thoughtfully placed in her bedroom closet to get rid of her pests.

  52. Feltwright
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Un Malpaso: Oh, I hear you, loud and clear. But for me, if you really want your custom castle to stand ’til Ragnarok, frost giants, all the way. Sure, they’ll charge a freakin’ pile of gold, but if you want quality, you have to pay for quality.

  53. TheDiva
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    A3G: There are few things that could make this arc interesting, but chemical warfare might be one of them.

    FW: This right here summarizes everything wrong with Funky Winkerbean. Yes, bad things happen, sometimes unexpectedly, we all know they do. But does Batiuk has no insights on this unfortunate reality: no thoughts on enjoying life while you may, no comfort from loved ones, philosophy, or spirituality, nothing to say on the human condition in the face of tragedy. Confronted with the inevitability of mortality, he stomps his foot like a child crying “That’s not fair!” It’s shallow, self-absorbed, and devoid of any merit. Even Mary Worth and her Bartlett’s-borrowed platitudes are are more useful response.

    SFx: “Fine then, I will rain fire and blood down upon you all and call an army of the undead to do my bidding! What are you going to do about it, Encyclopedia Russet? I’m a fucking witch!”

  54. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    A guy panics a little because his dad is in the ER, at which point his wife doesn’t support him or be understanding, but rather gets snotty and sarcastic because that’s totally, like, how reality is? Check. A woman relates that because her husband didn’t joke that he got his johnson whacked by a toilet seat, she knew he was critically ill? Check. Dead-eyed sulking by fictional characters that is supposed to be emotional is instead a completely unintentional self-criticism by the author? Check and check. It’s official, folks: Tom Batiuk is on a bargain basement pathos spree. Put on your helmets and notarize your wills, this is gonna take a while.

  55. Chyron HR
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    FW – From the Howcum?! dept–

    Loopina annoys all her neighbors with her friendly attitude… but when hubby Derpwood has a stroke she becomes a real drag, daddy-o! (Am I missin’ somethin’ here?)

  56. Steve
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    SFx: Count Weirdly could create a thunderstorm in his sleep. Slylock dismisses Wanda Witch’s threat because she’s a girl.

  57. TheDiva
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    MT: So he wins fishing tournaments by doing his research. But he brags about how good he is! The dastard!

    MW: “Mary, could we have actual forks to eat our cake? It’s hard using baby spoons.”

    Pibgorn: And Brooke edges a step closer to the hardcore porn he so desperately wants to right.

    SM: Las Vegas’ finest are doing their best to make Spidey look good by comparison.

  58. TheDiva
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#57): Write, not right, dammit!

  59. Ross
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Okay, now that he’s solved the thunder/lightning/chicken/egg thing, can Slylock explain exactly where this forest is? The parts of the globe where the ranges of bears and elephants overlap doesn’t seem to be exceptionally large. Since the elephant shares Slylock and Max’s blank expressions, it could be he hired another sidekick, but she seems rather underage to hang out with a pair of private detectives. Also, the pink rabbit. What the hell?

  60. Dan
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    You can’t hurt Margo in her sleep, Evan. Margo sleeps with one leg off the bed, bent in mid-air, ready to strike at a moment’s notice.

  61. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Slylock is too much of a gentleman to tell Wanda that she’s talking bullshit.

  62. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#53): Re: FW

    I agree completely. You said this much better than I managed to above. He isn’t telling a good story, or giving us any insight, he is simply diving into a pool of misery and wallowing in it.

  63. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: THE MANCHURIAN T-REX.

    Apt. 3-G: Wait. Wasn’t pinhead guarding his present in the closet? Not that I really care who the pink miasma kills first.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Please tell me we’re not going to have to put up with three weeks of negative-outlined pandas and pooties hinting around pretentiously about how nobody talks dirty anymore.

    The Family Circus: Okay. I love and respect the President, but I have to say in all honesty that I absolutely would pay to see him get a needle in the ass on the East Portico of the Capitol today, depending on the angle.

    Frank and Ernest: Groooaaannn

    Judge Parker: is 10x sexier (you know you like panel two) just off-the-cuff than 9 Chickweed Lane and Pibgorn on their best day.

    Luann: Failure is funny, until you realize that Knut won’t take on a crushing student loan debt. Instead, he’ll take welding classes and enjoy the most economically secure future of any of his friends. No bitterness here.

    Mark Trail: Oh my gosh, next you’re going to tell me that golfers should play a course and map out where the holes are.

    Mary Worth: HA HA YOU’RE EATING THE LAST OF THE YOUNG WHO DARED TEST MARY WORTH.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: If by “riot,”[*]</a. you mean "potentially sexy pool pushing," well then yes, Rex is pleased with himself! What doctor wouldn't be, with a bun in the oven and various yeast cultures everywhere around him just waiting to collected?

    I think Slylock Fox is unconstitutionally biased against people of Frog-American descent. Witches, Weirdlies…it doesn’t matter. If you’ve got green skin, Slylock is there to keep you down, man.

  64. Cloudbuster
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    GT: “I need the peacock.” So that’s what the kids are calling it. You can’t convince me that’s an unintended implication.

  65. name
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Just because Wanda Witch doesn’t understand how a storm works, it doesn’t mean she can’t create one. That seems like some faulty logic on Slylock’s part

  66. Casino LF
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    MT: you know, I’m not much of a fisherman, but back when we were kids, my brother and I angled for fish off the docks in our marina. I couldn’t deal with worms so I liked to bait the hook with fishflies. If you bait it the right way, they wriggle on top of the water and boom, instant fish. We used to catch tons of bluegills. It was pretty much catching fish in a barrel. The point of my story is that catching a lot of bluegills is pretty damn easy for a nine year old, so Mark Trail’s friend? I’m pretty sure they’re mocking him by calling him that.

  67. Inkwell
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Poor Max. What will he hide behind when a stray lightning bolt turns Slylock to ashes?

  68. LUJBEM FEJF
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Foxy- Do what she asks! She turned me into a newt! …I got better.

  69. Walker of Dog
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    MW: Margo has carelessly left that bag on top of the hellmouth.
    The super won’t be pleased.
    Margo will have to dismember him.

    MW: Based on Mary’s expression, the secret ingredient is amphetamine.

    AS-M: Cop: “Yeah, I reupholstered my cruiser with fishnet. What about it?”

    FW: Exactly. Just like Darren didn’t expect that he would catch foot cancer from that filthy hospital floor, but he still knew that someday he’d have foot cancer.

  70. Cloudbuster
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    RM: I just want to take a moment to thank Rex Morgan for giving us several weeks of scantily-clad cat-fighting strippers (plus June!) in the guise of a medical drama.

  71. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn – Today, one of the barely-dressed fairies climbs up onto a table and begins to grind herself against the dude with a head shaped like a penis. They discuss who is inside whom.

    It’s art, you beefwits!!!!!

  72. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#63):
    PD, that Pink Miasma wafted on over from Funky Winkerbean. It’s expanding its horizons beyond Westview.

  73. NoahSnark
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: always striving to be too depressing for Emily Dickinson.

  74. Chipper
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    It was nice of Greg, the James Bond actor, to comb out, part, and curl Margo’s luxurious blue hair before putting her to bed. Maybe he concluded that “Eric” was her stylist.

  75. Cloudbuster
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MT & MW: I’m not sure my heart can take these descents into the seedy undersides of the hyper-competitive worlds of cake-decorating and bass fishing!

    Our underdogs in Mary Worth are really on the edge: “…the contestants seemed so young. Are you nervous?” Yes, cake-decorating is a young person’s game, requiring lightning reflexes, incredible physical stamina, and ferret-like flexibility. How can a couple of retirees be expected to decorate cakes at that level? It’s insane!

  76. seismic-2
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Well, when Eric crept into A3-G wearing that hoodie, everyone here said he looked like the Unabomber. Everyone was right.

  77. Mikey
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#72): That smells like Winkerbean, and its downright Funky smelling!..oh wait, its just the foul stench of death as usual..

