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Tonight we dine in hell, on substandard cake

Mary Worth, 1/27/13

A comment of the week from December demanded it, and so it has been done: today’s Mary Worth has provided a genuine cake-decorating-training montage. Feel free to play the theme from Rocky in your head while reading it, or, if you’re feeling saucy and/or 90s nostalgic, Smash Mouth’s “All Star.” Personally, I’m more interested in John’s relaxed, cheerful facial expression as he declares that this is a victory or death situation, and that the Santa Royale Civic Center will either echo with his bellows of triumph or be splattered by an awful melange of batter and blood.

Archie, 1/27/13

“Why do I get the feeling that Riverdale High isn’t going to qualify for Race to the Top funding for innovation in education any time soon? Maybe it’s because our ‘homework’ consists of simple questions on disparate subjects, the answers to which require no critical thinking skills and could easily be looked up on the Internet.”

Panel from Judge Parker, 1/27/13

“And he’s dying!” “Too bad!” Really wish this strip had featured Sam staring bemusedly at a six-figure check because then I could just quit reading Judge Parker and look at this panel every day forever.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 1/27/13

Haha, yes, the salinity of the Dead Sea, but also COUNT WEIRDLY’S FACE EMERGING FROM A HATCH THAT OPENS IN THE VERY FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE.

268 responses to “Tonight we dine in hell, on substandard cake”

  1. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Sunday Phantom: I am offended by the tarting-up of Savarna. Though, in the third panel, doesn’t she look a bit like…Bea?
    //Old Savarna/new Savarna, sort of like lynn and bad lynn, huh?
    ///not that I’d know anything about that. *sigh*

  2. Dartpaw86
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Count Weirdly, you really suck at this…

  3. KreatureFeatures
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary and John are clearly victims of the Overconfidence Effect, a well-established bias in which someone’s subjective confidence in his or her judgment is greater than his or her objective accuracy. Translation: they are doomed to fail.

    The Overconfidence Effect is also associated with a belief in telekinesis, which would be a great way for these delusional biddies to move that monstrous cake.

  4. Droopy Says
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    John and Mary are prepared to die trying? Shouldn’t one of the contest rules be “Cake must be fit for human consumption?” Because, damn it, I’m a better cook than that. Usually.

  5. Alice
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Archie: Five bucks? Today that’ll buy you one comic book (maybe), or 3½ chocolate bars, but very little else. No wonder Dilton said no. Nineties rerun? Were it not for the art style, I’d think this was a sixties rerun.

    Luann: And speaking of seriously dated references… No, Evans. Taylor Swift is not an “It girl.” Know who was? Clara Bow, who lived in the twenties, when people actually used that expression.

  6. WeatherServo9
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Mary and John should also practice taking off and putting on their clothes, starting the car, showering and breathing. If a flutist gives you advice, you better apply it to everything.

  7. MattF
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Is it just me or do all the hand-appendages in the MW strip look unrelated to the nearby bodies? Like that one coming in from the right-hand side of the ‘weeks of baking’ pane. Whose hand is that?

  8. Steve
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Wonder Geezer powers: activate!

  9. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Archie: No wonder Dilbert is the go-to guy here. He’s the only student bright enough to figure out that the school’s homework answers are in the only 3 non-purple books in the library.

    MW: Ah, now we see why John Dill was so intent on becoming a cake designer. Hotel management just didn’t offer enough really fun opportunities to enter into a suicide pact.

    Agnes: “My hips started jerking like a hula girl on meth.” I am so glad this strip used that line, so that now 9CL and <i<Pibgorn won’t get to.

    Lio does to the comics page exactly what should be done to the comics page.

    Phantom: “Oops!” Why does Savarna look so coy and Kit look so disapproving, when she admits she shot and killed a would-be assassin in self-defense? Doesn’t the Phantom kill enemies with that gun her carries, too, or is he just a really lousy shot?

    PV: “And so they reluctantly throw their superior numbers at two blades that whirl and thrust like reapers; scythes through their shortened lives!” Now there’s a comic strip whose heroes who are unapologetic about engaging in unrestrained slaughter!

  10. Lenoxus
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    I think Slylock is failing to apply Occam’s razor. “The real Dead Sea” and “and elaborate hologram” are the only possibilities? Really? Something tells me it wouldn’t be hard to sell this detective a bridge, except he still wouldn’t believe in the existence of bodies of water that Weirdly doesn’t tell him about.

  11. Downpuppy
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    The usual lame sources are split between John Galsworthy & James Galway for today’s quote. I’d ask a stranger, but can’t go out in the plague.

  12. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#9): It’s anybody’s guess why Phantom carries guns. Maybe the belt keeps his shorts up. He’s never killed anyone. Just scars ‘em for life with his bling ring.

  13. bemibet
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Finally, “Slylock Fox” has its tribute to “The Truman Show”!

  14. numbskull72
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Whew…that’s a relief. We’re in a leaky boat, surrounded by ravenous sharks, but hey, at least we’re not in the Dead Sea, right?

  15. MattF
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#9): Y’know, I have to say, Agnes is really quite an unusual strip. A couple of years ago the Washington Post temporarily moved it to the ‘kids’ section, demonstrating that no one in the comix department had ever actually read it.

  16. Little Bue Bicycle
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MW: Doesn’t it matter that Mary stole their cake design from watching Sandra Lee? Or that all those weeks they never once changed clothes?

  17. bbofun
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    JP- What, exactly, is Sam doing in that panel? Before seeing it blown-up, I had assumed he was slicing salami, or whatever that pink substance is (perhaps John Dill-brand pink cookie dough? Or Mary Worth’s “Tube o’Salmon Squares”?). But he has no knife! He appears to be tearing off perfectly sized and shaped pieces of whatever-it-is WITH HIS BARE HANDS!

    Or, possibly, like everything associated with the Parkers, the meat-stuff is simply conforming to his needs, regardless of the laws of physics.

    A3G- Here’s the problem with Sunday strips that just recap the week’s events- they miss the important details! where’s the ax? Greg swinging around a dangerous bladed instrument was the only worthwhile thing that happened in this strip all week!

    ASM- Crap. Is this going to turn out to be “Spidey tours America?” Just stay the hell away from the Baltimore/Washington metro area, webhead!

    Also- if you couldn’t afford your own bus ticket home, Peter, how are you going to live in San Francisco for as long as it takes you to take down (aka “flail around incompetently until something randomly happens to stop”) the Kingpin? And- do we really want our heroes to be showing kids that hitchhiking is an acceptable mode of transport?

    On the other hand, seeing Pete literally smashed in the face by the next plot was fun.

    FW- Who are we suppose to feel sympathy/empathy for here? Oh, wait, it’s Funky Winkerbean. The answer is no one- humanity are all insufferable jerks.

    RMMD- “And, to show you my appreciation, June, I shall arch my back to emphasize my breasts!”
    Well, I appreciate it, Ginger, even if June doesn’t.

    9CL- Huh?

    Luann- Everything Luann says in this is true. So, why should we be reading a comic strip about her again?

  18. Chip
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    “…John’s relaxed, cheerful facial expression as he declares that this is a victory or death situation…”

    He’s just spent WEEKS working closely with Mary Worth- death would be a welcome release!

  19. Mibbitmaker
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s some heavy preperation — hell, that’s a heavy cake!

    MW, 2nd throwaway panel: Promises, promises…

    Archie: Ren & Stimpy (starting to vigorously rub the palms of their hands together): “Five…. (rubbing slows down, as does their enthusiasm) …..bucks…….?”

    SFx:
    Count Weirdly thinks he’s doing the closing bit on Laugh-In.

    “Really, how can ANYone take that Weirdly fellow seriously? He’s such a loser, a real failure in his even trying, beneath notice, and this is ME saying that!”, says Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

    MW:The music I would choose for the montage:
    Sixteen tons, and whaddaya get? This cake!”

  20. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @MattF (#15): The Washington Post comics editor obviously doesn’t know what any of the comics are. After the editor of the “Kids’ Post” section complained about Agnes running on that page, the comics editor replaced it with Frazz. I’m sure the Kids’ Post target audience was really appreciative of that.

    Seriously, why in the world is the WaPo comics section assigned to someone who is clearly unwilling even to be aware of what strips are what, much less actually to read them one in a while?