  78. seismic-2
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#76): Damn – I meant Evan, not Eric. Now Margo’s got me all confused, the way she talks in her drunken stupor sleep.

  79. Cloudbuster
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    FW: With any luck, he’ll die of cancer before having to suffer the after-effects of the stroke for too long.

  80. Shrug, Offering Benefit of Doubt
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58):

    Actually, one could go with “right” also, if the assumption is that Brooke feels the American porn industry has lost its way and is floundering, and he wants to “right” it. Except of course that it’s art, not porn, you beefwits.

    Brooke can be a right arse about right art.

  81. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Report from the Shrug Zone (#27): We’re talking about Burgess “Penguin” Meredith, so maybe he could learn to make do with a monocle.

  82. Brock Sampson
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Can someone give me an explanation for today’s BC that doesn’t involve wangs? Because I’m coming up empty.

  83. Will
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: A bunch of people standing around watching a couple of girls fight is not a riot. It’s just a crowd.

  84. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Setec Astrology (#9): While I’m pretty sure that the strip’s authors meant to use “super-singeing” instead of “super-singing” lightning bolts, it’s much more fun to imagine it the other way.

    Oh my! Super-singing lighting flashes? Do they sing super songs? By superstars?

    // Probably just a superstition.

  85. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#17): It’s basically Bolle reminding us that he can really draw…

    The draftmanship of that first panel leaped out at me too. I thought maybe they had a guest artist in.

  86. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#73): Because I could not stop for Death, Batiuk stopped for me.

  87. Radar
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    “Remember Evan, all dressed up in his Druid robe?” Sorry Josh. No I don’t. You should know better than to apply proper nouns to past actions in Apartment 3-G. I understand the temptation though. “Remember that indecipherable male, all dressed up in his inexplicable attire for no apparent reason?” doesn’t particularly work any better.

  88. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#25): Oh, thank you. That is perfect about N. Grace. She just wallows in it. And invites her guests, none of whom know anything, to repeat her comments back to her. “You are absolutely right, Nancy, that is disgusting. Let me hold it for a while.”

    // I’ll be borrowing that simile sometime.

  89. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#73): FW began in 1972. George Sanders committed suicide in 1972. Coincidence? I think not.

  90. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#73): Canada decriminalized suicide in 1972. Coincidence? I think not.

  91. Lumaca Morente
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#88): “You are absolutely right, Nancy, that is disgusting. Let me hold it for a while.” – but enough about Nancy Grace’s social life.

  92. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: This could not be more depressing if it tried to. All that is needed now is for a nurse to come over and inform the old lady that there ‘is a problem’ with her insurance coverage, and would she mind writing a check?

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    one of the things that I like best about this place is that we generally don’t have this going on. (panel 2, to be precise.)

  94. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Report from the Shrug Zone (#27): It always seemed to me odd that he only had one pair. I am admittedly a bit more prosperous than he is depicted to be, but I have a drawer full of old glasses. Don’t all us feeble sighted people do that? The prescriptions are more or less out of date, but any of them would be better than nothing. And I have often have had recourse to using them in emergencies.

  95. Uncle Lumpy
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Right now, Googling the phrase “Savarna is more badass than the Phantom” yields 0 hits. I just wanted to be first against the coming avalanche.

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#25): “good thing we didn’t step in it.”

    Nancy Grace, living off the bodies of dead children for years. *hate*

  97. Marc
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G- Chemical warefare eh? Well this has taken quite the turn. I assume it was a time bomb because there is no way that Evan is still alive in there after all these weeks.

    Mark Trail- If the rest of you guys can’t even be bothered to do the smallest amount of prep work for your fishing tournaments; you jealous twits deserve to be ridiculed and taunted when you lose.

    Mary Worth- I know Toby is a joyless shut in and contributes nothing to humanity, but is she really so bored that she’s watching cake baking contests on tv? Sounds like Professor Chinbeard needs to put out a little more.

    Funky- When your diet consists almost entirely of the greasy crap that Montoni’s calls food and you get zero excercize; a stroke is pretty much inevitable.

    Luann- Am I correct in assuming that the reason we don’t see Crystal is that she’s over at the booth for the University of Transylvania?

  98. lynn
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#93): I came back from the great beyond to say: truer words were never spoken. That’s why I spend so much time here. Intelligent people!
    PS, the great beyond is very nice. There is no television here.

  99. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#53): Even Mary Worth and her Bartlett’s-borrowed platitudes…

    Dear Diva, you insult Bartlett’s!

    I would respect Moy more if she actually used Bartlett’s for her quotations. Then they would at least be accurate and properly attributed. In fact, she just trolls up crap from the Internet, and never checks it. I think of the last ten “quotes” I’ve seen of her since I’ve been looking (since I’ve been at CC, that is) only two of them passed muster.

    // Brainyquotes.com delenda est! — Albert “Cato” Camus, the Elder

  100. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    MT:
    Dear Diary,
    I just came back from the fishing tournament, and that awful Rod Bassey was there! OMG! He thinks he’s such a big deal but really he’s just nothing but a big bragger! Just because he knows how to fish better than the rest of us, we’re all supposed to be impressed when he starts bragging on himself! I am SOOOOOO tired of it!!!!!! I know it’s not right to hate people, but that Rod Bassey Braggypants makes me SOOOOOOOO MAAAAADDD!!!!!!!

    Your friend,
    Bluegill

  101. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#97):

    Luann- Am I correct in assuming that the reason we don’t see Crystal is that she’s over at the booth for the University of Transylvania?

    Actually, Crystal is out trying to drag Tiffany in there.

    “C’mom, Tiffany. You like fairs don’t you? Luann likes fairs. You don’t want to not like something that Luann likes do you?”

  102. I speak Jive
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    When I woke up this morning, I realized that I had been having a dream about Shylock Fox. I don’t follow that comic in my waking hours, so it was a disturbing start to the day.

    @TheDiva (#53): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#62): Re: FW – That’s it exactly. The strip doesn’t reveal anything about the human condition. It is just a bunch of bad stuff happening. Another complaint I have about it is that the characters are either so unlikeable that I don’t sympathize with them, or such cardboard creations that I can’t even remember who they are, let alone care about them.

  103. I can typing!
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#93):

    vgviov ios! vfio;omt-jul;m,nl; oivpemvio

    Margo! Boxcar! Saturn!!!!!

  104. Peanut Gallery
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#Y97), @Artist formerly known as Ben (#Y182):

    Is there a comics term for when one character’s excited dialogue knocks another one upside down?

    This source calls it a “flip-take.”

  105. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    FC – Jeffy isn’t allowed to watch! He’s been ostrified!

  106. Mardou Fox
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dawn and Toby are really letting Mary have it! “THIS is what you’ve been working on? THIS is what you’ve been so worked up about, Mary?” “The contestants last year seemed so young–compared to you, you old troglydite. Tell us, what did they use for frosting back in the Stone Age? Pterydactyle guano maybe?”

  107. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Dinosaur Comics: The Estate of Albert Camus is extremely vexed.

    H&L: A Mark Trail, Hi & Lois mashup? Oh, Bats Colon Left-Bracket, dare we hope?

    Love is…: What th’… a little passive-aggressive here, are we, eh? If you really loved me you’d put the cap back on the toothpaste! // Ha! I’m actually laughing at a Love is… (glushrgdkk!) help me… must find antidote…

    Wiz of Id: Call me a sentimentalist, but I, for one, am happy that Timmy has squirrels to chase on the Other Side.

    Nancy: Call me a sentimentalist, but I wish everyone involved in this glurge would die and be pursued and dilacerated by Timmy the Rottweiler on the Other Side. After all, what did the squirrels ever do? // Bushmiller, for Crom’s sake, would puke.

  108. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#41):

    Curtis: A divided house cannot stand. So, alright, FALL already! Maybe it takes longer for a house full of really petty people.

    Right—In the dysfunctional family of my childhood, my mom would get mad at us and not speak to us for days (and once even weeks) at a time. It is not the stuff of comedy.