  21. Ratiocinator
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: Did you know that some people have a fetish for seeing goofy dances? Well, now you do, and those same people also swallow their teeth when they get an erection.

    FW: “I couldn’t care less about your possibly-dying relative or the fact that you might be close to an emotional breakdown, buddy, you’re an idiot for thinking the elevators might not be working and I’m exercising my right to tell you so.”

    Garfield: Is voyeurism by proxy a real thing?

    JP: You know why the eloping bomb isn’t used more often in wartime? Because it’s always running off and getting married to some other bomb which is, nine time out of ten, just some gold digging bomb who can’t resist the temptation of the wealth amassed by the rich eloping bomb. But does it ever learn? Of course not, because it’s just a stupid bomb, so it keeps on eloping.

    Whoever Randy used it against is perfectly safe. It’s just going to get distracted in mid-drop and elope again.

    Luann: Luann isn’t the only one in the strip, either.

    RMMD: I love how the Morgan’s have gone from “OH SHIT, DELORES MIGHT HAVE RUN OFF TO KILL HERSELF AGAIN!” panic to all smiles in the last panel.

    JUNE:”Think you can stay out of trouble for a few minutes?”
    REX: “I hope not. I hope I’ll have some more fun watching women falling into pools and climbing out in wet, clingy tops, competing for my attention. That sounds a lot more fun than looking for some depressing cancer-person!
    BOTH: HAHAHAHA!
    JUNE: No, but seriously, we’re horrible people. And I thought you were gay. Oh well, never mind, I guess I’d better get to work trying to save Delores from herself…again….*long-suffering sigh*

    Slylock: Slylock knows they’re inside Weirdly’s hologram chamber because Weirdly’s head is sticking through a door in the sky! Oh wait, Josh beat me to that observation? A POX ON YOU, FRUHLINGER!

    Also, I see that Weirdly’s a bad guy again. Make up your mind, dude.

  22. Ratiocinator
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    That should have read as “Morgans” above, not “Morgan’s”. I don’t know what that apostrophe is doing there, but it’s trespassing in my post and had better move along if it knows what’s good for it.

  23. Meddle Head
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Archie: Please replace the picture of Archie in the title frame with the yellow Ewok in the pink sweater in the fourth frame. It is the best expression of teen joy seen in this comic since…ever.

  24. Christopher
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “By the way,” Sam added, “isn’t it cool how I can slice salami with my bare hands?”

  25. Johnnycakes
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Is that a face? Unfortunately that cake’s dream of becoming a boy aren’t going to survive the tasting scene.

  26. Stroker Ace
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker – Tomorrow Sam will say: “What difference, at this point, does it make?”

  27. pugfuggly
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW But Mary, according to your own throwaway panel quote, the preparation can NEVER END! Don’t stop now! Beat more eggs! Ice more cakes! Carry more weights! IF YOU SLEEP AGAIN BEFORE THE CONTEST YOU WILL BE SPITTING ON THE MEMORY OF JOHN GALWAY!

    Archie Apparently Reggie’s terror cell just got activated and now he’s got to travel all the way to Europe just to release some biological weapon against non-protestants. “Endospore….Oslo…..John Knox? I really should have paid more attention at that training camp…”

  28. Jeff
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Look at all this homework Grundy gave us!

    Solomon Grundy not grade on curve!

  29. Braniff
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    FC: “Billy” drew an outhouse for “Elton John”–to say that cartoon has gone down the drain is redundant!!!

  30. anon
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MW: those fools are obviously going for an ironic home-made-in-mom’s-kitchen RETRO cake, circa 1950. Like that melting monstrosity your Aunt Lou and your mom labored on for a week in August, for your cheap-ass wedding in the back yard? It took them an hour for the cliche garlands alone! They’re going to feel foolish bringing in the pink-and-white retro “Peggy Sue Got Married” cake. The room will be filled with beauty of nature cakes – cakes decorated with bird of paradise, green fungle in the jungle cakes, cakes that look like the planet earth. And there they are with their big listing cliche, like they were looking for Cinderella’s wedding.

  31. Oregonian
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    It was a sinking ship headed straight to the depths of Hell, but Slylock Fox still held a tight death grip on the tiller. Watching passively from the stern, Max Mouse felt a queasy sense of déjà vu remembering all those interminable summer afternoons when his grandmother’s fist would reflexively tighten around the remote in response to the opening theme of “Guiding Light.”

  32. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Count Weirdly’s face emerging from a hatch which opens in the very fabric of the universe? Why, I see that sort of thing all the time. Doesn’t everybody?

    // Though, in my case, it is usually Barney Google.

  33. anonymous
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @anon (#30):

    Why ARE there white garlands on a pink background for a beauty of nature cake? Shouldn’t they be forming photorealistic flowers out of royal icing? Green palm fronds? Or is the great artiste afraid his elderly readers can only recognise ‘cake=pink with gardlands and dragees’ and would be confused by actual nature decorations?

  34. Nekrotzar
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    JP: Sam is sitting before a plate of Brazil nuts in the shells, playing it like a harpsichord. Is Weirdly’s hologram chamber at work here as well?

  35. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    MT

    [Horseshoe crabs]‘ blood is harvested so it can be used by the medical industry to detect bacteria in medications that could be fatal to human beings… which is perhaps the most significant marine-life contribution to ever benefit mankind.

    Oh, I don’t know. Marine-life as a food source is pretty significant too.

  36. The Sleepy Roommate
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @anon (#30):Exactly my thoughts when I commented yesterday – here’s a recap of it:

    MW – Oh my gosh already they are more apprehensive about carrying the cake than anything else about the competition! How about winning? Did that cross their mind? Isn’t the cake supposed to be nature themed? A 2 tier pink cake with white icing is nature? Then it hit me – of course, they are SUPPOSED to lose the competition! We will waste all our time reading through this story line and then at the end they will lose and Mary will probably be okay about it and make some sentimental remark or some cheesy finish to the story.

    If Mary loses, then who DOES win? Well remember how intrigued Dawn was about the competition? What if we find out she decided to make a late entry? I can see that happening.

    Any thoughts?

  37. Auntie Beak
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    when i first looked real quick at the 2nd panel of the mary worth, i thought john said, “or pie trying!” and i thought, “hey, pretty cute! and so uncharacteristic!”. then i re-read it.

  38. Mibbitmaker
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    FW: Steve Martin: “Well, exCUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEEEE!!!”

    9CL: Burbers inherently make your body fall apart into pieces just by their mere existence — and have a blast doing it! Jerks!

    Lio: Sad thing is, it had nothing to do with the Raid.

    PBS: I really do love these trumped-up good groaner puns…. but shouldn’t his characters beat cartoon Pastis up every final panel of these strips?

    They should at least cross over into Crankshaft and beat him up when he attempts one of his truly wretched malapropisms.

  39. Uncle Lumpy
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#20):

    Seriously, why in the world is the WaPo comics section assigned to someone who is clearly unwilling even to be aware of what strips are what, much less actually to read them one in a while?

    But how else could Reply All get published?

  40. gleeb
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Thinking fast, Slylock checked his passport for an Israeli entry visa stamp.

    ‘shaft: Quick, tell Ed you need saffron. I want to see his head explode.

    ‘bean: Elevators are computer controlled, but not networked into the records system. Isn’t Durwood here supposed to be a tech guy? Anyway, here’s hoping the fifth floor is the hospice wing, and Fred can escape this Hellish strip.

    Phantom: Having failed to lure the Ghost-who-Walks with her deadly efficiency, Captain Savarna is trying a cutesy “did I do that?” approach.

    Dick: I suspect the editors are trying to get people to buy newspapers, because the strip is too small and wordy to be read online.

    Keef Life: Knight has dramatic suicide fantasies.

  41. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MW: In fairness to John Dill, his lack of imagination in designing a “beauty of nature” cake seems to fit in with the precedent set by those videos we’ve seen of last year’s contest, unless that competition had a “just go to the grocery store and buy a box of Betty Crocker Cake Mix and bake a damn cake, we really don’t give a hoot in Hell” theme.

  42. Anondod
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: So I guess he thinks it’s too bad they’ll have to stay so close to April’s father, but once he dies it means they’ve “worked out” a way to get a place to live? Or something?

  43. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    37. Auntie Beak
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:11 am
    when i first looked real quick at the
    2nd panel of the mary worth, i
    thought john said, “or pie trying!”

    I’m reminded of Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lowett’s song “Worst pies in London”. But, no, there won’t be human meat in that cake. Because that would be interesting.

  44. Digger
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MW: It’s really going to be fun when some snooty cake judge takes one look at that pink piece of crap, snickers, and walks away. At least Team DillWorth might land the good sportsmanship award.

  45. Ginger Yellow
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    SF: Ceiling Count is watching you get eated by sharks

  46. Marco Polo Shirt
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Hey, Dilton, is the Dead Sea home to sharks?

  47. Red Greenback
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    “There are three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way and the James Galway.”

  48. MWDG
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MW: I have volunteered in a sheltered workshop for delayed adults and have seen some of the people I work with struggle with tasks that seem simple to the average person. Competition is motivating for this group and we having had baking contests… I have never EVER seen such ineptitude as portrayed by that despicable twisted John Dill and his (God forgive me) hairpie, Mary.

    John DIll looks like the type of “man” who would have Bobby Sherman posters adorning his wall and crushes on Zac Efron and Justin Bieber. It is easy to imagine him prancing around his condo lip syncing to the latest Selena Gomez or Broadway show tune (perhaps even wearing a Donna Reed type A-line skirt.) I bet Mr. Dill likes to call up his friends on a fifties style Princess phone and giggle about the new lifeguard at the Charterstone pool.

    I am also extremely concerned that John may be planning to plant some sort of explosive device in this “cake.” If this is true I hope the only victims of the explosion are Mary and John.

  49. sporknpork
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Panel one features a Dutch angle right out of a murder mystery thriller. Is this Charterstone Manor?

  50. the REAL Mark Trail
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail is one I did not too long ago. I had taken a trip to Jekyl Island, and as my girlfriend and I walked along the beach with friends, we kept seeing all these dead horseshoe crabs. At one point everyone collectively asked ” why are all these horseshoe crabs here?”… and the group turned and looked at me… expecting a answer (as though I instinctively know this stuff)

    Not knowing the answer, I began researching and learned that they come out during a full moon toi mate. Well, there had recently been a full moon prior to my trip! Now we know!
    I hope you all enjoy it!
    ‘James Allen
    http://www.facebook.com/groups/228474710549025/

  51. PriceCheck
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    As an academic, I’m less concerned about the questions and more Dilton’s answers to them, as this guy is supposedly the smartest kid in class. “One of the Protestant Reformers”? How about “Leader of the Scottish Protestant Reformation”? That took me exactly one Google search. Although this apparently takes place in a time period where “five bucks” constituted “expensive”, so maybe all the pseudo-geniuses are the only quick resource these poor kids have.

  52. Quijotesca
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I like how it says “Mary and John Dill.” Oh my God. They secretly got married!

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Shylock: I paint what I see, my child.

  54. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: The average rent in Manhattan these days is about $4,000. But Peter Parker can’t afford a bus ticket to San Francisco. My suspension of disbelief just got mugged. Maybe I should call a superhero?

    Apt. 3-G: So I did a little research into what causes pink flames. The most likely culprits are lithium chloride, which is used for brazing flux for aluminium in automobile parts, and to produce mood stabilizers, or potassium, which has many uses, including tanning, bleaching, in organic fertilizers, to stop hearts, to make safety matches and lock oxygen in high-tech components in subs and spacecraft(!). Whatever’s in that box, this is one hell of a Christmas present.

    Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: No, no, it’s cookies. Cookies draw the parson.

    Judge Parker: That frozen look of horror on Sam’s face indicates that he’s forecasting Titanic III: the Freezening.

    The Lockhorns is truly the saddest comic strip on the funny pages.

    Mark Trail: I wonder if you threw horseshoe crab blood in the flames of an exploding gift, what color would the flames be?

    Mary Worth: In panel five, it looks like they’re giving birth to some horrible cake-robot hybrid: MOTHER. FATHER. WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME? I NEED ICING TO LIVE, AND THE BLOOD OF MOPEY 20-YEAR-OLD VIRGINS.

    Popeye: More like $7,995.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: “You look around the party, I’ll check the apartment!” “Don’t worry, my headlights will lead the way!”

    // If a comment of the week demands – and receives – a cake-training montage, what happens if we ask for Delores to go on a shooting rampage?

  55. Little Blue Bicycle
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    “I wish I was a pithy as Albert Camus”–James Galway

  56. Cloudbuster
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Christopher (#24): Pfft. Wolverine does three slices at a time that way.

  57. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#53): I’m thinking Truman should be sailing across the backdrop.

    Also? No sharks in the Dead Sea.

  58. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#55): “James Galway said that.” Albert Camus.

  59. Joe Btfsplk
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – “Sorry, friend! I changed my mind! My spider-sense is too lame to save me from a windblown piece of paper, but my gaydar is going off the scale here, and I just don’t swing that way! Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Zits: Gangnam style

    9CL: carameldansson

    A&J: Arlo is my hero.

    Dilbert: KLANG!!!! (but oh so true)

    deadtree B&C drops an anvil, literally as well as figuratively.

    Lio: BEST EVER! (waves to Mr. Tatulli)

    NAoQV: utter and complete WIN!

    MT: horseshoe crabs have always been a fave of mine.

    PMP: passive-aggressive dickery FTW!!!

    Ghost-who-wonders-how-a-cabin-that-big-got-onboard just jizzed in his stripy shorts at Savarna’s tale. (and tail.)

    rMC: angry Ashley is hawt.

  61. Jon the Red
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Apparently, Slylock’s detective powers do nothing to help him sleuth out when someone’s slipped him and his sidekick some roofies.

  62. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#55): But could Albert Camus tust the flust?

  63. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#54): Remember that this whole “Kraven” story arc started when MJ took Peter to look into buying a home on Long Island. Clearly, MJ has had second thoughts about just how much money it’s worth to invest in this marriage.

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    as expressed in Mutts. (heartwarming brainmushery)

    meanwhile, on the non-Burber side of 9CL.

    I got yer gingers right here! (includes celebrity Barettos)

    as most definitely NOT seen in MW.

    serval cubs. *earmush*

    earmush, you said? <. .v

    floofy earmush. *dies of teh kewt*

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    bb,u, some dogs don’t mind a puppy in the house.

  66. SurrealKangaroo
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Can wooden boats even sink in the Dead Sea anyway? I thought it was so salty it holds everything up.

  67. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    For some inane reason, while reading today’s Mary Worth, the theme from the original “Hawaii Five-0″ show just popped into my head.

  68. un malpaso
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MW All of this just makes me wonder: Just what did Camus have to say about cake contests?

  69. un malpaso
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Whoops, more than one commenter already beat me to the Camus reference. You’re good, Comic Curmudgeons… damn you! Damn you all! From Hell’s maw I spit at thee, and thee, and thee! No, now I know… it was just too easy…

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#55): “Don’t get pithy with me, Galway!” — Albert Camus

  71. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Yes, the Rocky theme comment won COTW! Congrats again! : )

    Oh, and I really like SmashMouth. Quirky band – they kind of had a 60′s retro sound, akin to ? And The Mysterians.

    Another interesting theme would be Led Zep’s “Immigrant Song.”

  72. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

  73. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    MW – Oh God please don’t do the 9 Chickweed Lane Hands please noooooooo

  74. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Obligation to attempt humour drives me to speculate that she “dated” the team, but I’m really more interested in why Dagwood ended up being the one. What’s he got that we aren’t seeing in a family strip?

  75. Liam
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    DT-”Sadly we had no gas for the showers so we had to take cold showers, but that is better than the people in Europe who had plenty of gas for the showers but no water for them.”

    MW-Ah no scenes of Dill and Mary trying to pass off all the practice cakes onto unsuspecting people.

  76. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    JP – “Yeah, too bad he’s dying – WTF – whatever – now where is my next potlatching gift?”

    All of this makes Margo look like Glenda the Good Witch.

  77. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#74): The Bumstead family had money. The original premise of the strip was that upper-class society boy Dagwood Bumstead fell for flapper-girl “Blondie”, and he was disinherited when he married her. I suspect Blondie went ahead with the wedding, hoping that Dagwood’s father would eventually relent and leave the money to his son when he croaked. Hang in there, Blondie!