  109. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#53):
    Even Lizardbreath had more grace under pressure than this lady. Went right to hospital to see Boxcar after he stroked out.

  110. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    …In her wedding dress, I might add.

  111. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Brock Sampson (#82): Can someone give me an explanation for today’s BC that doesn’t involve wangs? Because I’m coming up empty.

    No wangs at all? BS, I accept your challenge!

    Cave Guy keeps reaching under his apron/dress to measure the length of the tapeworm that lives in his intestines. Although admittedly my explanation doesn’t cover why he’s wearing boxing gloves instead of the gloves normally used by proctologists.

  112. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#108): Why can’t Mary Worth get mad like your Mom?

  113. Mardou Fox
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Wow, panel 2 of Mark Trail today explains a lot. The speech balloons of Mark and Bluegill appear to be coming out of the old State Mental Hospital.

  114. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#93):

    one of the things that I like best about this place is that we generally don’t have this going on. (panel 2, to be precise.)

    Hey! That’s the way I compost all my poses!
    //ajfpajrpasjfpanpetjp9svgpzsmfcpojase[po
    ////I learned my keyboard technique from Stephen Colbert.

  115. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#108):
    Oh, I’m sorry.
    Once my Mom didn’t speak to me for a morning because she found pot ashes on my windowsill in the AM (when I was 17). The drive to my summer job that day was not particularly pleasant, but we worked it out.
    Families are complicated units, none being “perfect.”

  116. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Complicated AND complex.

  117. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Bluegill remembered Mark as an empty-headed blowhard, but he’d forgotten just how lazy the famed nature writer was. Look at that fool, writing down that Bassy checked out the lake to see where fish might be as though it were some kind of secret, and not a common sense thing that any competent fisherman, let alone a professional, would do. Bluegill would use Mark’s uninformed animosity toward Bassy as misdirection. Catfish’s attack will be completely unexpected, Bluegill thought, smiling to himself.

  118. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: What is that in Bluegill’s hands? A model of a WWII tank? With a polar bear on top instead of a turret?

  119. Lumaca Morente
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#115): Well, if she recognized them as pot ashes, I guess she wasn’t in a position to say much, was she?

  120. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    I think we all owe it to Camus to point out, in reference to A3G, that technically the acrid odor is not wafting from the closet door, but through it. It’s wafting from the box, I assume, unless those pink things are zombie pantyhose.

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#86): Because I could not stop for Death, Batiuk stopped for me.

    Because I could not stop for Death —
    Batiuk stopped for me –
    The comic strip held just ourselves,
    And sad Futility.

    He slowly draws his morbid tale,
    And we all abandon hope,
    He drones of cancer and of stroke,
    Oh curse the loathsome mope!

    Since then— seems Centuries—and yet
    We can do naught but snark,
    Since we surmised this comic strip,
    Had finally jumped the shark.

  122. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#119):
    Well, she knew I toked here and there but I hated cigs (still do) – she never tried the stuff but smoked until she was 35 or so.
    She’s totally for legalization now. A good friend of ours offered her some once a while back when she was feeling anxious/not sleeping well, but Mom said no.

  123. Calico
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Henry, yesterday – Wow, I didn’t know Henry was a Merry Prankster! Off to Burning Man now!

  124. Écureuil Écumant
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: Life imitates art … at least, if you can bring yourself to consider Mary Worth as anything even remotely resembling art.

  125. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#122):

    She was angry that you had salts with water-soluble potassium on your window sill? Did you explain that potash is widely used in fertilizers, as well as aluminum recycling and industrial water treatment?

  126. tallyHO
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Ross (#59):

    There’s a good chance that Count Weirdly’s Nightmare Valley is like Brigadoon. It always exists somewhere and only appears in the real world once in a while.

    Only Count Weirdly really knows how it all works as he is the one who is able to come and go as he pleases in his Fishbowl-shaped Time Machine.

  127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#116): complexicated, in other words.

  128. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#125): I thinking more along the lines of “You set fire to one of her flower pots, and ruined her windowsill in the process.” That would be my mother’s reaction, anyway.

  129. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Oh my God! Evan actually did leave some kind of nutty explosive in Margo’s closet. You will not be soon forgotten, Evan. Except for your face, because it looks like every other guy.

    SFx: Wanda’s response is, of course, “Yeah? Well magic thunder can create lightning, smartass.!”

    MT: Yeah, he catches fish, he brags about it. We kinda got that Bluegill. After this trip Rusty will never want to go fishing again, which may be the whole point.

    MW: Oh bravo! “Good luck on the contest, Mary. By the way, you’re really really, obscenely old.” That’s some good psy-ops there.

    9CL: Nice effect. I don’t know where the panda came from, but as far as I know they don’t eat cats, so that’s good.

    RMMD: Rex didn’t get pushed into the pool, and yet he’s absolutely drenched in smug.

    H&L: Chip has “a craving” for pancakes at 9pm. Shouldn’t Lois pull back his hair to see if his eyes are red?

    DT: Not to pry into anyone else’s business, but Brad seems shocked to hear about the internment camp. How well did these two know each other when they said I do.

    GT: The dialogue sounds suggestive, and the scene is open for wink wink nudge nudge innuendo. Or would be if the guy in the blue shirt weren’t so clueless and asexual.

    FC: Dolly an hour later: “What, no needles at all? This is bullshit!”

    Luann: Luann is no longer in the picture, having seen a shiny bottle cap on the other side of the room.

    S-M: Kraven has a private jet, and no one was patrolling the airplane hangars in Clark County to see if he’d try to use it. This truly is a Spidey-level police department.

  130. Gringo
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#62): I believe the term you’re searching for is “misery porn.”

  131. Gringo
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#73): Funky Winkerbean: always striving to be too depressing for Emily Dickinson

    Because I could not stop for Death
    He kindly rerouted to Westview for me
    The carnage was for just ourselves
    And mere banality.

  132. MWDG
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    MW:

    As someone in our VIP Mary Worth Discussion Group recently said… “Why would 19 year old Dawn be hanging out with that urine soaked hag Mary?” Well the answer is that Dawn is a severly delayed loser…pretty soon Mary won’t even hang with her… (God knows what goes on in that apartment with Wilbur.)

    Rumor in Santa Royale is that 20 years ago Dawn’s mother, Lisa had been given a roofie and then spent the night with Wilbur. Wilbur was a broke, fat slob who lived in his mother’s unfinished basement sniffing airplane glue and reading porn. Lisa tried to distance herself from Wilbur and was planning to give the baby up for adoption. She did not die during child birth (as reported in the Santa Royale Tribune) but killed herself using a dry cleaner bag soon after seeing Dawn’s face.

  133. Gringo
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#121): Ack, you beat me to it.

    Thereby illustrating the futility of not reading all the comments beforehand.

  134. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @MWDG (#132): You have a VIP Mary Worth Discussion Group?

    Must be brutal.

  135. bbofun
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    SHYLOCK- “Oh, I’m sorry- did I say “thunderclap?” I meant “thunderstorm,” of course. I was so caught up in the excitement of making threats, I misspoke. Oh, and Shylock? I just shrank your penis to the size of a peanut. Schmuck.”

    ASM- I know Kraven has “the speed of a cheetah’ or something, but still- how did he (and Sherry) get to the airport from the Vegas strip in the time it took for Spidey to hear he escaped, get outside, and web up the chimps? And, assuming it actually took, oh, let’s say 20 minutes to do all that- did no one think to call the airport and put it in lockdown? Especially when the escaped prisoner HAS A FRICKIN’ PRIVATE JET! Apparently, Spider-Man gets to be a superhero in this world because the police are as incompetent as he is.

    JP- “Well, it’s been a long time since I spoke to Abbey. it’s been, what, a few months since I’ve been home…”
    “No, just two days.”
    “Wow- seems a lot longer.”

    PIBGORN- “I’ve gotten you out of me”? No one would ever say that. No one. “I’ve gotten you out of my system,” sure. “I’ve gotten you out of my heart,” or “mind,” or “brain,” fine. “I’ve washed you right outta my hair,” even. But this? This is just a pathetic set-up to a pathetic joke. For a man in love with language, Brooke seems to have a tin ear for dialogue.