  78. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    FC – Gordon’s Ram (say!)

  79. Zerowolf
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    SFx That and Count Weirdly’s head sticking through a “window in the sky.” Since this is considered nothing unusual, it certainly raises questions about the prevelant schools of theological thought in the SFx universe.

  80. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y181): Thank you—I knew that there was something else going on here—some important conservation point—but I couldn’t recall what it was.

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#50): Lots of horseshoe crab shells on the beach in Mexico, too—and lots of people turning them over curiously.

  81. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#77): Ahh, that makes sense. I remembered that there was a money angle, but thought that Blondie was the heiress.

  82. Inkwell
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you’re missing the beauty of this panel: namely, that Slylock is just as crazy as Weirdly. Upon waking up surrounded by sea creatures, his first thought isn’t: “Weirdly sucks at geography”. It’s “my Holmsian deduction tells me THIS IS A HOLOGRAM! It’s the only other option!”

    He’s not even facing Weirdly’s little window to reality. He just came to that conclusion all by himself.

  83. Quijotesca
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    CEILING WEIRDLY IS WATCHING YOU MASTURBATE.

  84. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    (Today I’m commenting as I read, each cmic, as I’ve been drinking Bacardi 151 coffee and playing with our Tortie cat – we have a new yet ancient game – “Peek-a-boo.” So cute.

    Today’s Elder-esque “Chicken Fat” signs in Curtis are wonderful. Good Twitter joke too (I don’t have an account).
    I’m waiting for a sign mentioning Brazilian waxing…

  85. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    *comic*

  86. greghousesgf
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#9): Dilbert? i think you mean Dilton.

  87. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#17):

    the meat-stuff is simply conforming to his needs,

    I bet Abbey wishes she had that power.

  88. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#65): Actually, some day, in what I hope is the distant future when Lolly is gone, when I adopt another dog, it will be two dogs.

  89. pugfuggly
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    SFx Most of the ‘villains’ in this strip have pretty straightforward motives for their crimes, whether it’s stealing/conning for profit or lying to help avoid punishment. Count Weirdly however, lives up to his name by setting up endless complicated (and presumable expensive) plots that seem to serve no purpose at all.

    “Ha! Ha! I’ll drug and kidnap that detective fox and his sidekick, put them in my hologram chamber and make them think they’re drowning in shark-infested salty waters! They’ll be terrified, but actually completely safe.”

    “Then what?”

    “Geez, I hadn’t though about that….invite them to the study for tea, I guess? Actually, I could just program the hologram chamber to look like the tea room! I spent millions of dollars and 20-odd years developing the damn thing, I might as well get some use out of it.”

  90. Zerowolf
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: Today Sara Lee quakes in her boots, while laughing her ass off at Mary and Dill’s pathetic attempt to rise to her level of cakesmanship. Mrs. Smith could not be reached for comment.

  91. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Haha, Ces for the Cakey win! Speaking of sly…

    Sly – Wooden ships on the water, very free and easy…don’t bring me down…hang in long enough…and Count Weirdly, you ain’t nothing but a waitress in the sky

    Lockhorns, middle panel-CANCER

  92. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    If all the quotations of Albert Camus, Albert Einstein, Herb Albert & the Tijuana Brass, Albert Schweitzer, Albert Aligator, Prince Albert of of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, Al Gore, Albert King, and Albert “Cubby” Brocolli were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. — Count Weirdly

  93. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MW — The ROCKY theme definitely added a new dimension to the strip. Now I just have to make it stop, possibly by pounding my head on the wall.

  94. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#71): Talk about earworms: You’re gonna cry…96 tears.

  95. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#94):
    It was made on a 2-track, with a Farsifa. Tacky as hell but a classic earworm.

  96. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#89): The animals talk, wear clothes and use electrical appliances, plus Weirdly has a hologram chamber, a time machine and who knows what else. Shylock’s brilliance lies not in his ability to spot details that don’t conform to the laws of nature but his knowledge of which laws of nature actually apply in his universe, and thereby which violations are evidence of deception.

  97. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    I’d have thought the fact that it is literally impossible to sink in the Dead Sea would be knowledge enough.

  98. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    SF — How did County Weirdly slip them the potion? Haven’t they learned to guard their drinks and food by now? Or does Weirdly sometimes tamper with the entire community water supply? That would explain a lot, actually.

  99. Ratiocinator
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Huh, I forgot to check Spidey today. Now that I have, I remember that we were just talking about the Kingpin recently in the comments.

    As anybody involved in/reading that discussion might remember, Wilson Fisk (a.k.a. “The Kingpin Of Crime”) is a normal human being who looks like a fatass but is actually bulky in the same way a sumo wrestler is and for the same reasons. He’s pretty strong.

    If you’ll forgive my comic book nerdery for a moment, here’s how his strength stacks up to Spider-Man’s in the comics, to the best of my recollection:

    Kingpin: Can lift (press) 650 lbs
    Spider-Man Can lift (press) 20 000 lbs

    What I’m saying is that if at any point in this story the two of them throw down, Spidey should win easily. Should. (But, going by history, won’t.)

  100. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#99): An elephant weighs up to about 15,000 lbs.

  101. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    PV — And to think this entire giant complicated mess was caused by Sir Roger jonesing for tea. If it were chocolate, I could understand.

  102. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#95): I would die a happy, happy man could I play that on the organ. Also if I owned a Farfisa.

  103. Comcis Fan
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think John will simply die trying, while lifting.

  104. Ratiocinator
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#100): Hmm, yes, and he had some trouble with that didn’t he?

    I guess then, in a revelation that will shock nobody, we can safely say that newspaper Spider-Man in addition to not having any danger sense worth speaking of, and being unable to avoid getting hit a lot in a fight, and being dumber, and lazier, and possibly sexist (annoyance at MJ making more than him), is also weaker than comic book Spider-Man. (Well, he might still be less sexist if we’re talking about Ock!Spidey, but inferior in all the other ways.)

  105. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (y125): Good catch. It is indeed Japes for Owre Tymes. And I guess we can put it in the “fun while it lasted” category.

  106. Comcis Fan
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    MW II: He will die in Mary’s arms, covered in pink frosting, a contented smile on his face. Later, there will be a quote from a Scottish poet about living and dying.

  107. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    I have to make a red pill/blue pill sort of decision here. Should I go for a 10 km run or eat a jar of Nutella with a spoon?

  108. name
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    If Count Weirdly were really an evil genius, he’d tell them he was going to drop them in the Dead Sea, then drug them and drop them in a normal sea, or even a big lake.

    Max would be all like “Hey Slylock, shouldn’t we try to save ourselves?”

    And Slylock would be like “no need, this is clearly just a simulation because I can tell this isn’t the Dead Sea, so therefore there is no danger.”

    And then they’d die.

  109. Zerowolf
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#107): Why must everything be mutally exclusive. Go for the 10K run WHILE eating a jar of Nutella with a spoon.

  110. Liam
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    JP-”So April’s father’s name used to be Pat. That’s nice. I wish this meat was solid pink instead of this brown color.”

    A3G-And so what sort of fire is it that has pink smoke? How you manged to make it through life Greg is beyond me.

    Archie-”Do you know how much it costs to wine and dine a woman like that so I can get a passing grade. And then there are my therapy bills because I have sex with that old woman.”

  111. pugfuggly
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#96):

    So true. It’s like having a crazy dream where you fly in the sky, talk to birds, eat clouds like cotton candy and then think ‘Wait a minute, I’m at 10 000 feet without a sweater on and I don’t feel cold. I must be dreaming.’

  112. Liam
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    MW-I don’t see how they can’t win. That cake is the perfect representation of nature.

  113. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#106): Later, there will be a quote from a Scottish poet about living and dying.

    Of course, the quote will have been misattributed to the Scottish poet. It will turn out to be from an inspirational poster published in the 1980s, itself quoting a Hallmark card from the 1960s, whose anonymous author eventually is discovered to be Albert Camus, who got a job with the European branch of Hallmark after faking his own death in 1960.

  114. Zerowolf
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#91): The difference being Leroy just broke the new to Loretta he doesn’t have cancer, dashing her dreams of a happy widowhood.

  115. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#106): No – in the Sunday episode where John Dill dies face-down in the cake that he was carrying when he collapsed, there will be a quote from Marie Antoinette.

  116. Fred Wertham Jr
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Pretty sure that’s a VOX Continental, not a Farfisa.

  117. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Fred Wertham Jr (#116): According to Wikipedia, you are correct. I’d love to have a Vox, too.

  118. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#92): Now I need an app for my comic reader that inserts that image into every comic I read.

  119. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#113): Or instead of Hallmark cards it will be a quote from a their rival American Greetings cards, written in the 1960s by the company’s Creative Directory, namely Ziggy cartoonist Tom Wilson (or perhaps by one of that company’s card designers, cartoonist R. Crumb). Of course, it was during the late 1960s that Ziggy was secretly being ghost-written by Jean-Paul Sartre, so…

  120. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Digger (#44): Ha ha! Good one!

    @Ginger Yellow (#45): See above.

    @Aviatrix (#107): Nutella from Italy or Nutella from anywhere else? Makes a difference. From Italy, do the run; from elsewhere, grab a spoon!

  121. Red Greenback
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    In some nutty way… Dilton wins!

  122. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#118): I’d love to have an app like that myself!

  123. Daniel
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues just implicitly showed us a moment of conception. Neat!

  124. Majicou
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Moy hit up BrainyQuote again. I can’t prove this one is wrong, since there isn’t a handy collection of James Galway quotes I can find, but this one does seem pretty random, as the kids say. I mean, I admire the guy deeply, but… why him?

  125. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    MW— Inspired by a certain Curmudgeon to engage in a Rocky-style training montage, John Dill is now so confident that he is changing his name to admiraljohn.

  126. Seth Snarkadder
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    FC Andy’s Dick?

  127. HCV
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    “Are we prepared to win a contest!?” neatly avoids any royalty issues with Hank Williams, Jr. Well played, Moy and Giella; well played.

  128. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#80): You’re very welcome! And thanks for the yesterthread puppy photo (awwww).

  129. Red Greenback
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @HCV (#127): “Are you ready for a sporting event?” -Herb Jamaal, Jr.

  130. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#122): *snurk!*

    @Quijotesca (#83): I am quite ashamed of myself for not thinking that very same thing. well played!

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#121): Don’t be too sure!

    // The Count is everywhere!

  132. Mark B
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know why Slylock Fox would be all that scared about falling into the Dead Sea anyway. The salinity makes you so buoyant that it would be really difficult to drown. Perhaps he has seen the sharks and realised that he’s not in the Dead Sea and its very likely he may drown. If the sharks don’t eat him first.

  133. Seth Snarkadder
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    FW “Oh, wait a sec. My mistake. He’s been moved to the morgue. Toe tag 512.”

  134. Jacqui Brown
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @anon (#30):
    I was thinking the same thing. How could anyone miss the cake contest/reality shows that feature fabulous cakes? That tiered monstosity of theirs would never make it past the entry process.

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    This could get out of hand!

  136. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Jacqui Brown (#134):
    Looks like something from a wedding circa 1893.

  137. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Seth Snarkadder (#133):
    Ha! Win (kerbean!)

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Prickly City: Although we don’t usually talk about this strip, as it is mostly political, Stantis deserves props for this present to the comics fan.

  139. Mardou Fox
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#74): Re: Dagwood: They say the size of a man’s sandwich is proportional to his…

    Now, think of those stubby, flimsy little mayo sandwiches Wilbur was always stuffing into his own face…. Now think of Dag’s giant, meaty, sauce-laden hoagie. Is it all becoming clear?

  140. Mr Frog
    January 27th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “I’ve still got it,” said Juliette with relief; she’d been worried her powers were on the wane, but simply executing just the first two steps of the ancient Burber Hex Dance was enough to make a nearby man vomit in his mouth with enough force to knock his fillings loose.

    //The joke’s on Juliette here, though. The guy’s only vomiting because he realised he’s in 9CL.

  141. hogenmogen
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Don’t worry, Max! Sharks do not swim in the Dead Sea, therefore we must be in a holographic chamber! Do not fear these illusions!

    Max: Wouldn’t a far more reasonable conclusion be that he put us on a sinking ship in the Atlantic Ocean, which does have real sharks?

    Slylock: You and that Occam fellow are always going on about that “probability” thing as if you two … Aaaagggh! My LEG!

    ***

    I figured out the shark thing, but only after discarding some other giveaways. Like holographic water wouldn’t be wet, there would be no wind for the waves, and it wouldn’t smell like salt. I thought of Weirdly’s face appearing out of nowhere, but this is Weirdly, after all. He built a time machine, a space ship and a holographic chamber. Maybe he also crafted a device for poking through the very fabric of the Universe itself.

  142. tb4000
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “My tits are actually homing beacons, so all I need to do is follow the direction in which they’re circumnavigating and I’ll locate her instantly.”

  143. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#102):
    I would love to own a Mellotron but I think there are only about 8-9 of them in existence – I understand Neil Young owns one
    Fun fact-when Genesis were recording/touring in their early years, the MT TB used was borrowed (or perhaps rented) from King Crimson.

  144. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#109):
    Run, then eat. Conundrum solved.

  145. Seth Snarkadder
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Luann And yet no one ever bothered to tell you this?

  146. hogenmogen
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    SFX: Wouldn’t a company like Disney pay huge bucks for a holographic chamber like that? And Weirdly uses it to do what? Scare his arch-rival? Not even inflict harm, which he could have easily done when Sly and Max were stupid enough to drink Weirly’s drugged Kool-Aid. “Strange,” thought Slylock “Count Weirdly set up a lemonaide stand and is only charging 10 cents for a cup. If he were scamming, he’d charge at least a quarter.”

  147. Mardou Fox
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    I’m hoping maybe the MW people will come up with a quote from Jean-Pierre Rampal for the cakey finale. Le roi de la flute!

  148. hogenmogen
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#71): How about “The Distance” by ….

    …Cake

  149. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#59) said: “Spider-Man – ‘Sorry, friend! I changed my mind! My spider-sense is too lame to save me from a windblown piece of paper, but my gaydar is going off the scale here, and I just don’t swing that way! Not that there’s anything wrong with that!’”

    If Peter’s gaydar is going off the scale now, wait until he reaches San Francisco. He will experience such a massive gaydar meltdown, that he will be paralyzed into total inaction.
    Of course, that means nothing much will change.

  150. hogenmogen
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    “You can not prepare enough for anything.” What the hell? Someone has to win, and presumeably that person has actually prepared the proper amount.

  151. Head of Clip Art File Security
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#96):
    True, if using logic and reason, but it’s a comic strip with cartoon caracters, which allows for anything to become possible but not necessarily intended to be believable…If you’re left with any doubt just take a close look at the Mark Trail strip.

  152. Mardou Fox
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    I am hoping to see Dill and Mary doing a victory dance to “Cut the Cake,” by Average White Band.

  153. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#98):
    Is this turning into Erin Brockovich, part two? ; )

  154. Mr Frog
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: Cake Guy is dead serious when he says he’ll die trying. Either he does precisely as Worth commands, wins the competition and earns both of them the adulation of cake lovers everywhere, or Worth claims his blood as compensation. Those had been the terms of the contract he’d signed, and Mary Worth — like most of her kind — always honoured her contracts.

  155. Illustrator Steve
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    MT – Close only counts with horseshoe crabs.

  156. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#139): Yeah, I didn’t need to think about Dagwood’s sandwich endowment so close to bedtime. Thanks a lot.

    @tb4000 (#142): COTW contender!

  157. Illustrator Steve
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#155): Or, maybe better worded as…
    Close only counts when playing horseshoe crabs

  158. Calico
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#144):
    Or, I should say, resolved.

  159. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — The gardening fanatics I know don’t talk like Crankshaft because they tend to know about food-related issues like fair-trade and shade-grown coffees. Crankshaft reminds me of a gardener I met years ago when I first started gardening, who solemnly told me that I’d have to use three different kinds of pesticide if I wanted to grow any radishes at all. (I used nothing and had radishes galore.)

  160. Mardou Fox
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#156): Sorry Baka. I kinda squicked myself out too, thinking of all that meat and Dag’s Secret Sauce. Not to mention the condiments. It’s pretty early for bedtime though, isn’t it?