  136. giraffe-o
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    S.Fox : Wanda Witch, her plan foiled by facts, will resort to her backup plan : unleashing Cassandra Cat into the forest to produce the thunderclap, at least throughout the male population.

  137. NonnyMus
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    And just like that, Evan the Druid is facing a Federal terrorism rap! Well, assuming that was his package. Last time we saw it, it was green!

  138. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#120):

    It’s wafting from the box, I assume, unless those pink things are zombie pantyhose.

    If there’s such a thing as pink zombie pantyhose, I don’t put it past Margo to wear them.

  140. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#139): made from the thigh-skin of actual zombies.

  141. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#138): Why thank you. It was your idea, after all.

    // You can sing it to the tune of “Yellow Rose of Texas”, or, if you prefer, the theme to “Gilligan’s Island”. All together now…

  142. The Ridger
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#94): He was poor(ish) and glasses were expensive back then. Really expensive. I can remember my parents only having one pair each when I was little, and so did I. Breaking my glasses was a great fear.

  143. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#141): We must give credit to NoahSnark, as well.
    //where do I sign up to get a job thinking up ideas and someone else executes them beautifully and I get the credit?

  144. Inkwell
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#102): It couldn’t have been worse than the dream I had where they remade “The Young and the Restless” with Slylock characters. Those mental images will never leave me.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#121): I think I just fell a little bit in love with you.

  145. seismic-2
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The moon is too bright, the city is too quiet, and Margo’s bedroom is too acrid. Merry Christmas, everyone!

  146. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): *standing ovation*
    You called it.

  147. Liam
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    FW-Hovering over Westview their demonic overlord watches the scene below with glee. “That was just a warning shot. Next time I shall take your life. Do you see what you get for being happy?”

  148. sighing maiden still sighing
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#144): Good luck with that no-account heartbreaker N.H.

  149. Liam
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    MW-And how many times in a day do you make cakes and when is this contest again and do worry you might be developing obsessive compulsive disorder?

  150. Sgt. Stoned
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: Is Rod related to Shirley?

    MW: I think I’m finally getting the drift here. The theme of the contest is the beauty of nature. All the other contestants are hip, young people. Therefore, the winning entry is bound to have a whole lot of Mother Nature baked right into it.

  151. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @NonnyMus (#137): And just like that, Evan the Druid is facing a Federal terrorism rap! Well, assuming that was his package. Last time we saw it, it was green!

    the REAL Mark Trail used to work for United Parcel Service (see yesterthread’s link/article from yours truly), so maybe he picked up Evan’s original green package and left the toxic orange(?) one in its place.

    In other words, it’s a desperate attempt by one of the creators of Mark Trail to eliminate the competition.

  152. TheDiva
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#62): And the truly aggravating thing is that Batiuk doesn’t just think this mere acknowledgement of misery is enough. No, he considers it more than enough–he thinks that standing there shouting “terrible things happen, and that’s terrible!” makes him superior to the “hidebound literalists” who insist on frivolous things like “humor,” “entertainment value,” and “a single character we can empathize with.”

    @Shrug, Offering Benefit of Doubt (#80): Thank you for trying to cover for my inability to multitask and proofread.

  153. commodorejohn
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    The timer struck midnight. With a mighty POP, acrid pink smoke began to fill the room. Evan had worn the stupid robes, he’d even gone down to Jones’s head shop to find the right incense, but damn it, there was no way he was going to be in the room when the ritual brought Margo’s true form into the world.

  154. greghousesgf
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#104): so that’s called a flip take. can anybody tell me what it’s called in a cartoon when a woman sticks her arm up in the air and puts her hand behind her head to signify she thinks she looks hot? this shows up a lot in Archie, usually accompanied by an extended pinky finger. I’ve never seen anyone do this outside of a cartoon.

  155. Daniel
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    A3G Tracy Jordan: “Oh NO, Kenneth’s a killer, and the Riddler is coming!”
    Frazz This school holds session on MLK Day? Is it Liberty University?

  156. Daniel
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff is behind Interior Semiotics?

  157. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Col. Havoc (#1): It’s the head proportion. Their heads suddenly got huge in proportion to their bodies.

  158. bats :[
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#3): I’ve never heard the term “Chicken milk stinkbomb,” but as it still is January, my latest resolution is to use it as much as possible this year.

    @Rusty (#33): oh so true!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#107): Well, first I’d have to look at Hi&Lois (not on my reading OR viewing rotation). But in the meantime…

  159. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#154): likely a take on pin-up poses?

  160. The Ridger
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Yes! Kraven, Sherry the Showgirl, and the chimps! On the run from the law! But fighting crime, because he’s been reformed by LUV!

  161. Stroker Ace
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff – If you can’t afford Cassandra Cat why bother?

  162. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Report from the Shrug Zone (#27): I used to get in trouble in English class for having inappropriate reactions to the end of stories, because I instantly saw solutions like yours.

  163. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#63): Are you hoping for an angle that does or does not show scrotum?

  164. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#71): It’s always art if you use the word whom.

  165. Chip Whittle
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Wait, so why is Pibgorn’s Djinn of It sneaking into Margo’s bedroom unless oh my God!

    Actually, Margo with snarky-genie powers might be worth it.

  166. Government Cheese
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Luann: A little early to look at a PhD program, don’t you think? I mean, you first have to graduate out of the 15 year high-school program you seem to be in.

  167. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Brock Sampson (#82): I think I hurt my eyes opening them too wide at the implications of that chart. The miniscule diameter of the “okay” item in his hand is a reminder, however, that more than one dimension must be considered to ensure satisfaction or comprehensively delineate “too much.”

    //I think the teensy dildo in his hand is mean to be an icicle, and the gauge intended for snow depth. The ladies know, “Sex is like a snowfall: you never know how many inches you’ll get, or how long it will last.”

  168. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#135): The private jet escape isn’t too far fetched. The main Las Vegas airport is right downtown. You could walk there from the older part of the strip in 20 minutes. If the authorities didn’t know he had a jet–and such ownership isn’t obvious as it’s usually through another company–they would only have alerted the TSA to keep him from getting out through the airport. Even if they did know he had a jet, they might not know where it was parked. McCarron has multiple FBOs (private companies on the airport that look after aircraft parking and servicing), and a lot of private jets would be there at any time. You don’t have to talk to the TSA, go through a search or usually show ID to get to a private jet. The FBO staff usually remember you from your arrival, and as long as your credit card cleared, they wave you cheerily onto the tarmac. I can easily imagine it taking more time for the police to physically find Kraven’s jet than for him to take a cab right onto the apron, board and start the engines. The police could call the control tower and tell them to deny him a take-off clearance, but if he’s determined to be a bad boy he can say ‘screw you’ and just take the runway and go.

    They can track him on radar, but short of scrambling the Air Force to shoot him down, they can’t stop him leaving the country.

    You know how people call airport security “security theatre”? It’s not because the TSA have sequin-clad showgirls and rampaging elephants.

  169. Uncle Lumpy
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#168):

    It’s not because the TSA have sequin-clad showgirls and rampaging elephants.

    More’s the pity: it would improve both the airport experience and aviation security!

  170. Baka Gaijin
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#Y123): I am working the phrase “destruction of the cake by someone’s buttocks” into conversation at work this week. I hope it’s not during the big staff meeting.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#Y143): My dear, you must, on the appropriate occasions, try out a lorgnette. One appropriate occasion is the Santa Royale International Super Duper High Class Cake Decorating Playdown. Once you see the pink monstrosity, you can drop your lorgnette dramatically and swoon for emphasis. How you play it from there is up to you.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#Y164): Another sentence to work into a conversation: “After you’ve started walking on your hind legs, lugging around those feces gets tiring.” Also, don’t get tired lugging chocolates onto the COTW float this week

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#Y169): If they had a hawk swooping down on a clown convention commercial, I’d sign up for Dish. Hell, if they had the “Hawk Swooping Down on a Clown” Channel, I’d sign up in a heartbeat. That’s TV worth watching!