  161. Horace Broon
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Presumably Peter crossed the road unseen in the transition between panels 5 and 6. I mean, the boy’s not dumb enough to turn down a lift because he suddenly needs to go in the opposite direction, then keep hitching on the same side of the road, right? Right?

    FW: “He was moved from the ICU, but I can’t tell you where because the computers are down. But this is Westview, so if it wasn’t the morgue it soon will be.”

    RMMD: Rex has little idea what “fun” involves, but he once saw a movie where someone at a party had a cu-raaaazy expression and has been practicing his “fun-loving maniac” look ever since. Just never anywhere there was a mirror handy.

  162. Dartpaw86
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Note: Slylock was trapped in said simulation chamber for the rest of his life, every strip that takes place after this is still a simulation. He never escaped.

  163. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Q: What evidence supports Shylock’s conclusion?

    A: If they were in the Dead Sea, it would be filled with naked Republicans.

  164. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth comments

    Yeah, I’m no cake weight expert. I wouldn’t expect a high density for a pastry made of crushed packing peanuts, ear wax and puppy dog tears.

    Mr. Dill, if that cake is going to be sooooo heavy, how about drop the frail osteoporitic biddy and stop by the Santa Royale Barbell Gym for a new partner who’s only contribution to the competition is cake carrying?
    PS: If you do drop Mary, please let it be from the third floor of Charterstone.

    Waning muscular strength is a symptom of radiation poisoning. You dolts used radioactive yellowcake instead of yellow cake. Dumbasses.

    The pink, it burns, it BURNS!

  165. Dr. Weird
    January 27th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#9):

    Doesn’t the Phantom kill enemies with that gun her carries, too, or is he just a really lousy shot?

    The Phantom has a code against killing and only shoots people to knock their guns out of their hands. Really!

  166. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#147): I heard that he had done a set of Frank Sinatra’s greatest hits, as performed on the flute.

    “I Did It Sideways”

    [*]

  167. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    As a curious aside, a Spiderman movie is on one of the English language stations. I have the remake of “Fame” on.

    // This remake sucks. The actors are all bland pretty faces. I can’t tell ‘em apart. “Frazier” will never replace Mr. Shirovski.

  168. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Peter’s headed to San Francisco, and he’s going roadside!

  169. Peanut Gallery
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @anon (#30): But this is Mary Worth, so not only will they win, but the runner-up cake will look exactly like theirs, except it’ll be purple and orange.

  170. Mardou Fox
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#164): Yellowcake: You made me LOL!

    The Santa Royal cake competition should be revved up so that it includes all of the cakes being carried around by hunky guys from gym. It would be a beefcake cakewalk!

    Queek: I can see why you are called the Source of Cuteness. That was very cute.

  171. Shrug, with Pink Frosting
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Digger (#44):

    “At least Team DillWorth might land the good sportsmanship award.”

    No chance at the evening gown or swimsuit competition awards, though.

  172. Shrug, of the Shrug-Shrug Family
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Quijotesca (#52):

    “I like how it says “Mary and John Dill.” Oh my God. They secretly got married!”

    Nonsense. Had they done so, Mary would have insisted John take her name.

    // Besides, MaryDill sounds like a Hobbit.

  173. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer (#163): Politifact rates this…true!

  174. Peanut Gallery
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#118): Also, in comics that normally have narration boxes, the narration will be in Count Weirdly’s word balloon instead.

    “For those who came in late!”

  175. Mardou Fox
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    The look of steely determination on Dill’s face as he squirts that nature-goo on the pink nature cake is priceless. “By GOD, Mary, I will win this competition, by sheer force of… um, will!”

  176. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#143): Boy, I’d hardly know what to do with a Mellotron. But my favorite MT fact is that it’s what you hear in the opening notes of “Penny Lane,” and with some serious stretching of the tape, in “Tomorrow Never Knows.”

  177. Peanut Gallery
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#122): Just when we thought love is couldn’t get any creepier…

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Fred Basset: Attack of the Counts!

  179. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#175): “He squirts that nature-goo…” Is that what kids are calling it now?

  180. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    MW — For an interesting experience, Google images for “cake decorating contest win” or some such. It helps put the MaryJohn montage into perspective. *groping on the floor for my lower jaw*

  181. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Mardou Fox (#170): I forgot to say how the cake got its color: red mercury in the frosting, not salmon square squeezin’s as is commonly conjectured.

  182. tallyHO
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#8):

    John: Form of: A Master Froster!

    Mary: Form of…Oh, who am I trying to kid? I’m already perfect!

  183. Daria Foxendorffer
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    MW: If that’s the best those jive turkeys from Santa Royale can do, they better not even think of showing their faces at the Tri-State Area Nature Cake-off!

    http://images.wikia.com/phineasandferb/images/b/b7/Chicken_cake.jpg

  184. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, of the Shrug-Shrug Family (#172): Oh please, bats;[, run with that hobbit idea!

  185. tallyHO
    January 27th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#98):

    I keep tellin’ everybody that the entire Slylock strip is one big ol’, ongoing experiment by Count Weirdly. If stuff like this one doesn’t prove it, I don’t know what will.

    This experiment is hilarious because Slylock actually bothers to figure out why it is not real.

    If anyone woke up on a sinking boat, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by sharks and with their arch nemesis’ head floating above them, they’d freak. Plain an simple. Deduction skills would go right out the door. Survival instinct would kick in and it would just be panicking.

    But, not Ol’ Slylock! Even while on the Dead Sea and wearing a three piece suit plus a cape and no shoes, he’s a cool as a cucumber. He’s the John Dill of the non-cake decorating set.

  186. tallyHO
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Pardon me if someone’s already mentioned this but in the last panel doesn’t it look like both John and Mary are probably sitting on those reject cakes instead of on the couch?

    They probably consider it foreplay.

    Random participant:
    “You have some frosting on your butt. Let me get it off!”

    //what must the neighbors think?

  187. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Oh. Oh. This is better than I could ever have hoped for. Thank you, Karen Moy and/or God.

  188. Sgt. Stoned
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: John Dill, either come home in victory or on your cake platter. I note that neither John nor Mary have changed their clothing in “weeks”.

    MT: Of course, the multitude of myriad living creatures are our planet were placed here solely for the purpose of benefitting humankind!

    Blondie: Maybe today’s strip would make some sense if we knew what question she asked Dagwood.

  189. tallyHO
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Johnnycakes (#25):

    Personally, I can only hope that the cake they are making is Cakebot 3000 and that it will kidnap Mary prior to the contest.

    Just want to have weeks of supporting characters saying things like:
    “It is so unlike Mary to miss a competition.”

    “Was there a distant wedding she found out about at the last minute and had to fly off for one last meddle?”

    “Did she kill another unlucky schmoe and is now on the lam?”

    “I think I will write and Ask Wendy what we should do about Mary missing.”

    “Could you repeat that? I had mayo in my ears.”

    “Chinbeard, this is Professor Grandpa Soulpatch. He’s got a question about fire safety after a Scotch fueled bender.”

    “Dawn, it isn’t like Mary was one of your limbs. Let her go!”

    Etc. etc. etc. etcetera

  190. tallyHO
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#187):

    That was a good call on “Mary Worth” Montange.

  191. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#188): Maybe John ‘n Mary consider those outfits their “lucky cake clothes” and launder them frequently even though they are worn for every single cake-bakin’ session. Oh please let it be so. After weeks of Kraven, I’d rather not think about smelliness for awhile.

  192. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#153): Hmm, interesting idea. Let us contemplate which animal Erin would be, were she to appear in SFx. A sexy lady fox?

  193. Majicou
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#181): Mercury frosting? Does Johndill get his baking ideas from Dethklok? Sigh… that’s pretty brutal.

  194. Sequitur
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135):

    This could get out of hand!

    Yes, it could. Yes, it could.

  195. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#194): *dies laughing*

  196. Dale
    January 27th, 2013 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @PriceCheck (#51):

    ARCHIE

    question: Who is John Knox?
    You’re talking about some dead guy.

    Aside from that – a booklike paper dictionary thing is often faster than the Internet.

  197. Seth Snarkadder
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#188): “MW: John Dill, either come home in victory or on your cake platter.”

    Losing has its consequences. “Bring me the head of John the Bad Icer on a platter!”
    This, after Mary has danced the Dance of the Seven Sweater Sets.
    //There won’t be video for this year’s competition.