  171. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    MW: Sometime this week, in between gazing at John’s scribbled “cake plans” and stuffing themselves with cake, someone must explain how this “cake design contest” works. Is it judged on appearance? Taste? Preparation speed? Monochromaticity? John needs a little more practice to get a wrap on the last: the cake is yellow inside and not a uniform pink throughout.

    PBS: Pastis needs to start omitting the last panel of his comic when he does this. It would have been more of a joke today if the doctors had attended to pig’s facial mole while pig kept screaming about the annoying customer.

    JP: She’s being held prisoner by international terrorists.

    Adam: Is the joke “Misjudge” or “Judge Dredd”?

    A3G: A shame they jumped straight to the view inside the closet. It would have been fun to start with the acrid pink smoke emerging under the closet door, leaving us to guess whether Evan or his mysterious parcel was the source.

    //My guess: the Evan robot blew a seal.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#129): Can Brad hear that part? I assumed he could only hear George’s dialogue, and that he was afraid his husband was getting some Dick on the side?

    //That kind of snark feels a lot creepier when the people are real.

    @Peanut Gallery (#104): Thank you. That sounds exactly right.

  172. Fritz Basset
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#55): Superb! Even old Al Scaduto’s dated TDIET was more humorous/enjoyable than the Funkyverse.

  173. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#43): Muphry’s Law strikes again!

  174. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#173): I knew there was a law of the internet that any grammar or spelling correction post must itself have an error, but I didn’t know it applied to correcting your own work.

  175. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): Goodness, McE is really getting his money’s worth for that curse he bought the other day!

  176. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#174): That does pose an interesting philosophical question, doesn’t it? If nothing else, it suggests that conversations between sock puppets may be real conversations after all.

    //Don’t mind me; I’m punchy because we’re out of groceries and I’ve not had my morning caffeine.

  177. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#53): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#62): And it’s not just misery-wallowing. It’s poorly-thought-out misery-wallowing. Take Darrin for example. That’s his father that she’s talking about, and that’s his mother who is upset about what’s happened to his father. Does he look worried? Concerned? Struggling with his own fear and worry? Does he offer her comfort? Hold her hand?

    Nope, he sits there with a faintly bored expression as if she’s just some random lady in the waiting room, trying to look sympathetic and failing. Dude can’t be even bothered to signal with his body language that he gives a rat’s.

  178. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#94): Alas, I do have old pairs, but I am a packrat who moves frequently as well as nearsighted, and I have no clue which box they’ve ended up in.

    //I wasn’t even born yet when that episode aired, and yet it still haunts me, too.

  179. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#166): Not to mention Ph.D. programs don’t advertise at high school fairs. They want to make sure that you can handle college first.

  180. The Ridger
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#177): ever since he discovered that he’s Saint Lisa’s kid, the Fairgoods are nothing to him, NOTHING.

  181. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    …aaaaaaand, because it’s Multiple Commenting Day, one more for the road:

    A3G: The color of those noxious vapors gives it away: what’s inside that package is one of John Dill’s cakes.

  182. Marc
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    MW- So if Mary and John are contuing to make the same cake day after day in order to achieve some vague idea of perfection, they must be spending a shitload on ingredients. John’s going to blow the entirety of his retirement savings to win a cake baking contest where the grand prize will only be enough for a few breakfasts at IHOP and a subscription to life alert.

  183. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Pink gas! Well, it looks like Pepto-Bismol has done it again. For years they had the liquid form then tablets and a chewable variety much like Tums. Now gas. Just the thing for your group diarrhea bouts.

  184. Uncle Lumpy
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#171):

    //My guess: the Evan robot blew a seal.

    More appropriate for Mark Trail, don’t you think? Or Pibgorn?

  185. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#163): Does *not,* mercifully. Don’t need to see that, even it’s…well, we’ll just leave whose out of it.

  186. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#171): My guess: the Evan robot blew a seal

    And the seal had a whale of a good time when he did!!!

  187. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Mary, Making the same recipé over and over again will not perfect the recipé. It will only make you very practiced at making that same recipé. Admittedly, it’s a pretty clever one that makes the cake yellow on the inside, pink on the outside and causes a single layer cake to grow to two layers after icing, but … oh! I’ve got it! “Cake design contest” is just what they call it to book the venue. The cake photograph John had to submit along with the entry form detailing his sexual proclivities and STD status was just to ensure that no serious bakers accidentally entered. John’s cake was obviously a joke, so he was admitted. Toby and Dawn know the true nature of the event and are trying to hint to Mary that it might not be for her, but seeing as she missed the blatant innuendo in the DVD, she’s not going to pick up on the girls’ hints.

  188. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#184) & @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#186): “No, it’s only ice cream.”

    //My dad used to tell me that joke, the first time well before I had any chance of understanding the double entendre. I was just happy to hear a story about a penguin whose car broke down in the summer, and who went for ice cream while the mechanic was diagnosing the problem, but who, having only flippers, wasn’t very neat with his ice cream and got it all over himself. My mother gave him dirty looks for it, but I just assumed it was because she didn’t approve of eating ice cream that way.

  189. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#188):

    Did the penguin first tell the mechanic that all he wanted was a tight seal?

    Did you hear about the disoriented deer wandering out of the woods? “Let’s just say you won’t believe what I just did for two bucks!”

  190. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#185):

    Even if it’s … well, we’ll just leave whose out of it.

    You imply there’s one individual’s scrotum you might care to glimpse, and then you back away, your tail between your legs. This sounds like a story more interesting than baking the identical cake for a week, or catching frozen fish.

    //Thank you, Dingo, for so thoroughly paving the way for scrotal discussions here.

  191. Mibbitmaker
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): No, I think “right” makes sense here. Of course Brooke isn’t satisfied with the porn out there. “Soon, I’ll finally do porn the correct way, and right the inefficacies of the entire industry! I’ll show them! THIS is how you indite and draw porn, you lowbrow, incompetent beefwits!”

  192. Mibbitmaker
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#191): I’ll say this for Brooke: thesaurus-diving ain’t easy sometimes!

  193. Baka Gaijin
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#12): I’m surprised it took 11 posts to get to this Mary Worth/Apartment 3-G crossover.

    @wossname (#18): Another COTW contender. Damn, another week I’m not making it on the float.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#93): Hey! I resemble that second panel.

  194. Shrug is Bursaring Out All Over
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#179):

    “They want to make sure that you can handle college first.”

    should read:

    “They want to make sure you can pay for college first.”

    FIFY

  195. Vince M
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#170): A friend needed corrective wear for one eye, and I suggested a monocle. She’s in the law business, and I figured a shocked-reaction monocle pop-out would be a useful effect in her work.

  196. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 21st, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#191):

    No more porn featuring well-proportioned, virile men! We need more porn where the male participant is small, weak, and clearly overwhelmed by the mere prospect of sex with such a dominating goddess! Porn where the male lapses into unconsciousness before even starting!

    (I am aware that Rule 34 stipulates that such porn already exists, has entire xtube channels devoted to it, and has developed its own sub-categories. But, what does Rule 34 have to say about dominating sex goddesses coming on to males with oversized, penis-shaped heads!?)
    http://www.gocomics.com/pibgorn/2013/01/21

  197. Shrug (Oh Deer)
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#189):

    “Did you hear about the disoriented deer wandering out of the woods? “Let’s just say you won’t believe what I just did for two bucks!”

    They were at a stag party; they felt they were in a rut, and so they decided not to bicker about the doe. After all, think of the fawn they could have!

  198. Baka Gaijin
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#97) on Mary Worth: Toby’s only TV option is ESPN Cinco. Competitive Cake Baking and Newest in Fashion for the Portly Scotsman. If she sees another half-hour on the future trends in sporrans, she’s going to commit seppuku with a sgian dubh. ESPN Cinco–we’ve officially run out of programming worth watching!