  198. Ukulele Ike
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#161): AS-M: Peter’s still hitching on the southbound side because there’s more traffic going that way.

    Phantom: I don’t like Savarna’s new look. She was so much more regal earlier, both in her sari and her skipper’s togs. However, the “Oooops” panel is seriously vute.

  199. Ukulele Ike
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Cute. CUTE.

    Sorry about the unintended Slim Gaillard traibute.

  200. Northernlurker
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: is that an owl face on the top layer of that ghastly pink cake? Well, there’s your nature right there. And the cake no doubt is owl scat.

  201. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @PriceCheck (#51): Alternately, you could have asked me.

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

  203. Seth Snarkadder
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#164):

    Mr. Dill, if that cake is going to be sooooo heavy, how about drop the frail osteoporitic biddy and stop by the Santa Royale Barbell Gym for a new partner who’s only contribution to the competition is cake carrying?

    Jim.

    PS: If you do drop Mary, please let it be from the third floor of Charterstone.

    That’s not 3G, by any chance? Prone to fire, you know.

  204. Liam
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    JP-”An ex-Pat? As in that Saturday Night Live sketch where people didn’t know if that person was a man or a woman. I didn’t know that April’s father was one of those people. Of course with you there is no way not to know that you are a woman and all woman at that.”

    Spiderman-”Now I got to cross this busy highway since San Francisco is the other way.”

    Spiderman 2-Let’s hope Peter doesn’t leave his heart in San Francisco.

    JP-”Cheese?” “Yes, it is.”

    JP 2-”My god. He shouldn’t be doing that. Doesn’t that man know that writing and sea water doesn’t mix.”

  205. Mark B
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: the cake is a lie!

  206. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Archie: “Knock, knock.”
    “Who’s there?”
    “John.”
    “John who?”
    “John Knox.”
    “Yes, but John who?”
    “John Knox.”
    “John who?”
    “John Knox.”
    “What?”
    “No, he’s on second.”

  207. gnome de blog
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Say what you want about victory-or-death resting on substandard baked goods: at least the story is moving along. Can you imagine how long it would take for Abby Spencer and a mustachioed bit player to whip up a batch of prize-winning brownies?

  208. gnome de blog
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and after Mrs. Worth and her minion win, I want to see them take on Bobby Flay.

  209. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Regarding my Nutella dilemma, I was planning to obey Calico, but compromised and tried to take Baka Gaijin’s advice. Canada’s inadequate food labelling laws mean that place of manufacture was not indicated on the jar. It’s likely that it was made in Brantford, Nutella’s main North American production site. All that is moot, because reading the label resulted in my holding the jar of Nutella in close proximity to the drawer of spoons. I’m not as coordinated as Zerowolf postulates, so my day went: comics –> Nutella –> run –> gjetost & then some kind of super healthy sprouts I bought at a farmers’ market.

    //No, I’m not deluded into thinking the sprouts will cancel the Nutella and cheese.

  210. Liam
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Slylock-Sorry, Slylock, but this is one time when you are wrong. You are in fact in the Dead Sea because you are in the sea and you will soon be dead.

  211. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

  212. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    FC – They missed one: Elton’s John.

    // Sorry if I repeated anybody. Still reading through….

  213. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 27th, 2013 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#54):

    Re: The Lockhorns – That saying a lot, considering the Funkyverse!

  214. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

  215. The Ridger
    January 27th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    SF: You know, Ted’s got a point. He’s not the only one who can take down the tree, and clearly he’s not the one bothered by it still being up. Didn’t Dear Abby always say the partner bothered by something is the one who should do it?

  216. JetJaguar
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: I hear “Push It to the Limit” from Scarface, myself. It’s the classic 80′s training montage theme.

  217. Nekrotzar
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    Will no one stand up for Jacques Zoon or Sharon Bezaly?

  218. Droopy Says
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#212): Of course the melonheads missed Elton’s John. You can’t toilet-train them.

  219. Droopy Says
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#161): I missed that part where Peter Parker went from one side of the highway to the other. I still don’t get it. Why did the chickenshit cross the road?

  220. Steve
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Slylock is considering the narrow question, “Was Count Weirdly telling the truth about the Dead Sea?” This shows that he respects and trusts Count Weirdly. Otherwise he’d be asking, “What the hell did Count Weirdly do to us after he roofied us?!”

  221. Drekal
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    “You cannot prepare enough for anything,” eh James Galway? Does this set of anything include the act of preparation itself? Therefore, under this assumption, is it possible to do much preparation to prepare? How about preparing to prepare to prepare? Or preparing for that?

    I just realised! All this time we’ve been blaming procrastination for stealing time, when the real culprit was James Galway and his recursive advise! His treacherous, treacherous recursive advise!

  222. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: If the planning portion of their prep session consists of Mary watching video of herself in a clip-on ponytail, I know even less about cake contests than I thought.

    SFX: “Count Weirdly slipped Slylock Fox and Max Mouse a sleeping potion.” Look, I appreciate Weber wanting to tackle heavier issues, but I think he may get some friction on his Very Special Episode about date rape.

    BC: The last thing any bar needs is a jealous brawler who starts beating people up without even ordering anything.

    FW: “Well when is Armageddon scheduled for? I need something to look forward to.”

    Agnes: This may be the first reference to meth I’ve seen in a non-soap comic, much less a child-centered one. Then again it does seem like it would be part of Agnes’ social milieu.

    S-M: Peter Parker reads something, decides to get proactive. Happy Opposite Day, everyone!

    Blondie: Hey Dag, if you ask Blondie about all her exes who were better lovers than you, it’s going to be a long and bruising night.

    Popeye: Popeye’s seaside burg is stuck at 1900 levels of technology, so I have no idea what is this “on line” of which Olive speaks.

    RMMD: “Rex, you be useless and smug for a few more minutes, mkay?”
    “Got it.”

    Marvin: The title character dreams that he’s in a more charming comic strip, and that he’s done teething, apparently.

    Ziggy: Is that the PG rated version of “fuck-marry-kill”?

    Lio: Lio spends far much more firepower than is needed to bring down Spider-Man.

  223. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#213): Throw in the Family Circus, and it’s a stiff competition.

  224. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#222): ” Lio spends far much more firepower than is needed to bring down Spider-Man.”

    if that can had said FLIT instead of Raid, I would have loved Mr. Tatulli forever.

    *takes off his shirt*

  225. Liam
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    MW-So it looks like Mary and Dill have been so obsessed with preparing for the contest that they never bothered to change their clothes.

  226. pugfuggly
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Hey, did you hear about that totally ill album that John Dill dropped? Dope!

  227. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 27th, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#219):

    To get to the other side, of course!

    // Week, waitress, veal….

  228. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Time after time, we have seen that Spider-sense fails to protect Peter Parker against his being hit from behind by an assailant with a club or even on top of the head by a falling brick. Today we see that it also fails to protect him against being hit in his face by a wind-blown newspaper. The normal human sense of “vision” also seems to be ineffective against this singularly stealthy mode of attack. For all the good these “heightened senses” do him, Peter must have been bitten by the Helen Keller of radioactive spiders.

  229. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#193): Not just mercury. RED mercury.

    @Sequitur (#194): No, that seems about right.

    @Seth Snarkadder (#197): Not Googling up “dance of the seven sweater sets,” not Googling up “dance of the seven sweater sets,” not Googling up “dance of the seven sweater sets…”

  230. NonnyMus
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Toby’s presence in the cake decorating video certainly explains her reactions to Mary and John’s cake last week!

  231. NonnyMus
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    P.S. Re: the MW quote of the week: Sorry John, the phenomena of over-preparation is well-documented in both athletic and academic competitions!

  232. Baka Gaijin
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#204) on Judge Parker: I’m an ex-pat. I don’t think it means what you think. People can look at me and tell my gender and my partner’s too.

    @Aviatrix (#209): You got a non-Italian Nutella right there. The Italian product’s label is written in Italian and is in weird sizes. Spooning it was the correct option. Um, you know what I mean.

    @The Ridger (#215): Albert Camus said it.

    @seismic-2 (#228): “Bitten by the Helen Keller of radioactive spiders.” Yes, that explains newspaper Spidey Sense exactly.