    @Mardou Fox (#106): Hee hee hee. Pterydactyl guano cake frosting. Ha ha. A step up from the marzipan and squeezable plaster of paris Mary usually uses.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#111): You made me read BC. I want those 5 seconds back.

  199. bats :[
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

  200. Baka Gaijin
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#120): Zombie pantyhose for the win!

    @Aviatrix (#168): You’ve not seen the TSA agents in the Delta concourse at LAX. Hint: not sequin-clad showgirls.

    @Sequitur (#183): I’m asking my bookie about group diarrhea bouts.

  201. Baka Gaijin
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#199): I shouldn’t have looked at that so close to bedtime. Now my dreams are going to be invaded by Pink Miasma.

  202. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#200): Then you can be grateful TSA uniforms are not spandex. There would be a certain logic in requiring that, seeing as they have to move back and forth across a checkpoint all day. Skintight uniforms would make it clear that they weren’t carrying anything other than a lifetime of doughnuts, and whatever firearm it is they need to carry to keep the toothpaste smugglers in line.

    //Has anyone died yet, screaming, “It was only ninety-eight millilitres!”

  203. tallyHO
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2):

    Huh.

    Apparently it is also the birthday of the chronicler of Slylock Fox’s Tales of Puzzlery and Mysteriousments, Bob Weber Jr.

  204. Little Guy
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: This would either creep out Mama deGroot or give her ideas.

  205. Tophat
    January 21st, 2013 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G- Am I the only one who is more shocked by the sudden implication that Margo actually has a body from the waist down than I am that her apartment may now be on fire?

  206. Chareth Cutestory
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#158): Its from an episode of The League where one character tries to take revenge on another by making a rancid stinkbomb. You just use raw chicken and milk.

  207. Alter Ego
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    love is… volunteering to clean up after the orgy.

  208. Pogo the anthropomorphic
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#207): Now that fits the scene.

  209. ScienceGiant
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G – How do I explain the medieval attire and the exploding gift? Greg is Jokey Smurf.

  210. Droopy Says
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#168): One of the many questions about Cap’n Kraven, Air Pirate, is when did he find the time to get a pilot’s license? He was just released from prison, and among other things I assume that his original sentence led to the revocation of his pilot’s license (if any). I’m pretty sure that getting a pilot’s license requires a bit more than geting a driver’s license. Plus he had to buy his private jet, which is another question, and doesn’t taking off from an airport require a flight plan? Even if he took off from a private airfield, I think the unannounced take-off alone would raise alarms with Homeland Security. (And if he filed a flight plan, it either states where he’s fleeing to, or it raises suspicions when he deviates from it.)

    Hell, this is Spiderdick. Did they get anything right for a change?

  211. Droopy Says
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Batiuk needs to put a lot more gallows in his gallows humor.

  212. Zerowolf
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    MW: The contestants were much younger? Good going, Mary, you’ve entered Dill into the EasyBake Over Bake Off.

  213. Zerowolf
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#211): One step at a time. First he needs to put some humor in his humor.

  214. DavidMac
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    FW: You know all your life it’s coming . . . and in the immortal words of Woody Allen, “I’m not afraid of death (I just don’t want to be there when it happens).”

  215. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#210): I don’t believe that a non-DUI related criminal conviction revokes a pilot licence any more than it revokes a driving licence, SCUBA licence, or professional wrestling announcer licence (that’s a thing! I had a co-worker once who had one), but even if it does, the revocation does not invalidate existing piloting skills. If Kraven has access to an airplane, he can climb on board, start the engines and take off with no flight plan whatsoever. If he wants a flight plan he can file it using someone else’s licence and I don’t think the database checks. Maybe he has a pilot licence from Zimbabwe, or wherever he got the lion suit. He could file using that. The air traffic controllers like to know where you are going when you ask for your departure clearance, so they can send you the right way, but if you change your mind immediately upon becoming airborne there is no censure or follow up beyond a “you are making my life difficult” sigh and an eye-roll that you can hear right through the radio. They’re really good at that.

    If he’s stealing tiaras and escaping from lawful custody he might as well add failure to abide by air traffic instructions and reckless endangerment to the list.

  216. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Mark: You say he checks the depth of the water. How the heck would you do that?
    Bluegill: Well, you could use a map like this, which shows the depth of the water!
    Mark: You mean these little lines with the little numbers by them show the depth of the water?
    Bluegill: Yeah, see this 5 means the water’s 5 feet deep right there!
    Mark: Can just anybody get a map like this?
    Bluegill: Sure, we sell ‘em!
    Mark: Do you keep a record of who’s bought one of these?
    Bluegill: Yeah, why?
    Mark: I think we just got lucky! We’re on our way to solving this murder!
    Bluegill: What? No, no murder! I just said the guy’s kind of a jerk!
    Rusty: Hey, Mark, we have one of these maps at home and Ranger Tom Martin was going to use it to go fishing one day then Cherry said she knew he wanted to find the deepest places then Ranger Tom Martin said it felt like he was bumping the bottom last night then they looked at each other and laughed.

  217. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#215): The freedom of US airspace has to be experienced to be believed. If I take off from an uncontrolled field in Florida I can go clear the way to Washington State with no legal requirement to talk to anyone. In a jet Kraven probably would want to go high enough that he would be required to talk to someone, but he can claim to be anyone from anywhere and no one checks. I once had a broken transponder (that’s the dohickey that allows radar tracking) in Florida, and went to Tennessee for the day and then back. I had to talk to one air traffic controller, at the airport in Jacksonville, but if I’d done it between 11 pm and 7 am I could have done the trip without a radio.

  218. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug is Bursaring Out All Over (#194): Nah, because if you’re in debt it’s easier to convince you to take on shitty grader assignments and TA-ships.

  219. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#199): Excellent! Work in Pibgorn and Luann, and you’ll have the superfecta of doom.

  220. Steve
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    S-M: I may not know every detail of how Kraven took off in his private jet, but it doesn’t break my suspension of disbelief because it doesn’t contradict what I previously knew about Kraven. Now if a character were to say that Spider-Man just took off in his private jet, then they might as well be saying that Spider-Man just rode off to Narnia on his unicorn.

  221. Handsome Pete
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Rodney Rat pulls a gun and claims that if Slylock Fox doesn’t hand over his wallet, he’s going to have a serious case of lead poisoning. Fox thinks his threat is just a lot of hot air. Why?
    Answer – Gunshot fatalities are not caused by lead poisoning; rather, they are caused by tissue damage.

  222. Dr Duck
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury has been relocated to the editorial pages in many newspapers. I have written a letter to my newspaper suggesting they move Funky Winkerbean to the obituaries section.

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 21st, 2013 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#171):

    That kind of snark feels a lot creepier when the people are real.

    Dick Tracy is real?!? I kid, I kid. I’m enjoying this sidetrip into Takei awesomeness, and have no idea how it came to be.

  224. 9 Chickweed Lame
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Thanks Walt Disney! I stole ‘siamese if you please’.

  225. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Dr Duck (#222): Similarly, Mary Worth should be on the same page of the newspaper as “Dear Abby” and “Dear Prudence.” Also, “Judge Parker” should be with the legal notices (or even in the business section) and “Gil Thorp” is a natural for the sports section.

  226. Peanut Gallery
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    FW – I hate this strip and never read it unless Josh posts it, but I have to give credit: That is one convincingly rendered medical waiting-room. I guess that’s the only kind of place Batiuk goes for inspiration.

  227. Inkwell
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden still sighing (#148): I CAN CHANGE HIM! Just you watch!

  228. Droopy Says
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#217): So in some strange way, ASM got something right? I should be watching for the other three horsemen, shouldn’t I?

  229. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#107): Nancy: Call me a sentimentalist, but I wish everyone involved in this glurge would die and be pursued and dilacerated by Timmy the Rottweiler on the Other Side. After all, what did the squirrels ever do? // Bushmiller, for Crom’s sake, would puke.