  233. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#107):

    I don’t know about anything about red pills, but some blue pills are just what the doctor ordered for some good old fashioned fun!

    // Yeeeee-Haaaaa! Ride ‘em cowboy!

  234. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL: All I could think is that these folks must have good insurance. Otherwise the cost of that little gesture could put a considerable dent in the monthly budget.

  235. Da Coconino Kid
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#17):

    RMMD- “And, to show you my appreciation, June, I shall arch my back to emphasize my breasts!”
    Well, I appreciate it, Ginger, even if June doesn’t.

    Does anyone else here ever read too quickly and find themselves going “Whaaaat!?!?!? — oh, wait, ‘bbofun’, not ‘bb,u’!”

  236. Peanut Gallery
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

  237. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#232): That’s odd. I previously purchased and ate Italian-labelled Nutella in Italy (from the jar, with a spoon) and the jar size and taste were what I was familiar with from Canada and the UK. In Italy I bought the smallest size, the one that comes in a glass you can reuse as a tumbler. Perhaps it is the US that has weird sizes compared to the rest of the world.

  238. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    I am an avid reader of my compatriot Ryan North’s Dinosaur Comics. On Friday his protagonist T-Rex proposed a recipe. Tonight I made it. I just needed to share that with people who might care, and who don’t know which address to send the mental health professionals to.

  239. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#194): @Peanut Gallery (#236):

    Nicely done! I think we’ll be seeing a lot of Count Weirdly’s head sticking in from his hatch into various universes. Alas, I couldn’t fit him into yesterday’s Mark Trail.

  240. bats :[
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

  241. ConfusedDad
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think this is the first time that Slylock and Max didn’t know where they were when they woke up after being slipped date-rape drugs by Count Wierdly.

  242. bats :[
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#226): OTOH…what are the chances that this rather elderly gent, “retired” from the hospitality industry, is merely on the lam, and is in actuality John DillINGER?!?

  243. bats :[
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#239): dang! I completely missed Mark in his pajamas the first time around! Nice!

  244. Poteet
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    MW — In that second throwaway panel, John Dill appears to be gazing in two different directions at the same time. That might help explain his cake designs. And of course nothing says “nature” like a little pink heart. I suppose putting the little pink heart on the chest of a white baby bunny with huge blue eyes will be the actual contest entry.

  245. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#243): Thanks. High praise coming from you!

    // I always admired Dean Booth’s zippification of RMMD.

  246. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2013 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#11):

    I’d ask a stranger, but can’t go out in the plague.

    Very nice!

  247. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#224):

    if that can had said FLIT instead of Raid, I would have loved Mr. Tatulli forever.

    That also would have given Tatulli a chance to pay homage to another great artist.

  248. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @HCV (#127): Hank Williams Jr. They call him the Albert Camus of country, don’t they?

  249. Doodle Bean
    January 27th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Too bad Mary and John both hurt their arthritic shoulders with that awkward across-the-body high five!

  250. Droopy Says
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: So Parker’s first ride kicked him out already? At this rate he’ll die of old age before he gets to Frisco. I can live with that.

    Flunky: I’m guessing that time has passed, perhaps in an effort to set a good example for these characters.

    Family Circus: Look, PJ has somehow climbed onto the table and is sitting on the ledge. Jump! Jump!

    Mock Travail: Meanwhile Rusty, boy mutant reporter, is at a local fishmarket, watching a bearded UPS man buy several giant bass. Being Rusty he will not speculate that Catfish is going to sneak the fish to Rod Bassy.

    Family Circus: If this is at the Keane Kopound home, why does the table
    have a slide-in cushioned seat like you’d find at the local family restaurant?

    Mary Mirthless: Please let those shakes be signs of an impending stroke. John Dillweed could end up in room 512 with the guy from Funky Winkerbean. They could bore and depress one another to death. (Seriously, Moy, three hours to bake and ice a cake? Cakes need time to cool off before you ice them.)

    Phantom: Another logic-fail in the plan is that the plotters assume the tribesmen will never take the dead lion home as a trophy. They should have a spy or something working for the natives to let them know if that happens. Or if the natives aren’t laughing at anyone who thinks they’re gullible enough to believe in a ghost lion.

    Pluggers: Pluggers are lazy slobs who sleep in their clothes. If only they were too lazy to submit their “ideas” to Brookins.

  251. Da Coconino Kid
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Archie: take a look at that center panel, the one with no text … now, I know they tried to distract us, by showing a girl with a bow in her hair in the previous panel, but I’m not fooled — look at that malevolent jaundiced blob, those empty staring eyes — that is Crud Puppy from User Friendly

  252. Handsome Pete
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    Not even metaphysical mysteries are beyond Slylock Fox’s powers of deduction. Sherlock Holmes can suck it!

  253. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:13 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Strips

    Hey Petey! Look behind you. Kingpin is sitting in the back seat, putz.

    Keep talking like that Dennis. You’ll soon be sharing the short yellow school bus with Dolly Keane.

    Offensive Asian Stereotype, Marvin’s not fat. He’s just full of shit. Literally.

    Oooh good. Mr. Dill tossed handful of black mollies and bumblebees to gear up for the big contest. Too bad he didn’t time it properly. Will he feel aggression that may lead to violence or just total exhaustion just as they’re carrying the cake? Penis does not ensue.

  254. gleeb
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    Abel Ferrara’s Bad Slylock: He knows it’s the Paul the walrus, but he’ll let him walk if he gets the meal free. Meanwhile, Max spies an adulterous couple who will buy silence in another manner.

    ‘bean: So. Fred lives, but is unable to speak much. Imagine the hell of understanding, but being unable to make oneself understood. Still, it’s good to see his father’s private hell doesn’t effect Durwood too much. Or at all.

  255. Droopy Says
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: What’s more absurd: the mesas, which you don’t find near Lost Wages, or the thought that any driver would slam on the brakes for Parker like he was Claudette Colbert?

    John & Mary Mirthless: John should have taken off his apron before they sat on the couch. Now this story string of panels will be stretched out an extra week as Mary vacuums up the flour that shook off his apron. (I assume Mary is too damned perfect to get any flour on her apron.)

  256. solotoro
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    You have to hand it to Mary, working through what is clearly the sudden facial left-side paralysis common to Bells palsy and stroke victims in the second-to-last panel, even giving John an awkward cross-body high five afterwards to hide her new debilitating condition that has by that point apparently also rendered her left arm useless.

  257. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#235): Hee. For the record, I do appreciate breasts—I mean, I’m glad to have them—but probably not in the way bbofun does.

  258. Dartpaw86
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Actually, they can’t look up the answers on the internet, time is still frozen since the last 30 years. Just look at generic 80′s girl in the background with her shaggy bow-adorned hair mixed with a hot pink coloured sweater.

  259. Lynn Johnston
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    FW: I called it! He’s got aphasia! Old people’s infirmaties are an orchard of hilarity just waiting to be plucked!

  260. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    SM: Why can’t he just web sling from cactus to cactus?

  261. BigBadDave
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    You’re not supposed to fit the dancer into the cake until AFTER you’ve baked it, you know.

  262. Buzz Carter
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MW, the cake story: Am I the only one who thinks that John’s “moustache” makes him look as though he is suffering from some hare-lip-like facial malformation? Maybe he needs to win that prize money to pay for surgery? I mean, I assume that the purse for this contest is well into seven figures, right? This IS Santa Royale, after all.

  263. Dartpaw86
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Buzz Carter (#262):

    They’ll just end up with a lot of dough.

  264. Kristian
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    “You’re the best around …”

  265. Deb T
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Does anyone else see a rather sinister face in the pink cake in Mary Worth? I think it may come to life like something out of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice and eat them both.

    Other than that, I think it’s a pretty boring looking cake for a cake contest. Martha Stewart would be clucking her tongue.

  266. Dave Dahl
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    MW: John high-fives with his left hand so he can … hold onto his seat belt with his right hand?

    Another appropriate montage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3wAgt2_Hro

  267. pepperjackcandy
    January 29th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’ve got it! The pink coloring of the frosting comes from cochineal!

    That’s nature, right?

  268. Alphonse
    January 21st, 2014 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    For it was true, though he himself had to starve and die like a.
    Him able to act as an intermediary between them and the
    medical men.

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