    Well, I blame Ernie Bushmiller for making Sluggo Smith a penniless street urchin in the first place. Night after freakin’ night, the poor kid is forced to sing for his supper in the upscale “Everyone Welcome Here Restaurant.” After Sluggo’s heartfelt tribute to Dr. King, you’d think the affluent African-American couple would be moved enough to toss him a couple of dinner rolls. Instead, he’s subjected to cheap platitudes — and Nehemiah Scudder’s eternal scorn.

  230. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#229): Maybe the strip just needs the right writer.

  231. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Dr Duck (#222): if that isn’t on the float, then There Aint No Justice.

  232. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#225): true fact. The Freep ran Tank McNamara in the sports section for quite some time. (about the same time they were running BC in the Opinion page, fwiw.)

  233. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#220): Suspension of disbelief? In The Amazing Spiderman? Do tell!

    // An excellent point though. And everyone knows Narnia is only accessible through wardrobes and similar articles of furniture.

  234. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#228): Nah, I’m sure they’ll get distracted en route by a nice patch of grass or a television special on whatever it is horses like to kick back to and completely forget to show up.

  235. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#232): I thought it was interesting when the Dallas Morning News moved JUMBLE to the classified section. It was a way to make people look at the classifieds and they’d have a pencil handy to mark ads or write down numbers.

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Dr Duck (#222): Heh! Double-plus good.

  237. Peanut Gallery
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#206): That does sound easier than milking a chicken.

  238. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#230): Well, yes, of course. The Gilchrists are better than competent artists, (imho), they just don’t get that Nancy is an absurdist thing. Put a gag out there. If you can’t imagine at least one of the several Three Stooges thinking about stealing that gag, drop it. Leave sentiment to Love is… and “Holy Freaking Thrift Shop”, or whatever it is called.

  239. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#231): What an interesting comment. I will have to sleep on it, and consider it carefully. [*]

  240. seismic-2
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#230): At least in the comic books, for a while Nancy did in fact have the “right” writer, pretty much.

  241. La Cieca
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    So, I assume “super-singing” means hitting those extremely high notes like Minnie Ripperton? But in this case it would be lightning flashes performing “Lovin’ You?” Yes, that is very scary indeed… and yet delightful.

  242. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#240): Now that’s the Nancy and Sluggo I remember when I was a kid (many moons ago).

  243. Sequitur
    January 21st, 2013 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#238): How ’bout Nancy and Sluggo with Superman (and some bird)?

    Seriously. Does anyone know who that bird is?
    [Old Man] Muffaroo? Rocky Stoneaxe? Mibbitmaker? Anyone?

  244. Marion Delgado
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    SF: The women of Britain fought to outlaw fox-hunting, and the brutes have repaid them by re-introducing witch-hunting!

  245. Baka Gaijin
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#202): TSA agents in spandex would cause such a reverse peristaltic chain reaction no one would be in a condition to fly due to dehydration.

    @ScienceGiant (#209): It’s so obvious. Why didn’t I see it sooner?

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#233): Why? Why is the doorway to that world inside furniture? Need I check my Ikea DOMBÅS Wardrobe?

    @La Cieca (#241): Thunderclouds with Minnie Ripperton super-singing lightning would be as welcome as a clown at a Baka Gaijin dinner party.

  246. Aviatrix
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#245): Narnia, access methods: it’s not just furniture. It’s interior decoration, jewellery and unwise childhood actions. I’m going to attempt to remember this information without reference to the internet or bookshelf.
    In The Magician’s Nephew, the protagonists enter Narnia using magic rings that take them to an in-between world, and then reach Narnia itself by jumping in a magic pool. An apple brought back to England from that adventure grows into a tree from which the wardrobe is eventually built, providing the access point for The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. A Horse and His Boy takes place entirely in Narnia, with no English children, thereby no access points. In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader the protagonist enters Narnia through a painting. There is one story, possibly The Silver Chair in which the children fall over a cliff to enter Narnia. I think in The Last Battle they are simply summoned and appear there. I think there’s another book, and I think the wardrobe turns up again later, too.

  247. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 21st, 2013 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#246): Greatgooglymoogly! There has to be a master’s thesis in there, somewhere yearning to be free!

  248. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#243): I dunno. Could it be just a generic, patriotic eagle? I’m not aware of any major old-timey comic strip with an eagle-ish bird as a main character. I assume that’s the Chicago Sun-Times?

  249. Aviatrix
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#247): I looked it up and I got them all right, missing only Prince Caspian, in which they are summoned to Narnia by a magical horn, and I couldn’t discover the eventual fate of the wardrobe. I expect masters theses on C.S. Lewis’ creation usually focus on the biblical allusions, but I’d be more likely to read one that tied the access points together in a single theory.

  250. Aviatrix
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#248): That looks like a seed/nut cracking beak to me, not a flesh-tearing raptor beak. I’m leaning towards not budgie or parrot.

  251. Aviatrix
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#250): That not isn’t supposed to be there. I think it looks more like a badly drawn parrot than a badly drawn eagle.

  252. Aviatrix
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    I’ve just looked at Tuesday’s Mary Worth. I’m counting on one of you to come up with something better than, “Oh for fuck’s sake!” because that’s all I’ve got. Unless the trip from work table to display table is designed as a no-holds-barred version of musical chairs, with the young people outwrestling the oldsters for one of the precious spots in the judging finale, this may be the stupidest opinion Mary has ever had.

  253. Elk Meadow
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Daniel (#155):

    I’m not aware of a single comic strip today that mentioned MLK or President Obama’s second inauguration. (not talking about eht kcud.)

    Haven’t checked the political panels.

  254. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#253):

    http://www.gocomics.com/nancy/2013/01/21

    //unsure if it the only one. surely, there must be others.

  255. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:02 am [Reply]

  256. 4cedes
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:18 am [Reply]

  257. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Really?
    She’s worried about carrying the cake? Is she speaking in metaphors now? Or, is the plan for John Dill to jump on her back, place the cake on Mary’s head and then have Mary moonwalk from the work table to the display table?

    Cuz that’s not a plan. That’s hilarity waiting to happen. At the very least it would get a consolation prize for most innovative calk walk.

    Slylock Fox: Ding Dong, the witch didn’t get her custom castle.

    Apt. 3G: Somewhere, Evan the Golden Goldiggity Goy is going Muh-hahahahaha! and rubbing the palms of his hands together. Where’s Bond James Bond when Margo needs him? Oh, there he is.

    Perhaps Bond James Bond will make a grand entrance into Margo’s bedroom* shout/singing:
    Here I come to save the day!
    Don’t worry, Margo, I’m on my way!

    *oh wait. he locked the door, right? He’s gonna need to bust it down.

  258. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#104): @4cedes (#256):

    I thought they are called “Plops” or “Plop takes”.

    Not every cartoonist used the word in the gag panel, the last one, but usually when it is just the feet in the air and zip lines –usually curved to indicated the arc in which the character is falling.

    Sometimes cartoonists put the word PLOP to indicate the character was basically gobsmacked by what just happened or what was just said to her/him.

  259. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#258):

    I’m not gonna look any of this up. But, obviously PLOP is a lot like “flip” and is darn close to “flop”. As most people know the early cartoons relied heavily on onomatopoeic words like that.

    My guess is that while gag/comic strip cartoonists used them often enough, it probably became more prevalent after animated cartoons and comedies had sound. Though, perhaps these sound effects predated talkies.

    Oddly enough, as much as he is derided amongst folks, one of the guys who knows for sure is Mort Walker.

  260. Uncle Lumpy
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — OK, is this story going to morph into “Mary Bulks Up”? ‘Cause I would read the hell out of that.

  261. Aviatrix
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#260): It’s a train wreck I can’t take my eyes off. If we had had a “blandest possible source of dramatic tension” competition when Mary first hitched her wagon to John’s tentative talents, I would never have gone so low as “Mary worries about dropping the cake.” Perhaps tomorrow she’ll confess that fear to John, who will reassure her that he will carry the cake, leaving Mary to worry that she might get icing sugar on her pantsuit.

  262. Mary Camus, to John Dill
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    “I explained to him, however, that my nature was such that my physical needs often got in the way of my feelings.”

  263. Droopy Says
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: I’m curious about the Priceless Abby. Which religion does it represent? Does Mammon still attract literal worshippers? What are their rituals? Is it a heresy to worship counterfeit money?

    Flunky: It’s about time that Bad Hair Blonde learns that Batiukian conversations always founder on homonyms.

    Spiderdick, the gift that keeps giving: Are you sure that’s the actual fucking tiara? Because Kraven is smarter than Spiderdick, and for a moment he held Showgirl Sherry and the chimp-swiped tiara. He just might have swapped the tiaras. Oh, crap, we could be in for another month of this, until they’re caught and explain that their fight was a sham. Until Kraven abandoned Showgirl Sherry at the airport because it’s an excuse for an exclamation-point thoughtless balloon.

    FC: As with all cats, Kitty Kat is fantasizing that she’s a tigress, out to hunt and kill her prey . . . her live, juicy prey . . . turn yuour back on her, Dowwy.

    Pluggers: So . . . John and Mary Worth aren’t Pluggers?

    Mock Travail: So that’s how Trail makes his living! The job with Bill Ellis is a cover for his work at Some Outdoor magazine! I knew there was something fishy here!

    Phantom: The way Phantom breajs down the fourth wall in panel two: “Don’t tell him, folks, but when Devil feels better, he hunts children! Or whatever this guy is.”

  264. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    MW: The trip from the work table to the display station should take a couple of weeks, shown from various angles Battleship Potemkin style.

  265. Majicou
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Since I lost my Darkgate page last week, and because I use my time wisely, I have spent (all told) hours today rebuilding it from the ground up–better, faster, stronger. I chose to do this by checking out EVERY SINGLE COMIC on the list and determining, usually on the basis of a few seconds’ consideration, whether it might be something I would like to snark on, or (wonder of wonders) something I might actually like to read.

    I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Far Side ripoffs on fire of the shoulder of Garfield. I watched shitty webcomics glitter in the dark near Charterstone.

    There are comics out there of which the best thing you could say is “Well, at least it has better art than Reply All.” There are comics that would be rejected from The New Yorker for being a little too stale and stuffy.

    Some were easy culls–comics that hadn’t updated in thousands of hours clearly had no place in this brave, new world. Others were simply eye-searing. Many were so bland as to find no purchase on my memory, forgotten seconds after I unsubscribed from them.

    And so the page is now a monumental, mishmashed monstrosity of newspaper strips and webcomics, comedies and action stories, romances and math jokes. And I know, deep in my heart of hearts, that if it gets wiped again, I’ll probably just say “fuck it” and call it a day.

  266. Dale
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    My name is MARK TRAIL. I work for Eat It! Magazine.
    Would you show me how you mix your secret formula for Coca-Cola?

  267. Mr. O’Malley
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#YY137): A friend of mine came up with a whip-wielding superhero, many years back, and was looking for a better name than “Whipmaster.” I suggested “Jack the Whipper.” We never spoke of it again.

    I’m only just catching up with the last few days, but anyway … Bruce Bairnsfather had Private Mulligatawney, the Australian Stockwhip Wonder.

    I’m not sure why Mulligatawny was supposed to be Australian, but there used to be a children’s radio show in Australia called Mr. Mulligatawney’s Academy. Years later, of course.

  268. Da Coconino Kid
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    @sighing maiden still sighing (#148):

    You are going to great lengths to make sure we realize that you are still sighing … but it’s notable how you don’t say anything about still being a maiden

  269. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:09 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#252): In real cake-decorating contests, the shift from work table to display table is indeed fraught, because they are usually attempting to transfer something several feet tall with fragile spun-sugar decorations and multiple tiers and pieces to it. John and Mary’s pink lump cake, being a single unit with no decoration beyond piped icing and maybe a figure of Mary-As-Mother-Nature atop it, should prove no challenge, unless she and John are remarkably weak of wrist and arm, or hopelessly incapable of coordinating their steps.

    //My initial reaction, though, was much like yours; it was “Oh, Mary Worth” which pretty much translates to “Oh, for fuck’s sake” when it comes right down to it.

  270. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    I tried to find a video showing either the transfer moment, or one of the big crashes (I remember seeing one once, and it was heartbreaking) but here’s a lower-key competition (sorry, John and Mary, you’re still outclassed before you even begin).

  271. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    Ah, wait, spoke too soon. This is the sort of disaster I was thinking of.

  272. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    And more. (Okay, I’ll stop now.)

  273. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    Oop. Bad HTML. More.

  274. K. Ivan Ruppert
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    If you churned out a series of paintings of sexy cats sitting atop trash, you would get a thousand followers on any of the furry art sites.

  275. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    9CL translation: In dance, all landings should result in grievous injury requiring hospitalization.

    (I mean, what? I suppose he’s trying for something along the lines that dancers have to fully commit to their moves, even at the risk of injury if they screw up, but given that dancers’ careers are over if they hurt themselves so badly they can’t walk, let alone dance, this formulation simply makes no sense.)

  276. Anondod
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:47 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Props to Wanda Witch for not settling for a standard castle but holding out for a custom-built one. Also for having the dedication to change her name to fit her profession. (Unless she was born into the Witch family in which case she’s just lazy.)

  277. John C Fremont
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:06 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#252): No, I’m afraid “Ye Gods!” is the best I’ve got.

    Maybe it’s a roller skating cake decorating contest.

    Oh, for fuck’s sake! (Yeah. That feels right.)

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#271): Priceless!

  278. annieLurk
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#270):
    The ICCA cake competition was awesome! The peacock cake made me wish for a MW – GT mash-up.

  279. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#275):

    9CL – I thought it was something like “in the rarified art form of the dance, one must aspire to more than the mere mundane. Simply surviving is inadequate, one must prance away from the landing like a pronghorn on the Serengeti!”

    (Yes, for the record, I know where pronghorns are found.)

  280. CanuckDownSouth
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#269): Precisely, and further evidence for a subtle writer/artist war. Draw a cake? Sure – but not one anywhere close to spectacular enough for the angst and praise in the script.

  281. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#265): “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Far Side ripoffs on fire of the shoulder of Garfield. I watched shitty webcomics glitter in the dark near Charterstone”

    Oh my, I do believe we have a Bladerunner reference. I loved that scene.

  282. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Pleased to meet you, Brad. You two partners are from the local Police?

    Brad: No. We’re not partners like that.

    Dick: Oh, covert ops. I understand the need for secrecy.

    Brad: It’s not a secret anymore.

    Dick: But you’re working undercover.

    Brad: Oh, we certainly do a lot of that, I can assure you.

    Dick: I don’t understand why you’re here.

    Brad: We just wanted to meet Big Dick.

  283. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#265): Oh, and I totally agree with your assessment of 90% of Darkgate stuff. There are some A listers, and some diamonds in the rough (I personally got intro’d to “Least I Could Do” and “Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Strip” there. I follow “Pooch Cafe” and reruns of “Elderberries” although I’ve known about them for a while), but most of the strips haven’t gained widespread appeal because they don’t deserve it. But it’s like a buffet. You can sample a little of this and a little of that, but you don’t have to eat every dish.

    Sometimes even a mediocre to lame strip will get a great zinger every so often. It’s like if Mary Worth called in sick to the pool party and the salmon squares were prepared by a competent chef instead of being fetid smelling, vague food-like objects (although they do closely resemble squares – thus fulfilling at least half their advertised function).

  284. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @car insurance Company (#280): Cue the Vikings: SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!

  285. Vince M
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#267): Ooo! Ooo! How about ‘Whippersnapper’!
    Also, mmm, mulligatawney soup…

  286. Noel Schornhorst
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    In other news today, Margo’s anxiety closet committed suicide today. A Mister Binkley is expected to journey from Bloom County to give a proper eulogy as Margo couldn’t be bothered.

  287. True Fable
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    Why does Margo look so hot only when she’s asleep? Is an unconsciousness Ms. Magee the only time her hair isn’t afraid to climb down out of that bun and wander around on her shoulders? Well crap. Even attractive, sentient hair is afraid of Margo.

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